Your Happy Hour - Episode 12: Setting boundaries

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

Happy Friday everyone!  Tune in to episode 12 and let’s chat about: Setting boundariesHow do you navigate balancing the bliss and boundaries of work and family life?In this episode, we are joined by Scientist at Canon, Tiffany Gosine - not only a working professional but a working wife and mom and recently graduated MBA… How does she do it? We unpack topics like: managing the holistic you, integrating boundaries as a family, raising a human brand, modern family choices, the resume versus reality and saying yes to self-care.We’ll be here - every Friday - celebrating with you!Connect with us @ friday-feels.co▶ Podcast Chapters01:12 Welcome to Tiffany Gosine!04:03 Navigating Boundaries: Is it nurture or nature?05:01 Reinventing the status quo: Have a plan12:00 Managing the holistic you 14:40 Integrating boundaries: Be the team17:00 Meet people where they’re at20:25 Raising a human brand: Respect, grace and lots of lists25:38 Which is harder - work or family?27:27 Modern family choices: You figure it out31:40 Was this on the horizon 10 years ago?32:46 Tiffany’s best professional advice34:19 Resume v Reality: Keeping the positive perspective39:18 Saying yes to self-care & Take that nap!43:24 Tiffany’s Gem of the Week!44:20 Final thoughts, Question and Farewell!

Happy Friday beautiful people and hello to you all out there tuning in for your first sip of the weekend. you're tuned into your happy hour with friday feels we're celebrating all of your working professionals out there doing your crazy craft embracing the beauty of being human and connecting authentically we are host sarge and nicole and we're living and working around the world holding space for you and keeping it raw and real as we share fresh content with you every week. Follow us on LinkedIn at Friday Feels and Instagram at These Friday Feels for updates throughout the week. In our last episode, we celebrated a beautiful human who loved and lived, inspired us to

go beyond the boundaries of our existence. And we got curious on what it looks like when you push the bubble of your existence so that you can grow, learn, and truly experience a full life. And this week we are wrapping up this theme of Blissful Boundaries with a very special speaker who has in her own way learned how to set boundaries personally and professionally and has done a lot as a successful working professional, a student, and balancing the bliss and boundaries of family life and having kids.

A big welcome to Tiffany Gosine, scientist at Canon, recently graduated, MBA, wife, mom of a toddler and a newborn, and just all around sweetheart and human being. Let's ask what is on everyone's lips. How does she balance it all? It's so wonderful to have you on the podcast. Thank you for your unwavering support up to now. And you're just such an inspiration to all of us out there, juggling this large number of balls, energy bubbles, boundaries in your life. So welcome, Tiffany. And how have you found have boundaries been important in your life? Tell us a little bit about yourself and have boundaries been blissful for you?

Oh, thank you guys so much for having me. Thank you for the kind introduction. And I'm so happy to be here and honored to be a part of your podcast. I've been following along and really just enjoying, you know, that week to like fill my cup for the next week of listening to you guys. And so a little bit about myself. I'm a scientist at Canon. you guys. And so a little bit about myself, I'm a scientist at Canon. So Canon is like the camera company you're probably familiar with, printers, things like that. But we do have a small R&D group here that focuses on medical products. So I'm a scientist for product development. So that means like I can either work on technology we're creating or with collaborations. And I'm very much a scientist

like on the bench creating those experiments and I sort of kind of transitioned into the business side meaning like I just became interested in you know after we make this product you know how do we get it out there what are those hurdles to get it out there and so that's when I started doing my MBA to just understand a little bit more about the business side because you can make anything you want but if there isn't a need for it then you kind of just do all this work. So in the medical products world it's very, there's a lot of things you have to think about other than just the technology and making this product is you know is there going to be a regulation? What's the market like? Is there reimbursement? And so me always wanting to do everything thinking I can do the science and I can do the business. And, you know, I just became

curious in that. And so I've kind of sort of transitioned a little bit into doing that at my company. So tell us a little bit about I know that you come from a big family. So when you were growing up, did you feel like boundaries was something that was talked about in the household? Or did you just kind of navigate and later on learned what they were? Yeah, definitely. There, I don't know if I, I think I learned about boundaries later on. You know, it's like whatever your parents said, that's what you did. That's very much like the way I grew up. And, you know, you're the child, right? And you're just, you know, doing what you're told and, you know, navigating life through what your parents want for you and what they think is best for you. So I don't know if I really learned about boundaries until I got like a little bit older and, you know, kind of getting more on your plate and learning, you know, what those boundaries

