You Should Know Podcast - WE SHOWERED TOGETHER! -You Should Know Podcast-
Episode Date: June 19, 2023PATREON AVAILABLE NOW: https://www.patreon.com/YouShouldKnowPodcast AFTER PARTY: PM LOUNGE DALLAS TX RIGHT AFTER THE LIVE SHOW! (You do NOT need a live show ticket to enter!) Peyton’s Polaroids: h...ttps://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code PSH at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod 0:00 AFTER PARTY ANNOUNCED 4:40 CAM JOINS 7:10 Sniffing Peyton’s Back 10:54 Worst Handshake Ever 12:36 Check Your Webbing 15:15 Weather Food 21:40 Don’t Use Condiments 26:52 Are we in a Video Game? 31:10 Swapping Body Parts 32:07 Poopin in Yards 34:48 Peyton Clogs Toilets 38:58 Peyton HATES Showering 40:58 WE SHOWERED TOGETHER 41:58 Wild College Stories 45:37 IBUPROFEN 50:08 Do you hate me? 54:54 CRAZY COLLEGE COACH STORY 1:00:17 POP CULTURE 1:07:04 ANNOUNCEMENTS YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R GRAB SOME MERCH: https://www.youshouldknowstudios.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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I think everybody remembers our crazy assistant coach in college.
He looks into my eyes and says, get my shit first.
If there's not enough money for them, piss on them.
Remember whenever we were in college and you walked me out of the shower, right? into my eyes and says, get my first. If there's not enough money for them, piss on them.
Remember whenever we were in college and you walked me out of the shower, right?
Okay, okay, okay, okay, no.
You said, that's still kind of impressive.
You ever looked at yourself in the mirror
while you're drying off?
Oh, it's the one hey everybody welcome back to the you should know podcast episode 65 round of applause please Please.
I was like going with the claps. You know, getting like, my head was going back.
Like the claps were making my head go back.
Hey everybody.
Welcome back to the, you should know podcast episode 65.
God, it's just, it's the best part of the week.
Every week when we're able to come here, sit down and talk to the best family on
YouTube, and that is the usual family.
And if you're not a part of the usualhino family let me tell you how to become it if you look below
you see that subscribe button isn't pressed you're wrong if you look even more below there you see
that comment section isn't fulfilled with your name guess what even more on go ahead and fill
that out we have an announcement it seems like every week we have more and more and more
announcements that's because of y'all's loyalty and because of
y'all's love for the you should know podcast but you know how we have a live show june 30th
south side music hall dallas texas the fun's not gonna end at south side music hall that night oh
no it's not there's some more fun to be had after the show if you're 21 and up, the after party is officially announced.
It's at PM Lounge on North Henderson Avenue, I believe.
After party, immediately after the live show.
As soon as we're done making the funnies on stage, get your ass in that Uber or in that car.
Go straight to PM Lounge.
We're all going to have fun together as a big You Should Know family.
Yes, it is 21 and up, but it is a completely free event.
There is availability for an upgraded package, which the prices aren't out yet.
But if you want updates on the prices for the upgraded package, be sure to follow me on Instagram at PSH8,
the You Should Know Podcast Instagram account, and co-host Cam's Instagram account, CamKennedy22.
But in that package, you are able to skip the line and
you get a free drink when you get inside that sounds like a great package deal to me but if
you don't want to it's a completely free event 21 and up pm lounge june 30th right after our show
dallas texas south side music hall that leads me into the next announcement we just hit two
million followers on tiktok round we just hit 2 million followers on TikTok. Round of applause
for 2 million followers on TikTok. That is insane. Now I feel like 2 million is a fake number. I'm
not gonna lie I don't think there's 2 million of anything out in this world. So the fact that
there's 2 million of y'all that decided to click that follow button on TikTok. We are forever, forever grateful for you.
Thank you so much.
Here's to 3 million if you want to.
We're happy with 2 million.
But if you want to keep following us and spreading the word and spreading the message of the You Should Know podcast
and making the family grow and grow and grow.
Y'all are growing connections every day in that Discord and the Patreon and the YouTube comments and the Spotify comments.
Thank you so much for all the love.
We love you.
Shout out to 2 million.
Thank you for 2 million. And now let's get on with the rest of the episode i have a question what's more american
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of the episode you should know podcast oh we got co-host Cam back in the studio.
It's like a little game of Peaky Boo.
That was pretty good, though.
I really couldn't see because I had my eyes closed because I don't cheat in life.
So I was truly like, I don't cheat in life.
You do.
I don't cheat.
You do.
What do I cheat on?
You went through your whole college career doing fake breath.
That's against NCAA rules.
I never had help breathing. You have asthma. At a collegiate level. When I was 10, I needed a lot of help. I never had help breathing.
You have asthma?
At a collegiate level.
When I was 10, I needed a lot of help.
I needed the freezer.
I needed my mom's help.
I needed that damn...
I had tubes, bro.
Like liquid medicine I put into a machine and purified it into a gas.
Took said gas into lungs.
Now I can breathe.
Do you think we would have been friends?
I played flag football and I had to go home and take a freezer shower.
Like I literally had to...
Before I bathed, I had to go like this.
They had to treat you like Captain America. They put you in the office it was bad it was really bad do you think we would do you think oh the fact you hitched for that shit you
literally went do you think what a like you your whole you said that's nazar excuse me that's this
don't you ever excuse me, don't you dare.
That's my thing.
Oh, it's starting to...
It's starting to smell like a little PU over here.
It's starting to smell like a little yucky.
It's smelling like a...
Golly.
It smelled like yesterday.
Good Lord.
You smell like...
Stop having so much fun.
You smell like...
You eat clean, don't you?
Dude.
That is the thing.
No, people that...
Oh, my God.
I've been eating cleaner.
Yeah, we have.
But, dude, people that eat clean, their farts... Putrid. Oh, my God. I've been eating cleaner. Yeah, we have. But, dude, people that eat clean, their farts.
Putrid.
Oh, my God.
But I have been eating cleaner, and now I've been farting and running from myself.
Bro, it is me the other day when we were up here.
Oh, my God.
Cam came into the studio the other day, and we were working on something that cannot be named.
I just chose violence.
We had to be on.
We had to be like we were working, right?
And Cam literally put a bomb in the studio
from his rectum it was so bad i don't like it i mean it was straight up like nox gas like it would
have killed you but i but i love you and your scent is my scent no see i would have said yes
but then you said the last part i can't agree to that all right that wasn't mutual like it's not
mutual we're not relating right now every okay your sense bad but i'm gonna put you my ass my ass sense are bad there's no doubt about it when you pooed yes i'm
talking like your nine to five though is just not like your nine to five is only two notches below
my fart think about that okay i literally go and then you just go like this is only two
you're just living life and it's like okay but i have i have a hypothetical i'm just he doesn't And then you just go like this is only two
It's like okay, but I have a habit that he doesn't smell that and I do well it's going right now I was trying to save you. I'm wet. I'm not smelling you are wet. No, okay, but I have a hypothetical for you
So hot so hot I have a hypothetical for you. Let's hear it right
Say wrong you were the
You're responsible for my life, right? Oh Oh shit If you don't do this
I perish
What are we
Am I sucking your tongue again
What is like
What is
No we do that
We do that recreationally now
Okay
You wanna do it on camera
It's too hot for that
It's too hot
It'll get a little more hot
What's your problem
It's a little steamy huh
It's every episode
It's every episode
There's a whole
I hope you know
There's an entire like
Conspiracy out
Oh really
Of us that's like.
I would love to read it.
Send it to me on DM.
Don't you wink at them when we're talking about this.
Would you like, oh, that's for you.
My winks are only for you.
Back to you perishing.
Okay.
You wish.
So.
What is that?
Oh, crumble?
Oh, so, so say you were responsible for my life.
If you didn't do this next thing I'm about to say, I'm done.
Okay.
Every time I poot, you have to put your nose to my rectal cavity.
You're dead.
You are deceased.
You are deceased as hell.
As a matter of fact, I'd be front row at the funeral.
Hell, I'd give you a eulogy.
I'd give you a little speech.
You think I'm putting my nose on your sphincter after you poot.
