Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog

Episode Date: April 28, 2021

Carl the Bloodhound steals the show this week, offering us introductory music and an amazing bit called “DON’T RING THE FKN DOORBELL.” And speaking of dogs, Brand-eye ran DNA tests on all of hers, and we learn all about who Astra really is. We also talk a lot about Jeeps in this episode, including the people who attach gas cans to them (why?) and the classic Jeep wave that Brandi refuses to participate in. We also have some great tunes for you this week, including another very sad song by Young Nikki. Wells then confesses who his favorite Cyrus singer is, and we’ve got it saved for the record. We also provide you with the perfect music for a nice nature walk, the perfect cocktail recipe to impress your pals, and lastly, Erotic Grandpa is back and better than ever to close out the show.  Thanks to our awesome sponsors for making this episode possible! Check out these deals just for you, YFTers:  ZOCDOC – Go to Zocdoc.com/YFT and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor  SHIPSTATION – Go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in YFT to get a 60-day free trial  HELLO TUSHY – Go to hellotushy.com/yft to get 10% off plus free shipping   SKYN – Shop SKYN condoms on Amazon.com  Join our community at Patreon.com/YourFavoriteThing 

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print labels, and make customer service a breeze, dude. Scale your e-commerce business with shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code YOURFAVORITETHING to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's even more savings. That's ShipStation.com. Code YOURFAVORITETHING. Do it. thing. Do it. Karo! I just want you guys to get a little bit of what my life is like

with a hound dog. Just constantly howling at people walking across the street. This is what my life is like. Okay. I've gotten them. I've gotten him to shut up.

Let's call Brandy. Bing, bong, boom, ding-a-lang-a-ding, ding, dong, dang. Hello. Hello. What's up? Nothing. Sorry. It was funny because like I was, I said I was going to be late and then I wasn't.

And then, then I think once I put it in your head that I was going to be late, you freed up your mind to do other shit. And then you were late. Not other shit. Make a coffee. Oh yeah. Okay. A second coffee.

Here it is. And then, so I put it on Instagram, so everybody knows, but my horse, she had to have her eye lasered because she had a cyst in her eye like a few weeks ago. Thankfully, I have insurance on my horse. So I sent in like an insurance claim so that I don't have to pay for the eye laser because it was very expensive. And the freaking insurance company has been calling me. And of course, I've been unavailable because I'm busy. And they've called like 8,000 times. And they just were calling.

And I was like, okay, I got to answer. How is Stargirl's cornea? Great. You would never even know. Hasn't missed a beat. That's good. Yeah. Technology, man.

Dude, it's so crazy that people are totally fine with someone putting a laser to your eyeball. Speaking of, I feel like I want to get LASIK. I mean, it's like been around for so long. Like we would know by now if it makes you go blind, right? For sure. And like my mom did it. My sister did it. They swear by it.

We should get a fucking LASIK sponsor. Let's do it because I think it's time for me to do it. If I don't do it now, like what's the point, you know? Yeah. So anyways, the reason why I was going to be late was because they were delivering a teak driftwood riverbed coffee table for outside and it's a coffee table i thought you were gonna say like a sauna and i was like you bougie bougie bitch dude i already got the sauna you know that i will say this i think we've tried to get them to be sponsors

but like not an ad but i did get that two-person sauna and it uses infrared I don't know it's like microwaving my body and yeah you hear you want to hear a funny story about that though yep I sit in every single day it's it's the greatest thing also every day every single day I get a fat sweat in there but here's the thing and I'm a tall guy I'm I'm feet tall, relatively tall. And the seat is too high. So my feet kind of dangle on the, don't get to the ground. And it annoys the hell out of me because I really have to like lean forward in there. And I want to like lean back and just like sweat like a hiller in church. So I bought a squatty potty.

You remember what squatty potties are? Oh, yeah. I got one at a secret santa a couple years ago honestly it's kind of genius yeah i don't use one of those but i tried once and i was like i feel like i'm gonna fall i'm gonna slip in but anyways i bought the squatty potty because you're kind of like up and you're in a very vulnerable position so i got the squatty potty so my feet could be up in the sauna so it looks like I'm in there taking a shit, but I'm just sweating. And what do you think that really does for you? Just like rid your body of toxins? Is that the

play? 100%. Also, I will say this, your boy's got high blood pressure. We know that. We do know that. Saunas are like scientifically proven to lower your blood pressure. Raises your heart rate, obviously, because your body is like, oh shit, we got to start sweating. And then it rids your wealth of toxins. Then I'll go and I'll do like my BP afterwards. And my BP, even with this medication that I'm on, is like 130 over like 78, okay?

Which is like still a little elevated. But if I go sauna and then do BP, we're talking like 119 over 68. Yeah. Oh, wow. So much so that I told my doctor that and he's like, yeah, because I always have to like denote what my blood pressure is every single day. And he's like, do not denote it after the sauna. That's cheating. And I was like, oh, I did not know that. I was like, doc, my blood pressure is great after the sauna. He goes, yeah, because you're in the sauna, kid. And I was like, oh, OK.

Sorry, didn't know that. So maybe you need to move to like Miami where it's like basically you live in a sauna and then your blood pressure is going to be great. My brother and I have been thinking about buying a place in Palm Springs. And then you can like Airbnb it or, you know, whatever VRBO it out there. You got a place to chill for cachel and stage cutch. True. Never going to. We're too old to go to.

