Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - Taylor Nolan
Episode Date: October 24, 2017This week Brandi and Wells have Taylor Nolan from Bachelor in Paradise on the show. Taylor talks about her favorite thing about her new fiance, Derek, Brandi makes fun of Wells and Wells tells a stor...y about the time he got a spray tan. Enjoy!
Transcript
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Segment brought to you by Tap the Brackies.
Coors Light.
I would say we should have a beer sponsor, but I don't
drink beer. That's okay.
Is it? Well, I think that
going forward, you should have a makeup
sponsor. Yeah. And I should have
a beer sponsor. I'm into that.
The fact that no
alcohol
companies hit me up for drunk drunk snapchat is oh yeah right you need
a manager what marketing dipshit out there hasn't been like why aren't we using this kid so drew
you should hit up the uh have you seen the stackable wine no that like comes in the mail
and it's like six different kinds of wine all
stacked in a thing hit them up they're like instagram thirsty for sure are they yeah i'm
thirsty just in general okay i was watching the voice the other day hold on do you want to start
the show i guess yeah me or you you all right and girls, it's time for your favorite thing podcast with...
Wells and Brandy.
Yeah.
We are live from Brandy's house right now.
We really are.
Wait, pause.
How did the boys and girls part of that intro become a thing?
You've said that like every time.
Really?
I feel like it's the thing.
I don't know how I feel about it.
You don't like it?
It makes me feel weird.
Ladies and gentlemen, here is a podcast featuring...
Hoes and bros. I look i like hos and bros
it kind of flows doesn't it oh that rhyme too hos and bros kind of flows time for your favorite
thing podcast wells and brandy i like it do you yeah all right it's a new thing perfect oh the
voice yeah so miley's judge on the voice whatever yeah um and when she did it the first time i was
there for a lot of it so i got to see a lot of it live so i caught up yesterday and at one point she's
during the blind auditions she's trying to convince this person to be on her team and she's
like i'm thirsty oh yeah and there was like this awkward pause and she was like to win i'm thirsty
to win i lost it i was like i feel like miley's just out of touch enough that she doesn't really understand what thirsty means.
Oh, that's amazing.
It was funny.
Your sister's never been thirsty, though, right?
No, never.
She dated one of the best-looking gentlemen on the planet.
She is.
They're engaged.
Oh, they're engaged?
They've been engaged for a long time.
So, yeah, I mean, yeah.
Are you ready for that?
And all of her past exes are like pretty good looking as well.
Patrick Schwarzenegger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a cutie.
Nick Jonas back in the day.
What?
Not ugly.
God.
What's her ugliest ex-boyfriend?
Gosh.
Someone on blast.
Gosh, I don't even know.
Who's been the best looking one?
Well, I think Liam.
Liam, yeah. For sure, yeah. Definitely. Who's been the best looking one? Well, I think Liam. Liam, yeah.
For sure, yeah.
Definitely.
Who's better looking, Liam or his brother?
I mean, I think Chris is hotter.
Yeah.
Is Chris married?
He is married, yeah.
Oh, so you're out.
All the Hemsworths are married up with lots of kids.
When they get married, is the wedding down in Australia?
Nah.
Nah?
Nah, it'll probably be here.
They are from Australia though, right?
Yeah, the Hemsworths are.
Yeah.
But Miley's not getting married in Australia?
That's true.
The woman does the wedding.
Is that how it goes?
The woman gets more say?
I think the woman pays for it so she gets to plan it, right?
That's nice.
I don't know.
You're asking the wrong question.
You don't know how weddings work?
I have no clue how weddings work.
From what I understand, that's how weddings work.
I've never been married.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
Good to know.
But that's what I've been told.
Okay.
Where do you want to get married?
Does it matter to you?
I haven't put that much thought into it.
Why not?
Because I'm not getting married anytime soon.
I know.
This is hypothetical.
If you were to get married.
I feel like when you're younger, married like i feel like i guess like
when you're younger like you think you want this big wedding and stuff and yeah the older i get
and the more friends that i have getting married i'm like i don't know if that's the move i kind
of obviously like when i get married if and when i get married you've been thinking about this a
lot recently well i mean i think about it just as like a human being. One of us is a little closer to that possible scenario than the other.
That's right.
Obviously, whatever the girl wants.
Whatever she gets.
Yeah, do it.
Yes, you.
Go.
I'm there.
Okay.
I feel like most guys are like that.
Yeah, but I really, really, really want to go to Vegas and get married by Elvis.
Why?
Because I think it would be hilarious. You do? And I want to be to Vegas and get married by Elvis. Why? Because I think it would be hilarious.
You do?
And I want it to be like a site.
I will give the woman like, yes, we'll do the thing in Napa or whatever.
Like wherever the hell you want to do it.
I don't care.
Napa.
Like all your friends, all the things.
Yeah.
But then I want to be like one day I want to go to vegas and like go to
like what about chapel of love and be like just blindly drunk what about a vow renewal in vegas
my parents did that all right i'm down with that the reason why it comes out is because my um
my uncle uncle dick of whom my middle name is uh really yeah i'm wells richard adams wow yeah well stick adams um he got married
in so many jokes i could make but he got married in a fever hotter than a pepper sprout uh yeah
he got married in vegas and like my mother tells the story of them all going to vegas in like the
70s and it was like the trashiest wedding
and like my grandmother
And you want that? Yeah, because my mom was like
it was hilarious.
Your hair right now is insane. Can I take a photo of it?
You always make fun of my hair.
I got headphones on. Where's our bell?
Oh, I didn't bring the bell. You don't have a bell?
You're really backlit. I don't have a
bell, but if I did I would ding ding ding
because one of my favorite movies is the ashton kutcher uh is it what happens in vegas is what it's called i don't
know i haven't seen it oh it's so good it's um and what's little britney why am i blanking on
everybody's name right now you don't have a bell here what where what would i do with a bell
well here i can do something oh boy don't break my things. You better watch it.
That's a nice bourbon glass.
Oh, my God.
She's actually not that nice.
It's called What Happens in Vegas.
Oh, okay.
Is it good?
It's phenomenal.
Oh, it's Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher.
Of course, yeah.
It's great.
It's so good.
I was talking about, is it The Holiday?
Great film.
Good flick, right?
Yeah.
Okay, of all-
Great.
Great flick. Okay, what did I say? Good? Yeah. Okay, of all... Great. Great flick.
Okay, what did I say?
Good?
Good.
Okay, well... It's better than good.
Yeah, it's pretty great.
Of all the storylines that happen on that movie,
what is your favorite one?
I'll tell you mine.
Okay, let's hear yours.
The meet cute one.
The old guy?
Yes.
That was what I was going to say was mine.
So good.
And then when he walks up to
get his award and he's like he like couldn't barely walk and now he's like walking himself
down the aisle oh what's the other one love actually i've never seen that you have it and
it's a very popular movie oh especially around christmas time i know i've never seen it um it's
older right i think i'm a little too young for that movie no you're not kidding me
anyways really good movie
but um
okay well if you haven't
seen it
don't point me
talking about it
I should watch it
this year
you should
best Christmas movie
Elf
duh
Home Alone
I guess
I like Elf better
yeah
it's freaking hilarious
what are you talking about
oh and that girl
you love isn't it
Zooey Deschanel
yeah yeah oh man that Zooey Deschanel. Yeah.
Oh, man.
That Zooey is a blonde.
I know.
You probably don't like that then, huh?
No, I liked her then.
Have you ever dated a blonde?
Yes.
You said that very unsure.
I don't know, actually.
Have I?
No, you're not.
I dated a girl that went blonde.
Eh, it's not the same.
It's not.
I don't know if I've ever dated a blonde you're
so prejudiced i just i'm really disappointed in you i like what i like uh what what's wrong with
that i don't maybe that's why you're alone you've boxed yourself into just only what you like and
you just you don't know what you're missing out on wow i guess only you're the one who's not alone
at this moment yeah i'm talking to a lady. I know.
You know what blows my mind even more?
What?
What's it called?
