Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - Just-In-Case Bread

Episode Date: November 20, 2019

This week on YFT, Brandi is on tour with Kaitlyn Bristowe, which is a relief to many since Blake wasn’t an actual DJ, and Wells is in France staying in a potentially haunted castle and carrying around some just-in-case bread. If there is an award for Influencer Boyfriend of the Year, Wells is taking it home. He’s been following Sarah all over France with multiple cameras capturing all of Sarah’s best angles and then formatting the pics to make them Insta-perfection. Wells goes over the French Survival Kit with Brandi which consists of bread, wine, cheese, and cigarettes (it’s a wonder how French people are still suh-hot). Brandi and Wells discuss the benefits of TOTO toilets (please sponsor us), America’s lack of monuments compared to Europe, how Brandi was converted from Hallmark hater to Christmas movie enthusiast, and how incredible it is that a YFTer we'll call Wasted Grace is miraculously connected to the show. And if that's not enough, Wells' grandmother returns to read the best ever Amazon review for a vibrator (shoutout to user Express7976). Stay tuned for next week where we find out if Brandi flew to Denver for her special wax before she flies to South Africa to get that D. Thanks to our awesome sponsors. Check out these deals for our YFT-ers! SHOEDAZZLE– Get your first ShoeDazzle style for 75% off when you go to ShoeDazzle.com/YFT QUIP– Get your first refill for free at GetQuip.com/YFT ARTICLE– Go to Article.com/YFT to get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more

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being in France, dude? Because I'm jealous, dude. Well, that is a you problem. You should go to France. I know. I haven't been to France in a really long time. I don't even really remember it. It's been so long. I've never been here before. It's pretty dope.

I'm a big France guy. Big France guy over here. Why does it look like you're in a barn loft or something? Oh, we're staying in a castle. And it's wood? Yeah. This is the attic of the castle and this whole game room up here. It's so freaking nice.

It's ridiculous. That's insane. So basically you're living like a real life Game of Thrones or something. Yeah, did you see my Instagram? I even had a dragon on my things. Yeah. Did you bring your little drone with you? Yeah. Did you see my Instagram? I had a drone video. Yes!

I mean, why are you asking these questions when you know? I don't know. I'm just trying to make conversation here. I'm killing the game over here. I know. You're like drone guy, pro photographer guy. I'm the greatest Instagram boyfriend that there ever has been. You're pretty good.

I just want everyone to know that right now. So Sarah just posted like a series of pictures of her in front of the ice flower. And she was like, I really want, you know, like sometimes Instagram, when you're like doing the post, it like makes it smaller than the picture actually is. And you're like, so there's an app called over that like makes it so you can like make the picture smaller.

So it'll do that whole thing. And of course I have it. Don't know why never used it. Don't care. All right. But because I am the greatest instagram boyfriend of ours or any other generation i was like send me the pics back that i already sent her because i took them while on my knees getting the perfect angle of her whilst eating a crepe with the eiffel tower

in the background then i reformatted it and then sent it to her. Wow. I know. If there is some sort of social media award, I need it. How is there not, honestly? I don't know. How is that not a Revolve award? Influencer boyfriend of the year or something. I don't know. Yeah. I need some sort of recognition over here because I'm killing it.

But yeah, dude, we're in France and I'm a big France guy. I didn't know I was a big France guy until I came to France. But I tell you what, don't speak a lick of the language. No. It's tough. I took four years of it in high school, and I can't speak a lick of it. It's so funny because Sarah, she took it in high school, and so she's like, I got this. And the problem is that she'll come in, and she'll say something in French right off the bat, and they're like, oh, you know French.

And they're like, and then we just look like absolute idiots so I come in there full blazing American like just hello how's it going not even trying to say like you know like Au revoir. You know, like, oui, oui. Bonjour is hello. Bonjour. Bonsoir. I don't even try. This is why I wouldn't even try. Because if I said, bonjour, je m'appelle Brandy. That's hello, my name is Brandy. That's all I can say.

So I can't even come out of the gate with that. Because then they're going to think, like, oh, I can have a conversation with her in French. Nope, that's all I know. My Spanish is pretty good. So when I go to Mexico, I can, like, get by. But I at least know, like, en ingles, por favor. Mi espanol es muy to Mexico, I can like get by. But I at least know like, I don't even know how to say that in French. It's just like, American over here. All right.

