Your Happy Hour - The Things We Don't Talk About

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

Welcome back to Your Happy Hour with Friday Feels!This week we talk about the hard things and we dive right into them with the resilient, vibrant and inspiring Brescia Bianco-Badenhorst who shares her profound journey through loss, addiction, and recovery and who now leads the way for others as a Mental Health and Addiction Advocate & Professional Speaker. How has the power of authentic community and storytelling touched your life?Friday Feels is all about having those honest conversations, the power of community for personal growth and taking those actionable steps towards being our authentic selves.Thanks for tuning in! Keep it raw and real out there xYHH is produced byswartkat.co via the awesome tech platform:riverside.fm

It's the Friday Feels, and we're back with your first sip of the weekend. You're now tuned in to this week's episode of your happy hour i'm your host nicole carmine and it's amazing to have you here joining me this week as we uncover the truths about being a human and a working professional what are you up to this friday well whatever it is this moment is just for you. And we're back and we're continuing our theme of authentic community as we step back into the swing of things. January is very much underway and we're steadily heading towards being fully into 2025. How has the start of this new year been for you so far? And how have you been finding your community? Does it feel authentic? What does this truly mean?

Well, this week we're unpacking this a little bit more in depth and I have the immense pleasure of chatting to a very resilient and inspiring woman. Brescia Bianco Bardenost is a woman who has walked an intense human journey and now Brescia, while you're here, you're vibrant, you're glowing and you're leading the way for others as a mental health and addiction advocate and professional speaker. A very, very big welcome to the Friday Feels podcast. It's such a pleasure to have you here and to talk about the topic of today, which we've decided is the things we don't talk about. At Friday Feels, we've always said from the beginning that we want to have conversations about the hard things, about being a human, about being a working professional.

And so I know we're still going to delve into a lot of these things today with you, but maybe first just tell us a little bit about you, your journey and what this topic means to you. Thank you so much, Nicole. It is such a pleasure to be with you today and to share in your beautiful energy as well. And thank you for the opportunity to once again use my voice for the greater cause and to also be a voice for the voiceless. That is the most important for me.

Things we don't talk about is exactly that. I am willing and able to talk about the things that we don't talk about, to take the punches that is thrown out there towards addicts and those that struggle with mental health, to deal with the shame, the stigma and the judgment and to face that head on because of my personal journey as a recovering heroin addict and also having lost people to family members to suicide, this is now what I stand for and what I talk about. Well, thank you for coming to share with us today. It's a heavy topic, but very very important one and even though it is such a difficult thing to talk about you're bringing such lightness to the room you're bringing such

lightness to the studio today um to talk about this so thank you yeah and thank you and yeah i know it's been a difficult journey um as you alluded to and that you've had to really find your sense of community through it all that authenticity and you can tell us a little bit more about that so yeah tell us a little bit about the backstory the detail how did you get to this point you can tell it better than I can, for sure. Well, it is my story. Nicole, to be honest, I grew up in a perfect household. I grew up with incredible values and beliefs. I grew up as a preacher's daughter. I was bullied from a very young age, which left scars, which I carried into adulthood and still do. But I also grew up with mental health in my household with my brother suffering from bipolar

depression disorder and so I learned not through words what that means but through seeing his struggles daily and little did I know how much my past would also affect my future and the journey that I would take in my life. I lost my grandmother to suicide at a very young age. I lost my grandfather to alcoholism at a very young age. I lost my father to suicide at the age of four. I lost my uncle to suicide at the age of four. And in 2018, I lost my brother then also to suicide after struggling for so many years with his mental illness. After school I left school to study drama hoping that I had found my ultimate freedom and my escape but life presented me with choices as well and little did I know what addiction is, what mental health is and how it would also shape my

path. And I had this sense, this not sense, this desire to belong and to be a part of something also through the bullying that I went through. And I was presented with choices. In film school I was introduced to the rich and the famous who so easily hid their addictions and mental health struggles behind camera lenses and closed doors and I was accepted into that community. So I left school to study drama thinking I had found my ultimate escape and freedom and life presented me with choices and choices that would forever change my path so I said yes to those choices I said yes to irresponsibility I said yes to smoking and drinking and all the substances that I abused and I said yes to my ultimate escape which was heroin. I underestimated this opponent heroin that I was up against and to support my habits I eventually turned to a life of crime. And what started as survival

