Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPSnacks: Best of Chris Voss, World's Top Negotiation Expert | Part 1

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

Negotiations don’t always take place in a conference room. A negotiation is simply a discussion where both parties come to an agreement, so we are negotiating all the time. Something as small as talking to family about who’s bringing what to Christmas dinner is a negotiation!  And negotiations are not entirely verbal. Whether we realize it or not, we are influencing every negotiation with how we present ourselves.  Through paying more attention to our body language, our word choice, and the way we frame information, we can intentionally evoke more information from others, which can help us establish trust and build stronger relationships!  This episode of YAP Snacks will feature several pieces of negotiating advice from Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator and CEO of The Black Swan Group, where he’s using his extensive career in international crisis mitigation and high-stakes negotiation situations to teach people how to better negotiate and refine their communication style.  Stay tuned to find out more about refining your communication style to get what you want in everyday negotiations!  Topics include: - Tone of voice - Mirroring - Emotional labeling - How to use the words ‘I’m sorry’ - What does the word ‘fair’ really mean? - Why you shouldn’t match people’s energy - Lying to gain influence - And other topics… Sponsored by -  Delta Air Lines - Visit delta.com/travelwell to learn more. Shopify - Go to shopify.com/profiting, for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features JustWorks - Go to justworks.com More About Young and Profiting Download Transcripts - youngandprofiting.com   Get Sponsorship Deals - youngandprofiting.com/sponsorships Leave a Review - ratethispodcast.com/yap Watch Videos - youtube.com/c/YoungandProfiting Follow Hala Taha LinkedIn - linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Instagram - instagram.com/yapwithhala/ TikTok - tiktok.com/@yapwithhala Twitter - twitter.com/yapwithhala Learn more about YAP Media Agency Services - yapmedia.io/ Join Hala's LinkedIn Masterclass - yapmedia.io/course  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Shopify. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background,, a series of bite-sized content hosted by me, Hala Taha. Today we're featuring the best of content from the handful of interviews that I've had with the one and only Chris Voss. We've recorded so much great Chris Voss wisdom that we split this episode into part one

and part two, and you're listening to part one right now Chris is a former FBI hostage negotiator and the CEO of the black swan group Where he uses his extensive career in international crisis mitigation and high stakes negotiation situations to teach people how to better Negotiate and refine their communication styles Most people had to better negotiate and refine their communication styles. Chris has appeared on YAP many times, and today we're going to recap his best tips and tricks to help rock your negotiations and gain more influence. Chris' expertise in human behavior comes from hostage situations and communicating with terrorists, but trust that his tactics can be used by everyone in everyday situations.

Negotiations don't just take place in a conference room. A negotiation is simply a discussion where both parties come to an agreement. So we're actually negotiating all the time. Something as small as talking to family about who's bringing what to Christmas dinner is considered a negotiation. And negotiations are not entirely verbal.

Whether we realize it or not, we're influencing everyday negotiations with how we present ourselves. And so by paying more attention to our body language, our word choices, and the way we frame information, we can intentionally evoke more information from others, which can then help us establish trust and build stronger relationships.

Let's kick off part one of this series by asking Chris about the negotiations we make in everyday life. The most dangerous negotiation is one. You don't know you're in and you're negotiating all the time. And the good thing about that is, you know, you practice in a small-stake stuff, the everyday conversation so you can do well in a formal conversations. And I'll give you a great example I came across recently, which we love to ask people when they say I don't have a chance to practice negotiations. I say well are you in a negotiation when you're in Starbucks? Well there's a guy that wrote a starter website called post secrets and he said send me your

secrets anonymously send them to me on a postcard or something like a postcard, but send them to me anonymously. So he gets an anonymous brand new still in a rapper, Starbucks coffee cup, as proof that it was from somebody at Starbucks. And the note said, I give decath to people who are mean to me. So you're in a negotiation when you're at Starbucks. They might not be carrying you what you ordered. If you're a grumpy person and you think you're developing a tolerance for caffeine, maybe you're not developing a tolerance for caffeine, they're giving you decat to get back at you. So practice you every day interactions. Tied into that is the saying, never be mean to somebody who could hurt you by doing nothing.

