Your Favorite Thing with Wells & Brandi - We binged everything so you don’t have to!

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

This week on YFT, Brandi is hitting the ice cream pint hard while Wells is trying to figure out how to get the last two months of his life back. Our hosts have suh many favorite things since there’s still absolutely nothing to do other than consume content. Wells reads show synopses in some amazing voices, Brandi gives some behind the scenes cult info, and both of them wonder why you’re still listening to this show. Both of our hosts’ birthdays are coming up, so let us know if you have any celebration ideas other than walking around the block or grilling alone. Next episode, Sheridan from Listen To Your Heart will join us so that we can do our best to give him the help he needs to become the next Bachelor. See you next week!  Thanks to our awesome sponsors for making this episode possible! Check out these deals just for you, YFTers. LUMIN– Go to LuminSkin.com/YFT to get a one-month free trial of everything you need to start your skincare journey at-home MINT– To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month (plus free shipping!) go to MintMobile.com/YFT THERAGUN– Go to theragun.com/yft right now and get your Gen 4 Theragun today! 

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Hello. Hello. How you doing? I'm exhausted. Oh, oh man what's going on in the cyrus house oh hold on if i had a dollar for how many times the freaking laptop charger the cube part fell out of the wall i would would be filthy, filthy rich. You need to get a longer cord. It's not that. It's that my chair hits it and knocks it out of the wall.

It just doesn't stay in very well. That's what she said. Hello. All right, Michael Scott. Welcome to the YFT podcast. I need my bell. I've been out all day enjoying the sunshine. Oh, that's nice.

Now I'm eating some Jenny's ice cream because it's my favorite. Oh. How avid of a Jenny's ice cream eater are you? Like not very or like you love? I appreciate it. Like I don't have a carton in my freezer right now. Oh, I've got five. You sent me a thing of Jenny's ice cream for like, for, was it for our engagement? No, it was just that Jenny's it was, when was this?

It was for something. It was like around the holidays, but Jenny's hit me up and they were like, Hey, we're coming out with new flavors. We'd love to send them to you. A and B. We'd also love to send all the new flavors to 10 people of your choosing. Yeah. And I was like, well, what's the catch?

And they were like, no catch. We're just one of some people that that you like ice cream yeah they were weird though it was like eggnog and like random flavor yeah yeah and i was like can i just get some vanilla now you don't go to jenny's and get vanilla now here's my question is jenny's everywhere or is it just in nashville it's not just nashville there's one in la is there do they sell it at ralph's um i don't know they sell it here at public's all right okay favorite jenny's ice cream flavors are you ready yeah these are the ones on constant rotation sure would love to get some ad money from jenny's by the way because we're doing like six minutes on this shit so would i but i just love it so much okay gooey butter cake ultimate okay also as a lighter flavor but still just as good

lavender bomb as hell lavender what is it a fucking perfume it's so good it like tastes like fruity pebbles to be honest okay brbleberry Crisp, also a hot fave. What else is in there? Oh, the cinnamon flavor? I can't think of the name of it. It's very good. It's made with cream cheese, ice cream. Anything made with cream cheese, like, sign me up.

Brambleberry is a good turn of the phrase. It's really good. It's like babbling brook. I hate bambleberry breakfast by the babbling brook. Bomb. I hate Bambleberry Breakfast by the babbling Brooke. Bomb. Okay.

Well, are we done doing a fucking free ad for Jenny's ice cream? Yeah, we are. How you doing, kid? I'm doing great. You? Yeah, you know. We're hanging in. We're doing the damn thing.

I see you have some soundproofing up. I've been trying to do it because this room is echoey as hell, but whatever. That's fine. I will say this, our Zoom call seems successful other than the fact that we fucked it up like royally. I didn't have Wi-Fi, which is a problem when you're trying to do a live stream. You got Wi-Fi? I have Wi-Fi or I wouldn't be talking to you. All right.

So for everyone that didn't get on the Zoom call, this is what we found out about Brandy, that she didn't have Wi-Fi during the coronavirus. That seems like the scariest thing in the world. And I actually do have a lot of sympathy for you. It was terrible. For three entire days before I went to bed, all I could do was just scroll on my phone. I couldn't watch TV. It was really sad. Oh my God. Yeah. And then we found out that she was joining the Zoom call via her cell service, which we found out was the seventh best cellular provider out there in T-Mobile. God, it's embarrassing. You, Brandy Cyrus, you live like a plebeian. I like T-Mobile. It's cheap.

Yeah, but you know what it doesn't do very well? It doesn't do the one thing that it's supposed to do, which is give you cell service so you can join the Zoom YFT call and make hundreds of people happy. They were still happy. So what happened was a bunch of YFTers got in the Zoom. You can only have 100 people, I guess.

