Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 113-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Some people make your P***y dry! Who does that in your life? Now let them know. Good job. We talk about regrets in life, how awful some audience members can be, how awesome others are, but the big news is that our sushi server who berates for ordering too much is caught on tape giving us the biz! The real scoop is that we really don't order that much, this woman just hates us and everyone who orders more than 4 bites. Then we share what is perhaps the most infuriating 60 Minutes piece we have ever seen -at least in the consumer market genre-and we want our mommies to know the truth. Sunglasses are a racket! Theo fills it up! Oh My GOD!

Who is Randy? Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Mama-ma-ma-moms. Mommies, come see your mommy at the Cleveland improv May 9th through 12th, then May 17th, Portland, Oregon with Tommy Bizzans. Two shows. We added a second show because the first show

is pretty much sold out, let's be honest. That's huge news, that means if you're in the greater Portland area, you can come see us at 1030, the late show on the 17th. That's what's up, let's do it man. Yeah, and then May 18th, we're going to be in Seattle, same shit, different toilet. Same shit, different toilet.

And then May 23rd through 26th, I will be at the Richmond Funny Bone in Richmond, Virginia. And that's all I'm going to do right now. I don't need to go into July. Do what you need to do, man. I'm about to have time for that. Do what you need to do, son. Can I tell you that, speaking of Portland,

I just started watching Portlandia on Netflix. It's pretty good. I didn't know that guy, what's his name? Fred Armisen was such a hipster that he knew so much about hipster culture. I didn't know what he knows, but I know he's a funny guy. He knows a lot, he knows the intricacies of

ridiculous hipster culture. Like when he and his girlfriend are reading a newspaper and she's like, did you read the article in SF Weekly? It's like, yeah, did you read the article in the Atlantic Month? Yeah, did you read the article? It's totally how hipsters are.

Yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah, it's funny. He's a funny guy. And the theme song's pretty bitching, too. You introduced me to that being the theme song. I didn't even know that. I didn't know. I just, I Googled it.

I Googled it. Um, yo, if you're listening right now, I'm in Orlando. Check me out. Right. Uh, 26, 27, 28th Orlando improv. Uh, Toronto, Toronto. I'm doing the underground comedy club,

clandestine. Uh, tickets are at topscore.com. It's Friday and Saturday are sold out. So that means Thursday, May 2nd. I believe it. I believe is the only night for tickets. So please Toronto, come see me May 15th. I'm doing the Hollywood improv on Melrose here in Los Angeles.

I'm doing a half hour set. Uh, you don't get through that a lot in LA. So I'm excited about that. And then the eighth through the 11th of May, Austin cap city comedy club. May 17th, Portland with your jeans. May 18th, Seattle tickets are at topscore.com. They're at your mom's house podcast.com.

And they're at Christina comedy.com. Oh, follow me at Christina P on Twitter and add Tom Segura on Twitter. How many pictures do you think I have in my phone of our dog sleeping on his back? Oh, I don't know. His legs open and his balls out. I have quite a few.

Five million, at least. I showed off a few today. I'm doing the parenting thing where you show pictures now. I'm the worst dog mom alive. I'll show anybody and everybody. I'm such an asshole. God damn you Theo. Jeans machine.

Are you ready to start the show? This shit is big time. Let's do it. Okay. Good morning. This be the baby black, the black baby. Welcome to the black baby show. I'm excited to interrupt you guys,

but I got to check somebody. Let's turn your bell bitch. I don't know who you think you're talking to. I got gold in my mouth because I choose to you motherfucking sick-nicking bitch. You know, you make my pussy dry. You need to clean your wits. Clean your motherfucking whole body.

You yeast affected. Cornbread eating ass hoe. Bitch, you don't see me. You don't stand a chance with me. Waquilla Santana, whoever this bitch is, Diana Latoya-Bella, Tonya-Bella, whoever you is, bitch. I'm coming, Diana. And I'm going to find your bitch ass.

And guess what? You're going to be giving me all money. I hope I catch you in a legend somewhere down there, you know? Remember my motherfucking face, because I'm going to knock your bitch ass out. And I ain't worried about no motherfucking body jumping in, because I got goons everywhere I motherfucking go. You hit, you know?

You better motherfucking fall by hope, because this ain't what you want. For real, for real, bitch, I take care of your motherfucking whole household and make you suck my nigga deep. That's what I'm going to do when I catch your ass, make you suck whoever dick I'm standin' around. Dirty, draggin' foothold.

Guess I've been about to suck, bitch. They bury black to black, bitch. Thanks for watchin'. They'll let you suck. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone lovin' to this. Yo mama in the fuckin' stand! Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Segura, Tom Sutsu, and... Christina Positsa, Christina Positsa. Welcome to your mom's house. Where did you find that one? I think somebody sent it to me on Twitter. You sent it to me a while ago. Somebody sent it to me on Twitter, and I feel bad whoever LaTanya Bell is,

because she be hated. You make her pussy dry. That's the funniest thing to say. Did that make your pussy dry? I thought about it. I'm like, I didn't... I don't know if another girl can make my pussy dry. Like, what?

I don't know what that insult means, really. But then she called her a cornbread eater. Like, that's something to be ashamed of. Right, and you're like, I like cornbread. I love corn. I'd like to interrupt you guys, but I gotta check somebody. Okay. Bitch.

I don't know who you think you're talking to. I got gold in my mouth because I choose to. She goes, what? I have gold in my mouth because I choose to. So somebody called her out for having gold in her mouth. Gold teeth. You motherfucking thick-nicking bitch, you know. You make my pussy dry.

You make my pussy dry. It's kind of a really interesting insult. It is a good one. You make my pussy dry. I think people maybe should adopt that as a new insult. That should be the next song that you do, in addition to your problems, make my dick soft. Like a J-to-T hit?

J-to-T. What do you think? You make my pussy dry. Right, but maybe I could guess on the track since you need a female vocal. You need a female, yeah. I could sing the song, and then you could sing the hook. Okay.

Oh. See you out there talking shit about my teeth. I've only got one thing to say. You make my pussy dry. Pussy dry. Pussy dry. You make my pussy dry. Pussy dry.

We could do like a Mary J Blush. It's dry, dry, dry, dry, dry, dry, dry, dry. Dry, dry, dry, dry, dry, dry. Oh, hi. What? Why are you doing this? This is a good song. I'm in a good mood.