Well, if you practice being nice on a regular basis, you find that you get a lot more stuff. The hotel I'm in right now, I was just really nice when I checked in. When my assistant was calling for my reservation, she couldn't get a late checkout. When I checked in, I was just super nice, and they were happy to get me a late checkout. You know, those are the practice negotiations, and you get a lot more by being nice. You know, everybody likes to be table pounding

and named calling and demanding, and that's really satisfying to quote, win a negotiation and make the other side lose. But actually long term, that's bad, that's not good. You don't do great long term. So if you practice being nice, you don't negotiate all the time, you get a lot of cool stuff. It's important to approach every conversation

with the same level of respect and poise that you would bring to a salary negotiation. Like Chris said, kindness will get you super far. Practice it everywhere, both in and out of the workplace. Now let's dive into how we can leverage our tone of voice to get what we want in any negotiation. Each one of the caveman types that I talked about before, the five flight make friends, they get a natural tone. Now I've kind of learned the tone I'm using now, which is a little bit of the analyst's voice,

which is a little bit of the late night FNDJ voice. And it's a calming and soothing voice. It actually reaches in and it hits your mirror neurons. I said before a lot of this is based on neuroscience, not psychology, but neuroscience. And so the neuroscience says, if I hit your mirror neurons with a soothing voice, it actually triggers a chemical change in your brain, and it's soos, you'd calms you down. It's a natural voice of the hostage negotiator,

and that's why one of the crazy difference between business negotiations and hostage negotiations or that hostage negotiations tend to be calmer. How is that possible that a terrorist is criminal or kidnappers calmer than a businessman? Well, the hostage negotiator use a late night FM DJ voice on them from the start calmed them down. It was an involuntary response. And if I can calm a terrorist down with that voice, I'm probably calm pretty much anybody down. That's the first voice. Now, this service voice, which is my natural tone that I had to learn to

practice, and you can learn your way out of anything. You know, it's a direct and honest voice. I'm just telling you what I need. I'm just being honest. I'm just being direct and honest with you. Well, when I fall into that direct and honest voice, and if you're a human being, the things of yourself is simply as direct and honest, you know, I once had a colleague tell me that they said, Chris dealing with you is like getting hit in the face with a brick. That's probably not going to help me.

You don't get what you want on a long-term basis by hitting people in a face with a brick. And the assertive voice is the only voice that is really counterproductive all the time. I reach in, I hit your mirror neurons with assertion, you feel attacked, you react angrily, it triggers the negative emotion of anger, and it's not emotions that are bad, it's negative emotions that are bad. So I trigger your anger emotion and there's an old saying, give the speech when you're angry and it'll be the best speech you ever regret. You're going to say things that in the moment you feel very self-righteous about and when

you look back on them they are just not going to help. So this sort of is a type that you really got to be careful on how you come off to people. Now the last type which everybody likes is the combinators voice and you just off the people. Now the last type which everybody likes is the combinators voice and you just feel the warmth in their voice and when someone smiles you can feel it. I don't even have to be on a phone with you. You can feel the smile in their tone of voice. That's what I'm doing now. And that hits the mirror in their eyes and you feel good because chemicals are actually being released in your system that make you feel good, the dopamine, the serotonin,

the stuff that gives you mental endurance, the stuff that makes you smarter, your 31% smarter and a positive frame of mind. If I contribute you into a positive frame of mind, we're both smarter, we're probably going to make a better deal. So that positive voice, you know, the charming person, the likable person, you make more deals with people that you like. It's a powerful mercenaries tool. If you just want to get your way, you want to do it. If you love people, you want to do it because it's really good for relationship simultaneously. So smiling at people is a powerful way to go and share. Young and profitors, do you have a brilliant business idea but you don't know how to move

forward with it? Going into debt for a four year degree isn't the only path to success. Instead learn everything you need to know about running a business for free by listening to the Millionaire University podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is a show that's changing the game for aspiring entrepreneurs. Hosted by Justin and Tara Williams, it's the ultimate resource for those who want to run a successful business and graduate rich. Not broke.

