Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - Derek Peth stops by!

Episode Date: August 28, 2019

This week on YFT, Derek Peth (which, by the way, you’re definitely pronouncing wrong) joins Wells to talk about their favorite and least favorite things, their first ever alcoholic beverages, and the most annoying things people do in movie theaters. The two hosts ask important questions, including: Why can’t airplanes get it together with Bluetooth and WiFi? Why do horses have hairstyles on top of their already full bodies of hair? And most importantly, why has Wells’ drunk purchase of knives off of Instagram yet to ship from China four months after the fact? Derek renames YFTers to “Thingers,” which may or may not stick, and Wells and Derek share their favorite voices and impressions, including a grandmother bit which is sure to impress you. Wells and Derek are not thrilled with this year’s Bachelor in Paradise introductions and identify possible alternative introductions, including Cam walking sadly down the beach, and how Wells found out from inside sources that Derek’s intro is actually the most desirable. Thanks to our awesome sponsors. Check out these deals for our YFT-ers! BILLIE– Go to MyBillie.com/YFT to save 10% off your razor QUIP– Get your first refill pack free at GetQuip.com/YFT

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Barclay! Fucking dog. His name is so apropos i know we should have named him silence that would have done it that would have that would have that would have learned him a thing or two man that joke was terrible cleveland was the worst barclay charlesley. Why do you think that was Cleveland? I don't know. I tried to, terrible. Man, that's terrible. That's a terrible, terrible joke. That was pretty good, right?

That was much better. God, Brandy, you sound different today. Yeah, I have a throat thing. You got a throat thing? I've been trying lozenges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that duper drunken you've been doing with me, and now your throat is closed up. I've been trying lozenges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that dupe-duckin' you've been doing with Michelle Hilsman,

and now your throat is closed up. Got the South African virus. I don't know. You got that old South African throat issue. Mm-hmm. Mm. Yeah, that's nice. Obviously, this is not Brandy.

It's Derek Pate. What up? When I talk with you, it's the only time my name ever gets said right. Everybody says Peth. Yeah, I know. I forget I was doing an interview or something, and they were like, we know that you put your support behind Derek Peth

to be The Bachelor. And I didn't have the heart to be like, that's not his name. And the fact that you don't know his real last name means he's probably not going to be The Bachelor. I actually, I don't think I've corrected anybody in the last 10 years. Like, I just gave up. Yeah.

Well, I guess there's hope. Like, Nick Vial is known as Nick Vial forever. I don't think anybody, I don't think he knows how to pronounce his name. I don't either. Is it Vial? I have no clue. I think it is. But I think at some point he's just like, I don't care, whatever, you know?

Which I've started to do a thing where no one can get my name right. Extra just did a thing on Sarah. And it was like, Sarah Hyland's fiance, Well Adams. And I was like, who is this Well guy? Why is he coming after my lady? Last week, this should make you feel good. I don't know if it's because Kay takes notes and writes your name all the time into our notes, but when she wrote Wills, it said Wells, and so she said that Wells was, you know, exited paradise.

Yeah, no, not getting rid of me. For being such a bad bartender. Yeah. My story arc eventually should be me getting fired. You know? Yeah. Like someone coming down, like Chris coming down and being like, you know, we appreciate all the years you put in, but we're going to go a different direction. And then send out that email.

Have you ever been fired from a job before? No. No. Have you? No, I haven't. But I did quit in a ring of fire my very first restaurant job. Really? I just walked out.

I told the people. I was so mad at the managers because they had been scheduling me in specific places. I told them I was like, I cannot do this anymore. I was in college. I was trying to do a whole bunch of stuff at once. And they did it again. What did they do? They just cut other people before me because I was very good in the bar area at keeping straight whose stuff was whose in the register.

Yeah. And so they just like kept using that. And then so then I just told all the workers, I was like, listen, I'm leaving. I'm quitting. So handled the tables because I'm just like not helping people anymore. And I just left. God. When I waited tables, there were so many days I wanted to fucking quit and burn that place to the ground you haven't

lived until you've waited tables everybody should do it everyone should do it it will test your patience for just humanity in general i saw someone tweeted out. They were like, the post-church brunch crowd is the most demeaning piece of shit crowd. Because they just came from church. They just came from church. They're all good. Yeah. They're ready to start the week over again. Yeah, yeah.