You don't have to make contact no at least two centimeters
no no cameron no you know how much so you you would literally see me perish in front of you
yeah for the rest of my life yes that means one i have to be in close proximity of you forever
two i have to imagine this imagine i'm at my house you go you have to call me and you go cam
i'm about to fart dog yeah that's what it would be I'd have to get in my damn vehicle to drive to
your house to sniff your ass yeah we could not happen no we could all be roommates it's not
happening we can all be roommates we could be roommates your sniff partner your sniff partner
no it's not happening you're on my sniff bubba no no no I'm not I bet somebody okay in the comments
right now this is a crazy call to action. Yeah.
If you would save my life and do that for me.
Don't, I need to see like eight people say that.
If there's any more than 10, then we have problems. I would literally, to save your life, I would literally use that as a cologne.
I would put a cologne bottle right on your rectum and close it and then use it before date nights.
And be like, smell smell me that's cam
no they'd be like oh that's cam and then i call you on the phone and i go that's not me that's my alfredo from two nights ago enjoy it oh cam yeah cameron yeah you want to make it cute i'm
making nazi cameron how are you doing bubba uh i'm pretty good why is your shoe already off i don't
know it's like a natural thing leave it on i just get naked. Yeah, you really do. There's actually are you looking at me so hard blink dog. What do you mean?
Yo blink. What do you mean? I'm just looking you know I swear to God you haven't blinked in like four minutes
What are you?
But no it was like uncomfortable. It's like you had a tracking device on your eyes you're like like i had a keybird yeah keybird you dumbass no uh several people
have noticed you stripping a lot actually really my mom actually said we were on a conversation
the other week she was like is it like is it just super hot in there or payton's always just
getting naked i'm like i'm like i mean it's okay it is a hell of hot it's so hot it is ice dude
it's so it is and the scary part is we haven't even
hit july oh my god it's so damn hot on the way up here i saw a bird blow on a worm before he ate it
that's how hot it is it is so hot bro it is ridiculous it's insane like that's funny so
do birds have lips they have beaks does that count as a lip? It's a beak. I guess it could be like a stone lip.
A stone lip?
Do birds have stone lips?
That's a beak.
Hey, we can trademark that and make something out of it.
Don't ever give me your hand that's soft again.
I'm a graceful man.
What was that?
I'm a graceful man.
But you're not a woman.
I literally said, we can do that, and you went like this.
Look, go shake my hand.
No, see, what the hell is that?
Stop doing that.
Let him hang.
I let it hang. I literally go and shake my hand. No, see, what the hell is that? Stop doing that. Let him hang. Be a man.
I let him hang.
I literally go, hey, shake my.
Oh, it's over the shoulder.
Stop.
I literally said, shake my hand.
We could trademark that.
Go to shake my hand.
No, go to shake my hand, princess.
You look at me like this.
Yeah.
Like I was the queen of England.
I like to think of myself as a royal.
She's dead.
Oh, R.I.P.
Yeah, sorry.
I like to think of myself as a royal.
A royal.
Yeah, you got to think of yourself as more than you are.
I got to think of myself as extremely realistic and unbelievably average.
I am one person out of eight billion.
I'm not a royal.
But that makes you special.
It does make me special.
You're the only one with that big of a head.
What are we doing?
I know a lot of people with larger heads.
Isn't it crazy to think there's probably over 100,000 human beings with the same size head as me?
Not including people that have bigger heads. My head size there's a hundred thousand people that's
customized god customized a hundred thousand people minimum have this size head think about
that it's kind of scary why would i think there's at least two can we go back to your mom there's
at least two million people that stink like you at least i want to stink you just sniffed i saw that you didn't
you can't hide that i said that and you went like you tried to check yourself i saw that
no my mom we were talking on the phone you don't ever do you ever i'm so sorry do you ever go
between you know them that no i don't ever swipe debit or credit and give it a sniff test no but
like on accident no you ever like you know the the part between your thigh and your manhood yeah that little like that that wirey that little like that little hallway that
little that little canal yeah that little that little that little back corner you know whenever
you're resting right when you nap and you put it in there you don't put your pants on your nap
no i thought oh no yeah i was like yo no i, I don't penetrate. So I was going like this, right?
Yeah.
Liv always asks me why do I do that.
It's a man thing.
It really is.
Like, you go take a nap, and you're just right here.
Oh, my God, it's so warm.
But mine's warm and wet, like kind of like a bayou.
No, you are a bayou.
You smell like a bayou.
Anyway, your mom said I was naked.
Yeah, she did.
She was like, uh, da-da-da-da-da.
You know, it was such a great episode.
I watched it.
And is it like, why does Peyton keep taking his shirt offda-da. You know, it was such a great episode. I watched it.
Is it like, why does Peyton keep taking his shirt off?
Like, he's just, he's always naked every episode.
And I go, well, it is really hot.
And he's also just a naked guy.
I don't know what to tell you.
I love being naked.
It's your most primal-like self.
It's your instinct.
Yeah, it's just like.
Like, you just look at yourself in the mirror.
But I can't scratch my back on walls. Oh, I hate it I love it. You have so much back meat. No
But
Go oh my god
There's nothing like a sharp corner and you just but you the way my oh my god
And then it goes right over the bone. That's the thing. I hate my body. Love it so much
Yeah, I hate your bones time, but you have it right on your bone and it goes oh
It goes over and then it's getting the moon. Oh, please God
No, and you're sitting there, and then you get but then instead of going like this
Instead of going do we have audio this was I don't know what you're doing
Well instead of going side to side to meet to meet keeping the sharp corner on your meat
You got to keep that's what this corner always happens. You got to like keep doing so you go
Rub that bone yeah pops it
over it gives like a sensation i want to be like my dad sometimes i want to be like your dad too
so sometimes but when i was growing up he would always do that because he always he has he's like
built like a t-rex right big body little arms so he's like he would always go through the house
like this he's like come here son and so he can't
reach his back right so he couldn't do this shoulder as high as he can go and so to scratch
that means he has massive biceps yeah that's where i get it so and then he would always find
corners of the wall and he looked like a grizzly bear like that and so i was like i'm almost out
man what the hell you doing and so i would want to be like my dad so i would go to a wall and then i
cut myself real bad and i had blood in my crack your dad is man yeah you were flying boy yeah you are very you
are adolescent you know how we were talking about how it's really hot here it's unbelievable like my
my legs are sweating it's disgusting i shouldn't walk outside and get angry at environment and just
life it makes me so mad with people to understand weather food when people don't understand weather food. When they don't understand what?
Like weather food.
Food?
You're like, we're talking about food now.
What the hell is weather food?
Like somebody offered me pancakes during summertime.
Pissed me off.
They have to understand that's inappropriate.
How is, is there a, you're talking about seasonal food?
There's food that belongs in certain weathers.
You know what I mean.
You're pissing me off.
Oh my God, that just, you're talking about like, you can eat a pancake 365 days out of the year, 100%.
No shot.
Dude, a pancake is like the flannel of the food community.
You can't wear that in the heat.
You're not wearing the pancakes.
If you're putting pancake batter on you, you're a freak.
You're like the little peanut butter kid.
You're like that little guy.
You can eat a pancake.
Are you eating it outside?
Is there a pancake fundraiser?
There are certain foods that you immediately eat.
I'm warm now.
If you're eating scorching magma hot pancakes and you have another problem.
You don't sweat when you eat pancakes.
What pancakes are you eating, dog?
What are we doing?
Fluff.
What do you have, like a chimichurri sauce on your pancakes?
I don't even know what that is.
You're putting Louisiana hot sauce on your pancakes.
You can't eat anything that's fluff.
Why is your pancake raising your body temperature?
What are we doing?
You can't eat anything fluffy in the summertime.
You know what I mean?
Oh my God.
Oh my God, I almost got mad.
Like a waffle in the summertime?
Fine.
What the hell is the difference?
The indents.
The indents.
It adds air circulation in air ducts and ventilation.
You understand, right?
When you put it on,
something you put in your mouth and it makes you hot.
Don't argue with me.
If you were drinking
boiling water
in the summer,
outside,
I could maybe see
what you're saying.
