Your Happy Hour - Intro Episode: Welcome to Friday Feels & let's talk: Feels over Fears

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

Welcome to Your Happy Hour and Your First Sip of the Weekend!It’s our first ever episode, Feels Over Fears! Our founders, Saj and Nicole, discuss what Friday Feels is all about: the mission and journey so far as well as best practices for working professionals to navigate the workplace (and life!) by honoring their authentic selves. And yes, we’ll be here - every Friday - celebrating with you! Connect with us @ friday-feels.co0:00 Welcome to Your Happy Hour & Your Hosts, Saj & Nicole2:46 What is Friday Feels?4:21 It’s Time For the Mix: What’s Your Drink Today?5:08 Get To Know Us: Speed-Round Edition!16:49 Thinking Global, Living Local25:14 Feels Over Fears43:02 Keep Following Your Joy49:06 How Do We Feel The Feels58:00 Farewell For This Friday. Tell Us Your Feels!

Happy Friday beautiful people and hello to you all out there tuning in for your first sip of the weekend. Welcome to Friday Feels, where we are a community where working professionals can come to be their authentic self. We're your hosts, Saj and Nicole, and we are so excited to join your party today. Hi, my name is Saj Salikram. Just a little bit about me. I'm really excited to be here on Friday Feels. This has been a long time coming. Nicole and I have been working on it for quite a few months now, and we really, really hope you like it. I'm based in New York. I've been working in the New York tech scene for over 13 years.

Currently, I am working on different real estate endeavors, a partnership consulting company, obviously co-founding Friday Fields, and I also help advise global women-led startups. So really, really excited to talk about all the aspects of being a professional while balancing all these different companies and having fun while doing it with Nicole. Oh, thanks, S Saj and I'm Nicole Carmine. I am a creative, a creator and I would say a multi-venturer which includes a co-adventuring journey with my traveling duo buddy my dog Gracie. I am South African but I am kind of adventuring through the world. I'm living in different places. I'm currently living

in France for the next year, I would say. And I've got a few different businesses launching. So watch this space for SwatCat Studios and the Chemistry Connection. And what I do through that is helping creatives authentically create and just be themselves in the world. And I'm also a life coach. So I do interpersonal intelligence work and executive coaching with people. And I have a history of confidentiality in financial crime investigation for about 10 years where I worked in corporate and cryptocurrency exchange in fraud, which is where I met Saj and our journey started. So very excited to share with

you guys walk this interesting journey of being like Saj said you know an entrepreneur solopreneur working professional understanding how corporate and co-working and people are doing things out there as the landscape is changing and we have to change with it. So thank you for having us. Yeah. And so just to give you a little background on Friday Feels, if you're wondering, you know, what is it we're going to be talking about? Each month we'll be exploring topics around the dynamic of being human in the workplace. Some of these topics include holding boundaries, following your joy, both inside and outside of the workplace, enduring through exhaustion, keeping your cup full, and so much more. You know, we've been holding space for each other to do so, and now we want to share this with you. So as you

kickstart your happy hour and get ready for yet an amazing couple of days before the new week dawns upon us. Go put on your dancing boots and get ready to get into the groove. Yeah, because we're going to break it down and we're going to take a deep on the theme of this month, which is feels over fears. And each month we're going to be exploring a theme like Saj said,

and each week of that month, we're going to be breaking it down into cool topics that help us delve deeper into that theme. But of course today for our very first episode of this podcast we are also going to mix and mingle it up with a little peek into how we got here to talking to you today. So without further ado welcome to your happy hour at Friday Feels. We're really excited again to get to know all of you and we're going to be here every Friday ready to have small talk and kind of release those week's feelings and get ready for an awesome weekend. first up the mix what is on the drinks menu tonight nicole well i'm actually keeping it very calm and i've got my it's me and my tea maybe a tea with a little bit of a twist, but that will be my secret. What have you got there? I have got my mushroom coffee that I've been taking daily for a few weeks now.

But it's really good. It's almost done. Oh, nice, nice. And so no bubble tea today? No bubble tea today. That would have been a good idea, though. Today feels like a bubble tea today that would have been a good idea though today feels like a bubble tea day so now that we've kind of established a bit of our mix what's on our minga agenda today

so in the concept of speed dating we're going to ask each other four questions, about 30 seconds to a minute each. Quick disclaimer, you know, this is live radio people. So we haven't, we haven't seen them, but we both prepared them in advance. We're just kind of chatting about, you know, how we got into it. and I don't know if you want to start Nicole. You breathe through books Saj, I know you you love them and so I'm really keen to hear what is your like utmost favorite book that you've ever read and why? Oh okay my utmost favorite I don't know if I have an utmost favorite but one that I always I recommend to a lot of people and that I really enjoyed was Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth. I'm a big fan of specific authors. If I notice if I like the way that you write, I will kind of read anything that you write. And so I read anything that Jhumpa Lahiri writes. I really just love her writing style. I really connected with it. I think, I mean, I haven't read it in a long time, but she has a few other books and a lot of them just touch on sometimes like the Indian American experience because that's kind of what her background was and it resonates a lot of it resonates with me even though I'm from the Caribbean but mostly because I just I really like her writing style and I highly highly recommend it she also does this thing where sometimes I think in Unaccustomed Earth it's a series of short stories that actually may or may not be intertwined and I really like that kind of structure.

