Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 160-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

If you don't like the way things are done at your school, do what our South African friend does and bring a whip. Make it a quick class, very quick class! The mommies recap their tour of the South and all the calories that came with it. Cheese and PISSA and wings. So, so, so many wings. We share the Ricky Schroder/Webster story from JRE as we still can't enough of that cute, little, black son of a bitch. Chuck Woolery has a pretty crazy twitter account. We read some of it and then play some of the classics from Love Connection. My goodness do we love that show. Put 2 and 2 in your butt. Plus we play audio of a man who is disappointed in his prostitute. It's horrifying!

like this what is this like this yeah this is uh sent to us by lucas mccarthur oh lucas it's very um like drudgy i like that oh it's very god thank you believe you me art is a tree i really like this different for us thank you thank you lucas mummies as you're hearing this i am right now in syracuse new york i am at the syracuse funny bone uh october 9th through 12th me and theo are locking it down then october 16th through 19th the demoine funny bone in desmoins i and then october 25th through 27th madhouse comedy club in sandy a go and uh follow us on twitter pretty please at christina p at tom segura that's where we put all kinds of stuff for you guys that's what's up what about you denim denim denim

daddy denim i am as you hear this i'm getting ready to go to comics at foxwood's comedy club and casino i'll be there out in connecticut what up and i will be doing a few shows please come see me at comics at foxwood's comedy club and casino um that's the 10th through the 12th let's see oh also let's see oh i already fucked that up um what did you forgot to promote something that i'm doing before this comes out that's fine it's not a big deal um i'll poop the next week i'm going to houston all our houston fans i'll be there with um my closing act joe rogan you should come see us october 18th go to uh joe rogan's site and um you can see us in houston this is what i wanted to tell you november november first and second i'm going to do uh the small room at

flappers and i'm going to do an hour i'm doing one show friday november first two shows uh saturday november second at the small room at flappers i'm running an hour set you can see the hour that i'm going to shoot um for my special the following weekend uh and then uh november ninth i shoot the special minneapolis and i will post on my twitter feed um the link and we'll post it on our website and everything where you can get the tickets all right i hope all right i hope that keeps your jeans up um what else jeans well i'll tell you this super tight denim jeans oh so tight i can't breathe oh do you want to do this show or not yeah so i teach us not afraid of you how do they teach you when you're in the classroom no they ask can we teach you now then i say yes and then they go one

class one and i'm like five i want those type of things quick class very quick class don't bring anyone loving to this welcome welcome welcome to your mom's house welcome to your mom's house um that yogurt i just fed you is barely good i mean i ate it too what about the eggs though they might be okay i think so i don't think that turkey meat's any good turkey meat i just threw out and there was some other stuff in there it was so gray oh there's like i i also i'm a food hoarder i don't like to throw food away there are strawberries i'd cut up like before we left and they're in tupperware just so disgusting there's an eggplant parmesan

i made two weeks ago so i'm throwing it out damn i'm so fat right now i just realized that do the skirt i'm wearing yeah it's like squeezing all my stomach meat well good mcdonald's today well i can go to mcdonald's today i'm so fucking fat from the south man all the barbecue we ate all the you know buffalo wings and yeah i'm like jesus christ we did it up we did it up man so fucking fat how much weight do you think you gain on this trip i don't know i don't know i tried to like kind of dial back some of the the work with um you know i would have i'd be like just give me a salad this meal so i would try and clean out the the the damage and i ran worked out a couple times in the hotels that just kind of you know pulls back the rains a little bit so maybe i just

didn't maybe i stayed the same well i'd like to hope that we did but i think the late night eating because we eat we eat we get one in the morning yeah fine that's what doctors say to do you got to eat like a chili cheese burger with fries and then lay down that you have to do it that way doctor recommended ordered yeah oh oh and you have to drink a lot of alcohol first get yourself really hungry eat a chili cheeseburger and fries and then lay down we didn't do the chili cheeseburger we did we did uh we did a lot yeah but we didn't do a chili cheeseburger with fries at one of the morning we didn't do that once we did more we did that's true yeah what did we do let's just we should just put it out there yeah steak we did steak that first thing oh wait a minute in um in columbus

i didn't really what did we have bob evans with pizza pizza pizza we have pizza uh late night in the green room yeah that was but that was one night uh we ordered steaks pizza we ordered steaks the next night with loaded baked potatoes around 11 p.m we did that yeah i forgot about that that was a good one next night pizza next night what do we do tom the next night where'd we go the next night i think we were in Nashville yeah we did like decent food no we did a good cheese spread we did a cheese platter at 11 p.m tuna tartar tuna tartar tartar tartar tartar tartar um um a bunch of shit but then the real treat came the following night when you were like oh i'm so hungry let's go to buffalo wild wings and then you placed an order for how many wings

uh 30 30 chicken wings for two people 30 i have a confession to make what's that when i went in to pick them up mm-hmm i ordered more why because i thought it wasn't enough you thought 30 wings was in my mind because i was hungry i was like i'm gonna think i i know like could you well you go when you go you always say that i don't you know i'm the big dog and i big dog doesn't share no big dog eats super fast and then the little dog doesn't get to eat enough so in my mind i go all right i should probably i'm gonna eat like 20 of these and then what if you're really hungry this is how i thought when i was in there i go what if you're really hungry and you know you're like yeah i'm gonna eat 10 wings