Catfish accounts?
Like, could you imagine yourself creating a dating profile and using someone else's photo?
I recently read a story about this where a girl got catfished.
This is so great.
She got catfished.
I'm going to cut this.
Taylor's calling right now.
Taylor's our guest this week, guys.
Taylor, what's up?
Hey, does her house have like a ghost skeleton thing on the outside?
Yep.
Yeah, and a motorcycle.
Yeah, and your motorcycle.
I want to make sure I'm at the right one.
You're at the right one.
Come on.
We're in the middle of a podcast, which you are going to be our guest for.
Do we have a third mic?
Fine.
Okay.
All right.
See you in a bit.
All right.
Bye.
Does she know she's doing this podcast?
She does now.
Wait.
Did she know or no?
No.
I don't think so.
You're kidding.
No.
What did you tell her?
We were decorating for Halloween and now you're going to put her on a podcast?
That's what you told me.
And then I asked you if people were coming over here and you were like, no.
They all went to a concert. Yeah. Well, you told me a bunch of people were coming over here, and you were like, nah, they all went to a concert.
Yeah, but you told me a bunch of people were coming over to do.
You told me a bunch of people were coming over here to decorate.
You must have told them to all go to a concert.
No, they were already going to a concert.
You told me everyone was coming over to decorate.
I thought they were until you just told me they weren't.
But I also.
I thought like other of your friends were coming oh well i kind of told them
meh oh all right one of those best three hanging out great drinking booze um people can come over
don't get me wrong oh taylor is here those are great glasses they are are they um
cover my face and i feel icky oh yeah i just got a spray tan felt icky sometimes and I feel icky. Oh, yeah. I just got a spray tan. When have you ever felt icky?
Sometimes I just feel icky.
Taylor's that annoying person that like never wears makeup.
She's one of those annoying people that like never wears makeup,
never washes her hair, doesn't wear deodorant,
and is just like smoke show.
Hey, deodorant causes cancer, okay?
I know.
I think it's antiperspirant.
Is it the same thing?
Grab a microphone. Yeah, you got to talk gotta talk into that you gotta talk into that one all right quick psa for those of you out there who
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All right, guys, a lot has changed over the last years.
And if you're growing your e-commerce business, yeah, you can relate.
Whether you're looking for better efficiency during the hectic holiday season
or your business has outgrown your old shipping solutions, you need ShipStation to
help you scale your business. ShipStation helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiency with
a robust all-in-one fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular
e-commerce platforms, marketplaces, and carriers. Listen, the holiday season is right around the corner.
Odds are that you guys are probably selling stuff on e-commerce.
If you're shipping, you got to do it with ShipStation.
Lead your business into the future with technology built to save you time,
extra costs, and headaches.
It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts up to 89% off
UPS, DHL, Express, and USPS rates.
What, you don't want to save money?
Come on.
Deliver a better customer experience
with industry-leading features
that help you find the best carrier rates,
print labels, and make customer service a breeze, dude.
Scale your e-commerce business
with shipping software that delivers.
Switch to ShipStation today.
Go to ShipStation.com and use code YOURFAVORITETHING to sign up for your free 60-day trial.
That's even more savings.
That's ShipStation.com.
Code YOURFAVORITETHING.
Do it.
How fancy is this little rig?
Really fancy.
This is adorable.
You like it?
I do. Thanks. i really like it but
no it's a lot of things about it right now they'd be fixed like all these wires right now i got
new cable because f comcast like they're the worst so i got at&t yeah and he just there's
so many cables but you got like the little succulents makes it cute one of these days
i'll tie them all behind the TV so you can't see them.
Yeah.
Maybe Wells will help you because he's really handy.
I am really handy.
He's a handy guy if you didn't know.
I am very handy.
Wells is definitely not coming over here to help me with house stuff.
Why?
Have you seen all the stuff that I've done?
No, I haven't been to your house in like a year.
Like I built my headboard.
You did?
Yeah.
And it's great.
It's kind of like you use power tools. You can use little lights on the top of it's great. It's got like these little lights
on the top of it too.
Actually,
it's kind of handy.
I did carpentry.
Aren't they like
heavier than you?
Can you lift a hammer?
You know,
just because I'm slender
doesn't mean I'm not
country strong.
I'm not muscular.
Yeah,
no,
not so much.
All right,
Taylor,
you and I have the same body type.
Okay,
so let's just pump the brakes over here, okay?
Can you open a pickle jar is the real question.
It just depends.
I feel like Taylor's probably stronger than you, actually.
Oh, definitely.
Definitely.
Definitely.
I mean, I am like partially made out of titanium, so.
There it is.
Your back's all messed up, right?
Yeah.
What?
Yeah, I have like titanium rods.
No.
Like from my neck down to my butt. Let's just get through it, right? Yeah. What? Yeah, I have like titanium rods. No. Like from my neck down to my butt.
Let's just get through it, guys.
Yeah.
Real quick.
How are you and Derek doing?
Are you going to get married?
Let's get through it.
Tomorrow.
Did you not get the invitation?
What?
I didn't get invited.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
You weren't cool enough.
Sorry.
Did you get invited, Brady?
Yeah, I'm going.
Yeah.
Oh, heck yeah.
Got my speech prepared and everything. You going to speak gonna speak yeah so everything's good with you and derrick yeah
derrick is doing he's being a good boy up and you guys are moving to new york together yeah so he's
already there yeah okay you live where did you tell me i live in seattle and where does he live
so he lives in iowa but now he's moving to New York. He just got a job there.
He really like couldn't turn it down.
It was a good opportunity.
Heck yeah.
So he's there now. And then I'm eventually going to like work my way out there.
Are you excited or annoyed?
I'm like sad to leave Seattle.
No matter what, Seattle is my favorite place.
And I know leaving there isn't always goodbye.
Like I know I'll go back there.
We found like a cute neighborhood in Queens that I do really like.
Otherwise, I would have never pictured myself in New York.
But that's where he is, and so we're going to figure it out.
I love New York, too.
There's a part of me that's like, what a fun new adventure.
You get to go live in, you know.
A new place.
Try it out.
Yeah. If it doesn't work, then you leave. A new place. Try it out. Yeah.
If it doesn't work,
then you leave.
Then you leave.
Yeah, exactly.
I know.
I like to think
that in another life
I would live in New York,
but my horse can't go there
and my dog.
She could,
but it wouldn't be great.
I need to make a lot
of money to live there.
Also that.
Yeah, it's very expensive.
It is.
Yeah.
But are you going to take
your fat cats there?
Yeah.
Your fat cats? Well, that's where like we're not sure. One of them is fat. The other one is. Yeah. But are you going to take your fat cats there? Yeah. Your fat cats?
Well, that's where we're not sure.
One of them is fat.
The other one is lost weight.
And you and Wells are friends because Wells hates cats.
I know.
Did you know this?
This was a point of high tension in the development of our friendship.
Taylor, I think you're great.
You got to kill those cats.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's from Wells.
That is very violent. Danielle and I were playing a really fun game last night. I don't even great. You got to kill those cats. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's from Wells. That is very violent.
Danielle and I were playing a really fun game last night.
I don't even know how it got brought up.
But we were, like, talking about you and Carl.
And she goes, yeah, or no.
I said something.
And I was like, yeah, like, he's just, like, a sweet, good kind of guy, you know?
Talk about me?
And then she goes, Carl or Wells?
And I was like carl and then
she'd go yeah like he's just like you know he'll protect you like no matter what and i was like
yeah carl and we get back were you like originally talking about me or really just only talking about
my dog something tells me danielle was talking about you and taylor was talking about no we
were talking about your new thing you know how you're happy now. We were like we're so happy that you're happy.
Oh thanks guys. Look at that face. The day it all ends it's gonna be a bad bad day. Can you stop
throwing that out into the ether that I'm gonna get dumped and it's going to be a must come down. Well, but for now,
enjoy it.
You know,
why can't you just be like,
this is going to be a thing.
Listen,
when you're sad and alone and crying about it,
I have a guest room with a twin size bed for you and Carl right there.
