Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPLive: Unlocking True Happiness with Laura Day and Amy Green Smith | Cut Version

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

We all want to be happy, but what does happiness really mean and can anyone achieve it? Happiness experts Laura Day and Amy Green Smith believe so, but happiness is something that must be nourished and cultivated. Being happy doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be upset, sad, or frustrated, but instead that you’ll be better able to cope with these emotions and have a better life overall. Happiness is something you practice by setting boundaries, making connections, and identifying value and purpose. In this episode, Hala, Amy, and Laura talk about what happiness means and how it can be achieved, define empowered realistic thinking, discuss intuition and how to hone it, talk about setting boundaries, and the relationships between happiness, purpose, and values.   Topics Include: - Defining Happiness - The link between happiness and connection - Empowered realistic thinking  - Learned helplessness - Finding the wins in our own behavior  - What is intuition and how to hone it - Synchronicity - Setting boundaries - How to say no - Examples of boundaries in relationships  - How we can be more present and practice mindfulness  - Relationship between happiness, purpose, and career  - And other topics…   Laura Day is the New York Times bestselling author of Practical Intuition and has spent over two decades helping companies and individuals use the power of intuition to achieve their dreams. Laura has been featured in publications including Newsweek, New York Magazine, The Independent, Bottom Line, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, and People, and has appeared on numerous shows including CNN, Fox News, Good Morning America, The View, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. Amy Green Smith is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. She is also the host of the Bold-Faced Truth Podcast. She has multiple certifications and credentials including, coaching certification through The Coaches Training Institute, credentialed with the International Coaching Federation, and many more. Sponsored By: Jordan Harbinger - Check out jordanharbinger.com/start for some episode recommendations Peloton - Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.  Grin.co - Find out how GRIN can help you grow your brand. Watch the demo at GRIN.co  ThirdLove - Upgrade your bra today and get 20% off your first order today at thirdlove.com/yap ExpressVPN - Visit my exclusive link ExpressVPN.com/yap and get 3 extra months free Resources Mentioned: #YAPLive Unlocking True Happiness: https://youngandprofiting.com/yaplive-unlocking-true-happiness-with-laura-day-amy-smith-and-scott-glassman/  Laura’s Website: https://lauraday.com/  Laura’s Books: https://lauraday.com/books-audio/  Laura’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lauradaycircle  Laura’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/lauradayintuit  Laura’s Instagram: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laura-day-023b1713/  Laura’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/LauraDayCircle  Laura’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lauradayintuit/  Amy’s Website: https://amygreensmith.com/  Amy’s Podcast: https://amygreensmith.com/pods/  Amy’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heyamygreensmith  Amy’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/heyamygreen  Amy’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heyamygreensmith/  Amy’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/heyamygreensmith  Connect with Young and Profiting: YAP’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting/     Hala’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/     Hala’s Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/yapwithhala/     Hala’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/yapwithhala  Clubhouse: https://www.clubhouse.com/@halataha   Website: https://www.youngandprofiting.com/  Text Hala: https://youngandprofiting.com/TextHala or text “YAP” to 28046 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to the show Young and Profitors. Do you feel like happiness is unattainable? Like you have brief moments of joy, but true happiness just isn't showing up for you. Over the last couple of years, this seems to be happening to a lot of people. It's happened to me. And so I thought this was the perfect time to share a clip of a previous Clubhouse live from July 2021 covering all things happiness. We cut this replay episode down to the very best parts

so you can listen, learn, and profit faster. In this episode, I'm joined by two experts, Laura Day and Amy Greensmith. You may know Laura as the psychic to the stars, but she's also a best-selling author, international speaker, and corporate advisor for Fortune 500 companies. And Amy is a certified and credentialed life coach in hypnotherapist, keynote speaker, and personal empowerment expert. She's also the host of the Bold Faced Truth Podcast. Amy and Laura have spent decades studying

and teaching about happiness. As they see it, happiness is something you practice and cultivate by setting boundaries, making connections, and identifying your values and your purpose. In this episode, we go deep on all things happiness. We define happiness. We talk about empowered realistic thinking, give tips on how to ignite your intuition and discuss the role of boundaries and how to set them. If you're feeling like you're lacking true happiness, having trouble setting boundaries or feeling unfulfilled, this episode is for you. Let's get

right into it. I've been wanting to do an episode around happiness for a really, really long time. And finally, I have two of the most perfect experts to talk to this about. So I always love to start off these sessions with some context. So everybody has a foundation about what we're going to talk about next. So Amy and then Laura, I'd love to understand your definition of happiness. What does happiness mean to you? So we know that human humans by two major human drivers, right? Pursuit of pleasure, the avoidance of pain.

