Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

Brandi starts off the podcast with a VERY exciting announcement which we won’t reveal so that you can hear it straight from her, but it does involve shaving her whole body with her Billie razor and not leaving the bedroom for 48 hours. Wells is still sweating profusely after spending some time in Palm Springs, the land where old people stick to their seats and shopping “buggies” are out to get you. While the hosts don’t have too much new content they’ve consumed lately, Wells does have a new (but also old) favorite activity, badminton, and a new favorite method of crossing the street which makes him feel like he’s part of Cobra Kai. Shockingly, Brandi came to the pod prepared with last week’s homework, including some tragic songs for her funeral which may lead to more funerals, and some insane lines that have come Kierston’s way via Hinge.  Thanks to our awesome sponsors for making this episode possible! Check out these deals just for you. BOOZY BITES – To order your own box or to send some of these boozy treats to a friend, head to boozybites.com and enter the promo code FAVORITE at checkout for 15% off your order. MODCLOTH– To get 20% off your purchase of $75 or more INCLUDING sale items, go to modcloth.com and enter code yft at checkout. BILLIE– Go to mybillie.com/yft to get the BEST razor you will ever own. It’s just NINE DOLLARS to get your starter kit PLUS free shipping always.

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Hello? There she is. Don't mind me. Just eating some chips. Uh-oh. You're frozen. Are you there? Yeah. Do you have bad Wi-Fi right now or what? I don't know. You just look blurry. Yeah, so do you. It says the connection's bad.

It's probably mine because they just redid my entire Wi-Fi. Mm-hmm. And there's like, now I have like four Wi-Fis and I don't know which one to be on. All right. This is a, this is a great start to the show. I got to say.

Great start. Great start. I just want you to know that I'm still sweating. From? I went to Palm Springs for Labor Day and it was 120 degrees there. No, thank you. And so we just sat in the pool the entire day. It was oppressive heat. I

just, I don't know if I get the allure of Palm Springs. That's fair. It's just so hot. Yeah. It'll be like midnight and 99 degrees. And you're like, what is happening? The sun isn't up anymore. I don't understand how this works. Also, why is it so... It's two hours from LA and it's so much... Why is it so much hotter? Do you know? Why are deserts hotter? Well, in LA, there's a thing called the ocean that's nearby.

Okay. Yeah, fair. And when you drive two hours, you just lose that ocean breeze. You know what I'm saying? Dude, it's all old people that go live out there. I don't understand that. That's just well that's why they like the heat because they have bad circulation and they're cold i guess

that old people's skin you know that's like real like flimsy and stuff i think every time they go sit in their car in the black leather interior just like sticks to that flappy skin. And they probably just can't move, you know? You're freaking me. I know. Like the back of their arm turns into the bat wing. I don't know what happened. But I stretched my nutsack to 14 feet long trying to get out of my 1962 burgundy Cadillac. Why did we decide to move here?

Because of the heat, Gerald. Why would we decide to spend the last couple years of our life living in a place that feels like the seventh ring of hell? Before we die, we might go there. Also, Janice, can you go and get my left nut?

I believe it's still stuck to the patent leather seat. Anyways, I gotta be totally honest with you and with all the listeners here. I don't really have much to talk about today. Oh, that's fantastic. Don't have a lot of things I've been watching. So I've got some like other random favorite things, but like not a lot of books and not a lot of TV. Sorry.

Okay. Well, should we start the show and then. Yeah, let's just. Figure it out. Let's just get into it. I believe it's me. Okay. I think it's your turn.

Bros and hoes. You're listening to your favorite thing podcast with. Wells and Brandy. Well, okay, so I can actually start the show off with quite a bang. Okay. But if I do that, it's going to be all downhill from the top. Well, that's okay. Let's do it.

Do we have to do what we have to do? I mean, I'm excited. Hold on a moment. She's left the show. We are three minutes into the show, and she's now left me. I'm still I'm excited. Hold on a moment. She's left the show. We are three minutes into the show and she's now left me. I'm still sweating so much. I don't know if my undercarriage is ever going to return to its original non-sweaty form. Don't go to Palm Springs in the middle of the fucking summer, bro.

Who goes? Well, we did. You just live in the pool. I don't even know how the pool water doesn't evaporate, you know? But anyways, Brandy's back now. All right. I've got a special guest. Oh, yeah?

Who's the guest? This is an exclusive. Oh, my God. Rye made it. Welcome to the United States where you made it just in time for the fucking world to end. Well, the whole goal was to get him here so that we could just be together when the world ends. You know? Yeah.

Oh my God. Well, I'm so happy you're here. And I'm sure Brandy's very happy. No wonder you have nothing to talk about because you guys have been going to pound town probably for the past 48 hours. When did you get in? Yeah, exactly. 48 hours, actually. It's right on the money. Wow. But I just wanted him to say a quick hello. You know, he's so camera shy. Yeah. Microphone shy. Microphone, camera, all of it. But we're working on it.

Working on it. Yeah. work in progress I just made him take a selfie and do a talk to camera Instagram story post later so jumping into the deep end right away yes wait I don't follow you on Instagram what are you on Instagram

he doesn't have it I don't have Instagram I do for my socials I want all the engagement I'll get trained up properly first and then then i'll get the instagram thing yeah how hard was it for you to get over here from south africa oh man huge process huge massive process and the flights the flights were just killer because i had to fly from joburg yeah up to dubai yeah and then I had the longest freaking day ever because I took off in Dubai,

right? Sunlight. I had a 15 hour flight, got to Chicago and same day, still sunlight. And then still sat at the Midway airport for quite, you know, quite some time, still in the same damn sunlight. Did TSA try to stop you from coming into the country? No, not really. No. There was some questioning, obviously, but it all went well. All right. Well, that's good news.

