You Should Know Podcast - THEY CAUGHT US TOGETHER! -You Should Know Podcast-
Episode Date: January 27, 2025PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/YouShouldKnowPodcast FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/people/You-Should-Know-Podcast/61552092953106/ NEW TWITCH CHANNEL: https://m.twitch.tv/peytonhardin/home Peyt...on’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 00:00 THE BABY IS HERE (PRE RECORDED EPISODE) 2:03 CAM JOINS 5:44 IS PEYTON DRACULA? 8:27 YSK FLAG FOOTBALL LEAGUE 12:25 RESTRICTED CARTOONS 14:34 PEYTON DELIVERS THE BABY! 19:15 THE TRUTH ABOUT BEETHOVEN 21:30 SHOPIFY 25:01 STUTTERING DURING DIRTY TALK 28:19 MY PALM CAN TALK? 31:27 CRAZY DMV STORY 37:23 P*SS ON MY DENIM 42:50 USING THE BATHROOM IN THE MOOD 45:13 HIMS 46:36 MAKE THE FACE AND THE SOUND GAME 52:29 TIME ZONES AREN’T REAL 56:21 HE’S A WITCH! 1:00:34 SELECT QUOTE 1:02:02 MAMA LIV AND AUNTIE ASH JOIN 1:17:29 "MOST LIKELY TO" GAME 1:32:19 SCHEDULING FACETIMES DEBATE 1:40:44 ANNOUNCEMENTS Todays Sponsors: Shopify - https://www.shopify.com/ysk Hims - http://hims.com/ysk Select Quote - https://selectquote.com/ysk YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This episode is brought to you by our friends at Factor.
Make this your best season yet with nutritious two-minute meals from Factor.
Eating well has never been this easy.
Just heat it up and enjoy, giving you more time to do what you want.
Cam, you know me, right?
Yes, I do.
Do I like cooking?
No.
Do I like grocery shopping?
No.
Is it hard for me to eat healthy?
Yes.
Guess what's helped all that?
Factor.
Factor. They deliver meals to your literal doorstep doorstep in a box that says factor yes right and online you can pick what kind of meals they bring to you so i know there's going to be delicious
cuisine in that box that i want that is healthy for me that is no prep there's no cleanup i pop
that john in the microwave i'm eating better it
tastes good yummy tummy and it saves me a lot of money in time oh my god you're the time is
impeccable factor powers your day with satisfying breakfasts on-the-go lunches premium dinners and
guilt-free snacks and desserts it's easy to savor more this spring. Factor Meals, pack in the flavor with none of the fuss.
Get started at factormeals.com slash YSK50OFF
and use code YSK50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.
That's code YSK50OFF at factormeals.com slash YSK50OFF for 50% off plus free shipping.
Now on to the rest of the episode.
There you are, pushing your newborn baby in a stroller through the park.
The first time out of the house in weeks.
You have your Starbucks, venti, because, you know, sleep deprivation.
You meet your best friend.
She asks you how it's going.
You immediately begin to laugh, then cry, then laugh cry.
That's totally normal, right?
She smiles. you hug.
There's no one else you'd rather share this with.
You know, three and a half hours sleep is more than enough.
Starbucks, it's never just coffee.
The You Should Know Podcast.
Hey, everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast. Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast.
Round of applause, please.
Oh.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast.
If you're a new hero, if you're not already,
look below, you see the subscribe button, and press the earong. If you leave more below that, you see the comment to the You Should Know Podcast. If you're a new hero, if you're not already, look below. You see the subscribe button and press the earong.
If you leave more below that, you see the comment sections are fulfilled with your name.
Guess what?
Even more wrong.
Go and fill that out.
Let me be completely honest with you right now.
This episode is prerecorded.
If you are seeing this episode, that means Mama Liv and Co co's cam had their baby cam has off the next this week and
next week so the next two episodes are going to be pre-recorded next week's episode is the episode
with kane brown so you can see that also we'll have about 45 minutes before of just me and co's
cam and then the week after that that's when cam and mama i don't know if mama live will come in So you can see that. Also, we'll have about 45 minutes before of just me and Co's Cam.
And then the week after that, that's when Cam and Mama,
I don't know if Mama Liv will come in,
but Cam will come in and he will talk about all things childhood and fatherhood.
And we're so excited.
This is a very exciting time for us.
We have everybody in the studio with us today.
We got Auntie Ashlyn back in the studio.
We got Ryan back in the studio. We got Ryan back in the studio.
And, of course, we got CJ Pierce and Mama Liv.
We love you so much.
This week's extended is going to be absolutely hilarious,
and the ad-free and uncensored version will be available on Patreon.
Y'all are loving it so far and we are so thankful
for everybody that has joined the koala club whatever tier you are in we love you we love you
we love you everybody go wish mama live in uh co-host cam congratulations in the comments now on
to the rest of the episode podcast. We got co-host Cam!
We got co-host Cam.
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause!
Applause! Applause! Applause! applause! Applause! applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!!! Hey, I'm going to do it one more time because you are now a father. I deserve it. Come on.
I'm a papa.
We got co-host Cam back in the studio.
Give it up, baby.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Good job.
Now I'm a little.
Glad to be here.
I got a little blood flow now.
I don't.
I have a rash.
It's a rash.
You have a rash?
It's on my rash. a rash on my how'd
that get there from that friction oh a lot of movement now i want to panties are loose i want
to parlay from your panties in your ass you're a father now i'm a father well no no not at this
exact moment no no when y'all are seeing this, yes. Dude, crazy. Wild. He looks just like you.
He's so cute.
I go, no, he's gooey and gross.
Yeah, that's what I am nervous about it.
Oh, he's going to be a little gross.
I know.
I've said this before when we've talked about your son, right?
I'm so excited for it.
I love your son already.
Not sure optically.
Yeah, optically, visually, picture form, kid might not be the best right out the chute but he's got
to develop he's got his bones got to come in a lot harder he's very moldable right now oh very
like a like a piece like a big sack of play-doh oh my god play-doh with a heart i used to eat
play-doh won't eat your son let's put that out there that's good i'm very glad you won't eat
my kid yeah you ate play-doh, no? No. Not either.
I ate fire ants, though, one time in the summer.
No, yeah.
That's Caucasian.
Now, the Play-Doh, I think, is for all races and people.
Eating an ant is very, very mountains of Caucasus. Yeah.
What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?
Other than the ant.
The weirdest thing I've ever eaten.
I tried baby formula a couple days ago.
What's that the the powder that you mix
with warm distilled water to feed the child i tried it how did that go tasted like blood it
literally tasted like iron like like it tastes i went like we put in a bottle and everything i
sucked it clean out the nipple that part's nice good morning good morning good for the oral
fixation.
You just sit there.
Yeah.
Love that.
Had a lot of reps before I went to that bottle.
I'll send you a bottle.
Had a lot of practice before I went to that bottle nipple.
But, and the real ones are better.
We'll just say that.
The real nipples are better.
They're nice and warm.
They feel soft.
There's no plastic. You ever get a hair?
No.
Now, does my wife's nipples grow hair?
Yes.
Yes.
Does she remove it just as she does with her mustache?
Yes.
One time I was talking to a girl.
You sucked a nipple hair.
And there was one, just one thick, long one.
I liked her a lot.
So I just, it was a part of the experience.
You didn't stop her and say, ma'am, you have a dreadlock on your nipple.
You didn't stop her and say, hey, that is something that would get a whole plate of spaghetti thrown away.
You just maneuvered around it and sucked.
Oh, I didn't maneuver around it.
It was a part of the experience.
It was like a double-decker bus at that point.
You had a nipple hair and an areola
in your mouth sucking at once you are a sick you oh you're a desperate man you that was desperate
times called for desperate measures no but it tasted like a bit my lip it was like blood okay
but that's not a bad thing because i we've talked about weird strange smells we like
a weird taste that i like is the taste of blood
see you're well not from foreigners but like my blood you are a vampire no like because I have
I think early stage of gingivitis like enamel is ruined I you know I could I could see that
I go I you know I'm not gonna say. I can see where you're coming from.
So if I push on my permanent retainer on the bottom, do you know what I mean?
No, but that's not good.
It will ooze through the gaps in my bottom teeth.
I'll just suck it up just now.
And there's women.
There's women.
Their tongue.
Oh, yeah.
You know, let's just cut to the chase.
A little bit of flavor.
There's tongues.
It's been in your mouth.
It's not your tongue. Foreign tongue bit of flavor. There's tongues. Yeah. It's been in your mouth. Yeah.
It's not your tongue.
Foreign tongue.
And not only are they feeling.
Mm-hmm.
Train track downstairs.
Not only are they feeling.
A little bit of railroad.
A barbell.
Mm-hmm.
But they're getting some blood.
Why not? So someone else's tongue is in your mouth.
Yeah.
Hitting the deadlift.
And bleeding.
It's like adding a little bit of meal to that water.
And then they remove.
And they go, damn, that was good.
And they go back.
Is your blood sweet?
No, no, it's blood.
Are you a wretched, cursed man?
Do you have a curse, a spell over these women?
No, but I've stopped reading comments because, you know when I laugh and I throw my head back and my mouth's real open?
Very big mouth.
Some people have screenshotted and circled the holes in my teeth at the top.
Let's put that out there.
So I've had to stop looking at those.
No, I need to.
I need some kind of dental work.
Circle the holes in your teeth?
Oh, it's like a little black matter.
Show me.
No, no, no.
It's like a real insecurity. You're 26 in your teeth? Oh, it's like a little black matter. Show me. No, no, no. It's like a real insecurity.
You're 26 with cavities?
No, I have bad enamel.
That's not my fault.
That's not my fault.
No, no, no.
Whose fault is it?
I've always been subjective to cavities.
From what?
Weak enamel.
It's a genetic thing.
I swear to God.
Thank you.
Genetic in what way?
Now you're trying to go to a different route.
Does your father have weak teeth or is your mom with a bad mouth?
I never got that far into the family tree.
I barely just met my uncle the other day.
I was like, that man is not supposed to be in your Christmas picture.
Who is that man?
He's not your family.
Does Preston have bad teeth?
No, Preston has great teeth.
Preston has great everything.
So it's not genetic?
No.
Well, yes.
Well, from a different side.
Well, genetics don't go from both sides all the time.
Your brother and your sister are not going to have the same problems just because y'all are related.
You might get one thing from the other.
That's true.
You know what I mean?
That's true.
Like, what'd you get from your dad?
Stubbornness.
Yeah.
I got stubbornness, for sure.
And a mustache.
I think what I got from my dad is
i think because he's very competitive mark is very competitive ultra competitive but there's a point
right i just figured out the other day that my dad played 37u sports what he was in a 37U sports organization.
Like 37 years old sports.
They wore jerseys and had a coach.
They had practices, Cam.
No, they did not.
Cam, no, they watched no film.
No, they did not.
Cam, he took it so serious.
What?
Okay, and this matters a lot.
Yeah.
What sport?
Flag football.
Okay, okay.
What sport did you think?
If it would have been anything, if you would have said basketball,
if you would have said there's a 37U basketball program that had a coach,
film, and practices when these men have pensions and they are practicing with another man coaching them for the grand prize of nothing,
then I would say he's an idiot.
I don't think you're too far from it, though.
I think you're going to be that guy.
There's a difference between men's league, hey, I'm going to drive myself to this game,
I'm going to play the game, and I'm going to leave, and then a whole organization.
That's the same thing.
With a coach and practice and film.
That's the same thing.
Oh, no, there's not.
How is it different?
Me, myself, and I.
I sign up, I drive, I play, I leave.
Your dad, he signs up, he goes, gets coached, he goes, watches film, he goes. me myself and I I sign up I drive I play I leave
your dad
he signs up
he goes
gets coached
he goes
watches film
he goes
practices
he goes and scouts
the other team
that's an elite level
of men's league
elite level of delusion
no that is sickening
you don't think
you'll be that way
you were alive
you were here
no I was functioning
think about it
you were here
and your dad said
I can't take you
to the movies tonight
I got a big game tonight's the, I can't take you to the movies tonight. I got a big game.