So every single thing that we do or go after is because of something we think it will give us as far as an emotion. We pursue the career because if we want a sense of freedom or a happiness or fulfillment. So to me, happiness is truly about having that sense of purpose. And I think what ties that in is our core value system. And I think it's one of those things that gets thrown around in personal development all the time. It's

not the sexiest of topics. But truly, the way I define a value, something in your life that you value, is an element that must be present in order for you to be fulfilled and to live richly and to be genuinely happy and full of joy. So I think for many of us, and I can certainly speak to my own experience, but you know, when I was younger, I felt as though happiness was something to attain outside of myself. So it was inclinement the corporate ladder, it was in my body image, it was in my relationships, it was in all of these things that I was dependent on this outside source to magically show up and make me happy. And it wasn't until I realized that it was truly cultivating that relationship with self that changed how I felt on a day in and day out basis.

So I think it's a handful of things, but it look at what you believe is going to give you happiness and start to entertain the idea of it coming from inside versus this external chase and also start paying attention to the things that legitimately light you up. So for example, creativity is a huge value of mind. If I sort of creative project going on, I can absolutely feel a difference in happiness, right? So if I take that away from my life, then I'm significantly less happy. So that could be working on an awesome Halloween costume. It could be redesigning my website. It could be putting together an awesome outfit, it could be wrapping a gift. It doesn't matter what it is,

but I need to have that element. So start with your things in your life. What are those elements that must be present in order for me to be fulfilled? It's likely that those things will cater to your happiness. I love that. And Laura, I'd love to hear your perspective

on your definition of happiness because I feel like it's not super clear what happiness is. And I also think happiness is a spectrum. So I'd love to hear it from you. Well, I really learned the most about happiness on 9-11. I have lived in Tribeca right near the World Trade Center since I was 23 years old, which is a long time. And on 9-11, I saw the plane hit. I went to my building.

I thought looked around and I realized that nothing in my beautiful loft, I really cared about, that all I wanted were my people and my cat. So my son was in school. I went to St. Anne's and he was in school in Brooklyn and there was so much connection between everyone in a sense as they left their beautiful Tribeca lofts that they had worked for and decorated with all the things they had collected, we all simultaneously add an aha, which is all that matters is you,

you being whoever it is you were connected to. So my definition of happiness is connection. And I think that people in general often feel like strangers in a strange land. They make partial connections. They narrate their connections too much. And they don't actually even have a sense of what they want from their connections.

Well, at the same time, not allowing their connections to reveal that sense to them. So I think that the more that we work on how we connect to others, boundaries, how we filter our connections in a way that we can be connected with others and not be injured by them because people in general are mixed bag. One of the things I hate about the new age community is everyone's so spiritual. No, everyone's wonderful and everyone's a mess. And it's each person's need to be able to maneuver themselves in a way that you have contact with the good

sides while managing the difficult ones. And once again, that's, I work a lot with large companies. And you'll see someone in the same situation having difficulty when another person breezes through it. And it's often their ability to filter those connections. So the more we work on how we connect, where our nose are, as Amy said, where our boundaries are, and how to create those boundaries. I think the happier we are, I also think that we're very hard on ourselves. And one of the things that I saw, especially during the pandemic, is here people were

shutting their houses, often, you know, with their children children and there were no traveling circuses to sell them to. And they were beating themselves up for being irritable, not making decent nails. I mean, they were beating themselves up for the most inane things. So I think that part of happiness is also saying, okay, this moment right now is this moment. Some of it may be a mess, maybe I don't have the spouse I want, maybe I don't have the funds I want, maybe I'm not living in the home I want,