Yeah. Well, amazing news. Well, he's cooking us dinner, so I'm going to let him go back to that. Okay. And I will give you guys the rundown on how we made this happen. Well, hey, man, good to see you, buddy. I'm glad you're finally here. And I'm glad that now she's going to be happy.

So that's going to make my job easier. Exactly. Although I now have less time for TV because any free time I had before is now going towards my sex life. Okay. Well, in between rumps in the sheets, put on the TV. I'll be here to catch up on. Okay. Go make dinner love you he's so microphone shy i gotta know what did you do to your internet that made it like this what happened oh it's such a long story do we really need to get into it

i just want like kind of what happened just give me give me the cliff notes version of why should i switch the cliff notes are this is good for the people to know we are in the process of locking down the compound we are upping the security over here on on the farm and um that entails having wi-fi on different parts of the property so we can have security cameras and um so because i wanted wi-fi down at my barn so i can see who comes and goes and have a security camera they had to add all these freaking boosters and routers and extensions. And now I've got like four Wi-Fi networks, but like none of them work great. Why are you souping up the security? Are we worried that like Miley is going to get attacked?

We've got some psychos coming out of the woodwork lately. I'll say that. Really? Yeah, we do actually. Is this not for air? I mean, I don't know. I mean, I guess like I can vaguely say that we've got some psychos.

I don't want to like divulge any info, but you know, there's just some freaks out there that send crazy letters and threats and scary stuff. My brother Trey is actually just, I just got off the phone with him because apparently he has a crazy stalker that's making threats about coming and like whatever. And he's freaked. He's asking if he can come stay at my house.

I'm like, what am I going to do to protect you? Wow. Thank God Rye's there. I know. I actually do feel a lot better because before I was really just here by myself with the dogs, you know, and none of my dogs are protective. Yeah, that's interesting. Now let's go back into Rye getting his ass over to America. Okay. Yeah. So it's's pretty it's just really crazy like i've been like a like a little transparent about obviously with covid there's all these travel

restrictions i've i've told everybody i think that south africa has been on a very strict lockdown like to the point where he really hasn't been able to leave the house much less like the country you know what i mean and so we've just been waiting and waiting and waiting. And South Africa is just being so slow to lift their restrictions. Like I think they just opened up domestic travel and you even like you can't even like not just anyone can book a flight. Like you have to have an actual work reason and a signed affidavit from the police to even travel within the country right now. It's insane. So it was just seeming really hopeless for us to like be reunited this year at all. And I haven't seen him since March and it just started to get really hard, like to be completely frank. And we were both just really bummed out and discouraged

and whatever. And so I don't know how long ago, but like not that long ago, I actually, I started posting on Instagram, obviously like I'm not the only person in this boat. After I posted one time on Instagram, I had all these people message me and come out and comment and come out of the woodwork and say like they're also in relationships where they're separated. And some of them are as close as just U.S. and Canada, couples separated. And, you know, obviously like around the world, it's become a huge problem. So there's this huge movement called Love Is Not Tourism. And it's people that are in long distance committed relationships that are trying to reconnect. So I did some posts telling my story and just try to make, make some noise about the situation just with, you know, the tiny hope that maybe it makes a small difference and getting him here any sooner.

And so I did a few posts and I've definitely had people message like giving suggestions or, Hey, this worked for me. Like my boyfriend lives in Europe and we got reconnected this way. And I've had a lot of people message and it's been, it's so nice, but it hasn't been helpful because South Africa is just different. I mean, it's one thing to come from Europe or Canada and South Africa has just been a whole nother animal. So I had a guy DM me, I'm not going to say his name because he seems to really value his privacy, but just the guy, his profile was private. It's not someone I've ever seen comment before. I've never talked to before. Um, and he messaged me and said something to the effect of like, I have some contacts pretty high up in South Africa. Maybe I could help you guys get, be together. And I really,

at that point, like nothing had worked. And so I actually ignored the message. And, and then I think I did another post like a week later and the guy messaged me again and he was like, Hey, just following up. I don't know if you saw my first message, but I'd really like to help you guys if I can. So I finally responded to him having zero hope that it would actually do anything. And we started emailing and he connected me with a travel agent in South Africa. And still even talking to a travel agent, I was like, she was like, yeah, yeah, I can book flights that aren't available to the public. They're repatriation flights that are, you know, for business travelers

or people connecting with family. And even though you can't search for these flights and book them, like I can book them. And so even then I was like, okay, you know, all right, sure you can. We started talking to her and she got us booked, um, got him booked on a flight to come over. And then he had to go and do all the groundwork over there to get all the permissions to even like travel from Cape town to Johannesburg to even get on the flight to Dubai. He had to connect in Dubai and then fly to Chicago. And then he landed in Chicago and it was really, even though he had all the permissions to leave the country, like I didn't know if he was going to get to Chicago and get stopped. And they say, turn around. You know what I mean? Like everything's so unclear on who's allowed in and out and what the restrictions are. I mean, it was a complete chance to have him come

over here and get through. And we knew that. So that's why I didn't really tell anyone, kept it really hush hush, because I mean, if he had gotten turned away, it just would have been so heartbreaking and terrible. So I just wanted to wait till he was here, but he got through and they did question him, but, um, but he got through. Okay. And you know, the government probably doesn't love that I'm announcing that, but it is what it is. And he was in O'Hare, transferred to Midway, got on a flight and was here on Saturday night at 11 p.m. Man. I know.

I do love, love is not tourism. Is that what it is? Yeah. Love is not tourism. Love is essential. Those are the two hashtags being thrown around. I mean, I agree with that, you know, because some guys get some deep decking, you know? That's right. You're telling me. And it's like, you know, there's obviously people like haters coming out saying like the world's in a pandemic. Like you're going to risk people dying just so you can see your boyfriend. And it's like, yeah, it's like we're being smart.

