Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPSnacks: 2022 in Review, What I Learned From Interviewing 50+ People at the Top of Their Game

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Shopify. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. YAP fam! It's the end of the year. And what that means is that we're going to do a recap today because we always do that at Younger Profiting Podcast to end the year off right. As you likely know, at the end of every single show, we always ask the same question to all of our guests. What is your secret to profiting in life? And at the end of the year, what I like to do is ask my team to gather up all those clips and then I listen to them and we analyze the

Starting point is 00:00:52 responses and we try to find patterns to see what themes came up as part of the year. And it's a really fun way to recap everything that we've learned. But before we get into the theme of this year that we found, I do want a reminisce on the year that was 2022. In 2022, it feels like we've finally left the house. Many of us return to work or a hybrid version of going to work and we started doing normal things again, like going to the movies and watching Top Gun Maverick on the big screen. We settled into the new way of work, some of us new entrepreneurs, some of us quite quitting, which I don't agree with, but that's for another

Starting point is 00:01:29 episode. And the majority of us traveled for the first time in a long time. Some of my favorite memories of this past year were all the trips that I took because I hadn't traveled for so long. COVID is no longer at the forefront of our minds. The mask madness has totally died down, but we're still being reminded of the Omokron variant, and COVID is still certainly a decently big part of our lives. And although some things went back to normal, the economy for sure changed. Gas prices skyrocketed and world inflation rose 6.7%

Starting point is 00:02:03 which is twice the average from 2010 to 2020. And in other news, Roe Versouade was overturned, which was a sad day in our history. Russia invaded Ukraine, Elon Musk bought Twitter, and who could forget when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars? Like I mentioned earlier, at the end of Young & Profiting podcast, we always ask the same question. What is your secret to profiting in life? As I mentioned earlier, at the end of Young & Profiting podcast, we always ask the same question. What is your secret to profiting in life?

Starting point is 00:02:28 And it's always so interesting to see how these answers change each year depending on our environment, recent events, and the things we all collectively go through. And when I was analyzing the results for 2022, I did notice that a lot of the responses to this question were dancing around the idea of relationships, which is very different for this podcast. And it hit me that so many of my conversations this year really focused on this topic, and not just in the answer of the last question in the meat of the interviews as well, relationships kept getting brought up.

Starting point is 00:03:00 And the most meaningful conversations that left an impression on me and kept me thinking well after the conversation was over, we're about this topic of relationships. And so in today's episode, I'm going to do my best to walk you through all of the key ideas surrounding relationships that we covered on the show this year. So let's begin with the problem. And why I think relationships keep getting brought up in the first place. Technology, the pandemic, and socioeconomic

Starting point is 00:03:26 conditions are separating us more than ever. People are reporting less friendships, marriage rates are down, love is down, and it's hard to make friends as we're older in general. Participation in real life communities and activities are certainly on a decline, and when I spoke to Scott Galloway, NYU Stern Stern Professor podcast host and author of America in a hundred charts, he gave me an explanation as to why Americans are more lonely than ever. Once we level the playing field academically, women just blew by men. Women are more mature, they're more disciplined, they're better at delanguartification. And over the next five years, we're going to have two women graduate from college from every one man.

Starting point is 00:04:07 Now, you think, well, fine, women deserve it. It's their time. There's a lot of knock-on effects here, though. Essentially, women made socioeconomically horizontal in up, men horizontally and down, or put another way a woman with a college degree is interested in marrying a man without a college degree. Marriage has become a luxury item. If you're a man and you're in the upper quintile, there's a 75% chance you'll get married. If you're in the lowest quintile,

Starting point is 00:04:27 it's a 25% chance you're going to get married. So you have a lot of loneliness on both ends, and you have this mating inequality, where if Tinder were a country, it would be like Venezuela. And that is, if you have 50 men and 50 women on Tinder, 42 of the women will show all of their attention to just eight men, leaving 42 men fighting over eight women. Because women have a much finer filter around mating. The guy see a picture on Tinder and go, oh, she's cute, swipe right. Women have much finer criteria.

Starting point is 00:04:57 When they can apply it to everybody, because everybody is available online, or at least theoretically, they become, they get a chance to implement their filter. Whereas before we had these geographic mating ring they get a chance to implement their filter. Whereas before we had these geographic mating ring fences, you went to temple every Friday. There were eight single women and eight single men and you kind of all slowly but surely, you know, pair it off and figured it out. Now the top 10% of attractive miscellaneous of males engage in what I call Porsche polygamy. And that is they get 80 to 90% of the interest, which doesn't lead to long-term relationships and quite frankly bad behavior. 50 to 90 in terms of attractiveness for men

Starting point is 00:05:29 do okay or the same, but the bottom half of men in terms of attractiveness have been totally shut out of the mating market. It makes them angry, detached, they're more likely to be prone to misogynistic content. They think it's a woman's fault. They're more likely to believe in conspiracy theory. They're less likely to believe in climate change. And generally speaking, online dating has just made it a little bit shittier for all women. So what we have is an entire cohort of what I call emotionally and economically unviable men.

