Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 125-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Remember when you were 10 and you prank called everyone in the phone book? Those were the best of times, but then you matured and realized, hey, that's not a nice thing and also they can now see my number. Well, we haven't grown up so get ready for childish calls about buttholes and black voices! Also, CALLING ALL MUSICAL JEANS! We need your support - send in your tunes and get them played on Your Mom's House. We have an update about the BONUS episode. Oh, iTunes why are you so difficult? Will Smith and Jaden Smith believe in patterns and mathematics and in being completely insufferable. Dental Updates, original music and more? MAAAAAAANNNNN!

So, where are you going to be, babe? Well, uh, as you're hearing, while the who plays in the background, where are you going to be? It's such a good song. Uh, as you're hearing the sound of my voice right now, after downloading this on Friday, I will be at the Cincinnati, I can't listen to the song like that. You listen to good songs while you do this? It's a funny bone, June 6th through 9th, um, July 11th through 14th, the Chicago, the Chicago,

the Chicago improv in Seanburg, Illinois, July 18th through 21st, Columbus, funny bone, Columbus, Ohio. I like this part, it's dark. That was our guitar solo. There's good music in this house. Yeah. We've made this song together this morning. This is our first song together.

The very first song is a couple. This is our, our signing and share. First track. Uh, follow me on Twitter, please, at Christina Pee and Tom at Tom Sakura. And if you want to hear more of our music, let us know. And we're going to record a whole album, just in the beginning. God, Dan, that's good. Guitar solos.

Should I play your neck? It's an impressive guitar solo. Your next song? I'd like, I'd like the people to hear it. Yeah. I mean, here's the truth. Do you want to debut it now or after we start the episode, maybe? I don't know.

Okay. Yeah. Maybe that's a good point. And, uh, Grand Rapids, Michigan, uh, I hope you're coming out to see me at Dr. Grins. And, uh, where will I be the rest of the month? I'm in and out of town here. I'm in LA. I go to Winnipeg with Rogan.

Then I go to Minneapolis the 25th through the 29th with, uh, let's see, that's Acme Comedy Club for the punchline, uh, punch out. You know what that is? You get a topic in the morning and you perform at night. That's cool. Five days. Yeah. I'm really excited.

You know what that does? That separates the comedians from the comedians. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's when you really get to hold your dick on the stage. Yep.

Um, so that's that. That's where I'll be. Check me out. TomSigura.com for tickets at TomSigura on Twitter and here's a solo. We're good at this, man. We're gonna do a lot of music now. We're like the Hall of Notes. Yeah.

We're really good. What would you call our genre right now? It's more just like progressive, experimental, like we're like Sonic Youth. We're kind of like Kim and Thurston. I like that. Sonic Youth is totally us. Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore. This is very early Sonic Youth. I really like this. Very much so. Yeah. And by the way, like you're just hearing us like tune our instruments. We wait till you hear us like really jam. Oh, we're gonna, we got, I got a song.

We got a song. We're gonna rip. It's just ripping. Yeah. I don't want to. Let's not blow our load right now. What's that song called? Animal Song.

Is that what? That's what I call it. Oh, you don't call. I thought you could give it like a, like maybe a more nuanced name. No, I, I'm a purist. Why do you call it Roar? Oh, wait a minute. I like Roar too, though.

Shit. Or what about G-R-R-R-R-R? Here's what it is. It's called Animal Song and then the remix is Roar. I got you. And then G-R-R-R is this club remix. Well, maybe we'll debut that in a moment. I'd love to.

So you ready to start the show or what? I'm so excited for this episode. I feel like this is gonna be one, it's a classic one. You feel like it's classic already? For sure, dude. Classic status? This is gonna be a favorite. Okay, let's go.

Thank you for calling Tech Support. My name is Anthony. I'll be your technical specialist. How can I help you today? Hi, Anthony. My name is Christina Pajitski and I bought a fridge from you guys in October of last year. And, I mean, I went to make ice yesterday, my husband and I,

and I don't know how to describe this any other way, but the ice cubes smell so bad. They smelled like a butthole. And I'm just wondering, why do my ice cubes smell like a butthole? It could be a variety of things from something new that was put in the freezer that has a really bad odor to it. I don't think so. I don't, we don't, but we don't eat anything that smells like buttholes.