He got tested before he left. He wore a mask the whole way. Like we're not being stupid about this. You know what I mean? We're being very smart. And at this point, people are traveling. And I'm sorry, if athletes are allowed to come here from Europe to play

African sport, then my boyfriend of two years should be able to come here. Preach, sister! That's how I feel, and here we are, together, at last. Good, I'm happy. I'm glad that he's finally here. He's never gonna leave, I got a feeling. I'm gonna try to keep him here. Yeah. That's the plan, Stan.

Why don't you guys just go to Vegas? No, you know, he doesn't want to do that. Do it. 90 day fiance. You could not pay me to get married in Vegas. I'd rather have Waltz on down to the Franklin courthouse and then go to Vegas. Oh man. My uncle did like a Vegas wedding that was like, was like officiated officiated by like elvis and stuff

i wasn't there for apparently it was like the most trashy thing ever and then like my grandma who was pearl necklace and like prim and proper was just absolutely horrified that this was happening my mom will admit she was like i gotta be honest with you it was the most fucking fun wedding ever because it was just everyone was drunk it was such a shit show and i don't want to do that you know yeah i do like i want to wear the dumb and dumber orange suit with a cane i want sarah to have like 80s hair crimped and frizzed and i want everyone just to be like blackout drunk. And I think that would be the most fun freaking wedding ever. It would be fun, actually. And like just fly in like 15 people who are like down with the sickness.

Totally. Haven't heard that phrase since about 2004. Whatever. How about how Robert Pattinson got the corona, dude? He did? They had to stop. He's the new Batman. Yeah, he's Batman.

He had to stop filming it because he got the corona. The irony is that a bat started the corona, and now the Batman has the corona. Low-hanging fruit, I know, but you got to make the joke when you can. You got to make the joke when you can. Brandy, we got to talk about my new favorite thing called boozy bites. Have you heard about this? Yeah, it's also my new favorite thing. Really?

First of all, anybody that knows me and has been to a BC party knows I'm the queen of jello shots. Okay. But let's be real. Jello shots are sugary and time consuming to make. I just feel like I'm above making them at this point. In comes boozy bites. You guys, these are literally Jell-O shots for adults. It looks like a mini wine glass, but it's actually like a push-up, like a push-pop, like an adult Jell-Oello push pop in so many different flavors and colors. And the best part is they're completely vegan and you don't even have to refrigerate them, which is always my struggle when I'm trying to like pack them up to take them to a party. I'm obsessed with the boozy bites.

And I didn't know this, but they're made with three kinds of seaweed rather than gelatin. A lot of people are like, gelatin's kind of gross, like horse hooves, you know? Yeah, it is. But yeah, these are vegan, naturally temperature stable and good for over a month. They won't melt until 130 degrees. So unless you go to Palm Springs, right,

which it was. Actually, no, they would still have been fine there because it was only 120 degrees. They look like little champagne glasses. Gotta love me some freaking boozy bites. They are 15% alcohol. So they're very effective, if you will. The rosé is my favorite. I also really love the Moscow mule flavor.

The best part about all this, guys, is it's shipped right to your door. It's actually such a good idea for a gift because it comes in a really beautiful box. And like I said, you don't have to refrigerate them. So you can pack them up, stick them in your car, take them to a party, send them to a friend. It really is just the coolest little idea. I'm obsessed with it. Yeah, we love some boozy bites and we know you guys will too. Right now they're offering 15% off plus some free shipping to our listeners. So order your own box or send some of these boozy treats to a friend, head to boozybites.com and enter the promo code favorite at checkout for 15% off your order. That's boozybites.com, promo code favorite.

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you know yeah dude i'm pretty sure that god wants my foot to fall off okay so the other day we went grocery shopping you know some days that like things just aren't going well? Like for whatever reason, like you can't, your belt loop gets like stuck on the door hinge or like weird stuff happens. Like nothing is going right. It may be because you're hungover and like you just can't like move normally or whatever.

Everything is going wrong. So we went to the grocery store and I'm pushing the cart or the buggy, whatever you want to call it, in the 7 million degree heat in Palm Springs. Okay. So I'm wearing the flippy floppies. Got to do it. All right. I know you don't like the flippy floppies, but I got to tell you what, sister, you got to keep constant air on the feet in the desert. All right. You got to have maximum evaporation because it's just so hot and bad there that you're immediately gonna have foot fungus if you wear any type of shoe so i'm pushing the

little cart you know through the aisles or whatever and nothing's going my way and all of a sudden i nail my foot right on the tie on the wheel you know the wheel that i'm talking about it's the wheel that never fucking works on those buggies. And that's why you're always kind of like pinwheeling sideways. And you're always having like overcorrect, you know? So I nail my tiny little toe wearing a mask in there. And I'm like, oh, motherfucker! I'm losing it. And everyone in the Albertsons in Palm Springs is like, what is happening to this guy?

I wonder if his ball sack got stuck to the seat like mine did earlier. And that's why he's screaming bloody murder. Or if he's just angry because it's so fucking hot in here. So anyway, so then I finished. We finished shopping. I go back home. I'm like, man, my foot. All of a sudden, I look down.

The pinky toe is black and blue. Ooh. I might lose two toenails on this mug. Just for clarification, you call it a buggy? Well, in the South, people call it buggies. And then everywhere else that's normal, they call it shopping carts. I'm from the South, and I call it a cart. You do?

Yeah. I heard buggy when I was at school in Mississippi. Isn't that what you put infant children in? I don't know. Or I guess a stroller. I've heard people call that a buggy. A buggy, that's such a weird word now that I'm saying it 8 million times. The word buggy is freaking me.

Buggy. Buggy. Like the windshield is buggy. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Volkswagen bug is a buggy.gy like the windshield is buggy you know what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah or like yeah or volkswagen bug is a buggy yeah maybe kind of because wasn't there a game called punch buggy do you ever play punch buggy when you were a kid no what is that so i think punch buggy was every time you saw a volkswagen bug you'd say punch buggygy, and then you could punch whoever was in the car. You could just smoke with a piece. You're right.

