Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPSnacks: How to Get What You Want

Episode Date: October 29, 2021

How do you get what you want out of life? Today on YAP Snacks, Hala talks about the art of negotiation while sharing tips and tricks from professionals that we’ve spoken to in previous episodes. Being a successful negotiator is one of the best-kept secrets when it comes to getting ahead in your career and in life. Negotiating is hard, especially when you may not feel comfortable taking risks. The fear of rejection can oftentimes overpower the feeling of going after something that you desire. If you often feel too afraid to go after what you want... The YAP team is here to help! We have put together 3 key steps from some of the most renowned negotiators that we have interviewed! Whether asking for a raise or asking your partner to take out the trash, negotiation and confrontation happen more frequently than we think! Join us on this episode to becoming a top negotiator!    This episode is sponsored by the Jordan Harbinger Show, Ladder, and Wondery.   Social Media:   Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Reach out to Hala directly at [e-mail] Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Follow Hala on ClubHouse: @halataha Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Halah Taha. Today, we're going to be talking about negotiating. In life and at work, negotiating is one of the least talked about subjects, but one of the most important ways to get ahead. A negotiation doesn't just pertain to work. It's really any conversation in which you are steering a relationship, whether it's asking for a raise or asking your partner to take out the trash, negotiation and confrontation have been more frequently than we think.

When it comes to negotiation, Americans are not at the top of their game. In fact, according to a recent LinkedIn survey, whether it's asking for a raise or closing a business deal, more than 40% of US employees don't feel confident in their negotiation skills. And 25% of US employees say they've never even negotiated at all in the workplace. So why is it so hard for us to ask for what we want and deserve? In most cases, we're afraid to negotiate because we're afraid of getting a know.

We're afraid of not feeling understood or heard by whoever is at the other end of the table. Negotiating is hard, especially when you may not feel comfortable taking risks or rocking the boat. But there's an art to negotiating, and you can master it with a few simple tricks and guidelines. I've talked with some of the world's most famous negotiators on my show, and in this YAPSNAC, we're going to take their actionable advice and get you negotiating like a pro. Let's get into it. Step 1. Prepare for your negotiation. First things first, before a negotiation, we need to get

into the right mindset and prepare talking points. Negotiations begin before you even step in the room. It begins with you. Feeling confident, getting clear, and knowing you are worthy of what you're asking for is the first step. Look in the mirror and tell yourself why you deserve what you're asking for. Think about why you're great and what makes you great. Write down exactly what you want and the points that will justify what you want. In terms of mindset, if you want to be super proactive, you can even start a confidence journal. That's where you jot down all your wins or the negotiations you did well in.

And before any big meeting or negotiation, you can review your confidence journal and try to channel the feeling and mindset you are in when you achieve that win so you can give yourself a confidence boost and get into the right mindset before you even step into the room. Studies show that if you go into a negotiation having just thought about a previous success, you're more likely to perform better. And here's a most important tip. The critical question to ask yourself before going into any

negotiation is what problem am I trying to solve? I talked to Alex Carter, the world's leading female negotiation expert about these critical first steps, and here's what she had to say. Having now coached so many diplomats, executives, judges, HR professionals, I found that the number one mistake that people made was they thought the negotiations started the moment they sat down with somebody else. And at that point, you have missed at least half of what makes it work.

What they missed was they didn't negotiate the relationship with themselves first. And so before you sit down you have to take a look in the mirror to really prepare yourself and to know what you're doing when you get to the table. And the best way to do that is to ask questions. So let me give you two questions that are critical for people especially right now at this time as they're negotiating. So I'll tell a story for each one. So the first is a company that came to me and they said, Alex, this is back in May, we just lost an entire segment of our business.

And we're going to be short on revenue for June. And so we need your help because we're going to blast our whole roll of decks to try to get some new clients in the door. And I stopped them and I asked them the first question and asked for more, which is, what's the problem you're trying to solve? Because you know, especially in a crisis, I think people start spinning and they immediately want to throw everything against the wall to see what's going to stick. But what I asked this client was, what's the problem you want to solve here? Are you just trying to bring revenue in the door for June at any cost? Or are you trying to figure out how to pivot your business?