maybe I'm not doing the job I want, but what is the can do here? What is the can do in the situation? And then once again, we discover purpose. I think it's such an important reminder, and I remind myself of this in what I call my pond slime moments, you know, what you just think, ah, now I've done it. Now I've really ruined my life, which of course, by my edge, you've done about a hundred times a year. I think it's really important to remember and to look at people's stories that tell us, wait, this moment may be awful, but the next moment I choose, I can create anything

from this moment. And you know, one of the things that I really, I come out of, I live through the 60s and positivity and positive thought and positive visualization. Everything was positive, but the problem is if there is a problem and you're being positive instead of seeing it and addressing it, that problem becomes huge and dangerous. Negativity is also a problem because if all you're seeing is the downside, both of you and your environment, that's a problem. Empowered realistic thinking makes people happy.

There are problems, I will find the tools to solve them. It looks like Amy has something to add there. I think that we are inundated on social media with all of these catch phrases and idioms, like, good vibes only and things like that and what that does is it can completely disregard the human experience. And I think one of the things we need more than anything is an element of emotional intelligence. So there's a difference between feeling your feelings and allowing yourself to experience

something that's really uncomfortable and then becoming a chronically negative individual. It's two different things. It's almost like if you were to eat something that didn't sit well with you, sit well with your stomach and you know if you just get it up, you will feel so much better. But that's kind of how we are with uncomfortably emotions. We go, oh, nothing to see here. No, no, no, no, no. And then it keeps persisting. The pain keeps persisting. The discomfort is still there. But if we would just allow ourselves to expel anger or frustration or sadness or whatever it is in a very healthy way, not saying go key someone's car, but just like taking it out on your bed, like banging a pillow around

or scribbling or something like that, then you can move beyond it so much faster to access the emotions that you would rather reside in. So I think it's really incredibly important and I'm encouraged a lot by the younger generations that seem to be in the fields and in the emotions a lot more. But that's a superpower. Y'all, like that is a superpower to actually allow your emotions. And to what Laura was saying too, I don't think it's always about being overly positive. Sometimes it's just straight up empowering.

So instead of saying, like let's say you don't feel really great about your career at the moment, instead of saying, I'm amazing and I can have whatever career that I want. If that feels like an outright lie, you might say something to yourself like, I am focusing on the things that I can control, the things that are within my power, or one foot in front of the other, or I'm allowed to feel what I feel. None of those things are overly flowery and positive, but they're very, very empowering. So your language internally, I think, can be incredibly important.

There was a study on rats that I love, and it was a study on learned helplessness. Rats were put in a jar of water, and they would swim, and after about five hours, they would die. Now, rats that were put in a jar of water and taken out for a brief period of time, and dried off, and then put back in, swam for something incredible. I forget it was like four days and we are told we are powerless and the more perfectionist, the more powerless we feel. So finding the wins in our own behavior is actually a magic bullet, you know, seeing where you have been effective. I have worked a lot with talent over my 40 year career.

And I have seen actors who could not, you couldn't buy them a job. And then something shifts because, you know, the moment it's the moment, something shifts and all of a sudden, they're the hottest thing. So finding those shifts is what intuition is about, but it's okay to feel powerless as long as you put one foot in front of the other, because you will meet those experiences that will create success.

It's also important to look for success, to look for where you're doing things right. Believe me, the things you're doing wrong are going to hit you over the head. But to look in your actual experience for things you're doing right, I find that in the emails I get from readers, people are always looking for signs.

I saw yellow rose. It's a sign of this and that. But the reality is your whole life is a sign. So if you look at simply what happened today and what is it telling you about what's around you and what you're creating and then make some different choices, what do you wish had happened? What does that look like in terms of your own behavior? And start small.

You know, I tell people that even if you want to be madly in love, the place to start is having a nice conversation with somebody on the train. Oh, yeah, that's the secret. What does it start small to really pattern those behaviors? You know, we all try to take big jumps without having the muscles to do it, whereas a quarter of a degree of climate change creates tsunamis. And you want to add those tiny things, make those little shifts, and you'll find that

much more quickly than you realize what you're doing and what you're bringing into your life changes, not by magic by your efforts. And now a quick break from our sponsors. Young and profitors, do you have a brilliant business idea but you don't know how to move forward with it? Going into debt for a four-year degree isn't the only path to success. Instead, learn everything you need to know about running a business for free by listening to the Millionaire University podcast.