Starting point is 00:05:57 And so women are leveling up and it's great, but they're not interested in the men our society is producing right now. And the most violent, unstable societies in the world all have too many of the same thing. And that is a broke and lonely young man. And we are producing too many of them. The thing I would wish for people in their 20s and 30s is that they have more opportunities to establish more relationships. I didn't have a lot of romantic relationships in my 20s. I was very immature, I was very insecure, but I had great relationships at work. I had great friendships. You should always think, okay, how do I have really wonderful, productive relationships to make little investments every day? And some of that is forcing yourself

Starting point is 00:06:34 into uncomfortable spots, initiating conversation with someone in the line at Starbucks, asking someone to coffee out at work, expressing admiration for someone and trying to establish a friendship. And because we spent so much time alone in the last two and a half years, when you can't, I'd rather stay home and watch Netflix or young men think I'd rather stay home and play video games or trade on Robinhood or watch porn. You have to get out of the house every day. You have to force yourself to meet strangers. Go up to a stranger, again, join a church group of softball league, a riding group, junior college class, whatever it is, and force yourself to approach strangers to an interest in conversing with them, an interest in being their friend, and maybe who knows, even an interest

Starting point is 00:07:15 in a romantic relationship. Another reason why humans are more lonely than ever is because of inaction. We let relationships slip away. We get distracted, embarrassed, maybe a little too prideful. To sum it up, we let our relationships die too easy. I recently had four-time bestselling author, Daniel Pink, on the show, and he explained his four categories of regret when he came on the podcast. And by far, the number one most common regret we all have has to do with connection. Connection regrets are about relationships and not only romantic relationships and really not even

Starting point is 00:07:56 mostly romantic relationships, just the full suite of relationships in our lives. And what happens is that you have a relationship that wasn't tacked or should have been tacked with a parent, with a sibling, with a relative, with friends, with colleagues. It wasn't tacked and it comes apart and or should have been tacked, wasn't tacked and it comes apart.

Starting point is 00:08:18 And I think what's interesting is that, again, if you read story after story, the way a lot of these relationships come apart is not dramatic at all. There's no big fight, there's no screaming or yelling. It's just like this drift that takes place over time. And here's what happens. Somebody wants to reach out.

Starting point is 00:08:38 Okay, so let's say, you know, like, man, I was such good friends with Holly 10 years ago. I haven't talked to her for so long. I should really reach out to her. And then I say, oh man, no, but if I just reach out to her now, it's going to be so awkward because I haven't talked to her for 10 years. It's going to be so awkward.

Starting point is 00:08:54 I don't want to do that. And besides, she won't care. So I don't do anything. And then two years from now, I say, oh man, I was such good friends with Holly 12 years ago. I really should reach out to her. But oh my god, it's even more awkward now and she's going to carry even less. And so we don't do anything and sometimes it's too late.

Starting point is 00:09:10 And that's a big mistake. Let me just double click on that for a moment. That's a huge mistake. We have piles of evidence showing that when people do reach out, it's way less awkward than they think. Second thing is that we say people, but Holl is not going to care. People are almost always welcome it.

Starting point is 00:09:28 We're completely wrong on both fronts. We say it's going to be awkward and they're not going to care. And when we do it, it's not awkward and they always care. And Arthur Brooks, who recently released the best seller, had to crack the code on happiness, concurse on the importance of maintaining relationships. He says you should do it while you're young to ensure happiness when you're older. So the key thing to keep in mind is that happiness is love. I've got data over an 85-year period

Starting point is 00:09:57 from men and women who were born in the who are actually in college in the late 1930s and in the 40s. So they're super old, you know, the sample. It's called the Harvard Study of Adult Development. I don't run it, but a very close friend of mine does. And one of the things that he has found tracking people over, who started with a sample of people who went to Harvard, which is not exactly diverse.

Starting point is 00:10:16 But then he expanded to people who didn't go to college and their spouses and their kids. So it's all races, both genders, poor, rich, educated, uneducated. And what he finds is that there's a lot of things that people do who wind up happy, they have relationships. They all have relationships. They cultivate their critical love relationships. Now, I know a lot of people are trying to get ahead in their career. They're like, you can fall in love and get married later. But now, keep your nose to the grindstone. I gotta tell you, that is a huge mistake. Get after it now.

Starting point is 00:10:49 Time is of the essence. The secret to profiting in life is a real easy one. The guy who ran that study, I talked about, the study of the Harvard study of adult development, he ran it for 30 years. And he's asked near the end of his career when he's retiring. How do you sum it up? Sum it up in five words. He thought about it.

Starting point is 00:11:05 He said, happiness is love full stop. And that is absolutely true. Love is the secret to your happiness. Love should be the center of your actual ambition. Look, the happiest people, they're paying attention to their faith, their life philosophy, their family life,

Starting point is 00:11:21 their friendships, and serving other people with their work. In other words, their love, their love, their love, and their more love. The different manifestations of love are to get that done. That's the source of your prosperity. When I was looking back at all the conversations from this year, there were so many conversations about this topic of not just focusing on your career achievements or monetary achievements and looking at the big picture, going wider, deeper, trying to have relationships in a more well-rounded life and spending your time in a way that's going to make sure that

Starting point is 00:11:56 when you're on your deathbed, when you're old and gray, that you don't have regrets later on. And so the last clip I want to share on this topic is from Leadership Coach. He's actually the number one leadership coach in the world and two time New York times best selling author martial goldsmith. So let's talk about this topic of regret and choosing to live the earned life. How would you define an earned life. learned life. Well, an un-life occurs when you really have alignment between three things. One is your aspiration, your higher sense of purpose. The second is you're achieving something meaningful and the third is your day-to-day actions. When the actions are aligned with those things, that's how you define the earned life.