are and how they change. They can change quite often. So now that you have your own family, is this something that you try to implement? I know you have Natalie, who's your toddler, and Dylan, who's five months old. As you kind of create your own family, are there certain things that you've pulled from that you're kind of reinventing the status quo for yourself? Like, how do you kind of come at it from a mom and a provider now yeah I so my kids are young and so I definitely try to teach them like you know I have a toddler that's three and a half so she's definitely learning getting her own feelings we've now

introduced a new baby to her so like you know she wants her you know teaching her some boundaries that she wants to have um but you know just letting her feel what she's feeling and saying like you know it's okay to feel like this giving her the time to have like that moment of whatever she's feeling trying to talk her through it and letting her know like we're there for her um and things like that but also it's like that fine line of like you know you teaching them right from wrong you know of like you can have a temper tantrum because you're feeling this way but like just because you're you're feeling like this doesn't mean that's the correct reaction to every situation. So that's tough to navigate. But you know, I think like, growing up and things like that,

I don't know if my parents kind of like talked us through, you know, kind of like you're, you know, this is what it is. But I think my art, my husband and I parenting style is just like, okay, we understand you're going through this. You know, let's give you your time to feel what you're feeling. Do you want me to be here with you? Do you want time by yourself? And teaching her through that, I don't know if that answers the question. Yeah, no, it does. And can you share a bit of advice for those who think like, how does she balance it all? I know there's there's actually a movie with Sarah Jessica Parker. I don't know if you guys saw it. And it's called like, I don't know how she does it. That's literally the name of the movie. And it's like the same thing. The woman has like a career. She has kids, she has a spouse. And I think it, you know, you don't have to have all those things to know how to balance it all.

Everybody's always trying to balance it all. But I know the past few years have been, because I know you personally, have been quite a lot of changes, right? And so do you have any advice for people? We have a lot of young listeners, too, that are starting out in their career journey. young listeners too that are starting out in their career journey. And I remember when I was starting out, I was kind of would look at these people and be like, how did they do all this stuff? All I'm doing is going to school and I just can't get through that. And like, I need to get up and do my hair. And this is enough for me. So, you know, do you have any words of wisdom for things that have helped you?

Yeah, I think it's funny you say that because it just depends on where you are in life. Like I remember going to school and being like, oh, my God, like this is so much work. And, you know, and that's just where you are in your life. Right. And that is like consumes your whole life. And it is a lot for you at that moment in time and what you're feeling is valid. But as you start to add things on to your life, I think you figure out how to like navigate it, right? And so like when I first started my career, and it was like my first job, you know, I could like stay late and I could like come in early and stay late. It didn't matter if I

ate dinner, I said like why don't you use for dinner? You know, I didn't have anyone to take care of but myself. And then I thought, okay, I'm going to go back to school and I'm going to do my MBA. And I found a program that fit for me. And it was a night school. So I would work all day and then I would go to class two times a week. And that, you know, helped me reach my goal and able to do it all, able to go to work and then able to do, to go to school, to get my MBA. And then here comes my now husband is like, will you marry me? And I'm like, well, this is a grand time for you to ask me, you know, like just jump into my next, you know, what, what I want to do for my life

and career. Okay, let's add like planning a wedding and, you know, things like that. And I would just say, you know, life comes at you fast. It's great to have a plan and a routine in place. And I think that's like the start of how you can have it all. I was just having that plan in place and knowing that it might change a little bit and then really getting your routine down of, okay, this is what I need to do. This is what's going to fill my cup. This is what, you know, I want to do. And so that has really helped me navigate now that I am a mom and I chose to like continue to work full time is um really having that routine of saying like and prioritizing what is on my plate too um I think

it's how you can do it also just because I'm a newish mom you know my kids are my priority that doesn't mean I can't work or do my job well right it? It's just, right now, I have chose to be there for my kids. Like, I want to be a part of what's going on my daughter's preschool and things like that. So I'm going to make sure I take time off of work for that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to be good at my job, or I'm not going to be able to do how I've been working. It just means that I'm not going to be the first one to say, hey, I can travel here, or I can go to all these conferences or be the first one to volunteer when something new comes up. Because now I know I only have this much time for work that I can dedicate to work. Because I still have my family and I want to be involved in that way. And I think a lot of people

think or feel like it has to be an all or nothing kind of thing where you, you know, if you're not always, yes, yes, yes, I can do this at my job. Or if you're not the first one to answer an email or say, hey, I can link this project that you aren't doing, you know, the best that you can do. But and so for me, I just made that choice. And there'll come a time when my kids are a little bit older and they have a better routine. And then I will be able to further my career in a different way. But you can do it. I think it's just really having a plan, knowing that your plan is going to change and setting that routine up for success. And I'll be the first to tell you, sometimes your routine falls apart. You're sleeping.