So we'll never do either of those things, but I'll make money because you dumb kids want to go and do drugs in the desert. I think we're going to do that. I think that's a good, I think it's a good investment. I do too, actually. It sounds good. Yeah. You can go stay at my little chateau, my villa in the desert if you think we're going to do that. I think that's a good, I think it's a good investment. I do too, actually. It sounds good. Yeah. You can go stay at my little chateau, my villa in the desert if you want. My villa. Oh. So yeah, we have a teak drift riverwood table for outside. It's so expensive for something that's going to be outside. But teak lasts

forever. That's what you're paying for. I guess. I don't know. I tell you what, we're in the midst of, we've got an interior designer and we're doing all this stuff. My whole thing was, I will pay for an interior designer to come in here, get this shit done. Like let's, let's move. And let me tell you something for everyone out there thinking about getting an interior designer. That's not how it works. Get ready to fucking hang out with this person for years on end. Nothing is ever, nothing gets here ever. No room ever really gets finished, by the way. Now this person just hangs out with us all the time.

I totally get it. I thought bing, bang, boom, we're going to be done with this over like a month. And we're looking like 2024 finishing this. Well, also most interior designers work hourly so you know they're gonna drag that shit out no kidding man i know it anyways there's my interior designer why aren't you guys on an episode of like freaking marriage or mortgage or something fun i don't know because i don't want that i know I don't want... I'd watch that. I know. I don't want a bunch of

camera people in my house. Oh, really? No. I'll tell you why. Because I'm pretty sure Carl will murder them. Oh. Well, speaking of dogs, I have a dog thing. But should we start the show first? Yeah, let's do it. I think it's... Is it me? Yeah. Bros and hoes, you're listening to your

favorite thing podcast with... Wells and Brandy. Where's your bell? You don't hear it? No. There you go. Yeah. Mine just overpowered yours.

Yeah, well. Because it's fancy. Did some DNA testing on my dogs. Okay. Have you ever DNA tested any of your dogs or like Carl's full-blooded? Have you ever DNA tested any of your dogs or like Carl's full-blooded? I've never DNA tested any of the dogs because I'm not going to like go to their motherland and show them, you know, I'm doggery. I'm dog, I'm doggy.

Why not? Because they don't fucking know, know their dogs. Sarah did it. Boo. I know Boo is, is part lab and part Weimaraner. Oh, I can see that. Yeah. So what is your dogs? Little dog, 100% beagle. Shocker.

Yeah. Astra. I was like really curious about Azzy girl because first of all, Huskies are just psycho. Like Huskies are not good dogs, right? Like they're so pretty, but just they're not good. People told me that when I got her, they were like, you're going to regret this, but she's amazing. And so I'm like, she has to be something else. I'm going with Kali. I think she's got some Kali in her. Kali. Wow. That's not a bad idea. And then also her size. Like she's, I mean, Husky female Huskies are small, but like Astro's tiny. I mean, she's like 48 pounds. She's like not a, not a big girl. All right. So the results are in. Okay. Azzy girl is 46% Siberian Husky. Cool.

So not even half. Yeah. 30% Alaskan Malamute, which they look like Huskies, but they're gigantic and really fluffy. I'm like surprised she's that much Malamute because she's so tiny. And Malamutes are really talkative, and she's really not. Like that one shocked me. And like Chihuahua? How do we get her down so tiny? This is how we got her down so tiny.

Do you know what a, I don't even know if I'm saying it right. Do you know what a Samoyed, Samoyed, you know what that is? It sounds like an STD. I got Samoyed. Okay, well, it's not. It's a really cute white fluffy dog. Do you, have you really never seen one? Here, I'll show you a pic.

Oh yeah. You seen one of those? Yeah, those are really pretty dogs. They you really never seen one? Here, I'll show you a pic. Oh, yeah. You seen one of those? Yeah, those are really pretty dogs. They're really pretty, and I don't know, for some reason, like, they kind of look big, I guess because of all the fur, but it says that the female's average weight is 35

to 45 pounds. Boom. Astro girl. And then, you got a final 8.9% German Shepherd. Ah, that's why she's a good girl. I knew there was a little German Shepherd in there because she's just such a smart girl. Yeah. So that's Azzy girl.

That's very cool. When I got Carl, they were like, yeah, he's a bloodhound. And I was like, okay. But I, in my mind, he's not as floppy as other bloodhounds are and like jowly. I think he probably is like half bloodhound and half coonhound. Oh, I could see that. Yeah. So maybe I should do it with Carl.

I don't know. Like I've done the DNA thing for me and that shit changes. They send me updates all the time. Like originally. Seriously? Yeah. Originally I had 9% Jewish and I was like, that's about how funny I am. That's exactly right. And now I'm like only 3% Jewish and I was like, that's about how funny I am. That's exactly right.

And now I'm like only 3% Jewish. So like, what am I? Am I a little bit of a chosen person or like I'm barely even one of the chosen people? Like, no. And then I used to have some African-American in me,

which I was like really, not African-American, African because I'm Portuguese. So I think it's the Moors invaded Portugal and I got some soul, you know, got some rhythm, like kill it on the dance floor. And then they sent me like an update that I had no African in me. And I was like, come on, I like the original version.

