Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 127-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Tommy was recently on a flight with GREG JENNINGS. Yes, that one. The former Packer and current Viking who knows how to catch and run with the ball, but most importantly always PUTS THE TEAM ON HIS BACK, DOE! We want a wine vacation. Who's with us? Tina covers her Top 10 Goth Jams - get ready to cry! Another NEW song drops from DYA-BEAT-USS and it's the bizness, kid. A very spicy Fill Her Up and more!

Right. What's that man? Hi, Mamies. Guess what, July 11 through 14th. You're mama's at Chicago in Prave and July 18th through 21st, the Columbus Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio. And then one night only July 27th, the Uptown Theater in Napa, California. Damn dog.

Oh, what about you, Swizzlesticks? That is what's up. Well, this month, I'm going to do the punchline punch out in Minneapolis at Acme Comedy Club, one of my favorite clubs in the United States of America. It's June 25th through the 29th, and every night we perform new material that we wrote that day. Oh, my gosh. It's fun, it's different, and you'll see there's a lot of good comics doing it.

It's going to be a lot of fun. Andy Erickson is doing it, Cy Adlinson is doing it, Chad Daniels is doing it. Oh, I love Chad Daniels. Yeah. It's very funny. They're all very funny, these people you've listed by. Yeah, they're all great. So they'll all be there, Acme 25th through 29th June, July 11th through the 14th, the

Hartford Funny Bone in Hartford, Connecticut, and that's what I've got right now. Yeah, man. Oh, oh, oh, Twitter. Come on. Listen, guys, if you're not on the Twitter, I talk to you guys at shows. Some of the mommies are not on Twitter. The only reason I'm plugging this is that Twitter has become a really good place for mommies to commune with other mommies.

Do you like talking about your mom's house podcast? Guess what? There's a group of people on Twitter that do too. You have your regulars. You have who do we have? Lorenzo, Taurus. Yes. Low animal.

Mm-hmm. Blue, what is it? Black Lagooner. Mish the dish. Who else am I forgetting, Tom? How makes I forget names? Of our... Of our regulars.

Mommies house podcast, regular people that we talk to every day, all the top dog quotes is on there. Theo Huxtable Segret. Giggity Gregg. Who you... Oh, Giggity Gregg. Yeah, I just met that guy in person, finally. Jen, Jen Brum.

That's right. Pamela. Pamela Mooney. Pamela Mooney. How could I forget her? Anderson Scooter. Anderson Scooter. Yeah, that guy is always on there.

These are people that we interact with, that you can interact with, that love the show, and it's a barrel laugh. So follow me at Christina P and Tommy at Tom Segura. Do it. And we also drop stuff about the show too, before we do it here. Oh yeah, it hits Twitter first. Yeah. This, by the way, you like this track?

I do, actually, a lot, yes. So sent in by Marcus Spitz, he is with the... What is it? I can't pronounce anybody's fucking name. The Pidgin Band? P-I-D-G-I-N? Pidgin. Pidgin.

But like the burr, but they're spelling it funny. Pidgin is like a version of, it's an accent, it's a dialect, yeah? I see, I don't know that. Pidgin. Yeah, they speak that in some Jamaican, isn't it? Pidgin? I don't know. You're more in the reading than me.

Yeah, Pidgin is a dialect, let me look it up. Really? But I don't know if it's spelled that way. All right. P-I-D-G-I-N? Yeah. Hold on, here we go. Are you about to tell me that that's the truth?

Pidgin language is a simplified language that develops as a means of communication between your more groups of people. I have a language in common. Well, we're listening to The Breaks right now by the Pidgin Band. Let's see. You can find them at PidginMusic.com, P-I-D-G-I-N Music.com, and they're at Pidgin Band on Twitter. Thanks for sending this in, man.

Very cool. Thank you. And we have a lot more music, but this is one of many that you guys sent to us, so thank you very much for sending in your music. Now, let's start the show. Yo. This is why I say I want the hardest niggas in Madden. I have one of the most best offense in Madden history.

Look at this shit. Look at that nigga. Jesus. Greg Jenis caught that shit. That's right, let's play the game. But dawg, earlier, dude, the nigga broke his fucking leg. How is he running with a broken leg? Look at this nigga holding this shit, though.

Dawg, he put the team on his back. Dawg, let's go inside the mind of a Greg Jenis. Dawg, I got to do this shit. I put the team on my fucking back, though. My leg broke. I don't know how the fuck I'm running right now, though. I'll do this shit for Madden. Oh, shit.

Darren Sharper, one of the most hardest-hitting safeties in the league. But I put the team on my back, dude. Fuck it. You can't stop me. Cross the plane. Touchdown. Greg Jenis. 49-20, man.

Fuck with me. Fuck you, Gumby. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

With Don Segura. And Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. Unreal. You asked me, and that is YouTube at its finest. It's one of the best clips on YouTube, I think, ever. Now, does he videotape himself?

Is he recording himself? He's videotaping his television screen, and he's showing you a replay on Madden that he did, the last play of the game. And what made me think of pulling this out, because I know this clip is a famous clip. It's so fucking fun. I can listen to it a million times.

I already have. Yeah, you knew the words. You were mouthing it along. Yeah, yeah. It makes me laugh every single time. This is that Greg Jennings, okay? Greg James. Was on my flight the other day.

No way. Yeah, I forgot to mention that before, but when I flew, I connected in Minneapolis. At first I was like, why is Greg Jennings on this flight? And then I remembered he just signed with the Minnesota Vikings. He was on my flight from... Oh my gosh. And actually, if you follow me on Twitter,

you'll see that I tweeted him. I was hoping to get a response. And what I tweeted him was, because you know this guy, this guy keeps saying, Greg Jennings, put the team on your back. Yeah. I tweeted him, Greg Jennings. This was like when he was across the aisle from me.

Oh my God. When we landed, I wrote, Greg Jennings, you put the flight on your back, man. We made it to LA. Thanks, dog. But I didn't get it. He didn't favor it the way Rosie Perez did, but I really wanted to get a response from Greg Jennings.

But he was sitting right across from me. You want to hear something very bizarre that you bring this up? Yeah. What's his name? Steve Madden? John Madden. John Madden. Yeah.

Steve Madden's a shoe. Right. John Madden's a coach and commentator. John Madden was at my show in Cincinnati Funny Bone. What? Yeah. On the Saturday. No.

I swear, I promise you. And I know, and I, someone tweeted at me, Will did, Will Needles, you know. He's like, dude, John Madden's in the audience. And at first I thought he was fucking with me. And I go out there and the guy, I mean, it's like John Madden. And everybody's in agreement that it is John Madden.

Like everybody was like, oh yeah, John Madden was at the show. Now, did he laugh a lot? Not really. Did he arms folded? Negative energy? Somewhat? Are you sure it was him? I'm almost a hundred percent.

