Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - OceanGate, Montezuma, and Fairytale Porn

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

The band is back together but, as usual, barely holding on. Brandi is yawning her way through this episode and Wells is peeing out of his butthole with a bad case of Montezuma's Revenge. Like the good guy he is, he offers tips for how to avoid the same fate he did. Brandi talks about her... less shitty travels in Italy with her mom, and then the two of them rip through the latest headlines. Wells explains that men should build up equity when they do good things to counteract the bad, and Brandi explains that good guys don’t keep tabs. Lastly, your hosts reflect on airlines' recent increase in lavatory segregation and Wells offers up an impersonation of every pilot, ever. Enjoy!  Don’t forget to rate, review, and follow Your Favorite Podcast! Plus, keep up with us between episodes on our Instagram page, @yftpodcast and be sure to leave us a voicemail with your fave things at 858-630-1856!  Thanks to our awesome sponsors for making this episode possible! Check out these deals just for you, YFTers:  Integra — Use code YFT at checkout for 15% off your next online purchase at www.integraboost.com  Jenni Kayne — Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code YFT at jennikayne.com/YFT! #jennikaynepartner  Liquid I.V. — Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code YFT at checkout  The Farmer’s Dog — Go to thefarmersdog.com/YFT to get 50% off your first box 

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Do it. What's that? Hello? Hi, hi, hello. Are you just like using your AirPods to do this? Yep. You're just really phoning it in now,

aren't we? We just... What? What does that mean? Where's your microphone? Well, I didn't plan on doing this. Remember? That's what we were going to do when I got home. Yeah. So you're in... Are you in Rome? Yeah. Yeah.

Also, just eat. Just eat really crunchy chips. Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crinkle the bag a little bit more. That's what we need to do. These are like... These are healthy Doritos.

They taste just like Doritos. Really? Just in case anyone was wondering. Yes. I'm in Muskegon. Muskegon. Where's Muskegon? Michigan. Is that close to muskogee i have no idea why are you in muskegon because that's where electric forest is and i'm playing tonight

i was supposed to play like a daytime set not daytime six o'clock and i literally the festival is 45 minutes from this hotel got all the way there got there massive thunderstorm comes through they're like shelter in placing you know because there's a fucking lightning strike or some shit and basically like every time a lightning strike happens within a certain radius they have to like start a clock over like 30 minute clock and they have to wait until no lightning strikes have happened for 30 minutes before they can restart the festival yeah so basically i drove all the way over there got all ready to go play at six and got there and they and i couldn't play so i came all the way back and now i have to go back and play at 11 o'clock and i'm so tired how long does that mean you have to like dj for an hour and 15 minutes oh my goodness

and i'm so that's not too bad i don't know what day it is i don't know what time it is i don't know where i am i don't know what i am i don't know what anything is i'm glad that you're in muskegon muskegon muskegon i'm glad you're in what i really thought they would have northern accents here they They don't. So where are you again? Muskegon. No, but what state is that? Michigan.

Oh, you're Michigander, eh? There's no northern accents here. No one speaks like this, huh? No. No. No. No. Wow.

No. No. No. Apparently we don't know. They speak normal are there any cute boys in muskegon you know unassumingly cute like up here you know up here that it just like they just it seems like they just sleep outside and i just really like that is one in your room right now because Because you kind of looked over. You were like... No, Val's here.

Oh. Val's here. Okay, so you're back in L.A. You're back in L.A. I'm back in L.A. We wrapped on BIP9 just a couple days ago. Ah, so you've been back in L.A. for a couple days. No, I got back last night.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Are you happy to be home? So happy to be home or so happy to be home dude sarah so sarah came out you know obviously and got to visit and see the set and yeah um was very excited and then we went into town and we got drinks with some friends and then we got more drinks with Jesse. And then we went and had dinner with Jesse. And then we went out more. And so the next day, Sarah and I were super duper hungover. And I was like, man, I have not been this.

I mean, granted, yes, we were out and we were drinking. We drank a good bit. But like, I have not been this hungover in a very long time. i couldn't get out of bed i was supposed to go do a bunch of pickups for the show and i was like guys i'm not well i can't do it we got to push we got to push these pickups to like tomorrow i couldn't get out of my butthole for four days oh my god didn't need to know i need all the yf tears to know that i got nailed from drinking no so we so there's a couple ways that you can get nailed in Mexico and get the old Montezuma's revenge. You talk about this every year.