And the original one, I was like, oh, what? Portuguese, over 50% Iberian Peninsula. So I was like, dope, dope, dope. So like that, I am Portuguese, over 50% Iberian Peninsula. So I was like, dope, dope, dope. So like that, I am Portuguese, technically Hispanic. And then like every time they send me something, I'm like, I'm less and less and becoming more East white. And I don't want that. I don't want fucking Ireland and Scotland

and France and England. I want Portugal, baby, with a little bit of African and a little bit of Israel. That's what your boy wants. How does it change? I don't get it. That's what I'm saying. It's like, what the fuck's happening here?

Like, as I age, am I getting whiter and whiter? Like, in the beginning, I was like, much more tan. Oh, man. Oh, no. That's really funny. Yeah. we should probably do favorite things at some point yeah you know i don't know the dna test for azzy girl is my favorite thing in the week i got a dna test turns out i'm a hundred percent that bitch all right quick psa for those of you out there who rent if you haven't heard of Bilt, you're about to thank me. Earning points

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ShipStation helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiency with a robust all-in-one fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular e-commerce platforms, marketplaces, and carriers. Listen, the holiday season is right around the corner. Odds are that you guys are probably selling stuff on e-commerce. If you're shipping, you got to do it with ShipStation. Lead your business into the future with technology built to save you time, extra costs, and headaches. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts up to 89% off UPS, DHL, Express, and USPS rates. What, you don't want to save money? Come on.

Deliver a better customer experience with industry-leading features that help you find the best carrier rates, print labels, and make customer service a breeze, dude. Scale your e-commerce business with shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code YOURFAVORITETHING to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's even more savings. That's ShipStation.com. Code your favorite thing. Do it. I know there's no Bachelor right now, but can we talk Batch for one sec? Yeah. So a friend of mine sent me some pictures.

Okay, remember when we had Bennett on? Yes. And I was like, you know what? Bennett's great. Like, I want to set Bennett up with one of my friends. Like, ever since we had Bennett on the pod, I've been like a big Bennett guy. Yeah. Then I had a friend send me some photos of him that he posted on Instagram where he's

like dressed down in like a Carhartt jacket and a ball cap. And she was like, OMG, like dressed down. Bennett is like super hot. And I was like, I told you he's a good looking dude. Okay. Bennett, if you're listening, this is your look, bro. Like, this is good. Like, you look great.

If you want me to set you up with my friend that sent me these pictures, she's super hot and great. And this is the vibe. Dress down, Bennett. Have you seen the picture of him with his shirt off in a pool? It showed up in my For You page. Like, what does my Instagram think of me dude is shredded he is so paradise ready dude so Bennett if you're listening do not acquiesce to Brandy's request until at least July 1st after um here's Bennett riding a horse this is the content I've been missing

what I heard that like Bennett is into Kelly I've also heard that and I actually think they would be a really cute couple we talked about a couple pods ago that like Kelly is like in shape right now like she she's looking real good. And everyone's just gearing up for paradise bod. And your boy, the bartender is sitting there being like, uh, I haven't lifted a weight in three years.

Oh, that's great. I can't wait for paradise. Honestly. I know that I saw some other tea about Heather and is it Ivan that have been hanging out? That would be, I love Ivan. I love Ivan's brother. There's been a lot of cool brothers I feel like lately.

Yeah, Matt's brother. That's right. Matt's brother, Ivan's brother. Yeah. All right. So there's some match tea for you, I guess. Speaking of bachelors, I'll do this really quick, I guess. Single ding, respect, honor, love being sent out to my boy CT for winning the challenge. Are you kidding me? CT, first of all, CT and Amber beat the brakes off of everybody. It was beautiful. And watching Fessy be such a bitch because his partner blew her knee out. I loved it that TJ was like, I'm going to have to time you out unless you fucking eat these bull testicles and drink this blood.

And he's like, all right, I'll do it. And then he like won't do it. And the poor girl with the blown out knees like, come on, eat this shit. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Love that. Just made me so happy.

And CT winning was just the best. 40 years old. I'm telling you. He now is, I think, the third most winningest challenge person ever. I'm assuming behind Johnny and Wes. I don't know because I'm watching that long, but like CT, great television. Now, I'll tell you what, MTV, I don't like what you did, but you did it, and I had to do it. For the finale, they somehow inserted this other dating show into the challenge i was like what is fucking happening here so they somehow worked in this other reality tv dating show during the challenge which annoyed

me because i was like i don't want to fucking well i didn't come here for love i came here for ct's dominance but anyways there's a new mtv show Match Me If You Can, which, okay, I'll give you that. It's an interesting name. That's like got a bunch of reality TV, you know, whatever's dating each other. You know who's in the first episode? Eric Bigger. What? Yeah.

Really? Yeah, the Where's My Cheese guy. Yeah, I love Eric. I love Eric too. And so, yeah, he's like riding a horse with Ashley Mitchell, who is also on the challenge. And I don't, I really don't understand. I don't understand what's happening. And I don't know why I'm watching it because I came here to watch CT win a championship.

Anyways, so Eric's on some fucking dating show and I'm sitting there being like, all right, match me if you can. Okay. It's kitschy, but like bring back, what was that MTV dating show that I loved? Oh, X on the Beach. where is x on the beach i love x the beach did they stop that show i don't i haven't seen it forever but i was the biggest fan of x in the beat remember that episode where she was like she fucked my uncle uncle fucker you're an uncle fucker i didn't fuck his uncle then they get a polygraph thing and the guy's like did you fuck the uncle she fucker. I didn't fuck his uncle. Then they get a polygraph thing.