Justin and Tara started from Square One, just like you and me. They faced lows and dug themselves out of huge debt. Now they're financially free and they're sharing their hard-earned lessons with all of us. That's right, millionaire university will teach you everything you need to know about starting and growing a successful business. No degrees required. In each episode you'll gain invaluable insights from seasoned entrepreneurs and mentors who truly understand what it takes to succeed. From topics like how to start a software business without creating your own software, to more broad discussions such as eight businesses you can start tomorrow to make 10K plus a month,

this podcast has it all. So don't wait, now is the time to turn your business idea into a reality by listening to the Millionaire University podcast. New episodes drop Mondays and Thursdays, find the Millionaire University podcast on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop Mondays and Thursdays. Find the Millionaire University podcast on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Learn when to use the three different tones of voices because each one has its time and its place.

Just be careful with the assertive tone of voice because some people can feel attacked or targeted when approached by someone with an assertive voice. Another important aspect of negotiation is mirroring. This is a very popular concept. Let's hear what Chris has to say about mirroring another person with our words and how we can actually use that technique in practice. So if you want to be a black swan, if you want to learn a black swan method, one of the really cool techniques that we brought from Haasas Negotiation was something we call Merrick. Now Black Swan's mirror is it's not that body language thing you know

where if you put your right hand to your chin I put my right hand to my chin that's not the Black Swan mirror. Black Swan mirror is repeating the last one of three-ish words of what somebody just said. And when you get that skill down, then yeah, you can move it around and pick out a specific one to three words that you want to have them expand on. And it's really easy. It's so mechanistic if you will. Some people don't like it because it seems too simple It's a great skill For when you caught off guard like if somebody just what they've just said just kind of blows your mind And a first time I really got a big difference in a mirror was

Negotiate a bank robber with hostages in Brooklyn guys on the other side table principal Bank robber I didn't realize that at the time was exhibiting all the characteristics of like a great CEO negotiator. He was so controlled that when he first got on a phone with the PDs negotiator that was first up, I was second up. He literally told the PD negotiator that he was calmer than the police department negotiate it was So how did marrying help me with this guy? We get his name, which he's not given to us because he realizes it's hard to establish rapport with someone who doesn't give their name We figure out who he is we find out his van is outside we get a voice ID on him from a neighbor

We find out his van is outside. We get a voice ID on him from a neighbor. They put me on the phone and they want me to brace this guy that we know who he is as quickly as I can. And I'm going to do it kind of gently, so I start, I say, hey, look, we've got a van out here. We've found the owners of every one of them in sub one van. And he said, well, we only have one van and he said well we only have one van. I go only have one van because no we have more than one vehicle and I mirrored again I said you got more

than one vehicle and he said you chase my driver away. I mirrored again I chase your driver away. Now understand I'm confused by everything he's saying to me at the moment. And each time I mirrored him, he loses a little more control. And then finally, when he says, we chase your driver away, his getaway driver had gotten away. We had no idea there was a third accomplice there. And that spontaneous admission led to the conviction of the driver. What's the point? This mirror tool that you can use when you're completely off guard is likely to keep the other side talking and if a controlled bank robber

control freak negotiator is going to make spontaneous admissions. It'll work in all negotiations. And then the cool thing that I love about mirrors is maybe because it's so simple, we find the people that we coach, the high IQ and high EQ people love mirrors, love them. And maybe it's because they're so simple as to why they love those. Now, I'm neither high IQ nor high EQ. So to me, it's one more tool, but the really people that really like and

size simple ways to steer conversations, love mirrors. We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors. Miring people's words can show that you're engaged and encourages the other party to continue revealing information because they appeal to the other party's emotional compass. Information and a negotiation is your ammo that helps you win the battle. Negotiations are often incorrectly viewed as a very logical process, but in reality, negotiation plays on people's emotions. It's been proven that humans make decisions based on what we're feeling, not necessarily

what we're thinking. Let's hear what else Chris has to say about the role of emotions and negotiations through a process called labeling. So you start out, you probably just label kind of what you feel, kind of what you're hearing right off the top of a conversation. You get real good at that, we just practice. You get into a lift driver and a lift driver says, how are you today? And you can say, sounds like you've been a tough day.

Or you pick up on your affect and they seem happy. And you go, hey, you seem happy. You get your practice in by just labeling what's on the surface. That's how you get started. Now motions are kind of crazy in that if we label a positive, you sound happy, that increases a positive. If they're frustrated and you say it sound frustrated, the interesting thing is the labeling of a negative decreases it, it has the opposite effect.

