You Should Know Podcast - PROPOSING AT MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING?! -You Should Know Podcast-

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Starting point is 00:02:06 Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 125. Round of applause. Please, let's go. Oh, it feels amazing. It's so great. Every single week.

Starting point is 00:02:21 Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 125. If you're new here or if you haven't already, you below you see a subscribe button isn't pressed you're wrong if you look even more below then you see that comment section isn't fulfilled with your name guess what even more wrong go and fill that out get your good freaking karma guys we are back another monday episode 125 we are so happy we are so blessed and so grateful to have each and every single one of you tuning in every single week on Spotify leaving a review on YouTube hitting that

Starting point is 00:02:50 subscribe button leaving a like leaving a comment watching the whole episode sharing with your friends and family we are so grateful so thankful we have announcements coming up and I know we've been saying that for a while now but we are making sure everything is curated and perfect because you know, if we put our name behind something, if we're going to give something to y'all, it's going to be the best we can possibly make it. And it's just going to come out like this. Announcement, announcement, announcement, announcement, announcement. It's going to be a lot and I hope that y'all love it. We've been putting a lot of work into it.

Starting point is 00:03:23 And if you want a little behind the scenes to that and extra content, it will always be in the Koala Club on Patreon, linked in the description below. We're starting up Twitch again. That's one of the announcements. That's also linked in the description below. Facebook, linked in the description below. Facebook's going crazy. Shout out to the Facebook fam. And of course, the day ones, the

Starting point is 00:03:40 Ryder Dyes, the family in Discord. Hello, Piranha and everybody in the watch party we love you so much now on to the rest of the episode this episode of you should know podcast is brought to you by our friends at manscape today we're here to celebrate the perfect summer grooming companion that will keep you looking cool even when it's fizzling outside. I'm excited to introduce to you the latest version of the Lawn Mower family and that is the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra in the new colorway white hot from Manscaped. In a sea of options to choose from to perfect your grooming routine, Manscaped undoubtedly shines and now by popular, they're riding the white hot waves with their new special edition trimmer in hot.

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Starting point is 00:05:17 Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code PSH at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping with the code PSH at manscaped.com. No more juggling multiple tools or dealing with subpar results. Just efficient, effective grooming wherever you need it. Now on to the rest of the episode. We are co-host cam back in the studio! Go, Cam, go, Cam, go, Cam, go, Cam, go, Cam, go, Cam, go, Cam, go. That's my baby daddy. Good morning to you. I am a baby daddy.

Starting point is 00:05:50 Yes, and Cam, I'm not going to lie to you. I understand now because you're wearing gray shorts and you're jumping up and down. It was like you had a slinky in your right pocket. You heard it. And it works. Oh, it works. And what does it produce? It produces boys.

Starting point is 00:06:07 Yeah, kids, let's go have a boy. A little baby boy. Boy dad, boy dad. If you didn't see on all of our socials, via posts, via sharing, all that good stuff, we had the gender reveal this last weekend, and it was a boy. So shout out to Mama Liv. She's almost halfway done with the pregnancy. Halfway?

Starting point is 00:06:31 Yeah, you are. You're almost halfway. I don't know what halfway is. What's a half of nine? When this comes out, she'll be sitting at about almost 17 weeks. The whole thing's 40, so she's almost halfway. There's a little baby boy in there. Little baby boy.

Starting point is 00:06:42 This week it says it's forming facial expressions expressions and it's the size of an avocado oh i could just pop that out and spread it on some toast with some egg and sausage and some pink himalayan salt i don't know if you can say that i don't know but avocados are delicious and so are my children i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm stopping oh oh man a lot of avenues here that i was gonna to go with. A lot of roadways. A lot of roadways. A lot of trails. A lot of drives. A lot of bridges. Parkways.

Starting point is 00:07:10 Avenues. Tunnel. A road and a tunnel, same thing. Street. No, it's not. Oh, my God. Okay, we're going to get into the gender reveal because you had that. And it revealed the gender.

Starting point is 00:07:20 It did. It did. 100%. It was a success. You were there as well? We figured out what that thing was. It worked. the cannon shot we went to oklahoma we did for uh your gender reveal party right we did oklahoma and as we've said it before might be the worst state in the world it is a barren waste you know it is, it is literally like, imagine, right, an apocalypse happened, right?

Starting point is 00:07:46 And then the rest of the world was like, we fixed everything. Yeah. But Oklahoma was like, we like the wasteland. We like the toxic gas floating around. Oklahoma's a strange place. Now, that is not to discredit all of our amazing friends and family in Oklahoma. We love them. Love them. And we love their humble ab Oklahoma. We love them. Love them.

Starting point is 00:08:05 And we love their humble abodes. We love them. Their vehicles and their places of work. Oh, we do. Now, the rest of the state. Burning. Huh? Honestly, if we could exile one state from the United States, I think Oklahoma would rank top three.

Starting point is 00:08:20 Rhode Island. Rhode Island is pretty. You've been? Yeah. We've all been to Rhode Island. No, we haven't. Oh, my God. We didn't drive to Rhode Island?

Starting point is 00:08:30 We might have passed through for a hop, skip, and a jump. Beautiful scenery. Well, beautiful scenery. We were on a broken bridge with construction, and we saw a sign that said Rhode Island. I would much rather live on that broken bridge for the rest of my life than spend six months in Oklahoma. Don't say it. Don't say it. Hey, okay. Let's just break this down real quick. Rhode Island. I would much rather live on that broken bridge for the rest of my life than spend six months in Oklahoma.

Starting point is 00:08:45 Don't say it. Don't say it. Hey, okay. Let's just break this down real quick. I had something to go with, but you can break it down. Oh, then you go. No, I was leading into a topic, but I feel like yours is more. It's not.

Starting point is 00:08:56 I was going to say, do you believe that Oklahoma is actually going to build the world's tallest building? Yeah, but let's not make it too hard. It's bigger than the Burj Khalifa. Yeah, I have a plan about that. I've told you about it. What I'm do with that jog my memory oh i can't say it out here because i don't yeah i don't but oh no oh it's gonna be advantageous for me and me only oh what's a personal thing am i no it's okay okay it's all right tell me after i'll tell you after okay but you're gonna want a part of it, and you're not involved. It's okay, though. Can I swindle my way in there?

Starting point is 00:09:28 You can do it on your own, but if you do, I will be taking a percentage of what you do off my idea. So can I just get in on your idea with you? No, because I want all the benefits. Okay. That sucks. All right. What were you going to say? I was going to say we're in Oklahoma, right?

Starting point is 00:09:44 Shit place. Yeah. Ter yeah terrible place the worst place that's where they like that is like you ever thought of hell he goes good no it's not hell it's like it's like purgatory. Okay, it's a weird place, Oklahoma, right? It is. Strange place. One of the weirdest things I saw in Oklahoma, right? I drove up there by myself. So I didn't want to really be with anybody.

Starting point is 00:10:14 So I was driving there by myself, right? I was going over this back road, which is 90% of the state. Back roads tumbleweeds and ass. So I was driving through this back road, and there was a road sign, i was on flat normal road not a bridge nothing nothing below nothing on the side regular road on earth as above so below god bless great movie she had cancer that's not the same film oh what's the one with the she had the tube in her nose and it was a blue background everybody right in the middle school oh the film i'm talking about is they explore the catacombs under Paris. And there's dead...

Starting point is 00:10:47 No, I talked to women. Yeah. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't talk to women. I was on this road, right? Yeah. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:10:57 I was on this road. On the road. Pure road. Pure road. Nothing under it. Nothing on the side. No walls. On the road.

Starting point is 00:11:03 There was a sign that said weight limit on this road and i said excuse the f**k out of me right what does that mean or am i going to go to the mantle if i drive with an 18 wheeler on this am i going to taste earth's crust if i bring a freight shipment on this road? Yeah, what the hell? Okay, see, that's what I was confused about. That's living proof that Oklahoma sucks. Okay, but have you ever even, like, a weight limit on a non-bridge on just earth?

Starting point is 00:11:36 Yeah, like, what does that mean? Do you have soft ground? Do you have squishy ground in Oklahoma? It's like the top of my head. That ground. I do have a squishy skull syndrome. I love it. Honest to to god you need

Starting point is 00:11:46 me like play-doh say say we hit you let's do it for our two million okay two million subs that's hopefully sooner than later exactly let's get to one first we both buzz our heads off. And we show your spot in my burning white skin. No, keep going. You shit your pants. No, no. You shit your pants in the middle of my sentiment. My fault. That is your fault.

Starting point is 00:12:16 Your eyes look quite droopy. Your eyes are very low. My fault. No, you know how some people, when they get get older Their face changes a lot I think I'm melting I think you are too Oh my god I said that the other day too You need to open your eyes

Starting point is 00:12:31 You're looking a lot like Brandon Ingram That's offensive we like Brandon We do like Brandon but he has the same hair Crazy hair as you with the scruffy beard And his eyes are about like that Anyway do you shave your head and show the world your gushy spot Your reset button If I shaved my head Children would mistake it for a skate park with the little finger skateboards.

Starting point is 00:12:51 The tech deck? Some kid's like, hey, let me do a... You just kick them off. It goes flying. I'm going to do something with my hair soon, right? Oh, you... I'm not spoiling it. Don't spoil it.

Starting point is 00:13:03 No, no, don't spoil it. But I'm nervous because people might see the shape of my skull bro that's me too no but you're gonna be fine i'm in a blood oath path packed pack with you yeah and cj and live and i have not upheld it so far you've made thousands of blood oath packs to me, and you have not upheld the majority of them. So I'm going to die relatively soon because my blood's running out. Yeah, it was bad. Okay. Go ahead.

Starting point is 00:13:31 I said something that struck a thought. No, we're good. You'll go to jail if you strike a thought. Anyway. Anyway. Don't advocate for that we are uh so sorry so good my bad why do i feel i have a i have a hunch i i know it's false i have no my it's like sorry i'm sorry I had a lot of caffeine. Oh, I did too. I'm starting to think that with your spare time, you read. Now, I know that's not true.

Starting point is 00:14:13 I know that is so far from the truth. You will demon scroll for three and a half hours. You'll open your eyes and it's dinner time. And you go, where am I? In your own house. You'll be on your couch. You'll be like, oh. And you'll forget.

