You Should Know Podcast - HOW I STOLE MY FRIENDS GIRLFRIEND! -You Should Know Podcast-

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

NEW MERCH: https://youshould-know.shop/password PATREON: Patreon.com/YouShouldknowPodcast FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/people/You-Should-Know-Podcast/61552092953106/ NEW TWITCH CHANNEL: https://m.twitch.tv/peytonhardin/home Peyton’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 0:00 MERCH OUT NOW 1:48 MANSCAPED 3:51 CAM JOINS 5:46 Cams Fear For Peyton 6:53 The Lost Couch Debate 8:28 Peyton Barricades His Doors 9:49 Do You Finish Drinks? 14:22 LIQUID IV 15:57 The Pancake Debate 18:20 Is Nutella Actually Good? 19:21 Peyton Opens Up about Struggles w/ Food 22:36 THE ZOO DEBATE 26:28 Peyton vs Cam Roast Battle 27:32 SHOPIFY 29:29 The Chosen One At The Zoo 31:04 Football Team vs Gorilla 32:59 Elementary Kids vs Giraffe 38:16 What do you feel guilty about? 39:23 Dealing with Spam Calls 42:19 Mack Weldon 44:44 Sad Showers 47:00 Teaching Cam S*X Education 50:19 Abandoned Mall Story 52:31 We Will be Mean Old Mean 53:31 Cams Wild Criminal Story 56:09 Clogging Toilet vs Not hearing 1:03:20 How To Breakup With Someone 1:10:53 Jumping Into Relationships 1:12:28 DR.P ( Boyfriend Cheats With BestFriend) 1:19:51 ANNOUNCEMENTS TODAYS SPONSORS: MANSCAPED: Manscaped.com CODE:YSK LIQUID IV: LiquidIV.com CODE:YSK SHOPIFY: Shopify.com/Ysk MACK WELDON: https://mackweldon.com CODE:YSK YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R GRAB SOME MERCH: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Link in the description right now. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast. Episode 105. Round of applause, please. That is right. That is right. The new merch is out right now. There's only 100 pieces of the shirt that I'm wearing now. Everything is Puffprint top quality and there's only 100 pieces of the hoodie. Puffprint top quality. Very, very soft. We are with one of the top merch companies in the entire world.

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Nothing like a little spring cleaning in your pants. You know what I mean? How you doing? Tell mama I said hello. Now on to the rest of the episode you should know podcast oh my god who is that sexy guy in that new sexy hoodie oh we got co-host cam back in the studio I'm not gonna lie Cam I'm not gonna lie you look good in that hoodie

I think anybody would look good in that hoodie oh I think they would too but you look extra good in that hoodie keep going I don't like that that thing that you do to your mouth keep going

but why do you do it and prolong the tongue so much keep going don't wiggle your fingers at me don't wiggle your fingers at me don't wiggle your fingers at me i like the hoodie thank you buddy i like the shirt on you i don't see you in shirts often you own maybe 90 hoodies maybe 90 hoodies to 60 t-shirts that's your ratio that's not true that is not true okay in in the never mind never mind no you can't just start a thing and they say never mind in the day in the life vlog yes that is out now on patreon okay are you not struggling to find

a shirt yet you have 90 hoodies lined up okay is that because i wear so many shirts that they're all dirty i'm sorry payton it. It's okay, son. Okay, I am sorry. But maybe if you just did your laundry, it'd be different. Yeah, no, I don't do my laundry. But we talked about that. You got hampers, though. You finally got hampers. I bought like four or five hampers.

There you go. To have five hampers as a single man should be a crime. No, because... It shouldn't be a lie. I feel like I know myself so well. I spend so much time alone that I really learn what will help me and benefit me in my life. And if I get five different hampers as I do now, one hampers for socks, one hampers for underwear, one hampers for clothes, one hampers for towels.

Okay, that right there. I was actually thinking about how you being alone, sometimes it scares me. It actually frightens me. Me being alone? Like almost in like a parental aspect. I'm like, holy, is he going to be okay if me and Liv leave for two, three days? Is the stove on? Yeah. Is he going

to be breathing when we come back? You being alone frightens me. Why? What do you think I do alone? As a single man, you just said that you bought five hampers for five different articles of clothing. Exactly. That's called bull. I didn't say five different articles of clothing. You said one for socks, one for underwear, one for shirts, one for pants.

What's the fifth? Towels. Okay, so four articles of clothing in your towels. I'm just saying. Hey, maybe two. Clothes and towels. No. I have a lot of clothes and a lot of towels.

Hamper would fill up quick. And when it fills up, that's when you do your laundry. No, that would be doing- That's the telltale sign. It's too much laundry, too much time. Not enough window of of time between laundry i want to do laundry bi-monthly you act i want to do laundry bi-monthly you that's why it sucks because you have 10 000 things to clean when that gets full you act like you're back there with a brillo pad like you're doing it in soap hanging it on a clothesline yourself waftingting it in the air. No, you're not. You're literally taking, throwing,

putting some stuff in there, click go. That's it. Do you ever find stuff under your couch and it gets you a little excited? Point B, article two. You find things under your couch. I don't, nothing slips my mind or hands. I know that there's nothing under my couch right now.

Someone could move my entire couch spotless. There's going to be dust. That's it. There's not a dog toy, a remote, a wrapper, any trash, no coins, nothing. You're saying that so you can be superior to me, but that's not true. I know there's several dog toys under there. You always lose the remote under there. I don't lose the remote.

The remote falls under there. I immediately grab it. You don't immediately grab it. Whenever we're going to play, when I come to your house and we're having a movie night date, we're having a movie night date, me and you, just kissing, a you just kissing a lot of boy tongue a lot of cuddling some popcorn a lot of boy tongue so much boy tongue happening stop yes or no no no yes or no oh it's raining and it's sunny outside that's scary apocalypse pray to your heavenly above hello yes or no? Four out of ten times, 40%, are you like, where's the remote? Where's the remote?

Where's the remote? And then where is it every time? Under the couch. Okay. But then I retrieved it. So it's a lost. No, no, no. That is a misplaced.

Where is it? Losing it means you have no clue where it is. You lose something. You don't. I know it's under the couch. No, you don't. You look around. Is it always under the couch?

Yes or no? Yes. But you still look around. It's misplaced. You always, you don't. You look around. Is it always under the couch? Yes or no? Yes. But you still look around. It's misplaced. You always look around, though. I look around. You look in your kitchen. The couch.

You look in your kitchen. Oh, yeah. It's one of those episodes today. It's one of those episodes today. Back to you being alone and it scares me. Okay, yeah. Go ahead. Okay, yeah.

There's several things that you do that I realize this. And a lot of it happened during shooting your day in the life of me. Okay. This man, when you go to go to sleep yes true or false do you barricade your bedroom doors as if there's an orc army downstairs coming to get into your dwelling this man goes to sleep i i swear to god that's swear to god almighty i saw him take a belt and go wrap his door. Because he has little French doors. I think that's what they're called.

They both open up like this to his bedroom. He went. Cinched it. He finished the belt loop like a little freak. You put it in its loop and you pulled it tight. Then he took a PVC pipe and goes. Let there be a fire in your room. You're having to jump off the balcony.

It would take you so long to undo that, you'd burn. You'd burn. So that's one thing. Second thing, the amount of liquids that are in this man's house, you would think there's a small militia staying there or an entire team of friends. That shouldn't scare you, though, that I have a lot of liquids. It is.

You're going to drown one day. You're going to over-drink and drown. You're going to over-drink and drown. You're going to over-drink and drown. Water, Diet Cokes, Primes, Powerades, regular Cokes, Coke Zero, Diet Coke, Diet Coke Vanilla, Diet Coke Sugar-Free, so much Diet Coke. More water, more water, Red Bull, Red Bull, White Monster, Red Bull, Diet Coke. It is disgusting. And how many of them are under 30% full?

You have this weird omen that you don't finish drinks. And it pisses me off. No, I honestly think it's a mental disorder. It might be. I genuinely cannot finish things. It might be. Like, food or drinks. It might be, like, attachment issues.

Like, a trust issue of some sort. Like, a relationship hurt you in the past, and now you can't finish beverage or food. Explain that. I'm not a therapist. Go into the science of it. I'm not a therapist, but if I had to, something didn't fit. A big milestone in your life didn't finish the way you wanted it to,

or it was stripped of you right before the finish line, and now that's how you are with food. You don't give that burger its satisfaction of completing the hunger for the human that it was made for. I wanted to have the same pain I did. Exactly. So all the times that I've said that I think inanimate objects have feelings, and you've ridiculed me on the internet in front of millions.

