Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - ...Gooch Grease

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

Brandi’s in rough shape after two back-to-back DJ gigs. Wells recalls pre-DJ-Brandi, who was considering this career path, and how he thought the DJ life was not the life for her. Brandi is now here to confirm this life is not for her, but it is her only skill and she needs to keep the roof over her animals’ heads. Wells is paying his bills at the moment, as he’s in Mexico filming BIP. Or is he working with the FBI to take down the cartels? We’ll never know... Before your hosts dive into fave things, they cover important random facts having to do with everything from vampires and Salma Hayek to gooch grease and Natalie Portman. For all The Challenge fans out there, Wells finally shares his thoughts. Plus, he states that Ted Lasso is the best show ever made. Enjoy!  Don’t forget to rate, review, and follow Your Favorite Podcast! Plus, keep up with us between episodes on our Instagram page, @yftpodcast and be sure to leave us a voicemail with your fave things at 858-630-1856!  Thanks to our awesome sponsors for making this episode possible! Check out these deals just for you, YFTers:  ShipStation  — Go to ShipStation.com and use code yourfavoritething today and sign up for your FREE 60-day trial  Liquid I.V. — Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code YFT at checkout  Article — Go to ARTICLE.COM/YFT for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more  Storyworth — Go to StoryWorth.com/yft to save $10 on your first purchase   The Farmer’s Dog — Go to thefarmersdog.com/YFT to get 50% off your first box 

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It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts built to save you time, extra costs, and headaches. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts up to 89% off UPS, DHL, Express, and USPS rates. What, you don't want to save money? Come on. Deliver a better customer experience with the industry-leading features that help you find the best carrier rates,

print labels, and make customer service a breeze, dude. Scale your e-commerce business with shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code YOURFAVORITETHING to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's even more savings. That's ShipStation.com. Code YOURFAVORITETHING. Do it. It's not good. I really need to figure out how to not do it. But I played two shows this weekend and I turned my headphones up so loud that my ears are ringing so bad. Oh no. And so I don't know how loud I'm talking. You know what I mean? Oh, okay. Like my ears feel

clogged and like they're ringing. And I, so like my perception of sound is not good. I wasn't recording when this happened, but I said, okay, Hey Brandon, give me a check. And you went, I check, check, check, check, check, check,

check. And that doesn't help me. That doesn't help me at all with knowing what the speed. And then you laugh like that. Then you, then you spike me, dude. I don't know what to do with you.

I don't know. Well, yeah, I saw on, it looks like Instagram. You were like trying to recover, like saying something like I need to recover or something. Like, are you I saw on, it looks like Instagram, you were like trying to recover, like saying something like I need to recover or something. Are you dead?

I'm still trying. I don't feel alive. Well, why are you doing so many shows? Because I got to make money. I get it. I did it to myself, you know, when I picked this as an occupation. I know.

You know what's funny? I remember when you were first like batting around the idea of becoming a DJ and you were like learning at your house. I remember you had like your rig out and you're like, I'm learning how to do this. Oh yeah. And I remember thinking, I don't know if she's built for this. This is, this is a, this is a life of late nights and this bitch likes to be in bed by nine. I don't know if this is going to work. You know, I don't think I am cut out for it, but here we are. I'm doing it. I've committed. This is now my only skill. So this is what we have to do. Yeah. Let me tell you what,

two in a row. I don't do that often and I don't think I can do it again. It's hard. Yeah. Just don't do, just don't book yourself that way. Yeah. But you know, money. Yeah. Money's important. It's hard to say no to money. Yeah. I get, I mean, I get that. I understand. But the two in a row was rough. Here's the other problem is, you know, me, I don't really drink a lot. Like I don't like to drink. I would prefer to not drink. But the problem is djing at 1 30 in the morning isn't fun if you're not buzzed at least yeah and it just like when you're sober a it goes by way slower and it's just not as fun and i said yesterday i said you know i think i play better when i'm drunk but you know what it is i don't hear all the mistakes when i'm drunk so i think

i'm so good if I'm drunk. I'm like, oh man, I fucking killed that. But it's because I was drunk and didn't really hear all the mistakes. When I'm sober, I hear every mistake I make and it eased me alive. So now I'm like, well, now I have to drink every time I play and I'm not cut out for it. Yeah. Everything's better when you're like a little bit drunk. The problem is the next day everything's worse when you got a little drunk.

And it's still not great. I slept probably 10 hours last night and I still don't feel great. No. God, I haven't sniffed 10 hours since, I don't know, the Clinton administration. I don't know. I've never seen 10 hours of sleep. But that's because you can't really sleep well, right? Yeah, I can't. Like you can't sleep in?'t know. I've never seen 10 hours of sleep. But that's because you can't really sleep well, right? Yeah, I can't.

Like you can't sleep in? I know. I feel like we do this every week. I know it's so boring. I don't want to talk about my sleep schedule. But the fact that I just want to revel in the knowledge that you were able to sleep for 10 hours. Yeah, because my body has shut down and it's in recovery mode. It's like you'll die if you don't sleep 10 hours.

My wife can do that too. And I'm so, and I always feel bad because she'll like come downstairs and she'll be like, I'm so sorry I slept in. And I'm like, why are you sorry? I'm sorry that I can't do that with you. I would love nothing more than to sleep in past 8 a.m. one time. Yeah. Not going to happen. Like this morning.

That's crazy. This morning. I woke up at 5 o'clock in the morning. What? Yeah. Which is 4 o'clock L.A. time. Are you only one hour different? Yeah.