It's a pan,
it's breakfast.
I've had pancakes
the last three mornings.
Oh my God.
It's summer.
We have not seen a,
this weather food forecast
shit is not a thing.
It's, we haven't seen a degree lower than 98 and you're eating pancakes?
What is wrong with that?
That sick behavior- are you the Joker?
So you- so you-
Like who eats like that you sick freak?
I'm sitting there with like a monocle and I'm like ahhh
Joker doesn't have a monocle.
Well back in the old days maybe he might have, I don't know.
Anyway, so you can't eat- so by that same premise you can't eat cold shit in the winter no of course you can then what
what kind of fallacy little thing are you gonna understanding me it's not
about the temperature it's about the food I'm not understanding you because
weather food isn't real yes if it's too fluffy makes you hot right that's like
eating that's like that's like that's like that's like walking around the
streets downtown 98 degree weather you're drinking a chai you know what i
mean you belong under the prison that's sick behavior okay then i i'm probably belonging
dead now because the last three mornings i've had protein pancakes oh my god two weeks ago i went to
starbucks at 4 p.m and i got a chai tea latte cam you ate protein pancakes yes that's yes it's an
easy way to get more not only did you eat the worst summer food,
you added more dryness to it.
You belong under the prison.
Who's your pancake guy?
Because you're not eating good pancakes.
Whoever's been making pancakes for your whole life,
if they're dry, that dry to where you're,
it's the flannel, it's a cardigan of the summer.
I'm not going to lie.
Pancakes are gas.
You can eat them 365 24 7 i might be a
little biased on this because i don't like pancakes in general i don't eat pancakes yeah you said
waffles were acceptable because they have divots pancakes made me gag see i knew it there's no
certain foods that make you gag i knew it i do i uh cameron kennedy does a podcast with an 11 year
old it's it's confirmed i knew it you're not who you claim to be pancakes I'll make you gag dog no it's a pancake what foods but there's sooners
how soft is your mouth how weak are you you know it's when it's agate a pancake
no it's not like I can't chew it it's just like the texture makes me feel like
I'm closed up you know I mean it makes me feel like I cut two fingers in the
back of my throat stop doing that that. That's such a weird sentence.
It's like I'm not going like that.
No. The 21 Jump Street scene.
It's like every time I put a pancake in my mouth, it's like, uh-oh, something's coming up now.
You know what I mean?
Honestly, I'm not even surprised this because I'm talking to a cave dweller.
You eat beef for breakfast.
Like literally, he doesn't...
Okay.
Guys, he doesn't even put the beef with like eggs he just makes a
bowl of beef that's another thing that makes me gag eggs i don't like eating baby yolk you're
a i don't know what else to say like you're pissing me off baby yolk yeah i don't like
eating fertilized meat you're oh my god you are weather food's not real that's not a thing i hate
everyone that says that 100% you can't know you
In the winter if I want a slurpee ice cold slurpee brain freezes just waiting to happen. I'm drinking it. That's perfect
I love eating cold in the weather. I love eating cold in the winter
Cold in the winter completely acceptable
What is happening and you get a good bite of your ice cream? I don't think this is anything.
Did you say bite your ice cream?
Oh, 100%.
He just said bite his ice cream.
You don't bite your ice cream?
If I bit my ice cream, I'd need to get in a Tesla Roadster and go 180 miles an hour straight to a dentist.
My two front teeth would literally die.
How do you eat your ice cream?
What motion is that?
Just tongue.
You kind of just suck it down
until it melts.
So you just tongue.
If there's chunks of cookies
or cakes or confetti in there.
No, say you have a vanilla cone.
Confetti?
Say you have a vanilla cone, right?
What are you doing?
You just licking it to death?
100%.
Oh my God, Cam.
That's so much work.
You're chomping cream.
You got a strong tongue.
And you got a weak ass esophagus.
I got strong teeth.
You don't bite your...
Dude, grow up.
Me grow up?
You just said a pancake is the flannel of food.
It is.
It's a warm treat.
And I have to grow up because I don't bite ice cream.
Oh my God.
And if you're putting syrup on your pancakes, that's like an extra coat.
That's like you're putting sunblock on you.
That's disgusting.
You're a murderer.
You are an absolute fruit.
Okay, hell no.
I was about to move on.
How do you eat your waffles then?
I eat my waffles dry and plain.
I'm not a condiment guy.
You're not a condiment guy.
Condiments make things weird for me.
So you don't put condiments on sandwiches you don't put condiments on breakfast items you don't put condiments on
like corn dogs you don't put condiments on anything no especially not my hot dogs
you eat dry hot dogs oh my god a dry hot dog and And I belong under the prison. Yes. You are the warden of the prison.
Like you work at the prison.
You are a snitch.
Oh my God, people that put condiments on hot dogs,
I feel like they feel like they're better than people.
We need to leave right now.
We need to go get a hot dog right now.
Order three hot dogs.
No, I'm saying like people that put ketchup, mustard, no brand loyalty,
and then you put relish on a hot dog no no relish you're you're a
killer you are an absolute freak dude i don't eat anything with a condiment do you go to my fridge
right now you'll never find a condiment you won't find much in that fridge but you you don't put
ketchup or mustard on a hot dog no never once have i ever i've never tried it there's something
there's actually something wrong with you.
Why?
You're sucking down dry glizzies.
With a swiftness too.
You're just sitting there
and it's gone.
To the back of my throat.
See, you're doing it.
You're doing it.
You need to quit.
A dry hot,
that's like,
that's equivalent to taking
a spoon of peanut butter.
Oh, don't get me started
on the peanut butter.
You're in the same category now.
I feel like if you put,
if you put condiments on a hot dog you're selfish how is that selfish you're
not appreciating the meat okay are you cracking crab legs what hot dog is this no you open the
bun and you stick your tongue in between the in between in between the meat and the bun and then
you got all the flavor of the juice of the of the hot dog and then the crisp of the bun.
That's enough flavor you need.
You mean to tell me not only is your hot dog dry as shit, not only are you not putting
a condiment on it, you just told me you're layering your mouth with crunch bread tongue hot dog water then hot dog i put
my tongue is a part of the patty now my tongue is a part of the meal i am i am perplexed why
how are you alive at this point how are you breathing oh my god are you and you're probably
one of those people that while the hot dog's in your mouth,
you're putting beverage in while you're biting.
If you have to.
Oh, my.
Cameron.
You just said you tongue a dry glizzy.
I tongue everything that's close to my mouth.
You are a gargoyle.
You are an absolute freak.
You are an absolute.
You're a demon.
You already know how I eat my burgers.
And I put my in between all the lettuce and all that.
And then I put my thing in there.
And it's like that. And so you get all the flavors you need to quit you need to quit a dry no i'm
not gonna lie that might that might be the craziest shit you've ever said about food a dry hot dog
dry hot dog that is almost like hard to do you know who does you know who eats dry hot dogs who
the people that do the hot dog contest you know what they put in their mouth? Gallons of water.
Ew.
That's like a pond.
No one.
No one.
You, this is, I'm perplexed.
Cam, it's not that weird.
You eat a dry hot dog with no condiments and you don't drink while you eat it.
No. And you have the nerve to tell me that my mouth is dry when I eat pancakes with syrup.
You're hot though.
Your mouth is the sahara if i if if my mouth is dry your
your mouth is like earth like mantle crust but at least my sediment but at least erosion but at
least my body is cool you're hot and sweating i'm how do you know if you're outside you're hot
sweating too no i'm cool right my tongue layering between that meat and the bun I'm cool I'm cooling it down
it's regulating that body temperature with that tongue but if I were to put some like condiments
on that I'm immediately hot what the hell even is like what is a mustard what plant you get
mustard from if what even the hell is a mustard you know what I mean that's a hell of a question
would you you just squeeze big you don't do that.
If you big, oh my god, don't you do that.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Get off, get off me.
No, no, no.
No, who doesn't get it free?
Yes, sit down.
You're disgusting.
The way you eat your hot dogs, you are one hiccup away from being a glizzy gladiator.
If you're sitting there lining the hot dog with their tongue and you go it goes it's gone
It's it's down the pipe like at a bank when you send the thing back goes
How far do you put like a corndog in your mouth before you buy stuff?