So a bunch of people got in the call, got on the call before we did. And we were- You. Before you did. Before I did. So that means 100 people were in, so I couldn't get into the call.

So I couldn't actually do the thing. And Lord knows we needed me in the call because Brandy's service was so terrible that I had to carry the entire show. Yeah. So then we had to kick everybody out and start a new one and i felt bad because there were a bunch of people being like i was in the original now i'm screwed that was my bad yeah well didn't get in fast enough but i also

felt bad because like i wanted everyone to get to talk and not everyone did you know i know i know but that's the Zoom. That's that Zoom life, yo. Well, should we do another Zoom? I think we should do another one. Can we like pay for some service that makes it so we can have unlimited people in there? Yeah, I think so. Let's just do that.

That's going to make it even harder for everyone to get to talk. That's okay. I just want you to talk. Oh, I'll be talking next week. I just had to do the whole thing. And then I felt bad because then I made fun of everyone's background. But everyone seemed to think that was funny, so whatever. It was fine. All right.

Well, you answer the show. Oh, yeah. We should do that. We should do it. I think it's your turn. Bros and Os, you're listening to your favorite podcast with Wells and Brandy. By the way, Brandy's still eating ice cream whilst doing the show. I'm going to eat the entire pint. Oh, my God.

See, here's the problem with ice cream for me. It gives me the bubble guts, bro. It does. What? I know. And you know what's terrible? I love ice cream. It is my guilty pleasure. So I just power through that and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to have

diarrhea tomorrow. It's fine. Sarah? Why? Put a clothespin on your nose, sister, because it's going to be a buckle in, Sarah Highland. Poor Sarah. But you know what? It's like a little treat that I got to treat myself with it. But here's my thing. I'm a vanilla bean man. The white vanilla and then the little black bean. You know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about.

And you know what I've been doing recently? Getting a little bit of jam, some preserves. What? Some strawberry jam? Throw that in there. Eat your ice cream? Oh, dude, you haven't lived, bro. You throw that in there. You stir dude you haven't lived bro you throw that in there you

stir that bitch around oh okay i don't know try it i'm telling you i did it out of necessity because i was like we ain't got nothing to put on this mug you know and so i was like what's what's sweet in here what's sweet and then like, oh, we got some jam from circa 1997 that my mom made when she went strawberry picking back in the late 80s or whatever. So I just threw that bitch in there. Oh, bro. Maybe. Maybe. Bomb as hell.

Bomb as hell. They got the bubble guts from the fucking 45-year-old jam. I don't know. That's what I'm thinking. I don't know why ice cream would make your stomach upset. Because I do not tolerate lactose. You can't have dairy? I don't think it's great for me.

But I've been telling you what, man. Because it's the end of the days, I don't really care. I've been on a cheese kick. Love cheese. New fave thing, bro. Getting a big old block of cheese, like a big old block of cheddar, and then getting that slicer thing. You know what I'm talking about.

And then just slicing off some cheese and just walking around, farting all over the place, watching TV. That's where we are. You got some fave things, bro? I don't know. I've been without freaking Wi-Fi for four days. What can you do? I'm still, to the book we talked about last week that I started. I've made

a good dent in that since that's my form of entertainment, that and scrolling. Um, and I'm loving it. It's really good. It's actually like super, super relatable. It's about this friend group and it's not relatable in the way that like one of the friends dies, but it is very relatable in like these friends or it's like a group of like five or six friends and they're so tight in their twenties. In their situation, it's like the friend's death that splits everybody apart.

But it's interesting because like the whole friend group splits up and then 10 years later, they all decide to start hanging out again. And it's just about like people like just growing up and just having completely different lives and how the dynamic changes.

And it's just really fascinating in that way. So is this the author of Jar of Hearts? No, no, different author. Oh, okay. Well, I started reading Jar of Hearts. And? I like it. I mean, you talked about it a little bit,

but it's, so the main character is this woman who kind of comes from this like well-to-do family and she is getting married to like the CEO's son of like this huge tech company. All of a sudden it gets revealed that she, her boyfriend in high school and her killed her best friend and then like chopped her body up and then buried her. And then she goes to jail for five years.

And then there's some orange new blacks situation going on. And then you find out the boyfriend is. Are you giving shit away that people haven't read? No, I'm just saying that. I don't know. This is where I am. And then the boyfriend escapes from jail. Okay. So I'm like, that's where I am. But here's my thing, Brandy, and I don't know, but I think he's justified in these murders.

