Your Happy Hour - Episode 11: Beyond The Bubble

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

Happy Friday everyone!  Tune in to episode 11 and let’s chat about: Beyond The BubbleBeyond the walls of your life… who are you in the spaces you’ve yet to encounter?In this episode we celebrate love and life as we discuss going beyond the cultures, cities and countries of your bubble, recount the special experiences that shaped our perceptions, pay tribute to the incredible humans that have crossed our paths and look back with compassion on old bubbles we chose to leave behind. You’re one decision from a different life - what will yours be?We’ll be here - every Friday - celebrating with you!Connect with us @ friday-feels.co▶ Podcast Chapters01:09 - Happy Valentines and Trini Time!03:40 - The (Tr)Human Show: What’s beyond the wall?05:42 - Beyond cultures, cities & countries06:48 - Saj’s special story: From NYC to India 11:43 - The Mythree Foundation: A tribute to a beautifully fearless human18:06 - Go Beyond: Be an universal being 19:29 - Looking back on the old bubbles21:20 - Take the time to Travel!24:00 - Don’t do the right thing. Do the unimaginable! 28:20 - Fly it solo: You’re one decision from a different life29:00 - Gems of the Week in Trinidad & South Africa!34:26 - Practical advice, a Final question and Farewell!

Happy Friday beautiful people and hello to you all out there tuning in for your first sip of the weekend. you tune into your happy hour friday feels we're celebrating all you working professionals out there doing your crazy craft embracing the beauty of being human and connecting authentically we're your host sarge and nicole and we're living and working around the world holding space for you and keeping it raw and real as we share fresh content with you every week. Now follow us on LinkedIn at Friday Feels and Instagram at These Friday Feels for updates throughout the week. In our last episode, we had a great discussion with Tim Bray, the approach coach, where he shared some tactical advice for approachability and how to embrace authenticity in your personal life and in the workplace. And as it's the week of Valentine's, happy Valentine's, everybody. It's the week of celebrating love in all forms.

So we're talking beyond the bubble of experiences. What happens when we relax our boundaries and experience something lovely and wonderful? This topic is really an interesting one for me. I find that I relax many of my boundaries when I travel. I usually set some sort of itinerary and leave at least 30% of the time for spontaneity. So it feels like I still get to see all the things I want to but also experience the culture lands and people and sometimes I'm inspired by my fellow travelers or hosts on how they go about their daily lives in Trinidad I was there last week there's something

called Trinitime which is pretty much someone shows up so you can tell your family you're coming for lunch at 1 p.m and show up at 2 p.m and it's not a problem because you're running on trinny time and there's no stress or anxiety about it they kind of just expect you to come when you come and it's just one example of rather than carrying around my semi-promptness, which causes more friction, it's just easier to adjust to local customs. So for me, this topic about blissful boundaries and when it is we kind of go outside of our comfort zone and we kind of step outside of some of the boundaries we set for ourselves. I noticed for myself, a lot of that happens for me when I travel. What does this topic mean for you, Nicole?

Well, first of all, I really love the trinity time. I feel like that resonates with me too. I've gotten a lot better at time management, but I definitely was living in my own bubbles of time for a very long time. But I really do feel like this is such an important aspect of this theme that we're discussing this month. So when I was thinking about it, we're all born into boundaries in some shape, way, or form.

It's cultural, it's societal, physical, emotional, sometimes perhaps even intellectual as well. And we get to know this kind of vast world that we're born into within our bubble of existence, what we are shown or sometimes inherently we think of and know our perimeters to be. So I kind of thought back to a movie that we studied at school. Maybe some other people did too,

but it was called the Truman Show and it had Jim Carrey, I think his surname is in it. And it really hit home for me because, you know, for those who haven't seen it, it's about a man who happily lives his life every day. And he starts to realize at some point that he's actually living in a bubble, you know, he's living in this man-made experimental world where eventually he sails you know sorry spoiler alert now but he sails far enough to reach a wall be able to kind of get off there climb upstairs walk out a door into the real world which um you know even if i say it like that it feels like i have to to question whether that world was really real or not, but seemingly the world that we live in now.