I'm asking you serious question. How far do you put the corndog in your mouth before you buy it?
Oh, I was like an inch and I bite to the side just for extra safe. Oh, you're so you're so not confident yourself
now popsicles
now popsicles now i don't i'm not one of those people that think about that you ever tested yourself with popsicle i test myself all the time i'm a champion
i can't even that was too confident oh you're a freak bag you're an absolute freak you eat
dry hot dogs and you have the nerve to get
onto me for eating pancakes in the summer that's that is bullshit do you ever feel like you're in
a video game this guy like i like you're not in control i am in utter control of my life it is me
and god yeah we are a tag team duo he has a controller and i have a smaller controller
and we're just going for it but do you ever feel like you ever do something- No one else is
controlling me in my movements. Do you ever feel like you like grab something
that you didn't want to like you like-
And you're like that's not me. What does that mean? You ever like grab some salt right? No!
I didn't want salt. That's cuz you you're something's unplugged up. I was like oh you did it this time He's making you grab salt right though. No though you ever feel like wrong
No, but like you know what I mean no, but you don't control your legs
But you like you say you're walking down the street right and you make a right turn
I had no desire to go down that street. No you are you are an artifact you are an absolute artifact
No, you make me feel bad. You need to be studied. Why you think you you're in a video game. Someone's controlling you. Sometimes. Sometimes you feel like someone's controlling you.
But that's just the first layer of it. What's the other layer of it? Like the people around me.
Like you ever think people around you aren't real? Though there's some people that give off huge NPC vibes. No, but sometimes I'm looking at you.
Oh, no. I'm a very playable character, and I'm being played by Cameron Kennedy. If you're a video game character, who in their right mind is spending their VC on secretion of fear, ultra anxiety, frail rib cage, and sniffing?
Like, who's spending their VC on that?
Whose upgrades is beef breakfast and a lisp?
Who spends their coins on that? and what level are you on?
What level because if you're a video game that has to be the intro like you're on level one
Who is who's playing you they're the worst player ever they're the worst player like a six-year-old
Young guy he's clicking, but he's button mashing, and that's why you're sorry I'll be beef beef beef beef beef
Yeah He's button mashing, and that's why you're just like, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef.
Yeah.
Like, you're not.
Who's spending their coins on that?
There's no way.
Right, but it has to be the worst upgrade package ever.
But do you ever, but.
They go to the clothes shop.
It's just black.
Every option they have.
I want that black shirt and those black shoes.
I'll take three of those black pants.
Oh, my God.
Right, though?
You get it, though, right?
Oh, my God.
Absolutely not.
You ever get it like... Oh, shit.
That's funny.
Like, you ever feel like tomorrow is going to be a big mission?
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't know who the final boss is tomorrow.
You ever look at life like that?
Like, there's bosses?
No. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? Oh my god, dude
My mind is going like a thousand miles a minute right now and I'm in control of it me
That is unreal. I feel like a lot of people feel this way about themselves. That's crazy
Like, you know, sometimes when I'm talking to you I see like
options for replies
You know what I mean?
That means you often pick the wrong one.
Your player, oh my God, that's what it is.
That's what it is.
Your player's playing the game in a different language.
He thinks he's choosing the right thing, but he's not.
He's playing it in a different, like, it was a domestic game,
but he loaded it where he is, and it's not the same language.
He thinks he's picking, like, upgrade, and it's like downgrade. Whatever. No, there's no whatever after that. He thinks he's picking like get upgrade. It's like you're like downgrade whatever
No, there's no whatever after that so what's your play doing right now?
Figuring it out. Yeah, just took it took a piss break. You just went from life you're like
He's just relaxing you're just now I got to go to the energy station and fuel up. Oh my yeah you do
I don't know I need to know in the comments cuz I feel like everybody here in the studio
Everybody's like oh, let's make fun of pain Let's make him feel bad every time I read comments. I got need to know in the comments because I feel like everybody here in the studio. Absolutely not. Everybody's like, oh, let's make fun of Payton.
Let's make him feel bad.
But every time I read comments, I got some freaks in there with me.
Absolutely not.
Some dry, glizzy gladiator video game playing.
No.
No.
That's different.
All right.
Sorry, Perfect Cam.
Sorry.
Oh, my player.
My creator put all the right VC in my hip and my nasty toe and my big head.
Oh, I'm uneven when i walk if if i walked uneven bro you i wouldn't allow you no it's because your head is like oh
and if it's a bad hip day if i walked uneven i wouldn't allow y'all to be my friends like
there's no i would just have to be solo no that i mean sorry before you say anything else if you had to pick one body
part of mine to switch with you what would you pick oh my god uh i would want you to have my leg
oh god i could take a leg maybe an arm an arm, I could take an arm. What would you do with it?
Maybe your hands.
Maybe your soft hands.
What would you do if I gave you my leg?
If I had your leg, hell, I'd be uneven as shit.
I'd have like a bionic leg of mine and like a gimp leg of yours.
Then I'd really be walking uneven. It'd be like power struggle, power struggle, power struggle.
Like, I couldn't run.
I couldn't run any distance.
No, you would like it because you're like, finally hip feels normal oh i can have a good come on dog
what i'm blurring that i know one part you'd be me you'd want
you need to quit that you need to quit that and then you're diabolical oh my god that just made
me think of something what we went to ok to Oklahoma this weekend for Father's Day.
Okay.
First off, shout out all the fathers.
Hey, Dad.
Love you, Pops.
What's up, Pops?
Big Mike.
Fat Mike.
Fat with a P, not with a F, Dad.
You know you're not fat.
Shush.
Fat Mac.
Like, you're dope.
Anyway, shout out all the dads.
Father's Day.
We went to Oklahoma for Father's Day, right?
Right.
Dude.
When I tell you.
So we get there. We pull up to live's dad's house there's a sign
in his yard and it literally says if your dog shits in my yard i'm gonna shit in yours says
that word for it all right you know my father-in-law is a big black man like could you imagine waking up one day and opening your blinds and there's a big
black man squatted over literally taking a shit in your front yard
you know how unhinged society would be at that point sitting there your dad is big like imagine
squatting in your lawn.
He's looking at you just shitting in your yard.
You make eye contact.
He does the foot thing like dogs.
Yo, you'd have to.
What would you do?
You'd have to call police.
I'd probably pass out.
You'd have to call police.
I think I'd be so much in shock that I couldn't even react.
But like, legit, if you wake up and you're like, I'm going to go get some morning sun.
You go, there's just a big ass guy taking a shit in your yard.
You know, it's big ass quads.
Crouched over.
And like, he's like semi comfy and he's just like looking at you.
Oh my God.
What if he made eye contact?
Oh no. What do you do? Kill oh yeah you have to you have to call the police to hopefully get him arrested
but also for a possible homicide at that point that's insane yeah who cleans what he said that
the crazy part is he said all right he was like motherfuckers keep testing me he said i've ever
since i put my sign up a couple dogs been shitting in my yard he said i know they're doing it because
it's right by the sign.
And he's like, they're going to see something.
You got to put a ring camera out there and follow them.
I'm like, you can't.
I'm like, Papa T, you cannot go shitting in someone's yard.
You're going to prison.
He's like, all right, they got to stop trying me then.
Got to stop trying you.
I like that.
That is the most menace to society thing ever.
If you watched someone, like they let their dog poop and
you're like bet when you get in your car you kind of follow them a little bit and then later the
next morning you wake up and go shit in their yard dude that's sick no i think if you if you
have the wherewithal to make that drive to their house and then still commit to the act when you're
on the lawn yeah you're a different kind of human being you're Something's unplugged in your head. Diabolical. Yeah, that is menace, bro.
I clog a lot of toilets.
I can't remember the last time I've gone.
It's because you wait too long to poop.
No.
Yes.
I can't control it.
Yes, you can.
I cannot control my bowels.
Yes, you can.
No, I can't.
It goes when it wants.
No.
No, it doesn't.
Tell me about my rectal cavity.
Because we'll be out for seven hours.
You're like, I can't poop till I get back to the house.
I'm like, wait, so you gotta poop right now?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Go take a shit.
