You'll Hear It: Full Album Deep Dives with Jazz Musicians - Relaxing Jazz Cafe From Hell

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

This episode is not for the faint of heart... Adam and Peter take a deep dive into the darkest side of jazz. A place most musicians fear so much they can't even type the URL without a tingling sensation running down their spines. Forgive us as we take you on a journey into the diabolical world of ...live stream animated jazz cafes. Sorry.  Palette cleanser.Have a question for us? Leave us a SpeakPipeCheckout courses from Adam, Peter and more at Open Studio🎹 Head over to our YouTube channel for a better look 👀.Follow us on Instagram

Hey, Peter. Yes. You know, it's almost Halloween. Yes, it is. And I thought today we could listen to the creepiest, the scariest, the most obscene, torturous music known to man. Oh, I've got that queued up for you. It's like the first time I watched The Exorcist. Make it stop.

I'm Peter Martin. You're listening to the Yield podcast. I don't know what's going on. I'm trying to be creepy. I feel like I'm at the gates of hell, though. It's not ready to enter. I know. How bad is that? Wait, are we combining two different holidays?

Is Halloween that closely connected with hell? Well, it is. I know it's creepy stuff. Yeah, it's supposed to be like scary. Over the edge into the afterlife? All Hallows Eve. It is supposed to be an afterlife holiday, right? Because it's like the day before Halloween is all saints day.

Right. Yeah, isn't this correct? But isn't Halloween a pagan? Kind of a creepy guy. Producer Caleb, fun fact about producer Caleb we learned yesterday. Yeah. Very, he's all. about Halloween. I know he loves horror films. He loves horror films. He was sharing a bunch of

of them in our open studio slack and nobody wanted to get in there except for like two people. Right. But no I think but Halloween I don't know maybe pagan holiday not religious, who knows? It's all been co-opted by the Hallmark Channel and the Hallmark Corporation at this. We're so far disconnected from all these like meaning of all this stuff. Well you still got relatively small kids are they still going out there and my kids are in middle school now so now Halloween is all about like social activities with friends. No candy. No there's candy. Okay. Believe me, there's plenty of candy. You know what I was thinking was funny.

My son's in sixth grade, so there's like pillowcases full of candy. Okay, got it, got it. What's funny about this, some of the music we're going to listen to today is, you know how like you go to the scary house in the neighborhood and they're playing creepy music? I'm going to do that this this year. I'm going to play creepy jazz. This would creep me out, man. If it was just like you and Kelly sitting on the porch in like a sport coat.

With some AI jazz. Yeah, oh, that'd be so creepy. Sport coat, hey, that you make me feel underdress. Did you see me this morning? I was picking up your garbage in front of your house. We do look at them. I got kind of a garbage man-esque look. I mean, let's be honest.

I look like I'm getting chilly out here. I'm trying too hard and you're not trying hard enough. There you go. You got that in there. I like it. Okay. So this is what we're doing today. I'm going to pull up something that's kind of creepy.

It's called YouTube. You ever heard of it? It is also a scary place sometimes. Should we go here? Should we go here? Boom. Where are we doing? Go for it.

No, you do it, Caleb. Go for it. Okay, so I'm just going to Shout out to SBL SBL. Jazz Underground, Amy Noltee in the house You see what I've been looking at Steve? I didn't Steve Gadd Well, Dave Weckle Wackle. Dave Wackle. San Luis's own. Yeah. Anyway, I'm just

going to come here. Now, this is always a thing on YouTube. We are logged in as the You'll Hear Channel. If you're not watching us on YouTube. Oh, yeah. What are you doing? Actually, they are watching. If you're listening, go watch us because it's a whole other experience. Some say better, some say worse. Some people still don't know that we have two YouTube channels. We have one for Open Studio. We have one for You'll Hear It. That's right. Yeah.

So we're on the You'll Hear It. So I'm just going to type in jazz. Oh, God. Why? Is that bad? Yeah. Boom. Look what happens.

Look what, Tuesday Jazz. They've got this shit down to the day of the week, Peter. Right. Okay, so we're going to come here. Now, I did have this open already, so I have rehearsed this. But what the hell is this? Oh, look at that. Let's just give it a gander.

Look at the steam rising off of those espresso cups. Creepy. That's pumpkin espresso. Let's listen. Is this relaxing? First of all, you know I like to stop stuff immediately. Okay, we're going to make a note of a couple of things. Tuesday morning jazz.

It is Tuesday. That's the only thing they got correct about this. Oh, my God. What? 7,449 people are watching. Right now. They're streaming it. People love this stuff.

