Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - I Can Only Be Me

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

When you’re one you’re really in your 2nd year of life, so technically Brandi IS on the wrong side of 30, but Wells doesn’t need to be starting the show with that type of negative energy. It��s bridal shower time! If you didn’t see the photos, Wells was asked to crash the bridal shower and your hosts discuss whether or not this is socially acceptable. Wells also complains that men don’t get anything fun like that, and Brandi promptly reminds him that women get the shit end of the stick in all other aspects of life... A humbled Wells then pivots to his fave and least fave things, and your hosts talk about DJ Blake’s new show, All Star Shore. Brandi wants to paint her countertops to look like marble, and Wells wants to start bullying people (watch out). Plus, Brandi announces that it’s now time to start thinking about Halloween costumes, and that the year is basically over. Happy Christmas!  Don’t forget to rate, review, and follow Your Favorite Podcast! Plus, keep up with us between episodes on our Instagram page, @yftpodcast.   Thanks to our awesome sponsors for making this episode possible! Check out these deals just for you, YFTers:  ShipStation — Go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in YFT for a FREE 60-day trial   Framebridge — Go to Framebridge.com and use promo code FAVORITETHING to save an additional 15% off your first order 

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print labels, and make customer service a breeze, dude. Scale your e-commerce business with shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code YOURFAVORITETHING to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's even more savings. That's ShipStation.com. Code YOURFAVORITETHING. Do it. Check, check, check, check. One, two, buckle your shoe. Buckle shoes anyways. You know, what's that about? That's not real. Hey, let's call Brandy. Buckle my fucking shoes. shoes where are you brandy cyrus where are you what the fuck is happening hello geez it took a long time to answer uh i didn't hear it right away for some reason really yeah i have like my back hurts so bad wells the wrong side of 30 is not being good to me. Told you. I'm actually straddling it.

I forgot. No, because you're 35 now, right? Yeah, that's straddling. No, because you're in your 36th year. No. Yeah, you are. That's my 35th year. I'm 35 for a whole year.

Yes, but you're in your 36th year. You have to let me have this. No, it's already over you've reached the precipice no i refuse to admit that also you know for the first year of your life you're not one you don't like technically when you turn one you really turn two right no because you've lived an entire year if you were turning two when you turned one it's like you i feel like that's saying like when you turn a number it's like saying you've lived this many years yeah but your entire first year of life is zero which doesn't make any sense you should be

born when you turn one though it's like yay you made it a year you lived a year no i don't know time's hard it's really hard. Times are hard. Yeah. So what did you do to your back, though? Oh, I rode my horse this morning, and she was in a mood. And I rode her for a really long time, and my back hurts. Well, if she was in a mood, why did you ride her for so long?

Because we're going to a horse show tomorrow. So I had to get in a good exercise. I had to make her tired so that when we get to a horse show tomorrow. So I had to get in a good, you know, exercise. I had to make her tired so that when we get to the horse show on Tuesday, she's not dragging me around in front of everybody. How embarrassing. You got to practice. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess it's like any athlete, you know. You got to put in the work. Gotta. Gotta put in the work. By the way, not an ad, but totally should be. Have you had these drinks, this maca superfood drinks? No, never heard of it. I found it at Air One.

Have you ever been to Air One? I have not. I can't believe you shop at Air One. I don't. Here's the problem. Then where'd you get it? At Air One. Well, how'd you get it if you don't shop there?

I mean, I have been to Air One. Am I saying it right? Is it Ear One? Air One? It's spelled really weird, but everyone pronounces it Air One. Okay. So there's one like just opened down the street from me. And so for everyone that doesn't live in Los Angeles, because I think this is only where they are at, they're like a more expensive, if that's even possible, Whole Foods.

Yeah, seriously. So Sarah went there one day, and I think they gave these out. Oh. And I was like, this is delicious. So then I went online, and, boy, you just went and bought a bunch, which they are. Really? You like them that much? Yeah.

I had them shipped to me. It's wheatgrass. Do we think wheatgrass is good for us? It doesn't taste bad, though. I know what you're saying. I've been to the juice company, and those are gross. This tastes like a delicious juice. They're delicious.

Okay, I want to try one. How do I get one? Order it. Go to Erewhon. delicious okay i want to try one how do i get one order it go to air one so one can gives you eight ounces of wheatgrass juice shots and 90 milligrams of natural caffeine and they're only 60 cows you told me with the caffeine i could use that right now yeah i love them i so much so that i followed them on Instagram and like and like commented being like I love these

thinking that you know oh because you're trying to get it for free yeah they're not cheap they're at Air One baby anyways I highly recommend Maka not on air

okay I'm gonna check it out but I do like love that love that for me I went to a bridal shower yesterday um yeah I just watched all this on Instagram stories and I'm gonna need you to explain I love that for me. I went to a bridal shower yesterday. Yeah, I just watched all this on Instagram stories,

and I'm going to need you to explain. Are you of the opinion that I shouldn't have been there? Well, usually boys don't go to that, right? That's what I thought. That is also what I thought, my good friend and co-host. And I was thinking, this is great. Your boy's going to have a nice day on the golf course because she's had a bridal shower, her bridal shower. Yeah.

And then I was informed that nay, yes, no boys are allowed, save the groom who has to come at the end and present her flowers and then take all the gifts and schlep them to your trunk and then drive your bride-to-be and all her drunk-ass friends home. I mean, I've never heard of this, and I've been to some bridal showers, and that's never happened. However, it does sound like a great idea. It's supposedly a tradition.

