Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - Two Fingers Are Better Than One

Episode Date: October 9, 2019

This week on YFT, Brandi is back from Honduras and settling into parenthood with her new pup, Astra, who has to pee as often as an old person. Wells is a bit jealous he wasn’t invited by Ben Higgins on the Honduras trip, but more understanding when he finds out the trip was full of manual labor, which he is definitely not accustomed to. Things are going ok for him, however, as he's now pretty much Elon Musk's special advisor, and is using his newfound brilliance to suggest candidates for president who will bring some much need shiplap and subway tiles to the White House. Also this week, Brandi tells the story of how Blake Horstmann got locked out of her Nashville home and was caught on her security cams in the process, Wells reads some sexy literary passages in grandparent voices that will make you never want to see a naked body ever again, and Brandi advises that two fingers are of course better than one. We also tell you who is winning the Bachelor Nation fantasy football pool "The Fantasy Suite", give you tips on how to poop in the woods, and have lots of favorite things to share. Enjoy! Thanks to our awesome sponsors. Check out these deals for our YFT-ers! GROVE– Go to Grove.co/YFT to get a free five-piece fall gift set, free shipping, and a free 60-day VIP trial THIRDLOVE– Go to ThirdLove.com/YFT for 15% off your first purchase QUIP– Go to GetQuip.com/YFT to get your first refill free  

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Hey, uh-uh, no ma'am. This is a bad room for puppies. Our dogs are both going to ruin our podcast single-handedly. Oh, I already know Astra is. Yeah. I can't let her out of my sight or she'll pee in the house. It's gotten bad is what you're telling me. Let's just say this is the best birth control anyone could have ever given me. Yeah, because who wants to birth a dog, you know?

I was thinking more like I have no life. I don't even have time to shower. I don't have time to do anything. Oh, my gosh. And now she's escaping. All right, I'm just going to let her go. Just let her roam the world. You know, that's the thing.

You have to let your chicklets out of the nest, and they have to fly. And if you don't let them fly, then they're forever going to be in my house because that's what's going on. Yeah, that's what's going to happen. And you don't want that. It's a nightmare. Like I have to take her out every 30 minutes. So I have a timer set every 30 minutes. Is it my father in the middle of the night? What's happening? What's wrong with this dog? Your dad pees every 30 minutes in the middle of the night. I'm confused. happening? What's wrong with this dog's prostate? Your dad pees every 30 minutes in the middle of the night? I'm confused. Every old man has a prostate the size of a grapefruit

and they pee every 17 minutes. Oh, interesting. Well, that's my dog. Yeah, alright. Well, not good. You should ask Billy Ray about his prostate health. I'm going to pass on that. Yeah? Yeah. Alright, well. That's not something I really care to know about, you know? You're not concerned about

his achy, breaky urethra? Nope. All right. You can't say that I am. So you're back in Nash Vague? Back in Nash Vague. Just got back last night. Pretty late, actually.

Yeah. I had a great trip, though. When are you going to come on one of these Honduras trips with us? Dude, I'm actually quite annoyed with Ben because he's been talking to me about this, like, Puerto Rico trip. And I was like, well, I want to go on the next trip. And he's been talking to me about this Puerto Rico trip, and I was like, well, I want to go on the next trip. Puerto Rico? He's been slow playing me this Puerto Rico trip

and didn't tell me about this Honduras trip. I would have come on this one. We could have really used you. We were digging holes to put in septic tanks. Whoa, septic tanks? Yeah, these people don't have bathrooms. We're helping them get bathrooms. Listen, I was going to go and help pick coffee berries,

if that's what those are. Oh, you want to go on a generous trip. Oh, this was the... This was a Humanity and Hope trip. So it's confusing because it's like two different organizations but they're all like run by the same people so humanity and hope is the non-profit generous coffee is the for-profit and they both do great things um but humanity and hope it's it you get your hands a little dirtier like we go into these villages that are very poor

and basically long story short humanity and hope has over the last seven years or so helped these three villages start businesses so they have jobs and can be self-sustainable instead of like going in and just giving them things or going in and putting a band-aid on a problem like they actually help them become like sustainable so that if like we left in a year like they would still be able to keep making money and support themselves and have electricity and clean water and things that we've helped them and get when we go in we usually go up and go in and say like where can we help you guys like here's 30 of us helping hands like what do you guys need and this time we're helping them get bathrooms because they don't have them so it was my understanding h and h made a deal with them and said if you guys each household will dig their own hole for the septic system to go in, which is like a 12

foot hole, like deep. Then we'll pay, you know, pay for the rest of the installation for the bathroom kind of thing. But there's some houses where it's like an elderly couple or, you know, a single mom and she can't dig a hole. And so we helped those houses build, dig their septic hole. And it was like, I think Ben was honestly our only guy in the group that like was capable of doing manual labor. We could have used you, Wells. Starting to make sense why Ben didn't invite me on this trip because he like knows better. Yeah. I'm like, oh, well, this is really not cut out for this type of work.

Not going to lie. Pretty brutal. I bet. So how many shitters did you build? I just helped with one house and somehow I was the most able bodied person in my group. So how many shitters did you build? I just helped with one house. And somehow I was the most able-bodied person in my group. So I did most of the work. It was insane. And it was like 95 degrees, heat of the day.

But like it's, you know, it's one of those things where you feel bad complaining because these people like do this all day, every day. Totally. What were they crapping in beforehand? Just literally like in the woods. You were taking a crap in the woods? Yeah. I don't know if I've taken a crap. I've peed in many a wood.

That's not the same thing at all. It's not the same. No, I don't think I've ever crapped in the woods. It's quite liberating, I must say. I mean, obviously what you did is great, and I'm not condoning that to be an everyday thing, but I think you haven't lived until you've had to dig a cat hole, you know? Sounds hard.

