Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPClassic: Marisa Peer on Conquering Bad Habits and Overcoming Self-Doubt | Mental Health Part 2

Starting point is 00:00:01 What is up my young and profiting family? Welcome back to another Yap Classic episode. Marissa is the award-winning founder of rapid transformational therapy, which helps people rewire their brain to overcome things like anxiety, stress, lack of self-esteem, and addiction to live an impactful, purpose-driven life. Marissa's clientele includes Hollywood celebrities, CEOs, and professional athletes. She's also the best-selling author of Five Books and The Curseller, creator of the iconic I Am Enough movement. Today, Marissa and I are talking about the difference

Starting point is 00:00:45 between arrogance and confidence, why you should speak to yourself in the present tense, and will uncover the dangerous habits that are harming our mental health. Marissa will also break down how to navigate overwhelming situations by paying attention to your language. If you didn't listen to Part 1, go ahead and listen to that first and come back afterwards. We talked about parenting yourself, practicing affirmations, and understanding the ways you were conditioned as a child so you know how they impact you as an adult. We're we playing both parts of this episode in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. Without further ado, here's part two of my interview with Maris Sopier.

Starting point is 00:01:23 As I was listening to some of your rules and guidance when it comes to speaking to yourself, there were some rules that I kind of wrote down. So being super repetitive, making sure you're in the present tense, using really exciting and descriptive words when it comes to our statements of truth. So could you talk to us about the right way and the wrong way that we should do this? Because I want to make sure that people have the knowledge to actually implement this in their lives. We're all told this lie. The mind is so complicated. It's incredibly complex. It takes a lifetime to understand your mind. No, it doesn't. The mind isn't complex. It's actually incredibly simple. It does what it thinks you want it to do. So when you understand the rules of your

Starting point is 00:02:09 mind, you could put them into practice. And here's a rule that we should all remember. Every word you speak is a blueprint that your mind, body and psyche work to make real. So how do you understand the mind very simply? The mind only works in the present tense. It's like a kid going, who doesn't understand what tomorrow is. You can't say to the mind, next year I'll be a millionaire. Next year I'll have a beach body. Next year I'll find love because the mind doesn't know what next year is. So you have to make your statements today. I'm becoming super lovable right now. I'm becoming wealthy right now. I'm becoming successful. I am successful. So it must be in the present tense. That's really important. And secondly, your words must make a clear picture.

Starting point is 00:03:01 I'm okay. I'm not bad. Life is good. That's not dynamic. I am magnetically lovable. I go out in the world and I have this magnetic love of it. I attract people that love me and I love them. So the words must be really, really exciting and very descriptive. It's not enough to go, I'm okay, I'm not bad, and it's definitely not good to go, I'm not fat, I'm not insecure, I'm not nervous because the mind only picks up words that make a picture. I don't eat cake.

Starting point is 00:03:38 I don't want cake. I am not interested in cake is making you think about cake. I'm not nervous in front of clients. I'm not scared of selling. I'm not anxious about presenting. You're picking up the words nervous and anxious. You have to flip that around and go, I am a phenomenal seller. I give amazing presentations. When I speak at work, everyone understands what I'm saying. They like me. They listen. to me, I ask questions, I answer them, my boss loves me, they're noticing the power of me. So present tense, really exciting words, descriptive words. Your words must be relevant, up-to-date and descriptive. And put words and words. I'm freaking awesome. I'm powerfully good at speaking. I'm amazingly magnetically lovable. Make it exciting, dramatic, dramatic.

Starting point is 00:04:38 dynamic in the present tense. And the reason I emphasize that, I see so many people who go, yeah, I now tell us, I'm not scared. I'm not scared of speaking. I'm no longer going red and blushing and stuttering over words. You have to do the opposite. I speak clearly. I pronounce words easily. I breathe correctly. My energy level is phenomenal. And, you know, it's not hard. to dialogue with your mind when you understand the rules. It must be in the present tense. It must make a picture. It must excite and turn on your mind. And once you get that, it becomes easy and it must be repetitive. The mind learns by repetition and make what is unfamiliar, familiar. So if it's unfamiliar to believe in yourself, make it familiar because

Starting point is 00:05:35 here's a rule of the mind. The mind loves what is familiar. and would like to run back to what's familiar and run away from what is unfamiliar. That's the fact. But here's another fact. You can make anything you like familiar. And if you make believing in yourself and growing your self-esteem familiar, then you're making not believing in yourself unfamiliar. And it doesn't take long at all to make self-belief familiar.