Starting point is 00:12:38 And it's interesting because most humans in the history of the world were lost in the action phase. They just show up, they go from day to day, they're not bad people, but they just do whatever's in front of them, and they kind of just live. Some people are really lost in aspiration, higher purpose, they don't achieve much, but they kind of live in their heads. The people that I work with pretty much, if they're not careful, are lost in achievement. They achieve so much that they're almost achievement junkies. And sometimes if we're not careful, we get so lost in achievement, we forget to ask the question, why am I working 90 hours a week? Or number two, we forget to enjoy

Starting point is 00:13:18 the process of life itself, the day-to-day actions of life. So with these people really getting them to focus on, don't become an achievable hallic. One of my favorite parts of the book is the story about the marshmallow research. I love that story. So in the marshmallow research, you take this kids and you give them a marshmallow. So say the kid, well, kid, if you eat the marshmallow, you get one. And if you wait, oh, two, then a kid that waits, he's two now. Legally, they have this research to show the kid that eats one marshal. Mars smell becomes a drug addict and ones that eat two go to Harvard and get, you know, PhDs or something.

Starting point is 00:13:53 It seems a little overblown, but the point of the research is very clear. Delayed gratification is good. Delayed gratification almost every self-help book. Delayed gratification is good. Here's how you can work out more. Here's how you can go to a better diet. Delayed gratification is good. Here's how you can work out more. Here's how you can go in a better diet. Delayed gratification is good. Well, here's the problem with the research. They didn't take the kid. They ate two marshmallows and said, you know, kid, wait a bit. Three. Oh, don't eat those. Wait a little bit more. Four, five, ten, a thousand. Where do you end up? An old man sitting in a room waiting to die,

Starting point is 00:14:26 surrounded with uneaten marshmallows. It's so true. Sometimes you have to eat the marshmallows. I feel like this is why the book resonated with me so much because I feel like I'm like one of those overachievers who can't stop achieving. And it's sometimes it's okay to slow down and think about like what is my ultimate goal here

Starting point is 00:14:42 and just be happy with what you have, right? And not always be thinking about what's next, what's next. Let's hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors. Young and profitors, do you have a brilliant business idea but you don't know how to move forward with it? Going into debt for a four-year degree isn't the only path to success.

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Starting point is 00:18:09 These happiness, leadership, and human behavior experts believe that society as a whole needs to get better at relationships and better at embracing love and connection. And not just all the superficial things in life. It's not just about achievement and work and making money and the hustle and the bustle. Aside from making us feel unhappy when we don't have relationships or lonely, we also need connections to thrive in life, to level up and to become young and profiting, so to speak. It's a major part of what makes humans human. We learn from each other and we get ahead in life by sticking together. Neuroscientist David Eagleman explains this. And while this interview hasn't been released yet, it comes out in a couple weeks.

Starting point is 00:18:50 It was recorded in 2022 and I thought this clip would be really insightful to share. The really special thing with humans being live-wired is that we drop into the world half-baked and we absorb everything around us. That's how you absorb your language, your neighborhood, your culture, your parents, your way of acting, your way of acting in the 21st century. In other words, if you were born with exactly your DNA, 1,000 years ago, you'd be a really different person. If you were born 10,000 years ago, exactly you with the same DNA, and you ended up in the world 10,000 years ago. You'd be totally different in terms of your cultural beliefs, whatever weird, you know, animistic religion you believe in,

Starting point is 00:19:30 whatever kind of, you know, thing is appropriate for, you know, burning people at the stake or whatever, or how you hunt a lion or stuff like that. You would just be a different kind of person. What separates us from our closest cousins and the animal kingdom is that most animals are still dropping into the world essentially pre-programmed. So if you drop in as a goat or an alligator, you essentially know, okay, here's how I eat, mate, sleep, whatever. And that's

Starting point is 00:19:57 it. And you're doing the same thing that goats did 10,000 years ago. When you drop in as a human, you, in your first several several years essentially get to learn everything that humans have discovered up until now, and then you springboard off the top of that. And that's what has led to the success of our species. We've taken over every corner of the planet. We've gotten off the planet. We've invented the internet and quantum computation and so on,

Starting point is 00:20:21 precisely because we're able, we're not starting from square one every time, but we start from where humans have already gotten. And when I asked David Eagleman what his secret to profiting in life was, later on in the interview, here's what he had to say. Relationships, it's all about other people. The brain has an extraordinary amount of its circuitry

Starting point is 00:20:45 devoted to other people and making models of them and understanding them. And I think one of the key things in life, especially now during our polarized era, is to really try standing in the shoes of other people, especially people that you're disagreeing with and try to understand the world from their point of view. I decided to share this clip early from David because I think it really showcases how influenced we are by our surroundings and how natural it is to absorb the qualities

Starting point is 00:21:14 and opinions of the people around us. This is something that our brain is literally designed to do to survive. To survive, we have to absorb the qualities and the opinions and the knowledge of the people who raised us, who are around us. And while we don't have a choice when we're children, we have a choice as adults in terms of who we surround ourselves with.