Sounds like a leg workout. Usually what you do is you find a log and then you kind of go sit on it with your ass kind of hanging off the back. I don't know. That sounds hard. I mean, it's not easy, but you know. When have you done this? Like camping? Yeah. I used to go camping all, you forget. There was a solid part of my life where I followed fish around and thought I was a total hippie. Very interesting. And I've completely sold out on that whole thing. No thank you. Yeah, that doesn't sound super fun.

No. Well, good for you. You're a much better person than I and a much better person than most. And that gives you a dingle-dangle-do. Thanks, Wells. You're a good person. Nah a dingle dangledoo. Thanks, Wells. You're a good person. Nah. You're good peeps.

Well, thanks. Everything else going good other than your... God, you've got a lot of shit problems right now. You had to go build shitters. Your dog's shitting all over the place. She actually poops outside pretty well. Oh, really? It's only the peeing.

Ah. She just can't hold it longer than like 30 minutes. And she'll just plop down anywhere yeah what about if you put up those little mats yeah I do at night when I know she's going to be like locked up but I kind of don't like it when big dogs get used

to that because you're still teaching them that they can go inside the house I'm not a huge fan of them so if I'm home I take her out literally every 30 minutes and don't do the pee pads. But if I, you know, obviously like she sleeps in her crate and there's one in there, or if I leave the house for a few hours during the day, I put her in the crate and put the pee pad in there. So we're trying, we're working on it. All right. Well, good luck. I mean, we've all been there.

It's tough. I mean, what do you do? Do you like bury her nose in her mess and say no, and then smack her on the butt? Like, what is your how do you reprimand for this? So if I catch her in the act, I stick her nose in it and tell her that she's a bad girl and that that's not OK. But the problem is that I watch her so close that usually when she does it, it's when I'm not paying attention. And if you don't catch them in the act and you punish them afterwards, they have no what you're punishing them for and it's just kind of like doesn't it just doesn't

work so I have caught her like twice in the act and I just grab her real quick and that alone scares the pee out of her literally um and scares her and I just like tell her no and take her right outside um but you know well there's only so much you can do. I know. And then think about how long do you think it took to potty train Carl? I don't remember. We all have revisionist history over the things that we love and adore. So I'm sure it's longer than it than I remember. But I don't think Carl was so bad. But here's the thing. I had a doggy door. So Carl. okay well i mean so carl was allowed to leave anytime he wanted to my issue with the doggy door is that astra has figured out that she can squeeze through the fence railings outside because she's so small yeah so i'm discouraging her from learning the

doggy door because i'm scared she'll go out there and get through the fence and disappear got it see i didn't have that so yeah So, yeah. It's the struggle. Well, the struggle's real. But, yeah. Good luck. Can we start the show? You want to? I think we should.

Is it me or is it you? I think maybe me. Go for it. Bros and hoes, you're listening to your favorite thing podcast with... Well, Sam Brandy, who's covered in urine. Yeah, that's true. Pretty true.

Wait, can we, is your girlfriend still in the hospital? No. Your fiance? No, she's not.

Is she okay? Everything's fine. You just got to understand that anyone who is a transplant recipient, you have to be very, very careful

if you ever are feeling bad because you don't want the kidney to go into rejection. So everyone is really overly cautious with her, which is totally understandable because she's on her second kidney. I mean, you don't want to have to get a third, you know? So I think everything was okay. I wouldn't even say it was a false alarm.

It was just an alarm that they need to run tests to make sure she's okay. And everything is, I think think everything is okay and she's back at home and she's downstairs and she's watching walking dead and yeah so you know freaking uh hospitals dude food just shit there you know i know i know you're on your last legs i mean you gotta up the game a little bit you know come on agreed while we're on the rant about hospitals I recently took my friend Adam he was getting he had a hernia he had to get surgery for

and his family doesn't live here so I offered to drive him and pick him up and everything and I went with him and when I went to go get him you know when you come out off of anesthesia they give you like a little bit like a snack so that you don't pass out I guess or something or to make the drugs wear off that you don't pass out, I guess, or something, or to make the drugs are off sooner.

I don't know exactly why, but they gave him like a fricking like Ritz crack and peanut butter cracker set. That's like just full of just preservatives and just starch and like terrible thing. I don't know. Like I'm like, it's a hospital.

Like they should be serving you such healthy, like good for you food. And they're feeding you Ritz. I know. It's just kind of crazy, it's a hospital. Like, they should be serving you such healthy, like, good for you food. And they're feeding you grits. I know. It's just kind of crazy. Hold on a second. Carl's. Carl?

Astra? What's Carl doing? He's just howling. I don't know if you could hear it. Anyways, I do have some fave things. Are you picking your nose right now? Kind of. Yeah, you were.

Okay. Here's what I don't like. I have a nose ring. It's a hoop. Oh, yeah. And it doesn't have, I don't know if you're going to be able to see it on this screen, but it's just open. Like, there's no ball or there's no closure.

It's just kind of open, like, on the ends of it. Okay. And it gets stuck sometimes in my hole, in, like, the nose ring hole. That's what she said. And it hurts like a motherfucker. Mm. So that's what I was doing just now is pulling it out of there. Oh, you weren't really picking your nose.

I got some fave things, bro. Let's hear it. I mean, we talked about it a little bit last week, but I'm now fully caught up and Succession, I think, is one of the greatest shows I've ever seen. Okay. I tried to start episode one

and I was falling asleep. Well, that's because you have terrible taste in television and I don't know why you're doing this show because what are you talking about?

Everyone is so good. Was episode one good? Sometimes like season one, episode one of things is not great. The first episode is the father who owns basically the owner of fox news he has a stroke and his sons

are trying to figure out how to take over i need to give it another try what did you even i was really sleepy when i started it is that an excuse no but then you but you don't get to have like a kind of boring take on it you know fine let's hear your take i won't interrupt no i mean it's just so there's two seasons right and we ripped through the first season in like two days and then we caught all the way up to where we are now then like the next day we were so obsessed with it and here's the thing when you're watching it it's a drama actually sarah was talking about this and i agree with her they need to have a a new category in the Emmys for dramedy because it's a drama that's hilarious. And I'll tell you why.