He walks into that world out of this bubble that people were watching him in as a show. And it's this kind of idea of an experiment within an experiment, a bubble within a bubble. And what I found most fascinating about this movie was how they showcased that as humans, we are relational beings. He would not have realized that he was in this bubble on the show if he wasn't triggered by a lady. It's always a love story, right? Who reminded him, who showed him something different. And the only reason she did

that was because she didn't want to conform to the reality of, you know, being like a puppet in the society, playing the game. And that created this space for him to entertain the idea that his daily existence was really just not real. And we don't always know that we are living in a bubble. Sometimes we don't always know what is beyond our bubbles if we do not allow ourselves to explore that, if we don't allow ourselves to experience, whether that's love or longing or whatever it might be, to really get to know ourselves and to truly get to know others. And so I think it's just such a wondrous thing of being human that we, even as working professionals, that we get to explore our boundaries that we live in.

And it's just the beauty of collaborating and connecting beyond, you know, even our towns, our cities and our countries. So, you know, Saj, I know you mentioned traveling is one area where you sort of transformed out of your daily routine and relaxed your boundaries a bit yeah any examples that come to mind for you I was thinking about Friday feels and the themes that we talk about on this podcast and when did it really spark something in me to explore some of these topics? And thinking about all the people on my journey that have really made an impact on the person that I am today. And I started finding little droplets of people and instances and experiences that that resonated with me and it brought me back to my first solo trip ever.

So in 2009, I traveled from New York City to Bangalore, India to teach at an orphanage for three months. I was 19. I had never traveled alone before or been in another country for so long. alone before or been in another country for so long. And I was part of NYU Shaka, which is a group that does kind of mindfulness and different exercises through Hinduism. And the opportunity came where they had a group called Youth for Seva or Youth for Service. And they offered an unpaid internship for three months. And so if I paid for my own flight, they would arrange for a host family, which would cover room and board and meals, and then they would give us a stipend for public transportation. It was a bit of an uphill battle to convince my parents, but they supported me. And it was even more of an uphill battle to share

with trusted family that I looked up to that tried to persuade me it was dangerous or reckless because I was so young, because it was a new country, because I didn't know the language, because of things they had seen on TV or just people they've met in their own bubbles, I guess. But back then, I didn't know anything about boundaries or trusting your gut. I just knew that I wanted to go. And I was hurt by not having the support of people I always had the support of. And it was an interesting experience for me because I never really clashed with my, not my immediate family, but my extended family that way, because I was always good. I, you know, I always got good grades. I always did well in school. It kind of, you know, caught me off balance a little bit,

but anyway, you know, I packed up my stuff and I went without knowing anyone, without knowing the language, without knowing what I would encounter. And out of all the people in the world to stay with, I was blessed with staying with three host families. And one of them I created a really special connection with. The mother, who I just referred to as Auntie, brought me jasmine flowers every morning for herself and me to put in my hair and it smelled amazing. There's nothing in the U.S. that smells like this. And the father, Srinagy, she is a self-proclaimed professor of happiness, made me his special coffee each day. And their lovely daughter, Mayathri, who was about my age, treated me like a sister. And I learned so much by living with them, with living with Srinagesa and his family. His daughter, my three, was my age and

she was so autonomous. She traveled all around India on environmental and animal loving expeditions and she truly led, she was truly led by her passion and supported through them on many hikes she was the only woman and it was never an issue her family never really made it an issue and I witnessed firsthand unconditional love and trust of a parent especially in a generally conservative country and you know you talked a little bit about this where it's it's like you don't realize some of the pre-conserved notions that you have when you walk in I mean as someone who grew up Hindu we're kind of the diaspora of India but we don't have much of the language we have some of the food and so while I might look Indian and kind of get away

with walking around, if you talk to me, you can tell that I don't understand anything that's going on. And so I had a lot of preconceived notions when I was coming there about the country being very conservative or making sure that I wore long sleeves or that I didn't travel alone or just so many things. And travel really pushes you in that way where you have to kind of navigate whether you're ready or whether you're not. You're there and you have to make the best of it. And so, you know, I shared pictures of my world and life and they showed me theirs. And I spent my time teaching at the orphanages, which is what I was sent there to do.

