Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPLive: Influence and Negotiation Masterclass with David Meltzer, Heather Monahan, Jayson Waller, and Jennifer Cohen | Cut Version

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

The ability to navigate negotiations and influence people are two of the most important skills to have today. Luckily, these skills can be taught and mastered. Experts David Meltzer, Heather Monahan, Jayson Waller, and Jennifer Cohen agree that negotiating and influencing require some similar skills including, the right mindset, confidence, authenticity, and using the power of body language. In this YAPLive, Hala, David, Heather, Jayson, and Jennifer chat about how to gain influence, how to make a good first impression, body language hacks for gaining influence, and their top tips for negotiating.     Topics Include: - The importance of first impressions and how to make a good one  - Best tips to negotiate a deal  - David’s keys to negotiations  - Why is frequency important in negotiation and building a brand?  - Mindset and meditation in negotiation  - Negotiating with the person who can say yes - Body language during a sales deal  - Tips for virtual negotiations - Q & A: How to use your influence wisely  - Q & A: How to negotiate with referral partners  - How to expand your network  - Q & A: Tips to develop the skill of being an influencer?  - Q & A: Podcast recommendations that exemplify principles talked about? - Does negotiation and influence vary between men and women? - And other topics…    David Meltzer is the Co-Founder of Sports 1 Marketing, a three time best-selling author, a consultant and business coach, a keynote speaker, and the host of The Playbook Podcast.  Heather Monahan is a 2X best-selling author, the host of the podcast, Creating Confidence, TedX speaker, and is a member of the Board of Directors of Healthlynked Corp. Heather was named top 50 Keynote Speaker in the World 2022.  Jayson Waller is the founding CEO of Pink Energy, the host of the podcast “True Underdog,” and the author of The Wall Street Journal best-selling book “Own Your Power.” Jennifer Cohen is a best-selling author, brand strategist, international speaker and educator. She was recently named “100 Most Influential People in Health and Fitness” by Greatist and is currently ranked #16 “Most Impactful Fitness Entrepreneurs” by Web MD.   Sponsored By: Credit Karma Personal Loans - Go to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to find the loan for you Jordan Harbinger - Check out jordanharbinger.com/start for some episode recommendations Constant Contact - To start your free digital marketing trial today, visit constantcontact.com Resources Mentioned: David’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidmeltzer2/  David’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/davidmeltzer  David’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidmeltzer/?hl=en  Heather’s Website: https://heathermonahan.com/  Heather’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/theheathermonahan/  Heather’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heathermonahan/  Heather’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/_heathermonahan  Heather’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heathermonahanofficial  Jayson’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayson-waller-/  Jayson’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaysonwallerbam/  Jayson’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/JaysonWaller  Jayson’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JaysonWallerBAM  Jennifer’s Website: https://jennifercohen.com/ Jennifer’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealjencohen/  Jennifer’s Twitter: ​​https://twitter.com/therealjencohen   Jennifer’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealjencohen/  Connect with Young and Profiting: Hala’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/     Hala’s Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/yapwithhala/     Hala’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/yapwithhala  Clubhouse: https://www.clubhouse.com/@halataha   Website: https://www.youngandprofiting.com/  Text Hala: https://youngandprofiting.co/TextHala or text “YAP” to 28046 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Source. Taxes and other fee still apply. You're listening to YAP, Young and Profiting Podcast. A place where you can listen, learn, and profit. Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Halla Taha, and on Young and Profiting Podcast, we investigate a new topic each week and interview some of the brightest minds in the world. My goal is to turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your everyday

life, no matter your age, profession or industry. There's no fluff on this podcast, and that's on purpose. I'm here to uncover value from my guests by doing the proper research and asking the right questions. If you're new to the show, we've chatted with the likes of XFBI agents, real estate moguls, self-made billionaires, CEOs, and bestselling authors. Our subject matter ranges from enhancing productivity,

had to gain influence, the art of entrepreneurship, and more. If you're smart and like to continually improve yourself, hit the subscribe button because you'll love it here at Young & Profiting Podcast. This week on YAP, we're chatting with business influencers David Meltzer, Heather Monahan, Jason Waller, and Jennifer Cohen on Influence and Negotiation. Now, the ability to navigate negotiations and influence people are two of the most important skills

that you can have today. Luckily, these skills can be taught and mastered. And our panel is here to teach you all of their tips and tricks. This episode was originally recorded live on Clubhouse in February of 2021, but it's still as relevant as ever. And we've edited down the show to the most valuable actionable advice so you can

listen, learn, and profit even faster. We're joined today by Jason Waller, who is the CEO of Power Home Solar, now known as Go Pink. He's a best selling author and top podcast host of True Underdog podcast. Jennifer Cohen is a best selling author, brand strategist, and mega fitness influencer. And she was named one of the most 100 most influential people in health and fitness by greatest. Heather Monahan is known as the Confidence Creator, she's a keynote speaker, former C-suite executive, and she's also a renowned sales expert. And last but not least, we're joined by David Meltzer, who is the CEO of Sports Marketing One, overall business guru, and three-time bestselling author.