Well, of course it's not true. But I'm saying, I think in your mind it is true. That's why you do that. Of course that burger doesn't have a damn feeling. It's beef. It's beef bread cheese. Of course it's not like, oh, I really hope he finishes me. I was made great today.

The gristle was really, no. It's a burger. No, but that's the thing. When I'm eating a burger, especially, I'm killing the burger. There's a little corner. That little corner. Then I psych myself out to feel like I'm full. I could probably finish that.

But if I eat that last piece, too much. I'll have to 21 Jump Street. That would be too much food. So the 96% of the burger that's already inside of you doesn't fill you up. But that last 4%, you're just falling off the edge. You're gluting. No. It's a long one.

I'm saying I'm not done. thing another thing i'm not done you can sit with your burger talk and talk about you and your burgers feelings by yourself on another time another thing this man has at any given at any given point in his humble abode there's a there's gonna be a blade within 20 feet oh yeah that's it there's a there was a blade on the staircase there was a blade under his pillow i want y'all to think about what i yeah, that's a fact. There was a blade on the staircase. There was a blade under his pillow. I want y'all to think about what I'm saying. There's a kitchen knife under his pillow where his head laid

to rest. I feel like that's not that weird. There's a blade on your couch. There's a blade in the downstairs bathroom. Yeah. There was a knife. Point of entry. In the downstairs bathroom. Anywhere where there's a point of entry I will have protection. There's a blade in the Twitch room. There's a blade in the office. Point of entry. There's a blade in the Twitch room. There's a blade in the office. Point of entry.

There's two blades in the living room. Point of entries. There's a blade in your closet. There's a blade in my laundry room, too. Hey, Legolas. I don't know what skills you think you have. You're not doing shit with a blade. No.

If someone goes in, give me everything. You're going to... No. Tomahawk him? I'm going to pretend like I don't have anything. You get close to me. How's your liver feeling? It's on this now. I have have anything. You get close to me. How's your liver feeling? It's on this now.

I have your liver. I got your liver. I got your liver. Bro. And okay, now we're talking about my food. Okay, but I can explain the drinks. Let me explain the drinks real quick. The drinks.

There's nothing to explain. I keep them like that. It's a subconscious thing. I'm not consciously thinking about it. But what I like to do is I'll have every drink have this much left and i'll leave it out and then and then i'll have like four or five diet cokes four or five gatorades all feel like that much so then when you're really thirsty and you didn't go to the grocery store i got two drinks right here you just it's so fantastic it's dessert i love to treat my my future self you love to treat your future self with four day old flat soda.

Flat soda's my favorite. Stale chips are my favorite. Is that weird? You just struck another thing that concerns me. Wait, but hold on. Is that weird? That's beyond weird. You shouldn't even ask that. No one likes flat stale food. No one.

I do. And that's why you're a goblin. You're in your, I'm telling you, human beings, higher thinking human beings, human beings that have broken the matrix, Peyton Steppenhart. But you have so much pride and ego.

You have so much pride and ego that for something you haven't tried, you're so quick to just turn it down. I've tried flat soda. On accident. I have never opened a nice beverage, heard the sizzle,

and go, wait, I'll drink that on Thursday. A little warm, no spice to it. Oh, and then a good munchies. Not a good munchies,

but like a Takis bag. Oh, you'll go to the gas, you go to your local 7-Eleven, and you get a nice Takis, you open that thing, I believe it's on the counter, go watch you a Star Wars movie.

By the time the Star Wars movie's over, you got you got steel chips flat soda make you want to slap your grandma she's dead dig her up and slap her you know what i mean that is a fantastic a fantastic midnight snack this episode is brought to you by our friends at Liquid IV. Whether you hydrate to live or live to hydrate, Liquid IV quenches your thirst faster than water alone. That's impressive. With three times the electrolytes as other leading sports drinks, plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness,

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Oh, I gotta say mine's limon lime, because all you gotta do is put some limon on it. Oh my god, the white peach is fire, too. The flavors, it's so good, and it's hydrating. So hydrating. I'm not going to lie, Pete. My favorite thing that I love about Liquid IV, the convenience.

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Yes. Okay. It comes with toast. Okay. You choose to get that toast every time and never, never touch it to your teeth. Straight to the trash can. You never eat it, right? Yeah.

Remove the toast. No, yeah. Remove the toast. I could. Substitute for a pancake, a flapjack, maybe a hash brown. Yeah. Stop getting the toast. No, you're right. No, yeah. Remove the toast. I could. Substitute for a pancake, a flapjack, maybe a hash brown. Yeah. Stop getting the toast. No, you're right.

No, you're right. What are you? Oh, I know. Oh, I know. Oh, I know. I was watching that like, what the hell is he doing? Because you scroll through. There was like 20 other options.

20 other options and DoorDash says no toast. I could say no toast. But I feel like they'll judge me no toast. Like, you know what I mean? No toast. The person packed no toast. Get a pancake. I know. Pan'll judge me no toast. You know what I mean? No toast. Get a pancake. I know.

Pancakes make me gag. I've told that several times to you in confidence and on the internet. Pancakes make me gag. I'm a waffle guy. Get a waffle. They don't have waffles. Of course they don't. They don't have waffles.

Of course they don't. But I've been getting the crepes recently. A good f***ing crepe. A little strawberry crepe. A crepe is a Jenny Craig pancake. A crepe is a small pancake. No, it is not. It's so much thinner.

It's fluffy. Small pancake. Pancake divided by five. That's a crepe. More transparency. They took the transparency down. Pancake divided by five. Okay, it's probably the same family, but it's a lot better.

I like Cheetos. I don't like the world's hottest ship. Same family. Nowhere near. That's like saying, I like Cheetos. I don't really like world's hottest shit. Same family. Nowhere near. That's like saying, I like Cheetos. I don't really like Cheeto Puffs. That's a consistency thing. That's okay.

That's fine to say. Exactly. So what are you talking to me for? I'm saying, what makes you gag about the pancake? Is it consistency or taste? I don't know, but when I put it in my mouth, I'm about to throw up. So pancake equals throw up. Crepe equals blood flow.

Oh, my God. I'm stiff. I'm stiff. I'm stiff. Why did you say it like that? I'm stiff. So you're really getting into crepes? I'll devour a crepe. A little sugar, powdered sugar on that mug?

I was just about to say, you want to know the best crepe you'll ever have? Uh-uh. Get a crepe, right? Paint me that picture picasso get that hazelnut get that old nutella get that old hazelnut nutella oh no it's not no it's not no it's not damn no nutella's not like nutella had its run in 2013 right oh it's nutella was nutella's i had two finger nutella oh my god i would be no i'd be i would be in Miss Robinson's English class. If you would have said Winkler, I would have slapped you.

No, Nutella wasn't out when Miss Winkler was around. I would be in Miss Robinson's seventh grade class. Oh, I have a story about Miss Robinson. Can't say it because my mom would probably go to jail. And my dad. But I would take a Nutella, right? The little fun to-go sizes. I would have that.

Oh, my God, with the little breadsticks? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. But I wouldn't eat the breadsticks with it. That's straight digit work. I'd take a Nutella. I would take a Nutella and I'd be in seventh grade English class. I'd sit back at the desk because of my anxiety.

Back of the class anxiety. Don't pick on me. You know what I mean? I'd pull it out of my right jean pocket. Open it up. I'd be scooping and sucking. Scooping and sucking all English yeah ask me ask me to write a thesis statement you're gonna have some nutella on that paper chocolate covered paper

crepe nutella slice a banana roll it up like a burrito powder sugar that joint on top but i've been having a weird thing about food cam weird thing about food and tell me if this is a problem it is i should go to the doctor for it no like dad hasn't come to you as a friend you should okay i'm coming to you as a friend okay i've been hungry recently right is that is that funny to you that i have hunger like a human i need nutrients assassinus okay go i get hungry right and then i'll think about what do I want to eat? And then a simple thought of food makes me sick. Like I don't want food, but I want to be full. What is that? Do you get that?

Ever? I'll tell you what that is. I don't think it has anything to do with the food realm. Okay. I think that's called anxiety, my friend. Is it so? It is so. So it is, Yoda would say. What is it? What do you mean anxiety? I think it's the simple fact that, oh, I don't know what to eat.

No. And you throw up. No, not even that. Not even like I don't know what to eat. So you're saying. I just simply don't want any food. Like, the thought of food. I'll think of pasta.

I'll think of burgers. Tell me if this is accurate. Okay. I'm Peyton. Good morning. You look a lot better now. You're a spirit of Peyton. Watch.

