Your Happy Hour - Episode 4: Get Distracted

Episode Date: December 29, 2023

Happy Friday everyone!Tune in to episode 4 and let’s chat about how to Get Distracted.Does this sound contradictory? Well let’s find out as we continue to explore what From Distraction to Attraction means and whether it’s possible to embrace distraction in our lives.We welcome our very first guest, Nicky Thompson, Client Director at Mannaz, who has used interesting attraction techniques to figure out how to navigate being human in the working world.In this episode we unpack topics such as: navigating the internal and external distractions, addressing the wicked problems that arise between work and self, understanding the expectations of your authentic self and actioning attraction in human capital led-leadership in 2024.We’ll be here - every Friday - celebrating with you!Connect with us @ friday-feels.co▶ Podcast Chapters00:01:40 - Welcome to our guest speaker, Nicky Thompson!00:03:29 - What does ‘Get Distracted’ mean to you? Is distraction a negative thing?00:07:55 - Navigating distractions: Finding the signals that shift things for you00:13:31 - Tap into the power of your microflows00:16:58 - Shifting strategies for success: Human capital in companies00:20:00 - Move what matters: The wicked problems between work and self00:23:21 - Patterns of perception: Navigating the expectations of your authentic self00:25:56 - Break the boundaries: Reprogramming your layers of attraction00:33:09 - Goals for 2024: Cancel your gym membership00:36:54 - A quick story: Letting go of who you are00:41:00 - Human capital led-leadership: The other side of being a working professional00:44:17 - Action Attraction: Take and make the time for your heart and soul00:46:05 - Question for the week, thank you’s and last thoughts

Happy Friday beautiful people and hello to you all out there tuning in for your first sip of the weekend. you're tuned into your happy hour with friday fields we're celebrating all you working professionals out there doing your crazy craft embracing the beauty of being human and connecting authentically we're your host saja nicole and we're living and working around the world holding space for you and keeping it raw and real as we share fresh content with you every week. Follow us on LinkedIn at Friday Feels and Instagram at These Friday Feels for updates throughout the week. We took a little break to celebrate the Christmas feels and this week we're jumping back into the theme from distraction to attraction. In episode two, we explored the topic, just see what sticks and check out that episode if you haven't already.

And we ended it off with the notion that perhaps distraction is not such a bad thing after all. So this week, we decided to take this a little deeper into how to then lead into these things, which we generally want to label as negative in our lives. It's a topic we're calling Get Distracted. We will find attraction by focusing on distraction. Well, does this sound a bit contradictory to you? Perhaps, yes, but there may be some method to the madness. So we decided to phone a friend on this one. And this week we are joined by our very first guest speaker, our wonderful friend and successful working professional, Nikki Thompson.

Welcome, Nikki. It is so good to have you with us. It feels like yesterday that we were on the athletics track together in high school. It actually feels like even longer ago that we were living it up as students at University of Cape Town. It's really, truly special to me today to have you on the podcast. And for you guys out there, Nikki and I have come a long way. We've really watched each other go through a lot in our lives. We're going out the fastest relay team times and navigating school, what we wanted to study, who we wanted to date, bad relationships,

good relationships, etc. So watching this journey of yours has been incredibly inspiring. And I know last week, or the week before, Saj and I were sharing some personal stories on distractions we experienced in our lives, attractions we've managed to pull into our lives, and just explored the theme of working through perceived negativity around attaining positivity in the things we do. So tell us a little bit about where you are and how you've been able to attract so many amazing things into your life. And I'm sure, I know it's not always been a joy ride. And that's the thing, right? Living an extraordinary life like you are is not plain sailing. It's absolutely not always moonshine and roses. So these things come with hard work. And yeah, just tell us a little bit about what this topic means to you.

Thanks, Nicole. I mean, I think it's been, it has been to your point every long time that we've known each other and it's been a very special, special time and I echo seeing your growth as well. So it's been, it's been really interesting to be a part of that sort of journey from school friends, from young teenagers all the way through to thriving adult female entrepreneurs and professionals is quite a transition. female entrepreneurs and professionals is quite a transition. For me, what I suppose distraction and attraction and why it's so important is the world I work in, the world I have worked in for quite some time as a consultant, so as a client director and consultant within change management, within culture and behavior, and as a background as an organizational psychologist, the work I do is all around humans and all around people and it goes across many different global uh sort of countries um different cultures different spaces industries and i live and i work and breathe in a

in a in a work in an environment which requires everything from me. It requires my personal time as well as my professional time. And I suppose everything that I do, I give the utmost in terms of wanting humans to be better and trying to find out what that looks like and feels like. And we have these moments where we don't necessarily practice what we preach. And it's looking at how I then enrich my own life without being distracted by all the noise and the constant drive, energy and requirements that are put onto us as professionals.