It's only one hour, which I thought. Oh, okay. I used to think it was two, but. Yeah. I thought you were on my time zone when you go there. I thought so too, but it's nine o'clock here. Interesting. By the way, I'm in Mexico right now.

Mexico! For Bachelor in Paradise season nine. Just, I don't have a bell. Give me a ding. I fucking love Mexico, dude. Fucking love Mexico. You say this every year. It's so great.

Like, I just... It's the best. The food's great. The people are nice. It's beautiful. It's so great. Like, I just, it's the best. The food's great. The people are nice. It's beautiful. It's hot. I love it so much. Yeah.

Anyways, I'm in Puerto Vallarta right now. We haven't started filming yet, so I'm like, I got press later today, which is, you know, it's really funny. I think that this year, like, I've always been a a good soldier A good boy when it comes to press Like stay online and everything But I've noticed that like Especially in the world of TikTok now The only interviews that ever like

See the light of day Are the ones where people just go a little rogue And get weird with it How many people have seen like the Jason Segel Paul Rudd interview When Jason Segel's like, I have an imaginary friend. His name is Geppetto. And like Paul Rudd's like, they're both so stoned, obviously. And he's like, take off your hat. And he's like, don't do that to me. Anyways,

it's one of those interviews where like, it's the dumbest interview in the world, but it actually gets views. So I i think i'm going rogue today i'm weird shit i'm down with that yeah i think it's great yesterday i was in i'm staying at this um resort called the vedanta it's it's huge it's like disneyland of mexico and so you have to like take golf carts everywhere like someone comes and picks you up and takes you so i had to go to a dinner last night and i get picked up you know like eight other people and and this you up and takes you. So I had to go to dinner last night and I get picked up, you know, like the eight other people. And this lady's like, well, you want to go to building number one? It's just going to building number one.

And I said, yeah, it's going to building number one because that's where I'm going. And she goes, oh, my God, that's so great. We just got here. We don't really know this place. But so that you know this place, how long have you been here? And I said, well, today's my first day here. But every year I come here, this is my seventh year. And she goes, whoa, seven years in a row.

That's awesome. You know, like, what are you doing here? And I said, well, I'm here for work. Everyone in the little buggy turns around and they were like, what do you do for work that you get to come here? At that point, I realized, like, okay, I don't want to make a spectacle of, like, what's happening here. And they're American and they're going to realize it. So I was like, uh. And she goes, what are you, like in the FBI or something?

And I go, yes. You're like, yes. I go, yes, yes, I am. And she goes, you're in the FBI? What is the FBI doing here? And I go, well, we're taking down cartels. Oh, my God. What?

No, you're not in the FBI. Because if you really were in the FBI, you wouldn't tell us that. I said, that's exactly, that's exactly what you think. But if you tell me, no one's going to believe it. If I say that I'm taking down cartels, but I'm taking down cartels. And then I jumped with, then we got to building number one and I jumped out really fast and everyone turned and looked and they were like, what the fuck? What, who is this person?

I was like, you know what? I'm going to take that energy into these interviews tomorrow. I like no one knows the truth you're right it doesn't matter only you only I know that only you know the truth that's funny so your gig was in Nashville last night Saturday night Nashville Friday night I was in New York oh wow so you double header so you did your thing in New York on on friday night and then i got saturday morning you flew home exactly and then saturday night you were up again that's right spinning the ones and twos that's right and then all day sunday i was a vegetable in bed all day ah so is this like a two-day hangover type of a situation yes yeah yeah

i'm still feeling it i get it definitely that's tough worth it though it was super fun both shows super fun a lot of yf tears at the nashville show oh yeah that's a lot of yf tears yeah i love that i miss nashville i mean come on back we'd love to see you but what's weird about it is that like i see like all my buddies playing shows and they're playing places that i've never heard of before i I know. Like the Brooklyn Bowl. Is that a thing? I've actually haven't been there yet, but yeah, it's kind of new. It's only been open like a year or so.

Is it a bowling alley that has a venue in it? I have no idea. Okay. I see a lot of people playing there. But yeah, it's a hotspot. Yeah. For all the non-Nashvillians, there's a free show that happens in Centennial Park called Musician's Corner.

And what's funny is I was one of the people that helped put that on originally. They needed free advertising, effectively, because it's a free show. And so I was one who put the deal together back in my lightning 100 days. So I follow Musician's Corner. It's an amazing... If you ever go to Nashville and you're there on a Saturday, go to it. It's free and it's so much fun. But I follow them on Instagram and I would see the lineup every week and be like okay i know that person that it finally happened this last week where i looked at the lineup and i said i knew no one i don't fucking know any of these people i'm officially gone yeah yeah you'll hate this okay great i saw an article a couple days ago

that said live on the Green is no more. I saw that. How sad is that? I know. So again, Live on the Green was a free concert series that my old radio station, Lightning 100, put on in front of the courthouse. It was awesome. Awesome.

Huge bands we would have come in there for free. That's really devastating because I think that was one of the things that made the city really cool. Yeah. And. Crazy. I saw something like, you know, we can't do it this year, but hopefully we'll come back next year or something like that. I don't know. Weird.

Yeah, dude. See, there's a thing, though. That's, it's losing its cool factor for me. I know. I agree. Trust me. I agree. Even just like driving downtown, I played at a

spot called Layer Cake. And what's crazy about it is like, it felt like not Nashville to me, right? Like I'm always so like weary of playing Nashville because I'm like, I don't play country music. Like, does this work? But it worked at Layer Cake because it didn't feel like Nashville. But I never, I can't tell you the last time I really driven down to Broadway at that hour. But I never, I can't tell you the last time I really driven down to Broadway at that hour. And it's just unrecognizable to me. And it's not cool in any way, shape, or form. It's just all these, like, there was a tractor driving down the road full of girls in cowboy boots and jean shorts with bachelorette sashes just wasted out of their minds.