I was like, I don't know. And I was like, I feel weird doing that. I'm not supposed to be there. And I was informed that, in fact, that is a thing. So maybe the why of tears can come to my defense here on this. But also, what an amazing con that would have been if this isn't a thing, but Sarah just got me to be her chauffeur for the day. That's what I was thinking. I was thinking more so to carry all the heavy gifts out which i did yeah i was a genius i was a bridal

shower sherpa you know i know and if it wasn't a thing before it's definitely a thing now i've created it and then yeah yeah we had to like play a game I saw that. It was really fun, actually. I was surprised at how well we did. Because your boy can't turn down a comedy bet. Right. Oh, I know. So a lot of my answers were jokes. Because it was like, where was your first kiss at, location-wise?

And I wrote out, and she wrote out, and then we showed everybody. There were a couple that I had to go just full comedy. Because you didn't know the answer or because you just wanted to be funny? I just wanted to be funny. Got it. One was like, what's her favorite vacation spot? Oh. And Sarah loves a boat.

Okay? She's a big boat gal. Who doesn't? She's a big boat gal. Well, a lot of people who get seasick, I suppose. And so I just wrote any place that has a boat and i swear to god if that bitch didn't write fucking on a boat uh i was amazed i was like do you fucking cheat and she was like no i just couldn't think of one i was like i couldn't

think of one for you either but i but she's like but i do love a boat and i was like well that's true very true but we did pretty good you know so we're compatible i guess very cute love that for you guys yeah one joke that like i just had i just made that you know whatever i don't know it's tough because her mom was there but um what's sarah's favorite thing about wells and so i wrote my dick and then i like did ellipses and then like my smile you know uh-huh and i was like it's a joke and i you know like you know and of course well and-huh. And I was like, it's a joke. And I, you know, like, you know. And then of course your mom. LOL.

And then of course your mom's there. And it's like, ugh. And then of course she has some gay friends who are like, prove it! My mom would have thought that was funny. Yeah. My mom's different. I get it. Tish the dish.

She's different. She's different. She's built different. It's different. She's built different. It's true. There's no groom shower? What's happening here? No, there's not. You know, I tell you, if I've learned anything from this whole wedding planning thing is that the guys really get the shit end of the stick on basically everything.

Well, let's talk about the shit end of the stick women have just in general in life. Hey, we deserve this. You got to let us have this. This is the basket of which you lay all your eggs. The lady gets like the expensive piece of jewelry. Guys don't get dick. You know, the lady gets a big old party thrown for her. Guys don't get a bride, a groom shower.

We get a few. We get a few parties. Yeah, you get, I mean, you you get the engagement party which the groom gets to go to but let's be fair that's really for the lady absolutely you know yeah and bachelorette party obs well yeah but we get that some girls even have a separate lingerie shower i feel see there's that i don't even i didn't even know do i have to go to that one that's what i want i don't think you're definitely not allowed to go to that house. I don't want to go to that house. Does everyone get dressed up in lingerie? No, that's not how it works.

Everyone buys the bride-to-be lingerie to wear on her honeymoon. Well, I should definitely go because I should buy something that I would also appreciate. Yeah. Trust me, the lady's got it handled, though. I get it. Lingerie is such a silly thing for me. I think for all guys. It's silly, period. Yeah, because if we get to the point where we see the lingerie is such a silly thing for me i think for all guys it's silly period yeah because if we get

to the point where we see the lingerie yeah that means that lingerie is not going to be on for very long you know totally and it's really expensive it's very expensive once you see that we're trying to get rid of it as soon as humanly possible. It's ridiculous. We all know. Girls just walk out naked. That would be the best. What's the fun in that? Save some money, I suppose. That's true. When it comes to the wedding, let's be fair.

The guys aren't making any decisions about that either. You know? No. Zero. I want to change. No. I want to change some things here. Okay? It's not happening. I want to change. No. Yeah, I want to change some things here, okay? It's not happening.

I want a groom party, okay? Can't you just like gather your friends and go play golf and call it a groom party and call it a day? Yes, I can, but I want my friends to pay for it. I want gifts from my friends. No. Pre-gift gifts. You've got to give a gift for the wedding, but then you also give a gift for the groom's party. I think it's only fair.

Men are not capable of thinking this deeply about gifts. It's just not happening. And also, why don't I get any jewelry? Where's your silicone ring you're so adamant about having? I don't know. That's cheap. Rolex. Your boy wants a Rolex or something.

Something fancy. Who do you think you are?'m trying to make you know what i'm the most i did too much time at the golf club listen i know listen i am a feminist okay and i just want it to be equal for men and women that's all i'm saying. Oh, Wells. Oh, Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells. Yeah. You need a Rolex to wear behind the bar at Bachelor in Paradise? I need all these fucking schmucks down there to realize how important I really am. I'm not just their server, all right? Your boy's got a Rolex.

Right. No, they still treat me like shit down there. I got to go clean up after all of them. There's never enough cups. They leave them strewn about everywhere, and I got to go walk around the beach and pick them up and then wash them because they don't want to get Montezuma's revenge because that will shut down filming

and then no one can get engaged. It's just a lot of pressure for me, you know? Oh, poor you. Poor Wells has to go work on the beach all summer and get a tan and have fun watching people self-explode with their emotions and make bad decisions. That's right. I'm working real hard on this for the triumphant return of the puppets.