In this episode, we app about why first impressions are so important when it comes to negotiation, and we give actionable tips about how you can make the best first impression possible. The panelists share their best tips on how to negotiate deals and use mindset to set you up for success, and then we get into body language hacks for both in-person and virtual situations. If you're looking to improve your negotiation skills and influence people, you're in the right place. Now, let's get started. So Heather, let's talk about influence.

And I think this is something that you know a lot about. And really, a big part of it is just being likable. A big part of it is first impressions, right? And I personally feel that a first impression can almost last a lifetime with someone. And if you make a great first impression, you've made a great influence on that person and they'll think of you in a high regard. So let me hear your thoughts about first impressions and then I'll share mine as well high regard. So let me hear your thoughts about first impressions and then I'll share mine as well. Sure, obviously first impressions are important,

but the most important thing is really being yourself. When you show up as the most true, real version of yourself, you're going to have the most connection with somebody else. Oftentimes I see people if they're nervous or they're trying to dress a way that they typically wouldn't dress because they're trying to impress someone, if you're not somebody else, that always backfires. And I've seen it happen so many times versus when someone just shows up, you know, dress

the way they like, the way they like to wear their hair, and you know, the colors they like. And when you show up as yourself, you really begin to connect with people and influence all begins with that, you know, initial connection, whether it's the first time you meet or, you know, whenever you're spending time with somebody. Yeah. So I totally agree, they say that a first impression, it takes like 14 seconds for somebody to make a first impression on you. And then it will take years to break that initial first impression. And so one of my favorite authors, his name is Dr. Jack Shaffer. He was actually the first person to ever come on Young Improfiting podcast.

He taught me something called an eyebrow flash head tilt and a smile. And basically that, you know, when you see somebody for the first time, you want to walk straight up and then you want to tilt your head, flash your eyebrows and give them a smile and tilting your head and actually showing that part of your neck that, you know, is really, it's like basically showing, like in the animal world, it's like showing that part of your neck means that you trust somebody so much that like they could basically like kill you

because that artery in your neck is so important. And so when you tilt your head, your neck, it like, you know, people just trust you more. So that's a tip, a head tilt, eyebrow flash in a smile. Well, what that's really based in vulnerability, right? And anytime that you are vulnerable and you show up to a conversation explaining, oh my gosh, I just had the worst morning and here's what's going on and sharing that, you know, honest, real transparent version

of yourself, that's exposing your example of that, that portion of the neck and there's so many ways to do that. And that's one of the fastest ways to really connect with people. Yeah, I love that. So Jennifer Cohen has joined. Hi Jennifer, do you want to just introduce yourself? Absolutely. I'm, you just did a for me. I'm Jennifer. Nice to meet you guys. Heather, I've heard a lot about you. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I just wanted to add a little piece to what you guys were just saying. First impressions, I think, are important, but what I think is even more important are last impressions, because when you meet somebody, the last thing that they're going to remember after they meet you is that last 20 seconds of how you made them feel.

I think actually first impressions could actually be changed throughout that experience. If you're, and your last impression is usually much more effective to how that person, like I said, for like, remembers you by. Yeah, I think that's a really, really amazing point. So since we've got two sales gurus right here, and Jason are two of the best sellers that I've ever met in my life,

let's talk about negotiation in sales. So Jason, let's start with you since you put yourself on the hot seat. What are your best tips when it comes to negotiating a deal? I think confidence is key. I think looking someone right into their face if it's in person, if it's gonna be in Zoom, you need to make sure you're not reading

but that you have a pitch ready whether you've memorized it, your passionate passion has felt, it's not said, it's not heard, they have to feel it. People buy on emotion. So if they feel you're excited about something or they feel that you're passionate about something, then they're going to buy. And if you're negotiating, you never negotiate against yourself. You let other people bid against themselves. Don't go in there with the first price of the first bid any anytime ever.

Always let them come in first. That would be my tips. So you're saying never, never tell your price first. Do you've got to wait until the person says their price? Because- No, I'm talking to different aspects. So I'm saying if you're selling something, you need to be confidence and have your pitch and tell the price, if you're negotiating a deal

between somebody like we're going to buy your company or what do you think this is worth, something different like that you never want to, or you're buying a house, you never want to sell in a house, you don't want to negotiate against yourself. You want to make sure that they bring the first offer to the table so you know where their head is, where they're starting, and then you can beat that up. You don't want to open your mouth first in a negotiation. Anytime you're selling something,

there are two different things. You wanna have confidence and you wanna make sure that you're passionate about that and build value in the product. So therefore, they're gonna, it doesn't matter what the price is. Gotcha. Heather, what do you think?

Jason brings up some really good points. They're agree with everything that he said. I just started teaching a course at Harvard. It has crazy as that is. Two weeks ago, and yesterday was our second class, and one of the students brought up an example of a negotiation that she was in and hearing how she had hit. She was stuck.