It's a good friend.
She's keeping it real.
Yeah.
That could be fun.
Actually. Maybe. No. you're horrible it's a good friend she's keeping it real yeah that could be fun actually maybe
no
can we just not
talk about my heartbreak
like before it even happens
I guess so
it's so fun
it's fun to prepare
for those kind of things
oh my god
what is wrong with you guys
you're terrible
hold on
so I was telling you
about this is funny oh boy so it was a woman You're terrible Hold on So I was telling you About
This is funny
Oh boy
So
It was a woman that got catfished
Oh yeah
By a guy
And
She found the pictures
Like
So it was like a model
That the guy used
To catfish her
And then she figured it out
And then she found the guy
The actual model The actual model and they started
dating no yes oh my gosh i know i was just like this came up because i told well i was like i
cannot fathom setting up a dating profile and using someone else's photo but people do it all
the time and a friend of mine that's on bumble just sent me a screenshot of a profile that uses
my photo oh and at first i was like joking and i was like they should like let me know how that's on bumble just sent me a screenshot of a profile that uses my photo oh and at first
i was like joking and i was like they should like let me know how that's going for him but i was
like that's so freaking creepy like wait are they actually trying to match me so i was like
no but that's crazy and i just like i just don't understand people online like how how
how is that okay it's like they really want to be someone else
yeah how did she find the model i don't know real one i i think she like looked him up i think i
think she went the way i read the story is like she went the date realized it wasn't him she was
like what obviously and he was like what is that guy thinking i don't know yeah and then how do
you actually go to the date very clearly not the person that you were.
Like, what do you expect? That's weird.
What do you expect to happen there?
That's why when I was on dating profiles,
I would always FaceTime before I met the person.
I'd be like, yeah, let's FaceTime.
And then you kind of get to gauge your chemistry too,
you know, where you actually devote that amount of time
to a real date.
That's a good call.
Yeah.
I just can't imagine.
Let me ask you this.
How do you guys feel about the phone sex but with FaceTime
like Skype sex yeah basically yeah yeah I've done that yeah all right I'm the only loser here
yeah that's like old school at this point really yeah like you're like this has been like probably
four or five years ago I was dating a guy in a band, and he was gone all the time.
And you were just FaceTiming.
Skype sex was the only answer, yeah.
About three years ago, too, for me.
It's like a couple baths.
You're way behind.
You're a favorite, and you share it with your partner.
Well, guys, I got to get on board here.
I didn't know that this was a thing.
Yeah, you're in a long-distance relationship now.
Yeah, you better get on.
This is what it looks like.
This is it?
Yeah.
Okay.
These are the highlights right here. I'm okay there's the highlights right here i'm excited
yeah all right i'm excited because i i think i had the conversation of like do you want to phone sex
and that would be exactly how you ask yeah and she's like phone sex what is this 1975
like i don't know oh my gosh you are way? I don't know. Oh my gosh.
You are way behind. You don't have to go through the awkward thing of taking naked photos of yourself because
it's just space time.
It's way better.
Would you like a beer?
I'm good.
She doesn't drink alcohols.
Oh, I don't drink beer, but there's a crap ton in my laundry room.
Well, I'm sure it'll be done by the end of the night with Wells here.
I know.
That is true, but also hurtful.
Who are you texting?
I'm looking at topics.
Okay.
Topics of your favorite things that you wrote down in your notes throughout the week.
Yes.
Yeah, we didn't do that this week.
So last night we went to the zombie paintball situation.
Zombie paintball hayride.
Yeah.
And so it was,
let's just go through,
let's do a roll call.
Oh gosh.
Brandy.
Code Red.
Code, yeah.
Code Red and Black Ops.
So it was Brandy,
Taylor,
Jen Saviano,
myself,
Kristen,
Danielle,
Vanessa,
Vanessa,
Christina,
Christina. Good. We were Vanessa. Christina. Christina.
Good.
We were rolling deep.
We were.
Who didn't show up from Bachelor Nation?
Well.
Oh.
Ouch, my hip just popped so loud.
How's your hip?
So someone wasn't there
We're not gonna talk about it
Okay
That's fine
So we go to
We go out and shoot zombies
Here's the thing though
Here's the thing that bummed me out about that
So it was like this big car
That was like dragging this like trailer
And like there was two seats
There was two like benches on the trailer
And then in front of each seat there was a
mounted
paintball gun and then we drove
around and we shot freaking zombies.
We did. It was fun
but I wanted to take the paintball
gun out and move around
but it was stuck in there. And I thought the zombies were
going to run towards us. They just
stayed there. They were very far away.
Probably better that they did
considering how much they were encouraging us
to shoot them in their heads.
That's true.
But it's because they were so far away
they barely felt it.
True.
I thought it was too PG.
And they had metal things on their face.
Totally.
They need to have different levels of this.
PG, PG-13, R.
Are you a Walking Dead fan?
Never seen it.
Are you?
Oh my god, yes.
Tonight?
Is it tonight?
Tonight.
What about Zombieland, though?
Great film.
Oh, my God.
I tweeted about that the other day.
Did you?
Yes.
It's so underrated.
You liked it.
What the fuck?
Would you hate it?
No, you liked my tweet.
I said like.
She's just being a good friend and liking whatever you tweet.
I truly do tend to heart all your tweets just because i know
it makes you feel good it does when i go to that verified page oh and i see brandon's just getting
up in there question why doesn't instagram have that feature i don't know they need it no one can
relate to this i don't care this is my favorite thing is when you can look at the favorite thing
it's true.
Derek likes to rub it in my face that he's verified on Twitter and I'm not.
How did he get verified? But I have more followers on Twitter than he does.
You do?
He kicks Derek off our podcast, so.
Yeah.
Good.
Yeah.
My mom took his spot.
Good.
Yeah.
What's your favorite thing about Derek?
Like, physical.
I don't know.
It could be anything.
Anything.
I really like his beard.
This bell sucks.
I really like Wells' beard.
Oh.
I can't grow a beard, ladies.
I grow facial hair like a 14-year-old Hispanic boy.
In Paco.
Oh, my gosh.
That's great.
His beard.
Okay.
Yeah, I really like his beard.
What you made him do
I like his eyes
His eyes are beautiful
Yes they are
Who's the guy you said he looks like
John Krasinski
But he also looks like
Jake Gyllenhaal
Yeah I can see that
Occasionally
Like his younger photos
When he's like a little boy
Looks like a young
Jake Gyllenhaal
Interesting
Who's hotter in your mind
Rob Krasinski
Or Jake Gyllenhaal?
John Krasinski.
I'm like, who the fuck is Rob?
You know who I'm talking about.
Rob Krasinski?
John Krasinski or Jake Gyllenhaal?
Oh, Jake.
Yeah.
Yeah, Jake.
If I could have like a celebrity past, Jake.
Really?
Jake.
Wow.
He's so hot.
That's really cool though. he's not anymore I mean I
hear it Vanessa keeps saying he's really into blondes and I'm like wait who's
your celebrity crush it's gonna be a Clevelandveland cavalier yeah or kairi i love kairi so much kairi although
have you seen do you follow daquan on instagram we've talked about this before
it's like one of those like funny like beige cardigan type um okay so he posted this video of so kairi now plays for boston if y'all don't know
so are you a boston fan now no i'm not i'm just really sad about the whole thing about kairi
leaving okay so gosh of course i can't find it so you like really follow sports yeah well just
basketball like it's one of your favorite things yes it is ding ding ding basketball is one of my
favorite things so in this video it's like it's the beginning of the game and where the cell where the team comes out from the locker room and runs
onto the thing or whatever and somebody's videoing it and the guys are running out and the guys
that he was yelling like kairi kairi where's lebron and kairi literally yells profanity can
i use profanity yeah do it literally yells like suck my dick running by and they're like looking
at each other like holy crap because if that's real that's pretty
crazy because Kyrie's always been this like soft-spoken like sweet precious angel of a
basketball player and he was he's just like I've heard enough about LeBron it like runs by and it
floored me and I'm like dang maybe I maybe he's not everything I hoped he was. Aw. Okay, non-athlete, though.