There's traffic you're you know my husband has other work needs that we have to meet and that's okay you just regroup and then you jump back on and you know you can get everything done as you're talking I'm kind of seeing this visual in my mind of you know these different energy bubbles because we're all holistic beings but these like different energy bubbles of things in your life that overlap in the middle as you as a being and you know you have to kind of manage those boundaries of those bubbles of who you are and so what have you found is the most challenging thing in doing that in the different bubbles or areas in your life and you know maybe if you've had as you've as those bubbles have grown like you said and have added on having a family and all of that of your own yeah I think it's for work I think

sometimes it's really hard to not take on more than I know I should because I you know I can sit in a meeting and everybody kind of knows what they need to do. But I'm like, you know, they haven't thought about this. And no one's really saying they're going to do this. And I can see how we can make up some time. And before, if it was just me again, right, or even if it was just me and I was married, I could take on all those extra things. And so now it's, I have to like hold myself back and say it's, you know, I'm not responsible for every single part of what's going on at work, right? So like,

if this is my goal, or this is what I need to complete to do my job, then I need to focus on that and make sure I can do that really good, you know, in case I have to take a day off, if the kid's sick or something like that, or if I need a mental, you know, break, you know, make sure I can do what I'm supposed to be doing and, you know, bring up those things that I see, but not necessarily like Tiffany take on those tasks. So that has been a challenge to do. Like, you know, it's in your nature to want to like fix those things. And I could do that, or I can adjust the schedule, or, hey, let me call that company, you know, let me get this information. But, you know, I think that's always going to be like, really, really difficult. And for me, like, I only work so many hours now because at a certain time, like I have to go pick my daughter up from school.

Right. And that's like a non-negotiable for me. Like she doesn't need to be working an eight to 10 hour shift at preschool. Right. Like it's time for her. It's time for us to get her. And it's time for us to go home and have family time and dinner together and so I think because I have that hard stop there like that helps me kind of keep those those boundaries in place and also to not get myself overwhelmed and just to focus on what I'm what I'm supposed to be doing too. I love what you're saying now and I kind of came up earlier as well around you know your kids are also little working professionals in the making and they're working professionals in their own right in their in their world and so is your husband and so you you can build the life you have because of a beautiful team that you're working together with

how you manage within that team and you know everyone has their part to play with their own little bubbles and own boundaries. And I think that's beautiful because it's quite hard, I think, to manage sometimes those relationships across those boundaries of other things happening in your life. But it's beautiful when you can integrate them in the way you have. Yeah, I remember Ruki was talking about her daughter's birthday I think she was turning three and she's like yeah she's so excited she's graduating into a new class and she's talking about it she can't sleep she just she's having a birthday she's so excited about her birthday party because she has a birthday party in her old class and in her new class and it was just so funny the

way she was describing it. And I'm like, well, that's like the biggest thing going on in her life right now. Like, she just thinks this is life. Like, I'm turning three, she doesn't fully understand exactly what that means. But she knows she gets to make new friends in a new class, she gets to have two birthdays, she gets double the gifts. And I feel like that's how we kind of move through life, right? Is whatever's in front of us is the biggest absolute thing. You know, I kind of always go back to like, in school, because that's like the first time you have independence, the first time you're, you're setting your own schedule, your parents aren't there to say like, wake up, you missed school. You're, you know,

wake up, you're about to miss the bus. Like you're just on your own when you miss the bus or you're like, crap, I got to make an excuse now. So I think it's just really interesting as we move and grow older, it's just new things that come up. And for us, this is what it might be. And then, you know, as we get older, it might be, well, shit, now we have to and then you know as we get older it might be well shit now we have to like you know figure out finances now we have to figure out what we really like to do now we have to figure out what retirement home we're going to be and so it's always going to be like the biggest thing right yeah and I think like you bring up an important thing of like you know whatever it's like you talk about that little girl and she's turning three but it's you know whatever's in

front of us and it's like you know and i think understanding and meeting people where they are like you know my like my daughter like she having a birthday like that like that's all she knows right so like teaching her and celebrating that and you know showing her like okay you'd be excited about this this is what you have going on in your life and helping her build those things in life. And understanding what's important to someone to her at that time or someone at that time and saying, okay, I remember when I was there. And you're in the back of your mind, you're like, okay,