Tonight's the quarterfinals.
Can't take you to Spider-Man. How does that make
you feel? I appreciated
it. I was like, he's working for something.
For what? A trophy?
Yeah, a participation trophy for
40-year-olds? Okay, you wouldn't do
that with me when we're 40.
Hopefully the podcast
is over.
At that point, let's hope we're not doing this we're back again episode 1472
we got it we're back guys you wouldn't do that with me i would yes i would do but there's a
difference you made it seem like this is a full-blown, like, we have a coach. There's management.
There's film.
Well, there's not management.
Our shit would be like, hey, we got a game Thursday.
Let's show up five minutes early so we can stretch a little.
Yeah, but why?
If you're going to do something.
Do it to its fullest.
Exactly.
Go all out.
No.
You just hoop.
You hoop, you leave.
Flag football would be fun, though.
It would be fun.
Flag football would be fun.
But I'm bad.
I feel like you'd be good at football.
I wouldn't be.
I think I'm going to be chair-bound by the time I'm 28.
So I don't know.
You know what I mean?
I don't think I got much time on these two legs.
So you're the coach.
You're the coach for sure.
You're like, God damn.
You just start coming out.
You say, why didn't you run the sled?
You just hit a little chair. And we got to a point where Pierce, Pierce is an active player on our team,
and you're in a wheelchair.
The world's –
We've lost.
I genuinely am starting to get concerned for my health.
What do you mean?
There's nothing wrong with your lower extremities.
When I wake up in the morning, it's like – I'm like Malcolm.
It takes me a little bit of grease and a lot of like motivation to get started you know what i mean it's like you know
when you get inside of a car you gotta like warm that shit up a little bit i'm turning into that
car like from here up you're fully functional you can roll over you can grab your flat diet coke
you can grab your phone but your legs are just like... You're having to drag yourself out of the bed.
I'm like Mr. Herbert's dog.
Oh my...
Okay, yeah.
And you're like Mr. Herbert.
Whoever can take the most time on RPM wins.
Oh shit.
Did you get to watch Family Guy?
I loved it.
That's all I watched.
Why do you think I'm the way I am now?
That and South Park.
I didn't get to watch Family Guy at all. Oh, you's all I watched. Why do you think I'm the way I am now? That and South Park. I didn't get to watch
Family Guy at all.
Oh, you were one
of those households?
Yeah.
My mom thought
Harry Potter was sacrilegious.
Why?
Because it smells?
I'm kidding.
She didn't.
My friend's parents
literally said,
you're not allowed
to watch Harry Potter.
That's strange.
I'm being told
in present form.
Yeah.
That's like, you can't watch, what's the biggest shit when we were like kind of adult?
Like you can't watch the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Oh no, that's bad.
That's jail.
Yeah.
Bro, my friend's parents said Harry Potter was sacrilegious.
Yeah.
And you shouldn't watch it.
My friend's parents said no Powerpuff Girls.
It was like, it was more, I think it was the attire.
I think it was because
their hunches were out.
But like my,
how old are they
before I want to retract
my statement?
How old are the
Powerpuff Girls
when they're in action?
Now how old are they?
Because I need to retract
what I just said.
They were definitely
under a household of an adult.
They were wearing,
they were very young.
I need to take that back.
I need to take that statement back.
Yeah, 100%.
Their hunches were out.
No, that's bad. That's wicked. I need to remove that. They don't to take that statement back. Yeah, 100%. They're haunches. No, that's bad.
That's wicked.
I need to remove that.
They don't care about their cartoons.
Well, it doesn't make it better.
Their cartoons.
Nalo is, oh, man. Yeah, it's strange.
Okay, but whenever I was a kid, it's very strange.
You know the household I grew up in.
There was no filter.
We were saying wild things.
That's how we got along.
Loud stomps.
Preston's definitely walking.
He goes, oh, Preston's up.
He's just like.
But like we would, as a family, we would watch South Park.
We would watch Family Guy.
And we were like, the worst jokes they made.
We were like, this is hilarious.
We love this.
That is something.
But I wasn't allowed to watch Johnny Bravo.
That's strange.
Why?
My mom was like, I don't like the way he treats women.
And I said, Mom,
there's a guy on South Park named Token
because he's the only black guy.
We're talking about Johnny Bravo?
Johnny Cool Shades Bravo?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The Caterpillar girls are a five-year-old kindergarten
teacher.
But we're gonna pretend like you didn't know.
I did not know.
You didn't know.
How was your week, Bobo?
What have you been doing, even though this is prerecorded?
The prerecorded week is pretty regular, right?
It was a normal week.
It was fun.
It was cool.
When y'all see this, this week will be hell.
It'll be heaven and hell.
Heaven being my son has joined us
hell being i'm probably currently running on two hours of sleep yeah it's gonna be rough that's why
the gracious boss himself granted me two weeks off i'm gonna try to get through it be there for
my wife be the rock for our family and my son i can't i hopefully i'm looking him in his just
little buggy eyes right now playing playing with his fat little gut,
rubbing his little weirdly soft armpits.
Excuse me?
Grabbing that little foot, changing that old diaper.
I'm putting that little sucker in a little swaddle.
And I'm swaddling him tight.
When do I get to?
Okay, I know.
You can't move.
Okay.
We got to talk about I'll be in the waiting room for the birth, right?
Yes.
And so whenever he's all showered up...
Oh, he doesn't bathe at two hours old.
They kind of take a rag and they wipe the goo off of him.
They just kind of go...
But I'm going through this thing in my head.
I don't know when I want to come over to the house.
So we have been talking about it too.
Hopefully because, A, these waiting rooms, not as big as we thought.
B, a lot of family coming down.
So basically, we don't know either, to be honest.
To the house?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm saying because that's you too.
You might not want to live, might not want to the first day out of the hospital.
You got eight people at your crib trying to see the kids.
Let me say this.
Let me say this.
I don't want to be there the first week.
That's messed up.
Oh, no, it's not.
Bro, you're going to come.
Hey, the first time you see me, you're going to knock on the door.
I'm going to answer it.
Honest to God, what would you do if I was in like sweatpants?
One was rolled up right here.
I had two different slippers on. I was like, hey, bro. I was like, thank you for coming. And I was in like sweatpants one was rolled up right here i had two different slippers on i was like i was like hey bro i was like thank you for coming and i was
just like i would literally i'd be like what if i had a like five o'clock shadow you're like when
did you shave i was like i didn't they fell out i was just like i was just like miserable i would
literally go home i'd be like i'm gonna try again in a month bro like i don't want i don't want
anything to do with that kind of environment we'll uh we'll zoom record for next dude i'm that's the thing i've been dealing with brother
what i'm scared why because it's hectic it no i mean it is but it's it's but it'll become the
new norm for us that's all it is like it really for y'all yeah it's not gonna be the new norm for
me what do you mean i keep getting those comments and And on the street. Like, I'll meet fans.
Like, we go out and we meet fans.
Where's Cam at?
I'll be like, oh, his wife's about to give birth, so he's in the house.
And they'll be like, oh, yeah.
They'll be like, oh, yeah.
Like, are you ready?
And I'll be like, well, I have no part.
Like, I didn't.
No, that's his kid, not mine.
No relation here.
And I tell them, and they're like, no, no, your life's going to said no it's not is that not sick though you're welcome but is my life gonna change
no you're welcome it's not going to i got you but it will how your life will change how you are now
gonna be an uncle forever well my night well not really yeah if i like yes legally no i'm not
yeah all right i get legal no i don't know i'm just saying
you are an uncle no i'm saying but if i choose one day i want no part yeah yeah you're out but
but don't do that no i won't but i'm saying my life won't change my my wake up to my go to sleep
is not different yeah that won't change but you like when you go through a target instead of right instead of just buying like whatever like
water and uh frozen chicken you're gonna be walking through you get the water you get the
frozen chicken on the way out you go oh that's a cool little thing for malachi like you're well i
do that already your eyes are gonna be jaded i do that already but i don't really understand
what's appropriate for a baby yet like because i you told me when you gave me that quiz that toys aren't because he's on the list brother he can't even see you know when he
comes out he won't be able to see more than eight inches in front of him eight inches it's a joke
i'm ready to go it's no no no no no you houston rocket man you no, no, you Houston Rocket man, you.
No, no, no.
Let me.
Come on.
We can mute it.
It's all right.
Come on.
Now, bob his head around.
He's like this.
Oh, great job.
Dude, do Beethoven. You know's let's just break into that you know beethoven supposedly deaf the beethoven the music guy the mother that can make
he can't hear that shit beethoven can i like can i play you a part of this? Real quick. Yeah, play me a part of it.
Dog, this f***er was dead?
Are you kidding me?
No way! Where are we reading this from?
Bro, I swear to you.
This.
Oh, just wait! This is like
Now there's two.
This guy couldn't hear?
This might be a...
I don't know.
Bro, you're lying.
Dude, why do people lie?
People lie.
I think with our historical figures, right?
Yes.
What's her name?
Aunt Franck.
Amelia.
Amelia Earhart.
Amelia Earhart.
They're saying she was...
She can see!
She can see!
Or the guy behind her could!
Because they said she wrote a book!
No, that's Helen Keller.
Wait.
Damn it.
We did it again.
We have learned nothing.
We did it again.
So Helen Keller.
They're saying Helen Keller was writing books
and flying planes.
See, but honestly, the only way. And this is very possible. But we have to be honest. No, Helen my, like, honestly, the only way,
and this is very possible,
but we have to be honest.
No, Helen Keller didn't fly the plane.
Wait, no, she did.
Yes, I'm telling you,
she flew a plane and...
That's Anne.
That's Anne Frank.
I'm telling you,
this is like the...
She just...
Is that Humpty Dumpty?
What the...
You're sitting like Robin Hood. Okay, so... into the picnic. What the f***? Is that Humpty Dumpty? What the f*** did you do? I thought you were
sitting like Robin Hood.
Okay, so go ahead.
She had the fever
and she was out
with her parents.
How do you know
her medical history?
How do you know
her medical history?
I thought he was black.
What?
Of course she was.
The You Should Know Podcast. So you've always been picky about your produce.
But now you find yourself checking every label to make sure it's Canadian.
So be it.
At Sobeys, we always pick guaranteed fresh Canadian produce first.
Restrictions apply.
See in-store or online for details.
Oh my God.
Okay, I did not tell you this the other day.
What I say, this is the most inappropriate answer to a question or statement I have ever heard
ever in my life in terms of fast food.
So me and Liv, we were coming back
from our ob appointment
again we're at that point where they're weekly yeah it's a lot of right a lot of a lot of hooks
um only there's only it was two and it wasn't a hook no what's more of a straw bridge like a like
a straight in there straight in there and straight out, but, yeah, no hook in action.
We're not hanging stockings, but.
So, on the way back from the OB appointment, we go through McDonald's.
Best place on earth.
Actually, I just lied.
I drop her off, come back, I go get the McDonald's.
She was tired.
I go through.
I swear on everything.
I literally go.
I'm driving up. Order my food. She goes, what do you want to drink? I go, do y swear on everything. I literally go. I'm driving up.
Order my food.
She goes, what do you want to drink?
I go, do y'all have Powerade?
Because our McDonald's is always out.
So I go, do y'all have Powerade?
She goes, no, we got Diet Coke, though.
Perfect.
What in what mind space do you have to be in for me to go, do you have Powerade?
No, but we got Diet Coke.
What sense does that make?
You would think the next order would be lemonade.
Lemonade.
High C.
Hey, y'all got steak?
No, we got mashed potatoes.
What the fuck?
It's completely.
I literally was so caught off guard and immediately was just laughing in my head.
I said, hell, I'll take Diet Coke.