Because two of the executive producers and writer is Will Ferrell and Adam McKay. Yeah, Will Ferrell's like a producer and Adam McKay, I believe, is a writer and producer. And Adam McKay is like the guy who's written like every Will Ferrell movie you've ever seen. He was like a main writer on SNL. And basically, Will Ferrell and Adam McKay's career trajectory has been parallel and connected. Pretty sure Little Dog just taught Astra how to eat a grasshopper. Well, that's okay. That's what they do in Asia is they eat like, oh, I ate a bunch of grasshoppers when I was in mexico this year when i was drinking tequila so

you know so anyways back to succession okay so talk about like here in colon is freaking hilarious he's like the playboy of the family this guy named jeremy strong plays like kendall roy and he's like the heir apparent he's just like continually is just trying to stab his father in the back. There's two characters that absolutely destroy me in terms of I can't stop laughing. One is Matthew McFadden. He plays Tom and he plays the daughter's new husband. And then there's the cousin who's cousin Greg and cousin Greg and Tom are,

they're the funniest freaking people on the show like I can't stop laughing at their shit anyways all that to be said it is one of the best shows and it's like paralleling with what's happening in the real world this family is supposed to be basically like I think Roger Ailes is the guy who like owned Fox News that whole media juggernaut everyone kind of hates this family because they just make what people think that like fox news is basically propaganda for for you know republicans or whatever however you feel it doesn't really matter but that's kind of like what the model is like it's about that family and it's just so good and there's like so many parallels with what's going

on in the real world it's funny and it's just succession one of my favorite things all right all right i'm gonna give it a shot. I do love when shows parallel what's going on right now. That's what I liked about Designated Survivor. So good. You got any fave things? Right now, my favorite thing is that I think Astra just saw herself in the mirror for the first time.

I'm trying to video it. Oh, my God. It's so funny. She's so confused. This show is just going to turn into the Astra show. Truly. Until she's body trained, it really is. Yeah.

She's just started chewing on wires. So and here I really have to watch her. Smart. Cables are expensive, like especially Apple cables. Speaking of Apple. Yeah. Do you have the new iPhone or nah? No, I was going to get it, but I didn't.

Why not? I don't know. I just haven't had time, I guess. Have you gotten the new one? No, I have to wait for my upgrade. Oh, yeah. It's all a sham anyways, because your upgrade really, you're just waiting to pay off your

old one, basically. Exactly. You know? It's all a sham. And they're all, you know, here's the thing. I've kept my phone in pristine condition, and I'm still gonna get the same amount as some asshole who dropped it a million times in the toilet, you know? Very true. Wells, can we talk about something? We want to talk about. Did you know that 70% of people say they want to use natural products in their house,

but only 2% actually do? That's a very specific percentage of, no, I didn't know that, but thank you. It is. And I just taught you something. You did. But that's why one of my favorite things is Grove Collaborative. All right. It's an online shopping place where you can shop for all natural, non-toxic, healthy living products for your house. It's been really important for me because I live with three dogs and now four with my little Astro girl. And I've always been really scared to use products with bleach and just all that gross stuff that's in household products is really not good for you at all. So Grove.co has been a really great place for me to shop online for products because

they have my favorite brands, Mrs. Meyers, Method, Seventh Generation. These are all brands that are natural, non-toxic and sustainably sourced. And they're safe for all my pets. I do love this company, by the way, just because here's the thing. I'm a guy. And I think guys just don't really know what we're supposed to get in terms of like cleaning supplies for the house, you know? Totally. And what Grove does is they make it super easy for us guys who are like, I don't know, what do I need? Do I need that? I need that. Okay, put it in there. And so they just send it to us. And then all of a sudden, it's like, I look like a totally normal human being that knows how to clean, but I don't,

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Scents like apple cider, acorn spice, mum and pumpkin spice. Who doesn't love a little pumpkin spice? And they're exclusively sold at Grove. Yeah, so go to grove.co slash YFT to get this exclusive offer. That's grove.co slash YFT. Clean your house. All right, quick PSA for those of you out there who rent. If you haven't heard of Built, you're about to thank me.

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I don't know if I've figured out exactly what to call it yet. Mm-hmm. But I was thinking we call it Grandpa reads an intensely erotic novel oh gosh it sounds like something i need to plug my ears for maybe but it might be funny are you gonna give it a go i'm gonna try it out and tell me what you think all right is your grandpa gonna do the segment yeah or is it you no my grandpa's dead. Both of them. Aw. Sorry, but I feel like he would talk just like this. I blame Derek Pate for this. And this is an excerpt from the novel Night After Night by Lauren Blakely.

She's a wonderful young lady. Here we go. He drove his tongue inside of her, setting off another shattering moan that was music to his ears. She was quite an instrument to play, so finely tuned, and if he touched her right, she made the most glorious sounds,

raw, intense, absolutely delicious, noises of pleasure as he plundered her with his tongue. Can we stop now? She grabbed his hair and he yanked and pulled him closer as he told her to do. They thrust one finger inside of her. Just one? What?