Starting point is 00:21:35 And it's not just about building relationships and filling our circle with whoever is around. It's actually about guarding our circle and proactively bringing the right people into it. Podcast host and entrepreneur Ed Milett gave us his rundown of how he selects his circle. What I try to do when I add new people is I want people that love me, but I actually look for a criteria in people that do they support my values.

Starting point is 00:22:01 And so like, I go to Vegas a couple times a year with a group of men, all of them are Amazing husbands, a couple of them are pastors of churches, you know, like that isn't hurt, but like I don't want to be around dudes who Don't live that part of their life correctly because it might rub off on me I'm not perfect. So I want to rub off of me if someone is Don't keep their word or isn't meticulous in telling the truth We all have that friend. We're like he is such a bullshit, right? You have that friend They're not gonna be around me that much. Yeah, I want people to believe in me and here's the biggie I have a lot of people I have a lot of funny friends. You see them on my social media

Starting point is 00:22:37 Like I have people that really make you laugh I love people to make me laugh and I'm an introvert So I like to be around extroverted people so I can just be a fly on the wall And so but a big one is that I want people who don't accept me as I am, and most people are looking for friends who accept them as they are. I'm not looking for that.

Starting point is 00:22:52 I'm not looking for acceptance. I'm looking for people that believe in me so much that they think I could even be better than I am, and they hold me to that standard. If more than 5% of our friends' conversations are about remember when, remember, you remember, you remember George Lopez has this great skin on it. What do you do when you get a lot of your friends?

Starting point is 00:23:10 Reminisce, which is cool a little bit, 5% of the time, but that means you're operating out of that history and memory. Most of my friends, we do a little, I mean, very little of the remember, but we do a lot of imagining. We do a lot of dreaming. We do a lot of dreaming. We do a lot of, here's where I'm going, man.

Starting point is 00:23:26 Here's what I'm thinking. Here's what we could do. Let's do this next. We operate in the present, but we talk about the future a lot, not the past. I don't want a lot of time to talk about the past. I can do that anytime I want. That ain't where I'm at. I really love what Ed Milett is saying here.

Starting point is 00:23:43 You got to make sure that you're with people who dream with you, who think towards the future, who aren't stuck in the past because the past is unchangeable. We can't do anything about the past. All we can do is take action in the here and now to build a better future. And speaking of building a better future, author and podcast host of Build for Tomorrow, Jason Pfeiffer, who's also the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine, takes it one step further when he says that you should go as far as working with your friends. Relationships matter above all else.

Starting point is 00:24:18 It's funny. I could probably have run a different playbook, and I probably could have been a little more cutthroat in the way that I did things in my career. And I probably could have alienated more people and possibly been making more money now. But to me, that's not profiting. To me, profiting is doing really well

Starting point is 00:24:37 and building every part of your life. Chip Gaines, you magnolia, fixer upper, chip, chipping, joey, and a gains. I love Chip. And chip and I were talking once. And he said that, you know, the thing that is most important to him is building a network. It's about identifying the people that matter and building something so that they all can thrive and succeed inside of it. And I really love that. And I have found that when I do that, opportunities come. This book that I that we've been talking about built for tomorrow, you know where it began? Began on a playground

Starting point is 00:25:11 with my son's friends dad, who I was just chitchatting with as we killed time on a playground. And I was telling him about my podcast and he said, you know, he said he'd check it out. Turns out he's a book agent and a pretty successful one. His name is Madel Blunk. And we became really good friends. And we just talked about this book. And then in the very beginning of the pandemic, he calls me and he says, Jason,

Starting point is 00:25:35 we've been talking about doing a book on change for a long time. Everyone is going through massive change right now. It's time to do it. Now, could I have gone around and like been like, ah, you know what, I could be a fancy author, I should find like the biggest shot agent in the world. No, Matt is a great agent.

Starting point is 00:25:51 He knows his stuff and he's a friend and we built a relationship and that means that he's gonna care about me and I care about him and we're gonna do great things together. And that is how I run basically every part of my business. I work with people who I build relationships with and it has gotten me very far. And this theme of working with your friends didn't just stop there.

Starting point is 00:26:12 This year, so many guests mentioned this idea of merging work and home life. Take John Mackie, the CEO of Whole Foods, and what he had to say about the relationships you make at work, and how it doesn't always have to be so black and white when it comes to your work and personal life. Lead with love. And love is... it's in the closet in corporate America. It's not talked about...

Starting point is 00:26:39 and by love, I don't mean romantic love. I mean love in the sense of caring about other people, being compassionate, thoughtful, kind, generous. And it's in the closet primarily because people think love is weak. They think they're a war. The metaphors we use in business are all hyper competitive metaphors. We've got to kill our competitors. We've got a let's roll. There's all these army war metaphors. Let's go to the war room and plot out our grand strategy here. Or they are Darwinian metaphors that survive the love of the fittest. It's a jungle out there.

Starting point is 00:27:18 Only the paranoid survive. Or they are hyper competitive sports metaphors. And in typical sports, there's one winner and everybody else is a loser. So there's an obsession about winning. Winning isn't everything. Winning is the only thing. And so you get obsessed with winning,

Starting point is 00:27:35 you get obsessed with defeating someone else. And these are the metaphors that generally we use to think about, there are other ones too. There now you have a lot of tech metaphors. But the metaphors structure our consciousness the way we think about. There are other ones too. Now, you have a lot of tech metaphors. But the metaphors structure our consciousness, the way we think about things. And most of the dominant metaphors are hyper competitive metaphors. And when you're at war, there really is no place for love. Yeah. Or check all that wimpy love stuff at the door here, because we are going, we're going into battle, and I need everybody ready. I don't want to love here, forget that stuff.