big deal maybe you have you want more that's how i thought so i basically thought i needed to back it up but the great irony of this all that we're not even telling them is that how many did we throw away like half of them more than half yeah so we didn't even eat half of that order it's funny you don't think that we can clear 30 wings at midnight 35 yeah you don't think that's a good idea 35 away and then lay down and sleep for the night right but what i'm saying is that you ended up having five wings yeah right because i'm smaller considerably but i didn't know i didn't know what you were now you know my wing threshold right but see we needed that experience like if you're not a regular wing person all right like i just found out that i needed about 12

right and i was happy yeah because generally in restaurants when you order wings don't they come in like six that's that's and then like a dozen maybe a baker's dozen usually bakers and then like 20 and then after 20 you're in a contest basically mm-hmm you're the biggest pig in the world yeah i just didn't sound like me because i picture the wing it's not that big and we went into it really hungry so you know i mean it's one of my problems it's not even like the eating amount it's the ordering amount right it's your scarcity are you afraid oh yeah you're afraid it won't be enough right so it's like if if you hold me out and you go you sit me down in a restaurant and it's um it's late i'm starving i'm gonna order way more than i'm gonna eat but you know what on

the road you kind of have to do you have to because you know what else we did we tried we made them make wings all differently yeah and we found that sometimes you took one bite like i don't like any of these that's the key to road ordering is that you order way too much of different things and that way you're at least going to get two of those things be good yeah and then you're going to eat well otherwise you're fucked you order one thing and then it tastes like shit and you're fucked thank you now that clip you opened with that was a south african guy yeah and i loved it it was sent a while ago and then it's been sent a few more times and you know we sometimes we just don't get to the stuff that we need to get to but it's a golden clip this is a guy who's being

interviewed outside by a journalist from from like a local news station we presume he is a south african student he's dressed for school the traditional kind of dress for a lot of um i would say school boy yeah it's a white button down there's a white button down and he's got navy blue pants yeah and he's holding a whip yeah and he has an amazing personality amazing kind of mannerisms gestures that he makes and he this clip is just it's full of gold what is it called so that people can google it and um i would just look for south african dude south african student okay that's the title yeah that's it youtube you guys south african student interview and they've already it's one of those videos that gets copied and re-posted so it's out there a

thousand times he's holding a whip i mean how is the day so far at school ah wonderful man how is the day so far at school ah wonderful man he's like super like sarcastic he keeps gesturing like big with his and like this is the best shit ever man there's obviously a story behind this that we're not like why there's an issue happening with school and the students but of course i mean how is the day so far at school ah wonderful man no business is going very well you know since the price of kotla has gone up you know students are still buying but you know but we call it's very nice yeah man the price of something it was gone up kotla yeah but students are still buying wait remember um what's his name our little adopted african boy lord lord isn't he referenced that maybe

he may he mentions the kosa which this guy ends up mentioning yeah which is a tribe tell african tribe yeah yes well you mean are you not learning no learning happening today no no i'm not like i'm i'm currently on my lunch break i mean come on man how can i lend children lunch and what do you want what do you think i must always be behind the pork like you know carcassian come on man i'm here to do something real with my life like the money and things like that why the whip you're carrying in your hand what is that all about so i didn't follow 100 what he said oh i remember wasn't david cow telling us something like this like they had some subsidized learning program for the black people there because they felt that they needed

some kind of white help or something i don't know maybe this i can't remember now everything do you remember david cow he had a joke he's like thank you so much for my government sponsored reading program and he has that accent he does it yeah oh man i wonder what this is about and i'm curious yeah the whip i'm carrying in my hand you know it's a it's a very great idea given to me by kosa's you know because they said that you know if someone hits you you must hit them back so this thing is one of my self-defense mechanism you know against mr mapoondah you know he likes touching us you know doing funny things like you know come here my boy you know then if he does that i'm like when's that you know that is a real fucking whip man it's a real whip yeah did you

hear that whip yeah pretty serious sounding not some african whip those type of things you know because i can't defend myself and so with all this violence shouldn't you be involving the police i mean why are students fighting with it no no no i i cannot involve the police why must i do that i must involve the police when kosa said that i can take action against myself for myself actually you know 40 students one teacher who's going to win we won't win but super fire super fire yeah that's crucial Montoya one no no no so our teachers not afraid of you how do they teach you when you're in the classroom no they ask can we teach you now then i say yes and then they go one class one and i'm like five i want those type of things quick class very quick

class if i say let's break time no i go now i can you know so oh man i love that he said the teachers go can we teach you now yeah and we did you now i just love listening to this accent it's great the south african it's amazing yeah what a neat country what a beautiful wonderful time we got there this guy this guy is he's a fucking like oh he's a radical oh my god bonda you know he likes touching us you know i don't know who's talking about but it's obviously a person in power yeah all three funny things like you know come here you know then if it does that i'm like it wins on me you know those type of things you know because i can defend myself i love it i love his sarcasm i love yeah and he punctuate he's like i can defend myself he