Why? I was on a roll, and then now you ruin my music. I liked the photo somebody posted that had his UB titties, you said. Oh, I know. It's a UB and asshole, Christina. No, the one of him hanging out on the balcony, and you said, I like how the air was pointing at his UB titties,

because he's all bloated now. Oh, he's fat. Yeah, the singer of UB 40 is now, you know, he's older and fatter, like we all are. Yeah, of course. But the particular tabloid that caught him on his balcony on vacation, I'm assuming, he's shirtless, and they had to draw arrows to his tits, as if you didn't notice he had mantis.

It's so rude. I know. It's so exceptionally rude the way they did it. I hate when they do that stuff, man. Or when they're like Kim Kardashian right now, just because she's preggers and fat. Jesus. It's like a feeding frenzy on her.

Kim Kardashian's fucking fat. This is not cool, man. Like, well, she's pregnant. What else is she supposed to do? A useless fucking twat. But I don't see the, I don't see the, the thing about being, oh, she's gained, she's gained weight and she's not slowing down. It's like, she's fucking.

Fucking thick nicking bitch. You know, you, you make my pussy dry. Right. That's what Kim Kardashian does to me. She makes your pussy dry. Absolutely. Man. But I don't think that it's cool to go after a pregnant lady.

It's not cool. Who's gaining weight? Like, you're supposed to gain weight. It's not cool. If you don't gain weight during your pregnancy, something's wrong. You're an asshole. Yeah. Well, or, you know.

You're sick. There's a health problem. Yeah. Of course, you're supposed to gain weight. Well, and with Kim Kardashian, look, the media and the public, they love to hate her for many, many. Haters are going to hate. Haters going to hate.

You know, so she got famous for sucking a couple of black dicks. Big deal. Michelle Obama sucks a black dick. It's nothing to fucking write home about. Okay. All right. But listen. I don't think it's right for us to be crucifying any celebrity on their body.

I think it's so stupid. Yeah. Men are women. It's not fair. Yeah. It's unacceptable. And it's unacceptable. Her body is not our property.

Is it, Tom? It's not our property. I don't like her either, though. Just because she's a talentless fucking succubus. But she's the worst. It's the worst thing in the world. It is. And the obsession with that family is like, it's mind-blowing.

Yeah. It's a bummer. It's disappointing. It is a bummer. It's also very indicative of like where a lot of people's minds are. In this country right now. Yes. That family has developed literally a fortune from being just hanging out.

And oddly enough, in a recession economy, like usually in recessions, nobody wants to watch people that are wealthier than them or better looking. Yeah. But they seem to prosper. It's a phenomenon. And I don't get it. Who the fuck is watching the Kardashians? What's the audience?

You know what's really interesting? It's really interesting if you go to... Unifart. I did. I hope you shit your pants. I didn't shit my pants. You will. You get Thai food.

You're gonna shit eventually. Thank you for interrupting my shit this morning, by the way. What do you mean interrupting your shit? You shit. Barely. It was three kibbles. All I told you was I got a shit, too. That's it.

I didn't say it. We had to leave the house in a half hour, both of us. You pressured me. And I took a fast... It was just three kibbles. It wasn't even a shit because you had to get in there. I was so mad at you. I'm still mad.

Why are you mad? Because I didn't get to shit today. You got to shit. You took your leisurely. I don't give a rip dump. And I'm pressured. You ain't gotta get in there. You gotta shit, too.

Okay. Anyway, as you were saying... I don't remember what I was saying. Good. What was I saying? Who's that my Kim Kardashian? Why is she famous? Who the fuck is watching?

I said, I don't even know who's watching her. Oh, yes. 20-year-old white girl. What's fascinating to me is on Twitter, is if you go to her page or Paris Hilton's page, you find the same type of tweets that you find on a Justin Bieber page, which is people just sending them adoration and life.

And I get the Bieber one. He's a pop star. He has talent, tangible, and he's adorable. He's a dancer. He's a singer. But when you go to Kardashian page or Paris Hilton, you'll see girls, a lot of times girls will write them, I love you so much with like 15 hearts.

And I want to be like, why? Why do you love her so much? For what? For what? You're just so amazing. She's pretty. I think in Kardashians, very pretty. Of course.

But that's not a... I mean, there's a lot of pretty girls. I mean... You know who I grew up loving? Linda Carter. You know who that is? The bitch that played Wonder Woman. That's a fucking hero.

That's a role model for a girl. You understand? Not just some broad that sucks off rappers, okay? And I don't know if Linda Carter sucked off rappers. She may have. But at least she had superpowers. She had a fucking invisible jet in the last show. She may have sucked off Shaft.

You think so? Maybe. It makes sense, that era. I'm curious. I'm going to see who Linda Carter was banging. Shaft. Uh-oh. You think?

I think maybe she sucked off Shaft. I'm just throwing it out there. Can I... First of all... Maybe Linda Carter knew how to do... There she is. The double eight. There she is.

Linda Carter. Mmm. It's really ridiculous. Spouses. Robert Altman. Oh. And then Ron Samuel. So she was married.

That doesn't mean that Shaft didn't stick it in her on the side. I don't... I don't know. She was a good girl. What does that mean? I mean, I... Shaft? Yeah.

He's kind of a playboy, yeah? Like... Yeah. It means a TV character. Mmm. Shit. Who's that? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Who's that? You know what's really scary about that video we played at the top? Is that... It's creepy how she starts it. Where she's like,

Hello. I'm sorry to bother you. Yeah, good morning. She said good morning. So scary. That's a sign of a true sociopath. When they flip on you and they're like, Hi, I don't mean to bother you, but...

Yeah. And then they get into that. That's a bit you gotta worry about. If you're a guy, you date somebody like that. Definitely. No, there's other indications that you have to worry about her. Right. But the message...

Oh. Someone who takes the time to post videos like that. Psycho. Absolutely. That's insane. But the kindness and then the cruelty is really spooky. That gave me chills. Really?

Yes. I don't like that. Yeah. That was... I don't know. That's big today too. Psychotic people can make videos and post them on your Facebook page. So crazy.

Hey, bitch. I just want you to know. I'm gonna come down there. Yeah. Goons everywhere. Good luck trying to get a job. Yeah. You know what I mean?

If you post those videos, you fucking idiot. Yeah, I know. Good. Keep doing it. That's fucking stupid. So I know who not to have in my life. Psycho. Have you ever done anything in your life where...

Not that, obviously, but something where you go... You made some type of move where you regret doing it, like writing something and sending it. You ever done that? Yeah, of course. What kind of thing? The top of my head? I don't know.

