You Should Know Podcast - WE LISTEN AND WE DON'T JUDGE! -You Should Know Podcast-

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Starting point is 00:02:05 Hey, everybody. Welcome back to The You Should Know Podcast, episode 142. Round of applause, please. Everybody, welcome back to The You Should Know Podcast, episode 142. If you're new here, or if you haven't already,

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Starting point is 00:03:53 We got co-host Cam back in the studio. Oh, Cam. Oh, what? What's wrong? I can't even sit down. That's sticky as power, and I'm wearing gray sweatpants, and that's mountain berry blast. It's blue as hell,? I can't even sit down. That's sticky-ass powerade. I'm wearing gray sweatpants, and that's Mountain Barry Blast. It's blue as hell, and I can't sit on it. Cam, I intentionally missed your seat.

Starting point is 00:04:11 No, you intentionally got my square. When you poured water and defecated on it, it's always been over here. This week, that is a line exactly where my left outer thigh will be placed. I forgot your wide hip, your wide body. Yes, I'm a wide big bearing load and that is gonna be on my thigh and that's honestly that is so upsetting i literally my fingers are sticky i just touched it my fingers are sticky you know fun fact that powerade was there before the break oh i know i remember you drinking it so that is that is age like wine powerade that is now

Starting point is 00:04:43 fermented powerade sitting in here doing nothing but growing. Here, I'll clean it. Your snack- See, dude, I- If you weren't so indigested... Come on, Cam, it's clean now. Take a seat. We got co-host Cam.

Starting point is 00:05:15 We got co-host Cam coming to you live from the dry cleaners, fixing his pants. They're blue-stained, sticky, and wet. Come on, sit down. You're good. It's fine. Oh, God. Cam, I feel like we started this episode off on the wrong foot.

Starting point is 00:05:32 Really? Really? You don't say. You started it on a revving up, like a power terrain scooter foot, and I'm starting it hugging the arm of my couch. You look... I'm going to sit like this. Away from it. You don't look right when you do that, though.

Starting point is 00:05:47 You don't look good. I look small. I look like a small man. Can we announce something? Both of our mustaches are too long. They're too long. So gross. That's the first thing.

Starting point is 00:05:55 They're both too long. We need haircuts. We are Wolverines. We are Wilf. Wilf? It's like men. Wolverines, I. It's like man and men.

Starting point is 00:06:09 Wilf. Wolf is man is man wolf is men i thought you were going like wolverines i'd like to oh like a wolf i was like oh man taylor lottner is a wolf taylor lottner is a wolf i always team jacob dude i was i was definitely team jacob it gave more masculine i was like that other guy he's white as snow. He's got to go outside a little bit. I don't care if he's a vampire. Got to get some spray on. Got to get some tan. Just go to a planet tan. Have you ever been honest about that?

Starting point is 00:06:33 About what? Remember that one summer you would go get spray tans? I did not go get spray. On Jesus Christ. On Jesus Christ. I've never got a spray tan. I've never got a spray tan in my life. I went to tanning beds. No. I swear to God, I've never got a spray tan. Boom! I've never got a spray tan in my life. I went to tanning beds.

Starting point is 00:06:46 No. I swear to God, I've never received a spray tan. Either you lied to me then or you're lying to me now. I lied to you then, I guess. I've never received a spray tan. You, Ryan, and Sanjan... I had a membership at Planet Tan that I would go to after 24-Hour Fitness. I'd get a pump, and then I'd go get dark.

Starting point is 00:07:01 That's what I did, because I said, I'm tired of being the scrawny white guy with his nipples blind to the other patrons on the beach. I said, I want to go and be tan and muscular. I remember. Never spray those. Because I remember we would hang out that summer. You would come over. I'd be like, dude, you just look darker.

Starting point is 00:07:17 And I saw you six hours ago. What happened? You were like, dude, me and Ryan and Sanjay go get spray tans. And I remember. You put that in your own figment of your imagination. No, i remember y'all took a picture on the hood of a car and y'all like this and y'all all tan and glistening yeah and that was because of a tanning bed no because i remember you're like i can't put on sun you're like i can't lay on my sheets right now okay i never said that probably because i smell like ass that's probably why i couldn't

Starting point is 00:07:41 lay on my dude a combination of sweating at the gym and then going in tanning was rough i've never gotten a tan and then one day i have natural melanin that god graces me with yeah that must be nice and that is a luxury that we all don't have because if i don't tan or if i don't choose to go get burned by the all-giving sun then i will be white and gross so you should thank the Lord and your parents for that. I don't really understand that. What? That I'm white and gross? No.

Starting point is 00:08:09 A little bit pudgy. I'm like a sourdough starter if I don't tan. I'm just like a moldable goo that's white. No, I don't understand tanning. Like, how are we, not we, how are you, like, how is your kind? Yeah, how is y'all, how do y'all do that? Isn't it crazy that we can just, as human beings, we can just go outside, lay down. And burn.

Starting point is 00:08:32 And burn. And then we look different. Yeah. You know you can still, like, you can tan technically in the winter. Yeah, because there's UVs. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. I thought it was the only summer thing.

Starting point is 00:08:42 I didn't know about UVs until you told me that this year. It doesn't have to be hot. A lot of people think it's the heat. It's the UV index. No, no. It's insane, though. Yeah, no, it's BS. It's actually more upsetting that you can go and you're out in the sun and, oh, yeah,

Starting point is 00:08:56 throw me another brew. Oh, this song's so good. Oh, I look amazing and beautiful and I don't hurt at all. And I'm like, ouch, I'm burning alive. Yeah, that's the part that I hate the most. Yeah, but you get pulled over without a panic attack, so that's fun, isn't it? You want to see who wins this one?

Starting point is 00:09:13 Oh, okay. You want to go? No, no, no, no. I would be so far under. No, no, no, I'm kidding. But you have a special announcement. Do I? You do.

Starting point is 00:09:23 Do I? And I'm going to put him on blast right now. Oh, God. So that this special announcement has to come true. Oh, my God. I'm so nervous. This is Cam's last episode. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:09:35 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Why? You're a rat bastard. This is Cam's last episode with a full head of hair, man. Let's go. He's getting it buzzed off, baby. If y'all do want to see the aftermath of what has been,

Starting point is 00:09:57 no, if you want to see the aftermath of what has felt like a year of hyping myself up, trying to get the courage to do it, next episode, episode 143, you will see co-host Cam in a different light. And it'll probably be a different light. It's going to be a big-ass, white, bald head. No, if I... You're going to have to go get tanned after that.

Starting point is 00:10:17 Oh, yeah, I'm going to have to go to the tan to get some Just For Men, too, because, oh, man. But, yeah, cats out the bag because of this rat bastard. Basically, him and olivia have been telling me that i would look good with this that i should do this because i did say it they never pressured me i said i want to do this but now i i was kind of been a chicken for the last i don't know calendar year and they're making me do it so okay we have been pressuring you but then this week we spent a week away from each other we intentionally like let's take our time

Starting point is 00:10:46 relationship counseling we're just like we spent a week go to your room i'll be in fine we spent the week away from each other and absence makes the heart grow fonder it does i missed you a lot until i started thinking about your future haircut okay and i said maybe it's not a good idea yeah okay so basically my fear i have a large nugget. You see there, I'll give you a profile, both sides. All right. So my fear is one of two things happens. I get this haircut and my head becomes larger or my head shrinks. Now my entire life I've been on the side of, I think my head will become large because there's no hair to hide my head. Right. But now the barber that will be doing this, Brooks, my wife, my closest of friends and brothers, they say that they think my head will look smaller because the hair's adding poofiness.

Starting point is 00:11:35 Maybe I'll have a normal head after this. What you'll have to do is— I'll never have a normal head. I've got a hook in the back. Yeah, no, you need to ice it. But what needs to happen is i i figured out the science of it you need to trim the beard down with the haircut you can't have what if i got my haircut and i was like it's like a cold compress and i tried to like or a really hot one and i'm like

Starting point is 00:11:58 push it in yeah oh man no the beard will come down a little bit. It'll have to. I was just thinking, like, you could look horrible. Stop saying this! You could. But this is my whole... This is my fear. Why are you saying this? You're not helping the case. But I'm being honest.

Starting point is 00:12:15 You can never say I'm not honest. Exactly, but sometimes honesty is not the best policy. You need to hype me up and say, you're going to look great, you're going to look sexy. Then, once it's done, if I look bad, then you can say that, because I can't... Hey back on it's gone it's done you ever seen kim possible you remember rufus if i come out looking like roof first off i'd be like brooks did you shave my body i said why why am i glistening if i came out looking like rufus yeah i would you

Starting point is 00:12:40 would not the only time any of y'all would see me every week is is the podcast i would be glued in a dungeon in my house but you know what we'll be you know what you don't need to do because you ran past the idea of getting an eyebrow slit and you don't need to do that okay no i did not no i did not i'm not getting the eyebrow slit i'm not getting the design right there what if i did what if i came back i got an extra piercing on each ear, put more studs, didn't even add a different earring. It was just two studs each ear, eyebrow slit, and a sick-ass design. Yeah, and you got a tooth gem.

