You Should Know Podcast - LIVING WITH CRICKETS! -You Should Know Podcast-
Episode Date: November 27, 2023LIVE SHOW TICKETS (LOS ANGELES): https://www.ticketmaster.com/you-should-know-podcast-los-angeles-california-12-07-2023/event/09005F512A5747DE PATREON AVAILABLE NOW: https://www.patreon.com/YouShou...ldKnowPodcast NAOMI (Merch Designer) : https://linktr.ee/xenagriffin?fbclid=PAAabJMosNTP1iXrU95jMJxoeAfVSs_lq36Jwpu16dii4xb1EiaB1uLtcKyuQ_aem_Af_R682HMd57KjpVvxYxG8GsaRr6IQEk7KGRCtOa9I2Y5D0VPuD9xFGWhbWeWtwpTeU Peyton’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 TODAYS SPONSORS: Manscaped: Manscaped.com Code: PSH YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R GRAB SOME MERCH: https://www.youshouldknowstudios.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Really interested in like the language of the crickets. It was crickets.
You smell like a Labrador Retriever after it just did a trick.
You smell like six-year-olds that just played in Play-Doh.
You smell like Legoland.
You smell like a trampoline park, you nasty freak.
No, not turkey.
Well, kind of, not turkey.
What the?
Who was that?
Well, kind of, not turkey. What the? Who was that? Well, kind of. Not turkey.
The You Should Know Podcast.
Oh!
We're back!
Hey, everybody!
Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 88!
Round of applause!
Please, my panties are inside of me. Hello.
Put some limon on it.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to the usual podcast, episode 88.
Thank you so much for coming back to the happiest place on earth. If you're new here, if you haven't already,
leave a below you to subscribe. What is it? it pressed you're on if you'll give it more below
then you say comment section isn't fulfilled with your name guess what even more wrong go ahead and
fill that out put some limon on it guys i hope you had a fantastic turkey day had all the omelets
and green tea as you wanted you know what i I'm saying? On a Wednesday afternoon, half past noon.
Hello, good morning to you and everybody you love.
Guys, we are a mere two weeks away from the You Should Know Podcast live show in Los Angeles.
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Los Angeles, I'm telling you, this is the show to be at.
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If you want to come, if you've been thinking about coming,
if you're in the greater California area and you're thinking,
well, maybe they'll come somewhere around me.
Probably not.
Come to this L.A. show.
We cannot wait to see you. Meet you, shake babies, and kiss hands.
Good morning to you.
How you doing?
We love you so much.
Now on to the rest of the episode.
The You Should Know Podcast.
We got Kyle Harsk Cam back in the studio.
I'm going to need you to put some Lamar on it.
How you doing, Cam?
You're here.
Got you too soon.
Riva Dirt, you rewind and do hopscotch on three legs.
Hello.
Spank my ass on a Thursday.
Call me Roxanne.
Good morning to you.
How's it going?
How's the coffee?
Turkey or sausage?
Put some limon on it.
Cam, how was your week?
How was your turkey feast?
Baba, did you eat everybody's plate?
How was that?
Did you leave every neighbor's house with their leftovers?
Were you a vulture?
Oh, yeah.
No, I did.
Yeah.
So we went to Oklahoma, as you know.
First thing I asked was, how was it?
It was good.
But if I say that, it's boring and great.
But it's the way that you answer the question.
You say, hey, it was fantastic.
We did this.
It was fantastic.
Not we did this.
And then whatever, yeah.
Okay, okay.
Restart.
Nope, you just answer.
Okay.
Put some limone on it!
It was fantastic.
We went to Oklahoma, got to see both sides of Liv's family, had two Thanksgivings.
Your boy was chunky.
Your boy got a lot of weight.
Dropped it right back off, though.
But, if you know what I'm saying, Browns to the Super Bowl.
Hello, Cleveland!
Anyway.
Close the door.
Make sure you light a candle.
Spray a lot.
Turn on the fan.
But.
Oh my God, I have a question.
Thanksgiving was fantastic.
What's your dying to know question?
You ever pooped at a foreigner's house?
Oh, 100%.
And you run the sink?
Oh, I have a way worse scenario than that.
Wait, what did you do?
I want to say I was 10, and I didn't understand.
I think at the time, I thought every room was soundproofed.
That's his first mistake.
It's a horrid mistake.
No infrastructure is like that.
So basically in...
You're very erect right now.
You're like so upright.
I'm what?
Put some limon on it.
I was about 10 years old.
I was at my Aunt Karen's house.
It was Thanksgiving.
About 20 people in the house.
I go to take a poop. Downstairs bathroom. Very close to the kitchen. I was at my Aunt Karen's house. It was Thanksgiving. About 20 people in the house. I go to take a poop.
Hello.
Downstairs bathroom.
Very close to the kitchen.
Right corner pocket.
Right there.
Corner pocket.
Eight ball.
How's it going?
Reba Durchy, bitch.
Everybody's there, okay?
For whatever reason.
This is the ADHD kick in.
Full effect.
I immediately start to reenact the Phantom Menace from Star Wars.
Okay.
The dialogue or the action uh an action scene
when obi-wan is retreating okay actually this is uh clone wars okay he's retreating from uh
jango fett and boba fett and they're shooting the cannons and it sounds like
i literally start doing yeah it's a base it was like a whale communication it was bad oh no i'm
not talking about my ass.
Oh, hello.
I literally was screaming this from my mouth in the bathroom, not knowing my entire family.
Was there things coming out of you when you were doing this?
This was post-poop.
Oh, so you were lingering in your stench.
Poop's already happened.
It's been flushed.
I took a two-minute monologue to stare at myself in the mirror, and I was going,
eww, pew, doing these explosion noises and
i literally did it for two minutes straight yeah i walk out every human being is staring at me and
i was like 11 and i was like traumatized it was horrible i ran upstairs i turned on smack that
music video by akon i started playing millsbury not for me but uh itberry. Not for me. It was the first time
I realized people could hear me. My mom said, what the hell
were you doing? I was like, who's Star Wars?
Funny thing about you, I...
I'm stupid. Well, everybody knows that.
It's not funny. It's actually quite concerning and annoying.
One thing about you,
I communicated
with your dad after Thanksgiving.
Talked to good old Mike. Apparently,
and Cam doesn't even know that I know this, and he doesn't even know this. Family knows this. Your okay talk to good old mike apparently and this is cam doesn't even know that i know this and he doesn't even know his family knows this your neighbors talk to your
family cam went door to door after because cam grew up with the neighbors it's the same neighbors
he grew up with he went door to door to these neighbors he's talked to in years and asked him
if they have foil plates for him he was getting leftovers from other people's homes to take back
here that did not happen if i go in your right now, is there not foil plates from your neighbor's house?
Absolutely not.
Oh, you already ate them?
Foil plates from my neighbors at a grown-ass man age is despicable.
You went Christmas Caroling to ask for leftovers.
I went when I was younger once.
Okay.
But they invited me.
No, this time I'm talking about you went about five houses
down you went door to door like you're spreading the word of jesus no not five houses down i said
my fault saying a quick tune for you i brought my book no have any extra stuff in the yams for me
instead of payment i'll just take greens if that's all right yeah and then this isn't christmas
caroling from what do you think about christmas carolers i don't think it's real i don't think
that's a facade oh i've seen it with my own eyes. You've never...
No, you haven't.
I swear on my life.
You've never opened a door and there was a gang of six that just came from church.
I swear on my life.
No, you didn't.
I swear on my life.
Christmas songs.
What song?
I don't know the exact name of the song.
You didn't know that tune?
It was a group from the church.
I was at my house.
It was a group from the church we went to.
So they made it a point to go to all the church members' houses.
What is the purpose of that? I don't...'t is to spread christmas joy for little boys and
girls i can turn on the hallmark channel i can get a good christmas joy i hate hallmark movies
but they're so bad it's so good they're so bad that my mom's obsessed with them she sheds a tear
everyone i'm like the guy's gonna die the dog is cute the girl's a bad actress they had the cast
in hallmark and that's it and it's like
the bad guy's going to die
yeah
he's going to
there's no curveballs
no no no
starts good
little turmoil
really bad climax
end of the movie's always happy
horrid movies
yeah
shit watches
but I enjoy a good bad movie
you know what I hate about movies
what
I hate when you have to read movies
I hate that
when like actual like font is on the yes so I've been doing I watch like two to three movies. I hate that. Like actual font is on the...
Yes.
So I've watched like two to three movies a night.
Yeah, you do.
A lot of Afghani insurgents.
I love war movies.
And what I hate about movies is I've learned this recently by myself.