I'd have to think about it for a second. I'm sure. Oh, I know what I did. I've always regret. I've told the story before, though. I fucking spit on a bitch once at a house party because she hooked up with my boyfriend and I fucking threatened to kill her and stuff. Oh, yeah.

I was like 20, yeah. It wasn't good. I spit on her from a second story window. I regret that. Probably not. I just lost my shit, you know? Everybody regrets saying people regret losing their tempers. Yeah.

They do. Yeah. I'm sure there's... I've written and said... I just recently had a fight with a friend where I think it was a heated moment when I had the discussion. Yeah. I should have waited before I called that person.

Before... You know this fight I just had about a couple weeks ago with a certain friend, I'm not gonna say it. Yeah. Yeah. I lost my cool. Right. I can't talk when I'm...

Nobody can. Yeah. It's best always to wait till you're not super angry. Yeah. No, I'm just thinking of that in terms of like when somebody making a video like this... Oh my goodness. You know, I regret engaging in YouTube comments before. Oh boy.

Yeah. Like I did and I'm like, fuck, that was a huge mistake. Can't win. I shouldn't have done that. Can't win that one. I've sent emails that I regret, you know? Emails, absolutely. You know what I did one time?

I got a job. Sorry for that. And I realized... Sorry, foof. I got a lot of work on it, that it was definitely my... Like my ego and my just inexperience made me do this. When I got the job, the company gave me a new email address, like a working at email. I thought in my youth and my inexperience that I wanted to tell everybody from now on

email me here, but it wasn't for convenience. It was because I wanted to... It's cool. It was cool to show off my new email address. But I sent an email to friends like, from now on contact me here. What I didn't realize I was doing was I was letting the company then see all of my personal emails. You're inviting them to see that.

So I told every one of my friends, email me at work from now on. And you know how email chains are within friends. It's not like, how's your day going? It's like, have you seen this girl swallow all this cum? It gets languages inappropriate, very un-PC. And you can't really explain the dynamics of your friendships. Nobody ever really said it. No one said anything to me at all.

But then I go, man, I wish I hadn't have done that. I thought it was fucking stupid. Live and learn, my man. I mean, the shit that we said was pretty offensive. Do you think the company really looks at that? Yeah, I think they do. I mean, I remember the IT guy one time, he didn't say anything, but he just was, he told me how active I was online.

Because they can see your bandwidth. They can see if you're downloading a bunch of shit. But I don't know if they have programs where they can actually, unless there's some kind of program where they can get into your computer, because there is a thing where you can do that remote thing. I don't think they can just see what you're doing all the time. No, but they can read your emails. They can absolutely, if it's a company account, absolutely.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, you're saying the activity being that you are emailing a lot. The content of the emails. So what you're saying is, Tom, you were doing a lot of emails. And the guy said, hey, you're doing a lot of emails. Got ya. Okay. Is that not okay?

Okay. No, yes. You know what's funny, though, is that in all the jobs I had, maybe this is why I don't give a fuck, and I'm a comic now, I never gave a shit. I'm like, you want to look through my emails? Have at it. Yeah. It's Sarah Burns sending me the sack lunch video in 2003.

It's not that kind of stuff that I'm worried about or care about. It's writing things I regret writing that somebody could see. Oh. You understand? It's not like, oh, the jizz video that I feel badly about. Words, language that I think doesn't portray me who I am, but within friends, you write things like in your own... The Jews.

You put down the Jews a lot. You put down the Jews, but you do that with, they don't, no one understands that like within a circle, you're saying things that's like, it's how you guys operate. Of course, yeah. And that's the stuff I'm saying. Yes, of course. Yes. I don't know.

Every friendship has its own lexicon. Yeah, it really does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There's that stuff. I do regret engaging in, like I said, the YouTube stuff. I do regret losing my shit on audience members before. Even the ones who earned it. Oh, interesting segue into my week. Who earned it though too. Well, of course. Yeah.

I lost my load in Indy. Yeah. Tell us about that. I don't regret it. There was a night where this broad was in the front and there was a couple of mommies sitting next to her and this drunk woman was like petting one of our mommies, like the stranger, like petting her head and being like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

And then I, you know, then she started making dolphin noises during my set and just disrupting and being just generally an asshole. Yeah. And then I melted down. I had a fucking. It happens, man. It hasn't happened to me yet. This bad.

I stopped my set and I was like, what are you, what you decided to make? I can hear you chewing your hands on the microphone. Tell your story. I heard you in the middle of my joke. You decided to make dolphin sounds. What? Why did you do that? Just curious what's going on.

No, no. You wanted the attention. Why don't you explain yourself? Yeah. And I could see her face changing. She got very humiliated. She had no answer, obviously. And I was like, just get out because you're going to, she's going to do it again.

The reason I kicked her out is because she would do it again. Then she started to climb under the table. That's crazy. Refused to leave. The bouncer had to come up, I'm sorry, not the bouncer. If there was a bouncer, this probably wouldn't have happened. Absolutely. Just the club manager was like, excuse me, you have to leave now.

That didn't work. We had to threaten the police to come. The crowd had to sing to her, na na na, hey, goodbye, before she finally, I had to stop my show. It was ridiculous. I'm still mad about it right now, fucking cut a bitch right now. That made my pussy dry. It does make your pussy dry.

I didn't want to talk about it. I'm all fired up. You brought it up. No, you segwayed into it. I didn't segway into yours. I thought that's what you were trying to do, to give me a tell us a dumb fucking thorn. No, I wasn't. You said interesting segway and you're like, I had this thing in Indy.

I ain't ashamed about it. That bitch should be ashamed. Yeah. I'm saying, I don't regret that I said something to people who deserved it. I regret within myself my loss of control. Oh, right. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

That I let that person make me that angry, but I understand that anger in that situation. It's happened to every comic. Yeah. In this case, she was directly disrespecting me, my space, my show, the fans that paid. So it was like, fuck you and your dumb, your dumb shit ass. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You cornbread eating.

Yeah. Absolutely. Motherfucker. You fucking fucked this up and you don't get to tell us how to operate. I got to check somebody. Let's turn your bail. She was in the audience. Bitch.

That was her. I don't know who you think you're talking to. Yep. I got gold in my mouth. I got shoes too. You motherfucking thick nicking bitch, you know, you, you make my pussy dry. You need to clean your wits. Yep.

She made my pussy dry. Yep. And my asshole and everything else. I feel like if you fuck up my show, you and I should be able to fist fight in the lobby. Yeah. If it's a woman, I really wish I could have beaten the shit out of her. I would have. I don't think it should be allowed.