soon turned into a very dark and dangerous world that totally consumed me. I traded my beautiful name for a fake persona in order to get away with things that wasn't mine. And in a space of four years in active addiction, I lost everything, even my identity. And I became a homeless missing person. And when I was found, I stood in front of a jail cell, realizing I had hit rock bottom and for the first time I raised my hand and I asked for help and that's when rehab crossed my path which was the biggest wake-up call of my life and I was completely lost and broken and I had no choice but to confront everything that I had been running away from and I had to understand this disease that I was living with and that was detox and healing and going through withdrawals and I had to

face all of that the cravings and all the lies that come with it. And I went through many, many years up until now and still do through recovery. It's a lifelong process. And I, through this journey, had to learn to strip away the masks that I had worn for so long, to expose myself for who and what I truly am. And it's terrifying and it's hard, but it's necessary. And I confronted labels, the labels that I stuck onto myself and the labels that society stuck onto me,

to myself and the labels that society stuck onto me, being called a junkie, an addict, a failure, a criminal, a lost cause, but I decided that they do not define me and I found my religion in recovery and that became my anchor and my strength and the realization that it is only by God's grace that to this day I continue to stand firm in my recovery but it still is one day at a time. But recovery wasn't the end of pain and then I lost my brother to suicide and that loss opened my eyes to the life that I now lead and I had to embrace the good and the bad that comes with this raw life that we get to experience and yeah I've had to face judgment and shame and all of that that comes with addiction and mental health and only two percent of heroin addicts make it to recovery but my pain became my purpose and I'm 21 years sober and I talk about the things that we don't talk about and here I am well that is quite a journey and I'm sitting here with goosebumps as I'm

listening to you and I just want to say you are very courageous and I really admire how you are showing up in the world after everything you've been through you're a true inspiration to everyone out there and I am intrigued about you know the sense of community and we're talking about authentic community often when we are looking at how to build community we look to the example of family first normally that is where we learn about authentic community and yet you've walked a journey where so many people in your family set up have left you and you know you've almost had to find community within yourself in order to share that with the world i know you're also building a community that is called The Things We Don't Talk About

and you are being there for other people. But yeah, how has community played a role for you? What does authentic community mean to you? Just tell us a little bit about that. Yes, in the past year, well, I've had my own community I think that the drug and addiction and mental health community we like to get each other along the way and form our own little communities because we understand this

the internal struggle so much but in the past year I have established a community it's more a support group called things we don't talk about on Facebook where I share my own story and I talk very openly about everything that I have gone through but it has created this incredible community of people who have just stepped up and support each other with anything and everything, giving advice, not only talking about addiction and mental health, but family struggles and kids stuff and even marriage stuff and divorce because that does also affect our mental health and how many people what is I think that's what gets me going every day is how many people have come forward and are now also sharing their stories. And even people who don't,

they don't necessarily want to be very visible, but they want their story told, who will ask me, please, can you narrate my story? And I do that with pleasure because from stories we learn. And that is something truly, truly special special that is the essence of authentic community Nicole that I have now also experienced firsthand in the last year it's amazing what people can do when they come together and see see others also sharing openly isn't that just beautiful the moment you open your heart and then others are allowed to do the same and it's fantastic that you are sharing this space with people that you are allowing people to be able to share their stories and I more and more in my life I'm realizing that we do need stories we are stories we are human stories and our stories are unfolding to ourselves and to others every single day and we we sometimes can

only make sense of life through stories and and so being able to to share that and I know you mentioned divorce I went through that and I know how hard it was for me in that time and I am super grateful that I had a beautiful support system around me that helped me through that and and a beautiful community so it's not easy to talk about these things and I think from a society's perspective we are often maybe not so much now anymore but we are often told to kind of just deal with things you know and we we kind of we have to go inward and and figure it out which is important but you also learn through other people's perspectives and you also are a more whole human as part of a collective you know no man's really supposed to be an island I believe so how do you feel this this journey you've alluded to obviously you didn't really know where where this is all going but 10 years ago did you see

yourself doing what you what you're doing today and and do you think that you would be doing it in this way oh no no absolutely not 10 years ago I couldn't have imagined the life that I have today. Back then, I was in a completely different space. I was still battling with struggles. I still am. Uncertainty, self-doubt. I didn't see a future where I could stand tall or share my story. I've always wanted to share my story, but not publicly like this and not even thinking to help navigate others through their own challenges. And what's incredible is

how life unfolds when you start to believe in your ability to change and to grow. And it wasn't an overnight transformation. And it didn't come without setbacks. But every small decision to move forward, even when it felt impossible, and it still feels impossible, brought me to this point. So no, never. But the vision has always been there the goal is very very clear but I must be honest with you it's not I have a team that supports me as well this is not just me this is this is everyone that's with me and this community and all the support you you can't do this alone I cannot this do this alone and by the grace of God that gives me the strength to keep showing up for this cause that you called