I was like, you know what?
Sure.
You got me. I would have been honored. I would, hell, I'll take that coke. I was like, you know what? Sure. You got me.
I would have been honored.
I would have thought I was supposed to be there.
That's why I was like, I got to tell him.
He's absolutely going to love this.
That's the strangest thing on earth.
That's so inappropriate.
Also very inappropriate.
And I'm kind of nervous saying this.
Now, this is two different types of inappropriate.
Yeah.
I don't do coitus, really.
I don't have it.
Okay. two different types of inappropriate yeah i don't do coitus really i don't have it okay because the last time i did have you ever have you ever stuttered during dirty talk like you've ever
been trying to get your shit on and you'd be like you're like you like
you go what's my name?
Stuttering during sex.
No, you got to get out of there.
You have to go, get out of there.
If you stutter during sex, you're like, yeah, you're naughty.
She's just like, she's like like she's like oh my god because i'm not a confident man as it is right i'm not going in there 100% like proud of myself and so when that happens i'm at 20% at that point that i'd literally i'd go i'd
go soft probably immediately i'd immediately just be like, nah, I can't.
I'm like, game's over.
Contest is over.
There's no finish line.
I'm sorry.
You stuttered.
What did you say?
Well, I'm not going to reveal my bag.
Well, give us a died down version of the bag.
My mom watched us talk.
So you brought it up.
Yeah, but you're asking for the specific example.
Now you're getting into your bag.
You're getting into that freaky shit.
No, I'm not.
I'm just trying to see what you stuttered.
I was just like.
Okay, at least say this.
I'm saying thank you.
Was it?
You're like, thanks.
She's like, get the fuck off me.
Okay, I was just trying to see.
Was it more of a you you were like like dirty talk you were hyping
it up you were talking to her yeah or you were talking to yourself now that didn't come good
job payton what the fuck you're talking to myself you're doing great i'm sitting there i'm like damn
yeah oh you got it like but i'm talking to me. You're like, that's it.
I'm like, you like that?
She's like, you're not doing anything.
I go, you like that?
That would be the curveball of the century.
Ruby's in the corner.
She's in there.
She's licking my foot again.
Dude.
That's wicked sex time.
Yeah.
Don't ever stutter during sex again.
No, I... Okay, now this is not in that weird creep bag that you like to paint me.
But what happened right afterwards?
I said, sorry.
Oh, sorry.
Because I was in the ear reaching.
Let me get this straight.
You might be inside of this woman.
That's not how it happens.
And you stutter.
Mm-hmm.
Then apologize for stuttering.
Yeah.
And you mean to tell me.
Yeah.
There was still sex afterwards?
Yeah, not much.
I mean, the whole thing is a minute and a half regardless.
Respect, soldier.
Respect, soldier soldier Okay this has absolutely nothing to do with that
This is going to seem really weird
I had okay
I was talking with
Who was it doesn't even matter
It doesn't matter at all actually but I was talking with someone
And we were talking about reoccurring nightmares
I know I brought this up not the one where I fell in
But I this wasn't a reoccurring one But I remembered a brought this up, not the one where I fell in, but I, this wasn't a reoccurring one,
but I remembered a nightmare that I had as a kid and it was in my own house.
And basically the nightmare was I walk out of my room,
my like parents house.
Now I walk out of my room,
I go in the living room and rowdy Roddy Piper is in the room.
He pops out of the corner,
runs up the walls,
grabs me into like a DDT, runs me up the wall with me, DDTs me on the ground.
Then he left and killed me, Maul.
That was the whole dream.
And it was absolutely terrifying.
And I haven't thought about that in years.
Wait.
Rowdy Roddy Piper broke into my house, killed my grandma, and DDT'd me off a wall.
That was, I swear to God, that was a nightmare I had.
Dude, I really want to get some of our dreams interpreted.
Dude, I would, I would, wait.
Now that's, that's that voodoo shit.
That's.
I don't think so.
I think it's a psychic.
It's voodoo.
Would you do a psychic?
No, never.
I wouldn't either.
I think the biggest scam.
How much would it cost you to do a psychic?
Oh, not much.
Like, if they were readily available.
Like, if you brought one here, I would do it. Ooh. But. Jot that down. the biggest scam would it cost you to do a psychic oh not much like if they're readily available like
if you brought one here i would do it oh but jot that down you know the biggest scam in the world
this might be offensive to some people and i'm not trying to who i said insurance i don't know
much about it yeah i don't have it yeah yeah you do no i do have one more year you're covered for
a little bit longer i have one more year but I think the biggest scam in the world, one of the biggest scams, is palm readers.
I don't understand how these lines and my little skin cancer mole on my palm is going
to tell me about who I'm going to marry.
Wait, let me see yours.
You have an extra line.
Wait, let me see yours.
What's wrong with my line?
I think they said if you can make an M.
Yeah, I got it. No, you got like a m m m i got dna on mine what the hell and i don't understand i don't understand
fingerprints no yeah that is fingerprints are magnificent honestly there's no there is no way
no one else out of 8 billion people has that.
Not a shot.
No, there's definitely reoccurring fingerprints.
Apparently, there's not, though.
There's not that many line combinations in the world.
I think there is, though.
And it's just circles.
I don't have an obscure line.
But it's like the breaking points, they're all different, bro.
You got to believe in it.
You really need to, though. No, I believe in it. You really need to, though.
No, I don't.
No, you need to, though.
And I heard you can bite them off.
You can bite off your fingerprint.
I heard you can burn them off.
Oh, maybe that.
That's what criminals do.
After they commit crime, they remove their molars and they burn their fingertips.
Why are there molars?
Dental records.
Oh.
They remove their...
And then they...
Because these right here, it's like a there's it's
just a tooth now maybe you but yeah that's him they're like they're like this is talking to me
the dude was like no they took my mullers out they think it's like a civil war vest
like this is our old like put it in put it in, shooting dice with it.
Shooting dice.
What happened with it?
Oh, my God.
I just reminded myself.
Okay.
Can I go into a story time?
Tell me.
Dude, we went to the DMV.
And I know we've talked about the DMV.
I know the world knows the DMV. It's a freaky place.
It's a nasty place.
First off, the DMV we went to is the biggest DMV I've ever seen.
Just to see if I'm tweaking. Your local DMV we went to is the biggest DMV I've ever seen. Just to see if I'm tweaking.
Your local DMV you went to growing up, how many people, if you walk in there, were there?
Probably like 50, 75.
Okay, then this isn't the biggest one I've ever seen.
The one I went to growing up, there was like 20 people in there.
Oh, you didn't grow up in the best places.
It was like 20 to 40 people in the DMV.
I walk in here, there's 200 people minimum.
It was absolutely massive to 40 people to DV. I walk in here, there's 200 people minimum. It was absolutely massive.
That's hell.
And I think, I don't know, maybe it was just because New Year,
like of course Liv gets her freaking appointment like freshly into a new year
when all these other people, all these kids probably just turned whatever age,
all sorts of shit.
So we go in there.
And first off, I walk in.
I told Liv, hey, I'm going to drop you off and i'll go park because we were late
so she runs in goes her appointment i'm walking in with my celsius and this woman puts her hand
on my chest instead of speaking yeah never touch hey i have ears you have mouth let's use those
i'm not beethoven she goes no drinks behind here and i said what the i was like who are you and
she was literally like four foot eleven
with her like security vesting had like a it looked like a tsa patch but it was a dmv patch
she goes no drinks past this point and i was like okay do you need a cough drop like your throat's
very sore and you should probably drink some water but okay so i stepped back and in this step back
period i had the honor to just be in the front waiting part of this DMV
to where every single person coming in, all these just cretins, they're walking right past me.
So I'm about to list the different people that I saw in this DMV.
Okay, first one, not being insensitive at all.
There's no problem with it.
I'm just saying statistically the odds, right?
200 people in this DMV, three little people. Now, I't know if that's the right term and I'm not cracking a
joke. I'm just saying what I saw. Second thing I saw, I look over at a line, right? Like there's,
for whatever reason, there's a big waiting room and there's a line of people standing. In that
line, there's a seven-year-old girl that had a briefcase that was by herself. Now I said,
how do you know what you're doing? You are so small.
You are so young.
How are you in a DMV?
What are you getting?
Are you getting an ID card?
Are you getting a license?
Where's your parents?
And she was tapping her foot.
She had places to be.
She was like this.
And she was that far off the ground.
I'm like, okay.
Third thing, a family walked in,
and not only did they smell of marijuana.
Nice.
It smelled like they had marijuana in their hands and they were going like this.
It was as loud as a rock band.
It was so, I mean, they just smoked.
The clothes they wore, they smoked in yesterday.
They smoked in yesterday.
They smoked in the car on the way home, on the way here,
and then they had smoke in their pockets when they walked in.
It was weed.
They were weed.
Last thing, we're walking in, and this big, okay, I love all of our fans.
This guy that's working there, he comes up to us.
He gives me knuckles, right?
Love a good knuck.
And I'm just waiting. This is still when I can't even get in yet to sit with Liv. Gives me knuckles, right? Love a good knuck. And I'm just waiting.
This is still when I can't even get in yet to sit with Liv.
Gives me knuckles.
And I'm like, what's up, man?
He's like, oh, y'all have the funniest shit ever, man.
I just really wanted to say I love your videos.
Do you need anything?
Can I do anything?
He starts doing that.
He goes, can I do anything to help you out?
Can I do something for you?
And I go, I mean, do I ask him, like, can we get in there earlier?
I was like, no, I'm just going to be a regular guy.
I was like, no, we're just waiting on our appointment.
He's like, if you want to, like, maybe skip a line or something,
just let me know.
And I go, all right.
At this point, I'm not fully convinced he works here.
Because he's like, the shirt looks like it,
but he has a big jacket that's kind of hiding the shirt.
And I think he's getting that from me.
Like, he's sensing that I'm like, is this guy even real?
So he goes, all right, bro, I'm about to get back to it.
And if you don't need anything, I'll just be right here.
Just holler if you need me.
Yeah.
I go, all right, bro.
Nice to meet you.
He takes two steps away.
Remember I said there's 200 people in here.
Yeah.
Takes two steps away from me.
Goes like this.
All right, bro.
Appreciate it. Nice to meet you.
Return all the clipboards to the front of the DMV! And screams as loud as you possibly have to for 200 people to hear.
And I was like, I literally was like, hey, bro, you too.
We're tired!
I was like, what the?
And he screams the loudest scream.
Everyone was like, everyone's head was like, what the?
And then like 40 people stand up with clipboards,
and they
all go to a tournament i'm like i'm not talking to you ever again you that's a dmv that that's
your average dmv experience bro the dmv is sucks it's like the twilight zone there's never anything
good that happens in there never never bro okay so you said you don't like you okay whenever we're
places a good amount of times we do get offered a special
privilege like that like you said yeah the workers will recognize us and like hey we'll help you out
yeah you said you didn't take it for this instance wasn't sure if the guy would really work yeah
didn't know if he was employed by the state i'm not gonna lie i take that privilege if you offer me something i'm gonna take it but the worst is
when it doesn't work like oh my god you know what i mean oh my god like the guy will say hey come on
i'll hook you up over here he brings you to the hookup spot and then his superior comes and starts
questioning both of you and i'm like yeah i'm just here because he told me and they say i don't care who this person is and now you got to take the walk of shame back walk of shame walk of shame
ego takes a hit yeah that guy's gonna get fired and we don't get special special promise yeah
it's a quadruple loot loss my god did i just stroke Dude, I have a wild story. Oh, my God.
Go for it.
So this is filmed like right after New Year's, right?
Yes.
So for New Year's, me and CJ, we went out, right?
Happy New Year's.
The whole thing, right?
Where'd you kiss?
CJ kissed someone.
We might save that for the extended.
No, we're definitely saving that for the extended. Nah.
We're definitely saving that for the extended.
No, we can't.