And the guy's like, did you fuck the uncle? And she's like, no, I didn't. And then she didn't fuck the uncle. It was a whole uncle fucking episode. It was beautiful. Where is that MTV? I don't need match me if it can. But anyways, that's all I'll say about that.

CT. Oh, man. Well, you got some fave things? Wow. So, yeah, I got a fave thing i have a lot of wife tears i guess tweet at me and dm me about this new show called cruel summer have you seen it i have not is it like cruel intentions like that great movie great movie i don't know i don't think it has anything to do with that so i just started it this morning and i

haven't didn't even get to finish the first episode, but already love it. It's a freeform show. Freeform is very hit or miss, but when they hit, it's goodst or something, 1993, 1994, and 1995. And it's this girl, this like teenage girl who like wakes up on her birthday in 93 or whatever. And she's like dorky as hell, braces, headgear, like the glasses, like the whole thing. Like this is a dorky girl. And her parents wake her up on her birthday and like, they're like, you're so special. It's your special day. Just, like, you know, living in bliss or whatever. Then the next year, it's her boyfriend waking her up. And she's, like, way hotter.

And he, like, brings her a cupcake. And, you know, it's, like, so much has changed for her. And then it fast forwards to 95. And her dad's waking her up. And it's, like, a stark difference. Like, you know, in 93, he's, like like the happiest person alive and loves his daughter so much. And then 95, he's like, he's like disheveled and he's like mean to her. He's like, get up, your lawyer's here. And her hair's short. Like, she's like emo all of a sudden. And she's like, obviously like something very bad has happened.

And she's like waking up in the dark and doesn't want to get out of bed. And her lawyer's waiting downstairs. And you're like, whoa, what? Like what has happened? You know? And so that's the way it all opens. And I still, I don't know what's going on, which I love. In the first episode, she's like pining after this like popular girl. She's like, like talks to her at the mall. And she's like so thrilled because she knows her name.

And she's like, you get the vibe. She's like kind of obsessed with this like really pretty girl that's older than her. And then you fast forward. And I'm pretty sure she's now dating her boyfriend and pretty popular girl has gone missing. So you're like, what is happening? Like she was obsessed with her. Now she's missing. She's dating her boyfriend and she has a lawyer.

Like what? It's juicy. Ooh, that sounds good. Yeah. So pumped about this show. Needed something like this. What's, what? It's juicy. Ooh, that sounds good. Yeah, so pumped about this show. Needed something like this. What's it called? Cruel Summer.

And I watched it on Hulu, but it is a freeform show. A small Texas town where a beautiful, popular teen, Kate, is abducted. And, seemingly unrelated, a girl, Jeanette, goes from being a sweet, awkward outlier to the most popular girl in town and, by 95, the most despised person in America, Cruel Summer. So, is this a true story? No. I don't know. But by 95, so they're saying, like, so this is happening in, like, the mid-90s. Yeah, exactly, which is fun.

You know, we love a period piece. Love dude sarah period piece patricia yeah like the clothing and everything spot on for the 90s which is fun but yeah it's set in texas and usually a pilot is like you know because usually a pilot like a pilot you're like you don't really know what's going on there wasn't a bunch of money or whatever but the first episode was banging like i'm into this show and the YFTers are loving it too. I need to tell Sarah about that. That sounds like a Sarah show for sure. I got something for all you YFTers that like action movies, or maybe for all you YFTers who have boyfriends or husbands. Okay. I'm going to go on record in saying this. If movie theaters are going to die, making movies is going to become really, really hard because there's not going to be a lot of money in it i am totally down with paying 1995

for a movie if it's great i have no like if you know if avengers comes out and like we're not going to movie theaters like i'm totally down with paying i'll fucking pay a hundred dollars i'll bring a bunch of people over and we'll all watch together. You know, like I do think that really, really good shit. It's worth something, you know, don't like music industry, the fucking movie world. I say that because I paid 1995 for nobody and worth every penny.

I loved it. And it also, when you pay $20 or something, you sit down, you fucking pay attention, you know, like you're not on your phone being like, whatever, I don't care. You know, like there's skin in the game, I guess. It's Bob Odenkirk who is in Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. He's a fucking amazing actor,

but he's always been a comedic actor. Nobody is an action crime drama. It's like John Wick, but then also it's like Odenkirk's comedy, which is, which is like really subtle and funny. It's like John Wick, but then also it's like Odenkirk's comedy, which is really subtle and funny. Here's the tag. A bystander who intervenes to help a woman being harassed by a group of men becomes the target of a vengeful drug lord. Nobody. You meet Bob Odenkirk's character. It's seemingly that he has the most boring life ever. It's clock in at, you know, nine, ride the bus home,

take the trash out. Kids don't respect him. Then there's a break-in at his house. And he kind of bitches out. But like everything is not as it seems. Him being kind of like a little puss is all an act. And turns out that Hutch Mansell,

Bob Odenkirk's character, is a fucking badass. It's so good. Also, random Christopher Lloyd, aka Doc from Back to the Future, plays his dad and is also a fucking badass. RZA plays his brother. You're like what I don't know how is he your brother but whatever RZA's his brother also a fucking badass it is so good so anyways nobody go check it out especially if you

are into those type of movies really really good but I did start watching Rag and Bone Man just kidding I'm calling it that and I think it's hilarious and no one does well the only person I told that joke to was Sarah and she didn't think it was funny. There's a show called Shadow and Bone. Have you seen that show?

