Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - Heather Monahan: Creating Confidence | Human Behavior | E56

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence! Today on the show Hala chats with Heather Monahan. Heather is a confidence expert, having learned a ton of hard lessons on the topic in her own life during the corporate climb. Heather worked in corporate America for two decades and is one of the few women who have reached the c-suite. And after being abruptly fired, she switched gears to becoming a speaker, author and confidence coach---and is more successful than ever! Stay tuned to hear Heather’s inspirational story and learn practical ways to boost your confidence. If you liked this episode, please write us a review! Want to connect with other YAP listeners? Join the YAP Society on Slack: bit.ly/yapsociety Earn rewards for inviting your friends to YAP Society: bit.ly/sharethewealthyap Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Reach out to Hala directly at [e-mail] Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com  

You're listening to Yap, Young and Profiting Podcast, a place where you can listen, learn, and profit. Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Halitaha, and on Young and Profiting Podcast, we investigate a new topic each week and interview some of the brightest minds in the world. My goal is to turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your everyday life, no matter your age, profession, or industry. There's no fluff on this podcast, and that's on purpose. I'm here to uncover value from my guests, people who are much smarter than me on their given

topic, by doing the proper research and asking the right questions. If you're new to the show, we've chatted with the likes of ex-FBI agents, negotiation coaches, world famous cartoonists, self-made billionaires, sleep psychologists, CEOs, and best-selling authors. Our subject matter ranges from enhancing productivity, how to gain influence, the art of side hustles, and more. If you're smart and like to continually improve yourself, you'll love it here at Young and Profiting Podcast. Today on the show, I'm chatting with Heather Monaghan.

Heather is a confidence expert having learned a ton of hard lessons on the topic in her own life during the corporate climb. She's worked in corporate America for over two decades and is one of the few women who have reached the C-suite. And after being abruptly fired, she switched gears to becoming a speaker, author, and confidence coach. And she's more successful than ever. Stay tuned to hear Heather's inspirational story and learn practical ways to boost your confidence.

Hey Heather, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast. Thanks so much for having me. So glad to have you here because you are what I like to call a girl boss. You are one of the select women who have broke the glass ceiling and you've entered the C-suite in the past. You are the chief revenue officer for Beasley Broadcast Group from 2015 to 2017. and before that you were their EVP of sales. And from my understanding, you achieved extraordinary success in your 20s, and you are completely self-made.

You weren't really brought up with a silver spoon in your mouth. So tell us about your journey. How did you end up becoming a C-suite executive? And what's the path that you took to get to where you are today? Yeah, I grew up poor, and my mother was a single mom, four kids. She worked three jobs. She wasn't around much. So I started a paper route when I was 10.

I started busing tables at a diner after that. I got into the fast food restaurant business, which led me to become a waitress and then a bartender. And then I got into sales at the Gala Winery. And from there, I took an equity partnership position, moved to Michigan by myself when I was 25 years old. And I turned a $25 million property into a $55 million property. And under three years, I left there and joined a $25 million. a publicly traded broadcasting company in Florida and pitched them for a job that didn't exist.

I pitched them on VP of sales because I saw the opportunity and the need within the company. I was awarded that job and then I was elevated to EVP and then I was elevated to chief revenue officer. And during my 14 years at that company, I had more than double the company's revenue. When I got there, it was 100 million annually. And when I left, it was in excess of 200 million.

And then when the CEO I worked for for 14 years became ill, he elevated his daughter to replace him, and she fired me immediately. And that's a little over two years ago. I went out on my own. I wrote and self-published my first book, Confidence Creator, which trumped Trump for number one business biographies. And then I went out to promote my book, and I started speaking because I found out that's how you sell books,

and I had spoken for 20 years in corporate America, but I never had been paid for it. And I started getting paid, and that really has become my primary revenue stream, number one revenue driver. And I've been speaking all over the country for the past two years. And I ended up getting my own podcast show, creating confidence with Heather Monaghan, which was number one new and noteworthy on Apple podcast in the business category. So that's been doing really well. And I just finished writing my second book. And now I'm working on a book proposal to sign a deal with a publishing house.

That is amazing. You've had such an awesome, awesome journey. I can't wait to dig into so many things that you talked about. Let's start. first with when you were fired because that was a very pivotal point in your life. You were in corporate and getting fired, I think is what triggered your entrepreneurial journey. Tell us how you reacted to getting fired. You got fired. What did you do? I know it was very impressive and I'd like you to share that story with our listeners. Sure. You know, it was awful. I've never been fired from anything. I'm an overachiever type A. I couldn't even fathom. I was associating initially a sense of shame, a sense of negativity with that event, which now in hindsight, I realize it was a

complete blessing and a gift and a great opportunity. The way Gary Vaynerchuk framed it up for me was it was a micro challenge, you know, a small challenge in a moment, but the macro opportunity is that I'm a talented person and I can succeed anywhere. Now, I didn't see that in that moment. You know, I just saw I'm a single mom. I have a massive mortgage. You know, I live on the ocean in Miami. I live a very expensive life because I've always made a lot of money. And I've never doubted that that wouldn't continue. But in that moment, that money just disappeared. And I didn't know, okay, how will I make money? Who's going to pay my bills? I'm a single mom. And I just, I panicked. And I went under a weighted blanket. I bombed a ton of chardonnay. And then I think it was a day or two days