She didn't know how to get beyond an objection, and she really felt she had hit a stalemate. And I'll tell you, for me, in negotiations in business, I have found that I rely on story to get me out of difficult situations, right? So if you find yourself in a situation you're saying, they're not coming around to my way of thinking they're just not getting it,

share a story. And this is to Jason's point around emotion. When you can get people out of their head and out of the analytics of something and get them to relate to a story, you can take them on a journey in their mind, which can really change a conversation in a very emotional and very powerful way. The other thing that I would suggest is always, always, always. This is my number one goal in any meeting. And there's two things that I would suggest you. Be an active listener from the word go. There is science behind this.

When you are actively asking curiosity-based questions about another person and allowing them to speak and nodding your head and parroting a little bit back to make sure you're hearing them correctly, their brain will begin to emit dopamine. And that's something that happens when people do drugs. Right? Like that's how powerful this tool is. Active listening is the biggest Jedi mind trick movie can pull on someone because you begin a conversation about business, you open it up through great questions and curiosity, and generally paying attention

and wanting to hear a response, and now you have begun, their brain is now emitting dopamine, and that person is saying, wow, this person's amazing. I love talking to them, because you're actively listening to them, which happens very, very rarely throughout our day.

So that's tip number one, and tip two is the whole goal when you sit down with someone, if you're trying to sell something or negotiate something, is to have them empty their glass. So my goal is I wanna know every possible objection, every possible concern, and I wanna all laid out on the table in front of me,

so I know what roadblocks I'm up against, and then I start planning in my mind how I can overcome them. I love those pieces of advice. The thing that I like the most or like what really resonated with me was when you were saying that you you asked them a lot of questions. So I think that goes back to getting people to like you. When you ask questions to people and you seem interested in their life, whether it's about work or their personal life, they start to like you because they feel like, oh, this person really cares about like my life and people just generally love talking about themselves. So if you get somebody

to talk about themselves, they like you more and then you have a little bit more power and the negotiation because they like you more. And then secondly, listening and silence means that they have to do the talking and information is power. And a negotiation, information is your power. So totally think those are great tips. Jen, do you have anything to add here? I mean, I think you guys both said, everyone here has said exactly what I would have said,

which is the active listening is extremely important. And people do love to talk to them about themselves, which make them feel connected. So yeah, I just have to second everything that both of you said. And keeping them talking as much as possible, and the less that you speak has always been when I'm the most effective.

Like when I speak the least amount in that environment, always is like I said, the most effective. You know what, that's, I wanna bring up one piece of advice that one of my clients shared with me. She had a problem doing what Jen just described which is staying silent in the moment and not speaking. She used to get very uncomfortable. So she went and bought one of those you know squeeze stress balls. And she disciplined herself to whenever she felt uncomfortable on a Zoom negotiation with someone. She put her hand underneath the table and just squeeze it as many times as she

needed to until the other person spoke. And it was a great, you know, catch off for her so that now she had a way to stop herself from speaking. Yeah, that is so true, right? Because I think people get very uncomfortable and very awkward when they're silenced. People don't like that feeling of silence. And if you can do any kind of tip or trick like that to even remind yourself that it's okay, that's a good one, though. I like that.

Let's rest of all. We were talking previously about tips when it comes to negotiating a deal in sales. Let's rest of all. We were talking previously about tips when it comes to negotiating a deal in sales. And so since Jason and David joined late to the conversation, David, I'd love to hear your top tips for negotiating a sales deal. Yeah, so first of all, there's three rules in negotiation.

Number one, never negotiate to the last penny. Two, always be fair and three, don't do business with Dix. And when I say Dix, I mean, someone with a closed mind, it's what value that you're looking for and prioritize each of those lists of values so that you know where you can give up and what you can give up in the name of abundance. So going in with faith that there's more than enough in the deal for everyone and everything in the deal. But most importantly, I think it's energetic that, you know, it's one capability to articulate

value that exceeds the value you're asking for. That's a great component if you're capable of articulating a value that exceeds the value you're asking for. But I think there's an energetic component to it. I know this will resonate with my friend Jen over there in the corner. But I believe that I carry the same 120 energy in my deals that energetic I'm certain in beyond my own conscious belief in the articulation of that value, but even subconsciously and unconsciously I'm carrying that frequency, that authenticity, that hey,

look, I'm here giving you more than I'm asking for, and can you see any reason you won't want to move forward? So I think if you follow those tips, you will exceed the expectations of you, your clients and others by creating abundance, by truly believing there's more than enough in the deal for everyone and everything, and that seems to resonate and come true

in more deals than not from me today. Hold tight everyone, let's take a quick break and hear from our sponsors. Young and profitors, do you have a brilliant business idea but you don't know how to move forward with it? Going into debt for a four-year degree isn't the only path to success. Instead learn everything you need to know about running a business for free by listening to the Millionaire University podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is a show that's changing the game for aspiring entrepreneurs.