Alright? What? I think he's justified. I think he's killing people that work for the company and they're doing something bad at that company and we just don't know it yet. We're going to come to find out that like, he's really doing like Dexter shit where he's like killing bad people. That's my theory.

But then also he did abuse her in high school. So maybe not, but I don't know. That's my thought. Well, you're in for quite a ride. The ending is full of twists. Is it twists and turns?

Yeah. I mean, it has something to do with that company that she was the CEO at. You know it does. I'm desperate for it to be a Netflix series. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, Jar of Hearts is good. Good call on that one.

I am going to read her new book because somebody else, one of our listeners, said that they picked it up because they love Jar of Hearts and that's really good. So that's next on my list. Yeah. All right, Bran. We got to talk about my personal hygiene right now. It could use some improvement. Because of quarantine, I haven't really been taking care of myself because here's the thing.

No one has to see me. I don't have to go film anything. I don't have to go be in front of a camera. I've let it go. I'm not going to lie about it. And you know what? I'm turning that all around. Thank God. Cause poor Sarah. I know. Right. Have you heard of this company called Lumen? I have actually, I've been looking at getting RyRy some Lumen products. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the deal. Lumen is on a mission to help give men the amazing skin they deserve through high-quality, expert-created products delivered right to your door. All their products are formulated specifically for men's skin and made to target skin issues with maximum efficiency using top-notch ingredients like charcoal, green tea extract, and vitamin C. It's not just about looking good. It's about feeling good. You need good skin health,

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So that's good. I'm glad that you did that. I love the first season of Dead to Me. Is season two good? I watched two episodes last night. And so I mean, so far it's good. I mean, I'm not like super deep into it yet.

And I had kind of forgotten how the first season ended. Thankfully, there was like a little quick recap, but I forgot forgot that Christina Applegate killed the guy at the very end oh yeah that's so crazy so now it's like all about like is she gonna get away with murder yeah yeah yeah yeah are they both gonna get away with murder I don't know okay are. Are they friends? It's weird because like, I can't remember their character names, but Christina Applegate is like, we're done with her. What's the other girl's name?

I can't remember. The girl from Bloodline. The next day, like she spends the night and the kids are like, I thought we were done with her. And then they're not. And then she drops her off and then she's like, okay, never going to see you again. Bye. But you know, that's not the case.

We're on episode two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, But you know that's not the case. We're only on episode two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I'm into that. I'm telling you, though, don't sleep on Hollywood because it's one of the best things I've seen in a very long time. Really? It is. But like.

This is with Darren Criss, right? Darren Criss is in it. Sarah's good friend, Sam Weaving, is in it. Some new faces that are great. But it's the creator of like glee i feel like i don't know if i love it so much because now i'm getting married to an actor because it's all about like hollywood way back in the day let me just read the um like the synopsis of it that'd be great hollywood a group of no it needs to be in the voice of what

it would be like. X or X, I read all about it. A group of aspiring actors and filmmakers in a post-World War II Hollywood trying to make a big, no matter the cost, Hollywood on the silver screen now. I was not ready for that. No? Yeah, it's right after World War II, Hollywood is like converting from silence to like talkies. I think that's what they're called. And it's all kind of around this one character whose name is Jack Costello. And Jack Costello is married. He got married before the war, but he's come to Hollywood and he wants to make it as an actor.

And he's going to the Paramount. It's called Ace Pictures, but it's Paramount, basically. Going to the Paramount lot and trying to be an extra. Just hoping that they, like, choose him at the gate. Like, let him come in. And he's, like, needs money because he's married and his wife is pregnant with twins. He goes and gets a job at this garage. Fill-em-up station garage, right?

Mm-hmm. garage, fill-em-up station garage, right? Mm-hmm. The owner of the garage, Ernie West, a.k.a. Dylan McDermott, is really running a prostitution ring. And all the guys that work at the garage, they're all, well, he's the pimp, they're turning tricks, right? So, like, these rich old ladies are pulling up in these badass old cars and they'll say,

I want to go to Dreamland. And then they'll jump in the car and be like, all right, let's go to Dreamland. And they make really good money. Jack Costello gets his name in the door is that the owner of Ace Studios is his wife. He's boning. Okay. And she's like, don't worry, I'll get you an audition or whatever. So that's how he gets in.