later. I said, forget this. No one's even calling me. I'm going to go on social media and I'm going to post about it. And I had so many good friends call me and they said, you look like a loser. Take that post down. Have you lost your mind? And I said, no. I don't know. For me, I just feel like this is the right thing to do and I'm not taking the post down. And the post went viral. And it basically said after 14 years of continual advancement, success and recognition, I have just been fired and it feels horrible. And if I've ever helped you in any way, I really need to hear from you today. And I received thousands of messages, not only of support and, you know, saying, hey, I've been fired too. So I really felt I'm not alone. But then people offering, hey, if you want

to meet so-and-so, do you want to come work at this company? A lot of business opportunities that arose. And one pivotal tweet that I got was from Froggy from the Elvis Duran show. He tweeted at me, hey Heather, love your stuff, love what you're doing. If I can help in any way, let me know. One thing I learned during this time is that you need to convert that opportunity in the moment. Don't wait and say, oh, in a week or two when I figured out, I'll get back with you. Because here's what happens. People get busy and they move on. And that was a really important thing that I learned. I tweeted right back at him. Thanks so much for the offer. Yes, I would like to be a guest on the Elvis Durant show.

And when you come right back at someone with an ask and you're direct, they're probably going to deliver. And he did. He got me on the Elvis Duran show. And halfway through that interview, Elvis said to me, well, obviously you're writing a book. And I said, well, obviously, but I really wasn't. But that was the catalyst that got me to write my book. Wow, that's so amazing. It's so awesome that you put yourself out there and that even though other people told you to take that down, told you that it was shameful that you got fired, you just did it anyway. and something positive came out of that. It's always really good in general, I think, to be transparent on social media because that's what people connect with. People connect with pain and people that are real about things that go on in their lives. Absolutely. So let's talk about bullies because you've dealt with a lot of bullies during your corporate journey.

Tell us a story about someone who gave you a hard time and any of the lessons that you learned in terms of what works and what doesn't work well when dealing with bullies at work. Oh my gosh. So this is my whole TEDx talk is about the woman that bullied me in corporate America. I'm super proud of it. If you haven't seen it yet, go to YouTube and type in Heather Monaghan. It's the first thing that will pop up. It's 10 minutes and it's so good. And first of all, this isn't the first time I was bullied.

I actually was bullied by another woman at work in my early 20s who would just say horrible things about me because of how I looked. She told me I shouldn't wear my hair down. I shouldn't wear skirts. I shouldn't wear dresses. She was just horrible to me. Back then, I took it. I sort of just turned the other cheek.

And actually, when I was older in corporate America and I was the chief revenue officer, it was the CFO that was bullying me. And the one leg up she had on me is that she was the daughter of the CEO. So I feel that she probably felt she could get away with whatever she wanted, you know, since she was a relative. And so I recognized that. And so I would turn a blind eye to it.

I tried to look away and ignore it. But over time, it really chipped away at my confidence. And until I made the decision to say, listen, dimming my lights, not making her light brighter, it's making the situation worse. She was being more awful to me, you know, the demand she would put on me, she would ignore me in meetings, she would not follow up with me. She wouldn't respond to my emails. It made it impossible for me to get my job done.

So I finally, after another time driving home from Naples, Florida, a three-hour car ride crying, saying, I can't let myself be treated like this anymore. I'm so frustrated, calling the president of the company, complaining about it, and him saying, oh, you just know how she is. Just ignore her. You're better than that. That's all BS when people tell you that, because they don't want to deal with the real issue and they don't want to deal with the toxic environment.

So finally, I had to decide I'm going to do something different. And I'll never forget, the next meeting I knew that I'd be in with her, she was actually interim CEO at this point because her dad was really sick. And so she couldn't fire me yet because she wasn't the CEO, but she somewhat had the title. And she was feeling real good about herself. And I decided, tomorrow morning I'm getting up extra early. I'm going to wear my rocking red dress that is fire. I am going to do my hair. I'm going to go in there with confidence. I'm going to listen to my playlist that I listen to every time I'm going into something big. I'm going to call her out. when she ignores me.

And I'm going to do it in a very professional manner. And I did it. I walked in there looking like a million bucks. Everyone was saying, you look amazing. You know, because these people had seen me 14 years. They were used to see me, whatever. I don't usually put an effort like that to go to work. And I just decided I want to lead with my best foot forward today because I am dropping

the hammer. And she walked in after me and walked around to say hello to everyone and walked right by me. And I raised my hand. And I said, good morning. It's so great to see you. I think you missed me. Hi. And I made it known that I'm not going to allow you to ignore me anymore.

And a couple people started laughing because everyone knew she hated me. And, you know, that wasn't a newsflash. But the fact that I wasn't going to allow it to go on anymore caught attention. And in that moment, things shifted. I ran that meeting. I just stepped into my power. I was so done with her treating me like crap. And I mean, she ultimately fired.

me shortly thereafter. But like I said, I'm grateful to have fired that villain from my life because since the day she's been removed from my life, I've literally taken off. And I can't believe how being around a negative person not only wears you down and chips away your confidence, but it blocks you from opportunity. And I've seen that firsthand in my life. Yeah. And so I listen to your book and I know that you're an advocate for standing up for yourself and basically, I think you call it like dumping water on your villain or something along those lines. And you have a great story of a Rottweiler and a lesson that you learned of how to deal with any stray dogs that try to attack you. And I think this really could set the lesson in for my listeners. You could share that.