Like, and it said, the side of the tractor. That's been happening for years, though. But it's getting worse. The side of the tractor said, but it's getting worse the side of the tractor said get plowed and i was like this is insane insane like i remember seeing like buses and stuff and that's fine but now we're we're at tractors like that say get plowed like i just don't know i just don't recognize it anymore i mean it's funny though i mean i will it that's annoying but whoever came up with the slogan, ding, ding, ding.

Good job. Well, it drove really slow, and I was annoyed. Yeah. Oh, no, I know. It's so funny. Girls and guys are so different when it comes to bachelor parties and bachelor parties. Oh, yeah. There isn't a world in which I could foresee any of my friends being like, let's go to Nashville for a bachelor party.

Some do. I do see some bachelor parties. There was one at Layer Cake, actually. There was a booth full of dudes. Those are bros, dude. And they're bros for sure, but it does happen. I get it. But if you're a dude and you're not trying to go

to Cabo or anywhere in Mexico or San Diego or Vegas, what's going on? Yeah. I'm concerned about you. Yeah. Are you straight? I don't know.

If you're going to Nashville, are you? I don't know. Or are they genius because that's where all the hot girls are? No. See, that's the thing. For your one last rodeo. Go there before. Go there before you get engaged.

You go to Nashville when you're single and you go bachelor hunting. That's true. You go big game hunting. But I could see a world where, you know, guys on their bachelor weekend are like, this is my last rodeo. And, I mean, there's a lot of pretty girls in Nashville, so maybe they're kind of smart. I don't know. Okay, listen.

If you're engaged. It's better than a strip club. I'd rather, I would think. No, no, no. And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. If you're a guy that is thinking this is my last rodeo and you're engaged and you're going to try to fuck somebody, do not fuck somebody who's a fucking normal person in society.

You go to a strip club. Oh my God. Where they're not going to say anything. I mean, that's true. That's true. I wasn't really thinking they were going to fuck somebody. But you said this is your last hurrah. Last rodeo.

Yeah, but I mean, just, you know, have some fun, flirt with some pretty girls. Like, I don't know. I was thinking I mean, just, you know, have some fun, flirt with some pretty girls. Like, I don't know. Yeah. I was thinking of a PG version, you know? Norm Macdonald has an amazing bit. You know, the slogan for Vegas is what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. And what that means is you can sleep with a prostitute and she won't tell anybody. Not like these small town prostitutes with big mouths.

Jeez. I mean, I butchered it, but it's a pretty funny bit. Right, right. Anyways, should we start the show? I feel like we're off to a banger. Oh, yeah. Start the show. Let me hear you.

I think it might be you. Bros and hoes. You're listening to a mexico version of your favorite thing podcast with wells and brandy i'm the only one with a bell you are i know i can't believe i forgot a bell the power feels good it does doesn't it all right quick psa for those of you out there who rent if you haven't heard of Built, you're about to thank me. Earning points on rent is now a reality when you pay your rent through Built. You don't even have to check with your landlord to start earning points that you can use towards flights, hotel stays, fitness classes, and even your next rent payment. All right, let me break it down for you.

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joinbuilt.com slash YFT to start earning points on your rent payments today. All right, guys, a lot has changed over the last years. And if you're growing your e-commerce business, yeah, you can relate. Whether you're looking for better efficiency during the hectic holiday season or your business has outgrown your old shipping solutions, you need ShipStation to help you scale your business. ShipStation helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiency with a robust all-in-one fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular e-commerce platforms,

marketplaces, and carriers. Listen, the holiday season is right around the corner. Odds are that you guys are probably selling stuff on e-commerce. If you're shipping, you got to do it with ShipStation. Lead your business into the future with technology built to save you time, extra costs, and headaches. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts up to 89% off UPS, DHL, Express, and USPS rates. What, you don't want to save money? Come on. Deliver a better customer experience with the industry-leading features that help you find the best carrier rates, print labels, and make customer service a breeze, dude. Scale your e-commerce business with shipping software that delivers.

Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code YOURFAVORITETHING to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's even more savings. That's ShipStation.com. Code YOURFAVORIT favorite thing. Do it. You want to do random facts first? Oh, sure. I love a good random fact. Okay. The longest main street in the country is located in Island Park, Idaho. It's 33 miles long. That's not that long. Okay, Mormons. Let's shorten that up a little bit, huh? Too long. I saw it would take a vampire

about six minutes and 24 seconds to drain 15% of your blood by biting your neck. Enough for them to feed without affecting your circulation or heart rate. So basically, you won't even die. If you get sucked off by a vampire for six minutes and 24 seconds, you won't even die. How did they come up with that statistic? I don't know. That's what I want to know. George Lucas originally hoped Yoda would be played by a monkey wearing a mask.

I don't know about that. I mean, what would the Ewoks be? Would they also be monkeys? How many monkeys are we killing over here, George? It doesn't seem right. The world record for competing in the most Olympics is 10. A Canadian named Ian Miller debuted in the equestrian event. There you go.

Ah, there you go. At the Summer Olympics in 1972. Wow. And it competed every year until 2012. Wow. Except in 1980 when Canada boycotted. Boycotted? Yeah.

What are you doing, Canada? You're not good enough to be boycotting anything over here. Yeah, leave him alone. He only won one medal, though, a silver in 2008 for team jumping. So maybe Canada, instead of boycotting, you should have cut him from the team and got someone who could actually win some medals. That's what I'm saying. All right?