And then there is another guy gets an agent. Now the agent in it, the cast is ridiculous. The agent in it is Jim Parsons from Big Bang Theory. He plays a character named Henry Wilson. Brock Hudson comes to him and is like, I just moved from Illinois and I want to become an actor, sir. And he's like, oh, you want to become an actor all right come into my little my little blowjob room over here and then they go no they go over this other room and jim parsons aka henry wilson is like you want me to sign you all right you gotta let me suck your cock and he's like no way and he's

like okay and he pulls up this little blowjob pillow and then he blows him. And it's so much Me Too, but like gay Me Too that's happening in this show. But then the Ace Pictures, someone sends in a script that's amazing. And it's about this girl, Peg Antwood, who I think is a real person who actually jumped off the Hollywood side and killed herself because she didn't get this role that she wanted or whatever. So this guy wrote this screenplay about Peg. Ace Pictures are like, this is amazing. We got to make this film. They come to meet the writer. He's a black guy.

So that's a problem in post-World War II Hollywood, right? They're like, we can't have a black guy making these pictures. No way, no house, huh? So then Darren Criss is the director who's like, I got to make this picture. This picture is amazing. This is one of the best pictures that's going to win all the Oscars. And then so Darren Criss is dating this black woman. And they're like, man, this black woman would be perfect for this role. And they're like, Peg was a white girl. And they're like, change it to Meg. And they're like, this black woman would be perfect for this role and they're like peg was a white girl and they're like change it to meg and they're like all right let's do it and then it's about them making this picture that like no one thinks they can make so basically it's like what we all wished hollywood was progressive was really progressive back in the day but it wasn't but it wasn't yeah uh anyway so they they make this movie and then so the movie

you got to watch it because i don't want to ruin it for you but they make it's like really hard to make the movie and they're like breaking all these barriers and there's like so much gay sex going on it's fantastic so going back to my original thing is like i don't know if i love it because with sarah and like so she can give me like the insides on like what it's like to be in Hollywood, you know, and an actor. I don't know. It's so good. The cast sounds great. The cast is ridiculous.

I love Darren Criss. Yeah, he's a really nice guy too. Anyway, so just seriously, once you're done with Dead to Me. Okay. Jump on over to Hollywood. It'll be an amazing ride. It'll change your life, kid. You're a freak. You're going to see a lot of male dick. But you know what?. It'll be an amazing ride. It'll change your life, kid. You're a freak.

You're going to see a lot of male dick, but you know what? It's going to be a star. You're going to be a star, kid. Wow. That's pretty nuts. Well, now that we've done 15 minutes on Hollywood, have you not started defending Jacob on Apple TV Plus? No. What is wrong with you?

I got to be honest with you. I don't even know if I have Apple TV Plus. I got a free year subscription with my new iPhone. Really? Yeah. Chris Evans, who, God, he just gets hotter and hotter every episode, I swear. So I think episode six, I want to say. Okay, series is so good.

I'm so into it. It's so frustrating to me that I have to wait a week to watch every episode. I just wish I could binge it. However, I don't know if you recall, but and when i this first came out i googled it and the reviews were horrible yeah yeah horrible reviews episode six we watched i watched it nothing nothing happened it was like an hour episode that nothing happened it was like the most pointless episode i was so devastated and i'm like praying to god it's not going down this road for the rest of the season but might because that would explain the bad reviews yeah but i'm so

into it and i like it so much because a chris evans and b this kid that they're that now they're saying was is the murder like killed the other kid it's chris's son it's so crazy because like the way it seems it really does seem like he's innocent. There's this other like creep child molester that like they brought in to interview, but they couldn't charge him. So they couldn't keep him and he leaves. And then like at the end of the episode, they show his phone and he had texts with the kid that's dead, like he had photos of him and stuff. And so it's like, clearly he's the guy and the kid's innocent, but the kid is so unlikable.

They just make you not like this kid. Like they don't, they make it so that you don't really root for him. Like, yeah, you want him to get off the hook. Like it's more so like, I don't even want Jacob to get off the hook as much as I want the child molester to get convicted because ew, and he sucks. But like Jacob's just not that likable. It's pretty crazy. It's good.

So here's the thing. I don't know what type of review that was. Is it good or is it not good because it's good it's so good i was just i'm scared because of the last episode like it's not like it was bad it's just like nothing happened and that scares me i'm like i need things to happen yeah i need i need this child molester to get get arrested okay fair you know yeah okay you know what else we haven't talked about at all and and I watched this like two weeks ago? What?

Are you watching Westworld? Oh, uh, the last of, shoot. Miles, it's over. The season finale happened. Oh, it did? I missed it. I need you to watch. What happened?

I'm not going to tell you. Is it a good ending? It is. It's really, really good. It's like a little bit anticlimactic, but like also satisfying in a weird way. I don't know. You gotta watch.