Yeah. Okay. So you brought up two different stories. One is from the book, which is that was the woman when I was younger. She bullied me when I was back at the gallery. a winery, she would always comment on how I shouldn't look like this, I shouldn't dress like this, constantly putting me down and attacking me. And what I talked about was throwing water on the evil witch. So that was the analogy of, you know, the wicked witch of the east that you throw water on her and she dissipates. So that was that example. But the Rottweiler story, I actually utilized that in my TED Talk and in my book. True story, when I was dating a police officer in my 20s and I would run alone every day. I've been a big runner my whole life until I threw out my back.

But he would say to me, you know, listen, you need to be smart. You're out alone all the time. One of these days, you're going to have a dog come for you and you need to know you can't outrun a dog, Heather. And I understood. I said, so what do I do? And this is a police officer. He's seen this stuff. You know, I trusted his expertise. He said, you run at the dog. You hold your hand high with authority and conviction and you run at that dog and you tell that dog to go home. And I said, okay, well, I'm sure it's not going to happen. Wouldn't you know? It was only a few weeks later. I was out for a run and a Rottweiler broke free from its fence and came barreling at me, barreling. I swear, it was huge. But I remembered instantly, you can't beat the dog. You're not

going to be able to outrun the dog. Turn and run at the dog. And I did. and I turned right around instinctively, rolls my finger in the air, and chased that dog down. And I got so, so close to the dog. The dog wasn't backing off, but I knew I was implementing the correct strategy based on what he had told me.

And right before I got to the dog, the dog turned around and whimpered crying his way home. It was crazy. That's amazing. It's such a true story. It really happened. People ask me all the time if that's just, you know, made up.

But no, that's a real story. So I liken that story as an analogy to how I manage that bully at work, you know, that woman. Me rocking that red dress and calling her out is me chasing that dog down. And I don't see it any differently. It was making the decision to lean into me, stand up for who I am and show my dominance in the situation. And it's really, it's incredibly empowering. And when you do that, you know, become that really strong version of you. will play out that will lead you to where you're meant to be.

Totally. I love that. Really just showing your dominance over people and letting them know that you're not going to take this bad behavior and the way that they're treating you. I think that's really great advice. So you are an expert on confidence. You've grown such an amazing career. And part of that is because you are so confident. And confidence can really impact the people that we meet. And it impacts our dating life, our social life, our professional life. What got you interested in the topic of confidence. And how did you decide that, you know, you were going to use this as a way to launch your entrepreneurial career? I had no idea. That's what's most important for everyone to know. I had no idea. What happened was when I got fired, I posted about being

fired, Froggy got me on the Elvis Duran Show and Elvis said, you're writing a book. When I left New York, I googled, how do you write a book? And I saved, actually, I printed it out and saved it. So it's so crazy now two years later to be able to look at that you know I didn't know how to write a book and it basically says you just have to sit down and commit to writing a few hours every day to get a book done so I did that and I just leaned in wholeheartedly to it and when I first sat down I started writing about how much I hated that woman the woman who had just fired me and that evolved in just a couple days time to me remembering hey there's other times like when I got divorced I felt like this I hit rock bottom and I had to come back or during the

the recession when we had to lay off 25% of our workforce and I didn't know how I was going to pay my bills or when I got arrested. There were all these low moments in my life that I started remembering and they felt similar to how I felt now being fired. And I realized, wait a minute, the one common thread here is that I've dealt with adversity my whole life in tough times, but I've always learned how to bounce back from them. At the core of that really has to do with having confidence within yourself. And I'm going to lay out a roadmap so that everybody has those same tools that I've been able to find within me. I think a really cool lesson from this is the fact that Elvis Duran, he asked you if you were writing a book. And even though you weren't,

you said yes. And you just kind of leaned into that without knowing if you could or if you would. And I interviewed this guy's name's Richard Moore. He's a sales guru. And he does something similar where if somebody asks him about a project, even if he doesn't know if you can deliver, he says, I'm your man, you know, and that just provides confidence in the other person that he could do the job. And then also, it kind of puts him on the hook and make sure that he has confidence in himself to actually get anything done. Is there a lesson in that that you want to share in terms of just leaning into something before you know if you can actually do it? Well, everything I've ever done, that has been the case. And isn't it the case for you too? You know, when you think back, I'm sure,

launching your podcast, you didn't know if you were going to be a good podcast host or, you know, anytime you want to go to that next level, you have to be willing to do that. What was beautiful about Elvis was he had such conviction and he was so clear that I was writing a book, it made me feel confident. And sometimes you can get that sense of confidence and belief through others when others believe in you so much. And it was just so clear to him. He was so sure of it, it became clear to me too. And so I really borrowed his belief in me in order to be a catalyst for me to go on and try something new. And I'll tell you, I don't remember who it was that told me, maybe it was Ed Milet, when we're babies and children, we're born just stepping into fear