You know whenever they put the establishing shot and they have the typewriter going of where they're at?
God, I love that.
But what I do is if it's a word I'm not familiar with, go that's bangladesh afghanistan got it i knew that now i never know where they're at unless
it is said dialogue i will skip i can't do it and like spider-man i was watching spider-man
there's a lot of text bubbles which one uh the oh well yeah well that's like a comic yeah i know
and i appreciate it spider-man 2029 or99. I hope you're not reading that shit.
Yeah.
I can't,
I want to,
I want to be,
I'm brain dead
when I watch a movie.
Dude,
Liv,
Liv,
when we went and watched,
so she never saw
the first Miles Morales.
Okay.
And she was like,
oh my god,
there's so much hype.
Let's go see the second one.
I was like,
alright,
do you know what it's like?
She's like,
no,
I'm like,
it's like a comic.
She's like,
what do you mean?
I'm like,
it's like animated.
She's like,
no,
I see that.
I'm like,
no, no, it's like, it's like you're watching a comic book. She's like, okay, I'm like, it's like a comic. She's like, what do you mean? I'm like, it's like animated. She's like, no, I see that. I'm like, no, no, no.
It's like you're watching a comic book.
A comic book, yeah.
She's like, okay, we go.
She was furious.
Really?
Because she's so, her, she hates like closed captions.
She hates the captions on things.
She hates bright, quick movements.
Oh, that's definitely not the movie for you then.
She literally was sitting down and she was like, I'm getting sick, babe.
I was like, you act like it's the motion sickness.
Oh my God.
She hated it.
The colors in the movie are so good.
It's fantastic.
I'm not going to lie.
For someone like, definitely live, but anyone else, like a random person that didn't know
what to expect and they go into that thing and it's Spider-Man, there's like scenes going,
colors shooting everywhere.
Like it'd be a lot.
I have a thing about you.
I think you're getting worse.
At what? Up here. I think you're losing it a little bit you think i'm losing what like your
control control of my brain i'm losing i think i think there's something going on there that's
it's starting to trail off the path you're getting worse what path it's getting less and less enjoyable
to be around you like it's getting like it It's almost like I feel like I need to be paid.
Like part-time job to be around you.
Does this need to be on the camera?
Or do we need to have heart-to-heart?
Like what is happening right now?
What is happening?
You just got so small.
When you did your legs like that, you looked so small.
And...
No, no, explain yourself.
That's it.
You get it.
I have no clue.
It's just like... I'm just becoming a pain to
you you're becoming i am becoming an annoyance you're becoming like a sheltered dog that you
wish you could return wow a sheltered dog you know how y'all felt about max during the end
i loved max i love you but sometimes it's just a guy there's a better home
i know someone else will take better care i i love you but i want to i want to stay i don't
want to be given away oh no we're too far in now see if i want to stay because you actually want
me you know whenever you like you've been in a marriage you don't know but you've been in a
marriage for about 40 years and you just i've been in one for like a year and a half yeah but but when you're 40 and you know those old
miserable couples that they're just life bonded at this point so they're not going to go through
the stress of breaking up that's where we're at that's really hurtful like that's okay and i say
that to say be nicer to me kiss me sometime not well maybe not that Hug me and appreciate me
Because there's an 88 episodes of this
Where I'm flirting
I'm loving
I'm trying to get something out of you
And you act like I'm the
I'm a gum on the bottom of your shoe
And it's going
Every time you take a step
Put some limon on it
You're the rude one to me
You're the rude one to me
Why do I sound like that?
You're the rude one to me Don't get it twisted because okay if this camera if we had a reality
show and it was rolling 24 7 i want one the amount of hey bitch from you to me that would be on
camera is this someone would create an hr department to fire you, just to get you deported.
What?
Be careful.
Yeah, that's a...
Can they fire me?
I don't know.
If the HR department's under me...
They can put you on suspension.
That's when I have to have a board meeting.
But that's the whole thing, though.
The HR is not below you.
The HR is to protect everybody.
But if I'm paying them...
The HR is to protect everybody.
But who's paying them?
The LLC, the company which
you own but i'm saying but think about it the reason that you could definitely do some backwards
shit in terms of i can't just fire the hr no who fires them that's the the board in the decisions
like so if i hired the board exactly that's what i'm saying you can do some monopoly type shit like
hey your your car is not gonna work your dog's to be dead if you don't shut your mouth.
You blow up the car.
Exactly.
But that is the point of HR.
Nobody is above the company.
Just because you're the owner doesn't mean you can verbally assault me on the daily when there's an HR.
But we don't have an HR, so he does verbally assault me.
You physically assault me.
Put some love on it. Put some love on it. I was going to say something to you. You some limon on it.
Put some limon on it.
I was going to say something to you.
You've said a lot already.
You've said that I hurt you, that you want to get rid of me like I'm an old dog that has fleas and bad skin.
I relate my love to a kindergartner.
That's how I show love.
You know how when you're in kindergarten and you have a crush and you pull the girl's hair?
I pull your hair.
No, you pull some other things.
Hello.
Good morning.
How's it going?
Put some limon on it.
Dark roast or vanilla.
You like vanilla.
But you know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
Whenever you're...
I have a crush on you.
It's interesting because you're not six years old anymore.
People would argue.
Mentally.
Yeah.
Physically, you're not.
You've been on this earth for
you have a soiled brain you you have a worse brain than me you've been on it no no i have a dark brain yeah you have a dirty brain yeah dark or dirty pick your poison be careful weird things
dirty weird things like it's i don't i i'm joking but i i pick on the people i love if i'm overly nice to
you all the time it means i don't really care about you you heard it here first you know what
i mean and so maybe i need to start being nice to you maybe that's what whenever the day i come in
here and give you flowers so you're like a coach if i'm up your ass and doing all this i see the
best in you yeah I know your potential.
Dude, coaches are good people.
Good ones.
That's a very broad and wrong statement.
But a coach is a hard job.
A lot of jobs are hard.
Yes, but I'm saying what comes outside of the actual job itself.
A coach is...
It's tough.
It's tough.
I've seen it.
Just it's tough. Coaching's and your point i've seen it just it's tough coaching's tough man
shout out coaches coaching's tough because it's uh it's tough yeah so i was so you yeah that is
the thing about you you do not derailed it no i'm saying you didn't you see how i ask you questions
every every week how was your thanksgiving you act like i don't celebrate you act like i don't
have family you act like i don't you. You act like I don't have family.
You act like I don't, you know what I mean?
I don't know if you do, Karl Marx.
Who the hell is that?
Who's Karl Marx?
Who's that?
I had a coach named Jordan Marx.
Cool guy.
He was in a fraternity.
You know who Karl Marx is? He had all his fraternity friends.
Stop talking about Jordan Marx.
Who the hell that is?
You know Karl Marx.
No.
Karl Marx. Say it No. Karl Marx.
Say it again.
Karl Marx.
Okay, who is it?
Like the father of communism.
Why would I know that?
Why would I care about him?
Is he a good guy?
Is he a bad guy?
I don't know anything about anything.
That's why I talk about funny things here.
More precedent, yes.
He's a good president?
He's not a president.
You just said a good president. I said more precedent to you not knowing anything. There precedent, yes. He's a good president? He's not a president. You just said a good president.
I said more precedent to you not knowing anything.
There's more evidence.
Why are we talking about precedents?
Oh. What are you
saying to me? Hey, clean your ear canal.
I have good ears. No, you don't.
I have good ears. No, you do have good ears.
I'll give you that. You have good ears. Those cute little hoop earrings.
Hello.
You're doing something to my inside.
I can't do it more.
Ask me how my Thanksgiving was.
You know what?
I will.
Okay.
Under one condition.
Hello.
You answer what I ask.
You don't derail.
Okay.
You don't take...
You're going to drown yourself one day.
You don't derail, and you listen to me.
I'm listening.
First question.
Hello. Hello. Did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy your thanksgiving i did have a good thanksgiving was it fun what
all did you do uh hang out with family football my dog malcolm yeah shout out all right oh okay
actually this is a decent question that was bullshit this is do you eat traditional thanksgiving
like turkey ham all the fixing stuff like that? Uh, yeah.
No, well, well not, no, not turkey.
What?
Not turkey.
Who did you just turn into?
You said, well, hmm, kind of, not turkey.
What the fuck?
Who was that?
That was not Peyton.
You said, well, hmm, kind of, not turkey. Who was that? That was not Peyton! He said, well, mmm, kinda. Not turkey.
Like, who was that?
You turned like Scottish.
Like a Scottish librarian.
I don't know, I didn't.
Rewind the ti- You literally said, yeah, well, kinda. Not turkey.