Starting point is 00:13:11 And I got a tooth gem, yeah. And then I just went like, oh, man. I'd be like, it's a midlife crisis at 26. Yeah, that's bad. That is a very young midlife crisis. But it could be really good. I think it will. I hope.

Starting point is 00:13:23 Okay, this is your first thing. You got to let me know in the comments, do you think I'm going to look better? And I want honesty. But it could be really good. I think it will. I hope. Okay, this is your first thing. I got to... You got to let me know in the comments. Do you think I'm going to look better? And I want honesty. Do you think I'm going to look better with the cut or worse with the cut? Do you think my head's going to look larger or my head's going to be smaller? Please let me know in the comments.

Starting point is 00:13:34 And the first people that get to see it is obviously the Koala Club. Yes. Koala Club will see it first. Patreon always gets any and everything first. You already know that. Koala Club members, I'm really counting on y'all to give me confidence because this could be a very dark time in my life.

Starting point is 00:13:47 And I just thought of a good idea. I go with you and we vlog the whole thing. Oh, I already, oh, 100%. And Koala Club gets to actually see my first reaction and all of our first reactions to this buzz cut.

Starting point is 00:14:01 Honestly, you remind me of my dog when he got bit by a bumblebee in the mouth. What are we doing? He ate a bumblebee, he got bit by it, and I didn't want to pet him. I was like, Malcolm, until that swelling goes down, you're not my dog. So you're going to want to stop making love to me

Starting point is 00:14:14 if this haircut comes out bad. Well, it would more be like, hey, no eye contact. Like, you know what I mean? Turn around. Ball caps and beanies only. Okay, I get to wear a bonnet, and then I have to turn around. Yeah, okay.

Starting point is 00:14:25 And I also was thinking about you. Oh, my God, I'm starting to sweat. It's cold in here. I'm starting to sweat just thinking about you. Your son is coming up here in a little bit. He's making his rookie debut. He is. It's his rookie season.

Starting point is 00:14:36 We're going to see what numbers he can put up in his rookie season. And I was also thinking, genuinely, like I was going around shopping, doing a lot of things. I was going to Ikea, a lot of family places. to ikea a lot of family places i was seeing a lot of babies a lot of them and 98 of the babies i saw watch your tongue i said yuck okay like wow like that you can't be proud taking that out in public okay good god almighty babies need a minute they're new to the world they're new to all the pollen flying around. A lot of their faces have little baby acne,

Starting point is 00:15:09 and they don't have kneecaps yet, and their toes are creepy. No, it's not even like that. It's just like, hey, if you were to tell me that thing came from space, I'd believe you. Like, a lot of them look like little aliens. Put it, put it, you better say this and clear the air. You will say this right now, or you will not be his uncle, his loving uncle. Okay. Your nephew will fall on that 2%. Yes. There we go. But let me say this right now or you will not be his uncle his loving uncle okay your nephew will fall on that two percent yes there we go but let me say this oh my god if he doesn't i will have

Starting point is 00:15:32 to be honest with you i i appreciate honesty like i will be there i love honest i'll be in the waiting room when live gives birth correct am i gonna be there am i allowed to be there i don't know oh this is new no i i i assume so yes wait a minute live waiting room yes you should be that's what i said yes sorry i'm so i will say payton 100 i cannot speak if my wife's not here you never know with live you never know with live i can't come no you you one i'm saying lives not here we should we call live no no. Okay. You fight for my honor right now. Yes, you will be in the waiting room. You will be in the waiting room.

Starting point is 00:16:10 100%. I can't promise you that you will see in the, go in the actual room. I don't want to be in there. It's going to smell like rank tuna fish. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Get him. No, get him. There's no seafood.

Starting point is 00:16:25 There's no oysters. There's no seafood. There's no oysters. There's no tuna. There's no salmon. There's going to be a woman and a baby and a big ass white umbilical cord that I got to cut with a pair of shears. That's what's going to be in there. And then apparently the placenta looks like a liver in a bag. And we're still not eating that. Oh, we're never eating that.

Starting point is 00:16:43 I'm never touching it. I'm not doing anything with it. Let me put it in a mason jar. Put it in a mason jar. Is it an eating that. Oh, we're never eating that? I'm never touching it? I'm not doing anything with it? Let me put it in a mason jar. Put it in a mason jar? Is it an urn? No, but when he graduates high school, he'll be like, look, it's you.

Starting point is 00:16:51 Hey, this is the thing that fed you. That'd be the creepiest. You'd be on a list. Imagine graduating high school and your uncle goes, here's your placenta. Are you shitting me? That'd be the strangest,

Starting point is 00:17:03 creepiest gift someone could receive. All I'm saying is i brought this up to say if your kid comes out and i am not like wow oh oh my god that's so cute okay i'm going to be honest i'll be like cam don't let that thing touch me okay now that's fair but most you have to understand this though most babies Most babies, right when they come out, they're not good to look at. There's like cottage cheese falling off of them. One eye's open, one's closed. A little bit of blood on the stomach.

Starting point is 00:17:31 It is a rough scene. Rough scene. Their belly button's going to be protruding two inches for about a month. Yeah, it gets hard like plastic and falls off. I don't think that's just a baby thing. I remember I went to a pool party at elementary school. Somebody still had that. Is that not okay to say?

Starting point is 00:17:49 The fact you were at pool parties in elementary school tells me everything I need to know about you to this exact day. No. It was part of our end of the year thing. Like our end of the year party. You were in bathing suits.

Starting point is 00:18:01 Yes. With girls. Yes. Where? At the school?'re still at a pool there was a community pool because there's a there's like a neighborhood on the other side of the street and they had a community pool we would have our like end of the year fifth grade party there and you didn't live there you know that's what i made out with the girl with the

Starting point is 00:18:15 hunchback remember i said that you made out with quasimodo in a community pool for a neighborhood you invaded and you took over and you made out with the hunchback of Notre Dame that's what you're telling me I think I got a hunch now I do have a hunch now there's no thinking brother you are like a like a lowercase c if you don't if you stand right your shit is I bet I bet if someone cracked you right in your back it would like fix you it hurt but it fixed you you'd go you'd get taller you'd be six you. You'd go, you'd get taller. You'd be 6'9". Immediately, you'd go, and you'd just shoot up and rock it up. Okay, we could close this baby thing out. Yeah, get off my son.

Starting point is 00:18:50 Closing it out. You're going to love him regardless. No, by promising. No, you'd say yes. You're going to love him regardless. Say yes. What if he's a bad person? Say you're going to love him.

Starting point is 00:18:59 No, no, you're going to love him. If he's a bad person, I won't. If he's a bad person, then I failed as parents, you failed as uncle. I have no responsibility. You're going to love him regardless. Say it now. I'll love him. If he's a bad person, I won't. If he's a bad person, then I failed as parents, you failed as uncle. I have no responsibility. You're going to love him regardless. Say it now. I love him. Okay.

Starting point is 00:19:10 I say, okay, you have to promise me as a friend, if your kid comes out and you know it will creep me out, like the way he looks is not up to par for my standards, you come out of that hospital room, you go to the waiting room, I'm excited with balloons, you go, Peyton, not now. Yeah, I go, I'm like, we'll see you Thursday. I go, take them, we'll just get out of that hospital room, you go to the waiting room, I'm excited with balloons you're going to pay. Not now. Yeah, I go, I'm like, we'll see you Thursday. I go, take them and just get out of here. You know, what if I literally, he had a swaddle on him, and I was like, look, here's my son. And you went, oh, my God, I'm so ready.

Starting point is 00:19:36 I removed it, and he was like. It's really comforting. I'm like, meet your nephew. He's like. He just looks crazy. What would you do? I'd be... Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:51 Don't you dare say it. I'd run. No, don't say it. There you go. I'd run, and then you would take a month off. We'd have C.J. or Pierce right here. And I don't even want to look at you. I'd be like, that's what you're making, huh?

Starting point is 00:20:01 We took nine months for that? That's all? That's all I could do? What was Liv eating? This kid's crooked. We're joking. None of that's going to happen. I'm going to love the kid.

Starting point is 00:20:11 My son's going to be beautiful. I mean, I hope. Okay, here's the one thing I really, I don't know. Sometimes when two beautiful people have a kid, the kid is just, yeah, but y'all, you don't have that issue. So don't worry about that you're holding your end of the bargain if not okay okay you know what you know what you're making sure that ratio you know okay that kid's gonna be fine god's honest truth from a woman's perspective put your

Starting point is 00:20:39 eyes put yeah you can't really say you were a woman yes not right now because i am grit stop it i am grisly and nasty. Need a haircut. I'm going to have a haircut. What would you rate me? One out of ten. One out of ten. What would you rate me?