Starting point is 00:06:04 Just praise yourself. There is nothing, nothing on the planet. will grow your self-esteem like self-praise. Praise actually grows yourself esteem in any way. But if I say someone, or you're so great, I love you, you're amazing. I may have an agenda. I may want something from them. But when I say it to myself, there's no agenda except growing self-esteem.

Starting point is 00:06:27 And self-esteem means, after what I think of me, if I say, I hold you in the highest esteem, it's what I think of you. But self-esteem is what you think of you. and you can grow that, it's not arrogance. It's not being big-headed. It's that kind of quiet assurance that radiates. So they think, oh, I feel great in your company. There's just something about you.

Starting point is 00:06:51 So like yourself, like other people, grow your self-esteem. It will make you so much happier. And it will make you a healthy, a better person too. Something that you just said sparked my interest, and that's when somebody gives you a compliment. What's the right way and the wrong way to treat a compliment so that we can expand our minds instead of contract it? I'm so glad you asked that because here's the thing. We want to expand. We want to expand out. You know, you have an incredible potential and you have no idea what your potential is because your potential expands.

Starting point is 00:07:29 And as you immediately expands more and more and more. When your mind expands, when new dimension, it never goes back. So imagine someone says, oh, I love that talk you gave and you went, oh, it's terrible. Didn't you notice? I said the word wrong. I stumbled. I went over time. I got bright red. Now you're diminishing it.

Starting point is 00:07:50 If someone gave you a gift, you would accept it. So when someone praises you, say thank you. Someone says to me, hey, I love your book. I say, thank you so much. I wrote it for that reason. I don't go, oh, actually, you know, it really wasn't very good. and it's had some terrible reviews, and it's not actually doing that well. Do not diminish praise.

Starting point is 00:08:12 When someone praised it, you say, thank you, and even better, once you got used to saying, thank you, add to it. Hey, I love your jacket. I've had it for 10 years, got it in Target, it's got a whole net, say, thanks, I love it too. It's my favorite, it's my favorite color. So the first thing is, do not reject praise. When I go to Spain a lot, and I notice when, The waiter comes up and I say, thank you. They go, Nanada, don't mention. I go, no, mention it.

Starting point is 00:08:41 When someone says, thank you, accept it. So the first thing is accept it. The second thing is I had to it go, I'm so glad. One of my clients was a movie director. So I love your movies. It said it was terrible. I said, we've got great reviews. No, no, no. It was all, we got won an Oscar. There were no good nominations. But your second review, oh, even worse nominations. is that. I said, oh, you're somebody who can't let him praise. I want you to say when I go, I love your movie, thank you so much. I loved making that movie. This was somebody who was suicidal, who could not let him praise, and although it sounds almost too good to be true, making him say, thank you. I love making movies. It gives me pleasure, gives other people pleasure, is important. The second thing is, if someone comes up and goes, hey, I loved your talk, don't go, yeah, I loved yours too.

Starting point is 00:09:31 Because now you're giving it back. Say, thank you so much. Let it in. And maybe after five or ten minutes ago, by the way, I also happen to love your talk. If someone says, I love your shoes, I love yours. That sounds normal.

Starting point is 00:09:46 But no, because you're giving it back. You want to expand and not contract. When you're expanding and someone says, I love your business. I love the products you make. I love something. I love your hair. Don't go, oh, no, my hair, I haven't washed it for a week because now you're contracting.

Starting point is 00:10:08 And also when you go, yeah, I love your hair, you're also contracting, expand. When someone says, I hear, you're an amazing seller and you go, well, not really. It was just a fluke. There's a much better son than me in our company, but he was sick that week. You're contracting, expand into greatness by seeing praise as a gift. You wouldn't go, oh, I don't want that gift. Let me give it back. Thank you so much is the first step.