And look what they said. Like, they love engaging with each other. Peter, we're in the wrong business, man. Yeah. So, I mean, look, this is a place for. for people to meet to like, 7,500 people watching a live stream. Yeah, but this is what it's come down to.

Let's experience the great music on Spotify of Cafe Cozy Jazz. So I don't even know what this has to do with Spotify. But register now so you don't miss any new song. Oh, yeah, so it's like a Spotify thing. But what this is, I think it's kind of a dangerous thing. I'm going to put it out there. Let's just listen a little more so we understand. Because you might say this is not offensive.

This is totally offensive It's just random jazz This is not a tune This is copyright free music Just it's it's It's not a tune right It's music to walk by the ocean And then into the ocean I think

Perhaps Walk by the ocean And they just make it direct left turn If you listen to it walks straight in But this is first of all It's not Okay they're really leading into that I don't usually

Maybe this is good for ear train Oh my God I usually I don't enjoy yucking On other people's yums But this does This is so constructed and it's just, it's like anti-art. Yeah. Now, there is some debate.

I don't think this is AI jazz, like, where it's not being made by. It's anti-human. It's like a- They put some, I mean, like the pianist is okay. He's got an okay touch, right? This is like a, play bland of inoffensive music. It's like music that was composed by a Starbucks. commercial.

Monica says what's up. What's up, Monica? I'm going to say, what's up? Whoa. Boom, now we're in there. Dude, you are messing with our algorithm. Now you'll hear a channel is going to get nothing with this kind of stuff.

No, you know what it is, man? This is just so, it feels so corporate. And like a money grab. And I know it looks like a lot of people are enjoying this, but it's just like, I mean, I mean, I think about someone listening to like this when they could be listening to like Amad Jamal. I know. You know what I mean?

That's the weird thing. Which is, or Miles Davis or someone else who is like really pleasant and palatable to listen to, but is like a little flamenco sketches. Deeper and more soulful. Right. And it just seems like, well, this is free and it's just a whatever. It's like. So let's talk about why this exists. And now, and we don't have any insider information and we could be totally off base.

But what I think it is, people like to listen to relaxing jazz while they study, while they drink wine maybe, while they sit and look at a latte steam coming out of a latte, obviously, from the picture here. But, you know, in order to do that where, like you put it on a YouTube channel, if you put on, say, flamenco sketch. You got to pay. You know what, let's do a little bit of that. Because we're not afraid to do that here at the YouTube. Well, we don't really at the YOLU as much around here because we like to play music. But this is the thing. You can do this.

Flamenco sketches. Okay? Here, let's, can we show that, Caleb? There we go. Look at that. Official audio, Miles Davis channel. Good gravy. Isn't that a little better?

I mean, just in those first, like, four notes, it just has more depth, humanity. Can't relax that. Is the Trump getting in the way? Come on. I can get my study on. I can get my study on. So this goes to a broader question, too, of like,

You know, music. I like that a little more when it was... I actually liked it a little bit when it was distorting. I preferred that. Well, they figured out that C major is the way to go. So that they've stolen. There's 4,000 people watching that stream, too. There's multiple streams with multiple thousands of people watching.

This is stress relief with smooth jazz. How many of these channels are going are streaming this single time? Man, this is sort of... Do they all have like 4,000, 7,000 people? Yeah. Look at this here. We've got stress relief with smooth jazz. Buddy, we did the wrong thing.

with jazz, thankfully. We're doing it wrong. This makes the experience far more pleasant. Listening as I do paperwork for next week really makes it feel easier. The guy who's doing this is driving the Audi behind me.

I'm telling you that. Wait, what's up with that wax narrative? Wait, listen. Wait, wait, we've got to go back to that. That's a weird fill, isn't it? Okay, this is weird. The whole thing is weird. Let's go down this on our random search for jazz

and see where we find something good. You know when you see those ads on like Facebook or Instagram for people who are like, like, I made a million dollars in my first year playing music. Find out how you can do it too. I feel like they're doing this kind of stuff. Exactly. And so just so folks understand how this works, as far as we know, and you might think because of our multiple successful YouTube channels, we'd have this figured out, but we obviously don't. But when you play Miles Davis's music like we just did, flamenco sketches, as soon as we play that, there's a thing called demonetization that happens.