Like, wha-
You just got possessed or something.
I did not. Ask me again.
Do you eat traditional Thanksgiving food?
Not turkey.
I do, gotta say, don't I?
Turkey?
What is that?
Not turkey.
It's my tongue.
It's a fat-ass tongue, dog.
I'm starting to have trouble with my teeth now.
Oh, fuck.
I'm starting to have trouble with my teeth now.
It used to just be S, and then it went from s to s and ch now it's s c h and t starting a podcast three more years you're not gonna be able to say shit you're gonna start signing on this whole
it's how do you start a podcast and not be able to talk yeah like that's an insane job resume man. Okay. Well, kind of. Turkey. What?
Turkey.
Turkey.
I'm,
I am watching your tongue expand.
I know.
That is sick. You say turkey.
You say it.
You say it.
Turkey.
Turkey.
You went.
All right.
You say it.
Do it again.
Turkey.
Turkey.
There you go.
Turkey.
Now say it in a full sentence.
Like I'm asking you,
do you eat regular traditional Thanksgiving food? Not turkey. Turkey. Now say it in a full sentence like I'm asking you. Do you eat regular traditional Thanksgiving food?
Not turkey.
Yeah, well, not turkey.
I said it like that?
Dude, that was weird.
That's like two weeks in a row you had like a small stroke.
Like in the middle of your...
I've been having back of the head pain.
You have said that.
Were you just like drawing a bow and arrow?
No, I got a long neck.
Relax, Legolas.
I have a long neck.
In high school, people would...
Oh, my God.
No!
In high school, people would come up to me with tape measures and put it up by my neck.
They'd be like, eight inches today.
It was a rough time.
What?
The picture on the plate.
Oh.
That is a cursed image.
Oh, my God.
Look at his neck.
Dude, okay, I'm not going to lie.
That's why I have this.
Do it again.
No, it hurts.
No, do it one more time.
One more time.
If y'all look, it looks like his neck goes all the way down to his hip complex.
It's just like if you took your shirt off, his head and just a neck.
Yeah.
What's the longest you've worn the same pair of underwear?
Honestly, and you've had a camping trip with zero physical activity i'd say no longer than
two days oh wow you're a gross human being what's your answer you know matter of fact in my head i'm
gonna pick what i think okay i've done it to you at your house recently we went to an event i was
wearing the same drawers as four days ago but i didn't poop in them like i didn't fart and that's really my that's a damn lie no no no no no
i didn't i didn't not that not in that four-day stretch i didn't fart in those i was paying
harden past 10 30 p.m is a shit box your ass starts beatboxing dog p.m payton harden is a
sick bastard no listen it's like it's like we leave the room and you sneak a shot glass of milk, you little lactose freak.
Dude, when there's no sunlight, your ass is beatbox professional.
You sit there.
It's like the beach in Normandy.
No, but I say I know.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
No, but I know if I'm going to have to keep.
Put your hands down.
I know if I'm going to have to keep these panties on for a while,
I put them under the butt cheeks and I fart every time.
If I know I'm going to have to keep these on for a couple days,
you know what I mean?
If these are my travel draws.
Three things.
And if there's no PPD.
I've got to get a couple extra shakes in there.
Borderline might put on a list how much I'm shaking in that restroom.
Borderline players.
Three things.
One, don't ever put your hands up like you're Emperor Palpatine and me ever again.
You said, yeah, do it.
Okay, that's one.
Two, don't ever wink at my wife while you're talking about taking your drawers off.
And three, if you are inside my house wearing the same pair of panties for 96 hours straight,
knowing that your sphincter is a professional beatboxer past 10 p.m.
and you just said
you pants yourself
to fart.
Yeah.
That means my house
is now cursed.
It is not safe.
But you can't,
you cannot talk.
I fart.
You go to the gym.
No, you go to the gym
at 8 a.m.
You sweat your ass off
and you won't take that shit off
till 11 p.m.
That is a damn lie.
You smell like freshly cut grass after it rains. That is a damn lie. You smell like freshly cut grass after it rains.
That is a damn lie.
You smell like a Labrador Retriever after it just did a trick.
You smell like six-year-olds that just played in Play-Doh.
You smell like Legoland.
You smell like a trampoline park, you nasty freak.
You smell like a bowling alley shoe.
Okay.
I got too worked up.
At least I'm doing something to elicit the stench.
Babe, do that.
You sit on a couch and you smell like sand volleyball.
You sit there and you smell like crabs.
Not the animal, the disease.
You don't do anything and you smell equally as bad.
You smell like a hospital bed. No, no, no, no. You want to as bad. You smell like a hospital bed.
No, no, no, no.
You want to start this?
You smell like a pediatrician office.
You smell like comforters that are used for moving and moving alone.
That's what you smell like.
You smell like U-Haul beds.
That's what you smell like.
You smell like the washing machine in a locker room.
That's bad.
You smell like gravel.
That's what you smell like. You smell like absolute gravel. You smell like gravel. That's what you smell like.
You smell like absolute gravel.
You smell like.
Okay.
Live death.
No, all that's out.
My God.
It's going to be muted.
I'm keeping it though.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Okay.
You can try and get on me, but you're weirder than me.
You stink worse than me and you don't bathe.
Okay.
You smell like band camp.
That's what you smell like.
You smell like band camp.
My bugs are freaky.
I heard all those stories.
Oh my god, band kids are nasty.
These are dirty.
You smell like the cafeteria when it was pizza day at 4.15pm when you're getting let out of school and you can still smell it.
That's what you smell like.
Okay, you smell like a trash can after breakfast in the cafeteria filled with bosco
sticks that's what you smell like no you smell like the kid that woke up late on the star exam
and forgot his ti-84 you know he's sweating you know he's anxious you smell like a porta potty
at a music festival you smell like
you know that's the best.
You gotta take that out, but that's...
Oh my god.
I'm keeping it. I'm muting it.
Oh my god, that's bad.
You smell like a kid that heats up broccoli in a microwave.
That's what you smell like.
That's what you smell like.
You sick, no sanctity bitch.
You smell like DeMarcus wears shoulder pads.
Okay.
You smell like Ezekiel Elliott's luggage after he came back from Cabo.
That's what you smell like.
Like weed and women?
Yeah, weed, women, and a little bit of sweat.
A lot of food, too.
You smell like handball on a cold November night.
You smell like your dog.
You look like your dog.
Your dog has bad hips. You have bad hips. Your dog has a bad brain. You have like your dog. You look like your dog. Your dog has bad hips.
You have bad hips.
Your dog has a bad brain.
You have a bad brain.
You got the same face as your dog.
You love my dog, so you love me.
No, I love your dog because it's an animal and it can't talk back.
No, you love me.
You love me.
You love me.
No, I'm starting to lose it.
Why?
That's so rude.
So much spit.
So many different layers of spit.
Because.
Now I'm switching roles.
Don't. Be careful. Yeah, that was Because now I'm switching roles. Be careful.
Yeah, that was different.
I'm tired of being on the defensive.
Then be on the offensive.
That's what I am doing.
Attack me.
That's what I've been doing.
Strike me.
Put me down.
Put the fear of God in your eyes and strike me now.
The You Should Know Podcast.
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Now, to the rest of the episode.
The You Should Know Podcast.
You want to know how I know Cam's a bad friend?
I'm about to expose you.
I'm about to expose you. So Cam's famous now.
Oh, he's on the podcast.
He's famous now.
What?
Cam's famous now.
He acts better than everybody.
Oh, he's famous.
No, I do not at all.
God forbid his table isn't ready
when you make a dinner reservation.
Oh, he's going to leave a mean Yelp review.
He's going to leave me.
Put some limon on it. Put some limon on it.
Put some limon on it.
I've witnessed Cam threaten to make a TikTok against a restaurant.
He acts like he's Keith Lee.
I did not do that.
Shout out to Keith Lee.
I love you, man.
Keith Lee was sick.
This is what Cam did, right?
So I'm moving, right?
I'm moving close to Cam.
Me and Clem and Liv are going to-
Who's Clem?
You smell like Clem.
And Liv. We're going to all live next to each other. We are. I'm moving close to Cam. Me and Clem and Liv are going to... Who's Clem? You smell like Clem.
And Liv.
We're going to all live next to each other.
We are.
I'm super excited.
And so... You see how I'm excited and he's not?
All right.
Well, I was.
And so I was like, oh my God, Cam, we can finally go to the gym together.
Because he's, you know...
Oh my God, you're lying.
He wants me to go to the gym.
You're a terrorist.
Shut up.
You're a terrorist, dog. You're a terrorist. Shut up. You're a terrorist, dog.
You're hijacking.