Cheeseburger, please. You can't say this because you know zero French, but Sarah could say, It means I speak a tiny bit of French. Damn. There's music playing in the background. We're also staying staying in this castle we're not sure if it's haunted you know because it's it's for sure haunted this thing was built in the 1200s and yeah definitely yeah and they're like and you are staying in the dungeon and we're like we're staying in the dungeon they called it

that yeah but it's also like up in the attic so i'm like i thought dungeons were like in the basement i'm just not sure if their english is not right or we're in the dungeon but anyways it's probably haunted i don't know there's some creepy things up here it kind of looks like the house in haunting of hill house kind of but i tell you what though it's so beautiful that i can't imagine unless there was like murders and beheadings which i can't imagine i don't think it's so beautiful that i can't imagine unless there was like murders and beheadings which i can't imagine i don't think it's like that kind of castle this is like an estate you know but i can't imagine anyone being upset even if you died here because it's so nice you know so i just if there are ghosts here i feel like they're just positive ghosts you know yeah they're just like

what up dude i know it's pretty great but like i don't know it's pretty great is that what ghosts sound like in france i don't know i don't know what they sound like we're in the bordeaux region of france fancy yeah i've got i've got a lot of stories to tell i got a whole french episode for you great i. I can't wait because I really, I don't know much about, I don't know much about France. I'm not very educated on France, so enlighten me. Well, buckle your seatbelts,

boys and girls, because you're about to embark on quite an adventure in the land of the frogs. Is it the land of the frogs? Yeah, I think we call them, French people, frogs. And I don't know if that's racist

or rude. I don't know why, but I've heard that before. So if it is racist or rude or just not cool, sorry. Don't know. Dumb American over here. All right. Hey, Wells. Yo.

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shoodazzle.com slash YFT to take advantage of this deal right now. That's shoodazzle.com. So S-H-O-E-D-A-Z-Z-L-E.com slash YFT to get your first style for as low as $10 as a VIP. You also get free shipping on orders over $39. And there's absolutely no commitment when you purchase your first order at shootazzle.com slash YFT. Love. Do it. Ding, ding, ding. Really blowing it with no bell. I know, man.

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sweet. And he's like, we want to get a drink. Sure. Tomorrow we'll hit you up. Great. And then tomorrow came and that was the day that we had to go do instagram stuff it was like we got to get around we got to get around the city we got to get the pics we need the instagram boyfriend of the year needs to come out with guns a blazing just on his a game and i was like i'm here for i'm ready to go and he had texted me at like 3 30 hey we're kind of by your hotel you want to grab a drink and we were just i was just knee deep in instagram land all right i was just i had seven cameras on my person and i was just doing the thing and so i didn't respond and then we get back to the hotel and there was like this bar on top of the hotel that we're like oh let's

go check this bar out so we go up there there's's Jess and his wife and his mom. And they're like, Wells, totally forgot to text you back. My bad. Anyway, so then I sat and had drinks with them. It was really good to see them. And that's crazy. When she texted me, I was like, what are the odds they would just run into each other? So it makes a little more sense that at least like they knew where you were staying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. But they're just like living in France for like five months, which...

It's crazy. And they don't know French either. So... Really? You want to start the show, bro? Oh, yeah. We probably should, bruh.

Me or you? You. Bros and hoes, you're listening to your favorite thing podcast with... Wells and Brandy. As American as I can sound. Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling.

I don't have a belt. I'm a frowse because I don't put in a belt. I don't either because I'm in Austin, Texas. You're in Austin doing Caitlin's podcast. I see people are sending me videos of you at the show being like, Brandy's cheating on you. Oh, yeah, I see those too. All right, I guess. I meet a lot of Y cheating on you. Oh, yeah. I see those too. All right.

I guess. I meet a lot of YFTers at these shows, Wells. They beg for us to do live podcasts. All right. They beg. All right. Well, when we get back, when I get back stateside,

if I ever make it back from France, maybe we'll do it. I don't know. Or maybe we should do a couple episodes in France. I'm down. I'll tell you what. Nobody would come, but it's cool. I'll tell you what.

The Bachelor, not a big hit in france all right really no one knows or gives two flying fucks that i am here but i'll tell you what modern family huge out here i bet so i'm living my best life where people are just asking me to take the picture for them that's. So I'm just like, oh, so you heard about me being the greatest Instagram boyfriend of ours or any other generation. Good to know. Let's do this thing. And you get a couple. Portrait mode, landscape. All right. Focus. Boca effect. We got it. Tell me more about the live show. Is it fun? It is. So I flew out to Phoenix on Friday, and we had two shows on Saturday, a day show and a night show. Both were great. The day show's guest was Amy Purdy. Do you know who she is?