Just a waste of space guy. I got to say, the Europeans normally dominate the equestrian sports in the Olympics. Do they? Yeah. I would think the, the Europeans normally dominate the equestrian sports in the Olympics. Do they? I would think the Argentinians would be very good in that. They're decent. Germany's usually up there at the top. Germany's very good. You know, Australia's pretty good, too.

But yeah, America and Canada, we're not usually up there with the best when it comes to that. I'm surprised America's not good at it. You know what, though? Europeans, with equestrian sports, I feel like it's much more common in Europe for people to ride. I feel like it's very common for people to have grown up riding horses. It's much more accessible over there. It's taken a bit more seriously. I feel like they actually have spectators at equestrian sports there. It's just kind of a bigger deal. In America, it's just really not. It's like a rich person's sport, and that's it. in sports there. It's just kind of a bigger deal. In America, it's just really not. It's like a rich person's sport and that's it. There's a new term that's trending called gooch grease. Love it. I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

It's when a guy's nether region can't stay dry due to a combination of sweat and other stuff. Okay. That's disgusting. Some guys supposedly even resort to wearing maxi pads to deal with it. Ew. Who does that? I don't know. Take a shower.

Guys with gooch grease. Use some freaking gold bond powder or whatever you put down there. Can you imagine hooking up with a guy on a bachelor party in Nashville and taking off his pants and a maxi pad that's probably got some. No, no, no, no, no, no no no no no falls out do you have sex with that man absolutely fucking not can't have sex with that man never no it's over right then and there i do like the term gooch grease and i'm kind of hoping that that's the name of this episode though no come on don't do that to the wife to yours. Yeah. I got some showbiz highlights for you. Okay.

So when Elliot Page was still identifying as a gay female, apparently an A-list actor approached him at a party and said, quote, I'm going to F you and make you realize you aren't gay. You know, because that's a thing. That's concerning. Chris Pratt. Gotta be. No. Gotta be. Oh. You know, because that's a thing. That's concerning. Chris Pratt. Gotta be. No. Gotta be. No. Who else is it gonna be?

I don't know. Come on, he's like weirdly Christian and I'm sure he thinks he can screw the gay out of somebody. I don't know. It's weird. Kevin Costner mortgaged his home to help fund a four-part western franchise he's making. He's reportedly raised half the hundred million dollar mortgaged his home to help fund a four-part Western franchise he's making. He's reportedly raised half the $100 million budget himself.

Jeez. And people are speculating this has helped lead to the end of his marriage. Oh, God. Well, it wouldn't surprise me. I have a friend that's working on that project, actually.

Really? Mm-hmm. I feel like Kevin Costner has enough rich friends that he doesn't need to be using his own money. You would think. People do crazy shit, though.

How much fucking Yellowstone money did you make, dude? You should have this loose change in your Maserati. Yeah. He loves a Western, doesn't he? Loves. But you know, he's very good at it. He is very good at it. Are you mad that he is leaving

Yellowstone you know I'm not because I it goes back to kind of what we always say or you all what you said really is that like if the show keeps going too long it gets stupid you know and I don't like that so as much as I love Yellowstone I'm kind of okay with this being the last season because it's already kind of gotten not as great you, a little too soapy and a little just too repetitive. So I'm kind of okay with it. And it sounds like they're bringing Matthew McConaughey in for the spinoff or whatever they're going to do next. And I think that could be really cool. So I'm okay with it. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. I do love Matthew McConaughey. Who doesn't? He's amazing. Who do you like more, Matthew McConaughey or Woody Harrelson?

Oh, Matthew McConaughey. Really? I mean, I like Woody, but I'm a diehard Matthew McConaughey gal. He did Dax Shepard's podcast not too long ago. If you haven't listened to it, you really should. It's incredible. I just, I'm obsessed with him. I don't know. I'm a cheer expert.

Yeah. You know, Dax never asked me to do that show, which. You know, my mom sat next to Dax and Kristen at the Shania Twain concert last week. And she was like, Dax loves me. And I was like, can you get us on his podcast? Like, if he loves you that much, can you book us? It's like my dream to do that podcast. Although I don't really feel like I'm at the caliber of the rest of his guests, really.

He gets some pretty fucking cool people on there. So I mean, I would probably be a very lame episode for him, but I still want to do it. Yeah. Stay with me, probably. Michael Keaton says Beetlejuice 2 is being made similarly to the original by incorporating practical effects and handmade props, and he says it's the most fun he's had in a very long time. I am nervous about that.

Hmm. Just because Beetlejuice is so good, you know? Yeah. But if Tim Burton is doing it, I don't think Tim Burton's making bad stuff, so. That's true. I saw Sydney Sweeting didn't prepare her dad and grandpa for the nudity and sex in Euphoria. So the first time they watched it, they had to leave the room.

Sydney's mom already knew what to expect, and her grandmother was fine with it. Why are grandmothers always so fucking chill? I don't know what they are. They are, always. My grandma, bless her heart, she used to be like, Wells, are you having sex? If you're having sex, you need to be using prophylactics because you don't want to get the herpes. And I was like, oh my God. She used to go get us condoms.

Good looking out. And I was like, Grandma, I'm in third grade. That's not true. That's everything. I know. but she was the best yeah oh last but definitely not least did you see that al pacino is having a child i did not al pacino is having a child with like a 30 year old woman so when he was like 50 she was being born which is so gross disgusting also he said that he didn't think that he could have kids because his balls are probably shriveled up. And I think he's just jizzing out dust at this second.