It becomes so difficult to try to find those unique and clear spaces for yourself as a human and as a person, to find those moments of joy and energy and flow. And I sort of found as I've gotten further and further in my career, they've become harder and harder to grab hold of. There's bigger distractions in life. Our world and the world we live in with IT, the world we live in with the constant being on the go,

constantly being on in general, becomes really, really challenging. So finding a way to navigate, how to insert a way to distract yourself, to bring yourself back towards who you are as a human without getting stuck in the noise of the external all the time is just a day-to-day struggle and a day-to-day challenge and it's not only from my side I suppose I have to do this with clients too and I work with clients and see how we

how we make the most of humans collectively as well as individuals and that's really challenging so it's um it's a wonderful topic for me to be able to talk about because I found my own challenges, but my own mini solutions and mini micro flows in the process through learning. That's amazing. And, you know, I think distraction, the word distraction is often seen as so negative.

So how do you view that word? How does it feel for you when I say distraction? It's a good question. I actually have a slightly different take on it. I enjoy creating distraction for myself. I need distraction for myself. I've learned to take the negative association of the word out of it. But I've also learned to take the word normal out of things as well.

So we're, you know, sort of trying to say to say oh but that's not a normal thing to do it's what's one of the hardest things to pull yourself against against what normal graphs a normal bell curve in the same way that we say oh you shouldn't get distracted I don't think we should tie ourselves up and put ourselves into such pressure to to try to be normal or to try to see being distracted as a negative thing if it allows you to then get to a space of flow it's it's I think it's challenging what distraction can mean I think there are negative distractions but then there's also empowering positive distraction things that we can do so there is a difference but the word itself definitely at the moment for most people is more negative. It really is. And it's nice that you can give a different spin to it.

It's nice, like you were saying, also the word normal. And I know for me, the word perfect, what does that actually mean? And we put ourselves in these boxes, right? And we label certain concepts in a certain way. So thank you for bringing us a fresh perspective on that. Do you feel that there's been a specific way in which you have been able to navigate the good distraction and create that flow within your life for you? Yes. So I think over time, I found myself figuring out what the difference was between an internal and an external

distraction I suppose it's we'll often fill our time and space with things which are externally externally validating or externally distracting it might be a case of going and spending time at parties with people having lots of conversations where it's actually quite energized outward and externally, right? There might be an internal space of that where it's great, but we're actually often, if we need the time personally, we've filled it with something else to do. Or we fill ourselves with work. We need to distract ourselves more from something else that's quite hard to figure out internally. The internal distractions could also be something where you might spend more time thinking and doing things internally that actually aren't linked to what's going to grow you and aren't linked to what's going to empower you

and make you better because that's harder. That's much harder to dig into and sometimes you don't want to open that sort of can of worms with yourself of maybe what's not working what I can do better so I have been able to figure out for myself when I'm externally distracting myself and when I'm internally distracting myself so it's something I've done recently I have realized that is really empowering for me and it is it's so simple and you hear a lot of people maybe talking about taking taking a quick really empowering for me. And it's so simple. And you hear a lot of people maybe talking about taking a quick walk. Now, for me, I've realized this. If I go for a quick walk, I turn that into an external distractor.

So I've gone for a walk and it becomes about the walk and it becomes about the actual going outdoors. It's got to do with physical activity. But what I've realized is linking the two things, the internal and external distractions, is going, right, let's be mindful of the walk, mindful of what I'm trying to achieve as I go, and taking real, I suppose, taking a really calm and collected time to perceive everything around me, stopping every sort of, you know, 100 meters, 200 meters,

stopping and actually looking at the things happening around me, finding the small moments of joy that otherwise I would have walked straight past. So in that instead of externalizing it as a distraction, taking the time to go, okay, I'm in a field, there's a dog chasing another dog, instead of being able to walk past it, or maybe finding a bark annoying, or finding it kind of cute, really stopping and watching the interaction, and taking that moment of joy, and filling your