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two week trial at trinom.com slash app. That's trinom.nom.com slash app for 50% off. trinom.com slash app. Yeah, totally. So I love a lot of the things that you guys are saying. Some of the biggest takeaways for me is when Amy was saying how happiness is really an inside job. It's not about this external chase to get to happiness and also, you know, using your boundaries, understanding how you connect and relate to others.

And then also what you were talking about in terms of not being afraid to feel negative emotions and being able to process them, address your problems, and kind of take a mature realistic approach to happiness. Not just say, oh, I'm just going to be positive 100% of the time. And that's not necessarily what happiness is. And so I think those are all really great points. So Laura, you brought up intuition quite a few times. And I know that you are known to be an intuitionist. So can you explain to us what that is

and some of the best ways for people to hone their intuition? So an intuitive is basically a psychic psychic because I work with large companies. I clearly don't use that word very often because people think of psychics as people with crystal balls wearing purple. And I really work in a mainstream world because I think that intuition, the ability to use your mind in unique ways, which has been very well studied and documented, especially over the last 60 years,

it does give us an edge. So even though I do agree that happiness is to a degree in inside job, I think that if you are missing big parts of the pie that is your life. There is a use of not for not being content because that use can be a drive. Somebody who's happy and they don't have what it is they want,

I think that's incredibly wonderful and zen. But I have a strong conviction that actually what we're here to do is to master the lesson plan and the lesson plan is how can I be connected, how can I be successful, how can I be healthy, how can I be creative, how can I be connected, and then how can I bring that into my community and larger community to empower others. And I think that that's really the cycle. How you use your intuition and it's so unbelievably simple

is to know what it is your goal is because a goal is like a magnet. And even if your goal is somewhat vague to start, it is so important to have a direction. Doesn't mean you can't change that direction, but all of the time. And once again, studies have conclusively shown this all of the time. You are getting information about your future, about other people, about your health, even different perspectives on what happened in your past, you're hearing communications telepathically, and all of these abilities that once again are not unique to me, their abilities, everybody has, all of

these abilities either gossip and scare you about all kinds of difficult places that your attention goes or they inform you about what it is you actually want to create in your life. So I always say start with a goal. Then when you have a goal, notice over the following hours, days and weeks, what changes, not just what changes in your life, in your internal world, and what you notice. But all of the sudden, who do you make contact with? What comes in that you didn't expect? It's called synchronicity, and I know people speak a lot about it, but synchronicity shows us that actually outer events

are causal. Outer events come from shifts that we make internally. And they're not always emotional shifts or even intuitive shifts. Often, they are simply allowing ourselves to look for different things, behave in different ways, open up different receptors to what's possible. So have a target and then notice, stick with that target, stick with that goal, and notice when you do and it, because the mind's a messy place,

and memory is very inaccurate, document where, out of the blue, your attention goes, and what happens out of the blue that was unanticipated, unexpected, and has relevance to your goal. And those are the first two things to do to ignite your intuition. Thank you so much, Laura. I totally agree with everything and has relevance to your goal. And those are the first two things to do to ignite your intuition.

Thank you so much, Laura. I totally agree with everything that you're saying, especially when you said that your goals are like a magnet, because I feel the same way. I feel like every time I actually make a goal, I write it down, I say it out loud. I start to see these opportunities that I never thought existed,

that I was pretty much blind to even though they were right in front of my face. And then as soon as I have a goal, my mind just starts to pick things up like, oh, that can help me achieve that goal that I wanted. And it puts two and two together. I want to move on to boundaries and saying no. So this question is for Amy. And I know that you believe that there's an art to protect your time.