You're right. Punch buggy, bam. Just an excuse to beat up your brother. Yeah, exactly. That was a fun game, though, man. That was kind of fun. We should bring it back. We should bring punch buggy back.

Well, a bunch of us went to the desert for our good friend's birthday. So everyone got tested beforehand. We had to prove that we got tested before we went. So no one come at me with like we're being unreasonable or whatever. But we got to live our life. And we got to go to the hottest place on the fucking earth to live our life. Apparently, we have to go and sweat so hard to live our life. Anyway, so we go to Palm Springs and we set up badminton. And can I just say, badminton is badass.

No. Badminton is fucking legit. All right? Okay. What is badminton exactly? It's like tennis, but with like longer, thinner rackets. And then instead of hitting a ball, you hit a shuttlecock. What the hell is that?

A shuttlecock or a birdie. But a shuttlecock is like, it's like a little shuttlecock or a birdie but a shuttlecock is like it's like a little piece of rubber and then it's got kind of like it's like feathers or I think it used to be feathers but anyways it's just

you know what I'm saying you've seen a badminton before. I can picture it. It's called a shuttlecock. We were playing and I was just beating everyone's ass. Everyone was like

who are you? And I was like oh I didn't tell you guys before we started playing that I was the president of the badminton club in middle school. Wow.

But anyways, I played my little heart out. And the next morning I woke up and I was so sore. And I realized it was because of badminton. And that was the oldest thing I've ever said in my entire life. That my butt hurts playing too much badminton. Yeah, that's pretty bad. It's tough. The Palm Springs is really wearing off on you.

I know, man. You know what? One of my favorite things, something has to be good that comes out of COVID. Do you know what one of my new favorite things about the COVID situation is? You have a favorite thing about COVID. Listen, I got a glass half full of this thing

or I'm going to go crazy. You know, like I like to go on runs and stuff. It's now totally acceptable to karate kick the fucking crosswalk button. And like no one questions you at all. And you're just like, now I'm going to go. It is the best thing. And you know what? Let's just have that be the rule going forward that we can just karate kick crosswalk buttons.

Or better yet, why aren't the buttons down there anyways? And they're all for kicks. You know? That's a great point. Why are we touching this thing? I also heard tale that the crosswalk buttons don't do anything. It's going to turn green and then that's when you can go. And they put them in there just so you think that you've got some control over life.

But you don't. I believe that. I feel like I don't really use the crosswalk buttons. I just kind of go for it. Good for you. Yeah, you know, I'm just like taking some risks here and there. Karate kicking is pretty, it's where it's at. Actually, I tweeted it out.

I feel like my parents send me videos all the time, right? From their AOL account. Cause of course they still have the AOL account. They send me videos all the time, email me videos all the time. And I have to download the video. It's not like their own video. You know, it's like a funny video about like cats and dogs and this funny political video. Huh? You got to check it out. And it's always- They send you political videos? Well, yeah, they used to, but we had to put a stop to that uh-huh but anyways you know i'm saying like and i think all of our parents do it but you're the download it and i'm like i'm pretty sure that this is viruses because when people normal people that are not old send you stuff it's a link you

know you don't need to download anything so i I'm pretty sure that's how the hackers, the Russians are getting in, all right? They're getting in through our stupid parents who are sending out 7 million forwards on AOL about this cat video they're getting to download. I feel like the Russians are also just like watching us through our webcams, which they're probably just watching this podcast right now.

And they're probably thinking like, these people aren't funny. Yeah, that's probably very true. Sure. They're like, but I would like to karate kick crosswalk button. Oh, jeez. You know what else I did this week? What?

Young Nikki came to visit me. Oh, that's nice. Isn't that nice? She literally, so her pony's sick. Sick is not the right word, I guess, but he has an injury. I think I was maybe talking about it last week. He's doing fine, but, you know, he's nice. Isn't that nice? She literally, so her pony's sick. Sick is not the right word, I guess, but he has an injury. I think I was maybe talking about it last week. He's doing fine, but he's older, and Noah was like, I want to come. I want to come see him.

I want to come visit. So she literally booked a flight for the next morning and just showed up, and her dog shit in my house about five times, so that was cool. Cool. And he's not allowed to come back. Other than that, we had a great time, though. Old and young Nikki. Yeah?

Yeah, it was nice. It's really nice, like, when you grow up and you get older and your siblings choose to hang out with you. You know what I mean? I just feel like we're so used to just being forced to hang out all the time. And, like, holidays are just so terrible because, again, you're, like, forced into it. It's just so lovely when your sibling's like, I'm just going to come stay with you for the weekend. By choice. Was it? Or did you have, like, work'm just going to come stay with you for the weekend. By choice. Was it?

Or did she have like work she had to do? Like what? No. Really? No. She went and hung out with my dad some, which was fine. And aside from the dog running a couple of my rugs, like it was a great time. Nice.

Well, tell young Nikki I say hello. Did you know that young Nikki has a podcast? No. What is it called? I think it's called In My Feelings. Have you listened to it? No. What is it called? I think it's called In My Feelings. Have you listened to it? No. Well.

I think Noah's is, it's very on brand for her. It's all about being emotional and depressed, I think, and having lots of feelings and being a sad little girl because that's Noah's brand. How many episodes have they done? I don't know, to be honest with you. I just see her post about it on Instagram and I'm like, huh, she's copying me. Yeah. Well, by the way, I saw that Cyrus Miley went on Joe Rogan's podcast.

I know. So, I need you to book that. Why don't you guys just do the show together? And you don't even have to have me on it. That's what we should do. You're right. That would be a good episode. Although, it would be really entertaining to hear her call you Adam Wells for about an hour. No. I would love that.