that's not really priority, but I remember being there and supporting them, you know, where they they are I think is um is important too yeah absolutely and and you know like we were saying you know you are setting an example of boundary management as a parent to a child and it's it's a beautiful responsibility that probably I don't know if it weighs on you, but I can imagine, and you probably walk into it so naturally. But when you start to think about it, and how you're teaching them to set their own little boundaries and celebrate their milestones and become these fully sufficient human beings in the world, have you found like it's quite difficult? Do you feel

like it's like something that weighs on you? Or has it just been like, naturally, this is how I navigate life, and so it comes easily? I think back to when my parents had me, and I'm like, man, they really didn't know what they were doing. Because my husband and I talked about, man, we really don't know what we're doing. And not saying we don't know what we're doing at like like for everything but like those hard moments when you're trying to teach a lesson or you know you're just like okay and so like you know me and my husband will like talk and like you know now we did this and I'm like and so I did

this and my husband said well she did this and but I did this and so we try to like get on the same page of like okay we need to be telling her the same thing consistently to to help her understand and navigate life and so it's always like the challenging you know when they start to test their boundaries, that part's hard and not easy to like fully navigate. And, you know, and for that point, it's just like me and my husband trying to be on the same page. I'm like, okay, bedtime, if we're protesting bedtime, like, what do we, you know, both need to do so that she's not getting over, like, she does this with you, and then she gets over on me, you know, sort of thing. And so it's just trying to navigate that together and being on the same page of, OK, this is what we're going to do. And I think that if we're being consistent, then it will help her with whatever she's going through.

Help us set those boundaries that she's that she needs it's not easy raising a toddler you know it's like you can't know you can't have a snack before dinner no you can't have dessert you know those kinds of things that you you know you need to like set in place And that's what our life is sometimes. It feels like you guys are like co-founders of this business, this little project. It's like, how do you raise this little business, this little brand into the world

and have them develop into the product that they want to be, that they fully are, without putting too many limits on them, but guiding them in the right way. So that's really hard. I mean, a lot of companies don't get it right. Never mind the emotion of a little human being on top of that. So kudos. I will say Tiffany does it with a lot of grace and a lot of lists.

I've been in her house. grace and a lot of lists. I've been in her house. There's a lot of lists. And I was like, yes, I should make more lists. After I went there, I was like, I knew I was onto something with the lists, but it gave me validation. I was like, yes, I've been telling Steph about the list for a while now. And I kind of laid off of it because I was like, oh, fine, maybe I don't need all these lists. But after I went to Tiffany's house, I was like, no, fine, maybe I don't need all these lists. But after I went to Tiffany's house, I was like, no, I needed the list. I knew it. I mean, I think for me, like if you have good

communication all around, right, then people like know what to expect. Like, yeah, I'm a very list person. Like we have our routine of like, this is how it goes in the morning. Like one day I'm a very list person like we have our routine of like this is how it goes in the morning like one day I'm in the office the next day my husband's in the office but we try to keep the routine similar for Natalie just the different parents taking you to school sort of thing to keep consistent and so we have like that routine and that list but then we have like okay this is our big to-do list for whenever we get free, which whatever that means when you're a parent. These are things that we need to focus on. This is what our week is going to look like. And for me, like just knowing that I have a plan and a routine just helps everything go smoothly.

So like I get stuck in traffic or something and we're running late. Like my husband can just pick up. He's like, hey, I know what we're going to have for dinner. I can start doing those things. Or, okay, you're going to be late. I need to go get Natalie from school. And that just, it just works for me. And I would just say having really good communication. I think my husband thinks I'm annoying because I'll repeat myself multiple times.

And he's like, yes, I heard you. And I was like, well, sometimes you don't hear me. How have you gotten Ray to your husband to get on board with these lists? Is he a list person or has he like realized for himself it's made life easier or did you have to cajole him? I'm asking for personal reasons. You know, I think he's just very like go with the flow

and I think he just knows that I'm very like particular about things like I you know like things to be like neat and tidy and my motto is like if you just put things away right where they belong and we just do things throughout the week right we're going to be efficient I try to teach my daughter the same thing like these are your shoes go these were these are your toys go because that way like on the weekend we can just enjoy each other like that everything's kind of already picked up and tidy and now you know we worked, all worked so hard during the week, going to school, going to work, you know, pick up, drop off, you know. And so for me, that just helps me because I just feel like I don't have like a lot of time to myself. And I don't want to spend it cleaning. And I don't want to spend it doing things that are going to take away when we can be spending it together.