Alright, well it's not as good as season one and anything's better than season two. Aaron Paul slays. Like I didn't really get into Breaking Bad. I watched like one or two seasons. I just wasn't like one of those people that just thinks like Aaron Paul walks on water, but I love him in this so much. And I am now I'm on board with the Aaron Paul fanatics. Like I get it. He's great. Okay. So I haven't seen the ending,

but my theory, well, this was Derek's theory. So I'll give him a shout out, but I agree with him. We drunkenly talked about it, that paul somehow was related to the owner of the company that like that what's her name kind of manipulates in the beginning and steals all his money yeah no no dang it no but aaron paul's character does have a really cool backstory that you learn in like the second to last episode evan rachel wood is so freaking badass and she's so freaking beautiful can we just like give her a shout out really quickly I'm obsessed with her oh my god I love her I know you don't like blondes but like I'm just obsessed

with her so much and she's so badass I love to watch the like making of the episode after all the HBO usually like on HBO Game of Thrones they did that where if you just keep watching they'll show like a little making of the episode I love watching the ones from this season of Westworld just because they've made this futuristic world and it's really cool to see how they did it.

But you also get to see a little bit of like the behind the scenes of like the combat that they're doing. And if Evan Rachel Wood is like on there and she's like so pumped and she's like asking to do as much combat as she can do without a double because she has like a black belt in Taekwondo or whatever it is that you get in Taekwondo. Like she's just so badass. Wow. I know.

I like her. Damn, that's kind of cool. She's like Keanu Reeves, but with a vagina. Yeah. Also, did you see the episode where Charlotte Hale, her car flips over? Yeah. She's still alive.

Oh, thanks for... You said what happened. I know. Okay, I'm going to catch up. I'm going to catch up. Hey, let me ask you this. Please. Did you watch America's Worst Cooks Celebrity Edition last night?

I thought about it. Oh, my. Your good friend and co-host is on a show that's airing right now during quarantine. I'm going to watch it tonight. I'm going to watch it tonight. I can't believe you. I promise I'm going to watch the cook show. I promise. Well good i mean i'm on it all right was it to watch the first episode it was so much different to watch that back than to watch like paradise back for me yeah and i don't know

why like it's just such a different experience and it's funny like johnny bananas is funny in it dave coulier is funny in it i'm funny in it sonia's everyone's funny in it the it's funny like johnny bananas is funny in it dave cuye is funny in it i'm funny in it sonia's everyone's funny in it the show's funny the one thing that paradise and bachelor doesn't do is like when you someone's doing an interview and they're like talking about something and then they'll be like and then like show like a scene of like what they're kind of talking about like jokingly you know i'm making my grandma's famous portuguese lasagna and then i was like and like a picture like an old lady you know like cooking you know it was like stuff like that i was like oh it's funny you know so anyway yeah you

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I can take mine with me and use it anywhere and everywhere. Wow. You do a lot of work around the farm. I use my Theragun because I'm pretty sure my muscles are atrophying at this point because I don't leave the couch. But you know what? I absolutely love sitting there binge washing something and just Theragun in the legs, just keeping them, just keeping them limber.

You know, for the day that I am allowed to leave this place, I'm going to be ready guys. It really is great. It helps increase circulation. It down regulates the nervous system. It's, it's really does help you sleep better. I do love to do it before bed as I'm watching TV. Honestly, it's one of my favorite things that I own. You guys got to try Theragun. Risk-free.

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Really pumped about the travel size. I'm amazed that this came out so long ago, but have you seen Waco? We've talked about Waco so many times. We did? Yeah. I watched this when I was living in Denver. I vividly remember sitting on the couch in my apartment and I was obsessed with it. I watched it in like a day.

Well. It's so good. You were right about that one. I know. It's fabulous. The FBI and the ATFC's religious leader, David Koresh's branch of the Davidian compound near Waco, Texas in spring of 1993. Remember, I was telling you about this because my dad gave me some intel.

So this is like this, this Waco thing really happened. No, I remember it. Yeah, you're older than me. You probably remember it better, but it was like a real thing. And so they don't show it with his song in the series, but in real life, when they're blaring music to try to get people to come out, they were actually in real life blaring Achy Breaky Heart. So 93 is like the height of Achy Breaky. Seriously. That's amazing.