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I love the fact that you brought up mindset and all of this because I think having that right mindset, having pure good intentions, being on that high frequency in terms of your vibration is super important. And David, I know that you're all about like a fast high frequency. So can you tell us more about that? Like, what makes a good frequency? Why is that important when we're meeting new people or influencing deals, making new friends? Like, why does that matter? So, frequency is exactly relative to vibration. And it's my philosophy or understanding that

vibration allows us in a directly related to awareness and the fact that we can only be aware of that which vibrates equal to or less than us. Therefore, if we're enjoying the consistent persistent pursuit of our potential, increasing our vibration or elevating it, plateauing and growing each day by understanding what our frequency is, by starting, by looking within to see what we want outside of us, that we can be aware of more things. Awareness is critical because we understand where people are coming from, and makes us more gracious, more forgiving, more empathetic, more accountable. Accountability tells us when to buy or sell.

It also reveals different deficiencies that exist in other people or interferences, voice and shortages that we may want to avoid. It allows us to trust people, but still be confident in vetting them. And for me, frequency not only is important in the negotiation side of things to raise awareness, because awareness is the most valuable thing we can have, but it's also critical of building your brand. And so I know the other thing that I stepped into

or walked into when Jason and Jen were talking, you look your frequencies, your signal, and the greater your frequency, the stronger it is, the wider the spectrum you'll reach and the clearer the message. Remember, it's not what I say, it's what you hear, and all the content that I provide, I love when I'm not clear. And the reason I love it is I just cracked up that people aren't hearing me. I did a Robin Hood video about the stock market and I clearly indicated in my mind

that I was giving my opinion about the stock market. And yet, you know, it was very popular video, but it pissed off a whole bunch of people because it wasn't what I was saying. It was what they were hearing. That is all relative to your frequency, your vibration and your awareness. And so I spend a majority of my time actually looking within.

I meditate, I have a majority of my time actually looking within. I meditate, I have a stop drop in role methodology to regulate what I call a baseline of my day. I believe everyone has ego-based interference all day long. It's those people that can spend minutes and moments in the ego-based consciousness compared to those people that spend days, weeks, months, or years there that truly use their free will to clear the connection to that already exists, that abundant world of more than enough of everything for everyone.

I think that's really powerful. Does anybody else have anything to add when it comes to mindset and things like that? Hey, Hala, may I add? Sure. What David was saying. And thank you, David and Jason. I think this is the second room I've been in with you both and you guys have been givers and David also spent some time with me after that and I just can't even tell you how appreciative I am of his support and those three tenants of negotiation really you know always being fair and making sure that it is,

that you're really thinking ahead and thinking about it being a win-win and not negotiating with Dix. I thought that was brilliant, but I also, the energy, it's so refreshing to hear people talk about energy and resonance. And as I've gotten more into my own path of energy and really understanding how to move it throughout my body, it's also helped me in order to mirror and be, you know, put my voice in the right resonance for the right room, rather than being, you know, put my voice in the right resonance for the right room rather than being, you know,

overly aggressive or outstanding as I typically am as well, Jason. So I've learned to be able to tone it down and be able to engage those mirror neurons of the people that I am engaging with and be more effective. So I just wanted to echo that and reinforce the seeing the things that are unseen and seeing that we do live in a abundant world and coming from that place of abundance only brings more of it. Yeah, I totally agree.

I think those were great pieces of value that you shared. So thank you for sharing that. And if I could just add to that, I think when it comes to putting your best self first and any sort of meeting or any sort of negotiation that you're with someone, if you truly believe that what you're saying is true and you have good intentions and that you did the work and that you're prepared and that you truly are the expert and And you've done all the due diligence. You're not faking it till you make it, right?

Like, I hate that piece of advice, fake it till you make it. You're the real thing, right? Then you feel that confidence and I feel like that's portrayed and people just trust what you say more because it's real, right? I think people can smell a phony. What do you guys think about that?

I agree. I love you, that? I agree. I love you, Steve. I agree. I just wanted to add that, you know, in competence is important, right, in any situation, especially when you're going in for a negotiation, feeling that you're prepared and competent, et cetera. However, sometimes when you can't push forward,

you may have to draw some lines and risk walking away from a deal. Entirely, I'll never forget when I pitched myself for a VP of sales position that didn't exist at the time. I knew it was best for the company. I had seen the opportunity through my boss's eyes. I had laid things out. There was no reason he should say no. And in the end, he kept saying no, not right now, not right now.