And so I think Ray just like kind of goes with the flow. And I think, like I say, I over-communicate. I'll tell you, I'll write it on the list, I'll write it on the fridge if it's really important. And he gets it, too, because now he knows that we really don't get a lot of free time. And I get stressed if the baby's napping and Natalie's napping and he's on's on his computer i'm like what are you doing like do something fun like what do you what do you need your research like you know you know like and so i you know i worry about us like making sure that we're having our own time to do our own things that aren't like researching oh we need a new car seat or we need a double stroller you know like when we have those

moments to sort of wind down like is it catching up on a show or having a cup of tea or you know chatting with someone on the phone and things like that so I don't know you have to ask Ray next time like how does he put up with me I guess you know what I'm hearing from what you're saying as well is something that's so important like you mentioned communication but respect for each other's space respect for each other's life and career and and and ways of doing things like you said you know you're this person and whatever else and also trust is a huge thing because you know trusting each other and how you navigate and even trust between you and your your kids and for them to do the things have the authority pack away your things all of that it's um and that's what makes a great team right um so have you found that in like the working world it's harder to set boundaries than in a family relationship?

Or is it kind of the same? That's a good question. I would always say I think it's a little bit harder to set boundaries. You never want to. I think you're very careful about saying no, especially when it pertains to your job and going further in your career. You feel like, I feel like I don't want to miss an opportunity. And you don't have that close, tight-knit relationship like you do with your family.

I can tell my husband anything. And he fully supports me and I fully support him. Like you say, we have that trust and we have that open line of communication. open-line communication. Whereas in the corporate working space, you would hope you have a good working relationship with your boss, but you're not. I don't think you're always as candid as you would be with your spouse or your family. And so I think it is a little bit more challenging there. And for me, I have always loved working. And as long as I'm never, I'm always, like I have always loved working. And, you know, as long as I'm busy, I'm happy. Like you tell me to like put these things in a spreadsheet,

it's going to be the best spreadsheet you can get, you know. And I never want to miss out on something that could be, you know, a great experience. And so that I think has always been a challenge for me. But now that I am a mom, I think it's like we're saying the priorities like I can't always say yes I can't always take on you know things and I think that's like kind of what pulls me back there is because like at a certain time I have to go and it's a you can call me in the car or you can send me an email or it's a tomorrow kind of thing because I have to be there now for my kids. Yeah, it's a hard one. I think a lot of women are choosing not to have kids because they want to further their careers, maybe because they're not sure how to navigate those

boundaries. You know, how do you do both? I think I mentioned once on this podcast, I thought I'd be the superwoman mom with like corporate life and family career. And then you kind of get into it and you're like, damn, this is hard. Like I haven't even got the kids yet. This is hard. Just managing your own self-worth along with managers and work and, you know, like all these things we've mentioned. So I can totally appreciate that.

And I think you probably learn so much about your self-care and boundaries and what's good for you and how you go forward what's your joy within the context of of having a family and probably stretches you more and you grow more than you would have realized which is beautiful too yeah I think you when you become a parent like I'm very like I always think like oh this project is going to go great like we're going to have this baby it's going to be wonderful we're going to be like sleep isn't going to be a problem but you know there's gonna you know i i always think i always take like a positive approach to everything and every we have a schedule it'll be fine and we're big to know anything about the schedule and you know you fully don't know what you're getting into until you're you're there and you're kind of forced to navigate with what you got, you know, and it's tough and you get stretched

and like you're saying, you realize what's important and you realize what you can do, right? There's only 24 hours in a day and you're supposed to be getting eight hours sleep. I don't know who does that. I didn't really do that before I had kids. But if you really just look at the grand scheme of you only have 24 hours in a day. And for me, like I have a big commute to work. And so it's like, maybe it takes me like an hour and a half to get to and from work. I'm supposed to be working, you know, eight to nine hours a day, depending on the day. You got to pick your kids up you have to you know I like to cook dinner with our family like have good meals have our time to catch up that's our time and then it's like bath and bedtime and do it all over again but and it's tough and it's just like it's just

this well little machine that you got to keep going because everybody's got to go to work and you got to go to school and you got to eat um But really just trying to focus on what's in front of you and enjoy what you're doing. So when I'm at work, I'm focused. If I know my kids are taken care of, I'm enjoying what I'm doing at work. I'm focused at work. When I'm at home, I'm just focused on home. I enjoy cooking dinner for my family. If it's a rough day or whatever, we're getting