You look so much better. What happened? That's so mean. I know it is. I like to think that I look decent. You look good. I have shower thoughts about you. Keep going.

Okay. You're Peyton now. So I'm Peyton. Hips hurt, don't they, a little bit? A lot of weight. A lot of weight in the front region. Lower back hurts. Tell me about it.

I'm pained. No sexual blood flow, lower back hurting pains. Here we go. I'm pained. Okay. Man, I'm hungry. What do I want to eat, though? I'm just not going to eat. So is that what it is is that accurate no not at all well then paint it what

are you saying did but paint i need the image i don't need i don't need the so i'll be hungry right i'll get in my car i'll be like i have to eat like i'm you're on the road driver's guilt that's what it is no oh just listen and shut the hell up well i'm trying to be vulnerable to you okay i'm hungry i know i need food i'm sick like like to the point where my stomach's in my ass i get in my car i'm like i have to go get food what do i want chick-fil-a mcdonald's texas run house like tropical smoothie like nothing ever like food the thought of food doesn't appetize me i just want to be full i don't know what that is if there's any nutritionists and doctors in the in the comments leave it right

now i think it's diseased intestines if i had to excuse me honestly i think your insides have fine we talked about about two weeks ago i said they're getting very close to family yeah i think they might have failed do you see how i try to come to you as like a friend and your immediate thing is you're gonna die and you suck as a as a person. I did not say you suck. I'm being sincere. If the thought of food makes you sick, at first I thought it was you being a little angst. Being nervous. I don't know what to choose.

You said, oh, no, no, no, no. Literally any food makes me feel bad. Yeah. I think it's your insides. That is their final cry for help. I think you're wrong. I think you've missed the mark. I think you need to go on a 72-hour water fast.

No. 72 hours. Water, electrolytes, some bone broth on the first day think you're wrong. I think you've missed the mark. I think you need to go on a 72 hour water fast. No. 72 hours. Water, electrolytes, some bone broth on the first day. You're good. No. It'll reset you. You'll drop about 12 pounds. No. I was watching Love on the Spectrum, right? You've seen that show. Great show. Good show. Great show. Great show. Great show. I love that show. Why'd you do that with your tongue?

What? I had something in my teeth. Oh, okay. They went to the zoo one episode, right? They did. I haven't been to the zoo in a long time. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. The last... No, I'm anti-zoo.

I don't like that. But the last... You're pro-zoo. You like zoos. It makes me sad. It does make me sad, too. But it's still amazing. Like, you still get to see things that you'd never be able to see in 10 years.

Okay, so I was butt-ass naked in my shower, right? And I was in the glass, right? What the fuck? No see in okay so i was butt-ass naked in my shower right and i was in the glass right what the fuck i was no actually i wasn't butt-ass naked in the shower it's when i was facetiming you in my guest bathroom and i set you up on the sink and i went to the shower fully clothed the shoes on and i closed the shower and then i put my hands on the glass and then i was thinking like is this what zoo animals feel like? Like, this is sad. Like, just right now, go to your shower, close the door, and just stand there. Okay. And then have somebody feed you french fries every 34 minutes.

And then call your local elementary school. Oh, actually, no. Don't call elementary kids to look at you in the shower. Don't do that. Horrid advice. Do not do that. I'm going gonna wipe this up and finish that do not do that at all he never said that you are not allowed to pin that on us that's not what i'm absolutely not we are painting a picture of zoo animals and not that can't imagine those kids coming up to your shower and just smacking the glass right

boom boom and you're just standing there like imagine that that is sad it's tough anti-zoo is a very it's a good thing but i don't know i feel bad for the animals right but they're not in a four by four they're not in a little shower they're not at home they're not home that's like they're like a like a permanent field trip to a playground it's not a playground that they chose though they just got tranquilized taken on the truck and then taken to to arizona taken on a boat boat over to the to Arizona. Taken on a boat. Boat over to the other side of the world, and then boom, there's a giraffe in Frisco.

Imagine how... He's like, what the f*** is this? He's literally sitting there. The first thing he tries to bite because he's hungry. It's just brick. Melvin. What have they done to... Melvin? Melvin!

He's by himself Okay that was sad That's sad That made me almost cry It's sad And imagine how confused The penguins are Oh yeah

They're like What the fuck It's 120 degrees They're right here They're like Oh shit They're hot as hell Hot as shit

And then the snakes I don't fuck with snakes I hate snakes Go to hell snakes But imagine that Like a Like turtle exhibit Like you know what I mean

Ooh Okay go ahead. Do they feed snakes like regular diet at a zoo? They give them rats and shit. That's so sad. What do you think? They're sacrificing rats. Imagine the rats.

They think they're getting picked up. They're getting put to a nice place. Not like a New York sewer. Next thing, they're down a snake's gullet. Yeah, now you're in an esophagus of a 12-foot akonda. What was that? A 12-foot Akonda. What was that? A 12-foot Akonda. They're not that long?

I don't get it. I don't get it this time. The size isn't the problem. Akonda? Akonda. This isn't Black Panther without without the w a conda hey one more time there you go anaconda holy shit he said now he's at a stomach esophagus of a 12-foot a conda yeah that's i've messed that one that was bad holy conda is not a animal anaconda anaconda there's ibanbe wakanda my anaconda don't my anaconda don't

my anaconda don't want none unless you got calm one look at that calm but i brought up zoos not for that that was a tangent not for children going into the bathroom slapping on a shower and not for 12 foot acondas i was saying the last time i went to a zoo right oh yeah we were talking i was like i was like 13 right 13 14 you gotta go back no i don't it's beauty shut the hell up go the last time i went to a zoo i was like 13 or 14 years old back brace bad teeth long hair yeah yeah and you were probably big head playing playing millsbury not talking to nobody you you haven't talked to a single girl in your life your only friends is only you you had friends only because they're your next door neighbors right your best friend was your mom you're like mom let's go play bakugan she was miserable you know what i mean she was

like this came out of me let's talk about me some more huh you were like i'm 14 why do my hips hurt so bad you'd be like thank god i got an aplus on my math test. I'm the coolest cat around. Let me listen to Little Dirk and T-Pain. Loser. Hey, Grandma, no you can't see too well. Can you whip me up a bologna sandwich, asshole? Let her sit down. Talk about me. I'm fighting back.

You know what I mean? Shout out to Meemaw. you know what i mean shout out to me ma but oh this episode of you should know podcast is brought to you by our friends at shopify let me tell y'all something when i started podcasting an online store was the furthest thing from my mind now we are selling merch we We have a huge, huge, huge merch line. And it is successful only because our friends at Shopify. They make it so easy. Think about every duo that you love, right?

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I'm telling you, Shopify will help. Shopify will make it easy. And Shopify will help elevate your business. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. Now can I tell you about my zoo? Okay. Whenever I was 13 or 14 years old, right?

The last time I went to a zoo. Do you have the feeling when you go to the zoo that you're the chosen one? What? You ever like, like okay the gorillas you see a gorilla on the glass he looking at you right he looking at you and you're like we have something you put your hand on the glass and he you feel that you never feel like these animals know my heart no what do you feel when you go to the zoo that's a cool ape

it's a cool ape he's strong is he throwing shit he is throwing shit all right that flamingo looks tired penguin looks hot popcorn four bucks let's get out of here that's my that's my you're never like you're never like i could i i could save them not that i could actually physically but mentally through my spirit i save them and make them have a better day. You know what I mean? Absolutely not. Yeah. So you think, oh yeah, I mean, you think you can telepathically bond with these animals and make them feel happier. Yeah. I feel like, I feel like, I think you need to, I think you need to work at a zoo. Oh no. Oh yes. No, because then I would, that thought. That's how you build those no. Oh, yes. No, because then that thought would – That's how you build those bonds.

No, but I'm saying that thought would start to overtake me and give me a false sense of confidence, and I'd be like, I'm going in there to talk to Tobis. You'd be like, Kuban, come here. I'd go in there. He'd really go – And then, okay, take the whole Alabama football team, right? They lose.

No, no, no. The whole Alabama football team starting offense and starting defense right 22 grown ass men elite athletes you take them to the local zoo you just throw them in a gorilla and capture with one gorilla they are they are tossing him around like a frisbee they're tossing that gorilla around like an uno deck you know what i mean you agree not like an uno deck because the reason okay this is this is what all boils down to 22 grown and you got like o-line and d-line exactly some of those dudes are six seven three hundred fifty pounds 320s running around right it's all on the first interaction if it's like okay i'll say this what does that mean

first interaction pure violence is the interaction no no no that's my thing it's all it's the first the first play the game that sets the tone that's same for them if one jackass tries to go up there like i got us and gets absolutely just waxed by the ape everyone else is scared the confidence they're gonna be scared anyway. That's a gorilla. But if it's like either all 22 of y'all are dying or y'all got to get through that gorilla and they bond together, like remember the Titans? If they can do that. Bro, say this, say this.