and seeing it as excitement and evolution. Like a baby doesn't lay there and say, well, I've never crawled before. I don't know if I should give this a shot. And then once they're crawling, they don't say, well, I don't know if I should try to stand up. They just do. They step into the fear. And when you look back on your life, before people put limitations on you and you accepted them, before people told you you shouldn't try this, before people told you to go get in one lane, we innately knew continually to step into the fear, step into the unknown, and that's how our life would accelerate. And so it's interesting, you know, based upon who you surround yourself with, if you follow

your passions or don't, you know, what story you tell yourself, you could be. the one that's holding you back or you could be surrounding yourself with people holding you back or you could be in a situation where you know you're not tapping into your real talents but what I've learned is that in the past two years I've grown more as a person as a professional than I ever had in the last 14 years at that company and that's really sad for me to understand that now because I can imagine how much further I would actually be in life if I had been leaning into the fear if I had been going to the next level every time that I got up to bat, you know, but I hadn't been.

I had been doing the opposite. I was holding myself back so I could continue to fit into an environment that I had really outgrown. Yeah. So it ends up being a real gift to say, listen, if you're not scared today, you're not pushing the envelope. You're not growing. We were not built or born to just sit somewhere and be stagnant or even really to shrink.

So why not step into that fear? Why not ask that person on the date? why not write that book? Why not launch that show? And then one of the things that I use as a tool when I get scared or, you know, should I do this or should I not, I say, what's the worst that's going to happen? And when you start laying it out for yourself, if I launch the show and the show stinks, I can evolve it and change it. I can ask for help. I can hire someone that could advise me.

I could cancel the show if I wanted to, but I'll never know if I don't take that opportunity and give it a shot. Yeah. It's like stop fearing the outcome and just get started and things will work. work out. I love that advice. It's great advice. Let's talk a little bit broader right now, just about confidence in general. I think a good way for my audience to really understand how you define confidence is to basically compare and contrast a confident person versus an insecure person. Could you do that for us? Oh, gosh. Yeah. So an insecure person is trying to make other people happy and focusing on what other people think about them. So they're going to accept people's

limitations, they are going to dress a certain way that they think will make other people feel good. All of those things actually make you feel lesser than, right? Because then you start questioning yourself. Then you stop hearing your own inner voice. It's just heart wrenching. And we all know somebody like that. And, you know, that person just keeps circling around the bottom of the drain. You know, they don't understand why they can't change their life.

They keep asking questions that can't be solved. And it's so obvious to those outside of that person, what's happening? A confident person, conversely. listens only to their own voice. You know, you might have conversations with others and hear people out and appreciate their opinions, but at the end of the day, you go back into your own self and say,

what is my answer? Okay, I understand that those people are telling me I shouldn't, you know, launch my personal brand, which I did four years ago, because I could be in jeopardy of losing my corporate position. Well, it turns out I was right to continue to listen to my inner voice, even though it was upsetting those around me, because in the end, I wasn't meant to be in corporate America anymore.

I was meant to be an entrepreneur. And I know that now. But the key was listening to myself. So, you know, dress the way you want because it makes you feel good. Then you'll stand taller. Then you'll feel more confident. Listen to your advice and opinion over everyone else because that's the one that matters. And that is what will steer you to where you're meant to be.

You know, when you really start stepping into who you truly are instead of who you're pretending to be, that's when things, confidence takes off, your life takes off. and things just improve overall. So that confident person is the one that tunes out the other noise and tunes into themselves. That's a great definition. And according to you, one of the first steps to kickstart our confidence journey is to establish a baseline.

And I know journaling is something that you've used and you consider an invaluable tool to help you set a baseline. Could you explain how you use journaling to improve yourself? At YAP, we have a super unique company culture. We're all about obsessive excellence. We even call ourselves scrappy hustlers. And I'm really picky when it comes to my employees. My team is growing every day.

We're 60 people all over the world. And when it comes to hiring, I no longer feel overwhelmed by finding that perfect candidate, even though I'm so picky because when it comes to hiring, Indeed is all you need. Stop struggling to get your job post noticed. Indeed, sponsor jobs help you stand out and hire fast by boosting your post to the top relevant candidates. Sponsored jobs on Indeed get 45% more applications than not. non-sponsored ones, according to IndyD data worldwide. I'm so glad I found Indeed when I did because hiring is so much easier now. In fact, in the minute we've been talking, 23 hires were

made on Indeed according to IndyD data worldwide. Plus, there's no subscriptions or long-term contracts. You literally just pay for your results. You pay for the people that you hire. There's no need to wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of the show will get a $75-sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash profiting. Just go to Indeed.com slash profiting right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com slash profiting. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring, Indeed, is all you need. Yeah, I'm so grateful that I journaled across most of my entire life. It's crazy because number one, that allowed me to write my book very quickly because I had so much material. But number two, it allowed me to get to know myself at different times of my life. We forget, right, 10 years ago, there's no way we could.

remember how we thought and felt. We might think we can, but we really can't. And I know that firsthand because when I got fired, I dove into my old journals and I looked at the journal I had from when I got divorced a decade ago. And the way I spoke to myself was horrible. I mean, I called myself a bad mother and how could I have broken my home, horrible things about myself. I was attacking myself. And it was so enlightening to learn that negative self-talk and how it held me back and affected me at work in all these different areas of my life. Because as I put myself down, I was more willing to dim my light at work as well. You know, all these things are connected, which held me in an environment that was toxic that I shouldn't have remained in. Another thing that