Just got out of the shower. Let's get gross. Yeah. I'm forgiven. So now I'm going to be a fucking horrible person to this waiter I remember like we were very drunk in Argentina years ago and I remember one night when you were like you know what I hate you just just look straight at me this came from nowhere he's on the bench right yeah yeah and I was like what do you hate Wells you're like i hate when people are mean to waiters oh yeah just really

mean yeah and you you talked about it for five minutes so here we are full circle oh yeah my father can be rude to waiters i see that dr adams i didn't want to say it but i see that yeah i like and it's the thing where like well i'll go to dinner with him and he'll be mean and i'll be like you can't talk to them like that and i'm and not because that you're you're being a dick because they're gonna spit now in my food too yeah i'm guilty by association here by proxy we were in south africa and he was just so it's a funny story. For whatever reason, like on Tuesdays. You mean where my boyfriend is from? Yes, exactly. This is why your throat is so sore.

We went to this one restaurant and they advertised pig knuckle. I don't even know what that is. I think it's like pig wrist. And my dad wanted pig knuckle. And every time we'd go there, they'd be like, sorry, it's sold out. Is it like a good delicacy yeah i guess and he was like i've been coming here we went three days in a row getting a fucking pig knuckle i've been coming here three days in a row you never have pig knuckle yelling at these people

and i was like dad first of all the waiter isn't in control of like how much pig knuckle they buy you know like what why are you yelling at him and then of course they brought out a pig knuckle they buy. You know, like, why are you yelling at him? And then, of course, they brought out a pig knuckle. And they miraculously found one. Problem is that he's, see right there. It was the spoiled one in the back. It was actually in the trash.

They just, like, pulled it off of last night's meal. Yeah, exactly. They were like, who is fucking eating this? The reason why it's not stocked is because nobody's pig knuckle, you weirdo.

So finally he got it and we were like, well, how is the pig knuckle? He's like, it's disgusting stock is no one eats pig knuckle you weirdo so finally he got it and we were like well how is the pig knuckle he's like it's disgusting i was like no shit this is like what is it bull testicles that are like a whole thing rocky mountain oysters right yeah have you ever had that have you tried that stuff i haven't had rocky mountain maybe i have i'll try anything a couple times i couldn't't do that. You ever had chicken feet? Yes, I have. That's kind of weird. It is weird.

It's a big Asian delicacy. I remember our friends, the Lees, would bring it over every Christmas. And then inevitably we'd get it. Was that Bruce Lee? Weirdly enough, that is his name. No way. My father's doctor partner was named Bruce Lee. And I was friends with his daughter, Erica Lee. So shout out to you, Erica.

But Mrs. Lee would bring over chicken feet every year. And my father loved it because my father likes shit like pig knuckle and whatever. And we had this huge like Christmas party every year. And so everyone just got wasted playing beer pong and stuff. And you'd get the little chicken feet and then you'd pull your sleeve up over and yeah exactly like tidy hands so i have pictures of me because you can pull on like the ligaments too in them and i wasn't like it's weird i wasn't trying to like move them around and shit it's like picking my nose you know yeah that sounds about right with you i remember

though there was one time i was so hung over that i just didn't want to deal and i couldn't get cut i was trying to get out before you know that was my that was my annoyance yeah i was supposed to be cut and it wouldn't yeah you're like pre-shift meeting if you got too many and then it was called sharking when you'd come in and like worked on the schedule but you try to shark someone's shift or whatever and i remember no one came in to shark me out and i was like damn it and i was like i just want to be cut and i but i you can't leave they'll fire you and it was a brunch thing and i was so hung over i went to my friend and i was like hey will you take all my tables and and you'd have all the money but i

don't want to do any work and she was like like, yeah, okay, fine. She was like, well, help me if like it gets a little crazy. So I literally went to work. She picked up all my tables and I walked around and pretended to do shit for four hours. I got paid no money. That's what you do today. Ever since that moment in time. That is so. That's what you do on the bachelor paradise

that's where you got the idea yeah bartender you're like listen guys back when i was in college like a brick top i did this thing one time where I just walked around and looked important, but I didn't really do anything. I make the drinks there. I know you do. I actually work there. Actually, you've always been the bartender in The Bachelorette. I remember on The Bachelorette, like the second day, you were like, who wants an old-fashioned?

Yeah. And by the way, I remember, I think it was half the guys were like, what's an old fashioned? I know. Because they're. Because they all like ripped. Yeah. Vodka mixed with. Protein.

Chicks. If those fucking guys knew how much simple syrup was going into old fashioned, they wouldn't have touched it with a 10 foot pole. That was your plan the whole time. Yes. What a fat man. Simple syrup. That was your plan the whole time.

Yes. What a fat, mean, simple syrup. This is going to ruin your hair, Jordan, and your waistline. Yeah, it's true. The story of me starting to bartend, it was I got, well, Jordan got the first impression, Rose. I guess it was then I went on the fireman date and I got that date rose because I almost died like such a bitch such a bitchy

such a batch and then you went on the first one on one and so then we've told the story a million times but I made a rule but not to the YFT listeners maybe not

I made a rule that if you if you got a rose before rose ceremony because then you don't you're not rule that if you got a rose before rose ceremony, because you're not really important if you get a rose before rose ceremony. You don't really have time with her or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Because you're fine. You're fine until next week. So I made a rule that if you got a rose before the rose ceremony,

you got to get wasted. So I got the first, effectively, Jordan got the first one, but that didn't count. And then I got really the first one when we moved into the house. And then you got the second one. So then we just got wasted on old fashions. Well, because everybody was gone and we were like, what do we do? Yeah.