Okay. Well, Cyrus Miley, get on the show, sister. I'll tell you what I'm pretty excited about. Cobra Kai is back. Did we talk about this last week? No. What is that? What is Cobra Kai? Speaking of karate kicking crosswalk buttons. It sounds like

a fraternity. No. Cobra Kai is the dojo in The Karate Kid. Oh, I've had. And The Karate Kid, which by the way, everyone used to say that I look like Ralph Macchio, which is pretty funny. Anyways, Ralph Macchio is back with Sweep the Leg, Johnny. And Johnny's son is wanting to become a karate kid. He's like a part of Cobra Kai and his dad's dojo. And then he realizes that he wants to learn the karate ways from Ralph Macchio. It looks pretty great.

And I'm excited about it. Nerd alert. Also, we talked about the boys a couple episodes, probably months ago. It's that Amazon original where it's about superheroes. But if superheroes were real, how like fucked up it would be, you know? The fastest man in the world accidentally just like ran into somebody and they exploded, like stuff like that. Well, anyways, The Boys season two is coming out and I'm very excited about that.

I had a YFTer send me a message. It's actually a dude. It's like one of our like three dude listeners and recommend something that I thought was really interesting. It says, hi, Brandy, my wife and I love YFT and I have a book recommendation that I know you'll enjoy. It's called The Savior's Champion by Jenna Morici. M-O-R-E-C-I. He says better than Hunger Games and more for adults than YA. Plus, the sequel just came out now, so it's a great time to try it.

I'm going to look into this. What's it called? Better than the Hunger Games is a bold statement. Pump the brakes there, buddy. Tobias Kea doesn't care about the Savior. He doesn't care that she's the ruler of the realm or that she purified the land.

And he certainly doesn't care that she's of age to be married or that she purified the land and he certainly doesn't care that she's of age to be married. But when competing for her hand proves to be his last chance to save his family, he's forced to make the savior his priority. Now Tobias is thrown into the sovereign's tournament with 19 other men and each of them's fighting and killing for the chance to rule at the savior's side. Instantly, his world is plagued with violence, treachery, and manipulation, revealing the hidden ugliness of his proud realm. And when the circumstances seem especially dire, he stumbles into an unexpected romance,

one that opens him up to unimaginable dangers and darkness. Trigger warning, this novel contains graphic violence, adult language, and sexual situations. The Savior's Champion. Okay, I'm... Situations, huh? Sexual situations. Just like Brandy's been in for the past 48 hours.

It's true. It's true. Yeah. Do you need like a Gatorade or something? I had a couple of the day. That's good. Doesn't Rye's mom listen to this podcast? Yeah, she does. Is it going to be weird that we're talking about some do-up-duck-n over here? I mean, it makes me like a 2 out of 10 uncomfortable, but she's like pretty cool. She's pretty chill.

Yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. She's not a regular mom. She's a cool mom. She's a cool mom? All right. Yeah. Yeah, she's like Pilot Pete'sete's mom no she's nothing like pilot beats and that men tell all where she was like cheering when they were talking about him

uh doing it four times in a windmill in that sense kind of but nothing like pilot pete's freaking mom i also had a wife to your slide in and remember when i was telling you about the podcast my mom loved called limetown yeah i listened to it it's good It's good. And I was like, they should make it a show. It is a show, apparently. On Facebook. Mikayla hit me up and let me know that it's a Facebook show, and Jessica Biel's in it. I got to watch. Yeah.

I heard that the review on it wasn't very good. They change the story a lot, but I will say that Limetown was very good. But also, you listen to that for three minutes and you know it's not real like your mom is so crazy that she thought no way yeah oh also tons and tons of yftrs messaged me we were talking about the amish and i was like i'd love to see a documentary on that tons of people said we gotta watch devil's playground and to make sure you watch the one from 2002 because apparently there's a couple of things got to watch devil's playground and to make sure you watch the one from 2002, because apparently there's a couple of things called that the devil's

playground. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to watch that. We've got to investigate the Amish. Yeah. We got to get to the bottom of this guys.

Everyone's like Amish documentary. I'm like, okay, I got it. I got 30 messages telling me there's an Amish documentary. Great. All right, Wells. We're at a point with the Rona that no one wants to leave the house for anything.

Who wants to go to a store anymore? So I've really resorted to online shopping just for absolutely everything, including clothing. I found a site that's really awesome. It's called ModCloth. They've got clothes. They've got jewelry. They even have stuff for the home. And, you know,

Halloween's my favorite holiday. They have the cutest Halloween decorations for the house that I've been saving to cart and getting ready for my big Halloween extravaganza. But if you guys haven't heard of mod cloth, you got to check it out. It's vintage inspired, versatile styles that make you look good, but more importantly, feel good. There really is something for everybody and it's independently owned, which I think is really super cool. Yeah, and here's the deal. You can get 20% off your purchase of $75 or more, including sale items over at modcloth.com

and then enter code YFT at checkout. One thing that you need to know, the promo code cannot be combined with other offers. Again, that's modCloth.com. So M-O-D-C-L-O-T-H.com. Enter that code YFT for 20% off your order of $75 or more. Check it out. Shop for you.

Shop for a friend. Shop for Halloween. They've got everything. All right, Wells. You'll be very happy to know that I literally shaved pretty much my entire body for my boyfriend's arrival just a couple of days ago. And, you know, my good old favorite razor, Billy, really came through. Got it all done with just the one blade, baby. Wow, that's impressive.