I learned from journaling was I saw a pattern that while I would want things, and there was a good story in my book, which I'm sure you're familiar with, I really wanted to speak at this conference in New York. And again, this is back when I just spoke, you know, for free. events, but I wanted to take this one stage because I knew I could add value. It's called the LOAC and NYC and it's a media event and I had attended it and I had become friends with the founder and the owner of the event. So it's not crazy for me to think that I'd be able to speak, right? I just had to ask him. No, I never asked him yet I would journal about it all the time. I hope one day I could speak there and do nothing about it. Okay. So this was, it's so frustrating

to look back. It's frustrating, however, it's enlightening because it made me realize if I'm doing this in this scenario with my speaking, where else am I doing this? Where I want something, but I'm not acting on it. So what ended up happening was that man came to a conference that I was speaking at and he text me during the speech. So when I got off the stage, I saw my phone and it said, you are an incredible speaker. And that was the man that I wanted to speak for, right? So in that moment, I ran back to my hotel room and I prepared a formal email and I asked if I could speak at his event. And I don't think he said yes for that year's event, but he put me on for the next event. So I ended up getting what I asked for, maybe not immediately, but all he needed to hear was that I wanted

to do it. So I wondered, oh my gosh, if I had asked this guy five years ago when I felt this the first time, I could have spoken at five of these events and where would that have led me, right? So I started looking back and saying, if I'm doing it with speaking, how else is this issue showing up for me and how is it holding me back? And it really allowed me to observe so many different areas of my life where I wouldn't ask for what I really wanted. So that's a huge lesson for everybody listening out there. Don't just wait to ask for help and don't wait to ask for help only when you know they're going to say yes, right? You want to ask for help when you don't know if they're going to say yes or no. You want to take that risk.

And it's not even just help. It's for whatever you want. I wanted to speak on that stage. I didn't need his help. I just needed him to say, yes, you can have the opportunity. I wasn't even asking him to pay me. I just wanted the green light, right? So whatever it is that you want, I remember for some reason, thankfully, when I went to that media company to work for them, I saw the opportunity for a VP of sales. I saw the company didn't have one. I mentioned to someone on my team, wow, there's no VP of sales here. I got to pitch myself for that. I saw the opportunity for a VP of sales. I that job that doesn't exist yet. And the guy said, oh, I've been here so much longer than you. They've heard pitches from everyone. They're not going to do it. And I said, really? Well, I haven't pitched it yet. I'll get it done. And for whatever reason in that situation, I felt confident enough to go for it. I asked and ultimately got the green light when other people hadn't gotten it. So, you know, it's about figuring out, wait a minute, why am I not asking if I really see this opportunity, if I want this, what's holding me back from it? What's the worst that can happen? I'm no, I pivot and redirect. You know, I ask a different way. I ask a different person, whatever it is,

but I've just learned over time, number one, put out to the universe what it is that you want first and foremost and then find a way to go get it. Yeah. And it's really hard for people to hear no. I hear that a lot for my listeners and, you know, people take rejection so personally, do you have any tips to kind of get yourself back up on the horse after you've been rejected? Oh my gosh. I have a million tips for that. So, So sales is all about a numbers game. If you got another no, that means you're getting one step closer to a yes. So there's so many different things that can go on when you get a no.

You could be asking the wrong person, right? You can't take a no from someone who isn't able to give you a yes. And that's really important to understand. And I'll go back to that VP of sales. I was asking the president of the company for a month. I was pitching him my idea for VP of sales. He kept saying no. What I ended up finding out was he was not the ultimate decision

His dad was. And his dad didn't even know I was asking. So do you see how that no came across as a no to me? But it really wasn't a no because that person wasn't able to say yes to me. He had to call his dad to get approval and permission. And his father said yes as soon as you heard the idea. So be sure you're dealing with the ultimate decision maker, number one. Put yourself in that other person's shoes.

What are they afraid of? Why would they say no? You know, what would the holdbacks be? What is their fear? What are their limitations? and the more you can relate to them and understand what could be holding them back, the easier you can handle and overcome those objections. Make it about that other person.

When I pitched the president of the company, I talked about how it was going to make him look great, how it was going to make his job so much easier, how his revenues were going to be larger than they ever had been, how his growth was going to be massive and how he'd be featured in the Wall Street Journal for all the success he was creating. I made it all about him. And the more you make things about the other person,

how it's going to benefit them, the more you make it attractive to them and make it their idea. People like to feel that they're in control, feel that it's their idea, and feel that they're not threatened by the other person. So solve their problems, make it about them, and be empathetic to their situation. That's going to help you to move things forward. Be sure you're dealing with the ultimate decision maker. And if you get a no, ask for feedback. Ask a question.

