Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 187-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 10, 2014

Great news! Dennis Rodman isn't retarded. That is, of course, according to Dennis Rodman. He's just really, really drunk and he wishes he had been alive many years ago, to befriend Hitler, the often-lambasted and widely "misunderstood" former German leader. But we've got to be honest. We're not really buying the drunk thing. Drunks, well, sound different - like Orson Welles! MUAAAAHAAAHHHHHHH, the French Champagne, blllllahhhhhhh! Stevie Wonder is a world treasure. He should maybe cut his braids. All dudes who play ball should cut their dreads. ALL. Some of our favorite artists MUST be horrible people, but not you, Stevie. We play some old Top Dog and Charo clips just because we love you. 

That noise in the background is just Theo snoring. This is a tag at the top because I think we forgot to mention this till the end and some people don't make it to the end so we got to do it at the top and that is that we finally finally got the people at iTunes to reduce bonus episode number four's price down to $1.99 which was our goal all along. Yeah just know that we don't deliberately price it that way that's a default setting in iTunes and they lagged fixing it so it's fixed download it you're gonna love it please give it a shot a top episode and it's so much fun and you're gonna love it live from

Pasadena the full charge sits with us he's on the show on the bonus show live audience it was just the most fun the audio is fantastic and we just really appreciate it if you would consider downloading it you find it under albums so you look under if you search like my name or Christina's name and albums it's bonus episode number four live from Pasadena thank you a little mommy's nice steady lady nice steady lady so hot god damn y'all ladies ladies ladies ladies well wow yeah that's the um let's see who sent us that I'll give you your shout out sir I can make this work the song is called Theo Jam it really is that of

course is the real name the song because our son Theo start in it sent to us by Christopher Christopher Christopher I'm sorry is produced by Obi-Wan Canole that's who made that well good can only yeah yep thank you for the song sir as always you can send your songs instrumentals whatever you have to our email address which always stays the same it is your mom's podcast at gmail.com your mom's podcast at gmail.com that's good mm-hmm so where do you got coming up well double-dog jeans very exciting anchorage Alaska 17th and 18th at platinum jacks I'm kind of you know we'll see I'm scared yeah cold and then after that

I'm gonna be with my jeans 23rd of January we're going to flappers and we're doing your mom's house and friends stand-up show stand-up comedy it's gonna be with Ian bag and Ryan sickler and of course Matt Bronger wrongy pants and you me doing stand-up sets man yeah it'll be fun you guys should come out if you can super fun two days later we'll be at the ice house just as last time doing the podcast live and we have some really exciting news to go with that live podcast why don't you tell them well mom is guess what we're going to be streaming the podcast live on laughter and what's the cost

we got the people at laughter to stream the show for free 99 for everybody all over the world you guys will not have to pay a penny that's really nice which is so freaking cool so watch it there and if you want to you guys can tip us I think is what they call that if you want to give yeah it's up to you and there's also special incentives yeah this is kind of you know just a way for you to interact with us because not only can you donate and you can buy one of these special incentive things which we could tell them what they are but you can also like we're gonna do a segment in the live podcast where the laughter people

will be communicating to us what you guys are putting on the board right so we can talk with you directly but if you do want to bid or there's stuff like you could bid for shout-outs on the show you can bid for a poster and my new upcoming CD for free yeah you'll get a free that gets you the pre-release yes of my upcoming CD what comes out of the tip yeah and signed poster and then for another prize I guess you call it is us calling you from the show like we did this last gentleman from Florida remember that was fun yes and the coolest one of all is only one of those there's only one of these and it's so funny and

ridiculous that we thought do you have a prank call you want to make do you want to break up with somebody do you want to propose to somebody do you want to pretend you're breaking up with somebody and not do it do you want to just prank a friend well guess what your mommies will do it we'll do it for you yeah there's only one of those you have to bid on yeah it's a ridiculous thing we just thought would be fun to do so I'm excited that you guys can watch it for free yeah and let's see let's see how it goes yeah you don't have to do any of those things we just highly encourage you to yeah you don't have to do it is just

sign up blue bands what happened did he jiggle the core with his beak yeah well when you're looking at that and also guys if you're in Kansas City come see me at the Kansas City improv January 29th through February 1st and then February 13th through 16th yeah we'll be co-headlining the Chicago improv special Valentine's Day show very rare we don't normally do that yeah we don't get to do it a lot but you know what we love Chicago I absolutely love Chicago as does Tommy and we thought why not we'll do it for Chicago nice Phoenix this weekend the 10th and 11th I am at stand-up live in