Are you plugging your ears over there or what? If you guys don't know what I'm talking about, we actually talk about Billy a lot. It's my favorite razor. The biggest reason is because razors are freaking expensive. And if you go to the drugstore and buy a razor, it just like breaks the bank every time I do it. Billy is priced at a much lower price point. Plus they deliver right to your door and there's no paying tax, no visits to the drugstore, no breaking the bank. And if you go to mybilly.com, you get their starter kit for just $9 and it includes the razor,

which comes in really cute colors, by the way, two refill blades and a magnetic holder that you can hang in the shower or by the bathtub that keeps your razor safe and dry in between uses. And Billy is out to change more than the way you shave. They just released three completely clean must-have products to add to your routine. I'm talking lip balm, I'm talking dry shampoo, and face wipes. So stock up. So here's

what you got to do, kids. You got to go to mybilly.com slash YFT, and you can support us while you support an amazing company, and you can support more money in your pocket, which is actually the most important thing. Just $9 to get your starter kit plus free shipping. Always go to MyBilly.com slash YFT. Yeah, I mean, we all need razors. And if you think you don't, you're wrong. So check it out. It's MyBilly, B-I-L-L-I-E dot com slash YFT.

Do it. Shave your entire body for your South African boyfriend. I just did that. Do you use Grammarly? No. So it's like an app that you download for your email or for your phone for texting. And basically it just is like, yeah, you're a fucking idiot and you need a comma there. And like, that's the wrong, the wrong use of plural pronoun. And you're a stupid. and you need a comma there and like that's the wrong the wrong use of

plural pronoun and you're stupid and this isn't an ad i'm just saying i grammarly is freaking makes me so not as stupid as i really am and that's what's important interesting my iphone just stopped um auto-correcting my anything yeah that's just you like what happened i didn't shut it off but all of a sudden it's like you you know, I really depend on that when I'm doing what I shouldn't do and texting in the car sometimes. And I'm like, you know, I know I'm not typing the right things because I'm not looking at the phone. I'm looking at the road. But I'm just counting on Apple to read my mind and know what I'm trying to type and do the autocorrect thing. And it doesn't anymore.

Also, remember I told you I got an Apple Watch? Yeah. All right, maybe the YFT years can come through for me on this one. Still new to the Apple watch. I haven't read any instructions, just kind of, you know, dove in and went for it. All right. So it's, it's really cool. Like love that I can like read the text on my wrist and such like one of my horse, like really nice. And then there's all these options. There's like three options for how you can respond. One of them is to like hit one of the, you know, like pre-written and like, thanks. No, thank you. Or like, but please, or like whatever.

And it's option two is like a little microphone that you hit and you can like speak what you want to text and you like talk and then it'll like write it out for you, which is like, you know, it's like 95% of what you're trying to say, I'd say. And then the third option, which who uses this is to draw letters on the face of the watch to type what you're trying to say, I'd say. And then the third option, which who uses this, is to draw letters on the face of the watch to type what you want to say. Okay, let's get rid of that. No one's using that. Why? Maybe you can do this. Please tell me if you can. My favorite feature on the phone is the voice record to text. Like instead of texting, I like to just hit like the record button and just speak a message and send it off. Why can you not do that with the watch?

So you want the watch to be able to use voice memos? Exactly. Yeah. Where, you know, is that what you call it? I guess where you send like a voice text. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that's way more efficient than like hitting the microphone, than the microphone, like typing what you say.

Like, why can't we just hold it down and it like send a voice text? I guess Steve Jobs arise from the grave and fix this problem for Brandy before it ends. We're like on series five of the Apple Watch. Like we should be able to do this, you know? Maybe I'm stupid and wife tears. If I am, please enlighten me how to do it because it would change my life. How about how Elon Musk is putting fucking chips

into pigs brains and he's like, yeah. Yeah, and he's like, yeah, we're going to be able to communicate with each other with these implants. Here's the thing. I'm like, I like i don't want that like if you know what i'm thinking dude i have some weird wacky thoughts that are ripping through my brain at a mile a minute if any people can experience that they're gonna be like wow well this is fucked up but i might try it okay so just just like no get the vibe of it or for podcast content yeah i mean everything's a bit brand i can't believe he's doing that and then you know the other thing he's doing he's like Oh, get the vibe of it. Or for podcast content. Yeah, I mean, everything's a bit brand.

I can't believe he's doing that. And then, you know, the other thing he's doing, he's like building these like tunnel making machines. You hear about that? No, I don't hear about anything. Okay, so he's making like a hyperloop underground. He built a machine that just bores these huge tunnels underneath the ground. Then like you just drive your Tesla up to this elevator. It goes down, I don't know, however many feet down under the ground. And then it's on this track and this track just shoots you like a million miles an hour

to at the end of it. And so it's, he's like building this hyperloop underneath the ground and I'm here for it. Are you? I don't get the purpose. Speaking of Tesla, I can't remember if I brought this up when I was in L.A. or not. Did I bring up the fact that did we know that Teslas can drive themselves from the parking space you park in to pick you up at the front of the store? Really? Did you know that?

I didn't know that was a thing. I had Astra with me and I was parked. I parked my Jeep and I got out and was like walking across the parking lot to go to the pet store and I'm walking. got out and was like walking across the parking lot to go to the pet store. And I'm walking. And all of a sudden I see a fucking car with no one in it driving in front of me, pulling up in front of the grocery store. And I was freaked because I was like,

they're going to hit Astra. So I just like stopped and watched this car drive by with no one in it. And this douchey dude in black sunglasses, like walks out of Vons and like hops into the front seat. Like this freaking machine, like robot car just swooped and like hops into the front seat. Like this freaking machine, like robot car just swooped in. Apparently it's a thing. I went home and told my mom, I was like, I'm freaked. I saw a car driving with no one in it. She goes, Oh yeah, that's a thing. All the Teslas do it. I think Sarah and I got to get a Tesla. Okay. How is this allowed? Like,

I don't know that they really have tested this enough. Like how does the car know to back out of the spot and come to the store how does he know what person's supposed to get in it what if someone jumps in your tesla and steals it because it just swooped up to pick somebody up and someone just jumps in it but you know that teslas can totally just drive you by themselves you can be like take me home and it'll take you no no that shouldn't be allowed i don't know man i got more faith in robots than i do for humans man i don't know but it's crazy when you see those, when you see the car driving with no one in it, it's a freaky moment. Okay. So the company is called the boring company. Huh? Clever. Kind of funny. I think he

just wants to build tunnels all over LA to San Francisco and you go and you get in this tunnel and then it puts you on a track and then it shoots you at like 500 miles an hour in your Tesla underneath the ground. So you can get from like LA to San Francisco in like 30 minutes. Okay, so it actually like goes in between cities. That was what I didn't understand. Yeah, like right now, I think it goes from like SpaceX to Tesla. That's pretty cool. I mean, London to Paris has that like crazy fast underwater train.