So you get some practice in and you get used to hitting those emotions, which now you're clearing the way they feel understood. They want to cooperate with you. They're more collaborative because they instantly feel more understood. So it's a little bit of the karate kid wax on wax off thing. You just start labeling people and just label whatever you hear after a while your ability to distinguish and understand what you're doing is really going to catch up to your fast. And that's how you get into people very, very quickly.

Awesome. If I remember correctly, you also have to shut up and listen after you able. Is that correct? Yeah, because a good label, you got to let that baby sink in in, you gotta let it hit all the different parts of the amygdala. And a lot of people have real trouble with this because before you know I talked about the accommodate type, you know, the make friends type, their good instinct for being silent is I'm signaling to you that I'm upset with you. And after label, they're horrified that that's the signal they're sending off. And they have a heck of a hard time shutting up. But this is a critical time to really go silent and let your label sink in really well.

My son is my chief operations. He likes to say, when you go silent, start counting thousands to yourself, you never get to three. And why is not saying the word I and being indirect by using phrasing like it seems like or it sounds like important to remember when using labeling? Yeah, a lot of people learn labeling by saying like, well, what I'm hearing is, and a problem with the word I is it's a self-centered word. And particularly when you're observing the other person's reactions and you're trying

to make them feel attended to you're trying to make them feel Attended to you trying to make them feel heard When you use a word I you don't make them feel heard You make them feel like you're interested in your own reaction more than your observation of them and so I in erupts In a the pattern there that works against you. That's why you've got to be really careful with the word eye. Your dog is an important part of your family. Don't settle when it comes to their health. Make the switch to fresh food made with real ingredients that are backed by science with

nom nom. Nom nom delivers fresh dog food that is personalized to your dog's individual needs. Each portion is tailored to ensure your dog gets the nutrition they need so you can watch them thrive. Nom-nom's ingredients are cooked individually and then mixed together, because science tells us that every protein, carb, and veggie has different cooking times and methods. This packs in all the vitamins and minerals your dog needs, so they truly get the most out of every single bite. And nom- Nom is completely free of additives, fillers, and mystery ingredients

that contribute to bloating and low energy. Your dog deserves only the best. And Nom Nom delivers just that. Their nutrient packed recipes are crafted by board certified veterinary nutritionists, made fresh and shipped to your door. Absolutely free. Nom Nom meals started just $2.40,

and every meal is cooked in company-owned kitchens right here in the US, and they've already delivered over 40 million meals, inspiring clean bowls and wagging tails everywhere. Ever since I started feeding my dog Nom-nom, he's been so much more energetic, and he's getting older, he's a senior dog, but now we've been going on longer walks and he's much more playful. He used to be pretty sluggish and sleeping all the time,

but I've definitely noticed a major improvement since I started feeding him nom nom. And the best part, they offer a money back guarantee. If your dog's tail isn't wagging within 30 days, they'll refund your first order. No fillers, no nonsense, just nom nom. Go right now for 50% off your no risk 2 week trial at trinom.com.shap. That's trinom.nom.com.shap for 50% off trinom.com.shap. Hear that sound, young and profitors? You should know that sound by now, but in case you don't, that's the sound of another sale on Shopify.

Shopify is the commerce platform that's revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you sell edgy t-shirts or offer an educational course like me, Shopify simplifies selling online and in person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Shopify is packed with industry leading tools that are ready to ignite your growth, giving you complete control over your business and brand without having to learn any new skills in design or code. And Shopify grows with you,

no matter how big your business gets. Thanks to an endless list of integrations and third party apps, anything you can think of from on-demand printing to accounting to chatbots, Shopify has everything you need to revolutionize your business. If you're a regular listener, you probably know that I use Shopify to sell my LinkedIn secrets masterclass.

Setting up my Shopify store just took me a few days. I didn't have to worry about my website and how I was going to collect payments and how I was going to trigger abandoned cart emails and all these things that Shopify does for me was just a click of a button Even setting up my chat bot was just a click of a button. It was so easy to do like I said just took a couple of days And so it just allowed me to focus on my actual product and making sure my LinkedIn masterclass was the best it could be and I was able to focus on my marketing So Shopify really really helped me make sure that my masterclass was going to be a success right off the bat. It enabled focus and focus is everything when it comes to entrepreneurship. With Shopify single dashboard, I can manage my orders and my payments from

anywhere in the world. And like I said, it's one of my favorite things to do every day is check my Shopify dashboard. It is a rush of dopamine to see all those blinking lights around the world, showing me where everybody is logging on on the site. I love it. I highly recommend it. Shopify is a platform that I use every single day and it can take your business to the next level. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash profiting. Again, go to Shopify.com slash profiting allcase, to take your business to the next level today. Again, that Shopify.com-profiting, Shopify.com-profiting, all lowercase.