Like gladiators. We just fight. People don't realize that people in who aren't, don't do this for a living. I mean, I don't know if you fully grasp how disrespectful, like just the level of disrespect it is to do something like that to any performer during a performance. I know what it's like. It's like, imagine if you're at your job, maybe you work in an office environment and you had to give a presentation, let's say, and you've done your research.

You've worked for years putting together this project. You have a slideshow and you're so excited to present this and you do it and one of your co-worker goes, ah, it's fucking bullshit and you're like, what do you mean that's bullshit? Not a co-worker. Not a co-worker. No, no, no. The janitor who's coming by, someone you've never met before, pokes his head in the janitor

and he's like, yeah, you fucking suck and you're like, but I just spent my life doing this. Yeah. Yeah. And then takes a shit on your desk. The thing that happens is that it makes you not want, like there's a difference. People think that like, oh, you mean, but heckling is part of the show. That's true.

No. Yeah, it is. It is part of being a stand-up. Heckling is part of being a stand-up. It's not part of the show. It's not part of the show. You said the audience member gets to say, it's part of the show that I'm a heckler. That's what I thought you just said.

No. I'm saying you have to be able to deal with it and you do. But when there's somebody who just goes to the point of like, you know, standing, dancing, dancing, making noises where you're like, so they're trying to do their own thing to take over, that's a level of disrespect that you're not, you don't have to, you shouldn't have to deal with that. And why would you want to continue performing after that? And honestly, it was only because this was the fourth consecutive show that people were

being disruptive and nobody helped me. There was zero support at that time. So I was extremely mad. Yeah. I was very upset. But like I said, I talked about it with the management and it's being taken care of. So any future comedians just know that hopefully your time won't be bad there. And how odd.

I didn't get to talk about this last time, but you had that experience and I had the absolute opposite experience in San Jose, which I got to say, I'm happy about because I think if I were having the same experience as you, I think together it would make us angrier. Yeah. That's for sure. Like it made me angry to hear about what, because I know that experience. I know what it's like to go through that.

But I think if I had been going through the same thing, we would have just spun each other even. Yeah. Yeah. You and I like to get fired up together. Yeah. So I got fired up every time you told me about it. I know.

I got to tell you, San Jose blew me away. Oh, great. I'm real happy for you. I'm serious. No, I know. I'm just kidding. I'm not kidding. It was amazing.

So good. Whatever bad your shows were, mine were that good. Like the crowds were amazing. They were fucking just unbelievable. Every show, every show, I did blow jobs after everyone stood in line and blew you without what you want. Basically, yes. There was six shows, six out of six were amazing.

Did you crap so everybody at the end of every set? Did I what? Did you crap so everybody at the end of every set? I would leave. Uh-huh. I would come back as crap. I would masturbate onto the first few rows. Did they bring a tarp?

They would say, I mean, I want breakfast now. I'm healed. Did they bring it like at a Gallagher show? Is that going to be your new thing? Well, no, because they want it on them. Oh, right. The tarp will protect you from the watermelon juices, but you want that crap so juice on you.

Well, no, I am glad that you had a good time and you went with full charge. God damn it. The shows were amazing. It was the best. Yes. And Maddie Ballgame, who used to be down here. The Gallagher was up there. He also had amazing shows.

So the whole thing front to back was crazy. It was great. That's good, Gene. And I'm really just, I want to say thanks because there was a lot of mommies out there. And it was pretty great to see. I'm glad you guys came out and supported me when I was there. It was awesome. Awesome.

Thank you. What are you, still upset or something? I'm just thinking about how much I fucking just hated that woman. You know, I like to, like to stew on it. Instead of thinking about that woman, why don't we talk about another woman? Oh my God. And this is the woman that we've brought up before on the show and that would be the server at the local sushi restaurant that we go to.

Now we've told you before that she's told us we've ordered too much when we are shirleying ourselves. Well, we went out a couple nights ago to get some snushy at this place and after we ordered or while we were ordering, she told us again that we had ordered too much. She made us reduce the amount of sushi pieces. Okay. Fairness. She suggested we reduce it and it was my fault because I yielded to her suggestion in

retrospect. Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have yielded. She's been like, no, that's okay. We're here to pig out. Well, fucks. Because it got worse. Right.

It built a couple things. First of all, we didn't recognize at the time that you're talking about that I don't even think we were being fat fucks. Like in retrospect, we ordered healthy portions. Like we didn't order a little bit, but we didn't order pig like amounts of food. We didn't even in the initial order and she was already on us. It's interesting. Isn't it?

It wasn't a pig like amount. What happened was after we cleared the plates, we both taught on our own and we decided, I would like a couple more pieces of sushi. So we are discussing what we're going to order and then we brought it over. Oh, we accidentally hit record on our iPhone. So there's a lot of background noise. I apologize for that, but we'll take you through this. How much more do you think you can eat?

Two more pieces. Yeah, well, you more. I just always would have that. All right. That's pretty loud. I just realized that. Yeah. You're asking me how much more I can eat, a few more pieces.

In a moment, our server will be here. I think you can hear her pretty good. She's really just a lot of friends. She said real. Right there, we're saying, pulling out that when we wanted more, we said we're going to order more. Yeah. She said, really?

She was judgmental already. Yeah. Very judgmental. Are you done with the music? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. What do you think?

That's eight pieces. That's funny for me. She got four, right? Yeah. I'm just making a couple more. So right there, we're basically agreeing that after our initial push, we're going to order four more sushi, which is eight pieces. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Is that okay? Yeah, I think that's good. All right. Okay. I have questions for you. First of all, do we eat more than everybody that comes here? Yes?

Really? Yeah. Really? Really? Really? Wow. Do we eat more than anybody that comes here? Yes.

Yeah, and not even a hesitation? No. Yes. Yes. Double yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Yes. Wow. We're at number one at the top of the list. That's why I think I remember you guys. That's why I see you have too much food in the bathroom. Sweet. I remember in the last time when you started here too. Right.

Yeah. And last time we ordered too much food and you stopped us. So she's saying that the last time we came, she remembered us. We sat at the same table. She sat at the same table and that she cautioned us last time. Last time. Like, hey fat fucks, you ordered too much last time. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's what's happening right now, right? Right. Because it's still hard to hear. It is hard to hear. If this is horrible. I know it's not good audio. Okay.

Somebody accidentally hit record on their iPhone. Yeah, it's not even. And it's not perfect when you accidentally hit record. Of course. Of course. And then this time we ordered again. Yeah. And you were like cut it off then.