Starting point is 00:14:24 It's like you're immersed. It's like you're wearing a MetaQuest, but you're just on a phone like this. So I know it's not true. But these quick-wittedness, you're either studying or you're just, damn, you're getting good. You're like a good wine. I don't like this. You're aging well. I don't like this. Let me shower you with compliments right now until I can't think of another one.

Starting point is 00:14:41 One, you're sexy. Two, your Johnson's nice. Three, your hair, when you do the new thing, it's going to be cool. Four, your eyes glisten in the summer midnight. That's not a real thing. Five, your kneecaps. They're a bit strange, but I like them for who they are. Six, the loss of hair behind the kneecap. I don't like that one. I just wanted to point it out. Seven, your socks don't have enough wrinkles. Eight, you dress always good. Nine, you're a great friend. Ten, you dress always good. Nine, you're a great friend. Ten, you're humorous.

Starting point is 00:15:06 Eleven, you smell decent most of the time. And twelve, I like the hat selection. I got the second compliment. Let's put that out there. Sorry, CJ, but I did. I soiled your britches. You know what I mean? They are mine.

Starting point is 00:15:19 Damn it. They're mine. Okay. Okay. No, I don't want you to do that to me either. Oh, you have a great personality and a big heart. So let me tell you something that happened, right? You just showered me with compliments, but one of the things you didn't compliment me on,

Starting point is 00:15:40 which I'm probably the most confident in about myself is my ability to act under pressure very good I'm very good at that very good and it happened recently and I have the craziest story and probably most embarrassing story that has ever happened to me oh and you finally get to tell me so I told Cam that something crazy happened to me and I said I can't tell you I gotta wait for the podcast and he hit me with the code red and then didn't tell me. So that almost gets your code red availability withdrawn. But on my code red, I had a fine print. It's a caveat. Yeah, I told you.

Starting point is 00:16:13 Oh, my God, I'm ready. And I dead ass, 110% of everything I tell in this story happened exactly how I'm about to say it. Oh, my God. Not the breath. Not the breath. But you said. So last week was your gender review right it was we drove separate cars it we did we had the gender reveal was in oklahoma we're in dallas correct it was about a how long was drive three hours it's like 253 it was like a

Starting point is 00:16:40 three-hour drive i have a tesla so i had to go charge my tesla at a local supercharger if you don't know those are are public, right? Yes. A lot of people are there. It was a morning, right? Mm-hmm. I woke up that morning, the day to drive to your gender reveal. A little stinkier than normal.

Starting point is 00:16:56 Right? And I had a bad breakout, right? I was like breaking out on my face. And I have a concoction of medicine. It's like a concoction of vitamins, right? That I take, and it takes them away. It just takes all the acne away. Okay.

Starting point is 00:17:10 So one caveat about my concoction of medicine is that if you don't eat before and after it, you will get dizzy. Like that's just what happens. And I've learned this myself because I'll take it at night, and then I'll be like's just what happens. And I've learned this myself. Because I'll take it at night and then I'll be, like, in my bed spinning. I'll be in a pool. But we're in a rush, right? I have to hurry up and charge my car. It takes, like, an hour to charge all the way for a trip.

Starting point is 00:17:35 I take my concoction of vitamins. I go to Chick-fil-A. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go eat while I'm charging. I go to Chick-fil-A. I grab my normal chicken minis, hash browns, orange juice. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go eat while I'm charging. I go to Chick-fil-A. I grab my normal chicken minis, hash browns, orange juice. I'm like, okay. I pull to the supercharger. Haven't touched any of the food yet.

Starting point is 00:17:51 As soon as I pull into the supercharger, it is full. There's only one spot left. There's like 12 cars there, and they're all in their car. Everybody's in their car. And they're all Teslas. All Teslas. Good morning to you. I get out of my car, plug it in, right?

Starting point is 00:18:04 I sit down in my car i close the door about to enjoy my chicken minis as soon as i sit down i look at my screen on my tesla why does that shit look foggy why are the numbers starting to move and i'm like oh no i have a good radar whenever i'm about to get sick I know some shit's about to go south. I'm looking at the screen. I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, no. So I recline my seat all the way back. I'm like, I just need to lay down a little bit.

Starting point is 00:18:32 I just need to lay down. I'm laying down, and as soon as I close my eyes, I have vertigo. I feel like I'm spinning in circles. I'm like, oh, this isn't good. This isn't good. I sit back up. I'm starting to sweat. I'm like, I am getting ill right now.

Starting point is 00:18:50 I know with my concoction of vitamins, I need to eat. I open up my hash browns. One hash brown. Very hard to eat one hash brown. I'm like, oh, no. Maybe I've gone past the expiration date of eating after the vitamins. I see my chicken minis. I was like, maybe I need that bread. Maybe I need that yeast.

Starting point is 00:19:06 One chicken mini, I take one bite of it. Tastes like poison. That was tough to get down. But I just scarfed down the rest. It takes me literally a minute to chew and swallow this one chicken mini. I start to sweat more. I get more dizzy.

Starting point is 00:19:20 I'm starting to hallucinate goddamn near. This is the worst. I'm like, there's little goblins in my car now I'm like okay It's a morning there's still a little morning dew outside There's a little breeze Maybe I need to take a walk I open my car door

Starting point is 00:19:34 I stand up as soon as I stand up I can't feel a thing in my body I'm like oh no let me just take this walk I close my door I'm still in front of 13 other Teslas with people inside of them I'm walking I'm walking And oh, no, let me just take this walk. I close my door. I'm still in front of 13 other Teslas with people inside of them. I'm walking. I'm walking. And all of a sudden, and my whole mouth fills with vomit.

Starting point is 00:19:54 I'm like, okay, I'm going to hold this until I can go behind this bush and throw up. I got to hide from these people because I don't like to even sneeze publicly. Yeah. Talking about our cough. Talking about throwing up. Throwing up publicly for you is like a public execution like you would rather go under the guillotine and vomit in front of strangers so i'm walking away i'm trying to walk away kind of cool you know how i am i don't like to show panic you're like it's exactly how i was doing but as my mouth was filled with throw up, part two was coming.

Starting point is 00:20:26 So I go, and it shoots a little bit out. I look back, and this lady is in the car. She's like looking at me. I was like, oh, no. So I jog over to that bush, right? You know it was the supercharger we were at today. Oh, okay. It's like right by that sign with all the stores.

Starting point is 00:20:42 I hide behind that, and I'm letting go. I'm throwing up right but i'm looking up and cars are starting to just passing by looking at me and i'm like oh no this is bad i'm starting to have a panic attack you're sweating big i go the other way i go to like a different part of the parking lot where i think i'm blocked off i'm starting to throw up some more it won't stop to the point where i'm starting to get tired of throwing up so i'm sitting down i swear to god you sat down i sat down and i was trying to play this off so i grabbed my phone and i'm literally fake scrolling through my phone going this i'm tearing up it's on my lap it's on my phone I kid you and then so and then more cars are coming this way I have to find a third spot to throw up I go a little bit more down

Starting point is 00:21:32 to where the patello brothers is I'm outside of there it's I'm sitting down or I'm standing up and I was like I have to stand up to throw because it's all over me now because I don't want it to get on me anymore I stand up and I'm fake tying my shoe and I'm going a car I hear comes behind me and they go no way and I'm like I look back they got their phones out and they're like Peyton Peyton from the podcast you should know podcast I'm throwing up making eye contact at at some 16-year-olds. They're like, bro, are you okay? I swear to God, I go, bro, bro. They're like, bro, do you need water?

Starting point is 00:22:15 They're handing me water like I'm a puppy. I'm so embarrassed. I run back to my car, throw up on me. I go home. I throw up some more, shower, change, and I went to your gender reveal. That's the story that happened. I swear to God. It was literally the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened.

Starting point is 00:22:35 Holy shit. I was hoping whenever we drove to the trash can today, one of my sit-down throw spots was like that little bush with the curb right there. And I was going to see because it was like half a chicken mini came out of one so I was going to say that has to still be there what

Starting point is 00:22:51 yeah no problem yeah appreciate you for coming I felt fine after that I just threw up all my vitamins what the hell

Starting point is 00:23:00 are you taking dog no I shouldn't you're taking cyanide what are you what are you ingesting? No, it was bad. It was, not only I hate throwing up, it makes me feel like I'm getting taken advantage of.

Starting point is 00:23:11 Can I say that? Like, by my own body. It feels like I'm being, like, I, let me stop. I kind of feel that. It's invasive. It's like, why can't I control this? It's invasive. Like, I feel so invaded whenever i'm

Starting point is 00:23:25 throwing up right and then i i don't like embarrassing myself in public i don't like coughing in public season so throwing up in front of strangers at 9 a.m you don't even like speaking to some people now you're they're taking a picture or recording you. Yeah. Offering you water. Mm-hmm. Eye contact. You're barfing. Mm-hmm. And you're hitting them with the.

Starting point is 00:23:49 Yeah. Yeah. To think that 90% of that parking lot is filled with my inside goo. Oh. It's a, I own that supercharger now. Oh. I should, look at what's the better scenario. Because I was looking at my car for like a Walmart bag.

Starting point is 00:24:04 I didn't have anything I probably would have gone in the Chick-fil-A bag me personally oh no the density of that and the drippiness of that yeah what the

Starting point is 00:24:12 what was in you literally I don't know literally I don't because it was like a white foamy like throw up with like a little bit it looked like pop rocks were all in it

Starting point is 00:24:20 and then like a half of chicken mini okay now you need to stop that one i don't know why that one triggered me though the white foamy shit i immediately thought ruby when she foams up it looks like we like gave her like chloroform like we're trying to drug it and that one got me oh yeah i hate throwing up bro involuntarily i can 21 jump street before a live show hey half of y'all that shook my hand at live shows you have my insides on your finger hate to

Starting point is 00:24:43 bring it up truth comes out we'll be like this all right all right we got two minutes he goes all right just give me one second then he goes he goes he goes let's go do it buddy i walk out that bathroom with tears in my eyes and shit every time we're right behind the curtain we we like dink a beer and he's like he's like hey i love you you love me and i'm like yeah he goes all right let's do it little do y'all know y'all think it's body odor it's like cauliflower and like pork grinds it's on his lips what what live show is the one that you heard me throwing up oh uh i think boulder boulder i think it was boulder you said no because you came out because i was pissing yeah and you came out and you said cj live and i was like they're gone buddy you can do what you need to do because at this point it was

Starting point is 00:25:33 still like a half-kept secret yeah i was like you can do it you go all right bet you went straight to the toilet i just hear i was like oh my. And then I flush, wash my hands. I come around the corner. You look like a dog that's crying. You're just like, I'm ready to do it, man. Bro. Yeah. Okay, let me put it.