Just one. She was very tight apparently. I don't know. I didn't fucking write this, okay? Lauren Blakely did. He thrust one finger inside of her, crooking it,

and hitting her on the spot that turns her moans into one long, high-pitched orgasm. She shuddered against him, her legs quaking, and when he finally slowed to look up at her, he saw her hair was wild tumble and her

face was glowing. Sounds like a wonderful novel by Lauren Blakely. Sounds like we just lost 50,000 listeners. Called Night After Night. And apparently what we learned from this excerpt is that Brandy

likes two fingers instead of one finger. Oh, it worked just like I hoped it would. Did it? Yes. I knew you'd say something fucking weird and then I was going to be able to be like, there it was. knew you'd say something fucking weird and then i was gonna be able to be like there it was uh i've never been so turned off in my entire life uh did you like my grandpa voice though no i think i like your grandma voice better okay do you want me to do it by no means no

do you know i ever want to hear Grandma reading the erotic novel either. Hello, Wells, this is your grandmother. Ringo came and took his place on top of me while the third boy, who was more reserved than the other two, rested one elbow beside us and ran his hand over my upper body. Ringo's

body was very different from Andre's. I liked it better. He was taller, more wiry, and one of those men who isolate the action of the pelvis from the rest of his body, who thrust without smothering, supporting their torso and their arms. But Andre seemed more mature to me. His flesh was so not spare. He already had less hair, and I liked going to sleep bundled up next to him with my buttocks against his belly, telling him we were fit perfectly.

Where did you find this? That's from Sex, Love, Repeat by Alessandra Torre. This is your grandmother. What did you Google for this? I Googled eight intensely erotic excerpts that will make you want to get laid right now. I googled passages from romance novels. And then I got like kind of like bullshit.

Like what's the book that everyone loves that Ryan Gosling was in that Nicholas Sparks. And it was Nicholas Sparks book. And I was like, that's not what I want. Then I wrote passages from sexy romance novels. And then I got them. Then I wrote passages from sexy romance novels and then I got, then it started to come in. I can't wait to see what kind of ads pop up on your Instagram feed this week. Oh, I know. Oh, shoot.

Shoot. Sarah's going to be like, huh. Alright. Speaking of novels, I finally finished 11-22-63. How was it? Absolutely mind-blowing. My only problem with Stephen King novels is they're just too long.

I mean, they just took me forever to get through, but it was great. I mean, we've talked about it a bunch, so I don't need to belabor it, but if you like time travel stuff, then you should read it. It's phenomenal. You haven't seen the Hulu series or have you? I haven't because I wanted to finish the book so I wouldn't like it wouldn't like ruin it for me. I'm gonna start doing that next because we're all caught up on succession. Yeah. I'm curious to see what you think of the show after you've read the book and to see like if you thought the show had enough

depth to it because I loved the show, but I obviously haven't read the book. So I don't know. It's tough because I read Under the Dome really like that book and then i started watching the show that was another stephen king novel turned into miniseries and stephen king is so much more fucked up his mind is so much more fucked up and so i think that they couldn't do a lot of the things in miniseries because it was like on fox or something you know yeah no the series was on hulu it's a little edgier oh it is okay that's good to know yeah you know i was thinking No, the series was on Hulu. It's a little edgier. Oh, it is? Okay. That's good to know. Yeah. You know what I was thinking about the other day? Aside from like, whatever your politics are, I think that Donald Trump is the worst person to follow on social media. And like, hear me out, like regardless of whether you're right or left, I don't really care

about that. The most annoying people on social media are the ones who are like always complaining and like, woe is me. Ah, I get it. All right. Your boyfriend dumped you. I don't need a paragraph about like why your fucking life is so shitty right now.

Put up a funny meme and like, get on with it. You know, I follow the president. I'm just always just like, ah, it's just like always like, I can't believe this is happening to me.

Like, oh my God. It's just always like the woe is me stuff. And I'm like, dude, I'm about to unfollow you. I can't, can you unfollow the president? I guess you can, but like. You followed him? Of course, the president.

I want to know what's going on. All right. I can't read those tweets. They're so annoying. And that's the thing. Cause he tweets like the most annoying social media influencer ever. Yeah.

I can't believe they honestly allow him to do it. It's nuts. I'm just waiting for an ad, you know? I think that will be like, then I'll be like, all right. That would be insane. You gotta stay out of the good play. Throw in some funny jokes.

Throw in, I don't know, some, you know, anecdotes. Throw in a couple of pictures of you and Melania out getting lobster, something. But I can't some, you know, anecdotes. Throwing a couple pictures of you and Melania out getting lobster. Something. But I can't, like, you know, like, we talked about it before, like, the people who do, like, inspirational shit on their Instagram, I had to unfollow. Because the only thing it inspires me to do is to stop following you. Because I'm like, I don't, this is not what I follow you for. I don't need this from you. You know?

Like, I don't need, like, a live, laugh, love freaking post. I don't need this from you you know like i don't need like a live laugh love freaking post i don't need that and same with like like there's people that i follow like old co-workers that like write like paragraph on paragraph on paragraph like why their life has changed so much like what's happening and then looking back and looking forward and it's like dude i don't have time to read all this stuff and it's the same thing with the president it's just like and he like the thing about like he only does twitter really right he only gets some 180 characters or whatever so he's dude, I don't have time to read all this stuff. And it's the same thing with the president. It's just like, and he, like the thing with it, he only does Twitter really, right? He only gets 180 characters or whatever. And so he's got to like break it up

in like six or seven tweets. And I'm like, dude, come on, man. Just like succinct 160 characters, whatever it is, get through the point. I can't be going through all this stuff. And then I get fucking caught into a wormhole about like, cause people are just going crazy. It's just like a bunch of different people

like commenting, like it's obviously, there's a lot of conservatives who are like supporting them going crazy. It's just like a bunch of different people like commenting like it's obviously there's a lot of conservatives who are like supporting them and then it's a lot of like liberals who are like angry and it's just like and you're just sitting there just like eating the popcorn being like Jesus Christ I just came here for memes. Someone's trying to say hi to you but it's almost time for Astrid to go out and pee pee.

Oh you want to talk? Oh my god. Okay. That's Astrid guys saying hi. She's like put me down. Is it potty time? Tell Uncle Wells I got to go potty real quick. I'll BRB. Okay. Bye-bye.