They were all freaking out. We were like, this is great. Yeah, I know. We just got trashed. And that's basically how our friendship is now. Yeah. You want to start the show? Let's do it.

You or me? You start it. Bros and hoes, you're listening to your favorite thing podcast with Wells and Brandy. But with Derek. Did you fart?

I'm just trying to get this thing. Can I get the bell? Yeah. There you go. Today I will be playing the part of Brandy. All right. Well, you've been on your favorite thing before, haven't you? I don't think so. Actually. Yes, you have.

Sure. No. The only time. Okay. I have. The only time I've been on the show was when I walked in here while you were recording with Brandy. Oh, yeah.

And I didn't know that you were going to keep it in. And I just talked to Brandy on the on like skype chat or whatever but i had you on like years ago no oh yeah you replaced me you got bumped that was when you were in the studio still in nashville yeah yeah yeah and i drove all the way to your studio yeah well what happened were you late no you just did it before i got there yeah we bumped you and we replaced you with Tish the Dish, which you can't let that get you down. You know? She can replace me anytime. Yes. She's a babe.

All right, well then, you've listened to the show, right? You understand the idea of it? I'm a thinger. Your wife, dear? I just created your... No. no yeah i want to call them i love it but all right we can go with it you got any favorite things this week i started watching season two of mindhunter oh so there's a season two it just started yeah i just just came out okay hold on is mindhunter was that the one about the bundy no that's mine i don't remember what that's called but that was great that was the one with

zach efron no no no no no okay i gotta look at okay well so so mine hunter is about you know that show criminal minds yeah it's like the behavioral unit or whatever yes um it's like a dramatization of how they made that in the first place and they like interviewed all of these serial killers and they like created the word serial killer because it didn't it didn't exist like nobody knew that this was a thing before um so yeah that's it's like the second season second iteration of that so like they interviewed charles manson in this season yeah yeah yeah. I watched the first season, so second season's good? All right.

It's definitely difficult. I think the first season was almost too good. Yeah. They put so much into it that it's hard for them to pick it up. Even bringing in Charles Manson, it just felt weird. It didn't feel... They didn't learn anything they learned too much they like created the the organization too much in the season one yeah

i mean yeah yeah so it's like no story arc got it but i love the serial serial killer stuff okay so my high school and this is like charles manson thing is big my high school um physics teacher i guess he was, but then he started this criminalistics class and he started it. He got, he got a federal grant. He started it because he actually wrote one day to Charles Manson. He just like wrote him a letter.

Yeah. And Charles Manson replied. Creepy. He doesn't reply to anybody. Yeah. So he just replied to this guy. So in high school we had, I did this whole criminal criminalistics class.

Cool. Um, and so I've always been obsessed with like true crime stuff because we like we let we got to see the letters yeah yeah you see it's insane he like writes on every square inch of the page and she's like all these crazy ramblings and stuff have you seen once upon a time in hollywood not yet i want to see that i want to see it in like i don't want to see it in a big theater i want to go to like a film theater what is it 35 millimeter right yeah is that the right number of millimeters my dick size that you're talking about right now uh 3.5 that's that seems more right yeah no i understand what you're saying. Like a boutique theater. Yeah, yeah. That might serve like red wine. You know?

So my favorite thing. Yeah, oh, there it is. Serial killers. Yeah, I love serial killers too, man. It's insane, the stuff that they do. Do you think you could be a serial killer? I don't know. I mean, no, I couldn't kill somebody in the first place.

Well, you thought about that question way longer than I thought you were going to. Well, as I'm thinking about it, because they actually, in this season two of Mindhunter, the guy who is their best resource of information, he talks about how as you continue to do it, it gets harder and it wears on you more. So that's why they keep souvenirs and everything so that they can they can have more time between their like kills because yeah they're they're so much more aware of like making sure that everything is done perfect until they just like snap and go do yeah i have to do it again yeah i think nowadays it'd be way too hard i think

so too you know i mean i'm sure there are serial killers still around, but, like, with forensics and stuff? Well, like Ted Bundy. Yeah. You remember how he basically had, like, four lives? No, I know. They didn't even have driver's licenses back then. It was just, like, a little piece of paper that was, like, written in Crayola. Yeah, I know.