No.
Long as that's controlling them.
No.
It literally is controlling them.
At first it was, but now my body knows,
this is foreign land.
You can't poop here.
My thing is so tight until I'm over a comfortable toilet.
Once I'm in like a home environment, my thing is open.
Oh my God.
That's disgusting.
Every time I go to a friend's house and I go to a foreign toilet, I know I'm clogging it.
I don't know what it is.
How much toilet paper do you use?
Enough.
Probably too much.
No.
Let's be honest here
don't you fucking lie to me oh i can't do this with you because you don't look at your toilet
paper so you're probably always got some doo-doo marks on there no but like honestly on average
how many times if you were to look right and you just see a little smudge right just a little bit
of a little look oh there's still there's a little bit he's he's he's here like just a little bit yeah define little though like a little like uh like
very like very small like like like a little inch of a little streak on the toilet paper are you
walking out are you confident in that act no i go one more then i go but what if there's still
like a little bit are you going to perfection like you could reach out check on the last one
if i see a slight inch maybe a couple centimeters i see it i'm like all right bet one more will do the job
do it you're just trusting the process i'll literally go watch if i stand up and i'm gone
you're so you're just trusting the process i have ultimate confidence in myself yeah
cam i want you to do something when you go to home okay next time you poop please look at it
clog the toilet no no honestly please look at it and you will know you've been wrong your whole life.
You've been like, my ass is that of a glue gun.
Like I've been walking out.
A glue gun?
You're like a s'more back there.
If I, no.
Hell no.
If there's ever like noticeable shit,'m wiping obviously but you said there's a
itty bitty streak but so you're satisfied like a little skid mark yeah you're satisfied with a skid
no if there's a skid i'm satisfied with doing one more and then i don't even check you know
what we should i know i got that skid you know we should do for patreon wipe our ass and film it no
we should both spend 24 hours in white underwear and And then at the end of the day. Easily.
I will easily win.
I will easily win.
That's a crazy content idea.
And we flip it.
I will easily win.
You think so?
Yes.
They have to be brand new white.
Yeah.
I will easily win.
Da da.
Comment down below if you want to see us do the underwear challenge.
24 hour whitey tighty challenge.
If you wipe like you normally wipe, you'll lose.
No one's allowed to like...
Change any habits.
Yeah.
Alright, so you can't start looking at your toilet paper.
So we wake up, shower, put underwear on, and then go to the end of the day.
That means I have to shower that day.
That should never be a sigh.
That should never be...
Showering is a lot of effort.
Showering shouldn't be a chore.
It is sometimes. It should be a choice. It should be rejoice. Noing is a lot of effort. Showering shouldn't be a chore. It is sometimes.
It should be a choice. It should be rejoice.
No, showering is tough sometimes. It's a lot of effort.
See, I knew it.
What?
I knew it. That doesn't make sense.
What?
You treat showering as if it's doing the dishes. Like, damn it, I gotta go clean myself.
No! I take showers when I'm bored sometimes.
I don't think of showering as cleaning myself.
You know. No. I take showers and I'm bored sometimes. I don't think of showering as cleaning myself.
You know.
Showering is more like I have to get wet. Nobody knows.
It's like I have to be wet for the next 15 minutes.
Okay, but you're not going to drown in the shower.
I don't know how to swim.
It's not a body of water.
No, but sometimes the shower is so intense,
I feel like this might be my last day.
You're so, what are you doing?
Are you just like, you're standing right under the water.
It's just right in your eyes.
You're like.
Sometimes I can't see in the shower.
It feels like I got hit with a smoke grenade.
I have little discos in the shower.
I swear to God, I'll put it on YouTube video.
Put it back on the back wall.
Just let the water hit my back.
I'm watching.
So you make it an event.
Oh, 100%.
Sometimes, if I want to get groovy.
I want to get out of the shower as fast as i possibly can you're afraid
of water absolutely like full like full blown like you don't drink it you don't swim in it
you don't get around it my favorite part of the shower is right before it but getting naked i love
being naked but then as soon as i get in the shower i'm like damn i'm gonna have to get out
as everyone does i hate getting out of the shower damn I'm like, damn, I'm going to have to get out. As everyone does.
I hate getting out of the shower.
It's like, damn, I got to go to sleep, but then I'm going to wake up.
Like, why do you hate getting out of the shower?
Because it's cold and I'm so small.
Like, who is that guy?
That's not you!
It's like a butt. It's like wake up!
It's like a butt you are.
You know what I mean?
It's so like dehumanizing
to look at yourself after a shower.
And your butt's all wet.
I hate the back. I hate my back being wet oh my god your hair probably like lays down
on the small of your back it's probably laid like edges you ever looked at yourself in the mirror
where you're drying off oh it's the one Yo, you know, I'm a grown ass man at six, seven, bitch.
Don't look like that.
Hey, do you dry off the same way every time?
No.
Mine's a literal scientific formula.
Dude, you have problems, dog.
Everything is a formula.
I think there's some OCD or something.
I've dried off the same way for 14 years.
You taught me how to dry off one day.
Remember whenever we were in college and you walked me out of the shower, right?
Okay, okay, okay, okay. No, no. No I did not.
Yes you did. You said, get your feet. You said make sure you get your feet first.
You remember saying that.
Who the hell does their feet first?
You literally grabbed my hand like this.
Oh, I grabbed your naked wet hand.
Help me step out the tub.
You're a sick freak.
You're a sick weirdo, bro.
You said, that's still kind of impressive.
No.
You said, you said.
Hey, then look
You're such a liar
Come on
You're a liar
Come on
Come on man
You didn't help me dry my back
Absolutely not
You know I have bad joints
Never a single day in my life
I said hey
That lower lumbar
If we're not at a pool
Or a water park
And I'm putting sunscreen
On your back
Not helping dry your back
You've lotioned me before No I haven't Cameron I have not lotion your back
Peyton no I haven't done it Peyton I have not lotion your back you say
hey Jim hey back in there mind me of some oh my god back in Juco you said
lotioning backs it sounds insane it's a crazy start uh the baseball team had
this thing called like kangaroo court do you remember how they used to play that
no okay so basically they scared me uh without getting anyone in trouble the entire
baseball team at any given times could be put under arrest by the any other player okay okay
every meet every week they'd have a weekly meeting and they would it'd be like court yeah and they
would literally say their sentences like what they saw other people doing and if you got so basically
if you did something weird or disgusting right and someone says that in the
court and everyone votes on it and a majority rules that that was bad you have to pay money in a pot
and at the end of the year they take all that money and throw like a rager party it's pretty
sick that's a dope idea pretty sick so one day my friend from the baseball team because he would
always come play with us gabe he got uh, it was either $1, $2, $3.
He got a $3 arrest.
Someone walked in their dorm room.
Someone walked in their dorm room,
and he was just in his underwear,
laying chest down on the floor,
and another baseball player was on top of him,
shirtless, lotion, massaging his back.
Oh, no.
Because he was sore.
Yo. Dude, that's a wild thing to walk in they
said it was like the first unanimous vote ever in the kangaroo court remember we used to have
yoga wednesdays yes and we would be in our little living room and a dogs was in his room never came
out we had this roommate so me and camera we had another roommate That we saw probably like twice all year
Dude he
So like we all three
It was one room
Like he walked into our room
But we all had our
Like our own rooms
Yeah
Oh my god
He never left
And so we
We would do the
The yoga Wednesdays
In the room
Right when you walked into the door
Like the living room
The living room
Oh my god
And so we
We had all the lights off
We had like Like ambient music in the
background we had our mats and we would be like in the smallest clothes right
because it's yoga yeah and so we were like literally like downward dog
and air asses just tooted up in there. Dude, my shit was breathing. That's how bent over I was.
That's yoga.
That's yoga.
It's an eight dog.
I swear to God, I lived with Aaron for like a year.
I've heard him say three words.
No, yeah.
He opens the door.
He goes, oh, no, man.
What y'all got going on?