If anyone was there at the Cincinnati Funny Bone that night. We have to find out. I'm pretty sure it was. I'm serious. Was it like when people are like, hey, Richard Gears out there. Right. And it's somebody that everyone's like, that's Richard Gears. No dude, this guy looked, if it, if it,

I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I've had, what's that baseball player member at Sidesplitters and Tampa show up? Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter came in Florida. So it's not completely out of court, out of line or whatever. So who knows, dude? I heard that he giggled occasionally, but he didn't really, I don't know if he dug on me too much.

Anyways, mommies, it's summertime and the mommies are in the dome. And it's a beautiful evening here. And we've opened up a bottle of Pinot Grigio because it's summertime and we switched to the white wines in summertime. Delicious, right? And can I tell you what I'm really into? Not expensive. You get, I don't know if you guys have this everywhere.

I think you do. Yeah. The barefoot wine, it's called barefoot. It's made in California. It's super cheap, dude. I mean, it's like seven bucks a bottle, super good, pretty high quality for the price. I cannot recommend it enough.

It's called barefoot Pinot Grigio. And we're enjoying that tonight, aren't we, James? Yeah, we are. And I got to get my friend, Damon, I got to get him on. He's such a wine aficionado because I really, I talked to a lot of people who are like, we want to know more about wine. And I'm like, I want to know more about wine. So do I.

So anyways, I got to get him on. He's very, very knowledgeable. Yeah. I feel like I don't know, I know what I like the taste of, but I don't know why. I don't know, I don't know how to describe shit. Like one time, well, a few times, Sean and I go this winery here. Yeah. And they're like, you know, when you do like a flight is what they call it a flight when

they just let you try a bunch of different wines. They're like, would you like to go on a flight? And you're like, I won't get fucked up. Right. And then they're like, oh, this is has nutty overtones. It's got a smoked cherry flavor. And you're like, I don't know. I don't really taste all that.

I just know it's, it's too sour. I know that it's. Yeah. It's too bull. I know it's too acidic, but I don't know. I don't taste all that shit. Do you? No.

When they tell you like this. Sometimes if, if, um, if, uh, a certain, uh, flake, like something really stands out and they point it out to me when I concentrate on that, I can. Right. Okay. They're like, you know, there's hints of cinnamon. I'm like cinnamon. And then I drip.

I put fish oil in there. You're like, it is fishy. Thank you. Um, but yeah, I do love wineries. We should go to a winery sometime. Hey, I like what you're fucking putting out there right now. I know, man. The only problem with the winery is that you got to drive there and you got to drive home.

Like there has to be a shuttle system. Oh, there is. Yeah. Like what we should do is that we should drive up to, we live in the fucking California. We should drive up there and, uh, I know it's good. We should go just do the drive up, get a hotel and then we should. Greg, Jamie, you mean Greg Jennings should go out there and we should get a hotel and then I'm sure you can call a winery or tell the hotel, Hey, I want to be shuttled over

driven over so I can get hammered today and they're like, yeah, okay. Sure. And also the flaw of some of these wineries, which is so counterintuitive to me, they get you plastered and then a lot of them don't serve food, which to me is a no brainer. Like you've got all these drunk, hungry lunatics open the kitchen feet. I would eat it. I would eat anything when I'm that drunk, you know, like pizza. Absolutely.

Hot dog shack. Absolutely. I want to do it, man. I want to do it. Yeah. I want to go do it. I, we did a winery thing here. What did we do?

Santa Barbara? Yeah. Santa Barbara. When we stayed up there and we were, we were just courting before we were married. I was trying to get it in there. You did get it in there. We didn't do Napa Valley. Did we?

You haven't done that? Nah, it's too far. Yeah. Let's do Santa Barbara again. I'd love to. It's just so, it's so pricey. It's really expensive, John. Let's plan it out.

Make a date. You know what I'm saying? Do you like dates? Like, I mean, yeah, I like dates. Guys. Good news. Hmm. Long time.

Yeah. I finally sat down this week because I had a lot of free time in Newport, Kentucky, which is really, let's face it, the Cincinnati Funny Bone, it's Kentucky. It's in Kentucky. That's true. Spent a lot of time in Kentucky. I walked around with Theo. He took, you know, he came with me, saw a lot of toddlers in half shirts.

You know what I mean? Like sexy shirts. Really weird. Yeah. On children. On children. Yeah. Oh, a lot of guys in pickup trucks with sleeveless shirts, like they modify the sleeves themselves

by cutting it off. It's a nice look. Anyways, I sat down. I finally came up with my top 10 goth jam list. Oh, shit. You did? I did. And it's already up on the website on yourmomshousepodcast.com.

Can you give us a rundown real quick? Sure can. Okay. So go to yourmomshousepodcast.com. Click on mommy mail. I didn't know where else to put it. And here it is. My top 10.

Number 10. I don't know. He probably won't know these songs though. That's okay. A lot of people do know them when you say. All right. Well, Visage. The song is called Fade to Gray and we can't play it for legal reasons.

Number nine, Sisters of Mercy, classic goth band. I know you're a huge fan of the Sisters of Mercy, right, Tom? Huge. Huge fan. Marianne. I like that song. And then number eight, Christian Death, who didn't love them in high school. Okay.

Did you have that album with Romeo's Distress on it? No. Christian Death, Only Theater of Pain. I'm just putting more pigeon band on while you talk about music. Yeah. So Christian Death, huge fan of theirs. Number seven, Fad Gadget, collapsing new people. Number six, this mortal coil, 16 days.

You remember that song? You loved that one in high school, didn't you, Tom? Absolutely. And then for my top five. Okay. I might know a couple in the top five. Yeah. You definitely will.

Yeah. This is harder for me to narrow down to one song because some of these people have such huge opuses. Sure. But I get, I look, you don't have to break that down for me. I'm the kind of guy that I get that like somebody, you know, I was talking to somebody at a show that like, what's the best Wu Tang album? Yeah, you can.

And I was like, I mean, there's a lot. I don't know. I said, you know, and they're talking about from an individual member, I was like, I don't know. There's so many. It could be only built for Cuban links. And he was like, I was thinking more liquid swords. And I was like, Hey, man, yeah, but at this point it's like, I mean, what are we arguing

over here? You know what I'm saying? Right. Potato, potato. Yeah. I'm just talking about, do you want the fucking lobster or do you want the filet mignon and you know, like it's just, it's all really good at this point. Right.

Getting to fight over this. Well, that's the hard part is that these top fivers, for me, I still listen to these bands, which is kind of embarrassing, but you know what I mean? Like you can't, it's just tough. Okay. Here we go. I'm just going to, I'm just going to try to power through it. You guys.

Uh, number five, Tones on Tail. You know, I love Tones on Tail, any derivative about house? Absolutely. Uh, two songs, Happiness or the Rain, you know, I like those. Number four, pass us Suzie and the Banshees. Oh yeah. Jesus Christ. Hey, at one point I left an album in your car.

Yeah. I broke it. You broke it. Kaleidoscope. It's a great album. I listened to it a bunch. Yeah. Because a lot of people, it's just derived from Suzie and the Banshees.