Phoenix with Joe Rogan I'm opening for him but I go back to the same club next weekend and I'm doing an hour I'm headlining that club stand-up live the 16th through the 19th and I'm bringing your baby's mother the full charge with me so you can come see the two of us oh next weekend that's exciting very exciting and then in addition to the other shows February 6th through the 8th I'm at helium in Portland Oregon you know what I didn't give out the link for lobster guys so this is a link you're gonna go to to watch the show on the streaming show on the 25th from the ice house it's gonna be on laughter.com

that's L A F F S T E R dot com forward slash Y M H so you go there laughter.com forward slash Y M H the 25th we're gonna stream an 8 p.m. Pacific State time book market book market bitch so that's kind of neat I'm excited that that's gonna work it's very exciting people all over the world are gonna live with the mommies for one night you reminded me of what's his name like it's Tom like it drop that bitch yeah cut that bitch's head off I tell you I went out with a piece of ass this weekend yeah and because you don't know you know what I spent on the date five dollars right just suckin me off yeah Tom like it's

way no less than four thousand pounds and it was just a horrible man on LA such a dad boner yeah 100% and it was shoes yeah and the pictures of him he always had his sunglasses on but he had dad boner hair smoking a stogie he'd wear a leather jacket in the summer like a big one that you're like it looks like it's covering up a lot of body I'll tell you what you do and his whole shtick was like getting more tail for less gas yeah it was it was always treated girl like shit that was the whole thing and if she stops putting out you got to drop that bitch yeah yeah dump that bitch and then his friend or

his college be like blow me up Tom and he sound effect or something blowing up flush me away yeah it'll be like give me a bong hit Tom right take me out the bong into thank you Jesus and it's like a bong rip sound and then some guy take me out African Tribal style yeah it was so but it was like addictive stupid I got to hear this dumb shit yeah of course his advice though it was worse in my he would always be like and then so if somebody ever challenged them they're like yeah right you would I he's like let me tell you something pal I'm more than I can't even tell you how many zeros or not back account I would I had

three different pieces of ass this weekend right you know I do that bitch I I dropped that bitch off after she blew me in the car right if like this was so popular anyway say like I have got the highest ratings and all the all of Los Angeles drive time and like really where are you now Tommy and the best was that after his show aired Conway oh my god and who was the guy stuck wait Connler wait Conway and Stoeckler Stoeckler and it was stuck with the one who did the amazing impression yeah perfect he would a spot on impression and he would just mock him for hours and like what like us would like complain to

the station like these guys coming on right after mock me there's nothing they could do though that guy yeah bitch he would just do it he would do it for hours hysterical more trim for less we got so much to cover we got so much is happening in the world jeans unit judging your jeans unit oh I like that you ready yeah come on here we go hope sir you know something earthquake I remember what it felt like to be underneath your massive frame as you came crashing down on my rib cage but it was this and I also remember you Dino Bravo and Jimmy Hart last thing out loud as they rolled me out in that

stretcher man do you understand what he did I remember the tears in the eyes of all my little holsters wondering if this was really the end of Hulkamania and I know no no no you tell me you tell me why is he help kept it but most of all I remember the outpouring of all my Hulkamaniacs all their cards man all their letters and thank God for all their prayers and I also remember the man who is leading the charge I would love to speak on this the big bad tugboat you know something earthquake the memory is still fresh in my mind a few and Dino Bravo double

teaming the tugboat making sure he wouldn't be in my corner here at summer same no I don't give a s**t what the hell you think I'm sending you look at these guys there and that's why we're dedicating this match tonight to the tungster and it's also why your plan is not gonna work earthquake let me let me do this really I'm gonna tell you one thing people around the world around the because I'm not going to the rain on my own tonight I've got the big boss man on my side making sure that justice will be served I'm gonna do one thing your guy behind a mic right now we are the guys here doing one thing we have to go back

to America and take the abuse do you have to take the abuse what we gonna take do you sorry let me know one day one day one day this is what's gonna open do understand that this is big time who is Randy? don't bring anyone loving to this your mom in the fucking stand welcome welcome welcome to your mom's house

with Don Sidura and Christina Pajitcic and Christina Pajitcic welcome to your mom's house it's still out babe I'm deaf okay I'm turned down my ears hurt babe the explosion is distracting kill it I'm turning into my shoebox