Are you familiar about that? Well, yeah. It's actually not demonetization. No, they're monetizing it, but we're not getting the money. Miles Davis's publisher in this case is getting the money. The composer of the song, it's split amongst them, whatever revenue from the ass. Which is a reasonable way to do this. Remember, like, you know, it wasn't that long ago where if you just played anything,

the record labels or whomever would just say, no, you can't play this on YouTube. At least now, some publishers and writers are getting some funds for streaming, right? For streaming on YouTube and stuff. It's just if you're a content. you don't get money from that. So what they did there was just do some really just innocuous start the stream, Peter. Let's go. Oh, let's go live. Can you find a picture with like a latte? And maybe a gourd on a gourd of some sort. Key of C. It's always key of C. The most corporate of all keys. The most corporate. C for corporation. They're not afraid to lean into it diminished.

But the idea is that you're playing stuff, what you're never going to hear on here is anything that could be construed as an actual... Straight on down. You're never going to hear them play an actual... You're not going to hear... Tune. Apparently, you're actually swing anything either. No. This is called fall balls and no players no-ball.

All right. Caleb, go live. Go live. Right now. Picture of a gourd with a coffee cup. You're not going to ever hear them play. It's not going to be like... Because then you have to pay the Duke Ellington estate. You know what I mean? So it's like we're so after the mighty dollar that the Cafe Cozy Jazz Corporation. No, that will never happen.

So the reality of this, so now we've played like five different songs. So now the monetization is, it's groiner-ish. It's distributed. Maybe that's who's behind it. Hans-Groiner is behind all these. Look at this. So this cafe, let's learn about the Cafe Cozy. Because look, this is one thing I've noticed about this.

Look at this. When I search jazz, Cafe Cozy Jazz. Cozy Coffee Shop. Is the Cozy Coffee Shop Corporation related to the Cafe Cozy Jazz Corporation? I think so. Again, this is all, it's so calculated. It's so innocuous and innocent, but it's not. But they're calculated, though. It's all very like, Cafe Music, BMG. Yeah. Cozy Coffee Shop. Halloween Night Jazz. What? What is this? Let's hear some spooky, because I'm already spooked out. Oh. Oh, fire signs. Look at this. It's the same smell.

It's the same film. That's some automation there. Okay, so this, the music is not spooky, or no more spooky than the other. They've just got like some bats and a fire going. Look at this. Working at a nursing home trying to play some Halloween music for the elderly people, and this is what I come across. And then someone says, Nala, you are attractive.

That is so great. So we found where the real action is for jazz online. And there are three. thousand people streaming this. It's not even Halloween night right now. We're like two weeks away as we record this. I know. No.

So people just go on here search jazz and they're like, jazz is relaxing. Look at all these. You know, we have a lot of professional musicians that listen and watch this podcast. And if you're looking to make an extra buck, I feel like most professional jazz pianists could make this stuff in an afternoon and just figure out how to stream it, find some stock. Maybe get a Canva account and make some images, some animated,

images? Peter, why aren't we doing this at Open Studio? I have no idea, but this is what we should do. We should do a channel, but it's like good. Right. But there's no tunes. This just changes, but it's like Glenn Zaleski. I'm back here at the cafe cozy jazz. I'm playing some real shit. Okay, this is one thing that they're exposing. Look at this. They've got a positive jazz. Let's just hear that. Sorry, I got to hear. I feel like it's going to sound similar to relaxing jazz. Oh, okay, only 288 people are interested in positive jazz. This song. Oh my God. Listen to this. they really maybe this is

AI Jazz now that I'm thinking about it you think it's AI or do you think it's a real person programming yeah but this Cafe Coz let what can we learn about these these folks because this is some weird I bet that this is related to Spotify ooh

I don't know are we getting ourselves into trouble here yeah I mean again not to yuck on people's in there's a lot of people that really like this kind of stuff yeah our girl Tina who installed their blind

Well, it'll be interesting on this. Copyright. So all their stuff, licensed directly from the artist's image, all music on coffee loves, ooh, spelled coffee wrong. This could be an overseas situation. Contact us at boss.nova.

This is some weird stuff, but I'm going to be interested to see, we might get blocked for playing their bland, hellish jazz by playing their stuff. Did you ever think about that, Adam? That would be amazing. Yeah. Community.

There's their community. All right. I think we, ooh, that's a nice kind of fun image there. I'm going to send that in my cards. I think we have said everything we need to say about this. The horse has been beaten well and truly good. Thank you guys for listening. We will be back.

Well, you know what? I'm glad we got, look, this is what we're going out on. Thank you, Peter. Clean my ears, please. That's nice. K-O-B. Until next time.