I'm telling you as, as, so that they know that as somebody who doesn't come from that school of thought, this is when you can tell that music's good. When it's not your wheelhouse, somebody puts it in and you keep listening to it. Yeah, dude. Kaleidoscope, Suzie and the Banshees. Solid album. Supergoth, red lights, a great song on there. But I like the song Monitor and Into the Light, which is on Kaleidoscope as well.

Okay. This next band, uh, hello. Number three, Joy Division, of course. Of course. I'm surprised it's three and not one. Well, I'll tell you why in a moment. Um, yeah, Joy Division, some of you got who, you would never guess who's first. Oh, no, I'm not going to guess.

You would never know this. That means is number two Pixies? No, they're not Goth. Oh, they're only doing Goth. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's the only Goth songs. But I'm glad that you know that about me. I appreciate that, Jeans.

Okay. Um, Joy Division, Isolation and Decades. Number two. Cure. Yeah. No. I used to like them, but they kind of got fucking lame. Okay.

So can you guess? Come on. You know I like these guys a lot. Um. You know, it tones on tail. I like them. Yeah. I also like in that family.

Oh, in that family? Shit. I forget who went where. Who are they first? Bauhaus. There you go. Bauhaus is like top, top. Okay.

So I see how is that? Not number one. That was good. Well, cause I'll tell you. Okay. So Dark Entries is my favorite song in Man with the X-ray eyes. All right. Number one.

There's this band, the most underrated Goth band of all time. Huge announcement, guys. Big announcement. Some would say, I mean, they're not just got there. Quite a sturdy good band. Look them up. They're called the Chameleons UK. That's number one.

That's number one. And I'll tell you why. There is a song by these guys. They're British called Swamp Thing. That is, I believe in my heart, the anthem of all Goth anthems. They used to shut down comedy, comedy clubs. Goth clubs at the end of the night. This is the last song they would play of the night at Helter Skelter in Hollywood when

I was a teenager because it is just that good. It's the last song. So it's called the Chameleons UK song is called Swamp Thing. And I think that is the quintessential Goth song of all time. And there you have it. Wow. There you go. I like that.

I like a top 10 list like that from somebody. It's fun. You know, it took me a while to really, I really sat there with it. I marinated on it. Yeah. Cause these are songs that I've loved since I was 14 years old. It's hard to reduce it to a list. Yeah.

It's very hard. I might put out a list too. I wish you would, what what's your list going to be of like RMB 90s? Not R&B. I'll do a hip hop list. Like our like, like boo boo boo boo boo boo. Yeah. Jodicy.

Okay, right. Keith sweat. Yeah, no. I'll do a hip hop list. People have asked me for my favorite. I don't know if it'll be, I'll do it, you know, this is the top 10, but maybe I'll just put together. Check out this, these songs if you want to know what's good.

Do you know what I'm saying? Right. And you know, I mean in making your lists and everybody should have these lists. Yeah. It's more about what moved you growing up, what influenced you. These songs all for some period of my life were very important to me and carried me through adolescence and whatever. That's all it's all about, right?

It's about you. If it moves you. Yeah, absolutely. Can you give us a taste maybe of who's on your list? Well, we played a lot of them on the show to be honest, at least a lot of their instrumentals. Sometimes their songs. I mean, you know, I'm kind of a fan of that early nineties. I'm a native tongue guy.

I like, you know, De La Soul, I like the Jungle Brothers. I like Tribe Called Quest, but I also like, you know, a lot of New York stuff from that era, the late eighties and early nineties. I'm a big EPMD fan. I'm a big Eric B and Rock Kim fan. You know, I like Eric B and Rock Kim. Rock Kim. I like Gangstar a lot.

I like Biggie. I like, you know, Big L. I like, I don't know, Big L. I've known all these names. Like Pete Rock and CL Smooth. I like all those, you know, those kind of the groups from that era. And I like some of the West Coast stuff too. I mean, NWA definitely got a lot of play.

What does that stand for? That is Never Without Again. I remember that band. I've heard. Never, never without it again. I've heard of that. Well, speaking of music, we've been chatting, you know, we've chat, we've been chatting. We've been creating music.

We've been bumping, bumping, making the music. We've been doing good. And we debuted a song that I produced. It was amazing. I was a producer. I was a producer, director. It's not a long song. I'll play it for you right now.

I loved it. Sweetie, I'm so impressed. Thank you. I'm so impressed. And then we got another song. So. I'll pass the bottle. You know, here is the butthole song.

Butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole. Why do my ice cubes smell like a butthole? The smell, the smell, the smell. It was like, like really powerful butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole. 90% of the time it's something that actually kept in the presets gone bad, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole. But we don't eat anything that smells like buttholes. Now, that was amazing.

The ending. What genre does that fall into that you think that I made? Golly. And now we're, you know what? That's why you and I are the Beatles in it. We're creating a whole new Rhyme Tech. Wow. Yeah.

Why not? Okay. You and me, Paul, John, we're doing it. So this is. This is diabetes, right? Diabetes. Right. Diabetes.

Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. I wish I would have known that before I wrote. Diabetes. Hey, cool thing, by the way. Yeah.

Because of that phone call, the repairman is coming this week. You know that, right? What do you think of the chances? What a great idea. Yeah. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Of sitting him over there, talking about why ice cubes don't like buttholes. I think it's a done deal, my man.

When does he come? 10 to two. You know how they give you that bullshit window? Yeah. But what day? It's like Wednesday, 10 to two. Oh, we're doing this. We're definitely, I'll be here.

No, wait, no, I'm not. I'm going to be getting my weave did. I get my weave done at 9 a.m. and that goes for like three or four hours. You know that. Yeah. He's got to tie all that hair in. Dude, but you're going to be here with him. So can you sit that guy down?

Yeah. So fun. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to happen. That is so amazing. You guys, we're going to get to the butthole ice cube instead. That'd be great.

Well, hopefully he's cool and wants to do it. Hopefully he's cool. They usually are. Can you come here? Can you sit down for a second? Yeah. Do you mind putting those headphones on for a second? Come here, man.

You got to look at this over here. Well, do you want to say anything before there's another song? You know, I know. Here's the thing, guys. I'm very hypercritical of my own works. That's what all great artists are. I'm never satisfied. You know what I mean?

You think Prince is just fucking like, oh, I'm the great. No. Well, okay. David Bowie. No, he's never. David Letterman sits and hates everything that he does. Yeah. The thing is I wrote this while I was in Kentucky.

I was in Kentucky this last week and is it going to hold up to your butthole song? I don't think so. It's a different don't compare. Is it let it be? I don't know. It's just a good song. It's not about comparing it. Compare and despair.

That's what my shrink says. I know. You don't compare. Okay. But it is what it is. You should write that down. That's a good thing. Yeah.

Okay. But here's the thing. Okay. So I wrote this song. It's about Kentucky. It's about my journey in Kentucky through Kentucky with Kentucky. See it starts off as a journey. So imagine yourself.