I think we're going to have to start a bit of a reading list. Yes, I do. Yeah, because you recommended two books to me, side note. And I really like the style of the books. Like it was easy to read and I didn't get bored. And the content was pretty interesting. So maybe we have similar reading styles awesome okay so mine are pretty easy um good let's see okay what actually that's a lie two of them are not that easy um what is the one thing that brings you back to you when you're feeling off?

That's a good question. I would say what first comes to mind is when I'm walking in nature. You know, if I'm really feeling kind of like scatterbrained or all of the show, maybe a little bit like creatively drained. Walking in nature is like meditation to me I can't I really struggle to do that like go sit down and you know yoga pose whatever so walking is amazing and then obviously having Gracie my dog with me is is a delight and so just watching her and I think that kind of really just brings me back to self and in the best way yeah walking I know you are very big into real estate and I'm so fascinated as I watch from the side and you guys kind of go in and make these amazing homes amazing and flip them so I'm curious like what drew you to real estate my dad is actually he's a contractor for many, many years. And he brought me in. He was flipping houses where we lived in New York.

And I just, I thought it was interesting. I was studying finance at NYU. And I mean, I'd been around it my whole life, you know, going into houses, being on the job site, going to Home Depot. Side note, I used to get bribed by candy all the time. So actually, I would like to blame my sweet tooth on my parents because of all the bribery that they did in order to get me places, mostly Home Depot. They had like a truck right outside that we used to call a chewy truck. And they had because they had like now truck right outside that we used to call a chewy truck and they had because they

had like now and laters so those like chewy candies and every time we go to home depot I would get I would get to get something and I guess that's how they they kind of kept me engaged sugared up um and maybe I have some positive affiliations now. But yeah, that's how I got into real estate is constantly being around it, being in and out of houses, seeing the transformations. Definitely not something I thought I would be doing, but I do kind of like using my background in finance

for something tangible that I can see. And I feel like real estate is a good way to do that. I saw the house you guys did in Miami and that's looking amazing. So whoever gets to buy it, I think is pretty lucky. Thanks. We hope so too. Okay. So this one is an easy one. How happy are you today on a scale of one to 10? I'm actually really happy. The internet was off for most of the morning. So maybe that was like one little downside,

but you know, life happens for a reason. So I'm generally a pretty positive person. Extremely happy this week though, because I have my dad visiting me and that's really been a wonderful blessing. So I'm very happy. Let's give it a 9.8 oh wow that's pretty high um yeah that's a good answer I like that answer yeah I noticed when I was living in America that

it's really like the whole country is really big on holidays I know Halloween just passed what did you dress up as this year for Halloween? I almost spit out my coffee. Well, this year for Halloween, I was a piece of toast. My boyfriend was an avocado. So together we were avocado toast and our other friend Rafael in Miami also joined in on our costume and he was rum so together the three of us were Miami brunch I love that oh man I could have a Miami brunch every day thank you for asking that question I didn't realize we were that big on holidays but that's true that's true we are I don't know if it's just my family but I know Americans in general are we're pretty big on like every holiday yeah it's amazing it's so festive and I mean in South Africa we are too but it kind of just you know everything is bigger in

America but it's like plus size in terms of holiday and festivity as well which is wonderful the next one that I want to ask is obviously I mean we're going to get into our backstory in a little bit but I know that you've come from a pretty technical background before traditionally, you know, when you entered the working world. And for many years, you worked in a more technical job. And my question that I feel like a lot of viewers might be interested in, too, is how in the past have you balanced working a very technical job with your creative side? Because I know you have an amazing creative side and you do so many different things. Just in the past few months, I've seen you work on songs and

different businesses, and you really have quite a range of talent. So that would be my question. Oh, that's a good question. And thank you. I I appreciate that I'm still learning a lot about all the creative things out there and especially social media and what it is to build graphics for social media having not been on there for about three years but yes I did financial crime investigation for a long time so pre that I studied business I did accounting all of that thought I was going to be a chartered accountant. That box was a little bit too small for me and too rigid, I realized. And no offense to anyone out there.

And so I actually ended up doing life coaching and organizational psychology. And I think that's where I started realizing that I have a bit more of a niche for the softer side of things. And then I went back into financial crime investigation and I worked at KPMG, which was surrounded by auditors yet again. And it was a time that I actually really just focused on that. So I can't really say that I gave my creative spirit the freedom it needed. And I used to write poetry a lot. I kind of stopped doing that.