But. But. We ate it. And we want more. Yeah. We ate it though. Maybe less food and a lot more sushi at the same table. So there she's saying maybe next time less rolls and more sushi.

Right. So she's already planning for that. But we didn't order like crazy amount of rolls. We ordered. Two. Two rolls. One was a spicy tuna roll. Which is kind of like your go to.

And then one was a little more creative. It was like a California roll with some scallops on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what that shit is. And mushrooms. Big fucking deal. Yeah.

So I mean this is only. Oh no. Eight pieces. Is that upsetting to you? Or are you upset? I think it's good. I think it is. Is that upsetting to you?

That's what I asked her. She goes a little bit. Are you sure? Do you want to try? Yeah. You want to try? Yeah. But two of you though.

I think it is. Oh no. I'm really happy. I'm really happy. I'm really happy. You're really happy? Yeah. Because we had sushi.

Oh yeah. That's why we're here. Yeah. That's why we're here. That's why we're here. That's why we're here. Okay. We're ready.

We're going to do this. Is that okay? Yeah. Are you going to put poison on our sushi? No. Do a diet peloton. Okay. I can't stop you now.

I can't stop you now? No. No. We're doing this. We're doing this. Yes. We're ready. Yeah.

We're ready. And then when that's done, we'll do it one more time. Okay? Got it. Okay. Okay. This whole thing just changed. She has contempt for us.

She's trying to mask it a little bit. She's not okay with what we just ordered. No. No. Okay. No. She kept trying to tell me not to order it. She's like, you eat it now.

You ordered more than most of it. She said we ordered more than anybody. There's not more than anyone. There's not more than anyone. There's not more than anyone. She said we're number one. We got to recap what we ordered. I don't think it's that crazy.

Let's recap at that point what we were eating. Let's do it right now. At that point, we had ordered, now keep in mind there's two people. Okay? We ordered two rolls of spicy tuna roll and that scallop California thing. Then we ordered, we had sushi. Every order is two pieces. Fatty tuna.

Yeah. Fatty tuna. Unagi. Unagi. Unagi. Salmon. Whitefish. And one more.

Are you sure? Yeah. Fatty tuna. Unagi. Albuquerque. Salmon. Whitefish. And one more at that point.

So that's 12 pieces of sushi. For two people. Right. Six. That's not even a boat. Dude. People get the boats at their restaurants? Right.

They don't have them at this place, but you've been to restaurants. Well, it gets more interesting because we continue to talk to her. Why don't I press play on this here? Yeah. Okay. What do you think? It's two rolls. Probably between two people.

12 pieces of sushi before? Yeah. That's not that crazy. I mean. This is mean. Do you imagine if I came here with a dude, with another guy? Like, yeah. Who wants to eat a pun?

No. She would have a heart attack. What do you think? That's pretty. I think it's enough. That's enough? So right here, she brought the food back. We said, what do you think?

She said, I think that's enough. Let's hear what she said. What do you think? I think it's enough. That's enough. That's enough? So right here, she brought the food back. We said, what do you think?

She said, I think that's enough. Let's hear what she said. We ordered, in addition to what we had, there was how many more pieces of sushi now at this point? Well, we ordered four more sushi pieces. So that's eight. Okay. So at this point. Yeah.

16 pieces of sushi. No. Two rolls. At this point, this will be 20 pieces, right? Okay. Yeah. Okay. Is this how much do we eat in one sitting?

How much do you eat? I eat a lot of sushi. I'm small, but I eat a lot. Should be enough for you? No, no. What did you eat? Well, then? Yeah.

Why are you, I feel like it's a lot. But you said people don't eat that much. Really? Really. Do you know that, honestly, I would eat this? Oh, at least. At least. At least.

What happens to you normally? Just fall apart. Like, generalize. If you were just having sushi, how many pieces of sushi would you eat? Eight. Twenty-one. You would have twenty-one? Twenty-one.

Twenty-one. Twenty-one. Twenty-one. Twenty-one. Twenty-one. Twenty-one. Twenty-one. You would have twenty pieces?

Oh, okay. So I'm going to come back here next time and challenge you. So she's saying that she eats twenty pieces, but is giving us a hard time when we have twelve. Big fucking, yeah. Twelve pieces. But the thing that, the switch for me when it was yesterday before was that it wasn't like, it wasn't like a innocent or cute, like I felt like actual contempt from her.

She has contempt for us. First of all, she weighs ninety pounds. She's about five, six. And every time she insulted us, she would giggle like, I said, you're too fat. I'm a little bit of an obese. She would giggle and then be like, I said, too much of food, too much of food. Well, here's the thing. I brought this up with my shrink today, actually, because it was so interesting that this woman

chastised us. I mean, what waitress ever chastises you for ordering too much at a sushi restaurant? And that's the thing, too, is that I would expect the chastising to begin after what one would agree is an extraordinary amount. It was an extraordinary amount. It was, you know, if you order just plate upon plate, you're like, all right, at that point, I imagine they would say something, but this was pretty much a standard order, I thought.

It's one roll and then six pieces per person is what we ordered, basically. And you are larger than me. So that's even like, it doesn't make sense. So anyway, I brought this up to my shrink and because at the time I found it really amusing actually. Yeah, so did I. But I woke up kind of upset about it today, like, well, fuck you, like how dare you judge me and my husband and what we eat on our day off at home together, like, go fuck yourself.

I haven't eaten a decent meal all week. I've been in fucking a hotel room in Indianapolis. You fucking cunt. You fucking cunt. Yeah. So anyways, you make my and you cornbread eating. And then I, so my shrink said that because I said to her, I go, so this woman, obviously this waitress had a problem with herself, right?

This has nothing to do with Tom and me. She goes, yeah, I bet you this woman was chastised by her mother or somebody in her life because she ate too much and she was told it's too much. And that's when you tell other people you were eating too much. And funny that she says that after, after she says, I eat 20 pieces at a time. Correct. I eat too much. She said, oh, I eat a lot.

So somebody corrected her and her life for the amount she eats. Maybe she throws it back up because she's fucking 90 pounds. And now she's telling us we eat too much. Yeah. I don't need that explanation. I do believe that. I'm very insightful on her part. And I also think, I don't even know if you caught this, when you went to the bathroom,

I asked her if I could see the dessert menu and I had my recorder, I said, can you bring me the dessert menu? And she goes, you can fucking try me fatso can you believe that? Wow. Her accent just disappeared because she was like saying it like a line. Like she was like, she's doing like an impression. Oh, wow. Okay.