Starting point is 00:25:52 I don't have like a thing where I feel better. It's strictly anxiety. Like, I throw up anyway. Like, I did that in sports. It's like an anxiety. No, you didn't. Oh, my God. I've been throwing up since my fifth grade dance recital.

Starting point is 00:26:05 Are you crazy? Whenever we used to have to play those plastic-ass flutes, you know what I mean? Knowledge is power. Bro, you threw up before sporting events? Yeah, 100%, because I cared. It's like my anxiety. Yeah, it's like good nerves, but damn.

Starting point is 00:26:22 Damn. Oh, my God. A free throw line at a crunch time game? I want to call a timeout, hit the locker room. Are you crazy? You go, coach, my – I got to get out of here. He goes, you got to win us the game, Harden. You're like, all right.

Starting point is 00:26:34 You're shooting the free throw. Bro, speaking of throw, did you see that video of that pitcher? Uh-uh. He was on the pitching mound, and he literally gets the call from his catcher. He goes, yeah. As he throws – I can't because of the tape. As he throws gets the call from his catcher and goes, yeah, as he throws, I can't because the thing, as he throws the pitch

Starting point is 00:26:47 he's like, throw-ups coming out of his mouth as he delivers a strike. That has to be a foul. That has to be some sort of penalty. Send him out.

Starting point is 00:26:55 Okay, enough throw-up talk. I'm sorry for everybody. Yeah, sorry for anybody that's eating breakfast, lunch, maybe. Good God. At least it wasn't poop. The You Should Know Podcast.

Starting point is 00:27:06 This episode of The You Should Know Podcast is brought to you by a good friend of ours ag1 a cam you know this summer i've been really working on improving my health you know this so you know you've been trying you've been trying and a part of that is drinking my ag1 every morning before we go to the gym i need that it makes me feel good it makes me feel healthy it makes me feel clean ag1 is a foundational nutrition supplement that delivers daily nutrients and gut health support and is backed by multiple research studies so you can trust what you're putting in your body ag1's in-house team of doctors scientists and researchers work with third-party experts on studies that validate the actual benefits of ag1 like covering your nutritional bases that start in the gut.

Starting point is 00:27:46 In a research study, AG1 was shown to double the amount of healthy bacteria in the gut. These healthy bacteria work together to break down food and are known to alleviate bloating, promote digestive regularity, and aid in digestive comfort. If I had to recommend one product to support whole body health, it's AG1, and that's why i'm excited to welcome them as a new partner try ag1 and get a free one year supply of the vitamin d3 k2 and five free ag1 travel packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com slash psh that's drinkag1.com slash psh

Starting point is 00:28:22 check it out now on to the rest of the episode would you rather oh i love early in the episode of would you rather not it's not it's a it's a different one right okay like let's call them both eight out of ten would you rather be 80 hungry or 80 now there is a i rest at 60 i rest at 60 that's my natural state. You know when you put a BPM, like a heart rate monitor on you? My level is at 60. I'm always half-cocked. I'm always ready for an adventure. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:28:56 All I need is a yes. All you need is a, okay. God! I have hope. I have hope. Right now, I could tear through a Hanes t-shirt. You know what I mean? If you were, let's rephrase it.

Starting point is 00:29:14 If you were really hungry, like 90% hungry, and you had two options, a double cheeseburger with animal style fries or sex, what do you pick? Sex. Why? Why? double cheeseburger with animal style fries or sex what do you pick sex why why because when i'm super hungry i can't eat that much anyway but if i'm famished and a little horned up golly oh it'd be wicked love making oh it would look like a 2020 protest in that bedroom, bricks, he'll be everything. Spray paint. Someone walks in, there's a f***ing riot shield in the corner. All you hear

Starting point is 00:29:56 is just like, like, rubbage. Like, just shit falling. I love, I love lying about that part of my life. I am horrible in the bedroom. No, you are not. What? I go, wait, what? No, the L.A.

Starting point is 00:30:09 I'm bad. The L.A. thing. We can't say that. We can't say that. Okay. Okay. No, so the reason I asked that is because I actually don't remember. I think it was.

Starting point is 00:30:22 No, I don't remember if it was on Twitter or Instagram, but it was a thing. It was like, it was like guys really are, what's the saying? Creatures of habit. It was like a guy could not eat for three days. And if you offer him his favorite meal of all time or sex, they're picking sex 10 out of 10 times. And I immediately thought of you.

Starting point is 00:30:44 Yeah. text 10 out of 10 times and i immediately thought of you yeah and i was like i know if payton was on his dying breath and i said here's a magical pill to save your life or here's some sex you go you go i've been here long enough that's not true go close and lock the door behind you oh that's not true that's not true okay speaking of your job that phase of my life is over so i don't know it is no it is i don't we have a it is. No. Yeah, it is. I don't. We have a spy cam in my bedroom. I go, you know that fake doorbell thing?

Starting point is 00:31:10 So, let's just talk about that real quick. Please. My mom watches. Let's not. She does. And I love you, mom. Mama Harden, shout out to you. Enjoying retirement.

Starting point is 00:31:19 Let's put that out there. She sent Peyton a picture of an outlined stencil of a flower that she colored in with colored pencils and she said i'm an artist bitch that's exactly what the text said she's in her coloring era she hey i'm gonna say this because your son won't or he at least won't say it here but i'm putting it out there for everyone anytime you want to come down here to dallas you come all right she knows that well i want let me rephrase it i want you to come down here we can all hang out no but knows that. Let me rephrase it. I want you to come down here. We can all hang out. No, but the only thing is when my parents visit the house, they always find something wrong

Starting point is 00:31:50 with my house. Why is that there? That's not hard to find. That's rude. That's truth. That's rude, though. But it's truth. But it's my home. I pay for it. No, it's your pig style. It's your... Okay, back to bricks. What's your favorite flavor of brick? Brick?

Starting point is 00:32:06 Brick. Flavor of brick? Like a color. Like, that's normally what you would say in that scenario, it's color, not flavor. Well, you bake bricks. Bricks are baked. Are you baked? No, no. Bricks are baked. Baked in what? You bake a brick. You don't paint bricks they're baked baked in what it's called like a klein or a kiln what are you saying like so the formation of a brick is not by what do you say like they bake it to make it squared no they bake it to make the colors a brick is baked no i think it's painted are you actually nuts actually i've seen a video i've seen a video it's all a lie it's all a lie bricks are baked no half the bricks aren't real. There's no real brick anymore.

Starting point is 00:32:46 Okay, we're not going in a brick dilemma crisis. No, there's no bricks anymore. You think that you... Okay, yes, you can obviously paint over a brick, but a brick in its original state, if it comes out a different color, it's because it's baked. Again, I talk to women.

Starting point is 00:33:01 Okay. I'm not looking at the brick. Be honest. Did you know that brick... Is this a dr seuss like i want to know where you're going with this do you think bricks are baked or painted i don't i don't honestly i don't know i've never really i have so much responsibility you have a child on the way dog why are you talking about bricks if you see a white house

Starting point is 00:33:23 white brick you see a red house red brick brick. You see a red house, red brick. Painted. Baked. Painted. Well, it depends on how you feel it. It's a texture thing. If it's a smooth brick, it's painted. If it's rough brick, cut your fingy.

Starting point is 00:33:34 I had a kid. His name was Seth. Came from Chicago. Middle school. Threw a brick at me. Hit my Achilles tendon. Scraped it. Blood all down here.

Starting point is 00:33:42 Down my hooves. Didn't snitch on him, though. I'm almost certain the one kid I ever punched in the face, his name was Seth, too. How'd you punch? What the hell's up with Seths? Seths suck. I've never met a cool Seth. I've met like one or two good Seths in my life.

Starting point is 00:33:56 The other ones are... Seth Curry, probably top three. Never met him, though. Can't tell you. Can't tell you. He could be a loser, too. This is horrible. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:03 Enough of Seths. Enough of bricks, too. I thought you. Enough of sets. Enough of bricks. I thought you were going to surprise me with some information here. They are baked in a kiln, I believe it's called. Regardless of the point. Is there a brick house? She is a brick house. House.

Starting point is 00:34:19 Oh, not again. Okay. Alright. I have a story. I love stories. Oh, not again. Okay. All right. All right. I have a story. Story time. I love stories. I have a story for you. Okay. Colton's.

Starting point is 00:34:32 We're at Colton's. Okay. I love Colton's. Don't actually know what that is. It's a restaurant. Oh, okay. It's like a B-team Texas Roadhouse. I was thinking in my head, imagination, White Castle.

Starting point is 00:34:43 That's what I was thinking. Steakhouse. Not good steak, though. Roadhouse gets the good shit they get like the leftover okay fine regardless we're at a steakhouse this is back in arkansas it's me live big dave and hannah so it's a little couple's day little couple's dinner to colton's right we go there and we had the strangest experience that was all jam-packed into about five minutes okay ever i love it we walk in it's it's normal we walk in they immediately seat us we go to our table four people at a booth our waiter i i want you to just fathom what i'm about to say our waiter comes up introduces himself he's drenched in sweat He is like you would have thought they had a pool in the back. Drenched in sweat.

Starting point is 00:35:27 He either ran or is on drugs. Okay, let's lean toward the ladder. Let's wait until you hear the rest. Dripping in sweat. Walks up to us. Literally says, hi, my name. What can I get for you to drink? Skips his name.

Starting point is 00:35:37 I swear to God. I swear to God. He goes, how's it going, y'all? My name is, what can I get you to drink? What you need to drink? So we gave him our drinks. I'm simple. Water.

Starting point is 00:35:46 Dave got like a beer. Both the girls got like tea or some shit like that. Too strange. He takes that, flips it into a hitting on our wives fest right in front of us. He goes, okay, sweet tea for the sweet ladies. Winks at him. And we're right in front of this guy, okay? And I go, all right.