me for I love that you are seeing this as your calling. I think sometimes we go through life not always understanding our purpose and most of us are searching for our purpose and here you are embracing the journey you've walked and really understanding the mission, understanding what it is that you are here to do. So sometimes life does these things to us for us to have more clarity i think but of course doing what you're doing is not easy and it's a lot of energy that goes into supporting yourself supporting others and having this beautiful

energy exchange but i do want to know how do you fill your cup how do you make sure that you are okay and supported at the moment to be to be honest helping others fills my cup it's it's a lot people don't realize how much I deal with behind the scenes. The amount of DMs that I get. I mean, I'm on all the social media platforms. Each has their own DM. And it's on all of them that I need to check, plus all the comments. Because mental health stands out for me. Those that are now suicidal that those that are now giving up I want to be there for all of all of it so it's a lot it it builds up I cope and I cope and I cope and then I don't cope anymore but I do practice what I preach I I will tell people, go find healthy ways to deal with your stuff.

Go exercise. And I'm furiously doing that right now. I'm taking care of my body for once, which I haven't for a very long time. Because a healthy vessel homes a healthy mind. Or how does that saying go? healthy mind or how does that saying go but my community is just as they've they are there for me just as much as I am there for them and I have had since day one from recovery an incredible support structure my family my mother my father all their friends who've been part of that I have the rehab who I have partnered with and I'm now an ambassador for who also supports me and I'm incredibly blessed and not many people

can say that and it makes me terribly sad to know that there's a lot that a lot of people who don't have authentic communities or any sort of support it's heartbreaking it really is and I think we often forget that building authentic community does start with ourselves you know you have to be able to reach out you have to be able to open yourself up to receiving as well as giving and and vice versa and i think it's it's beautiful that you can have felt that energy exchange and have that flow of energy within the world with other people and i know you alluded to this a little bit about like what was that point for you that you really started opening up but what do you feel really triggered the change for you what really hit home for you that made you say I need community the turning point for me was the death of my brother in 2018 that is when I decided I want to stand for something first of all and I want to be a voice for something

and then the semicolon came up because that is the suicide survivors and addiction survivors symbol it started as a tattoo and it was initially to honor him and the color that I used the turquoise with my branding everything was revolved around him so that shook me to my core and that was a shift in my life and then funny story a couple of years after his death our dog died and that was an incredible loss for me loss for me which actually brought my life to a standstill for two weeks and I started questioning everything. I've had so many losses in my life. What is happening? And I really went into a self-reflection mode of note, not leaving the house, in my pajamas, crying uncontrollably, figuring all this stuff out why was i bored why am i here where am i going and that is when all of this was established and it has taken so many years to get to this point

to reach out to be vulnerable to face the shame and the judgment and the stigma and now bringing others onto that journey as well and the community started it started here with being vulnerable but every every person that came on board I can't be a community on my own everyone that came on board who said I can do that too I want to do that too I want to ask for help too that created what it wasn't the goal I never thought that would there would be this community but something amazing came from it look where we are now and I'm very proud of that no and so you should be I mean wow yeah and i think that's exactly what i was was saying you know i think having the courage to go inside and be vulnerable and cry it out and and that's sometimes what we need is just to face ourselves and yeah the ugly parts every everything um and then out of it comes this beautiful butterfly and and the blooming of

of a new day really and so so where do you feel like all of this is going towards a year from now are we maybe seeing a book on the horizon there is so much yes so much a year from now there is a book there is definitely a book yeah in one year I see myself continuing to grow that remains number one helping more people through healing journeys and inspiring others and creating that belief that you have the power to change. I hope to be reaching more individuals, whether through the speaking engagements, social media, or one-on-one meetings, offering support to those struggling with addiction, mental health, support to those struggling with addiction, mental health and the many challenges that life throws at us. And on a personal level, I want to keep expanding on my own self-awareness and healing

that never stops. I aim to focus on building even stronger connections with those that also care for me and continue to find balance because I do struggle with that. Find balance in every aspect of my life and ultimately I see myself more present and more fulfilled and still moving forward helping others but there is it's going to be a very very busy year there's a lot rolling out this year that people have asked for that people don't know that's coming it's a lot oh we're so excited i i can't wait to see you putting out more amazing content out there being there for other people i know i appreciate it i know a lot of people do too and we're excited to see the journey from the side and and be involved as much as we can from friday feels perspective and i know that you said that you you keeping yourself supported, that it's been an interesting journey,