Don't just walk away. You need to find out why. Can you explain to me why you didn't feel good about agreeing to this today? I'd love to understand a little bit more because to me it seems like such a great idea if you could help me understand. The more you get them talking and sharing information with you, the sooner you're going to be able to get a yes. I love that. Let's go back to something that you mentioned earlier with the journaling when you noticed that you had a lot of negative talk to yourself. since the early days, humans learn to get lunch or be lunch. Our natural negative bias has kept us safe from danger. So this is something that's like totally hardwired in us to be negative because it really protected our survival. But in 2020, that doesn't matter anymore. And we actually need to stop allowing this negative bias to take over our mind. So how do you suggest that we think more positively and stop talking to ourselves so negatively like you mentioned?

before that you are doing to yourself. Sure. I was really bad at this in college and I was seeing a therapist and she said to me, oh, you know, so what happened? I said, oh, I went out partying and stayed out too late, drank too much, you know, didn't get my work done, whatever. And I'm so mad at myself and I'm such a loser and rah, rah, rah. And she said, wow, how's that working out for you? And I said, what do you mean? She said, beating yourself up like that. How's that working out for you? And I started laughing. I said, well, obviously not very well, because I'm sitting here in a shrink's office right now. And that was sort of an epiphany moment for me that now, any time last night I ate my son's nacho chips.

And after I thought, oh, why did I just do that? I'm going to be an FB, which is a code for fat bastard. And I start getting negative. I say, oh, wait a minute. How's that working out for me? I just keep asking myself that question that that psychiatrist asked me that day. How's it working out for you? Okay, wait a minute.

If I beat myself up, I'm going to wake up the next day feeling badly. I'm going to go do something negative again. I can change that right now. I'm in charge. It doesn't work out great for me when I beat myself up. I'm going to go pull a paper that I have written down a bunch of affirmations and I read those to myself with frequency because frequency is what sells you on your own message and I'm going to continually own those.

I am powerful. I am confident. I am good enough. You know, whatever your affirmations are that you need to hear in that moment, have them written down, pull them out, read them. over and over with frequency, and you will ingrain that message in yourself. Yeah. And there's something cute that you do with your shoes, I think, that relate to this.

Yeah. So my son, one morning before school, just to annoy me, he came out of his bedroom with his basketball sneaker in a. And he said, I need you to write something on my shoe at 6 a.m. And I was so annoyed with him. I'm like, we're late for school. And he said, no, write this. And I said, what is it?

And he said, you can do all things. things. And it was actually something he learned from Steph Curry. And I said, but why am I writing this? He said, because mom, I might go into the game super confident in feeling like a million bucks. But after the first quarter, if I'm not hitting my shot, I'm not going to be feeling so hot anymore. And it's going to affect how I play. And if I take risks and if I, you know, really get aggressive on defense, he said, so I need to be able to pick myself up at any moment during the game. And the best way I can do that is to remember how I feel right now. Because right now, I feel super confident and I know I can do all things. So now I do that same. He taught me the little guy is so

smart. He taught me to whenever I'm going into a scary situation or something where I'm questioning my confidence, I always write on my shoes. I can. I will and I'm going to get it done. And right before I went on for my TED talk, I looked at the bottom of my shoes because I was freaking out the idea of walking onto that circle and that ticker going in my face and having, you know, like Eminem. It's like you've got that one shot, one opportunity. You've got to make it work. And that pressure was massive. And I looked down at my shoes and I grabbed lavender because that's something that always calms me.

And then I said to myself, if you don't walk out there right now, you will never forgive yourself. If you walk out there and you blow it, I'm going to be so proud of you. And then I just close my eyes and I went. That's awesome. It's so good to have little reminders just like boost your confidence because we can't be confident all the time. It's just totally impossible. And, you know, just having those little notes probably really helps you get back on track. Absolutely.

Let's talk about people and confidence. People have a lot to do with how we feel. And it's really twofold. So we have accountability partners, which can help support us in our journey of confidence. But then we also have people that we might need to remove from our lives. Can you talk about how we need to kind of shape the people around us to ensure that we can be confident? as often as possible. Yeah, it absolutely is going to impact you, the people that you spend your time with, that you work with, your family members. You know, it's really critical to do an assessment of the

people that you're spending time with and how you feel around them. And there's a chapter in my book about this where I had a girlfriend who was very condescending to me. She was very nice. She would always want to, as a single mom, she would want to help me watch my son. She wanted our kids to play together. she'd pick up my kid from school if I couldn't make it. You know, she was a quote unquote great friend. But when I was around her, she'd say things like, you're not married yet. I mean, when are you going to get it together? Really kind of negative, slightly negative things that hurt.

And then when I'd leave her presence, I wouldn't feel so good about myself. I'd start questioning myself. And it took another girlfriend pointing it out to me saying, listen, I don't know about you, but I don't want to be around that girl anymore. The way she talks to you is really negative. and I just get a negative vibe around her. And I realized so did I. But I was seeing her as a friend because she would help me with my son.

And I made a decision. You can either create boundaries with somebody or you can fire them from your life. And I choose the latter. I fired her. I was no longer available to go to lunch with her. I was no longer available for playdates. I just knew that this woman was not going to change. It's who she was.