We can't.
We genuinely can't.
Y'all are tripping.
So, you know the place we go to.
Yes.
That's not the main club part, but that little, that bar.
The pre.
The pre spot.
It's like a nice sports bar, right?
Very big.
The way that this bar's restaurant, or restroom, the way this bar's restroom is laid out is so strange.
You walk in, and the mirrors have gaps in them,
so you can see the women's side of the mirrors, right?
You can see them washing their hands.
They can see you washing their hands.
There's a lot of commotion this night.
People are reaching across, dapping women up,
and I said, neither of y'all wash, right?
So I'm walking past that.
I'm hearing the girls from the other side recognizing me, full bladder, I got to go tinkle. I've been y'all wash, right? So I'm walking past that. I'm hearing the girls from the other side recognizing me.
Full bladder.
I got to go tinkle.
I've been drinking a little bit, right?
Yeah.
Got to drain that old sea monster.
Got to drain that old kraken.
Bring that Loch Ness back to the surface.
So I'm going to go pee where I'm using the urinals.
But the urinal situation in this bar is even worse.
The urinals are about four inches away from each other.
There's no wall.
No walls, no curtain, nothing.
You're damn near bumping hips while you're trying to relieve yourself in the urinal.
I'm peeing.
I have no problem peeing next to somebody.
I'm just going to turn a little bit, right?
Yep.
Get that little defense.
So when I'm peeing, I'm peeing, right? There's no when i'm peeing i'm peeing right there's no i'm i'm peeing
right whipping that beluga out i'm peeing there's nobody in the urinal next to me so i'm kind of
opened up right i'm opened up but as i'm like a third of the way through this piss and it's a
drunk piss so you know it's taking a little longer than normal oh yeah forehead did your forehead hit the wall no i wasn't there yet there yet i was sturdy yeah
but the guy that filled that urinal up next to me he was drunk he came in stumbling into the
restroom right he immediately slaps his hand on the wall and he's unbuckling wide. Like he's hitting me with his elbow, unbuckling, right?
He takes a quick pee, right?
He's like, it's like a little squirt of a Windex.
He just comes back on, he's like.
And so, men, as we know, when we're done dribbling,
we give a couple shakes.
You wring that thing out, all right?
Now, like I said, this guy was a beliterated drunk oh no i can only see him through my peripheral at this point he's at
shake mcgee it's time for him to shake yes or no did a little bit of the shake. Oh, no.
Oh, hell no.
Get on me.
Hell no.
It was close.
It was cold outside, so it was close.
I'm wearing blue jeans.
The right side of the knee part, there's a splatter on it, right?
Now, let's be honest.
I don't like to fight, right?
My rule is if I have cologne on, I'm not fighting, right?
I don't do it.
Second, my Johnson's still out.
Now, am I supposed to go into combat with this guy and, like, start jousting him?
I did get angry, though.
I got angry, so I was going to say something to him.
I look.
I'm 6'7", Cam.
This guy, as soon as I turn, my eyes are at his nipples.
I look up.
It's like Shaquille O'Neal is next to me.
No wonder that thing had a lot of recoil on the shake.
I literally had to just take his piss and walk out of the restroom.
There's literally nothing I can say to this big man.
He would kill me.
You go, hey, bro, watch your...
He just grabs you by the neck.
I'm still out.
You're still out.
He's still out.
He's like...
What's his name from Green Mile?
He starts going...
The bugs fly out of his mouth.
You have to imagine the shame I have.
He knows he dribbled on me.
I'm washing my hands and he still picks a sink next to me.
And I'm just having a...
You're kidding me.
Why?
Okay.
Genuinely, if you had to guess, how tall was he?
He was at least 6'10".
6'11".
He was a big dude. And 6'10". 6'11". He was a big dude.
And, like, 6'10", like, 285.
That guy was wide.
My thing is, what did he drink to be that drunk?
He's like, give me the f***ing keg.
He's like, give me the whole thing.
He's just like...
But there's literally nothing I could have done in that situation.
Oh, no.
Because two of my rules, don't fight when you've got clone on or your pee-pee's out.
Pee-pee was out, clone was on. And if you would have or your peepee is out peepee was out clone was on
and if you would have went for combat he would have chokeslammed you on the wall with my peepee
out with your johnson now you'd have been chokeslammed on a bathroom floor with your
johnson out more than likely johnson loses blood flow blood goes to head to protect self so you
would now have a small flaccid penis on a bathroom floor while you might be knocked out
and that would be death you'd have to or move now i'm gonna be a little vulnerable here
i'm gonna be a little vulnerable here oh i'll give you a pure vulnerable a lot of men say like
they don't like peeing when they got blood flow it's hard for them now my first thing would be
why do you have a pocket rocket when you're going to pee? Off the wake up.
Oh.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, but some people are like, it's hard.
And then there's like a bunch of memes where people are like laying flat on the toilet.
Oh, yeah.
Is that a real thing?
Because I've never had an issue.
It actually gives me more stability.
It's like an aim lock on it.
You go, it's like I really have like an acog scope so you so you're saying
you so you don't have problem with a morning wood but you don't have you don't have problem
with pissing is what you're saying no i'm saying i don't have problem pissing with a little a little
blood flow with with while i'm sturdy i oftentimes coordinate my shits with waking up so i typically
i typically sit down when i when i relieve myself
oh so you're sitting down with the projectile no sometimes no it's definitely touching yeah
no no i don't want to touch that i don't want to touch but then i get a nice rag i'm sitting
there cleaning them off i'm just kidding i get the dude wipe i'm like that is that is absolutely no but pissing with i i standing up to go for to
give you some scientific research standing up pissing is it's not been a problem for me i kind
of have to like dip it to the right a little bit. You got a hook in it?
No, I'm straight as an arrow.
No hook in my game.
Never been fishing.
I just got the rod.
I don't have the bait.
I don't got that hook part.
You don't have a bob on it?
They go, you want to go fishing?
I'm like, I'll bring the pole.
You got to bring the hooks because I'm just there I'll bring the pole. You got to bring the hooks.
I'm just there.
I am right there.
You can balance on it.
I don't understand the difficulty of it.
Yeah, I mean, it's like, are they like that?
Like, mine's just... So we're good.
We're in the same boat.
But you do have a little...
How do you know?
A little shoehorn.
Come here.
It's a finish.
The You Should Know Podcast.
Truck Month is on at Chevrolet.
Get 0% financing for up to 72 months on a 2025 Silverado 1500 custom blackout or custom trail boss. With custom trail bosses available,
class exclusive Duramax three liter diesel engine and Z71 off-road package
with a two inch factory suspension lift.
You get both on-road confidence and off-road capability.
Dirt road ahead.
Let's go.
Truck month is awesome.
Ask your Chevrolet dealer for details.
I think it's time that we play a game.
God damn it.
Okay.
What?
It's not a prank, right?
No, it's not a prank this time.
Okay.
Our friends are not involved on it.
It's not like that.
Yeah, okay.
It's a regular game.
I love games.
Okay.
Let's do it.
So this is simply, it's just a little quick one.
I think it's going to be cutesy, okay?
I love cute.
So one of us is going to close.
It's called You Make the Face, I Make the Sound. So, one of us is going to close. It's called, you make the face, I make
the sound. Now, that just
sounds like a sentence, right? This doesn't sound like
much fun, but you make
the face, I make the sound.
So, how this is going to go is
you're going to close your eyes.
You know I don't like closing my eyes in public. But I'm not striking you.
You're going to close your eyes. So, practice
around. Close them. And then I'll go
three, two, and then i'll go three two
and then after one you open and i'm gonna have a face and i'll be doing some and you make the
sound that coordinates with the face oh god yeah okay i gotta go through a rolodex of sounds here
yeah and but that the eyes close is the speed because you're trying to get that sound off quick
because if i just go what does this sound like and then you could sit there and think about it it's gonna be my natural noise is
like very confused that's fine it's gonna be more funny okay if you immediately you're like three
two you look you see it you gotta make a noise well that's you making the face i make the noise
whatever dude okay but we're gonna switch we're both doing oh oh perfect yeah, I like that. That was a lot of pressure on me at first.
No, yeah, we're both doing it.
Thank God.
Okay.
Who wants to go first?
Okay.
I'll do it how we said it.
I'll close my eyes first.
I'll make the face first.
Okay.
So right after he finishes one, you open your eyes, you immediately make the sound that
I'm...
Okay, this is going to be my genuine first reaction when I see your face.
Like, it might not even pertain to your face, but when I see it...
Okay, that's fine.
That's how I'm going to feel.
All right, here we go.
Three, two, one.
Oh, f***.
Make the noise.
You have to make a noise.
You're not f're not doing it.
I just did that face for 20 seconds for nothing, dog.
What are you doing?
It's more of a word I can think of.
It was like gross.
Gross?
Do you understand the game?
I understand.
I'm sorry.
Okay, my turn.
Go.
Here we go.
Give me a face.
Okay.
Okay. Three, two, one. Okay, my turn. Go. Here we go. Give me a face. Okay.
Three, two, one.
Oy!
Oy!
Oy!
I think that's what you were doing.
You said, oy!
Oy!
Well, let me keep doing the faces.
Okay, go.
Three, two, one.
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh! See?
Okay.
You need to redeem yourself.
I can think of words.
I can't think of, like, noises.
You've got to think of a noise.
You've got to have a soundboard.
I don't have that many noises in my Rolodex.
You do one more.
Okay.
I'm giving you examples, and you're going to redeem yourself.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
You got a sneak peek at my face.
No, I didn't.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
I can't follow that up.
Yes, you can.
I'm going to do a word.
You got it.
No, you're not.
You're changing the game because you're not good at it.
You got to grind.
Here we go.
All right.
Three, two, one.
Oh, I didn't close my eyes.
I'm starting to have a fan.
Hold on, hold on. He was literally looking at you while you were making the face. I'm starting to have a pain. Hold on, hold on.
I'm starting to sweat.
Alright, you ready?
Stop cheating.
You're right.
Stop cheating.
Alright, three, two, one.
Boing.
Boing?
He didn't look at you.
Try again.
That was close. That was good. That was good. Try again.
That was close.
That was good.
That was good.
Like a... Yeah.
Okay, do another one.
I'm the face?
No.
I'm the face.
You're doing another one.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Eep.
Eep.
Eep.
This is clear like a
You gotta get those
I'm good
You're fucking scaring me
Sorry
Okay you go
I wanna try the noise
Okay
I gotta dig your faces
Okay
It was the cross that did it I'm taking faces. Okay. All right. Two, one.
Ay-oy, ay-oy, ay-oy.
It was the cross that did it.
Ay-oy.
Okay.
Ay-oy.
Okay.
One more for me.
You do the noise.
Okay.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. One more, you do one more for me I'm genuinely having a panic attack
She felt my heart
I gotta think of the best one yet
My eyes are closed
Okay
Okay Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm ready.
Three, two, one.
Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink.
Oink, oink, oink.
Get it?
It's like a bobblehead.
Dude, you are rough to look at.
I'm a little too good at this.
Oink, oink, oink, oink.
Do the noise.
Oink, oink, oink, oink.
I'm hearing something crack, bro.
I just heard something crack like three times.
Dude.
Oh, oh, oh.
Dude, sometimes you scare me, dude. was good though dude that was good i appreciate
that yeah that's like a bonding that's like a love me and i got a cramp in like my shoulder
i think i tore something in my neck okay seriously you know a question let's bring it back to reality
here let's bring it back bring it back to reality i i was thinking this the other day i was on
facetime with our friends in new york right some friends we have in new york i was on FaceTime with our friends in New York, right? Some friends we have in New York. I was on FaceTime with them, and I was so astounded by the fact that it was so bright here in Texas,
and it was so dark there in New York.
Now, I get that time zones are a thing.
I get it.
Yes.
But what's the science behind a time zone?