Can I see the dessert? You can try me a fatso. Get your menu, please. You can fucking try me fatso. You can fucking try me fatso. Fatso. Yeah. You can say no.

Massage. It's a pressure. You like pressure. Hot pressure. I, I, you know what, and I'm not sure what the right course of action is because I'm torn. I know. I love the sushi place.

I want to go back. It's a neighborhood spot. It's not a fancy place. No. It's small. They have a happy hour. They have, but they have fresh fish and it's like, it's good. So now the dilemma is when Tom and I want to surely ourselves, how are we going to do

this with her? But here's the honest truth, babe. We weren't going, I mean, the truth is it wasn't, it wasn't a gorging type of thing that we did there. No. I mean, I know, look, I could definitely stand and lose some weight. There are times where I wish somebody like her was in my ear when I'm eating bad food, but to go and order, you know, fucking 12 pieces of sushi in a couple of rolls and somebody

give you a hard time about it. That's weird. That's on her. That's her emotional problem. It's not like pizza, like you said. You're like, we didn't order like fucking six large pizzas and start eating them at the top. Right.

I want another pepperoni. Right. The odd thing is, this is sushi. It's very hard to get fat off of sushi for fuck's sake. Yeah. I mean, unless you're ordering the fried shit. But here's my problem. I'm not saying to fear her judgment.

I know. I'm saying now when I want to have a good time, this fucking bitch is sabotaging my good time. I got to think about getting grief from the fucking waitress. Yeah. So how do we deal with this? I don't want, I don't want grief either. I just, I feel the same thing. So now we're going to have to just order out, call it in and order as much as we want and

she can go fuck herself. I have a confession. What? I have a confession. What? When you were gone last week, I called there and I ordered takeout and then I got takeout. And when I finished my order, they said, how many sets of chopsticks do you need? And I said two.

I bet they still thought it was too much for two. And when I showed up, they asked me again. They're like, how many people? I was like two people and it was just for me. And they did that to me last week and it wasn't even her. You know what the problem is? Is that they're all anorexics who work there, these tiny, they are tiny. They are tiny there.

They don't have fucking fat people in this neighborhood that come in there. I don't know, man. We never get grief like this. It is. Okay. Here's another thing we have to revisit. We're not even pointing this out yet. When you look at the order, the initial order, which is what her initial response was about.

That order is what prompted her to say, nobody eats as much as you. Who eats more than anybody? You guys. And that was off of 12 pieces and two rolls. I can't, that can't be right. But I'm saying it made her say that. Something's fucking weird. I don't think it's right.

I think she's the one with the goddamn eating problems. She saw us. She didn't like you and me for whatever reason. We trigger her bullshit. And that's all you. That's all you boo. That ain't nothing to do with me and Tommy. That is absolutely on your life.

You need a hundred percent. You better get your life. That's right. Yep. That's the tea. You know what I'm saying? What's the tea? Give me the hot tea right now.

That's the tea. You better get your life. Girl, get your life. What's up? Yeah. She's foolish. Fuck her. Fuck her.

I want to find that bitch in front of a fucking taco truck so I can chastise her for eating too much. You eat so much. Oh, you big pig. I want to fuck. I hope I see her in the neighborhood eating and I'll chastise her, stupid bitch, ruin my good time. Absolutely.

Makes me crazy. Get your life. Retaliation. Absolutely. You know what you gotta talk about, my man? What's that? Yo, I went to Rite Aid and I bought what I considered to be an expensive pair of sunglasses because here's the deal.

I only buy my sunglasses at Forever 21 because they're like five bucks a pop because I break them. I don't believe in buying expensive shit like that because I just lose them too. I paid $20 for a pair of sunglasses. I almost, it was very hard for me to do this. Best sunglasses I've ever owned, Rite Aid $20 sunglasses. And you love them? Love them.

Throw them in my purse. They haven't scratched up once. I can't believe how much I love and I would don't pay $20 for fucking sunglasses. I am a big believer in it now. I have to thank you for the time that you stopped me from buying really expensive sunglasses when we were on vacation in Miami and all you made me do was consider it. You said, just give it. They'll be here tomorrow.

Just think about it. I don't want to piss on your parade if that would really meant something that your heart wanted. I'm saying I so appreciate that. I would, who knows if I'd have them today, I may have lost them by now. I just feel like, A, I don't think you need anybody to spend a crazy amount of money on those sunglasses. And then we saw that extraordinary 60 minutes piece on, was it Luxatica, the eye company,

eyewear company that makes all the sunglasses? It's a racket. It's a such or it's a total fucking mafia. And if you saw this piece, you'd be blown away. I mean, yeah, tell them what you, what you saw. Well, what I saw is that those $300 Ray Bands and all of these glasses that you pay a fortune for, like the Chanel branding, it's all done by one Italian company in the same factory. They're all the same shit.

And it's just all one thing. And the cost is like 10 bucks for them and they market up like $300. So you're really not paying for anything of true value. These aren't really handcrafted. This is one goddamn factory and it's a complete racket. So don't spend your money on $300 glasses. You don't need to do it. It's crazy, you guys.

They basically, they go, let's say you start a company and you're like, I want it to be Christina P, but I want it to be like super cool, fancy. As someone look like, Luxatica is like, you mean like this? Yep. They manufacture them from the same plastic and shit that they make the other guys, that they make the, they own Ray Bands too, right? All the American companies, not just that. You're not even buying American PS, not just Ray Bands, which is a total traditionally

American sunglasses company. They also own like Sunglass. Oh, Sunglass is them. Yes, Luxatica, yeah. Not just that. They also own, what's it called, Lenscrafter. Oh, that's another one. So they own the people that like you can buy.

So they own the sunglasses that you buy and the people that you buy them from. And if you talk about the prescription glasses game, we're talking about, well, what about if I need insurance to get that, you know, the glasses? They own that insurance company as well. Oh, such a racket and like diamonds. You know how those De Beers, the company De Beers inflates or whatever the price. It's the same principle. So one company owns all the sunglasses in the world.

It's absolutely inflate the prices dependent upon perception, of course, brand perception. Right. It's it's one of the infuriating things as a consumer, I think is like the thing that's really upsetting about in this, this is just the example sunglasses. You could also make the example with like clothing and shirt. And I don't buy brand name, but there's there's a like a sunglasses. You know, these are mostly plastic. Maybe they have a little bit of metal in them and they go, boom,

there's a tag on the screw and a tag. Yeah. And they go, this is six hundred dollars. Six hundred dollars. But if you take that tag off is eight dollars. Yeah. Literally. Yeah. Plastic. Right. Do you want to listen a little bit? I found that it's infuriating, guys.