Starting point is 00:20:51 Honestly. Don't look at my clothes. I saw that. That's so mean. The first thing you did was you looked me up and down at my fit. That's so rude. Okay. Me.

Starting point is 00:21:01 Knowing you? Or just like, I just see you on the street. You just see me. We're at a dive bar watching the Cowboys. Are you walking? What the hell does that mean? The way you walk is creepy. I have a bad walk?

Starting point is 00:21:13 Dude, you walk like out. That's just, I'm bow legged. I can't help that. It takes a rating. Okay. You see me. You're not looking at my feet. I have an appropriate, I have like maybe a 7.5 out of 10 fit on.

Starting point is 00:21:26 Like I didn't get iced out, but I'm not like bumming. Got a haircut? Have a haircut. And go. I'm walking. Oh, you're walking. I'm walking towards you. Oh, you're walking towards me?

Starting point is 00:21:38 Towards you. Oh, I hate when you walk towards me. You go, oh. No. Help. I'm like. Yes, dude. You always look like

Starting point is 00:21:45 You're on a mission And you want something Okay No Like it's not You never You don't have a warm embrace Yes I feel like I'm the most

Starting point is 00:21:51 I'm the warmest person here When you speak And we get to know you Yes But when you're initially coming up I'll be like I don't have food I'm never gonna be able to come back from these allegations.

Starting point is 00:22:09 Okay, deadass rating you, though. One at a ten. What am I? Stop looking at my fit. I look your eye. You literally go, okay, rating you. Every time. Just look at me.

Starting point is 00:22:20 But don't imagine the mustache is trimmed, the beard is trimmed, my hair is thick. 8.7. See, that's all right. See, I'll take that. And then when you the mustache is trimmed, the beard is trimmed, my hair is thick. 8.7. See, that's all right. See, I'll take that. And then when you get to know you, it goes up. Oh, so even more. 8.8. 0.1 when you get all of me, all of what I have to offer is 0.1.

Starting point is 00:22:36 Yes. You're a 10. Oh, thanks. You're a drop dead 10. I don't think so. No, you are a 10. And then when you know you, you're like a 6. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Why? No, you are a 10, and then when you know you, you're like a 6. I'm kidding.

Starting point is 00:22:46 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Why? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Because of how I live? No. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:51 No, you're a 10. You are a 10 outsider looking in, and you're a 10 inside looking in. Yeah, me and your wife have a strange relationship. Yeah, you don't hug, and it makes me mad. No, not that. It's almost we're too close. Yeah, you're literally like brother and sister. I don't know if you know this, but I'm going to tell you something.

Starting point is 00:23:07 What's going on today? Are you here to piss me off? Here to frighten me? Remember back in college? Yes. We were all drinking. My heart is literally thumping right now. I was about to say, what are you telling me? No, but your wife did send me a video of you in the shower while she was peeing. You've seen my jibbly bits?

Starting point is 00:23:30 You've seen me naked? Butt naked and wet? She sent it like on a Wednesday at 9 a.m. Was I at least facing away? I oftentimes face away from the door. Okay. So you saw my ass. You did look sick here.

Starting point is 00:23:45 You look like you're hiding. I looked like I was hiding? Where's this video? I didn't save it. Oh, okay. CJ knows about it. And CJ's at... You saw it too?

Starting point is 00:24:03 You creep. Yeah, and he goes, save it. Oh, you little freak and I said no I don't want that Liv genuinely I don't talk to Liv like unless we're in person yeah

Starting point is 00:24:12 like we're not just texting well we will but like about something like there is an objective to our conversation dude I get a random video from Liv

Starting point is 00:24:20 at like noon on a Wednesday and I said why is Liv sending me a video in invisible ink and I said is this supposed to go to me and so I go yeah I scrub it out and I see a white figure with glass around it and I said is that cam and play it. And I was charging my car so it connected to the aux. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:24:48 And I hear Liv Tinklin. It's like a low water pressure hose. Oh, yeah. That is a raunchy video. My wife's pissing. I'm big and gooey, just naked and white. I looked like that. You were like tucking.

Starting point is 00:25:04 No, no, no, no no it was don't say i was tucking i'm over here yeah but like there was no movement of like cleanliness you're literally back to her yeah facing the wall of the shower just small head down i said bro baby yourself stand up so you never have times in the shower. First off, it was cold in the house. We just now turned on the heater, so it was cold. But second, I just got back from the gym. You never have times where you just let the water hit?

Starting point is 00:25:33 Yeah, but I'm out. I'm open. Like, hit me. I'm not. I probably just went, oh, this feels so good. I was like giving myself a hug. And you're like stuck. Like, your head was down.

Starting point is 00:25:43 You're just like this. Maybe I was like seizing or something. So you saw my ass? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like bare ass. Yeah, it's not the first. That's the first time I've seen everything at once. Normally I just see portions.

Starting point is 00:25:54 Okay, well, did it look all right? It was a bad view. It was a bad view. It was a bad view. No. It's like, where is that when the clothes are on? I said, that's not there not like big just like a lot no no i'm built bad

Starting point is 00:26:12 oh no i love you though i love you too you i mean i want okay that was gonna sound what just happened i just heard like a horn. A horse? A horn. A horn. It's probably outside. Oh, okay. If you, okay, if this same video re-created were to be you naked, it'd be so funny. Because you would literally, okay, here's the difference. I'm going to show you all me showering versus Peyton. This is me showering.

Starting point is 00:26:38 Just standing still. According to him. This is me. It's exactly what it was. It was exactly that. Just booty butt. This would be Peyton. If that's the door of the shower or something, this would be Peyton.

Starting point is 00:27:00 What? Okay, okay. That would be you. That video could be sold for millions. No, things go south. I'm starting that website. Oh, yeah. No, you have free bags for life if you want to.

Starting point is 00:27:20 All you got to do is say, morals gone. There you go. And now you're set. I just showed myself. Oh, my God. Dude, my heart. No way. Why did she sin that, first off?

Starting point is 00:27:29 Dude, that's my question. I don't know. She was just having a day of, like, spontaneity. She was just feeling a little like she wanted to share you. But it's like, don't share you with me. Yeah, and she will. If she's going to share me with anyone, I'd want it to be you. Okay.

Starting point is 00:27:41 And it is you. But anything you want to bring up, I'm sorry. No, it's fine. It's fine. It is absolutely fine. Oh my God. That's just wild. I can't even be naked in my own home. Yeah, no, you have no, like, sanctuary. The You Should Know Podcast. What's better than a well-marbled

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Starting point is 00:28:27 Oh my god, I completely forgot to tell you about this story. Last week, we were in Oklahoma for Thanksgiving. So we're all sitting there talking, our family and everything, and we started talking about Christmas lists. And someone, you know, I'm not going to say their name though, but they had like a thousand dollar pair of shoes on their list. It was ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:28:44 You're not getting that. You've done nothing't do that. You're not getting that. You've done nothing to earn that. You're not good enough to get that. Yeah. So that was the consensus. But then you're not good enough to get that. No, you're absolutely,

Starting point is 00:28:53 you don't deserve that. You have not proven to me that you deserve four figure shoes. You're not getting it, but here we go. So that was on their list. Yeah. And then the, um,

Starting point is 00:29:01 the older people lives, uh, dad, stepmom, everyone's like, what the hell kind of shoot? Like, why would you spend a thousand on shoes? Yeah. And they started talking about names's dad, stepmom, everyone's like, what the hell kind of shoes? Like, why would you spend $1,000 on shoes? And they start talking about names.

Starting point is 00:29:10 And they can't think of it. And I shit you not, Liv's father literally says this. So they're like, oh, it's some shoes. It's like $1,000. And he walks in the room. He goes, $1,000 shoes. He goes, what are they, Kendrick Lamar's? Oh.

Starting point is 00:29:26 Yeah, literally, I was like, what did you just say? He said they're kendrick lamar's oh yeah literally i was like what did you just say he said they kendrick lamar's shoes and i said are you kidding me i don't think that's the right industry never been a thing i said he dropped an album not a clothing line like thousand dollar pair of kendrick lamar shoes and then oh my god my mind just went all i was like what would those even look like and i was like are you like do you know what you're saying before you say it was. I'm not going to lie. Kendrick Lamar would probably drop a fire shoe. It probably would. It'd be like a weird one, but it'd be cool.

Starting point is 00:29:52 Because he's into fashion. Yeah. PG Lang and all them, they're into fashion. Those big, that big belt buckle he wears. Belt buckle is so nice. So cool. But you just reminded me of something. What?

Starting point is 00:30:02 Talk to me. Well, it didn't remind me of anything, actually, but it made me want to ask you a question. So you're a liar. I have a thing about Christmas gifts. Christmas is around the corner. It is. I feel like there should be a rule with Christmas gifts. As in what rule?