Seriously, BRB. All right. That's fine. Anyways, I guess that's why she's doing this. I'll just like talk or whatever. I was watching Fixed Rep the other day. And by the way, going back to like regardless of your politics, I'm pretty sure that if Chip Gaines and Joanna Gaines ran for president right now,

whether Joanna was the president and Chip was the first man, or Chip was the president and Joanna was the first lady, doesn't really matter to me, honestly, because they are the fucking power couple of the century. If they ran for president right now, I'm sorry, 110% would win. Have no idea what their politics are, but you know what? Those two sweethearts are the shining beacon on a hill, all right? The fact that those guys are not running for president is what's wrong with our country right now, all right? Think about that episode of Fixer Upper. They go in the White House. We're talking shiplap all over that bitch. We're talking

subway tiles all up in the West Wing. You gotta be kidding me, dude. Demo day in the Oval Office? Fucking Chip in there? We got the guy from The Apprentice in there. Why can't we have someone from an HGTV show? I'm just saying it's not a bad idea, okay? That's all I'm saying. And then also, sorry to like segue back into this. So then Joanna goes in there after Chip has done all the fucking work. And then Joanna goes in there and she does her thing where she like makes it all pretty. She stages it and she always has like the cool books. And like, oh my God, Brandy's murdering someone in the background.

But she's always got these like cool books. What in the world are you talking about? I'm talking about Fixer Upper and Chip and Joanna Gaines. And by the way, I have no idea what their politics are. But if they ran for president right now, whether Chip was the president and Joanna was the first lady, or it was the other way around, Joanna was the president and Chip was the first man,

they would win in a landslide 110%. Have no idea what their politics are. Don't give a do flying fucks. Imagine how great the White House would look after that demo day. Oh, that's so true. Good point. That's what I was saying. I. Oh, that's so true. Good point. That's what I was saying. I was like, shiplap all over that bitch.

Subway tiles all up in the West Wing. You know? Yeah, you're not wrong. I know. It'd be the best. And then chip in there with Demo Day in the West Wing, just fucking fixing shit up. That poll, we can't get out of here. And he's like, don't worry.

I'm going to get my guys. We're going to put up a beam here. We're going to open this whole thing out. out it's gonna be great for gatherings and shit oh man it would be the best episode ever but here's my thought about fixer-upper so chip goes in there and he does all the heavy lifting and all the work and stuff not to say that joanna doesn't do what her job is equally as important she goes in there and she does all the design stuff but here's the thing so they always have the people come in and she has like the night before put in all the cool books and made some chicken coop of fucking crayon storage area or so she has some crazy stuff right and then all the cool rugs and

all the furniture and tvs my thought is that's all from her like staging shit does that all go away yes that's fucked up it is we when my mom and I had our design show, we learned that. What she does is she has like basically like a huge store or something where she sells it all and she pulls it to stage it for the show. And then anything those people want to keep, they have to buy from her and her store and I have to buy it from her, which is kind of messed up. So when we did our show show we made sure that wherever the budget was it was budget enough for us to buy furniture that the people actually get to keep

well you know what you may have lost the vote there should have lost the vote make it two no i would still vote for them i'm sure they're conservatives and i don't because they live in waco also they're single-handedly getting people to come to fucking waco oh for sure who's going to waco no one but tish the dish wants to go i do too i've never even been to waco i don't even know where waco i'm pretty sure that's like where baylor is that where baylor is i have no idea all i know is that there was that cult there and that's what that show's about yeah there was also a bombing there i know that and chip and joanna gaines have completely PR fucked that place back into popularity. And if they can do that with Waco, think what they could do with the nation.

It's true. I'm here for it. I truly am. It can't get worse than it is now. Yeah. So I know I talk about this a lot, but I really do love the company. Oh, no. I mean I really do love the company. Oh, no. I mean, I do love my dog, but I also really love my bra.

And I know, Wells, that you love boobs. Am I right? Big boob guy. Actually, I like a nice boob. It's coming out wrong. Yes, I love boobs. But, you know, it's really hard to find the right size bra. And going into stores in the mall and

getting measured is just mortifying. So the reason I love third love is because they have a fit finder quiz on their website and it just takes like 60 seconds and you just go on there and they ask you a handful of questions and then they'll show you a bunch of bras that are the perfect style to fit your body. And not only that, they have a perfect fit promise. So you have 60 days to wash it, wear it, put it to the test. And if you don't love it, you can return it to Third Love, exchange it for something else that you want to try. And Third Love actually washes all of the used returned items and donates it to women in need, which is very, very cool. Yeah, I love that, man. I think that's super cool. Hands down the most comfortable bra you'll own, straps that won't slip, and tagless labels so there's no itching. Lightweight, super thin memory foam cups mold to your shape.

off of your first order. I'm telling you guys, I really do love these bras. I'm very picky about things being comfortable and I especially really love their t-shirt bras. So I really think you guys should give it a try. If you need new bras, if you don't like the way that the ones you have now fit, you should use this offer now and give it a try. Go to thirdlove.com slash YFT now to find your perfect fitting bra and get 15% off your first purchase. That's thirdlove.com slash YFT for 15% off today. Yay, boobs. All right, Brandi, let's talk about my favorite toothbrush, the Quip toothbrush. You love this toothbrush. Dude, you do too. Don't even try to pretend like- I do. The Quip toothbrush is amazing. it's got the sensitive vibrations with a built-in timer guide gentle brushing for the dentist recommended two minutes with 30 second

pulses none of us are brushing our teeth as long as you're supposed to until you have the timer and then you're like jesus my mouth is a filth pot you know it's so true the other thing none of us are doing is getting a new toothbrush as often as we should. And what's so cool about Quip is you get to keep the same toothbrush, but they automatically deliver new brush heads to you every three months for clean new bristles right on schedule of what the dentists recommend. And honestly, there's just so many things to think about and worry about these days. You shouldn't have to think about getting a new toothbrush.