Do you know who Theo James is?
No.
He was in Divergent.
But I love the name.
He is so gorge.
I'll show you a pic.
Theo James.
Oh, I have a couple favorite things.
Do you know who he is?
Yeah.
No, I don't know who he is.
I'm about to show you.
I saw Baby Driver the other day.
Yum.
What's that?
Adam Driver is hot too.
That is the guy from Twilight.
No, it's not.
He's in Divergent.
That is...
Yum.
Hi.
Oh, yeah.
He actually is kind of cute.
He's super hot.
Super, super hot.
Super hot.
He's a good looking man.
Let me see.
He's like a little bit more scruff for me
I'm with you there
yeah
I wouldn't be mad
if he dyed his hair
a little darker
dye his hair
do you want to date
a guy that dyes his hair
I mean
yeah
I would rather him
dye it
than leave it like that
I think
unless you're like
really pulling off
the salt and pepper look
then you need to have
like a full
actual hair color
why does everyone
think I'm pregnant he's never gonna cut that I'm not cutting that out salt and pepper look then you need to have like a full actual hair color why does everyone think
i'm pregnant he's never gonna cut that i'm not cutting that out why do people think that you're
pregnant people always comment on my pictures like oh my god is she pregnant why let me see
the picture thanks guys i'm gonna starve myself now yeah you're like actually something about
kristen on the last picture i posted and i was like that's i'm not even he had his hand on my
stomach in one photo and i was like well i thought she's pregnant do i look like that's i'm not even he had his hand on my stomach in one photo and i was like
well i thought he's pregnant do i look like i'm pregnant here uh absolutely not my brightness all
the way up do i look pregnant nope look 95 pounds actually let me see i thought it was funny that
the picture danielle posted our group photo like you must have been moving your hand because it's
blurry and everyone thought we don't even get me started on this. There was a photo exactly like that one.
We're all smiling.
And my hand is down and normal.
And everyone has been sharing the photo where my hand looks all jacked up like a ghost.
I'm like, guys, you couldn't use the other photo.
This trip has just really not been good in terms of my.
Everyone's like, the image is blurred.
Her ring is gone.
They broke it up.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my God.
That's why?
Cause the ring?
Cause that's,
it was her left hand.
Yeah,
it was.
I didn't even think about it.
Oh my God.
See,
everyone screwed me up.
And then in the other picture,
everyone's so seen,
everyone's smiling and I'm like smirking cause I wasn't ready for the picture.
And I'm like,
there was another picture.
They're like,
she's smirking because she wasn't ready for the picture and i'm like there was another picture because she knows they're broken up i feel bad because i was the one who sent all the pictures everybody
and i sent all of i just i just went like i didn't even get that one well i know i know
guys there's one right here did you think we blurred it out when you saw it if you never
saw it to begin i was just, everyone's using the fucked up picture
over the normal photo.
Yeah, it's all intentional.
It is.
Corinne did this, I think.
Basically.
Corinne hijacked everyone's phones
and was like,
guys, post a picture
with her hand fucked up.
Dude, I'm annoyed with Corinne right now.
I slid into her DMs
because it was basically
to get her money, okay?
I was like,
hey, what's your agent's number?
So you know she doesn't need you.
Got something for you.
She didn't fucking respond.
All right.
I hear you.
Oh, my gosh.
I've never met her.
I'm making no more comments on this topic.
Well, I just was like, I'm not, I don't want anything out of you other than like I'm just
trying to help, but whatever.
Question.
How was Santa's after I gypsy faded out?
Oh, my God.
Okay.
So last night.
I was like, where the fuck did she go?
I was like, guys, I'm going to go find Wells.
And I just peaced out.
Yeah, you went and shook him out of me.
Well, because I was like, I'm going to go find Wells because I haven't seen you in a while.
And then I was just so close to the door.
And it was like one in the morning.
And I was like, it's going to keep going.
Okay.
So after we went and did zombie paintball,
we went to this amazing karaoke place called Santa's Pub.
It's like two double wides, super ghetto.
It's incredible.
Christmas year round.
A guy named Santa owns it and runs it.
Did you know he killed somebody on that deck?
That's the rumor that he murdered somebody.
That's not true.
I think it is true.
I don't think so.
He's so sweet.
Have you ever met him?
I think it's self-defense. He murdered some guy. I don't think so. He's so sweet. Have you ever met him? I think it's self-defense.
He murdered some guy. I don't know. I mean,
Daquan. Daquan.
Daquan.
People might not be as sweet as you think they are, Andy.
You're right. You're not wrong. So anyway, so you
freaking Irish exited, smoke bomb gone.
I did. I did. I'm bad about that. And then you guys
bailed, and like right when you guys
bailed... I said bye to you. No, I know.
I'm not saying you didn't say goodbye. Everyone bailed.
Right when you left they were
like
Wells Adams up next.
And I was like yes!
Yes! Did you sing?
Yes! What did you sing? We missed it.
Where's the video? No video.
American Girl by Tom Petty. R.I.P.
Rest his soul. Killed
it by the way. Were you the only one in the group R.I.P. Rest his soul. Killed it, by the way.
Were you the only one in the group left?
No, the guys were still there.
The guys were there, okay.
But like, I murdered it.
Oh my gosh.
No one saw it?
No one saw it. Did any of the girls get up and sing?
No.
We like all sang our hearts out though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think Danielle's favorite part of the night
was actually hearing me sing a country song.
Redneck woman.
Oh, yeah.
I was there for that.
You sang that on karaoke?
No, we just sang a lot.
Just like in the crowd, you know?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My Tom Petty impersonation is...
Let's hear it.
Yeah, right now.
There's no time like the present.
Let's just find the song.
Don't half-ass it.
I don't half-ass anything.
Right?
I mean, you're apparently still sexting
and haven't progressed to the FaceTime sex.
Listen.
I didn't even know that was a thing until recently
and now I'm all about it.
Did your girl educate you?
She's teaching me all kinds of cool millennial things.
Are you going to sing?
Yeah, this song hasn't started yet.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Well, is it going to start?
I don't know.
It's in D.
It's in the D.
This is a long intro.
Pretty good, right?
Do you know the words?
I don't know.
Wow.
It was a little Bob Dylan.
This is unreal. Oh, yeah.
All right.
Oh, my God.
Your face.
Keep going.
She was an American girl.
Stop filming me.
Why?
It's so fun.
Oh, my God.
So anyway, it's killed it.
Obviously, you can see how good I am with that. We left right before that.
I know,
people were loving it.
I don't know if that's true,
but I was pretty drunk,
but it was pretty great stuff.
Pretty sure everyone at Santa's is so drunk,
they love everything.
Everything.
Yeah.
I want to go to Santa,
you are sober,
I want to go to Santa's like dead sober
and be like,
oh my God,
everyone is so bad.
Well,
yeah,
but it's always still fun.
Yeah, they had a super good lineup. My favorite part was just everyone would start singing. Oh, God. Everyone is so bad. Well, yeah, but it's always still fun. Yeah, they had a super good lineup.
My favorite part was just everyone would start singing the song.
She said my favorite part.
Favorite part.
Watch it.
I'm going to break that fucking glass.
You are.
You break the glass and the spoon.
That's the Christmas song.
Saw Baby Driver, my new favorite movie.
Ding, ding, ding.
All right.
Have you guys seen it?
I have.
I loved it.
I saw the theater. All right. It you guys seen it? I have. I loved it. I saw it at the theater.
All right.
It's a remake, right?
Is it?
Yeah, everyone said that, but I never saw the OG, so I don't know.
Oh, by the way, I like the main character.
Ansel Elgort?
Yep.
Don't love his last name, gotta be honest with you.
Don't love his first name.
Did you know he also does music?
You guys want me to tell you about this, or what's happening here?
Yes, I do.
We really care.
Also, Ansel Elgort is a singer.
Is he?
