Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPSnacks: Killer Ways To Boost Confidence with Hala and Jordan | Human Behavior

Episode Date: October 16, 2020

In this YAP Snacks episode Hala and Jordan talk all things confidence! YAP Snack is a podcast series of bite-sized and digestible content hosted Hala Taha and fellow podcaster Jordan Paris of Growth Mindset University.   Links:   Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Reach out to Hala directly at [e-mail] Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com

Hey, everyone, you're listening to Yap Snacks, a podcast series of bite-sized and digestible content hosted by me and fellow podcaster Jordan Parris, who also has his own podcast called Growth Mindset University. On today's episode, we're covering confidence. Hey, Jordan, thanks for joining the show. Of course. Let's do it. So when it comes to having greater self-confidence, the reasons why I think it's so important is because with confidence, you're calm and collected, you're ready for whatever comes your way, and it also helps you optimize your results. You get the energy and motivation that you need to take action. Yes. So much of it is, and I was thinking about this the other day, actually, myself of like five, six years ago and myself now, the way I, just the way I moved

five to six years ago, my body language five to six years ago. The way I carried myself was totally unconfident, totally undeserving of respect. And I feel like the way that I carry myself today is completely different. And it warrants respect. The way you carry yourself, it shows that confidence or lack thereof. I totally agree. When I was in high school, I remember I never made it when I tried out for the plays. I would always get like, you know, a crappy role. I was never the lead. I would never make my sports teams when I tried out. And looking back, I wasn't less talented back then. I wasn't less smart.

I was actually less confident. And that was the whole problem. I had too many negative thoughts going on in my head. I was too self-conscious. I lacked self-esteem. And that's why I didn't get those positions. And it wasn't until I was in college when I found the law of attraction. And I started believing in myself and thinking positively and really retraining

my brain to believe in myself. That's when I started getting everything, got on the cheerleading team, like leads in the plays and so on. And I think that so much of what you're saying, to your point, confidence is very much a mindset. It's believing in yourself and in your ability. And I think that, you know, that could sound cliche and, oh, you know, oh, believe in yourself, whatever. But Confidence being a mindset, I mean, how do we increase confidence? That's something that I'm covering here today. And to increase your confidence, increase your competence, get good at it, get really good at it. And what I do is I kind of identify what I suck at or what I want to get good at, what I want to get confident at. And then I seek out the learning resources from people who ought to know. People who have been there, done that, they're still doing that. They're world class at the thing they do. And then I go learn and I test what I've learned. For example, in the world of sales, I at the beginning of 2020, was horrible with sales. I would say, I don't know how to do it.

I just can't do it. And I identified that I kind of need to get good at this if I want to build my company here and not just rely on hope and inbound leads to save the day. And so I was like, I got to get good at this. And what did I do? I sought out all these learning resources, all these books on selling. I consume so many books on persuasion and sales and prospecting. And over the course of from March to now, and we're recording this in October,

I feel like I'm getting almost in sales to a level of mastery. Like I really, I get it now. I don't even have to think about it anymore. And it was all about becoming more competitive. And now, like, I'm super confident now when I get on the fun. Like, I don't even have to think about it. I'm not nervous and I'm just confidence. And it came from increasing my confidence, my competence, rather.

And the same in the world of communication. When, you know, I didn't know how to talk to people. I, you know, I would go a whole day at school without talking in high school. And I was not confident at all in my ability to talk to people even when I got to college, even though I was talking to people a lot, I just, I didn't think I was very good at it. And I was like, I got to fix this. And so I sought out the learning resources from people like Vanessa Van Edwards and Jordan Harbinger, specifically. And I made it happen.

I tested what I've learned. That's what happens when you walk out the door and into the real world. You have to test what you've learned in communication. You have to communicate with other people. And so I feel that over the past several years, I've gotten becoming much, better communicator and much more confident communicator because I've increased my competence. Yeah, I think that's really key. I think practice and preparation can always make you feel more confident. And, you know, if you have a big presentation, if you rehearse it, prepare,

really make sure you know your stuff. In your meeting the next day, you're going to rock it because you know you did everything that you could to be prepared. Proper preparation prevents poor performance, right? Totally. So a couple other things I had. One here, look good, feel good. My confidence is, I think I have a good confidence baseline, but it rises even more if I have a good haircut, a good, clean, fresh haircut. I'm well groomed, and I am dressed reasonably well, and I look good in terms of my physique.