cup up, and then you continue a little bit more. And I find I've turned my little walks into something that ends up being very inspiring. I find I pick up so much more of where I've distracted myself externally and also where I'm missing things that I needed. I find it very invigorating because it empowers me to find inspiration in things I otherwise would not have necessarily been able to figure out. Sitting at home, distracting myself, trying to do brainstorming on a board or trying to do something I would normally, let's use the word normally, normal again, normally try to do or what I've been told. And I think what I found is there's small moments of joy where it almost, I'm going to say it's almost like a childlike enjoyment and moment where everything becomes exciting and interesting. And it is, but we as adults don't have the time. I'm

going to put that in bunny ears. Don't have the time to take it in, which I think is utter nonsense. You can have a shorter walk, but really take the moment to think about and watch it. You can have a shorter walk, but really take the moment to think about and watch it. So walking over the railway tracks, for example, which is not the nicest, prettiest space to go over. But I sat and I watched the trains go by and I watched the signaling and I enjoyed the process of just going right. Now let's watch every single train and I can see which train's coming down which track. And I found I ended up inspiring a whole bunch of children that started walking past who then joined me to watch the trains go by, as well as the parents.

And it was something where they stopped because I looked so fascinated and interested in what was going on around me. And they stopped on the bridge to join my enjoyment, I suppose. And it was something where as I carried on walking along, I just felt a sense of calm. The distractions that I had going on in my mind started disappearing a little bit more. And I found a little bit more sense of clarity of self. I got rid of the noise that I had,

the worries, the anxiety, the overthinking, the to-do list that we hold in our head at all times. That got to shift slightly to the side. And I got to focus on what I needed and where my joy was coming from. And that was, it is so powerful, so powerful and something so simple that you can do every single day. And that I still, I find myself today, for example, yesterday, I needed to go for a walk because I know what I actually get from that because I've tuned into the walk. I've tuned into the internal and external distraction and making that me being, as your words, attracting myself back to who I am and what I need. That's awesome. Do you find that you've made this part of your daily practice?

I try to as best as possible, yes. So it's something where even if, for example, I'm on a commuting train on the way back home, I always sit next to the window. I like to sit next to the window because that's where my focus time goes into and I'm able to click into finding every single detail as I go along. It is one of the most invigorating things when you tap into your power of observation and just remove the noise going on. It is very exciting. So you can do it on the train commuting

home. You can do it on your way down to make a cup of tea. Stopping to just observe the small things in your home that don't annoy you, that aren't out of place, that aren't the things you need to do or fix, but the things that bring you joy and happiness. The small little things that as you go along that you might glance out of the window and see a bird, a robin, you know, whatever's going around, a small blossom growing on a tree outside. Something as simple as that and taking the moment to observe that over the mess in the to-do list that creates the noise in your head. That's doable every single day and that doesn't take time because I'm already taking the time to do something else, right?

It fits into the small gaps and I think your question about can you do that every day, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make time for ourselves and take the time out for ourselves. And I find that incredibly pressurising actually and I think most people do. It's great but often by the time we get there, there's almost so much pressure to take time for ourselves that we put all of these other things into the time for ourselves

to make time for ourselves. And it's kind of this weird contradictory space we end up being. It's like, oh, I need to read now. I need to paint. I need to do hobbies because it's time for myself. And it becomes a chore. And so sometimes it's stripping all of that back and just starting with small, tiny things.

They're the micro flows that we need to tap into in your day-to-day basis that make your day-to-day better and make it easier and make it less noisy and distracting by the external stuff that we fill our heads and our lives with. Hopefully that makes sense

with what I'm trying to describe. Yeah. Yeah, I think it definitely makes sense. The pressure of trying to make time for yourself. That's something that a lot of people, you know, sometimes in therapy, they will say that sometimes when you go to holistic practitioners, they'll ask you about your stress levels. And they're always like, well, what do you do, you know, for yourself? And then it becomes like a brainstorming exercise. Like, what do I do for myself? Does this count? Does having coffee count for myself? Like what? And we're also just like

trying to measure up to what they they tell us that we should be doing. So it's nice. I like that you said you already took the time to like, it's already allocated. Okay, if I'm going for a walk, this is something I do on my walk. And it probably makes you feel like a sense of accomplishment as well. Because now when you're done, you're just like, oh, well, you know, I got some exercise in. And you probably see the fruits of your labor afterwards, right? It's very much like exercising. You don't want to go, you don't want to go, you actually go. Oh, I feel better. Why didn't I go more? So I think that's, that's a really important point. I'm curious, like, maybe you could share a little bit about your background and what you specifically do with companies and how this little