And I only started doing that again when I was going through a really rough time in 2012. And a lot of that poetry that I started writing then, I've now started turning into songs. So I can't say that there is a good balance necessarily because maybe I didn't maintain that. But in the last few years, as I've kind of found myself again

and learned that I really need that creative side of me, I've created space for that in my life. And so I'm a lot more better at saying like, no, I won't work these hours. You know, I'll rather work a decent balanced hour and then spend time creating because it fuels me. I have a bit of both. So I have to let myself play in both fields. So yeah. Yes, I think that's such a good segue into so many topics around boundaries and filling your

own cup and all these things that we're going to be talking about. And I think the reason that I asked it is that I think that's something that a lot of people might struggle with. I like to wrap really creative side when you're, I don't know if the word is technical, but you know, in a more structured job setting where you're not always kind of creating in a way. So thank you for sharing that. I think people find it very helpful. Thank you. And thanks for asking. And you know, I think one thing that's as a creative is quite hard is financially. It's really hard to sustain yourself.

So it's great when you do have a day job that funds your passion. So I highly recommend that. What is your dream travel destination and why? Everywhere. Can I say everywhere? No, I really want to go to Cappadocia and see the hot air balloons in Turkey they have like all of the mountains and it's almost like canyons and then they have hot air balloons that kind of go and so like you look out and you see all of the mountains and stuff like that and then you see like tons of hot air balloons. And then you could do it at like sunset or sunrise. So you also see a sunset like I like that kind of stuff. I am. I'm big on

like the sunset sunrises. And it's just so pretty. The pictures that I've seen is so pretty. And they have a hotel that you can stay on where you just look out and you see all of that. Take me with you. Yeah, let's do that. Let's have the night. Let that. Let's have a Friday feel session in Bali. That would be awesome. I like those kind of things where, you know, you see the culture, you see the people, you work and you kind of live amongst people in their own countries. That's really like inciting for me. So enticing and exciting inciting exciting yeah I love that word and it is you're right I mean I've kind of been privileged to experience having living through

the home exchanges is a whole different way of moving in the world and it's it's been really cool to like live locally and experience people's homes and yeah it's it's been really really nice to have that um I do wonder where is home but I think it is it's really nice to have that that option to be able to see the world in that way I think my first travel experience was let's say like 19 and I went to India and I stayed for I think two and a half months and I stayed with the host family there. And I volunteered at an orphanage teaching English and I loved it. I mean, it was just so I'd never traveled by myself before. But the food was so good. The people were so nice. And it was just such an amazing experience.

And I think that really sparked something in me that I liked working in different places, not only like visiting as a tourist. But now that I have more things going on, I do see the value in both, right? And so because sometimes you go and visit a place and all you're doing is working there you don't actually get to see too much you're you're just it's almost like office to office so I think it's really the people and you know kind of forcing you to get outside of your comfort zone and appreciating their culture right it doesn't even have to be a different culture from yours but it's still interesting because to see how they kind of move about in the world. Yeah, I love that. And I think just on that topic also, you know, I think looking into co-working spaces, looking at how we build community and something that you and I have been deep diving into and trying to understand, you know, how as working professionals and humans, are we building

community as we travel? And, you know, do do you are you able to go to a place and find like a little hub that you feel at home you know even if you're on the move or even if you stay only for a little while it's true trying to build community kind of when you travel I mean I don't know if it's true for everybody but sometimes it's really helpful when somebody I always tell people like certain countries like you have to go with a local because you need to know like what there is to do off the tourist map. You know, you and I have been working on, on co-working spaces and how that helps build community, as you mentioned. And it's really interesting to talk to some of these co-working owners and what they set out to do versus, you know, what their place is now. And is it only for

corporates to come in? Is it somewhere where you can do corporate retreats, you could do workshops, you could do different types of events. So it's really becoming quite popular to not only live in a place, live in different places, or while you're on vacation, you're not just sitting in the hotel room doing work. You can kind of visit different working spaces and then they can then therefore recommend restaurants and then recommend what there is to do, take you out. You know, I think that is always my favorite part

of traveling is when people are like, oh, did you try this place? And it's like some hole in the wall place. And you're like, this place is amazing. I can never get this again those hidden gems yeah the last question I have I think we got a little sidetracked there I forgot I had one more is uh 10 years ago if someone asked you did you think this is where you what you would be doing where and what you'd be doing, where and what you'd be doing? Not at all.

Oh, gosh, 10 years ago, how old was I then? I shouldn't give away my age. 10 years ago, I probably was in this weird, I was just about to start my career in forensic investigation at KPMG I was gonna climb this corporate ladder I thought I would be this super like corporate mom you know I would be that woman who gets it right to be at every event and whatever else and here I am completely on a different path you know not married anymore and and also yeah just doing different things that I never thought I would do and a lot of it is because of decisions that I've made along the way and that a huge chunk of it is because of the last year which included meeting

you and starting this so no definitely a completely different vision but a lot happier me so happy for that yeah I mean you can ask me on the next session what mine would have been there's a lot of similarities in there well that's the thing you know I guess my dad always says you know it's like when you press on the middle c in the piano and the guitar like resonates or other way around you know when you in a certain space in your life you resonate with people and you find your tribe and that's how we found each other I guess in this weird and wonderful journey of starting Friday Feels. One question I actually