I know. I never get it in paradise. I'm usually always good. But this year, I got nailed. And these are the ways, just so you know, these are the signs to look for if you go to mexico and you don't want to get sick but it's almost an inevitability so i would say like number one you should make sure you go with some charcoal pills some pepto bismol and some imodium just go if you are going to mexico without those things you're a crazy person and then once you get to Mexico, you should go to a pharmacy and you should buy those things because it's going to happen to you. But

here are the things you got to look out for. Obviously, you can't drink tap water, right? Right. Can't drink the tap water there. The other thing you got to look out for are salads because they wash the lettuce in the tap water. So boom, right there. So you can't eat salads. That's why everyone eats ceviche because it's kind of like a salad, but it's just like the bacteria is just murdered by all the lime juice and salt and shit. The other way that you can get nailed is by the ice in drinks. And you got to be careful not to get drunk and eat the ice, which I do because I'm that type of person. I think it's okay if you drink your drink with the ice in it, but just don't eat the ice, which I do because I'm that type of person. I think it's okay if you drink your drink with the ice in it, but just don't eat the ice.

Fascinating. And both Sarah and I, I don't know what we did to that bitch Montezuma. And it was so bad that we were like, I don't... And this doesn't happen to me. Well, you must have an ironclad stomach.

But also, you're in the minority of people, though. This is a pretty normal thing for people to get. Huh. Now, do you get sick when you go to Mexico? Like diarrhea and shit? You said not really. It depends what you eat. But listen.

Anyway, so Sarah and I both got the Montezuma's revenge. I don't know what we did to that bitch, but let me tell you what. We were peeing out of our buttholes for four days straight. The flight back home, let me tell you, son, it was touch and go. Who knew what was going to happen? I mean, we were living on the edge of the seat. And luckily enough, we both were able— You guys did that on the plane?

Luckily, we were able to hold off for like the, you know, like the three-hour flight. Four passengers, you know? Oh, I know. But did the Bubba Gump's airport lounge restroom get absolutely slaughtered

by this loose butthole? Yeah, it did. Ew. All right? So anyways, that Montezuma got its revenge on us. And yeah, Montezuma, I'm not going to forget, okay? I'm coming for your ass. I did that kind of bit on my Instagram.

And I was like, that bitch Montezuma got me. She dug her nails in. But don't worry, I'm going to get my that bitch Montezuma got me. She dug her nails in. But don't worry, I'm going to get my revenge on Montezuma. First of all, I guess I spelled Montezuma wrong. Okay. So many people had to be like, this is not how you spell Montezuma. Okay, whatever. Everyone understand what I was saying, number one.

And then everyone was like, Montezuma was a king of the Aztecs, not a girl. I'm like, okay. Enjoy the joke. I'm over here shitting my brains out and you're worried about my grammar and my knowledge of fucking Yucatan Peninsula history from 1430s on? No way, bro.

I'm not that guy. So here we are. Fascinating. I would like to note to all the YFTers out there, I took my first semi-solid poop earlier today. We don't need to know. So things are looking up. We don't, no, we don't care. I think you do.

I don't hold anything back from the YFTers. Maybe you should. The YFPers out of my butt more like it. I could do without that for the rest of my life, honestly. Well, I'm sorry. That's's not that's not what's happening i saw that you were in italy italia yeah was it great it was great i was with my mother and a little crew and like we had a great time honestly i feel like my italian's getting pretty good i've got like five words down and i almost learned how to count to 10 it was lovely give us the words that you know in italiano well i had a full conversation that will love this i had a full conversation

full italian conversation with my uber eats delivery guy i literally didn't use any english words at all it was like an entire interaction in only italian okay he said wow he said bonjourno and i said ciao and then um he said brandy like with my order and i said see and uh and then he said something else and uh i said grazie and that was it and it was all thanks wow yeah and thank you thank you was in there too that's good yeah wow you are a whole interaction no english i felt good about it good for you i mean you're fluent now i know and i can order a coffee in full Italian. Cappuccino d'avina. Well, that's just because you know. Oat milk cappuccino. Oh. Mmm.

D'avina is oat milk. Oat milk, yeah. And sometimes I don't have that, so then I say, ah, di soia. And yeah, and I'm just, you know, like, I really feel like I'm full Italian now. What is that when they don't have oat milk? Soy milk, which, you know, isn't my favorite, but over there, like, that's the most common non-dairy milk. So is it called soya? Soya.

Not like con leche? Mm-mm. That would be Spanish, I believe. Yeah, but Spanish and Italian, they're all the romance languages. They're very similar. Yeah. Well, that's great. And how's your hot stepdaddy doing?

He's doing great. He's filming a movie over there. And so we decided, I don't know who came up with the term really but we decided two days into the trip that it was going to be tish's tish lorette since she didn't really get a bachelorette there we were just you know tish was thriving we just had the best time we went to this cute island called ischia because we were going to go to copry but everyone was like coppery's really busy and really posh and we we're just not posh people. So we decided to go to Ischia, which is like a little off the grid. And it was awesome. It was like very chill, pretty sure we were the only tourist like in the vicinity, a lot of locals, they all hated us, but it was fine. And we took a boat out