So you just you get on that auto ship and you're set. Their features honestly make brushing something you actually want to do twice a day. And Quip starts at just $25 and you'll get your first refill free at getquip.com slash YFT. It's a simple way to support our show and start brushing your teeth better. But you have to go to getquip.com slash yft to get your first refill free so do it right now go to getquip.com slash yft and clean your mouth i'm telling you your friends are going to be trying to steal your toothbrush do you hear a funny story completely unrelated yes so while i was in honduras sweet sweet little blakey is in he was in nashville

visiting jason and he was like hey he was like can i crash at your house since you're gone while you're in honduras i can come to nashville be really nice to like crash at your place since caitlin jason lives so far away and i was like yeah absolutely i'll leave you a key like i have a guest room he slept in before and i was like same room like let yourself in like you know thing like no big deal i wake up to a text the morning after he was supposed to get there and he's and it's a text saying hey the key doesn't work and but like i didn't read it until the next morning because i was in under sleeping and he didn't he's a dummy and didn't show up until like 11 p.m he should have come earlier in the day to put his stuff in there and make sure everything was cool and he

could get in all right and then go out and party and what i think he did is he went out and then he tried to get in yeah i'm gonna find out the doorknob was jammed like the other girl that stays there couldn't even get out the next morning because there's something wrong with the doorknob and she had to call a locksmith me and the whole time i'm like i'm like man blake is so dumb how does he not figure out the keys like it's so freaking easy and we're like he didn't try very hard he must have been drunk like doing all the stuff and then we find out that the door is actually jammed and i felt really really terrible and to make it even more sad i have a ring camera and there's footage of him at like 11 p.m trying to get in he's out there for like 40 minutes just like trying over and over

and over again and i'm pretty sure he ended up leaving and like leaving all of his stuff on the side of the house i have no clue where he went or where he slept i haven't talked to him since i got back well why did he try to go in the back door that's what he said it's a different key for the back door ah no one was there the other girl was there and she was she's upstairs she lives upstairs and she was like yeah i heard shuffling and i just assumed like he got in and he was in the house she was like i had no idea but like i was like blake why didn't you knock like ilse would let you in and he was like i just didn't want to wake anybody up i was like you could turn a light knock and just i don't know poor blake i felt really really bad the video is really sad i kind of want to put it on instagram you absolutely have to do that now because you've talked about

it and i want to see it he just looks so sad that he can't get in it like like i felt really bad yeah oh yeah poor balak i know also why isn't he staying with jason and caitlin though they Like, I felt really bad. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Poor Balaké. I know. Also, why isn't he staying with Jason and Caitlin, though? They live, like, 30 minutes outside of the city. Yeah. My house is, like, seven minutes from downtown. It's pretty convenient.

So dumb. So dumb. I got a not favorite thing. Okay. The movie Booksmart got, like, a lot of of really good reviews and it's not good. Really? It's just super bad, but not that funny. Huh.

Almost the exact same thing, except they're both smart. And in Superbad, they're one's smart and one's dumb. They realize they need to go to a party, talk to the boys that they are the boy and girl that they are into. A bunch of mishaps and you know crazy adventures to get to said party and then when it happens there's a fight and then at the end they they come together and you know it's like it's like the exact same and what's weird is that it's jonah hill's sister in the movie it is yeah jonah hill has a sister who knew i feel like everyone knew that.

Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, she's got a different name, though. Jonah Hill is, well, Hill is not his, I don't know, maybe it's his middle name or something, but his sister's name is Beanie Feldstein or Feldstein. Oh, what a weird name. And Olivia Wilde directed it, and, like, the cast is crazy good. Like, Lisa Kudrow's in it, Will Forte's in it, a bunch of, like, big, like, SNL. Jessica Williams is crazy good. Like Lisa Kudrow's in it. Will Forte's in it. Bunch of like big SNL. Jessica Williams is in it.

It got like really good reviews and I was really, really excited about it. And then I watch it and I was like, oh, this is just a completely the same movie that I've seen like 10 years ago. I feel like a lot of movies that come out these days i'm so old uh are just like not very original ideas i feel like people are just constantly like remaking old movies and like redoing the same thing like it's very rare that something comes out that's very original kind of sad yeah i didn't love it but you know what go see it if you want to you know no judgment here on that i do have a favorite thing that happened to me uh last night that'm very excited about. Oh, do tell. So, I mean, like you and I are both super nerdy when it comes to space and all that kind of stuff.

Oh, yeah. I, of course, follow Elon Musk because, I mean, he's like, I don't know, a crazy wizard, sorcerer, nerd guy that is, you know, going to single handedly send SpaceX to Mars. So he tweeted out the other day. Do you remember when we were talking about how I'm annoyed that horns are omnidirectional? You can only honk forward, which is annoying. Okay. So someone, someone tweeted out, uh, Tesla owners will be able to honk with fart and goat sounds suggests Elon Musk. No way. And then Elon retweeted that with a caption, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. And then I replied to that tweet,

I want directional horns. Can't honk backwards. That's annoying, especially when you're trying to back out of space and someone behind you is stupid. And then he responded with, done. What? What?

What? That's crazy. Elon Musk knows who you are? No shit, man. I don't know if he does, but he fucking saw my name at some point in his day. Oh, my gosh. That's so crazy. I can't believe he said done.

That means it's a for sure thing. I know. He saw it and he was like, that's a good idea. Uh-huh doing that and then of course like then of course everyone's like oh my god elon musk's responding to wells it's like that's right there's a glitch in the matrix bitches all right oh my gosh you should be very proud of that that's a good good humble brag i know i mean al pacino once told me never to name drop, but this was exciting. Lord. Oh my gosh. You know what's one of the greatest inventions ever?

Ice machine. It's fine. Okay. Carabiners. They are so freaking useful. Yeah. I know we've talked about them being on my keys before. I'm like stuck in middle school where my keys aren't a carabiner and I put them on

my belt loop like a complete dork, which I still do. A hipster. Somehow, for the first time ever on this Honduras trip, I used a carabiner to clip my water bottle onto my backpack. Game changer. That's what it was for. It's everything.