Let's see, can I go ahead and, let me get your phone number, pull up the account. Okay, yeah, it's 818. Yeah, I've had an account with you guys. And the thing is too, it wasn't just like a little bit of bong. It was like, like really powerful, you know, like when, I don't know if you ever, where you have it, where you go in the morning,

and then like you, you wipe and you think it's gone and then you go back and it's still there. It's still the smell. Let's see here. Can I verify your address? Yeah. All right, cool. Yeah, well, I can get someone out there to

take a look at your fridge for you. Yeah, I mean, have you ever experienced that before? Cause I just, I feel like it's really just a wild smell. Oh, there's definitely been, it's normally either the water filter needs to be changed, the water in your house, 90% of the time it's something that's actually kept in the fridge or the freezer, it's gone bad.

But I can get someone out there next Wednesday if you're free. Wednesday, yeah, that would work. Maybe it's like bad Indian food or fish or something. I mean, cause sometimes when I eat Indian food and then I go to the bathroom, it smells just like that ice. Well, we can definitely get someone out there. Do we have 7 a.m. to 10 a.m.? 8 to noon, 10 to 2 or 1 to 5?

On Wednesday, let's do 10 to 2, please. Sure. All right, you're all set up. You know, it's so weird though, because we emptied the ice box and we put new ice in there and it still smells like buttholes. And I don't know how that is, that even the new ice smells like poo. I'm not sure, but the technician will take a look at it for you.

Is there anything else I can help you with? I hope he has a tolerance for poo smells. That's it, thank you. We'll find out when he gets there. Okay, thank you, sir. Yes, ma'am, have a great day. You too, thanks. This shit is big time!

Who is Ram? Don't bring anyone loving to this. No murmuring to fucking stand! Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi.

Welcome to your mom's house. Oh my god. That was fun. That was so much fun. That was a lot of fun. I want to do that every day. Yeah, man. Can I take you back to middle school?

I forgot the sheer joy of a good old fashioned prank call. Like a good old fashioned... But we should point out that we're not making this up. No, this is true! It's a true story. Well, what happened is yesterday you went to get some ice

for your new drink that you've been making, which is soda water with a splash of cranberry, which is very exciting. A flight attendant got me on to it and I said, this is delightful. And that's why I went to Albertsons and I got you some cranberry juice immediately. It was really good.

And then you went to the fridge to get the ice cubes in the one hand. I like ice in my drinks. I really do. That's the American in you, the European in me. I have disdain for ice. That's probably why it smells bad. I haven't used it ever. I actually threw a couple in, a couple cubes,

into the glass. And then when I reached for a couple more, is when it wafted up and I was like, and I go, babe, this ice stinks. Right. And you kind of were like, hmm. And I had you smell my hand that I held the ice in.

And you were like, oh my, how bad was it? It literally was a bong. It smelled like bong. Just like the diarrhea. But diarrhea, I should have explained this more to the guy. I don't feel like he understood. It was kind of like vomit and diarrhea.

I lost it. I could not. I could not keep you. You cracked a couple times on him and you're like, you can hear it. But I did not realize that sitting here there was no way I could do this. I covered my face up completely.

I know. And then you were shaking and then I would screw up too. I mean, here's like right after the phone call ended. Let's see. You made me laugh. What are you laughing at? I didn't think it was going to happen. I didn't think it was going to affect me like that.

He started at the end. He was throwing a laugh a little. He was. I could do that all day. And the good news is someone's going to come take a look at it. Yeah, I'm going to stop recording. Dude, I was really shaking hard. Yeah, so much fun.

That was so much fun. Prank holes are the best, dude. Absolutely. Do we have a real butt hole smell in our... That's what made me keep laughing is you saying, you know, like a butt hole. That's the only way to describe it. It literally smells like a dirty asshole. It's so gross.

Did you know, by the way, I got... I was told... What's that? That one of our... Clips that we played... We played it recently. You know, the guy talking about his ass. I don't know.

I don't know. The guy talking about his asshole. Yeah. That's a real clip. That's not real. Oh, I thought he was goofing on. It's real. But then why does he refer to it as an asshole?

It's not very professional. It's not scientific to be like... And then you enjoy... It's a DVD and they said... Yes, and they said the DVD is hard to watch because it's straight up asshole massage. Oh, should we get it? Awesome.

Well, maybe he's using the word asshole as a means of reclaiming the word. Look how you're thinking. Postmodern philosopher. Thank you very much. Study it in college. Yeah. That's the postmodern reclaiming

of the pejorative term to make it a celebrative thing, if that's the word. Maybe that's what my dad meant when he said that you're smarter than me. Maybe. I'm just book smart.

You're way smarter than me, life smart. You actually know how to do things the right way. I know how to do things the shady immigrant bad way. The way that sends you to jail. But you know how to do stuff. That's interesting. Hey, by the way, can we tell our listeners

what's going on with iTunes and CD Baby? Yeah, speaking of that, you're going to hear us say this a lot of our listeners to every episode, so you're going to hear us say it over the next few, just so you know. In the last episode, we told you that the bonus thing went live

and it did. It went to CD Baby first. A few hours later, it went to iTunes. When it got to iTunes, it was $9.99. Now, let me express to you the level of stress that I've been under

and frustration. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. I had to edit stuff. I had to upload. I had to get it approved. Send it for a second round. Make sure the art works right.