Starting point is 00:30:13 I live by this rule. God, it's going to be scary. If it's Christmas, you can't bathe until after, and then four days after that, it's a natural stench for Christmas. That's my rule. You really want to bring Christmas? You want Grinch stench for Christmas. Like, that's my rule. You really want to bring Christmas? You want Grinch there? Don't bathe.

Starting point is 00:30:28 Like, that's your rule. No, my rule is if I can't afford the gift I'm asking for, I'm not going to ask somebody else for it. Okay, that's absolutely terrifying. That's terrifying from you. Why? So if you can't afford it, you can ask for it? No, take me out of it. This i want a cyber truck i go what are you shitting me no i'm talking i've always been this way oh i'm

Starting point is 00:30:54 talking about like take me out of the equation i'm saying you shouldn't ask for a gift that you can't afford yourself yeah okay unless you're a kid because obviously you can't afford anything you have no money you have no money no money but if you're a kid because obviously you can't afford anything you have no money you have no money no money but if you're like an adult that has a steady job right you you make a good honest living right you shouldn't ask for a truck you shouldn't ask for a thousand dollar pair of kinder galmars you shouldn't ask for a thousand dollar pair of shoes yeah is that fair i to an extent yes i would 95 agree i would say if you know if you have like that you know whatever that very well-off uncle aunt that absolutely loves you doesn't have kids of their own you know they go crazy each christmas and

Starting point is 00:31:37 they prompt you for crazy gifts like you got to tell me what you want like and if you know it like it's been a repetition right that'd be the be the only thing. You are bad at gift giving. No, I'm not. You are... I can't remember a single gift you've ever gotten me. Now, that literally made me want to jump on your couch and absolutely kick you in your teeth. That made me want to sweet chin music the living hell out of you.

Starting point is 00:31:59 And I don't want you to touch me right now, because that's often... That is off-limp. That is so rude. Okay, I'm not... That is so rude. I'm not saying they weren't good, but if I can't remember them. That is you doom-scrolling and not me being a bad gift giver. Name last Christmas gift. What did you give me?

Starting point is 00:32:15 The thing you use every single day in your bathroom. No, I lost the plug-in for it. No, you didn't. I haven't used it. I just put my phone outside my shower. The HomePod? That's such bullshit, bro. CJ knows I don't use the HomePod.

Starting point is 00:32:28 You really lost the cord? Yes. Well, the cord's attached, but the little dongle to go into the wall, I don't have an extra one. Are you kidding me? You don't use that every day. You don't use that? No, no. When were you going to tell me that? Now. That hurts.

Starting point is 00:32:44 Who's a better gift giver me or you i'd say you that doesn't make automatically make me bad which means you're one i'm two okay name another gift you give me it's cool shirts and stuff that you like see you're an asshole and i don't that's i'm not saying i don't appreciate it so me i appreciate you doing things for me and i and i have a very thought driven gift this year and now i want to take it back because you're pissing me off is it though my blood is boiling okay but i'm not gonna lie you do shoot yourself in the foot with gift giving because for two to three months you'll be in my ear oh my god payton i really want to tell you this gift it is so good this gift i'm about to give you

Starting point is 00:33:19 is so fire he's an asshole how is this is this not making i mean it's boiling my fucking blood i oh my god you're getting it confused with not a i it means the world to me doesn't sound like it at all no genuinely it really sounds like you got that shirt you went hey oh that's cool thanks cam no but it goes in the closet to a place i can't ever find it see now is that my so what so you need a closet organizer instead of more clothes? What do you need? I'm going to buy you a year membership to a maid. And she comes...

Starting point is 00:33:51 That'd be a hell of a gift for you. That would be a great gift. That'd be a great gift. I might do that. That might be a good gift. Okay, I genuinely just said that to piss you off. You're a good gift. No, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:34:00 I swear to God. You can't take it back now, you little... No, you can't take it back. Now that might came out wrong. That might have not came out as well as you're supposed to. An a**giver. Stop saying it because it's not staying. But it's called it.

Starting point is 00:34:13 That's what it's called. It's going to get cut. It's when you, okay, but can I explain it? Don't say it again, but what does it mean? For the peers and the jury. Yeah. If you give a gift and then you give it back. So I used it.

Starting point is 00:34:23 Like if you get a gift. A re-gifter. Exactly, but that's the term. Okay. Now, I'm not sure why and then you give it back. So I used it. Like if you get a gift... A re-gifter. Exactly, but that's the term. Now I'm not sure why and it probably isn't sensitive. So go ahead and mute that one. But yeah, that's bullshit. No, people are going to...

Starting point is 00:34:33 You meant that in your heart of hearts. People are going to kill me for this. You are Krumpus. I am Santa and you are Krumpus. Who's Krumpus? Krampus. It's his demonic brother. I don't believe in demons.

Starting point is 00:34:41 I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. Well, then you should because they're real. But he created... No, I mean like I don't associate with them. But'm a follower of Jesus Christ. Well, then you should because they're real. No, I mean, I don't associate with them. But he created the naughty list and Santa didn't like it because too many people ended up getting on it. So then Santa kicked him

Starting point is 00:34:52 out of the North Pole. Okay, now I do feel bad. I do feel bad for saying that. Yeah, you should. Because it was a joke and I did it to boil your blood. And I'm literally sweating over here. And I wanted to intentionally boil your blood just now because now we have to be vulnerable with each other.

Starting point is 00:35:08 What, are you going to kiss me? What's going on? There's a viral trend going around called we listen and we don't judge. Have you seen this? So the premise of this game, for people that don't know, is it's common in marriages and relationships. We're married, so it's fine basically the two parties say we listen and we don't judge and we reveal something about ourselves that directly

Starting point is 00:35:33 affects your partner and your partner can't judge they can't yell they can't get mad but you have to say something that your partner doesn't know and i intentionally just did that to boil your blood so now we're gonna get into into it, and we don't judge. Okay, you know I'm a soft guy, right? You know I'm a soft-hearted, big-time lover. Jesus Christ, you wrote him down? You got a notepad of him? How many things are there that pisses you off?

Starting point is 00:35:55 Okay, this isn't a good look already, but I need a shaking of hands that when this is over, we love each other like always. And no, it literally has nothing to do with you. I'm just going to tell you things that you don't know that do directly affect you. That you piss off. That pisses me off. No.

Starting point is 00:36:10 Oh. That will piss you off. Yeah, okay. Okay. You're going first. All right. We got to say it at the same time. Okay.

Starting point is 00:36:16 Are you ready? Cam, I love you. I love you too. Jesus. And hey, I swear to God. These are true. That's so disheartening. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:36:23 And I've never told you this. Okay. Ready? These are true. That's so disheartening. Oh my God. And I've never told you this. Okay. Ready? We listen and we don't judge. Whenever you had your old dog that misbehaved, right? And you had me watch him while you were at work one time, I accidentally had my keys in my pocket and i scratched your couch and when you got back

Starting point is 00:36:47 you thought it was him and i just let him take the fall for it all these years but it was 100 me and my keys you and liv were so mad at that dog. Okay. And I felt so bad. Okay. Here we go. Ready? Yup.

Starting point is 00:37:10 Okay, say it. We listen and we don't judge. Uh, one time when all of our family, all of like my family came over to your house, I intentionally, intentionally farted at the bottom of your stairs to where right when my parents would walk in, they thought your place stinks. And I didn't say anything, and I did it to just add to the lore,

Starting point is 00:37:34 to the mythical stench of your home. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. That makes sense now. I'm sorry. Because the first time your parents came over, my mom thought that they hated her.

Starting point is 00:37:49 No, no, no, no. And you did that. She said, I don't think Cam's parents like me. Oh, I pissed myself. Oh, my God, I almost peed. Okay. Ready? Yeah. Please, Cam. Don't. Don't go for it. pissed myself oh my god i almost peed okay okay ready yeah please cam don't

Starting point is 00:38:20 ready one two three we listen and we don't judge one time when you were working your old job and you had me watch ruby i took her outside without a collar on and she ran away and I lost her for 10 minutes. What? I found her though. Are you kidding me? That's my prized jewel. I love that dog.

Starting point is 00:38:42 I couldn't find her. I was so dog. I couldn't find her. I was so scared. I swear to God. I swear to God. Okay. All right, you ready? She was in like the woods. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:39:00 Like, you know, that high grass that was behind you. Oh my God, yeah. Oh my God, poor boobie. She had things all over her. I said you better not. Okay, sorry. No, you're good. You're good.

Starting point is 00:39:16 Okay. Oh, man. You ready? Mm-hmm. All right. We listen and we don't judge. One night Me and Liv were going to some picture

Starting point is 00:39:27 Or something and I asked to borrow those black pants I asked to borrow the black pants I found a hundred dollar bill in the pocket And I lied to myself So much that I believed it was my money And I kept it And never gave it back. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I said, oh, that's for me. I said, no, I didn't bring my wallet. That had to have been mine right and i just kept it hey hey we don't judge we don't judge we don't judge oh we don't judge

Starting point is 00:40:12 we don't judge oh you've stolen money from me too that same thing's happened well that goes into this we don't judge we listen and we don't judge. When you used to make a big deal about me always taking your clothes and never giving them back, for a month, every time I went to your house, I would take one thing from your house. What? Just out of spite. I would leave with one thing that belonged to you. What is wrong?