something that might seem minor has impacted your work or has impacted you as a working professional? Sounds like it's done quite a bit for you personally and also professionally to incorporate this habit into your life. I suppose, yes, I can. And I think one of the caveats I'll give is that in the sense that we are actually all human and so no one gets this right 100% of the time. And it's making sure that we don't hold ourselves to this perfect space I think Nicole you mentioned the word perfect earlier of what I sell and what I deliver with clients I have to apply to my life all the time every time as well it is challenging so I mean my background so in organizational psychology and the work that I

thrive thrive in and love doing and I love working with clients hand in hand and working with their, I'm going to say more the more difficult side of work. People call it soft skills. I'm slightly allergic to the words soft skills because I think it's probably the harder parts of any job. And what I do is specialize in behavioral and cultural shifts and changes and from from what I've sort of done as well as work in fairly global projects and programs and this can be in something as simple as a system new system implementation but what's required at the end of the day is not necessarily the the system we've chosen the system. It's a solution that we're putting into a company. But people have to be able to use it.

They need to understand how to use it. There's an entire process where the human element of it and human capital being the biggest expense that every single company has is then often left to the last consideration. It's often left as something that, oh, yeah, we need to look at that as well. So we've paid loads of money for this financial system, a new or a new IT system, but we kind of, we just need everyone to just do and get on with it. And it's not a success, right? And it's very frustrating in my career when we get asked last minute to come in to fix the people side of things because it's not working and I find uh so more of my where my work is geared up towards more working with leaders uh strategically thinking and thinking long term and thinking up front about what the people needs are and the people requirements and

human capital requirements are to make your company your vision your, your strategies as a success? And then what behaviorally, as you as a leader, do you need to change? Do you need to model to make that a success? So it's one thing being able to, I suppose, tell everyone what you want them to do. But if you're not leading from the front and leading from a space of purpose, purpose ledled leadership and really owning the solutions that you're driving, it's also not going to be a success. So I think where I get, where I see these inspirations is working with fairly challenging and difficult client solutions. The company that I work with, we look at what move, what matters,

and we call it wicked problems. Looking at wicked problems as in the hardest things that people really just don't know how to tackle. And they're hard to talk about. They're really, really difficult to go through conflict and really difficult to look at diversity and inclusion. But what's not happening? Not a training course. Why is it not sticking? What internally do I need to shift and change to make this a reality?

So it becomes very self-reflective for myself to be able to deliver the work and the quality of work I'd like others to understand and believe in. I need to do a lot of work in myself to make sure that I can actually deliver and be authentic in how I sell the work that I do. I think I'd be doing a massive disfavor if I was selling something I didn't practice myself internally. And it is a challenge. So there's a constant dichotomy between what I do on a day-to-day basis and what I have to go home and reflect and practice in my own life. It becomes an all-encompassing space. And then we go to the distraction attraction.

Where's the line between work and self? So with my background in psychology, then I constantly am my worst enemy. I'm constantly applying things to myself and sort of micromanaging my own thoughts of not being this person that I need to be to equip others to be the people they need to be. And it becomes a really interesting space you can get caught into. So I need these things in my life.

I have to put them in my life because it allows me to create the clarity and allows me to create a safe space for myself to actually not hold myself to the normal, perfect, whatever it is that I want to sell, but actually have a chance to breathe and be human. Because I'm selling what it is to be human in an organization. I'm so glad you brought that up. I think this is something a lot of people struggle with. I think of now the stars out there, actors. I mean, that's also their job, right?

They have to be on working professionals, but humans at the the same time and they're being watched all the time so and we have so many influencers out there that are doing the same thing and it's like how do you remain authentic as a person how do you be your silly self and how do you remain human and yet be professional so that's really awesome that you are taking that time that you are seeing that distinction and do you feel like you have any like quick tips and tricks or practical advice for people that are struggling with this out there I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be often what we want others to perceive us as. There's a space where that holding no judgment for yourself and holding the assumption and perceptions of others as your standard of what

you're expected to be all the time is really damaging. For myself, those check-ins that I have to go through is, well, that expectation, is that my expectation of myself or is that an expectation that's placed on me by somebody else? And it's having those moments as a tool and trick to differentiate between the two. They are different things. And those expectations, either you can create a clarifying space where actually, no, my boundary is this. My expectation of myself is X. Your expectation is built on an assumption of what you've seen and who you think I am. But my internal energy tells me that's not what I can deliver or I can't do that. So for where I have probably been far better and more successful in managing that has been

really taking that time and let's take when I take my time or moments of um pulling myself in my distraction moments my healthy distraction moments of really going what are my boundaries what can I do what is my energy actually got to give? Can I give it to something? No, I'm able to set boundaries for others and myself much easier because I've got a sense of where I actually am. And I also am able to then go, hang on, are the expectations I've placed on myself that's creating anxiety or stress or all the noise that we spoke about earlier? Is that something I have self-created off the back of others? Or is that something that we spoke about earlier? Is that something I have self-created off the back of others? Or is that something that is a realistic thing?