Like, yes, I can drive the R's backwards. Did your mom write this? Yeah. She works at the DMV. I know, dude. Could I be a serial killer? Yeah. No, I couldn't be a serial killer.

The immediate answer is no to that. But I am like fascinated by that stuff. Like I've read, I mean, I've listened to like all those podcasts and stuff. Obviously, they're just insane. Like they're crazy people, you know? But it's crazy to me that people around them aren't seeing the signs, you know? Well, they're like extreme narcissists. Yeah.

So they're super massive, good manipulators. I know. And sociopaths too. I know. It's just, it is crazy. So Mindhunter season two is the dope shiz. Do it. Like I said, not as good as season one, but that doesn't mean it's bad.

It's still good. Yeah. Yeah. You know what my least favorite things is? Paying way too much for razor blades. I don't understand where they came up with this whole like, just let's just gouge everyone because no one knows how much freaking razor blades are supposed to cost. That's why we are teaming up with Billy.

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I saw the other night, Sarah and I watched Long Shot. Have you seen that movie? No, I don't even know what that is. Okay, so it's Charlize Theron or Charlize Theron. Charlize Theranos. Theranos. Yes, Charlize Theranos. That's like Shia LaBeouf.

Shia LaBuff. Shia LaBeef. Where's the beef? No one knows how to fucking say your name. Change your name Shia LaBeouf. Shia LaBeouf. Shia LaBeef. Where's the beef? No one knows how to fucking say your name. Change your name to something that no one knows. Derek Peth. Peth? Stupid.

So it's Charlize Theronos and Seth Rogen. And so you've seen the previews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll give you the synopsis of it. It's like basically Charlize Theronos is the Secretary of State. I'm going to die. She's the Secretary of State, and she has visions of grandeur she wants to be the president of these united states and the president of these united states is played by oh god the guy from better call saul uh oh yeah i

know who you're talking so fucking funny i think that's such a hard place to like any anybody that plays a president yeah so it's a little how do you play the president you know what i mean yeah well so it's a little bit like fiction mirroring reality or whatever so better the better call saul president is an actor who has become the president that makes it better yeah where he played a president on tv and he's not gonna run for a second term because he wants to make the jump from tv to movies and he's like no one's ever done it like who's ever done it um and he's like he's like she's like but sir like this is like the you know this is the biggest job in the world and he's like no movie star it's so fucking funny and then um

seth rogan he basically plays a writer for like i want to say writer no he's a writer for like a cool magazine basically uh i think like a very liberal magazine and it got gets bought out by basically what's supposed to be fox news and he'd like angrily he quits, you know. But he did what you did back in college, basically. Same thing. Same exact thing. So then he leaves, and then he goes to this party with his buddy, and at the party is Charlize Theron,

who is like an old friend of his. And they're like catching up, and the guy, the Fox News guy, basically Roger Ailes, I think, comes to the party, and he like tells him off. So then after the party, the Fox News guy, basically Roger Ailes, I think, comes to the party and he tells him off. So then after the party, Charlize Theron, what is he doing? Theranos, yes. Was like, what is he doing?

Starts reading this stuff and is like, you know what? I need a new speech writer because I'm going to start running for president here. Then they become friends. And then there's a love story. It's so freaking good and so funny. Here's the problem. We were talking about it like i was like why did i go see this movie in theaters and i know why because no one goes to fucking movies anymore why would we go to a movie why would we leave what i have i have a movie theater half a

block from my apartment and i haven't gone to a movie and can't be bothered six months no i mean unless it's avengers movie i won't go to the movies. That's the only thing. I want to, because the sound and everything, you can't do that in your apartment. True. Right? The Dolby Digital, whatever, surround sound. I only go to intense action movies like that, too. I don't go to anything else. I always hit them up on airplanes.

I know. I watch the majority of my stuff on airplanes. But you know what I hate the most about movies, like going to movies? I don't know if this will be able to do it. People are getting fucking shit at like Swedish Fish.

And he's like, shut up! One of my best friends when we were in college, I think it was The Matrix, like the third one or something. It was a movie we really wanted to see. Oh, no, you know what it was?

It was V for Vendetta. Oh, cool. And there was somebody right there that kept eating out of some little bag. So noisy. He just goes, eat your fucking food before the movie. Throw it in the trash. I will come and take that from you. I know, man.

They need to have... It's like 10 minutes into the movie, and it's already intense, and there's like low dramatic music. And then, yeah, you just... Yeah. Remember, remember the 5th of November, the gunpowder treason plot.

Wow. I can think of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgotten. So, yeah. Thanks for that. All right. What else?