I'm eating well and I'm exercising. Look good, feel good. I find that when I look my best, I feel my best, and I'm my most confident and happiest. And yeah. And then another thing here, confidence, you can breed confidence in specific things by doing it more. Like when I was scared of recording videos, of doing selfie videos, Heather, Heather Monaghan actually challenged me to just do it and put it out there. end of like April 2018 was my headline that she had given me. And I did it. And then I did it four or five times a week after that for months and months and months on end. And then it got to

the point where I didn't even have to think about it anymore. Like there was no nerves. There was no mental block. It was just straight confidence. Like I, oh yeah, I can I can do this. And now that I have stopped doing selfie videos entirely in 2020 for whatever reason, my confidence. in the world of recording selfie videos and posting them is like none. Whenever I tried to do it, I tried like the other week. My heart started racing like immediately. So confidence is in specific things. It's a muscle.

I didn't use my confidence muscle in recording selfie videos for a long time and I lost it. That's exactly right. And Heather Monaghan says that confidence is like a muscle that you have to train. Just like you work out in the gym to make your muscle stronger. is a muscle that you have to continue to train to keep strong. So speaking of being your best, you mentioned kind of the looks portion of it, making sure that your hair is done, that you have good hygiene. All of those things are mandatory in order for you to have good confidence. You know, you're not going to do your best. And everybody has their own style. So maybe being in a

suit might be very uptight for some people and they actually might not feel confident in dress like that. But depending on what your style is, like whatever you feel more comfortable in and makes you feel your best, that's what you want to wear when you need to be in a situation where you need to be confident. Besides just looking your best, you want to make sure that you feel your best. So you want to make sure that you're working out, you sleep, you meditate, whatever special things that you need to do for yourself in order for you to be the best you that you can be. So I just wanted to call that out. You might need to actually take time. People, you know, are worried about, especially women, they feel like they can't take time away from their family and they

don't do things for themselves that might make them feel more confident, whether that's getting their nails done, whether that's taking time to go to the gym, or just taking a loan time to take a walk. You've got to be your best you in order to be confident. So I just wanted to call that out. At Yap, we have a super unique company culture. We're all about obsessive excellence. We even call ourselves scrappy hustlers. And I'm really picky when it comes to my employees. My team is growing every day. We're 60 people all over the world. And when it comes to hiring, I no longer feel overwhelmed by finding that perfect candidate, even though I'm so picky because when it comes to hiring, Indeed is all you need. Stop struggling to get your job post noticed. Indeed, sponsor jobs help you

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Something else, I think, in the beginning of your confidence journey that you should do, is really find your baseline. So you need to know where you're starting from. And Heather Monaghan, who is like the confidence expert, she's one of my mentors, a past podcast guest as well. She always talks about this, that you need to find your baseline. So some of the things that I think you should ask when you're figuring out your baseline is, you know, what does being brave mean to you? Have you shown courage recently? And what ways do you wish that you were more courageous?

Because I think that bravery and courage, these are all things when you think of those words, it will trigger. you know, how you actually feel and what your strengths and weaknesses are in those areas. In addition, you might want to think about like what situations make you feel uncomfortable. Is it when you're giving a presentation at work? Is it when you're in a social setting with your friends? When do you actually feel uncomfortable and think about why that is? And you might also want to think about what you can do to feel more comfortable in those situations so that you can start to counteract that. And then in addition, you might want to also look at people who you respect in terms of the way that they carry themselves. Who do you know that radiates self-respect? How can you

tell that this person respects themselves? What can you learn from them? All of these things will kind of help give you a baseline so you can start to identify your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to confidence. And it's basically like an assessment of your confidence and it will help you track your progress later on. Excellent. I've covered everything. You have anything else, Hala? Yeah, I do.

I think something else that you can do is start a confidence journal. So we all have moments in our lives when we were confident. For me, I can remember one of my earliest memories of being confident was when I tried out for a mistalented teen, New Jersey in high school. And I was first runner-up, I did really well, and I sang a Mandy Moore song on stage. And I wasn't, like, you know, as confident as I am now back then. But I remember I did have confidence. And I remember the feelings that I had.