Starting point is 00:28:06 And so there's kind of a macho and there has been traditionally a macho boys culture which it's about winning, it's about killing the other side. And so love is something you don't have in the workplace, it's something you do outside the workplace. Now think about how, I want to point out a few things. How inhuman is it or unhuman is it to not be able to bring your whole self to the workplace, just this narrow part of your being, this competitive part of your being is what's allowed to be in there. And the rest of the stuff you do with your friends, you do that at home and your family, but say you're basically dividing yourself into.

Starting point is 00:28:45 You're leaving the loving self at home and you're bringing the tough guy self to work. But more importantly, even than that, is that love is the glue that holds a company together. It's that unites the teams. It's why customers keep coming back because they feel appreciated. They feel like you care about them."

Starting point is 00:29:06 So another theme related to relationships that I came across this year was this idea of community and the power of community. I'll have Brad Stulberg, author of the Growth Equation, kick it off with the importance of having a feeling of deep community in the human experience. It's hard to go out of the alone. You know, it's hard to stand on the path, it's hard to have fun, it's hard to be consistent, it's hard to accept where you are, it's hard to be present, it's hard to be vulnerable. So let's make it easier and more fun.

Starting point is 00:29:40 And how do you do it? You find people that get it, that are walking a similar path as you, and you say, hey, let's do this together. So before I get any of the science, I like to say it like that. Like it's just more fun. And on our deathbed, no one remembers that they had 100 million podcasts down though it's everything one of gold medal.

Starting point is 00:29:59 What they remember are the guests that they had in the show, the training partners, the coaches. It's all about the relationships. And this gets back to this broader theme of heroic individualism, like on what time horizon are you looking? Because the most optimal, efficient thing to do in the moment is very rarely community.

Starting point is 00:30:17 I gotta call someone, I gotta meet them, it's COVID times, I gotta think about where we're gonna meet, who's gonna wear a mask, this, that, and the other. It's terribly inefficient. But if you don't make time for that, then come one year or two years, three years, you might find yourself lonely. So if our culture of efficiency and productivity

Starting point is 00:30:36 so often crowds out deep community, whereas when you're playing the long game, not only doesn't make it more fun, but it also supports grounded striving. And I think it's important. There are two ways to build deep community. So one is actual physical in-person connection. The other is a sense of belonging.

Starting point is 00:30:54 And that can be to a spiritual tradition, to a religion, to a lineage of intellectual thinkers, to a group of other podcast hosts that you kind of like have a mastermind group and you're all helping trying to share a similar message. And deep community is the combination of both those things. So according to the literature, it's not enough just to have people that you see in person. And it's not enough just to feel like you're a part of something larger. Both of those things put together. That's what supports mental health and sustainable excellence.

Starting point is 00:31:25 of those things put together, that's what supports mental health and sustainable excellence. Yeah, fam, humans yearn for community and also stand for their community and support their community. So much so that the father of influence, Robert Shaldini, updated and changed his six principles of influence to seven principles of influence recently when he added the category of unity. So let's talk about unity. This is actually a new principle that you added to your book. So what made you think that you needed to add this principle of unity to your universal principles of influence? It has to do with something I've seen all around us recently. And that is this tendency for us to identify with certain kinds of people who we see as one of us, not just similar to us, but of us. So, for example, there was a study done on a college campus where researchers took a young woman who was about college

Starting point is 00:32:26 age and dressed like a student would, asked her to go to a heavily traffic part of campus and ask for contributions to the United Way in front of a United Way table. And she was getting some contributions because of similarity. She was the same age and dressed similarly to other students, but if she added one statement before she made a request for a contribution, she increased her donations by 450%. So what was the sentence? The sentence was, I'm a student here too.

Starting point is 00:33:03 I'm not just similar to you in age and dress. I'm one of you. And people say yes to those individuals, they feel a sense of belonging with to the same social and personal categories. And we see it now with politics, where people who are in one camp or another are much more favorable and so on to others who are also in that camp. It's true in neighborhoods, it's true in communities, it's true in religious denominations and so on. And for business purposes, it's true in organizations. If we raise to consciousness that we are members of the same organization, we're pulling together, we have the same goals, people are more likely to say yes to us as a result of just pointing

Starting point is 00:33:58 out that we are united in this particular category. Yeah, so in a nutshell, people are inclined to say yes to somebody that they consider one of them. So if we can ever try to figure out what our commonalities are with another person and we call them out, they're more likely to feel like they relate to us, they understand us, they're one of us, a wee relationship, you call it, right?