Is that actually what's happening? And it often allows you to tick certain things out of a box. It's sort of like, actually, no, that's an assumption or an expectation that I don't need to put on myself. Let's remove that. And you can feel the pressure just releasing. It's something where you're able to go, actually, what's achievable, what's expected

is actually only these five things, not the 10 or 20 things that I originally started off with. And it gives you that sense of self-back. It gives you the sense of just ease to be able to breathe a little bit more. So putting on the different hats, we all have to do that. We all have to change faces and put on a different perception or manage perceptions to some extent. My challenge to that is really figuring out what you want, what you want from yourself

and what you expect from others as well. If you want to be perceived as X and you want others to get to know you as a human being, there's a sense of self and authenticity that you need to be perceived as x and you want others to get to know you as a human being there's a sense of self and authenticity that you need to give to yourself as well so not not meeting everyone else's expectations all the time but having a moment to go what are my expectations of myself first first and foremost before it gets dictated by everybody else's expectations. That's really, really critical. I know it's something I struggled with a lot in my life too. And I think I can see we're all nodding.

So it's something we all struggle with. I know a lot of these things come from your childhood. If I'm wrong, what your parents had expected of you, what you thought they expected of you, what you thought they expected of you, teachers, lecturers, partners in relationships, there's so much there. And then in career, that's like a whole other level because that's also where you make money, right? So that's a whole different ball game. But have you found that such how are you how are you navigating that yeah for sure I think I really liked what Nikki said about identifying when you hear like I think a good example is like when you're going out or I go to meet family and they're like

oh do you want some makeup and I'm like I have on makeup and it's like, oh, do you want some makeup? And I'm like, I have on makeup. And it's like, sometimes I catch myself when I'm like going out, I'm like, oh, I should just put on makeup. And I'm like, I don't really want to put on makeup today. Like, I just want my face to breathe. I don't have any meetings. Like, I don't want to do this. And it's about identifying the things

that you hear in your head. And is it you? Like, is it actually you that wants to do X, Y, Z? Or is it somebody else's expectation of you when you're going in for a meeting? And, you know, there's this whole thing where it's like a notion of you dress for the job that you want, not the job that you have. And so it's something that I struggle with a lot because we know our emotions are kind of fickle. And then we also put in place some of these procedures or these processes so we can kind of, you know, five, four, three, two, one, get out of

bed and do something that we don't want to do because we know if we think about it for too long, then we're actually not going to do it. So it becomes sometimes help for motivation. But then when we think about, okay, are we like happy that we went and did X, Y, Z, or do we just do it because we want to check off a box? I think that is what, you know, Nikki's talking about when she's talking about like the soft skills that are not actually soft, right? It's the hard conversations about like, why am I doing this? Am I doing this because everybody around me is working out or everybody around me wants to stay fit? Am I actually doing these things for myself? And there are some people that do this really well. Like they will get up, they will get dressed and I'll be like, why are you dressed up? And they're like, oh, well, I want to look good for myself. Or like, why are you getting a haircut if you don't have anything

else to do and it took me a while to kind of be that kind of person where you're doing things that you actually want to do because one you never really realize you weren't doing things that you didn't want to do you just realize you thought this is the way you go through life. You get up, you get dressed, you look your best, you do things. And I think just being mindful also of the people that maybe gave you that advice, it probably worked for them. You know, I think for a lot of my friends here in New York, you know, we're the children of immigrant parents and you had to kind of fit in in order to get things done. And I think there's a lot of programming that goes around that. And you try to kind of pass that down to your kids in a way because you don't want them to like get made fun of or stick out too much. And now we're in this thing where we're just trying to be out there on authentic selves. Like, hey, we're going to bring curry into the break room and eat it. Like, you know, just different things. I mean, that's a real generalization. But I do think I, you know, first you have to consider why you think these to the people who gave it to you because sometimes they're really coming from a good place. They're coming from a place of experience. They're coming from something that has worked for them. And it's really on you to kind of separate that and just take it with a grain of salt and say, thank you for your advice, but this doesn't work for me right now. And this

is what I choose to do. And maybe you say that to them or maybe you don't. Maybe you just say, okay, cool. Thank you so much. And you go off and do what you're choose to do. And maybe you say that to them or maybe you don't. Maybe you just say, okay, cool, thank you so much. And you go off and do what you're gonna do anyway. So I think it's a lot of self-realization and that you're talking about. There's layers here to it, right? And if you never stop to really think about like, why do I do these things?