Starting point is 00:36:03 He wants his ass whooped. And Dave's like, what of this guy. Okay? And I go, all right. He wants his ass whooped. And Dave's like, what the hell was he on? The guy leaves. Comes back. Drops off the drinks. Again. Do y'all beautiful girls need anything else?

Starting point is 00:36:16 And I'm like, is there a camera? Like, is this? Because he can't. No offense. You don't know what anyone's got. But he doesn't look like he's going to be able to mess with me and Big Dave. Big Dave is like 6'10", 300 pounds. He's one of the biggest humans I've ever met. He would have been a Viking, but in a different time. So, another hit on the wife. We go, okay, he's got one more and then we're going to, something's got to be said. He leaves.

Starting point is 00:36:36 He comes back to the table. You know the little thing you do with your teeth when you're joking? Yeah, the click. Yeah, the clicker. Yeah, real life clicking. He's he's clicking no not that click oh not that click i was gonna say sweating clicking and often checking his corners oh pcp yeah yeah heavy drugs okay he's going look at like it is scary to him he goes bro he goes what can i get y'all to order we order order regular shit. Doesn't matter. Steak, lobster, whatever the hell. This man, he's like this writing our order down the whole time, right? Paid. He's writing the order down. He finishes the order. He goes to walk off. You know how oftentimes people do, uh, like they'll put it in their little, their pouch. So he takes

Starting point is 00:37:19 a step. He goes to put it in his pouch on the notepad. was smiley faces stars emojis and little drawings like stick figures he was writing our order in some secret piped up drug code that he knew exactly how to translate to the chef i swear to god it was like this it was like smiley face star little circle with dots in it your waiter's the joker yeah my waiter's heath ledger like this it's unbelievable he comes back again drops the food off everything's right so his code works yeah it comes time to pay right tipping right a respectful waiter waitress they don't give a shit. They deep in their heart, they hope you tip 120%. This guy goes up to us and goes, hey, what are you going to tip me?

Starting point is 00:38:12 No way. What are you going to tip me in front of us? That's crazy. After clicking, emoji writing, sweating his ass off, hitting on my wife, I go, I'm going to tip you a left hook if you keep it up, guy. I didn't order smiley face. I ordered a steak cooked medium. What are you going to tip me? At this point, Dave and I audibly chuckle.

Starting point is 00:38:41 And he's looking and he goes, like it is no it is it is literally the joker uh we were eating in arkham we we had dinner in arkham city arkham asylum cafe best part about it we still after all that shit we tip him decent we leave we laugh about it for an hour we go home two weeks later payton i strike me right now strike me down two. Two weeks later, we go to Chili's. He's employed at Chili's. No, no, no, no, no. I swear to God. No, you're not ready.

Starting point is 00:39:12 He's employed at Chili's. He has a new haircut, a comb over, a dyed piece of the hair, no more clicking, no sweating, no emojis, nice manners. He's a new man. It's a two-week rehab center. He went to two-week, two-week re-up, and he was cut clean from whatever he was on. And I swear to God, I asked him because I said, bro, weren't you just at Colton's? And he goes, yeah, man, I got out of there.

Starting point is 00:39:39 I came here. It was a good decision. I think there's a drug- operation at that Golden's in Arkansas. I'm not going to drop the location, but completely clean, different man at Chili's two weeks later, manners, nice respect.

Starting point is 00:39:53 He either had a hell of a Friday night the night before, and it was still in the system, or we need to inspect something that's going on at that restaurant. Why don't you send me pictures of these people, Ken? In the time, what am I going to do? He goes, what are you going to tip me? And I go, I snap an image.

Starting point is 00:40:08 Dude, you can ask Liv, you can ask Hannah, you can ask Dave. That's insane. See, that's the thing with you, bro. You have these magical moments that you experience, right? It's madness. My brain would not allow me to let that go until I figured out his birth date.

Starting point is 00:40:24 I need to know where to research him. I'm going to go to the Better Bureau and find everywhere he's worked. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are some of your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip a leg day or a therapy day. When your schedule is packed with activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip.

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Starting point is 00:41:18 Visit BetterHelp.com slash YSK today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash YSK. slash ysk today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash ysk now on to the rest of the episode i feel like we don't utilize government websites enough i'm gonna go out there and say that i've actually have you ever accidentally googled something like typoed something and you think you're on the black market no and you know that search isn't good oh oh yeah yeah and then and it's like google will tell you this isn't a good search and you're like i didn't mean that it's like how to bomb yeah and i'm like i mean i meant how to get a bomb yeah no that shit's scary yeah it's the worst what do you think do you think that fbi shit is

Starting point is 00:42:04 real like all the memes and the jokes you think that fbi shit is real like all the memes and the jokes are like your fbi agent texts you after you get in a breakup no obviously not to that extent but do you think yes they know a good portion of what we do outside of our job 100 if they need to is that not terrifying if they need to like so what's the line they don't care about they don't care about cj like they don't not i mean they don't care about pierce no not many people care about cj right like you know what i mean like they're literally like we love you they just have a number next to them that's r134 it just says 13 it just says 13 they go oh kids good at video games and staying up late uh next person but once something happens

Starting point is 00:42:37 like i'm kidding we love once you're a part of something or like an investigation or like that you're like you they like an alert has gone off about you then they can find anything they will find everything and they'll monitor what you're doing like a hundred like a morgan freeman filing cabinet and bruce almighty like they have it all but it's it's small until they need it but then when they pull it out it's forever oh my god now tell me if i'm toxic sorry to switch topics so fast tell me if i'm toxic and i've been getting called toxic a lot because of the stories i tell about my dating life and i'm not toxic and a lot of it like i don't the last story i told about the girl spider in the air that i said i i kicked her out and then some people were like i hope you're joking

Starting point is 00:43:14 because that's so rude i'm like i'm not i'm like she literally slept on the grass outside she kidding you're never gonna stop me from making jokes. But... You're like, I threw her a damp towel and like a Costco bag. She made it work. That's your bathroom. Yeah, have fun. No, okay. So I was talking to this girl, right? The voice switch up.

Starting point is 00:43:37 We're getting serious. I was talking to this girl. Okay. But I was like 22 at the time. Right? I was young. Okay. She was 21.

Starting point is 00:43:46 Same age. We're both youngins. At that age, all you should have at your desk, maybe a computer, a light, some notebooks, pens and pencils. Maybe a... Where is this? Is this her humble abode? Yes.

Starting point is 00:44:03 At her house. Apartment. Apartment. Maybe a game system. She lived like she was in 1943 she pulled out one of those filing like that you know those like bendy filing thing she was like that's my tax information the responsibility i love it out of the roof amazing responsibility man we are in 2021 at the time what is that yeah they have a thing called quickbooks and then she had now this is where the toxic part comes in she pulled out a briefcase and she's an intern at dell and i said all right the conversation needs to happen now

Starting point is 00:44:41 i'd never want to see you go and open up some paperwork. Everything is digital now. You men in black? Who are you? And I said, oh, my God, what color is the briefcase? Brown. Leather brown. If it would have been, like, the steel briefcase that you keep, like, grilling equipment in,

Starting point is 00:45:00 I would have been like, you're dating a serial killer at this point okay so my mind is running so fast i have like 18 000 things of caffeine in me i love it i was in oklahoma with you right yeah billboards in oklahoma they're sucked they're run down it's the worst right oklahoma and so there was they have a lot of like zoos in oklahoma weird i guess it's 90 turn right on's weird. Turn right on this mountain. Come look at our alpaca. Like, what the f***? One of the weirdest billboards I saw ever in my life.

Starting point is 00:45:32 There was a billboard, right? And it said, Skeleton Museum for Animals. And the picture was of a giraffe that you could see through, and it was a skeleton of a giraffe. Let me break this down. Giraffes aren't extinct. We still got those. That's a little fucked up, is it not?

Starting point is 00:45:59 I'm not following. That's not crazy to you that you can walk into a building and see giraffe skeleton? No. I mean, they die. That's sick, bro. They die. Okay, imagine Dallas has a pop-up shop.

Starting point is 00:46:16 You could go see human skeletons. That's not weird to you? People die. That's called a morgue, a conservancy, whatever the hell those are. Okay, I get those okay i get it i get it right for science purposes exactly they're promoting field trips dog go to the zoo and see a live one they would but that's not the but that's not that's not the scheme that's not the business model that's sick as hell is that not you're never going to see a basketball court in a gold's gym

Starting point is 00:46:42 you're never going to see a living breathing giraffe at the skeleton museum it's made for bones it's made for weird kids that like bones watch this say they had a dog skeleton museum you wouldn't feel like it's a little weird i think there's 150 million pounds of dog consumed every calendar year i don't think that's weird and i'm so serious on that statistic. I don't, if I knew, if I consciously knew they were slaughtering these giraffes and then cleaning their bones to put them on wires

Starting point is 00:47:12 and show children for money, they all deserve to die. I don't put it past them. They might be like, a giraffe probably dies. They probably have some like, some code contract that, hey, we're doing this for educational purpose.

Starting point is 00:47:24 Yes, we're going to make money. Maybe they're going to be a non-profit. You don't know. What if I died? And they just put my exoskeleton in a museum for little Timmy to touch my fibula. That's not weird. Okay, but one, Timmy's not going for the fibula. He's going for something.

Starting point is 00:47:40 It's not a bone. I'm just kidding. It's not a bone unless it's a boner. But we're not a bone. I'm just kidding. It's not a bone unless it's a boner. But we're not agreeing here. You're not relating to me. I'm not team Peyton on this thing. I need someone with melanin to come. Because I feel like that's what the difference is here. You're like, yeah, dude, we're going to cut them open and see their guts, dude.

Starting point is 00:47:59 I know. Let's look at that giraffe heart. Let me get it. Let me at it. Yeah. Oh, I feel tribal. No no that's what no and you're like then we're gonna take over the giraffe land and call it ours and kill everybody else i heard if you eat it if you eat its dna you can grow a little bit man roll that shit up in a black and mild smoke that giraffe dust you can you can do they said your kneecaps elongate overnight

Starting point is 00:48:23 dude you want to go get high off that giraffe? Okay, that's exactly what I'm talking about, bro. Imagine Ruby. You just see a little Ruby skeleton in a museum. If she's fucking dead, I don't care what she does with the bones. What am I going to throw in a furnace? That's crazy. Sprinkle it around my carpet?