That's disgusting. My thought is this. Hey, Al, is it your kid? That's what I was thinking. I don't think it is. You know. Mm-hmm. Because a 30-year-old's probably still needing some good and i'm not sure if scent of a woman

is smelling a woman you know so i think she's getting some so gross but also good for you dude i guess get it i don't know let me tell you something when i am whatever his age is, 70, 80, whatever, I'm done having sex. Okay? Yeah? Yeah. What am I doing it for at this point? I have no idea. I mean, maybe I won't be, but it's pretty gross just to think about it.

I mean, like, obviously. I don't want to think about it. I know, but think about it. Like, things that turn you on now, right? But when you're like 70, there's no way that you're like, those saggy titties are getting me going. Let's go.

And I think that's why people need Viagra. Not because their dicks don't work anymore. It's because they're looking at stuff that you're like, you know? Maybe. I don't know. It's possible. Yeah.

You've really thought about this. Yeah. I'm not proud of it, but... Sarah showed me a couple things on Instagram that I just wanted to rip through. Okay. Has anyone ever seen Selma Hayek's Instagram page? I don't think I have. Should I pull it up?

Pull it up. It's the best. Okay. Got it up. Wow. A lot of followers. She's Selma Hayek. You're right i think what i love the most about selma hayek is that her bio is nothing but emojis okay and it's a lot of

it's not even a couple emojis it's over a hundred it says it goes down to more so there's more so this is what i love about it um so obviously these emojis say something about who she is as a person. Yes. So let me just – I'll just do like the first couple lines of things that we know about Selma Hayek vis-a-vis her emojis in her bio on Instagram. One, she likes to dance. Two, she likes roses. Three, she likes to pray. She's a silly girl.

She likes punching people in the face apparently. She likes lipstick. She likes more lipstick. She likes eyes. She likes talking. She likes mermaids. She likes babies. She likes punching people in the face, apparently. She likes lipstick. She likes more lipstick. She likes eyes. She likes talking. She likes mermaids. She likes babies. She likes dresses. She likes high heels. She likes rings. She likes glasses. She wears a crown. She's got a dog. She's got a fox. She's got a unicorn. She's got an owl. She's got a duck. She's got a butterfly. She's got a bee. She's got an octopus. She's got a dolphin. She's got another octopus. She's got a whale. She's got another dog. She's got a dove. She's got an Irish person. She's got an octopus. She's got a dolphin. She's got another octopus. She's got a whale. She's got another dog. She's got a dove. She's got an Irish person. She's got a sun. She's got a moon. She's got a star. And she's got a rainbow. That's the first two lines of what I know about Salma Hayek, okay?

Uh-huh. It keeps going, dude. Yeah, I don't know if this really means anything. I think it does mean things. I don't think. She likes fire. She likes ice. She's hot. She's cold. She's spicy.

She's a mango. She's half an avocado. She likes pineapples, cherries. This is nuts. She must really like soccer because it got three emojis. I know. Which makes sense. You know, she's Latin.

I get it. Anything else? Or it's just the bio? That's it. That's just it. I just love it so much. I was's just the bio? That's it. That's just it. I just love it so much. I was going to say, the rest of her page is kind of normal. Yeah, this is pretty normal.

I love it. She was like, I'm not going to fucking tell you. I'm not going to write out what I like. I'm going to show you. By modern day hieroglyphics. The other thing on Instagram that just fucking killed me was Sarah. that just fucking killed me was Sarah. You went to like the writer's strike, you know, and posted. I saw that.

What's amazing about people who follow you on social media is they will get into like straight up fucking arguments with like other people in your comments. I think that most of you guys probably think that we don't read that shit, but we do. It's so fucking funny when it's like this whole argument you're having with these other people you've never met in someone's post about like writers should be paid like a good wage. So let me just rip through some of this

because it was so funny. So this person named Minnie Appletini or something wrote, because someone tells me why, because someone tell, this person can't write, because someone tells me why almost $10,000 a month isn't enough for writers, okay? So she's asking, $10,000 a month seems like a lot of money.

Okay, your first problem right here, lady lady is that writers aren't working every single month Okay, like they'll work on a show for like four months and that might just be it that year Okay So I think that's where you're missing the point So then someone writes because a lot of movies and shows literally makes millions of dollars and they did the writing for it It was created by them and they're not even getting paid a quarter of a quarter of the pay. They wrote the show, movie, that ended up being a hit. They deserve the pay they deserve. So then this mini person goes, that still doesn't answer my question. Why is that $10,000 a month not enough? My husband is a captain and a marine

and he doesn't make anywhere near that people's lives are literally in his hands on a daily basis and he doesn't get paid this kind of money but they write something that makes people laugh and suddenly 10 grand a month isn't enough for them it's selfish at best and yes I fully agree that actors get paid way too much money for what they do as well so do athletes I would actually rather see Sarah Hyland marching for more money for teachers that will teach her future children. I don't feel sorry for writers right now. I feel sorry for the teachers scraping by that taught these creepy people how to write something funny.

Okay, so now we're on a whole different argument, okay? Whole different argument. Lady, what are you talking about? First of all, the Marine thing. Okay, I don't understand how that's a part of it. If the Marines want more money, you know what they should do? Strike.

They should strike. And if the teachers want more money, they should strike too. Don't be mad at this group of people that are striking because the other group of people didn't strike. Also, not Sarah's fault. Also, this is happening in the comments of some actor who doesn't give a shit, but I do. Clearly.

So this goes on for like 65 fucking, it's like 65 different people. Here's what I have to say about that. When people argue in my comments, I'm like, hey, thanks for the engagement. Love ya. So then hold on. Welcome to the chat, Jason Tardik.