Starting point is 00:10:34 And then add to it, yeah, I love selling. Yeah, apparently I'm really good at it because I really like it. And don't say, but you're also good at selling. That's how you expand and not contract. We all want to keep expanding and praise yourself, but also praise other people. You know, when I'm in a store, I love saying to the check-out person, oh, I love your voice or your nails are really nice, or you smell lovely, or thank you so much.

Starting point is 00:11:02 I love going around the world praising people saying you did a great job or, oh, your kid is so lovely, you're a great parent because it builds people up. But there's no point in doing that if you're not also doing it to yourself. So praise will boost your self-esteem and criticism will wither it. So let in praise, praise yourself and don't let in criticism. I love that. Would you say that there's any chance that somebody can be overconfident? Because there's a whole movement now where people want to be humble and I'm somebody who's very confident. I've been studying

Starting point is 00:11:42 law of attraction for a long time. And so I feel no problem to praise myself and accept compliments. But then sometimes I think people take it as arrogance. So how do we make sure that we don't come across as arrogant and can we be overconfident? Well, you see, arrogance is trying to convince someone else. I'm amazing me. I'm better than you. I've got a better education than you. And they have to diminish you and elevate themselves for that to happen.

Starting point is 00:12:13 But they really want that to happen. So an arrogant person is not confident. Confident people don't brag. They go, hey, I've got more money than you. My job's better than yours. My car is better than yours. A confident person isn't a brag. Are they not a show off?

Starting point is 00:12:28 They often, they just have that confidence themselves. So I'm okay at this. And so arrogance is just the other end of the scale of insecurity. I'm insecure and I need you to make me feel better. I'm insecure. So I'm going to brag and show off and convince you that I'm amazing because I don't really think I am. But right in the middle of the arrogant insecure is what I call honoring yourself.

Starting point is 00:12:57 telling you something, but you don't walk around going, I'm great, me, I'm amazing, you just at home or in your head say, I'm okay, I'm doing a great job, I've got something to offer the world. I loved it when Snoop Dog said, I'm going to pray, congratulate myself here. I have worked really hard, so while I'm thanking everyone, why don't I thank myself? And I thought that wasn't arrogance. So you can't be overconfident. That's that fake it till you make it, because real confidence isn't fake it, saying, oh, you're having a problem with your computer. I'm really good at computers. I can fix it. Oh, you've got a headache. I'm really good at massaging pressure points and I could help you. Oh, you're having problems. Let me help you. This is my gift. I'm good at

Starting point is 00:13:48 this, but no one's good at everything. So confidence is not showing off. It's that quiet self-assurance. You know, many years ago, my previous partner had cancer, and he went to see his own oncologist, and he came back, and he said, well, he's going to do his best. And I knew that those very words were I said, let me take you to the best prostate cancer. Doctors said, I don't want to see him. I said, no, he's just going to see him. And he said, I happen to be the best prostate cancer. I said, I happen to be the best prostate cancer. cancer doctor in Europe and I'm going to make you better. You're going to live. He said, oh, the other guy said he was going to try. He said, no, no, no, we don't try. We do. Under my hands, this is a walk in the park, we'll remove it, you're going to be great, your life will be normal. You're going to live until you're

Starting point is 00:14:34 92. Was that arrogance? He said it in such a nice way. If you go to the school and they go, well, our gift is to take your kid and to give you back in a couple of years, a really rounded person, confident, outgoing, happy. Oh, yeah, that's so arrogant. I think I'll find a different teacher who says, well, we do the best we can, but, you know, there's no guarantees. Who wants to go to a doctor who says, well, I do the best, but, you know, who knows, it's a lottery here dealing with your illness.

Starting point is 00:15:09 When people say, I have got an ability to heal you, help you, sort this out. You know, if I said to somebody, my washing machine's leaking, can you fix it? Oh, yes. We're the best washing machine fixtures in LA and we can be there and an hour. I don't want somebody who goes, well, I try, but who knows. So confidence is that reassurance in who you are and what you have to offer, but also recognizing that other people are also good at things. There's many things I can't do.