I pray for you. Do not buy or pay for this crap. It's crazy. Don't pay. It's not even American history of your company because there's a wonderful story about the founder, Mr. Del Vecchio and his poor beginnings. Can you just tell us briefly how the company started? You know, Mr. Del Vecchio was a was a poor boy.

He was an orphan, wasn't he? He was the sixth of a large family, and he was sent to an orphanage by her, his mother, because she just couldn't afford his father was dead. And so he stayed in an orphanage for quite a bit of a year. And then he started a worker at the same time. And he was quite skilled with his hands. And one day, people that were already manufacturing glasses

from the northeast of Italy came to the workshop because they needed something. And they've seen this small boy working on these things. And they said, you are the best man. Come and work for us in the northeast. This is so not what I was expecting. Well, I don't even get a fuck of this guy's an orphan or not. He's ripping off Americans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he is. It's it's really it's more like that that that that guy probably has nothing to do. He's dead, I'm sure. So what did Luxotica see in Oakley? Oakley, two point one billion dollars when they buy this. That's huge. That's a big number.

So if you were thinking of a portfolio of product that was in line with where your industry grew out of, we're an obvious candidate that wouldn't be dilutive. We would be accretive. Now, before the sale, Oakley and Luxotica were thought of as deadly enemies, sworn enemies. It was really an opportunity for them to acquire a great brand. I think we both realized it made good business sense to be together.

Now, are you an American company or an Italian company? I would call us in a global company. The most. Yeah, that's what they keep saying on this whole thing. It's like they when Ray Ban came up there, like Ray Ban is an American company. He's like, yeah, but you guys bought it like Luxotica bought it. He's like, so it's like, well, so now. Look, I'm not saying that my ride aid brand are American.

They're probably made in China, but at least I'm not shelling out 300 bucks to give to some fucking Italian guy. Yeah, they're misrepresenting as an American product. I know. Yeah, it's bullshit. It is super crazy bullshit. And it just, I don't know, man, that piece really affected me when I saw that. Oh, it made me bonkers, because I feel like if you're shelling out hundreds of dollars for the name brand Ray Ban, Oakley, and you think,

oh, these must be like handcrafted some little. Here we go. You bought a pair of glasses lately. Bet your eyes popped when you saw the price tag. If you don't go to places like Walmart or Costco, you could easily be spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars for a pair that cost $30 10 years ago. Talk about sticker shock, and it's not as though things have changed that much. They're still made of a couple of pieces of plastic or wire, some screws and glass.

Why should a pair of glasses cost more than an iPad? Well, one answer is because one company controls a big chunk of the business. The story will continue in a moment. Is that Drupi Dog guys? That is Drupi Dog. The guy that you're like, how is he on television? Never has there been so much choice. I want to play this for a moment just so that she can. It's in range. I want you to hear this for a moment.

OK, so we'll get back to this. But I actually want the listeners of our show to hear this. Ray bands, Oakleys, glasses for running and skiing and even reading. A staggering variety of colors and designers. You think the competition would force the prices down. Wow, look at that. One reason it hasn't is a little known but very big Italian company called Luxottica. If you own a nice pair of specs or shades, they're probably theirs.

Luxottica is the biggest eyewear company on earth. It shuns publicity, but CEO Andrea Guerra invited us in for a look and it was eye opening. Do you have any idea how many people in the world are wearing your glasses right now? At least half a billion are wearing our glasses now. Luxottica started here as a small tool shop in a Gordo, a dot of a town in the Italian Alps. When frames were still made of mountain goat horns. This was the factory in 1961. This is what it looks like today.

Last year, Luxottica made some 65 million pairs of sunglasses and optical frames. They don't make prescription lenses. And we saw mountains and mountains of glasses and boxes headed to China, India, Brazil and above all to the US. But they're very expensive. They can be very expensive. They can, but this is one of the very few objects that are 100% functional, 100% aesthetical and they need to fit your face for 15 hours a day. Not easy and there's a lot of work behind them.

Luxottica's product manager, Isabella Sola, explained that the company revolutionized how we see glasses. You think I look cool? Yes, I think so. I think I look cool too. It wasn't that long ago that glasses were uncool. You only wore them if you absolutely had to. I can remember not that many years ago, my mother telling me that men will never ask me out if I wear my glasses. I was to go blind if I wanted dates.

But Luxottica took this medical device and turned it into high fashion by making deals to conceive and create high quality, stylish specs for nearly every brand and label you can think of. We have Prada, we have Chanel, we have Dolce, Gabbana, we have Versace, we have Burberry, we have Ralph Lauren, we have Tiffany, we have Bulgari. They're not even called glasses anymore. I mean, we could go on. I'll just tweet out a link, I guess, of this piece. You should watch the piece. But I wanted you to hear it.

It's, they own, they got away with literally owning who you imagine is competition. They own all of them. It's a monopoly. Buy the glasses, America. Stupid America, gonna buy my pizza and my glasses. You should pay me for $5,000 for these glasses. You could fucking try me, Faso. And buy you a calzone for my glasses.

It makes me crazy because it's all a cheap plastic shit that they're, and he goes, oh, no, this is not a glasses. This is art for your face. And then it's, oh, please, fucking break, Faso. Oh, no, you broke your microphones. I think what is enraging is that we associate these brands with being American and they're just not and they're charging you way too much. Money for something. It's the same quality. I don't believe there's a huge disparity in quality either.

Well, they don't, you don't think that Prada and stuff is American. I never did, but I'm saying like the Ray Bands and the, maybe you should just handhold it for the rest of this. I don't think you're going to, or do you want to pause it, boo boo? Let's pause. Press pause. All right, we're back. Fixed it. Cool.

Back to the sunglasses thing real quick. I also, I've skipped forward. I think this is a part that also is alarming for you. 99% think they're buying an American brand. It is an American brand. What's wrong with it? I mean, it's an American brand owned by Italians. I think the world is, the world is this.

It is the world and we don't realize it. That's the thing. Before I started working on this story, I'd never heard the name Laxotica. Yeah. Which is all the more surprising since Laxotica not only bought Ray Bands. They also bought Lenscrafters, the largest eyewear retail chain in North America. So now they make them and they sell them. It's great for business, but is it great for the consumer?