You know, what is it that I'm really trying to get at? You won't hit some of those layers you might hit the first layer which is like yeah you know what I always think like this because my parents tell me to think like this and they don't understand you know what it's like for me so I just don't understand them they should just let me be but if you kind of go to the next layer and think about well what is the angle that they're coming from? Why is it that they said this? How was their situation different? Maybe when they thought this is the way to go through life. So I think it's been a few years, I used to stick at the first level for a while. And then I started thinking, I read something, I think it was like last week, somebody had posted,

and it said, like, take it easy on your mom. This is her first time going through life as well or something. And I was like, oh, that's true though. But it's not just your mom, right? It's everybody. It's everybody around you. It's your bosses, your siblings, your friends. And sometimes, you know, when you're setting boundaries, you really have to think about what you want. But also, you know, that if the people are, and this is a comment I

made, I think, a few episodes ago, is if you kind of hold back, because you're unsure of your environment, and what, you know, what people will think, then put yourself in a different environment, right? The people that really resonate with you will always just resonate with you. Your tribe will kind of find you. And I think that's what allows us to have conversations like this, where Nicole and Nikki, you guys have been friends forever. And then, you know, last week when we were doing our prep for this call, Nicole couldn't make it. And I was able to connect really well with Nikki because she's talking about all the things that we're talking about. She's living it. She's working it.

And it's similar. Like if I met Nikki at a cocktail party, I would probably be like, Nicole, you have to meet this girl. She has to come on our podcast. So it's the same idea, right? Your tribe is always going to find you. It doesn't matter. I didn't need to go through Nicole to find Nikki. And that's the only way I would ever find Nikki.

I'm sure at some point being in the same circles, you know, being attracted to the same kind of work or the same kind of events. I think you're a prime candidate for our vulnerability is the new flex swag. You can take it to work, Nikki. But yeah, that's, I think it's really, it helps people see the bigger picture, right? And so I thank you for sharing that. If I may, there's something just to something just to mention is, and a personal reflection from something I've done recently. And Nicole, you also mentioned this earlier and Saj, everything you've just mentioned. I have recently cancelled my gym membership because I quite frankly could not figure out who I was doing it for.

And it really took me a long time to try to figure out where it was coming from and I used to go to gym a hell of a lot and Nicole and I used to do a lot of athletics but there was an ambition and a reason for it there were expectations loaded onto it there were goals there were there was so linked into you need to go to gym and then it had the wonderful benefit of looking better and feeling better and I found myself really struggling to go and it became a chore of something I used to enjoy. At least I thought I enjoyed because it was linked to something else that I enjoyed. And I couldn't figure out why I was not wanting to go to gym, which I was paying for. So the paying for it didn't motivate me because I didn't seem

to mind paying for it and not going. So it had nothing to do with that. And I had to really think what it was. And it came down to the fact that the gym I started associating with me, having expectations of others, of being a great athlete, being a great swimmer, going to competitions, it ended up be fueling the sense of anxiety on all the achievements that I hadn't been doing. It started triggering me into things that I could not figure out the internal expectations I set on myself and from others that I used to have historically were all linked around going to gym. So I was like, wait, that's it. I've canceled it. No, let's find a new avenue of something different. Let's go to a park and go do messing around in the mud

and go do something that has got absolutely nothing to do with any prior expectations and pressures. So it becomes a healthy, you said escape, a healthy distraction versus being linked to something that was a distraction because it was externally validating and I needed that to some extent. And's so hard that is so it's taking me years of paying a membership to eventually realize I actually don't need it but there's that moment of thinking about is it doing something for me do I need that and that's really hard that's so great I love that

you did that I completely resonate with that because so many things that I've been releasing in the past year have been linked to other things that I was falling onto and I was in New York City and I had to move and I had come with so many bags and obviously then life happened and so I had to get rid of a lot of stuff to be able to travel. And I was holding onto all this clothing, and I was like, well, I do wear most of it, but like, oh, but my dad bought me this jacket. Okay, but I don't really wear this jacket. Actually, does this still resonate with who I am?