And that really helps to contribute to happiness and you often talk about the importance of saying no and how saying no can actually help cultivate yourself worth. So can you share with us why it's so important for us to protect our own time and how doing so could make us happier and maybe some actionable steps to say no because sometimes it's not easy to say no to people, especially when we care about them. Sure, sure. This is really sort of the nucleus of the work that I do. So, first, I think we have to understand

sort of our primitive makeup. And if we look at our ancestors, if you were not a part of a organization, of a group of humans, that literally meant that you would die. And this is also similar to what Laura is talking about with regards to connection. We are wired for connection originally, primitively, because it meant our survival. I think it's also one of the reasons why we had such a difficult time with the pandemic, because we are designed to be in connection with one another. So even if we look at things like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, one of our basic human needs is to belong, to be a

part of a group, right? And that again stems from those origins. But now we're in situations where it doesn't actually mean death if somebody in our life doesn't approve of a decision that we're going to make. Or if they don't understand why we want to start our own business or the person that we're choosing to be in relationship with. And again, I think it does come back to emotionally, emotional intelligence

in that when we say no, or when we establish a boundary, or when we say, here's what's going on in my life, and we're met with something other than approval. We experience an emotion that is uncomfortable. And for us to reside in that uncomfortable place is quite foreign. So that's where we tend to people please and acquiesce and search for approval. But the reason why I think it's so imperative and mandatory is every time you choose to say silent or you say yes when you really mean no or you allow somebody to say something really offensive to you and you don't speak up.

You are sending a subconscious message to yourself over and over and over again that other people's wants are more important than your own. And that is a massive message to yourself worth. So I don't tell people to start speaking up or start saying no, or how to establish these boundaries just for the hell of it. I do it because quite literally your self-worth is dependent on it.

So if we're talking about where to start with that, if we're talking about saying no, I have a little bit of a different formula with boundaries, but I'll talk specifically about saying no. We think that we are responsible for somebody else's happiness, and we just simply are not. And I think we're also, if that's disproportionate, to those who identify as women, there is this concept of you are here to nurture and caretake and thankfully we're starting to entangle that a little bit more. We have a long way to go. But I do think that understanding that

it's not our everybody happy can be a really difficult thing to sit with again being able to sit in that discomfort of oh that person isn't accepting or approving of my decision. But the very simple first step with that is to just by time somebody asks something of you, say, how soon do you need an answer? If somebody says, I need to know right now, or they have this real sense of urgency, you know what, if you have to know right now, I'm going to need to politely or I would hate to have to pull out last minute, I would

never want to leave you high and dry. I'm going to have to say no right now because I would never want to do that to you. Or thank you so much for thinking of me. I so appreciate that. I'll be really honest, I am at my max capacity and I always want to be amazing for you. You know, whatever it is, the two one is say, but at least by yourself some time, by no, I need to look at my calendar to be honest with you. I'm caught off guard. I need to some time to process. That's a piece of owning what you need in each moment. I definitely want to dig deeper on this topic of boundaries because I think it's really, really important.

And Amy, I was doing some research for this podcast and I learned that you and your husband actually have a lot of healthy boundaries and you've been able to successfully take individual ownership of certain areas of your marriage that other couples really struggle with. So can you give us a real-life example of you and your husband and how you've used boundaries to create a really healthy and happy marriage? Sure. So, and this is something that's kind of ebbed and flowed over, you know, our nearly 24-years together. And originally, when I would come home, or excuse me, I would be at home, he would be coming home

because I obviously work from home. And I, he would always say, you have a certain amount of words that you need to get out in a day. And if you haven't gotten out all the words, then I'm going to hear him. And he also is in a healing modality and he works in bodywork. So he is constantly navigating other people's emotions and holding space.

And so it's quite exhausting for him. So then getting home at the end of the day, he would have a difficult time really being present for me. So early on, I would take a fence to that and would go, what, you don't want to hear what I have to say or what's going on in my life. And we really had to learn how to communicate with one another and establish a boundary of, I'm at max capacity for him. I'm at max capacity.

And I care so deeply about you. I want to be present and I want to hear what you have to say, but I can't be that in the moment. So the way that that has evolved over time is now I will ask of him, hey, I've got some stuff that I would love to share with you about things that transpired in my day, are you in a place to hear that? Are you in a place to hold that? And if he says no, this is the key. If he says no, you know what, I'm genuinely just wiped, I don't get to be pissed. I don't get to go, well fine. It's actually receiving that and being honoring of this base that he's in. And I really believe in speaking your truth into ears that you can hear you. And there's not always ears that can hear you, no matter how close they are to you or

how connected you are to them. And that doesn't mean always. It just might mean in that snippet in time. So that's one thing that we've really implemented over the course of our relationship is to check in. And it really is sort of conversational consent, communication consent, like, are you able to hear something that is, you know,

carry some emotional weight, yes or no, and then being able to actually respect it. I love that. And Laura, I'd love to hear if you have any examples of creating stronger boundaries to increase your happiness, whether it's from you or any of your clients. Well, you know, since we're speaking about husbands here, I've been with my current husband for 10 years.