Starting point is 00:15:42 I love giving jobs. I have a girl who works with me called Rosie, who is the most amazing, writer much better than me. And I give her all our writing jobs because that's her gift. She's extraordinary. So a confident person doesn't go, I'm good at everything. They go, no, actually, that's not my gift. I'm not really good. Even Nigella Lawson, who's an amazing cook, said, not really good at playing with children. I like cooking, but never being good at that. When people say, I'm good at everything, that's arrogance. When they say, my gift is X, And someone else's gift is why.

Starting point is 00:16:18 Like my husband is amazing at marketing. I'm not interested in it. He's amazing at cooking. And he loves going around shops looking at food and different spices. I'm not interested in that at all. But I love that. That's his gift. It's certainly not mine.

Starting point is 00:16:35 But you're only supposed to have one. So confident people do have a degree of humility as well. And they also celebrate other people's wins. you know, natural leaders, they celebrate everyone else's wins. They make people feel part of a team. And so if someone is arrogant, I can promise you, that is not a confident person at all. Let's hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors. At Yap, we have a super unique company culture. We're all about obsessive excellence. We even call ourselves scrappy hustlers. And I'm really picky when it comes to my employees. My team is growing every day. We're 60 people all over the world.

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Starting point is 00:19:44 month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash profiting. Go to Shopify.com slash profiting. That's Shopify.com slash profiting. Yeah, fam, hear your first this new year with Shopify by your side. So I wanted to get into a quickfire segment. I know that you have some dangerous habits that you talk about, which could lead us to lose our success. So I was thinking I could rattle off a dangerous habit. and then you could give us some advice to counteract that dangerous habit. So dangerous habit number one, waiting for perfection. Yeah, you see, waiting perfection is you've entered a race. Here's the race.

Starting point is 00:20:29 Here's the finishing line. And as you run towards it, it moves and it moves and it moves. And when you enter a race to be perfect, you can never even complete it. There is no perfect. Nature doesn't allow that. Stop trying to be perfect. You can certainly perfect your craft, but I could say, as a speaker, I'm always learning. As a writer, I'm always learning.

Starting point is 00:20:51 We are in that, it's like that can I constant and never-ending improvement, but don't try to be perfect. People who try to be perfect are the unhappiest, but they're also the loneliest, because guess what? We don't like perfect people. They seem to shine so bright that we feel somewhat inadequate in their light. So please don't try to be perfect. perfect. Just be you. There's no prize of being perfect. It's a lonely world when you're perfect because we're all flawed. We're all imperfect. And actually our imperfections make us very, very enduring. We go, you know, I love the fact that I love it that my partner's got a little tummy because I can have one too. I love the fact that my mom isn't

Starting point is 00:21:35 perfect. I don't have to be fair. I love the fact that my father left my mother because when I wanted to leave college, I could go back and go, Dad, you know, I know you want me to stay, but you know how you had to leave my mom, no matter what? That's how I feel about leaving college. I have to leave. And I was so glad I had a flawed parent because it allowed me to be flawed myself. So rather than try to be perfect, celebrate your flaws, it makes you human. And that's a wonderful thing. Love that. Okay. Dangerous habit number two, doubting yourself. It's okay to doubt. Let's imagine you're going to be a speaker and you go, well, you know, I need to learn.

Starting point is 00:22:16 So I need to learn. When I was first given a TED talk, I was the opener for TED and they said, you must finish in 18 minutes. So it was 15. You must be finished in 18. So I had to practice that. I've got to get really used to this speech. So it starts and ends in 18 minutes. And I hadn't done that before.

Starting point is 00:22:36 And it was very good for me to time it and get it just right. So if a little bit of self-doubt makes you think, hey, I'm going to go for this job, but I need to learn more, that's okay. But the negative is I'm going to give a presentation. I know I'm going to mess it up. I know I'm going to go bright, ready, and go, uh-uh, and sound like an idiot. Don't do that. Say things like, I've got this. I can do it.

Starting point is 00:23:00 This is amazing. Many years ago, I just literally had a baby a week before, and I was going to do this television show. and I'd recorded everything to say on a cassette tape. That's how long ago it was. And I got in the car and I pressed rewind and I drove there. And I suddenly thought, oh my God, I forgot to play it. I was just into the radio. I thought, well, you know what?