one day. And then we went island hopping. And we went to a cute little island called Ponza. Then man, if we thought they hated us on Ischia they really hated us on ponza and i was with like okay so this is my mom my friend kirsten who's allergic to shellfish which everywhere you go on the coast like that's all they fucking serve is like fish and shellfish and then dom's two daughters who both like are like i can't have dairy i can't have gluten like i don't eat fish i don't i'm allergic to avocado like their diet restrictions are insane so every time we would go eat literally like everybody was this ordered like pasta bianco and everyone just hated us because that's not what they wanted to make us they wanted us to eat fish and like seafood and nobody would do it wow so they hated us a lot tell us you're an

annoying American without telling us you're an annoying American literally and I was the only one making the effort to speak the language and i felt so bad at what the restaurant on panza that nobody wanted to order seafood so i was like fuck it i was like it's not like i'm allergic i'm just gonna i'm just gonna order what's on like what they want me to order whatever so this guy like shows me like a fucking lobster and he's like says something like do you want this and i was like you know what see yes give me the lobster I'll try the lobster and he brings back this huge ass plate of like four pasta noodles and two massive lobsters I was thinking it was going to be like lobster pasta like lobster in the pasta no no no I was supposed to like dismember the lobster and eat it and I don't know how to do that so then it was even worse because he was he asked me he was like do you know how to eat this and i was like yeah ccc yeah

tuta bene all good like we're good and i didn't know how to do it so i was like sitting there trying to eat it with a fork they hated us yeah i kind of hate you guys just from hearing about it but we had a great time honestly well that's good you're an Okie from Muskogee, and I'm back in Los Angeles. Muskegee. Muskegee. Muskeegan. Should we start the show? Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Okay. I feel like your energy level is at an all-time low right now. It is, and I have to play a set. Like, I have to. Like, this is why I wanted a podcast, so that you'd help keep me awake, because I am gassed. I am, like, running on fumes. And what time is it there?

It's 730. It's 730. And you have to go on when? 730. 1045. Oh, my goodness me. I don't know how I'm going to do it. My goodness me.

I don't either. All right. Well, I think it's you because Sarah did last week. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Bros and hoes, you're listening to your favorite thing podcast with? Well, Sam Brandy. She's in Muskogee.

That's okay. I got one. All right. Quick PSA for those of you out there who rent. If you haven't heard of Built, you're about to thank me. Earning points on rent is now a reality when you pay your rent through Built. You don't even have to check with your landlord

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ShipStation helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiency with a robust all-in-one fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular e-commerce platforms, marketplaces, and carriers. Listen, the holiday season is right around the corner. Odds are that you guys are probably selling stuff on e-commerce. If you're shipping, you got to do it with ShipStation. Lead your business into the future with technology built to save you time, extra costs, and headaches. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts up to 89% off UPS, DHL, Express, and USPS rates. What, you don't want to save money?

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Go to ShipStation.com and use code YOURFAVORITETHING to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's even more savings. That's ShipStation.com. Code YOURFAVORITETHING. Do it. A lot in the news that I feel like we need to rip through real quick. Well, we have to talk sub. Gotta talk sub. Gotta talk sub. What else? If we're going to about anything it's it's sub talk okay just first of all it's a trap tragedy right it is very sad yeah a bunch of people laughing no but like what i learned from like tiktok and the internet was like there's nothing people love more than seeing billionaires die for whatever reason god it's true like it was

revolutionary taking down the bourgeoisie craziness of everyone being like these stupid billionaires paid 250 000 to go in this giant tube that was controlled by a tiny tiny tiny tube that was controlled by a logitech bluetooth remote control yes and then go down to the ocean floor and look at footage of something that i've seen in a james cameron film yep my big thing about this was there were no windows on this thing it was one tiny window like enclosed i don't even think there was a window on it yeah there's one tiny i disagree it was like a fishbowl they said it was above the toilet they were like there's a fishbowl window and they were all talking about where the toilet was and i was like there is a like, you know, you don't use it unless it's an emergency.

And it's actually like right where the window is. And there's a curtain, like if you have to use it. All right. So for the most part, you're looking at what you're looking at, like on screens, right? Like they've got cameras down there. And so you go down, you look at like the wreckage on screens. And for me, it's like, well, if that's the case, then why don't we just send a robot drone down there and then I can be on the top of the water looking at a screen and be like, this is the same thing. I don't understand the necessity to go down that deep to where you know it's dangerous if you're just going to look at a computer screen.

I don't get it. Here's my other thing. I think there's a world in which this was all like one big tax evasion they were in trouble or something and like they faked their own death no now they are maybe though no this is a conspiracy theory i know it's a conspiracy theory it's my conspiracy theory not a good one they were all they they were all in like shady biz shady biz maybe this was their way to get out and then they their family gets to cash in the life insurance package and they had put all their money into a shell corporation a seashell corporation oh and then they were they never really went down there they all are living in

barbados now under assumed names it's a possibility i don't think so also apparently the navy heard the explosion of or the implosion of it and was like we're just gonna pretend that we didn't hear that and you guys can go look for it even though we know that that is that thing is it's imploded and everyone's dead yikes what are your thoughts on ocean gate not only would i not pay to do that i don't even think like i would do it if somebody gave me like 2.5 million dollars i don't think i could get in a tiny little tube and go down to the bottom of the ocean floor yeah not to be cold-hearted but like i don't feel that bad for you you know like you volunteered to do something stupid. There were tons of warnings.