And then just walks out
and though he's 6'10 like he never left his room anytime he did he was leaving with laundry he'd
come right back in and he walks out and there's four other guys sitting there with their asses up
in the air short shorts or shirtless dark there's like led lights on the ceiling there's ambient
music in the background oh my god that was funny i have no mobility so when I go into a position like that I
would moan it's hard to get hard deep is it we're sitting here oh oh you watch
that we're half naked with our ass toot in there we just but like we were so
zin and as soon as that happened we we all died laughing. Oh, my God. Remember whenever the baseball team stole the swan from the pond and put it in the...
We woke up to that shit.
Yo.
I have a video of one of the geese trying to get inside the building.
It was like fighting.
I was so scared of those geese.
You were terrified of them.
I don't like birds, dog.
They're terrifying creatures.
Oh, my God.
That video on Twitter of the bird in the plane. the helicopter yeah oh my god just like it's like
a damn thanksgiving turkey was just stabbed in the middle of a helicopter dude i have a bad headache
right now oh that life sucks i'm sorry no but i'm headaches i've been getting headaches every day
to the point where ibuprofen doesn't even like help me anymore who
the pill say it again the name of the pill say it again say it again did I
make a patiently waiting did I make a mistake patiently waiting ibup a pro oh my god oh my god I be a pro I be a who who who are you
being who are you supposed to be no that's how you smell it I'd be proven
say it I be profan that's ignorant I be a profan there's an A? You be- There's an A? I-B-aprophen. It's I-B-U
P-R-O-F-E-N. Who says that you're the right guy on the ibuprofen train?
Oh, let's see that one guy hits- Earth! Everyone says ibuprofen. No, no. You have ibuprofen? Ibuprofen.
Ibupro- are you from like, like Boston? No, never been. Ibuprofen, like no. Ibuprofen.
Ibuprofen. How do you say it? You don't be shit. It's ibuprofen. ibuprofen like no ibuprofen ibuprofen
How do you say you don't be shit? It's ibuprofen ibuprofen
No, you be a headache if you keep like no, I've said this my entire life
ibuprofen ibuprofen
How do you say Advil? Advil so we're right on that one ibuprofen ibuprofen
Zyrtec, zyrtec
If you would have said zyrtec on that one I'd be a pro fit IV pro zero check sir check that made out of your list is your tech you say your tech and I be a pro fin you don't even deserve
the medicine I'd be a pro fin dude I understand there's a you there know it
if anything I I boo profan would be better than I be a pro I'd be a pro fin
you're spelling it I be a pro fin you don't B-E-A nothing. You are, it's Ibuprofen.
No, no.
Yes, yes.
Ibuprofen.
You deserve headaches.
I don't know, like, at this point, you're giving yourself the headaches.
But I don't understand that.
Why do you skip letters?
Why?
You're not even saying the right letter.
Yes, I am.
You're literally saying I-B-A-PROFEN.
The U is the U.
Uh.
What letter sound does you make? Uh. u uh what letter sound does you make uh live
what letter what letter sound does you make uh uh umbrella that's an eye that's an eye
so uh umbrella mo i b a pro fin's wrong. Oh, Cam has three degrees.
Doesn't know how to say anything.
Oh, Cam's got a bad hip.
Oh, Cam's got a nasty toe.
Oh, Cam's head's off kilter.
So who's right now?
I be a umbrella.
I be a pro-fin.
I be a idiot.
You be a dumbass.
You be a skinny boy.
You be a headache.
I be a pro-fin.
I be a pancake eater in the summer that's why every
time flannel bastard that's why i've ever ever gone to clinical virus services that they've
given what clinical virus services what is the clinical virus services cvs that's what cvs stands
for no i just kind of made that up oh Oh, my God. Oh, God. Clinical virus services. Oh, my God.
You had me completely, completely sold.
Every time I've gone to the CVS, I say, can I get an ibuprofen?
They go, yes, sir.
Point me right to the medicine aisle.
Okay, well, you know, if I said, can I have a Mungo?
They'd know I'm talking about mango.
I thought you were talking about the Moon Pies.
Moon Pie.
Yeah.
Can I have a Waiter Melon?
Watermelon, clearly.
But that's just, that's you intentionally being ignorant.
Water, waiter.
If I, if I pronounced my wa away, a makes what?
Ah.
Ah, yeah.
Not a.
Dumbass.
If someone said a.
You know you're wrong.
I am.
But if someone said a, and they say, can I have a waiter melon?
No.
They would know exactly where to take you.
No, you dumbass, you'd have to put that.
Are they going to take you to the tires in the back?
No, they'd say, that's not a word.
Try again.
And that's what I said to you.
I'd be a prophet.
Because you are ignorant on how to say things.
If you wanted to say Waitermelon instead of Watermelon, you'd have to add an I after the A.
Read a book.
Other than Guardians of the Galaxy and Pokemon 101.
How do you play Dungeons and Dragons?
Read a real book.
Susan B. Anthony or something.
She's an author, right?
Susan B. Anthony.
She probably wrote something.
Yeah, I'm sure.
She probably wrote something in her life.
I'm sure she did.
She probably signed a document.
That just pissed me off.
Ibuprofen.
What's your biggest pet peeve about me? Oh, oh there's way too many it's a long ass list
why do you hate me i don't i love you my biggest pet peeve about you is anytime i step into your
jeep i am standing in a landfill of trash dude trash isn't that big of a deal then throw it away
i kind of like it though would you like it if they were under your feet that's why i don't put it there it's so so so equally in the same right i don't like it under my feet i feel
like people clean up too much no see you're a dirty bastard you really are in that who said
oh i i look as uh taking a shower is like a chore i think people clean up too much
they're like you're just nasty you're're nasty, bro. You are nasty.
Would you come sniff my butthole?
People clean too much.
I've never said that.
I'm not showering.
Like, you're the little guy from, not Rugrats,
you're the little guy from Charlie Brown with the stink cloud that just follows him.
That's you.
You walk around, there's a brown, scratchy little cloud above your head at any given time.
And you're just like, no, I'm not saying you,
and you just stink. No no i'm not saying you
you're just stink no i'm not saying you don't have to clean yourself but i'm saying you don't have to prove yourself to people no one's asking i'm just saying i don't want to step into a damn a red bull
manufacturer plant when i step inside i literally step in your jeep it's like it's like i'm the
press like making those cubes pressing the trash
down do you make it from point a to point b not safe but often oftentimes yes how's it i get out
with bruises on my knees from your damn jeep but my apartment's clean no middle console i can't rest
my elbow anywhere that's personal there's trash under my feet but my apartment's clean no it's not
dude i went oh my god i went to his apartment last week we came
after the studio i went to his apartment when i tell you there was like seven different types of
crumbs on his table how does someone have that many crumbs like seven different meals were had
already been eaten and there's remnants of every single one of them like you mean to tell me you
don't even just you don't even just wipe them off once i don't know where to put it there was pizza crust there's ranch there's drops of sriracha there's
like rice or some there's tortilla chips there's doritos there's always always a ring
of diet coke always from one of your glasses there is like there's it's the olympic rings
on your table i don't believe in putting things up either what does this no you really don't oh
oh my god that might that might be my biggest that might be the biggest if my biggest pet peeve
I like everything to be put shit up. I like everything to be in close reach you
At the what oh
Yeah, oh my God now you don't put anything up Like I want my I want my Liv has said that forever
She said anytime you go anywhere. There's a trail of me. There's a trail of trash crumbs sweat pile. There's I'm not dirty shirt
I'm not dirty. I'm functional
I like my laundry to be right by me my deodorant my food my snack for later and some drinks in my remote
I'm not alcoholic. I'm functional. I drink 24-7, but I can do things. I like this there, I like my beer here, I like that.
But I don't hurt anybody by doing that.
You hurt me, you hurt your own nose,
you hurt me, and now you have headaches.
I'm starting to get flies in my apartment.
Exactly, you deserve them.
And the part that pisses me off is I always,
it is a pride issue, because you go,
you don't like it, you should clean it.
And that makes me want to literally punch you
right in the nose, but I don't, because I love you. But the thing is, it's just, you don't like it, you should clean it. And that makes me want to literally punch you right in the nose. But I don't because I love you.
But the thing is, it's just you don't, like, you don't see the value in it.
I don't understand.
You know people literally get, like, a boost of serotonin when they just clean their whole house?