Make sure the audio is right. Put it all together. When I submitted it, I just want to submit it as one track. It's just the special, right? I don't know what they told me. I got an email back saying with CD Baby, you can name the price.

With iTunes, they said if it's 10 tracks or more, iTunes makes it $9.99 automatically. Aw, freaking iTunes. Well, it's two tracks. So, what? You said they make it $9.99 automatically.

If it's 10 tracks or more. Oh, right. But it's only two and they still did that. That's the point I'm trying to make. That I edited it down and made it two tracks to be basically two $.99 tracks. But you can't buy the separate tracks. You have to buy them both.

Which would make it about $1.99. Which was the whole idea. They made it $9.99. So, I had to call and say I did what you said and you still made it $9.99. And then they made me do a price change request even though I did this all beforehand.

So, it was really frustrating because I did what they asked me to do and they still did it wrong. So, now, here's why it screws us. Even though it's out there for CD Baby and you can get it and we'd love for you to get it there, it's just inconvenient to people

and I understand that. Look, some people hate iTunes, which I understand. But some people love iTunes. That's all they want to listen to. They just want to get their music through there and it's easier for them because they just press a button and then it downloads. Yeah, I totally understand that.

So, what I want to tell you is this. I apologize. We're sorry that there's this confusion. We thought it would be much easier. But the point is I don't want you to get it for $9.99. Don't think that we want you to get it for $9.99 and please don't get it for $9.99.

That's not what we want you to do. So, if you're like, well, I only want to get it on iTunes, that's totally cool. It is going to be changed. You just have to wait until the price change takes effect. I'm not entirely certain that's going to be.

But we would love for you to get it when it becomes available. If you are like, I want to hear it. It is on CD Baby. We did put the link on our website yourmomshousepodcast.com We've tweeted it. We'll tweet it more.

We'll mention it more trying to keep you updated as to what's going on. And we'll put out a tweet and announcement when it does become available at the right price on iTunes. Why is it priced this way? I'm just trying to explain why. Screw it up. We didn't.

The $1.99 price is available. It's just not on iTunes right now because of their screw up. Hopefully, this all will get resolved quickly. And if you're an iTunes loyal person, you can get it there

for the right price. Yeah, iTunes did it, guys. They fucked up. I want to make it clear about a special. If you get the special that we've talked about, it's the Top Dog and Charo bonus episode.

It is very funny. It is hilarious. We played you some teasers from Tomer Black and from Would You Rather. But I want to make it clear that what you're really doing, it's not a money-making thing

that we're kind of getting on to. It's not a bunch of money. It's really... You're buying it as a vote. You're voting like is bonus content... Remember, we had this conversation before about bonus feature.

And so if you buy it, you're basically telling us there is a group of you that wants that and it'll just put it into our head there's this number of people that are into stuff like a bonus thing that we should put our mind

and attention and resources into creating that stuff. Yeah, because what happens is when we do these interviews with parents and with others, there's so much often and there's so much that we leave out which really sucks.

So this is kind of a way for you guys to see all the crap, all the interview that we do and then we edit it down so that the show is really just an hour. The bonus one, you hear really in-depth story. It's just a little out-of-the-box

It's not how we normally do the show. No, it's my parents tell you their history and how they met. They really drop their guard and tell me horrifying things about their sex life. Which has never happened before with you guys. They're not open like that.

Not at all. But in the future, what we would do is we would be like, this is a special episode that's a little outside of what we normally do. That's all we're saying. Alright? Now,

what's the other thing we wanted to mention? Posters. Yeah, tell them. Oh, me, okay. Well guys, if you go to the site yourmomshousepodcast.com go and take a look

at the Merge page. They carry them with us to Portland and Seattle. And I took them with me to which city it was in, I don't remember now. But they're very brand new and check them out. One of them is an official tour poster

from the Portland and Seattle dates. And the other one, if you'll go look, it's a very important poster that discusses the raging debate. Let's go knock her in the head one day out here beside the garage because she called me under-tarded. And this poster is the mystery.

That's right. So take a look. Scoop them up. Of course, we're going to sign them. Write you a special message. And most importantly, we bought tubular mailers so they don't have to get banned.