Sun. but what's the science behind a time zone sun it is the sun relative to these zones on the earth
so imagine sun's here earth's here right good morning there's zones and they're like little
rectangles and they go straight down they're not like it's not east to west i mean the when you
change it's from going east to west but like say like, say something here in Russia is up here,
and, like, all the way down here in India, even though they're super far,
if they're vertically aligned in that same rectangle, they're in the same time.
Because it's east to west.
Because when we rotate, when we rotate,
less words, dude.
I don't know what you're saying.
Okay.
East to west, your time zones change.
Because the world is rotating.
That's not true.
Yes, it is.
It's not the same time in Canada right now that it is in Texas.
Directly above us?
Yes.
No, it's not.
Bet money on it.
Bet money.
What's directly above us in Canada?
We'd have to figure it out.
Figure it out.
Toronto?
You're thinking Toronto.
And it's above us.
That's above us in way far east because that's above New York.
Directly above us is going to be the same time zone.
Why are we in the same time zone?
Oklahoma's in the same time zone. Oklahoma's in the same time zone.
Colorado's in the same time zone.
Colorado's to the left.
Colorado's a little to the left.
I think they're off.
So that's what I'm saying.
But they're to the left.
Straight up.
Whatever's straight above us at the very top of our country.
Was that North Dakota or some shit?
Yeah, it's North Dakota, South Dakota.
Those are adjacent.
Yeah, those are in the same time zone as us.
They're central.
But why?
If you'd let me.
So when we turn like this we're not turning
like this we turn like this so they say so the sun's here so we're turning yeah okay so it's
east to west it's you're slowly getting further away from the sun yeah that's why it's different
no i guess that's how time moves what are you not picking i'm not understanding like how did we set
that oh who made it yeah that's what i'm saying. A gypsy con artist. I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm saying, like, so when did we all start the clock at the same time?
Like, I understand, like, and time's always been strange to me.
Yeah.
That we're, like, we're starting 12 right now.
Everybody go.
And we all press the button at the same time.
It's like, go.
And that's what I don't understand.
How is all time starting at the same time, but it all is at a different time?
You know what I mean?
We didn't all just start at one level time.
I don't know when that started.
Wouldn't that be a hell of a day to be at?
If we had a time machine to go back, when they had the inaugural time launch,
when they were just like, now is time.
They started, and they were like, go spread it.
I'm like, go take time everywhere.
And then they're just like, dude, it's 2.30.
Like, that's honestly, dude, you ask, I swear to God.
It's good questions.
You need to lay off the weed.
I'm not, no, have it in a long time.
Bro, you ask questions.
That are good questions.
That's good questions.
It's genuinely like, how have we all started time at the same exact time
with our started,
we're like,
okay,
we're going to start our shit
at midnight, right?
Yeah.
12 is our starting time.
They're going to start their shit
at 3 p.m.?
Yeah,
with someone on the other side
of the world just like,
well,
it just looks like
9 o'clock in the morning.
Exactly,
and it doesn't make sense.
Let's just run with it.
And it doesn't make sense.
And how is the sun involved
if Alaska never has nighttime?
Yeah.
There's some times it never does. And isn't that some shit? Yeah. Wait, is it Alaska or is it North? make sense and how is the sun involved if alaska never has nighttime yeah there's sometimes it
never does and isn't that some shit yeah wait is it alaska or is it no it's alaska it's alaska
it's like they're they they're it's always sunny i saw that bro that i don't believe i don't know
i don't there's a lot of shit going on in the snow they don't tell if there's a lot of secret
shit in the snow the snow is the snow is a place for the secret.
There's some secretive snowy shit going on.
I swear to you, bro.
And you bringing up the past and how they started stuff,
I don't think I would have lasted that long in the Salem witch trials.
Do you think they would have got me out of there quick?
Yes.
I think you would have been gone.
What are some characters like,
Oh, he doesn't smell normal. He doesn't use his potions. Get him. You have been gone. What are some characters like, oh, he doesn't smell normal.
He doesn't use his potions.
Get him.
You would be gone.
Okay, what about me would they have got me out for?
Immediately height.
He's ginormous.
Get him out.
Okay.
Smell, gone.
No, they all probably smelled back then.
But you, brother, you smell now.
So your smell back then would be incredible.
It would be, it would honestly be fascinating.
Okay.
You'd probably be able to be like,
it's like peel some skin off.
You're like, ah.
Okay.
Smell, height.
Okay, not that.
Okay, yeah, not that one, but maybe.
And then your mouthpiece.
Not your actual teeth and cavities, but the way you can speak.
They'd say he's too good.
I'm too much of a poet.
Too much of a poet.
They'd be like, he reads.
He reads scripture.
He studies the ancient dark arts.
They would have got you out of there because they're like, he's growing life in his ears.
Like, there's so much in there.
How is all that falling out of them
i'm like did i run off who would be the better witch 100 me what is 100 what makes a good witch uh you got to be able to curse people you got to be able to read the dark arts you got to be able
to have a cauldron and make spells and potions you're too passive to be a good witch no you're
not vindictive the best witches are passive no i'd be like a siren no exactly you'd be you'd be trying to get in the
streets and with the shits people would quickly realize you and they'd burn you at the stake
i'd be ducked off in some basement making the world's dangerous potion dude yeah i'd come out
one day for bread oh i'm just a poor little lady the whole city up in flames was yeah what do you think this was that real or is that
myth the salem's trials no there's still books there's still uh there's still paper in books
from today it was like it's like the real like now the validity is that's what you're asking
i don't know if people were literally witches but bro i do i bro, I do believe in Christ, which means I do believe in Satan.
I don't know.
No, I'm just saying not that part, but the part where they're like,
oh, this lady, she can't cook.
She's a witch.
Let's kill her.
Yeah, that's real.
That happened.
No, that happened.
That's tough.
And that's sad.
Have you ever thought about that?
Back in the day, bro, I was thinking about this the other day.
Fighting is absolutely essential.
Absolutely essential.
In today's time?
Hell no.
Back in the day.
Oh, that's the only way you could survive?
Today, if we walked in.
No, no.
I'm talking about for life, though.
Not for army.
Not for soldier.
If you are a regular ass guy, regular ass woman.
Because someone could literally be like, he's a witch.
Get him.
And everyone would be like he's a witch get him and everyone be like let's
murder him like there's no there's no cctv there's no i find my iphone there's like today's world in
legal systems evidence evidence evidence yes is that person where they said they were and then
a court they protect you and then they give their thing back then they'd be like he just stole my mom's horse and everyone's like you horse these horse these and they like what the thing i mean fighting would
have helped more but i think if the whole town is against you like you can fight off a couple but
they're gonna get you you gotta be able to get out of here though he scared me they were all
looking at her oh you have to be able to like, because, bro, if one person, imagine one person just roughed
you up.
Right.
Stiff jab.
And you're just, oh.
And then they get you on the ground.
They wait for the local police, whatever that time.
Yeah.
They come and grab you.
You're behind bars for something you never did just because someone planted it on you.
Yeah, but what is fighting going to do to do that?
To stop you?
Because if you can fight and get your way out of that one-on-one, you can flee the city.
Who are you?
You can get on a horse and go to the next who are you what do
you mean who are you i am legolas i'm just kidding but for real bro like i was thinking about that
the other day i have i have strange and i was by myself too dude you need to spend more time
around people all by myself yeah it's strange you should know podcast we got mama living on the acid on the podcast
you see how you see how they get an applause yeah i'm not gonna watch it we deserve it we deserve
it it's our day our day it's it's y'all's day it's whose birthday is that's rich yeah i mean okay
it's been a while since we had both of them on.
It has.
Or a singular one of them on.
My God.
Their suspension is up.
Oh, my God.
Can we be honest about the reason why they haven't been on?
Yeah, go ahead.
Tell them.
Their suspension, they've been on suspension.
They've been on hiatus.
The fans have been questioning me.
No, they've been questioning me, too.
They've been like, there's literally been, like, questions in the comments, like DMs
being like, aren't the ashton so friends like is it people ask me if we're beefy oh yeah
i'm not gonna lie we should have milked it yeah we should have milked it more but
no yeah how how has it been being away from us how's everything been give them an update we
know what's been going on we haven't been away in real life ash let's put the spotlight on you okay quick summary life is i'm figuring out this new
life of mine on my own doing my own thing figuring out what ashton likes what she doesn't like
and working a lot saving a lot of money because i'm trying to move out get a home there you go
my goal nice nice so okay but we have to clear up that we have been hanging out off camera.
Yeah, went to the baby shower, baby gender reveal.
We've gone to dinner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've gone out.
Yeah, we just haven't recorded in a long time because she's working 25-8.
Yeah.
I blame that one for not.
Yeah, I get a lot of blame for this.
Yeah, no, I don't believe that either.
Because he'll be like, you don't come to the studio.
You didn't tell me.
If you don't tell me, I can't come.
Well, that's not how the text initially starts.
It's not like you didn't come to the studio.
It's like, oh, you'll DM me and be like, oh, damn, nice invite.
And I'll be like, I just assume you're fucking working all the time.
Yeah, my location.
Well, it's not really what I'm.
I always check.
I'm like, I guess I would.
I'm not just like, like oh we're kind of
getting dressed it's tuesday where's ashlyn but i'm glad you're here yeah me too i know it's it's
always glad y'all like me yeah we love you we love you how are we all feeling about since y'all are
having a baby coming up here in a couple don't jump at me don't joust at me you're having a
baby in a couple weeks and we're gonna be aunties and't joust at me. You're having a baby in a couple weeks, and we're going to be aunties and unkies?
Man.
I need my own auntie day.
Peyton cannot be.
Oh, please have your own.
No, it's not like auntie and uncle day.
It's Ashland.
Oh, fun.
He could drive.
You're a chauffeur?
You're the chauffeur.
He's a chauffeur.
Drop us off wherever we're going to go.
Can we be honest real quick?
Let's hear it.
Who's Malachi going to like more?
Oh, my gosh.
Auntie Ash.
You don't know that.
Who's wiping his ass?
He's not going to be like, damn, thanks.
He's going to be like, my ass is going to be like, appreciate you.
When these arms fully develop, I got you, big dog.
No, he's definitely going to be like That was cool.
He's going to be like, where's Uncle P?
Because I'm going to put him in costumes
every time I'm around him. And he gives me beef jerky
and we watch explicit things on TV.
Like Buzz Lightyear.
So he's going to go to school
in his Buzz Lightyear costume?
Probably not school, but when he's staying with me on weekends
or like he's staying with me for a night on the weekends
when they're doing adult things. Probably a little sexy time in a bathtub look are you gonna
i can't fit in our bathtub am i gonna change his diaper if you're taking care of him at night who's
changing oh oh oh let's be very clear here i'm not taking care of him when i need to change his
diaper so you're not gonna see him for so that that just means he's going to love me the most.
No, no, no.
He's going to see me the most.
Oh, no, no.
You're burying yourself.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, you are.
You are burying yourself.
No, no.
So you don't really love him.
You don't love him.
No, no.
I'll hang out with him.
You don't love him.
One of y'all are going to be there until he's out of diapers.
He said when we go off to do our...
See, you can't do that.
You can't half-ass...
He's burying himself.
You can't half-ass babysit.
Y'all are listening.
Y'all are... Y'all are... Y'all are understanding what I'm saying.
I'm saying I'll get my full baby sitting on when he can go use the banyo.
That's what I'm saying.
It'll be like when he's five.
So he's going to already be accustomed to me and love Auntie Ash more than Uncle P because
Uncle P wasn't around.
Yeah, but Uncle P's bringing him toy Lamborghinis every time he sees them.
That's why he's going to like me.
Uncle P has beef jerky.
I'm going to get the love.
I'm going to get the love.
And pay-per-views.
He gets to watch WWE WrestleMania.
And Cash has wet wipes and a fruity dog.
I'm just kidding.
Okay.
Don't talk about Jax like that.
Jax is not fruity.