Well, we just talked about movies on airplanes. Yeah. What do you think is like, I bring, everything's Bluetooth, right? We're in this like annoying transition phase where I have like AirPods for my phone. Yeah, because you're rich. Yeah. I'm going to flex on your podcast. But like everybody has Bluetooth headphones now i feel like yeah but then you go to the airplane am i supposed to have another 200 pair of headphones for oh i'm gonna yes okay i know

exactly what you're talking about why can't you hook your bluetooth headphones up to the tv right in the plane in the plane yes 100 agree with that and also wi-fi on planes is so bad so bad it half of the time i can't even so my like my solution for that has been oh well i'll just pull it up on my phone because sometimes you can like access the the movies part on your phone yeah god this is so privileged this conversation it's right though and and then like it doesn't work i can't even pull up the wi-fi yeah on my phone so yeah like now i'm having to fly with two sets of headphones right and the one for the iphone with the lightning cable that's fucked me so i have to go find like old ass exactly phones exactly get it together american airlines like you should be able to hook

your bluetooth headphones up to those things 100 you're not thinking about the other day that was kind of funny what's that don't you think it's weird that horses have their entire bodies are covered in hair well well since i'm brandy and i am a horse expert yeah i can confirm their whole bodies are covered in hair yeah but you know what's weird but they also have a hairstyle that's on top of their head. You know? They have this whole... It's almost like a wig that's on top of their already hairy bodies.

Have you seen those pictures where people have actually styled horses? Yeah. That's literally what you just talked about is what My Little Ponies were. Yeah. It's so little girls could our little kids could style the ponies hair but they're it's the only animal in the animal kingdom i think that gets to have their full bodies full of hair and then they have a hairstyle on top imagine because like lions don't it's that's just like a beard yeah okay lions maybe a little bit but like what if your dogs had like a hairstyle on top of their like just hair body horses just want to be this

is the coolest animal also side note their hair is always so cool it's always a mohawk it's always, yes, yes, or like mullet. Or mullet. That if you cut the top short and then just the tail hair is long. Like from their tail? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. But it's just so weird. When did that happen in evolution and why did they need to have it i would love if uh if at the next kentucky derby there's like one of the horses or

like three of the horses now have decided they want mullets yeah mullet hairstyles well it's in kentucky so it makes exactly man i'm gonna win the fuck out of this rice it's just this side contender nobody knew where they came from the name came from the hills i don't know this horse's name is like Bush Light. Oh, God. And coming around the turn, Bush Light has got a seven-length lead. That makes me think of what you said yesterday. Was it Keystone Light?

Yeah, Box of Rocks. Yeah, that's what it is. I've been saying that for years, that the marketing team at Keystone is so stupid because you can buy a 30 rack. We called them 30 racks back in the day. That sounds super cool. Man, we played a lot of beer pong, Beirut, Lip Cup, and you can buy 30 rocks. And I was always like, why don't they call this a Box of Rocks? Because the Keystone is a rock.

It's a rock. And you know what? a box of rocks because the keystone is a rock. It was a rock. And you know what? If anyone out there works with the marketing team for Anheuser-Busch, whoever does that. Yeah, I don't know who.

Get it together. All right, box of rocks. Sells itself. What was your first drink? First time you drank. What did you drink? Well, my parents had like a full stock bar. So I would just go down and drink their stuff.

And then we had like a wine cellar. So you don't remember what the very first one was? No, but I remember as a kid, like as a 13-year-old, 14-year-old, when I would like go sneak drinks, I liked gin and tonics. Gin and tonics? Yeah, I was a G&T man. Wow, you were very refined. I was. We were not refined.

What was yours? Bushlight, since you just mentioned it. So it was at the Bremer County Fair, Bremer, Iowa. Yeah. So it was at the Bremer County Fair, Bremer, Iowa. Yeah. We stayed overnight in tents, and my very first drink was a beer bong. Wow. It came out of my nose and burned the shit out of my nose. I couldn't breathe for two days afterwards.

I couldn't smell or taste anything, basically. Did you get drunk? No, because I was like, this is it. Yeah. This was enough. I just like drank a couple. I also have like a really high tolerance. Do you?

I didn't actually get drunk until probably like the fifth or sixth time I drank. Yeah. Everybody else was like kind of acting funny. Did you pretend to be drunk? No, I didn't. No? So I was annoyed. I was like, I don't get it.

Why are you guys acting so weird? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think there are people out there that like no matter what they do they can't get drunk can you imagine that superpower that's like that's like jessica jones man yeah it's a drink so much whiskey oh yeah i love that show man yeah i was a big fan of hers had a crush on her kristen ritter. Into those powerful women. Yeah. Powerful. Very powerful. And then I was like, I remember when I was a single man watching that,

and I was like, I don't know. I want to date Kristen Ritter. And I looked up Kristen Ritter's boyfriend. And they might be married now. It was the lead singer of a band called War on Drugs, which I love. And I was like, of course, Kristen Ritter's dating my favorite band's lead singer. The worst move, you never look up who they're dating. Yeah.