They won't be folded. They will come to your door perfectly fresh. Oh, it's fresh. Alright. And I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there. The dog is laying in between

my legs with his face on my right thigh and his eyes are closed. And I said, Christina, look at him. I've got a fart coming. And then in like five, four, three, two, and then

I farted. And the great thing is his eyes were kind of closed. He took a couple seconds before he turned his head to look around. And then after a couple more seconds where I was like, oh, that's it.

He stood up and he walked away. You know why? The smell hit him. It's like when the space shuttle comes back into orbit, it makes a sonic boom first and then you see the shuttle seconds later. Your farts are like the shuttle entering

the earth's atmosphere. But let me ask you this. Why is dogs famously love bad smells? How come when he smells that fart he doesn't just bury his nose in my butthole? That's a really good question, Tom.

I think the reason is our son is kind of a gentleman. At the end of the day, he's not a dirt dog. He's kind of a sweet little inside guy. He's not into those gross things. That's my theory on it.

Do you think he's just like, oh, this isn't what I'm into? It's not his flavor, no. And he's not really a roll around of the mud kind of dog either. Do you really think that he's a gentleman? Yeah, I do. I got him a tuxedo today.

Did you see it? I showed you. Yeah, he's got a real nice tux. It's like a scarf when you tie around. Yeah, I think he's a dapper gentleman. I think he came from the hard knocks life and now he's a Downton doggy. He's a refined sir. Have you ever seen him eat his own poo?

No. Have you ever seen him smell another dog's butt? No, he doesn't do that. Crap. Speaking of crap, I have a very interesting brown talk to share with you.

I don't know if you want to play the theme here. Oh, you have a brown talk? Oh, jeez, I'm not even... I'm just scattered right now. What are you looking at there? Just, you know... Oh, okay. Organizing stuff.

Oh, boy! Next up, brown talk. Brown talk coming up. You've been warned. Oh, that's nice. Well, I just wanted to share this with everybody because what happened...

So last night, it produces quite a bowel movement in me. I don't know if that affects you that way. I had a lot of chips and salsa yesterday. And so last night, I was really, really gassy. Like, I could feel it gurgling. I had some cramping, you know,

and I thought, oh, tomorrow morning, I'm really going to feel this. This beast is loose, right? And I had my coffee, like I do. Mm-hmm. The double espresso with the soy milk. Okay. It starts to feel a tug.

Like, here comes the boom. Like, this is it. This is the mango and the salsa. It's going to happen. Yeah, but so wait, what happened next? Well, here's what happened. I went to the restroom. I shut the door. I turned on the fan because I anticipated it

to be very loud and very smelly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it was at best a one loafer. But it was very small. It didn't smell. I'm just saying I expected to produce a lot more.

You don't say. But you know what I like best is that when I came out of the bathroom and I told you what happened, you gave me your full attention. Mm-hmm. You looked me right in the eye, like you are right now. Mm-hmm.

You were very sympathetic and I appreciated that. You had a lot of love for you. Yeah, I remember now. I remember now that I thought about it. Okay. I shit last night before I showered. Oh, last night. Are you sure you didn't poop again today?

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. I shit this morning and then I took a shower. Okay. It was a little muddy. See, that's what I was hoping for. Yeah, that's how mine was.

God, I'm so tired. What is wrong? Drink your green tea. I am drinking it. Drink your kombuchers. Well, I'm sorry to hear. You had a messy dump. I had a small dump.

Life isn't perfect. So it's a brown story, though, to be remembered, I feel like, though. A brown story to remember. What do you think? Who's the most just unbearable Hollywood family right now? Well, of course.

Will Smiths. They're just unbelievable. Did you see Will Smith on Graham Norton in the UK? Oh, dear Christ. People sent this to us. It was so intolerable.

My favorite is that Jaden who's just so gifted, we don't know what to do with our child who's so talented. At one point, they did the interview, which they're doing a movie together, I get it. But then at one point, Will Smith's like, I'm going to entertain you more.

He's a great entertainer. So Jazzy Jeff is there, his DJ, and he starts performing, but Jaden gets a microphone too. Oh, thank God, Jaden's in it. That's all we want to see. That's how I was waiting when is Jaden going to join it?

Is Jaden going to do the dance as well? Now into Jaden. Jaden. How puchasaurus is this? How fucking vomitus a family is this? How presumptuous that all your children are as gifted as you.

It's just... Let's see. Here's a clip of it, I think. Let's play this unbearable narcissist. Have you collaborated to a music team? No, we've never done that before. Oh, really?

You know, we have a studio that he works in. He's a very good rapper but not yet. Maybe one day we'll do something. I don't want to force you and you can tell me to go away. I've got some mics.