I turned it down you want me to go deaf? I turned it down is he talking to earthquake the comic? yes Hulk Hogan back in the day hated earthquakes comedy so he would always go after him that was quite a masterpiece thank you for putting that together yeah just a little mashup of Hulk Hogan and Dennis Rodman

back in there when Dennis used to fight under the earthquake name oh and they would listen to your brother I'm not gonna take any shit from you and he's like let me tell you one thing people around the world world world well we covered that story extensively

the other day as I'm sure you are already aware of and then today was it today yes today which is whatever the day before you're hearing this Mr. Rodman issued an apology oh no for his incoherent drunken rant well look can I ask you one question before we go any further into this mess

of Dennis Rodman what was his argument what was I'm not sure I even he okay here's his here's his line of thinking from what I can understand oh he gets a little tongue tied at times he doesn't know exactly how to word what he wants to he wants to express himself but sometimes the best that he can do is

so he tries but as we all know he's so but what he's saying is that everybody presses him like you know where you are what an oppressive regime this is what their track record and I think in his actual

alcohol polluted mind he thinks people are just criticizing his relationship with this guy and he's thinking he's like I found out with this guy he's not a bad guy okay because he doesn't I don't think he processes or even comprehends what the regime actually does like what North Korea's track I don't I don't think

that's been explained to him and he goes oh I get it now I think it's you know he's like I've hung out with this guy he's not he loves the bulls like he's not a bad guy so basically this is his I don't know third trip there I think and he's

again being pressed in probably the same way every time they're like what are you doing why aren't you asking this guy about in this case Kenneth Bae and why you know he's been apprehended and what Robin's like he's saying like well you know I'm not here for all that

like you that's political shit and not really comprehending the gravity of it and then okay okay so he's he's like I'm just here to play basketball with these dudes right that's his argument he's what I'm just here playing basketball

just here to play just here to a cultural experience yeah it's just so that like Americans come here and we show them what we're like and they see us you know they see how we are and that that probably blows them away at the North Koreans because they don't have television like they only have

one channel of like Korean state-run TV yeah absolutely all it is is like their one TV channel and they've definitely never seen black people in person no I'm sure they're one TV channel it's like that Orwellian thing where they just sing happy birthday to Kim Jong-un all day every day right

Oh absolutely and he Rodman also sang happy birthday I'll play that for you in a moment but here's his apology he said I want to apologize I take full

responsibility for my actions it had been a very stressful day some of my teammates were leaving because of pressure from their families and business associates my dreams of playing basketball diplomacy were quickly falling apart I had been drinking it's not an excuse but by the time the interview

happened I was upset I was overwhelmed it's not an excuse it's just the truth I don't see the possibility that those words exactly came out of his mouth yeah it doesn't sound like something he would say that sounds like a

saner deskier person wrote that for him like a publicity a PR type of person he went on to say I want to first apologize to Kenneth Bay's family I want to apologize to my teammates and my management team

I also want to apologize to Chris Cuomo that's the guy who was interviewing him I'm embarrassed I embarrassed a lot of people I'm very sorry at this point I should know whether to make political statements I'm truly sorry well you know what America loves is an admission of guilt

I think that Americans love repentant junkies, repentant sex offenders we do we have a heart on for that he like when Clinton fucked up with that Monica Lewinsky I think he could have fixed all of that by just admitting it quickly and then giving us a heartfelt

I'm sorry because then you're back in the fold way quicker yeah and I think the big thing is that I think back to why Rodman does this I really do think he's a guy who would wear a dress and dye his hair yellow

put 15 piercings in it so but the reason we paid attention to him is because he was really good at a sport and he did that now he doesn't have he's a retiree he's an older man so I think he enjoys getting that attention in any way

negative yeah doesn't matter it's still huge like he used to be on the cover of like you know magazines and people were just like this guy Rodman's not just crazy he's an amazing basketball player and now it's just this guy's just crazy now he's just like the old washed out

yes he's a guy just kind of drooling and mumbling and shit yeah yeah but so he so embarrassing he said um let's see here's what he told the crowd a lot of people have expressed different views

about me and your leader he's like he's equating himself with Kim Jong-un in this statement hmm you're Marshall and I take that as a compliment okay yes he is a great leader he provides for his people here in this country and thank god