Because you're always just like, ugh. Never going to be as cool as that guy. You know? Except for you. I don't know how you did that. I know, well. Magic. It was a spell.

Yeah, it's going to wear off soon. Witchcraft. I know. Have you ever bought anything on Instagram? And I'm not even talking about like the shit that we sell. Like a movement. We? I sell.

I'm talking about like when you see like a sponsored thing. Sponsored ads. I haven't, but there's this one ad. I don't even remember the brand, but there's this ad of pants that keep showing up. Yeah. They look super comfortable. And it's like a guy running, and they do just look so soft and comfortable. And I need those pants. I hope you don't need them anytime soon.

Let me tell you something. Because I'll get drunk, and I'll start buying shit on Instagram. Guess what? It's all coming from China. And it's not coming on a plane plane from china it's coming on a on a boat i bought knives no joke on an instagram ad four months ago this is like i you buy knives on qvc dude where they actually show you how good they are i was drunk and the video shows like it cuts paper did they do the black and white

cut cut to black and white of like you frustrated using your existing knife and then back to color with their own knife where it's just like cutting through a can of tomato juice yeah yeah he like cuts through a grape really quickly you know is that a hard thing i don't know if it is or not but i got these four months ago okay and i'm so excited it's nice and so i go i don't know if it is or not, but I got these four months ago. Okay. And I'm so excited. It's nice. And so I go, I don't know if you do that, but I go to the tracker number. I'm like, where is it today? Guess what?

It's still in some, I can't even pronounce it, Chinese province. It hasn't left China yet. Okay. This is a drunk purchase. Yes. Four months, weeks, months? Months. Four months later. How have Four months, weeks, months? Months. Four months later.

How have you not just canceled this order? I want these damn knives. You're just in it. I want them so badly, Derek. Drunk purchases are the ones that you regret. They show up and you're like, oh yeah, I'm sure I forgot about this. You're actively tracking these knives. Yeah.

And that's still in like the the gang zoo province of china it's not right at all and probably a little racist probably but that's and so if you want hey if you want to buy stuff on instagram get ready to not get it ever your ads are screwed now no my wells personally guarantees any of his acts I will hand deliver them to you Okay Should we talk about this musical we went to? Oh yeah Fast and the Furious

A musical parody? I guess So the guy who wrote it Is a guy named Brad Who used to be a producer on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette But you never had him on any of your shows No, so I didn't meet him until just the other night. Yeah.

I worked with him last season of Paradise, and that was it. And he's a stand-up comedian. He's really funny, and he wrote this musical parody about Fast and the Furious, and it's like, we're fast and we're furious.

Like, exactly what you think probably is going to be at this thing is what's at it. Why I liked this, because I've seen i've seen some of these before it wasn't like weird al songs where he takes like a pop song and changes it you know to be about yeah yeah it was actually about fast and furious it's like if somebody were just to take some shrooms that's probably how they made it and it's like them like being like this

actually like there's like disclaimers in like the screen behind them being like this actually happened in the movie i mean fast and furious has never shied away from just doing something ridiculous and and expecting you to embrace it yeah we're gonna we're gonna throw this car from one building to another building and then so the the great part about this is there's like an evolution. Like at the beginning is kind of showing how ridiculous the writers and just like Fast and Furious in general is. Yeah. And then it comes into basically the humans versus the cars because the cars have feelings too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's genius. It's so funny. The sad thing is, is that we're not sure if this is going to like continue being available. But I do know that after the show, we talked to Brad and he was like yeah we're going to new york pitching it out there like off-broadway stuff so there's you can't see this but if in fact it does happen you need to go see it because it's fucking hilarious absolutely do you want to talk paradise at all or is this a nice place not to talk about paradise i think this is a nice place not to talk about paradise all right you want to ask me one question you cannot you get one question i get one question

from paradise who has the stupidest intro oh okay so this season i've been a little bit disappointed in the intros agreed there's like five of them basically where they just like look at the camera yeah do you remember when evan when you you did it too yeah and everyone was like i think they're just too they're too short everyone did something funny like i think evan like blew out a candle and then looked yeah creepily into the camera you know you know there's something you know what's lacking this year is winking i feel like in the past there was a lot of winking that makes it creepy and funny. With like the ding. Exactly.

There's none of that. I agree. But like there's a lot of like cams. It's just him like turning into camera. Like, you know, like looking at the camera. I don't know how to feel about that one because he was embracing the fact that he's kind of boring. I know. It's always so melancholy.

So he's like a little frowny thing. I know. I wish it was just him like walking on the beach, hands in pockets like kicking sand. Yes, exactly. Like Charlie Brown. He's the bachelor Charlie Brown for sure. He's Eeyore, dude. He is Eeyore.