Starting point is 00:48:36 Vacuum her up? No. I'm going to buy a new dog. That's what you should do. All of y'all come after, no. I love Ruby to death. You know I love that crooked little dog. And she's finally getting better.

Starting point is 00:48:47 Good. She was sick. I don't think you're seeing it eye to eye. Dude, I'm just saying that is so weird just for monetary gain. But I didn't say that. Imagine the process of skinning a giraffe. That'd be sad. That's sick, bro.

Starting point is 00:48:59 That'd take like two people just for the neck. And what do you do with the tongue? Oh, you got to keep that tongue. You got to keep that giraffe. You can have a couple fun nights that draft you're gonna you're gonna have to answer some calls okay my fbi agent hey what the f**k's up this week man bad joke i don't know i don't know if this is gonna stay but i have a question oh god so say you know my dying wish is to get taxidermied i want want to get stuffed. Everybody knows that. I want to be put up like on a mantle.

Starting point is 00:49:27 I want to be cool or just my head and be like a deer. You know what I mean? Or one of those dancing fish. You can put double A batteries in there. I don't like that. That'd be cool. Bro, first off, it would take like two 9 volts to power your big ass. But if we stuffed you, ran electrical circuiting through your body, coded you to hit a jig,

Starting point is 00:49:47 and CJ, at the press of a button, imagine the weekend comes on and Peyton's standing taxidermied corpse goes, It's way too late. Yeah, that would be fire. That would be sick. Okay, but no, I have a new dying wish. Say I get cremated. Then you better watch it carefully. Right?

Starting point is 00:50:05 Cheaper, more affordable. That would be cremated. You better watch it carefully. Right? Cheaper. More affordable. That'd be a lot of dust for me. Big girl. A lot of dust. And the actual dust you have on you will just fall in as well. Now, I'm not going to say what I want you to do with the dust. I do nothing with dust.

Starting point is 00:50:23 If I were cremated, you wouldn't do anything with it? You would literally sit on a bookshelf with a little plaque, and it'd be no more than me winning Employee of the Month award, and you'd sit there to the end of time. I'm not touching your bone dust and your soul cream ever in my life. You would sit in a cool little urn with a plaque that said once was Peyton I wouldn't even put the date on it you I'd say Peyton S Harden actually you just say push eight and they'd walk in they'd be like what's that and I go old friend

Starting point is 00:50:58 you wouldn't like give me a love tap every time you left the house a love tap what would be the the house? A love tap. What would be the... If I died before your kid was born, right? If you... Oh my god. Let's just say this. No, yeah. Oh, no one gives a flying shit.

Starting point is 00:51:15 Oh, I do. If you... First off, first off, let's not lie. Let's not... Let's keep it a buck. If you were to die unexpectedly... Yeah, now you're getting worried. If you were to die unexpectedly... I don't care're getting worried. If you were to die unexpectedly...

Starting point is 00:51:25 I'd be in heaven. Yes, I agree. But if you were to die unexpectedly and sooner than later... Great song. It's a great song. We would all be very sad. Cool. Like, crippling depression.

Starting point is 00:51:37 Oh, bare minimum. Great. Bare minimum? What, am I supposed to join you? You're supposed to work. Why are we going to work? For my name. Yeah, we will. And build a legacy. And I would open... join you? You're supposed to work. Why are we going to work? For my name. Yeah, we will.

Starting point is 00:51:45 And build a legacy. And I would open, well, not a gym. Never mind. I'd open like a research center. Or like Peyton Harden Laboratory or something. I don't know. Or open like a fashion store. Okay, no.

Starting point is 00:51:57 Call it Peyton's Death Wardrobe. What would be the lore you would tell your child about? Like, would you hype me up a little bit? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What would you say? Oh, my God. The lore for your death, I would say.

Starting point is 00:52:09 Does it mess the kid up more if I put them in the story? Like, he was doing something for you to where they now view as a hero. Yeah, that's a little sick. That's a little sick. Okay, a little sadistic. Let's go this route. Like, I am independent from your child. I don't know him.

Starting point is 00:52:22 Let's go this route. Yeah. Peyton was fighting for honor and morals in the streets of Plano. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Let's go with. No, just about my life, how cool I was. Oh, I thought you were talking about your actual death story. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:52:37 Like, just tell them, like, oh, like, would you hype me up? Oh, he was a savage. Your uncle was sick. That's what I get? Yeah, your uncle was a savage. 25 years of life your uncle 10 years of friendship your uncle pissed excellence everywhere he went everything he touched he was like midas he had the hand of gold anything he touched it flourished no matter

Starting point is 00:52:57 how long it took his relationships he meant so much to people he was a fantastic gal all around all in and out. Especially inside. Hey, I want to put this on record right now. Cam's not speaking at my funeral. That shit is ass. Okay, that's off the dome and you're still right in front of me. I can still smell you. Of course not. Back to your urn.

Starting point is 00:53:17 If someone were to put you in a blunt, they would go to Wakanda, dog. If someone smoked your bone dust, they would go to Wakanda, dog. If someone smoked your bone dust, they would be, they would be, they'd literally be in Asgard with Thor. They'd be on that rainbow road.

Starting point is 00:53:33 God damn! Oh, it'd be nuts. That'd be horrid. That's crazy. I don't know if that could stay. Yeah, that'd be funny. That's funny. That's good. That's good. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by our good old friends at Rocket Money.

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Starting point is 00:55:08 RocketMoney.com slash YSK. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. Before we segue. Okay. I have a question. Honestly, it's pissing me off. The world's getting more twisted every day.

Starting point is 00:55:21 Okay. Like a Rubik's Cube. Like a bad, like a Rubik's Cube, but someone took the stickers off, so it's almost impossible to really solve it. I walked in. First off, what's one of the most regular spots that I go to? The gym. I mean, that was a correct answer.

Starting point is 00:55:37 I meant food-wise. Oh, the pantry. A fast food establishment. Oh, Chick-fil-A. One more, you're going to get it. Chipotle. One more. Tropical smoothie. No, you're not getting it. One more. You're going to get it. Chipotle. One more. Tropical smoothie.

Starting point is 00:55:46 No, you're not getting it. Canes. Keep going. You skipped over. McDonald's. What are you doing? Starts with a P, ends with an S. Pluckers.

Starting point is 00:55:54 Panda Express. Jesus Christ. I've been to Pluckers since like 2020. Really? You need to go. We need to go. It was good. Liv worked at Pluckers for like three weeks.

Starting point is 00:56:01 She got that little cool, like, that little fit. It looks like she works on cars. Oh, yeah. So they were at Pluckers. Anyway, I walked into got that little cool, like, that little fit. Looks like she works on cars. Anyway, I walked into Panda Express. You know the Panda by our house? Yes, I love Panda. There's no drive-thru line. No. I walked into Panda Express the other day. And the whole moral, the whole basis of this story is how out of tune are

Starting point is 00:56:17 people? Like, with the world. Okay. How lost are they? Yeah, very. I walk into a Panda Express, and I shit you not not immediately walk in i'm i'm hearing an episode of some show i'm i'm it's like i'm watching tv yeah i'm i'm walking in to order chow mein and i'm watching tv you walked into a sound studio i guess there's filming here i walk in and it was like right before they closed which i hate doing that but i had to i see the employees they see me i turn to my right there is a man first off a man sitting there

Starting point is 00:56:47 empty food by him he just finished his meal laptop watching a show that's where it's coming from okay headphones on not plugged in oh who's what was his age regular like probably a little older than us. I'd say, like, he's squeaking 30s. Okay. How out of tune with the world are you? How do you not know that it's shit like this?

Starting point is 00:57:14 You're low-key a Karen, bro. I'm not going to lie to you. You're low-key a Karen. No, I'm not. Because if I was a Karen, I'd walk up and say, hey, buddy, what are we doing? But it just, like, let's just be 100% honest with me. Would that happen to you? Just be honest.

Starting point is 00:57:27 Yes. Oh, my God. Yes, it would. Don't be on the side of the people. That's one thing you lack. You lack empathy. That's one thing you know you lack empathy. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:57:37 You don't feel bad for people. No, no, no. I don't feel bad for you. Because you have no bounds. None. Before we recorded recorded he was scrolling through he was like he got an email he literally goes yeah it says new cash app users it says they can gain he said he spit his fingernail and it hit my laptop i know you can't see it that's eight feet of distance he's spitting fingernails and he's spitting on our carpet. You have no bounds. You honor no

Starting point is 00:58:05 creed. I have free will. And you fly no flag. There's no government. You are your own creature. You are a one-man army. I am free, brother. I am free. You're in the shell of what the world is telling you to. This mind

Starting point is 00:58:22 has no end. Has no what? If I bite a finger, if I bite a finger off, spit it at electronics, and spit on my own rug, I'm a free spirit. But that would be you.

Starting point is 00:58:35 That's not you. That's me. That's how I live. That's just what I do. If you go, if you go into the, like if you know how you lift up sofas and couches, you could build a fingernail.

Starting point is 00:58:46 How many little fingernail pieces are in there? I just, I'm a fingernail bandit. Has your stomach ever felt real tight after doing that? Mm-mm. I don't swallow them. No, I know that, but I was going to say you might have a tapeworm. We can get that checked later. Tapeworms make you bite your fingernails?

Starting point is 00:59:04 No, I think biting fingernails and getting all that bacteria. I don't have bacteria in my fingernails. I wash my hands. Oh CJ! Oh inter CJ! Oh editor CJ! Does he wash his hands nearly as much? No. Oh, okay. Who washes their hands more, you or me? Cam. Cam, do you want to do this? Cam, you know you're not going to win this. Cam. You wash your hands more you and me cam cam do you want to do this cam you know you're not gonna win this cam you wash your hands more than me yes okay let's break this down let me see let me speak

Starting point is 00:59:33 20 seconds and i won't i won't paint a bad picture i'm gonna paint something whatever you want i'm gonna tell the truth i'm gonna paint something honest yes or no let's just it'll be honest yes or no did both of our hand washings go up with the addition of cj cj doesn't do shit for me i i do i i yeah see look listen listen listen to me listen to my topic listen to listen to my talking point here cam is a 26 year old expecting father and is and says another man, a grown man, inspired him to wash his hands. Who doesn't wash their hands enough? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Starting point is 01:00:13 That was funny. You literally said, CJ does that. Okay, he doesn't inspire me. That's what you just said on camera and tape. He does not inspire me. JK Rowling. He's not now me. J.K. Rowling. He's not. Rowling.