And he said they were blaring Achy Breaky. And more so, the reason they were playing that song is they were trying to get the kids to come out because they were trying to get kids out of the house to save them or whatnot. They saw this happening on television like you could see it and supposedly i don't know who was president then i can't remember but he he like somehow got in touch with the president at the time and begged to go there get on the freaking mic and say to the kids like try to draw the kids out of the house like be like oh billy rice iris is here like come out come out or you know like to help get people out of this house and they they wouldn't let him i believe it was clinton clinton i mean obviously they're they want you to make you feel a certain way about that whole thing

the atf really f that one up uh a big time yeah well that's the whole thing about it is in any other situation you wouldn't be like in any other situation, you wouldn't be like rooting for the cult, right? You wouldn't be like defending the cult and like on their side, but they weren't in the wrong. You know what I mean? Like, like, this is so bad. But what's also cool about it is the series was taken. They made the series from two books. Did you know this? Yeah, I saw that every episode. It said that, said that you know yeah so one book was from the perspective of the fbi negotiator and the other book was the perspective of somebody that was trapped inside one of the davidians speaking of michael shannon who plays the fbi negotiator

is such an amazing actor like everything that dude does is fantastic and taylor kitch is actually really good in it as well. He's great. And I honestly think it's the best thing I've ever seen him in. Was he in Friday Night Lights? That thing? Yeah.

Okay, just for everyone out there, like I can't imagine why if tears you're in a cult. Here's the telltale sign if you're in a cult. If the main guy's like, I get to fuck everybody, you're in a cult.

If you're not allowed to leave, you're in a cult. If you're not allowed to leave, you're in a cult. Yeah, but I think they could leave. I don't know. He was really against it. When they started shooting him up, I think he was against it. No, I feel like the whole time that there were certain people that were like, maybe we should just leave.

Maybe we should go out. And he was like, no, you can't. Like, it was a pretty, like, you can't leave situation. Well, if you're following the guy that's like, guess what? No dudes get to fuck except for me. And I get to fuck everybody. You're in a cult. Get the fuck out of there. All right?

So creepy. Immediately as possible. And you know who else is in it that's so good is Macaulay Culkin's brother. Oh, yeah. Rory. Obsessed with him. How many Culkins do we got? I don't know.

You know? There's a lot of them. Yeah. Because that's not the same Kulkin that's in freaking Succession. That's not the Kulkin that's in Home Alone. No, so maybe there's three. There's three. That's three Kulkins right there.

Three Kulkins. Okay, if you liked Waco, then you need to watch, what's the one I was just telling you about, about the Hasidic Jews? I watched it. I loved it. Oh, you did? That's right.

I forgot. Here's the thing. This is what's the problem with this show now. It's because we have now too much time to binge shit. Oh, yeah. So we're forgetting all the shit that we've done because we're binging so much shit. It's true.

And here's the other thing. I feel like my bread and butter on this show is like funny anecdotes about my life and like weird shit that happens to me. Nothing weird happens to me anymore. Nothing. Yeah. Literally nothing.

You know what sucks? Sahar dicks. My 36th birthday is coming up in a couple of days. My 33rd birthday is coming up in two weeks. Really? Yeah. Okay, I'm just going to throw this out there. I think that the government should decree that we are forgiven all of our debts,

all the money owed, all the money that we should have been paid. That is all forgiven while this shutdown is happening and also that time that happened during the quarantine also doesn't count i fucking deserve at least two months of my life back agreed when's your birthday may 16th tish's is the 13th oh my god that's in two days oh will you what are you going to get her? Nothing. I can't go buy anything. Dude. Should I Amazon or something? Yeah.

I always feel bad for my mom. My mom's birthday is at the end of April and then there's Mother's Day. So she kind of gets the shaft because her gifts are always just like, I'm like, this is for both of them. Just so you know. Oh, we do that too. Yeah. I got her Tiffany's earrings. So I feel like that's a good for both, you know? Oh, for sure.

Yeah, that's super nice. Yeah. Get her some Tiffany's earrings. And here's the thing that I found out about women. Tish has enough jewelry. Yeah, that's true. But here's the thing I found out about women. I understand now.

It's not about the fucking thing in the box. It's about the goddamn box. If I show up anywhere with the red Cartier boxing bag, you best believe panties be dripping. All right? If I show up anywhere with a light baby blue Tiffany's box, you best believe getting a handy. All right? For the record, I want Cartier over Tiffany's. you best believe get in the handy. All right? Doesn't matter. It could be anything.

I want Cartier over Tiffany's. I've made the mistake of introducing Cartier into the mix and now red always beats the blue. It does. It absolutely does.

But it doesn't matter what's inside of it. No. You see that box? You see that bag? Oh, shit. Game over. It's true. You see that box. You see that bag. Oh shit. Game over. It's true.

You know what's fucking hilarious too. And like good on them. Cause like, you know, working on commissions, but like I have a salesperson at Cartier in Beverly Hills. Okay. She has my fucking phone number.

So she's been hitting me. She's hitting me up. Hits me up every couple months. She's been like, check it in. You get, you need anything. You good.