His song was on New Music Friday playlist.
Yeah.
Who knew?
I just don't like his last name.
Why?
Elgort?
Yeah, Elgort.
No, thank you.
Why?
That's abrasive.
Why is that weird?
Unattractive.
Baby Driver.
Adams is better.
Okay.
Adams, yes.
Yes, it is.
Baby Driver got a 93% on Rotten Tomato.
Boom.
Very good.
Anyways.
Tell us about it, Wells.
The whole thing
is very musically centered,
which is why I love it.
John Hamm.
John Hamm's great in it.
John Hamm's my favorite part.
John Hamm's a hottie.
He's my favorite part
of the movie, actually.
Is he?
Yeah.
Look at him.
He looks like a badass.
It's been a minute
since I've seen it.
Yeah, it's a great movie.
Oh my God.
Oh, and Jamie Foxx is in it.
Yeah, Jamie Foxx is in it.
And then what's his name? That girl's so hot. What's his name uh kevin spacey is yeah he's on it he's good but it
was the whole thing is predicated on music because the kid's got like something wrong with his ears
so he always listens to music when he drives because he's like trying to drown out the ring
in his ear because he was in this car accident as a kid um when the whole thing is it's almost like
um you know how in um in bird man the whole thing i haven't seen almost like, you know how in Birdman, the whole thing.
I haven't seen that in so long.
Have you seen Birdman?
What the F?
I've got it.
For people who don't know, Birdman was shot in like 16 takes.
The whole thing is just like really, really choreographed beautifully.
Yeah.
So this movie is kind of similar to that.
Like when the music is playing, he's got these really long choreographed things, kind of, like, dancing the streets because the music's going with it.
And it was just, I thought it was really, really good.
And I love the fact that, like, he doesn't talk a lot.
So, like, he's the star, but he's not the star.
And, like, Jon Hamm and, like, Kevin Spacey and, like, Jamie Foxx, those are the stars, even though they're, like, supporting cast.
It was, like, a really cool concept.
Yeah, the girl on it is really pretty.
She's really cool.
Yeah.
Which one though?
Do you like Jon Hamm's girl
or his girl?
Ansel Elgort's girl.
No, Jon Hamm's girl.
Oh yeah.
The Spanish girl.
Yeah.
She's hot.
Super hot.
She's like a bad
mamma jamma.
I know.
Anyways,
really,
really like that.
Great film.
Also saw
Wonder Woman
by the way.
Was it good?
Loved it.
I never saw that.
God, Gal Gadot.
She's cute, too.
Smoke show.
Yeah.
I don't think that I could date her because I think she's taller than me. Oh, well, stronger.
Bummer.
Stronger.
Everyone's stronger than me.
She's cute.
She was on Jimmy Fallon the week we were there.
Oh, really?
Which is very sweet.
What I liked about the movie is like very empowering,
I think, for women.
Mm-hmm.
And she's just so,
so like what's so,
she doesn't know
that she's wearing
like ridiculous clothing,
you know?
Have you not seen the movie?
No.
Yeah, so she's like
in like World War II
and like wearing
like the total.
Like leotard and.
Well, no,
it's just like a.
It's like a suit.
Short skirt
and then like a...
Why's it gotta be a skirt?
I don't know,
because that's what Wonder Woman wears.
Why's it gotta be a skirt?
She can't be wearing like a jumpsuit.
Don't get mad at me.
Yeah, like cap pants.
Guys, this isn't like a feminist thing against me.
I'm just saying what happened, okay?
Wells, why did you make her wear a skirt?
It's all your fault, Wells.
Spoiler, though.
She falls in love
with Chris Pine.
Chris Pine is in the movie?
Yes.
Watching it later.
You haven't seen it?
No,
he's so hot.
I do like Chris Pine.
He's very cute.
All of the Chris's,
like all the famous
Chris actors
are super cute.
Chris Evans,
Chris Pine,
Chris Hemsworth.
Chris Pratt.
People do say
Derek looks like,
I think Liam. Oh. The other brother, yeah. Oh, Chris Hemsworth. Chris Pratt. People do say Derek looks like, I think, Liam.
Oh.
The other brother, yeah.
Oh, that's her sister.
You know, much of this engages him.
Yes.
Yep.
Yep.
People say that he looks like a Hemsworth brother.
Yeah.
I get that.
I can totally see that, actually.
He's like a mix between all three of those people.
So you're engaged to like a very good looking man.
She's like, I mean, I guess.
No big deal
not that bad
good for you
all these celebrities that are all really really hot
I mean poor me
yeah man my boyfriend
he's not too
my gosh
like a total mix of like
Kevin Love mixed with like
a Ryan Gosling Ryan Gos Kevin Love mixed with like a Ryan Gosling.
Ryan Gosling.
Definitely.
Let's play Kill Mary Fuck.
You love this game.
Who doesn't love this game?
All right, let's do it.
Let's do.
Let's do.
I can't even think of.
You want to do good or bad?
What does that mean?
Yeah.
Like good would be like Ryan Gosling's in it.
Bad would be like Donald Trump's in it.
Oh.
I don't know.
Just whatever you're feeling.
Let's just gradually get bad, maybe.
Okay, let's do 90s Brad Pitt.
Right now, Ryan Gosling.
I actually think Ryan Gosling's hotter now.
Hold on.
I'm not done.
Justin Timberlake.
Ooh.
Now.
Ooh.
Ooh.
I think I would fuck 90s Brad Pitt, marry now Ryan Gosling, kill Justin Timberlake.
You're killing JT?
I don't think he's hot at all.
What?
I don't think he's hot at all.
I would marry JT.
No.
Nope.
I would marry JT. No. Nope. Give me Ryan Gosling.
I would fuck slash like dude on the side, Ryan Gosling,
and probably kill Brad Pitt.
Wow.
I wouldn't want to just fuck Ryan once.
Yeah.
I'd want to be like be my boyfriend.
Okay.
I want to do this too.
Marrying JT.
Because JT is a five-tool player, dude.
He can do everything.
He's an actor.
He's a singer.
He's a homie.
He'll be busy the rest of his dang life.
Great.
I know, but he's hilarious.
He's not that hot.
He's so sweet and caring, it seems like.
I know.
That's not for me.
Come on.
Actually, but you know what?
Ryan Gosling's kind of there too,
but he's not at that level.
I saw Ryan Gosling's SNL the other day.
So good.
He laughed the entire time.
I didn't think it was good.
Oh,
I freaking love,
I love when he breaks character.
he's good.
Of course,
when people break.
That's what JT does too though,
when he's on SNL.
he does.
I did not like Gosling's intro monologue
about I saved jazz.
I saved jazz.
I liked it.
I was like,
okay, I get it.
You saved jazz.
Shut the hell up.
We get it.
La La Land was like
the biggest movie ever.
By the freaking way.
I still never even watched it.
What?
I got that too.
Writers on SNL
are cleaning the house, guys.
Emma,
what's the girl
from La La Land
that was on?
Emma Stone.
Emma Stone is dating.
Yeah, she's dating someone
that is like a writer. For SNL? is dating, yeah, she's dating someone that is like a writer.
For SNL?
And then, yeah, a writer.
And then Scarlett Johansson is now dating Colin Jost.
What?
Yes.
Are you serious?
What?
Yes.
He used to pop up on Raya,
when I was dating up Raya,
he used to pop up all the time on there
and I'd be like, he's so nerdy. Bye.
How did he score Scarlett Johansson?
He's funny.
That's how.
Hold on.
What is Raya?
It's like Tinder for famous people.
No.
Yes, it is.
Is that the thing Amanda was talking about?
Yes, it is.
I tried to get on it, and I wasn't cool enough.
It's not famous people.
It's people with big Instagram following.
I have a big Instagram following.
They still say no.
Do you?
Yeah.
How many followers do you have these days?
You're like three-something.
So that's meh.
Look it up.
Threesome.
Oh, wow.
I can't even tell you how much of my day.
You're five?
Oh, I thought you were like three-something.
I'm impressed.