punctuates everything so obviously the costas uh they were telling them you should pick up a whip and defend yourself or something to sure against whoever costa they're so dope too i like his sarcasm he's a fucking that guy's a fucking south african punker dude yeah he is yeah yeah he is he's just like those brit punk yeah i love it i just love him i love his energy can we teach you and so with all this violence shouldn't you be involving the police i mean why are students fighting with no no no i i cannot involve the police why must i do that i must involve the police when costas said that i can take action against myself for myself actually you know 40 students one teacher who's going to win we will win baba we will win baba super fire super fire super fire yeah

one no no no so i teach us not afraid of you how do they teach you when you're this is my favorite no they ask can we teach you now then i say yes and then they go one plus one i'm like five you hit me ding dong pizza that country boy i tell you they're so beautiful they have so many problems remember jacob zuma we were there that's a president of south africa yeah and zuma was saying how he didn't get aids from a prostitute he slept with because he took a shower afterward and that's all you have to do to prevent hiv infection yeah that was pretty good and he sat the but take a shower well the big thing is that not only was he the president all that but he had the time

he sat on the like aids awareness board he's coming from a position of like information really here's somebody you can trust yeah he has like 12 wives too oh yeah yeah it's a poor country man pretty well no wonder that kid's pissed off i would be too yeah i know right yeah fuck that shit well well that's what you get for living in south africa what a whip i'm just i'm just kidding like he had a choice this is during hey you know what i noticed btw we've been talking about webster for the last like three episodes yeah uh i've had that city song in my head unfortunately for like uh days can we play just a little bit if you have it yeah i do have it it's gonna do it's gonna do i can't stop ding chong ching tong tang is

not what he sings ding dong ching chong city do booty boo kakawa poo where is it um it's gonna do but i was looking at pictures of webster in the 80s at the height of his fame and i noticed that and a lot if you if you google webster like immanuel lewis uh the sitcom there's like promo shots of him with george and mam yeah and i'm assuming he's something like 12 years old there even though he looks like he's four and he's missing his top teeth so like either they never grew in and the network was like no no no leave those teeth out because you're gonna look even more adorable and young or like they didn't put flippers because that's usually what they give kids who are missing teeth or flippers yeah it means like immanuel lewis's parents didn't even like fix his teeth and he

was 12 or 13 years old which is absurd hold on all right sorry um but yeah you said you wanted a i'd like to hear city connection again this seriously is nothing cuter than this good force what's gonna do what's gonna do what's gonna do i got another video um here's another clip of his you might you also might like i don't know if you'll like it as much but it's also a pretty good um city connection doesn't even make sense the city connection

i remember this remember that say no then go then tell yeah well if it isn't uh the immanuel lewis kettle calling michael jackson black no weird isn't it i know right jeez the guy who spent all that time with mj the irony is overwhelming nobody thought he was finger banging immanuel back then nobody thought that mj was doing that stuff no speaking of immanuel and touching a lot of people when we talked about webster um we're like have you seen ricky schroeder's webster story from when he was on joe rogan and it's pretty amazing this is a this is an old episode of rogan too this is back when it was still on the couch not even in the studio you sound like couch in his office i never oh wow i know that's how it started yeah i used to i

i think i'm on episode eight oh my gosh this is episode 37 and like you sound like couch and he had microphones i remember because when you sound like couch you know you have to kind of sit up yeah and i he kept telling me sit up man and i was like my back hurts i want to sit back we like to lay down and do our shit perfectly but here is uh you want to hear ricky schroeder telling us we'd love to hear this okay this is pretty amazing this is really i love the ricker by the way of course i had such he was my first love i think was ricky schroeder besides john goodman silver spoons right oh my god when i was a little girl i thought i was i was hoping i would marry ricky schroeder yeah i wanted to be ricky so fine um so they're both i guess he and

webster are stars around the same big stars huge stars oh my gosh episode four you know so the webster story so so i'm you know at one of these um network junkets where you go to promote your show and stuff and all the other actors and cast are there from their shows and this little man black kid this tall was just cute as could be man it's like i put him on my knee and i started just playing with him and bouncing around and he was giggling and laughing and having a good time and then like you know i liked kids i've always liked kids so i laid the kid back and i blew like like in his zirbert zirbert is that what it's called that's why they'll cause it i blew him a couple zirberts and he's like giggling like a little like a little four-year-old right and i put him away

in the little one go ahead now you i'm done playing with you and somebody comes over and says you know he's 16 right 16 yeah and that's what i'm saying that he was 16 and he had no teeth uh so bizarre this whole webster thing now looking back at the time it seemed so normal right and now as an adult i'm like this this happened this little weird dude right was on the rickers lap that's so fucking great by the way those webster psas do you remember those psas growing up in the you may be just missed out on them there was a huge wave of ps a stuff i don't know maybe it was the reagan years i think uh nancy reagan or somebody wanted to the dare program came out and so there was a million people our favorite sitcom actors were doing these stupid fucking psas