I knew that was going to happen. Trying to make it happen. I'm here for that. Yeah. Everyone loved the puppets, except for like the two executives at ABC who have no sense of humor because it was great. So I'm trying to bring that back.

But I was talking to a producer actually today because I leave tomorrow, by the way. Oh. I love that they announced that back. But I was talking to a producer actually today because I leave tomorrow, by the way. Ooh. I love that they announced that this is happening beforehand. So now I don't have to pretend like I'm not there. They always announce it afterwards and I have to just go dark for a while. And now I can be like, fuck it. You guys all know I'm going to be there.

So here we go. But I was talking to a producer today and I was like, I want to do some weird shit this year. I don't get to be the host. That's but I'm gonna start doing some weird shit down there like what I don't know I was thinking it'd be really fun you know like to one night in the middle of night go and like wake everybody up with like pots and pans and like fuck with them for some weird reason or I also want to go like on a caper because there's always like some sort of like weird thing that happens i want to be a detective this year go around you know with like a magnifying glass and a bottle of vodka

and just go and do some weird shit what do you think about the that the idea of me waking everybody up in the middle of the night and then making them go do something it's not a bad idea i don't know i'm spitballing here if you're gonna wake them up in the middle of the night i feel like you got to make them do something crazy. Yeah. Because it would be fun. Like, everyone wants a date card, right? Yeah. We never have any challenges to get a date card.

Everyone's just hoping it happens. That's true. So what if we made a challenge, the guys had, like, arm wrestle or do some stupid thing for it? I think it was on The Bachelorette, because it was when Caitlin and Tayshia were hosting. Maybe it was Katie's season, but they like made all the dudes like pair up and then do all these really embarrassing challenges. Do you remember that? But then like the girls were all listening and watching and I just remember being really funny and you could make them do

things like that that are just like really fucking embarrassing. Yeah. And they maybe don't think that anyone's watching or listening, but like everybody is. You know, it's funny. We did one of these one year and they cut it. It's too bad. We did a Spanish-English translation game and it was me and Yuki and Jorge were the judges. It was kind of like a spelling bee, right? So you'd go up and we'd be like alright what's the Spanish word for

house you know someone would have to say casa or whatever and then whoever won got the date card and that's what happened Jordan actually from New Zealand got the date card that day but they didn't air it and it was so funny so anyways I want to do some weird shit like that honestly just a straight up spelling bee would probably be so good because nobody would know how to spell anything.

Yes. Let's be real. Yes. Let's just showcase how stupid everybody is. Yeah. I love the spelling bee idea. The spelling bee is good. Or geography.

Oh, totally. Can you point out where Ukraine is? Oh, yeah. Because in your Twitter bio, you've got like praying for Ukraine. Oh, totally. Can you point out where Ukraine is? Oh, yeah. Because in your Twitter bio, you've got like praying for Ukraine. Oh, no. But you don't even know where it is. Sorry. Uh-huh.

That's Poland. Close, but no cigar. Or just like basic American history. Oh, I would fail that. I hated history. Now come on down to the beach. I would love to go go i've been waiting for their invitation for me to come and do something let's be honest the people consider me part of

bachelor nation at this point well you need to date someone from the show no i don't want to do that come on although so i usually have a rule i'm on riot it's the only dating app that i'm on yeah and i have a rule that i absolutely know people that have been on The Bachelor. Okay, I won't even. Like on Riot, it's, I don't know how it works on other dating apps, but there's like an X and like a check. And so you either X them or check them or whatever. Yeah.

If you've been on The Bachelor, immediate X. But there was one guy that I didn't recognize from the show. I didn't even realize he was on it until I clicked on his Instagram and scrolled down a ways. And he was on it for like, I think a day. Well, that doesn't really count then. on it for like, I think a day. Well, it doesn't really count then. I don't know.

I'm so skeptical. It's usually, usually a rule. No, no bachelor. I mean, he was only on the show for one day. How'd he get on Raya?

I have no fucking clue. It doesn't take much these days. Did you make that rule up after we went on a date? Unfortunately, yes. To be fair, we did that before you went on the show. That is true. That is true.

I remember telling you that I was going to do it after we had become friendly. I know, and I was like, you should definitely do it. No, I think you were against it at first. Was I? You made fun of me for it, and I was like, yeah. Well, of course. But then once we started talking about doing a podcast,

I was like, oh, we should definitely go on television. Well, what I remember is you were like, my boxing instructor's going on this season. Oh, yeah, James. James Fuentes. Huh? He did poorly. Well, everyone did poorly except for Jordan, I suppose.

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We should start the show, though. Oh, yeah. We should do that. We're a quarter of the way in. Is it me or you? I think it's you. All right. Bros and hoes, you're listening to Your Favorite Thing podcast with...

Wells and Brandy. I have a quick fave thing. Okay. We don't do this often. Well, I guess you talk about food sometimes, you know, cooking wells and all. Yeah. Do you know, this is not an ad, which it was. Do you know about this brand of, I think they make like hot sauces is their main thing. Pasta sauce is olive oil

called trough. Yeah. It's with truffle trough. It tastes like truffles. Yeah. Uh, it's the most incredible pasta sauce I've ever had in my whole life. I do not like the hot sauce. I will say that. Oh really? Well, I don't like anything hot, so I'm scared to try the hot sauce. But the first thing I got was actually this like truffle. It's there. They have like a mayonnaise and like a spicy mayonnaise. And I got the mayonnaise for my turkey burgers, bomb.com. And then I got the pasta sauce.