I'm coming after you, Brandy.
Okay.
You are even close.
You're moving up in the world.
I need like one more bartending stint and I got Brandy.
Oh, P.S.
I'm so offended that you invited Caitlyn to co-bartend with you after you already promised
me the gig.
Don't you know that ABC hates Caitlyn?
They're never going to invite me.
It's not the point.
That was an empty promise. The point was you offered it to her. Why did they hate Caitlyn? don't you know that ABC hates Caitlin they're never going to invite me it's not the point the point
was you offered it to her
why do they hate Caitlin
so after the show finished
she
so what they do
when the show ends
they
you probably have lived this life
maybe I don't know
is that they
don't want people to know
that you guys are together
like they don't want to spoil it
so they'll like
fly you both
to safe house visits.
Yes, like in a random place
like North Dakota or something.
Sounds kind of cool.
Maybe like L.A.
Kaylin's
one was in middle America.
And so she snapchatted it
and she meant to snapchat it to
the producers. Snapchatted it to everybody, like Snapchat it to the producers. She Snapchatted it to like everybody.
It's like her and Sean.
And totally spoiled like the whole season.
That's why they don't like her?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which is so dumb.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, it was an accident.
She is.
I think she's the.
I don't know all the girls, but I think she's the best Bachelorette ever.
Yeah.
She was one of my favorite Bachelorettes.
She's totally.
She's just total smoke
show she's fucking hilarious very funny take yourself too seriously like i don't know but
she also is like very strong like she's not one you can just walk all over like fuck with like
that yeah so anyways i need to watch her season i've never seen it yeah i tell everyone that i
was on her season i heard you say that on her podcast.
I do. So wait, and that
clarified, is that because you don't like
the guys from the season you were on?
I just look at their Instagrams and I'm like,
okay, another
shirtless pick? Okay, wait, pause.
Who all was on your season?
Shout outs. I can't
even think. Okay, winner, Jordan Rodgers.
Obviously Jordan. Second place. Chase was on there. Second place, even think. Okay, winner, Jordan Rodgers. Obviously Jordan.
Second place. Chase was on there.
Second place, Robbie.
Oh, yeah, Robbie.
I actually like Robbie.
He's a good dude.
He has a good heart.
Robbie grew on me a lot, actually.
He's a literal Kendall.
He is.
He freaks me out, like, looking at his face.
Okay, Robbie.
Chase.
Chase.
And then who was fourth place?
James? Luke. Luke. Luke was fourth. Luke. I. Chase. And then who was fourth place? James?
Luke.
Luke.
Luke was fourth.
Luke.
I like Luke.
Then James.
Does he still live in Nashville?
Yeah.
James was fifth.
Luke's great.
Derek was sixth.
I was seventh.
Oh, that's right.
Derek was seventh.
He made it far on that season.
Derek did?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He got the first one on one.
I know.
The reason why Derek and I are friends is because he got the first one on one, so he got a rose, and He got the first one-on-one. I know. The reason why Derek and I are friends
is because he got the first one-on-one,
so he got a rose,
and I got the first rose for the group date.
So we were like wasted,
like day three,
being like,
we got nothing to worry about.
That Chad guy was on season two, huh?
Yeah, but he was gone like episode four.
So I hated that
because I was like,
this guy's not even on the show.
Why would he care?
Yeah.
Who cares?
So who was on Caitlin's season that's so great?
Caitlin.
No, the guys.
Obviously Caitlin.
Wow.
The guys though that you're trying to be grouped in with.
I don't know.
Sean.
Sometimes I just take a step back from my interaction with you and just look at you.
You're like with these big ass headphones on your legs all the way across
his hair is everything drinking your beer flipping it around i'm like over here like
slouching it's just an interesting sight sometimes okay um i have to look at it every week yeah
you know some women would die for this opportunity One woman in particular
Oh my god
Okay so
Let's see
Who do I love from that show
Ben Higgins
He was on Caitlyn's
Yep
Yeah
DK
You're friends with that cupcake guy
Yeah
Who is that guy
I hear his name all the time
You should live here
He does teeth
Yeah he does teeth
Was he on that season
Yeah he was on that season
I got a problem with him
I like Sean Sean's a nice enough guy That's Caitlynlin's fiancee you like these guys that's why you always
say you were on that season hey nick was on it's just guys from caitlin's seasons definitely came
off less douchey yeah so here's the thing i think what happened was instagram wasn't a thing really
yeah yeah that did change at all and so what's happened is that all these guys
from my season
they just take
the douchiest pictures ever
and I just can't handle it.
All right.
It's like
they're just trying to get
their followers up.
I get I totally get it
and like I
I don't even judge them for it
because if I
listen well
just because you can't get
the Instagram collabs
doesn't mean
like
let's think about this.
I just don't have the
say say that you did say you did have the abs for it. Say that you
did. Say you did have the abs
and you had like say you had Chase's
body. Yeah. Okay.
With your face. Yeah.
That's such a weird picture in my
mind. Can you imagine? Would you
post the photos? I don't
think I would do that. Yes you would.
You don't think you'd be like oh I worked so hard on
this with my protein shake. Okay so here's the thing doing my push-ups oh look at my wait the
best thing ever was that this group text i don't even know if you responded to it the group text
where we we were talking about shipping right and after our podcast i decided to share my idea of
shipping putting it out into the universe with everybody and peter responded oh
if that's what it means then i am i'm trying to ship uh what was it a um what's the fancy blender
vitamin the vitamix he was like i'm trying to ship a vitamix right now and ashley and i were
literally like wait so he just that's your priority ash Ashley said, if you could literally ship anything or anyone to your house right now, it would be a Vitamix.
Priorities, Peter.
Priorities.
Priorities are.
So back to the same note.
I think if I did have those abs, no.
You don't think so?
No.
Like, okay.
So, okay.
This is funny.
I think you would.
No.
So the other day.
The other day.
He put them on his story is what he would do.
Yeah.
No.
I've taken like three. To he would do. Yeah. No. I've taken like three.
To impress the girl.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The other day, I didn't eat dinner, okay?
And you were feeling really skinny?
So I woke up the next morning, I was like, damn, I look good.
You got a real flat belly.
Yeah, I was like, man, the abs look good.
And you posted about it?
And I was feeling myself.
Did you send her a pic?
And I was like, I'm going to take a picture.
I'm going to send it to my girl.
And I couldn't do it because I was like, I can't do this.
I'm not this guy.
So I can't even do it to someone who I really like.
I can't do it to a fucking Instagram.
No way, no how.
Never going to happen, all right?
What if it made you money?
No.
Yeah, it changes things.
Because that's why those guys, I mean, those guys also do it because that's what gets them all their Instagram collabs and that's how they make money. Their egos and, you know, the money. Yeah, it changes things because that's why those, I mean, those guys also do it
because that's what gets them
all their Instagram collabs
and that's how they make money.
Their egos and,
you know,
the money,
yeah.
I don't know.
That's not my shtick,
so no.
But would it be?
You do post about
the chef to your door thing.
What is it?
The meals to your
HelloFresh.
HelloFresh.
I love HelloFresh.
You guys can talk trash.
I just did a HelloFresh. Talk trash allFresh. You guys can talk trash. I just did a HelloFresh.
Talk trash all you want.
They sent you food.
You also posted about the
watch. Oh yeah. Did you like that?
I feel like that was a good
way of sliding it in there. It was good.
I've got to do like a teeth one. How did you do it?
How did you do the watch? No. You just gotta, right?
You couldn't say no. Well, it's always stories.
I can live with that. Wait, so how did you do the watch no you just gotta right you couldn't say no well it's always stories I can like live with that
you know
wait so how'd you do
the watch one
I just I skipped through it
cause it's supposed to be like
there's something
at the door
Carl
we got a package
so yeah
so it's Carl
like looking out the window
I'm like
Carl what's out there
and he's like
you got a package
what would you do
without Carl
all your ads
would be so bad
I think he'd lose about 300,000 followers.
Definitely.
100%.
And his girlfriend.
Yeah.