I'm so sorry.
Go.
Give me my fucking watch.
You're so wet in your band.
Your band is wet.
Sniff that finger.
It will not be good.
No, it smells like Play-Doh.
Like, dead ass smells like...
Salty like it, too.
Anyway.
So, listen here.
Put some limone on it.
This is what we're this is what i so
i told cam right i was like we can start working out together i thought i was gonna make my best
friend's day i thought he was gonna be like oh my god pay them come here let me grab them cheeks
so that's what i thought i farted excuse me sorry i thought he was gonna be excited that he gets to hang out with me,
go to the gym with me, hopefully help me get better.
Cam is famous now.
So he goes to a gym with a bunch of famous people that I don't go to.
He always tells me, I went to the gym today.
This guy's 2 million followers.
We're talking about this brand deal, this, that, and the other.
We're talking business.
I'm like, oh, well, thanks, Cam.
Cool, cool. And one time I was trying to hang out with him and i was like cam let's hang out tonight he goes i'm going to dinner with uh my gym friends i was waiting for like a comma
you want to come oh you want to come never happened stop being a terrorist oh so i was like
oh damn he's switching up he's getting too famous for me and so i told cam i was like kim we're moving
close to each other we can finally start working out together he goes oh yeah well well p you know
i kind of i'm gonna groove with these guys at the gym like you know the famous influencer uh
gym people i go oh cool and he goes yeah he goes so i'm trying to get on their level
and uh i know you're trying to get on mine,
so I don't think it would be right if we all work out together
because it would just be too much of a drop-off when you come.
Cam's embarrassed to be around me and his famous friends.
Sorry I don't have the clout that your friends have
and all these muscle mass mommies around.
I can't, all right?
I'm trying my best.
And I ain't getting invited to your Korea barbecue dinner
with all your famous influencer people.
Because you have to have a certain amount of followers to go.
I am sweating with cringe right now.
I'm sweating with pain.
You were, okay, we're just going to break that down.
Cam changed up.
Cam changed up.
Cam changed up.
I want that to be chanted at the LA show when we walk out.
Cam changed up.
Cam changed up. Cam changed up.
Cam changed up and everybody go like this to him.
That is not funny.
Thank you, Liv. Thank you. Liv's a part of the problem
too. Okay, let's- Cause she has all these famous
fitness girl influencer friends. Liv has
no friends.
No, not that.
I was trying
to defend you, but it came out wrong I'm so
sorry you have me you're the only friend you need God you're long you're taking
up this whole couch no don't get on bumble for friends babe you you don't
need that you're a great woman you're okay my friend that's all our friends is
moving down here that's your friend hello she's excited all right anyway
all right are you done
lying i'm not lying okay tell me you didn't say we're gonna break this shit down whenever i try
to play break this shit down first off break it down break it down shake that money maker like
somebody about to pay you don't worry about them haters keep your nose up in the air you know i got
it if you want to come get it stand next to this money like Hey, hey, hey!
Put some Lamor on it!
Damn!
Hello.
Alright.
I'm very sweaty now.
We're gonna break this down scene by scene.
First scene, he says that he invited himself to lift with me.
I did.
And I now said I have famous friends that are better than you that I'm trying to work with.
Yes. Yes.
Okay.
One, I am lifting Dolo.
No, you're not!
Olivia.
No, you're not!
There's a TikTok with you on it and all the comments were like, is that Cam from the podcast?
I spotted Romeo!
He's a great guy!
I have not even lifted with the boys!
Hey, Romeo!
No, we love Romeo.
He's my friend.
We love Romeo.
Romeo said he wants to chill with us.
Romeo, he said shit to me.
He doesn't have your information.
Thank you, Romeo.
Because you're sitting butt-ass naked in a Snuggie
watching able behind-the-scenes documentaries at 3 p.m.
That's what you're doing.
And your ass is sitting there.
Okay, you sick bastard. Here we go here we go oh oh i got a little
how long is this podcast all right first things first i lift dolo and when i don't lift dolo
i live with two new gym buddies that are famous neither of them are they're not famous neither
one okay swear to god they're not okay i swear go. I swear to God they're not. Go! So that's the first thing.
Second thing, I have been demanding his gym presence.
Before he found his famous friends.
For two years.
Before he found his famous friends.
Before he found his famous friends.
Two years.
Before he found your famous friends.
So if you believe this story at all, you're a sick loser.
Ooh, my name's K, my famous friends, and I have more famous friends than Peyton has.
Next thing, Peyton's entire following completely dwarfed all of ours combined so yeah yeah oh light doesn't feel so good when it hits
the sensitive spots what I have SPF 1 I've never worn sunscreen in my life so you know but I... What? This is a frisky episode.
It's a fucking dangerous episode.
The ISOs get leaked.
We're done.
All right.
That's the first thing.
He's scared to go through Dropbox.
Second thing.
Korean barbecue.
You were invited.
No, I wasn't.
Olivia.
No.
Rough estimate.
Maybe 11 times.
That's not an invite.
If I'm not in the initial plans, I'm not invited.
The person who made the initial plans. Doesn't know me. Because I'm not famous enough for him. He's not an invite. If I'm not in the initial plans, I'm not invited. The person who made the initial plans.
Doesn't know me.
Because I'm not famous enough for him.
He...
You, Romeo.
It's not Romeo.
It's not Romeo.
Gage made the plans.
Gage invited you.
You said no because you said,
I'm anxious and weird around people I don't know.
Because they didn't invite me.
He doesn't have your contact information the reason you exactly i'm not famous
enough he has mine because you're famous i have the messages because you invited me because i was
there on a phone call and i got caught in the stray and you're like oh i have to invite this
lonely ass cat that's following me to my doorstep how long is this podcast gonna last before i leave
you you you are gonna leave me i'll never
leave you you would leave me because you would leave me because you string me along to make
yourself feel better because your eye is twitching your face looks round i don't have a much time
left anyway i don't know if y'all are gonna get to see it because well you'll get to see it
uncle p has a new place.
You're never going to know where it is.
No, never.
You're never in a million years going to know the location.
I think whenever it's set up, we're going to do a house tour.
We are.
It's going to be a double vlog of our new place.
And basically, we're moving in next week
and he's moving in in two weeks.
When we all get set up and whatnot,
Patreon, you'll see a nice little till of maybe both.
Maybe we throw a little kickback,
a little housewarming together.
Are you excited about your new place?
Cam doesn't like me because I'm weird.
That is not it at all.
You're a weird sack of bones.
There's no doubt about it.
But no.
Oh, my God, no.
Peyton does some weird shit.
The other night in the car, okay, I'm going to ask you right now.
I'm about to confront you.
The other night in the car we're driving
we're going to a gas station
my phone's connected
through bluetooth
in my car
my music's supposed to play
he's like
my phone's dead
can I plug it in
plugs it in
I'm driving
we're listening to
whatever the hell
probably some hard rap
if it's my phone
all of a sudden
I hear like an insect
what was that
it was like
you know what I'm talking about it like
it was every time he like opened an app or something it randomly apple carplay connected
his phone it was like i was like what the i thought i literally looked around i thought
someone's in my car and they would go back to my phone two minutes later it was like
what the hell was that you weren't't supposed to. I wasn't.
What?
What were you?
It was crickets.
It was like insects, dog.
It was crickets?
Whose fault is it?
Shoddy craftsmanship.
Shoddy craftsmanship.
No, no, no.
I don't give a damn if my car was connected to yours.
Why is there crickets on your phone?
Why is there insect bugs life?
You had a... Oh, my God. You had a live action role play of bugs life on your phone what were you listening
what do you search to find that let me explain please this kid's playing bugs in my car like
what are you doing i've been having a thing recently where i've been really interested in
like the language of the crickets. It was crickets.
You were.
I was listening.
I was watching because it wasn't supposed to play on your cards.
Your car's fault.
I watched.
Oh, my God.
A two-hour long cricket sound compilation video on YouTube
because I was interested in like the dialect.
Interested in the depth.
What are you going to try to be their ruler?
Take over the land of crickets?
That was personal.
Personal.
You weren't supposed to hear that.
No one's ever.
That's not even supposed to be a thing.
What did you.
If that was on Apple music, I swear to God, I'm taking your phone with.
It's on YouTube.
It was a two hour compilation.
And it plays like the different cricket sounds all the way through because it's a very interesting, like how?
That never ran through your brain.
One day it's like, how are they talking?
How is that much power coming out of their throat?
If I had a gun to my head, I can't even draw a cricket, let alone know their dialect.
Why are you interested on crickets?
Why did your car switch to my phone?
That's not.
That's inappropriate.
That is.
It wasn't supposed to happen.