Maybe it's not the right color anymore, whatever it is. But my dad bought me this jacket. And it's like you're going through this weird mental mindset thing of who am I? What does that resonate with in the world? And I think it really comes back to knowing thyself. All the things we're talking about, the law of attraction, the things that you want in your life that you find within yourself. And you then need to really do the hard digging,

like you were saying, Saj. Go the deeper levels into knowing what is my joy and not somebody else's joy in that. So I'm glad to hear you can search your membership, if that's the case. If it's all right, there's one more quick story I'd like to share and I think for the for the basis of having if my background has got a half a painting behind me but something that's very much linked to all of this and it also came down to I think Nicole you just said letting go of certain things in your past letting go of who you are or maybe trying to figure out what you want and who you are.

So I do paint. I love painting. I still haven't painted because I can't find the reason I did it because I used to do it as well because it was for school and for art competitions. I like winning. So now I'm like, well, why did I enjoy it?

Right. But this painting, I actually started for myself about 10 years ago. So, and it's still incomplete, but I started it because I wanted to, at the time I was struggling with mental health issues. And so I thought I'm going to paint a painting. And once I finished this painting, I have completed mental health. I fixed it, right?

And I've, I've overcome it. Great. That'll be the representation standard of it. Needless to say, 10 years later, it's not finished. It's something where it got left out in the rain. It has got rips and tears now. I left it back in South Africa. I managed to get it back over. I got my dad to roll it up and bring it over. It had spider webs all over it. Parts of it are rusted. And that made it just so exciting because it suddenly looked and felt like what mental health and what our internal struggle with ourselves actually really looks like. It's not perfect. It's also 100% not finished. And I've kept it unfinished because that is my constant reminder in my background, in my office that I work in, that I need to hold myself to a standard of self-development, self

need to hold myself to a standard of self-development self non-perfection in completion and be okay with that because it's just as beautiful and that's okay that's okay and it's really really hard so this 10 year old painting as much I've had a lot of people like oh you need to finish it and fix it and make it look perfect. Nope. It's going to stay unfinished and it's going to stay unpolished because we are unfinished and we are unpolished. And sometimes we just need to take the moment to realize that. And that's okay. That's okay. It's okay. Yeah, it's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that story. I think it's really important. I'll probably resonate with a lot of people. And I don't know if you guys had this notion too, but I feel like when you're younger, you think like adults have it all figured out and you're like, okay, when am I going to reach that point where I got it all figured out? Like I went through university. When you think about

the years, like how old you are when you're going to university, you really don't know anything. Like you have a degree, but like about yourself, you don't really know anything. You're just going from class to class. And it's like a rite of passage in many ways, but it doesn't mean that you really understand anything more about yourself probably and the world because you're just starting to go out there and work, etc. So I think it's nice. And hopefully, it's comforting for people to listen and see that, you know, we've all had great careers. But this is a constant thing, right? This is something you constantly have to ask yourself and work on. And it's not something that a lot of people share, to be quite honest. And I hope that it brings some light to the younger generation that, yes, you can be in your 30s and 40s and 50s and 60s

and still be figuring it out and still be trying to make that constant effort. And that becomes, you know, there's this notion of that becomes winning, right? The effort is winning is the fact that you chose to put effort into it, not whether you won or you lost or it's finished or it's not finished or you completed it is your bar for measuring whether or not you've succeeded in a task. It's actually the fact that you got up and even tried to succeed at the task. You've succeeded already. And that's what I really like about what we're doing here and the type of people that we're speaking to is to show that other side of being a working professional that maybe you can't in your current jobs. You don't know this is what people are doing when they go home.

You don't know this is what their mental health looks like. This is what their daily life looks like. This is what their daily struggles look like. You kind of only see one side sometimes. And, you know, you work in a really, really cool profession, Nikki, where you get to see kind of the effects of that on companies when the human capital isn't really taking into account all of being human as a working professional. Like you mentioned, companies will pay millions of dollars for actual systems and software licenses and all of the

actual, you know, hardware and software that goes into a company and the physical items. But when it comes to human capital, it's a whole different board game that you're playing. And, you know, I think I don't know, I can't speak for all of you, but I've definitely worked in toxic environments before. And sometimes it's not even something that you can really put your finger on. Because sometimes it runs really deep. It comes from the leadership. It's condoned by the leadership. And you walk in there and you're excited to go do your job. And you're just like, why is it so hard to get things done here? Why do I feel like I'm not really living up to the expectations of my boss or my peers? And sometimes it goes much deeper