the people here love the Marshall like he he doesn't I don't think he can wrap his head around the like the reality of what goes on in North Korea obviously yeah I really I think he really does think this is like a small I think in his mind's a small like island

country and they have this eccentric leader like he's like I'm eccentric this guy's eccentric and everyone's giving him a hard time you know I mean like I think he's he equates Kim Jong-un with like the president of like the Bahamas and he's like you know

like look it's just a guy he runs his country the way he likes it why are we busting his balls it's just like Club Med everybody wears Speedos we have a barbecue we have a little queue every Sunday free love yeah it's totally not that yeah and I'm sure like his like we talked

about this remember when Sean Penn went to Venezuela and he's like oh that guy's awesome what's that guy's name not Pinot Chavez yeah Chavez and he's like what everything's great like yeah when Sean Penn goes there yeah everything's great they always leave out the detail like well you know that most people when they go

to Venezuela they don't stay at the presidential palace right like that's not the average person's trip right so he's going to North Korea I'm probably kicking it in some whatever palatial estate that this lunatic leader absolutely he is staying in the best place you could yeah hookers whatever

whatever he wants has no idea yeah he needs to watch that Lisa Ling documentary where she goes behind enemy lines there yeah well people and goes to people's houses where they have to I think it's maybe I love the supreme leader I love the supreme leader read an article about what happened to Lisa

that would also be a good thing to do get your life yeah but do you know you know because the thing oh I always want to say one thing I want to say one thing

yeah the best part is I didn't actually see the clip until today yeah guys have to look this clip up because the most phenomenal part is the two teammates behind him who are just one guys fighting an eye roll the entire

time the other guys just looking at the floor like you motherfucker shut the fuck you one point it's like how I used to feel when I go to a restaurant with my mother and she would start one time went to a Japanese restaurant and the waitress sat her somewhere she felt was inferior

and my mother got very racist and awful she was like this fucking gook bitch sits me next to the fucking bathroom fuck you you fucking cunt and I was like whoa oh yeah story of my life this is every time we got in public he would like you know rant

and rave like a lunatic so I get this poor Dennis Rodman he's really fucked up he might be like bipolar I'm thinking there's definitely a chemical imbalance could be a real prompt like a real medical

this isn't just booze you know saying like you can you know booze sounds different you know booze has its own effect like you could tell when someone's drunk ah the french champagne

that's Orson Welles lala doing uh ah the french champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence there is a California champagne by

poor Masson this the these outtakes from his drunk and devoted self doing these commercials for Paul Masson and they're just like action Orson and he goes he's not going to do anything

and they're like cutting out they explain it to him and then he's supposed to go ah the french champagne right and he goes ah the french champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence

there is a California champagne by Paul Masson inspired by that same french excellence it's fermented in the bottle and like the best french champagne it's vintage dated

so Paul Masson that's one of the early can we do another one sure you can champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence there is a California champagne by Paul Masson

inspired by that same french excellence it's fermented in the bottle and like the best french champagne it's vintage dated so Paul Masson something tells me he was sampling the goodies he was

having the set food you're never supposed to eat food that's like prop food but he did yeah first of all we should point out this wasn't like a young spry orson wells this is a very bloated very just at the

expiration date orson wells like he may have died right after recording that that day yeah I mean the guy looks so awful the the spin I've heard on him not being drunk is that that's all pills that he was eating pills a lot pills and booze I would say

right a little mix up it makes you feel good and you can go ah ah the french is always known for its excellence and Paul Masson has the same

vintage if you watch that commercial he goes to the point of the bottle his finger just hits it and like slides across it but he may my favorite is the sound like he's he's trying to go ah the french

ah the line is ah the french yeah and you can see if somebody was full of like spirit and energy you get how to deliver that line it's ah the french champagne right like that's how you're supposed to

the french champagne is he paused for air he had to catch his breath he went ah the french champagne that's what he did right there ah the french

champagne is always it kills me every time it's ah ah the french champagne it looks like it surprised him like he didn't know the line was coming ah the french

champagne that's the second take right ah this is the first time ah the french champagne ah the second one is ah the french do you think they had

cue cards or was this off memory which is oh cards 100% and that's why he was like and then they move the card champagne yeah yeah I think he did not he did not memorize those lines in no way