The papers you signed said you could die. Like my sympathies are just low. Yeah. But space on the other hand, I would pay for. I think space is less dangerous. Me too. I agree. Way less.

Anyways, it's, it's crazy. And then everyone else is talking about how like the Simpsons predicted this and yada. And like, listen, the Simpsons has predicted a bunch of stuff. Has it? Yeah. Have you not seen that whole thing? You should Google like the things that the Simpsons have predicted. And it is pretty crazy.

Like they predicted Trump becoming president. And they even have a thing in the Simpsons where Trump is going down an escalator. And all these people are like cheering for him and Homer's behind him and people are holding up signs and stuff. And then there's an actual video after Trump won of him going down the escalator. Exact same thing, people holding up the signs in the exact same spots.

It's really creepy. Wow, that's creepy. A lot of people think that the creators of The Simpsons are in some sort of the Ill know, the Illuminati or like definitely, definitely Illuminati Masonic situations where they're like predicting stuff. But also like maybe The Simpsons have been around for 30 years and they've just done enough things on things that things are things are just eventually things that they have done episodes about will happen. Things are just – eventually things that they have done episodes about will happen. But there is an episode where they go down to a sunken ship and submarines and it doesn't go well for like the billionaires. Anyways, it's crazy. That is crazy.

But I would go to space for sure. Me too. I would go to space. For sure. Speaking of space, I have a show for you. Oh, about space? It's kind of about space. Okay.

It's called Stars on Mars. Oh. Have you heard of it? I have not. Follows a simulation of what it might be like to be an astronaut on Mars with celebrity contestants competing to be the last one standing, the celebronauts. Stars on Mars. I don't know if this sounds good.

It's on Fox, I believe. What's funny is that they reached out for me to go on the show and I said no. Why did you say no? I think I'm past the part in my career where I'm a contestant on reality shows. Are you? Yeah, I think we're past that.

At least that's what we're shooting for we're shooting for the hosting of the shows not the yeah yeah it's on them yeah so it takes place in australia they built out it looks exactly like um you could have gone to australia like i could have gone to australia i know i think you fucked up. But I said no. Well. I don't know. But anyways, it takes place in Australia. It looks exactly like the Matt Damon Martian movie. Like, it looks exactly like that, but then it's like a bunch of celebrities. The cast is actually pretty good.

So Ariel Winter, who played Sarah's sister of Modern Family, played Alex. She's on it. Ronda Rousey, the UFC fighter, she's on it. Tinashe, the singer, she's on it. Ronda Rousey, the UFC fighter, she's on it. Tinashe, the singer, she's on it. Tom Schwartz of the Scandival fame from Banner Pump Rules, he's on it. Natasha Leggero, who is a comedian, she's on it. Marshawn Lynch, football player, he's on it. Lance Armstrong is on it.

Tallulah Willis, who I don't know if I think that she's a star. I think that her parents are stars, but you know, um, McLovin's on it. Adam Rapone is on it. So anyways, they go in and then like every day, William Shatner's the host and he's like, you've got to go fix the water leak outside. So they all have to put on their suits and they have to go out there and they have to like decide who like the,

the commander is and who's doing the grunt work and all this stuff. And they've got like a certain amount of time to do it. And then if they like, every time they're done with a mission, they come back, they have to decide who's mission critical and who's not. And if like you weren't mission critical, then you get like sent off Mars and whatnot. There's a little bit of politics involved in it, it's very good and it's very funny i will say that and it does look fun okay yeah yeah just try to stay awake through the episode i think you can

do it can we get this girl a celsius can i've already had one can we get production to bring in our celsius or something maybe a've had two coffees and a Celsius. Maybe a line or two of cocaine? What can we do here? Honestly, that is probably what I need. That's probably what you need. I was thinking Adderall, but it's all the same. It's the same thing.