Are you trying to figure out your best guesses for here and beyond? In which case, we're not blasting 2,000 people, we're sending targeted pitches to five or 10, defining the right problem. The second scenario is a very senior person at an organization who told me that she was really great at negotiating for other people, but really struggled to do it for herself.

And so I told her to ask the question from chapter four of Ask for More, which is, how have I handled this successfully in the past? Do you know that if you go into a negotiation having just thought about a prior success, you're likely to perform better? And so often we're going in doing exactly the opposite, right? We're going in thinking, oh God, last time,

this didn't go well or I messed this up. No, think about a prior success and write down in detail how you achieved it. Because here's the thing, if you are great for the company, I want you to write down how you are great, what makes you great, and then you can take those strategies and use them on yourself. I think that's excellent advice.

And I love that your advice there about writing down past negotiations that you won and what you did and what you felt. And it relates to a concept that I talked about recently on my show called the Confidence Journal, where when you do something well, you perform well, whatever it was, you write down those memories, and then you can basically retry your self in situations where you might not even be, you know, thinking about it, more naturally, you'll be more confident or better at negotiation in this example. Step two, relationship building. Another critical part of negotiation that happens before you walk into the room is relationship building. Relationships create and execute

the deal, not the other way around. Being able to form bonds and talk with people of all levels is going to build you a better rapport and reputation with those surrounding the decision makers, and I don't mean surface value and in genuine bonds, but rather heartfelt and curious relationships. On a basic level, there are certain behaviors we can look for while in conversations with others. By learning how to interpret these behaviors, we can read people and their body language a bit more easily, which can help us decipher their feelings

and create a connection built on understanding. Top human behavior expert Chase Hughes gives us his biggest tip when trying to understand body language and nonverbal behaviors. So it's not like learning geometry or some skill. I would say it's more akin to learning a motorcycle. Like we have a lot of things going on at one time, and it's best to just master one thing at a time until it moves from the front of your brain, we have to pay attention to it to the back of your brain towards kind of automatic.

So like driving was really hard at first until you got good at it. And now you can kind of zone out on your way home from work. So it'll become unconscious, but I'd say the most important thing to being able to read people. And this is a skill that everyone needs. Like if you're in sales,

you're in the human behavior business. If you're in business, you deal with human behavior on a regular basis. So being able to see this stuff and really understand what it means is so critical. I mean, even if it's two thirds and not 90% of communication, like a lot of study suggests, it's more than half of communication and we almost deliberately ignore it. So I think once you're able to start seeing behavior, just watching it for its own sake, and then learning more about it,

the first thing that usually happens to people is that it's really depressing, because you will see suffering and insecurity and fear in every person that you meet. But in the end, suffering is like the universal law of human beings. Everyone is suffering. Everyone's going through something. Everyone is self-conscious. I've never met a non-self-conscious person. So I think what that does after you kind of get over like, yeah, everybody screwed up.

It gets to a place where people are more approachable and they're more human. So it just kind of humanizes everybody and it takes away a lot of your own social anxiety. Once you can see how screwed up everybody else is. Yeah, I hope that one day I'll be able to do this. For now I just need to practice and I think that you mentioned that using different TV shows is a good way to start getting familiar with everything, right? Yeah, I had a client recently who was training with me. And she wanted to bring up her favorite reality show at the time, which was called Catfish. And I had never heard of it.