I made some spaghetti last night, and it was so good. So I'm obsessed with everything truff. Do you like truffles? Yeah. I do too. So good. We established last week that I'm a boozy bitch, but

when we went and were doing our wedding food tasting, we had four dishes that had truffles in it. And, okay, so we gotta get rid of one of these because it seems like we're a little too over, we're on truffles. You know, like, we're trying a little too hard

to impress people. Like, look, I know about fancy shit. Here's another truffle dish. I mean, is there anything better than truffle fries? The answer is no. Yeah. Garlic fries. Truffle. Truffle fries are good anywhere, anytime, with anything.

But here's the thing. Truffle oil. Garbage. What do you mean? Like if you ever had truffle oil, it's like oil. Like pure. It just tastes like truffles and it's just like not you need to have the shaved oh yeah you know come on if you're gonna go of course come on yeah you got to do it god yeah we are bougie speaking of italian food

went to pizzana the other day if you're in los angeles or now i think they're opening one up in dallas now to go to pizzana is so good i've never even heard of it my cooking show best in If you're in Los Angeles, or I think they're opening one up in Dallas now, too. Go to Pizzana. It is so good. I've never even heard of it. My cooking show, Best in Dough, our head chef and main judge is Daniele Udetti, who is the owner and chef at Pizzana. And he's from Napoli, and he's the most wonderful little Italian man. He's Mario from Super Nintendo in a real life person.

It's amazing. Oh, fascinating. And he's got like four stores here in Los Angeles. They just opened up another one right down the street from us on Ventura. Oh. Oh, God. His cacio e pepe pizza is- That's my favorite pasta dish.

It's so good. And his spinachi. Oh, I want- Yummy. Next time you come out Oh, I'm going, uh. Yummy. Next time you come out here, I'm taking you to Pizzano. All right. And Daniele will come out and he'll be like, it's me, Daniele.

You're going to meet him when you see Best in Dough coming out September 27th, I believe, is the air date now. That's so far away. So far away. You know what's frustrating about that? Paradise will also be airing. It's happening at the same time. Oh, poor you. You have two TV shows airing at the same damn time. I know, but it's going to be like nonstop Instagram promotion of like,

go watch this now, go watch this one, go watch this one. Couldn't we separate it? I mean, maybe it's good because I'm going to be on a lot of tv at the same time but you know yeah it's good do you have some fave things or are we done with the show what happened here yeah bro yeah yeah yeah uh oh i started stranger things oh what do you think i've been seeing a lot of i don't know if they're tweets i don't know if anybody tweets anymore but like a lot of, I don't know if they're tweets. I don't know if anybody tweets anymore, but like a lot of social media things, just people just saying that it's so much scarier this season. And I have to agree.

It is very scary. I can't really watch it right before I go to bed. For sure. I don't want to spoil anything, but I don't think this is really spoiling anything, but you know, spoiler alert, maybe. The levitating, the people levitating, and then just all the things that are happening. It's very scary. It's giving me nightmares.

I think this needs to be a daytime show for me to finish. Yeah. Have you finished it? No, no. I'm only on episode three because it's so scary. I can't watch it all at once. I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life. I need you to finish it so we can talk about the-

You're finished? Yeah, bro. I finished that shit fucking months ago. Oh, no. It just came out fucking months ago. Oh, no. It just came out. I know. But you know, I like the new bad guy and I like what they've done here with it. Oh, okay.

I mean, I don't like him, but I know actually I do like him and I like how they tied it in and it's a good twist and. I feel like the bad guy reminds me of another bad guy. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong, but is it the... What's the guy's name? In Game of Thrones, like the north of the wall, the guy that rides the ice dragon.

What's his name? The Night King. The Night King. Is it the Night King the guy reminds me of a little? Maybe. I don't know why, but he kind of does. Yeah. Well, I'm excited for you to find out who he is.

He's so scary. He is very scary. And it's very much like Freddy Krueger. Oh, yeah. He goes into your dreams and finds out what scares you or whatnot or what you're upset about. And then he fucking uses that against you. It's great stuff. I love it.

I'm still sticking with the theory, though, that this is all just a dnd game that's being manifested by the players and that's all it is i do think that's a really good theory and i don't know if it's because you've said it now or if this season they talk about the game more but now i notice a lot more when how much they talk about the the video game that everybody plays you know yeah the board i don't know have you know? Yeah, the board game. I don't know. Have they always talked about the D&D game this much? That's how it starts.

Well, right. But throughout like season two and three, did they talk about it this much? I don't know because I think that it wasn't cool, at least on season maybe three. Anyways, it doesn't matter. But I love it. I cannot wait for, I think, July 2nd for it to come back, baby. What do you mean? Oh, so you don't even know.

That's why I love that. No. So this, it's not done. Is it like Ozark? Like it's like half the part now and then the rest of it's coming out and then that's the end? I don't know if that's the end, but they've got whatever it is, eight episodes that you can go watch now and then it kind of leaves you on a cliffhanger. I see. July 2nd i think is

when more come out yeah anyways fascinating great stuff also that's great i'm caught up in obi-wan kenobi it's just the best i'm telling you guys if you you don't even have to like like sarah doesn't even like star wars it's so fun in this most recent episode, I can't believe it, but there is a fight between Obi-Wan and Darth. In the third episode. I thought they were going to wait a little bit for that to happen. But no, in the third episode. And my problem is that Darth is just fucking badass. And Obi-Wan Kenobi is just a little bitch.