Starting point is 00:40:47 That explains so much. I'm like, these shirts don't have arms. How are they leaving me? They can't get up and crawl out. Okay. Don't. I'm not. I'm not.

Starting point is 00:40:59 I'm keeping it in. I have one more view of it. Okay. Ready? Yeah. Cam, don't make me hit you. Okay, you ready? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:15 Oh. We listen and we don't judge. Do you remember when we filmed the car wash vlog a long time ago, like two years ago on Patreon? Yes. When we were cleaning out your car. We were cleaning out the back of your car. You went to the front to get trash. And I grabbed this heavy pole you had and it stabbed your Jeep and broke a piece off.

Starting point is 00:41:40 And I blamed it on you. It was 100% me. I grabbed the pole and it went... and it ripped this piece of plastic and i just let you thought it was your own car i just let you think it was you i'm sorry hey hey sit down we don't judge we don't judge i figured hey he's dirty enough he probably won't notice dude it was it was like uh i Dude, it was like a tripod or something. And I literally went to pull it and it was stuck on something. And I went, a plastic piece went and it came right off the side. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:42:16 It is crazy how aligned our brains are for what I'm about to say. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on. Let's say it. We listen and we don't judge. One time in college, you let me take your car at night. Oh no.

Starting point is 00:42:49 And I couldn't see on the back roads. And I've never been good at reversing either. So there was a dead end, and I had to reverse out of it. But there was a railing right there. And your wheel was scraping the side of it. And your whole rim just got scratched. And then when I brought it back, I left your headlights on. I swear to God.

Starting point is 00:43:23 But I did remember. And I came down and turned them off like three, four hours later. The battery was still dead. And this whole time I thought that was Ante. I thought it was Ante that left the lights on. It was you. You never noticed that scratch though on that rim. Oh man. Okay. last one. We listen and we don't judge. Oftentimes when I show up to your place, if you're downstairs or on the second level, I don't know why, but I'll go upstairs to your room and I look at your bathroom just to see if you're still dirty.

Starting point is 00:44:02 And then it gives me a sense of like i'm doing all right and then i just walk out i literally walk up there with no agenda and i look around and i go and then i come back downstairs i notice you're always you're like what are you doing i'm like ah i left something and i go up there i just go go, God damn. And I just go right back down. Oh, man. Oh, I love you, buddy. Oh, I love you too. Sorry about your car. Holy hell, yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:29 You... Where would you even have to reverse back then? Why are you in reverse? I just remember there was a dead end road. You know I just drive. And I took your car because I said I needed food or something. I don't remember what I left for. Where was your car?

Starting point is 00:44:43 Where was Patty? You just didn't want to drive her. You're like, I feel like I'm a wreck today. Damn, can I get your car because I said I needed food. I don't remember what I left for. Where was your car? Where was Patty? You just didn't want to drive her. You're like, I feel like I'm a wreck today. Damn, can I get your keys? And you just took mine? You literally took the resale value of my Jeep down. Okay, but that's... I was wondering why the back of that shit was broken.

Starting point is 00:44:58 That's pure accidental, though. Genuine accident. It was lodged, but there was so much shit on top i couldn't see what it was lodged on and i started pulling it wouldn't come and i yanked it and went so you owe me a hundred dollars and a couple thousand yeah a couple thousand it was a plastic cover inside the jeep no that's crazy bro no and i only i really only only you oh oh oh oh i really only owe you like $25 because you've stolen $75 of my dollars. $75 of your dollars? Yeah, same thing.

Starting point is 00:45:32 Huh. You asked to borrow my clothes. There's my money in it, and you said, lucky day. No, I was washing your clothes, trying to be a good person and bring them back to you, but that was paying for my services. No. I lended you my clothing. You've stolen my clothing.

Starting point is 00:45:48 I've never stolen your clothes. Blue shorts, they're still yours. The white and brown little chrome hearts, you still have them. I do have those. Socks, still have them. My tricolored underwear, still have them. I hate those, too. You probably have my All Saints shirt.

Starting point is 00:46:04 You probably have that shirt. No, I don't. If we're being 100% CJ, if we're keeping a buck. I genuinely don't have them. I hate those too. You probably have my All Saints shirt. You probably have that shirt. No, I don't. If we're being a hundred, CJ, if we're keeping a buck. I genuinely don't have that. Because after we talked about that like two weeks ago, I went home and went through

Starting point is 00:46:12 every piece of article. I was looking at my black shirts knowing the shirt's white. I said, maybe I'm just seeing shit wrong. I went through every single shirt I owned. My entire closet and the dirty clothes

Starting point is 00:46:21 and it's not there. It's probably in your house. I've done nasty things in your shorts too. Yeah. Those blue shorts are my go-to for nasty times. See that's you don't want those bad is wicked you don't smell them no oh god no they're yours forever they're yours those used to be a good pair of gym shorts for me you know those were gone for so long and they were my only pair of navy blue shorts i literally went out and purchased a different pair of navy blue shorts yeah because now i couldn't rock my navy fits to the gym that and you had them this whole time those shorts i was talking to a girl

Starting point is 00:46:47 for like six months and every time i put those shorts on at night she knew it was go time those were my red panties those that was your red panty night my blue nike elite shorts you're like come here girl it's go time oh man that was really funny we need to do that like quarterly yeah that's our that's our like therapy that was good i have so much more that i just won't say too i have so much like like bad things that's crazy we're gonna have to run that back like later down the line that is holy hell we will do it again you should know podcast okay have you i don't know what i'm just i'm kind of a cynic sometimes yeah yeah i just there's certain things i see i don't like, and I'm going to say it.

Starting point is 00:47:27 Yeah. There's this guy on TikTok. I do not know if your timeline, your For You page has been blessed by it yet, but mine has. And I went down to Rabbit Hole. There's this man, grown-ass man, that sprays dog medicine on his hands to make them more rough. And he holds a block of wood. I have seen this guy sanding wood with his hands yes knuckles and he tries to light a match with his knuckle yeah what are you doing yeah no there's some people i think we've have we just ran out of hobbies no i

Starting point is 00:47:58 think we've reverted we've reverted a little bit in our evolution. We are digressing bad. I do think there should be consequences. Like, certain people shouldn't be in... Like, if you're doing that, you should have your phone tapped. We should hear your conversations. We need to know what else is going on. If you're spraying dog medicine to make your hands hard and rough for punching power and utility, hey, put a glove on and do whatever you need to do.

Starting point is 00:48:25 Like, that's what you feel comfortable doing on the open air. Yeah. Now imagine what he does when he locks that door. Oh, yeah. When the door's locked, his garage is down, he's already eating dinner. Yeah. He's probably chopping someone up. Dude.

Starting point is 00:48:34 Like, yeah, that might be a lot, but we don't know what this guy's doing. And I wouldn't trust him. I wouldn't trust that guy in the same room as me. And I noticed my dad had rougher hands. My dad has, like, I could literally, I've touched my dad had rougher hands my my dad has like i've i could literally i've touched my dad's hand so many times in my life if you were to give me a blindfold and give me a hundred hands i could feel my dad's that's your mark that's mark's hand i he we were hanging out for thanksgiving like two weeks ago we're hanging out for thanksgiving when i we never

Starting point is 00:48:59 just hug it's like a dab hug like we're bros but you know what i mean we're men you know what i mean dab hug but in the dab i hurt i hurt myself and i said and i said that's strange that's not my dad's hand that's not you and then got a little comfortable we're talking catching up a little bit of drink a little bit of drink my dad goes you trying to go outside and do some pull-ups? No. I love your dad. I said, if anybody, all my friends know, Mark loves a good pull-up. Oh, he loves a pull-up. He will do a pull-up. You would think he's been in car show. You would think he did a bit for 25, and the only workout he could have done was pull-ups.

Starting point is 00:49:38 Pull-ups. And I said, oh, maybe they got like a workout thing in the backyard. Still strange. He got like a pull-up bar out there. Yeah. Why are you doing that? You're up there in age. And I said, damn.

Starting point is 00:49:51 No, I'm saying like for you to buy your own pull-up bar and put it in the backyard, he is. He looks fantastic. Yeah. And he's a savage. And so I said, no, I'm not going to do that. It's 1030 and we're sitting here with our drinks. Yeah. And then I said, no, I'm not going to do that. It's 1030 and we're sitting here with our drinks, father. And then I said, no, I'm not doing pull-ups. I don't want to work out right now.