what happens to people like the ah your only job is to wake up and like talk for 30 seconds and you fuck that up it's so awful my favorite part is actually on the first one he doesn't talk he just um

he doesn't move after action and then the guy the director goes action or something he goes he doesn't do anything like he's waiting for the other guy to act I think this is to see if I have it here so good

and pull this up he thinks that the the extra the extra would have the line before yeah probably not likely buddy with over that action please just waiting he's looking

action or something he doesn't do anything no it's a sorry cut it doesn't do anything action or something he doesn't do anything no it's a sorry cut yeah those are bad

does Orson have an english accent or he just when he's pulled up does I think when he's pulled up he does the French the French champagne is always known for its

excellence that's Orson Welles like he's a citizen cane man major player how does it get to that how does it get to Chuck like Chuck Woolery you're you know the host of love connection one of the greatest shows of all time and then you end up doing jerk in the jar ads

you can't be that guy you can't you can't be the guy who ends up didn't greasy speaking about greasy stuff oh my god didn't greasy oh my god I'm Chuck Woolery

you know I don't know about you but I don't like taking pills for minor arthritis pain and I really don't like those patches either but I have found something that works Australian dream it's an arthritis pain relief cream it's a great product it doesn't smell or burn it didn't greasy so weird

so weird I don't know why he has to say I don't know about you but just say what you like I don't know why you have to disclaimer on there I don't know about you I'm not sure about you it's so bizarre another person who knows how to be drunk

in public what music are you listening to now do you listen to new music I don't really listen to new music if somebody catches my ear I don't listen to new metal bands I don't listen to go give me the top ten of the new metal I want to one of the dangers of that is

if it starts to like it if somebody gets in my head it'll come out my mouth you know so you listen to a lot of Justin Bieber Justin Bieber who the fuck is Justin Bieber but here's why I love Ozzy dude he's so he's still funny hysterical still yeah

that's why I think it's more with Dennis I think Dennis has a chemical problem you really do huh yeah cuz Ozzy's just like he's not mentally ill he's just a fucking drunk he really has burned out like what is left in his brain

oh yeah right yeah so this next clip I found was him from the Osborns and he can't figure out how to use the television it's so funny I mean who the fuck can we have like five remote controls too for one thing yeah let's see here um

weak signal that's about all what's that all fucking that weak signal Jack can you get this fucking can this television to work yeah he was at least more

amusing Dennis is fucking yeah he's just gone he's just cray-cray do you think um Dennis doesn't have a wife right like he doesn't have a life don't know he's been married I don't know if he's still married yeah he's been married before

uh so what is his but singing happy birthday to Kim Jong-un like how did that happen they welcomed him out everybody lined up the American players the North Korean players the referees were positioned and then this arena where they use cattle prods

to force people into it was filled and Dennis Robin walked to the microphone and everybody applauded Dennis Rod so happy birthday to happy birthday

to happy birthday to happy birthday to happy birthday to happy birthday

that's real so weird right? sounded like Marilyn Monroe he's very beautiful he did sing it seductively he did yeah I guess I was trying to make out the name because it gets too loud I think he said happy birthday dear

Jong-un I think that's what he said can you tell what he said or no no Happy birthday happy birthday oh boy

I can see how you go down that road though boozing it up not like show business is like a great business you know there's so many ups and downs it's a fucking nightmare it really is so my body hurts a lot right now yeah you made fitness today I've been doing that kickboxing class guys

and it's a place where they have they have like instruction style classes it's like curves yeah like curves where like you have training classes where it's just you know it's technique oriented so you know your technique improves

but then they have they have the advanced one which is you know for people that know their shit more but they also have one you can go to it doesn't matter what level you are that's just an intense workout oh that's cool I've been into the last couple days where

the thing is you don't stop for the hour and I thought I was going to pass out today I did it yesterday and today that's terrible you don't stop so as soon as the class starts they're just like alright like get a jog on get a jump rope and then you're like alright

now what and it's just like drop push-ups now jackknifes jump burpees jump squats hit the bag let's do combos fucking bell goes and you're like as soon as you're done they're like drop down give me 20 more push-ups and that's for an hour

so crazy but I think this is probably part of my problem is I do this traditionally and then after a couple days I'm so just spent right now I know I'm not going tomorrow because I'm flying out and then I get like