So I went and got another job offer, came back to that meeting, back to that table with him, with all of my confidence and with a lever I could pull, pitched him again, and he said, no again. And I said, well, then I'm giving my resignation. It's been great working with you. And he said, hang on a second. He excused himself from that negotiation,

made a phone call, came back, and said, I'd like to offer you the VP of sales position. I said, where did you go? And he said, I had to call my father. I can't make this decision on my own. And that taught me a really important lesson. It doesn't matter how confident you are. If you're not dealing with the ultimate decision maker in a negotiation, you can't afford

to take a know from someone who can't tell you, yes. Let's talk about body language, right? So body language is super important when it comes to getting influence, when it comes to negotiation. What are your opinions in terms of the type of body language that you should portray? Let's say when you're going into a sales deal

and you wanna win the deal. Maybe Jason or David, do you wanna kick it off? First of all, body language is an indicator of your energy or your frequency. So, number one valuable thing you have in a negotiation is your smile. You know, it's amazing. We do not want to create more resistance than already exists in a negotiation, because fear is always present in a negotiation, fear of loss.

There's this feeling as if I get something that means you lose. And so what we want to do is through our body language and our energy and our frequency, we want to resolve that interference. We want to resolve that resistance. And so a smile is a key way of disarming people. And then secondly, eye contact. For me, smiling and continual eye contact are the two most important components of body language. And then more importantly, you know, there's three types of listeners.

There's in a negotiation, there's an interrupter, which they're not listening to one thing you're saying. They're difficult to negotiate and all they care about is interrupting you. Two, the more difficult person to me, less of sequest, is the waiter. You know, is the person that pretends like they're listening to you, but they're just waiting to tell you what they think. And it makes it very difficult to negotiate with a waiter. And then there's a person who processes, and then here's you and listens to you. And all the other body language that I have beyond the smile and eye contact is indicative of being present and

interested, not interesting. And so if you take those three components, your smile, your eyes, and the body language that says I'm interested, I'm not an interruptor or waiter, you're going to have an incredible success by disarming and reducing the resistance that is natural occurrence and negotiation. I love that. I love the fact that you brought up eyes. I just want to share something really quickly that I learned from Chase Hughes. He's an FBI agent that I interviewed a few times. He taught me something about Blink rate.

Essentially, when you're first meeting someone and it could be on a date, it doesn't have to be some professional setting. If you just take like notice how often they blink and when they're blinking really fast that means that they're unengaged they're not interested in what you're saying it's time to move the topic over and so if you notice when people are blinking really fast that's always a cue to like switch the topic or that you're not really performing as well as you could be. I'm going to have to steal and use that, okay, because I think when I talk to like my wife or my kids, I think they blink all the time.

I don't think they listen to anything I say. So David, that's great advice on the body language. I love that. I'm going to piggyback exactly what David said. I'm also going to say that when you're sitting down there, we teach our energy consultants, and I've come from the home services field Where we door knocked and then we tell a market it and now we do digital marketing and we send someone into the home to do a In-home presentation and we tell them like David mentioned you want to disarm

That customer you want them, you know, you're walking and even if they raise their hand and said I want to learn Information about this product. I want to do this, I want to do that. I'm interested in solar, come show me what it's like. Right when you walk in the door, their fence is up, their guard is up. And you have to find a way to bring that down. You have to engage them, talk to them about things that they like listening to them, asking them questions,

don't seem too salesy. You know, when you start to bring that guard down and making a friend and build trust, it really becomes a lot easier to walk them down the lane of being interested in your product. But if you come in and you're too pushy and you're just too much, those days are old. Like, those, you know, let me come into the house and those hard clothes sales, those don't exist anymore. This isn't the old card dealerships, this isn't the old way of selling.

People have information on their phones. They can download and do reviews and do research and check everything that they need to check. So you need to find a way to have, be credible, be honest, look them in the eyes, be confident, keep your shoulders back, keep your back up, and be able to engage in real conversation. I always say passion or like Jennifer mentioned earlier, storytelling, people buy an emotion. So when you're able to relate a story to what you're offering, that guard continues to

come down and they listen. They're engaged because it's like a movie or a commercial. It's not somebody just, you know, talking to them about something that they're nervous of getting into that they don't want to deal with. Yeah, I think that's really great. Heather, you are the confidence creator. You've got to have some advice in terms of body language. Yeah, one of the things that I think we need to call out is that everyone's doing negotiations on Zoom now, right, which is entirely different than in person. So of the things that I think we need to call out is that everyone's doing negotiations on Zoom now, which is entirely different than in person.

So a few things that I found really helpful is to have great lighting. When people, you wanna appear bright, and like David said, you wanna be smiling, you wanna be really mindful of how you come across on Zoom, and also be mindful that the people you're negotiating with, they might have just come off of eight back-to-back Zoom meetings and they're over it, right?

So how are you gonna get their attention? How are you gonna snap them out of that rut? Maybe they're kids in the next room on Zoom school, AKA my life. So, you wanna be empathetic to them and you wanna have done your research and be aware of their situation. One of the things that I found really powerful during this time is standing for me.

When I do a call or a negotiation standing, I'm going to have more energy. I'm going to be more likely to smile. I'm going to be more likely to be really engaged and also use my body to illustrate my words and tell the story not only with my words, but with my body. And that envelopes people. That really pulls people in and it has a really positive impact. Let's hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors. Hear that sound, young and profitors?