And when I first met him, I thought he was so selfish when he was tired, he slept, when he worked, he was single-minded, he's a TV writer, you know, when he was hungry, he ate. And I just, I found that so offensive. And we had so many arguments that at the time I still had a child at home, a child who's now an adult. And I one day, as I was trying to work while trying to get

everybody's food made while figuring out everybody's problems, I took a look at him and I thought, wow, maybe I have something to learn here. So I have been studying selfishness and finding that most healthy people have it. Hold tight, everyone. Let's take a quick break and hear from our sponsors. Hear that sound, young and profitors? You should know that sound by now. But in case you don't, that's the sound of another sale on Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform that's revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide.

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class was the best it could be. And I was able to focus on my marketing. So Shopify really, really helped me make sure that my master class was going to be a success right off the bat and enabled focus. And focus is everything when it comes to entrepreneurship. With Shopify single dashboard, I can manage my orders and my payments from anywhere in the world. And like I said, it's one of my favorite things to do every day is check my Shopify dashboard.

It is a rush of dopamine to see all those blinking lights around the world showing me where everybody is logging on on the site. I love it. I highly recommend it. Shopify is a platform that I use every single day and it can take your business to the next level. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash profiting. Again, go to shopify.com slash profiting allprofiting, all lowercase to take your business to the next level today. Again, that shopify.com-sash-profiting, shopify.com-sash-profiting, all lowercase. This is Possibility Powered by Shopify. Yeah, bam.

If you're ready to take your business to new heights, break through to the 6 or 7 figure mark or learn from the world's most successful people, look no further because the Kelly Roach show has got you covered. Kelly Roach is a best-selling author, a top-ranked podcast host, and an extremely talented marketer. She's the owner of NotOne, but six thriving companies, and now she's ready to share her knowledge and experience with you on the Kelly Roach show. Kelly is an inspirational entrepreneur, and I highly respect her. She's been a guest on YAP. She was a former social client. She's a podcast client. And I remember when she came on Young and Profiting

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Tune into the Kelly Road Show available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, yaap fam! As you may know, I've been a full-time entrepreneur for three years now. Yet media blew up so fast. It was really hard to keep everything under control, but things have settled a bit

and I'm really focused on revamping and improving our company culture. I have 16 employees, so it's a lot of people to try to rally and motivate. And I recently had best selling author Kim Scott on the show. And after previewing her content in our conversation, I just knew I had to take her class on master class, tackle the hard conversations with radical candor

to really absorb all she has to offer. And now I'm using her radical candor method every day with my team to give in solicit feedback, to cultivate a more inclusive culture, and to empower them with my honesty. And I can see my team to give in solicit feedback, to cultivate a more inclusive culture, and to empower them with my honesty. And I can see my team feeling more motivated and energized already. They are really receptive to this framework, and I'm so happy because I really needed this class.

With Masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best, anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. And we all know that profiting in life doesn't just mean thriving in business. With Masterclass, you can brush up on your art skills or your cooking skills, or even your modeling skills. With over 180 classes from a range of world-class instructors, that thing you've always wanted to do better is just a few clicks away. On Masterclass, you'll find courses from many app- Apple All-Star guests like Chris Voss and Daniel Pink. I've been taking their sales and negotiation classes and I've

been feeling like a real shark lately. I've totally leveled up my sales skills. How much would it cost you to take a one-on-one class from the world's best? A lot. But with Masterclass annual memberships, it just cost you $10 a month. I have to say the most surprising thing about masterclass since I started this incredible journey on the platform is the value for the quality of classes, instructors. The platform itself is beautiful. The videos are super high quality. You can't beat it. Gain new skills and as little as 10 minutes on your phone, your computer, tablet, smart

TV, and my personal favorite way to learn is their audio mode to listen on the go. That way, I can multitask while I learn. Get unlimited access to every class and right now, as the app listener, you can get 15% off when you go to masterclass.com slash profiting. That's masterclass.com slash profiting for 15% off an annual membership. Masterclass.com slash profiting. Yeah, I know selfishness actually can be a really good thing sometimes because it's putting yourself first, it's practicing self-care, it's listening to yourself, all the things

that you guys have been talking about today. And I want to talk about being present, because both of you mentioned that a few times already. So could you guys talk to us about what's the problem with living too much in the past or the future and how we can be more present and practice mindfulness? Amy, if you want to kick that off.