Starting point is 00:50:11 I'm a little tipsy. And he goes, all right, I'm going to go out there. And so I said, okay. He goes out there, doesn't turn the porch light on. He's out there in complete darkness. Did he have shoes on? No, of course not. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:50:23 No shirt either. And so, and then I'm like, okay, he was gone for a little bit. And I was like, let me go check on this old man. He was freaky ass Thanksgiving. Your dad's a shirtless, bald, sockless, shoeless. And he's like, let me drink and do some pull-ups. And so I lower the blinds to check the porch to see if he's out there doing pull-ups. I didn't see my dad.

Starting point is 00:50:43 And I said, did he get taken? Did he run away? Is he lying? Yeah. And we've got to put a silver alert out on him he's old they get lost they run off they're like puppies and so i go out deeper in the backyard we have a big tree my mom planted this tree years ago my dad is no he's not he's on a tree branch no he's not doing pull-ups and goes, that's good shit right there. You don't got to pay for that. And I said, Dad, do we need to talk? Yeah. He said, I'm at 100 right now.

Starting point is 00:51:12 He did 100 pull-ups on a tree outside 1030 Little Drug. Your dad is a criminal. He's doing it on your family house tree. And if you think I'm lying, I think he's trying to impress me. Like, to prove he's not old. Mark, house tree and if you think i'm lying i think he's trying to impress me like to like prove he's not old mark you're old as shit dog you're about to start you have a video you videoed him i videoed him the day i was leaving right the day i was leaving home no what look i swear to god okay the day i left my home to come back here. There's no way. He's trying to prove something to me.

Starting point is 00:51:47 He's like trying to show out. He's like, I can still take you. Look, my dad dead ass is doing pull-ups. We'll put this on the screen. That's Preston. He's doing pull-ups in a tree. Y'all think I'm lying. This man is repping pull-ups. He's repping them.

Starting point is 00:52:01 And Mally Malcolm. Chewing a basketball. He just gets up there and he's like trying like he wants a reward for it. He's a sick man. That's good shit. You see that? That's oak. That tree ain't ever going to turn on you.

Starting point is 00:52:14 He's a sick man. Holy shit. And then my mom was doing interpretive dancing to like Lauryn Hill. And I said, I got to get these people some medicine. Like they have lost it. Like, they... Can you please show me how she's dancing? Give your best representation.

Starting point is 00:52:32 She was in a flannel suit. Right? What? Like, her pants were flannel, her jacket was flannel. And they were matching. Yes, and a tank top on. And she was literally like this. It's like... Yes! Yes! And my dad's doing pull-ups in a tree.

Starting point is 00:52:49 Malcolm is two seconds away from death. Malcolm's screaming, but nothing's coming out. He's chewing a basketball. Preston's drinking a 40-ounce Coors Light. Pacing. Preston's pacing with his eyes closed. It's like y'all can never. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:04 I was literally scanning my backyard and i said dude these people like these people need medicine dog oh so oh my y'all can never question where i get my crazy from oh my god but that's why you're you yeah 100 fantastic holy shit that's i would have if you imagine just getting a video like panning video and all that's happening in one that'd be the greatest video ever've ever seen. If that would have happened when I was under 18, I would have called CPS. Like, I would have. Like, hey, I don't want to be here anymore.

Starting point is 00:53:30 You got to get me out. Hey, I'm packing my bags right now. Sit in the car two hours. I'll have my stuff downstairs. Oh, shit. Holy shit. Okay. You're scratching your douche, and your belly button hair is so long and wet,

Starting point is 00:53:41 that one curl is wet right above your belly button. Oh, you're making him breathe. Stop. Oh, give you bells and a nice little silk dress so you can get some tips. Oh, man. It's Truck Month at GMC.

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Starting point is 00:54:34 You know what that is? Pop culture, pay and income. Pop culture, pay and income. Boo! Okay, I saw this, and I want to know what you think about it. Let's hear it. Disney, right? okay i saw this and i want to know what you think about it let's hear it disney right disney resorts like disneyland and disney world released oh god disney world disneyland the disney resorts they released a 10 million dollar ticket what have you seen this? No, not at all. I'm immediately pissed off. There's a ticket available for $10 million.

Starting point is 00:55:08 What? And these are the perks of it. Yeah, please. And you can tell me if you think it's worth it or not. Okay. You and three guests can go to any park any day for free. Right? Is that a good?

Starting point is 00:55:21 It's not for free. It's for $10 million. Let's start there. It's $10 million. So don? It's not for free. It's for $10 million. Let's start there. It's $10 million. So don't you dare say for free. You don't think that's a cool perk? Absolutely. Off the bat, $10 million, I want ownership.

Starting point is 00:55:34 I want a part of Epcot to say Kennedy. Kennedy, man. You can't own a ride. Kennedy's Pretzel Hut. That should be the first thing. We're going to name something after your family, and we're going to keep it a namesake. Okay. 10 M's. 10 M's. You and we're going to keep it a namesake. Okay.

Starting point is 00:55:45 10 M's? 10 M's. You and three, that's four people at any day. We go right now to Disney. Forever? Yes, for the rest of your life. Okay, go. You can stay at any hotel on the resort,

Starting point is 00:55:58 as long as there's availability. Yeah, as long as it's not booked up from all the other millions of people that want to go. Even though you have a $10 million ticket, we're not going to boot Sally and John to the curb for you. Are you fucking kidding me? But you could stay there. I don't know if they gave you the penthouse. Yeah, what am I, in a two-queen room?

Starting point is 00:56:16 I'm in a regular-ass room. I better have a butler in the penthouse. I better be able to get food from my pretzel stand whenever I want. A ride better have my face get food from my pretzel stand whenever I want. A ride. Better have my face. Oh my god. And then, last one. Last? There's three perks. Three perks. You start to buy the food and stuff

Starting point is 00:56:35 at the resort. You have to pay for that. The last one is you have access to all Club 33 locations. What is Club 33? I don't know, but it has something to do with Michael Jackson. Yeah, I'm not going to that. It's like a little house on the park that you can go into that only Club 33 people can get into.

Starting point is 00:56:55 It's like a little club inside of Disney World. So for $10 million, let me say that again, $10 million, million dollars, money that people don't touch in their lifetime ever i get to go whenever i want stay as long as there's room yeah and i get a club 33 membership that is disney should literally be ashamed they should be ashamed for making that available i'm not even kidding that is awful i think what is awful payton what i read was the equivalent is a family of four going every day for 22 years exactly you would get your money back exactly you would be you'd be getting your

Starting point is 00:57:37 money's worth yeah you'd be in the profit every day for 22 years yes that is that is that is nonsense i'm not if i had 10 million dollars i'd do it no you i would if i had just 10 million dollars to blow literally wouldn't let you like if i was a billionaire exactly that's the only people that that's even made for yeah which if that's your target audience that's cool and i'm not gonna lie that's dumb because billionaires and not even billionaires just multi multi-multi-millionaires, they just rent the park out. Yeah, they're not going to, they're not going, every day for 22 years. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:09 I haven't even took a shit every day for 26 years. So I have a better chance of pooping every day for 22 years straight than I do to get my money's worth of the $10 million golden ticket. Okay, but say whenever we we all like make it big right all of us all of us we're we're loaded all of us you want to go 2.5 m's on this yes no shot in hell no way have you okay i'm gonna say this because you've never experienced

Starting point is 00:58:37 the magic of disney not that magical can't be can't be worth 10 m's dude it's like you're in a absolutely not nope can't be it literally can't it's like you're in a absolutely not nope campy it can't literally camp it's like you're in a different world though bro okay so let me let's let's do the scenario we go on wednesday we have a blast yes we stay in their cool little two queen bedroom right oh here's room for four and there's enough room we wake up thursday have a blast yes let's even stretch it to a third a third day in a row at the same park where we're buying food and drinks

Starting point is 00:59:09 after spending $10 million three days in a row at the same place. We've covered every ride. We've took every picture. We've seen every prop. Okay? We go home.

Starting point is 00:59:18 What's next? Huh? We going back? When? Tomorrow. Next week? Yeah. To do what?

Starting point is 00:59:23 The same shit again? And then we're going back when? The next day? Tomorrow. Next week? Yeah. To do what? The same shit again? And then we're going back when? The next day? No, you have extended family. You bring four people, three more people. Oh, so I have to keep going. That would turn into hell. That would turn into a nightmare.

Starting point is 00:59:35 That's like you're buying a $10 million sentence, like a dare. No, but I'm saying like they're friends, they're friends' friends. Could you even imagine going to Six Flags once a month for every month? As soon as it hit March, we'd be like, hey, I'm tired of this. How many times can I ride the Titan? The juggernaut still hurts, and this isn't fun. And the funnel cakes are old. Why are we here?

Starting point is 01:00:02 But hypothetically. Payton, every day for 22 years. That's like, think about this. That's like buying three, maybe two pets. Having a pet, a whole lifespan, and then redoing it every day. But instead of a pet, you're at a Disney World. That is...