I'm not a big TV guy, but this is a show on MTV where these people pretend to be like a hot guy or a hot girl and like lure these people into these relationships online. And then of course it comes up in this big crescendo, this emotional crescendo at the end where there's a big reveal and stuff. And one of the best tips for building strong relationships out the gate is to be fully present with the other person you're engaging with, and to focus on that person rather than yourself. Retired FBI agent Robin Drick gives us his perspective on why giving others choice

and our attention and conversations can build stronger relationships faster. And it's challenging too, especially if there's someone we want to meet, whether it's personal, professional, we are desperately, we want this to work. And when we want things to work, what happens? We get tense, we get intense, you know, and the focus is what I'm looking for. I'm trying to think in turn, my brain automatically thinks in terms of how can I convince this person I want to see me? But remember, convincing is about you. You want to inspire that person to want to see

you. And inspiration has to come from within them. So if you're going to want to have this person inspired to see you, you have to give them a reason why they'd want to see you. From their point of you, from their priorities, and one of the ways you do that is by overlapping priorities and you empower them with choice about whether they want to or not. Young and profitors, do you have a brilliant business idea but you don't know how to move forward with it? Going into debt for a four-year degree isn't the only path to success. Instead, learn everything you need to know about running a business for free by listening to the Millionaire University podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is a show that's changing the game for aspiring entrepreneurs. Hosted by Justin and Tara Williams, it's the ultimate resource for those who want to run a successful business and graduate rich. Not broke.

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Again, that Shopify.com, Sush, profiting, Shopify.com, Sush, profiting all lowercase. This is Possibility powered by Shopify. Yeah, bam. If you're ready to take your business to new heights, break through to the six or seven figure mark or learn from the world's most successful people, look no further because the Kelly Roach show has got you covered. Kelly Roach is a best-selling author, a top-ranked podcast host, and an extremely talented marketer. She's the owner of Not One, but six thriving companies, and now she's ready to share

her knowledge and experience with you on the Kelly Roach show. Kelly is an inspirational entrepreneur, and I highly respect her. She's been a guest on YAP. She was a former social client. She's a podcast client And I remember when she came on young and profiting and she talked about her conviction marketing framework It was like mind blowing to me. I remember immediately Implementing what she taught me in the interview in my company and the marketing efforts that we were doing and as a marketer I really really respect all Kelly has done, all Kelly has built.

In the corporate world, Kelly secured seven promotions in just eight years, but she didn't just stop there. She was working in nine to five. And at the same time, she built her eight figure company as a side hustle and eventually took it and made it her full-time hustle. And her strategic business goals led her to win the prestigious Inc. 500 award for the fastest growing business in the United States. She's built an empire she's earned a life-changing wealth. And on top of all that she maintains a happy marriage and a healthy home life. On the Kelly Road Show you'll learn that it's possible to have it all. Tune into the Kelly Road Show as she unveils her secrets for growing your business.

It doesn't matter if you're just starting out in your career or if you're already a seasoned entrepreneur. In each episode, Kelly shares the truth about what it takes to create rapid, exponential growth. Unlock your potential, unleash your success, and start living your dream life today. Tune into the Kelly Road Show available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Step 3. Stating Intent. So we've done the outside work. We've gotten clear and confident in ourselves and our motivations, and we've built strong, meaningful relationships that ties to the people we are negotiating with. Next, we need to bring this trust in ourselves and our intent to the table. Negotiating Master Chris Valls told us about stating intent back in episode number 23 and why it's important to be clear

with what we want during negotiations. I was on a phone with some people there the day we were doing a training session, and the fine line is, if you need to be liked, then suddenly you're taken hostage by it. And you don't want the need to be liked to take your hostage, but you do want to be likable.

So my mindset is like, I will think to myself, I like you. Not do you like me, but if my inner voice is saying over and over again, I like you, I like you. I mean, that's going to come through and I'm not going to take myself hostage by needing to be liked, but have a great negotiation or to get what you want, but not at the other person's expense. You gotta let them know what you want. And some people, if they're taking hostage,

by the need to be like, they're afraid to let people know what they want. And you can't make a good deal if you don't let people know what you want. You want them to read your mind, that's just not fair. Stating our intentions and goals right off the bat is key. People need to know what we want and why we deserve it. But more importantly, is asking key questions.

Alex Carter back in episode number 86 tells us her two magic words to ask at the beginning of a negotiation. First is, tell me. Tell me or tell us are the two magic words that you should use to start every negotiation. Whether you are negotiating with somebody in the home over the home office or whether you're trying to land a six-figure deal during coronavirus.