No. New stuff on Netflix. It is pretty fucking cool. Dark forces conspire against an orphan mapmaker, Alina Starkov, when she unleashes an extraordinary power that could change the fate of her war-torn world. I've only watched the first episode, okay? So basically it's taking place like back in the day. Let's say Braveheart times, but like in a different world. She's an orphan and she has like this best friend, this guy who was also an orphan. And so you kind of understand like their come up and their upbringing. And then all of a sudden

they're like at war, older, they're like probably like 18, 19 or whatever. Their regiment gets chosen to sail across the narrow sea, I guess, if it could be Game of Thrones.

But everyone considers that death sentence because there's this giant black fog is in this narrow sea and you have to go through it. And no one wants to do it to get to the other side to get like supplies and stuff. But when you go into this fog, there are Valkyries. They're kind of dragons, but human-esque. Anyways, these fucking dragons like fly in and are just like murdering everybody.

Like no one is going to survive this fucking ship ride through the black fog. And then all of a sudden, not to ruin it, but this is the first episode and this is all I've seen. The girl, Alina, all of a sudden does some like crazy explosion thing from her body. And like all this light comes out and like kills all these Valkyrie dragon men. I know that this sounds so dumb when I'm saying it, but it's pretty fucking cool. Okay? There's like bad guys and dragons and there's magic. Anyways, Shadow and Bone, Dragonbone Man.

Go check it out. Okay. Interesting. I think you would like it. Oh, I got another for you guys out there that like fighting movies and stuff. So for all your boyfriends. Mortal Kombat is back, baby. Oh boy. Mortal Kombat is back, baby. Oh boy.

Mortal Kombat. Get over here. Is back, bitches. HBO Max. First of all, I love the video game because I'm a boy. I'm a boy that grew up in the 90s

and that was a great video game. Love Sub-Zero. Love Scorpio. Scorpion. Scorpion. All that kind of stuff. Anyways, HBO Max has come out with a new movie and it's so dope

because guess what cgi has gotten a lot better since like the 90s i'm only halfway through it but like already i'm like this movie is so dope so check it out mortal komb Kombat, HBO Max. You'll like it. Sounds so dorky. Mortal Kombat. That sounds more dorky than Rag and Bone then? Shadow and Bone? Nope. Yeah. That also sounds dorky.

Speaking of dorky, can we talk about, and I don't know if like Nashville has a lot of these. I see a lot of these guys in Los Angeles. And they're guys, they have jeeps jeep wranglers and don't get me wrong i love a jeep big jeep guy that they are guys that have a bunch of gas cans like attached to the side and the back and the top of the jeep and then gas cans gas cans that like i've never seen this, so this is just a Los Angeles thing. I don't understand. We're talking like a lot, like

six of them attached and then there's also like a giant jack that looks like it's way too big for the Jeep on the hood. Here's my question to you Angelenos that have this. I've seen them all the time. Where the fuck are you going, bro? It's Los Angeles.

It's just cement here. There is no mud within a 70 mile radius, bro. Where are you going with this thing? Also, where are you going that you think you might run out of gas so many times that you need 17 gas cans strapped to your car. You're in Los Angeles. There's a gas station literally everywhere. Like, are you worried about the fucking zombie apocalypse and you're just fucking ready to roll? Are you taking the ring back to Mordor, Frodo? What is happening? Why do you have so much gas attached to your car? I don't understand it. You think you look cool, but you look like a douche. And that's all I'm going to say.

Wow. I have a Jeep. Should I put it on my Jeep? No. I know that the Jeep community is like a serious thing. And like, don't get me wrong. I fucking love. They're so serious.

Yeah. Did you know that all Jeep guys wave to each other? I was just, okay. People wave at me all the time. And I'm such an asshole. I never wave back. Good. Good for you. Good for you. But like, it's constant. Like I constantly get the, it's the Jeep wave. It's like your, your hands on the steering wheel and you do the. Yeah. Just the hand goes up. Yeah. Just the fingers up. Yep. Hands still on the wheel.

That's the Jeep wave. I don't do it back. And I think everyone hates me. Yeah. Good for you. Stay in your ground. All right. Line of the sand. This is ridiculous. Here's the thing. I have an old Land Cruiser, 89, FJ62. If I see an FJ60 or an FJ62, even an FJ40, I'll give like a what up, like awesome car. Because there's not a lot, it doesn't happen very often. There's a million fucking Jeeps, dude. Like millions of them. Like I don't understand. Especially in Nashvilleville everyone's got a damn jeep like i can't be waving every five seconds yeah i gotta keep my hands on the wheels guy you weren't on the call yet but like i opened the show with carl was howling at like someone just like walking across on the street at what point is he gonna be like i just have to accept that people walk

on the street i don't know if it's ever going to happen. It's not. It's not. That's annoying. But if someone rings our doorbell, it's all out pandemonium. I know because I've rung the doorbell before. Yeah. And I've experienced it. The dogs are like, oh, no, the world's ending, guys. Stop, drop, and roll.

We're getting bombed by an atom bomb from Russia. Oh, my God. They're like, oh, no. It's like, dude, it's the fucking mailman. What are you doing? So I want that doorbell to be pressed the least amount possible.

Okay. If I could fucking go in there and figure out where the wires are and cut it, I would. Why don't you just remove the door, the doorbell? I don't have a doorbell. Okay. But we have a gate to our house.