Starting point is 01:00:19 Okay, but hypothetically, right? If the rooms weren't booked, you could live there. I was thinking that'd be the only way. You could literally live at Disney. But then you're so out of money. You're so out of money. Hey, I want some food. Oh, there's a $42 peach bellini for one drink.

Starting point is 01:00:37 No, I'm sure if you have $10 million to throw around, you're not worried about the price of the peach bellini. See, but that's your problem right there. I'm not, there's no, no one,'s only for the the elite the zero point zero zero one zero zeros there's those the only people that disney should shut up disney should be ashamed genuinely okay but say let's let's build our own disney ticket right now what would actually be cool for a family i don't know how much it takes i don't know how much it costs but let let's say Disney does a $10,000 ticket. Oh, I'd do it. A $10,000 ticket. Same perks.

Starting point is 01:01:08 You get to go. I don't know how much that equates to for Disney. I don't know how much it costs. Okay, I would say once every three months. I was going to say that, too. Like, you get to go quarterly, or you get to go three times a year. Yes. You, three others, you stay.

Starting point is 01:01:23 And foods included. You stay. To a certain extent. Food,, three others, you stay. And foods included. You stay. To a certain extent. Food. And you get like a food like. Yeah, like you get this much. Like a stipend. Yes.

Starting point is 01:01:32 And then you get the front of every line. Yeah. The fact there's not even a fast pass in that. I bought a $10 million ticket and I'm waiting behind a shitty snotty nose kid that's picking his ass and waiting to get on the same ride as me 10 million dollars and I have to wait behind that little shit you're you are kidding me I better be able to walk up to a worker and be like turn it on there's no what dude I don't think we're I don't I I really don't think we're comprehending $10 million.

Starting point is 01:02:05 They better give $10 million worth, $10 million worth of money going to Disney for a ticket? No. They better give me a Disney movie. I better have a Disney shirt on. They better, people better ask me about the park and ask me, hey, can I go there? Not today. I want that for my family. You can't go on that ride.

Starting point is 01:02:24 This ride's off limits except for my blood today. It's like, I'm going to ride this ride for 12 hours straight. Yeah, and no one's allowed to get on. Can I sit by you? Please, sir. It's my first. Get the hell away. You didn't get the $10 million golden ticket.

Starting point is 01:02:35 You're not Willy Wonka. They didn't even have a fast pass. That's magnificent. That is actually, that's insane. Yeah, no, it's crazy. Okay, here's what we're going to do real quick. Imagine the same thing. $10 million.

Starting point is 01:02:48 All three of those rules apply. We're going to add things on until as a consensus, we think it's worth $10 million. Okay? First thing, you can eat and drink whatever the fuck you want. That is the first thing. $10 million. You can order seven pretzels for your little kid that's only going to eat half of one, and they're going to serve it to you with a smile.

Starting point is 01:03:09 That's the first thing. You can eat whatever the hell you want. You can drink whatever the hell you want, alcohol included. That's first. There's no stipend. There's no limit. You can get whatever the hell you want. That is first.

Starting point is 01:03:16 Second, I'm not staying in a one king and a pullout. There's going to be a penthouse that is literally labeled 10M, and if another 10 million dollar ticket holder isn't there that day that's mine and that's gonna be locked in love there's gonna be big ass tvs disney movies on all snacks and drink no weighted scale if you pick it up you buy it no yeah everything there better be a robe all that stuff so immediately penthouse at any park location and any food and drink. Any food and drink.

Starting point is 01:03:46 Then fast pass but on drugs. There's no, you go to the fast pass line. No, I'm on the next ride. No, no. If that ride's in the middle of it, go back. Turn it off. Bring him down. I want that kid seen.

Starting point is 01:03:59 I want to sit where that kid's sitting. He's going to get off and wait. I'm sitting there right now. That's $10 million, if we're being honest. $10 million. What else? Unlimited food and drink. Fast pass that is instantaneous.

Starting point is 01:04:13 I get a part of some movie. I'm a part of some Disney original. There's some, like, I'm going to be Stan Lee in Avengers. I get a cameo in every movie. I'm like that in the movie. It's Inside Out 3. The emotions are going. And then one of the kids' thing is they're watching our podcast or something.

Starting point is 01:04:29 We're on there somehow. There's no way I'm paying $10 million. I am literally, I just gave you the payroll for an A-list actor for the next film. $10 million. There's no shot. Getting a cameo, food and drinks, Fast Pass, Penthouse. And there's something like I'm getting. There's no scheduling. Getting a cameo, food and drinks, fast pass, penthouse. And there's something like I'm getting. There's no scheduling of my stay.

Starting point is 01:04:48 Like I can't, I don't have to wait around for something like that. If it's reserved bullshit, no. I get a golf cart around the whole place. You're right. It's reserved for me. Take that family and relocate them. That is my room. It says Tim in on it.

Starting point is 01:04:59 I spent Tim in. My own parking spot? Oh my God. No, no. Matter of fact, we're not driving. I'm getting picked up from the airport. I'm getting picked up.

Starting point is 01:05:08 I'll buy my flights. Now that has nothing to do with you because if someone wants to buy it in Texas, they know there's not one in Texas. We got to get there. That's on us. Hell, we got 10 M's

Starting point is 01:05:17 to spin on pass. I can get on a plane. But when I land, there's going to be a, there's going to be the mystery van picking me up, taking me straight to my penthouse.

Starting point is 01:05:28 Mickey himself is driving me. Ahoy! Get in! Yeah. And I'm going to be like, hey, what's up, Mickey? That's how that's going to go. And the last thing, I better receive a monthly, I'm not even kidding, maybe quarterly, monthly or quarterly, like, merch package to the house.

Starting point is 01:05:44 My kids will have disney and not like some basic bullshit like a hoodie with disney no their name is important cool shit with their name on it that no one else has every single month or quarterly at least god damn that might have been my favorite pop culture bro and that's still pushing the line. Like, if we're being... Okay. It's so worth it. The thing about that is, like, that is such a sucker's buy. Yeah. No one... Literally imagine just staying at a Disney park for three days straight.

Starting point is 01:06:18 Yeah. Let alone going three times in a year. I would love it. I would love it. That'd be fun, right? Yeah. But then you wouldn't want to go back. But you can't say that. But I'm saying you wouldn't

Starting point is 01:06:28 want to go back any time remotely soon to where you're checking off. It's not true. Every day for 22 years? No, that's crazy. 22 years is crazy. I'm just saying, I would go every day for probably a couple months. Bro, it's so fun. And then what? You would know everyone by name? Yes. You would know everything and then you're gonna go

Starting point is 01:06:44 home and be like, damn, I really don't want to ride the Twisted Teacups again. I don't want to go back. My dad passed out. That storm trooper's name is Phil. I've seen him out of the side of his mask. My dad passed out on the Twisted Teacups. No, he did not. It was bad vertigo.

Starting point is 01:07:00 Oh, yeah, he got off that plane. Dude, that's so funny, bro. Oh, my God. Oh, I still, I would still do it. There's no shot. And that was... Pop culture, pay in a cam. Pop culture, pay in a cam.

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Starting point is 01:07:43 Get your very own manifesting mask today at a massive 35% discount and with six additional freebies from highsomni.com. The world's first manifesting mask now available to everyone at highsomni.com. I have a game for you. I think it's going to be fun. Will I be embarrassed? You will not be embarrassed. Thank God.

Starting point is 01:08:02 I think it'll be very fun. Okay. And it's going to give you a little back scratch on that old stroke and bone. I love my stroke and bone. Now, that sounded interesting. Wicked, yeah. But before even telling you what it is, I'm going to arm you with what you need. I get a whiteboard, and I'm not...

Starting point is 01:08:18 No. No. No. No. Because my aunt Carolyn called me. It's not math. She called me. She said, you need to stop doing public math.

Starting point is 01:08:26 She said, boy, we raised you better than that. Stop doing that, Peyton. So it's not math. I promise it's not math, everybody. But I do need you to number one to ten. Like in a straight line, like one straight line. That would have been the worst line the world's ever seen. One, two, three.

Starting point is 01:08:42 Give them dots or dashes. I'll do it after. You're so backwards. Just everything you do. Okay, I numbered one through ten. Brilliant. Okay, show the people. I did.

Starting point is 01:08:56 Number one through ten. Yes. So what you're doing, you are simply going to go through a blind ranking. Okay. A blind ranking. You have no clue what's coming next. And these are things that are satisfying. Satisfaction for Peyton.

Starting point is 01:09:09 Okay? Okay. So we're going to hope, we're going to see how well you know yourself because you have no clue what's coming next. Like what satisfies me? Yeah. I'm going to name 10 things.

Starting point is 01:09:17 Don't say her name. No, no. Oh, there's something on there. But I can't. I can't. I can't. Peyton, you're on a 20-25. Okay. So basically, we're doing a satisfaction blind ranking,

Starting point is 01:09:29 one through ten. You have no clue what's coming next, and we're going to see how accurate the list is when you're all done. Okay. And then you're going to tell us what you would move. Okay. I've never done a blind ranking before, and I see them on TikTok, and I'm always like, I would be so bad at this.