No, the inappropriate thing is this freak...
Listen, why...
It's crickets.
There's nothing you say that can defend your honor
in this conversation.
Just wait.
No, I'm not waiting.
I'm talking...
We're literally driving down.
It's like...
It's like, get money.
Get money.
Cricket, cricket.
I was like, what the...
There's a... I got a bug infestation in my car. You weren't supposed to hear... Get money, get money. I was like, what the fuck?
I got a bug infestation in my car.
You weren't supposed to hear.
That was supposed to be something that's just my personal time.
It was just a thought.
Honest to God, that's the thing with you.
Everyone thinks you have this great playlist.
You have good tunes.
No one ever knows what's coming out of your phone, ever.
Why?
Ever.
2012 2 Chainz, Luke Bryan, Snow Allegra, fucking fucking cricket compilate like you're a creep bro no one knows what's coming unreleased gonna and uh morgan wallen it's just no one knows
what's coming out of your phone it's just supposed to be behind closed doors that was a personal
thing that i just wanted to figure out like you i'm just i'm just interested you have
like you have like 94 freestyle like basement tupac shit like no one knows bro but you're
okay you've never like listened to crickets through the wall
i'm a human being i don't listen i don't give a shit about a cricket i guess that's what we're
different oh that's you're damn right.
There's no guessing about it, cricket boy.
No, that's an interesting video.
You should go listen to it.
Honestly, because it's so interesting.
Like, the crickets are powerful throats.
It's a, okay.
It's 120 minutes of crickets communicating.
No, they're not talking to each other.
It just shows the different languages.
Oh my God, were you researching?
Yes or no, if you watched enough, do you think you could communicate to crickets? Oh my God, you the different languages. Oh my God. Were you researching? Yes or no?
If you watched enough,
do you think you
communicated to crickets?
Oh my God, you're a freak.
I could try.
No, you, oh, I don't.
If I held the phone up,
I just don't,
there's not really like
a pattern I've figured out yet.
If you held the phone,
what are you going to take
a shoelace and put them
on a collar?
You're going to get
a pet cricket?
I've tried to put a pigeon
on a leash before.
You flew away.
You don't deserve happiness.
You don't, you don't deserve things that are holy.
You listened to crickets, dog.
Yeah.
Once.
Crickets!
It was two hours.
And it was just, how is it not stopping?
Do you know how long two hours is?
Was it even a video?
No, it was like a still image of a cricket and it was just
playing the different sounds for two hours they didn't have ads it was really easy listen
it was an easy listen why do you do that on the podcast why do you do that in your real life
because it was just personal that's just honestly that's something that i just wanted to figure out
in a moment and it just stayed too long.
A moment?
Two hours is a hell of a long moment.
Two hours goes by fast in my life.
It's a long moment.
I have no one to talk to.
Oh, my God.
That's why you want to give me a joke.
Oh, my God.
You have crickets at your place.
A couple.
A cricket's never popped out of your shower.
No.
Oh.
Put some limon on it. You've never had a cricket pop out your sink before and you've
never heard that motherfucker talk you've never had a cricket sink you live with that guy from
men in black edgar or whatever his name was he turns to the never seen that just never interested
me you've never seen men in black no will smith never seen i'm aware you've never seen me no oh
speaking of animals
what animal species on the earth would you want to control i need to block anything every
subscription you have to anything to do with animals i swear to god i need to i need to put
parental controls on your streaming service no a fan dm me that question i really liked it
say it again what animal species on this earth would you control if you could control any animal species?
Mine's a bald eagle.
What?
Represents freedom.
They're fascinating creatures.
They're so... It's the biggest bird I've ever seen.
Oh my god, they are strangely big.
Yeah, what's yours? If that's a bad answer, what's yours? That's. Oh my God, they are strangely big.
Yeah, what's yours?
If that's a bad answer, what's yours?
That's not a bad answer, it's just unique.
You're just this gem we need to protect.
What's yours, gorillas?
Be careful.
No, no, be careful.
A good quality answer, if I have five seconds to think i'm either i am gonna either take the ape kingdom or stop it stop it or something underwater see that's a bad answer quick travel
there's millions of that's why you're dumb you don't think maybe beluga whales you don't see
that's the thing you don't think a million beluga whales versus a million hawks would you pick a
bald eagles bald eagles once i have no hair okay they have no hairs your your. You don't think. A million beluga whales versus a million hawks? What'd you pick? Bald eagles.
Bald eagles.
The ones that have no hair.
Okay, they have no hair.
Your birds don't even have a faux hawk.
And my beluga whales are enormous.
Your beluga whale's got a thing right here.
It's got a computer right here.
It's got a little squishy spot.
It's got a Dell laptop right here.
Maybe killer whales.
No, just have one answer.
You're thinking too much.
One answer.
Go.
Ape kingdom.
Okay.
That's the thing.
I win. No shot. Because I've invented teleportation. answer you're thinking too much one all right ape kingdom okay that's the thing i win no shot
because i've invented teleportation you're gonna have six of your bald eagles pick you up and fly
jim danny lorenzo come down and they i go i'm going to nebraska by tomorrow i'm air traveling
okay and kill kill yeah i could take out anybody any species aerial attacks are
they're not eating my gorillas aerial attacks beat any land attack you're not
be okay they're not shooting missiles dumbass they got to come down to the
land to do anything yes sir what are your bald eagles gonna pick up bricks
and drop a bird's never made you dizzy what do you ever try to follow a bird
and it's irregular flight patterns?
That shit.
He can throw you for a loop.
I'm going to put like the teacup ride at Disney.
That shit.
Okay.
You're going to say Danny Lorenzo
and what was the last one?
Kyle.
What was his name?
Sure.
And you're going to fly to Nebraska
like a weird freak.
I'm going to say Congo,
Mache,
Tarmac,
come down and fight for me.
And then I have apes.
Four bald eagles make up the size of an ape.
Exactly.
And I can control all bald eagles?
I can control all apes.
You just said four of yours makes one of mine.
I could literally say,
so if we both brought four to battle,
you're outnumbered significantly.
I could bring all of them.
What do you think I'm going to do with the apes?
Bring a quarter of them?
Cam, a million bald eagles versus a million apes.
Who wins?
A million bald eagles.
Are you nuts?
Honestly, deadass, are you nuts?
You cannot be serious.
A million bald eagles.
Bald eagles are the size of this.
Dragon.
An ape is the size of this.
Okay.
Imagine him flying with claws, dog.
He has to come down.
Watch this.
You're an ape.
Be an ape.
Okay. I'm a bald eagle, eight. Be an eight. Okay.
I'm a bald eagle, right?
Uh-huh.
Ha!
Oh!
Yeah!
Uh-huh.
I won.
See?
Big, look, big and stupid,
kind of big and flies with smart precision skills
with its talent.
Okay, do it again.
Second come, because you're not going to...
No, you don't get a second try, man!
Then you didn't win, dumbass! You're not gonna know you don't get a second try then you didn't wait dumbass
You're not gonna make one swoop and murder all my monkeys
No, it's not how that works. Yes. I do it again. Can't go for your second round go for it. Okay, okay? Okay. That was one-on-one. Is it bad that I'm f***ed now?
Okay.
That was one-on-one.
Imagine a million of them.
Okay.
Have you ever seen... Have you ever seen a bald eagle in person?
Deadass.
Deadass, have you ever seen a bald eagle in person?
No.
They're massive creatures and they're...
You haven't!
Yes, I have. Where were you at? We're the Hendrickson Hawks. That's why they called that, because there's eagles everywhere. a bald eagle in person no they're massive creatures and you haven't yes i have where
were you at we're the hendrickson hawks that's why they called that because there's eagles everywhere
the hendrickson hawks my high school's mascot was a hawk mine was a wolf
yeah y'all have a stuffed wolf in your lobby peter somebody come get them welcome to texas
no i'm saying honestly a million you think a million apes could beat a million eagles?
Dog.
Okay, genuinely.
I'm deadass.
I'm not even making a joke.
Okay, genuinely.
Yes, aerial attacks.
What's the best way to win war?
When you have missiles.
Yeah, it's different.
A foot missile, dumbass.
Your bird has to come to my level to attempt to attack me.
Yes, and you can only stay on the ground.
I can go ground, air, ground, air, middle ground.
Okay.
Who is it?
Front, back.
I can carry so much distance.
What are you doing in middle ground?
What are you doing in the middle of the air?
We have a strategy.
The only way you can touch is to come to my level.
No.
I can go above you.
What are you going to do?
Is your eagles picking up cinder blocks?
Have you seen a bald Eagles foot, dog?
Yes, big talent.