He's cute.
That's my son. There's nothing wrong fruity. He's cute. That's my son.
There's nothing wrong with it.
There's nothing wrong with it.
He just,
dog's a little different.
He likes everybody.
He doesn't discriminate.
Yeah.
God bless him.
But I,
I have a whole plan
whenever Malachi is here.
Like whenever he can stand,
his knees are here.
Every time.
Peyton doesn't have a long
personal life.
Yeah.
Peyton doesn't know a clue
about like human being
He doesn't
Like this is gonna be a while
He's gonna have that kid
in the car seat
and it's gonna poop up its back
and he's not gonna get out
He's just gonna leave it
in the car
You said something
didn't sit too right with me though
You said our kid's not gonna be
potty trained until he's five
Yeah that's a long time
I'm saying like for him to say
Daxon's essentially potty trained
now he's three Okay But he still wears pull long time. No, I'm saying like for him to say... Daxon's essentially potty trained now
he's three.
Okay.
But he still wears
pull-ups at nine.
You still have to
kind of remind him
to go to the bathroom.
He has deep dreams.
No, but boys
pee on themselves
until they're like 12.
I pee on myself at 25.
We know.
I'm saying if he's
standing there with Peyton
at that age where he's
still trying to figure
out the toilet thing,
Peyton's going to put him
down and go to bed
and be like, oh shit, did I tell Malachi to go to the bathroom? Then he's going trying to figure out the toilet thing, Peyton's going to put him down and go to bed and be like,
oh, shit, did I tell Malachi to go to the bathroom?
Then he's going to have an accident in the middle of the night
because Peyton didn't put a pool on him.
You know what I'm going to do?
Hey, Miss Lisa, get your grandbaby.
He's shitting everywhere, dog.
His diaper's filled with piss, and I'm not doing that.
He shit on my duvet.
However, I did buy him Dunkin' Donuts.
I bought him Dunkin' Donuts and a new Nerf gun.
So he's kind of distracted now, but it's starting to really smell.
Here, here, here. This is a thing that we've already
talked about. Oh, no. I get rules.
Yes, there is rules. I
am that parent. Cameron's like,
whatever. Whatever toys
you buy him, they stay
at that house. That's not true.
I don't want those cheapy, deepy toys every time he's with you. Stop, stop, stop. you buy him they stay at that house that's not true that is not fully true that's not
that shit ain't coming back to my house that's kind of fair that's kind of no listen toys for
birthday for christmas stuff like that like a like a genuine a good i'm not saying the price
matters that's not what i'm saying at all. But toys like that, obviously you're gifting it to him.
They can stay at our house for him.
She's saying if you go to Target and you're like, here's $3, pick a little trinket.
Little day-to-day bullshit toys.
She's saying keep those at y'all's.
So you do that, go to the store, be like, oh yeah, pick out which one.
Let me get it.
Go home.
Bye.
No, it's like when he leaves, he saves.
Next time he comes back to Antigash, you don't have to buy him another one.
I had to do that, too, whenever I was staying at other people's houses.
It's just so we don't clutter up so many toys because, honestly, I don't want all that shit.
He's going to look at it and be like, oh, fun.
Because I've seen that with my own niece's eyes.
I bought Ivy, this nice-ass lover to death.
She's a kid.
She plays for a little bit, then lets it go bought her a nice little head little what do you do the
doll heads yeah the hair she literally stopped playing with that shit like two hours later
dude that's gonna suck ivy was opening her stocking and she said well that's not what i
asked for can we go to presents i was like oh my god oh my God. Dude, that's going to suck because I'm, I don't know what it is
with me and small things
having costumes on
or like clothes.
That's fine.
Like I love Ruby.
Like I always,
honestly,
I love that,
that he will have like,
like,
yeah,
so many costumes.
Dress up.
No,
he's talking about costumes.
No,
costumes.
He's not buying him clothes.
Like cosplay?
No.
He's buying him like
a Mike Wazowski suit.
That's fine.
Okay, because like Ruby.
He can hang those up in his playroom and he can go and like put them on and like act like he's Buzz Lightyear.
Are you going to let him go to school in them?
No.
Hell no.
Okay, what I tell Cam, like every time we leave the studio, I'm like, hey, can you send me a picture of Ruby?
And then he'll go, yeah, bro, I got you.
And I'm like, can you put her in clothes?
Like, I don't know what it is.
You got a weird thing.
Dude, and so I have an idea when Malachi is here well he's here now but whenever he
can when he can stand dude every time y'all come pick him up we're gonna be in matching costumes
that's lit it's gonna be sick that's lit we'll take pictures too and i like just like clothes
no like buzz light year one day We're gonna be dinosaurs the next day
We're gonna be Scream
It's gonna be sick
Yes bro
That's gonna be sick that's my dog
Where are these costumes staying
That's the problem
Now I don't have that much closet space
Your closet can be rented out on Turbo
That's a car
In your closet you have four pairs of clothes.
We already told you you had to have a room, Peyton.
For him?
Yeah.
I'm probably sleeping on the couch.
Nope.
He's bumming my couch.
Yeah, he's bumming the couch.
No, he's a couch bummer.
I'd be like, hey, Malachi, here's a sheet.
Or he'll sleep in the trash corner in the office.
He'll use garbage bags as his magic. And I'll be moved by then. I'll be in the other place. Oh, yeah. He'll sleep in the secret corner in the office. He'll use garbage bags as his magic.
And I'll be moved by then.
I'll be in the other place.
Oh, yeah.
He'll sleep in the secret lair.
Hey, go to the dungeon.
Hey, go to that bookshelf
and pull the ninth book
and then just go in there.
Dude, I can't wait.
What can I feed him?
Nothing.
There's going to be
certain things, yeah.
For the first...
My breast milk?
Yeah.
I am not holding
your breast milk in my hand.
I can't do that. I'll'll hold her i'll just hold it
don't live about this there's this thing on amazon you can get it and you can it's like a fake boob
for the guys and you can fill it up with the milk so it's like you can have that bonding that's sick
that's no i'll get that i'll be like mal fake and let my son suck milk from your fake while he's giving you eye to eye?
You're going to be like this and he's just like.
I would literally be like this.
I would literally be like this.
I'd be like, uh-uh, bro.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
I've seen those videos when the baby, like when it's like hungry.
Like I saw it with Murphy.
Like she literally was like, I was holding her and she was like.
Oh, he's definitely going to try to get my nips.
They literally look for a boob.
Like it is crazy how they.
Who wouldn't look for a nice sack of warm, amazing, just.
It's a golden sack of love.
You were doing that with Lisa.
That's gross.
Why the hell would you say that?
I'm saying.
That's so strange.
You said, who wouldn't look for that?
And you're sitting there like.
That's so strange, Liv.
That's the craziest thing you've said.
I'm just saying.
Dude, it is crazy.
You were sacking on her.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
No, we're moving on.
No.
It's crazy to think our parents.
I'm on big breast feed, so.
Our parents were.
You were on the nip.
It's okay.
Our parents were having sex, dude.
Close your eyes and picture.
Everybody, go.
No.
Ah!
No.
Mine would, like, burn.
Like, my mom and dad.
Oh, man.
Ow!
I'm so glad I never walked in.
I did.
You walked in?
You walked in.
How was that?
So, this is how I learned Santa wasn't
real. Is that a weird thing to ask?
Yeah! She said it's not my
parents. Santa wasn't real.
What?
Oh, they were doing some freaky shit.
She's like, come here, Rudolph.
Come here, Rudolph.
He's like, I'm gonna drop down your
chimney tonight.
My dad would be saying something way more vulgar than that than no oh my god
so i was five this is this is this is when we lived in mckinney i was five
my sister was like just born it was christmas time and there was like how the old house was
set up there's this long hallway upstairs so overlook the downstairs so i saw i was like i'm
gonna go wait up for santa so me and my brother like get our sleeping bags we had sleeping bags
get our sleeping bags
your food and water's rations but your dad's dressed up as a ho ho ho No. Sleeping bags. They were like a POW. Oh, I say sleeping bags.
They were like your food and water's rationed, but your dad's dressed up as a ho-ho-ho.
He's going to town on Mrs. Paul.
No, you know if you were just going to the couch downstairs, you'd grab your little sleeping bag.
You'd make like a pallet on the floor.
Yeah, that kind of shit.
Anywho, me and my brother are over looking at the downstairs.
We start seeing things moving around.
We're like, what the fuck is the is that well you know pg but and we see him and i see my dad
and just his undies i'm like oh my gosh like where is he going like what is he doing so me and my
brother creep downstairs go down the stairs to like see where they're at and the room is like
their room was like hidden around the corner where the tree was and i go in there my mom is like perched uh like perched up ready to go and i hear her did
you finish putting the presents out and as he's grabbing all the presents from the floor to put
him out because he's santa so i found out one they do the deed and he's santa claus so she was
waiting for him why he went to go put the presents she. She's perched up. She's ready. Oh.
She's just a, I mean, a wicked.
That is, that's the most out of left field shit I have ever heard.
Five.
Five years old.
Sleeping in a car.
Yeah, sleeping in a bag.
Y'all didn't have sleeping bags?
I think that's the worst part of the story.
Y'all didn't have sleeping bags?
Not in my own home.
Ashton, I used a sleeping bag if I was in nature.
I had a sleeping bag.
I had a sleeping bag.
Well, I was in Girl Scouts, so I just had mine all the time.
No, no.
I didn't sleep in sleeping bags unless I was out in the wilderness,
which I never was, or at a friend's house.
No, it was like all the girls when you'd have sleepovers with your girlfriends.
That has to be a female thing.
That's a female thing.
They were pink.
There was like a Barbie one.
That's a girl thing.
That has to be a girl thing.
I bought a sleeping bag one time because we were going to the family reunion and it was
like camping stuff, but it was still in a shelter.
That's the only time I've used it in my entire life.
A shelter?
Yeah.
What?
A home?
A shelter.
No, like a refuge.
Like a homeless shelter?
No.
No.
You just find out something about your childhood?
Yeah.
What?
Wait. Wait. No, no. You just find out something about your childhood? Yeah, what? I'm like, wait, wait.
No, no.
We went camping because it was at a state park.
Use the word cabin.
Cabin, sure.
A cabin, not a shelter, brother.
It's not.
I mean, it's literally four walls, a door that locks, and that's it.
A cabin.
A cabin.
A cabin.
Sure, a cabin.
You can't say a shelter.
You either think the apocalypse is happening or you don't have a roof. A cabin. A cabin. A cabin. A cabin. A cabin. You can't say a shelter. You either think
the apocalypse is happening
or you don't have a roof.
Okay.
That's how a lot
of our Girl Scouts trips were.
They were in cabins like that
and then we had
the luxury cabins.
You did Girl Scouts?
I was in Girl Scouts
from the start.
She said this multiple times.
That's why she said
she can swim
for three hours.
Do you have a tie- tie knots or do something.
I was in Girl Scouts from like the age of four when I was a brownie,
and I had my own troop.
They called you a what?
They called you a brownie?
I'm surprised someone's mom didn't get her ass beat.
You're a brownie, and then you're a Girl Scout.
That's what CJ calls me when he's on the phone with his family.
A brownie.
My grandma has a picture of me in a chocolate uh uh frame me me no it's just all
right let's get into the game before we get our families cooked okay so we have a game right
what is it us four we have been friends for a long time yes we know pretty much everything
too much about each other yes and so we've seen each other in almost every possible scenario we can.
I've seen you naked.
How was it?
One out of ten.
A little underwhelming.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
No, genuinely, though.
I'm kidding.
No, it was decent.
Give it a number.
I haven't seen you butt-ass naked.
Yes, you have.
No, I've not.
I've not seen you fully naked.
Cameron, the photo on your phone is getting butt-ass naked.
You're painting a weird picture.
He had on shorts.
He didn't have on shorts.
He had on shorts.