No. Is it Joe Purdy's sister? I don't know who that is, but Amy Purdy is freaking awesome. She has won medals in the Paralympics. She, I think, was runner up with Dancing with the Stars. Don't quote me on that, but she did Dance with the Stars and did really well. She lost her legs when she was young from getting meningitis. And she just has the most inspirational story. One of the nicest people I've ever met. Also has a great sense of humor just such a cool gal so that was really fun to get to hang out with her and get to know her a little bit and then the nighttime show Jason was the guest so we really like went downhill there with guests yeah just a lot of hair

gel and well ironed shirts uh it was actually really fun though like we were all so drunk by the night show because we'd been drinking since the day show that it was probably really fun though like we were all so drunk by the night show because we'd been drinking since the day show that it was probably a complete shit show but i think everybody in the audience was just as drunk as we were if not more so it ended up being great all day everyone just kept saying thank god you're here blake was good and all but like thank god you're playing some different music and thank god you can transition and people just like we just everyone dragged blake all day poor little blakey he can't win man uh i love blake so much though but it was just funny and um the first phoenix show jason introduced me for some reason we've really upgraded our dj for this

show this this girl's actually a dj and she's also the head podcast host of your favorite things and i was like no no no i'm not no i'm not not the head co co-host not more important i like freaked out uh it was funny though but it's been really good so it's just it's nice to see what cities do well for caitlin because i'm like oh we'll just go to the cities that that do well for her and like hopefully they'll do well for us but it's been a good time drink your bougie french water why don't you i wanted to be drinking wine but i gotta be honest with you i went on a little bit of a run we're here with sarah's co-star jesse town of ferguson who plays her uncle on the show and then his husband is this guy named jesse makita who's freaking awesome and so funny and hilarious

and has a tony for for Oklahoma, which is crazy. We all went on a run. And Sarah was like, I'm not running. We went on a run around like the estate because that's what you do when you're in France. Oh, you do, huh? When we got back, Sarah is just living her best life, the most bouge. She's sitting out by the fire that they've prepared for her. And she's drinking rosé, FaceTiming her best friends,

just like really just turning the knife. So we all sat down and we drank like three bottles of Rose. And then I was like, I need to take a nap. So I went and took a nap. And then I set my alarm for about seven minutes ago. That's why when I texted you, I was like,

are you ready? And then you didn't respond. I was like, and I was like, you need to respond. I was like, Chris America, Chris America, Chris America. And I was like, you didn't respond. I was like, going back to bed. Wait, what time is it there? So we are seven hours ahead of you. So it's 514 on Monday night.

You're sleeping at 5 p.m.? Dude, I have not been able to adjust to jet lag. My body doesn't do it. It's just a series of naps is what's happening here. Yeah. I nap for a couple hours every couple hours and i'm like i'm like a cat here in france so anyways i want to go through just like our trip which the things that i've learned about french people it's an absolutely wonderful culture and wonderful people who are not mean at all to stupid americans stupid americans i just want to talk real quick about just in case bread french people are super big into just in case

bread everyone walks around with just a loaf of bread just in case they just got a baguette in their backpack in their back pocket just in case they're like fuck i don't know what's gonna happen later she might get lit and i might need some carbs so i got some i got my just in case bread and everyone's got a like a just in case bottle of wine this is the type of shit i need in my life brandy i need to have in my backpack the french survival kit is wine cheese and bread and that's it really and then people walk around and they just drink shit and eat shit and smokes way too many cigarettes yeah and there's another thing if americans did that we would all just be just dead of diabetes and heart disease.

But all these French people look fantastic. I know. How is that possible? No clue. So ding, dang, do for just in case, Brad. All right. Like what an amazing place where the most important thing you have in your survival kit is baguette. Yeah, I'm here for that.

I'm just here for it anyways. Oh, and my other thing thing my other favorite thing we stayed at this amazing hotel in paris and the toilet i can't even begin to tell you this toilet one a heated seat okay it's like a toto didn't know like the band yes i missed the shitters down in Paris. Okay, you and Sarah could totally have a Toto toilet in your house. It's not that expensive. Don't worry. It's already on the docket of things we are buying. Oh, good.

It's heated seats. It flushes for you. It cleans your butthole. It does all the things. Dude, it's got a little fan that it notices when you're shitting, and it's like, oh, someone's taking a shit. Hold on. And it's sucking the smell out taking a shit hold on and it's sucking

the smell out all right heated seat and then it cleans your butt yep if you're a boy or a girl and it's also got a front cleanage system yeah for your cooch or for it's really great when you're on your period i gotta say i gotta say game changer and's the thing, and I might get a lot of heat for this, but we always say that we're the greatest country in the world, but you know what? We're never going to get there until the stigma around bidets has been killed, all right? I don't know what the problem is.