When they did that, the distributor sat back in stunned silence for a couple of seconds and then said, okay, you want to know why you didn't get the deal? Here's why you didn't get the deal. And she gave them the keys to the kingdom. They didn't need to show the pitch deck. They asked one question, and then they were silent, and they landed the six-figure deal. So tell me, start it with every occasion and watch.

You will get the most information, and you will generate the most trust from the other side. Two key things that you need for your deal. The idea of using Tell Me or Tell Us at the beginning of a negotiation brings us back to why we shouldn't fear hearing NO in our conversations. Asking leading questions like Tell Me or what are your concerns are probing the problem they may have with the negotiation? These questions can then lead them, not you, to diagnose the problem, and then you're given the opportunity to find the solution that is beneficial to all involved.

And this brings me to step number four, listen and be silent. In a negotiation, silence is your best friend. A lot of a spear, awkward pauses, or long silences, and our initial reaction is to fill them. Not being so reactionary and working to listen takes practice, but it is such a powerful tool to gather information in a high pressure environment. One of the pitfalls of negotiating is jumping right into solutions, and not taking the time to find the problem that your counterpart is trying

to solve. The more comfortable you're with with silence, the more you encourage the other person to speak and possibly accept your proposal and help solve your problem. It's three words that I would love people to memorize and those three words are land the plane. What this means is, when you ask a question or when you make a proposal, do not keep talking, do not keep talking. Do not keep your plane in the air. I want you to bring that plane in for a landing and allow the silence.

You know, so often, we're so scared of silence that we end up bidding against ourselves. You know, for example, we'll ask, what do you need to get this done here today? Would $10,000 do you need to get this done here today? With $10,000, do it. No, right? It could have been $5,000 and you overpaid. Or if this is a job candidate,

it could have been mentoring, it could have been vacation. You don't know. So ask the question or make your point and then sit back and close your mouth. The more comfortable you are with silence, the more you'll encourage the other person to talk and possibly even to accept your proposal. Silence is like going to the gym.

You have to work out and work up a tolerance for it. And the more you do it, it is incredible. How much more money you will make, how many deals you were closed, or honestly, how much closer you'll get to people. And there you have it. These were our top negotiation takeaways from some of the most renowned experts in the world.

Remember to have confidence in yourself, ask key questions, and embrace the silence when negotiating and having those difficult conversations. I hope you've learned some awesome tips in the CAB Snacks, and I wanna leave you with one last amazing takeaway from Alex Carter. You know, another pitfall that people make that we haven't yet talked about is

they ignore the importance of feelings. You know, in my book, I call feelings the F word, because it's something that folks often don't wanna talk about. We think that feelings get in the way of our deals when actually feelings are how we make decisions. Do you know there's neuroscience research to show that people, so this one neuroscientist studied people whose brains were totally intact except for the one part that processed feelings?

And do you know what happened? Those folks could talk about a decision all day long but they couldn't make the decision. So here's what I want people to know. Use your feelings to your advantage. Before you go into any negotiation, I want you to write down what do I feel and then write it all down. The good, the bad, the ugly, the stuff that you like to feel and the stuff that you wish you didn't feel. The reason is that when you write those down in advance, you're gonna feel calmer and more controlled once you get to the table.

But also, Hollett, there's magic in feelings. Sometimes I'll ask people, okay, what do you need out of this deal? And they'll say to me, like, God, I don't know. I'm just not sure what I really need to achieve. So then I ask them, I want you to write down all your feelings. And then every single one of the negative ones, okay? So let's say somebody tells me, I feel disrespected or I feel unacknowledged. Flip those around and that's what you need. You need respect, you need acknowledgement.

So take your top few negative feelings, flip them around and now you know what your priorities are when you go and sit at the table. How did you feel about this episode? Tell me your main takeaway by leaving a review on Apple Cast Box Podbean or your favorite platform. This is Hala, your host, signing off. Are you looking for ways to be happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one best-selling author of

the Happiness Project. And every week we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and Happiness Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness

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