did have for you very quickly which adds to this is what would be the title of your book of your life if you had to write one today I would have liked to seen these questions before disclaimer I don't know I there is there is um I don't know if you've ever read the poem Deserata by Max E erman but i actually have it like posted up on my wall and it's actually a really beautiful poem we used to have it in our house when i was smaller and it's not that long but at the end of it it says you know be cheerful and strive to be happy and i think there are so many things that, you know, it talks about like your occupation and making sure that, you know, you do something that you love and it makes

a big difference in the lives of others. It's almost like a very literal poem, which is the type of personality that I have. So I can read it and understand it. I don't have to like dig into it. But I think if I had to steal a name from somewhere, I think it's such a beautiful poem about anyone's life and the importance of kind of choosing your next step rather than kind of going along with what you think you should have been doing, you know, the life that you set up before you. So maybe something with that in the title would be a very beautiful way to have a life story in a book. Oh, thank you for sharing that. Yeah, of course. Thank you for asking me on a whim. What would be the name of your book? Are we out of questions?

be the name of your book are we out of questions I'm out of questions um I quickly uh I am actually busy writing a few books and I can share some more of it as it goes on but the first one that I'm busy working on which I guess that is kind of a a story about what my life has been and what I guess what I want to share with the world is it's called hear your heart darling for life will find a way those are kind of gems that came to me through a lot of the journeying in the last year and yeah it's it's going to be about really finding who you are and following your joy in that you know allowing yourself to be true to you and oh you're making me emotional okay thank you about it so but um yeah I think that would be a good one so yeah okay got lots of books to write and we get to share them with you which is amazing well i think that's a good segue into

this month's topic right which is feels over fears so nicole maybe you can start and you can share with us. Let's tell the audience a little bit about how we met and how we got here. Well, Saj and I have only met each other in person twice. And even twice, yes. And we had the pleasure of working together at a company for a very short-lived time. But thank goodness that happened. I had been there for quite a few years already, and I got transferred from the Cape Town office to lead the investigations team in the New York City office. Big Apple dream. A whole two months of wonderful time in New York City office big apple dream a whole two months of wonderful time in New York City life I remember kind of strutting down the streets with my bag feeling like oh like I've made it in life and then about two months later I remember looking at everyone around me in New York City

and kind of hustling and doing their thing and I was thinking like must be really cool to also like come here and like make it on your own you know and a week later I lost my job and so I feel like I really manifested that this happened but anyway I uh I what happened was we were working at at the cryptocurrency exchange together and for those of you are into trading and into crypto and Bitcoin, you would have known that in January, February this year, there was a tumultuous time of turmoil in the market. And the whole US team regionally got cut off. Overnight, we woke up to a bit of a shock.

And, you know, I guess everything happens for a reason we knew it was okay we could move on and but we were feeling certain things and we were maybe we were feeling angry maybe we're feeling sad absolutely lost in a city I wasn't quite sure where and how and why the universe had brought me to this place now without a job and we started having conversations around you know just checking in with with each other and I guess one conversation led to a next we're always holding space for each other and kind of being part of embracing this new phase of trying to figure out what fun employment looks like and whether we always wanted to be in it in some shape, way or form. Holding space for each other, we realized was quite a rare thing that other people weren't

experiencing. And yeah, I guess we're lucky enough to have this with each other today. And Friday feels the name itself well I met a very interesting gentleman a perot who is running a co-working space class and co in New York City with also awesome events space so if you ever keen to go have an event it's called love story events go check it out and I wanted to do more life coaching which which was a career I was doing before financial crime investigation and I always kind of thought this is going to be my pension career this is going to be my life one day but it was a natural thing to do to earn some

money and I said to him well you know can't I come and coach some of your co-working people he said they don't know you Nicole why don't you come host the happy hour and so this idea of Friday feels and the happy hour was born and kudos to our very dear friend Charles who came up with the name Friday feels and hopefully we can have him on the podcast very soon and that was kind of a little bit of a journey that we just thought we want to share happy hour. What does Friday mean? We should be feeling Friday every day. And there's a lot of emotion around Friday, around achievement, around how we structure our weeks and our wellness.

And so it seemed like a natural fit for our conversations. I think you said it perfectly. I had just started and I was really, really excited because mostly because the people, I mean, a lot of the people that I met on the US team, I mean, it was a brand new team. It was in cryptocurrency where, you know, there really wasn't too much of a playbook. And I love those kind of positions I always have. And I was working with Ruki, who hopefully we'll have on the podcast too. And, you know, one thing I want to say about it is that I think your perspective is interesting because you had just come to New York after working, you know, in South Africa. And but all of my jobs have been in New York or remote.