Do you want to do a little bit of rapping? A little bit of rapping. That's my favorite. My favorite is when celebs are so precious that they go... I don't want to. If you want me to,

I guess I could do something like that. Not like we prepared this. We rehearsed this 20 times. We could do... 1, 2, 1, 1, you gotta stand up. You can't sit down. I love it.

I love what Jaden's wearing. I wish I could describe it to you. It's a long... long coat. I wear mid-90s sort of a post modern

with boots and a long flowing shirt. He kind of looks goth. Oh, I like that. Raps. Hello. Hello. How you doing there?

Hello. Like hello. My name is Jaden and I'm a young fellow. I like to keep it mellow. I like to make friends and make trends a tender. Young school dances, young romance.

This girl, this is your chance. It's a long shot. You've been trying to hit your road, but it's the wrong shot. Because I'm trying to rock them like, you know I won't stop. I'm gonna keep rapping about this love until the song stops.

Oh, very. Very impressed. I mean, it's not bad. It's not a freestyle. It's not bad, but you know what? Growing up in L.A., public school, I used to hear kids rap like that at lunch tables.

Sure. Come on. I really do think, though, this is like when you grow up with somebody this famous, he thinks he's as famous. Jaden, of course. I deserve this.

Last time I was here, I did my Fresh Prince rap. Yeah. Yeah. You sure did. I like your wrappings. Yeah. Last time I was here, I did my Fresh Prince rap. Eight million YouTube hits was on that.

I can see your face. You're like, what has he left? Well, this time I brought my DJ, Jazzy Jav. No. Nobody remembers him. No. He's actually on set with turntables,

and we're going to act like nobody just saw him. It's all spontaneous. Now, Will goes out there and Jaden's like, I'm going to come too. Let me hear everybody. Here we go.

Hey! Can't hear y'all. I can't hear y'all. Hey! A little louder, a little bit louder. Hey! One more time, one more time. Oh!

What's that, Jack? What's that? What's that, Jack? Here we go. Here we go. Yo, yo, yo. Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped outside. I like to take a minute to sit right there and tell you how I began the principle

time gone by then. I can't take it. It's making me nervous. I can't take it anymore. You know, this is such a show business move when the older generation forces their offspring on us, for instance. Yes.

You remember when Michael Jackson died and at the funeral, Joe Jackson was like, and he's the next act! And he literally premiered Mike's father. Joe Jackson, right? He was like, we got a new company. That's right.

And so this is what he's doing, but this is what they do. They go, you loved this shit, right? Remember when you loved me back when I was young? Well, here's my young guy. He's going to carry the torch. Like, please don't. Let this kid earn it.

You know, goddamn hard it is to be in showbiz how fucking hard it is. But here's the thing. And here I am going to fucking Cincinnati to tell jokes. You know what I mean? Yeah, but here's the thing though. I'm so angry. I'm so jealous.

It's okay, though, because they can do this all they want. He can do this all he wants. The kid won't become a legitimate star. Like, he won't be the legit star unless everybody responds to it. So he gets a crazy head start. Crazy head start.

But he gets the crazy opportunity. But you still have to back it up. Have you seen this interview? Please, I don't know. It's not audio. It's a written interview. Have you seen it on Vulture? No. Okay, I got to read you some parts of it.

It's pretty amazing. So they say to him, to Will, I read that you believe life can be understood through patterns. And Will says, I'm a student of patterns. In fact, I'm a physicist. Okay.

I look at everything in my life as trying to find the single equation, the theory of everything. And he is then asked, do you think there is a single theory to everything? Jaden answers, there's definitely a theory

to everything. What the fuck are we talking about? I don't know. That's why this is fantastic. He's a physicist as Stephen Hawking said. It's amazing. Will says, the sun's coming up,

but even a little more. Like for best actor Oscars, this is where his physicist background comes in. Almost 90% of the time, it's mental illness and historical figures, right? So you can be pretty certain of that if you want to win. As a man, it's very different for women.

The patterns are all over the place. But for whatever reason, you have to find those patterns in best actors. What the fuck does it have to do with life? Then they say, do you see patterns too, Jaden? Jaden says, I think that there is that special equation for everything.

But I don't think our mathematics have evolved enough for even for us to even. I think there's like a whole new mathematics that we'd have to learn to get that equation. The fuck are we talking about? And then Will says, I agree with that.

It's beyond mathematical. It's like multi-dimensional mathematical. If you can sort of understand what I'm saying. Nobody. Is everybody high? I don't understand where this conversation is. Are you both religious? We are students of world religion.

This is what happens when you become super famous. You can't offend anybody. So you just say, we like everything. They're out of their minds. They're completely on another planet. People deflect how famous they are. Who would you say is the biggest star in your family?