I lost my tail again. Yeah. I lost Kalen again. There's just a lot of bad ones. I'm kind of bummed by it. Yours is good. The best ones are. You know, yours is good. Like there's like the best ones are always like the wave one is good. I remember when you tip,

I think you told me on set that you were doing the wave one. And I was like, that's good. People who get the wave ones are, are important. Oh yeah. They already knew they did. I remember they asked me to do the wave one and I,

and I was like, that sounds stupid. And I remember one of the producers being like, no wave is good. I was like, that sounds stupid. And I remember one of the producers being like, no, wave is good. And I was like, really? Behind the scenes from here on out, just so everybody knows. Yes. Every year.

Now you know. They're going to have to do a wave plant next year. Yeah. What I did was I had coconuts as headphones, and I was pretending to DJ. Because that's what people thought you did as a DJ? Yeah, they thought that I was like one of those djs but i'm not but whatever my favorite memory from all of paradise um there we go that's just like fun and funny was uh last time not this time when i just ran into that thing a whole bunch of times you remember that i like woke up got at this date

card so i was really yeah yeah woozy yeah and and i got up and i was just i'm you know too tall for this set basically and rammed my head into this like crossbar of of the little palapas yeah yeah yeah yeah and then the second time i did it again fell over laughing laughing and Raven did at the same time. Yeah. Just our heads just smoked each other. Oh. And the whole cast was, we'd like just come back from the break and everybody just like died laughing. It was the perfect little icebreaker

for us to get started again. It's so weird. I forget that you were on the season that we stopped filming. Yeah. This time you got to experience like a lot more days of filming. All in a row. Yeah. you didn't have to go home then come back a couple of weeks later i would say that my favorite intro one is well we we said it the other night when we were talking

about i think my intro is the best for sure yours is that was chris's idea really yeah which i thought that was cool that he was incorporating me into his thing because usually he's the last guy you know and he always is and cherry on top yes it's it's and and starring chris harrison and he came up with the idea i was like yeah but that's gonna make me be last you know and chris being like like kind of a badass he is he's like yeah but it's fun it's much funnier this way. And I was like, you're right. It is. And your sitcom little smile.

Dude, we did that a couple times. Such a cutie pie. It's one guy. It was like a sound guy throwing the golf ball because Chris didn't really make it in the cup. He is a phenomenal golfer, by the way, though. But it was like the sound guy throwing the golf ball into the cup right and it took a couple times to do it and one time so my hands are down like on the table and one time the ball hit me right in the nail and i was like and so then of course of course they were like that's funny like we're doing that

and i'm like no like wells just keep your hand right there we're gonna throw a golf ball at your hand every single time oh my god it hurts so much and then um and then i did another because you know you do multiple cuts right like you do different takes and i wanted one where i was running with a tray of glasses and then i trip and they go everywhere so we glued down a bunch of glasses. This one camera guy named Martin, who's like my favorite from Argentina. He was like directing that day and he was like, alright, so

I'm going to come here and I'm going to fall. So I had like a whole tray of them and I had like one drink in my hand. So I was going to drop the entire tray but still have like one up and then I was going to jump up. And so I did it. Yeah, so I did it and I fall. It goes everywhere and then I get up and I'm like I jump up. Yeah. And so I did it. Yeah. That's why I did it. And I fall. It goes everywhere.

And then I get up and I'm like, I got it. And they're like, we didn't know you were going to fall. And I was like, the fuck is that? I said, I'm committed to the bit. And they were like, you could have really hurt yourself. And I was like, yeah, I know. But I told you I was going to fall. And they're like, well, we got to do it again because.

Wells does his own stunts, baby. That's right. You're Tom Cruise. Mission impossible. Paradise. All right, quick PSA for those of you out there who rent. If you haven't heard of Bilt, you're about to thank me. Earning points on rent is now a reality when you pay your rent through Bilt.

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Do it. So anyways, they didn't use that one. In a world where there was drinks needed across the beach only one man dude you know um so i used to live in fort lauderdale right and there's this guy who runs around the whole town carrying a drink with a martini drink like a drink tray with a martini drink that has to be glued onto it yeah i kid you not this guy maybe weighs like 85 pounds because he runs so much he probably runs like a marathon a day just runs around town in like tiny little shorts and a little running top no point or purpose but runs around with that so how do you think that drinks for it's like it's like the glass slipper of drinks.

He's just waiting for his princess. The right person. Yeah. You ran in college. Yeah, I ran track, yep. Have you run marathons and stuff in your time? No, that's too far for me. Yeah.

Yeah. There's always like- Too thick for that. Yeah, true. Not me. Not this slender man over here. There's always a guy that is juggling while running a marathon. Oh, really?