I do think that being in our present moment is truly what we have. That's what we have. Nothing is guaranteed. And I think that a majority of getting into the present moment has to do with things that are sensory related. And part of that is intuition, which I'm sure Laura can elaborate on too. But is you struggle with that where you're always in the past or you're always future tripping to stop and pay attention to what you feel on your skin that you are hearing or sense that you might be smelling, tapping into the emotions, the breath work.

I mean, that's one of the things that we hear all the time, because when you focus on breath, you are in the present moment. But truly, mindfulness, the practice of mindfulness, is about recognizing what is happening in your mind at each present moment. And even in your body or in your emotional self. So all of those things I think can be conduits

to staying in the present moment. Oh my gosh, you guys are dropping so many value bombs. Thank you guys so much. We've covered so much ground already. We talked about intuition. We talked about boundaries, saying no. We talked about being mindful and being present. One thing that you guys mentioned earlier is purpose. And so I really want to understand the relationship between happiness and our purpose

and our career. Because to me, it feels like more than ever, people are feeling empowered to pursue their passion, especially with technology. There's lower barriers to entry. There's the advancement of the creator economy. It just seems like more and more people are making their side hustle, their full-time gig and really going after their passion and embracing their purpose, so to speak. So I'd love to hear why purpose is so important when it comes to happiness. Who wants to kick that off?

Well, I remember reading something many years ago that talked about my generation, I'm a Gen XR, that we would have an average of four full-blown careers in our lifetime. And now, I think, millennial of Z-Gens, it's even more vast in such a huge array compared to my parents who were boomers where you did one thing and you drove that into the ground. And if you didn't like it, it didn't matter. Like it was purpose and fulfillment was not the priority at all.

So I say that because I think we have a really great fortune here that we can now be multi-passionate. We can have multiple purposes. And I think that the things that drove me and that gave me such extreme purpose in my 20s or in my 30s or even in my 40s have shifted and have changed. And I think having that permission, but that's okay. The things that really gave me purpose and had me driven and the things I wanted to get up for and wake up for in the mornings in my 20s

is very different than it is now. And so first of all, full permission for that to be malleable and for it to change as you grow and develop. But we see that no matter where you are in your lifespan. And I know Laura mentioned this a little bit earlier, but it's one of the reasons why when people retire, they oftentimes will have a really difficult time acclimating to not getting up every day and having a sense of purpose in their work.

So it's incredibly important or we see it sometimes with empty nesters where there's been so much purpose in raising children that then removing that piece of their identity, they feel as though the purpose is missing. So I personally think that we are so vast as humans, that we can have multiple purposes, and it could be something that is really relevant to this particular season of your life, like connection. Maybe that is what drives you,

or maybe it's impact, Or for a long time, I thought my main purpose was to love and to be loved. And I still feel like that's a huge relevance to my life. But I feel like I've moved into various seasons since then, where the things that really drove me and the essence of why I needed to get up every morning. And the messages that I was meant to deliver started to change. So I'm not sure if I fully answered that question, but that's what I would encourage everybody

to kind of think about, that it's okay for it to shift. I think of purpose also as the why, the good why. Why am I doing this? And purpose has two sides. What you're doing needs to have purpose and often you need to give it purpose. So for example, I hate to exercise. So if I'm on a treadmill or a stair master

or whatever I have to be in, I give it the purpose. That's my healing time. That's when I literally have a list of people who've contacted me on Instagram, who need, you know, piece of information intuitively, or who need me to shift something for them. And I use that time to do my healings because otherwise, it would be because otherwise it would be absolute torture. So sometimes it's our job as human beings to find the purpose in a job that pays the bills until we can do what we want,

to find the purpose in doing the tasks we don't enjoy. And part of happiness is actually being able to find purpose in what you're doing. But it is also things, the organic purpose, what, as Amy said, what your values are. My values are very much about connection now. You know, I'm a different gender. I'm a baby boomer. And I've made my career and I've raised my family.