So for me, you know, the city is I went to school in the city. So for me, it's like a home. But it's always where my jobs have been located. And I, you know, I think anyone who's been to New York, you know, there's, there's kind of an electric feeling of New York. When you get laid off, it's not super electric. And I think, you know, it all happened at the same time, there really wasn't much notice. And so, you know, after working in startups for a while, I feel like that's something you kind of always look out for, from my perspective. So it's not like you're completely off guard. But it is shocking. But it's not like it's something you've never experienced. For me, it was not something that I have like never experienced before. because I didn't have an agenda. And I had so many conversations going on with potential partners,

people I vibed with, just some of the other initiatives that I work on. And so there were so many conversations and my natural inclination was to just stop. It was like, okay, well, you need to like stop and reassess and see where you want to go. Well, obviously you still have bills to pay. So let's just find another job until you figure out what you want to do on the side or after that. And it was you and Ruki that really took the time, you know, out of some of the conversations that I had, I kind of kept going with some people. And it was really interesting because you both were like, well, I'm actually going to just take this time to stop and not jump right into another job.

And I was like, okay, must be nice to not have to jump into another job. And then I thought to myself, well, how? How do I do what they're doing? Which is like, how do I make it feasible that if I were to stop, my bills are still getting paid? Like, what is it that I have to rearrange in my life? Instead of saying like, oh, that's great for you. It was more like, well, how were they able to do this? And not necessarily how were they able to do this, but like, how can I also do this? And forcing myself to think that way instead of, you know, my autopilot that kind of kicked in. And it was really life changing for me to think

about it that way. Because we all kind of experience the same thing. While we all might be, you know, from different places and might have different things going on in our lives, different obligations. It was very interesting. And I think it was the fact that you both said it that was like, okay, well, are more people doing this? What is everybody else doing? That really forced me to try really hard to stop, but I still kept taking conversations that I felt like were going somewhere or, you know, made me feel better or hopeful or showed me different opportunities. And I think that made quite a bit of difference. It wasn't immediately apparent to me, but when I was thinking about our journey and how we met,

you know, last week, I was thinking like, how did we get here? We've been working on this for quite a while and trying to figure out what it means and what are the topics we want to talk about. And that was probably one of those like tipping point moments where it was like, okay, well, if that never happened, then I don't think we'd probably be here. Like I could have just been like, I don't like what do I have in common with someone who runs financial crime? You know, I think something that we're probably going to touch on in some of our episodes too, is like, there's the resume you, and then there is the you, you, like there's the you who goes home to your family. There's the you that, you know, exercises or does things for their own self-preservation and for self-care. And I think for me, like the resume me probably wouldn't have been like, if I was just focused on getting a new job, I mean, naturally as someone who does partnerships and likes to network, like

I tend to talk to a lot of people anyway. And I know how I can relate to people and stuff like that. But I probably wouldn't have had as many conversations. I would have been like, okay, well, this is what I'm looking for, Nicole. If you know anybody who does partnerships, let me know. Otherwise, talk to you. But we didn't have those conversations. We had conversations that are

very much like this one which was what are you up to this week what where are you because you were constantly traveling to so many cool places what are you working on and you were working on so many different initiatives and I just think it's really important for people to realize that, you know, you're still you without your job and you're still you, whether or not you want to be, or you acknowledge it, like you're still going to naturally do the things that attract you, right. Or, or that you're attracted to it, that you want to do, especially when life kind of rattles you, You kind of go back into default mode. And so being aware of that and kind of understanding that, yeah, it's fear of the unknown.

It's fear of what else am I going to do? What else can I do? What else are people going to pay me for? There's so much more like beyond that. A few people mentioned to me when they asked me like what I was going to do, because I kind of have like a type A side to me where it's just like, OK, you need you need to like know. I was like, well, I'm just taking some time, but I was still working on stuff. I just wasn't sure which one I wanted to work on. And I wasn't like super passionate. I was just kind of going along the motions. And a few people were like, wow, I'm really happy you're doing that. You know, a lot of people don't do

that. Good for you. And I was like, it doesn't feel good for me. It's not naturally what I want to do, but I'm trying to purposely kind of, you know, not do things and see what comes to me. And it was very hard for me to say that as someone who always kind of has been almost like trained from a business background to have an agenda, to know what you're going to talk about, to make sure you get your deliverables, to make sure you know what the outcomes are or what you're hoping to get. And while there's definitely room for that, I think a lot of people don't talk about the open-ended conversations that you can have with people. And sometimes they're the best ones, right? They're not just about your partnership or XYZ. It's about, you know, some cool place to eat or what they did that was cool in this town. And or like other things that they're working on.

I think a lot of people don't share, you know, all the things they're working on. And sometimes you just never know. So sometimes it is good to kind of just check in and tell people. I'm a big fan of that. Just like telling people what you're doing. And I've become a better fan of telling people you don't know what you're doing. You don't know what the next step is. telling people you don't know what you're doing.

You don't know what the next step is. I think we are, as humans, so geared to need to always have an answer for everything. And, you know, I can totally resonate with that because as much as I seem like I am very free-spirited and creative in my own being, but I've always been a driven achiever and type A, kind of predominantly trained to be type A in my life as well, you know. And so having like a dad who always goes like it's about progress, you know, like what's the progress? What's happening? How are you solving these problems? You know, are you applying for jobs?