I know. Well, that's cute. I kind of wish you'd gone on that show because that would make me want to watch it more. Yeah, but it's still good. But you have to understand, if I had gone on that show, that means you would have had to have done this show by yourself for like a couple months. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I don't know if you do want that because I don't know if this show will die. It will die. It will die. It'll die going back to things we got to talk about in the world have you seen this russian militia for sale that oh my god you're yawning more okay um so in you know russia's obviously fighting ukraine right and so yeah yes they have like russian soldiers but like they're they're also like

privatized military where you can like go buy like pay for you to come fight for us and so there is a russian private army that is led by this one guy i forget his name a couple months ago or maybe last month he like went on the internet and was like putin you need to fucking send us some ammo we have no more ammo and you want us to fight this fucking send us some ammo we have no more ammo and you want us to fight this war send us some ammo and that kind of pissed off putin because it made him look bad or whatnot now he's gone back on the internet being like putin is now firing rockets at us they they have put uh landmines behind us so when we tried to when we try to fall back he was killing our men so he's's like, fuck you. I'm now fighting against Russia. And so he's gone into Russia. He's taken over a Russian city and they're marching on Russia. And now they're marching towards Moscow where Putin is. And apparently he's fled, which is amazing.

is and apparently he's fled which is amazing and so sarah and i were talking about this so do you remember in game of thrones people who are like being paid to protect somebody was it like the hound was was a sell sword and uh brian of brian of of tarth i think was a sell sword and so sarah was talking about and she was like she was like swords. And I was like, what are you talking about, sell swords? And she was like, your sword is for sale. And I guess there was a scene where, like, Jamie Lannister was like, never trust a sell sword because their loyalty isn't to you. Their loyalty is just to money. And I have another theory. If these guys are just new age sell swords, why didn't just Ukraine or America be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, why don't you go fight them?

We'll pay you more money and then we don't have to do anything. Oh, it's like a game of risk. I know that's really what happened, but I like to think that that's kind of maybe what happened. That's kind of funny. Uh-huh. Hilarious. Putin offered you $ what happened. That's kind of funny. Uh-huh. Hilarious. Putin offered you $10 billion. We'll give you $20.

Would we, though? Absolutely. Yeah? What do I know? I don't know either. Nothing. Yeah. I don't know that I'm entirely caught up because, you know, when you're in another – we've been over this.

When you're in another country, you can't download shit that you can when you're in America, which is really fucking annoying. I'm, like, sort of caught up on silo and i do agree with you that it hit a lull there for a second but i am back hooked like hook line is anger like a hooked yeah me too it's so good so good but i don't care to talk about it in case you've seen another episode than me what episodes you get to so in the last episode i watched she like went and confronted um the judge in her apartment and yes um it was like pretty clear that the judge is like in on whatever but maybe kind of against her will like she was super emo um okay yeah the next episode there's another one i think so okay then what else happened her little sheriff buddy has

uh the syndrome which we don't really know what that is but like he's sick oh she finds out that her fucking boyfriend was a scheming lying cheater like all men so like you know shocking oh and we find out that the big black guy that's scary he's in on it so like last time we comment last time we talked i was thinking that this was all an experiment and that people were watching them and they didn't know but now that commons in the room like i'm common now that he's in the room with all the screens and tvs i'm like a bit more confused like it's not so straightforward i'm like okay they are watching everybody but who is they now like is they like people in the silo? Like at first I was thinking there are people outside of the silo and that this was a social experiment.

But now I'm not so sure. Yeah, the next episode is so good. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Boy, oh, boy. I can't wait. We think this is a limited series, huh? Yeah, I would assume so. But it's based on a book.

So who knows if they can't keep on going or if there's more books after it and stuff. Yeah. Well, anyway, I just fucking love that show. So that's, that's been my number one. Also, I feel like you dropped off the manifest train long, long ago. Am I correct in that? Oh, I did. Oh my God. Okay. Well they just released the second half of the last season on Netflix and there's like, that's like a 20 episode season. I've started finishing that and i know like i know you're a hater but like i just love that show i just think it's great i'm not a

hater i just fell off it i think you're a hater i mean maybe i'm a hater i don't know it's a it's there's like some parts of it that are like a little cheese ball for sure like especially like not to ruin anything i'm not ruining anything but there's like these scenes where michaela is like talking to zeke and he's like in the light in the whatever the light is i forget what they call it uh the divine consciousness and it's like super cheeseball that's the only part i'm not thrilled about but the rest of it's really good like i feel like it's just gonna like i feel like i'm so glad netflix picked this back up and finished it because i love that show and i love josh dallas who plays um that lead character i I forget his name.

He's great. Did you know in real life he's married to Jennifer Goodwin? No. But I also don't know who Jennifer Goodwin is. Yes, you do. She's in so many things. What is she in? She was in that rom-com that I love called Something Borrowed but she's been in a bunch of other things. Oh, she was also in He's Just Not That Into You.

She was like Justin Long's girlfriend in that movie. She's been in a lot of things what's her name again jennifer goodwin jennifer with a g what uh jennifer with a g yeah i think so g-i-n-n jennifer am i wrong about that see that oh yeah i know who this person is yes yes yes yes she's married to josh dallas they're cute i went on a deep dive on her Instagrams. They're very adorable. Oh, cute. So you never watched it because you also don't like comedy, but there's a new season of I Think You Should Leave on right now. I don't even know what that is, do I?