Starting point is 00:23:20 That's a sign I don't need it. If I didn't play it back, I guess I don't need it. It's going to be just great. So when you say this is going to be great, I may not be prepared, but it's okay. I can do this. I've got this. This has got my name all over it. I want it. I love it. I've chosen it. And I've chosen to feel greater about it. I find the magic

Starting point is 00:23:43 words are I want this. I want it. I've chosen it. I love it. Love it. That will smash out self-doubt for you. And that's a wonderful thing. I love that. Okay. Dangerous Bad Habit number three, procrastinating and self-sabotaging. Well, you see, you know, I see people all the time. I've been a therapist for 30 years. I created at our TT, we've trained 10,000 therapists all over the world. And you'd be amazing, we'll come in with self-doubt and self-sabotage. And that is nothing more than the fear of rejection. Inermost, most profound fear is rejection. If you reject me, I'll die.

Starting point is 00:24:23 And actually, it wasn't that long ago that that was true. We had to live in a tribe. So if you are a self-sabotor, if you procrastinate, say, I'm doing this because I'm scared of rejection. If I don't do the work, if I don't write that presentation, if I don't work on my website all weekend and put it off, and then it never gets built, then when my business goes, I go, well, you know what? It's because I never built that website.

Starting point is 00:24:51 If I sabotage myself, it's to stop myself feeling that I'm not enough. And all of those habits stem from the real fear of rejection, but here's the truth. The only person you can reject you is you. So you could go, okay, I'm writing a book. It might fail. I don't know, but I'm giving it everything I've got. And if it doesn't get picked, I go, well, at least I wrote it, I did everything.

Starting point is 00:25:14 That's better than saying I could have written a book. I should have done, but I never did or I started, never finished. So procrastination and self-sabotage are really nothing more than a fear of being rejected. The only person who has the real power to reject you is you. I've had manuscripts sent back many times, as so did J.K. Rowling, but you just pick it out and send it back again until someone accepts it. And if they never did, you go, well, I tried that, wasn't meant to be. And then I moved on to something else. So you can stop sabotage by the way you talk to yourself. You can stop procrastination almost immediately by going, I want this. I've chosen to give it my all. That's what I've chosen. Because when you say that your mind goes, oh, right, you do have a choice. And you're choosing to give it. Oh, but when you go, I'm dreading it, it's so boring writing. I hate spending all my weekends, putting together my business. And I goes, you know what? I think there's a soft draw that needs really sorting out here because you're telling your mind, I don't want to do this. And when you go, I want it, I want it. I love it. I love it. Even when it's not true, it becomes true. So that is the magic word. for saboteurs. I want it. I love it. I've chosen. I've chosen to feel great about it and I'm on it right now. I think that's great. This one is really important, especially in the day of social media.

Starting point is 00:26:46 So dangerous habit number four, comparing ourselves to others. You know, we have this whole thing, which I find so sad. We decide we are something to do with the numbers, the weight on the scales, the number in my clothes, the number in my bankout, the number of my birth certificate, the number, I said, how many followers are there, how many likes have I got? And we're now judging ourselves by numbers, you are not a number. You are not your years, your weight, your shape, your size, you are not your followers. Do not allow yourself to believe that that matters. What matters is that are the people in your life who love you, are happiest,

Starting point is 00:27:30 moments that always are interactions with others. And interactions on social media are very nice, but they're not real. I mean, I can say that having people who are so lovely to me on social media and say, I love you. Somebody said to me once, you know, you're the only person in my whole world that says something nice to me every day. And I love that. But that was a shame that that person didn't have somebody in the flesh who did that. But maybe by hearing me say it, she could believe she was worthy and go out and find real flesh and bone people to do that too. So don't allow yourself believe that you are the number of your followers, that that is real. The social media world is not real. It's quite fake. You may have a thousand followers.