I asked Lenscrafters president, Mark Weichel, how many non Laxotica brands do you sell here? We probably have a few brands that are not Laxotica. Mostly Laxotica. Mostly Laxotica, yeah. So since Laxotica owns you, does the consumer get a break on glasses made by them in Lenscrafters? What the customer gets at Lenscrafters is a variety of services and products, including this broad assortment of frames that... Mark, you're not answering my question.

I'm asking if you charge less for frames made by Laxotica since you're the same company. I think every competitor, every retail optical brand determines what their prices and whatever their brands are. That's a no. Customers do not get a break. At Lenscrafters, the average cost for a pair of frames and lenses is about $300. You may think, well, there's choice in the mall for other glasses, but Laxotica doesn't only own the top eyeware chain in the country.

It owns another large chain, Pearl Vision, and Oliver Peoples and several boutique chains. And it runs Target Optical and Sears Optical. And we're not done. Laxotica also owns Sunglass Hut, the largest sunglass chain in the world. Motherfuckers. Is there a free market in eyeware? No, I don't think there really is. I think one company has excessive dominance of the market.

SmartMoney.com columnist. So anyways. Oh, it's called the Monopoly. Prince of Paiso, don't buy the sunglasses from Sunglass Hut. All right. Well, we had it. We had to talk about this. It's so deceptive.

It's old. This is an old story. I know. But it's still, I think we actually talked about this once before. Did we? After we saw the story. I think so. It's madly.

I think it was, it was that you telling me not to buy those. And by the way, you know what sunglasses I'm the most happy with of all my sunglasses? My HD Visions. From Rite Aid. Yeah. There you go. And those are, there's a cool, they're hip.

Yep. They're happening. They look different than other glasses and I get to see the world in HD. And those are like, I think 11 or $15. And I also got those, um, uh, those cool ones that you like so much. You always compliment me on, uh, Walmart, uh, the other ones, those are like the, the dad boner Gator bait ones or something. Yeah.

It was a really fresh, you know what you need on that though? Cause the guys that wear those kinds, you need a rope, like a rope to hold it on cause you, you're moving so fast when you wear those. You don't want those to fly off. I got, I got me a super swamper. I'll get, they can just fly off at any second. Do you like the rope on that so they can hang them? The rope, the rope on a guy.

That says I give up. That says don't have sex with me. Yeah. Is that a boner killer? Total boner killer. Make your pussy dry. Definitely makes my pussy dry. The rope on the rope guys.

Get the rope on the sunglasses, not get the rope buddies. Um, what do we, do we have time for it? We got to wrap this up. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, I just have one thing. I just, I mentioned it briefly to Theo on the last episode when he was here doing. I accidentally touched his balls.

Yes. You did too though. The new, and it was the weirdest, our dog still has balls because the assholes that owned him never bothered, bothered to neuter him. And then he was too sick. He was too sick. We can't do it yet. Um, but I accidentally, I remember when you touched my balls.

Theo, you remember? Yeah. I remember that. Well, what did you, did you think it was intentional? I, I hope not. I know it wasn't an accident. Maybe, but I just, I went to scoop you up in my arms and then I felt like this weird thing and I'm like, Oh, those are Theo's balls.

Yeah. That's what I say. Whenever I put my nose in a bitch pussy, I go, Oh, I'm sorry. I was, I was trying to find a nice patch of grass. Theo, it's not the same thing. I'm your mother and you're my son. And that was a complete accident. Dad touched him too.

I, I heard what happened. I, he was laying on my lap and my, he was laying on an arm. He had his, his chin was sitting on my arm and I just went to cut, to cradle him and when I went to cradle, I just grabbed his balls. He answered, they all say they all say that. It's alarming when you realize you've touched your dog's balls. Yeah. Cause you did it first.

You told me about it and I was, I thought to myself, God, I hope that does not happen. You did it the next day or that day. Yeah. Cause it was so weird. They, you know, they jiggle. They oddly feel like people's balls. Yeah. Except smaller and blacker.

They taste like them too. I noticed. They taste just like people's balls. You know what? Your cousin, you don't have it when you touch my balls. What's that for you? Ms. Mary.

What's that? I said, mm, so happy. Okay. I said, mm. The idea, do you remember when Tom's cousin came over and she was scratching your belly and she scratched kind of too close to your penis? In my opinion. Like too close, too close for her.

For me, for your mother. Not close enough for me. She's your cousin. Was that not a dog? That was a dog. That was a people. I thought that was a dog. That was a dog.

That big bass of howling that came over. That was, that was a dog. That was Tom's cousin. Spell like a dog. Probably. But she was scratching your belly and like too low. It made me very uncomfortable. I don't like seeing people scratch your belly like that.

Okay. Theo is completely inappropriate. So my stuff. All right. Theo. All right. Let's go. Um, do we have time or we don't have time for like, uh, the guilty.

No. All right. Do that next time you make note of it. Your problems make my pussy dry. I did. Your problems make my pussy dry. That'd be interesting. If we could combine your problems with like Dick soft and then the female version

is your problems make my pussy dry. That is a great, great idea. Thank you. I have them. What are you looking for? Nothing. Closing song. No.

Yeah. I know you are. We need to pick guys. Follow me on Twitter at Christina P. I have to get more followers and my certain friend of mine who I'm competitive with secretly. Who are you competitive with? I can't tell you. Okay.

Um, follow Christina P. Follow me. I'm at Tom Segura and, um, thanks for listening to the show. Thanks, mommy. Don't spend a lot on sunglasses. No, we'll see you next week. Peace and love. Keep it Jesus.

You can rhyme when you ask me, short, dark, the person's voice is just like one for the trouble, two for the base, you know, the style. It's time to flip this. I like my beats hard like today. Oh shit. Steady eating. Boodie emcees like cheesecakes. My man, I'll be sure he's in affect mode.

Used to have a crush on doing for men though. It's not like honey dip will want to get with me. But just in case I almost condom, then see you see. Now the formula is this meat, hip and I'll eat for those who can't count me. Gold, what do you think they have a big up is who I. Brothers find it's hard to do, but never me. Some others try to get my Malik. You see, I'm watching me not care about them.

Maybe I'm see my shit is hitting. Trini gladiator, anti-hesitator. Shahid pushed the fader from here to grenade. Mr. Energetic will be sound pathetic. Where's the last time you heard a funky diabetic? I don't know, man. I don't know, man.

I don't know, man. Bows on the toes. I like the way it's going down. They don't like a lady of the even when it goes in. It's just believe us in. Because Queens is the county. Jamaica is the place. You want to take off your boots, but you can't win the face face.

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