I was very prepared. I knew that I had a good voice. I had a beautiful dress on. My makeup was done. And all of those things kind of like make you feel more confident. So in my journal, I would write about, you know, the fact that I was standing up straight. and I was singing with confidence and I practiced. And when you record your confident memories, it allows you to go back in time and kind of

re-trigger the part of your brain that controls your confidence. We were just talking about it before. It's actually called neuroplasticity. Neuroscience has shown that we all have this thing called neuroplasticity. I talked about it with John Asaroff in my interview with him. And basically, we can form new neurons in our brains, no matter what. what age we are and we can change how these neurons in our brains connect and create new thinking patterns. And so you can create a new emotional response to situations and you can create a confident

thinking and emotional response in situations that you wouldn't necessarily typically feel confident in. And so that's why these confident journal entries are really important. Every time you like have a confident moment, you want to write it down, remember the feelings that you had, and go back in time and think about all the confident moments that you've had. And people say that this really works. Heather Monaghan talks about a confidence journal. There's so many experts out there who talk about having a confidence journal and how it can help you grow that muscle of confidence that we were just talking about.

So when I'm feeling on top of the world and confident, I journal it in my understanding correctly? Yeah, it's about going back in time, thinking about all the confident moments that you've had and really writing down how you felt during that moment. What were you doing? Why did you feel so confident? And thinking about how you can channel that energy the next time you need to be confident. It just helps you feel confident again, apparently, and makes it more natural so that next time you need to be confident,

it's actually more of a natural instinct rather than something that you really have to kind of fight for to make happen. happen. Yes. And there's evidence on the piece of paper. So the last thing I'm going to talk about when it comes to improving our confidence is that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others. I think this is a huge mistake that I see other people do. They focus on other people rather than looking at themselves. And I think this goes back to establishing a baseline. So really understanding and giving yourself a self-assessment in terms of what you are good at when it comes to confidence and what you're bad at. And you should only be worrying about yourself. You shouldn't be looking at other people. Other people aren't going to impact your life. You are the only one who can really improve

your life and help yourself succeed. And so that's why you really shouldn't waste your time comparing yourself to others. And similarly, you need to make sure that you have the right environment. So you need to surround yourself with the right people. So not only are you not comparing other people who are not in your environment, you also need to curate your own environment so that you're surrounding yourself with people who are confident in you and who make you feel good about yourself. This is so important. So this means not only, you know, removing people from your life, but it also means networking to find the right people who you should incorporate in your environment so that you can be your best you and most confident self.

Going back, Hala, I know one way, one surefire way to make yourself miserable. Compare yourself to others. And I know from experience, very much so. Yeah, it really can ruin your confidence and self-esteem. And it's also a waste of time. It doesn't do anything for you to be scrolling on social media and stalking other people and, you know, getting upset of how much the success they had. You've got to take action and do something yourself. Studying other people and wasting your time when other people is going to do nothing. And gossiping about other people makes you look pathetic. And you should just stay away from it.

And there will always be people doing better than you. There will always be endless people to compare yourself to. Yeah. And so you should surround your. yourself with a support squad, people who love and care about you, who believe in your dreams, who think you have great self-worth. Those are the people, the people who you feel energized and invigorated after meeting with them and talking to them. Those are the people that you want in your life. And something else I would suggest is to take an internet or social media detox if you have

to. If you're just obsessed with looking at other people's Instagram pages and it makes you feel horrible, take a detox, just stay away from it and work on yourself. Yeah, I got to do that. Big time. Cool. So with that, we've gone over a ton of amazing confidence tips. We talked about having a confidence baseline so that you know your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to your confidence. We also talked about a confidence journal. We also went over the importance of competence and how practice makes perfect and will help you feel prepared when it's your big day.

And lastly, we went over the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people. There we have it. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to Young and Profiting Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or comment on YouTube, SoundCloud, or your favorite platform. Reviews make all the hard work worth it. They're the ultimate thank you to me and the Yap team. The other way to support us is by word of mouth. Share this podcast with a friend or family member who may find it valuable. Follow Yap on Instagram at Young and Profiting. and check us out at young and profiting.com.

You can find me on Instagram at Yap with Hala or LinkedIn. Just search for my name, Hala Taha. Until next time, this is Hala, signing off.