than that. And so, you know, one tip and trick I would say for people is to definitely talk to people outside of your department, talk to other people, just understanding what the lay of the land is that really helped me in one of my positions where, you know, I only had one, one person senior on my team, and it was my boss. And so when they're not on your side, and you kind of have certain deadlines or certain milestones to hit, and you're just talking to your boss all day, you're not really realizing what's getting communicated to the wider company. You know, if this is normal, if it's not. And there was a company that I worked for, where I would talk to people at my same level in different departments. And it wasn't until I spoke to them, I realized, wow,

this is actually a company problem. This is not a my department problem. This is not a my boss's the problem. This is actually the leadership condones management like this. And this is one, one portion that they present to executive leadership. And then there's what's actually going on. And so, you know, I really commend the work that you do, Nikki, all that to say, because it's so, so important. And I think there's so much of this that sometimes people struggle with on their own because they think, well, maybe I'm the problem.

Maybe like I should know more. I should get a degree in this. Maybe I should have had more years should get a degree in this. Maybe I should have had more years of experience before I came here. And sometimes, no, it actually is structurally the problem of the leadership. And so it's nice to meet someone who actually gets into all of that and works on it on a daily basis. So thank you for your service. Thank you. We don't get thank yous very frequently i can say that thank you thanks for sharing with us nikki and i know uh this episode's airing a few days before the new year so do you have anything

exciting for 2024 that you can share with us that you are going to be doing to action and activate your attraction in the new year yes so um that's a very good question so one of the things i'm going to do probably linked to the gym comment i had is actually take the time and make the time take the time and make the time to go and do things that are good for my heart, soul, sense of expectation, sense of attraction, sense of flow. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to stop putting as much pressure on myself to read more books or to read more articles or to put this external pressure and noise on myself because that's been drowning me out for a long time. So next year is a space where it is all about the small gaps and the small spaces of what's going to bring me the joy and this has come at a really good time this entire podcast this um

being able to chat to you ladies about this because i am in a space where this is where it is now really leaning into those things that are going to bring me the micro joys and the micro flow which all add up into a better self and for me a better Nikki and if I'm a better Nikki I can help others be better too so that's my goal whatever that looks like so yeah it's something small but it's something that's going to be implemented all the time the whole of next year yeah thank you for sharing and now I hope we can all find that thing like you said the thing that's doing the small the whole of next year yeah thank you for sharing and now i hope we can all find that thing like you said the thing that's doing the small the small step with the significant shift let's look for that in our 2024 and so we're putting it out to the audience out there you

guys out there our question is what are you doing to action attraction and into your lives? What are the distractions that are healthy to you? What does getting distracted look like to you? Tell us a little bit more about that. And remember to post and do all the things. We'd love to hear from you. So please share your thoughts on this topic by engaging us on LinkedIn, at Friday Feels, Instagram, at These Friday Feels.

Remember to tag us at using hashtag These Friday Feels to share your stories. And if you want to work with us or potentially have a broadcast on Friday Feels at your space, you can also check out our website at Friday-Feels.co and reach out to us via email at hello at Friday-Feels.co. Nikki, it's been so wonderful to have you on the podcast and thank you for sharing with us today.

We're really excited to watch your journey. What are the best ways to get in touch with you? Well, thank you for providing the platform for this. It's been really lovely to have such inspirational woman leading this. So if anything, I get to watch and see where this goes for you. So thank you very much for having me. And you could find me at manaz.com and look for me there. This is Nikki Thompson.

What we can do is provide a link for my personal contact and a way on that. Otherwise, you can also look out for the IDG hubs that are being launched next year, which is very exciting. So a link to the UN inner development goals and what that looks like and feels like. And we've got a London or UK edition coming up. And that's very exciting as first of its kind in the UK. So that's another space that if you are keen to look at your inner development in terms of sustainability,

that's a nice space to get involved with. Yeah you for sharing kind of what your day-to-day looks like and some of your insights I think it it will be really helpful it's been very helpful for me and I'm sure for a lot of our listeners not it's not every day someone gets to talk you know one-on-one with with someone who does great work like that so we look forward to everything that you have to accomplish and sit with in the next year. And, you know, please tell us how that goes next year. We could do a one year follow up. What, what has our year been next year? Great. Thank you. And until next time, that is our mix. So we've had fun mingling with you and we wish you safe travels

into your bed into the night and into this awesome weekend see you next week keep it real