Oh, what? These writers are the foundation behind Hollywood and keep American entertainment and pop culture at the forefront of the entire world. Pay them what they deserve for the massive value they provide and don't even entertain the idea of replacing them anytime soon with AI. Jason, where are you coming from, bro?

Love that you're here, but what's happening? How did he even see this conversation? Don't know. So then the person who originally wrote the thing, Minnie, writesason tardick you're not answering my question though why isn't a month enough this goes on for 94 more comments it's so fucking funny oh my god it's something i just love how insane people are. Yeah. And so here's the whole thing.

These are Sarah's friends. I think that like you forget, everyone out there forgets that like she made a show for 11 years and she was friends with the writers because the writers are in the room when you're making the show because they want you to convey what they had written. And before every episode, there's a table read with all the writers in the room.

And so Sarah, these are her friends and they think that they should be being paid more. And I think Sarah agrees with that because they wrote a very good show that made Sarah a lot of money. And so she is marching with them because they're her friends. Right. It's so ridiculous. You should know by now that people aren't thinking rationally about anything, especially when they're on one.

Speaking of people being rational, did you see that Natalie Portman's husband cheated on her? Oh, no. Who the fuck are you, guy? Who's cheating on, first of all, who's cheating on Natalie Portman? Seriously. Also, who are you, like, what does this girl look like that you cheated on it?

Because there's very few people in the world that are more beautiful than Natalie Portman. Well, if I've learned anything, it's that it doesn't matter what the girl looks like. If it's easy, men will do it. Everybody gets cheated on. It's the most beautiful people in the world get cheated on. It's like if you're going to cheat on them, you're going to cheat on anybody.

And men are just such garbage that literally if it's easy, they'll just take it. I know, but who is hotter than... Did he cheat on Natalie Portman? Doesn't matter. Like Margot Robbie? Like no one's hotter than... Hot doesn't matter. Well, it does to me.

If you make it easy for them, if you make it easy for them and you feed their ego, they're all in. That's all that matters is feed my ego. Gross. It's disgusting.

Okay. Do you have some favorite things? Do I have some favorite things? Are you caught up on Silo? I am. You watched the new episode? I believe so. Yes. Okay. Okay. So spoiler alert, if you haven't watched the new episode i believe so yes okay okay so spoiler alert if you haven't watched the newest episode i'm gonna ask well as a question i don't want to

spoil it for you guys if you haven't seen it but i guess this is the first episode where we've seen that people are watching them right like all the screens did you see that yes okay so that gives me what is that show that i just watched that reminded me of the island? About the girls on the island and everybody's watching them. It was like a social experiment. Oh, I don't know. You know what I'm talking about? No. Oh, come on.

Yeah, you do. So are you thinking it's like a Truman show type of a thing? Yeah. It seems like people like, you know, because at the very end of that episode, it like zooms out and there's two people watching her read through this book that's like could get her killed, right? The book that shows you what the earth really looks like outside of the silo yeah the relic and they're watching her and they're like you got to wake him up and so it's like clearly they're watching these

people so clearly somebody like these people have created the silo as like an experiment right like watch these people and see how they react it's very very the islandish and um or lostish and um or lost-ish and um the wilds the wilds very the wilds but i didn't take it as like it's entertainment for a different world watching i took it not entertainment i think more of like an experiment yeah i could see that is what it's sounding like but it just like it definitely just got even more interesting right it's like it was one thing to think like somebody was you know somebody created this silo in this world just to like control it and like run it and like whatever like it always seemed to me like it was obviously somebody's idea to do this whole thing and that they're obviously lying about what it looks like outside but now it's like one step further of like

oh there's people actually watching their every move to see what they are going to do. And it just seems a little more like Hunger Games-ish, you know? Maybe that's what we are living in. You know, I've always wondered. Yeah. It's kind of creepy, though, because, you know, she's sitting there reading that book, and there's a camera like clear as day.

You can see what she's doing. And she obviously has no idea. So it's like, are there cameras in my house? And I just don't know. Yeah. How creepy is that god if there were cameras people would be like this fucking kid is weird and i think they would just think i'm boring as fuck wow he's whacking it again this poor guy

my god he's not cracking any codes. He's just whacking it again. Jesus Christ, what's wrong with this kid? That is disgusting. Yeah, I like that show, though. Yeah, it's good. Ted Lasso is finally over. I have to say, I legitimately, at the end of the show, I wept.

I'm not kidding with you. And I think I can say it now that it's over. I think it's the best show that's ever been made. And I know. Now. I'm telling you. Now. So fucking good.

And I just, it was funny and heartwarming. And like the character development was amazing. And Ted's character is just so pure. I just love that show. I don't want it to be over. And I think that there is going to be like a spinoff. You do? Yeah, I think that what they're going to do is they're going to have a women's team.

And I think Nate will be the coach. And, you know, Jason Sudeikis doesn't need to be a part of it anymore. But anyways, it's just, just give me a ding for the end. And I loved all the Wizard of Oz references. And also the last scene where the bartender lady fixes the picture of Geronimo as this callback to Cheers because Jason Sudeikis' uncle was Ted Danson. I didn't know that until TikTok told me that, which is pretty cool. Anyways, it's such a good show. I love it so much.

Hey, give me a ding real quick. Okay. I'm just really proud of Americans recently. Reusable water bottles in airports are catching on. They are. Every traveler who's young has their own little water bottle. And they're going and filling it up. And I'm just like, because I had mine. Yeah. But I'm here for a whole month.