Starting point is 00:34:21 And they're more likely to say yes. And their category is though that define us not, oh, you like Korean food? I like Koreans. No, not that. It's that it define us. Like ethnicity, age, gender, those kind of things. Right. We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors. Hear that sound, young and profitors? You should know that sound by now, but in case you don't, that's the sound of another

Starting point is 00:34:49 sale on Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform that's revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you sell edgy t-shirts or offer an educational course like me, Shopify simplifies selling online and in person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Shopify is packed with industry leading tools that are ready to ignite your growth, giving you complete control over your business and brand without having to learn any new skills in design or code. And Shopify grows with you no matter how big your business gets. Thanks to an endless list of integrations and third party apps, anything you can think of from on-demand printing to accounting to chatbots, Shopify has everything you need to revolutionize your

Starting point is 00:35:30 business. If you're a regular listener, you probably know that I use Shopify to sell my LinkedIn secrets masterclass. Setting up my Shopify store just took me a few days. I didn't have to worry about my website and how I was going to collect payments and how I was going to trigger abandoned cart emails and all these things that Shopify does for me was just the click of a button, even setting up my chat bot was just a click of a button. It was so easy to do. Like I said, I just took a couple of days and so it just allowed me to focus on my actual product and making sure my LinkedIn masterclass was the best it could be and I was able to focus on my marketing. So Shopify really, really helped me make sure that my masterclass was going to be a success right off the bat and enabled focus and focus is everything when it comes to entrepreneurship.

Starting point is 00:36:16 With Shopify single dashboard, I can manage my orders and my payments from anywhere in the world. And like I said, it's one of my favorite things to do every day is check my Shopify dashboard. It is a rush of dopamine to see all those blinking lights around the world showing me where everybody is logging on on the site. I love it. I highly recommend it. Shopify is a platform that I use every single day and it can take your business to the next level. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. Again, go to Shopify.com-profiting, all lowercase to take your business to the next level today. Again, that Shopify.com-profiting,

Starting point is 00:36:55 Shopify.com-profiting, all lowercase. This is Possibility powered by Shopify. Yeah, bam, if you're ready to take your business to new heights, break through to the six or seven-figure mark or learn from the world's most successful people, look no further because the Kelly Roach show has got you covered. Kelly Roach is a best-selling author,

Starting point is 00:37:15 a top-ranked podcast host, and an extremely talented marketer. She's the owner of NotOne, but six thriving companies and now she's ready to share her knowledge and experience with you on the Kelly Roach Show. Kelly is an inspirational entrepreneur, and I highly respect her. She's been a guest on YAP. She was a former social client. She's a podcast client.

Starting point is 00:37:35 I remember when she came on Young & Profiting and she talked about her conviction marketing framework. It was like mind-blowing to me. I remember immediately implementing what she taught me in the interview in my company and the marketing efforts that we were doing. And as a marketer, I really, really respect all Kelly has done, all Kelly has built. In the corporate world, Kelly secured seven promotions in just eight years, but she didn't just stop there.

Starting point is 00:37:59 She was working in nine to five. And at the same time, she built her eight figure company as a side hustle and eventually took it and made it her full-time hustle. And her strategic business goals led her to win the prestigious Inc. 500 Award for the fastest growing business in the United States. She's built an empire she's earned a life-changing wealth.

Starting point is 00:38:18 And on top of all that, she maintains a happy marriage and healthy home life. On the Kelly Road Show, you'll learn that it's possible to have it all. Tune into the Kelly Road Show as she unveils her secrets for growing your business. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out in your career or if you're already a seasoned entrepreneur. In each episode, Kelly shares the truth about what it takes to create rapid, exponential growth.

Starting point is 00:38:38 Unlock your potential, unleash your success, and start living your dream life today. Tune into the Kelly Road Show available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, Yap fam. As you may know, I've been a full-time entrepreneur for three years now. Yap media blew up so fast.

Starting point is 00:38:55 It was really hard to keep everything under control, but things have settled a bit and I'm really focused on revamping and improving our company culture. I have 16 employees, so it's a lot of people to try to rally and motivate. And I recently had bestselling author Kim Scott on the show. And after previewing her content in our conversation, I just knew I had to take her class on master class,

Starting point is 00:39:17 tackle the hard conversations with Radical Cander to really absorb all she has to offer. And now I'm using her radical candor method every day with my team to give in solicit feedback, to cultivate a more inclusive culture, and to empower them with my honesty. And I can see my team feeling more motivated and energized already. They are really receptive to this framework

Starting point is 00:39:39 and I'm so happy because I really needed this class. With masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. And we all know that profiting in life doesn't just mean thriving in business. With masterclass, you can brush up on your art skills or your cooking skills or even your modeling skills with over 180 classes from a range of world class instructors.

Starting point is 00:40:03 That thing you've always wanted to do better is just a few clicks away. On Masterclass you'll find courses from many app-alster guests like Chris Voss and Daniel Pink. I've been taking their sales and negotiation classes and I've been feeling like a real shark lately. I've totally leveled up my sales skills. How much would it cost you to take a one-on-one class from the world's best? A lot. But with masterclass annual memberships, it just cost you $10 a month. I have to say the most surprising thing about masterclass since I started this incredible journey on the platform is the value. For the quality of classes, instructors, the platform itself is beautiful. The videos are super high quality. You can't beat it.

Starting point is 00:40:47 Gain new skills and as little as 10 minutes on your phone, your computer, tablet, smart TV, and my personal favorite way to learn is their audio mode to listen on the go. That way I can multitask while I learn. Get unlimited access to every class. And right now as the app listener, you can get 15% off when you go to masterclass.com slash profiting. That's masterclass.com slash profiting for 15% off an annual membership. masterclass.com slash profiting. There was so much talk about love and business this year and also a lot of talk about having good emotional intelligence and soft skills to maintain your relationships.