All fight at once, they're good. Say they're in their pregame speech, right? They got the whole offense and defense lined up in a circle. Who? The quarterbacks in the middle giving a speech. As soon as they break, they go straight to that gorilla. They're running after the gorilla. They're smacking the shit out of that gorilla.

Like I'm saying, say you're in a bar fight and it's like four on one. And they're all trying to be cool and talk their shit. And the one guy just literally drops somebody immediately. Like Jon Jones. The other three are nowhere to be confident. No, there's going to be some collateral. Oh, 100%. But I'm saying if they can keep that confidence.

The skills players are done. Cornerbacks. Kickers out of there. Kickers are going to be like, get the fuck! Oh! Okay. How many elementary school kids could take down a giraffe? None.

What? It would have to be unrealistic numbers. I would say 250 fifth graders could take down a giraffe. 250? Fifth graders. 11 or 12-year-olds? Yeah, 250 11-year-olds. 250 11-year-olds could take down a gorilla,

and probably only 10 of them would leave with serious injuries. Is it a gorilla or a giraffe? Oh, my God, what'd I say? You said giraffe first, gorilla second. 250 11-year-olds could take down a giraffe easily. And there would only probably be like 10 people with collateral. A lot of serious injuries, we have to go get that checked out. I'm going at least a 10x multiplier because at 11 years old, you have zero confidence.

You mean to tell me at 11, you're running up to this... Speak for yourself nerd you're running up to this draft and you see billy get punted i'm talking 20 feet that draft's gonna go take 2024 11 year olds those kids are insane yeah they're tiktok heads they're sitting there on youtube ripping the vape hey i know how to beat a gorilla exactly they suck bro they don't care they'll be like oh dude his brain's on the ground. Let's go try again. And that makes them even worse because they are more scared today

because they're constantly on the app. They're not playing tackle football on the street like we did. They're not playing football at all. They're not out in the street. They're behind. They're keyboard warriors. You pick 2024, it's going to take at least 2,000. Cam, do you think 2,000 people is?

Think about our live shows. 2,011-year-olds think it's 2,000 people? Think about our live shows. 2,011-year-olds. Okay, 2,011. Think about our live shows. What are there, like 800 people in there? Yeah. Cool. To doubling those, look how many people that is.

We are in theaters. Look how many people that is. There are 11 keyboard warriors. They don't even know what tag is. They don't know what hide-and-seek is. 11-year-olds aren't built the same as we were when we were 11. 11-year-olds now look 16. Those kids are big, dog.

Who cares? The giraffe. Giraffes aren't even violent creatures. Their necks can do work. It would literally look like this. Giraffes don't fight down. It would look like Sauron when he's swinging his sword in the middle of the elves. Giraffe would literally go.

Kids flying. You have no giraffe IQ. Kids flying. Giraffes don't swoop down. Yeah, they can hit up. They hit up and sideways. They don't go down. Bro, they grab the legs.

So you think, you in your mind, the 11-year-olds are World War Z zombies. They're going to grab the legs and scale the whole body and weight it down. And then one massive 11-year-old is going to be like. You're acting like 11-year-olds don't know how to wipe their ass.'s the 11 years you're thinking of 11 year olds are smart these kids are smart now these kids are smart and big how tall is the average 11 year old i'm not good at five foot one okay how tall is your giraffe seven foot where from the from the body or to the neck? From feet to head. Like most heights are measured. That's always confused me.

Because they're built like that. Foot to head. I just realized. Bottom of the foot, crown of the head. Giraffes might be dinosaurs. They're built the same. No. Giraffes, yeah, dinosaurs didn't exist.

But, oh, it's at 14 feet? Around there. Okay, 14 feet. So three times. Three times the height. This giraffe giraffe's gonna stomp one kid okay you're this this is this is the problem of our argument i'm not 250s it's a decent answer but you're acting like when one 11 year old doesn't get its head literally exploded crushed because you okay is this poor giraffe just like unconscious to what's happening

and now he's having to survive? Yes. Okay, that's different. You're already putting him at a disadvantage. You're handicapping the giraffe. He's an animal, bro. They don't have cognitive reasoning at all. I'm about to get jumped.

You get another giraffe, coat it, tell him that, hey, you have to fight these 250-year-olds. Think about this. Winner, loser dies. Think about this. 250 kids on one. How many legs do giraffes have? Four.

250. I just used my calculator. It's about 250 kids on one. How many legs do giraffes have? Four. 250. I just used my calculator. It's about 60 kids per leg. Think 60 kids on one of those skinny ass giraffe legs. They're just pulling it outward. Bro, that's my thing. Is the giraffe going to stand there and go, go ahead, grab on. What are they going to do?

Bro, giraffes. Don't go under the leg. Don't go under the leg. You got to go grab the leg. Bro, they don't go under the leg don't go into the leg yeah you gotta go grab the leg bro they don't have lateral movement they're not gonna go like this go to the side of the leg and just pull out bro giraffes when running away from like cheetahs have they're fast no they've bodied like panthers wild cats how many though one that's That's up to 700 pounds fierce with fangs. An 11-year-old's going to have sticky fingers, glasses, maybe a backpack with nothing in it, and weighs 85 pounds. No.

I don't believe so. You mean to tell me this? Last thing. We can move on. Say this giraffe knows that it's fighting for its life. Yeah. The 250 kids have to band together. They can do whatever strategy they want.

Yes. You mean to tell me when that giraffe gets one kid on the ground it literally goes the other kids aren't going oh give me out i'd say seven or eight pusses would run we got seven or eight pusses seven or eight pussies they're like this isn't worth it i'm getting back on there would immediately be 249 pusses one would be dead and 249 kids are now bitch made and afraid of that giraffe. Period. And that giraffe would literally go like this. And sit there with confidence. What is an everyday thing that you feel extremely guilty about doing?

I don't know if I can say that on the internet. You dirty dog. You know what I'm talking about. Okay. What is a regular... Well... No, stop it. What is a... What is an act that...

God... What is... I got the answer if you want it. You said, my thing's holding up so far. What is something you do that's not that on the daily that makes you feel guilt when it really shouldn't?

Let me do that. Not something I do, something I don't do, like brush, teeth, bathe, like those type of things. What is another human interaction, maybe with someone else, something like that, that when you do it, you always feel kind of, you get cold, you get little shivers, you feel bad. Like you second guess it every time you do it. Ah, shit, that, that when you do it, you always feel kind of, you get cold. You get little shivers. You feel bad. You second guess it every time you do it.

Ah, dude, that's everything. Just when I talk to people, I'm like, I've ruined it. I'm almost in the same boat. I've realized mine. I'm going to tell you mine. Maybe it jogs for me. When I hang up on cold callers, I feel despicable. Yeah, you do.

I feel bad. Cam is a loser like that. You do a whole Shakespearean act with that. Exactly. And you try to make me feel bad for doing a loser like that you do a whole shakespearean exactly and you make try to make me feel bad for doing it that's more rude than what i do you bought my information you without my consent you bought my information and now you are calling me to try to sell me something hey you're doing your job i get it do your job convince me to buy it oh no but you don't you don't play you don't play by the no i pretend like there's a murderer downstairs you don't go oh no maybe i could use a new fence

wait what are your rates that'd be different you're giving the guy practice reps at least you're like no i don't have a tank in the garage no wait there's a monkey downstairs wait my sister needs help i can't even call what was your name your name again? No, I'm not Peyton. This is Esteban. Like, you f*** with them. No, I'll give them like my grandma just fell down the stairs, and I'll keep them on hold. Yeah, and then you'll start doing that, making noise.