Like, why don't we get something like that, you know? We got to figure it out. You know, we got to figure it out. You know, Elon Musk is figuring it out. We got to step up. Yeah. Elon Musk, South African. He's crazy smart, but he also is crazy in like a lot of the other areas too. Well, yeah, you know.

Whatever you got. Can't have everything. Can't have everything. That's true. You got any Muzaks? Listen, I did my freaking homework. Before we talk about Muzaks, let's talk about my other homework. I have, I had homework from last week.

Yeah, I forgot. Yes. Here we go. You forgot? You mean I spent 45 minutes working on my homework just now for nothing because you forgot? Oh, my God. Well, to be honest with you, I never really believed that you were going to do it. Your homework assignment was, number one was get Kirsten's messages from Tinder. Got some messages. What was the other one? The funeral music.'s messages from Tinder. Got some messages.

What was the other one? The funeral music. Oh, yeah. Your death day mix. I can't with you. Okay. Let's start with Hinge. These guys.

Yeah. We can't decide if they're like just complete douche lords that are just like texting and hooking up with 8 million people. Or if they're just complete nerds that literally don't get any human interaction and they're just weird. Those are the only two types of people on Hinge we've decided. You've got your classic Brian who just responds. So the way Hinge works,

like if you've ever been on Hinge, probably not. So your profile, it's actually kind of cool. Your profile is basically like you get to pick, they have like thought starters or something and you get to pick what they are and that's what your profile is. And so like Kirsten's, it says like, thought starters or something, and you get to pick what they are, and that's what your profile is. And so, like, Kirsten's says, like, it's, like, what's one thing I should know about you or something like that, and Kirsten says, I'll always love my dog more than you or something

like that. Like, people are, like, trying to be, like, funny or cutesy or, like, whatever. So the way you communicate with each other is you respond to one of their, like, thought starters or something that's on their profile. So you've got your classic Brian who just sent a classic, you have the most beautiful smile, Kirsten. Next. Okay. Then you've got the douchey, where do I submit my application for your IG boyfriend? Because I feel like that alone is more adventurous than my whole life currently. Dope. So you're the biggest loser on the planet. Great. And then, oh, I already said this one last week. You've got good old Chris who responds to a completely normal photo of her

in completely normal shorts saying, your legs make me want to scream. Yeah, they do. That's not creepy. Oh, and then good old Matt. He's just really trying here. He's really landed on thick. Honestly, you are one of the most beautiful ladies I have seen on this app.

Oh, well, that's nice. Did she respond to that? Is it nice? I just feel like you're one of the most beautiful ladies I've ever seen in my life on this app. Oh, okay, cool. Well, I guess that's fair. So is there any that are good or any that are getting, you know, that being a tingling? So far, no.

Also, this weirdo. So one of her things says, like, the thought starter is, oh, this is what I was talking about. The thought starter is, don't hate me if I blank. And she wrote, love my dog more than you. This guy says, ah, your dog looks like my dog's dad. Cool. Is that an insult? Because it sounds like an insult.

Yeah, I don't know. It's just so weird. Okay. So then now we dive into the actual, like, you've matched with people, and now you're, like, messaging, like, through the app or whatever. So she's, like, you know, making small talk. She's really not into, like, almost anyone she's started talking to on here, but she's, like, entertaining it because I'm making her.

And so she's, like, chatting with somebody, and then this guy writes, text me, writes his number. I'm looking to you for the best spot to happy hour. I've been out of the Nashville scene for a bit, unless you don't know either. In which case I'll flex my Yelp skills. Okay. She doesn't respond. Then he texts the next day.

My phone must be broken because she's not texting. Then he texts again the next day. Well, damn time is running out on the weekend, but if you're still down, I'm around this week. Because she's not texting. Then he texts again the next day. Well, damn. Time is running out on the weekend. But if you're still down, I'm around this week. Would love to take you out. Like, this is a quadruple text. Like, she's obviously not interested in a date.

And he just keeps on trying. Yeah, but why was he able to message her in the first place if she wasn't somewhat interested? Because I'm forcing her to, like, give people a chance that she doesn't, like. I I just feel like, you know, she's gotta be open-minded, give people a chance. Like even if it doesn't look like it's somebody that's your type or they're not quite six feet tall, like let's just give them a shot. And so she's doing it for me really. Okay. So then this guy, this next guy, he actually graduated to like actual texts. Like he got her number. Oh, I think this is the guy she actually went on a date with. And so she was like sending him pictures of like, we make milkshakes all the time. It's like her favorite

thing to make. And so he's like, uh, is that a true milkshake or a healthy milkshake? And she's like, no, it's like milk and chocolate chip cookies. And that's, and it's an ice cream milkshake. She says, honestly, I make everything into a milkshake. And then he says, do you just want to move in? You can pay rent by cooking, cleaning, and getting a Peloton. Whoa. And she says, her response was, you're hilarious, but it sounds like I have the hard end of the bargain. Cooking and cleaning is hard. And then he says, I mean, I'll cook and clean if you'll pay my mortgage.