time teaching at the orphanages, which is what I was sent there to do. And I had an amazing time. I was living out of a suitcase. I was eating some of the best food in my life. I saw how other people lived and experienced life. And in between, I took walks learning about the history of the city with Srinagar sharing about his counseling and teaching efforts. He was also an announcer on the radio. And so he was just an encyclopedia of knowledge. And to see him, he was retired then and just kind of working with different youth on stress and counseling. He would conduct workshops. His English was amazing. And they really treated me like their own. His daughter, Maya 3, would talk to me about her forest trekking expeditions and animal welfare efforts, which are completely different from my interests at the time. And I was just living and learning from some of the most genuine people I've

ever met. And I left after a few months and we kept in touch via Skype and Facebook throughout the years, often checking in on how life was going with both of them. And in January of 2018, unfortunately, my three passed away unexpectedly due to post-surgery complications. And I was really upset when I heard this. She was my age and she had so much of her life ahead of her. She had messaged me a while before telling me about her work in Pondicherry Zoo and how they had a partnership with the Bronx Zoo. So maybe it was in the cards to actually meet in New York City at some point. And the moment I heard of her passing, I just thought of how she lived, though. And it was so intentional.

And while it was sudden, her family felt grief, but they also went on to do something amazing. And they sparked a movement to create the My3 Foundation, honoring her legacy and providing psychological support, animal welfare, and ecological conservation activities. And I wanted to share this story on this specific episode as, um, tried, but I couldn't, um, as her birthday, uh, was this week, February 15th. And she was someone who knew no boundaries. She was fearless in the pursuit of what she loved. So it comes full circle for me. I learned so much by observing her ways of life

and the things that I carry with me even today. So I'm so grateful for having known her and her family. Not only did it ignite a wanderlust in me, it made me steadfast in my beliefs about being a genuine and good person, regardless of how things looked or what other people thought. And it sparked a joy in not only visiting countries, but also loving the action of living and working in different countries. And as we mentioned before, this week was also Valentine's Day. And in the spirit of love, I'd like to thank her family. I know they're listening for being the beacons of light and

love in this world. I would have never met them being the beacons of light and love in this world. I would have never met them if not for ignoring what was safe and known and finding the unexpected warmth of their family unit and dynamic in a different country. And so, you know, thinking about Friday feels and all the topics that we talk about and how important they are. It's been a long time coming. I mean, before this trip, I don't think I ever, you know, understood meditation or the importance of kind of setting your own boundaries in your own household and going against the grain and seeing that sort of unwavering support, despite, you know, cultural norms, which I think are even more, you know, prominent in Bangalore and India.

I think that it's, it just really, I'm really blessed to be able for, I guess it's been what, like 14 or 15 years since we've been in touch and met each other. And we've managed to keep that relationship strong. And it's just really encouraging to see also not only how she lived, but how her family continues to keep her legacy alive. And so, you know, we'd like to encourage our listeners in India and abroad to reach out to the My3 Foundation, which promotes love and harmony amongst all living beings. Their acronym is PANEL for all living beings, being people, animals, nature, ecology, and love. If you're interested in learning more or partnering with them, I highly, highly encourage it. interested in learning more or partnering with them, I highly, highly encourage it.

I would just, you know, like to say that I'm really glad that I met all of them on this trip at such a pivotal point in my life because I was very young and naive. And that is kind of what came up for me for this month's episode and just kind of challenging your beliefs about boundaries and and some of the people that kind of lead you on the path that you're supposed to be on man I tried very hard not to cry but then you got going oh yeah that is a very special story thank you so much for sharing that with us and um and i want to make sure we get the spelling right so it's the mithri foundation how do you spell her name yeah so i think the website is spelled m-y-t-h-r-e-e foundation.org we can put a link to it and if anyone would like to get in touch with them whether you're local or abroad we can we can definitely make that happen or you email

us and we'll give you the information that's amazing yeah no i would love to visit them i've never been to india either and that is definitely a level of travel that I've done so but thank you for sharing that special story and you know thinking of them this week with with the birthday and you know it's never easy losing someone that you love but it sounds like you know they're the kind of people who probably understand the bubbles of energy and how we share space in the world in that way. And that even though we're not here physically anymore, our bubble of energy remains, our spirit remains with people and her spirit is still strong. So, you know, that's wonderful. So thank you for sharing that really special story. And yeah, for everyone listening, please do reach

out and we'll put those links in there. And you really got me thinking, I was struggling to think about this theme this month with this topic this week. And it's such a difficult thing, I think, sometimes to allow yourself that moment of, okay, I actually do want to go beyond what I know. Like we were saying earlier, you know, like Truman doing that. And I remember growing up, you know, South Africans are very travel, you know, we love adventure, but not everyone does go beyond.