You start in LA, you're on the plane, you go, and then it's a journey. Okay. Just keep that in mind. You got to go with it. Here we go. What's it called? It's called Kentucky song. Okay.

I'm flying right now. I'm flying. I'm sorry. I'm enjoying this. Don't talk. All right. I'm sorry. I got to stop this to tell you.

This is amazing. I mean, you're taking me on a journey that I wasn't expecting. Wait. When you were flying there with me, were you a platinum medallion or were you a diamond medallion? You know I'm diamond medallion. What an adventure already. Are you in first class or are you in premium economy?

I'm in first. Beginning of the song. Okay. That is such a fucking awesome song. I love it. Yes. Do you see where I was going? Do you feel my vision?

You don't have to explain greatness. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Thank you. You can't explain greatness. I don't think. I hear it again.

Of course we're going to play it again. I can't stop myself. No. It's so great. What are you talking about? I can't stop myself. God, that's amazing. Thank you.

I'm so glad you appreciate my words. You're such an artist, man. This is really, really, really. You know what? It doesn't... Again, I don't think it measures up to butthole song. Well, so far there's a lot of songs out right now. We've got four.

Do we have four? Oh, yeah. No, we have your debut song. What is it called? Do we have a title on it? I don't remember that song. That was a really good one, too. Well, let's play that one.

What was that song? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

That was a really good one, too. Well, let's play that one. What was that song? What was that called? That was the very first song ever. Animal song, butthole song, and now Kentucky song. Yeah. It's a pretty major.

What was that song? Diabetes. The very first one you ever came up with. I know, but I don't remember what it was, man. I don't remember. You got to find it. Where is it? It's in your iTunes.

Is it in there? It might be in there. Of course, yeah. You created it in GarageBand, right? Yeah, but... Oh, God, it's so much fun to make stupid songs. I wonder... Isn't the Mac amazing?

Yeah. I was a PC person for so long. You sure were, man. And then you convinced me you got this Mac for me because I have refused to spend a lot of money on anything because I'm a cheap foreigner, you know? You are the worst. I know. And then you got this computer for me and it's changed my life.

I do so many dumb things on this. I love it. I love making photographs of things and videos and now music. I mean, it's a brave new world. You didn't realize you were that type of artist, probably, right? No. No, I did not. Do I have it here?

Let's see. Hold on. Please find this. God damn it. I know what you and I need to do because we haven't spent that much time together lately, but we need to collaborate on a jam face to face. Now you're talking, yeah. I don't know what the project...

Maybe it'll be to celebrate our trip to the Dominican Republic. Maybe we could be inspired while we're there or something. Yeah. For those of you who didn't hear, Tom and I are going on vacation thanks to my sweet, sweet father who has purchased us a trip. We had to use our miles, though. To DR and we're super excited. Yeah, it'll be fun.

It's going to be good. There's nothing like a vacation, man. Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter if it's a week or a weekend. Oh, yeah. It's just like... Unplugged. Unplugged.

Getting your asshole unplugged is really... Yeah. And Fifo's going to have a wonderful babysitter, your cousin, Jeanette. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, I talked to Jeanette and she was like, I tried listening to her guys podcast. I could only get like five minutes into it. I'm like, what?

Why? I just didn't download it right. I was like, it's all annoyed. I didn't play right or something. You don't know how to use iTunes. What? Yeah. That is ridiculous.

I think she just doesn't understand how to use it. Oh, now I remember. I remember the song now. Okay. Let me see if this is it or not. I don't remember, but let me see. Is this it? Is this the song?

No. This isn't it. Yes. This is it. No, it's not it. You know what that sounds like? Like early animation. They used to score it to stuff like that.

Yeah. Like those old-timey racist cartoons. Mm-hmm. Like, brrrrapping in the tar, baby. And that would be like the soundtrack for the tar, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's totally racist. Have you ever seen Song of the South?

There's some really racist old cartoons a lot. Have you seen Song of the South? This is it. This is it. This is the first one. Yeah. This is beautiful. Mm-hmm.

So good. Kind of early Beastie Boys. A little bit of license to ill thrown in there. Oh, I like that. Now, what was the first one that you sent me? That's what it is. That's why I can't find it. It's actually something that you sent me.

I was looking for stuff. No, no. I had on the song was the first. No, because the other one that I made, I made it on your computer. Oh, right. Yes, that's right. You showed me how to use it.

Yes. Yeah, I remember that. That was actually the debut. What's FIFO eating? Or is he just licking the carpet? He's just eating carpet. Okay. This dog has been licking the floor everywhere we go.

He's also been mashing his cheeks. Like we'll go out for a walk and then he'll smell something and then mash his fucking face into it. I'm like, could you not get things mashed into your ears? Please. We don't have to take you to the hospital. He's the best goddamn dog. He is.

I gotta tell you, I'm so in love with this dog. I don't think I could love our child one day more than I love this dog. Really? Yeah. I honestly don't think you could, huh? No, I'm absolutely smitten with this dog. He's changed my life, Tom.

No, I know. He's changed your life, too. Just be honest. Yeah, absolutely. When have I denied it? I'm serious. I take him on the road, dude. And someone tweeted and asked,

how do you decide who takes Theo? I'll tell you. It's whoever has the shortest plane ride and has the easiest week, basically. Tommy and I will decide, like, what's better for Theo that week? Yeah. And then that's how we... But I had a direct flight to Cleveland, so I took him.

Um... Yeah, this is, uh... I found it. You did? Yeah, it's called the Fist Song. The Fist... This is what you're thinking of. This is it, yeah.

Good. That's really good. This is more like jazz, experimental, free form, right? Was that free... Dub beats? Isn't this beat dub? I feel like this is just like, you're really jamming in the studio. Oh, it's like scatting?

Yeah. Like freestyle jazz. Yeah. What are you feeling? Just let it out. It's freestyle, yeah. Yeah. Whoa.

Ooh, wow. Where those guitars come from? You picked up a guitar out of nowhere, I remember. Whoa. Whoa. Dungeon guitar. And then I think you did a drum solo that we laid under. Whoa.

Yeah, this was pretty crazy. Oh, we should have added that. Wow. That's it? Yeah. God, how long is that song? It's not that long. I don't know.

It's a good song. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. So you're right. We have four songs because we have that song, which is called the Fist Song. And then we have the Animal Song, which was a huge hit for us. Smash it.

And then we have... The Butthole Song. But now I think Butthole Song will be taking over the charts. I feel like Butthole is going to chart top ten on Billboard. Really? Absolutely. Once people catch wind of that, it's, you know... You know, that's a bold statement.

And you know what I predict? I predict that it's possible that Diabetes... Diabetes puts out a whole album one day. Nothing would make me happier. Nothing would make our little mommies happier. I'm pretty sure. Then a Diabetes album. Diabetes...

Can we hear him say it again? Sure. Diabetes. He really sounds sick, doesn't he? Yeah. He's got diabetes. He's dying when he says that. Is he dead yet, Wilfrid?