like punky bruster had a drug episode where she and margo were doing blow in the clubhouse and then at the end it would be like punky says don't do drugs and everything was about getting molested all right set on fire if you're set on fire you got to roll stop drop and roll if you get touched you got to say no then go then tell if you do drugs you got to say no it was like this weird in the 80s everybody was obsessed with children getting burned raped or doing drugs what if webster said that his reason for doing the ps a was because of the zerberts rikki schroeder gave him i would be fucking amazing this blonde man i don't know tickled me and made me feel he was 16 years old what is that

do-do person do you think to have to pretend to be four and you're 16 he he knew what he was doing because he said it in that interview he's like i was milking the onion to give the puppy eyes you're adorable he's a puppy it's like puppies now dogs learn how to win you over to manipulate now do you think that was the attraction between he and michael that they were both in a regressed yes state of mind and basically he's exactly what michael wanted because he knew what michael enjoyed which was like that right the innocence so he was like wow and he was pretending to be four with michael wow god it's so sick it all makes sense now i wish modern day webster was as cute as back then isn't it disappointing yeah he didn't grow up he just got fatter yeah he didn't

get taller yeah well can someone starve him put him on a salvation diet we need here's what we got to do guys we got to starve webster down to child weight again yeah knock those front teeth out and get him on a sitcom asap a little plastic surgery there's only one mommy it's so cute it's so adorable didn't you tell me that um ding ding ching chong ching it's not ding dong ching chong ching i order chinese food compound chicken is delicious for you too but why the song like was this manager like you know what you got to do bro now that you're big here you had to record a song in japan like did rikki schroeder have a song then i don't know gary

colman i don't know man i wonder if gary colman if he didn't have a song was stupid because that guy couldn't have been a bigger star too is he dead gary colman yeah i think he died yeah he couldn't have been a bigger act god damn it that gary colman i hope he had money i don't think he did though yeah i don't i think they fuck those guys you and george both made me daddy's but there's only one mommy we think it's like being one of the adults on that show when they're like here's the pilot you're gonna do oh my god to get that scram adorable little blackhead and they're like what and he's 17 but he looks like he's three well my favorite part of the whole pitch is like

wait you guys have seen the show different strokes right yeah well we're going to do our version of it so we need a small black kid i don't know if you know this is pretty popular show so uh so tacky and that's literally how television development works and movies everything everything is the same exactly everything that's why all those sci-fi movies now they're all the same you know like you look at like really like avatar oblivion all those big and then the one star is like i'll i'll i'll save my i'll give myself to save humanity and you watch the movie it's the same formula same theme just different star same kind of oh yeah even even uh reality shows now duck dynasty is kind of the uh the waltons of the reality world and now you know there's a

million hillbilly spin-off shows like well now now america loves hillbillies we gotta do fucking redneck they're like oh my god mm-hmm uh it's so tired of course that was fun do you remember did you watch mr belvedere growing up what was your favorite show as a kid oh i did watch that i watched all those man watch who's the boss mr belvedere i watched webster i watched who's the boss was great rosaan i watched the cosby show cheers sometimes yeah those are good sitcoms that was the golden era i think when but they're so stupid they're even mr belvedere oh empty nest the golden girls i used to watch the golden girls i loved yeah they would never make a show like golden i would put on my short pants and sit with my mother and watch the golden girls mommy might have a biscuit mummy if i

if i wear my special bonnet can i have some more porridge no my mother and i used to my mother was a beast uh my mother was a very up and down emotional person as we know uh probably because she's crazy but the only time i ever really enjoyed my mother it's odd child childhood memory of mine the only time the beast was calm my mother is when we were watching chuck wallery oh two and two two and two on love connection i would fucking watch that show too man yeah did your mom like loved love connection i mean the premise of that show was like that's patty stanger yes the millier oh maybe that's why you and i love millier matchmaker so much but the bat that was back before they followed people on the date so you would have two people recounting their side of

the story can i tell you something i was the same way back then or i didn't like when it didn't work i know nobody liked when it didn't work out and chuck wallery do you know that he's a real asshole yeah i just pulled up his twitter feed somebody told me he sucks was it you yeah well he's just like a fucking conservative but no but he's uh like he's like a tea party guy he's like a no yes all his twitter okay here's his twitter feed right now gaff obama condemns labor strikes was shut down analogy here he is off teleprompter um let's see let's see obama's 100 red white and blue american born like he's retweeting it ironically um i love canadian firm hire to build troubled obama care exchanges um he wrote happy birthday income tax you're 100 years old ouch

what the fuck man why is he so far he's so political who knew and he's okay let's see maybe a hurricane will hit and harry reid can turn down disaster funding and blame the republicans and the tea party two four this is two and two guy he's a fucking nut um it isn't greasy have you heard that commercially does on dr laura yeah it's the it isn't greasy he says greasy you're never as a radio person you never say you don't pronounce it that way he goes i i was this arthritis balm it runs on smooth it in greasy like what is chuck will already talking about okay the first clue is something is not affordable when the government tells you it's affordable because it's the affordable care act now tom you picked her up in a turtle