And it's like, dude, you got to not get ready, stay ready. Obi-Wan, that should have been rule number one in learning the Jedi, in learning the Force. Uh-huh. But yeah, great stuff. My only thing is the stormtroopers. Do you think that they've got some sort of cooling system inside that armor? Because it's gotta be hot. You know, like every Tatooine and whatever, it's all these desert planets,

and these guys gotta fucking schlep around in all this like armor you know i just wonder if there's like some sort of like cooling system in there i'm sure that's what goes through my mind when i watch shows yeah there's something wrong with my brain well yes i mean that's just the truth you know i have at least everything okay oh. Here we go. Okay. Hey, everybody. If you're fucking walking on a sidewalk, okay, in the middle of it, and you've got headphones on so you can't hear anything around you, move the fuck over, okay? I'm on a run, right, with my dog, so it's a lot of us taking up the sidewalk, and always there's a person walking

in the middle of it and i'm start stomping real loud so they can hear oh shit someone's behind me i better move out of the way but if they got those goddamn headphones in they don't hear shit and then you can fucking run and you're like hey hey can you move over then then i gotta run out on the street with my dog which is a little scary you know i mean fuck dude by the way if you're just walking by yourself ever choose a side okay don't take up the whole the middle choose a side i agree i can't stand it when people are just like bro if you're one person you're taking up this entire thing and you just don't give a shit. And this is a problem with the world. No one is courteous to anybody anymore.

No. People also lack self-awareness in that aspect of like their space. It's like this is equally as frustrating as when I'm at the airport and it's busy and crowded and everyone's you know it's a big crowd of people just walking and rushing places and you're trying you're rushing to your gate and somebody in front of you just fucking stops just just stops just in the middle there like no one's behind them and like they're not just gonna stop all this fucking foot traffic they just stop because they're just in their own world and they're like oh where's my water bottle or whatever the hell they're looking for.

It's like, move the fuck over to look for your shit. You got to fucking pull off the highway. I'm serious. You can't just stop. No. You never can stop. Ever. Anywhere.

People do it all the time. All the time. All the time. I'm going to start running into people. Don't care. Hate you. But yeah, if you're wearing headphones, choose a lane.

All right? Just be on the right side. It's fine. Just do that. We started watching Our Father. Have you seen that? Yeah. I didn't love it.

It was kind of boring and kind of slow. Yeah, but it's just crazy that that guy used so much of his jizz. It's insane. So much of his jizz. It's so fucked up his jizz it's so fucked up because you're doing all in the same town then like it's an inevitability that someone's gonna fuck their brother you know i know but that's what's happening no i know you know who that guy reminds me of is um david koresh you know that is the cult leader from waco yeah that's who this guy reminds me of only he like at least

that koresh guy was like very open in public about what he was doing like he just owned it and this guy was obviously very secretive about it um but like literally it got to a point where it seems like you know this is such a small town and everybody walking around looks exactly the fucking same oh yeah it's so creepy i know, but that guy's a doctor. He should know that you can't put that much jizz out into the world, guy. I mean, he must have been cranking it non-stop though. Ew.

He's so disgusting. If you don't know what we're talking about, there's a documentary on Netflix called Our Father and... I talked about this over a month ago. Yeah, okay. So everyone knows. But you can say it again. This one girl went on Ancestry.com or 23andMe or whatever and then realized she had like 14 brothers. And she was like, what the fuck is going on?

And it's because the infertility OBGYN in the town, they thought they were getting donors burned from resident doctors, but really it was just one doctor just cranking it nonstop and impregnating all these women with his freaking splooge and the way you described that it's true though right the fuck man that's weird it is weird it's honestly like i didn't even finish that documentary because it was giving me the creeps. Speaking of documentaries, though, I know you watched the documentary for The Staircase, but did you ever start the HBO show? No. Have you?

Oh, yeah. I watched the first two episodes and it is so good. It's like pretty dark, which you might know. I haven't seen the documentary, so I don't know what that's like, but it's very dark. It's very graphic. Like the first episode is very bloody and there's some very disturbing shots. the documentary so i don't know what that's like but it's very dark it's very graphic like the first episode is very bloody and there's some very disturbing shots if you don't know what what the staircase is about i don't know what year it happened maybe you do since you watch the doc but basically this guy calls 911 because he comes home and finds his wife dead at the bottom of the

stairs without i don't think i'm giving anything away but basically when the cops show up it doesn't look like an accident it looks like a murder scene and they end up arresting him and so i guess i'll find out what happens but basically like the evidence is pointing to you know her being killed uh and he's swearing he that he didn't he was an author and now he's trying to be a politician or something like that and so he's kind of like not super like i don't know if he was famous but he's well known especially in the town where this happened i think it was durham north carolina yeah he was a like like a mystery whodunit author i believe and it's not that he came home and found her dead they were like having wine out in the garden and she went inside to go use the restroom.

And then when he came in, she was dead. And there was just like so much blood. They were like, this is not how you just fell down the stairs. Like whatever, but you should watch a documentary. Well,

after I watched the show, I will. I feel like if I watched the doc first, it might like ruin the show a little bit. Yeah. So I'm going to finish that. And I, cause I love Tony Collette.