So I bring like a big one, you know, for behind the bar and stuff. But all these young kids have their little water bottles and they're filling them up and I was just like, you know what? And of course, none of the old people do. All the old people don't give a shit.

All the boomers. Yeah. They just want more trash and trash and trash because there's just trash on the earth. But the kids out there, good for you guys.

And if you're not doing that, you should. A water bottle when you're traveling is a great idea. And it's weird, but when you travel, you get, for some reason, really dehydrated. I don't know what it is. Oh, yeah.

It's the altitude, or it's like the piped-in air, but whatever. All of it. You need to stay hydrated. And I was just really proud. I also think the youngins just can't afford a $9 water, which is how much water is now at the airport. Yeah. It's ridiculous. And also, there's really nothing more satisfying than taking your little water bottle to those

little fill-up stations, and it tells you, like, we've saved this many bottles of wine. And you're like, I'm such a good person. I wish they would put those everywhere, like in hotels and stuff. Like, can we get on that? Totally. It doesn't make any sense. No. They've got them a lot in Mexico, I've noticed.

Really? Because everyone's scared to drink the water, which is totally understandable. No. They've got them a lot in Mexico, I've noticed. Really? Because everyone's scared to drink the water, which is totally understandable. So they've got these filter things in hotels and stuff. That's nice. Yeah. Love that. Are you watching the NBA Finals or no? Not really. Oh, come on!

I don't really care. The game last night was so good. By the time this episode comes out, I think game three will have happened. But I watched game two last night. Yeah. And, you know, I always, like, I'm not, like, mega invested in either team necessarily. But I just love that these two teams are in the playoffs because it's not the Golden State Warriors, you know? And Miami is obviously, like, the underdog here.

And I love an underdog, but I just turned it on during the second quarter and thought like, oh, I'll just like pop in and just see what's going on here and there. But I turned it on and man, like I watched the whole game. It was so good. It was such a close game. You know, teams like, you know,

it switched back and forth a few times, like who was up and whatnot, but it was just a fantastic game, I gotta say. It's a good a good series you know a lot of people were saying the nugs were gonna sweep miami and i just disagree and dare i say i could see miami winning this in seven oh wow that's gonna be my hot take miami in seven yeah i don't really care because i don't really care about either of these teams so good yeah yeah good. Yeah. Yeah, but it's just so good. It's good basketball. All right. That's good.

Anyway, that's what I watched last night. Nice. Sarah and I watched a movie called 65 with Adam Driver. Okay. Love him. An astronaut crash lands on a mysterious planet only to discover he's not alone. Adam Driver, 65. Was it a good movie? It's great. Okay, but okay don't spoil it i want to watch it okay so adam driver is an astronaut he crash lands on a planet and the planet has dinosaurs and so he and this other little girl that can't speak his language because he's like

he's an astronaut that's like um taking to like a new world, I think. And so they're all like in cryo. And then they crash land. They get hit by an asteroid. And they crash land on this planet. Everyone dies except for this one girl who survives. But she's like, doesn't speak his language. And they have to like go find an escape pod.

But they have to walk through a land that's got a fucking ton of dinosaurs. And so every step of the way, there's danger. There's danger around every corner. Love that. So yeah, it's like Jurassic Park meets like astronaut-y stuff. Yeah, it's a good twist. I will say that. Like once you realize what's happening, you're like, oh, okay, this is fun.

Did you rent it? Yeah. We got it on like Apple. You rent it for like $5.99 on Apple. Got it. But great great great film cool also so we got a lot of you know fuck you very muches and voicemails about the challenge oh and i want everyone to know i have completed the challenge okay The most recent one. I have thoughts. I can't tell you how annoyed I am at Tori. She is constantly wanting to do anything to save her ex-fiance, Jordan. He's your ex-fiance, Tori. You don't owe him fucking anything, okay? But you're fucking up your partner's game because you don't want to

hurt the feelings of your ex-fiance. Obviously, things didn't turn out well for you guys because you're not married. You don't owe this guy anything. It's so sad. Truth of the matter is, is that he has you by the balls. He is able to manipulate you tori because you're still in love with him okay he's not your husband he's a guy that you got engaged to that fucked it up but you still for some reason feel the need to hold on to this thing it's never gonna happen you're not gonna get married you don't owe him anything you should try to win five hundred thousand dollars okay that anything. You should try to win $500,000. Okay? That's what you should try to do.

You should try to win $500,000. But you're sitting there doing burn votes on your own team? That's ridiculous. Fucking ridiculous. I love the Australian swimmer girl. She was awesome. I really wanted her to win. I was a big fan of hers.

And really love the switch him up when the Australian guy that was Ninja Warrior ends up getting teamed up with the other girl. What's her name? Fuck, I don't remember. I was rooting for Johnny Bananas because he's my friend, but he didn't win. And then guess who won?

Fucking Jordan. Sorry if I spoiled it for you, but he annoys me. He's kind of a dick. I mean, he can be like really motivational, but he also can just be such a dick. And also Taurus annoys me. He's kind of a dick. I mean, he can be like really motivational, but he also can just be such a dick and also notorious annoys me. So there you go.

There's my breakdown of the most recent challenge. Fascinating. But I will say it's very smart of what they're doing because now they took people from like, I didn't even know this. It's like The Bachelor where you're like, what, there's a Bachelor Canada? There's a Bachelor Australia? There's a Bachelor Australia?

There's a Bachelor fucking England? Same thing with The Challenge. There's like Challenge Australia, Challenge UK, Challenge Argentina. And so it's smart because now that you have all these other people from the challenge world you're gonna be able to bring in to just a regular challenge.