Jesus, my mom. Will and Jaden in unison say Willow. That's his daughter. She just knows who she is. So she just is. And then Will says, she has a magic power in the family. It's nauseating, these fucking people.

Nauseating. Really, are they physicists? Do they study a Cambridge or Oxford? Where do you think they studied? Their physics. It seems more British

in its origin. It's so disgusting. It's so narcissistic. What would you call that like what's the guy the Cura Singer?

Robert Smith. When the shirt would flare around and come out of the coat maybe like a longer. What do you call that style? I call that the Ichabod Crane. That's a school of goth fashion. That's what Jaden was wearing

in his Graham Norton. What's funny in his rap I do my raps. Hello, hello, hello. You know how many times I practice that and the bullshit pretense is like would you mind for us now?

I mean we weren't planning on it but why the fake pretense? We're not supposed to I know it's why I just said why not just go hey my son's here we practice this thing I want to do this for you because we love to entertain like why the pretense

I know. It's like us showing up at a comedy club being like do you want to tell jokes? I don't know. That's exactly what it is. We're not supposed to play songs anymore. Remember that? Here's one.

I want to get to yours because you created the song you spent time in the studio for a couple of days. We got a studio at home and I'm saying and Jaden and I go in and write songs together. This song was sent to us I don't think anyone's going to come after us. So it's pretty cool.

I just want to see if you can hear it or not. I don't know. She said hello he said hi then he ran his head off her thigh she said no

no no no try he said no no no she said I see you just as a friend and that's when

the horror began he waved off her clothes and blurted up her nose then slammed her on the floor and quickly locked the door

then pinned her on the ground and told her don't make a sound she screamed I stopped you the video is so is it jaden smith's new one? this is his new song

what is this this is depressing as he entered her womb constantly she said no as he entered her womb constantly

no no don't try she said no no you gotta see this video it is horrific where can people see it? it is sean fury

s-e-a-n-f-u-r-y on youtube and it's called she said no across her mouth I saw a kid then he tried to choke me around while pulping on the floor

kept calling her a whore sodomized her whore opened her to her core then released her dna and made her swallow it away jeez then she ran to get the police who's who's

whose favorite song is this? this is my jam so weird it has a you won't be raping anyway it has a christian rocky vibe to it like that really it's like a shitty rock

thanks for playing that you like that? why don't you play the second call we did we did another call well I was thinking musically I mean that's kind of a bummer that video and that song you gotta see the video

it is insanity you don't wanna see it? rap sometimes isn't as funny it's not this I don't mean that it's funny I just mean that whatever it's hard to hear the words constantly it's horrible

let's play a fun song this is from Christina's oh this is my first track song, DJing you did multiple instruments you spent all day in the studio I spent all day in my home studio and this is called

it's animal song here we go like it like it wow what did you think? there it is it was really good why is that called animal song?

well you know what I'm saying I'm an artist, rapper, director, producer I got a poet slam poet, physicist, knowledge and so what I did was I just do I look around in my environment you know what I'm saying?

I like to put in whatever I see around me and that's what I heard around me did you create those animal sounds yourself? you know it's funny you ask Tom everything is a science everything is in physics yeah that's how I feel and I did that, yeah I drove out to

I really have a farm and I recorded all those animals this morning and I put that song together wow that's really, really impressive thank you and you know what if any of the listeners if you guys want a full album let me know hit me up I'm going to record a whole album

I think of just animal related tracks what do you think? yeah that's fucking that's brilliant I mean I say the more animals the better you know what I mean? I don't know if you noticed the theme I just wanted to keep it kind of barnyard

yes there's a dinosaur sound in the beginning it's supposed to be a Tyrannosaurus but I wanted to finish on animal sounds like farm animals sorry yeah that's really good

thank you I'm very talented yeah I hope we get more and by the way I don't want to act like we haven't received music from our we put out a call for music send us more

we just got it all today we're going to go through it and we'll obviously transition into better music but for now Tom and I we're in the studio we're making beats dropping beats we are going to be doing that

now we made another we had so much fun with our prank call we made another prank call it was fun Teddy Lunes is back I don't know if you remember Teddy Lunes Teddy Lunes

Detroit I'm a train of champions you guys remember Teddy right? he's been around for a while he decided to try to find his wallet what's up what's happening

excuse me I said what's happening who's this? it's Teddy Lunes Teddy Lunes what are you looking for? I left my wallet there excuse me?