too like turned off by how fucking hard it is basically yeah well here's what I've noticed about your pattern just so you know what it is do you want to know what it is is that you totally fucking like you go hard you go balls deep on stuff and then if you go so crazy

that it burns you out like essentially it's hard to keep up a long term thing if you're burning out super early as opposed to like oh maybe I'll do this once a week and see how I like that okay now we'll go up to twice a week in a little while you know what I mean

maybe not so ambitious in the beginning like just fucking ease into it bro yeah I think you're right I think you're right I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to do the intense one no more than twice a week there you go and then I'll go to the technique one

once or twice a week there you go and then that way you're not burning it out yeah you know but I fucking when I did that peer bar class a lot I can't do it now because all I do is shit and fart I'm way too weak to do that but I was always the fattest

fucking blob of shit I was an old piece of shit in my class today and people were older than me but I was like the person people looked at like he's 70 give him a break yeah that's how they looked at me like he's super fat give him a break yeah I feel like I was always like morbidly

obese compared to these ballerina girls I was such a piece of shit in this class don't you hate that and then you're like oh I'm fucking fatter and lazy yesterday was the first time I had gone I'd ever been to this intense workout class where you just don't stop

and it was really hard and it's hard for people that are in shape like I see the people there it's an intense thing and I should have taken today I think I shouldn't have gone at least in the morning because I was fucking I was wrecked five minutes into this class

yeah you didn't sleep much last night but it's because you didn't come to bed I went to bed 30 minutes after you really yeah you were asleep you passed out what did it smell like in the room farts upon farts upon farts hmm I keep watching more

and more coverage of the game I went to the other day there was a new show your championship game that now I acknowledge is being very important thank you yeah you're welcome that's cool you still find more and more stuff in it that you love well they recorded they did so many shows about that game and

they're re-airing all the shows so I started to watch some of those it was fantastic that's cool do you feel excited every time you watch it yes the craziest part and I don't understand what part of our brain does this do you ever get nervous watching a movie that you know you've seen

before you're like shit like like that you're like the suspense still affects you even though you know the outcome yeah silence of the lambs right so you've seen the movie it doesn't matter you've seen it 10 times certain moments still get to you and you're like I've already seen this dude do you know what scene

I did that with games I'm like it's like your favorite thing yeah yeah yeah like what's gonna happen is that I was at the fucking game I already know what's gonna happen is that black guy gonna catch that ball or is that black guy not gonna do that alright we don't need you to go there it seems like there's a lot of black guys on that on football teams

yeah but what is it what are you trying to say why do they have braids like I don't that's not like a braids a lot of them have dreads oh those are dreads yeah a lot of them have dreads okay like but if another player can grab them right yes and pull you down absolutely so then why would you have

those dreadlocks because like that's kind of dangerous your choice the the choice is you can have them I just think they look like they weigh a lot yeah and they probably are smelly and they oh and then that way down on you and the helmet cooks yes dreads and just smelly stinky dreads

yeah to me I just looks like they take up too much room it looks like they will they just weigh they're just thick and heavy you know yeah so that's the only reason but mine's just like aesthetic and comfortable but people obviously like having them yeah

but if you decide to rock dreads some guys have incredibly long dreads too oh yeah that is considered part of the uniform and they can pull now we should also point out that if you don't have dreads but you just have long hair yeah the same thing applies

yes like there's there's no running backs or receivers guys who carry the ball that have long just straight hair but if they did they can get pulled down by that too absolutely are there guys in the in the NFL that's not what you watch on the college football or NFL yeah is there

any guys that have beaver tail beaver tail beaver tail shit dreads have you seen shit dreads I called them shit dreads we're like they're so disgusting and matted that it turns into a beaver's tail oh I know you're talking about those are

homeless people yeah I know I know the people that have I've seen I've seen that before those are the kind of guys that say shit like can you you can't really wash dreads right like there's not I know nothing about dread upkeep I know nothing about it

well I know that they look like when they get to a certain length I'm like man you your hair is like a huge accessory like it's a lot it just looks like a lot well when I'm I mean dreads I'm talking about

like the white hippie kids I kind of went to college with at USF like those fucking weird beards I know they were smelly like I smell this yeah they look like they smell this guy Pete had him yeah and he also dealt us drugs and for some reason why is

that always the rastafarian thing yeah yeah yeah they're just that I can't even imagine would you date somebody with dreads 100% no no way in a thousand years what a black woman I would I'm thinking of like a white girl with dreads no