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For everybody who newly joined the room, you're listening to Young and Profiting podcast. I'm here with Heather Monahan, Jason Waller, David Meltzer, Jen Cohen. I was just on and John Lee Dumas should be joining us any minute now. I think this app is having major glitches today, unfortunately, growing pains of this really cool app that we all love. If you guys have a question for any of the mods, please raise your hand. We'll pull you up on stage. The topic of today is Influence and Negotiation. I'm going to kick off the next question is from Tiffany. How can we help you? When it comes to influence, one question that I have is, what tips do you have to use any influence you have wisely?

And then I just wanted to give my flowers to David because we've worked with him previously, because I am a publicist at press pass that way. Thanks. I think that's a great question. She's saying like, if you have influence already, like what is your question exactly? Can you elaborate?

If you have influence already, how can you use your influence wisely? Wow. Well, first of all, thank you. Everyone has influence. And the segmentation of that influence is so important to realize that for me, even when I started to build my brand

and had the great help of Jen and Heather, I know you two are involved very early. It was those types of people that assisted me because I kept the focus of who I truly was influencing what my purpose was. And that was to empower Heather and Jen to empower other people and for them to help me empower other people.

And so I think whether you see yourself as an influencer, it's not whether or not you're an influencer. It's how am I going to influence and what frequency or what message you're missioned or I have. For me, it's simple now in this stage of my life, it's happiness. So, you know, I'm very clear on utilizing and empowering other people, one person at a time, but making sure that I give it the consideration and energy, and it's not easy, as it grows and grows to make sure that you personally are responding to the emails and the DMs and the comments and figuring out,

you know, systematic ways to be cryptic or cut and paste certain responses and identify what people are asking or have the right introductions. But everybody in here is an influencer and you just don't know how impactful you are to one person with one statement. I can't tell you is your audience grows, you'll see, people will tell you, oh my gosh, four years ago, you told me to say thank you before I went to bed and when I woke up and here's what's happened in my life. Thank you so much for reminding me to do that or some other really simple things. Dennis Waitley, who's an old school sales trainer of mine, pretty world famous probably in the 70s or 80s now, he had a great statement that

said, I'm planning seeds under trees I may never sit under. And so whether or not you can sit yourself an influencer, my biggest suggestion would be not whether you are an influencer, who do you want to influence and how? That's the bigger question to ask. And when you get clarity, balance, and focus on that, you can have an extraordinary influence that will have a great impact far beyond what you'll ever even imagine.

So, Weson, you're up next. How can we help you? Hi, everyone. How are you today? Good, thank you. Good. So my question is, you guys have been talking about just, you know, clients and just going into like customers and doing with that. My question is totally different because I'm listening and I'm like,

okay, so these are all well. I have a question about like speaking to referral partners. If any of you can like, you know, have an idea of how to approach a referral partner and not having them saying right away that, oh, I want to be partners, you know, with you and your business and that's how I'm going to give you my business or what's in it for me. And when I explain to them like the value that I bring and like, you know, how I'm going to make them look good in front of their clients, how their clients are going to love them because of the process, how I'm going to like, you know, ease their process and their, you know, the insurance

is not going to hold back their closing and, you know, they're going to have more closing and all that stuff. I still always get, I want to be partners with you. So how do I overcome that? I tell people, I mean, I've had many times for people like I want to, I want to be partners and do things and they did. I just say I'm not looking for a partner right now but I can definitely work out a referral program anybody send me but. You know I always especially if you're building a new business I was never making money I'm always reinvesting you know you pay your people first you pay your vendor second you reinvest back into your brand or your business third. Any small extra lift, you get to take a portion of that maybe, right? So I wouldn't let them know. Like I'm struggling. I'm reinvesting

the business. There's no room for me to bring a partner on. I want to forge, I can't afford you, but I can, you know, pay you for a sales fee or a referral. I mean, I just be blunt and honest. You know, the people, you know, they leverage relationships, family, friends all the time. Sometimes they feel entitled or they want to, family, friends all the time. Sometimes they feel entitled or they want to kind of force their way into stuff and I've learned the last few years to really stand ground and say, I can't do it, sorry, but I don't mind helping out with this and then moving on. They're not going to argue with that. It's just, and you're not rude for saying that, but you got to be blunt.

Right, but Jason, here's the thing, like I have like, you know, said no to all of them. And every person that I said no to that has approached me this way would not like refer me any other business. So I'm just getting stuck here. That's all. Okay. Can I jump in real quick? So one other approach is to ask first, when someone wants to partner with you, ask what that looks like, and then ask what they have done in the past or are doing today that is aligned with what that looks like,

and what success they have, what they like about it, what they don't like about it. And if you can get them to explain those things to you, what you'll be able to do is to create and re-engineer their vision of that partnership to align with what's best to you, what you'll be able to do is to create and re-engineer their vision of that partnership to align with what's best for you by utilizing transition statements like, what it helped you if I did this, what it helped you if I did that. And in construct instead of looking at the definition of referral partner and full blown partner, utilizing a compromise and understanding