I don't know if it's some sort of weird homophobic thing, but until we as a nation come together, band together and say, you know what? Enough's enough. No more dirty buttholes. We need these toilets everywhere. And the moment that happens, we can officially say, you know what? We might be the greatest country in the world, but right now we are nowhere near because we're all walking around with filthy balloon knots. And it's disgusting.

I didn't know how clean I could be until I met this toilet. So boys and girls, bros and hoes. Bros and hoes. If you come across on these toilets, don't be scared, all right? They heat the water a little bit to the perfect temperature of your body, so it's not terrifying. It feels quite nice. My sister has one of these at her house. Okay.

Well, next time I got to take a crap, I'm coming over to Miley's. Make sure you use her bathroom because that's where it is. Yeah. Okay. Sit right down. Sarah and I have already talked about it because in our house, this is bougie, but whatever. this is where we are in our lives we have to she has her bathroom and i have my bathroom so we're getting two of these totos all right i love it and also like if any if there's

any representative from toto that's a yft year that can figure out a way to come into my life, I will support your toilet till the end of days. Okay? We will talk about your toilet in every episode of YFT for the rest of our lives. Oh my God. I wish I had a bell right now. Me too. The other thing that we were talking about a lot is,

you know, there's so many monuments in France, right? Yeah. You have the Arc de Triomphe, which is just beautiful, giant gate, I guess. I don't even know what it does. I think when there was some war that they won or didn't lose, they all like came back into town and like went through this arc. I'm not sure. I didn't read any of the history on it. Here's making this up.

Could be making it up. I don't know. Obviously, the Eiffel Tower. There's just all these monuments. We just don't have a lot of monuments in America. No. I was thinking about it. I was like, what is our shit?

Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore is one of them. And then the arch, the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. Is that a monument, though? I guess. I don't know. And then like the arch, the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, you know? Is that a monument though? I guess. I don't know, but it's a monument too. It's just a big kind of, it's a kutz cool.

I've seen it before. But like, I guess like our biggest, our biggest monument is. Statue of Liberty. And guess who gave it to us? Who? Oh, you don't, you don't know this? I hated history. It was my least favorite subject in school. okay well fun fact the dude that built the eiffel tower also built the fucking statue of liberty and sent it to us really our greatest monument we didn't even do it was a gift to us

sounds about right yeah i guess our other one is maybe the empire state building is that like that's like a big money like people go to that in dc the lincoln statue is probably considered a monument right yeah that one and the washington monument that's like the big kind of yeah the pointy thing yeah the big penis looking thing but i think like for the most part honestly i feel like the white house is considered a monument at this point yeah but it's functional the golden gate bridge is functional and empire state building is functional because i guess it's the most american thing in the world to be like man that's a nice tower you frenchies got but what does it do does it do anything and they're like no it is beautiful we make it because it's beautiful you know like we need a little bit

more of that in our country you know just build some pretty shit just to go look at you know totally it doesn't need to do anything no but it's because we're like a young country and france has been around for i don't know a couple hundred years i guess i don't know i don't didn't do any research but i i assume that's it's old i don't know i'm in a castle right now that was built in the 1200s so basically anything we tell you on this podcast like we haven't researched it at all don't believe anything we say yeah we're stupid Americans dude I mean like we couldn't have done the more stupid American thing than us trying to get to Bordeaux so we're traveling with Jesse and Justin and we get a car from Paris to the train station. We get there an hour early because we're like, we don't know what we're doing.

Right. Train stations are scary. Just a lot. All right. They're very confusing. Also like zero security, which, okay. Yeah. It seems like you might put a little bit in, but that's fine.

You know, do you, you got your fucking just in case bread. So that's good. So we get there, we're an hour early and there's like a little bit in but that's fine you know do you you got your fucking just in case bread so that's good so we get there we're an hour early and there's like a little waiting room so we go and we sit in the waiting room and like we're looking at the there's like a tv that's like all right on track four and whatever it's there and we're like okay so we're like kind of sitting there waiting and we like reading the stuff it's like make sure you're at the track no later than two minutes before the train leaves and we're like looking at the screen and we're like man there's no like now boarding thing we're like 10 minutes away screen and we're like, man, there's no like now boarding thing.