It's like short form comedy. This guy, Tim Robinson, is like the main guy. He's in every episode. And he's so funny, but they do an episode that is a ripoff of the bachelor or the bachelorette and it's so freaking funny i want to see if i can find it and play it for you if not if only to like hear the audio hold on okay i feel like you're just here for the zipline what all you do all day is go on the zipline i feel like that you can drop into the pool but i'm just trying to remember.

You were never joining us at any of the group meals, and when you were reprimanded and asked to join us, you ate as fast as you could. I didn't think your connection with Megan was good. And you've gotten into several fights with Mike from Adventure 365, who runs the zip line. He's just too excited. He's too rough on the rope. Shut up, Mike. He pulls on the rope. He wrenches on the He's too rough on the rope. Shut up, Mike. He pulls on the rope. He

wrenches on the rope. He thinks it's his. Shut up, Mike. You yanked on the rope. I said shut up, Mike. I feel like you're just here for the zipline. It's so freaky. They're at a rose ceremony and she's like your time is up because I think you're not here for me. You're just here for the zipline.

And then it just cuts to him just going into the pool and it's so funny and it's so you're not here for the right reasons and we always do the thing on the show like you're here for instagram followers and stuff it's so great that it's not for instagram followers it's not for food not going and traveling around it's because like the stupid zipline thing anyways uh i think you should be great is they're the worst well i love ziplines yeah like it's like it like catalina island or like you know when you get like that i mean i did it in belize it was great it's fun for like the first one then afterwards you're like okay oh i love that i get it zipping down then got to walk up a bunch of steps and then do it again.

Fucking. I loved it. Yeah. Not for me. I would go just for the zip line. See? You're not there for the right reasons. No, I'm there for the zip line for sure.

Here's something that I think that like all our male listeners need to listen up to. So all three of you. All of our female listeners, all three of them listen to this. And then all of our female listeners, you ladies need to be sensitive to this. And I call it good guy equity. Good guy equity. This is important when you're married in a relationship. When guys do good things for you, you need to remember.

So the next time you do something stupid, then it cancels out because you've built up some good guy equity. Case in point, Sarah and I are flying back from Mexico. Okay. I'm flying first class because it was written in my contract. Sarah is not flying first class because there were no more first class seats available on that flight home. So she was back with the crying kids, you know, in the sardine can. And I said, babe, you know what? I'm going to let you have my seat because you need to sit up here and I'm going to go back there. Okay. That just shows you what kind of guy

I am. I am a good guy, but I was like, but I want you to remember this. Okay? I need you to remember how good of a guy I was. Forgoing the pomp and circumstance, the braised short ribs that you were getting, the champagne mosa that you got to start your flight out with, the hot towels and the warm nuts, all those things I have left to you because I am a good guy. But I'm not always a good guy. Sometimes I do stupid stuff. And I need you to remember.

I need you to remember this, that the next time I do something stupid, I have built up some good guy equity that gets me out of jail. Okay? But if you were a really good guy, you wouldn't be saying this and you wouldn't keep tabs. You would just do it without asking for anything in return. No. Yeah. A really good guy.

That's what a really good guy would do. He would just do it and not say anything and not keep score. Yeah. Well, you know what? Those guys don't exist. You're right. They don't. Good luck.

Good guy equity is important, I think. I'm here for it. The whole time I was texting her, what's it like up there? Is it nice? Is the air sweeter? No, it's not. Do the peanuts have more salt? I think those warm towels are disgusting.

I don't know what to do with those warm towels. Am I supposed to put it on my face? No, you're not. What are we supposed to do with that? I think it's towels are disgusting. And, you know, I don't ever know what to do with those warm towels. Am I supposed to put it on my face or my hands? No, you're not. What are we supposed to do with that? I think it's for your hands. I think it's for your hands. But for me, it's like this isn't cleaning my hands. There's nothing on this that's cleaning them.

Then it just makes me cold and also makes my hands really dry. Like I just don't like them. Hmm. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what those towels are for anytime i've turned one down people they're like think they like look at me like i'm insane how dare you yeah i'm like but

i don't i don't want dry hands yeah well guess what back in economy we're not getting that all right we're not getting anything we're lucky to get some pretzels lucky if we get some pretzels. Lucky if we get some pretzels. All right? You want a drink? Yeah, right. Pony up some dough, kids. You can't get a mimosa here for takeoff. Oh, and also, good luck using the toilet up in the front because we can't be mixing classes. All right? You poor people can't shit with a rich people shit. This is the first flight

where I've ever been on where the announcement was like, uh, yeah, yeah, folks. Uh, so, uh, don't use the lavatory unless it's in your, uh, side of the plane. Uh, thanks so much over and out. And I was like, just say what you want to say poor people don't shit where the rich people shit all right this must be a thing right now because they said that on my flight too they said make sure to use the lavatory in your own cabin yeah what are you talking about we're all in just one giant tube whatever Whatever. I was in business class. I was like, yeah, stay the fuck away from my doctor. See? Yeah.