They were just crinkled up into his ass.
There were shorts on.
He's like this on your phone.
My bad, my bad.
I derailed.
Continue.
So we've known each other.
It was good.
So I want to play a game called Most Likely To.
Brilliant.
I'm going to give scenarios, and on the count of three,
we will all say who we think would be most likely to do this thing.
Okay.
All right.
We have to be honest about each other here.
Okay.
All right.
Are these going to be obvious, or are we going to have to think a little bit?
I think some of them can be obvious, but some of them there's wiggle room for debate.
Can we have more than one answer?
Absolutely not.
No.
So we're all going to have different answers
and then we're going to try to narrow it down
to one person.
Okay.
All right?
Let's do it.
Most likely to get us kicked out of a club.
Ashley.
Me.
It's like how the three got wet.
That's how we see how women don't listen sometimes.
I didn't mean that.
I meant our women.
All right.
Most likely to get us kicked out of a club.
One, two, three.
Ashlyn.
And I will tell you why.
We know why.
I will want to, when I have a little drink, I like to stand on the table and sing songs.
Bro, that table go like this.
Yeah.
She'll be like, and she'll put on sunglasses.
She's like, no, everything's all right.
Y'all don't wear sunglasses in the club?
Yeah, but I won't stand on the, Ashlyn is throwing up in a cup in a club. Let me put that out there. Oh, yeah. She's like, no, everything's all right. Y'all don't wear sunglasses in the club? Yeah, but I won't stand on the...
Ashlyn is throwing up in a cup in a club.
Let me put that out there.
Let's put that out there.
I made it out.
Got the Uber called and made it home just fine.
So Ashlyn is going to get...
Ashlyn clear-vacated the first one.
I'm not going to lie.
Second runner up, Cam Kennedy.
I will get out.
Get out.
You are a nuisance.
Liv. No. No. Back in the day. I will get out get out you are you are a nuisance Liv
no
no
back in the day
back in the day
Liv
Liv would get
she would get into a fight
versus kicked out
but that would get you kicked out
no
you can't fight in the club
that's true
that's true
if you get in a fight
you get kicked out
don't bump me in the club
someone bumps her
cause someone else
having a good time
doesn't even see her
she goes
watch out bitch
like that
it would be you
not me
okay that's true
that's true then you're third and then I'm fourth yeah I'm in such a good time doesn't even see you, she goes, watch out, bitch. That would be you, not me. Okay, that's true. Then you're third.
And then I'm fourth.
I'm in such a good time in the club.
I'm a great time in the club.
I don't just stand there.
You have the least amount of options because you're just in a corner
creeping with a CNC.
I go, look at him. You're like this.
You're in a corner by yourself.
No, you're not in a corner. You're a good time.
Thank you.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a great a corner. You're a good time. Thank you. Clearly Ashlyn for that one.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm a great time out.
You're tapping.
Sorry.
Most likely to name their kid something that we will all make fun of.
Three, two, one.
Peyton.
Yeah.
That's me.
You would name him like wall or something.
No, you would name him like.
Like how Elon Musk names his kids.
Like a code?
No, you would name him...
You name him like...
You're like CPM.
But that's like his initials.
It's like Charles.
No, for the longest time, if I had a daughter, I wanted to name her Diamond.
Now, okay.
That's what I heard.
Yeah, now that immediately sounds like... If your name is Diamond now okay that's what i heard yeah now that immediately sounds like
no if but if she wanted to be an exotic dancer i'd be like well at least you got the name for
it sweetheart and what if she was like i want to be a deacon in our local joint i'd be like you're
a diamond in the rough see i i think i have the best. I think I have the most.
What'd you name a son?
PJ.
Yeah, that just can't happen.
That's such a sick name.
No, it's not.
That is cute, but Peyton Jr., PSH9.
Kid's a legend.
Straight out the placenta.
Terrible.
Straight out the placenta.
You come out that womb looking like me, and you know how to work that podcast.
I'm like, boy.
I'm not going to lie.
If Cam didn't have Liv, I feel like Cam would have some shit baby names.
He would.
He'd be like Alec.
Alec's a cool name.
Cameron picked our baby's boy's name.
Alec is better than Alex.
I probably would have named my son either Achilles.
After a tendon?
Well, after the greatest
warrior of all time.
Achilles, maybe Anubis.
No, that's...
Stop talking about these ancient dreams.
Let it go, dude.
Mustafa...
Yes, he watched Gladiator.
No, I was going to say Anubis House
or whatever it was. The House of Anubis.
Wait, what was your... If you have a dog, a big dog, what do you want to name it?is House or whatever it was. The House of Anubis. Wait, what was your...
If you have a dog, a big dog, what do you want to name it?
There's like some sick name.
Oh, yes.
I mean, Anubis is one.
Anubis, yeah.
If I had a black...
Like a black Cane Corso?
A black Cane Corso.
A Cane Corso.
Okay.
Who is most likely to survive in the wild?
Three, two, one.
I am.
Self-centered moron. Self-centered moron.-centered moron I care for the sick
how does that have to do with you grabbing the right you think you have a
better chance of surviving in the, okay. So, between me and her.
Me.
Peyton.
I was a Girl Scout for how many years?
I don't know.
You can tie a knot and sell some cookies.
Good job.
I'm making a fire and killing the zebras.
Are you crazy?
We learned how to make a fire.
What forest are we in?
You're killing zebras?
I don't know.
Peyton.
Peyton.
The African bush?
No.
I could survive in the wilderness.
Peyton's definitely a little bit more high maintenance than Ashlyn.
Am I, though?
You wouldn't go shit in a hole.
Ashlyn would try to find food.
Peyton would try to find a cell tower for Wi-Fi.
I'd be like, I can't live straight.
Guys, we're still out here, man.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but come back tomorrow for part two.
No, literally.
Ashlyn would go up to the trees before she cut and be like, I'm so sorry.
I don't know why you feel this way.
She's like, I just.
Sorry, I care.
Oh, my God.
Well, tell me why you grew this way.
What's that?
Is that nothing?
She's like, I need this.
She's like, I need this fruit, but I just need you to understand why I'm taking your fruit.
What sad is that?
You didn't even put my name in the box.
Oh, no, Liv, you're cooked.
I wasn't even thought about it.
Liv, you should honestly, the second you find yourself stranded, you should just curl up and die.
If you were stranded, you shouldn't even fight.
You shouldn't even put up a fight.
Make it go quick.
Lily, just go, am I by myself?
Guys?
There's no answer. You should just go, aw I by myself? Guys? There's no answer.
You just go, aw.
You just sit there and go like this. Fine. Sadness off of, uh.
Yeah, literally.
I have more will to win than Ashlyn. I think that's
what we're here for. I would agree. I think that's the main
setter of harder. And his
metabolism is already
kind of slow with a slight
frame, so he doesn't need to eat much on a daily.
Tactical, though?
Ashlyn, probably.
But I'm saying...
Did you say tactical?
Is that a word?
I agree with that.
Ashlyn's more tactical?
Than you?
Yes.
Explain tactical.
Yeah, what's...
G-I-J.
Yo, what's that mean, Liv?
What the hell are you talking about?
Tactical?
You're on a mission?
I really don't know what that means.
Exactly.
What the word is?
I'm just saying tactical.
But the clear winner...
Let's not get between this. Who's gonna be second place? No. Clear winner's me that means. Exactly. The word is syntactical. But the clear winner, let's not get between this.
Who's going to be second place?
The clear winner is me.
Boo.
No, okay.
But the reason.
See the crowd?
The crowd said boo.
Okay.
Cam is very 50-50 on this though.
Cam, it's like, yes, if he does everything right, he will survive.
If he can't find berries, he's going to be like this in a bush.
Like, what the fuck?
No, he's generally going to be like a bush no he's generally gonna be like i think he might
do too much yeah we'll put him in trouble like i could have already been saved but i am fully
like no this is my life now there is no turning back that would even turn this into like good
like he would see the goodness yeah being out here is just great i say honestly dude the fact
that you open your eyes is another opportunity let's let's not put down on it huh we'll find back civilization
sometime oh let's just make the best of what we got everyone else is crying throwing up i'm like
hey pull yourself together who is most likely to secretly be a spy three two one ashlyn live Two one live Whoa, so you said live you said live said yourself. I said Ashley. She said you okay
Let's all make our cases for each other. Why do you say okay who picked you?
Okay, so who'd you say myself okay? Yeah, I agree with you so could you say me?
Why did you say me because you're low- yeah, I agree with you. So who'd you say, me?
Why'd you say me?
Because you're low-key.
You don't say shit.
I'm very low-key.
See, I was going opposite approach for you.
You're low-key, you have the low-key part, but she has a very diverse network.
She can infiltrate.
She's in the medical system.
So she works for her hires up.
You're thinking way too into this.
Don't get mad at the player.
Yeah, no.
She said, who could be a spy?
She works for her hires up. She literally
has HIPAA.
She can access a database, find out
addresses and all that shit. That's okay. I'm talking about
straight just personality. Yes.
You're taking this into... I like games
and scenarios and that's where my mind went.
I could literally show Liv half of someone's face
she knows her Instagram.
That's a girl thing.
I'm telling you.
Liv is a scary monster with this an easy that social media investigating thing they should
start hiring for it very much i think they do based very y'all are very good at it she's on a
different little no i i was i thought i was like at the same level as her and then she found somebody
we're both looking for and i was like what the hell cj knows she was like i found she was like i found her through her uncle's
friend's facebook post from 2014 that archived this location i'm like what the hell but you
know who would like somebody in my life who would act i think is actually a spy my mother
oh your mom my mother will find your dental records like who your dad's sister was.
Like, it is scary.
Like, I was showing her house, and she was like,
I don't like the people who own that one.
And I said, what?
I'm telling you, like, she's terrified.
And now she has more time on her hands?
Yeah.
All she does is color and walk.
You should employ her.
No.
She should get her a license.
She could be a PI.
No.
She's a sweet, retired woman.
Well, remember that, Cameron.
You ever try to cheat on me?
Oh, God.
Now, who says that?
You already know everything about me.
Yeah.
Mm.
Get it?
Because we have boy tongue parties.
Time.
Dedicated time.
Secret secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone.
Oh, it's not a secret.
All right, we fake out.
Yeah.
Okay, we got, uh, let's do a couple more.
Who is most likely
To sneakily steal
Someone else's snacks?
Three, two, one
This is back
What?
Sneakily?
I'll walk right up to your plate
And say, give me it
You're not finishing it
He's the little creep bastard
Hey bro, your dog
Barked downstairs
I go downstairs
He goes
It takes a little bit
It's him
No
Okay, okay, okay The a little bit. It's him! No!
Okay, Peyton.
The sneaky part, it's him.
Dude, I'm not even that hungry, oh God.
Well, you can go downstairs and grab that for me.
Yeah, I'll go get your charger. He's like,
I don't think I've ever done that.
I will literally say, hey, you're not gonna finish your sandwich and I'm still hungry.
Give me your sandwich.
That's my approach. I don't have to sneak.
The only thing I sneak in y'all's
house is giving Ruby a grotesque amount of treats.
Yeah, and that's bullshit. You sneak that
and you go downstairs and you go, bro, I'm not even that hungry.
I don't need the food. We're good.
An hour later, he's had
four bags of Doritos. He's had
two things of gummy worms or whatever.
It's like, you literally left cookies
on my freaking stairwell
and saved them for later.
Yeah, that's sneaky.
And my dad was like, whose cookies are these?
Okay, but the thing is,
the other sneaky part of the family is Mike.
Mike snuck me those cookies,
and then I snuck them somewhere else.
Oh, God, that's a bad matchup.
Oh, no.
Dude, my dad, you'll be sitting there doing dishes,
and then my dad will just appear behind your shoulder. Like, he'll literally get home from work, come through the door, walk dad, you'll be sitting there doing dishes, and then my dad will just appear behind your shoulder.