Yeah. I saw a stand-up special with a comedian I like a lot on HBO. I think it's really, really good, but I want to say that this was the caveat. It's absolutely amazing, especially if you're dealing with depression. There's a really funny comedian named Gary Goleman, who I've really liked for a very long time. And he's got a new HBO special that was actually produced by Judd Apatow. And so Judd Apatow.

Oh, love him. Yeah, everyone loves him. And so I really didn't know I was walking into when I watched it a couple nights ago. Because I just think of him as like this like really just hilarious comedian. One of my favorite bits he does is this one where he talks about how the states got their abbreviations. This one where he talks about how the states got their abbreviations. It's about the it's about the men and one woman who abbreviated all 50 states down to two letters. All you all you have to know for this is that we have 50 states in America and they each have a two capital letter abbreviation.

But that that wasn't always the case up until I want to say 1973. And so I will. Up until 1973, every state had its own length of abbreviation, and it was chaos. Like, Massachusetts was M-A-S-S period. Florida was F-L-A. Utah was U-Tah. They just dropped the H. Not much of an abbreviation. But then the post office said, no, every state has to have a two-capital-letter abbreviation. And so they convened a crack squad of abbreviators.

They assembled a ragtag outfit of rogues, misfits, and ne'er-do-wells. How often do well? Ne'er. They ne'er. They ne'er did well. And they were charged with abbreviating all 50 states down to two letters. Now, I read this description to the documentary, and much like you, thought to myself, how are they going to make a 98-minute documentary

about a task that couldn't have taken more than six minutes to complete? Boy, was I wrong. It was an adventure. Ups and downs, ins and outs, friends became enemies, enemies became friends. They started off, they thought it was going to be easy because Alabama lulled them into a false sense of security. They said, Alabama, AL, holy crap, this is easy.

Anyways, this is a really funny bit that you need to listen to if you like to laugh. Anyway, so this was like one of his kind of famous bits he did on Conan. And I was like, dude, I want to watch this Gary Goleman stand up. This is going to be amazing. Didn't know it,

but he offers this candid reflection of his struggles with depression and how he quit doing comedy because his depression was so bad. And he actually was committed to a psych ward where he ended up doing shock therapy to help him or whatever. It's really, really funny and really, really dark and really, really inspiring and really, really honest. It was like no stand-up special I've ever seen because it was like, oh, attacking a whole lot of issues that I didn't know I was walking into. But all that to be said,

like it was really, really well done. And I'm also a really happy guy, so I can't really relate. And I, but I do have empathy for people who deal with depression and have people like in my family that have that a lot. But this was a standup special that was like really, really wonderful to watch, especially if you're someone who's struggling with that, because this is a guy who you just assume is just always happy to look at because he's a comedian, but he's going through this stuff too. And it's like about his walk through the dark and then back into the light. Anyways, it was just really good.

Gary Goldman, The Great Depression on HBO. Check it out. That's very cool. I feel like you need to share some more comedy stuff like that more often. I think people love that stuff, and I'm not very familiar with much of it, but I think you should share more often when you find good comedy stuff. Okay. I actually, I was getting, was it my Honduras?

I think it was. I was getting onto my Delta flight. Thank you, Delta, for upgrading me to first class on every leg of my journey this week. Wow. Thank you. Why? I know. It never happens to me.

I mean, I have status with them, but I feel like I'm usually still so low on the totem pole because there's so many business travels that are higher than me, travelers that are higher than me that I never get upgraded. But I did every time. But as I was boarding my flight, this girl got on right after me and she goes, don't't want to bother you just huge fan of the podcast and she kept walking and i was like someone flying from honduras to atlanta listens to my podcast that's nuts i just want someone to come up to you and go brandy fashion wells comedy and then walk along now that you said it it's gonna happen for sure we haven't done a fuck you very much in a while do you want to try to find one definitely absolutely by the way no one's coming up to me in the airport and saying brandy fashion because i look homeless every time i travel because i think like there was a time in which you would get dressed up to go travel you know yeah i mean there's always like a few people

i see that do still but it's crazy how common it's become to wear like yoga pants and sweatpants and like athleisure stuff like on planes it's it's it's the majority of people it's it's what i'm starting to do now and that that is not my style at all i actually kind of loathe that look but thanks no i'm but i but i do it i'm sorry but i just i now yeah i'm sorry whatever there's a lot there's a whatever. There's a lot of stuff that you wear that I don't like. There's a lot of stuff that I wear that you don't like. So whatever. This is true. Part of the course.

But I will say that when you're on a plane and like you're already uncomfortable on planes, you might as well try to be the most comfortable you can be on the thing. You know? I agree. Yeah. Listen, I'm just going to say it. When I wear tight pants on a plane, even yoga pants, I get bloated when I agree. Yeah. Listen, I'm just going to say it. When I wear tight pants on a plane, even yoga pants, I get bloated when I travel. And when there's tight pants pushing on my bloated stomach, it does not feel good. And it makes me kind of gassy.

Same. I mean, not really, but out of solidarity. And then I get off the plane and my stomach just hurts so bad. So sweatpants it is, you know. Yeah, I'm all for it. Okay, so here's the... We'll do fuck you very much. The problem is that a lot of people are very nice to us. But these are the reviews from the iTunes thing. That's because we've threatened people. Every episode, we're like, say whatever you want,

but leave us five stars or you will rot in hell. I know, but I thought that that would give us five stars, but then people would write funny, like mean things to us, and they don't. They're being sweet. Yeah. people would write funny, like mean things to us, and they don't. They're being sweet. Yeah. That's nice. Thanks for being sweet to us, guys.