takeout. And it just, it is what it is. You know, you're rolling with it as you go. But, you know, and it's, and for anyone who's going through it, and it's just really hard, you have to worry about yourself and your job and your family. And, you know, you want to spend time with your spouse and things like that. It's just difficult for a season and it will get better as you go on. So I remember when I had my daughter, I, and I look back on them, people are like, how did you go to school and work? And, you know, it was during COVID, you had a COVID baby and, you know, there's no daycare or preschool or anything open. And I look back on it and I truly will say I don't know how we did it I really don't

know because like you know if I had to go to school now I had two of them like I'd die I'm dead like there's no way I would you know I couldn't do it but it's it's just it's a difficult season and you'll look back and you'll say I don't know how I did it but you did it because you figured it out you figured out what was important to you. You prioritized what was important to you. And you got through it. And when you're in the thick of it, like people say, oh, it gets better. Not when you're in it. Like, you know, you really feel it.

You're struggling. It's hard. But you get through it like day by day. And it gets better. And even, you know, and I even talk to my parents about like, you know, how did you guys do it? And they look back and say, I don't know how we did it, but we did it, you know. And it's subconsciously you're making those choices. You're setting those boundaries.

You are prioritizing what's important to you and what needs to be done. And you just get it done. And so did you see yourself here, you know, 10 years ago? Oh, gosh, no, no. I thought, similar to Nicole, I thought I was going to be like a young mom and I was going to have my kids in my 20s. And, you know, I was going to have a career. And I mean, I do wish I had my kids when I was a little bit younger versus my early 30s. I just feel like I'd have more energy.

But, you know, when I look back on it now, like having my kids later in life and getting a chance to have my career be, you know, financially set and stable, it worked out for me, you know. But, you know, I thought I was going to be a doctor and be in pediatrics and go that route. I did not think I was going to be a scientist and do all these cool projects that I work on. So I don't know how that landed in my lap, but it did. And, yeah, here I am. I think a lot of people head out to do something and then they're like, how did I end up here? And I think that's where I am. head out to do something and then they're like how did I end up here and I think that's where I am can you share with us what the best professional advice is that you've gotten

the best professional advice I've gotten let's see I think it is always staying true to what you want to do or what feel you're interested in. You know, for me, like I was on the border of I want to do science and research, but also interested in business. And so I kind of stuck myself in my career of learning science and all of that. stuck myself in my career of learning science and all of that and and then I um went on to get my my MBA and that doesn't mean because I didn't do it in the beginning it doesn't mean I couldn't go back and and add to my career my portfolio. I think that's good advice it's a lot of people feel like if you didn't do it in the first few years, it's encouraging to see people doing it later when they have so many other obligations

going on. Because and I think it has a lot to do with not only your personality, but also like the fact that you prioritize because I know you firsthand and you are a very positive person, like no matter what we're doing, if we're going to brunch, if we're talking about, you know, work stuff, if you're cooking dinner, if you're dealing with your siblings, sorry, I didn't mean to push that on you. That's me dealing with my siblings, you talking to your siblings. But you're always very positive and like in the moment. And I noticed that about you. You're always very positive and like in the moment. And I noticed that about you. And so it's like one thing to have the resume,

but it's also a different thing to be around people and see what they're actually like, how they live their life, like how they manage to do this. Because when you kind of step into someone's house in their shoes, you can see like, okay, this is how you managed to get this done. You have supportive partner, you've planned,

you follow the plan, you know, so I think those are the things that people can't see from the podcast, they wouldn't know. But I feel like it's worth mentioning, because I know you and I know like your personality. And it's really been awesome to see how you've like blossomed over the past few years and managed to navigate all these new things. And I feel like some of my friends who are moms, they're just like super women in my eyes. Like I have friends who like killing it in the corporate world. And they're super women in a different way. But some of the moms, the stuff that they tell me, I'm just like, yeah, I don't know how I would be able to handle it, to be quite honest. Like, you could give me some strategic problems

and I could get some answers for you, but that, I don't know what I would do with that. I think it's all about, like, you know, enjoying where you are. Like, my husband will be like, why, you know, for Valentine's Day, and Saj actually sent me an idea where you send, you take a picture of your kid holding,