Starting point is 01:00:27 Rowling. It is Rowling. Point, Peyton. I said our frequency of washes has increased. The fact. Okay, you know what? Matter of fact, if you say no to this, the conversation is over. Okay.

Starting point is 01:00:41 Have you not washed your hands more now that cj's here when we all went to family dinners before rat boy came we weren't getting up and washing before the meal off my own fruition like off my own free will no no it hasn't changed at all no it's because this little rat tells me he goes come on hey come on let's go wash your hands exactly that's not i said off my own fruition no i didn't watch my watch my hands. I didn't ask that. I didn't ask that. I said yes or no. I practiced it before. I said yes or no. Has the frequency of your hands being washed increased since his arrival? That's what I said. Okay, leave it.

Starting point is 01:01:12 See, you're a 26-year-old expecting father. Leave another grown man out of it. It's me and you. I wash my hands more than you can. I've seen you. We've been out in public. You are on record saying your fingertips smell like a gooch that's when i scratch my gooch cam this is unbelievable cam and i'll give a little bit of lint and skin in there

Starting point is 01:01:34 too so whatever my fingernails supply of of talkies lint and webbing skin so a little bit of peanut butter here we go cam yes or no? Dead ass, Cam. Cam, you have a child on the way, and you need to teach him principles of honesty. Yes. Watch this, son. I have seen you. Here, actually. We get lunch at the studio.

Starting point is 01:01:56 We bring it into the office. You say, oops, I got to go poop. And I go, okay. No, no, you shut the hell up while I'm explaining my story. You say, oops, I got to go poop. First of all, hell up while i'm explaining my story you say oops i gotta go poop first of all oops did it shock you did you not feel that coming you know what i mean and then and then and then you don't get like you don't get asshole sparks like you don't get the butthole the butthole uh uh cramp yeah it's too much usage here we go and so and so cam has a

Starting point is 01:02:23 weird ass thing when he's like pay Peyton, just come with me. And I go, okay, I'll come with you. I'll pee or something before we eat our lunch. Oh, so now you dog our companionship. And then you do this. You'll take a couple fries for the road, for the walk. Yes or no? Yes.

Starting point is 01:02:35 Okay, you'll take a couple fries. So your hands have food on them, right? A little salt, grease. A little salt, grease. You'll go straight to the stall. Cam will sit down. I'll hear him do his thing, right? He'll poop, right?

Starting point is 01:02:46 Yeah. Quickly and efficiently, too. I'll go, hey, Cam, I'm going to go back real quick. You go, no, wait for me, bro. No, wait for me. I'll put one arm out the door. The door is half cocked to the hallway on the way back to the studio. And you'll be racing.

Starting point is 01:02:58 You probably don't sufficiently wipe. We all know you don't. You'll run, buckling your pants pants and run straight back out here that is a damn stop it that is stop it stop it that's you belong behind bars cam yeah and the most you'll do if you do wash your hands you'll put it under the water you'll go you're like only wiped with my left that's exactly what you that's nasty bro i walk after poops i'm not gonna get on here and say if my hand was on the holy word, right, I'm not going to say that's never happened.

Starting point is 01:03:27 Thank you. Let's be honest. However, and this isn't a good thing to say out on the internet, but sometimes when I pee, sometimes when you drain the whole lock nest. Yeah, drain that lizard. You don't got to touch it, all right? You just kind of unzip and let that thing fall out sometimes if it's if it's hot enough in the day enough blood's flowing i don't gotta aim it i don't gotta angle it yeah you i every time you pee i watch you put your hand

Starting point is 01:03:56 in your pants and flip it out i see it every time you and i might guide it during the piss but you take it out and flip it and that's why i said sometimes okay cam regardless listen well the point i'm getting to is when i pee i might do the why are you talking about pee i might do the water only when i poop i wash my hands with soap you're a goddamn lying your breath sink that is not true no it's a saying oh yeah it's a melanin thing did you learn that from childhood you didn't get those at the family reunion you were like where's the next meeting are you gonna that's a lot i'm sorry that's a clan joke just mute it i'm sorry that's a clan joke it is oh are we gonna

Starting point is 01:04:41 i'm not gonna i'm not gonna make him do it twice. Yeah, no. Good God. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay. Question. And now I'm just testing your loyalty now. Okay. Say right now...

Starting point is 01:04:52 Do you love me? No. Say we were going... You know how whenever I started the podcast, I was dropping out of college, right? And I talked to you and we had that sit-down meeting and you saw how serious I was. Yes. Imagine in this scenario, I'm that serious. Okay.

Starting point is 01:05:05 I take you to that office we just went to, right? I sit you down, right? And I'm dead serious. And I go, Cam, I'm going to run for president. I said, I'm putting my hat in the race to run for the president of the United States of America. See, that's rude. That's so rude.

Starting point is 01:05:24 That's so rude. That's so rude. I don't think you'd even be allowed to. I don't think you'd be allowed to. It's 35 and up, I know. That, there's a couple other requirements. I'm a citizen, you racist. No, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying you came from a different land.

Starting point is 01:05:37 I'm saying you're a citizen, but you don't have the age. I don't think you have the education. You need to be educated to run for president? No, you don't. I think there's got to be. No, you don't. You don't have to have a don't think you have the education you need to be educated to run for president no you don't think there's got to be no you don't there's got you don't have to have a you don't have to have a bachelor's degree for the presidency i think there's got to be okay regardless of that say in a hypothetical world i can yeah okay anyone can do i said yeah okay i'm running for president i'm gonna run oh we don't got the fun i go let's start there yeah

Starting point is 01:05:58 we do we have we know people that do okay oh okay okay, okay. And I go, Cam. Okay, your initial genuine-ass reaction. If I'm as serious as I was when I told you I was dropping out of college to do the podcast. I'll give you my honest-to-God truth, my first thing. Let's go through the whole thing. The whole thing. Okay. And you need to be dead-ass serious. My first question is my first question.

Starting point is 01:06:17 Okay. And I'm being serious. All right. Hey, Cam, I got to tell you something, bro. Like, really, as a brother, as a friend, I need to tell you something. All right. What is it? What do you got?

Starting point is 01:06:23 We have one more month left on the podcast. I'm ending it. Why? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to us? I found a new calling. I'm going to run for the presidency of the United States of America. Shouldn't laugh.

Starting point is 01:06:38 You laugh first. Okay. Say it again. I'm running for the presidency of the United States of America. You're saying presidency. That's fine. It's just making it more funny. All right, go.

Starting point is 01:06:52 I'm running for the presidency. No, just wait. Okay. Go. Hey, Cam. Oh, yeah. What's up? Hey, I got to tell you something.

Starting point is 01:07:00 Just sit down. I'm seated. Oh, my fault. Okay. The podcast has one more month left. What the hell? Why? I'm ending it.

Starting point is 01:07:08 What the hell do you mean you're ending it? I'm ending the podcast. Do you have a bad dream or something? Why did this come out of nowhere? No, I found a new calling in life. It's been sitting on my spirit and my soul. I'm going to run for the presidency of the United States of America. You're doing what?

Starting point is 01:07:24 I'm running for president of the United States of America. Do're doing what? I'm running for president of the United States of America. Do I get to be the VP? And that was my question. I was going to ask you. That's why I called you in today. Would you quit your job, not get a secondary job,

Starting point is 01:07:34 and devote your life to be my VP? Ten times out of ten, brother. Let's go get this. No, deadass, you wouldn't do that. Yes, I would. You would not make any money. You'd be on the road. You're about to have a kid. You'd be on the road. You're about to have a kid.

Starting point is 01:07:45 You'd be on the road 200 days out of the year. But luckily, at this 35-year-old age threshold. No, I'm saying now. This is happening now. Oh. I could work on Fiverr at night. No, you can't do a second job. I need your full 100% attentiveness, too.

Starting point is 01:08:02 Well, fuck you. You don't get to tell me 100% nothing. You're not God or my father. I'll be your VP, but I gotta make some... The VP has a salary. VP gets paid. Not here. Well, we're not the VP. We're campaigning. Campaigning.

Starting point is 01:08:18 We would have a sick bus. We would have a dope-ass bus. It would be like G-Unit of the presidency. We'd pull up playing f up playing weekend and UFC 5 You go stuff The reason you vote for me you have like a like a bush light in your hand that has do you think I'd be a good president Oh Gardner 100% no in the furthest way I could possibly say no would be no why

Starting point is 01:08:42 two reasons One don't be mean I'm not your stress level would be no. Why? Two reasons. One, don't be mean. I'm not. Your stress level would be astronomical. Just imagine this. Imagine your regular life right now but you don't have a phone. Imagine you don't get to... Presidents don't get phones? Oh no, no, no. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying for hypothetical. Imagine you don't get to doom school. Okay. Your screen time's like 15 a day 15 hours a day that's that's accurate okay take that away yeah what would your life be in in the exact same restraints you have right now but none of that mute it so now now you're a lot but you're running the country oh

Starting point is 01:09:22 you don't think the president lets one off you You don't think Don was getting one in? Don's got Blanca. What's her name? That was bad. Blanca. Blanca. Something like that. Melania.

Starting point is 01:09:31 Melania. You'd be awful. I'd be like the Bill Clinton. I'd find me a Monica. Would you be my Monica? You go, go to the... You go, hit that back tunnel, sweetheart. Go through.

Starting point is 01:09:43 We'll send you right into the Oval Office. Well, that's kind of rude. Would you get caught having sex on your royal desk in the Oval Office if you were the president? Caught? It's a secret? You'd say, Jeremy, come in here and watch. It's a secret. I'm closing the door of Secret Service.

Starting point is 01:09:54 I'm sexing in here. Oh, my God. Is that illegal to have sex in the Oval Office? Oh, my God. No, no, no. My mind just went left field. Oh, God. Be careful.