We're like 10 minutes away or five minutes away. And I'm like, hey, maybe it's later or whatever. So finally we're like, maybe we should just go. So we walk over there. We miss our train. No. We were there an hour early and we miss our train because they don't have like a now boarding thing,

which is- No, they don't. Which so far I've done nothing but praise your country, France. But I don't know, Throw up a now boarding. Time to get your happy ass on the track. Nowhere in Europe does that. Whenever I've taken a train, like say it's like a 1008 train, the train doesn't actually pull up until 1008. And then it's gone by 1009 somehow.

So it's like if you aren't there on the dot, because I'm always like, where's the train? Did I miss it? I'm freaking out. But it pulls up on the dot at 10.08. People get on so fast. They don't check tickets or anything when you get on. They wait till you're like 30 minutes down the track and then they check your ticket. It's a crazy system.

Also, could you be in the more echoey room? Is there a more echoey room in the Caridi household? I don't know. I mean, what is happening? I'm in the guest house. I don't know. There's another train is happening? I'm in the guest house. I don't know. There's another train. It's leaving like an hour away.

Okay, that's fine. Whatever. Then we try to go exchange our tickets. I have no idea how to do that. I don't know what kind of wizardry you need to know to be able to do that. We're just, we look like chimpanzees just slapping TV screens, just trying to figure out how it works. And finally, Jesse and Justin are like, we're going to go find someone who's going to take pity upon us and figure this out. So they go find someone. We get our tickets changed. This time we're on the track

at least 10 minutes beforehand. By the way, everyone's traveling with like a knapsack or a backpack. And all that's in these things are a bottle of wine and some just-in-case bread. Whereas we are traveling with our entire wardrobe because it's American. It's so American. So we get on the train and we're like fumbling through the cars. And we think we've found where we're supposed to be. And there's some wonderful French people in what we think are our seats. And then they're like, no, no, these are our seats, but they're doing it in French. And we're like, no,

these are our seats. We're like, look at our ticket. And they're like, I don't know, you're stupid Americans. We were in the wrong train car, not even close to where we were supposed to be. Oh no. But we had already put our bags in a general area. So we're like, you know what? Those are staying there. We can't move them now, you know? Yeah, no way. So we go find our seats so far away from where our bags have been put.

You know, whatever. When we get to the Bordeaux exit, like you said, you got to be Johnny on the spot here because it's getting the fuck out of here. So Jesse and I are sprinting through the train. He is like weaseled

his way way through. He's like ripping out these bags left and right. He's sweating like a hooker in church. It's amazing to see this man work

and he gets like all the bags off. He's sweating like crazy. And somehow, some way, by the luck of God, we get all our bags off the train. I'm impressed. Then we got to go rent a car. That arises many more problems. One of which, we arrived around 2 p.m., which apparently in France isance is i gotta eat some just in case bread lunchtime so we sit we sit in the euro hertz or whatever for like 35 minutes just waiting for

this guy to get done with his just in case bread and finally someone comes. We get where our car is. We are traveling with so many bags. It's the funniest thing in the world. We get a seven-passenger car, and we can't fit all the luggage in it at all. That's how American we are. Yeah, I'm sad. We finally get in the car, and Jesse's like, I don't know where my backpack is. In all the hubbub, we have lost the backpack. So he sprints back to the Hertz rental car of France,

gets his backpack. Luckily, it was there. Comes back. We get in the car. Then we were able to get on our way to the castle that we're staying at here in France. I just have never felt so stupid as I have in this country. Yeah. You know?

But that's part of traveling, I feel like, abroad is it tumbles you a little bit. I've learned a lot about myself. And what I learned is I haven't learned a lot. And you love a clean bottleole i'll tell you what things are tasting better smells are smelling better my vision has improved because your butthole's clean yes i never knew how much of a liability a dirty butthole is until I've come to France and realized that music sounds better here. You know? Uh-huh. It's fantastic. It's a whole new world. Hey, Wells. Yo. Did you bring your quip toothbrush to Paris? Of course I did. Are you kidding me? I love my

quip toothbrush. Well, my favorite thing about my Quip toothbrush is how easy it is to pack. I was literally, I'm a psychopath. I was standing at the bathroom counter in Arizona laughing at myself because I bring so many toiletries with me on trips. It's absolutely absurd. I pack my entire bathroom. So this toothbrush is awesome because it's so small. It fits right into my travel bag. Doesn't take up much room so I can bring all the other things that I really don't need and still have a great toothbrush when I'm on the road. Yeah. I mean, it's perfect for at-home use too, but it's awesome for traveling around. They send you new brush heads when you need them. They send you new toothpaste when you need it. They also send you little travel-size toothpaste, which I love, by the way. It comes with the travel case.