I feel bad because I literally answer it. Hello, is this Cameron? I go, yeah. They go, oh, okay. This is whatever from real estate something. And I go, hey, I'm just. And I literally go like this i go and i feel so dirty doing it but i'm not sitting on your phone call yeah and it's their job that's

why i feel so bad but you bought my information without my consent if if i willingly signed up for a like a newsletter if i signed up for something or i gave your company my number and check the boxes as except emails messages text calls call me and that's on me you bought my shit now deal with what you bought there's no receipt on this one you go oh you didn't know i was a wild card yeah i signed up that newsletter to catch your ass my go-to to hang up on them if i don't want to like if i don't have time to like play with them i'll be like this. Yeah. Hold on. Let me grab that for you and just hang up. I'll say that Yeah, let me get a pen and paper real quick. Yeah I thought about that because it happened twice in one day

It happened at my house because okay called it when they when the when it's when it pops up spam likely But if the area code is local, yeah, I'll be like damn that could be like my the carrier might think it's spam but it could be another building so i answer it i get sucked into it i'm like exactly hang up on it dude i did twice the other day and i literally just sat there and i went that's pretty mean maybe you should think about that you should have that sort of empathy towards me in everyday life i do no you don't i love you with all my heart you started this whole first 10 minutes of the podcast just ridiculing me and making me feel bad about myself and my life. I'd said I feel scared when you're alone.

That's like a brother thing. I love to, like, make murder scenes whenever they call me. I don't know if that's illegal. Is that illegal? That might be. They can call the police and, like, track it. That might be not something you should keep doing. I don't ever care.

I literally tell them, oh, my God, my grandma just fell down the stairs. And then I'll keep the phone right there and I'll, like, make make noises and stuff and it'll just stay on as soon as i get back they won't say she okay they'll be like yeah so uh so you're trying to sell that house we're putting solar panels on the roof like you know what i mean like what are you doing you should know podcast this episode is brought to you by mac weldon p you want to know a couple things i wish you could just have your cake and eat it too. Have something that's dual-sided. Okay.

Like a zero-cal double cheeseburger. Like a dog that doesn't need to go out at 2 a.m. That would be convenient. That would be nice. You know, like drinking without the headache. But is there something? I don't know if that's possible. Well, P, guys tend to think that looking sharp means these starchy Oxfords and stiff chinos

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The You Should Know Podcast. Bro, you're evil. That's worse than mine. Is it? For sure. Bro, you're talking about you getting sad, right? Mm-hmm. Not often.

But something I do when I'm sad, do you ever take a good sad shower? Oh. Oh, my God. I'm always afraid my tears are going to fuse with the water, though. That's the best. You blend in. Yeah, but it just becomes one. But I don't need to hide.

Yeah. I'm not hiding from anyone. I don't need to hide. I'm not hiding from anyone. I don't want to blend. I'm not a chameleon. It's hard for me to sad shower now because there's a big-ass mirror next to my shower and it's glass now. And I hate looking at myself when I cry. You know what I mean?

So I'm like, I'll be crying and I'm butt naked. That's the two worst things to look at in the mirror. You being butt naked and crying. Imagine mixing those together while you're wet. Like that shit is bad. Oh my God. I didn't even think about that. Dude. and crying imagine mixing those together while you're wet like that shit is bad oh my god i didn't even think about that dude if you're genuinely sad genuinely flaccid and soaking wet and you turn to get a glimpse of that bro like imagine me i look like a cricket i'm crying my

hair is everywhere and i'm wet and i just i'm crying like back to the mirror i'm like you go what the is that you go i can't even take myself bro i jiggle it around though to make myself feel better like just go like that and slap it yeah you can't be sad after that you go you do shower tricks you do shower tricks shower tricks. I know what you're getting at, but not, not, I can confidently say, even without asking you, I don't do them as often as you do. Sometimes I like to pretend it's a paintbrush on that steamy glass. I create art. It's my fucking house. Oh, oh, too much.

Way too much. Rewind and retract. Sorry? Way too much. Rewind and retract. Sorry. Way too much. Picasso in the shower on steamy glass. Is the glass not cold on the tip? Is it not cold glass? Steamy glass.

But the glass itself is cold. It's not a numb. You're putting icy hot. No, I've never. I've never made that mistake. I know a lot of basketball players that have. I know a lot of freaks You're putting Icy Hot. No, I've never. I've never made that mistake. I know a lot of basketball players that have. I know a lot of freaks. Right around seventh grade athletics.

Yeah. They find out Icy Hot's good, and they're just one day. You ever use one of those Icy Hot? You know they make protection. Icy Hot does. No, they do not. I don't think it's Icy Hot, but there's like a flamed one. I feel like that's a disease.

I think you shouldn't want your stuff flamed at all. Hell no. Yeah. Like, you shouldn't want that. Actually, I didn't even know they made up the whole flavored ones. Excuse me? There's flavored contraceptives. Are there?

Yeah. Strawberry, cheesecake. That's only for... Double chocolate. That's only for the top shelf. You can't use that at the bottom level. You can't use that downstairs. I would assume you can.

Because what's the point of the contraceptive? For the... For... Upstairs. But... that to the bottom level. You can't use that downstairs. I would assume you can. Cause what's, what's the point of the contraceptive for the, for upstairs. But, Oh, you didn't take sex ed. But that whole thing is weird to me. If I'm being honest. Oh my God.

Are we having sex ed? Are we having sex ed? You don't know that that contraceptive for upstairs work seems odd. What? We should move on. Are you ignorant? We should move on. Are you ignorant? I might be ignorant. We should move on. Are you ignorant? We should move on. Are you ignorant?

I might be ignorant. We should move on. I had an A in health. I watched the video. I know you watched the video. It's not part of the video. It's not part of the video. That's your only basis of sex ed is the video?

No. You're 25. I'm saying. You're 25. I'm saying. I personally. Okay. Nah. We gotta move on. We gotta move on. No, that's because we're going to have. I'm saying. I personally. Okay. Nah.

We gotta move on. We gotta move on. No, that's because we're going to have a talk off camera. We should. Because I want to understand. I mean, you're taking care of. You got a wife. Exactly.

I'm not saying. But like, I'm kind of sad that you don't. But like, no. There's. Oh. Why? You might have to go to a pharmacy. Oh, I don't.

Working fine Wake up good P doesn't sting I'm good Huh? Oh Maybe as soon as it leaves It's like

What the f*** is that? It's like It's like It's like It's going It's going so happy That's such a good trajectory. It's like...

The second it hits oxygen, it's just like this. Yikes, you're killing him. It's like... No, that is... That is strange. Wait, are we talking about the same thing? Are we talking about the same thing? Are we talking about the same thing? Yeah.

Yeah. You're ignorant. That seems so ass. I'm going to teach you a lesson. I've been here for two and a half hours. Yeah, it'd be great. No, we gotta stop. Move on.

There's children. The pick of a kid. It's a PG-13 program. Okay. You know, as a friend, you do upset me regularly. That was disappointing. But not only did you disappoint me. I know.

No, no, no, no. Let me clear the air. We're talking about it on Extended. Let me clear the air real quick. On extended, on Patreon. Clear the air real quick. I understand that it is a thing. I'm saying I've never understood why.

That's what I'm saying. I'll tell you. Okay, okay. Because any, I'll tell you later. I get the premise behind it, but I'm saying in terms of wanting it. Like, you know what I'm saying? Oh, like that want to. Yeah.

Well, yeah, that's for both. Okay, okay. But it's still. Oh, oh, I've never thought opposite. Because I've never, you know. Yeah. Okay. Okay, I've never.

I was never. It was a 50-50. I wasn't thinking the other half. Yeah, okay. Not only did you just disappoint me as a friend. That makes sense. Just now with that. But you also disappointed me because this is the first time in a while we spent a weekend away from each other.

Yeah. And I missed you. You did. And I could tell. And I missed you. You did. And I could tell. And I missed you too. But you didn't ask me anything about my weekend. Because I knew every second of it because you were calling every hour on the hour.

I knew exactly what you ate. I knew what you did, what you watched. No, I'm just kidding. That's not true. That's not true. I went to an abandoned mall this weekend. Bullshit. I swear to God I did. The one, the, uh, that one down though i'm not gonna say the name

but it's towards yeah it's not abandoned damn near it's not a bit sucks no so i went in them i went in the mall right i went to this abandoned mall it's not abandoned it is i went to this art gallery i went into this abandoned mall right i kid you not all the stores had people working in them there i saw six people walking around this like three-story mall like just six people my whole time quiet no ambient music nothing it was the creepiest thing ever i walked they had a gas station and like one of those march where you can buy sodas and candies of that sort so just turn it so i went in there to buy sodas and candies because i like i have to walk around with a fiz beverage or i'll gag if i go too long without a fizz beverage i'll gag that's a fact it's science

god told me so i went in there to get a fizz beverage the guy just he could tell he wasn't used to human interaction being an npc he literally was like this and watched me go around this store he was just watching me and then went to another store. I was walking past these stores right in the hallway. Everybody was like, oh shit, somebody's here. And they're just like watching me. It was the creepiest thing ever. And then I went into, they have a Neiman Marcus in there, which is strange that they have a Neiman Marcus in there.