So no one can come up to the door. I wrote a sign that I put on the gate, and it says, this is what it says, unless a signature is absolutely necessary, please do not, and do not is in bold and in capitalized, ring the doorbell. We have a dog that freaks out when the doorbell is rung. Okay. That is right when you walk up to our gate, you see this. So then I say, please leave the packages right in front of the gate. Thank you. Whatever. Right. People still fucking ring the doorbell. And I don't know why. I get it. Like you're just like going through your life. You're just like, ah, here's your Amazon package.ing dong.

Fucking losing my mind. So what will happen is they'll ring the doorbell and then they'll see the thing and they'll be like, hi, so your package is here. And they'll be like, do you need a signature? And they're like, no. And it's like, then don't. Don't ring the doorbell. I have now made a second sign. Oh boy.

Above where the doorbell button is that said, before you touch this, did you read the first sign? Just real quick. Did you read the first sign before you touch this? And they're still doing it. You're a complete psychopath. You do know this, right? I mean, my dog is a complete psychopath because it doesn't bother me.

No. Maybe you should tape the sign over the button so they have to actually lift the sign up to push the button. Yeah, but then I don't know if they would know where the button, they wouldn't know to do that. Then I need a third sign to be like, by the way, if it is absolutely necessary, then lift this flap and then touch the button. Yeah. First world problem. I know.

I know it's so silly. We've got like kind of one nosy neighbor. I think he thinks that we're going to get robbed because the package is just outside the gate, you know? And I'm like, brother, nothing that we're getting from Amazon is worth anything that we're like really nervous about. Sephora packages. And so then he'll come over and he'll ding dong.

Hey, you got packages? Duh. We know we got the packages. You don't. Also the sign. Did you read the sign? Do you need a signature? I'm just nervous that someone's gonna take them.

I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Don't worry about it. We don't care if the Urban Outfitters clam diggers that Sarah bought don't get here. Oh, my God. Clam diggers. Yeah, where'd you pull that from? I don't know. It's my first funny wardrobe thing.

Those are capris, but clam diggers is a much better name for it. Pedal pusher is the other name for it. That's the other one. Why does one pair of pants have so many better name for it pedal pushers pedal that's the other one why does one pair of pants don't have so many different names for it that's a great question pedal pushers clam diggers capris no those are just short pants half pants is what i'd like to call them. Yeah. Long shorts. We should have shorts, mediums, and longs.

And that's true. Everybody in South Africa calls pants longs. They don't say pants. I say, I'm going to put on my longs. And I'm like, but honestly, it kind of makes sense. I feel like other languages are like that, where it's like very simple. And then for whatever reason, I got a theory here. Other languages are beautiful and old and like romantic you know like the romance language is like too fucking spanish

to me especially like spain spanish or like portuguese or french or italian is beautiful you know it's fucking oh god amazing american english even like british english is just so fucking gross and dirty that we're like, we got to church this up somehow. Let's come up with different ways of saying the same fucking thing. What are those? Long, long shorts? Nah, let's call them short longs.

Nah, nah, nah. Let's call them capris. Nah, that sounds too fucking fancy. Let's call them clam diggers. Well, what about when you go ride your bike? Let's call them pedal pushers. Why do when you go ride your bike? Let's call them pedal pushers. Why do we have so many names for this one thing? Whereas I'm sure in Spanish it's like Capri, and that's it.

Capri sounds Italian. Yeah. Oh, caprese salad. Oh, yeah. Oh, and by the way, fucking caprese salad. Give it to me. Yum. So good.

Whereas in English we'd be like, like man do you want some cheese and tomatoes man i can throw some wedge salad a big chunk of white lettuce yeah you want a salad i got a fucking iceberg lettuce blue cheese and bacon. I got this healthy thing and I'm going to make it fucking straight up heart disease. Oh my God. Italian's like, do you want olive oil and salt and pepper and a little tomatoes? You want blue cheese and bacon? It's insane. Oh. all right you got any musics oh i think i do that was good no did you sasha sloan is no i actually really like her stuff. And she put out a song this week with Sam Hunt on it.

I think they co-wrote it together, actually. It's called When Was It Over? I love it. It's still not over for me. I didn't ask if you were okay after a fight with your mom. The last time I stayed over at your place and you woke up alone. Was it the first time you pulled away? Second time that we drove to Texas.

Third time we ran into one of my random exes. So was it ever real or was it all pretend the way your acting's got me wondering i like that his voice is just not right it's so good unbiased opinion like san juan's voice is insane i'm sorry just is so good gotta give a little family shout out noah put out another song with PJ Harding. They've been doing this project together. The new one's called The Worst of You. Love it.

Young Nikki just constantly outdoes herself. And it feels like all I ever do is pay for your excuses to buy a little time. Pray for your excuses to buy a little time I don't know why I even entertain it You're never gonna change, hell, you're never gonna try So am I still trying to prove that That I can love the worst of you. Can we find her a nice boy? I was literally thinking, do you think Noah's ever going to not be sad?

I know. Yeah, like it's a little Taylor Swift-y where like I feel like she's putting herself in bad relationships so she gets good music out of it. That's sort of fair. I like her music the most out of anyone in your family. That's a tough thing to say. Sorry. No, you can say it. Noah will love it. I just I like that type of thing to say. Sorry, but. No, you can say it. Noah will love it.