and appreciating what superpowers those people have and how you can align, utilize them synergistically or supplementary to what you're doing that you may find that, in some respects, you're cutting off opportunity by having such a black and white vision of a partnership that doesn't really exist. So the suggestion I would have is be a little bit more

interested than interesting on what that looks like. See what's working for them today, what's not working for them today. See where your capabilities, your skills, your knowledge of who and what and your desire are aligned with synergistically or supplementary to what their aspiration is. And see if you can't utilize abundance and reengineering to actually transform what they want into more of a malgomation of your referral program

without using definitive terms, black and white terms, separating terms, and closing off the business as you have. And you always have the backup offer. If there is no alignment, there's no synergy, no supplementary interest or skills, capabilities or desire, you can always give an offer after learning about what they do. You'll see their mind and their energy open up to you. You then have a better statistical success in suggesting, well, maybe we could walk before, I mean, sorry, maybe we could crawl before we walk before we run. I can see how this may work,

but I'd love to see how we work together, see how our values are aligned, does that sound fair? And I think you'll have much more statistical success and at least leave the doors open when somebody doesn't get what they want from you. But I have a feeling that you're leaving a lot of opportunity on the table with so many people that want to partner with you. Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. Thanks, Wes and for your question. If you guys have a question for us, raise your hand. I am getting notes from my team that hand-raising is glitching for people.

Sorry if that's happening to you. Keep trying because we are able to sometimes see people raise their hand. So, um, Fran says, how can we help you? Hi, I wanted to ask David if you could recommend a few podcasts that exemplify some of the principles that you've talked about. You know, on the podcast side, there's still, I mean, some of them are here, like Jason and Heather, Paula, you know, it varies. I'm more a person that utilizes audio books. So I'll study

Napoleon Hill. I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer. I study the course of miracles. James Clear, atomic habits. You know, I love listening to my friends like Tom Billio at my lead, Gary Vee. Those are great podcasts. In all the respects, I think there's also the sport of religion, which I really like with Deepak and his son, Gotham. But I think I get more out of, than the podcast side, because of the interview aspect of it, and that's what I do all day long. I get more out of old school, Napoleon Hill, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Corson Miracles, the strong philosophies that I have are historically based in understanding your values.

And really is where I came up with the components of gratitude, which gives me perspective, forgiveness with peace and certainty, accountability gives me control, and then the understanding of inspiration, meaning that I'm connected to this great source of light love and lessons that comes through me to others. Now, all the podcasts that I listened to in some way, in some variants, with their own frequency, are intertwined with the same philosophy that generally says, be gracious, be

forgiving, be accountable, and be inspired, be the best that you says be gracious, be forgiving, be accountable and be inspired, be the best that you can be desired to be the best that you can be. I always say enjoy the consistent everyday persistent without quit pursuit of your own potential. And each of those podcasters, I think, indicate very nicely the potential they have in the message that they give to help others. So any of them are good, but I'm more personal to reading and audio books. That's even beautiful. Thank you.

I need to jump in here and hold you accountable as my friend. You did apologize to Francis because you couldn't hear her. You know our mantra, which is we should do gratitude. We never apologize. Damn it. That's the second great. We know I got to tell people that's the second best lesson that I learned. And I did know who told me that Heather,

because I use it all the time. You say thank you for your patience. Don't apologize. And I've used that a hundred times. And I'm like, yes, some woman gave me that. I forget who it was. Now I know publicly, this is David Meltzer, heaven and man of hands, a genius.

Thank you. She is, she is the best. So I'm going to wrap this up with one last question. We have Alexandra Carter, who just joined. She's the world's number one female negotiation expert. We have Heather here, the number one female confidence expert. And then we have Jason and David here, who are two very powerful, successful men. So I want to ask you guys, does negotiation and influence very between men and women? And maybe Alexandra probably has a lot to say, maybe she can kick it off?

Yeah, I think she should kick it off. Female's first. Oh, man. Okay. Well, toss a softball to me. To get it started. So hi, everyone, I'm so happy to be here. Please call me Alex. I teach negotiation at Columbia Law School and that a variety of places around the world all from my home office in New Jersey now sitting in front of the computer.

So I'd like to really engage with the question and to ask, what do we consider to be power and influence? You know the thing that I like to remind people is that when you show up at the negotiation table and most of the times these days it's a virtual table, the you bring all of who you are to that table. And so your gender certainly would be one piece of that. And there have been certain observed differences between men and women and the way they negotiate. But that's not the only identity that people bring to the table. They bring a variety of different identities, right? Cultural and religious and educational and the way your family viewed

conflict or negotiation. And so the advice that I give people is to bring your fullest self to the table. There is research to show that when you're negotiating authentically, like when you're not putting on a persona, that you're going to be at your most effective. And then beyond that, I think there are things that both men and women can learn from each other. I will say that I have coaches and mentors and the ones who are men. Sometimes encourage me to be bold, especially with my price and with monetary terms. And I think that some of my coaches who are women are experts at gaining trust.