I went into the Neiman Marcus. Sick mom. There was only one other like customer in there. Old man. are in there old man he was cussing out one of the uh the clerks at neiman marcus because he was mad that there was too many cologne options he goes verbatim god strike me down if i'm lying he goes man what the he goes all this new shit man all these different flavors and shit how am i supposed to pick man this shit all smells different yeah no shit that's the point that is exactly why there is multiple do you think that's a thing like when you get older senile you get more angry bro give yourself

another 40 years and see tell me you're not gonna be aggravated but i'm gonna by choice be like that even if i'm like even if i get happier as i'm older i'm gonna fake being mad you can't hit an old person that's weird yeah you can't hit it but you don't want to so i'm i'm clocking out here in a couple years bro you think i'm i'm ruining yours exactly you think i'm jolly now yeah bro wait till i get to wake up 10 30 oh hell we're old wake up 7 30 yeah cup cup of coffee turn on the news play a good little Call of Duty. Ex-forte double. So you're saying you're not going to be angry? What am I going to be angry about? I'm retired.

I'll have money. I'm literally going to be like, Hey, grandson, what are you doing today? See, I feel like you're going to get a bunch of... There's none now. There's none. There's not a single one. There's not a...

You can't keep that in. You can't keep that in. This is a wicked episode. There's some things in this podcast that people will never know what we said. Oh my God, never. Ever in a million years, you'll never get it.

Don't ask about it. Bro, I didn't even tell. Okay. The weirdest, strangest, almost concerning conversation happened the other day when I was walking Ruby. Wasn't with me.

Wasn't with Ruby, believe it or not. Who'd you talk to? Didn't talk to anyone. That's the golden part. How's your conversation? You can't have a conversation without two beings there. I'm walking Ruby. Go down the stairs.

I'm walking her. I'm like, go potty. Do your thing, girlfriend. Work out. There's these two guys, okay? Probably 50 yards away from me. I can see concern on their face. Obviously, I can't hear them.

Don't like that. At all. And we're walking towards you. Nope. I'm like, I might lap the building. Yeah. So I just, no, I'm going to go to my door that I need to. So I'm walking up.

I swear to God, swear to God, all I hear as I'm walking, no, and they want me to go to trial, but I didn't even do it. I'm innocent. The guy that's guilty is still out there. And they walk right past me. Swear to God. And I'm like, you got to understand. It's like 9 o'clock in the morning.

I'm in my old Adidas slides. I'm in little ass shorts and like a dingy shirt. Dude. Crusted eyes. And that's all I hear. They want me to go to trial. I'm innocent. The real guilty one's still out there.

I'm like, what the hell is going on? I could not do that. And, oh my God, I didn't even tell you. The worst part is one of them was in like a 2004 like Jordan jumpsuit. Baggy as, like what an old coach would wear. He just got out of, he just got his freedom. Yeah.

He's just like 2008. The other guy, full suit and tie briefcase. It literally was a lawyer. It was a lawyer and a guy walking around this complex on everything. Swear. That's the thing. Nine o'clock in the morning. I suck at having

social interactions. It would have eaten me alive to go the rest of my day without finding out what happened. Oh, I had to try everything in me to leave it on the staircase

going back up. I was like, I can't bring this in with me. I can't worry about that. I can't think about it. I'm surprised you didn't go ask because you're the type of person I'm like, dude,

do you need help? I've watched enough suits. I think I can maybe get you out of this one. You're like, dude, you do seem. Actually, you did. He turns around and he goes. Gets a blade. What'd you say?

No, it was him. So blades are an effective method of defense. When it's on your body, not under your pillow with your belt taped door. I hear them trying to get to the belt taped door. Grab the knife. You would definitely be the type you would throw a knife in the butt if it would hit him it'd be like and it would just fall he'd go dude no that is that is awkward but i dude my life very i'm in me what i'm in me right

now what are you doing hip itched a lot of awkward bitch hip pain hello we're the hippie boys a lot of awkward shit happens to me yeah no shit you think you think it's just the world your your your universal karma and whenever you were gone this weekend i had to try to find people to hang out with because i was so lonely and cold and i went to a friend's house i haven haven't spoken to in a while. Just me and them. They live in a small apartment. Nothing is more awkward than clogging somebody else's toilet. There's no way out of it. There is nothing.

I would rather anything in this world happen to me than that. There's nothing you can do. You did not clog the toilet. There's nothing you can do. No, there... Okay, first off. How...

The fact that you pooped in their house tells me that you spent a decent amount of time over there. You don't poop anywhere. I don't poop at all. But, bro, speaking of awkward, I think something that tops that, that if you truly think about it, having to ask someone, face-to-face conversation, having to ask someone to repeat themselves, especially if it's multiple times there's nothing that that 100 that's not more awkward than my 100 it's not 100 it's not because there's so many ways out of that Peyton I almost punched a door I almost punched a door your anger issues don't make it more awkward that's the no clogging a toilet it's like bro I this bodily function i'm so sorry john your toilet's weak

you got that bad plumbing you're a sociopath you will announce hey i i ruined your plumbing i will literally walk up to them and be like hey your toilet's clogged with my feces and there's nothing i can do but we have we now have a problem to solve this hey wait what was that let alone i had to point my ear to him i literally was like this this. What did you say? Like, I'm with the guy. Okay, but that's... No. The thing is, the reason mine is worse is because that, yours, is the other person's fault. That's them not being able to articulate well.

That's my asshole that caused that. Bodily function. Everyone does it. Speaking. Everyone does it. Bodily function. So that negates your point. But pooping's required.

Talking is required. Not mumbling under your breath and making me negates your point. But pooping's required. Talking is required. Not mumbling under your breath and making me feel bad and awkward. Exactly. So it's their fault. That's my fault. I did that to you. I'm carrying their awkwardness. There's nothing more worse.

Your awkwardness, it shouldn't be. It's you created it. It's not even awkward. But someone making me feel weird and uncomfortable to where I have to point my ear to your mouth. That's awkward. Okay, but you're acting like this friend was close. If it's your toilet, I don't care.

I'll shit on your wall, smear it, and write my name. And that's your Valentine's Day gift. Oh, my God. This is like an acquaintance. Like, this is somebody I hung out with, like, probably two or three times in my life. I went over to play video games, right? I went in their bathroom. Bad tortilla earlier.

Bad bread. Ruined their toilet. right i went in the bathroom bad tortilla earlier bad bread ruined their toilet and it was one of those where you're trying to flush in no water it's just a little trickle oh god and then it filled the bowl oh no i was like if i try this flush one more time overflow it's on the floor and so i had to i had to fake a phone call i told my mom call me go home she called me i don't even live with my mom she lives in a whole different part of the state i call like you got to get out of here hey and the worst part is you have to that is your work they know it's your work and so they have to call you be like they walk into that bathroom did you ruin my exactly that is heartbreaking what do you say to that step into my world lean in okay but Okay, but answer. Step into my world. I'm in it. It's cold.

Hey, do you guys... I'll tell you how to get out of it. Do it again. That is right. You thought that thing yesterday. Wait, what's up, bro? No, but the thing... I said you just put it on the pocket watch

and you do butt clubs. I'm not going to lie. I don't know if it's my ears or I don't know what's going on. I can't hear a damn word you're saying. No, I feel it. I hear my fault. All I said was,

is you put it on your beer table with a hat backwards. That's not gonna lie, bro. You're gonna have to write that shit down. This isn't gonna work. Bro, are you trying to say something? No, I'm just saying I can't hear you. You're trying to make fun of me? See, exactly.

See, you know you're wrong. So you're trying to get out of it by violence. That's not how it would go in real life. You know, whenever it gets violence, it would never get to violence. All right, bro. All right, bro. All I said was that the show you're bagging the converse. No, I understand you're trying to speak. I't hear you oh it'd be a cold it'd

be a cold day in hell if you if you took that approach okay but every cold it'd be a cold day in hell every other you know you would do that and you you know you'd be looped in for an hour you don't have you don't have that that that but that's not awkward though that's just like you'd be like wait what'd you say dog but you But that's not awkward, though. You'd be like, wait, what did you say, dog? But you know that's not more awkward than mine. My insides are flooding your toilet. It was a one-bedroom, one-bath. That's the only toilet they had.

Oh, my God, was it connected to the bedroom? Oh, my God, was the toilet connected? Yeah, he's got to sleep next to that shit. You might top me. Exactly. That's different. If it was a two-bed, two-bath, one, one-and-a-half bath sleep next to that shit. You might top me. Exactly. That's different. If it was a two bed, two bath, one, one and a half bath, maybe a bidet. I don't know.