She's, she plays the wife and what's his name is the is the husband is it he not he grant and i think it's patrick schwarzenegger right that plays the son colin fifth oh colin fifth that's right uh is it is patrick plays the son patrick schwarzenegger oh yeah lol he and miley dated for a hot second oh really way back in the day oh Sophie Turner's in it a lot a lot of big names in it yeah I don't want to ruin it for you but I don't think he did it you do not you don't think I don't think he did it really yeah he's looking awfully guilty from where I'm

sitting absolutely I mean it looks very very you got to watch the documentary though okay okay okay okay dude come on dude okay been watching a lot of master chef junior recently and just let me tell you that show's great you know it's just is it it's fantastic say what you want but like i i love gordon ramsay one and these little fucking kids are so good. Let me tell you, Sarah and I were talking about this. When we have kids, Benny Moon's from now, we are getting our kid on MasterChef Junior, all right? Because imagine if you had a little kid that would love to sous vide steaks and fucking make truffle risotto.

Yeah, sign me up. Don't want to do any work you do it all kid but also it's kind of genius all these kids they're all aspiring actors by the way for sure and like you know their parents like all momagers and are just like yeah we're gonna get you in this way or whatever there's like this little girl on this season right now who like wears she's tiny and she's so cute like she is very very cute little girl but she wears like fucking way too many pearls and she's like her hair's always done in like a crazy way and i'm like this mother is just dressing this poor little girl up and she's just trying to all of her failures need to now be projected into her daughter

to make it on MasterChef Junior. But it's a great show. You should watch it. I don't know. Maybe. If I'm desperate. Speaking of reality TV. Yeah.

I saw that Blake finally posted what show he's on, this All-Star Shore. Okay, I never saw Jersey Shore. Is this a Jersey Shore spinoff or what? No clue. I know it's on this all-star shore it's okay i never saw jersey shore is this a jersey shore spinoff or what no clue i know it's on paramount yeah which paramount's on fire right now what else they got but it but it's on paramount but it says mtv well i mean mtv paramount owns mtv but i just don't know what it is i don't either either. How do we find out? What's it called? All Star Shore, the first ever party competition show. How do you compete at partying? That's my question.

Is there no teaser video? I don't know. He just posted this flyer situation two days ago. New series is streaming June 29th, so it comes out at the end of the month. Blake on the front of this is killing me. Honestly, this is thing blake could ever this is so blake horseman it just it's insane the most blake horseman thing blake horseman's ever done i don't know if we can call it all star because i don't know anybody on this fucking show except for blake well i i don't know anybody on the flyer so i don't know who else is on it but i would assume they're putting i know

that girl from is it love is blind or whatever because aren't they dating oh giannina yeah is that her on the right yeah she's in like the purple thing it's so photoshopped i couldn't tell yeah but i don't know anybody else on here yeah me neither well i can't wait to watch that and make fun of that very excited about that i'm only gonna watch it because blake's on it the next big reality competition series coming to paramount plus is essentially jersey shore meets love island meets rupaul's drag race meets so much alcohol premiering wednesday june 29th all-Star Shore will pit 14 international reality stars against one another for a brutal party competition series featuring challenges like Party Pong and Shots and Found. Okay, this is amazing and so dumb, and I can't wait to watch it. Yeah, I mean, knowing your taste in reality TV, you're probably going to love it.

Well, here's the thing. It's too bad that, like, I would go on. I'm a hell of a beer pong player. Well, but can you be single and go on a show like this? Do you have to fuck? I don't know. Or is it just you got to party? If you just got to party, your boy can go, you know?

Yeah, I have no clue. Like, if it's just, like, beer pong and fucking... At your age, do you really think you can hang in the partying department like you used to? No, no. I'd come in there with a walker and be like, hello, everybody. Back in my day, we played... We didn't call it beer pong. We called it Beirut.

And we played with actual beer in the cups. Because you know kids now, they don't put beer in it because they want to get sick. Did you know that? No, what do they do? They put water in it, and then they drink like a beer on the side, which I'm like, hey, listen, guys, if you're going to go to college, you got to fucking beef up that immune system, okay? Seriously.

I went to some party at a college, and they were all doing this, and I was like, you guys are a bunch of bitches. And then I was like, it's kind of smart though because I'm not going to get sick, you know? I mean like in the basement of those fraternity houses where it's just like... Disgusting. They haven't cleaned that thing since the Civil War. Yeah, for sure. The fact that I survived college is just absolutely amazing.

It is. The fact that I graduated from it is pretty amazing, too. It is. I didn't really apply myself, which is surprising. I'm not shocked by that. I apply myself to my adult life, but not in college, no. Huh. I was just trying to get laid.

Wow. I didn't do a very good job of it, either. I'm not shocked by that, either. Why? I'm a very cool Wow. I didn't do a very good job of it either. I'm not shocked by that either. Why? I'm a very cool guy. I don't know. I mean, you're talking to a guy that could definitely win All-Star Shore, okay? Maybe 10 years ago, okay?

10 years ago, fuck, I would have killed All-Star Shore. They didn't even call to ask if they needed a bartender or something you need a bartender if you're gonna have a fucking party competition show something tells me abc would not have let you do that something tells me that's probably true something also tells me that i probably wouldn't say yes but you know maybe i don't know i don't know i don't know awfully bored that's true and i think they filmed it overseas somewhere. Really? Yeah, it looked really nice wherever Blake was.

It sounds way better than Mexico. Can't wait for June 29th. I want to watch that during Paradise. Oh my God, it's going to be so great. Oh, by the way, we finished Under the Banner of Heaven. Very good. Oh, I was thinking about starting that last night but i started this chair case instead it's pretty fucked up though everything i'm watching

right now just is very dark you know you should watch then master chef jr oh i thought you were gonna say the disney thing if you want some just some feel-good shit master chef jr is pretty great except for the part where they make they inevitably make uh every kid cry uh and then they make one cry a lot at the end because they kick them out. Maybe I would like that then. Because one of my favorite Instagram accounts is that kids getting hurt account. It's the best. It's so good.