You think the only reason why I got my girlfriend is because of my dog?
It's probably a big reason.
All his photos are.
No one's hating it.
Yeah.
Doesn't hurt.
All right.
That's true.
What's your go-to?
A record of a song. That's true. What's your go-to? Oh, we were talking about go-to gifts.
A record of a song.
That's our song that we listen to together.
And it's so romantic.
And I'm going to make a dinner with Kendall.
You know what?
I have heard this.
You're a horrible person.
All right?
I'm trying to be romantic. He just gave away his whole strategy.
If you ever wonder what a date is like with Wells,
there it is.
There it is.
That's it.
You guys are so mean.
Taylor, what's your favorite gift you've gotten from a guy?
Yeah.
I mean, does this count, I guess?
An engagement ring?
It can count, I guess.
It's a pretty cool gift, I guess.
So thank you, Neal Lane.
I mean, he didn't spend any money on it, so.
All he did was say, so. Yeah.
All he did was say that one.
Yeah.
But he looks like six celebrities in one,
so it's fine.
Uh,
I can't even think,
I don't think I've gotten like really amazing gifts.
I'm like,
Oh my God,
that was so thoughtful.
I'm a super thoughtful gift giver.
I just like when people give me cards and like write me something sweet.
My love language is words of affirmation.
What about you?
You got a good gift?
What did you get?
My last boyfriend built me a tack trunk
to keep at the barn to keep all my stuff in.
That is really sweet.
Pretty cool.
I just bought Ever and that was my gift.
That's really sweet.
What happened to him?
He's gone.
Long gone.
He was also a jerk, but did give me that one really nice gift.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
My last girlfriend, I felt really bad about it.
My last girlfriend, she would write down, she had this list on her phone, like in memos
of things that I would say that I wanted, and then she would write them down, and then
get them for me later.
The problem is I don't shut the fuck up
and I would just say stupid shit
and then she would give me gifts
and I'd be like, what is this?
And she was like, you said you wanted this!
Just like she's saying passing.
Yeah.
That's really smart though.
Yeah.
I remember seeing,
I remember finally she gave me something
and I was like what is this
and she was like
you said you wanted
a beer making kit
and I was like
I did
and she was like
you know what
you're like wait
now I have to do this
like something you would want
so then she was like
okay you know what
so she showed it to me
like in memos
it was like
things that Wells wants
oh my gosh
and then she was like
go through it
and tell me the things
that you really want
and the things you said drunk
and I was like I don't remember any of these things.
Huh.
One of the things my ex got me when we were long distance, which like sweet, but like
what?
He sent me a puzzle.
It was like a photo of us and not even like something that like, Oh yeah. Like when I come visit,
like we'll put together a cool puzzle of like this photo of us.
But it was like,
no,
I want you to put together the puzzle of us.
Oh,
it's like a job.
Yeah.
And I just,
I was like,
thanks.
Is this a metaphor for,
yeah.
Like I sent him really cute gifts and I would like go surprise him when we
were long distance.
But I was like a puzzle that I have to put together and then do what with.
Yeah.
And then you.
Yeah.
It's an odd gift.
Yeah.
It was like off of red envelope.
I don't know what that is.
Fuck that place.
It sounds like some bullshit Etsy stuff.
I love Etsy.
I do too.
Half the stuff in this house is from Etsy.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's cute.
What else?
What are some other things?
I've got some things.
Oh, you do?
Do you have a list of things?
Yeah, you guys are making a fool of me.
This time.
By the way, I went to brunch today.
By yourself?
By myself.
You saw it between you, I'm sure.
Yeah.
I went to brunch with Danielle and Christina.
Oh, thanks for the invite.
Where did you guys go?
We went to Little Octopus.
I've never been there.
It was good.
The whole time they just took photos, everything for Instagram.
Dude, I got to be honest with you.
I was like watching Danielle's.
I was kind of struggling.
I was like watching Danielle's thing and it was like all you girls and you guys all had
your phones out and I was like, God.
It's just too much.
Like, you put the phone away.
Yeah.
It's enough.
Not everything has to be an Instagram photo.
No one cares.
Really?
Oh, my new favorite thing.
Yep.
Today.
Today.
Came over to your house today to pick up my motorcycle.
Yep.
But you left like in the middle of the street last night.
Okay, whatever.
This sign across your street.
I saw that on your story,
and I knew exactly where you were,
because I've seen those before.
Oh my God, it's the cutest thing.
It's in Spanish, I think Muslim,
and in American it says,
no matter where you are from,
we're glad you are a neighbor.
Oh my God.
Everyone should have that on their-
They have this all over Seattle.
Really?
Okay, so I love that sign.
I want to put that in my front yard,
because I think it's just so cute.
Did you ask them where they got it?
No they weren't outside
I was just like oh my god
Amazon it
Yeah that's what I do
You ever notice that like
Yeah I notice
His voice gets high when he's going to say something he knows I'm not going to like
I was hanging out with someone who was pregnant recently
Like my sister's friend We were all out I was hanging out with someone who was pregnant recently. Oh.
Like my sister's friend.
We were all out.
And we all got wasted.
Okay.
And so the friend was like our DD.
And I realized that I think that drunk people and pregnant people are very similar.
Explain. They both want to eat the shittiest food in the world.
So they have one similarity.
That's a good connection.
Because it was like they picked us up, or she picked us up,
and she was like, what do you guys want to do?
And we're like, we want Taco Bell.
And she was like, I want Taco Bell too.
Oh my gosh.
It was great.
Nothing about being pregnant sounds fun.
No, it doesn't, does it? It does great. Nothing about being pregnant sounds fun. No, it doesn't.
Does it?
It does not.
It's a weird mutant thing, alien growing inside of you.
It makes your boobs giant, though.
That's great.
Is that a good thing?
I don't know.
I don't think that's unsarable.
When I was younger, that used to be one of the only benefits in my mind of getting pregnant.
Really?
My boobs would get bigger.
I don't think that's a good thing.
I have small boobs, but now I'm like, ah. I feel like small boobs are in right now yeah i think they are in
i don't like wearing bras like they're in i'm a small boob guy yeah no for real though it is it
is a trend right now i think wait hold on i don't want to do that but uh hold on go for it it's like
in the 90s huge fake tits was a thing i hate and my mom had like all these photos of
pamela anderson on her bathroom mirror and like idolized pamela anderson and now it's like the
complete opposite and i feel like it's because models are so cool right now like all these
girls that are models and so that's what people are wanting to look like and they don't have boobs
do you want to know what i think happens this is what this i've seen it happen a couple times and
this is why i do not like fake boobs usually Usually people that get fake boobs, it's because I totally get it.
It's because they are so skinny, and I totally understand a woman being like,
I want to feel like a woman.
I don't want to feel like a boy with this chest.
I want to fit into women's clothing.
Yes, so I totally get it.
And yes, if that makes you feel better, then do it.
The problem is that when someone who's tiny,
like you're tiny,
if you got fake boobs,
it would look weird on you.
I mean, I could probably get a cup bigger
and be okay. But every girl does the same thing.
They're like, I only want to get one size up.
And then they go do it and they're like, wow, I'm here.
Let's just freaking jack it up.
Do they say that while you're in there?
I think they do. And then they have these giant mastodon titties
that don't fit on their tiny little frame
and they're no longer this tiny cute little thing
that they were beforehand.
We have a lot of friends with fake tits
that we could bring on here and have this conversation.
I know.
This is just my thought.
Here's my thought on it, okay?
If you want fake boobs, go get them.
I don't want them.
Not for me.