This is Possibility, powered by Shopify. People love to know that someone is paying attention to them. That's why labeling what's on the surface is so impactful. It shows that you care and attention to them. That's why labeling what's on the surface is so impactful. It shows that you care and that you noticed. But there's no point in labeling if you don't back off and let the other person prove you right or wrong.

You've got to stay silent. Just listen and let them reveal the validity of your label to you. One tip that Chris taught me to strengthen our labels is to say, I'm sorry before you label someone. I remember in your book, you also mentioned saying that I'm sorry before a mirror can be really impactful, especially when dealing with strong A-type personalities like yourself. Can you explain that hack to our listeners too?

A lot of people say it's a bad thing to say. Those aren't bad words. It's where you drop them. That's really important. Again, I talked about catching people off guard in ways that triggers them that make some more curries. You could do something wrong or do something potentially offensive and say, I'm sorry, that's the bad sequence. But if you say, I'm sorry before you do something, they might respond to negatively or I'm sorry just before your assertion,

which amaze a little bit of assertion. It's a prompt that's provoking them to go on in a good way. If you say I'm sorry out of the blue, you actually get people's attention right away because they're like, what are you sorry about? Which means in that moment they're really glued into what you have to say in a guardage down. Because to say I'm sorry beforehand, makes people feel powerful.

They're like, oh, I got a loose power here, this person is all worried about me. It's an emotional intelligence application of deference. And deference is very powerful because it helps you catch people off guard. So to say, I'm sorry, up front, is to warn people a little bit, to intrigue them a little bit, to get their attention and make them curious. And then when you drop something on them like a mirror or an assertion or a label, it's going to have a much deeper emotional impact exactly the way that you want. So I'm sorry is a great phrase if you just put it in the right place. Be careful when using the words I'm sorry in conversations because you don't want to

seem overly apologetic. At the same time, saying you're sorry can add a great deal of intrigue and provoke interest in whatever you're about to talk about next. There's some other words that carry heavy meaning and negotiations, one of them being fair or the concept of fairness. Let's find out exactly what this F word means in a negotiation and how to approach that word when it comes up. There's almost never negotiation where the F bomb fair doesn't come up because when people

feel backed into a corner it can be a very defensive, innocent if you will, think to say, because they're not sure they're feeling they're on the losing end and it'll say just I just want what's fair I just want to be treated fairly and it'll cause the other side to rethink themselves am I being unfair I mean it's an accusation in disguise and a lot of people say it innocently because they don't know where to go they're actually expressing a tremendous amount of vulnerability in that moment because if they could articulate specifically why they were being treated unfairly if there were any external criteria they'd point to them. And the first time I ever heard this of a person in negotiation instructor, there's one of the

best human beings that I've ever met. They're in the middle of selling their house and marking the housing market it drops substantially. And this person said, well, we just want a fair offer. And the buyer raised their offer. Now, it's not the buyer's fault the market dropped. That was a market price for the house. And the seller felt victimized by the circumstances and they toss us out. I remember thinking, wow, you know, she didn't mean to be manipulative, but it was an emotional cheap shot for lack of a better term thrown out

there very innocently. Now, Flip said, you know, I just want what's fair. I've given you a fair offer. That's so effective for the sharks and the cut-roats, that they know if they're having trouble getting you to accept the offer, if they just say, we've given you a fair offer, it's gonna cause you to question whether or not you're being fair or unfair. And so it comes up in a lot of other venues

because it's such an effectively emotional manipulation tool. So if the word comes up in a lot of other venues because it's such an effectively emotional manipulation tool. So, if the word comes up, what does this mean for you as a takeaway? First of all, how does the Black Swan Group teach people to do it? I'll start out by saying, if at any point in time you feel treated unfairly, let me know and we'll stop and we'll fix it. That's how the only way we deployed the word when we're coaching you. What do we want you to know if you hear it on the other side? Understand if somebody says they think they're being