neck what why did you wear the turtleneck well check uh i got a lot of style i like to i got to shop i like clothes now cindy how did you feel about tom's turtleneck i thought he looked kind of gay i mean it was pink i'm not into guys in turtlenecks and then it would show their stats remember yeah like cindy 23 from tampa florida i just remembered something one of the best fucking intro clips we ever have is from love come at connection do you remember this oh no oh my god gosh well let's go back in the vaults and get it take the stairs down to the basement go get that this is a truck willery let's see if this place here is this here this is one we'll be back oh gee two and two and two

he claims that his job is costing several relationships please welcome robert faggot you gotta be shitting me yeah man that's real we we played this i know but i forgot how does he spell it he enjoys cold beer and hot music says that uh he and his mom don't see i i love life he doesn't he and his mom doesn't see i i f a g o t 26 sales is his um thing status never been married claims that his job is costing several relationships please welcome robert faggot do you realize how ridiculous that intro was though yeah he likes my favorite is when they

have to write it like this uh robert he says he enjoys cold beer and hot music he and his mom don't agree on his career choice like what kind of intro is this yeah man they remember like when they would when they would like disagree yes so fucking he was so amazing let's see if this is a an old song he enjoys french fries and american women so corny he's a good looking guy chuck willery yeah he certainly was yeah i don't know i don't know how he's old as shit now but he no he's kept it together really yeah i mean i think he's had some work done but he looks all right man good for chuck yeah and his wife's like 35 years younger than him okay one of those guys can't tell you my mom had such a crush on chuck willer i think she

wanted to marry chuck i think he looks like my uncle dave i think so too yes you can see that he was smooth as a host oh yeah it's great great house you think he would bang the chicks that didn't have a good date absolutely that's why he does his job meeting our first guest now she was here a few weeks ago and the audience selected the date for she's originally from mesula montana she enjoys racquetball and practicing her surfing claims that she has a perfect way to turn down a date with a man and she says that slow dancing is the last thing that she wants to do at a club please welcome gail rose all right gail all right gail gail's wearing a party dress what's gail look like blonde got a big fluffy dress on like an eighties party prom dress kind of thing why

she takes it well i don't know i think you're close to somebody no i just don't like people i don't know touching me oh sometimes i don't like you know this person sometimes i don't even like people i know touching me yeah it just reminds me of when i was in high school and the guy was like had a little too much to drink and they're kind of draped over you and whoa wait a minute sorry to much fun sorry to hear that that's kind of a bummer say to a man i just get a slow dance i just say no they get uh real persistent she needs to really work out some of the stuff not on the air i think i think she needs some counseling something has happened though if they get real persistent i say please no thank you just don't she's going back to back to if i can date right

illinois where she's from in high school yes they don't believe me so then they start like oh please believe they start to beg okay i say you know get away from me you smell see he's a good host because he tried to take it away from there the first time and now she's like i want to go back to that i want to go back to the dark shit chug Bradley go away i think you're a groveling man slow the dance with you and so you got this way to turn down a date what what do you do well i've been on the road in a band for the last eight years and so i've been traveling lots and so i usually just say sorry i'm moving and they usually believe that because usually i am moving and it usually doesn't hurt their feelings they're sorry i'm moving you know what i think i

know why i got you what's her name gail i think i think i know why gail single just kind of a downer yeah she's kind of a bummer kind of a bummer you know what nobody likes bummers bad attitudes especially listen you can have a bad attitude once you know somebody but at the beginning it's got to be light you gotta be fun she doesn't know how to have fun except for you when you when i met you you had a real bad attitude but you like that i like that yeah superior male ego usually stays intact oh that's right in my heart any particular personality that you look for man i like men that respect and care about their family a lot because if they love their family they won't be hitting on you no they'll they usually have more respect for you if they love their family well you're

talking about like mom dad that's probably a pretty good perception she agreed to let the audience choose her date we're going to show everybody oh no why do you let the audience glenn he thinks that most oh my god some of the fucking shots they used to i know dude i forgot the premise that they so they do the audience chooses who you go on a date with yeah and you go on the date and then you come back and you discuss the date that's the premise that's the premise of the show yeah and it's all based on the 30 second clip that we see of some clown that she has to go on and the guys it oh my god they're what's he like let's go there's a few of them so i'm dying to see the show again now i know right i think i thought they were bringing it back they tried to i think

lani love was trying i don't know the story you gotta have fucking chuck host the show come on it's new new season new era he needs to have lani love it's chuck woorie we're back i'm gonna remind us of the audience shows michael shows michael all right michael what's michael look like uh michael has a bit of a mullet a mustache an elongated face like he may be missing a chromosome somewhere um sounds great he is pretty pretty bad looking all right well lucky gave me a battle tell me about the date well it started out he picked me up and he was right on time which i really appreciated good that was nice what'd you think of him and he looked really good he looked just like his video or better and we decided to go to lunch first did you so this

was the afternoon obviously yeah he bit me up at noon okay now what'd you think of her i was just completely blown away gorgeous she had she was just really radical she had really jeans on with leather laced thing in the front and the skin tight yellow sweatshirt just hugged every curb of her body and she walks like morticia too did you notice that so you're going to lunch for brian here went to lunch who went to a restaurant in the hills at the health food restaurant we both are into health food which is nice and just when the lunch was about to be served a bird pooped on his hand and guess what you're gonna poop a lot too after that you're definitely gonna poop a lot you're gonna fart a lot after you eat healthy