and that you didn't really see yourself here doing all these things, and I'm curious, we always ask people, you know, what is kind of that advice? What is that mantra that's playing in your head, or it's something that someone said, or a quote you read? What is that thing that has stuck with you and has really inspired you in your journey and that you can also then pass on to other people oh I love quotes so we we shouldn't do quotes because I can keep you busy for a very long time

but one one of the pieces of professional advice, I think is actually my slogan or the semicolon slogan is, your story isn't over yet. And it came at a time when I was struggling to figure out how to share my experiences without feeling judged or vulnerable. I was told the very things I thought might hold me back, my past, my struggles, my mistakes, even the darkest moments were actually the things that could connect to me, to others on a deeper level. And this advice, this slogan, completely shifted my perspective. It reminds me that authenticity matters more than perfection, especially in the work that I do as a speaker, as an advocate. People don't want someone who seems to have it all figured out. They want someone that's real and someone that they can relate to and someone to remind them that there is still a tomorrow.

It doesn't end here. Your story is not over yet. You still have opportunities and chances to opportunities and chances to change, to step up, to get well, to heal, to get better. And it guides me in every talk. It travels with me everywhere I go. It's important with every connection that I have and that I make. And it's not just about what you do professionally, personally. It's about who we are, that we need that constant reminder because we can get so lost in life and we can give up so easily. And also sharing your truth. Your story isn't over, sharing your truth. And no matter how messy it might seem, it has the power to inspire and to create change. Oh man, an ain't life messy. I know mine is, I know mine is and that's okay.

I've come to love the mess. I've come to appreciate it for what it is. And I love that i think that you know we need more rawness and realness out in the world that really is the essence of who and what we are and yet we try so hard to hide away from from this you know and and like you mentioned earlier with with film and acting I think sometimes people do look for for trying to play a different character in life and then I think what acting school probably does quite quickly is show you that you really need to understand yourself and and that you need to love who you are so that you can get yourself out of the way in order to embrace the character and really infuse your your experience of the character I

guess but yeah I think that's such a beautiful message and and thank you so much for sharing that and I want to move on to a little section on this note that we call the gems and these are really our good bad highs lows things that we've learned during the week things that have meant a lot to us things that we've had uh gratitude for and uh mine is uh you know as as i'm learning about loving myself and the authentic me, I found my first beautifully white hair on my head today. And maybe I'm giving away my age now, but you know, I'm actually really appreciating this phase of aging. And yeah, my birthday is coming up quite soon. And it's dawning on me that, you know, life is short, that time does fly very quickly and that it's important to love who you are and what you are

in every single moment. But yeah, I definitely... That's a special one. That's a special one, yeah. But anyway, so that was my gem how about you what what do you feel has been a gem for you this week a gem for me this week time I got a new perspective of what time means actually not just this week throughout the whole of December I wasn't ready to take a break in December. I was very frustrated. I was not ready to stop and let the world stop because a lot of things are falling into place. And I was forced a standstill, which actually wasn't good for my mental health, to be honest, because I've had a lot of energy and I was forced to stop, halt.

But I think, I know, not I think, I know, life has a way to, because we won't push the brakes and life has a way to say enough now stop now and for me too very humbling I was very emotional I found a couple of tears again I haven't cried in a long time I expressed myself with in a way that I haven't had for a long time so time was a big thing for me and I've it it has really made me think about time lately now that everyone is taking a break and we have time why not just think about time and what does that actually mean good experience though frustrating but good it was a life lesson oh i can imagine what would you do slowing down yeah that one in a couple of months ago i fell on my knees talk about being

getting older and i just couldn't walk oh no yeah and, I felt like the universe was really telling me, slow down. You know, it's, I felt like a granny, and I just really appreciated being able to be mobile after that. But yeah, time is such an important thing. And, you know, it flies by so quickly. So, like the saying goes, you know, we should be having fun so that it really does feel like it's flying by and we're spending the time in a good way. And speaking about that, I do want to give a quick shout out

to our people, places and spaces for the week. And that is a little theater not far from where I am called Théâtre Le Petit Manoir. And I just had the most wonderful intimate experience there I just want to say thank you guys for your feels thank you for welcoming me I didn't always understand everything but I really appreciated having an evening here and just the sense of community around the theater so for whoever is living in Agnès Soussaint just outside of Paris check out this little theater and we'll put it on the socials and speaking of socials Brescia where can everybody find you and what's

the best way to connect with you my social media handle is the same on all my platforms I am just known as Brescia Bianco Wadenhorst I know it's a mouthful I am on LinkedIn I'm on Facebook I have a supportive the the support group is on Facebook called things we don't talk about I'm on Instagram I'm on TikTok I'm on I have my website same name brishabiancobardenhoers.com and that is where they can they can reach out to me and I am one of those that actually respond and take the time to speak to every single person who takes the time to send me a message and share their heart with me. Oh, well, that's amazing. And thank you for being that person. Thank you for setting an example of someone who shows up. And for everyone out there, you know, you have a sense of community.