If you want to date Wiles after his girlfriend dumps him, don't get fake boobs. get them i don't want them not for me if you want to date wells after his
girlfriend dumps him don't get fake but i think that like when the fake boobs is you when you
have the kids after you have the kids derrick and i actually talked about this yeah and then
and then because because what happens when you have kids is your boobs get saggy because they
they fuck up your boobs they do right it's a thing then that's when you get
the new boobs
yep
and you get them
a little bit bigger
a little bit higher
yes
a little bit more gear
tight
tight
you're probably cruising
into your midlife crisis
right around then
so it'll pump you up
make you feel good
boost your confidence
you guys realize
that what I just said
is going to get me
in so much trouble
for saying that
yep
but am I wrong
no
then you're talking
about your personal preference
you prefer small boobies no fake boobies yes not every guy but like can we just talk a second
about people getting so freaking offended like what is the deal toughen up i know why
people's opinions well or just like take a joke and just lighten up and don't be so serious i know
i'm gonna get roasted for saying that i would rather girls not get fake boobs, which is crazy.
That's insane.
Right?
Yeah.
I mean, if you sat here and said, yeah, Brandi, you should get fake tits, your boobs are too small.
That would be offensive.
You're not saying that people can't decide for themselves.
You're not like, girls shouldn't be able to get fake boobs.
You're just like, that's not what you prefer in your person.
Doesn't do it for me.
Yeah.
What are you going to be for Halloween?
I have no idea.
Derek's probably going to be
Jim from The Office
and put three dark black pieces
of construction paper
down his shirt
and be a three hole ring puncher
like Jim did.
I like it.
And then I'll probably be a black cat.
Wasn't he also Facebook?
He was Facebook.
Yeah.
Yeah. And then Pam was a black cat
which like
I'm basic as fuck
and I'm always a cat anyway
because I'm a crazy cat lady
you are
I'm basic
a crazy cat lady
so yeah
it's fitting
okay
Wells' costume is great
it is great
going stranger things
pretty excited about it
oh yeah
I'll try to see that
he looks great in
you guys want to be done
with this podcast?
Are we done?
Sure.
Was it funny?
I don't know.
All we basically do
is make fun of you.
That's what I do every week.
That's what the podcast
is coming.
It's just people
ripping on me.
I don't understand.
It's so good.
I'm going to actually
start tweeting for people
to send me their best digs
at you so that I can
read them out on the podcast.
What is the easiest thing
to make fun of me for?
My hair? your lack of strength
the way you dress
the way you cross your legs sometimes
is just
uncrossed
like some of these things are very
endearing about you
what
do you like about me
let's do that one
I mean who said we like you?
You're kind of funny sometimes.
Oh my God.
When you're not trying.
You've got skin tone.
You always look like you're a cat.
You're so delayed.
You were fucking looking at me.
What do I say to this fucking idiot?
Oh, skin tone.
You're not pale.
It's like you have a spray tan all the time.
I'm kind of jealous.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You went and got a spray tan today.
I did.
How do I look?
The only problem with spray tans is it smells weird.
You have a nice little shimmer. Yeah how do i look the problem spray tan smells weird you have like a
nice little shimmer yeah i just got the light clear you know it is fall but i just for my
little have i ever told you have i ever told you my spray tan story didn't you say that you got
like all spray tan oh god why would you ever actually he just tells us like a funny story
i feel like that's half half of all the stories are not true at all. There's a made up
just for the added
bit of comedy.
That's Wells' whole life.
But he's just lying to you.
So before I went
on The Bachelorette,
I was really sick.
If you guys have ever
watched that show back,
I'm always thin,
but I was really thin then
because I had this
really bad ear infection
and I was taking
all these antibiotics.
Because you lose weight
when you have an ear infection.
Yeah. I was taking all these antibiotics and when you take antibiotics you can't
drink and I drink a lot and
if I'm not drinking where am I getting my
calories from? That's why you drink so much. You need the calories.
I need the calories. Yeah.
So I was super
thin. So super thin and I
looked sick. I remember my sister being like
you look like you're
going to die. And I was like what do I do? like, you look like you're going to die.
And I was like, what do I do?
And she was like, well, you're about to go on TV.
Go get a spray tan.
I was like, okay, fine.
So I got a spray tan.
Did you really?
From Donna.
So was a person spraying it?
Yeah.
Not the machine?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Oh, I don't like that.
I like the machine.
So anyways, I went and did it.
And then afterwards, I went over to my sister's house because I wanted to be like, how do
I look?
What's going on here?
And so my brother-in-law was like, wait, you got a spray tan?
I was like, yeah, man.
I don't know.
Your wife told me I got to do this.
And he was like, well, did you get naked?
And I was like, yeah, I had to get completely naked.
And then Donna was spraying me.
Donna.
And then he was like, well, what?
Were you nervous about her spraying? Did she spray your dick and your balls? then he was like, well, what? Were you nervous about, like, her spraying?
Like, did she spray your, like, dick and your balls?
And I was like, yeah, of course.
Like, that would be weird if, like, I have, like, a tan.
Like, I have, like, a.
Of course.
And I was like, but the weird thing was is that I had to lift up the bottom of my dick so she'd get the underside of it.
And he was like, what?
And I was like, yeah, you don't want to have, like, a tan top dick and, like, a pale under dick.
That would be so weird.
Well, I had to get your scrotum and just make sure it was all even.
Yeah, and then I had to pull my sack up and like get the taint and everything.
Did she instruct you to do that or was it just instinct?
You just knew.
Well, she was like spraying and I was like, well, I got to pull it up here and get the
underside.
So he was like, what?
And I was like, yeah.
I was like, what am I supposed to do, Bill?
Okay, this is a made up story because it's funny.
So that I go
to find the bachelorette
and I come back
like a month and a half later
and so my sister's like,
how was everything?
Like,
what's going on?
How do you feel?
My brother-in-law's just like,
I gotta be honest with you,
man.
I've just been thinking
about you getting
the underside of your dick
spray tanned
and I just can't stop
thinking about it.
I was like,
what?
He's like,
I've been telling everyone
that story.
Like,
what's going on?
I was like,
Bill,
I made that whole thing up.
Like, I was just fucking with you.
That is so insane.
He's like waltzing around Nashville telling this story of like, well, when you go get spray tans, you got to pull it in or something.
Your cock comes in.
I have a guy friend that spray tans on the regular.
I'm going to ask him if he does that.
Oh, you should.
I'm definitely going to ask him.
I just wore my underwear.
Yeah.
But you pull it up.
Well, I feel like I have pretty small underwear anyways.
You do?
Of course.
Whitey tighties?
No, but they're like right here.
I got them H&M.
What?
Uh-huh.
All right.
You know what?
My girlfriend loves them. I got H&M. We only do.huh. All right. You know what? My girlfriend loves them.
I got an H&M.
What do you want me to do?
All right.
Well, can I give you another compliment?
Yeah, I would love it.
You actually have really great eyebrows.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You know, they're not too chaotic and bushy, but they're just full enough.
They're very strong.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Good, strong brows.
I feel like Taylor and I have the same kind of brows.
Somewhat.
Somewhat. Yeah. Hers are a little more arched. Yeah, I have the same kind of brows somewhat somewhat
yeah
hers are a little more arched
yeah I have a
more of an arch
more feminine
yeah
yeah
yeah nice eyebrows all around
yeah
and we got that
skin color thing
I know I'm jealous
I have to go get the fake bake
how pretty is Taylor
in person though
the prettiest
I'm very unattractive
on television
that's where he was going
with that
yeah no no no I remember us doing the show and i don't know if it was behind the
scenes or i was just at the bar we were talking about it and someone was like who's the prettiest
person here i was like hands down taylor hands down you and dom were the two i would like people
i was just like holy shit naturally, don't do dick.
Just get up and be like,
oh.
Well,
that's the other thing
is most everybody else
is like cake face all day.
Yes,
exactly.
And you weren't.
Christina was the other one
I noticed didn't have to wear
any makeup
and looked really,
really pretty.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah,
dig it.
Dig it.
Thank you.
All right,
are we done here?
I guess so.
I feel like we ended
on a good note
with the under dick story.
Well, and the compliments is where I good note with the under dick story.
Well, and the compliments is where I was going with the ending.
You guys are my favorite things.
Thanks, Taylor.
It's so loud.
All right.
Thanks for coming on, your favorite thing.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
All right.
You ready?
It's a good party.
Bye.
See ya.
Bye.
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