And it's like, I just, I'm not feeling it. And, you know, so I totally understand what you're saying. And I think taking that space for yourself is so brave and it's always to be celebrated. Being a working professional and whether that is in a space of entrepreneurship or your own creativity is so to be celebrated. And I've often been thinking about like how creatives especially and artists need to do that because you know back in the day when people would kind of sit in the

tree and do philosophy and figure out how apples fall and gravity works you know there was this space to figure things out there was a space for being for being a working professional under the tree and we don't really give ourselves the space to be in the flow anymore and I think that's where the gems are but it's hard to get there it's hard because you have all these expectations of yourself and society expects things of you and you know you you think that there are these things that you need and to do or should do so I think it's really brave uh that that you decided to take the time exactly like those people were saying so thank you for sharing that yeah and thank you for recommending it right and also leading by example right and so just seeing you guys kind of doing that too and it

was like okay well if you're not looking you know for a job what are you doing and then sharing what that was it it's almost like when they talk about you know you need to have more women in power because you need more role models to look up to and I mean that's that's very loaded statement. But it does, it, it says something, right? When you see people actually doing what they're telling you to do, or what they're recommending to you, and you see how they're navigating, it does bring a different perspective, because otherwise, you're just kind of imagining or you're kind of googling like, okay, well, you know, what am I supposed to do when I

don't have a job is it look up is it you know usually it's all like look inward see what you like see how you can make that into something that can support you which that's pretty practical advice but it's all the other things like all the other feelings that kind of come up and I think that's a good probably segue into you know some of the questions that we wanted to explore with feels over fears and so you know having specific examples of when we chose to to choose feels over fears do you do you have one I do I actually have a couple when I was thinking about this topic and I do feel like the last year has probably been the biggest moment of doing that and I do feel like the universe knew that it needed to throw me into it and I have no choice

yeah so I feel like the universe was really like okay great you're gonna go to America and then we're gonna just try and take this thing away from you and whatever fear you have in whatever shape way or form you're gonna have to feel through it if you want to stay here and I hadn't taken a gap year after school like I always thought I would have and I felt like it was my time for me to go on an adventure. And I really had to step into feeling what that looked like for me. So I took a little bit of time off and to try and figure that out. And I was so scared of spending money.

I was so scared because, you know, in my head, I'm still somehow converting after only being two months in the USA. You're still very much converting in your mind and unfortunately the South African Rand is like 20 to the dollar so a cup of coffee is really expensive and so in my mind I was so scared of spending money but I wanted adventure I had come all the way I packed up my whole life sold my car that I love dearly. I made that dealership promise to like sell it to someone great, you know, and I made this big step. And so in order to experience life, in order to find my way, I had to get past that fear and go like, well, I don't, there will be be enough there will always be abundance if I am following

my joy you know I've always kind of grown up with faith I'm not particularly a religious person so much anymore but I've always and and this is very much true to my parents you know kudos to them they're very big manifestors in life you know just keep following your joy do what feels good go for what you want universe will conspire and help you and support you and lift you through that and I'd never really done it like this in my life and so taking that step getting onto a train in New York City and taking a train all the way to LA a wonderful wonderful experience. Amtrak's got it down. It started a whole new chapter of that. So I'm definitely a lot more practiced in feeling in order to get through the fear.

But I think fear is such a, it's such an interesting human emotion. And I've always had kind of felt like it's a negative thing, but I think it's really important for us to embrace it because it really is that kind of gateway to growth and one thing I will add to that is something that I remember feeling and I actually remember reading Rachel McAdams the actress they did an article on her in one magazine and she had also said that she was so scared of telling her parents she wanted to be an actress that she went she told them and she went also said that she was so scared of telling her parents she wanted to be an actress

that she went she told them and she went and hid under the bed and that stuck with me for such a long time because I guess as someone who was very trained to be a certain way and now having to acknowledge to myself and then to the world that I wanted to do certain things, be it acting, be it creativity, not knowing how to do those things necessarily, feeling huge imposter syndrome. It was hard to break through that because I felt I would be judged. But the one beautiful thing, and maybe this is why the universe took me to America, is that the United States has a way of supporting dreams. There is really that American dream feeling there. And I felt that.

It's like, well, if I want to do this, which is very much my personality, you know me, I want to do that. Then I will start building that in some shape, way, or form. And there I felt like whatever I said I wanted to do people were like well that's amazing how can we help you that really helped me kind of get through that fear of speaking it that I have a feeling I want to do something and that it's part of my joy um so yeah there's a long tangent but but But yeah, that's probably the most recent. I can dig up a few older ones, but maybe we'll keep that for another time.