I left a wallet there you left a what? a wallet did somebody leave a wallet up here? you said get some on the side who did your hair? uh kind of a short big girl

you left a wallet when did you leave the wallet? I think it was yesterday it says get some it's a suede wallet hold on get some babe you can't hear them talking nah nah

if you were here yesterday while you were looking for a wallet today it's like a black matlock do you know the person who did your hair? because I don't know who did your hair so I can't ask them I'm asking don't nobody know kind of a short fat one there

excuse me? you are you calling the right shop? I think so ain't nobody fat there excuse me? ain't nobody fat there they're calling

I think we lost a connection we didn't lose a connection I hung up because I don't know who did your hair and I wasn't here yesterday so I can't tell you you can come back up here because I don't know okay I mean I didn't want you to be so hostile

you know what I'm saying what you wanna holler at me for? you got a pretty voice excuse me? I got a pretty voice man come on now you gonna have to call back or you gonna have to come up here

can I take you out? you can't take me out man no better reaction than man oh shit that was amazing

that was so much fun we got to prank people all the time yeah because that's a lost art form Star 69 ruined that let's bring it back we'll get better these are just our first two dry runs

we'll get better at this man I like that she's like do you remember the man the short fat one cause there always is every place got a short fat one

you can go to any office you can go to an office I spoke to one of your secretaries short fat one oh Kathy I think I was actually there was a possibility she was gonna be like oh you mean

Tina? that would have been fantastic she didn't even flinch when you were like the wallet says get some cause you know there's so many people that probably have something close to that where was that that was a barber shop you call

yeah it was a salon who did your hair brilliant jeans that was really fun it was really good we gotta keep doing that dude we definitely do we definitely do I love it

do you tell me what I was on a plane a week ago and there is this woman sitting next to the window we were getting up to get out to the plane and I looked over her and she had her mouth open and she looked

super concerned like like one of those like and I thought oh that poor woman she probably had a stroke cause her face was just locked like that and she was watching everybody get off and I was like oh that poor

lady and then I looked back at her and then she just looked normal like her face relaxed into normal face and I'm like oh she doesn't have a stroke she's just confused at the world the world

it just confuses you and you have to open your mouth to express that not only are you confused you're letting your face really show how confused the level of confusion is crystal clear because when you when you're confused at most you might

you might furrow your brow I furrow yeah your mouth purse your lips maybe you slightly open it and maybe some teeth that are exposed hmm hmm

but for some reason when people get I don't know how do you put it old as fuck their face falls apart when they're confused or lost or don't know something and the mouth

open up all the way I saw at an airport too a husband and wife she was sitting down she goes what gate should we be at and he was like hold on

and then he got up and to look at the monitor just to look at the monitor he went like this and he looked up he went hmm and then he turned his head down like he was done looking at it and he was like 28 but why to look

does your mouth have to go I don't know hmm hmm I don't know I feel like it's so embarrassing like fucking control your facial muscles control yourself so yes hmm

it's such a confused man hmm hmm it's so confusing that's funny nobody does that I'm trying to think who does that in my family I don't think it my uncle Steve is a mouth opener is he yeah yeah he's always got my father

doesn't do that I don't think anyone else in my family I definitely know the creature I mean Bert's mouth open all the time oh my god man his basically his lips have never met the top and the bottom lips are strangers

hmm imagine him when he's old but he's really he's just a mouth breather that's different I'm talking about like when you're old you're not you don't have to be a mouth breather you can be totally like normal and then it's just whenever you think about something

hmm you know what their mouth opens up like it's like when you tell a baby open your mouth right and they go it's a full opener it's not like they go right I don't know the answer it's a full open

and it always smells bad in there I know we've discussed dad mouth oh good segue yeah but people that generally have their mouth open it doesn't smell good either that's like a old man mouth

now what's really interesting you guys is that I have a dental update that just happened hmm thank you for the suspenseful music yeah I was in the restroom flossing at my afternoon floss

and I have a crown that I just got remember when we first started doing this podcast this was a multi thousand dollar crown and not only that we had to do it in a hurry because I was traveling the next day and what happened was he kind of it didn't really get put in

perfectly so every time I've been flossing for the last couple of years it really hurts because the tooth the placement isn't perfect of this crown and I just I kind of get used to the pain well today I flossed and it didn't hurt

yeah it didn't hurt and holy shit I can feel the tooth move what guess what I got a dental update some very lovely gracious fan in Denver I haven't even given it to my bag

gave us tongue scrapers oh I want to try that yes I have to get that for you and I have to I don't think I properly shouted out a lot of people in Denver but Denver was exactly what I wanted and needed and more

it was many many dedicated loving genes they all came out they were super one guy wrote his bike 38 miles oh my goodness to see the show in boots