which side of hand was it i mean were you trying to catch it at the time or was it on my left hand kind of embarrassing i guess oh god say the least yeah right well i was looking romantic what do you do with it i mean you know it's like first i wanted the wife of the but i didn't have any plenus ready to wipe it off but they're scared of it for a while like i looked over her we start laughing what if he's like and then i decided to look it off he's a real mouth breather this guy really yeah she seems like him she does i thought this was going to be like one of those well when i saw him i was super disappointed he looks like a rapist you know i feel about that chuck

he sure do yeah gale gale seems like Mike she already made it clear not a fan of rape remember on that show blind date with uh roger lodge blind date was really for the animals i loved that show of course god i could watch that for fucking days that's the tmz of dating shows it's the best yeah and they would have like little pop-ups wouldn't they like to kind of shit on the person like those guys a liar he said he works at that show grocery store here's what they were like they basically said here's what we want to happen we want them to fuck on the show of course or we want them to assault each other on the show those are the two options of course and that's what you wanted as the viewer of course you want to see them like i want to see you're giving

a handjob under the table and you're being like oh my god because they were always hammered or i want fucking her to take a shot like swing at him of course and every episode ended up at splash where i worked my first job in LA now for the splash doesn't exist anymore no it's done splash it used to say it said splash the relaxation spa charlie and i got a job there and we moved to la our very first job splash and we we both thought like oh a spa i can work at a spa yeah like a full towels sure it's me i just need a job it's going to smell like eucalyptus in there like spas candles right oh my god so we didn't realize that we went we went there and we're like there's a room they have hot tubs and beds and we're like oh it's like what spa services do you offer and they're like

none these are just rooms are you rent by the hour they have hot huh wait a minute oh what kind of spa is this then he was like people will come in they'll ask you if you can get a prostitute for them and we don't do that okay i was like okay you get that prostitute before you come here exactly sometimes people would meet their prostitute at the spa that was my favorite when they didn't know each other yet and here's was the best part of that is that they would always be nervous you know of course because they're getting a meeting of prostitute at sure at splash and they would meet them there and they were like oh can i go to the room and we had a policy where all the the whole party had to be there before they go to the room so they had to sweat

it out in the lobby and they would just be like like like just fucking back and forth and be like oh can i just go to the room and i'm like no the entire group has to be here oh my god and then a guy would be like um two guys walk in they'd be like Todd like mario yeah you call okay i'm ready to go to the room like okay guys and then we'd walk to the room and then you go to the room and fucking 10 minutes later they would split and you go to the room and there's like three used condoms oh my god this guy's got plugged from both ends yeah it's pretty nice right and then do they give you your own cum bucket to swab up jizz or you have to yeah no they had their own cum swiping materials yeah charlie quit before i did i was like i couldn't

i couldn't do this then i couldn't do it or more like i really need to do this because i really need the money yeah i needed the job but i was uh i worked at it i was a cum dog it was working you were not the cum now but i was working at a cum dog place facility that facilitates facilitates dogs that like come the dogs who lap it up how disgusting do you think the jacuzzi's were i mean so gross and you know one time we um because every once in a while it wasn't just hookers every once in a while uh couples would come and because it'd be like a romantic kind of thing you in your mind like hey let's go with this place they have these awesome rooms and like i remember this couple came they ran into room and they come

in they're like there's pubic hair like in the sink what i was like really i went and cleaned it up ugh did you could you wear gloves at least of course and then they're like you're like this is nasty and i wanted to be like yes your instincts are correct but i'd be like no man it's fine and he refused and they ended up leaving of course now how much did it cost to go to splash uh they had different tier rooms the barcelona room oh like you're an espana are you going to have tapas in the jacuzzi i think the cheapest room was either 45 or 55 an hour it's not bad no and that was really good lower tier but then upstairs and i ended up watching ponds that i saw like oh they're filming that in splash oh shoot there too you know people nice so the rooms upstairs there was a greek

like um olympia room i wonder who liked that one there was the uh japanese garden room no business men and then there was one more and they they had they were more elaborate much bigger rooms themed you know hot tub rooms it's pretty neat so disgusting a lot of come in that place so much come now that you said that so there's a jacuzzi and a bed so that you because i was like how do people fuck you don't want to fucking a jacuzzi all the time um so the bed was like a twin size bed i'm assuming or like a couch kind of it was like a twin size bed um in all the lower tier rooms and i think the rooms upstairs had bigger beds that's nice and like crazy light you know patterns and of course yeah it has to be sexy right that's what that's what the fun sex is make it sexy

is contrived themed rooms you know what speaking of sexy we have a sexy clip could you imagine though jeans yeah just before i forget to say this this is before yelp like splash existed before people could be like run for your lives you're gonna get thrush from the jacuzzi it's disgusting yeah yeah it's true how do people get around before yelp you just took a chance on everything yeah you did i hate taking chances um but this is sexy this is a clip that was sent to us was this filmed at splash it's not splash i think this man filmed this at his own place and here's the setup a guy got a prostitute and he's filming it with his cell phone camera and we establish that he didn't give her that much money because he tells her how much he gave