like, pretending to hold a lollipop, and then you stick the lollipop in the picture. And so I was like, like oh that's really cute and you know and I was like why are you going to do that I'm like I don't know because it's cute and you know I think it'd be really nice for her classmates to have because you can't write her name very well and so they know like you know and Natalie will help me put it together and you know for Christmas I'll make a treat bag and I was like why are you doing like why because why not you know why not like enjoy where you are celebrate the season you know could i use like the extra sleep or something probably but you know that's what like you know that's what i want to do on my i want her to remember have memories of us doing those things together and um you know just

because i'm working that doesn't mean that you know I can't be a part of what's what's going on for her it's hard so what what are some of the things that you do to kind of de-stress and fill your cup back up oh for me de-stressing right now is just if I'm getting, like, frustrated or something, just calling my husband and saying, hey, I need you to take the baby because, like, I'm really frustrated right now. And I don't know, like, I can't get him to sleep or whatever's going on. And just saying, hey, I need a moment before I get frustrated about, like, whatever's going on. And then, honestly, just sitting down and having a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate where, like, everyone's asleep, and that's kind of, like, my wee time, you know, and, like, putting on a show.

You know, I'm trying to find something that, like, a show that, you know, I can just click on whenever I have a free moment just to like not be doing anything. But, you know, I've learned this is my second baby now of, you know, not doing things like when they're asleep or napping. Like I don't need to be cleaning and I don't need to be doing this and that. I know I need to take the time to have the downtime to sit down and just enjoy that. I don't have anyone that needs me or I don't need to do anything. So I've really been embracing that the second time around. And I think that's part of because I have my daughter, we have this routine. Like, you know, at a certain time, the house is shut down and things are tidy. And I don't really have to worry about anything. And then, you know, recognizing when I need to just take a day like, I think it was like, I took three months off when

I had my son. And I went back January 2 to work. And I think it was like the second week of work. and I think it was like the second week of work, and I was just like exhausted. I was just like I had no energy, and I was like, I need to take the day off. And, you know, usually I wouldn't do that. Like, you know, I can't waste a day. You know, I need to save it for something fun. And I took the day off, and I just caught up on things that were bugging me. I needed to be done around the house. And I just had a day where I didn't have to worry about work.

And normally I just wouldn't do that. But I needed that. And I was like, you know, coming back to work and I don't have any, I used all my time for FMLA. And I'm like, you know, I was toying with myself. But I was like, like no I needed to take this day off even though I've only been back to work for 10 days you know it was just a hard I recognized it was just a hard transition for me and I just needed that time I can totally resonate with what you're saying and I think it's so beautiful that you did that you know that's like

the true self-awareness that's so hard for all of us because we always want to be there for everybody and I was just working with a client earlier saying something similar like you know he's going through a lot of change in his life and then he needs all the sleep and downtime and in the moment it's the self-care thing to do and then like the next day you look back and you like berate yourself and it's like well i should have used this time for i could have i would have but they recognize you know recognizing that you can have compassion for where you are and the change is difficult you know and a transformation is not easy i think that's a wonderful takeaway for all of us just to have compassion and and to do the

self-care things and even if it feels uncomfortable in the moment. Yeah, and just give yourself grace, I think. Be easy on yourself and it's okay. I've gotten a little bit more help this time around with my son, where my in-laws will come. I took a nap when they were there and i was like okay there's milk in the fridge for him you know just give him a bottle and i'm gonna take a nap and after i took a nap and you know something else i was like man i wonder if they think i'm lazy that i took a nap you know what a ridiculous thing for me to think right like you know i'm i'm not lazy you know but why would i you know And my husband's like, no.

You need a moment of rest to re-energize yourself so that you can be there for people. So I think that you brought up a good point there, Nicole. I think we all feel it. Yeah. Did you ever see that Instagram where it's like the two toddlers and there's one like screaming and crying? The younger one and the older one is like, did you take a nap today? I think you should take a nap today. And I was like, I feel that little kid because that's literally me. Literally somebody asked me that.

Like, okay, we're not going to say somebody. Steph asked me that like two weeks ago. He's like, did you take a nap today? And I was like, no. He's like, I think you should take a nap. I'm like, me too. I can't deal with this crap anymore. But yeah, I think you try not to get to that point. And it's true. Like you feel it coming, you know, like all day, there's like stuff going on. And this literally, I mean, it's happening more and more often to me. But like, yesterday, I had to

go I ran out of tacos, I made all this taco stuff and I didn't have enough shells. And so like I have all this meat now and I don't have anything to eat it with. I made this like quinoa thing to go with it. I put too much salt in it. So the whole thing I had to throw out. So I was just like on one yesterday and literally in Whole Foods like muttering to myself. And I'm like, are the tortillas here? Like, why can't they just clearly label it? Why did I have to walk the whole thing? I'm literally