Sharp.
Right in your face.
When your muffin is screwed up, you're done.
We don't even have to kill you on the hork.
We go for your face.
You got one in the back, right?
Monkey boy's trying to figure out what's going on in the back region, right?
In the rearview mirror.
They're looking back in the rearview mirror.
All you know, fucking Tiffany is coming like this right here.
I've named her.
Coming right here, taking your eyeballs out.
Monkey done.
Do that a million times, dog. Okay, when Tiffany's coming from the front,
Kuban is jumping off the tree, snagging Tiffany.
Who owns the tree, dumbass?
The gorillas.
Who spends more time in a tree?
Gorillas.
Where do the eagles live?
You know nothing about bald eagles. Where do the eagles live? You think bald eagles live on a red oak? more time in a tree? Gorillas! Where do the Eagles live? You know nothing about bald eagles!
Where do the Eagles live?
You think bald eagles live on a red oak?
They live in a jungle?
Where do they lay their head?
Mountains!
Where do they lay their head to sleep?
Mountains!
Mountains don't have trees?
Exactly.
We're in the mountains.
We're picking at your whole game plan.
We know your floor plan.
We know where your bathroom is.
We know you have two and a half baths.
Here's my thing.
If your talents aren't shooting nine millimeters out of
them you're done you have to come to my level too dumbass you have to swarm down a million bro we'll
we'll fuzz you with our feathers dog you you're disoriented that's like a smoke bomb don't pop
and smoke okay let's take it on a different level. Let's make you think outside the box.
You, Peyton Hart.
I do that all the time.
Do you feel more safe right here with five bald eagles
or with five gorillas protecting your life?
Five.
That's not what I asked.
Five what, jackass?
Five bald eagles or five gorillas?
That's not the question.
Oh, but it's interesting.
That's like saying one gorilla versus one bald eagle.
Who wins?
It's a group.
We're as strong as a team sport, dumbass.
A million of them are in the air, and we're going to kick kill.
We're going to get wins.
So who wins one-on-one, gorilla versus bald eagle?
What kind of gorilla is it?
Gorilla.
Who wins 10-on-10?
What kind?
Who wins 10-on-10?
Bald eagle.
Gorilla.
Bald eagle.
You can give me any number.
If you outnumber me, it's different.
No.
If it's a million versus a million, my gorillas, they a gorilla no you're not thinking bro you're not thinking bro would you
rather get attacked from here or right here would you rather get attacked from on top or right in
front of you i would much as a human being you've never been human yes you've never i would much
rather get attacked by a bald eagle that bald eagle no i didn't ask you that you just said
would you rather get attacked from here or here no i didn't ask you that you just said would you rather get
attacked from here or here no i didn't say by what creature dumbass i just said would you rather get
attacked from anything straight on or from the top or from there that it completely depends on
what i'm getting attacked by no it doesn't you can't see in the sky bro the sun's bright would
you rather would you rather get attacked by an ape or a
bald eagle answer me right now i don't want to hear shit else you have to say you payton
hardin standing here like this in the studio i can hide from an ape you can't hide from the air
dude you said that in the mall you can't hide from an ape yes you can it's big as shit
and they're dumb throw that to john and nanner in an iPhone. It's done for the day.
That mofo started doing Sudoku on your phone.
He's going to start top batting.
I can train him to go to the circus.
You can't train foul.
You would rather get attacked by an ape than a bald eagle.
That's because you've never been
in a life or death circumstance in your life.
You've never been in anything.
What life or death have you been in?
Cricket boy?
Making out of bed.
That's sad and deep.
That cuts too deep. A bald eagle
at... I'm done talking about this.
A bald eagle. I'm going to be honest. Last thing.
At absolute worst. Absolute worst
case scenario. Bald eagle comes down,
gashes both of my eyes out.
I'm blind. They're picking at me.
I'm bleeding. That's terrible.
I fall to the fetal position. And you're dead!
I fall to the fetal position. You're dead. I can't see anything.
Do you know what a gorilla would do?
A gorilla would grab me by my throat.
And that's your fault for letting it get close to you.
You have no survival skills.
Nancy Classified 101, dog.
Okay, one, you can't wrestle.
Two, you can't run.
You don't know me.
One, you can't wrestle.
Two, you can't.
I can out-wrestle you.
One, you can't wrestle.
Two, you can't run.
Three, you're not nimble
You die to a gorilla
There's no doubt about it
You can't fly
Guess what?
You're in a plane, dog
You're on Southwest Airlines
You got two free bags
You think your life is good
You got a good
You don't have assigned seats
You just got lucky
You got on board in Group A
Little do you know
Paul Eagle Terry's on there too
He got up there.
Gorilla can't make it up there.
You know why?
Bald eagle's already up there.
That's home, bud.
That atmosphere, that's home.
He spent Thanksgiving turkey up there, you know.
He spent Thanksgiving with the family up there.
And he sees, that's a massive head on Southwest right there.
Oh, that's Cam?
Mine, dog.
Anywhere you go, anywhere on the earth, that bald eagle can go.
Anywhere on earth, that gorilla can't go.
Okay.
Here we go.
Guess who just lost?
You, Southwest boy.
Okay, say that Southwest 0410 flight lands, right?
You're leaving the tunnel.
Lands on the tarm, Michael.
You walk out.
You grab your two checked bags.
You go.
Not checked.
Carry-ons.
You go, right?
If you're in that tunnel, would you rather be one-on-one in that tunnel against a bald eagle or an ape?
Do you see how oddly specific you have to be to win?
I'm saying you just said a fucking bald eagle's eating a turkey dinner in the middle of the sky on a Southwest airline trying to kill me.
And I'm the specific one? You sick bitch.
That's because you don't listen to the full story. You don't read between the lines.
You just gave me a two-chapter book about I'm getting chased down in the holiday times in November by a bald eagle
whose name's Terry. He snuck on a Southwest flight and he's coming to kill me. He's lethal.
I'm saying, and I'm the specific one. I'm saying the broad point of that story was it doesn't
matter if you're up here, right here or under here, that bald eagle can go. I gotta be on earth.
I just gotta be, I gotta have two feet planted for the gorilla to even be a thought.
You could be anywhere.
99.9% of your life,
your two fucking feet are planted on the ground.
The only time you're in sky is in a plane.
And a bald eagle's not getting in that plane.
I'm in my apartment, right?
A gorilla has a better chance.
I'm in my apartment, right?
Gorilla has a better chance.
I'm in my apartment.
I'm in my apartment, right?
Lock the door.
Ape, done.
Bald eagle, done.
I got a balcony.
And your patio door doesn't work.
You've been trying to get it fixed since January.
It doesn't work.
You can't go on your patio.
You're safe.
You're fine.
A gorilla could break that door down.
A bald eagle's going to go on that glass.
I know.
You got to get fresh air or you'll die.
That's not true because if that's the case, you would have been dead years ago.
Years ago.
How many patios does your new home have?
It has one.
Yours has two.
That's cool.
Huh, Big Bang Hank?
Gorilla mauls you every time.
Gorilla clears.
Dude, you have a thing with gorillas?
You bring up gorillas every other episode.
I think you want to get me caught.
I am sweating, and we just spoke about that for 15 minutes.
Because you are dumb and stupid and...
Bro.
I can't stay.
That's a case that we have to figure out.
But I want to figure out some more cases.
I think it's time to help some people.
With the people's favorite love doctor in the world.
I think it's time to put some limon on it.
Put some limon on these relationships.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P. Squire.
Welcome, Lord. Don't touch me.
You're right. Don't touch me. I'm here to put some
limon on it. Put some limon
on it.
Dr. P. We have touch me. I'm here to put some limone on it. Put some limone on it. Dr. P, we have tons of submissions.
If you want your story, your tragedy, your trauma, whatever it might be,
to be on Dr. P, hit up in the Discord channel.
Send us DMs on any social media.
Not turkey.
Yeah, well, kind of.
Not turkey.
Weirdo.
Anyway.
Sorry.
No, you're not.
Dr. P.
This is my one time to shine as a secretary.
Please, Sire.
Please.
I want to say something to them.
Fuck all.
Y'all don't just have to say stories where y'all are wrong.
I want to see some of y'all's toxic stories.
I want to see what y'all are doing that's nasty out here in the streets.
But go ahead, secretary.
Am I allowed?
Yes.
Okay.
Thank you, Sire.
Basically, I was saying
If you want your chance to be premiered here
Live on the podcast
You just gotta send your stuff in
I'll randomly pick one every week
If I don't pick you
Don't take it personally
I'll just click on one and read it
You're not toxic enough
Here we go
Hey, Dr. P
Hello
I am currently talking to this dude
Who I've been talking with
Since March of this year
We stopped talking after two months
Because he was still trying to get back with his ex.