She was like, Hey, listen, it's quarantine time. I know you might be fighting. You need me. I got something for you. And I was like, you know what? I don't even hate that idea. Luckily, we've got a good relationship. But if I was in trouble, that red box fixes all.

You're insane. What are you going to do on your birthday? I'm really depressed about mine. I don't know. Go on a walk? Oh, cool. Can't wait. Fucking walk around the stupid

block. Grill out for myself. Oh, grill out for myself oh god you know what at least you have sarah ryry was supposed to be here and he's not i know when's he gonna come i don't know his flight got canceled again i honestly think it's gonna be august at the earliest. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sad about it. Yeah. That sucks. Not as sad as him though. He's so bored. But South Africa is doing pretty good apparently. They are because they're on such

a strict lockdown. Yeah. Like he can't go anywhere except the grocery store. That's it. That's crazy. It's nuts. It's so weird because like you got half people that are like just like our politics because it is it's terrible. It's politicized but it is half people being are like, just like our politics, because it is, it's terrible. It's politicized, but it is.

You have people being like, don't fucking leave your house. Don't be an asshole. And then you get the other half being like, this is ridiculous. We need to restart the economy. And it's like, well, is there a middle ground here of like, let's not get a bunch of people sick. But then also, can we still make money? You know, like. Yeah, I know.

Crazy times, man. We're scheduled to record a podcast on my freaking birthday so i guess that's what i'm doing i mean did you just hear that burp no i don't know what it was something in my throat the ice cream bubbling up probably. No, I have a stomach of steel. Do you? Yeah, I can eat anything. You got any musics? That's what I was just looking at.

I don't think I do this week, but next week, guys, we will. Because on Friday, my little no-no is putting out an EP. Oh, really? Yeah. It's going to be so good. She just sent me a Dropbox link to one of the songs called Liar. And it is so good. And Miley honestly said the other day, we were talking about Noah's songs. And Miley was like, honestly, Liar is like my favorite song that's ever been written, like ever.

She was like, it is so freaking good. Wow. It did not disappoint. It's great great i'm so excited for noah all right i'm excited well no no do you have music yeah i got some stuff you do yeah you remember the band junior junior no anyways this is august and everything prior ep migos has a new song called Taco Tuesday. I mean, everyone's losing it. Because no one can do shit.

What are you doing today? I'm drinking again. All right, write a country song called Drinking Again. Hey, Migos, what are you doing? Well, it's Tuesday. I'm doing Taco Tuesday. Just write a song. We don't have any, there's no ideas anymore.

Just do it. Anyways, I don't know if you remember, but I consider one of the greatest records ever put out is Counting Crows, August and Everything After. So many hits in there. So many hits. I love Junior Junior, and they just put out an EP called August and Everything Prior. So here's a song called Good Old Days. Outer space will be long gone. Gravity left us. Gravity left us.

Oh. Oh. Started off with a bang, ended up underwater. Don't want any blame, Trade your son for a daughter I can't even Oh, I can't even Heard you say What happened to the good old days

But the long gone. And we're gonna break the wall. You like it? I don't know. I was listening to things on Spotify. Oh. Okay. Cool.

All the songs I like are kind of depressing. You want me to play one? I feel like you hate it when I do that. Oh, I like it. You do. You want me to play one? I feel like you hate it when I do that. I like it. You do? I don't know. So this girl, I actually met her in LA

when I was living there, so it's been a while. Her name is Nylo. I feel like maybe when we first started this podcast, I played a Nylo track. Okay. But she has a new song out

called Go to Hell. It's kind of cool. You're saying that I'm not that mad I've moved on to you Say the words I wanna hear, you tell me after all this getting You want it through a blind eye, I've waited for this every night You tell me now that day goes by, that I don't have a cross to line I can dig. Her voice is super sick.

So this guy, he's a Nashville guy. His name's Connor Matthews. He has a song called Way Out that's new. He has such a cool vibe. I really like this guy a lot. So what is that? That's what? Like the style? Yeah.

Is that? I don't really know. Is that country? No. I don't think so either, but is it country? No. It's definitely like more pop. Yeah, I know, but I don't know.

I mean, because out of Nashville, I'm thinking, is that like a crossover? I don't know anymore, guys. I just don't know. Honestly, there's just... All the lines are blurred. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Now we know what Robin Thicke was singing about all those years ago. What do you mean? Is it country? Is it pop? I don't know. It's blurred lines. Something tells me that's not what he was talking about. Have you seen the video?

Yeah, that's where Emily Radchik got her start. Wow. Okay. We done? Yeah. You're going to have to get a hobby, I think. I know. I don't know what I'm going to do.