treated unfairly, whether they're a shark or whether just a decent person. At that point in time they feel pretty defenseless. Now, you've got some great information that you need to be really careful with because when they feel defenseless is not the time to go in for the kill. When they feel defenseless is a particular time to show even more empathy and more understanding

so that they feel comfortable with you being behind their defenses because they know that you're not going to hurt them. But in all cases, if somebody drops the F bomb on you, they feel defenseless and just be careful with that information. Hold tight everyone. Let's take a quick break and hear from our sponsors. When the word fair is used in a negotiation, it causes the other person to question their own levels of fairness. And this use of the word fair indicates vulnerability because it's an indicator of where someone's values lie. If you're in a salary negotiation with an employee and they tell you that they want fair compensation,

that indicates that they don't believe that you're paying them what they deserve. But rather than jump to defense and counter their claim, you should approach the situation with more empathy and understanding. Because like we said at the beginning of this episode, just being nice can help you in almost every situation. We've been talking a lot about verbal cues in this episode, like saying I'm sorry, or

mirroring, or labeling people's emotions, and also tone of voice. But now let's talk about how to read someone's energy and why contrary to popular belief, it's not helpful to match people's energy. So, if you stop and think and perceive and sort of add it up, if they've got energy, the energy is really going to be a dead give way as to what they have in mind. You know, are they distracted? Are they focused on you? Is they're a good vibe?

If they're distracted, they're not looking to make a deal. Or something's in the way. There are other pressures. They're probably not going to make the deal. If they have aggressive energy towards you, which a lot of people might misinterpret as being bad, goodness is, they're looking to make a deal. So, aggression is a good thing from a counterpart in that it signals an intent to deal with you. So yeah, the energy is a really good thing. Now, the flip side of that is, I don't believe in matching people's energy because that makes you the second mover. And when I was teaching negotiation to illustrate this point,

we used to play Tick-Tack-Toe. And I'd say, what's wrong with Tick-Tack-Toe? Do you want to be first? Do you want to be second? If you go first, and you know what you're doing, you can't lose. You can only win or tie. If you go second, and that's what's wrong with being

a second mover, the best you could win or tie. If you go second, and that's what's wrong with being a second mover, the best you could do is tie. That's why you want to go first and tick-tick-tow, because you want to win. And interestingly enough, chess is the same one. That's why there's an advantage to be white, because white moves first. So what does this have to do with energy?

Your energy should always probably be positive. You've got a good natural positive energy. There's some mechanisms. There's a new book out that I'm reading. It's not that new, it's new to me. Antifragile by Nassim Nicholas Talib. Who also wrote the Balax Juan, which is the idea that inspired the name of my company. But Talib talks about being anti-fragile,

which means you don't just survive from negative events. You grow, it makes you smarter. And he says, curiosity is an anti-fragile mindset. It's an energy. It's a demeanor. It's a way of being. I could, if you're curious, you're going to have positive energy. If you're genuinely curious, you're going to bring out the best in both the other side

and yourself. So that's why I say don't match their energy. You know, be positive, be genuinely curious. Yeah, bam. If you're ready to take your business to New Heights, break through to the six or seven figure mark or learn from the world's most successful people. Look no further because the Kelly Roach show has got you covered. Kelly Roach is a best-selling author, a top-ranked podcast host and an extremely talented marketer. She's the owner of Not One, but six thriving companies, and

now she's ready to share her knowledge and experience with you on the Kelly Roach show. Kelly is an inspirational entrepreneur, and I highly respect her. She's been a guest on YAP. She was a former social client. She's a podcast client. And I remember when she came on young and profiting and she talked about her conviction marketing framework. It was like mind blowing to me. I remember immediately implementing what she taught me in the interview in my company and the marketing efforts that we were doing. And as a marketer, I really, really respect all Kelly has done, all Kelly has built. In the corporate world, Kelly secured seven promotions in just eight years, but she didn't just stop there. She was working in nine to five.

And at the same time, she built her eight figure company as a side hustle and eventually took it and made her full-time hustle and her strategic business goals led her to win the prestigious Inc. 500 award for the fastest growing business in the United States. She's built an empire. She's earned a life-changing wealth and on top of all that she maintains a happy marriage and healthy home life. On the Kelly Road show, you'll learn that it's possible to have it all. Tune into the Kelly Road show as she unveils her secrets for growing your business. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out in your career or if you're already a seasoned entrepreneur. In each episode, Kelly shares the truth about what it takes to create rapid, exponential growth.