Have you seen that? Such a dick. Such a dick move. Just got to make everyone else feel. As if this isn't hard enough. Right. You know? Oh, it's so easy for you.

You're juggling the entire time. It's the peacocking of running a marathon. Yes, exactly. He's actually just trying to pick up chicks. Yeah. He should juggle like gin or something. So then when he comes in contact with the guy with martini, a little picnic.

Back to your gin and tonic. Yeah. I don't drink gin and tonic anymore, man. Gin does weird things to my brains. Did it, um, is it one of those things that because you had a bad experience with it? That's why I can't drink tequila. Ah.

In Mexico and paradise, there's usually every day someone is asking for me to do a shot with everybody else right right and it's always tequila i can't drink tequila well you're the bartender pour yourself something else and that's what i do okay or i just throw it over my shoulder like a dick yeah you know what's something I wish I had a record of? What? Which I just started to do there Yeah

Is our voicemails to each other going back over the years Oh god We've got some good ones I can play some Yeah I don't know how this started I feel like you probably started this I started it for sure

Yeah But it was right after the show And you just did the bit And it never ended Yeah cause I Was it something you've done with was i your first uh well no because it's my grandmother's voice i know so i used to my rest in peace but like she was from fall river massachusetts and she smoked cigarettes and she

sounded very jewish and she's told amazing stories and so i would do her voice a lot it's actually funny when you like listen to like the scallop fingers thing. Yeah. It's a lot. Cause I, Alexis is from what? Secaucus or whatever. And so it's like,

it's the same voice for me. I'm like doing my grandma's voice, but it's really Alexis, whatever. I do this a lot with my friends, but I only do this voice bit to you i feel so special yeah like so like i've got one buddy who's in real estate and so i'll call him up and be like excuse me um yes hello uh mr brant this is very shandling here and i'm very interested in the property that you've

got is it always the same voice yeah so i'll do like that nerd voice to him or whatever. But for Derek, it's like, hello, Derek, this is your grandmother. I miss you very much. And then,

so Derek started doing it back to me. Here's the last one. Hi, well, this is your grandmother. I noticed you on the television again. I just wanted to say, it looks a little hot and sweaty.

I hope you use some powder on your for grump. She's underneath there. You know, you don't want the undercarriage to be stinky for the ladies and the gentlemen as you're serving them drinks anyways i hope you talk to me soon call me love you i'm literally just walking down broadway by the way in new york yeah and i i started as as it got to the voicemail i like looked around to see if anybody was nearby so as i just started talking like an old smoker lady from massachusetts they wouldn't be like what is this guy doing do you haven't do you have any of mine to you let me go let me go find the problem is that your mailbox is full a lot oh is it yeah i'm so popular it's actually just because i have voicemails going

back years i have some meaningful ones i have like grandparents that have passed away now like i've saved some of those yeah here's your grandfather listen your grandma told me that you've been skipping out on some work days lately because you got this new television girlfriend or some stupid shit like that. Listen to me. I'm just worried about your work ethic and the way that people are going to see you in this world. And you need to know that, you know, it's not okay to just throw flying around the United

States of America because you got this pretty need to make sure that you stand by a name and that people know what Adams means and what it means to be in the Adams family. As I snapped right there. My favorite part about this is neither of us plan these. It's just like once the voicemail starts, like, what am I going to say? You don't have any in mind?

I do. Okay. This is a birthday message. Oh, okay. Your grandmother calling to wish you a very happy birthday. say yeah you don't have any of mine i do okay this is a this is a birthday method okay your grandmother calling to wish you a very happy birthday i know that you're now 29 years old which means you're very close to being an old fogey just like me i wanted to remind you don't forget to clean underneath your ball set a girl uh girl decides to play with your nuts, you want to have a nice smelling scrote. Wow, we've done this bit before.

Just clean the top of your peepee. Also get down below in between the scrote and the butthole. Trust me, from personal experience with your grandfather, it's an important life lesson. Okay, love you. Smooches. Sweetheart. Pumpkin pie. Happy birthday.

I feel like that's a good place to end on. I agree. All right, well, buddy, you've been staying here. So thanks for staying at the house and hanging out with us. Thanks for the free room. Yeah, anytime. Anytime. This has been Your Favorite Thing podcast

with Wells and my sweet baby, Derek. This has been season 75 of Your Favorite Thing podcast. Very thankful to be here and thank you for your hospitality today. Here's 50 cents. Get yourself an ice cream cone. Yours is the Jewish cousin in South Park. You know what I'm talking about?

I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a little more strained. Like you got to get shit. Well, speaking of. Yeah. All right. Love you, buddy. Love you, too.

See ya. Oh, man, that was funny. This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.