Cause that, that shit, that's awkward anyway. Whenever you got it, you got to think of an evacuation plan, how to get out of there. That's awkward in itself. Step two, you got it. You got to talk to God after that. You got to have a come to Jesus meeting. Whenever they call you back, when they call you back and be like hey bro you you clog my toilet the phone call you're trying to reach my shit would be disconnected i'm not

answering my shit is completely more awkward no no our okay our whole thing stems on you think it's awkward because you did it i would own it because i did it my thing is it's way more awkward because i don't have control over it and you're saying it's the other person's fault. I think both are awkward, but they're both awkward. If we switch roles, we'd both be fine. Think about that. That is true. You're ying to my yang. Yeah. If I took a shit and destroyed someone's destroyed someone's house, I literally be like, Hey man, we got this problem. We're in it together. There's a goal. You got a plunger. And if you were in a conversation, you'd sit there for an hour. You just be like wait one more time bro but that's the i have a golden out to any of the time i can't do that anytime i can't hear somebody i have a golden i have a golden out bees by the pants on

the back to say did you come that's crazy what's up okay there's no one else there's no one else you're at a networking okay there's no one all right You can't get out of this. Okay, okay. Hey, dog. You said the thing that you went backstage last time? No, bro. I'm telling you. Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry.

Wait, you're telling me what, though? Yeah, hold on. I got you. Let me... I got... My agent's calling me. Hold on. But did you hear about... No, I was...

Okay, but no one does that, though. No one does that. No one does that. No one's that invasive. I'm trying to get the shout out. No one's that invasive. I have outs to everything. I've been in so many awkward situations.

I have an out for everything. Bro, it's because you bring it with you. You're not an awkward person in your natural habitat. One-on-one by yourself with your own thought and mind. Yeah. But when you're released into the wild, into the public eye, oh God. There's a girl I was talking to. You ordered.

I want you to think about this. You ordered your coffee. There's no video, right? No. It's just sound I want you to think about this. You ordered your coffee. There's no video, right? No. It's just sound. Straight audio. Earwaves. You ordered your coffee using your hands the other day.

You literally said, and if you don't mind, if y'all got that, she can't see you. If y'all got that sweet, cold foam, frumbrion stuff at the top, you mind if I get that one? She cannot see you. And you actually did that in your own car. Think about that. You ever spit on a stranger on accident? And you watch it travel to their face tough i've seen a bottom lip get touched by my saliva so you air kissed you you technically kissed a stranger they got some boy spit i had a girl i was talking to and we were talking to the point where like she was

she knew peyton like she knew me well like knew my about my family she knew me god bless her she was comfortable around me and so so she saw we went out together one day and some fans came up and like taking pictures whatever and then she goes now i get it and i go get what she was like you are awkward she was like i just see that oh that's payton that's my payton she goes you're weird she broke up with me two weeks after that how would you break up with somebody that cruel heartless witch how i would break up yeah are you like as soon as you're like i'm gonna do good i'm gonna cut i would i'm a wiener i'll wean it i'll prolong it oh me too i don't think i i don't i'm a very direct person like like black and white i don't have time for this gray area like well watch it but when it comes to someone else's feelings

that i care for and and and provide to like they are my person there's no shot the only time it would be a cold cut like cold turkey is if there was like infidelity yeah i'm just saying but you just generally aren't feeling this like i'm just not feeling you're ready how long are we dating and this does matter six months oh hell six months you cut it off hey jessica shit's not working got life to do see you that's a long time best of luck six months is a long time to be dating somebody best of luck your shit's in a box i put it ups see you're a cold heartless bastard bro six months is not a lot if you said i'm with the girl for two and a half years that that's like I sit her down.

Okay, but that's obvious. That's the only answer. That's the only right answer. Six months? Six months is a gray area. You're talking about we might start moving in together. Six months is almost a year. It's half a year.

Half a year. That's a long time. You're jaded because you've been. Bro, yeah. Imagine. No, we literally didn't. We literally did not. No, from the time you started dating.

Exactly. We started talking in the summer. And then a whole year. You're lying. In six months, you would not just call somebody and be like, Okay, then answer the goddamn question right. It wouldn't be banging it on her over the phone. But it wouldn't be like, Okay, me as a person, regardless,

I would lay it all out why i feel this way and then it would be it wouldn't be much at the six point mark i wouldn't be wanting to hear much of what they have to say if i'm being okay because if i felt like that you said it was gradual it was leading up to it it'd be like hey like i'm saying you just don't have feelings for this person exactly hey i i i have love for you i just really don't i'm not saying what you would say i'm saying like how are you are you abrupt like just like i'm coming in on wednesday like i'm done it'd be a face-to-face conversation i probably wouldn't warn her about it i would definitely definitely have enough respect to make sure it was good timing it

wouldn't be after a long day of her work it wouldn't be after she got her ass chewed out by her job or if she's hurt or something. It'd be just a clear, clear conscious day. It's great. And then I'd have to, I'd break it to her. I feel like my way is better

of how I would, I've never broken up with somebody. I've gotten cheated on every relationship I've been in because I've never had the opportunity. I feel like it feels good, empowering, but I've never been able to do it.

I still, even if I was miserable in a relationship, I don't think I could break up with somebody. I don't like making people sad. Me too. No, I didn't break up with him.

That's just the end of the relationship. We were running out of consistency. Like, man, it's over. You know what I mean? It's pretty much, yeah, it's done. But I'm saying, like, my way of breaking up, I feel is better. So how long is this weaning period? Say we've been dating for six months.

It's serious. Six months. It's really dating. Six months. I'm done, though. I feel like i'm i am clogged i am out the way you know over time the way you eat your cereal makes me want to vomit like that when you're starting to get oh you i'm sad at the person you don't even not have love you actually don't like no you but you know that month where like you just see your partner and you're like this isn't it oh my god you know one of those i would slow wean it i give

myself a week of slow weaning oh a little less a little cold a little cold we're laying in bed together a little more games on the phone we're laying in bed together about to go to sleep watching netflix she wants to come i'm tired i'm tired tonight you want that moose no i'm tired you get a week of that you get a week of that and then at that weak point that's seven days of being a little cold. Not mean. Just a little off. You're not mean.

You're just a little off. You're a genius. You're a genius. I'm just, I'm not, I'm not. You're a genius. I have never done this. Okay, hold on. Because I can't break up with people.

So do you do that week of weaning, a little cold shoulder, a little less combo, a little drier text to where she brings it up and then you have the gateway. I'm not that much of a – That's not – but that's like – that's more of a defense tactic. That's like you – That's not being – It is. It is.

Because you don't have the strength to just put your emotions – it's already kind of weak what I'm doing. Agreed. Exactly. But like – To force them to bring it up, that's even weaker. But it's's it is but it's almost like you don't like them enough to continue dating them but you do appreciate and respect

them enough to not just end their heart immediately or just i don't have enough strength so are you are you uh end it immediately they hurt super bad now or you tell them later. What the hell did you just say? Like basically the same question, but not like a scenario. You're talking to two girls, right? I got it like that? Like you're dating two different girls. First off, people. So this is a whole different scenario now.

Whole different scenario. Okay. People's perception of dating today is wild. Yes. Dating is. Casually dating. Casually dating. You're going on dates with someone to see if you're compatible.

Yes. Okay, so I'm going casually dating, right? I got 17 girls. Oh, two girls. Not 17. Two girls. Two girls. A and B.

Do they know about each other? No. You're really feeling A. Like, really. You're like, holy shit. She's got all the boxes checked. She's dope. She's funny.

She's quick-witted. Everything. Cool. B. Maybe B was more for the looks. Not up here okay do you tell B like hey you're brain dead no that's that's do you tell B hey it's not happening yeah or do you continue to go on those couple dates maybe give her a couple second third chance and then tell her later but it's so basically if you tell her immediately it hurts her a lot but her

healing is going to be quicker but if you gradually do it on because like you said in your in your weaker non-strength days because you don't want to just really hurt her heart but she'll be hurt even so this so girls like that right so say like i was dating a girl like that she's beautiful but she's not like emotionally like intelligent like she can can't. At all. That. Okay. That I would just wait for a moment for the lack of emotional intelligence pops up because that would genuinely upset me. Like I genuinely don't like a lack of emotional intelligence. That's your number one box. It's one of my number ones.

You got to have. You got to have a good. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm joking. So she has a lack of emotional intelligence. When that happened, I would be like, because it would genuinely upset me. I'd be like, I can't do it.