you i'll just giving you a heads up this is a paid person and um i'll just give you a little let's see here right now the video starts and she's blowing him you see a woman blowing a guy from his angle so he's very soft right here right oh she's like i can't do it so she already doesn't like his peanut right she's sucking it but she's like i can't do it he's like come on she just kind of says she's gonna throw up but she just backs away from it i wonder what's wrong do you think his peanut his penis doesn't smell good it tastes good he looks delightful and i'm sure all his parts are nice i don't know what the problem is maybe she's just one of those people

that has um like a serious gag reflex uh sure sure you know some people just you're gonna throw well you gotta drag me or something for that 20 you're gonna do something oh man come on oh it's 20 dollars 20 bucks she must be in a bad place now they don't come home now she's here just fine just suck it like you're doing don't smile on my i will i'll let you know so that's a big point in this video okay don't do what i think you're gonna do without giving me a he's like i'll tell i'll let you know right i'm not gonna finish without telling you that's a curious thing she's really good she's going at it now she's doing her job oh good she remembers that 20 oh i'm so glad now he said right there i'm gonna come okay that was quick i don't want to

but yeah there's edits in the video that was awful oh she gets up and she is not an attractive prostitute it may surprise you that this 20 dollar prostitute is not very good looking she's about 280 she backs up off of it she's spitting on the ground the fuck was that that was some bullshit oh you cold blood she said you're cold blooded to him because he's complaining he is yeah i'm not cold blooded you gave me some half ass head you put that shit in my mouth i told you i was coming you weren't hearing me say that shit no you got to be shitting me oh so she said you made me shit on myself oh did she shit on herself yeah she's shit on the ground there's a piece of shit there from from him

ejaculating in her mouth well she said when she gags she's shit you know what i would say i mean i understand she's probably in a bad way to get 20 for a blowjob but maybe maybe you should do something else maybe not in your mouth you know oh hell no there's shit on the ground you got to be shitting me see what i throw up there what i do you ain't got no other towel leave no i ain't got no other towel that throw away with your shit oh she's so abused this woman yeah this show her body it's horrific really yes like beating and stuff well she's just got a lot of like it looks like burn marks well i'm glad we played this

she looks like she's a bad i'm sorry what part with the 280-290 pounds this poor woman she fucking pukes and shit oh my god again i'm that wait this is a comedy podcast right this isn't to help the poor women of the streets oh i forgot i'm sorry i forgot this is really funny real you are you okay i look so funny i can't believe i'm laughing at heart you're like your dad in this one that's funny maybe i don't know if i see what's so funny you see what's funny i think uh i don't know i just feel bad for her why what is it what

cool you have any other funny funny clips do you want to share burned women giving blow jobs they don't want to give to dudes oh my god um well what else are we making fun of oh yeah people are saying they love shaky jeans oh good um people were saying uh of course that we're more bad for making fun of course shaky jeans someone suggested that we watch the episodes and then comment i don't you know i might if i could fight i yay yay i saw the uh the promo for it and it is fucking terrible for what shaky jeans yeah it is it's so i you know i'm conflicted because i have empathy for him i get it i i'm not by no means mocking people with illness yeah but uh gosh to put him up on a sitcom just seems really fucking ridiculous of the

net it feels like the immanuel lewis the thing of like you know what's a great hook being sick being in need of medical care like just he's a big star what's we're bringing back a big star what's the difference what's the difference between him then and now i mean yeah he's got pretty yeah it's pretty pretty progressive parkinson's but it'll be a funny show he's a great actor right the comedy i mean how did they pitch the comedy of this like the get it the parkinson's jokes write themselves guys like oh my god guys you guys don't see how funny this show like who talks oh yeah yeah it's just so fucking appalling parkinson's but i want to fuck wants to watch half hour show about parkinson's every week it's the most depressing show um i have ever heard of

well we've been told that when we say that we are um really we're we're making them feel inferior and worse people with these you know i mean okay why are you pitying don't pity them that makes them feel even worse right yeah i agree i totally am and i totally i do pity him i i what it does is evoke emotions in me of fear of terror i don't want to have parkinson's right and to have to watch him every week watch shaky jeans act like it's not unfun having park i think that's the thing is like it's totally fine having parkinson's like no i'm sure it sucks actually well maybe they don't but you don't think they cover that i don't want to know i don't want to fucking watch a guy with parkinson's that's not your comedy choice it's not funny for me it's just not fun i don't

i guess we're different i don't want to watch i also don't watch hospital dramas i don't give a fuck about i don't want to injuries i don't want to hear about cancer what this goes back to is what we were saying about the camping stuff yesterday right right which is basically um you're you're just you're leaving it up to everybody no no but like you're late you don't want to watch that stuff yeah i don't care but you don't care if somebody else watches it it is infuriating though that they give shaky jeans a sitcom and not say tom sagura or christina pageantski all right and they're rehashing this guy that was a start a million years ago who now is sick with parkinson it's like the most ridiculous thing that show business is