Keep your poor penis away from my lavatory. Seriously. I do love that, like, every announcement on an airplane always starts with, Uh, all right, folks. It's always, Uh, all right, folks. So here's what's happening. Alright folks It's always Alright folks So here's what's happening There's a plane at the jet bridge

So we're going to stay on the Runway And then like two minutes go by And then it's like Hey folks So there's a plane On the on the jetway we gotta wait uh a bit and then he then the pilot came on and goes uh hey folks there's a much bigger plane uh where we're supposed to be parked so uh we're gonna wait until uh either they find a a new place for us to park the plane or the bigger plane leaves.

And I'm sitting there thinking, what the fuck? Why do I need to know the size of the plane? Is this like a big dick competition? Like the bigger planes get to fucking loiter around the gate longer? I was like, who gives a shit how big the plane is? It was a much bigger plane over there. Big dick energy in this plane. What do we got?

We got a little micropenis plane over here. It's international. Wow. That was something. Hey, folks. Next time you go to a plane, just wait's true it's always hey folks why hey folks oh god too good it was a long time ago where i had found an article about me that my theory was that it was an article written about me or like sarah and i and then it was like translated to a different language and then i think translated back into

english and then like came back to us and it made zero sense yes i do remember that okay so we found another one and sarah was convinced that this was a an ai bot who wrote it but i think it's still like the thing that like someone wrote it and then like it came back in english but it could totally be an ai bot and it's this one is just so fucking funny okay so this is about justin makita just makita is jesse tyler ferguson's husband and jesse And Jesse Tyler Ferguson is, you know, her uncle on Modern Family, right? Mm-hmm. And it's a picture of Justin Makita

in, like, a sarong and holding an umbrella, but it's like an umbrella for, like, shade, not for parasol. Yeah. This is from the world-renowned journalism juggernaut that is FactyNews.com. Okay. He is interested in fashion and business since childhood. As per his LinkedIn profile, she is a graduate of the University of California, Los Angeles. Further, he became graduated in the year 2007.

As a kid, he was enrolled in private school for his primary and secondary education. And then under his picture of him holding a parasol and wearing a sarong, Justin Makeda holds the nationality of America. holds the nationality of America. He is interested in fashion and business since childhood. As per his LinkedIn profile, she is a graduate of the University of California, Los Angeles. Further, he became graduate in the year 2007. As a kid, he was enrolled in private school for his primary and secondary education.

Justin McKeeto holds the nationality of America. I want this so badly to be what AI is, and it's just so bad, but I don't think it is. I think that's just bad translation, but it's so funny. I was going to say, I think AI is honestly better than that. I know. She is a graduate of the University of California, Los Angeles. So good.

I don't know if you saw this. Sarah sent me this, and it's so freaking... This is in Sacramento. A restaurant must pay workers $140,000 after allegedly hiring a fake priest to extract confessions of workers' sins. What? workers sins what a restaurant in california has been ordered to pay 140 000 in back wages and damage to employees after it hired a priest to exact workers confessions in what federal investigators are calling the most shameless acts of corruption an employer has taken against its staff the u.s department of labor labor said an employee testified that the owner of Shea Grabaldi, who operates two locations of the Taqueria Garbaldi in Northern California, hired a fake priest to hear confessions during

work hours to get the sins out, including asking them if they've been late to work, stolen money from the restaurant, had bad intentions toward their employer. Under oath, an employee of Taqueria Garbaldi explained how the restaurant offered a supposed priest to hear their workplace sins, while other employees reported the manager falsely claimed that immigration issues would be raised by the Department of Investigation. The Catholic Diocese of Sacramento confirmed they found no evidence of any connection between the fake priest and their diocese. While we don't know who the person in question was, we are completely confident he was not a priest in the diocese of Sacramento.

Okay, so much to unpack here. But number one, who's worse, the owner who hatched up this cockamamie scheme or the guy who was like, I can be your priest. Hold on. Hold on. I think that guy. That guy. No, that guy's pretty amazing. Really?

I mean, he's a piece of shit. Yeah. But like, but then also like reality show. Totally. Maybe. We should tell Tish. I know. Yeah.

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. It's been three years since my last confession. I took a shit in the... Oh, my God. In the empanadas on table 42 last week because they were fucking bitches and don't tip. That can't be real. real from cnn no that doesn't mean shit well i mean come on it's not from like you believe everything you hear on cnn

yeah well also if you just okay if cnn did it mbc news did it. NBC News did it. The Today Show did it. People Magazine did it. The Guardian, Daily Mail, Washington Post. So like all the news. Daily Mail is not news. Well. Also the Today Show is a stretch of news as well. Okay.

Don't fucking ruin the funniness of what that is. Insane. Never let the truth get in theiness of what that is. Insane. Never let the truth get in the way of a good bit, Brandy. I hate that that's your tagline. You know what else I hate? That I have to stay up so late. I'm so tired. Oh my god.