Oh, yeah, he is.
A couple months later, I decided to check in on him.
We ended up texting a little and then hooking up the next day.
Hell yeah!
I decided I needed to tell him how I felt about him.
I texted him and told him how I felt, and he proceeds to tell me he doesn't know what
he wants, but he will consider how I feel.
Damn it.
Excuse me.
He has said that he's not talking to his ex anymore, and he treats me as if I'm his girlfriend.
But then he does this and says he doesn't know what he wants or how to feel.
Do you think I'm being strung along, or could this be worth staying around?
The hips are moving.
The hips are moving.
The pelvis is greased.
Dr. P is ready.
The Kegel exercises are activated.
You got one more time to say Kegel.
I'm so sorry.
It's just a buzzword.
This is what I got to say.
Let's hear it, Sonia.
He's doing everything right.
He's doing everything right.
I'm not going to lie to you.
It's toxic, Dr. P.
That's not toxic.
Just because...
Let's hear him out.
Let's hear him out, America.
Look, Dr. P is honest, brutally honest with you.
Okay.
That's why you come to the best life, doctor.
He's not going to sugarcoat nothing.
He's not going to put sugar on that turkey.
He's not going to sugar your tits.
He's going to keep it real.
Hello.
Don't know about that one.
Goodbye.
Warm coffee.
Put some limon on it.
This is the thing.
Just because you live in fairyland and your imagination is going to what could be, you
like him.
Cool.
You can't blame him.
He's told you, I love this girl.
He loves that girl.
He loves the ex.
Everybody loves their ex.
We don't have that in factual proof.
Everybody loves their ex.
Everybody's got that one.
And that's his one.
And he's going to pick her over you every time.
I'm just saying. It's Dr's dr p it's not payton
he is he's gonna pick he loves her continue song he loves her yeah he's having fun canoodles with
you cool but he's told you to your face hey i love this girl i love her more than i love you
you're disgusting secretary so much sweat. I'm sorry.
He is going to pick her 100 times out of 100.
Let me be nice.
99.
He is going to pick her 99 times out of 100.
He likes y'all's intimate moments.
He thinks you're cool.
He likes hanging out with you.
He likes texting you.
You're probably a cool girl, right?
You are.
You're doing nothing wrong. You're being a cool girl girl and you're good in intimate moments he enjoys that he just loves his ex you're going to have to come to the decision yourself listen
you're gonna have to come to this decision yourself right am i okay with being second it's a harsh truth we've all had to do
it dr p has had to do it you got to be okay being second with some people secretary hasn't but look
you have been you're just too dumb to realize oh fuck you're probably like third or fourth oh god
you this is what you have to come this is what has happened right you have to want better for
yourself you have to want better for yourself.
You have to want better for yourself.
You can say, I like this guy.
I like talking to him.
But I'm going to be second in his life.
And if that's what you want to settle for in life, nothing wrong with it.
Y'all can have a happy second place marriage.
Or you can go and find somebody else who is going to make the effort towards you.
Because I can assure you something. There's a guy out there
that's going through the same thing
but with you on the other end.
You're the ex.
You're the ex that he'll always come back to
but you're like,
eh, I kind of want to,
eh, I want this toxic guy
that's making me in and out, in and out
type of thing.
That's what you want.
You got to want better for yourself, queen.
So the one time that she reached out, checked in on him, they end up hooking up.
That was his one out of the hundred.
No, no, he's going to hook up.
He's going to text you whenever he doesn't want to text his ex.
He's going to hook up with you whenever you're, when you let him.
You have the power in your hands.
You're a strong, smart, funny, beautiful woman.
What's her name?
Couldn't tell you.
You have to grab your cojones.
She doesn't have them.
You don't know.
You have to grab your cojones.
And you got to be like, I want better for myself.
I want to find me someone who puts me first.
Who loves me the way I deserve to be loved.
And that's what you deserve.
Don't you clap when I'm clapping.
All right?
Or be second fiddle.
Ain't nothing wrong with being second.
I'm a great rebound. I'm a great second fiddle ain't nothing wrong being second i'm a great rebound
i'm a great second fiddle anybody not me payton payton is a great second fiddle oh god he is i've
talked to him he came to dr p a lot oh god he's he is a he's leading the league in rebounds he's a
great rebound man knows how to box out great box out game he clears the boards the boards. He can read the rim. Oh, my God.
He's not in there for scoring.
He's not in there for a long time.
He is a utility player.
He will go dive for 50-50 balls and he will get every rebound.
What a hell of a player.
It's fun to be around.
Coach's dream.
Not toxic.
And, you know, and that's okay.
And that's okay if that's what you want.
If that's the role you were put on this earth for,
that's what Peyton is here for.
God damn it.
I'm only here for after the breakups.
That was Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
Dr. P Dr. P Dr. P Dr. P Man, that was an interesting one.
It's a fact, though.
That was an interesting one.
Dr. P knows what he's talking about.
I am a rebound.
That's what I've learned about myself, man.
I'm sorry, folks.
I can't look for long relationships.
Anybody just wants me after their man does them wrong
because I'm nice and funny.
And good.
Yeah. You have what good friends
and they want to be around my friends because they're like oh my god my ex's friends are so
toxic and i hated my ex and you're so nice and funny but i'm not gonna love you for a long time
until i get over him and i'm gonna go find someone else and go get married every girl
gets married after they leave me like that's a crazy part think about crazy statistic about
every girl they like i've talked to in the past like two years right they just got off of a breakup they come to me
then they leave me and they don't get a long-term relationship i am miserable
we'll work on it buddy i'm trying but you um i heard something but i think it's only right to share it on people's favorite segment.
You know what that is?
Pop culture.
Payton and Cam.
Pop culture.
Payton and Cam.
Pow.
Pop culture.
What I heard is that LeBron is still God.
So, yeah.
Cam, you hate.
No, no, no.
Honestly, you might be the worst at pop culture.
They're going to dead the pop culture segment because of you.
Let me get on my high horse.
Matter of fact, two things.
Scary Hours 3 came out.
Fantastic tunes.
And LeBron stole the goat.
So what do you want to hear about?
I think for these segments, we're just going to have you not talk.
We're going to have you with a laptop.
I'm kidding.
Screw LeBron.
But he is fantastic and he's amazing.
He's doing it at year 21.
No one's ever seen it before.
It'll never happen again.
Anyway.
What's up, my daddy? Coke? No, it's disgusting. It looks flat and it started amazing. He's doing it at year 21. No one's ever seen it before. It'll never happen again. Anyway. What's up, my daddy?
Coke?
No, it's disgusting.
It looks flat and it started to turn purple.
Anyway.
Flat.
No.
You have no cake.
Flaccid, yes.
Flat.
Doing it.
I'm kidding.
Scary Hours 3, though.
So, Peyton has an interesting take on this.
He thinks all six of those songs were recorded post-album release.
He believes that Drake heard the criticism and said let me
put y'all back in your place real quick if you haven't listened to the six tracks that have been
put on the deluxe edition of for all the dogs uh it's basically six tracks of flames absolute
flamethrowers torches fires matches whatever you want to say let's break it down track by track
right okay we got red button stories about my brother the shoe fits evil ways featuring jay cole you broke my heart now i know red button was
recorded after i know that stories about my brother recorded after that's fantastic one too
should the shoe fits phenomenal fantastic song i don't that could have been before i'm not sure
that's fantastic song evil ways could have been before featuring j cole and you broke my
heart could have been before you're missing one no i just read six you said five red button
stories about my brother the shoe fits wicked ways or whatever it's called see wick man that's
when you left out you said you went straight to evil ways you didn't say wickman oh yeah i don't
have wickman on here okay yeah uh wickman's good too though. Wickman's great. A lot of them are good.
Yeah.
Evil Ways though,
Good God.
Yeah.
Is that your favorite song on it?
Out of those six.
That and then
probably Stories About My Brother
and then
Shoe Fit.
Okay.
You broke my bro.
The last one's fire too.
You broke my heart.
He said,
fuck my ass.
Yeah.
That's gonna go crazy
in a club.
Oh my lord. In a club that's gonna go crazy in a club it's gonna go crazy at the concert
in a club that's gonna go nutty i like he says it for like 20 bars yeah like 20 lines oh my god and
then in the back in the ad he's like saying sentences about her it's so good um this is
the thing with me and music i like music that i feel like i could relate to yeah like when he
talks when he gets on his braggadocio that's why i like the shoe fit because i each one of these things where he's getting on a girl or he's talking about guys
i know a girl or a guy that i could direct those bars at yeah so i'm like that's why i like that
song there's several guys in that last verse that i'm like oh you boy that's why i posted on my
story yeah because i was like i know y'all be watching them stories. Anyway, Jesus Christ.