And so there's always something for us to learn. Learning is great negotiation. I think that's awesome. Now, just Jason or David have anything to say about this. I'll go, I'll go. Jason let you know. And Jason, can I just squeeze in because I can't jump and I love everybody. But my only perspective is I have tried and learned to look at feminine

energy and masculine energy. I think I've damaged myself by looking at men separate from women. And when I started to look introspectively on, where is my feminine energy and where is my masculine energy? It's really helped me in negotiation. It's also helped me to illuminate who I am. It's probably why Christ so easily and I have different aspects to my personality that I never thought I would in my 30s and now that I'm in my 50s, I'm very comfortable with it. And so I think it's important if people in negotiation, in influence, can identify that we all have these energies within us. And it actually, I think, brings us closer together and allows us to have better relationships with ourselves and with other

people of different sexes and religions and understandings and socioeconomic bias, whatever it may be. When we really understand our own energies, then we can, I think think align better in all circumstances. So I have to jump. I just want to say thank you to Halla Heather, Jason, Alexandra, Jen, who's not here anymore. And every single person that joined me, please reach out to me anytime if you need anything. Be kind to your future self and do good deeds. I'll see you guys next week. Thanks, David. Thanks, David. Thank you. That's hard to follow, but I'm gonna try. Alexandra and David's answers were pretty tough. I'm going to say based on hiring and firing thousands of sales reps and the three companies I've built, female male, I always feel like females do a little it is a trust factor. They're not too pushy. I talked about it earlier in today's world.

You don't need to be such an aggressive salesperson anymore. It's not that with all the information at your fingertips, people reviewing and looking up information, they want to be educated and they just want to feel they can trust people. And I think that depending on the situation, I think that most women, when they come into a home and in-home type sales, I think that they do a little

better than men. Because I mean, that's just my opinion based on the results. I think they do that just because of the trust factor. Most men get too aggressive, get too desperate to try to get the deal, try to talk too fast. We're most women are better listeners in my opinion. So they're able to listen and then negotiate the deal. Now, this was such a great conversation. Honestly, I miss the good old clubhouse days. Oh my gosh, it used to be so much fun to get all of my contacts

into a room and have meaningful discussions. I wish it was pop in like it used to be. It really sucks that we don't have a good social audio platform these days. And, you know, this was such a great conversation. And what I really loved about this is that it wasn't stuffy negotiation experts who were like super well researched. It was regular every day, very successful business people giving us their personal negotiation tips, which I loved because it's tried and true. It's not theory. It's real tips and tricks on how to gain

influence and be a better negotiator. And when many of us think about negotiation, we often think about confrontation. We think about arguing, right? Well, there's one thing that we didn't mention in this conversation, and that's how often negotiation shows up in our daily life. Negotiations are happening all the freaking time. I guarantee you you can think back to some interaction you had today where you negotiated and you didn't even realize it. That means you've got plenty of opportunities to practice all the actionable advice in this episode and see what works best for you. But let's talk about those big negotiations, those big moments that really can change your life, like getting a promotion and negotiating for a raise.

We must reframe the way we think about them. At its core, negotiation is just a conversation. Remember, this is a really key point. It is just a conversation, so try to approach it as one. As David mentioned, instead of showing up to a negotiation in fight mode, try to go in with the mindset that there's enough in the deal for everyone to be happy. There's enough pie for everyone to go around.

And instead of thinking that this is a win-lose situation, think that you're going to share ideas and solutions and build relationships. Connect with that person across the table through active listening, asking good questions and gathering information. Set the tone for a positive experience and outcome. Remember, how far a smile can go in terms of making a great first impression. Throughout the whole conversation, we also kept circling back to this idea of authenticity.

Authenticity breeds confidence and trustworthiness and draws others to you. So, if you're looking to gain influence or master negotiation, the best thing that you can do is show up as your true self. And that means being vulnerable and being open. It also means that you're sharing all parts of yourself and not just the best ones. If you love this masterclass on Influence and Negotiation, go ahead and drop us a five star review on your favorite podcast platform and tell us what you learned in the episode. You guys can also find me on Instagram or Twitter

at Yapathala or on LinkedIn by searching my name, it's Halataha. Thanks again for listening to another episode of Young and Profiting Podcast and shout out to my amazing, hardworking, Yap team. I couldn't do this without you guys. This is your host, Halataha, signing off. Are you looking for ways to be happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Ruben, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project.

And every week, we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and happiness guinea pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. week, we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and Happiness Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week we offer a try this at home tip you can use to boost your happiness without spending a lot of time energy or money. Suggestions such as follow the one-minute rule. Choose a

one-word theme for the year or design your summer. We also feature segments like know yourself better where we discuss questions like are you an over buyer or an under buyer? Morning person or night person abundance lever or simplicity lever and every episode includes a happiness hack, a quick easy shortcut to more happiness. Listen and follow the podcast happier with Gretchen Rubin.