A lot of people haven't left South Africa either. And my dad always used to say to me you know you know Nicole you're not Afrikaans which I technically am but he said you know you're not Afrikaans you're not South African you're a universal being just always remember that and I think I didn't quite understand at the time how much he was setting me up for the way of thinking globally, of interacting globally and going beyond the boundary of just being in a certain culture, in a certain country, thinking a certain way. And yeah, I'm just super grateful for that. So that really was what came up for me. And since then, I've really pushed those boundaries, that energy bubble a lot.

And we tend to get stuck in the moments that we're in. And what really happened for me this week was I was in Cape Town, I'm now in Johannesburg. And I've happened to not be able to stay in my home because it's being home exchanged out. I think I'd mentioned this. So I'm really being, I was being a tourist in my own city and I ended up staying very, very close to an area where I'd stayed before, where I experienced a really difficult time in my life. And I felt like when I went back there, there had been this bubble, this boundary of energy stuck there. And I was able to go back as a human this time in a completely different space and a completely new energy, having gone beyond those boundaries, having gone beyond that bubble and so many areas

in my life and go and heal that space. And that had opened up so much for me, it released so much for me that I didn't even know was stuck there. So going beyond the bubble, to me, travel does do that. Like you say, you go and experience yourself in such different ways. And then when you go back to that bubble for a moment you realize the way you were thinking you realize the way you were and you can kind of have a bit of compassion with that older self in a way too so this topic has a lot of different elements to it for me you know and I think the key thing is that when you change your environment you can also change yourself because you can think in a different way and change that paradigm so

yeah it's a it's a it's a very diverse topic with a lot of different means so yeah but thank you again for sharing that very special story I feel like I'm going to carry that into the weekend yeah no thank you so this month I'm'm actually writing a piece on their quarterly newsletter of my time there. And so it was good timing. And I always encourage people to travel on your own, as long as you do what you need to do safety wise. You know, there's been instances. I remember one time I was in, I think it was in Belgium, and I had to come back, and I had spent all my money at, like, buying chocolates and sweets and, like, all this stuff. And it was the last day of my trip, so I was like, I might as well use out, like, all the money I have.

And I get to the train station. It's the last train I have to take to go back to London and then go home. And I get up to the counter and the guy's like, this train is for yesterday. And I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, this train is for yesterday. And I booked everything like, you know everything on my computer and weeks before. And I booked the wrong day. And I had no money.

And I was overly packed with stuff. My suitcase was overflowing. I was tired. I just wanted to get on the train. It's raining. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm just going to have a straight up mental breakdown. Because I don't know how I'm going to get to this. And then I'm like trying to plead with them and talk my way out of it.

And I think I ended up like finding some extra money somewhere in my wallet that allowed me to get another train ride or my credit card happened to work or something like that. my credit card happened to work or something like that. But it's like in those moments where you have no one else in your life, I just got to make it. I just got to make it on my plane and like not worry about what's going to happen and get to the next place. And I just remember feeling so defeated. I was like, oh my goodness, I planned this whole trip. I literally just probably like brought 40 pounds worth of chocolate that I didn't need to supply that I now have to carry and now I can't afford a train ticket to go back home. So it's like those things that make it all the more fun, even though now those are probably the same things that would cause me so much anxiety.

And even though now it's probably the same things that would cause me so much anxiety. But it is, you know, and I, I've been experiencing a lot of those things in the last year where, you know, like you say, being cash strapped and then you, you, you do, you find yourself in situations where you do things that, you know, you watch yourself do things that you didn't expect yourself to do. And you learn so much about yourself in the process. And you brought up something earlier, which is really important.

And I think going beyond a boundary or bubble, and I've got lightning in the background in Johannesburg. The Johannesburg city has got huge thunderstorms. If you can hear that, it's like the effects of what I'm going to say now. But going beyond your bubble is often we don't do that because of what people around us are saying, because of their own fears, because of their own preconceived ideas like we were saying. And that's taking that step for you because it's your life. It's your bubble.