No. And he's still alive. I think so. Who just died that I'm thinking of? Oh, I don't know. Oh, Terry, the gardener? Do you think Morty's dead yet? Our old neighbor?

Marty. Not Morty. Remember how Maddy used to get when I would be like, just take him, God. I would just release him from these portal coils. He was just trying to live. He wasn't, boo. He was barely living. The guy didn't have an air conditioning.

We offered to buy him air conditioning. He was like, nah, I'll just die. Yeah, he didn't want it. And he would also wear track suits when it was 98 degrees outside. I was like, Marty, you know, that's going to make you die faster. And he was like, I'd be good. He started to get like that his last year. He was like, just wanted to take me.

But I, you know what? Today I saw at the airport that really made me think of that actually. I saw two morbidly obese, this Mexican couple morbidly obese. I tweeted a picture of it and I was like, this is the ghost of our Christmas. Oh yeah. Yeah. Jesus. They were feeding each other McDonald's French fries and then like the whole meal.

And then at the end she pulled out a bag of corn nuts and then topped it off with corn nuts. McDonald's followed by corn nuts. It sounds like it would also gross out the McDonald's people. Like they'd be like, that's disgusting. Cause once you eat McDonald's, you know, it sits like lead in your gut. I mean, you've eaten a brick of bullshit. You just got to wait that out. It tastes amazing.

It feels like shit. I tell you the last few days, I feel like that couple. Yeah. I feel terrible. It's road bloat. Yeah. And I also like, I was making, I was doing so well with my CrossFit classes. And I haven't gone in like over a week now.

It's almost like two weeks. Don't flog yourself, Jean. No, I need to. And then when I did actually go to work out this weekend. Oh yeah. Yeah. I was in the hotel gym and like I said, you can't, you can't mimic a CrossFit workout. If you don't know about CrossFit, just Google that shit.

It's insane and they make you do shit. You didn't think you were capable of doing and it's super intense and it's only an hour, but it's insane. But anyways, I was like, I got to do something. So I go down to the hotel gym. It's the worst hotel gym I've ever been to in my life. But I jump on the treadmill. I run a mile and then I do like some, you know, push-ups and up-downs and shit.

It's just stuff that I've, whatever, been working on. Well, when I'm doing the mile, I run the mile and then I kind of coast like I walk. You know, when you come down from running. So thank God I'm done with it because if I was running, I think I would have hurt myself. I'm looking at the wall. There's no mirror so you can't see behind you. So imagine like you're in this tiny little room alone and then I just hear, getting it in, huh? And I was like, holy shit.

And I turn, I go, you scared the shit out of me. And the guy just stared at me blankly and he was like, you getting it in? And I was like, yeah. Getting it in. Getting your workout in. And I was like, yeah. And I'm sweating and like breathing heavily. He's chatting you up and you're clearly not in the mood.

Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. So then he goes, it's good, man. That's good. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, I used to be like you. And I go, what? And he goes, yeah, I used to be just like you.

And I was like, what the fuck? What? And he goes, I was a big guy. I'm like, holy shit. And he goes, my dad was even bigger. Okay. And I go, really? And he goes, my dad was 550.

And I was like, wow. And then he goes, he's got to drink. Got to drink water. You got to eat right. You know? Thank you, sir. Yeah. And he goes, got a stretch.

I'm like, all right, man. You got a stretch? Yeah. And he's like, yeah. It was Jack Lelaine in your hotel gym. He starts telling me about how much water he drinks a day. Oh boy. Chicken breast.

You know how much meat we're supposed to have? I'm like, oh my God. He started doing push-ups. He's like, you know what you should try to do when you do push-ups? I'm like, yeah, I'm trying. Another thing you could do is take a towel. And he's just telling me shit. And he just, and by the way, here's the other part.

He's not working out. What? What's he doing? He's just giving pointers. He's there to pick up his girlfriend who's working through the patio. You can see her working at like, she's at the serving people. And he's just killing time. And he's like, you should also try this stretch.

And I'm like, I got to go, man. He actually made me work out less. Because I was like, I got to get out of here now. Well, you don't want some dude telling you what you should be doing. It's also just when you're like, so anyways, between just feeling like shit and not going and listen to this fucking guy, I just feel terrible. Oh, jeans. I'm like, dude.

Man. Leave me alone. Well, you know what? You look amazing. I do not. You're the handsomest fella in town. And I'm glad to have you. I love you.

I love you too. You're the handsomest fella. You're just saying that. I'm not just saying that because I give you the D. You do give me the D. You get the D all the time for me. Well, I do love you. But today that couple that I was telling you about.

Yeah, the pig couple. The Mexican pigs. They were feeding each other. Geez. And then what was the corn nuts after that? Yeah. And then she opens a bag of corn nuts. And then their phones simultaneously start ringing super, super loudly in the airport

terminal. Can I guess? Let them ring? Yeah. Totally, totally, totally. And like a top volume. Yeah. And like some stupid.

And I'm like, are you guys and I would look at them every time. Of course. And every time one of them got a text message, it would go. Yeah. Like, you know, it's common decency to silence your phone. Of course. They don't give a fuck. The best part is, so they're looking at me, look at them.

Right? Yeah. And then they have family members two rows behind them in that terminal, like in the seats. I gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta. They're talking in Spanish, shouting. Of course. Two rows back.

And I thought to myself, what's that like to not give a fuck? Like on every level, you don't give a fuck about your body. You don't give a fuck about the people around you. You don't give a fuck about anything like that is complete freedom. Like these people have, they're out of the matrix so completely. It must be, um, very freeing. It must be very freeing. I mean, I'm so worried all the time.

I, oh my, my loud and my smelly and my offending right now. Like, do I have to be better than I am? And there are some people that just throw caution to the wind on every fucking level. Like, ah, I could die tomorrow. I don't care. Hey, you, uh, you got a text message, you know. Right. And you're like, um, do you want to get that man?

They let it go. They let it go. They let it go. It's always let it go. Yeah. Let it go. Let it ring. It's unbelievable.

Um, the other thing that's crazy, I feel like is when, when you're in a public place, like an airport, but even more confined, like a smaller store, you know, where you, you walk into the store, it might be, it could be like a coffee shop, you know, right? Could be a, I don't know, like a bank, something like that. Yeah. And people let the phone go off and they literally just will look at the phone. Right. Look at it like, oh, that's Kevin.

Right. And then they go like this. I'll just put that down. Put it down. They don't hit silence. They're just like, I don't want to get that phone. And they're like, yeah. And you listen and it's that level of like, um, just oblivious.

I don't give a fuckery. You mean? I don't know if it's, I don't give a fuck. I feel like they're, I feel like they're checked out. Is that what it is? I don't give a fuck is you have to be more in tune to not give a fuck. To rebel. It's that you know what's going on and you're like, fuck it.