No, I think that's awesome. I mean, it's so true, right? You know, I've been planting these seeds since before I even got laid off with people. Just, you know, things that I was interested in. And I don't know, for some reason, I've kind of always been doing things on the side, but I've never really tried to do too much on my own. And so I've tried like here and there, and I thought I was interested, but then I would kind of like lose steam. I think for me, you know, it was really

interesting when I was planting seeds in like different areas, like, okay, if this feels good, I'm going to keep going. I'll take the next meeting. I'll, you know, put the proposal together. I'll see where it goes. And a few months ago, it kind of hit to a point where all of these things started blossoming. And I was actually feeling very uncomfortable because I really didn't know how to handle it. And I had to sit with myself for a little bit and be like, these are things you want to do. This is not, you're not doing it

because your job tells you you have to do it. And it's almost like, I feel like sometimes you think, oh, well, when you're doing things that you really want to do, you're not going to feel fearful. You're not going to feel uncomfortable because this is what you really want to do. So you're going to like feel good about it. And that is not how I felt. And you know, they they talk about that a lot in entrepreneurship, where it's like, you will learn a whole bunch of stuff that you never thought you would have to learn. And I think a few months ago,

I was talking to my boyfriend, I was like, I guess I just must be growing like a tree at this point, because I just feel so uncomfortable all the time. Like, I couldn't just must be growing like a tree at this point because I just feel so uncomfortable all the time. I couldn't identify what it was, but it was it almost like it wasn't stress, but it was stressful in a way. But you're kind of happy to do it. And there's no playbook. And I feel like every time there's no playbook, I've had a job where I build the playbook, but I'm getting paid to figure it out. I'm not like, you know, just figuring it out.

And yeah, so I think that's something that I didn't know about the journey of putting things into existence. I really thought that if it's things that I really wanted to do, it would just, I would be okay with it, you know? And it's like, yeah, you're okay with some aspects, but it's just like some, anything else that's new. And you've reached a point in your career where you're like, okay, well at this point, like I do have some knowledge of how to navigate certain situations. And so when I'm asked to speak on things, I still feel nervous. And I really had to like sit with myself and be like, this is something that you want to do. This

is something that you think is important. And like your feelings about it, like it was just very mind blowing to me because it's like now when you find something that you're passionate about, you think, oh, well, I'm not going to be nervous. Like, it's going to be fine because, you know, this is what I really want to do. And this is something I know about. I find myself Googling tricks or how to remind yourself of, like, where you belong and why you belong and why it's important. And just things to, like, kind of calm down that kind of imposter syndrome. and just things to like kind of calm down that kind of imposter syndrome we're talking about you know feeling all the feelings over fear you know there are certain people that I listen to on podcasts or just like on their Instagram or their stories and

I really like impact theories Lisa Bill E, Bill Ewing, and she talks about how she gets dressed in the morning when she has to do a podcast. And she always wears like Wonder Woman outfits. Like she does like Wonder Woman, she has Wonder Woman shirts. She has like a Wonder Woman, I think, necklace. And she likes to wear like black and leather and pink and stuff like that. And she had a post on it. And she has a book called Radical Confidence, where she talks about that, which is like, getting yourself ready, like you're putting things in place for yourself so that when your emotions come up, you already, 60% of it, you've already kind of set yourself up for success.

Is there anything that you do that you feel like helps ground you? I think the most effective trick that I've tried is I really believe that your energy bubble that you have around you you know like this aura you have all these different energy fields and so there's like kind of this physical body which you see but around you you have these beautiful fields of energy that things go and get stuck in and a lot of these emotions that you feel that are here you know they're kind of in this bubble and this is at least how I like to perceive them because I can go in there and I can feel around and I can see what is this thing you know I'll kind of observe myself and then go back to a safe space within me and so what I've tried

to do when I feel a bit anxious or I and I can't quite place it there's always kind of some root reason and I do tend to stand in the shower for a very, very long time. I do feel sorry for the people's places that I've been in because clearly their water bill has gone up when I've been there. But it's the place I feel very much kind of cleanses and allows me to think clearly. And what I tend to do is sometimes outside of the shower I will kind of stand and then physically push my energy field kind of away from me you know it's like I take my hands and I wherever I feel

that there's something stuck I will push the energy out and I will just send kind of golden energy to those spots you know and remind myself that I'm human and it's okay. It's okay to feel these things because if I don't feel these fears, then what on earth am I doing here? But you know, then I might as well be a robot. And so I guess celebrating those moments and my dog Gracie gets to experience a lot of this if she ever had to speak I think a lot of stories would come out but I chat to her you know and if I have to cry I cry it out and and whatever it is but allowing that space for you and I know it's not always easy I'm traveling by myself it's easier for me and my dog to kind of share that space sometimes when you're in a relationship

you might not want to be vulnerable but creating that space for yourself and I find a bathroom is a wonderful place for that often with my coaching clients I do something which we call mirror moments as well which is really facing yourself in the mirror in the morning like you say getting dressed up and what you tell yourself and how you look yourself in the eye and what your eyes say back to you is really really telling of where you where you're at and you can change that you know and it's also one way that I really got myself out of very toxic situations in my life was starting mirror moments in the mornings and creating a habit of a feedback loop that is positive that in that supports me in myself you know and um so yeah that's kind of a few things

that I that I try and then walking walking those are those are also really good I've heard that before so like I've had different like holistic practitioners or people who are do kind of like massage and Reiki and so they talk about that which is like you know stress is something that I've always struggled with I'm always like stressed I can't like if I go to these doctors, they know that about me, they'll be like, Oh, did you go here? I'm like, Yeah, I went here, I did this. And, you know, I spoke on this panel, or I've been working on a project here. And, you know, people notice and they're like, Wow, you know, you sound really happy when you're talking about that. Did you get some time to relax? And I'm like, Do you know who you're talking to? Like, why would you ask me that?