I need a new career. You do. I'm too old. What were you thinking? What's the next one? You want to go What were you thinking? Oh, no. What's the next one? You want to go on stars on Mars? Honestly, maybe.

I would love to go to Australia. Yeah, but they took their phones, I believe. And then they were stuck in the desert, bro. They're not in Byron Bay or some shit. The Gold Coast. They're not in the Gold Coast. Yeah, they're not in the Great Barrier Reef. Oh no.

They're in the desert. I have a book. Oh, give it to us. So I think I've told the wife to yours that I bought it but hadn't started it. But the Colleen Hoover book, It Ends With Us that they're turning into a movie. I picked up the sequel called It Starts With Us. It's so good. you loved it ends with us

you'll love it starts with us and she starts the book by saying like i you know when i wrote it ends with us like i there was no intention to ever be a sequel she was like in fact like i swore up and down i would never write a sequel to this book or whatever but she was like but fans have been so great and so obsessed with it and just like so wonderful. She was like, I wanted to give you guys like the fans this this sequel or whatnot. So she was like purposefully I'm keeping it like much more lighthearted than the first one. Obviously, the first one dealt with some like pretty serious like deep issues. So this one's not as deep.

It's, you know, just more lighthearted of a story. more lighthearted of a story honestly it's borderline like female fairy tale porn because like if you didn't love atlas before you're gonna like girls will definitely just be like head over heels for him now but it's like that whole thing where like this this character is like a little too like good like to be true you know he like says all the right things does all the right things like it's just like fairy tale porn to me but i still loved it and yeah so that's cool and the end that it ends with this movie is on hold like everything right now because of the writer's strike so i feel like um people that are like bummed about that like go read the sequel because it's so good

lily and her ex-husband ryle have just settled into a civil co-parenting rhythm when she suddenly bumps into her first love atlas again again. After nearly two years separated, she is elated that for once time is on her side, and she immediately says yes when Atlas asks her on a date. It starts with us from Colleen Hoover. Okay, so that makes it seem like this book is like far further in the future, like months in the future. It's not.

The book literally picks off right where the first one leaves in the future it's not the book literally picks off right where the first one leaves so i don't know why it says that the cool thing about it is like you get to hear a lot more about like alice's story and like more and like even though like you kind of knew like he was homeless in the first book and everything and obviously knew like he had shitty parents and everything you didn't really get like a glimpse of it and this this book definitely like tells more about alice's story and family life and yeah it's really good big fan all right um i do have some musics all right this is uh earl st claire ain't got it like that i got soul in a whole lot of songs I get love even if I'm dead wrong

And I know that I got what I need Even when I don't got what I want Cause I ain't really got it like that And one day I'ma have it like that And I know that it can't stay this way And one day I'ma finally get paid Cause I ain't really got it like that, no And one day I'ma to finally get paid. Because I ain't really got it like that, though.

And one day I'm going to have it like that, though. And I know that it can't stay this way. And one day I'm going to finally get paid. Earl St. Clair, PJ, ain't got it like that. Do you like that? Oh, it's interesting. Oh, okay. We can go out on this guy. I found this on TikTok.

His name's Fulton Lee. You want to go out on this guy. I found this on, um, tick tock. Uh, his name's Fulton Lee. You want to go out on it? Sure. What do you got coming up? Thank the good Lord above. I'm going home for three weeks to chill the fuck out. Yeah.

You need it. I can't fricking wait. Yeah, I really do. Well, that's awesome. What do you got? I'm going to Portugal.

Oh, yeah. Your boy's going to his homeland. He's going back to where he came from. So I'm going out there. Love that for you. 25 of my family members are going out there. We're going to take over Portugal. We're going to be in Lisbon.

Then we're going down to the Algarves. We're going to play in some golf. It's going to be great. When are you leaving? On the 8th. I'll talk to the YFT before that. I just got back and now I'm getting excited for that. That's all I've got going on. You know? Okay.

Well, I'm glad to have you back on the show even though you yawned the entire time. I don't think you really want to do the show. I'm so tired. I know. I'm sorry. Well, good luck. You know what, though?

What? I wanted to do it even less tomorrow night when I get home. I know. Yeah. I'm glad we knocked it out. Me too. That sounded so terrible. Yeah.

All right, YFTers, we love you. We'll see you next time. Love y'all. All right. Bye. This is Fulton Lee. All right, YFTers, we love you. We'll see you next time. Love y'all. All right. Bye. This is Fulton Lee. All right. Bye. The spirit's accelerating Grab on to it with faith

Just like some handles, baby The human heart's impatient, baby You'll never be anything but alright Alright Everything is gonna be alright Alright Everything is gonna be alright Brandy, everything's gonna be all right. Everything is going to be all right. Brandi, everything is going to be all right tonight.

Just press spacebar and you'll be fine. I fucking wish I could do that more than anything. Just press spacebar, bro. This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.