Aside from that, my Quip toothbrush looks cool, dude. Gun the way. It comes with the travel case. Aside from that, my Quip toothbrush looks cool, dude. Gunmetal gray. It's just like, oh man, that guy looks so cool. I bet he has a cool looking toothbrush. And you know what? You're right. I do. Quip's also got a floss dispenser that comes with pre-marked string to help you use just enough, which I find that when I floss, I use so much. I'm wasting so much floss every single time just because I'm an idiot. But this one's great. It shows you exactly how much to use.

And Quip delivers fresh brush heads, floss, and toothpaste refills to your door every three months with free shipping. So your routine is always right and you never run out of stuff. Yeah, and if you go to getquip.com slash YFT right now, you get your first refill pack for free. That's your first refill free at getquip.com slash YFT right now. You get your first refill pack for free. That's your first refill free

at getquip.com slash YFT. Spell G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com slash YFT. Quip, the good habits company. Hey, Wells. Yo. I got an email today that Article is having a massive sale before the holidays. You know how much I freaking love Article. I didn't know that, but that's good to know because we're having so many people come visit us and I think it's time for us to get some, I don't know, some new furniture, spice it up a little bit. Totally. As the end of November looms, so does the biggest sale of the year. On Article, keep your eyes peeled and your Instagram open for sneak peeks of forthcoming Black Friday sales. Article is the easiest way to make your space look beautiful. This direct-to-customer furniture company

combines the curation of a boutique furniture store with the comfort and simplicity of online shopping. They have fast, affordable shipping available across the United States and Canada, and it's free on orders over $9.99. Plus, additional options for in-room delivery and assembly assistance, which is important if you're alone like me and you just can't assemble furniture on your own. Not to

mention all in-stock items are delivered in two weeks or less, which is insanely fast for good quality furniture. Yeah. I love our outdoor chairs from Article that we use around the fire pit. People rave about them every time they come over. Seriously, it's one of my favorite pieces in the house. Love Article. I do too. I've actually got a leather sofa from Article that I've had for years. And it's held up great, even with the dogs on it and everything.

Everyone always thinks that I paid way more for it than I did. Article has fair prices. You save 30% over traditional retail prices. And Article is able to keep their prices low by cutting out the middleman and selling directly to you. So not only are you already shopping low prices, but they're having all these crazy good sales before the holidays. So here's the deal. Article is offering our listeners $50 off their first purchase of $100 or more. To claim this awesome deal, visit article.com slash YFT and the discount will be automatically applied at the checkout. That's article.com slash YFT to get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Love me some article. Ding, ding, ding.

Oh, I truly do too. Yeah, man. For whatever reason, while we were in Paris, we went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant because- Why would you do that? It was highly talked about. So we went to dinner and this is like such a name dropping thing, but whatever. We were, because they're filming Modern Family here. So we went to dinner and this is like such a name dropy thing, but whatever. We were, cause they're filming Modern Family here. So we went to dinner with Jesse and Justin and then Ty Burrell, who plays Sarah's dad and a couple other people.

And we went to this Chinese restaurant and the only table that they had was a gigantic circular table. The Knights of the Round Table. You couldn't hear anybody. So people were just like, hey, hey, could you tell Ty that his hair looks great? Jesse says that your hair looks great. Oh, thanks. Can you tell Jesse that this duck is fantastic?

Yep. Okay. That's how we had to like talk to each other. Anyways. Just in case bread is the best thing you've come up with in a long time. I know. Justin, I didn't come up with it.

The French did. It's really good. Yeah. You know what I was thinking about? And this is not talking to you about your connection, but it happens with my mom a lot where I'll be talking to her and her connection is poor all the time. And I get so talking to her and her connection is poor all the time.

And I get so angry at her. I do this. Reinhardt. Yeah. This is always bad. And you're just so mad at them and it's not their fault. You know, that thing is maybe it's your connection.

You're like, don't you dare put this on me. All right. I got, then you start doing things like I got full bars, bro. Yeah, exactly. Well,

my thing is like, I'm like, you live in the middle of the freaking bush in the middle of nowhere Africa. It's not my wife. Yeah, it can't be me. It cannot be mine. I live in the city. Get it together. Anyways, you got any fave things, bro?

I do, actually. I can't even believe I'm going to say it. Oh, I love it. I'm staying at Casa Caridi with Olivia and her mom. And I've never met someone who was such a massive fan of hallmark christmas movies oh yeah as olivia cariti she watches them every single night and and actually likes it and i'm just like such a hater i'm like no those are cheesy those aren't good it's full of actors and actresses that can't get a real gig, and they're just bad. Well, I watched my first Hallmark Christmas movie last night, and I actually really loved it.