And I had been closing my eyes to how I. felt as a result of her comments. And I started feeling a lot better, you know, and take a look at work and the people that you're surrounding yourself with that work. If you're around people that are, you know, stabbing you in the back and keeping you out of conversations, you may need to have a sit down with them

and get really clear on how you want to work together in a collaborative fashion and communicate better. But if they're not willing to honor that, you know, maybe you shift divisions. Maybe you start updating your resume to find another job. But the sooner you're remove negative people from your life, the more empowered, positive, and confident you will feel. Yeah. And honestly, these could be your childhood friends. You know, I personally had a girl who I'm

still like good friends with, but I've distanced myself because I just felt like she didn't believe in me. And it's a red flag when, for instance, you start a podcast and your best friend won't listen to one episode. You know what I mean? So my God. That's awful. I know. And then I realized, like, maybe that's not my best friend. So how about self-care? There's two parts of self-care, our external and our internal. Can you talk about how self-care is really important when it comes to exuding confidence? Yeah, for me, you know, working out is my top priority for me. It's so important. And when I don't do it, I don't feel great. Inside, outside, my energy is low. Just, you know, when I don't make myself that priority. And I'll never forget when I first got divorced, I used to think, oh, I can't hire a sitter to go to the gym. That's so selfish. And for a while, I acted like that and I realized I was negative. I was not in a great mood when I was with my son at night because I was angry.

I wasn't going to the gym. So finally I said, forget this. I'm hiring a sitter. I'm going to the gym. And guess what happened? I got home and I was happier and I felt better and I had more energy and my son was happier being around me. So I really, you know, changed the way I saw it.

It's not selfish to put yourself first. It's selfless because then you're able to give so much more to others and be a better version of yourself. And for me, that all starts with making myself a priority. And that means for me, going to the gym, working out and getting in motion. How about looking the part? How can we look confident? I know that you are a proponent of like doing your hair, getting dressed up. Is it different for men and women when it comes to looking the part? I don't think so. I mean, listen, here's the thing. And Jesse Isler's such a great example of this. He's super, super confident. Jesse Isler.

is Sarah Blakely's husband. He's the founder of Marquis Jets, the author of Living with a Seal, incredibly massively successful, entrepreneur and very confident human being. He is known to always wear ripped t-shirts and jeans and flip-flops. And you would think,

oh, he's not dressing the quote-unquote part, but that's how he feels his most confident. You know, it's about what dressing the part means to you. For me, I love wearing red and I love wearing bright blue. Colors really impact my mood, and that's something special for me that I gravitate towards,

and I like getting dressed up. I wouldn't feel my most confident in ripped T-shirts and flip-flops and jeans. So I guess it's really about the person and how do you feel your best? Because when you show up that way, you exude it, you step into it, and it's going to be a little bit different for everybody,

you know, and sense, I think, sense are really powerful. I have a certain perfume that if I'm feeling a little off, I wear it because I do that anytime I feel nervous. And so it begins to ingrain this habit in me that when I smell that scent, I know, okay, we're about to go to the next level. Let's get this going. And, you know, when I step into getting my hair done and, you know, investing in me in that outwardly way, getting a new outfit, getting a new dress, I did that for my TED Talk. I shopped so many different dresses to find

the right one. But that makes me feel really excited and good. And when I get dress that day, I say, wow, I love this dress. I'm so excited for. But not, and again, and I just use Jesse as this example, he's not that way. That doesn't mean anything to him. He doesn't care if he wears the same t-shirt, 17, you know, different events. It's not going to affect him. So it's more about you and what resonates for you. A lot of people talk about posture and how you stand affecting your confidence. And, you know, I don't even know it anymore, but I see footage of me speaking and I stand incredibly straight. My posture, I nail it. It's because I feel so good and confident out there. But then I've looked at some footage of when I was speaking a decade ago and my

shoulders are rolling forward. So there is something to be said for how you stand and how you project yourself that people will interpret as confidence and will in turn make you feel more confident. So throw those shoulders back, put your head up, make eye contact and smile. I love that. think that's great advice. Another tip that I heard in your book that I thought was really interesting was the fact that you don't say sorry anymore. You don't apologize for yourself anymore. Could you share with us why you don't say I'm sorry too often these days? Sure. So again, everyone has different issues. One of my issues was I used to apologize for everything. If I was at the gym and someone bumped into me, I would say sorry. And I know that you know somebody

like this. Right. Or it's you. Everybody knows someone like that. It's your mother. It's, you know, your friend down the street, sorry for everything. That is literally putting yourself beneath everybody and blaming yourself. It wasn't my fault that guy bumped into me at the gym. Why would I be accepting blame and apologizing? So I made a small pivot and I started saying, excuse me, which was empowering and positive. I was an equal to that person. And then I took it a step further and I started thanking people.

So if I was late for a meeting, I would thank everyone for their patience. I didn't make it about myself. I made it about the other person and a way to be great. grateful towards them. And that was a really strong shift for me. However, this is so funny, as I mentioned to you, I just interviewed Chris Boss. He talks about using the power of apologizing to calm someone down. He believes in apologizing. And again, everyone has different issues. So if you don't have an issue apologizing all the time, you can use Chris's strategy, which when he sees someone very angry and almost hostile, he walks up to them and says,

I'm sorry. Hi, I'm Chris. And that sorry. he feels really jars them in the moment and we'll get them to take a breath and step out of their situation. So everyone does not have the same issues. Obviously, Chris doesn't have an issue apologizing for everything, but I did. Yeah. So for me, that was the right pivot was to stop apologizing all the time. And in fact, when he explained that strategy to break, you know, a tense environment, I don't think I'd even take it on because I wouldn't want to head down that slippery slope to start apologizing again. Yeah. And I think it depends on the situation. Women, and I myself, I say sorry all the time.