Starting point is 00:28:18 When you have the flu, are they turning up with chicken soup and some orange juice? I don't think so. So don't be deluded. It's great to have it. I've got lots of followers. They're lovely. I love having them. They make me feel great about myself. But I also understand that if I have a bad day, it's my husband, my daughter, my sister, my wonderful friends or turning up to say, let's, when I was sick, you know, it was my friends who turned up in hospital to boost me up. And we got to really realize it. It's real people that you can hug and hold hands with. And I sometimes take on parents to say, you know, yeah, I read my daughter a story. every night on Zoom, I'm like, no, you need to be there. It's okay if you're traveling, but every night, I mean, that's not quality time. You can't, if someone said, hey, we'll have a date on Zoom, you go, well, that's not the same. I don't want a date on Zoom. And if you wouldn't date on Zoom, don't believe you can parent on Zoom. It's in addition to, it's not instead of. And social media friends should be in addition to never instead of real friends. And social.

Starting point is 00:29:29 media dating, that's just to get you to the part where you meet. If you never meet, that's not dating at all. 100%. Okay, let's do one more for dangerous habits, overwhelming ourselves. Yeah, I always say, look, you are a human being, not a human doing. And I have pets. And they sleep a lot. They have a bit of activity. They spend ages doing absolutely nothing, lying in the sun, having a wonderful life. I've spent a lot of time with tribes who do the same. They hunt, they cook, they hunt and gather, but they spend a lot of time sitting around the fire too and just being. And you're supposed to be and not do.

Starting point is 00:30:10 And I think we've got this whole thing about I'm busy, I'm so busy, that makes me important. I'm busy, busy, busy. You're actually like a battery. And a battery must be recharged. And I think we should all go, hey, you know, I'm lying on the sofa now. And I'm recharging like a battery. been to work, I've given a lot and I'm going to come home and do nothing. And there's no guilt because I'm recharging. Like if I just kept charging my phone for five minutes here and there,

Starting point is 00:30:37 it would keep dying. I use that phone and then overnight I give it a rest, I give myself a rest and I recharge it and I recharge myself. So when you're feeling overwhelmed because you've taken on too much, don't feel guilty about doing nothing. Don't believe that you must be busy. But if you don't have any choice but have on too much, because you're a parent with a career and maybe you're learning something new as well, decide it's okay. I've got this. This two will pass. I can write a book, raise a family, go to college, even work out. It's a lot, but I'm just doing this for now. This is not my life. It's just my life for this next year. So when you are in overwhelm, you can say this is how I am today. This is not my

Starting point is 00:31:26 life. This is just my week or even my weekend or maybe this day. Overwhelm is okay if you get it into perspective and decide I can do this for now, but it's not forever. I can go to college and I am going to be studying for three years and it's a lot, but this two will pass. So overwhelm really get to what I call PPP personal, pervasive and permanent. And that really means. that you think, oh, it's me, I can't cope. It's here all the time. And it's always going to be here all the time. If it's not permanent or pervasive means going all the time. If it's not permanent, it's not, you can deal with overwhelm. So see it as temporary. You can do everything you can to lessen it. And don't be perfect. Hey, I could make a perfect dinner, but I can also just make

Starting point is 00:32:22 this dinner. I could try to make my presentation perfect. I could go. you know, it's good enough right now. Overwhelm is this needing to be perfect. You're not supposed to be perfect. You're supposed to be a flawed human, having flawed relationships with flawed humans. It's the best you can ever be. It's great. So overwhelmed comes from this drive to be perfect. And that drive is a lane that will take you to unhappiness, sadness and loneliness to get out of that lane and get into the flawed lane. This great company there and you'll be much, much happier. We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors. Hello, young improfitters. Running my own business has been one of the most rewarding things I've

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Starting point is 00:36:45 Learn more at quickbooks.com slash money. Again, that's quickbooks.com slash money. Terms apply. Money movement services are provided by Intuit Payments Incorporated, licensed as a money transmitter by the New York State Department. of financial services. I'm really glad you brought up those three pieces because I was hoping that you were going to cover it. And I'd love for you to just repeat that

Starting point is 00:37:07 because I want my listeners to really understand that any problem is not really a problem if it doesn't fit in one of these three peas and it will help them reframe and kind of live a happier life. So if you could just stress that a bit. Let's imagine you've got a really horrible books or a very difficult client

Starting point is 00:37:26 or indeed a very difficult teenager and we go, this is ruining my life, it's killing me. For it to get you, it has to have three pieces. It has to be personal. But it's not personal. All teenagers tell their mothers they're awful. Your boss is horrible to everyone. It's not personal.