And Red Button, it was a great way to start it because he's just like, I'll.
Yeah.
Boy.
But him and J. Cole.
Boy.
Him and J. Cole back and forth is always a great time.
Yeah, that was fantastic.
Evil Way is fantastic.
The last song is just like a different vibe from the first five.
Yeah.
First five is like hard.
Like you said, braggadocious, mogul, Drake.
It's just
like oh music to my ears um that's drake though drake is so good he'll give you five barred and
then he's like i gotta get emotional dude he's so good he's like i don't he's the greatest of
all time he is so damn he's the greatest of all time it's kind of crazy bro like he can't he just
it's a cliche and everyone says it he literally he doesn't miss though yeah like the
last miss song that i hate that drake put out ratchet happy birthday yeah do you know how long
ago that was 26 17 18 bro years yeah like crazy everything he's dropped since that is i'm just
like i like it yeah and even like i don't like ratchet happy birthday either but the people that
it was made for they fucking oh they love it every day that song is used because it's every day somebody's birthday even even the sexy red song
hate on for all the dogs i hate it too it's not for us but it's not for us but even when if you
just let it play it's not the worst like i know i really don't like it like a two out of ten but
it's not like i'm i have to stab my ears with a pencil it's not that bad ratchet happy birthday
almost stabbed myself like Like, it was...
It's my birthday.
I was like...
Swipe delete.
Swipe delete.
Swipe delete.
Yeah, yeah.
Drake's unbelievable.
His Lux is amazing.
If you haven't listened to it,
go listen to it now.
And the longevity.
Ever since I've been
cohesively listening to music,
Drake has been at the top.
Yes.
And he hasn't fallen off.
I watched...
I fell down like a rabbit hole on tiktok yesterday it
was like like a four-part little mini series each one was like two and a half minutes about drake
getting his house plans dude was sick yeah dude he went through i didn't know he went through so
many legal battles to get that his mansion built yeah because like it breaks every code breaks
every code i broke all the codes for zoning in my residential yeah all of them yeah like he broke
all of them and they still got approved yeah every last code he runs canada bro and he literally uh like the fences on his
house were like two times the like allowed heights and he said it's for security he was like i don't
want people knowing where i sleep eat seeing me stuff it's just pure brick yeah like bro it's
this is a i don't know if i say this the amount of people that i know that have been in drake's
house is actually crazy and i've still never met him they still never two you're talking about i don't know and
yeah they they a lot like if you're in canada i can't say too much but yeah i know a lot of people
that have been to drake's house and still have never met him that's how crazy that house is and
like this stuff that goes on is that the same house in the music video of yeah of the tuesday slide tuesday slide yeah dude that video is so fun to watch it's insane the house the house is and like the stuff that goes on is that the same house in the music video of yeah
of the Tuesday Slide
Tuesday Slide
yeah
dude that video
is so fun to watch
it's insane
the house is insane
it's crazy
it is absolutely
just nuts
it doesn't make sense
yeah
shout out to Drake
shout out Aubrey
Aubrey Graham man
straight from Degrassi
he's going back on tour
Jumbotron shit
like I came from Degrassi
that's Rod Wave
yeah
it was a Drake line
okay
he's going back on tour
with J. Cole
with J. Cole last four shows don't have J. Cole still a Drake line. Okay. He's going back on tour with J. Cole.
With J. Cole.
The last four shows don't have J. Cole.
Still a Drake concert though.
Yeah.
He's going to all the smaller markets, which is kind of, he's like paying homage.
Well, he canceled them on the first tour.
Yeah. Because he doesn't want to go there.
Who wants to go there?
He wants to go to OKC for two days.
He wants to go to Paycom.
We love you, Liv.
But shit, we might.
That's the only artist.
That's the last one on my bucket list that I need to see.
I've seen The Weeknd.
I've seen Eminem.
Dude, The Weeknd.
I need to see Drake now.
I've seen J. Cole.
The Weeknd.
Dude, The Weeknd.
The Weeknd.
The Weeknd concert was crazy.
Yeah.
Can't wait till he goes back on tour.
He's still on tour.
I don't believe that.
I think it's just insane.
Well, imagine doing our show every day since we went on tour. Or you think it just ended? I don't believe that. I think it's just insane. Well, imagine doing our show every day since we went.
No.
Well, it's not every day.
Once a week.
I don't even think it's once a week.
Bro.
Look at the dates.
When it was busting going, yes.
But when he went overseas, bro, it wasn't like...
Okay, watch this.
Yeah.
All right.
This is his European leg of the tour. After he left America, he went overseas bro it wasn't like watch this yeah all right this is his european
leg of the tour after he left america he went straight over to europe and did he went to
everywhere in america this was the dates for europe june 10th june 14th june 17th june 20th
june 24th june 26th july 2nd july 4th july 7th august 6 august 9th august 12th september 29th
that took a little break october 4th october 7th, October 10th, October 13th, October 15th.
Yeah.
But what I'm saying is from that.
It's like three times a week.
But the American tour was July 14th to November 27th of 22.
So I'm saying he took from.
Yeah, he took that break in between.
December all the way to June.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
That's like a seven month.
That's crazy.
No, it's insane.
But I'm saying.
And then he went to Spain.
He definitely had a fat break in between. But. That's like a seven month. That's crazy. No, it's insane. But I'm saying. And then he went to Spain. He definitely had a fat break in between.
But.
He recorded an.
Did an album come out between then?
No, Don FM already came out.
No, it was already out.
That concert was unbelievable though.
Yeah.
Shout out to.
Shout out to all of them.
I guess.
In the extended episode, I'm going to be playing a lot of the extended for the for all the
dogs.
Scary Hours 3.
Oh, wow.
Stop. I was going to crack it. I of the extended for all the dogs, Scary Hours 3. Oh, wow. Stop.
I was going to crack it.
I'll crack your back.
Anyway.
Put some limon on it.
Put some limon on it.
That was everybody's favorite segment.
Pop culture.
Payton and Cam.
Da-na-na-na.
Pop culture with Payton and Cam.
Bow.
Bow.
Bow.
Shake that money.
Make a lick.
This was.
Shake that money.
Make a lick. Don't wink at me. It makes me flutter. No, no, no, no, no. Shake that money and make a... This was... Shake that money and make a...
Don't wink at me.
It makes me flutter.
That was episode 88.
Get your dog...
I tried to say dark socks and dogs at the same time.
Get your dark sock dogs off of me.
Episode 88.
We absolutely love y'all.
Any information, any question you need to know.
Who's going to win the 2024 election?
Who's going to buy out Nike?
The ticket's in the bio. Ticket's in the bio. Description. What's the 2024 election? Who's going to buy out Nike? The ticket's in the bio.
Ticket's in the bio.
Description.
What's your favorite color?
What's the best animal on earth?
Los Angeles.
Ticket's in the description.
Any question to anything.
Shut up, Siri.
Any question you need to know is in the description below.
Tickets.
December 7th.
Regent.
Theater.
Los Angeles.
We're not going to anywhere else in California.
Stop asking. We keep seeing the questions. That's in a loving way. I'm not going to anywhere else in California. Stop asking.
We keep seeing the questions.
That's in a loving way.
I'm telling you that because I love you.
Because instead of asking, can you please come here?
You just need to go there.
We are going to LA, December 7th, Regent Theatre.
We are going to see you there and there only, California.
Los Angeles.
You might as well go to it.
And then if you want to be a part of the chant, whenever Cam comes out,
Cam switched up.
Cam switched up. Cam switched up.
Cam switched up.
I can't wait to hear it.
That's a sick chant.
Hundreds of people chant it.
Anyway, confusing the casuals and to get your good karma,
this week's code is L-O-I.
Lamone on it.
Put some Lamone on it.
If you want the backstory behind that, we might tell you.
Might tell you. Maybe in the extended, but you got to be on Patreon to figure it out. Anyway, the backstory behind that, we might tell you. Might tell you.
Maybe in the extended, but you got to be on Patreon to figure it out.
Anyway, we absolutely love y'all.
Not turkey.
Can't wait to see you.
You turned into like a Scottish book reader when you said that.
Well, not turkey.
Anyway, we love y'all.
Can't wait to see you next week.
Thanks for sticking around this long.
Confuse everybody on social medias.
L-O-Y.
We absolutely love y'all.
Oh, shit.
And remember, one out of ten
quality bears
don't make it
make it home to Christmas
and we will see you
next time
hello