I was just in the coffee room before. I was getting a tea and somebody came up behind me and I said, oh, sorry. Like, even because I was pouring first when I was there first. Like, it's just silly. And I think that you are totally correct. When we say, I'm sorry for no reason, it just puts us in a more negative place. It puts us down one level, you know? And instead of saying, I'm sorry, like you said, say, excuse me.

You can say thank you instead or just anything. that's going to put you in a more positive place rather than I'm sorry, which is just, I think, puts you in a negative vibration in my opinion. Absolutely. Okay. Last question before we start to close out. What's your opinion on manifestation? So you're confident. You believe in yourself. Do you do any visualization or manifestation in conjunction with being confident and believing in yourself? Oh my gosh. I interviewed Sarah Blakely, the CEO of Spinks, and she attributes her idea of coming up with Spinks completely to manifesting it. And once I heard that, I went all in on manifesting. I watched the movie The Secret. I met with John Asherah from The Secret, and he attributes

all of his success to manifesting. So there is something to this. And I used to think of that as like woo-woo, you know, hippies talk and I didn't understand it. But once you start seeing very credible, successful people attributing their success to manifesting, there is a power to it. And It's so funny, Facebook serves us up different images from seven years ago today. And today it served up an image of my son and I at a Justin Bieber concert doing a meet and greet when my son was probably four or five years old.

Fast forward when my son was nine years old, we ended up sitting in a restaurant right next to Justin Bieber. And I started thinking to myself, oh my gosh, what are the chances of that happening, right? Were we manifesting those things that he wanted to meet him and that it's just so interesting to me the power of our thoughts and how our thoughts impact ourselves and the world and putting things out there I go all in on and and that is essentially manifesting you know that this second book is going to I'm going to get a publishing deal on this

year and you know I talk about these things all the time I also have four sheets of paper where I write down all of the very specific things I'm manifesting and I actually have a picture of a home that I'm going to buy that is on that table as well, as well as a picture of my bank account and the amount of money that's going to be in it. So I go all in on manifesting and people do it differently. Some people do vision boards. Some people have images of things.

Some people just use words. But I truly and wholeheartedly believe that that which you put out there, you begin to believe, you begin to attract, and you'll start seeing these things happen in your life. And it will give you that proof that you're looking for, but it's definitely worked for me. Yeah, I totally agree.

I love to manifest. And I think that even if, you know, the law of attraction isn't necessarily real or anything like that, I think the extreme focus and clarity that you have, like when you actually write something down or you have a picture of something, it's just like a goal that's so clear. And I think the problem that people have is that they're actually not very clear on their goals. And I think that manifestation helps you just be clear. And then I also think that the universe works in wonderful ways. Absolutely.

Yeah. So the last question I ask all my listeners is, what is your secret to profiting in life? It doesn't have to be money in terms of profiting. It could be anything. What is my secret to profiting in life? Well, I'm going to look at it from a revenue perspective because that's what pops into my mind first. So, you know, profiting in and around business, to me, it's really critical to have multiple

revenue streams. You know, so one of the things that when I was fired, the first thing I thought about was what am I going to, if I go to work for myself, what product or service am I going to sell? And the first product I came out with was my book confidence creator. And then once that product was available and out, I had a revenue stream. How can I accelerate that revenue stream? I started speaking to sell more books, right? And as I did that, I found out speaking as a business. And I started a secondary revenue stream there, which was my speaking revenue stream. So now I had book sales. Then I had the speaker stream. Then I was out promoting myself, my speaking, and my books, and I found out going as a guest on podcast as a great way to sell product. So I went and did the lady gang show

in L.A. And that show went to number 20 on the iTunes chart. I took a screenshot of that and I sent it to the founder of Podcast One. He responded to my email. I, I asked if I could come in to meet him and thank him face to face for the opportunity to go on his show. Within five minutes in that meeting, he said, you need your own show. So I created another revenue stream there with my podcast. So I'm constantly looking at different ways to evolve my business model, innovate it, you know, and grow it. Instead of just looking at what I did in corporate America, which is I had one revenue stream. It was my job that I went to work.

I was on a salary. and if I achieve certain goals, I would get a bonus. But when that went away, everything was gone. What I'm building now is a multi-tiered model where if my book sales stop tomorrow or people just don't buy books anymore, I'm still okay because I have multiple revenue streams. That makes a lot of sense. It's a really smart strategy. I totally agree.

It's too risky these days to just have, you know, one stream of income. And where can our listeners go to learn everything about you and what you do? Absolutely. So my website is heathermonahan.com. I have my free accountability partner program there. You can sign up for it and I will drive you crazy to achieve your goals and deliver results. You can get my book Confidence Creator on Amazon or on Audible. You can find me at Heather Monaghan on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Awesome. Thanks so much, Heather. It was a great conversation. Thank you. Thanks for listening to Young and Profiting Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to write us a review. on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to the show. Follow Yap on Instagram at Young and Profiting and check us out at young and profiting.com. And now you can chat live with us every single day on YAP Society on Slack.

Check out our show notes or young and profiting.com for the registration link. You can find me on Instagram at YAP with Hala or LinkedIn. Just search for my name, Hala Taha. Big thanks to the YAP team for another successful episode. This is Hala, signing off.