I couldn't believe it is not wonderful yeah it was wonderful I was very that's the best very touched and the shows were very very fun a lot of richman mommies too came out thankfully and I think there's going to be quite a few

and Cincinnati I keep seeing the tweets the desk waters and the mommies it's very exciting yeah it's very cool man I want to try it so you just scrape your tongue and it scrapes all the filth off of it so you don't have to brush and gag yourself because I gag every morning when I brush my feet

yeah yeah you don't gag I think that's the whole thing I think that's the whole thing let's see who uh Van Haven at D. Haven Clark was there who else was there I'm trying to find out

Gonzo Green that was Gonzo Green 29 Chuck Breezy he was there let's see was it it's too many people um

D. O. Jens was there I'm just trying to figure this out on Twitter but anyways I'm not going to figure it out by looking like this but all you guys and everybody who I didn't get to shout out thank you very much for coming to Denver

making that so awesome I just that's one of those cities man where it just all you know when you're certain places you've gone to a few times and you're like it just all comes together here it's always good here yes it is wonderful there are certain cities that are mommy or friendly

also I want to thank what's her name can you pause this for a minute so I can go grab that girl's card to thank her for the tassels that she made me here I found I found it her name is August Wild uh oh my gosh let me see if her

thing is in here August Wild and she gave us a pair of made pasties that were jeans and she fucking made them jeans with little tassels on them and last night at August Wild on Twitter

okay at August Wild and that Wild is W I L E D okay right August spelled like the month yes and I watched she sent me some videos to learn how to spin my tassels and last night in the kitchen I did it for you Tommy you did and you made your tassels

swing all the way around August I didn't realize you actually made those that's very thoughtful crazy so talented you are what a gift I told you you had the most creative jeans um but uh August is a

burlesque dancer for real so she makes those things in Seattle she's in Seattle she is um she saw us in Seattle let's see on her thing here she's in Vancouver oh so she drove down from Vancouver

oh cool well thank you August that was very cool pretty simple actually if you watch a video basically what you have to do to spin tassels Tommy I don't know if you know this I don't know this please tell me it's just bounce up and down yeah and then you put your arm up and that changes the direction of the

spinning yeah and then it's pretty impressive yeah you you figured it out real quick real quick well I got big flip floppers too so that really helps yeah yep you got big old shakers big old salt shakers

did I tell you the conversation I had with my father on the phone yesterday um you did it told me a little bit I think it would be even better if you told our listeners okay I called my dad and I was like dad it's so

cute I was doing a laundry and uh I took the laundry out of the dryer and a bone popped out of it right because that's what Theo does he hides bones like in your laundry and stuff and then it gets washed to the machine and it's so cute it is cute

now I grew up with a childhood dog named Elvis was a cockapoo and my father loved this dog more than he loved anybody in our family he really loved he's talked to me about the dog yeah when Elvis passed away in 1994 he was I'm sorry 99 he was devastated

my dad had to pull over on the side of the room and cry like he was just devastated anyways I tell him about Theo and this is what he says oh yeah the dog is like having a retarded kid it's just the same they're like a retarded kid except it's almost better you know

what I mean because the retarded kid stays with you forever and never gonna go to college never going to leave you I'm like okay dad you know it's much nicer he's so sweet this dog is so sweet he just sleeps in your arms like a baby like alright dad

so the big plus to first of all the dog is equated with a retarded human person but retarded people it's great because they don't go to college right you have to pay for that and they don't leave you they never leave

that was his big B now I'm a little surprised that he's excited that they don't leave I would think that he kind of wants you to leave see that's the paradox of him yeah is that he gets annoyed in the moment and then he misses you when you're gone yeah he likes you being around he does maybe not having me talk

a lot like he likes the idea you know yeah hanging out but maybe not to interact that's really interesting just quiet time maybe if I was just quiet he could just pet me when he wanted to you know yeah that's pretty cool yeah there you go there you go well there you go and there

you go genes we thank you we love you we're gonna look we you sent us songs and we do appreciate that we're gonna listen these songs but keep sending them if you're if you're just hearing this now send us your songs give us

your tunes until we can figure out this whole songs on the podcast thing yeah we're gonna be playing some more you know stuff that we come up with so if you want your stuff played on our show you can send us an email that says

that we can play your song on our show and we'll play your song that'll be neat it's kind of fun maybe we'll find a theme song in the process that would be cool I'd like that if you want to send it to us it's pretty simple you just send an email to

yourmomspodcast at gmail.com that's it follow us on twitter at christina p and please consider getting the super mommy special bonus episode

go to yourmomshousepodcast.com check out the link it's there it's at cdbaby or if you need to wait for itunes should be up corrected the price will be changed soon we gotta go

we'll see you very very soon bye mommy bye mommy love you you you