Starting point is 00:41:26 So for example, being giving or curious about people and asking good questions. Next I want to go over some material from human behavior experts, Michelle Letterman, Bob Berg, and the father of emotional intelligence, Daniel Goldman, on the importance of truly caring and giving to other people. The relationship has, it's like its own entity and how you have an exchange with somebody, how you kind of think about your interactions with somebody. It kind of has a life of its own. And so when we talk about the relationship having a life of its own, if you come into it with this mindset of giving to give first to give

Starting point is 00:42:05 off and because you want to not without expectation of something in return or should say not with expectation of something in return, I will tell you, the original title of that chapter was Love Respiracity. And it just wasn't sitting right because when I talk about that content, I'm not talking about give to get. I'm not talking about give to get. I'm not talking about quid pro quo. It really is that mindset of how do I add value to you? How do I show you that I hear you, that I'm focused on you, that I'm curious about you,

Starting point is 00:42:35 that I care about you, that I want to support you, that I want to help you? And when you feel that from me, you want to bring it back, but it's not because, right, it's not like I have to, it's I want to. And sometimes, and oftentimes, when we think about giving, we can give in one direction, but we receive from another. And so that mindset of giving, it has to be always there for relationships to have foundation to grow on. Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first, which isn't to say in any way that you should be anyone's doormat or a martyr or self-sacrificial.

Starting point is 00:43:14 It's just that when you look at the all things being equal, the no like and trust, what do we see? That placing that other person's interests first, okay? That is the way to develop that no-like and trust toward you in others. And that's how referrals will happen because you're developing, you're creating these great relationships with people. The way you begin doing it is from that very first conversation to make it not about you, but about them. It's asking them questions about themselves

Starting point is 00:43:45 and their business, not in a prospecting type of way, just in a way that creates a relationship. It's asking them how they got started in their business and what they enjoy most about it. It's asking that person what I call the one key question that will distinguish you from the rest, which is how can I know if someone I'm speaking with is a good customer for you, which is how can I know if someone I'm speaking with is a good customer for

Starting point is 00:44:05 you? Which totally reframes everything. From being the typical, I'm out there trying to give my elevator speech and sell you my product or service the first time I meet you to, I want to know how to help you. I want to know how to serve you. I want to know how to bring value to you. There's a different kind of intelligence than IQ that matters enormously for how well you do in life.

Starting point is 00:44:30 It's not so much intelligence, how you handle yourself, how you handle your relationships. It makes all the difference. So if you look at engineers, for example, this is new data, and you ask engineers to read each other and how effective they are as engineers, for example, this is new data. And you ask engineers to read each other and how effective they are as engineers. It turns out there's zero correlation to their IQ and very high correlation to their emotional intelligence. The person you work for, the boss you love

Starting point is 00:44:57 is someone with emotional intelligence. The employee that you want is someone with emotional intelligence. They manage themselves well. They keep their eye on their goals, their positive, no matter what happens, they recover from stress, they empathize, they tune into other people, they get along with other people, they're great on teams. This is the kind of person you want in your organization. By the way, it's the kind of person you want in your organization. And by the way, it's the kind of person you want in your spouse.

Starting point is 00:45:29 Being emotionally intelligent enough to maintain your relationships and increase your soft skills to be more likeable and have deeper connections is just such a valuable skill to have. It is such an undervalued skill. Because after all, everything that we want in life, career-wise or personal-wise, can be completely accelerated by other people. Think about it.

Starting point is 00:45:49 Money comes from other people. You don't sell to things. You sell to people. Jobs come from other people. Getting promoted comes from other people. Even if you're an entrepreneur and you think you've done it all on your own, building a company requires other people,

Starting point is 00:46:02 whether it's your clients or your employees, you name it. You need people to get ahead in life, you need a network to compound your success. Television star Josh Peck agrees when he told us his secret to profiting in life. Doing nice things for other people, becoming indispensable, helping people. I mean, it has an immediate payoff

Starting point is 00:46:23 because of just the karmic sort of payout, which is immediate, right? You feel better. It's the best way to get out of self. But if you do these things, what you'll find is when people are in a position, then to spread goodwill, to pay it forward, when they have an opportunity, you're going to be at top of mind. Like, people go out and they become super selfish and they're like, no, I have to wrestle money and prestige and goodness in the world. I got to go out and get mine.

Starting point is 00:46:52 And it's like, well, good luck because no one's going to think of you first for anything. But if you've got a great track record of being there for people, of being a reliable good source of good work, then the moment they have an opportunity to spread that good well, they're going to think of you first. And to wrap up this episode, I think a clip from social entrepreneur Mark Batterson best sums up a lot of the things we spoke about today. The secret I think to profiting in life is to it's not about you. It's just it's not about me. It's about other people. When I add value to other people's lives, that's where I find joy.