Starting point is 01:10:00 Oh, my God. What? What kind of a man you would be if you were the president. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. What do you mean? I need you to give me examples.

Starting point is 01:10:10 We're thinking about how bad of a job you'd be. What would you do with all that power? Oh, my God. Oh, first of all, the first thing I do. Oh, my God. If you were running our country, you would be a wicked man. You would be a wicked man. Okay, give me different, like, subjects, and I'll make a policy on them.

Starting point is 01:10:33 First plan action. No, I don't even. First plan action, I'm making an executive order. I'm taking those little German roundabouts out of every street. Like, those little roundabout yield sign things, those confuse me. Get them out. Okay, let's keep it friendly. Let's keep it friendly.

Starting point is 01:10:47 Nothing too fiery. Yeah, like fun. Yeah, fun things. I'm a fun president. I'll let anybody take care of war. Would you ever? Y'all take care of war. I'm here for the fun.

Starting point is 01:10:56 You go, thanks for voting me in. It's like the four years of fun. That's your campaign. Four years of friendship and fun. That's my campaign. You go, bye. We'll see you next week. So, first things first.

Starting point is 01:11:09 Rest in peace, Uncle Phil. Rest in peace, Uncle Phil. Hello. What is, do you, what are we thinking about crosswalks? Like long crosswalks. Oh, the super long ones? Super long ones. I would make, I would put cool tunes into the thing.

Starting point is 01:11:24 Instead of the guy yelling, wait, wait, wait. Oh, my God. Imagine every single crosswalk is linked to 97.9 The Beat throughout the country. You click a button, you're hearing Coco Jones. You go to the next street, you click a button, Lil Nas X. I actually do. Instead of wait. I do think I'd be a good president.

Starting point is 01:11:44 I would make the world so cool. Every crosswalk would be those airport little things, those little walking things that move the motorized things. That'd be a lot of money. We have so much money. We'll take more loans. So much debt. Yeah, what's a little more debt?

Starting point is 01:11:58 You go, hey, I need y'all to go to that wherever they print the money and give me $2 trillion today, please. I want cool sidewalks and crosswalks. Yeah. I once heard, as a man, if you're cool with everyone, you're a bitch. I once heard that. And I wouldn't want you to carry that on your jacket in your presidency. You know I'm not cool with everybody.

Starting point is 01:12:15 My job for VP, I'd let you be cool. Oh, my God. I would be like, I would be the Gabe that Gabe is to us. I'd be that to you. You'd be my security guard? Okay, but like the asshole. Oh, my God. I would be like, I would be the Gabe that Gabe is to us. I'd be that to you. You'd be my security guard? Okay, but like the asshole. Oh, okay. I would be the rudeness.

Starting point is 01:12:30 I'd be the nice face and you'd be the jerk. Good cop, bad cop. Yeah, that's nice. Okay. What about nasty food? What would be one food? You get your presidency. What's one food you abolish from our country?

Starting point is 01:12:41 Oh, meatloaf. Meatloaf is from hell. I'm not going to lie. I'd be going to some friend's houses and. Oh, meatloaf. Meatloaf is from hell. I'm not going to lie. I be going to some friends' houses and their parents make meatloaf and I automatically don't respect your parents anymore. Lisa, love you. She's never made me meatloaf.

Starting point is 01:12:55 That's good. She knows not to. She knows not to cross the line. I'm not going to lie. People that make prison food in your home, we have to have a conversation. Meatloaf's prison food. We went to my parents last night. My dad was whooping up peppers onions sausage and cabbage is somebody sick yeah i like

Starting point is 01:13:12 oh is there an ailment in the in the neighborhood that we're curing threw a little beef broth on it said get get you a taste i said no i'll go for the gooey butter ice cream but thanks give me that cream oh you should know podcast we got mama live on the podcast go live go go live go go live go i hope you go and i hope you know that this is a show and i hope you go and drop it low let Let's go drop it low on the stroll. Yeah. She's a baby mama and a baby on the way. What? I can't rap right now because I'm, whoa.

Starting point is 01:13:52 I'm back. Oh, shit. She bit the mic. She goes, I'm back. Hey, I chipped my tooth in the Phoenix Live show. You sure did. God bless you. At the Van Buren Theater.

Starting point is 01:13:59 I was making fun of a fan that went, right on the middle of the mic, and it hurt so bad. We got Mama Liv. I know we got a lot of Mama Liv fans, and she's so famous on us now. Yeah, we do. Because she gets 200,000 likes per Instagram post. Golly.

Starting point is 01:14:13 Shout out to... That was a one-time thing, but that was dope. Malachi. Malachi, thank you for putting me on, my boy. Oh, shit. I was about to say it. It's already out there. I don't care at this point.

Starting point is 01:14:24 Just none of you motherfuckers are going to take my baby's name. There's a lot of Malachi. I met a Malachi one time. He used to bite people in the calf. So that's what I'm going to think of when I see my name. I don't need that. La, la, la, la, la. I met a Malachi that was heavy into two things, dunking a basketball and smoking marijuana.

Starting point is 01:14:41 That's cool. Okay, well, my Malachi is going to be a saint. And my dog's nickname is Malachi, and he can barely breathe on his own anymore and he has glossed milky eyes those vibes my way so but i want to talk about something real quick uh my my my mustache is getting so long it's getting into my nose and that's a problem dude when brooks when brooks does the mustache every single time i'm at the point of like a tickles yike bro i'm like oh yeah every time okay go he massages you feels good i appreciate you massage me i think he likes you more than me i think he does too that's here we go all right y'all two had a wedding y'all got married yes that's fact congratulations

Starting point is 01:15:21 you were there you were in it yeah but i have But I have a hypothetical and low-key a question. And depending on y'all's answer depends on how much I think you love me. Okay. All right? I think I'm very high status in y'all's life, right? Y'all care about me or you say so, right? I do a lot. Liv is –

Starting point is 01:15:37 No, I'm just kidding. No, I love Peyton. No, Liv loves – We talk about you often in our free time. Y'all should find better conversation. Well – We talk about you often in our free time. Y'all should find better conversation. But, hypothetical, and I genuinely think I should be able to do this. I'm liking this.

Starting point is 01:15:55 Say y'all weren't married and your wedding was coming up, right? Yes. What if I asked you, is it okay if I propose to a girl at y'all's wedding? Oh, hell no. Yes. No. Thank you. Why? Wait, you want him to propose at our wedding, my day.

Starting point is 01:16:12 That day is about me. Well, us, but me. Yeah, me. Yeah, what the hell? That is about me. Me, me, me. I'm a man. My thing is I just paid all this damn money for this wedding and he gets to just come in with all the props.

Starting point is 01:16:26 It's like a Groupon. He could take advantage of it. No, hell no. Why? I thought we were close. My one stipulation would be you have to do it after. It has to be in the reception. You damn sure can't do it while we're getting ready to walk down the aisle.

Starting point is 01:16:38 Y'all say I do and I'm like, guess the word. Yeah, you're like, hey, Ann, I've loved you for some time now. And I'd just be like, oh my. That would be grounds for. I don't think that would be appropriate. She would cry and run away. Ann, I've loved you for some time now. And I'd just be like, oh my. That would be grounds for. I don't think that would be appropriate. She would cry and run away. Your girl would probably hate you forever. Okay, but let's be honest.

Starting point is 01:16:51 The girl probably wouldn't like it. She'd be a little embarrassed. She'd be very fluttered because that's never happened before. Don't put words into my hypothetical girl's mouth. Okay, that's true. Let's say she was just ready. And say this was like, say y'all were selfish enough to have a wedding on me and my girl's anniversary oh my god what like y'all y'all planned the wedding on me and my girl's anniversary yeah and i'm like this is a special day i've oh i'm not gonna wait another year to

Starting point is 01:17:13 propose to my girl so you you could do it go go for it but we would no longer be friends yes we would yes we would camera might but i you't cheer? I would whip my phone out. I'd be taking pictures for you. I'd get B-roll. I would have the worst RBF on my face that you've ever seen. I have an unpopular picture. I think proposing at your friend's wedding is sick. So how would you feel if I did that to you?

Starting point is 01:17:36 I'd be like, hell yeah. Yeah, you feel me? Are you serious? I swear. I don't understand. Your day's over. You got married. You signed the documents.

Starting point is 01:17:44 It's my time to shine now. The pastor showed up late two days in a row. My day's over. You got married. You signed the documents. It's my time to shine now. The pastor showed up late two days in a row. My day's over. I didn't even get started. You just took it over. No, okay. Your day's over. I didn't even get there.

Starting point is 01:17:54 If you did it 8 p.m. or later, I'd say yes. Thank you, Jen. 8 p.m. or earlier, no. I don't get the big whoop-la. But my thing is she's going to be like, oh, so how do you propose? Well, at my friend's wedding. Like, that's weird. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 01:18:08 We could take both of y'all, throw you onto the honeymoon package. We can go on it together. Oh, my God, a group honeymoon. Hell no. It's a double date. Live. Why? Babe, that'd be fun.

Starting point is 01:18:19 No, no. And then we could share the honeymoon suite at the wedding. That'd be sick. Y'all go for an hour. I go for three. It takes me a little while. You don't know that. I go, I go.

Starting point is 01:18:35 I think that's selfish. Her standards are just low then. Don't talk about his girl. But what if I don't have a girl? But say what? If she's willing to marry me, you know her standards are below. Yeah, that's a charity case. Here, I'll play devil's advocate with you.

Starting point is 01:18:47 Okay. What would this look like? Like, how would you do it at my wedding? Like, kind of talk. That's fair. Are you busting right in the middle of everyone in the dance floor? Or is it like you take her to a secret dwell? So watch this.

Starting point is 01:18:58 Y'all are having y'all's big hoopla. Wow, y'all are getting married. You walk up. She's in a dress. You're in a suit. Cool. We're crying and kissing together forever. Yeah. Great. Y'all walk out of the aisle walk up. She's in a dress. You're in a suit. Cool. We're crying and kissing together forever. Great. Y'all walk

Starting point is 01:19:05 out of the aisle. Everybody's doing their hugs, kisses. All the groomsmen and brides and maids and all them, we do the speeches. Toast, toast. We're eating food, right? As we're eating food, that's when I'm starting to get ready. Trying to get the fannies fluttering. Fannies fluttering.