Like, he'll literally get home from work, come through the door,
walk right behind you, and there's not a single sound.
It is scary.
And he's just standing there.
He goes, what's up?
Your dad has that, like, don't take this the wrong way,
but he could be a serial killer.
Yeah, 100%.
Like, he's good at it.
He just shows up.
He's not getting cut.
Huh?
I know. That's where i get
him from we both got that that that edge to us like last night when i was literally putting my
laundry away he was just standing in the little whatever that i was standing looking at her for
about 25 seconds before she noticed me i'm like what's terrifying are you doing it's terrifying
all right last one let's do it who is most likely to get lost in their own city?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm torn.
I got one.
I am very torn.
Don't do that.
Ready?
Count it down.
Three, two, one.
Liv.
Liv.
Liv or Ashlyn.
Peyton.
Peyton or Ashlyn.
Liv.
It's Liv.
Cam, she gets lost with a GPS.
No, she just sucks at reading GPSes.
She sucks at reading them.
Peyton lived in Dallas for how long and still used GPS?
Yeah, that's fine.
You still use GPS.
And you got lost in Austin that one time we were trying to, you were taking us to the
mall.
You're like, guys, you want to go to the mall?
That is true.
See?
Like you literally.
I originally said Ashley because I feel like she's always the type, like she'll miss something
and then she'll be like, well, this is my way of doing
it though. This is how I get here.
That's not her getting lost. That's not me.
That sounds like CJ.
Okay, then I retract that. Sorry, friend.
Thank you. It's definitely not me.
I can drive anywhere.
Out of anybody in the friend group, I can get us from
point A to point B.
Remember.
Remember.
She does remember the parking spots and that stuff.
Yeah, because she took the wrong exit 20 times,
so you're going to the same spot.
You better remember it.
I've been on this road 20 times.
Okay, you're getting this information off the camera.
No.
I've seen it.
Whatever.
It says exit 300 feet.
Yeah, lift goes to 80 feet.
It's not that one.
It just keeps driving.
Okay, that's bad driving. That's not like one. He just keeps driving. Okay, that's bad driving.
That's not like not knowing where to sit.
Take me to OKC, and I know where I'm going.
Take him back home.
OKC's 30 feet wide.
Dude, I grew up in Austin.
Don't bring me.
He literally asked us for directions in his hometown.
Yes, I remember this.
That's unacceptable.
That's him.
That's damning evidence.
Where's the mole at?
I'm like, this is my first time here.
This is our first time here, dog.
I said, I can look it up.
He goes, I think it's over here.
Yeah, it's 100% you.
Yeah, it's a fact.
That's you.
Okay.
You definitely won this game.
Hey, that was good, though.
That was a really good game.
That was a fun game.
Really good game.
Some of y'all are lying y'all's ass off.
Cam, do you have something for us?
All right, I have a question for y'all, specifically y'all, because I think me and Bubba Boo Bear over here. I think we're gonna agree
Okay, so the question is simply is
FaceTiming without a warning acceptable
Yeah, yes
But it depends it depends. No hold on hold on hold on it is absolutely not acceptable
Absolutely not exactly why you have to schedule an appointment. You have to tell me. Who the f*** are you? The president of the United States?
Schedule an appointment?
If I can't pick up the phone.
Is there an open table reservation for me to schedule a FaceTime with you?
If I can't pick up the phone.
Are you kidding me?
And just call my husband and not have a reservation.
That's some f*** up s***.
Sometimes I don't want.
What if I don't want you to see what I'm doing?
Okay, then don't answer. Then don't what what if i don't want you to see what i'm doing okay then don't answer okay i'm just saying i'm busy can't talk right now i'm still call okay
face time is so specific when you say it's i you don't i have to be ready for me to see your face
and you to see mine like i a lot of the time i'm in a vulnerable position and and i don't look the
best my makeup's not on.
This isn't fair because you guys aren't normal humans.
What?
Like, you're usually sitting at home butt-ass naked doing weird shit.
So, of course, people aren't going to – you're going to have to schedule a FaceTime.
I'm never going to not be ready to FaceTime.
Like, I might be in my bonnet in my Mubu.
But you're going to get this.
But I'm going to – you're going to get a FaceTime from me.
Cameron, I don't know why the f*** you're saying no.
He doesn't even answer the phone.
You don't answer the phone.
You don't even have your phone on you.
Or it's just because your mind is over here.
Exactly.
I can see that with you because you need a plan.
Like you're like.
Same.
No, okay.
But when I FaceTime Peyton, it's literally 25% of the time he'll answer, and the other half, completely not.
And he'll be like, oh, yeah.
That's for everybody.
I never answer Pierce.
He'll say, he'll say, he'll say.
First off, first off, first off, she said 25% of the time he'll answer, and the other half, he never does.
What's with the other quarter, Ashton?
What's with the other quarter?
She knew it.
As soon as she said, she's like, wait.
It's the same.
I don't think I said it right.
Oh, my God.
Dude, I just don't like
surprise FaceTime.
It's the worst thing ever.
It's very vulnerable.
So vulnerable and invasive.
It honestly immediately
makes my heart race.
Or he'll say he'll call me back
and then he never does.
Oh, that's my go-to.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is where I'm gonna get y'all.
It's because it's a specific person
because you sure as hell
be FaceTiming each other
all the time.
Business partners.
Oh, bullshit.
No, now that is fine.
I'll agree to that.
Anybody in this room, no matter the time I get FaceTimed, I will answer.
Can't agree.
No, that is not true.
I've called you many times and you have not answered.
Oh, God.
He smells of vomit.
Pierce is like, you never answer me.
Yes, I do. Both of y'all never answer me. Oh, I know I'm not answering.
Pierce has to call me to get a hold of Cameron.
So wait, say that again.
Pierce has to call me to get a hold of you.
He did that one time.
I'm sure he said that many times.
He said that many times.
The kid didn't want to drop off a turkey.
No, then he left the sweetest voicemail ever.
And I was like, Cameron, pick up the phone and call that man.
And what was I doing?
Not shit.
Sitting there stuffing your face at dinner.
That's a lie.
That's a lie.
That's a lie.
Okay.
All right.
Dude, my go-to is.
I'm saying, if I'm not doing, like, okay, listen.
If I'm doing something, it doesn't matter who you are.
My mind might not be there to answer the phone. I'm saying, if I'm just sitting there, anyone matter who you are my mind not be there it might
not be there to answer the phone i'm saying if i'm just sitting there anyone in this room calls
me i will answer it 100 not me that's not bro anyone we know we know we know bro it's okay
it's not an excuse i swear to god you act like i'm thinking oh i need to call pierce back that
this it's called crippling adhd i will absolutely forget that you called me over you
using that it is a crutch but i'm over the adhd bro it is a crutch okay my my go-to okay this is
my sole reason okay there's no need for you to do that there's no need for you to facetime me
because the majority of the times i answer a random facetime it could just be a text but you and so i'm saying why do i have to make sure of my surroundings what i look like what
you look like when you could just text to me and i respond friends and why can't you just answer
the phone okay and so i i'm saying i lie to y'all so much. Let me put that out there. I'm not on the phone with somebody else when you call me.
I know you're not.
I'm not doing something when you call me.
You said the other day, Peyton hit me with, I tried to face him.
He's like, I'm on the phone with my mom.
I'll call you.
Oh, I'm never on the phone with my mom.
When you say you're on the phone with your mom, I'm like.
If it's not at nighttime, if he says I'm on the phone with my mom and it's 3 p.m.
He is absolutely lying to you. He is absolutely lying to you. No, it's just because it's not at nighttime if he says I'm on the phone it's 3 p.m I know I know no it's just
because it's scary to me like if you have an emergency I feel like you if you call me like
three times in a row first one I'll ignore immediately second one I'll be like shit should
I third one I'm like okay I have to answer yeah I'm no longer answering your phone never answer
my face time it's not true like when I was trying to buy Cameron that chain, I think I called your ass like 30 times.
I was like, holy ****.
Yeah, I literally watched it ring.
I was like, I love you Liv, but I'm in the shower.
See, that's the thing.
I still answer.
Well, not me.
When you're FaceTiming me, I don't answer when I'm in the shower.
But I'm saying like, when Cameron's in in the shower i'll still answer it for him yeah or like if it's girlfriends like
if live called me and i was on my phone in the shower i would answer just say it first off i
don't understand how y'all are on your phone in the shower music picking the music for the shower
you're watching tiktoks in the shower you're an ipad baby your own your own
when your hair mask is in your hair and you have to wait the 10 to 15 minutes to rinse it out yes
your own body doesn't even get enough self-respect to not put the phone down bullshit you used to set
your phone up in arkansas on that crusty ass shower to do what and watch youtube videos that's
at least a whole video. TikTok requires scrolling.
There's different things.
I picked one video from the start.
I put it in a corner because that was the first time in my life I had a shower that had a water-free corner.
The only time I'm on my phone in the shower is if Cam's FaceTiming me and I'm showing him spots.
Okay, well.
Cam's seen my spots.
It's like a Dalmatian.
Yeah.
Like Camalasia?
Wait, what'd she just say that's a country what what are you trying to say like that thing i have on my back
baby what i'm talking about malaysia
babe you know what i'm talking about that that white spot on my back
yeah what's it called it's not malaysia venaligo yeah venaligo what michael jackson has
wait that's not what's an airline that's no no no no no no no no no
i'm looking at god venaligo live no it's not venaligo it's uh it's like one little malaysia skin condition it's damn sure not malaria
i'm kind of scared to click the images oh that's not it yeah it is oh yes that is it's called
malaysia see melasma not malaysia not melasma yeah because malaysia is uh is is home to humans. And a lost flight.
Like these dots.
What the f*** is that?
What is that?
A forehead.
What in the hell?
That's a forehead.
Remember that thing on my back?
That looks like a rhino's ass.
It looks like a backside of a rhinoceros.
I thought that Kate had the dots.
Because you said you show him your spots.
I'm talking about my
That's what I show him
I show him my dark trail
He's talking about his mic
You don't have
You don't have melasma
Melasma
No I have no melasma
No
No one's got plasma
Malaysia
Meneligo
It is
Like in our
Like melanin skin
It happens more with us
Not me
You don't have melanin
I know
Alright
My skin's already white
This is great Thank you for coming We're gonna keep going On the Patreon it happens more with us. Not me. You don't have melanin. I know. My skin's already white.
This is great.
Thank you for coming.
We're going to keep going on the Patreon.
If you're on any tier of Patreon
you get the extended version
of this.
We're going to have
We do not miss this one.
We got a full house.
And we're going to have
no filter here.
So we're going to talk
about some shit.
We're going to talk about
any and everything.
We're going to talk about
the real reason Ashton
has been gone.
So make sure you head
over to the koala club right now and go see that uh cam get us out of here all right absolutely
love every single one of you you already know that thank you for coming back to another episode
make sure to leave ash pierce ryan cj all some love in the comments, and especially Mama Liv, because this is the week that our baby boy
has finally joined us on this side of the womb.
He finally escaped that evil, evil, scary, dark place.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Why would you say that?
I'm kidding.
But he's here, he's been born.
Leave Liv some love.
She's going to watch this episode with Malachi.
This will be Malachi's first episode.
He watches with his own eyes.
Stop.
You're making me cry.
He said he can see eight inches.
He can see eight inches, but he can hear it.
He'll be able to hear it.
But we absolutely love y'all.
To confuse the casuals, this week's secret code, and to get your good karma, is...
M-A-K. M-A-K.
M-A-K.
Mack.
Malachi Anthony Kennedy.
He's finally here.
Mack.
Leave it in the comments everywhere.
Patreon 2025.
The new face.
The new resurfaced Patreon is available right now.
First link in the description.
Check that out.
We absolutely love y'all.
We love you so much.
And remember, one out of ten koala bears don't make
it home to christmas oh and we'll see you next time hey bubba boy hey malachi