That is one of my favorite things. Sorry. It's so great. On TikTok, I posted about it. But my TikTok algorithm is fucking weird. Have I talked to you about how much I love the guy who fixes watches? Yeah, I think you did oh my god it's so satisfying watching this guy fix watches oh my god and the tools he uses they're all like little miniature tools and oh my god it's like it's like this old

rolex from like world war ii and it fucking looks like shit and it's all like moldy and you know it's been like in the bottom of you know lake doom for the past 20 years and then this fucking little chinese guy comes in there and he just fixes it up it's fucking amazing and then the other thing i love so much i posted about it today on tiktok is woodworking guys that just like shave wood and it's just so satisfying to this is what's happening on my tiktok that's very interesting what's happening on my TikTok. That's very interesting. This is what's happening on my TikTok, alright? I don't know what that fucking says about me, but I'm watching fucking woodworking dudes shave wood, and it's

the most satisfying. So you guys are watching, like, your stupid dance videos, or people, like, imitating, like, doing kind of dub smash shit. I'm watching woodworking, okay? I don't know if that's about me. In my day, we played Yeah, it says you're old. I'm watching Woodworking. Okay? I don't know if that's about me. In my day, we played Yeah, it says you're old.

I watched a show called Yankee Workshop. Which, by the way, was a great show called Yankee Workshop. Do you remember that? No. New Yankee? Old Yankee Workshop? It was just a woodworking dude. Loved it. It was like on PBS back in the day. Oh, we gotta look that up.

Oh my god. I don't think i need to watch that hi i'm norm abram welcome to the new yankee workshop oh today we're going to build a bow front chest of drawers the antique that inspired it we found at old stirbridge village in stirbridge massachusetts the original was built by a local cabinet maker in the early 19th century. Dude, fucking Norm over here making cabinetry. And I loved it. The show is called New Yankee Workshop. Was obsessed. And no one that's listening to this podcast knows what the fuck I'm talking about. But let me tell you what. Norm Abram, fucking legend. Okay. Wow. You're probably going gonna cut the ad part of that but there was just an ad for some like home improvement thing and it and it reminded me of something that i wanted to

ask the wife tears okay so i came across on my explorer page on instagram this this countertop paint so the thing i love my house so much but like one of the things i hate about it the most are the countertops they are so dated they're like an ugly brown marble that just does not go with my aesthetic and i've just been thinking like how dreamy my kitchen would look if it had white countertops or like my you know ultimate would be marble countertops and so i'm sure my phone has heard me talking about this guys there is a marble countertop paint and all the before and afters on this instagram account look freaking incredible this paints like the paint kits like 200 and i want to know what the freaking catch is so i need to know if anyone out there has used this countertop

paint and had good luck with it i need some intel I also need a volunteer to do this for me because I'm not artistic in any way, shape or form. Like I can, I can't paint. And because it's marble, like I can do the base part. It's just like the white paint, but then you have to go through and like draw the like veins and the marble, you know, I need to know if anyone out there has experience with this because I watched the entire 40 minute long YouTube video on how to do this. And I can't believe I sat through that whole thing and it doesn't look that hard, but I know myself and I know my lack of artistic ability and I'm not going to be able to do this. So I need a volunteer. I will pay you, but I need someone to help me and I need to know if this stuff actually works. So if anybody out there, I think it's called Gianni Inc is the brand. If anyone out

there has used their marble paint for a countertop kit, I need to know. I need my kitchen to look like that. Why don't you just get real marble? Because it's so expensive. Yeah, but just don't be poor, you know? I'm going to need some more podcast listeners if I'm getting real marble. Yeah.

Sarah and I have started a new thing. I think it's going to catch on. I'm pretty excited about it. So I don't know if you've ever noticed that like in like 80s movies and like 90s movies when there will be like, you know, someone bullying someone else. Like it happens in Stranger Things when they're bullying Eleven at the new school. Ugh. You know?

I hate that scene. Yeah. Like bullying her and then like someone says something mean to her and then they're like, yeah, good one. Like bullying her. And then like someone says something mean to her and then they're like, yeah, good one. And then like high five, you know, and they're like super pumped about like the diss that they did to somebody.

And we were watching, I was like, this never, this never happens in the real world. Even when people are bullying someone, no one's like, and it was like, yeah,

your mom's so fat. Oh, good one. High five. You don't, no one does that, but you know what? We could do it.

So Sarah and I have decided that we're going to start doing it. All right. We're just going to fucking have like harsh ripping burns on folks and then high five in and fucking like pretending to be boys, but then not really being it. And, um, I think you can jump in if you want to,

if you want to be involved in this too. I think it's going to be fun. You know, I'll do my best. I just think, I just like the idea of like, I'm just gonna be thinking about sick burns. Like what? Like your mom, you know? I'll do my best. I just think, I just like the idea of like, I'm just gonna be thinking about sick burns. Like what?

Like your mom, you know? Good one. Nice one. Oh yeah, I thought good. Yeah, your mom.

Oh my God. I think, yeah, I'm gonna bring back your mom. Okay, you do that. You're just showing your age is all you're doing over there.