No.
I've never gotten that.
Like, you've never experienced that?
Like, a Sunday cleaning?
No, I want to take—
You wake up, throw 90ss RB on you make a little breakfast
And then you just I'm talking absolutely go for it wife beater and big shorts
You just go no I want to tell slippers on the whole time. I want to take a nap
Right when you wake up you like taking naps. You're not tired when you wake up. You're a freak something's alright, bro
Something's not right. I'm sure to God you don't sleep. You don't eat you eat dry shit
You're glistening this is how I clean up though
I just put like you know how everything's near me like my laundry my food my electronics and it's all close proximity this
is how i clean up i just kind of put all the things that go together in a closer pile so
laundry food and electronics are in the same category no i put all my electronics in one pile
all my laundry in one pot on my, but they're all still right here.
My goal in life is to be like the guy from Wally, who's in like the tube.
Like everything.
He's just sitting in the chair.
Yeah, everything is right beside it.
You'll be the first.
When they make that, I will personally,
personally send your audition in,
to be a human trial for that.
Yeah.
The do it all chair, and you just sit there.
Dude. It gives you food, it gives you sleeps.
It gives you sleeps.
Speaking of all that college stuff,
do you remember when our assistant coach
knocked on our door that one night?
Oh my, oh my God.
We have to tell it.
I think everybody remembers our crazy
assistant coach in college.
Oh, my God.
One night, me and Cam were in our dorm room late at night.
We get a random knock on our door.
We open our door.
It's our assistant coach in an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and rolled up basketball shorts.
Big-ass basketball shorts, like triple rolled.
He knocks on our door.
We open it. We see him.
We're like, it's a disgusting fit for winter.
What are you doing?
We ask, hey, coach, what's up?
He goes, hey, man, you want to take me to the gas station?
I mean, we're sitting there like, uh, I mean, I guess, sure.
Then he goes, matter of fact, actually, y'all go to the gas station for me.
Yeah.
He doesn't have a car.
Like, he's living like us. car like he's living like us like
he's living like a student he has a dorm room he stays on campus no vehicle so we're like all right
coach first of all we still don't understand your leg i don't know what this hawaiian shirt is it's
winter it's 30 degrees outside so we go yeah coach what do you want this man proceeds to go
i want a a cut of copenhagen black you know what time is it go ahead and give
me a 30 rack and uh what's those long crunchy things with chicken and cheese in it i was like
uh crispitos he's like fuck yeah those are good give me three of those then after he gives us that
strange request he demands us to go to the room right next to us and ask them what they want so
we we go next door and we knock because it's two more basketball players we knock on their door
he opens it our coach is right over our shoulder and we go uh do y'all want anything and they go
what do you mean like what he pushes us aside and goes hey y'all better stop asking questions if you
want something speak up i'm like why are you so angry what is happening what first of all why is your shirt on button
so our teammates so our teammates go uh i i guess some gatorades and candy so he looks at our
teammates after he gets their order he goes okay bet he turns to me grabs my shirt pulls me in
and then slaps his money on my chest.
He looks into my eyes and says, get my shit first.
If there's not enough money for them, piss on them.
I'm like, hey, coach, why did we even knock on their door?
Like, why are you offering?
And why is your shirt on button?
So then as we're about to leave, he says, call me when you get back.
I'd hate for you to get caught with all that.
Okay, thanks.
He's like, are we smuggling now for you?
We get back to the dorm room.
We call him.
We see him walking outside with a backpack.
He gets to the car.
I'm like, Coach, why do you have a backpack?
You're a grown man.
Why do you have a backpack?
Why do you have a book bag?
He starts putting the stuff in the bag and goes,
In case that fat-ass security guard says something,
I'd hate to have to beat his ass tonight.
Why are you so paranoid?
Why are you so angry?
Like, why do you have a backpack?
Why are we smuggling for you?
So me and Cam are just distraught about what the hell just transpired
for the last 30 minutes.
Me and Cam go back inside to the dorm room lobby.
There's a pool table.
Our assistant coach beelines straight to his room. We go's a pool table our assistant coach beelines straight
to his room we go to the pool table and say hey guys we got next we're down there waiting to play
some pool about to tell our teammates what the hell just happened he immediately pops back out
like a minute later he looks around and goes who's got next so i turn to him i'm like uh i do yeah me and cam looks me dead my eyes
goes well now you're after me we're like no no not that's how that works we just did a favor for you
we're playing we just smuggled narcotics for you dog we got next the game ends i start to rack the
ball i take the triangle off the balls and he's sitting there chalking up his stick. So once Cam's got the whole rack of balls prepared, our assistant coach literally picks the rack up,
punches the balls. They scatter all over the pool table. He punches the balls everywhere. He walks
right up to me. We're almost at a standoff right now. It's a fight. He looks at me and goes,
you still got next? No, I'm'm looking at them Cam and our assistant coach's
noses were going like this I swear to god Cam could have smelled that man's tongue how close
the worst part is after he destroys our game he literally just goes back to his room and leaves
I swear to me and Cam are like what is happening I swear to god we don't see our coach for three days after that we're like hey what
happened what did we buy for him to make him so absent when i tell you our assistant coach was
absolutely insane that man was nuts cam no yeah no he's not real like he is unfortunately but the
stuff he does is just i've never met another human like him ever probably never will dude i i'm
telling you there are so many stories about our assistant coach most of them are illegal
That was like right before the bridge of a legal. Oh my god. Yeah, maybe I'll patreon or something
We'll tell more lives. We'll tell we'll tell the stories about him, but the really crazy ones God
I wonder what he's doing now. I have no I actually don't I don't want to know yeah
I don't want to know I would not be surprised if he's under a prison right oh yeah somewhere hope he's alive is i hope so too or
anybody around him is jesus but uh i think uh it's time for people's favorite segment cam you know
what that is what would that be pop culture pay and in cam pop culture pay nin cam whoa so uh what you have for pop culture cam my pop culture is gonna
go out to someone that everyone's calling a rat snitch snake whatever you weren't there and he
didn't snitch on me gonna drop an album hey i was born in the suburbs so if something happens to me
i'm snitching too like i'm not gang affiliated yeah but i still don't think he did i think he
did nothing that's not for us to discuss we have nothing to do with that life at all literally at all they don't know that i exist
but regardless of that i'm not yeah ysl um all right gonna i'm gonna protect him in these streets
gonna drop an album i'm not gonna lie i saw it 15 solo dolo no features i'm like this could be
really good or really bad like two songs songs in, I was like, oh,
this isn't the Gunna
I know and love.
This isn't the Gunna
we know.
It's not enough murder.
Then he hits
like a six song stretch.
Yeah.
Banger after banger
after banger
and I was like,
oh,
you did it again?
Yeah.
I mean,
but Gunna,
I could be a little biased.
Gunna's probably
my favorite artist
to be honest.
Yeah.
Just has been for a minute.
But yeah,
he dropped an album.
I was super excited about that.
I've listened to it
probably three times already. I would say been for a minute. But yeah, he dropped an album. I was super excited about that. I listened to it probably three times already.
I would say F You Mean.
E-I.
E-I.
E-I.
That was one of my favorite.
Rodeo Drive.
Rodeo Drive's great.
Bread and Butter, obviously.
That was the single he dropped.
But I was just excited because one of my favorite artists dropped an album.
So that's my pop culture.
Go listen to it if y'all like hip hop and rap.
I've never been really a Gunna guy. I know's either you i feel like gun is one of those guys
no i take that back i was gonna say you either really like him or you don't that's like a yeet
yeet you either like him or you hate his i think everybody except unless you're like a 13 year old
boy that grew up like and you got allowances every everything you ever wanted yeah those people
really love uh yeet yeah but if you're just like a normal person it's like you understand what you're listening for like it's like this you're
not looking for any content you're not looking for any to learn anything no no hints nothing
it's just straight music great production but no gunna's like if you don't know who gunna is and
he comes on a future future future yeah future his features i really like i think your gunna is
unreal it's hard for
me to really listen to a full cohesive gun album a whole album it's kind of hard for me to listen
to a whole album of anybody oh no i love listening to album i mean like the weekend yes i can listen
to an entire album that's like art painting that's like a picasso yes but picasso oh picasso
but i mean yeah that'd be mine i'll let you get the floor. Pop culture for Peyton is going to be, and you showed me this in the car.