This is from Bree Morton. An idea. And then like the emoji that's like, you know, like, I don't even know what this emoji is, but you know what I'm talking about. Just by doing the voice, you know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about? Anyways, five stars. Thanks for the five stars. She goes, love, love, love the podcast. I would just like to suggest that y'all should put everything you recommend in each episode in the details.

So I'm not trying to look stuff up while I'm driving. Just a thought. But then nobody would have to listen to the episode. Agreed. Also, here's the thing. We put the ads that we love and appreciate in that. And then if you follow us at YFT Podcast on Instagram, a lot of that stuff is there.

We do like a weekly rundown where it'll be like all the books, all the movies, all the shows, all that stuff is all there. And it's on our website now. Yeah, and it's on the website, yftpodcast.com. So here's an idea, Britt Morton, follow us on Instagram, okay? You got anything else? You got any music or anything that you want to rip into the show? Yeah, Holly put out a new song this week.

Have you listened to it? I haven't. It's called... Let me just make sure I don't say it wrong. Clementine. That's what I thought. I always like Halsey, but this song is just... It's very different than anything else that's been put out recently. I don't know. I really loved it. break down or black out would you make out with me underneath the shelter of the balcony

because i don't need anyone i don't need anyone i just need everyone and then some i don't need anyone i don't need anyone i I don't need anyone. I just need everyone and then some. Wish I could see what it's like to be the blood in my veins. It's a really chill tune. Mm-hmm. By the way, can we talk about how Halsey and Evan Peters are apparently dating? Who? Evan Peters.

He's an actor. He's in like the Marvel movies. He's like the guy that like is very fast. Huh. I didn't know that. Very cool. Apparently she's been like, I think I could be getting this wrong, but apparently she's been like trolling him on the internet to date him for a while.

And you know what? Get taking your life you know what shoot your shot halsey also halsey yeah you can get in anything also evan peters what do you wait what what were you waiting for true i don't understand wait by the way i really like the new lumineers record oh i haven't listened to it that's one of rye's favorite bands dude i was talking about this with sarah and like why i love the lumineers the lumineers always sound like the lumineers they they know what their sound is and they like always kill it and i just love this band so much. The new album's called Three. This is a song called Donna, which that's my mom's name, so I thought I would play it, the first song on the record.

Apparently I went to the one. There we go. And I don't blame you for the way you live. A little boy was born in February. You couldn't sober up to hold a baby. You hate the name that I, you love to judge strangers karma. We drove from New Jersey. The trucks always made you worry. And I'm Time to Go to bed It's way too late Oh, God, and they're so freaking good. Yeah, love the Lumineers. That new record's really good, by the way.

So there you go. That's mine for the day. Cool. Yeah. Is that all you got? I have one more song if you want to play a third one. Yeah, let's do it. It's not a new song, but it's a new version of it.

If you guys like Maren Morris at all, she's got a song called The Bones, and she just put out a version with Hozier, and I just thought that was a really... Is that how you say their name? Hozier? I think it's Hozier. Hozier?

I don't know. Hozier. He'sosier than she is you went you went straight tis the dish on that one right yeah i did that's what it reminds me of anyway i thought that was a cool collab and i really like this version of the song you want to play a little How many women want Hosier to take them to church? Right? But the wolves came and went And we're still standing When the bones are good The rest don't matter Till the pain could heal

The glass could shatter Let it rain Cause you and I remain the same And there ain't a crap in the foundation Baby, I know any storm we're facing We'll go right over while we stay put The bones with hosier and Maren Morris. I like that tune. It's cool. I love Maren Morris so much.

I'd like to close the episode with me talking a little bit of shit. Okay. A little bit of a fantasy league. Not sure. Oh, boy. Yep. I don't know if you guys know. I'm in a fantasy league. The name of the league is the Fantasy Suite. And basically, it's just a bunch of people from Bachelor Nation.

It's Tyler C., isn't it? Kicked his ass a couple weeks ago. Chris Harrison is in it. Haven't played him a couple weeks ago. Chris Harrison is in it. Haven't played him yet, but I'm coming for you, Chris. Ben Higgins, he's in it. Colton Underwood, you know him. He's in it. The Goose, Chris Randone, he's in it. That's who I

beat this week, 113 to 95, no big deal. Colton Underwood is beating Ben Higgins currently this week. Team Creepy Old Host, a.k.a. Chris Harrison, is beating Tanner Tolbert right now handily. Let's see what else is going on. Oh, grocery store Joe is losing to Jared Haibon.

And Jason Tardik beat out Tyler Cameron this week, 142 to 124. Tough deal, Tyler. He's having a bad week. He scored 124 points and still losing in fantasy football. And apparently he got dumped by Hadid. There's also a guy named M. James. He's the one guy who's not from the bachelor world,

but we need one dude. So apparently it's like Tyler's old friend. Anyways, he's kicking all of our ass. 156 to 124, beating Nick Vial. So I just want you guys to know that that guy, who's actually not from the Bachelor world, he's 4-0. He's going to be 5-0 after this week.

And there's only one person who's sole at second, and that would be yours truly at 4-1. Wow. So there you go. That's some dedication to a fantasy thing. Yeah. I think I have a lot more time than everyone else, and that's why I'm winning.

Like all those guys, they're pretty relevant, and so they don't have time to look at their phone. But me, plenty of time to stinger tinker. And stinger tinkering in fantasy football is when you wake up in the morning and are taking a poop, and you tinker with your fantasy football team. There you go. Hmm. Had a great time hanging out with you, Brandi. Same, Wellesley.

I'm going to be in Nashville in a couple days so hopefully I'm going to see you are you going to holla are you going to come meet Astra in person I think I need to I think so too

alright love you dude love you see you next week for whatever reason I'm playing Casey Musgraves Butterflies right now I don't know if this is the next thing that came up on my Spotify

so take us away Spacey Casey it's a great song. I didn't know me. Clown up was always out of reach. Now I remember what it feels like to fly. You give me butterflies. This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.