Starting point is 01:09:40 Okay, here we go. You ready? Yeah, sure. Laying down in fresh and warm brand new out the dryer bed sheets oh my god that's a top tier feeling and it's so rare for me because i never bed sheets wherever you want it's so rare for me because i never wash my sheets you never do this so it's it's probably mythical magic bro uh i'll put that at let me put it in the middle five five bed sheets is five bed sheets at five so i'll rank that one five let me put it in the middle, five. Five. Bed sheets is five. Bed sheets at five.

Starting point is 01:10:05 So I'll rank that one five. There you go. Okay, here we go. Petting Ruby while intoxicated. Oh my God. No, that is magical. That's damn near better than a lot of things this world can offer. She's so warm.

Starting point is 01:10:19 She's so warm and small. I'll put petting your dog when I'm intoxicated at seven what yes what laying in fresh bed sheets is better than petting a ruby when you're drunk that's tough for the second pick though because i don't know what's coming next wow okay we're gonna see yeah this is crazy okay listening to your favorite music on a peaceful nighttime drive with the window down oh my god i'll put that at six you're saying all these okay you you have high hopes for Listening to your favorite music on a peaceful nighttime drive with the window down. Oh, my God. I'll put that at six. You're saying all these.

Starting point is 01:10:48 Okay. You have high hopes for. I do have high hopes. We'll see. We'll see. Music. Okay. Music drive.

Starting point is 01:10:55 Music drive. Music drive. My music drives at six. Okay. Waking up in the middle of the night and taking a sip of a room temp flat Diet Coke. Oh, my shit. Oh, dude, I might have just needed to change my pants. I'm not going to lie.

Starting point is 01:11:11 I did that at home, bro. I chugged a liter. Here we go. Oh, my God. It was like a half a liter. So, flat room temp DC at 3 a.m. Oh, man. I'll put that at 4.

Starting point is 01:11:25 I'll put the Diet Coke in the middle of the night at four. Okay. Peeling off plastic from any brand new electronic. Ten. He hated that. He hated that. He hated that. Does nothing for me.

Starting point is 01:11:35 Okay. Winning and hitting a parlay when it came down to the last minute of the game. Oh, my God. So the thrill is there. You're so angst. Your blood is hot. Heartbeat going crazy crazy but you end up hitting the parlay i don't want to take up the one two and three spot but i'll take i don't know you don't know i'll put i'll put that at three i'll put the parlay three okay that isn't is a feeling. I feel like I can conquer the world.

Starting point is 01:12:05 Okay. Next one's a bit different, but here we go. A woman taking her clothes off in front of you. Did I ask her to? Yeah. Because sometimes on tour, I would see it in the crowd crowd and I said, God, I'm working. Yes, a much, much asked and yes, verbal yes, woman removing her clothes. I'll put that at eight.

Starting point is 01:12:40 I got Twitter. As of right now, a fresh bedsheet is better than a naked woman. There's got to be questions. Oh my God. All right, there's three left. My one, two, and nine are still available. Okay, holy shit.

Starting point is 01:13:00 Here we go. Watching something hilarious happen to one of your close friends, like a fumbling of the bag, stumbling on words in front of a female, or maybe tripping and falling. Oh, that's two. Oh, anytime I can make fun of my loved ones, I am the happiest.

Starting point is 01:13:15 I've made a career off of it. You go, I literally capitalized. Okay. I'll put that at number two. So I have one and nine available. God, this is not a good... That is such a thing, and you have no clue what's next. Okay.

Starting point is 01:13:31 Whataburger. Eating hot, fresh Whataburger in your bed with your favorite show on after a night out on the town. Oh, my God. Do I also have somebody on FaceTime? Yes. Oh, my God. We I also have somebody on FaceTime? Yes. Oh, my God. We'll make it on FaceTime. If I can make ignoring somebody on FaceTime while I'm eating and watching a show when I'm drunk.

Starting point is 01:13:50 You're saying ignoring someone? Yeah, I just want you to be there. Listen to me eat. I just don't want to be 100% alone. No. Okay, so ignoring someone on FaceTime while biting into a hot, sweet, and spicy with some Diet Coke favorite show on the TV after a night out. I'll put that at nine. I'm confident putting that at nine.

Starting point is 01:14:07 I'm confident because I don't know what number one is. You're like afraid of greatness. You're afraid of number one. What is it? What a? Okay. Okay. And the last one.

Starting point is 01:14:17 This is my number one. I got to go with it. The last one is the first sip of a perfectly smoked Old Fashioned. I'll take that at number one. Old Fashioned is number one. Is that actually number one? No. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:14:32 So now, that's your list. First, read it real quick, and then change how you'd want it. This is my blind ranking. This is my blind ranking. It was Old Fashioned, Friend Messing Up, Parlay, diet coke in the middle of the night, bed sheets, music on a drive, Ruby when you're inebriated, a naked woman, what a night with somebody ignored on FaceTime, and opening plastic. I am confident plastic being thin. Okay, so what would you change? My number one.

Starting point is 01:15:02 Yeah, now that you see everything and it's no longer blind, what is your number one most satisfying thing on this list? All the blindness is gone. You see it all in front of you. What's the number one most satisfying thing on that list? My friend messing up. Okay. Yeah. So put that at one.

Starting point is 01:15:15 Just write a one by it. You're going to re-rank. Write a one there. Write a ten at the bottom. Or I guess it's still ten. Yeah. Okay. Number two.

Starting point is 01:15:24 Oh, my God. Second best thing after a friend messing up in front of you uh a diet a diet coke in the middle of the night a flat room that's the second third would probably be ruby when you're inebriated so so far for for all of our listeners and our viewers we have flat room Tim Diet Coke, a fat dog when you're inebriated and your friend messing up is all better to Peyton than a naked woman in front of him

Starting point is 01:15:54 I love this alright what's Ford oh man Ford being old fashioned Oh, man. Four would be an old-fashioned. Five would be a parlay. Let's see here. What at night is good? Oh, shit.

Starting point is 01:16:22 I'm trying to see what my body feels. Yeah, what is your body? Your body. You just said it best. Be honest. What a burger at night. No. I swear to you.

Starting point is 01:16:34 Bedsheets at 7. Oh, my God. Is the woman staying at 8? Music on the drive at 8 helps with my anxiety. I swear to you. And at 9 would be a woman. What's she going to do for me? Just look at me with my anxiety. I swear to you. And at 9 would be a woman. What's she going to do for me? Just look at me, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:16:48 Okay. That's my new list. That's the final list right there. Oh, my God. Give it up for P. Blind ranking of satisfaction. I'm not helping the allegations. I'm not helping the allegations.

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Starting point is 01:17:25 Learn more about Samsung Vision AI televisions at Samsung.com. Shit, that was funny. I appreciate you for following along. Okay, Cam, get us out of here, buddy. All right, everybody, thank you for coming back to episode 142 of the You Should Know podcast. We absolutely love and adore each and every one of you. We tell you every single week, but we really, really mean it. Love you.

Starting point is 01:17:46 We do. Anything you need is in the description below. Patreon is getting a whole new look. It's getting a whole new rewired, and it's going to be fantastic, and it is made to blow y'all's minds starting this January. There's going to be different tiers. There's going to be different segments. There's going to be different games.

Starting point is 01:18:02 There's going to be more episodes, extra episodes. What's the word I'm looking for? Uncensored and ad-free. Uncensored and ad-free episodes. There's going to be so much more on Patreon. That is linked in the description below. So is the Facebook, the Twitch, Discord, everything. Everything you need to know is right below.

Starting point is 01:18:20 Go ahead and like the video, comment, leave it, share it with your biggest hater, your friend, your aunt, and your grandpa. I'll give you a secret to what's coming on patreon for a patreon only episode we're gonna do a lot of those patreon only episode parents are coming on that is gonna be spicy but until then make sure you come back next week, episode 143, same spot, same time. Confuse the casuals. Get your good karma with this week's secret code. And a Dr. P is already out.

Starting point is 01:18:52 Episode two. I know y'all love that. Yes, that is out on Patreon right now. It came out last Friday. Go over to the Patreon. Watch that. Confuse the casuals. Get your good karma.

Starting point is 01:18:59 This week's secret code, TMD. Too much Disney. Nope. Too much Disney. Nope. 10 million Disney. Utter nonsense. If you buy it, I'd slap you, but we still love you. All right, guys. We love you so much.

Starting point is 01:19:15 Please share this podcast with your friends. We love this community. Let's build this community. Let's grow it. Let's have more people in it because we all take care of each other and we love each other. So remember, one out of ten koala bears. Don't make it home to Christmas and we'll see you next time. No, yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:30 There's not a ten million dollar ticket. No, I think it's worth it. No shot in hell. I saw High School Musical Parade. You better give me a corn dog.

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