We are here as Friday feels precious there we want you to know that you're not alone and also that your story does not end here and you know for everyone listening I want to know how is this topic resonating for you what are your hard truths that you don't want to talk about maybe and personally professionally and whatever capacity you know this is a safe space and uh friday feels along with all the other communities out there uh we want to know your feels so do let us know on the socials and and dm us wherever you need to talk to somebody and thank you for for being that person brisha again and in this moment i do want to take a quick break to say a spotlight on riverside fm which is our partner for the month do check them out

thank you guys for making these raw and real conversations possible and for giving us a platform to be able to look each other in the eye and even if we can't sit next to each other and feel like we can really talk talk about the hard things so thank you for for being our partner in podcasting crime and then i want to quickly move on to last section last but not least our stack now this is a new section that we are doing we are talking about the books that we love reading the books we would like to read anything that has inspired you in the past and that you can recommend to our community to to read out there and we'll put it on the website go and check it out you guys can click on the link and it will navigate you to where you can buy the book and be inspired as well.

So I want to ask you, Brosha, what is in your stack at the moment? I am between two books at the moment. I'm really struggling with the one. It's Simon Sinek's Leaders Eat Last. I work through What is your why when I went through my identity crisis which I told you about that gave me my why. So I'm all for self-development so that's the one and then I am also reading The Life Impossible by Matt, can't remember the surname now. So two books. I've never done that before, read two books at once. And then I'm actually eyeing a third because they're all so different.

This Little Life. But I'm only tackling that because of TikTok and it addresses trauma and lots of mental health stuff which is in my field but I've heard will kind of target the emotional strength so I need to pace myself with that one but I'm an avid reader so come back for more recommendations oh I love it I love it I definitely will thank you those sound Those sound amazing. We're definitely going to be adding all three of them to the stack. And yeah, it's just reading is such a beautiful thing. And I agree, self-development, you know, I think we're getting a lot of it from all angles on social media and books and movies and everything.

But maybe just a last little bit from you. What do you want to kind of just leave people a message today? Anyone who's listening, some words of advice. I think the number one thing that I always say to people, and I say it every day, even on the content that I make is people because in the world that we live in and it is so fast-paced and we just you know pass each other along in the hallways and in life and is you are not alone. We tend to forget that. It's such a simple thing, but you are not alone. And start where you are. You don't have to have everything figured out when you raise your hand for help or reach out or want to start healing with whatever it is that you're dealing with.

You just start with where you are. There will be detours along the way, lots. It's a guarantee. But embrace them because they also shape you and change you into who you are. And stay true to your core values. It always goes back to that. When I struggled with my own journey, it was the four-year-old little girl in me that I went to and asked for advice who told me that this is what I need to pursue. And I listened to her and here I am. Don't forget that inner child. And help is available. Help is available. Help is available. It is.

Guaranteed, it is. People might not always know where to find it or not find the right ones. Then we move along and we find the right ones. But help is available. It is available. And you're so right. It's very much available from that four-year-old who is there to remind you of your joy and your dreams. Yes, remember your dreams.

bit more and and really look to her for guidance and that's really beautiful thank you so much for reminding us of that and thank you just for everything for coming on for sharing so openly and honestly it's been such a pleasure and really an honor to have spoken to you today um so keep us posted on what is going on. We want to know all the things. I will. Thank you so much. Thank you for the time with you and for just being present with you and for us being together here. You are beautiful with the most beautiful soul. So soft spoken.

You have also just this way to calm me down. It really was so special to be with you thank you for allowing me the opportunity to speak about this i really appreciate it an absolute pleasure thank you so much if you haven't just yet follow friday feels on instagram facebook tiktok and linked, you can share with us all your feels this week by tagging us at fridayfeels.co and you can also find the website at that handle. And now as you ease into this weekend, take a moment, celebrate who you've become, what you've overcome and what is yet to come as you do the crazy and cool things that you do as the authentic you you know the truth about life and work is that it's hard but the beauty is this global working experience that you're in while we earn it together so keep connecting

empowering and inspiring this week. And of course, keep it raw and real. Until next time.