Starting point is 00:37:43 Is it all pervasive? Not really. When you're at home having wonderful sex or having a nice dinner, is your boss in your house making you feel bad? No. Is it permanent? No, one day your boss will retire. You'll leave.

Starting point is 00:37:56 Your difficult kid will leave on your wish. they were back in your house. So if something isn't permanent, isn't all pervasive, meaning it's going on all the time, 24 hours a day, and it isn't personal, then it will hurt you less. So it's just a good way of looking or whatever's going on in your life. I've got all this work. It's killing me. Well, that's not permanent. You'll get through that work. And then you can say, I'm not ever going to take on that work living. I'm going to learn to say no. So that's not permanent. It's not personal. because the work isn't personal and it's not all pervasive. You still get to sleep.

Starting point is 00:38:33 And if you say to me, no, I eat all day. I'm out of control. I say, I eat nonstop. I say, really? Even when you're in the toilet? Well, no, not when I'm in the toilet. Do you sleep? Do you eat when you're sleeping?

Starting point is 00:38:43 No, I don't eat when I'm sleeping. So you're not really an out of control train wreck eating 24 hours a day like you just said. No, but you know, my legs are the size of a house, really? Because you're in my house and you wouldn't have got through the door if your legs were the size of a house. So I just get people to really pay attention to their language and to stop putting themselves down. Big yourself up. Be nice to yourself and realize that most of our problems are not permanent, not permanent. And guess what else? There's someone else's fantasy dream. There's someone on the dog, I'd love your problem. I'd give anything to have a husband with bad breath,

Starting point is 00:39:23 a kid that left pants on the floor. I would love a baby that kept me up on it. I'd love to have that chance of giving a TED talk. I'd love to be in the traffic on the freeway going to a job that pays the bills. So the PPPs are good, but also to realize that your problem is someone else's fantasy dream country. And also, what would you have given for your problem 10 years ago? 10 years ago, you'd love to have had a kid that kept you up a partner. that challenged you, a job that stretched you. It's something that's actually good because it means you're growing and as a person. And that's always a good thing too. Thank you for digging deep around that. Okay, as we close out, I heard you say many times that we should tell ourselves that we are enough and you're very famous for a movement, I am enough. So talk to us, why is that

Starting point is 00:40:18 phrase so important. And why is that so much of the crux of the things that you teach? Well, the common denominator of all of our issues, I mean, I can say having been a therapist for so many years all my adult life, the common denominator of all our issues is I'm not enough. You know, I've worked with thousands and thousands of addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics, people are addicted to food or self-harm. I've never met one who ever believed they were enough. You see, when you think you're not enough, you need more. If I'm not enough, I need more cake, more alcohol, more drugs, more shopping. I need, I'm very needy, I need you to praise me because I'm not enough.

Starting point is 00:41:00 But if I just take them out and go, I am enough, then I don't need something else to fill me up. And so the not enoughness is an epidemic that's got worse and worse because we feel we're judged by, again, what we look like, how many followers we've got. we doing something worthy? And the not enoughness, society's really done a number on us. It's made women feel they've got to be supermodels. Mums feel they've got to be perfect. Men feel they've got to be earning a lot with a six-pack. And I think the media magazines and it's like when I used to watch friends, who knows a waitress that lives in Central Park? I mean, that was a great show, but that's just great. Waitresses don't live in Central Park. I mean, This is just not real, but we look at someone with a baby, just like a baby who's perfect.

Starting point is 00:41:53 We look at people like the Kardashian, oh my God, but that's not real. And so when you compare yourself, you feel not enough. And the transition from I'm not enough to I'm enough is amazing because here's the thing. Imagine you start your day with I'm not enough. That's a thought. But that thought makes you feel inadequate, makes you feel sad, might make you feel angry. So you have a thought, you have a feeling, and then you have an action. The action you have, and I'm not enough, is often no action.

Starting point is 00:42:24 I'm not going to take a risk. I'm not going to ask for that pay your eyes or ask that person out. So your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions and your behaviors, and you justify them again, well, of course I didn't take a risk because I'm not enough. Take away the not. I am enough. Now you think, well, I'm enough? Well, that's the whole world of different feelings.