Now, if you don't know, the Nuggets won the NBA Finals.
They won their championship this year.
Congratulations to the Nuggets.
Shout out Jamal Murray, too.
Shout out to Jamal Murray.
Whenever I met Joe Budden, he called me Jamal Murray for three hours.
I remember that.
I was like, I'm not him.
I don't have his money, his skill set, beard like well at that time I didn't know it no
you still don't like he isn't no your beard's better oh thank you thank you this is weird
remember he had that like your beard is weird your beard is weird but if you don't know so uh
the Nuggets coach his name cam help me uh Mike Malone Mike Malone after they swept the Lakers
has been going on a full press run about how much he hates the Lakers.
I understand why.
It's because basically –
Because of the media.
Yeah.
So the media every time – like the Nuggets were winning,
but like every headline was about – it wasn't Nuggets win, it's Lakers lose.
Yes.
Like it's always about Lakers.
Because the Nuggets aren't like a marketable team.
Exactly.
Most historic franchise, most fan base ever.
You're going to get the most clicks
when you talk about the Lakers.
And then you have the greatest player of all time.
LeBron James.
So it's like,
obviously headlines are going to be about the Lakers.
And that sucks.
And you can understand his frustration.
I definitely understand.
But basically,
that was in the second round.
Yeah.
Like they went on to win two more series
and he talked about the Lakers and LeBron the whole time.
And so LeBron stayed quiet for all of that talking trash.
And then during, I assume it was the parade when Mike Malone,
is that his name?
Yes, Mike Malone.
Mike Malone said he had another little jab at LeBron and the Lakers.
LeBron posted on his Instagram a picture of him at, where was he, Italy?
France?
I don't think so.
He just said, I've been in Europe for a couple weeks.
Europe.
And so he has a picture of him waving a flag.
And he had this nice caption.
What?
Did I mess up?
He said, Europe.
Like, Italy and France aren't in Europe.
Like, Europe is the continent.
I honestly have no clue.
It was just funny.
I know.
I have no clue where Europe is.
Europe is the continent.
Like, Italy and France are a part of it.
Like, Nevada and Carolina, North Carolina, are in the United States.
They're in North America.
You just said a city and a state.
North Carolina? And Nevada. And Nevada. Nevada's in Las Vegas. You just said a city and a state. North Carolina?
And Nevada.
And Nevada.
Nevada's in Las Vegas.
No, it's the other way around.
I'm dyslexic.
I was so serious, dude.
I was so confident
in getting you wrong.
But LeBron
He was in Europe.
had this fire caption
under that picture
and it said
and I'm butchering it
but he said
enjoy your light
because I'm the sun
and i'm always on or something yeah he goes on he was like i heard you've been talking about me
still uh congrats on winning enjoy y'all's light for now just know i'm the sun i stay on forever
oh my god that is one of the hardest things lebron here's your flower it's like for saying
it is equally as corny as it is just like dominant. Yeah. And like, hey, let me put a reminder on you real quick.
Yeah.
That flower is snapped.
That rose is literally decrepit.
That is a better.
Oh, my God.
I cut that out.
You've got to.
But you've got to like clip that before you get rid of it so we can send it to him and
scare him.
Oh, my God. But yeah, that was one of the cleanest things I've ever heard
That was like a bar like that was like some pain
That was out of like a diss track. Yeah, like that was it was go Braun. Yeah, dude
How many years you think he hasn't him three?
Realistically, bro. Can you but did you just said three more that man plays three more years it's
insane it really like it really is another championship in him but he doesn't have three
years well this champion bro the championship all depends on his damn team yeah for sure but like
he's gonna do him literally this is the crazy part and i can get on lebron at any given topic
any given you need to make a full patreon like lebron podcast i know but basically i'm gonna just do the goat debate
video but basically bro he even this year year 20 before he hurt his ankle he was averaging 30
yeah i know think about that yeah 20th year he was averaging 30 points before he twisted his ankle
and he was out for like several weeks then he came back and you still average like 22 or 23 after
his return yeah it's just it's stupid it doesn't make sense it really is it's like defying aging like it's crazy sorry
to interrupt but i should get a rose tattooed on me right that looked sick you'd be like uh
everyone else i want to get a yellow rose for my mommy god bless you um i think that's a good
episode cam i think it's fantastic i feel like we've been recording for like... We got in the college bag.
Oh, my God.
Dude, all the OG fans are going to appreciate the college.
We could literally do a 10-hour podcast over our junior college experience.
It was a one big massive fever dream.
I miss it sometimes.
Hey, for Patreon, I was thinking, and Cam's head of Patreon,
everybody go over to Patreon if you're
not there already or if you're there, make sure to renew.
Cabin, Crazy Cabin Chaos just came out.
It's fantastic.
It gives y'all a little four-minute sneak peek into what we did over last weekend.
Yeah, and a cabin in the woods in Oklahoma.
It was a very fantastic time.
We got to go back.
It was mythical.
It wasn't real. in the woods in Oklahoma. It was a very fantastic time. We got to go back. It was mythical. It was like,
it wasn't real.
On Patreon,
I really want to go back to our old Juco
and I want to give them
a tour of everything
and say,
this is where this story happened.
This is where this story happened.
That's fire.
Let us know right now
if you want that
and then go subscribe
to the Patreon
and it's definitely
something we can do
because it's only a hop,
skip, and drive away
and I really want to go back.
I really miss that campus.
I know, but no one's there from our time. That's what I saying like what we just walk up to random people be like yo can we just like use your room real quick
hopefully they know us they but i'm saying oh oh that's interesting yeah and they'll be like yeah
no that would be that's a fantastic idea give me some slap me some sand thank you thank you
well guys let us know if you
want that be sure to go subscribe to the patreon shout out to the watch party right now if you're
coming to the live show june 30th dallas texas southside music hall the after party is at pm
lounge it's completely free also i get a lot of questions saying do i have to have a ticket to
the live show to go to the after party absolutely not you do not have to have a it's for everybody
if you're in the dfw area come party with us at pm lounge after our show in dallas texas outside musical
we are mere days away from our live show we are we are less than less than two weeks
that's crazy to say out loud it is so crazy guys if you're coming to the live show
bring as much energy as you can i want you to be loud i want you to have fun it is
going to be an amazing night just know that yes so many surprises for you guys so it's you're gonna
love it just know that we can't wait to meet all you guys and then for the other cities we promise
we are working on getting a tour together we're getting all the little details and we're gonna
all print it out right now but that's gonna be it for this episode y'all you already know every
single information piece of anything any question you have to want to get answered it's
all linked right below you scroll down a little bit make sure you leave a like first look at
everything linked our instagrams link tree patreon everything is in there okay also be on the lookout
that summer merch is coming soon we're waiting for it to get from uh we're getting ready for
we're waiting for it to get from 98 degrees to like 106 to drop it right because it's only hot as ball sack here
You got to be patient. We did plan on having the summer merch out already, but you got to understand
We've been some it's such a transitional period for us. We're growing so much
We're trying to scale the business more to have more content for you guys because that's the most important thing not selling
Y'all piece of merch so we're trying to make the
Content as good as we can so please be patient also trying to make
june 30th the best night for everybody every single thing is just perfect people don't like
you don't understand how much work goes into these live shows and like business of it like yeah the
fun of it like performing is fun but the business but y'all aren't here to hear us complain we
promise we're gonna get everything done we love doing it we're so thankful for you guys and cam go ahead confuse the casuals
get your good karma the code for this week cas oh oh oh no oh cac oh my lord cac i don't know
what the s is college assistant coach crazy assistant crazy i was close you're getting
close you're getting close i get close crazy assistant coach guys we love you so much from
the bottom of my heart share this podcast with everybody you love. Hit that subscribe button.
Spotify listeners, we love you.
I have such a big headache.
I need to take an ibuprofen, jackass.
Ibuprofen.
Shut up.
Remember, when I take wall bears, I make it home to Christmas,
and we will see you next time.