some time to relax and I'm like, do you know who you're talking to? Like, why would you ask me that? Even though, even though, I mean, I do, I try, I actively try, but I think also doing things helps me relax too, right? It's because like, I feel like I'm being productive or I just, I want to see and I want to do more stuff. So my body's like, no. And so there's definitely been times in my life where it's been super stressful and I really appreciate their perspective right because it's different than mine and there's one woman who I have to send this to she'll probably be really excited that I'm doing this Adina who does great massages and like all different kinds of body work. And she used to say, like, when she would lie down on the table, she would say, like, imagine a beam of light coming from the top of your head all the way down to your feet, and like just washing away like your stresses.

And, you know, I think people might listen to this and they might be like, all right, you guys are like on a different wavelength. But I think that sometimes that's what you're willing to be more open when you yourself can't really process what's going on, or you yourself don't have a better idea of how to get through the situation or how to control, you know, whether it's stress flare ups or it's, you know, things physically going on in your body. I've definitely changed my mind about like how beneficial it is to talk to people who have different perspectives in terms of who learn about like muscle testing and like you're talking about like traumas held in the body and all those other

things and I like learning about it it's different for me just to kind of share with anyone else who's listening that helps is it's definitely like doing some of those self-care rituals right and like reading the affirmations and doing the meditations and then eating the ice cream, like whatever it is that kind of makes you happy and you go and do it. I would definitely encourage people to try and see what works for you, right? Same thing with exercise when they tell you, well, if you don't like exercising, like going on the treadmill, find something you do like it walking is it yoga is it playing a sport I think it's the same thing for stress and and feelings right find something that you do like that you don't your body isn't like resisting it or your mind

isn't saying like okay well that sounds kind of like foo-foo business. Yeah, yeah. And I think also, you know, your body knows what it needs. I'm very much, I haven't really been to the doctor for like three years now, you know, because your body will tell you what it needs. You just need to be listening. And one thing I know that really helps me a lot as well is, you know, being silly and having fun is just so underrated out there and one of the most beautiful things you can do is dance um i know it's my my thing dancing is my therapy in a way but it's something that's free you can put the headphones on at home you know or put the speakers on you whatever your neighbor's situation is and and dance. And like we all have that song. We all have that song that helps you cry.

We all have that song that helps you like get it out there. It's such a beautiful expression of being human, like moving these weird little limbs and things that we have, you know, when you think of your body. And dancing helps you feel those aspects of yourself or whatever that might look like for you. For me, it is dancing. And so just being silly and having fun and laughing out loud is something that we all should be doing more of. I think it's really important that we explore, you know, all those different options.

And that's what we're here for. We're here to kind of talk about all the things that, you know, as an individual, as a working professional that may or may not be working from home, that may or may not have moved to a different state or country or in a different industry or is struggling with, you know, making that move over to entrepreneurship or back from entrepreneurship into a job, you know, we're here. We're here to talk about it, to share, to feel like you do have a community that when you go and work and live in other areas that you can share with and that you can learn from and and also have resources for you to do so definitely and I'm quite curious you know maybe we can put this question out there

we we're talking about things like yoga and things that are happening often outside of the workplace but when you're at work and you're around people and you're feeling certain things what are people doing what are the ways and means that working professionals, you guys out there are expressing the feelings or are they being bottled up and kind of hidden into the cupboard? Hopefully that's not happening, but yeah. How do we change the landscape so people can express, but still be professional?

I mean, I know it's, it's a difficult one. and we're happy to hear from everyone listening too you know feel free to tag us if you're running into these scenarios at work and or you have any content that you would like to or comments I would say that you have around some of these topics and of, we'll be back and we'll be Friday feeling it out with our theme of the month, which is from distraction to attraction. And for our first week of exploring this, we want to know what actually is distracting you. So more importantly, when you think of what is distracting you what do you feel this is telling you about who you are and where you are in your life we're definitely here to help people celebrate their authentic self so we're we're really excited to share some of our journey with you and things that have helped us.

But we also want to hear from you guys. You know, what else would you like to hear? And what other advice do you have for the rest of the community? Until then, you know, check out and chat to us on Instagram at These Friday feels and on LinkedIn. And if you want to work with us or just get in touch via our website is Friday dash feels.co. Or you can email us at hello at Friday dash feels.co. And we wish you safe travels into your bed into the night and into this awesome weekend. See you next week. Keep it real.