Starting point is 00:42:44 I feel able to take risks. I feel good about myself. I feel worthy. I can ask someone out. I ask for a payer. I said now my behaviours change and my actions change and I justify that because I'm enough. So thoughts create feelings, create behaviors, create actions and they're justified by going back to the thought. Change the thought. It changes your entire life. And that's why I created the I'm enough movement. And it's a amazing movement because people say, hello, the world, you know, I just began to say that. And I was stunned by how it changed my life. I'd been depressed for years or anxious or I started to say it. And in no time at all, I met someone, I'm now married, I managed to have a baby, I got a pay rise, I got the job of my dreams. It's a game changer, knowing you're enough. And if you want help, join the I'm Enough movement. Go to I'menough.com. We give away all these bracelets. that say I'm enough. I have it on cushions, on fridges. I have it everywhere because it's not a word. It's a statement I let in. So tell yourself you're enough. Go to I'menough.com. I promise you,

Starting point is 00:44:00 I guarantee it will actually change your life. I love that. And the last question I ask all my guests on young and profiting is what is your secret to profiting in life? Well, you know, I've got a new book coming out in October and it's called Tell Yourself a Better Lie. And I guess that's one of my secrets. I realize that all my clients tell themselves lies. My job is killing me. This commute is killing me. My bum is the size of Los Angeles.

Starting point is 00:44:29 I'm falling apart. This is a lie. If you are prepared to lie to yourself, tell yourself a better lie. I'm smart. I'm amazing. I'm lovable. I matter. I've got something. I'm a good person. I'm significant. So I think, and you know, we all lie to ourselves, oh, my life is a mess. I'm a hot mess.

Starting point is 00:44:51 I'm a train wreck. It's just about understanding that your mind lets it in. So I think what stood me in very good stead is telling myself things that were probably seen as lies, starting off as an insecure kid who was asked to leave college and then saying, I'm smart. I matter. I am lovable. I'm worthy of a loving relationship. I'm worthy of someone adoring me. I'm worthy of earning a lot of money.

Starting point is 00:45:21 That was a lie. But you know, when I said it, it became true. I have an amazing marriage. I wouldn't have even my life now. I couldn't have imagined that life when I was 17 or even 28. I couldn't have imagined having two homes and the life we have, the love we have, the impact we make on people. And that's all because I began to tell myself, a better lie than the first lie, which is, I don't matter. I'm a geek. I'm stupid. Can't even have a baby. That was the first lie. But I told myself a better lie. And it's an amazing thing. That's awesome. Tell yourself a better lie. Where can our listeners go to find more about you and everything that you do, Marissa? Well, if you go to marisapeer.com, we've got tons of free audios. We don't ask for your credit card. We have audios on wealth wiring, love wiring. health wiring, money blocks, love blocks. They're all free. If you would like to train in RTT and do what I do and there's no background in therapy required, go to RTT.com. So RTT.com, if you want to find

Starting point is 00:46:26 a therapist or become me in a way, but a version of me doing what I do because it is, I think, the best job in the world. So you can find me at Marisapir.com, RTT.com, and I'menough.com. And you can find my books on Amazon. You can find lots of my talks on YouTube and Instagram. And I'm so glad I was called Marissa Peer because there's only one of me, which is good. I used to hate my name. But I love that now too because I'm so glad my parents didn't call me Jane Smith. So Marissa Peer, you can find me anywhere.

Starting point is 00:46:59 And I have to say, you know, just studying for this interview was so enjoyable because I just love hearing you talk. I love the things that you say. It's super positive. I just feel like it's so healthy for people to talk about these things and it's not talked about enough. So thank you so much, Marissa. Thank you so much too. I've loved it. You know, when you do it, you love.

Starting point is 00:47:18 You feel like you've never worked a day in your entire life. And I do work hard. But I also feel like I never work hard because I'm so lucky. I do what I love. And I love what I do. And I can tell by your voice that you do too.

Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPClassic: Marisa Peer on Conquering Bad Habits and Overcoming Self-Doubt | Mental Health Part 2

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