I mean, look, it's all coming back around. your mom was a great burn back in the day and it's gonna be a great one now in 2022 oh no all right we're gonna lose listeners maybe so but you know what i can only be me that's true tiger can't change his stripes guys oh boy and i just can't it's gotta be me your boy's gotta be true true you know what we gotta start thinking about soon what's that halloween costumes sheesh by the way have you know have you heard that sheesh is a thing people say sheesh all the time now they do yeah it's like a new like gen x thing is that or gen i don't know gen z whatever the new kids are they always say they'll shine sheesh i've been hearing it so i got i don't know well fucking ask voice note noah right now ask her if she's a thing ask her if she's a thing say do people say i'm gonna see her tomorrow i'll ask her ask her i'm telling you it's a thing okay i'm gonna find out oh halloween costumes

yeah we gotta start thinking about that it's coming thing. Okay. I'm going to find out. Oh, Halloween costumes. Yeah, we got to start thinking about that. It's coming up. Coming up. Well, Sarah and I already know what we're doing. How do you already know? Because we're fucking awesome. Okay? Yeah.

Fine. No pressure, but don't fuck it up. I spent months bedazzling my costume last year, so I definitely need to know a few months in advance in case I need to do that again. Yeah. Got to start thinking about it. Got to.

It's the most important day of the year. Because it is. Halloween's my favorite holiday, and it's coming up. Five months seems like a long time, but it's not. June, July, August, September, October. Five months.

And then before you know it, it's freaking Thanksgiving, and then Christmas, and then New Year's, and then before you know it, it's a whole new year. Yep. It is before you know it, it's freaking Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then New Year's. And then before you know it, it's a whole new year. Yep. It is.

Once June happens, the year's just over. Oh, yeah. Summer just started, but doesn't make sense. It actually hasn't even started yet. I thought it starts on Memorial Day. No, I think it's June 21st or something. What? Let me look.

I just looked it up the other day, actually. We've talked about this before. Summer is the beginning of May. Well, it feels like summer. But yeah, summer 2022 starts Tuesday, June 21st, and ends September 22nd. September is not summer. September is fall. It feels like it.

It does feel like it. It's because summer is when school isn't happening. And school isn't happening and school isn't happening generally you get out like mid-may and then you go back in mid-september right i know that's summer i i when i was in school we started in august yeah okay like end of august i think i don't understand why don't why don't they just do it i don't know anyway not sure you got any um musics i don't know if you're gonna love this but post malone put out a new album finally like where the heck has he been i love post malone i went on a whole rant about how he's the greatest guy in hollywood

oh yeah because he's so nice or whatever yeah but he on SNL? Do you remember? No. What do you want to listen to from 12 Carat Toothache? That's such a post Malone album title. Do you think that those teeth can he take those teeth out?

I don't know. He might have to go to the dentist and get them removed. It just seems like there. Sometimes you might have to go to the dentist and get them removed. It just seems like... You know what? Right? Sometimes when you get tinfoil in your mouth and it reacts to your fillings and you're like, there's fucking magnets in my mouth and I don't like this.

Why do you have tinfoil in your mouth? I'm just saying, or sometimes you'll put a fork in and it'll feel it in your fillings or whatever and you're like, eh. That never happens to me. Fuck you, man. Your mom. Play wrapped around your finger. I was caught up in your orbit, spinning like a bullet.

I was wrapped around your finger, wrapped around your finger. Then I shot back down to earth. I keep wondering who's the one replacing me. Take me back to the day. I like it. It's a vibe. Did you know Muse has a new song out? No. Crazy.

I saw some Lord Huron got released. Ooh, I love Lord Huron. I know what you've done And I know who you've been dreaming of I know where you go in the dead of night Sounds good. Ooh, Vance Joy put out, it looks like an EP. You want me to play one of them? Yeah, Every Side of You. You want to go out on it?

Sure. All right. Yeah, I'm jumping on a plane to uh mexico should be good excited about it it'll be interesting to see if this show suffers because either i'm gonna have a lot of free time to watch tv when i'm not bartending or um they're gonna work me to the bone and I'm not going to have anything. I don't know what's going to happen. Can't wait to hear about it.

What are you going to be doing for the next month or so? I'm going to a horse show tomorrow. Oh, good luck. And then for a week. And then after that, I'm going on that trip with my mom and sister. Oh, yeah. That I'm very excited about. So jealous.

And then I've got a show on 4th of July. Or not 4th of July. On 4th of July weekend, I have a gig, which I'll tell you guys about in a week or so. And that's all I got so far. Nice. Who knows? Who knows what's going to happen? Well, good luck tomorrow.

Hope you and Stargirl win. Take home the... Well, Stargirl and I are road tripping up to Kentucky tomorrow. So we don't start showing until Wednesday. But thank you so much. All right. Get up to the Kentucky. Get up there and win that shit in the old bluegrass state.

You know? Giddy up, young Stargirl. Oh, God. All right. Adios, amigos. Next time you hear my voice I will be in Mexico ok bye

bye Every inch of your body Showing me every side Of you I love Vance Joy. He's great. Very tall in person. Really? I almost say he's like 6'5". Let's look it up.

Damn, that is tall. When I met him, I was like, that's got to be fucking tall. And you know, your boy's tall. 6'4". Wow. Oh, you know who I was thinking of though guy's fucking tall. And you know, your boy's tall. 6'4". Wow. Oh, you know who I was thinking of though? Hosier.

Oh, he's tall? 6'6". Jeez. These fucking guys. They get to be talented and tall? No, thank you. Really not fair. Probably big dicks too.

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