Starting point is 00:47:35 That's where I find meaning. And it's kind of like happiness. If you seek it, you aren't going to find it. Happiness is a byproduct of something else. I think meaning is the same way. Like you, and here's where I would challenge listeners. Have you ever defined success for yourself? Not adopting a cultural definition, not adopting your great uncle's definition. No, you, what is success for you? And so for me personally, success is when those

Starting point is 00:48:04 who know me best respect me most. And that's my wife and my kids. You know, it's not about how many books I sell, how many people I pastor. It really is about, am I am I better in private than I am in public? And if not, am I at least the same person? I want to be famous in my own home. So you really have to define success for yourself and figure out otherwise you fall into what what Stephen Covey famously said. So many people are so busy climbing the ladder success that they fail to realize that it's leaning against the wrong wall.

Starting point is 00:48:40 Thank you for listening to this episode of Young & Profiting Podcast. Young & Profitors, as you go into 2023, let's remember that one of the most important things we can do is invest in our relationships now. When we're old and gray, we're not going to remember how much money we made, we're not going to remember all the trophies we got and accolades we got. We're going to remember our friends, our families, our memories. And if we aren't careful, life may pass us by and we wouldn't have ever really lived a full life. And so I hope when you're planning your New Year's resolutions, you're also incorporating something about relationships because so many smart, successful experts who came on the show this year really stressed the importance and see that our society is sort of going backwards in this

Starting point is 00:49:28 regards. And so let's proactively focus on relationships. Let's give it our best effort. And let's grow and thrive in this new year. I'm so excited for the year ahead. And I'm super thankful for all my listeners. I've got so many amazing listeners. There's hundreds of thousands of you guys who listen to the show each and every week. And I just appreciate it so much. I appreciate that you chose Young and Profiting Podcasts as your podcast of choice.

Starting point is 00:49:56 I appreciate you guys sharing this with your friends and family, spreading the word, putting it on your social media. You guys have been such great fans this year. My reviews have skyrocketed. You guys just really have gone above and beyond to support the show this year. It shows an are ranking and shows in our numbers. And I just feel so blessed to be the host of the show and I hope to host the show for many, many years. Whatever this show evolves to, I'll be here for a long time. Guys, this This is my passion I'm here to help you listen, learn and profit even when we're old and profiting. I'll be around and I just love all you guys. I

Starting point is 00:50:33 Think that my life would be so much worse if I didn't have this podcast and if I didn't have all these listeners who Pushing me to be better and better you guys are a big big big of my journey. And so thank you so much for listening to the show. And if you guys haven't yet, I want you to find us on YouTube. YouTube was a big priority this year. We've got all of our videos on YouTube. I'd love for you to subscribe. And if you haven't yet and you want to give me a new year's gift or a holiday gift, the best thing that I would ask for would be to write us an Apple Podcast review. Write us a five star Apple Podcast review or a review or comment on your favorite podcast platform whether you listen to Castbox or Player FM or Spotify, a rating, comment review, whatever you can do in the app to show

Starting point is 00:51:21 that you like our show and increase our social proof would be greatly appreciated. I also wanted to give a big shout out to my team. I have an amazing team at YAP Media. There's over 40 employees at YAP Media. We had a year full of ups and downs. And I want to take time to shout out my amazing production team, shout out to Jason. He's my podcast producer, the production director at Gap Media. He's so talented. If you guys noticed, we got a new podcast intro theme music this year. Our podcast sounds better than ever. Our sound quality has been totally leveled up. And he is such a big part of the future at Gap. And it's one of the reasons why hopefully I'll be one of the most famous and top female

Starting point is 00:52:05 podcasters in the world. I guess technically I am, but I want to be Oprah Winfrey level, like definitely not there yet. Still have lots of room to grow. And I also want to shout out Matt Quant. He is an audio engineer here at YAP, Amelia, who is our production assistant, Amelia, who is our production assistant, Maira and Hashem who help us book guest interviews, Cameron for helping us with our social promotion, Paul for helping us on YouTube. We've got such an amazing, amazing team here at Yat Media. So shout out to all of you guys for supporting the show,

Starting point is 00:52:41 who are tuning in and also those who are behind the scenes. It's not just a one woman show, you know, I'd like to think that, but it's definitely not. There's lots of help here at Young & Profiting Podcasts, and I love everybody who supports the show, externally and internally. Well, this is your podcast, Princess Halataha, signing off until next year. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in backgroundretchen Ruben, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project. And every week, we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben Podcast.

Starting point is 00:53:30 My co-host and Happiness Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week we offer a try this at home tip you can use to boost your happiness without spending a lot of time, energy, or money. Suggestions such as follow the one-minute rule. Choose a one-word theme for the year or design your summer.

Starting point is 00:54:00 We also feature segments like know yourself better, where we discuss questions like, are you an over-bu buyer or an under buyer? Morning person or night person, abundance lever or simplicity lever? And every episode includes a happiness hack, a quick, easy shortcut to more happiness. Listen and follow the podcast, Happier with Gretchen Ruben. Hey folks, it's Michael Berry and the flooring in your home sets the tone for that room. Is it a formal room or an informal room? Is it a daytime or an evening room?

Starting point is 00:54:31 What's your budget? How much wear and tear is going to come through that room? What's the feel? What's the vibe? The good news is you don't have to know in advance. Patrick Florida and his design team at their two design locations in Cyprus and the Woodlands or your living room can help you make all those decisions and give you

Starting point is 00:54:48 a lifetime warranty. 281370 8022

Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPSnacks: 2022 in Review, What I Learned From Interviewing 50+ People at the Top of Their Game

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