It's your energy, you know, it's your experiences and your worth and the things that you want to know about in the world. And yeah, I just, I can also just highly encourage people to block out the noise and focus on what is good for you, you know, and sometimes that sounds crazy. And sometimes it feels unimaginable. And sometimes, like you say, you didn't know you had cash in there somewhere, but it's there, you know, go and dig in there. And it's important to then to take that step, you know, and I know it's not always easy, but it's so worth it. Because beyond what you know, is everything beyond everything that you haven't just yet experienced is everything beautiful about who you are. So I absolutely love that. And yeah, at least you could get home with all your chocolates. that and uh yeah at least you could get home with all your chocolates so yeah no that was definitely an experience and I think one other thing that you know I briefly touched on is just it was very hard for me you know as I was getting older for someone who was

always you know doing the right thing in everyone's eyes to start doing things that I really wanted to do that were considered the right thing for other people in my family. I'm very close to my family and a lot of people know that about me. And so it's been, you know, quite a journey. And this goes not just for immediate family, but for extended family to really stand on your own. And especially when you don't know, it's not like something I had done before. And at that time, they scared me. I was like, you know, somebody was like, oh, Bangalore is, you know, one of the poorest cities. Why would you go there? There's so much poverty. And that's a complete lie. Abhigalore is actually the call center capital of India at that time.

There was so much construction going on, very developed. It's elevated, so it's not extremely hot or cold. So you're not experiencing those crazy temperatures all year round. And I was so well taken care of by these families. I mean, I didn't know them beforehand. It's not like they really sent too much information before. And I really encourage, I know we have a lot of young listeners. And I really encourage you to kind of think about the things that you want for your life and the people that are telling you, as Nicole mentioned, and sending it aside for yourself. Because at that point, I really could have turned around and just said, no, I mean, I,

I'm pretty sure they scared my parents too, because they were just like, well, we already signed the stuff. We already bought the stuff. We already bought the ticket. And I think it's those moments when, especially when you're naive, it doesn't have to do with age. It just has to do with experience. You're leaving home, you're leaving your comfort zone to really push yourself and try things. I mean, the worst that could have happened is I would have taken a flight right back home, right? I mean, the worst that could have happened is I would have taken a flight right back home, right? And so I think, you know, as I'm older now, I have a lot of these things that probably would have prevented me from doing it.

I mean, even now, I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll stay at a hospital. I don't care. That was fun for me. But I do encourage people who are listening to really think about it when you're kind of up against the wall and making some of these decisions that could be, you know, you're just one decision from a different life. And this was one instance, but so many of my travels have been like that for me, where, you know, sometimes I go and I wish, wow, I really wish I had a partner to go with to some of these places. They're so beautiful or experienced. But you miss out on a lot of things by kind of just waiting around. So I'm glad that I went and that I experienced these things. It brings me to my gem of the week and what's filling my cup for this week.

And so, you know, we had a spontaneous trip to Trinidad. So, you know, we had a spontaneous trip to Trinidad. We spent a year saying we weren't going to attend Trinidad Carnival this year and then proceeded to book a 10-day trip with three days notice and spent 48 hours doing planning we normally do in six to eight months. So for my gems of the week, you know, one was having the right people around you. I feel like makes all the difference. It was really gracious of you, Nicole, and also my other co-founder, Ruki, to give me that time away to just be and understand that it was really helpful for me, even though it was really hectic.

It did energize me in a way. And I'm a big believer in the joy of new experiences. But I haven't quite found one that is quite as freeing as going to Trinidad Carnival. So it made me really happy and nostalgic and super thankful to be able to enjoy and experience Carnival this year. And so thank you, experience carnival this year. And so thank you, Nicole, for kind of allowing me, I don't know if that's the right word, or supporting me in that decision. I was just kind of like, hey, I'm going, I'm going to try to do all my work while I'm there. And I didn't realize how hard it is to do work there for many reasons, because there's so much family and so much things to do. And then also the internet isn't as stable and travel, you're not as autonomous.