These people, I feel like aren't even aware. I gotta tell you, when my phone goes off and I haven't silenced it and it goes off in public, I am in such a panicked lather to find it and silence it immediately. Like I'm in fucking red alert. Like if, if I'm with the dog, with Theo and he barks at another dog and public, like I'm on red alert to stop the chaos and not allow this to spiral and bother other people. And I just don't get it. I just don't.

How do you not give a shit about anybody else? It's just fucking amazing. I don't know. There's a lot of people out there. There's a lot of people out there that just, I mean, there's no other, they just don't give a shit, man. They don't care. No, I know.

Anyways, I have a filler up, filler shut. What? How are you just going to drop that on me? You know the rules around here? Don't just do that without saying something. No, we're even supposed to use this music. No. You know what?

This mariachi band's not going to fuck this. They're not going to track us down. Right? No. We definitely shouldn't use this, but how can you replace filler up, filler shut? Mariachi. Come on. This is.

We're going to have an internet connection in Mexico where the track is down. Definitely. You know. Come on. They're never going to find us. All right, guys. You know what it's time for. Fill her up.

And seal her shut. So I thought since we're taking a trip to the Dominican Republic, we should do Dominican. I like that. Fill her up, seal her shut. God, and this is really going to sound terrible, but I didn't, I googled like famous Dominicans, and there was a kind of a short list of people that we would know of. You know what I'm saying? So you're really tipping your hat to the people where we're going.

Yeah. Well, it's a small place, and I just, I couldn't find people that everybody would know, but I did find two majors. I only have dudes. Wait, there's no girls? I couldn't find. There was like one beautiful actress, but then nobody would know the name. Then you know what?

Let's do a replace. You got to have girls. So let's do Puerto Ricans. Yes, Dominican. Have we done it though? Haven't we done Puerto Ricans? I don't know, but we're going to do it. We're going to do Dominican men and Puerto Rican women.

Okay. All right. So to begin, let's dig up. Let's find these. I worry that we've done these two before. Here's my big Puerto Ricans that I know. Obviously, Rosie Perez, your Twitter friend, and JLo, but we feel like we've done those too, right?

Let's do a couple other ones. There's a lot more famous Puerto Ricans. Let's do them for women. Females, yeah. Females, yeah. Okay. Let's see. Let's see.

Famous. Fuck. That's daunting. Okay. Let's see. You know, their flag looks a lot like ours, huh? Okay. Here we go.

Actors, actresses, men. Nicio Del Toro, obviously my favorite. Eric Estrada. Yes. Babe, we're still doing the Dominican men. All right. All right. All right.

Joaquin Phoenix is under Puerto Ricans. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You find the women. Okay. Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. All right. Fill them up. Fill them shut. Here we go. Dominican men. Manny Ramirez. Yeah.

You know him. He's the guy who, how do I put this, delicately, doesn't speak English still, right? He does. He grew up in New York. It's pretty brutal. He grew up in New York. He's been living in America for over 30 years. And he still, he sticks to the...

Bitch. He's a... I love it. I'm gonna sneeze. I have my allergies are killing me, man. Okay. Manny Ramirez or what are you looking up? Are you looking at Manny?

I'm trying to get a Manny clip. Let's see if we have a... Yeah. I'd love to hear him talk. I don't know how bad his... Let's see how bad... I don't know also when... Let's see when was this.

Manny Ramirez is back. Mannyaco, we welcome you back. The Ciudad, the Los Angeles or the Omonia. This guy interviewing him is insane. This guy is all up in his face and he's wearing like a Santa Claus hat. Thank you, man. I'm just happy to be back and, you know, I'm in a great place and my first game, I was kind of nervous, but you know, I'm just happy.

I get that out of my system already. You are in our systems and we can't let it go. We are so, so happy. This guy interviewing him is such a fucking weirdo. So far up that guy's ass. This guy doesn't look like a member of the press. We have dubbed you, as you know, El Mannyaco. What does El Mannyaco mean to you?

Thank you, man. I really like the shirt that you gave me. In Mannyaco, you know, where I go, you know, people ask me, hey, what's Mannyaco mean? What's Mannyaco mean? His English is way better than it used to be. What is Mannyaco means? Mannyac, maybe? Mannyaco.

Now, Mannyaco is a doll. Yeah. He's Manny, so Mannyaco, like the Manny something. I don't know. But his English is better here. Why don't you tell the people what Mannyaco means? Mannyaco means the pure essence of the highest energy, of the highest illumination, of the highest light, of no-holds-barred, of only thinking of one thing, and that is winning.

And that is the essence, the purity that is El Mannyaco, Manny Ramirez. He dreadlocks, flowing, pasión, going, corazon, all over the baseball field. Alright, that guy is fucking way crazy. If someone's way up Manny's asshole, maybe he wants to get filled up and sealed shut. I have to say, maybe when Manny is with somebody who's that crazy, he just does a better interview. You know what I mean? Like, he seems like the normal, good... Well, I don't know how many people call 500 plus.

I hear you say, like, in relation to the normal, yeah. If he's up against, like, some normal... Yeah, like a white... Frankly, I do make more than you right now. You do. There's Manny. First, I gotta make the team, and then I started getting paid. That's a minimum, and at that point, you will be making far more than me.

Are there incentives to that 500,000? I gotta check my contract, I really haven't got the time to check it, so... But still, that's 30 plus years in the States, whatever. Yeah, if you're born in the U.S., you really shouldn't have an accent like that. I don't think he was born there, but he grew up in New York City. Okay. Alright, well, there you go. Manny Ramirez, that's one of our fill them up seal him shuds.

Yeah. And you're not gonna believe this. Did you know that Oscar de la Renta, excuse me, is Dominican? Yes, I did know that. Really? I had no idea. I did know that. So, okay, I Googled his picture, and I'm sure many of you don't know what the fuck he looks like.

Like, how would you... Yeah, and you should tell people who Oscar de la Renta is. Oh, hello, famous fashion designer. Yeah. And I know that if I went to high school with a Dominican kid, and they would, you know, that was like their point of pride. Dude, that's not like my dad will, like, rattle off every famous Hungarian person. Yeah.

You know, who is he telling me for a while? Oh, Tom Selleck, you know Tom Selleck, he's Hungarian, right? His last name is Selleck, gosh, but he shortens it. So, people love to tell you when they're from small countries who their famous people are. So, Oscar de la Renta, if you Google his photograph, you will notice that he is an older gent. Mm-hmm. So, you're up against older, sloppy, ploppy balls. Mm-hmm.

A sogging, pathetic physique. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. These are the two... These is who we're going up against? These are the two guys? Okay, but remember, yeah, but remember the Liberace movie? Yeah.

And Matt Damon was like, how do you find... And this is before Viagra, so Liberace would have... He had like a penile implant. So, I imagine Oscar is going to be popping Viagra's before his encounters with you. Definitely. So, just keep that in mind. You got to keep that in mind. And also, man, he's a professional athlete.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So, he might be just dropping... Ay, que lastima! And you know what I heard about? I told you this. Mm-hmm. I heard from professional baseball players that I've spoken to firsthand that there is something about the Dominican guys in baseball.