Yeah. Which one did you watch? It was the premiere of it last night. It's called Right Before Christmas, W-R-I-T-E, right? Because there's a songwriter in there. I'm pretty sure that was the play on that. Okay. But it really caught me

because Chad Michael Murray's in it and I live and die for One Tree Hill. So I was like, oh, let's just, we'll just watch a few minutes of it. I watched the whole thing. I didn't cry because I'm not a crier, but it touched a soft spot somewhere within me

and I really loved it. And now I'm a Hallmark Christmas movie fan. I can't even believe I'm saying it. I appreciate a Hallmark Christmas movie or even like a lifetime christmas movie you know we've been hanging out with jesse and justin a lot and they sent me this amazon review and they're like go home wells read it for sarah and videotape wells doing it sarah videoed me doing it. So we'll post this to the site later. I was doing it and I was like, I should do this in my grandma voice. Okay. Can't wait. So this is an Amazon review for, let's go and say it for a lady product for some me time for a lady me time product.

for a lady me time product. Okay. Okay. I'm already scared. Five stars. Subject line, wow. Just wow. That's it.

Having read everyone's reviews, I had high expectations, but with the price being under $50, I wasn't exactly going to be shocked if it was, you know, mediocre. A few friends of mine bought it recently and told me of its power. I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all, do some stretches.

I thought they were being such drama queens. It was delivered within two days of ordering, so it's already off to a good start. Opening the very discreet box, instructions say 2.5 hour charge time. Not too bad. I plugged this little bad boy in. While the kids are at school waiting for it to charge, killing time reading some erotica my friend and fellow queenie recommended because I don't have time to screw around waiting to get in the mood. I have to get the kids in a few hours,

and I need to be ready to go when this thing's done charging. Tick tock, bitch. Tick tock. Welcome to motherhood. Patiently waiting. Me is checking to see if the light has stopped blinking every 10 minutes like a crackhead waiting for its dealer. After only an hour and a half, solid pink light.

Game on. I play with the settings on my hand to test the fine machinery out. The vibration for the G-Spot is quite strong. I was impressed with that even before use. Next was the suction. So many levels. It was interesting to see the different patterns and strengths. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for G-spot. I've never used a clit suction type

stimulator, so I have nothing to compare it to, but look forward to it nonetheless. Time to solo potty. I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape. It took me a few minutes to get everything where it needed to be. That was a bit time consuming and slightly frustrating. But as with any new toy, it's trial and error. I started the clit one on low, which I barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me, it wasn't lined up 100%. So me being me, I decided to go from 0 to 60 in 3.5. I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the G-spot button as well and made a minor adjustment on suction placement. At least that's what I think happened because I'm pretty sure I blacked out. My legs went straight out. My legs went straight out like one of those

goats who fainted and scared. I never came so fast and so hard in my life. I squirted. I have never done that. No, no, no, no. Luckily, I put a towel down because I hate wet spots. I frantically tried to turn it off, but ended up hitting buttons like a maniac, setting an even stronger suction and now varying pulses of the G-spot vibrator, and came again

and I'm pretty sure I levitated. It was an unending orgasm. Oh my God. This time my soul left me, and God himself said, child, it's not your time. It was an unending orgasm. Oh my god. This time my soul left me, and God himself said, Child, it's not your time. Go back to the little pink light. Mind you, I'm agnostic.

I'm brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me and throw it across the bed. It falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away. I shook for a good five fucking minutes. I couldn't get up off the bed even I wanted to. I stand at my ceiling, dazed, trying to remember, who am I? What year is this? This is the most dramatic thing I've ever

read. I get to clean up and realize my seizure-like orgasms. I hurt my hip and back. I'm still hobbling four hours later. I did not stretch enough. Oh my gosh. So in conclusion, this met and exceeded my expectations. Hydrate.

Make sure you don't have to do anything that involves decisions or brain power for the rest of the day. And for the love of God, stretch like you're about to run the 500 meter dash. This is nuts. What is this person's name? I have to know. Oh, fuck, dude. The name is Express 7976. I'm going to send you this.

I want to know her name. Oh, I know. Oh, my God. That is insane. My favorite part is my legs went straight out like one of those goats in fate when they get scared. Just the visual of that. The dedication to that review is so intense. I squatted.