But we made it work and I'm super grateful for that. And I definitely kind of held that in my heart this past week because I was just thinking, wow, at a different company or with different people, there's no way I would have been able to do this. There's no way I would have been able to book a 10-day trip on three days notice and still feel okay about it. And it really made me feel like, wow, I'm definitely on a better path for myself personally. And yeah, I mean, I think in terms of just the feeling of being home, there's a song that won Roadmarch this year, meaning it was the most played song by all the bands crossing the stage, DNA, and by Mikhail Teja. And it says, there's no place like home home carnivals in our DNA,

which is so true. You know, once you go back, you just feel it. And it's very addicting. And it's such a freeing feeling, right? And so I definitely felt that even with the anxiety of just dumping everything in a suitcase 30 minutes before the flight because I was recording and trying to figure it out there. It still was just such an enriching experience. And so,

you know, those are my gems of the week. What about you, Nicole? Gosh, those are awesome. I want to see some more pictures of Trinidad as well, because it looked amazing, especially the carnival and the outfits and everything so please keep sharing them but yeah i i feel like it's really quite serendipitous that we had home time in a way at the same time in different cities and um i really had just the most wonderful week of kindness and support and love from friends and family in Cape Town. It was really good to be back. It was really hot. But to see the sunset on Landana Beach, you know,

and just to be back, like I said, in a different space than myself, but in the same city. And, yeah, and I really had a very, I want to say, beyond the bubble experience for me. I recorded a song with a dear want to say, beyond the bubble experience for me. I recorded a song with a dear friend of mine, Jan Hendrik, a year ago, almost like literally two days before I left for New York City. We squeezed it in and we never got to the music video or anything like that. And we haven't actually released the song.

And it's a love song. And with this month of love, we'd love to release it. And we happen to be in the same city. So we decided to make a music video. And it was just the most magical experience doing this with him. So, you know, also thank you to the videographer who was just so lovely and kind. And he gave my mom the smoke machine button because she came along and she had so much fun. She pressed that button so much fun she could press that

button so much that the video camera couldn't see us anymore in the end so we just had so much fun um it was a beautiful experience um and one i hope to be able to repeat again at some point so i really filled my cup a lot and helped me realize how creative I am how much I enjoy being in that space um yet again and so yeah and being in Johannesburg now uh with family is just very very special and my little niece is growing up way too quickly so it's it's been a very much filling filling the cup and like you say not as much work and more just recharging time which is wonderful so yeah those have been beautiful gems for me this week as well that's awesome you have to share the music video is it have you like put it out is it edited and out are you still not yet

not yet i will though i will definitely will, definitely, once it's ready. We'd love to hear from you guys who are listening. As a recap, for us, traveling has brought us some unexpected friends-turned-family and unique experiences once we relaxed our boundaries. And we'd love to hear about your instances about where you've experienced something similar. And it doesn't have to be physically leaving, you know, the country or your hometown. It can just be experiences where you have kind of gone beyond what you thought you could do or you would do or where you would be. Yeah. And, you know, just to encourage everyone to really take some time to think about the places and spaces where you have energy that has maybe caused you some discomfort, some pain, maybe some joy or things that you want to go back to and just revisit

and think about who you are now that you've moved beyond bubbles, you know, or are you maybe feeling stuck in a certain space? Are you able to allow yourself some forgiveness for the decisions that you've made in a specific time in your life? I know that's been really enriching for me. And so I wish that for everybody listening as well, you know, as you go beyond the bubble. And journal about that, you you know maybe grab a piece of paper write it down what are you envisioning for your life maybe those include some travels what do you want your world to look like don't hold back on any of it dream bigger than you can even have imagined yourself to go to and then put it to the side and let the universe help you, be bold and brave and take that leap of faith beyond the bubble

so you can really live the best life that you can lead this time around. I guess that kind of leads me also to ask the question out there for everyone listening, where is your heart yearning to go? And what is on the other side of that bubble of what you think you know? What within you is holding you back from going beyond? We'd love to hear from you. So remember to tag us using these, hashtag these Friday feels and share your stories and listen to us on all your favorite platforms

to work with us or potentially have us broadcast Friday feels and share your stories and listen to us on all your favorite platforms. To work with us or potentially have us broadcast Friday Feels from your space, check out our website at friday-feels.co. Next week, we are wrapping up Blissful Boundaries. We're excited to start exploring a new theme in the month of March. So stay tuned for what all of that entails. But until next time, that is our mix. We've had fun mingling with you and we wish you safe travels into your bed,

into the night and into this awesome weekend. So we'll see you next week and keep it real.