Unlock your potential, unleash your success, and start living your dream life today. Tune into the Kelly Road Show available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, yaap fam! As you may know, I've been a full-time entrepreneur for three years now. Yap media blew up so fast, it was really hard to keep everything under control, but things have settled a bit, and I'm really focused on revamping and improving our company culture. I have 16 employees, so it's a lot of people to try to rally and motivate, and I recently

had bestselling author Kim Scott on the show. And after previewing her content in our conversation, I just knew I had to take her class on master class, tackle the hard conversations with radical candor to really absorb all she has to offer. And now I'm using her radical candor method every day with my team to give in solicit feedback, to cultivate a more inclusive culture,ethod every day with my team to give in solicit feedback, to cultivate a more inclusive culture, and to empower them with my honesty. And I can see my team feeling more motivated and energized already.

They are really receptive to this framework, and I'm so happy because I really needed this class. With masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best, anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. And we all know that profiting in life doesn't just mean thriving in business. With Masterclass, you can brush up on your art skills or your cooking skills, or even your modeling skills. With over 180 classes from a range of world-class instructors, that thing you've always wanted to do better is just a few clicks away. On Masterclass, you'll find courses from many app-a-all star guests like Chris Voss and

Daniel Pink. I've been taking their sales and negotiation classes and I've been feeling like a real shark lately. I've totally leveled up my sales skills. How much would it cost you to take a one-on-one class from the world's best? A lot. But with Masterclass annual memberships, it just cost you $10 a month. I have to say the most surprising thing about Masterclass since I started this

incredible journey on the platform is the value for the quality of classes instructors. The platform itself is beautiful. The videos are super high quality. You can't beat it. Gain new skills and as little as 10 minutes on your phone, your computer, tablet, smart TV, and my personal favorite way to learn is their audio mode to listen on the go. That way, I can multitask while I learn.

Get unlimited access to every class and right now as the app listener, you can get 15% off when you go to masterclass.com-profiting. That's masterclass.com-profiting for 15% off an annual membership. masterclass.com slash profiting. That's masterclass.com slash profiting for 15% off an annual membership masterclass.com slash profiting. So like no matter what energy they are, come positive, come curious.

Now what's the best frame of mind that you want your opponent to be? Like do you want, if they come in positive, is that always a good thing? Or could that also be something we should be wary of? You're 31% smarter than a positive frame of mind. It helps you that your counterpart is positive also. So many of the negotiation strategies are designed

to at least get them out of a negative mindset. Because no one collaborates well in a negative mindset. They just negative mindsets a downward spiral. So yeah, I'm going to want my counterpart to be positive in their interactions with me. It's going to make them want to have a long-term, prosperous relationship. I, you know, you and I were talking about being

on Clubhouse earlier. I interviewed Mark Cuban recently on a similar app. And Cuban is positive. You know, however, he's portrayed on Shark Tank. Some people think he's a bully. But Cuban's positive. And he wants to collaborate. And everything he does is about a great long-term relationship,

which is how you make a lot of money. It's how you, how guy like Mark Cuban, who when he started his company, slept on a floor or somebody's apartment, now he's a billionaire. Positivity is a great success moment. So yeah, be positive, be curious. I love Chris' philosophy of be positive, be curious. Everyone has a lesson to teach you, so if you enter a negotiation or conversation of any kind with that eagerness to learn, you'll not only find yourself advancing, but also elevating the energies of those around you.

Trap up, let's talk about another verbal negotiation strategy, namely, lying. You know, people love the correct. So sporadically, you know, we teach people to say stuff wrong on purpose to get correct because their correction is feels so good. It's almost addicting. It's ridiculous how good people feel when they correct. And then a secondary consequence of that in place in your benefit also make the quote is attributed to my Angelo.

People don't remember what you said. They remember how you made a feel. Well, if you get really closely guarded information from them, you don't want them to regret telling you. So if they corrected you when they gave you that closely guarded information, they remember how they feel when they said it, they felt great in the moment. And they're not going to regret sharing

really intimate details with you because it felt so good while they were doing. Do you have an example of when you got somebody to correct themselves and how it helped you in negotiation or just any sort of example to really drill this home with everybody tuning in? You know, one of those students when we were teaching at Georgetown,

was in a myth of a real estate deal, and a building was too good to be true. Like a cash cow historic district, which man, it was a cash machine, and it couldn't be knocked down, and a historic district meant competing buildings couldn't be built. So it was a really unique building.