I just, I like that type of sad. You like sad boy music. I do. I do like sad boy music. Speaking of, I got some for you. More sad stuff for you guys. I do. I love Jose Gonzalez.

Do you like Jose Gonzalez? Yeah. Or he's also in Junip. I really like Junip. And then also, if you ever watch the movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty? All Jose Gonzalez. I think he just did the music. Anyways, it is very sad, but I just love, I just love his vibe. So this is a song called Visions. Shaping a mosaic of fate for all sentient beings. For all sentient beings Visions

Cycles of growth and decay Cascading chains of events With no one to face a blame Ooh Ooh If you ever go, like, on a nature walk, can I suggest you throw on a little bit of Jose Gonzalez and just, you know, just really absorb it.

I try to do nature walks a lot. Love a nature walk. Also Lord Huron's got some new tunage. Ooh, love me some Lord Huron. Another great nature walk soundtrack. For sure. This listen guys,

you're getting one thing and one thing only when it comes to my music and that's fucking emo, sad, fucking indie shit. Title track to the new one, Long Lost. I ain't no man like you Send me to the mountains Let me go free Forever and ever I've been running through the forest Dancing in the fields like There's something very comforting about knowing what you're going to get from a band.

You know? You're right. Yeah. Obviously bands have like reinvented themselves and changed things, but I didn't need to even listen to that new record to know what I was getting. And I was like, that's nice. That's a good nature walk.

Shit. Lord here on. I love you. It really is. We've got a few Patreon things to shout out. Okay. Go for it. We did a poll about Astra and the chicken.

Oh yeah. Was Astra trying to play with the chicken and show me or eat the chicken? Yeah. Man, it was almost 50-50. I think it was like 51% of people said she was trying to just play with the chicken, Wells. And like 49% said she was trying to eat that chicken. She was eating that chicken for sure. Oh, mugs are coming soon.

Remember those cute mugs we showed you guys that I slaved over the design? So for everyone who's been a tier two Patreon member for three months, you guys are going to be getting that mug real soon. And when you get it, we're going to need you to post some selfies, tag us on Instagram,

tell all your friends, make them jealous and show us your mugs. Nice. Caitlin C wants to know favorite easy cocktails to impress your friends. Just not vodka water. Okay. I got you. I got you, Caitlin. Oh yeah. You are the bartender here. I got you. And this will also impress your guy friends as well. But Brandy would love this drink too. Our good old fashioned is so simple and really, really sophisticated. So here's what you do. One, get an ice mold. Just do it.

You probably already have one. You never fucking use it because it's always like a stocking stuffer. Let's be fair. Okay. You got an ice mold. Get it. The best ones are like the big balls, right? Throw that into your rocks fair. Okay. You've got an ice mold. Get it. The best ones are like the big balls, right?

Throw that into your rocks class. Okay. Throw in like two ounces of really good bourbon or whiskey or I'm a lot of people like rye. I like a good bourbon. Okay. And a good cheap one, which is like always good is bullet. I think Blanton's is very good. What's your favorite? I like a basil Hayden's, but I like Basil Hayden's to drink straight. If I'm having an old fashioned, Bullet's good. I also like Old Forrester. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just don't do Jack because that's sour mash and that's just not right. Drink Jack with shots or Jack and Coke is great with throwing some peanuts. Oh, have you ever had that? Have you ever had Jack and Coke with peanuts in it? Can't say I have. Can't say I would ever say that Jack and anything is great, but sure. Try Jack and Coke with peanuts.

Some bars will have it. It's amazing because the peanut salt completely changes the drink and it's like this whole thing. Anyway, sorry, back to my old fashioned. A couple ounces of good bourbon. Every bar should have a simple syrup and all simple syrup is, you can go make it yourself, is equal parts water and sugar. So fucking go get some sugar, do a cup of sugar and a cup of water, heat it up until it all kind of like congeals together, and then you got simple syrup. All right? Now throw in a little bit of simple syrup into the bourbon, okay? And then every bar should have Angostura bitters. Orange is what I like, but there's also like lemon. Do the orange.

Doot, doot, doot of Angostura bitters in there, okay? Now here's the thing. A good old-fashioned isn't good until a bunch of that ice melts to bring down some of like the harshness of that bourbon. So you really need to stir that big old fucking ball in there. Really get the thing kind of melting down right then what you do if you want to get fancy get uh either an orange or a lemon and you want to peel

off a little bit of the rind now here's what you want to do the inside not the outside around the inside of the rind put that around the edge of the glass okay when your lips touch the glass they're going to get like a little bit of lemon or of the orange, whatever your thing is. Then kind of twist it over the drink and then drop it in there. Another couple spins. And that, my friends, is a fucking delicious old-fashioned. Wow. That doesn't sound that easy. Is it? You throw in some bourbon, you throw in a little simple syrup, and then you throw in like a dash of bitters. The whole lemon thing,

that's where it gets extra and you get a very performative thing for people. A lot of times I'll just go, I just have fucking lemon juice in the refrigerator and I'll throw that in there. And you know, like, especially if I'm like my fourth one where I don't, I'm drunk now,

it doesn't really matter, you know? Anyways, that is my favorite drink. And that actually is the genesis of how i became the bartender because if you ever got a rose on the bachelor during the week before the rose ceremony i would make you that drink and get you drunk on it and so then i became the like the de facto bartender on that show and that's how it turned into i mean there's obviously much more to it than that but that's how I became known as the guy who makes really good drinks on The Bachelor.