I love that show. It's great. and also this last one you would appreciate this and this last one was filmed in south africa and i love south africa you know that's nice so oh i started reading a book yeah i love it i love it so much i'm such a fucking dork dude uh oh boy yeah let's just say it. I like YA. All right? I realize that. And I'm not better than that. I don't need to read Mark Twain or, you know, Dostoyevsky. Like, give me some fucking YA and your boy will be happy. I started reading a book called Fourth Wing.

Okay. Okay. So it takes place in this world. I'm scared. Yeah. It takes place in this world. I'm scared. Yeah. It takes place in this world where there's dragons. And the protagonist is this young girl who's kind of sickly, but she comes from this very famous family of dragon riders.

Her mother's a general in the dragon riding corps. Her brother was one of the best dragon riders, but he was killed. And her big sister is one of the best dragon riders but he was killed and his her big sister is one of the best dragon riders out there but she is a sickly person and her dad wanted to be a scribe he wanted her to be like a smart person but the dad's gone so i don't know what happened to him and so the mother's like who's the general the dragon riders like you are going to go into the dragon writing school and she's like i won't i'm gonna get killed and um she's like i don't give a shit you're going to the fucking dragon riders. You're a Sorengale.

Come on. It's a telegraph. So she has to go into this school where, like, there's peril at every corner. And, you know, if the dragons doesn't bond to you, it just incinerates you. And there's not enough dragons for all the cadets. So, like, the cadets are killing each other off because they want to make sure that they're they have a dragon to ride it's like fucking hunger games and harry potter and basically every ya movie book you've ever read and it's fantastic okay wow fantastic fourth wing they making that a movie or a show or what got to gotta be right because? Because it's Game of Thrones meets Harry Potter.

Wow. It's genius. I wish, why don't I think this? It's like, hey, let's take the two biggest fantasy franchises and just put them together. There you go. There you freaking go. Oh, I do have a comedy clip that I wanted to play.

Oh, okay. Let's do that. We used to do have a comedy clip that I wanted to play. Oh, okay. Let's do that. We used to do this, and I want to bring it back. Nate Bargatze. Did you go see him? No, I didn't. Somebody asked me to go, and I didn't. Oh.

Anyways, this is Nate Bargatze talking about buying ice for get-togethers, which is hilarious. You always have to bring ice, and I don't want to buy ice ever again in my life. It seems dumb. But first of all, you never get full warning to buy ice. It's very last minute, very urgent. It sounds like it's your fault.

You just open the door and they're like, will you go get 50 bags of ice? Every time I go buy it, it's never near where you pay for it. I go into the gas station and I'm like, where's the ice? He's like, all right. You're going to hop on this shuttle bus. And whatever amount of ice you buy will never be the right amount. It's either not enough or the most ice I've ever seen in my life.

And my wife won't let me just throw it away. She's like, we'll go see if someone needs it. So now she makes me walk up to strangers at a gas station and just be like, anybody need a little bag of ice? Anybody? When you were inside, I looked in your car and you had a cup. And I was like, you want a little bag of ice for that cup? I saw Gregory Allen Isaacoff has some new stuff out.

This is called The Fall from the album The Fall. The Fall It's all in my heart on you We're still holding our breath That's Gregory Allen, Ice Cough and The Fall. I'm going to go out on Lucas Nelson and The Promise of the Real. Do you like Lucas Nelson? I don't think I know who he is. No, it's Willie Nelson's son. Have you played him before? I think so.

Oh. He sounds a lot like his dad. Is he great? He's great. Okay. And he's like kind of, he lives in like this alt country world, you know, like the Margo Price,

Jason Isbell world, which I think is great. And this is a funny song called Alcohol Hallelujah, which is beautiful, beautiful. We'll go out on it. All right, you got anything coming up soon or what's going on?

What do I have coming up? CMA Fest is this week. Oh, nice. Chaos in Nashville. Yeah, I think I'm playing at the... So Spotify takes over one of the bars downtown called Old Red. Yep. They do things from Thursday through Sunday.

I think I'm going to DJ at the rooftop there on Thursday and Friday night. And then I will be in Las Vegas on Sunday playing at Encore Beach Club. It's like a daytime pool party. So if you find yourself in Vegas this weekend, come hang out. And then I'll be in LA all next week, and it'll be so sad that you're not there. I know.

You can come to Mexico if you want. Not sad for you, though. You're in Mexico. Yeah. Want me to put you on the show? You said that last week. I'm waiting for an invitation. Okay.

A formal invitation. I'll go talk to producers. Okay. A formal invitation. I'll go talk to producers. Let me see what happens. Let me know. I'm going to pop on over after LA. Yeah. I'm here in Mexico.

And I can't really say anything because I don't want to spoil the show. But I am here. And we've got a good cast. I'll say we'll say that about love that bachelor in paradise season number nine I can't believe nine seasons I can't either yeah oh this is kind of interesting I was I was told that only it was a new record only three cast members tried to steal my job this year so that's a new low record do you know who?

yes I do I'm gonna need you to tell me off there so you know to those people fuck you but you know respect the hustle I suppose you think you can do what I do you can't do what I do that's not fair actually probably I can do what I do

all right I'm gonna go put makeup on my face and go do press cute cute and I'm also gonna take down the cartel because that's what I'm here for Oh brother Alright well have fun with that YF2ers we love ya Love y'all See you later Bye Devil through the night Blood bars, bars Melodies and memories May the spirit lift me ever higher

Can I get an alcohol? Hallelujah I'm drinking on a prayer A prayer you ain't lying You say you care Hallelujah. I'm breaking on a prayer. Prayer you ain't lying when you say you care. This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.