just like seething. And this man comes up to me and he's like, do you need help, miss? And I was like, yes, I do need help. Where are the tortillas?'s like he's like they're right here they have this one they have the frozen one they have this one and I was like thank you like I was just like I don't know who was gonna get it if this man didn't show me where the tortillas but somebody but that's true right like we always so it's hard for us to ask for help, but the help's always there. And sometimes the universe is like, just send that man down that aisle so she can help. Or just have the in-laws there so you can take a nap

or whatever it might be. But then it's also saying yes to that. And that's the hard thing. That's the boundary thing. That's blissful or it would backfire, you know. Talking about that, we do this you know the thing of gems of the week so can you share with us what has been yours like what's filled your cup well uh yesterday we had the holiday which was president's day um so we decided to take the kids to the aquarium we

have a annual member pass. So we said, instead of just having the day off, staying at home, doing nothing, let's get out and some fresh air. Let's be brave parents and take our toddler and five-month-old, almost five-month-old out to just do something different. Out of the routine, we had the day off to spend it as a family. And, you know, we really enjoyed doing that we didn't know how it was going to go but it's kind of one of those things of okay we need to see if this is going to work or not you know I'm sure there are a lot of listeners that are going nodding and going yes yes we totally understand that fear and then overcoming that so that's wonderful

well those are those are kind of our final thoughts. And thank you so much, Tiffany, for coming on and sharing your experience. I think there's a lot of people who are listening who are probably in similar shoes to a certain degree. So we really appreciate you coming and sharing your gems to our listeners. Do you have any final thoughts? And do you want to share where our listeners. Do you have any final thoughts? And do you want to share where our listeners can find you? Yeah, just thank you for having me. I thought this was like a therapy session. I didn't

know I needed it. I was just, you know, getting to chat with you, both of you wonderful women, kind of just taking a moment to reflect on, you know, where I am and how my life has really changed so quickly. I mean, like, with Sajah saying I met Sajah, you know, where I am and how my life has really changed so quickly. I mean, like, with Sajah saying I met Sajah, I was engaged. I got married. Then I had my daughter. Now I had my second son. So, you know, it's taking a moment to, like, I don't think I've really taken a moment to really reflect on how my life has changed.

And just, you know, here to encourage whoever might be going through something similar. You can do it. You can have the career and you can have the family and you can enjoy both. You don't have to be miserable in your career, you know, be frustrated. It's all the things you have to balance as a family. You can enjoy it and just might mean you need to take a step back a little bit. So I just want to be that encouraging voice to say you are strong and you can do it. And you will get through it.

And just really want to encourage whoever might be thinking about, you know, adding something else to your plate. Just think about it and have a plan and you can do it. That's great advice and we're going to share tiffany's contact info so when you feel like you can't you can message her directly i'm just kidding yeah um no really you know you think it's a joke but any like i have like a lot of mom friends that are like in the similar and we just have like this group text and we just encourage each other and hey my baby didn't sleep either or you know the other day like my uh friend

she she I don't know how she did it she had her second kid and her kids are closer in age and she made me like a shepherd's pie and she brought me cookies and all I could do was cry and think like how are you able to do such this kind thing for me, you know, and, you know, you're in the same space as me. And, you know, I think, hey, I'm here to encourage and help navigate whatever, you know, you need help, you know, doing. Been there, you know. That's amazing. Thank you. you know that's amazing thank you thank you for putting out that encouragement and that invitation for people to reach out to you know and you you being that voice of inspiration for people out

there and it's it's wonderful so thank you so much for sharing that with us and your lights and love with us today and we're wondering you know you guys listening out there what tactics are you using to set boundaries in your life maybe which ones have backfired and why which have turned into blissful moments and passed to success and yeah we want to learn from your experiences as well and we'd love to hear from you remember to tag us using hashtag these friday feels to show your stories and listen to us on all your favorite platforms to work with us or potentially have us broadcast friday feels from your space check out our website at friday-feels.co we are embarking on a journey into the ominous topic of

money positivity yes you know it it's a love-hate relationship of worth that we all have to master in our lifetimes. So let's figure out how it is that we make this so hard for ourselves, how to snap out of the trauma bond we have created with this thing we call money. So stay tuned for that. But until next time, that is our mix. We've had fun mingling with you and we wish you safe travels into your bed, into the night and into this awesome weekend. See you next week and keep it real.