I never do that. Oh, my God. that oh my god anyway actual sex is gonna be really disappointing for her after that i know right yeah it's so funny too because it says at the end of it edited on july 3rd this went viral you owe me big time tracy and your little dog too oh i need to talk about this new fave thing i don't know if you saw my good buddy, Steve Lee, Mr. Steve, the music man. He was a guy that lived in Nashville, now lives in Los Angeles. And I've been friends with him for quite a while.

He used to come on my radio show way back in the day and we would do like an hour of just like kids music. People loved it. Now that he lives in LA, he was like, well, why don't we put out a kids podcast? So I have another podcast out, but it's not really mine. It's my buddy Steve Lee. I just help him out on it and really help promote it.

But it's really, really good. It's just like 35 minutes of positivity for kids. So it's perfect if you're on a drive to school or whatnot. It's called The Early Birds with Mr. Steve and Wells. It's just really cute. It's a lot of cool music. It's just really cute. It's a lot of like cool music. He's a fantastic musician. My buddy Dan, who's in Daniels and the Great Lakes, is the producer.

And he's also like writing a lot of the music for it. And then we take in like little like questions. Like we'll be like, you know, what's your favorite animal? And then people call in and like kids call in and talk about like their favorite animal and whatever. It's just a really cool, positive, fun. Like it's nothing like this podcast at all. There's no talk about vibrators. I promise you it's very, very clean.

And it's just really sweet. So if you got kids out there, I'm sure there's YFTers out there that have kids and need like a good podcast. Check out my boy Steve Lee's podcast. It's called The Early Birds with Mr. Steve and Wells. And yeah, it's cute. That's awesome. One last thing. I got a really funny DM from a YFTer out there

that I wanted to read on the show. Okay. So this is from Grace Waldron. Hey, Wells. My name is Grace and I'm an avid YFT listener. I'm in college at Penn State, just got home, and I'm drunk off my ass. Maybe I should read this in like a drunk voice. Definitely. Hey, Wells. My name is Grace and I'm an avid YFT

listener and I'm in college at Penn State and I just got home and I am drunk off my ass. And while I'm eating my drunk food, it's a nice quesadilla, by the way, I'm choosing to listening to your favorite thing. Your podcast is fave, and it always makes me happy. I love YFT. Please have a good day. Oh, my God. You just started talking about some book and a setting in Ohio. I'm from Ohio. I just imagined someone being like, they just said the

state I'm in. Holy shit. I got to message somebody. Anyways. Thanks, Grace. That was funny. I'm from Ohio. Oh shit. I'm from Paris. Okayis okay you got anything else i'm still reading uh art of racing in the rain i feel like i will finish it absolutely by next week and probably have also watched the movie it's so good have you really not read it no i'm getting a bunch of dms of people being like thank you so much for that recommendation we freaking love you're gonna you're gonna love it as much as you love dogs like it's such a cute story i know because it ends sad with the dog dying so if it does don't want to read i'm not there yet i don't know all right well let me know because i guarantee you that's how it's going to happen at the end but it might still be a really sweet story guess what they don't have that guy

from this is us in the movie if it's not if no one dies if it's not going to have a dog die at the end amanda cypherd's in too, and I'm obsessed with her. So I'm excited to see the movie. All right, well, if a dog lives. Then you'll read it. Then I'll consider it. Fine. I think we did enough.

Yeah. Just in case bread. Just in case bread made the whole episode worthwhile. Yeah, for sure. All right, well, I miss you. Miss you too. When the hell do you come home? We come back in a couple of days, so.

Just in time for me to head to South Africarica perfect reinhardt are we gonna have mikhail hausman on the episode next week yeah for sure actually it'll be the week after next i think that i'm with him to record would love to yeah great all right what i should do is i should send you to africa with the recording device and make you guys do it together and just be like, oh, my God. It'll be so boring with just him and I. No. Yeah. He's like he's so shy with the microphone.

He'll like say two words. Get him a couple whiskeys deep. And then that's a good idea. You know, that's a good idea. Oh, man. Someone's against some deep. I seriously considered flying to Denver just to get a wax with laughing gas. It was so great last time.

They don't have that in Nashville? No. So dumb. I tried to talk my dentist into starting it. I was there a few weeks ago to get my teeth cleaned. And I was like, you guys should really start offering waxes in this office also. Because I would totally, totally pay for that. Totally.

I mean, I'm thinking about flying to Denver for it, for crying out loud. Right? Yeah. All right. Well, go get yourself some dip duckling.

Oh, I'm gonna. Don't you worry. All right. I like that. Okay. Well, speaking of,

I'm in France, so. Oh, go get some dip duckling. Well, you know. You're like, yeah,

that's happening right now see ya this podcast has been brought to you by podcast nation