Like, I can't. Not being able to communicate with you, it's just going to continue to frustrate me. We're going to be butting heads. I would just wait for a moment. Is that not the same thing that I'm saying in the other one? So, you wouldn't wait for, I mean, it's not. No, but because I was really trying yeah I was trying

yeah you know what I mean you're a good man I am a good man you're a good man I wish I could break up with people why not really you want to feel that

you're sick no I just you're a ruler no I feel like I just I'm always at a disadvantage because I know when I get in a relationship I can't end this

I won't want to it'll make me sad and I especially wouldn't want to make another person but if you got to first off you getting into relationships is a long journey in itself oh yeah you don't you don't get in a relationship unless you really like the girl is that weird that i do that that's how life should be but no but every relationship i've been in i've talked to a girl like we've been talking for like a year that's literally to me that's how life should be because i feel like once we're dating we're dating to for the objective we're gonna go get married exactly in a couple more years bro some people literally jump like boyfriend girlfriend within three weeks and i'm like so

strange to me i'm like you don't know you barely know what car they drive you you probably don't know anything about their job you don't know their family history you don't know anything and it's like sure you're appreciating the person in the time you're you you are where your feet are you're living in the moment but it's like i'd say nine out of ten of those are like chopped liver in three four months so many people i know that are serial long-term relation people yeah they'll get into a relationship for like a year you can you would think they're madly in love yeah they'll break up literally two weeks later yeah thinner they'll be in another relationship and that will last a year how can that possibly happen they're like they're they're there's some wires twisted and it has to be like a it has to be like a trauma thing

like something had to have happened because i i genuinely don't understand how you can just lose a year's worth of memories with somebody and create a year's worth of somebody else i genuinely don't understand it's it's bad it's bad like all that boy tongue for nothing all that all that culo yeah i guess it is a security all that moose talk all that caribou i don't know what the caribou is i do i think it's time to save some relationships now that we're talking about love secretary cam what do we got all right, Dr. P. Hello. I think I've got one. What do you got? Dear Dr. P.

Hello. I just found out my best friend of six plus years is having an affair with my boyfriend. And the thing that made me more heated was she was known as the pass around in school and my boyfriend still decided to date her behind my back. But my best friend made it kind of obvious I can't believe I was too blind to see it because I'm such a forgiving person, but she's just gone way too far.

What do I do? Wait, she's seeming like she's more upset at her friend than the yeah i mean i think i would be too i did everybody's dead no but like i don't care who y'all i'm angry just as much as both no how long is that's like you and me are best friends you get a girl and i cheat like you're definitely more mad at me than that girl because you don't know if you don't know if the dude because she said i told him that she was a pastor in school. That's like if I got a girlfriend and I find out she cheats on me with you,

to hell with the girl. I'll find another girl. I can't find another brother locked in day one, right of time, locked in. Wait, how long were they dating?

She doesn't say how long they were dating. That's important. But she says her friendship of six plus years. But I imagine I wish, did she leave her number?

No. Can you call on Discord? Yes. Alright all right we're gonna try to call her right now on discord all right yeah she she didn't answer okay so this is what i'll say good god wait what was what was your question um or she's kind of telling us something she's kind of telling you but she asked what do i do what do you do she said i i i can't believe i was so blind to see it because I'm such a forgiving person, but she's gone way too far. What do I do? So it sounds like she's asking in terms of the best friend, not the relationship. Yeah.

So you know the relationship's done. So is the friendship. I mean, it's an easier thing. It's more, I just wish I could talk to her because I really want more details of like, did y'all hang around each other? So they weren't even like, her boyfriend and her friend weren't even just hooking up. They were dating on the side. She said dating behind their back.

That's wild. Yo, he, how much money does he have? Yeah, he's either got money or. Or he's seven. He's got a. Seven on the wake up. He's, yeah, he's got a, he's, yeah. In Antarctica, you could see him.

Yeah, from, not with a telescope. Oh my God. Just blind eye. He is a talented individual. He can't jump too high. That would hurt. He can't, no. a telescope. Oh, my God. Just blind eye. He is a talented individual. He can't jump too high. That would hurt. He can't. No.

Tripod. Hello. So the girl, right? So she wants to know, Dr. P, because you're the greatest love doctor in the nation. I know. She wants to know what to do about her best friend. And you also have to assume, guy best friends, like if that happened to us, we'd fight, not talk for a year, probably rekindle later down the line.

I don't know. Maybe. No. You never know. I don't know. Maybe. You never know. I wouldn't. No, hell no. That's true. If it was dating, yeah, we're not talking. But if it was like a one time, like.

No, I would never talk to you again. I probably never would either. But most guys, majority of guys would like fight it out, whatever, and they don't really care. They'd move on. But girls, though, her heart would be dagger in her heart for decades to come. It's a dagger in my heart for decades to come. Facts. Two, I want to say, first of all, this dude, I want the dude to call, too.

I want to get his perspective. So if you're the guy in this situation, call. Leave a comment. Good in the Discord. Or leave a comment right now saying, hey, it's me, dog. And then DM me on Instagram saying, or actually, I need confirmation from her. Actually, that girl needs to DM me and give me his number, and I'll just call him randomly.

I'll be like, hey, this is Peyton, you should know podcast. Dr. P, you should know podcast. What the hell, man? I'll be like, what's it looking like down there? Yeah, you go to Antarctica. We'd be able to see you. But, yeah, honestly, you know what the best thing you could do, and I don't have the strength to do this.

I genuinely don't have the strength to do this, and I wouldn't do it. do this and i wouldn't do it i wouldn't even take my own advice on this but what would be the most effective you completely just cut her off you don't even send a message saying how much she knows how much it hurt yeah she knows don't even give her a reason she's a sociopath to the point where she's not even if you tell her and i's going to feel good to get all that off your chest and really get her, if she's willing to do that and able to do that to you, she won't even have the thinking to feel empathy for you. So you wouldn't even do anything. If you completely just shut her out,

make her feel like she's a ghost in your life, socials, no sub-tweets, no black screen Instagram stories with songs and lyrics and poems talking about your health and healing that you just completely you don't start posting new things you don't go you don't go to live your same life you don't go you don't where's the place everybody goes in mexico tulum you don't go to tulum that's like the breakup respawn yeah every time somebody gets broken up with that's the gulag and then you go to tulum and you post your body your thong bikini if you're posting that already go ahead and do your thing queen but if that's not your thing don't start acting different be completely yourself don't

start posting books your breakfast all these inspirational quotes just be yours act like it never happened it will kill both of them it's the best thing it will kill both of them but then i can help you on that's just for the girl best friend let me tell you how to be toxic with your boyfriend you don't know what'll kill him you find a man right don't you know not anything serious and you want to go get coffee coffee during the day you don't do a night dinner date coffee during the day you sit outside You sit outside in one of those nice little booths. You got your coffee cup. He's got his coffee cup. He has his hands down. You make sure this guy's got a good little change in his pocket. He's got a nice wristwatch on. Oh, and if he has hand tattoos, the guy has hand tattoos, your ex will lose his mind.

He will not be able to eat for three days if he has hand tattoos and if he has a clear coat on his nails with a nice watch he might i'm saying i'm talking about myself like have to hurt so bad i go clear coat check wristwatch no I'm saying I saw that on my store. Oh, yeah. It hurt me. On shrimp. Anyway, you post a picture of the coffee. There's two coffee cups, hand tattoos, nice watch, nails. You just post that in about two months.

In two months, you post that. And never post anything of that guy ever again. And you're back on your regular shit. And then another month different guy different pigment skin you got a got a gotta have different gotta switch it up I'd have a shooting guard in a small forward this time it's at night you're at a rooftop ambient lights one of those nice dinners where they don't even turn you got a squint to see your partner glass of Moscato you take that same picture. Shrimp ceviche.

Ruin him. Ruin him. And then, whenever your ex-best friend gets a boyfriend, you do the same thing back to her. Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P.

Dr. P. I feel like you switched to the beat. You did switch. I think I just ran out of oxygen. I don't think it was a beat switch. I think it was lower oxygen. Guys, we absolutely love you. Dr. P strikes again, saving hearts. New merch out now!

Moo, moo. I said moo. The new merch, that beautiful shirt, this amazing hoodie, all of it's in puff print. It is out right now. The link is in the description below you. There's already an intro secret code, That beautiful shirt, this amazing hoodie, all of it's in puff print. It is out right now. The link is in the description below you. There's already an intro secret code, but here's your outro code.

Tell me what it is. Casuals, get your good karma. Good morning. M-I-F. Myth. Not to be confused with milf. Sorry, brother. It's not a good idea, brother. Bad joke.

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