What are you going to do? I started learning how to play the piano. That doesn't help this show. No. But that's a good hobby. Yeah. I hurt my hand, so I haven't been able to play my golf simulator. Oh, that's so sad.

Oh, my God. Why do you guys listen to this show why does anyone listen to this show i honestly couldn't tell you it's so bad even i will admit it is so horrible We tell the people about what to watch and listen to and read, okay? I guess, but guys, get it together over here. Is our podcast so dumb? It's so dumb. Oh, the most so dumb thing in the world is this podcast.

No. I think it is, bro. Oh, no. You know what's so dumb? You have a different freaking water thermos every single week. No, I don't. I usually always have this. Oh, I had the other one. I know.

I have two, basically. But they're always very large and in charge. I've been trying to drink a gallon of water a day, kid. I'm trying to flush the cyst. It's because I just drink so much. Sarah's like, you get drunk every night. It's like, yeah. What else are we doing? I go on a run every single day exercise every single day but i got nothing to do besides get drunk 6 30 rolls around like what do you want to do i don't let's watch a

movie i'm gonna i guess i'll make a mix of drink you know i had my first alcohol this entire quarantine last night we are cut from such different i had two glasses of white wine oh my god did you get turned up pretty good oh my god truly i could not have driven home wow dude you know i got i'll tell you what my favorite thing is that i think everyone should invest in one of these things not for what it's actually for, which is terrible, but what you can use it for is the breathalyzer thing. You can get like CVS. You can? Dude,

here's the thing. If you sit at home and you fucking start getting turnt up and you start breathalyzing yourself. Now I've never had DUI. I never, I never drive drunk. Like Uber has saved my life so many times. But here's my thing.

If you get one of those little breathalyzers and you drink to 0.8 or whatever, 0.08, you are fucked up at 0.08, dude. Really? You are hurt. At least I am. If I get there, I'm like, damn, dude, there's no way I would drink.

I would drive. And what's funny is that like... I could just picture you sitting around trying to get to.08. It's an insane picture. We had a Christmas party once, so a bunch of people were over and this was pre-corona, so we were all like putting our lips on the same thing, which now just seems

disgusting, but whatever, we were doing it and we were trying to hit the nail on the head. And finally, like, I think one of us got there and I was like, how do you feel? He's like, I'm pretty fucked up. Like, I guess here's my thing. Hey, cops, maybe we should bring that down a little bit because Porto is-

Yeah. Let's bring it down. No kidding. Oh, man. But like, we shouldn't laugh about drinking and driving. It's not funny, but- No, no. But I like, we shouldn't laugh about drinking and driving. It's not funny. No, no. But I will say, you know, also, my poor car.

My poor car didn't start the other day. Do you know why? Because I don't drive anymore. Oh, that makes sense. Listen, life is bleak right now. This here sucks. Let's just lay it out. Sucks.

Sucks. So hard. I know. Go watch Hollywood. Okay, after The Worst Cooks of America? Yeah, because it's only one episode. There's a whole season of Hollywood. Come on, Dick's second room. I've got about an hour and a half left before I go to sleep.

Okay, well then do Worst Cooks, but then afterwards. I'll make you a star. Come over here to my dick sucking room and let me suck your dick. I got my cock sucking pillow. Come on. Come be a star. Jeez. They actually don't sound

like that, but whatever. All right. You need an outlet. I need something. I'm going to go drink. Should we tell the people that we have shared in on the podcast next week oh yeah we didn't even talk listen to your heart just a quick five with share yeah let's just talk about how we're gonna do a quick makeover we're gonna make you could talk about that listen we're gonna cut that fucking hair bruh we're gonna trim that beard we're not gonna cut it off we're just gonna trim it we're gonna tighten it up all of derrick

paith you got great hair let's coiff it up all right as long as you don't change his style i love the way he dresses i think yeah i think that that's cool and then you know what we're gonna slap up we're gonna slap a skinny suit on him you know maybe a european cut and we're gonna keep the jewelry though i love the ring absolutely think um like cool Harry's like think Harry Styles in a suit okay but grungier but grungier yeah yeah and then styles is way too clean speaking of grungy what happened to your facial hair dude not into it hate it felt gross that's just no not for me and then it was and then we're gonna we're gonna make him the bachelor that's going to be it. And that's that. That would be great.

That's that. And then Julia has to watch an entire season of every girl in the country. Swooning. Swooning for Cher. Okay. Cher. I feel like that's it. I feel like we're good.

Yeah. I got to go watch some horse cooks. Yeah, you do, sister. I miss you. See you. Love ya. I miss you. See you. Love ya. See you.