Starting point is 01:19:22 I have the ring ready, accessible like a quick pistol in 1944. I'm like, I'm John Wayne now with my engagement ring, right? John Wilkes in the booth. My boys shoot from close range. God bless you. Y'all are up on your stage. Y'all are eating food, right?

Starting point is 01:19:35 Oh, no. I'm not. Listen. Y'all are so selfish. I thought you were my friends. Y'all are eating up there, right? No one's allowed to bother you. That was the rule.

Starting point is 01:19:44 You want your time alone. Didn't listen to it to it my god it was a damn meet and greet johnny pops from like i don't even know his name from your side of the family come up oh so glad to meet you what's my name olivia what if he went rebecca i've known you i'd be like oops um so y'all are up there right everybody's eating the music starts to go at a low octave because we're starting to prepare for the dance, right? We're starting to prepare for everybody. I got you. You keep telling me. Y'all's first dance hasn't happened yet.

Starting point is 01:20:11 Oh, no. I'm just about to ask that. Have we danced yet? No. No. Because y'all are the climax of the night. I don't want to take the climax moment. Here we go.

Starting point is 01:20:21 Take it back down. Here. I got the octave. Music starts to go. Keep going. Ready? And I'm like, I'm starting to speak sweet nonsense to my girl be like isn't this wedding just beautiful i can't wait to have one of our own one day my love you know what i mean you've been a

Starting point is 01:20:34 rock to me i actually want to show you something everybody's at their respective tables right okay cut the music cut the music because now i grab the mic oh. I grabbed the mic from the DJ. I hear one of these. Excuse me. Excuse me. I'd live like this. Oh, I would be like. Y'all, you'll probably think I'm about to say something sweet about y'all. Yeah, I'm like, oh, okay, he's probably about to talk about me.

Starting point is 01:20:58 Yeah, and so I'll grab the mic and I'll be like, I'll have a little drink in my hand. My girl's still sitting down. She doesn't know what's going on. I stand up in front of the whole wedding. Excuse me, everybody. Excuse me. i would like to make a toast everybody raises their drinks to my beautiful best friends here and their beautiful wedding they just had this is amazing shout out to love shout out to them being together for us

Starting point is 01:21:14 all life cheers everyone cheers you know what good speech b yeah i'm not done oh oh as y'all know i've been in this relationship for some years with my beautiful girl. Her name here, right? He's not about to do this shit, Karen. He's not about to do this shit on my fucking day. He's not about to do this shit. Someone in the back, wait, what is he doing? And then I go, babe, stand up, let everybody see you. She looks beautiful, right?

Starting point is 01:21:36 Oh, he does have a good face. And she's wearing a white dress. Oh, no, I'm going to tackle that bitch. I am tackling her. She's going to the ground. I literally, like, if she's walking up, you're like, oh, come on, babe. Come on up here. I literally jumped over the table that we were eating cake on.

Starting point is 01:21:50 Liv turns into, like, 2007 Brian Erlacher. She's like. Kick her in the chest. Okay. Say she's wearing a magenta dress. Off-white. It's, like, almost tan. You can't tell.

Starting point is 01:22:00 It depends on the light. I call her up. I'm like, this is this is my beautiful girl right here uh you know seeing my best friends be in love you know it really inspired me and i want to have a moment just like this with you i get on a knee i propose and then i say actually i've already had the wedding uh the wedding already planned we're actually gonna have it in this same exact venue one year from today. Enough.

Starting point is 01:22:29 Wedding's done. No one's having a wedding. Everybody's done. No more wedding. No more wedding. Mighty Cameron aren't having a wedding. You're not even going to get married. So look,

Starting point is 01:22:41 they had the same venues that doubled down, but then you tripled down and you go, all right, one more time. Let's do it for life. Everyone get on the dance floor. Celebrate all four of us tonight. It's a hell of a night.

Starting point is 01:22:48 I appreciate you coming. Celebrate all four of us. That venue would look like, you know when you have a food fight in the cafeteria? That's what that should look like. You would tear that bitch up. Like, all these girls when they're all running. I think her blood is actually raising now. I think her heart rate is increasing.

Starting point is 01:23:03 My blood pressure. Okay, now to calm her. Yeah. Would you actually do this? No. I think her heart rate is increasing. My blood pressure. Okay, now to calm her. Yeah. Would you actually do this? No. I would do it right after from the outside.

Starting point is 01:23:12 The sparkler you spell while you marry me in the sky. You're like, I use all your sparklers to burn. I think I would just be more mad that like

Starting point is 01:23:20 No, Liv would Liv would kill you. I planned all this shit and then he just comes in and swoops this shit up. Like, you don't have to pay for shit. Yeah, that'd be sick.

Starting point is 01:23:27 That'd be evil. Thank you so much for coming. Let's celebrate, all four of us. And I get on the dance floor, and he goes, celebrate. You're just like this. And I'm sitting there with my mascara. She's like, what? I'm like.

Starting point is 01:23:37 I try to dance, and Liv, and she pisses me. She goes, oh, I'm so quick. Your girl wouldn't be. Like, she would be tripped. Her dress would be ripped. Honestly, I don't know why I'm trying to fight her, though, I'm so quick. Your girl wouldn't be, like, she would be tripped. Her dress would be ripped. Honestly, I don't know why I'm trying to fight her, though, because you do that shit. How long would it take for you to, like, be my friend again? Or would you ever?

Starting point is 01:23:52 On those type of things, I'm such a, like, forgive, is that the word? Forgiving? Forgiving. Forgiving person. Like, I would be petty for a little bit because I'm queen of petty. But I would be, I would get over it because I'm like, we're married. I'd be in the back and just be like, damn, hey, you did what you got to do, dog. You know But I would get over it. That'd be rough. I'd be in the back and be like, you know what I would do?

Starting point is 01:24:09 At their wedding, I would just announce we're having a baby or some shit. So we'd go bar for bar. I have a toast for you guys. We're pregnant. I'd be like, DJ, cut her mic. Cut her mic. We just go back and forth.

Starting point is 01:24:24 One up each other every time all right uh before we get out of here let's pivot real quick two words to describe your sex life calm calm and slow i was gonna say I was gonna say quiet and powerful wait what why quiet no

Starting point is 01:24:51 why you say quiet hey I appreciate that so it's not quiet you heard the missus calm and slow yeah we make a good love we're not in that okay no hand

Starting point is 01:25:01 no hand oh god that's a your turn two words that's how Malachi was made oh sorry that is how Malachi was made hairy and regretful We're not in that. Okay, no hands. Oh, God. That's your turn. Two words. Oh, sorry. That is how Malachi was made. Hairy and regretful.

Starting point is 01:25:12 You know what I mean? I keep people warm. No. You know what I mean? No. Me naked, it is like a Mexican blanket. You ever... Ow! Are you talking about the ones you can buy with the animals on it?

Starting point is 01:25:30 With like a big ass tiger and they're huge? They're the best blankets ever. You hurt. You play too much. No, I just immediately looked at Peyton's legs when he said that. Oh my god, baby. That's what we bought when we got off the cruise. And they were so uncomfortable.

Starting point is 01:25:45 We had to give it to our dog. We gave it to Ruby. That was used as like a rug or something. Y'all don't like Mexican blankets? They're for fire. We bought them, but they were nothing to cuddle with. Mexican blankets. It felt like I was going to like fetch potatoes.

Starting point is 01:25:55 Like it was a sack. Oh, y'all got a bad one there. A burlap sack. They were like $3. Yeah, y'all didn't get the real ones. Those are fire. Those are so fire. So hairy and regretful.

Starting point is 01:26:03 Myself naked is a Mexican blanket. I'm like, that was a bad performance. I'm like, 30 seconds is not... You're not 30 seconds. You have a tally chart in your bedroom when you're like... What if you had a depth chart? A depth chart? A depth chart.

Starting point is 01:26:22 What does that mean? Like in football. This is the starting quarterback. There's our second string and there's third string. I feel like if you depth chart. What does that mean? Like in football. Like this is the starting quarterback. There's our second string. There's third string. I feel like if you're 12, yeah, that's like normal. If I ever walked into my son's room and he had that on his wall. Stop speaking.

Starting point is 01:26:34 To keep count of like. What did you just say? Oh, not 12. Okay. I was going to say like 16, like 17. Like immaturity. 12. Like people that put their like, like the names of people they've been with in their notes is weird.

Starting point is 01:26:47 I was training Bakugan at 12. Yeah, I hope we're not doing that today. 12 and you have a depth chart of sex? No, no, I didn't mean that. I meant like, I meant like, but no, no, I say regretful because I'm like, I didn't do well. Like you, like, I'm sweaty. I stink.

Starting point is 01:27:02 I'm so hairy. I'm so tired. My wrist is in pain. Some will never understand. Shin is bleeding. Oh, my God. You say that after every time. Bro, shit, because it's, bro, you don't get it.

Starting point is 01:27:19 We got to get this on Patreon. This is too much for you. If you want a continuation, it will be on Patreon. Oh, my God. Kim. All right. Get us out of here god episode 125 thank you so much for coming back to another week of mayhem we absolutely love y'all but confuse the casuals leave in the comments everywhere and get your good karma with this week's secret code. Har. H-A-R.

Starting point is 01:27:49 Hairy and Regretful. Hairy and Regretful. H-A-R. Leave it on Patreon, Instagram, TikTok, the full link. Leave it on Facebook. Leave a review on Spotify and just put, Love this podcast? Har.

Starting point is 01:28:01 Hairy and Regretful. But we absolutely love y'all. Like P mentioned in the intro, announcements are coming soon. They're going to be rolling out everywhere. You can see them on Patreon. You'll see them here on the full length. You can get different views, different access points from all the different channels we have. So make sure you go and you follow them all. You join them all.

Starting point is 01:28:21 You do all of it. Keep sending it to your friends. Keep sending it to your family we absolutely love you can't wait to see you next week on episode 126 get us out of here you just got a little taste of patreon so if y'all like that the conversation is going to continue over on there it's a little more open all right yeah we love you so much make sure you follow us on everything keep updated because we got a lot coming for you remember one out of ten koala beers don't make it home to christmas oh we will see you hello oh next time mine stink now

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