And now my purpose is about connection. I had a different purpose 20 years ago and a different purpose 20 years before. But it's very important to remember the why or to find the positive why in how you're doing things. Again, studies show that when something is purpose driven, lifting a car off your child is not difficult to do and is hypermotivated because it has a purpose, whereas carrying two heavy bags of groceries may seem like a drag. So you know, ask yourself if you're doing something, it needs to have value, purposes value. So either give it value or go back inside and say, okay, do I still value this? Do I still value this job, this person's, this possession?

And if not, how do I want to shift it? I think that one of the things that happens often in relationships, and I see a lot of relationship issues in my practice, both business relationships and personal ones is relationships become automated and people tend to forget the why in what they're doing. When you have some sense of the why and when you continue to dive into that sense and find more of the why, you will find that you are far more effective because you have found that purpose. Now, wasn't that conversation awesome? Laura and Amy are so great,

and I love how they both shared real life examples of how they use these very tactics to set boundaries and achieve happiness in their own lives. This serves as another reminder that happiness is something that we must cultivate and feed each and every day. There's so much great advice and knowledge in this episode, so let's recap some key takeaways. The first is to set boundaries.

We talked about how self-worth is dependent on boundaries. When you lack boundaries, you're subconsciously placing more value on the opinions and needs of others than your own. Of course, a lack of boundaries is going to lead to unhappiness. So how do you start setting boundaries? Amy says the first step is to just buy time. If you're feeling pressured to make a decision, simply ask for more time or space. Setting this boundary allows you to collect your thoughts and actually consider what you

want before automatically agreeing to something. Also practice honesty about your needs and voice these needs to your loved ones and co-workers. If people don't know what your boundaries are, they will definitely overstep because they don't know what they are. Think about what you need to be the best version of yourself and let those around you know. Next I want to talk about cultivating happiness. Remember that value, purpose, and happiness are all connected. Check in with yourself and what lights you up,

and what makes you feel fulfilled. Bring more of those things into your life. Focus on what you can control and move forward from there. Set goals and see what pops up for you when you try to accomplish them. Having purpose and value can contribute greatly to your overall happiness. And lastly, let's talk about empowered realistic thinking.

We are in the age of toxic positivity, where we're told to simply dismiss our negative emotions and be happy. Now, while this may seem like it's coming from good intentions, it's not healthy or even helpful. And this is where empowered realistic thinking comes in. Empowered realistic thinking means that we have awareness of our true emotions and situations. From there we can make thoughtful choices on how to move forward. Instead of masking our true emotions and situations. So next time you feel like you need to just get over it, be honest with yourself

and come up with a practical way to cope with your emotions and move on. So as we enter into April and we're transitioning into a new season, keep the lessons from this episode in mind. Connect with others, set goals, and practice setting boundaries. See where it takes you. And if you loved what you heard in this episode, share it with a friend and leave us a five-star review. And hit me up. You can DM me on Twitter and Instagram at Yapathala or Halataha on LinkedIn. And if you haven't texted me yet, what are you waiting for? Join my slick text community and text YAP to 28046 for updates and exclusive YAP content like giveaways and discounts.

That's YAP to 28046. And check out the show notes where you can find all sorts of important references, including the link to the full links, YAP Live episode, if you want to go deeper into unlocking happiness. As always, thanks for tuning in. And for my YAP team for all their support, and I'll catch you next time. This is Hale signing off. Are you looking for ways to be happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative?

I'm Gretchen Ruben, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project, and every week we share ideas and practical solutions on the happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and happiness gu Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week we offer a try this at home tip

you can use to boost your happiness without spending a lot of time energy or money. Suggestions such as follow the one minute rule. Choose a one word theme for the year or design your summer. We also feature segments like know yourself better where we discuss questions like are you an over buyer or an under buyer? Morning person or night person, abundance lever or simplicity lever, and every episode includes a happiness hack, a quick, easy shortcut to more happiness. Listen and follow the podcast happier with Gretchen Rubin. I don't know about you.

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