Okay. What is this guy that thinks that, what in his brain makes him think any girl is going to respond to this positively? He should have gone outside and took a picture of himself in his yard and then said, your milkshake has brought this boy to the yard. Problem is, the guys that would say that are all taken and the others that say the dumb shit are all on hinge. I can't get over that. What should I say to this girl to make her like me hmm i'm gonna say

that she should be a 1950s housewife and then also buy my peloton it's out of complete does she have a peloton she wants one she does not have one that's some good shit that's the hinge drama so so far and she's gonna kill me but so far in her dating life i think the front runner guy that she's been talking to is actually somebody she just met on good old instagram what happened the doctor i think i don't think he responded again i think he sent like one message and then gypsied she was devastated oh man see that's the thing dude doctors don't need anything i said maybe he's busy saving lives like saving lives takes time you know no he thinks he's playing god over here i'm not buying it i like him whatever i'd do it for a real life mixed steamy dreamy oh my god which by the way i watched can't buy me love the other day and like young mcdreamy

it's so funny to see him so funny all right so did you also get a death day mix here's the thing about my death day situation yeah i had like 20 minutes to do this if i was really gonna curate a playlist for my funeral i would spend weeks on Probably. That's how serious I'm about stuff like music playlists. I'm just trying to set a vibe here. So these songs lyrically aren't exactly what I would want to be played at my funeral. But it's the vibe. It's the energy that I'm trying to set a vibe here. Okay.

Obviously, you can't have a funeral without the song Mad World. Wow. The Donnie Darko version. Yeah. Who sings that? Is that Gary J version. Yeah, who sings that? Is that Gary Jules? Yeah, Gary Jules. Oh my God, like your funeral

was going to be so fucking bleak, dude. Yeah. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you. I find it hard to take. When people run in circles, I mean, it's a good song, but okay. What else is on there? There's no sadder voice in the world.

Well, there probably is, but it's one of the saddest. Then Damien Rice. Play me a little My Favorite Faded Fantasy. There's going to be three suicides at your funeral. What it all could be What it all, what it all could be I mean, I love some Damien Rice, much the next guy, but man. I just wanted people to really have to think about the meaning of life in general, you know? Totally. And then just for, you know, nostalgia's sake,

let's play a little Transatlanticism by Death Cab. The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forevermore. The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row. It seems far. Can I add one to your mix? Sure. I feel like I would definitely get some Elliot Smith in your shit. Oh, for sure.

Just the most. Just the most. in your clothes, head down to toes, a reaction in you. You say you know what he did, but you idiot kid, you don't have a clue. Sometimes they just get caught in the eye, you're pulling him through. Hiddling the hay. Oh man, Elliot Smith, R.I.P. Such a vibe. What do you think played at Elliott Smith's funeral? That must have been hard.

Great, that's a good question. That was probably a really depressing one. You got any more? No, that's all I got. I mean, I would definitely have to play a national song or two, you know. Do you know that I hate the national? How dare you say that? I love Trouble Will Find Me.

It's my favorite album, I think. Here's the thing. It's just so bleak. And his voice is just so, like, okay, we get it. Oh, it's so good. I know I was a lot of things, but I am good, I am grounded. David says that I look taller. I can't get my head around it.

I keep feeling smaller and smaller. I need my girl. All right. Well, you got anything else? Not for the death mix. All right. That's pretty good, though. It made me laugh.

Good. Perfect. We got some new stuff that I'm excited about. Okay. Let's hear it. I got one, too. Well, yeah. I got one. else not for the death mix all right that's pretty good though it made me laugh good perfect we got some new stuff that i i'm excited about okay let's hear i got one too well it's yeah i got one i saw the weeks put out some new stuff everyone is a big weeks fan but they also this song has got john mccauley on it he's the lead singer of deer tick so i was like wait what is this this looks so dope It's called Shame. It was part of his plan. He'd make enough and move along. But at night, it's a different place in another state singing other songs. It's a shame what became of my name

Heard him whisper when he walked by What's she saying now? It's a shame Well, I guess it's kind of like a throwback doo-wop with some really talented freaking people. Also, Wilco's got some new stuff out, and you guys know how I feel about Wilco. It doesn't seem to mean anything

It's just a dream he keeps having Doesn't seem to mean anything One summer of suicide Another autumn of traveler's guide. He hits news twice before he dies. I mean, sounds just like a Wilco song. What do you got? Big Sean has out a new album.

He's one of my favorites in the hip-hop genre uh play his not his song it's called wolves features post malone they care about starving more than they do by the charge me i can't break a commitment i just seen people fuck up the whole team because they couldn't play their position talking about dating meaning bitch you know the road to hell was paved with good intentions i see myself in my nemesis i contemplate and forgiveness i think i lost all my innocence hold my life depend on this this ain't no simple suck this shit try stealing you get bit that's what you motherfucking get i feel safe for taking risks and i can't eat this on my own like put my back that's pretty

badass i love big sean so much speaking of wilco and death, this one will definitely be on mine. Jesus, et cetera. It's a good one. I feel like this is a good way to go out. For sure. I love you, Brandy. Love you, Wells. Just, I don't know, hydrate, use, you know, use lubrication if you have to, you know?

Oh, we do. Okay, good. I want you to stay safe. Okay? Yeah, totes. Also, I'm going to try to improve my Wi-Fi before next week. That would be great. Yeah. Alright, well, I'm glad that you're happy. That makes me happy. Thanks, Fowls.

And now I'm going to go watch some new stuff because I feel like I didn't bring a lot today and I feel bad about that. You should, except I never bring a lot and I never feel bad. So, you know. Yeah. All right. Voices escape, singing sad, sad songs.

Tune to chords, tongue down your cheeks. Bitter melodies, turning your orbit around don't cry you can rely on me honey this podcast has been brought to you by podcast nation