They're like... They're like, it's a different culture. And I was like, oh, I know what you mean. They're like, no. Like, all baseball teams, all players, understand that the Dominicans shower by themselves. Why? Yeah, and I was like, what do you mean? He was like, it is...

He's like, basically, I think what happens is that like, they'll like slap their dicks against each other's asses, but not in a... It's not gay, right? It's not gay. It's like, it's having... No homo, as the kids are saying. Yeah, it's just a level of comfort with being super sexual, that they don't... That our culture is like, that's not okay, that it's totally normal.

That's the best way I can put it. Right, right, right. So, I have a feeling that... It's like a joke, the homo eroticism. It's probably a joke. Yeah, and then he's like, there's a lot of ass slapping, dick slapping. And he's like, it's not acceptable for... Not for Americans, no way.

And he's like, they shower by themselves. Like they won't. You'll take your first shower, and then you're like, I'm out of here. Nah, man. Yeah. The Dominic of the shower by themselves. Yeah. It's great.

I got a great... Okay, so it's either Manny or Oscar de la Renta. What are you going to choose there? I'm picking my nose. You know what? I got to think about it. I haven't really thought about it yet. I just...

The problem is with older dudes, is the Viagra thing. You know what I mean? He's going to like, really work to get it up. And then... Manny sounds like a little more egotistical. It's all about Manny. And Manny's just being Manny whenever he does one of those things. Manny, he's physically okay, right?

I saw a picture of him. Yeah. He's not a bad-looking dude. You like dreads? He's got dreads? Does he have dread? I'm out. Oh, shit.

I'm fucking out. He may have cut them now. I'm not 100% sure, so don't... I got to tell you, the dreadlocks, to me, it's vomitous. The smell... I don't care what people say. Like, oh, are you going to take care of it? No.

It smells like dog shit. You can't wash your fucking hair, man. And I know some hippies are going to be like, you can wash your hair. You can use patchouli oil. It's not the same. You got a shampoo and water. You're disgusted. Yeah.

That alone, Oscar de la Renta. Wow. He's a dignified, older gentleman. I don't have daddy issues, so I'm not really into older dudes, but in this case... Yeah, he's probably got a cool... He's got cool shit to teach you. He's older, so he's got some tricks up his sleeve that I've probably never imagined. Gentle lover.

I don't know. Gentle and longer, but gentle. Man, he would just prison pound you. Oh, definitely. Basically, you should choose by what type of love making you want. Do you want to be just absolutely devastated from the inside out, or do you want someone to make love to you? Yeah, I choose Oscar.

What about you, buddy? I'm going to go with Oscar because he makes suits. So yeah, I'll let the old guy bang me for a couple weeks, and then I go, hey, do I get anything out of this? And he goes, what are you, about a 46 regular? And I go, yeah, he goes, I'll have to tailor because I know a couple of things. You know what? You're absolutely right, man.

A nice suit on a man? It's priceless. Yeah. It's so hard to get a good one, I imagine, yeah? I don't even have a suit right now. I need to get a suit. Brooks Brothers, right? I mean, yeah, you got a suit.

It's custom made. That's probably a pricey. That's some nice shit right there. How much do you think an Oscar de la Renta suit costs? I think off the rack, or are you talking custom? Custom. I would guess that they're in like the two to three grand. I would say more.

Maybe more. Maybe more? No. He's a big designer. Well, come on. That much? I don't fucking know. Let me see what the Google says.

I've never bought anything like that in my entire life. I just imagine it's super expensive. The only thing I've ever had tailored to me kind of was my wedding dress. And even that was under a thousand bucks. Yeah. Well, I don't really see nothing really comes up. Well, here we go. Bespoke.

It's custom suits. But they're not going to have the price of just what he has. But yeah, I'm going to guess it's at least a few thousand dollars. Oh my gosh. How do people afford that shit, dude? Yeah. I don't know, man. Oscar de la Renta.

Oscar de la Renta. You know, that fashion business is more bullshit than show business. How the fuck do you make it in fashion? That's got to be so much more bullshit. Yeah. He's not really. I guess he's more known for his women's clothing. Yeah.

You know, honestly, I've never owned anything of his label in my entire life. Yeah. I'm sure it's beautiful. Let me look it up. Yeah. I don't understand how fashion works, right? Like they have the fashion show and that's called hot couture or whatever. And that's the shit that like nobody wears.

Yeah. So who the fuck is wearing like who buy it? What's I don't understand how it all works. I feel like fashion just gets by on. It's more about getting your name, a name than it is what you fucking design. I just like, is it that brand? And you're like, yeah. But how do they make money?

Like do people buy those fancy feasts? Oddly enough, the real money makers are like the people that get their stuff into Kmart. That's, that's right. Yeah. Because that's, yeah, that makes sense to me. That's what normal people wear. Nobody's buying 10,000 dollar gowns. It's like, it's like the car companies that make the most money at the end of the day

are your Ford's and Chevy's, not your Ferrari's because are you going to sell a thousand cars or 25,000 cars? You know, it's, it's, it's quite a difference. Preposterous. Yeah. Who is buying this shit? Who is Brandy? Who is Brandy?

You know what we've missed out on, boo? What? There's an entire season of the Braxton family values that we completely fucking missed out on. Don't say that to me. They went to therapy. I saw some of it when I was on the road, but yeah. Yeah, we missed out on a big season. Tamar's pregnant now.

Really? Yeah, she's going to have her kids. With big boys, baby? Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Let me ask you, for the, for the females, should I do adult stars or mainstream actresses? Cause I found both.

There's Puerto Rican adult stars. Quite a few. That we would know. Whatever would be common reference? Well, that the people, yeah, I mean, it's, you know, all right. Well, here's what I got. You know what? Can we do two categories?

Why not? Who is Brandy? Yeah. We'll do mainstream and porn. Okay. Sure. All right. For mainstream.

Yeah. I love this song. Michelle Rodriguez. I like her. I worked with her on a film. Oh, you did? Yeah. Vince Offer's movie.

Oh yeah. You wrote on that. That's the thing that Ari's in for people. Ari's in it too. Yeah. Yeah. And she was a delight. She's a very, she's very beautiful in person.

I think actually she photographs not as nice as she looks in person. Gorgeous girl. I am looking at her here. There's a lot to look at. I like it. That'll mean that. She's sweet too. Yeah.

I mean, a lot is in good stuff. All right. She was in Fast and Furious, the OG. Resident Evil. Machete. Battle of Los Angeles. She's also in Fast and Furious. Six.

Which just came out. And she's a delightful girl. Fasterer and Furiouserer. And another 34. What? Go ahead. How many Fast and Furious films do you own in your own catalog? Well, five.

And then the sixth one is in theaters. I'll get that as soon as, you know, I have a pirate version, but I'll get the real version as soon. Could you even imagine sitting through one of those films? Sounds like the worst thing ever. How the fuck? I mean, is it just the vroom vroom? The dudes like to see it.