Wow. There you go. There you go. Also, for all you erotic grandpas out there, we're doing a live show May 14th, which will be a Friday. So maybe that's what we'll do. Maybe we'll make that drink

and then, you know, that's a good idea, right? Yeah, that's a good idea. And maybe everyone watching along can make it with, like like i'll make it in the beginning or something like that that sounds nice so you can show me how i'll get all the things and i'll be ready to make one i'm sure you make a good old what what is your bourbon drink do you just do bourbon on the rocks yeah i like to just drink basil hayden's or blanton's on the rocks but i like i said i really like old forester when to make an old-fashioned with i like it better than bullet so i keep some old forester on hand smart all right close up the show we got to do some shout outs do we have to

i think they're paying for it now i i don't want to do it either all right let's do it what do you think erotic grandpa's name is oh Oh, God. I've never thought of it. I've never thought about that. Like Vern? Vern's kind of good. Eugene? Eugene. Leonard? Leonard's kind of good.

What about Chuck? No, Chuck's too, like, now. But, like, kind of funny if you think about it. Yeah. Leroy? I like that one. All right. It's time once again for erotic grandpa shout outs.

Starting with Beth Kay from Illinois. Do you think that Beth is from Chicago, Brandy? Possible. Because that's really the only thing I know about Illinois is that's where Chicago is. And once back in 49, I made sweet love to a blues singer from Chicago

and she taught me some things that I will never forget. She also gave me crabs. Gross. Also, shout out to Rachel F. from Mississippi. I spent a lot of time in Mississippi. I wonder if Rachel is from West Point or Meridian or Cleveland or Jackson.

But I hope she's from Oxford, Mississippi, because that's where I went to school. But I hope she's from Oxford, Mississippi, because that's where I went to school. And I did sleep with lots of sorority girls there. Oh, boy. And I found out a lot about myself. Shout out to Catherine A. from Virginia. Congratulations, Catherine. You spell your name, I think, the right way for Catherine, with a Y. I don't know.

Congratulations to Danielle M. from, do you think M.A.'s Massachusetts or Maryland? I think it's Massachusetts. Massachusetts. I wonder if she's a masshole. Have you ever heard that term, Brandy? A masshole? Can't say I have. Well, it's for someone who's basically from Boston who's an asshole. They call them mass holes. And I always thought that was very funny. Shout out to Kim E. from Wisconsin, the land of a thousand lakes. Is that correct?

Or was that Michigan? I don't fucking know. What the fuck? There's lots of lakes up there. Also, shout to Diane E. from New York. Also, Denise F. from New York. Do you think that they are roommates? It's very possible. Do you think that they are New York City or New York State? Because it's a big difference. Buffalo is much different than Manhattan. This is true. Because if they are roommates, they live in a 300 square foot closet.

Yep. They sleep on top of each other and they scissor each other. It's beautiful. But if they live in Buffalo, different. Also, I love Brooklyn. Let me tell you something. Brooklyn is beautiful this time of year. Just the right amount of hipsters and beards and craft beer in the air.

It's quite lovely. Also, shout out to Betsy H. from Louisiana. Ooh, I do love Louisiana. Do you love Louisiana, Brandy? Not really. Have you ever been, Brandy? Not really. Have you ever been to Louisiana? I sure have. You've been to New Orleans, but yet you don't like Louisiana.

No, it's not my fave. Oh, I love Louisiana. I love New Orleans. There's so much culture just oozing out of every brick and mortar. Very humid there. Very humid, yes. You do have, you need to put a lot of gold bond

on your pecker. I love Louisiana. I'm hungry. Shout out to Sophia N. from Indiana. Fun fact, every Sophia that's ever been named Sophia

is hot. That's a fact. Have you ever heard of an ugly Sophia? I have not. And I'm old. I've been around. named Sophia is hot. That's a fact. Have you ever heard of an ugly Sophia? I have not. And I am old. I've been around. Sophia Loren, hot.

Sophia Bush, hot. Ooh, yes. Sophia Bush, yes. Very. She is very hot. Wasn't she on a show? Was she on a show? Yes.

She was on our show. Was on a show. That was kind of weird because Sophia Bush is friends with my ex-girlfriend. And I remember thinking, is she going to say something mean about me? Also, shout out to Alyssa B. from California.

Alyssa, you live probably close to me, which is exciting. If you come over to my house, don't ring my fucking doorbell, okay? Thank you. Also, shout out to Caitlin W. from Indiana. Now, she spells it with an I instead of a Y, and I don't like that.

I like the Y version because it's different and exciting. Anyways, those are the erotic grandpa shout outs for the day. Wow. I wonder how many people we offend when we do these. I don't know. You guys ask for it, so I do it. What should we go out on? Should we go out on Sad Sister?

Sure. If she starts a band, it should be called Sad Sister. Seriously. You know? That's a good name for it. That is a good name. Dude, she should make a band with Miley, they should just do sad songs and they should call it Sad Sister. That is kind of genius.

Dude, I'm just over here fucking making your family millions and no one cares. Oh yeah, millions. No one cares. Oh. Alright. Brandi. All right. Brandi.

Love ya. Love you guys. Have a good one. Sad sister. It's a good one. Coexisting at its finest, yeah Barely even trying anymore And it feels like all I ever do is Pay for your excuses This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.