doing right now in my opinion yeah like why are you guys doing that like stop i don't i don't agree i think it's a good idea i like it you're gonna watch it have you been dvr'ing it got every episode in the other room let's watch it let's try to watch one episode of the show what do you say do you put in shaky do i put in shaky well how do you search for that show what's it called i don't even know what it's yeah i think it's called the michael the michael the mich the mich j j j fox show michael shakes fox michael shakes fox show and the most infuriating part is that his tv wife is like super super hot people really gonna hate that women hate that about yes men in sitcoms yes that was the big knock they had on kevin james when he was at his show

i would always be like no i like him too but people the critics would always people who hate him or hate it would be like oh i'm sure this big fat fuck has a hot wife that was always the thing people go for but the thing is that's not that far i don't think that's when people point that out the thing is that it's not off from reality like big fat guys have beautiful wives i have a beautiful in our situation huh i don't know i think we shake it happens all the time but i think i think in shaky jeans you would have to have a waifu um is a little heartier is what i'm saying the woman that they've cast is like susie sun john like she's blonde and the world is amazing she's like kelly rippa like i think if you are dealing with a husband with parkinsons you should be a little

grittier don't you feel like i guess a woman who's resilient but you're trying to base the show like you're trying to make it how i'd see the world right but this show it's a lighthearted fun parkinsons comedy sorry i forgot so you're forgetting that like in most parkinsons comedies you have that feel what if all the networks this becomes a hit and they all go no please we need an alzheimer's comedy we need a luke garrick's disease comedy is luke garrick alive is he still around no oh but that would be the show where someone's like in a bed like and they're like that's sam he's the star of the show it's the terry shyvo hour this is bill he's gonna star in the show he has seven t-cells left he's got really full blown

aids if you sneeze in the room he'll die but it's gonna be a funny funny season is this show called what's my t-cell yeah or just teeing around it's called uh 13 counting backwards and that's how many t-cells yes left 13 cells and counting yeah and counting and then in parentheses down i know and i'm telling if this is a success we're gonna see sitcoms featuring like like i mean there already was a retarded sitcom remember life goes on yeah what was his name corky corky had a girlfriend even he got married and that's corky that's right i couldn't watch that fucking show either i don't want to watch that why it's a bummer to see a retarded guy absolutely it bums me out it really bum i feel bad for him i have empathy i cannot

i can't take it i you're very much upsetting people who have disabilities no really i'm not but that's not i i don't see illness as a this is a disability i see just like people with like missing limbs and crap that doesn't bother me right i'm saying i feel retarded i mean we're gonna make him tell jokes and stuff we're gonna make but it's empowering dance and shake like a clown it's empowering to those people to have that show is it empowering i think so sure imagine all the people that do have down syndrome that are at home and they get to see somebody that looks like them starring in a television show but did corky want to be an actor do we know that he's i mean i don't consenting but that's what i'm saying is that he is not of mental he's consenting he is come on

he's not like i don't know what's going on there's a fucking production crew but he was a kid when his most children in show business don't don't really i believe they're so young how do they know their parents are pushing them in no but he wasn't like he wasn't a baby he knew what was going on it feels exploitive to me well they knew he knew later because i remember reading an article about like what he's doing now and he was working like at some local you know place where he had a real job and you know they you know he saved a lot of money from those days and they said that like i remember talking about like just doing the math of purchasing something and how he was getting good at that like you know going to the grocery store that kind of thing yeah yeah i know

i just i don't lump people with disabilities into people with like parkinsons though you don't think parkinsons is a disability it's a sickness well yeah but doesn't that doesn't that like you need doesn't that like fall into that i don't fucking know all i know is a guy that had his arm blown off in the military that's a disability i don't equate that with like with the shaky jeans for some reason well i understand i mean i i don't know i don't fucking know look i don't know i know my stupid world i grew up in the valley you know what i mean i don't know all i know is what scares me honestly it makes me feel uncomfortable it terrifies me to think that one day i might wake up and be shaky jeans of course so i don't want to watch it it's just like watching a show about

death i don't want to fucking watch it because then it reminds me of my own mortality you know what you are my fear of it what a human a baby yeah you know what emotional i'm a vulnerable human being tom there's nothing wrong with that i don't think there's anything wrong with it and here's my i always go back to this i don't think there's anything wrong with anybody having either preference there might be somebody out there that says you know what if i had it my way every show would start retarded people great enjoy it yeah go make a retarded network go out here fucking retarded soap operas retarded game shows yeah retarded love connections go ahead knock yourself out i'm not telling i'm not prescribing it for the world i'm just saying i

can't take i can't take shaky jeans i grew up watching michael j fox i had a crush on him i loved him as a kid you know i can't see him like this i don't like it yeah he was a beloved star of my childhood and i it kills me to see him looking like that talking like that my old problem with the show honestly is that it just looks like a bad show it's a shit fucking show too yeah do we not has that not been said gosh yeah i feel like that's the the whole point most of them but that's the other thing it's not just because he has parkinson's no most network shows are fucking garbage who's watching i can't even laugh at these fucking pieces should sit constant yeah yeah well if you guys know michael j fox please have him call into the show

all right we love you i love me bye jeans thanks for keeping those jeans up pull them up pull them up give them high and tight this is an out-of-body experience okay absolutely excited you know that's what we do that's what we do and okay the

that that