And he couldn't understand why the building was up for sale. And he said, it seems like the owner just doesn't believe in the fundamental future of the market. And the agent immediately shot back, now he's underwater on several other buildings. Now that was closely held information that no agent should ever share, but it was a correction.

And this guy didn't even know he was saying it wrong on purpose. He was just trying to figure it out and so why would a guy sell a cash cow? Like, is it haunted? You know, what is going on here? And so he just said, it seems like it isn't believe in a future fundamentals of the market

and the agent shot back immediately information that he should not have shared because it was a correction. It's just, you know, another company, there are two companies are at impasse and the one company that were coaching. They think they have a rough idea who the problem is on the other side of the table. But they could only narrow it down to one or two possible people. So let's call them Tom and Bob. So at the table, they go, seems like Tom and Bob are against the steel.

The counterparts said, no, it isn't Tom and Bob. Immediately through his colleague under the bus. But since it was a correction, he did it without thinking about it and didn't regret sharing the information because he was correcting the other side. And there you have it, Yapfam. Some of Chris Voss's best nuggets of wisdom

from his time on Young and Profiting podcast. Learning the ins and outs of human behavior can help you succeed in every area of your life. Like Chris said, you are constantly negotiating and by approaching every negotiation with intentionality, you'll find yourself getting what you want more often. By approaching every conversation with positivity and curiosity, you'll be making people feel important because you're enthusiastic and engaged. You can also employ some of the By approaching every conversation with positivity and curiosity, you'll be making people feel important because you're enthusiastic and engaged. You can also employ some of the techniques

that we learned today, like emotional labeling and mirroring, in order to connect with people on a more personal level. It shows that you care that you're paying attention to what they're saying and what they're feeling. Overall, yeah, fam, you always want to make people feel important when it comes to your negotiations. And don't forget that people also love to correct you when you say something wrong, and they also enjoy feeling like you're taking a genuine interest in them.

And when people feel important or understood, they're more likely to disclose the details, that information that's the ammo to help us win our negotiation battles. If you want to take a deep dive into the exciting world of human behavior, I highly encourage you to check out our YouTube and Spotify playlist. We've got tons of human behavior content from people like Katie Milkman, Dr. Jack Schaefer, Mark Bowden, and so many others, Chase Hughes.

We've got so much great human behavior content, so again, we've got playlist on Spotify and YouTube. And if you wanna check out the full episodes with Chris Voss, I highly encourage you guys to do that. I interviewed him on Clubhouse back when Clubhouse was hot. That episode was called Yapp Live, Negotiate Like A Boss With Chris Voss and Alex Carter. We actually won a Webby Award on a Re for Best Live Podcast

for that episode. So again, that's Yapp Live, Negotiate Like A Boss with Chris Voss and Alex Carter. I again, that's Yap Live, Negotiate like a boss with Chris Boss and Alex Carter. I also interviewed him for episode number 144, the art of science behind negotiation, as well as number 23, Negotiate like a boss with Chris Boss. That was one of our most all-time downloaded episodes ever at Young & Profiting. Thanks so much for listening to this week's Yap Snacks on the best of Chris Bossoss content. I hope you learned some actionable advice that you're gonna put into practice.

You're only gonna get better if you practice younger profitors. And without further ado, this is your host, Halataha, sending productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Ruben, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project. And every week, we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben Podcast. My co-host and happiness gu Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft.

That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week we offer a try this at home tip you can use to boost your happiness without spending a lot of time energy or money Suggestions such as follow the one minute rule choose a one word theme for the year or design your summer We also feature segments like know yourself better where we discuss questions like are you an over buyer or an under buyer?

Morning person or night person abundance lever or simplicity, and every episode includes a happiness hack, a quick, easy shortcut to more happy. Listen and follow the podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. You're getting a diploma. You can't eat a diploma, but you can eat wings and chiles. Get 23% off any order of 30 or 50 piece wings when you use promo code 23 grad at charlis.com. That's promo code 23GRAD at charlis.com.

Charlis has wings. you