The young guys probably like to just see fast cars and keep girls. Oh, yeah. They love it. That's all it is. Yeah. It's just, it's tapping into a market that they know. It's Candy Crush for 20-year-old boys, right? Yeah.

All right. And the other one, she's actually not a hundred percent reekin', but... Okay. She's got... What do you say? Poor Tor... Poor Tor reekin', not reekin'. It's derogatory when you say like that.

Reekin'. All right. Well, she's got... She's got reekin' blood, and then... Poor Tor reekin'. And then she's got... You know, when you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. Okay.

And she's also got... What's it called? She's got Afro-Cuban blood, but whatever. It's Rosario Dawson. Oh, they're very similar Rosario and Michele. You think so? Yes. Well, they both, like I said, they both are reekins.

You know, when you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. Okay. But I think... I think Michele's a hundred percent. Michele's very proud to be Puerto Rican. And keep in mind, we're doing this because we couldn't find two famous Dominicans. Right. Well, they're well-known in this.

They're well-known. There are famous ones, just not... Can I tell you... Popular. My choice? Google. Can I tell you my choice? Mm-hmm.

My dick is hard just looking at Rosario Dawson. She's gorgeous. Both gorgeous girls. Fuck, yeah. I want to stick it in and on and around her every single hole multiple times. I want her to renounce her citizenship because I am giving it to her. I think she's American. Hard.

You know, when you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. No, you're not. When you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. You know what I would do? Fuck. I would steal Rodriguez and I would sprinkle nerds in her asshole. When I was on stage this weekend, I was asking people what kind of sexual kinks that they're into that are like, you know, not of the norm.

And here's another thing. Sorry, I'm just thinking all over the place, but Rosario Dawson is kind of a bad girl. Like, I think she's... They both are... Really, both? Yeah, Michelle's like a fucking super badass. Really? Oh, I think you're right.

They both are. Yeah, you're right. They're cool as shit, actually. Both of them are super badass. Yeah, they are. But I want to... I really like don't... If I ever get like a gig, an acting gig with Rosario Dawson, I would keep an eye on me.

I got it. Just like if I work with Benicio Del Toro, who was Puerto Rican too. I want to fucking destroy him. You poor... I love Benicio. I would let him... And I hear he's very smelly. That's nice.

I have an acquaintance that had sex with him and said he was... Are you serious? Yeah. I'll tell you who later. Good, he has a huge hog. Oh, really? And then he's very smelly though. Apparently, there's stories about how when he was in acting classes many years ago here,

he slept with like everybody in acting class. Of course. I... I thought that's kind of a neat thing. You think really Rosario over Michelle? I mean, I'm just going... I think Michelle's much prettier now that I look at them both. It's a personal preference.

I mean, go for whatever you're in here. Here's the difference. Michelle is quite naturally beautiful. Like Google her. Just... Michelle Rodriguez Google. She doesn't wear a lot of makeup and she didn't on set that day either. Like this girl is just gorgeous with nothing.

Yeah. And Rosario, she's a little more made up. Hold on. Anyway, the point is testament to her beauty, Michelle's, that she's not made up and she's fucking gorgeous. All I'm telling you is you got it. The penis does the picking. That's what Patty says.

Okay. All right. And the blood is rushing to the tip when I look at pictures of Rosario Dawson. Okay. And I just want to milk and milk myself on her and make Bisco Sours. Okay. All right. I got it.

Delicious. Want me to tweet at her? See if she answers. Latin flavored drinks. She will tweet back and then we got a problem. So that's why I won't. Okay. Oh, please.

Please. Hey, Rosario, if you're listening, you probably are. Okay. Enough. I've been to Del Toro at Christina B. Whatever. I wonder what Rosario's ass smells like. I bet it smells good.

I don't think so. She was always dancing in those movies. Oh, no, she was a dancer. You know that? That's how Spike Lee found her. If we do the right thing. Was Rosario? I'm sorry.

Rosy Perez. I was thinking Rosario. Yeah. Rosario was fucking three when that came out. You don't need to put down Rosy Perez like that. She still looks great. You know, when you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. Okay.

So that is our mainstream. She's starring. We hear this. Yeah. And then I'll give you a couple of porno choices. All right. Here we go. Your porno choices are the famous actress D, DEE.

Look her up. Okay. All right. D. D. That's just it. I mean, that's what she goes by. I just Google D porno.

Yeah. DEE. Yeah. No, I got it. It's phonetic. Yeah. And then Jesus. Wait a minute.

I don't know. What? There's a million images. Yeah. D porno actress. Yeah. Whatever. And then the other one is...

Okay. I got it, sir. She's got huge cans. Oh, she's pretty. No, she's pretty. Yeah. Very pretty. And she knows how to suck a dick.

Okay. Rosario Dawson's, by the way. Her mouth looks like you could put all of your genitals in her mouth at once. You could put a dog, you know, the dog in the bathtub. Yeah, I didn't know I got it. All in there at once. I've heard that. I've heard that before.

Thank you. That would be Gina Lynn, G-I-N-A-L-Y-N-N. She is Puerto Rican. Her real name is Tanya Mercado. Mercado, like the market. Yeah. And she... Wait a minute.

I just found a picture with her face covered in jizz. Who? Which one? Gina Lynn. Really? Yeah. How's it look? Pretty good?

I don't like that. Let me see it. I don't really like that. It looks like it's glazed donut. Look. I can't see from there. I don't really enjoy that. I don't like seeing common faces.

Ugh. Yeah. Me neither. Alright, I picked Gina Lynn. Yeah. This is awesome. I like the other chick. I think her body is way more banging than this broads.

Okay. Well, let's take... I guess we disagree. Agree? Dis... Agree. We agree to disagree. Let me see her again.

God. I mean... Listen. $12,000 worth getting some dude's jizz on her face and then a picture taken of it. You know what I'm saying? That's how much she made that day. You realize that porno actresses don't get paid that much. It's literally $1,000 to $1,500 a day.

That's how little this bitch makes. Oh my life. Get your life. You need to get your life. Oh, and there's pictures of her. The scoop. I can't... The scoop and score.

I love it. The scoop and they scoop it and then they're like, oh, I love it so much. I have to get every last drop in my mouth. I just... All right. I don't buy it. And then she's got the mouth gag where she's... Here's the picture of her where the mouth is held open.

I love it. Gina Lynn all the way. That's how I want to fill up and seal a shot. You're choosing D. Easily. Come on. And you chose Michelle. D is that standard.

I chose Rosario Dawson. And then for Dominican men, did we both choose Oscar? Yeah. Okay. Well, there you have it, fans. You have it there. Let's go. We got to go.

We love you. We'll see. We love you, mommies. Go out on Kentucky song. Go out on Kentucky song? Please. I work so hard on it. All right.

And then we'll play more of your guys' songs in the very new future. Here is an original song called Kentucky, the Kentucky song by one and only Diabetes. Bye, guys.