but if I was like I really want to have no white people with dreads are the worst people on earth I know they should be killed absolutely publicly yeah no I agree I totally it's disgusting yeah I mean black people are definitely the only ones that can pull that off

yeah I think it's a natural occurrence right don't you have to like really work at that now we're really delving into racism territory I don't know about all that I want to say they're linked to rastafarian ism which in its essence rastafarianism was very

pro-black yeah and not about white people at all right so I think they're kind of political I think they signify that for people no I know I one time a black comic and I were watching TV in the green room

and Stevie Wonder came on TV he has braids yes he had braids right yeah braids and he was like man Stevie needs to cut to him because he's like half bald now so they're not like across the whole

head and I thought I would you know when like somebody plants an idea in your head like you're like yeah man and then I tried to say that to somebody and they're like that's fucked up you shouldn't say that about Stevie Wonder and I was like no but he said it too like I tried to be the guy I was like nah because they look he's like

you can't say that man yeah Stevie doesn't even know what he looks like isn't that crazy they don't look good now I'll just say that somebody should tell Stevie Wonder like bro yeah it's time to do something different I saw him one time no yeah it didn't see me but I saw him at this restaurant

called the Bazaar Beverly Hills no shit what was he doing like who was he with he was not knowing where he was what he was doing no he was with a group of people at a table and I was like that's Stevie fucking wonder do you think he was always blind Stevie Wonder or he became blind later

like did he learn to play piano blind I think so so crazy I mean we can easily look that up oh we can I'm like a device that would tell you things like yeah um Stevie Wonder let's see dude that guy is so talented

let's see he's fucking blind you think about that you're like I'm a fucking loser man I've got all my functions oh yeah I don't do a fraction of what that guy does da da da da da da da da da da da da yeah happy joyful what's he so fucking happy about Stevie Wonder

Stevie Wonder was born in Michigan the third of six children let's see owing to his being born six weeks premature the blood vessels at the back of his eyes had not yet reached the front and their aborted growth

caused the retinas to detach the medical term for this condition is retinopathy of prematurity or ROP and it was exacerbated by the oxygen therapy given while in his hospital incubator um

I guess that explains that you know there you go he was born that way yeah is he married is he married personal life we'll go there he has been married twice to

Motown singer-songwriter collaborator Serita Wright from 70 until their amicable divorce in 72 and since 2001 to fashion designer Kai Millard Morris

he has seven children damn from his second marriage and several relationships Stevie be fucking in August 2012 it was revealed that Wonder had filed for a divorce from Kai Millard agreeing to pay Millard for spouse support

as well as child support for their two children asking for joint custody you better be right and shit what if Stevie Wonder like you know how publicly he's like the nicest sweetest guy what if behind closed doors he's the biggest piece of shit it's very possible we always you know we always imagine

that our favorite entertainers and artists have to be saints and they don't you enjoy them for what they do it reminds me of like that article there's an article I read I think we've mentioned it about R. Kelly somebody I forgot tweeted it I read it it is horrific

and this Chicago sometimes writer is just like you have no idea like he's like it's public all these cases that are filed against him like he's a fucking predator but we go yeah but he sings awesome yeah as was Jerry Lewis

married his 13 year old cousin let's not forget Elvis Presley married a 15 year old girl all this stuff gets kind of swept under the rug when you like what they do but if you like what they do because they're what they do is fucking awesome you know

alright I like this one I I mean honestly if you find out this guy's a piece of shit does it really bother you it's hard to picture Stevie Wonder being a piece of shit though

I know he's so sweet I know I'm sure this shit gets old after a while here though this shit what is that is this head bob are you knocking off already quit your smiling

I mean the guy he knows how to make a fucking god damn this fucking song frat boys all over the world love this one is this a frat song jammin everybody loves this song this song

why does it melodically it's just perfect everything about it this song grabs you I mean you want to play this by the pool fire up the queue and it's not even one of it's not in his

genre necessarily right because it has a reggae feel and it just knocks it out of the park who is he working with at this time I wonder this was my dad my dad plays most of the instruments on this you did the trumpet yeah

and then he wrote most of the lyrics in Stevie's singing did your dad braid his braids my fantasy was to be able to sing like I wish I had oh that's good there you go there you go

did you fantasize about having certain artists voices like pretend in your head you fantasize like I pretended I could sit like when I would hear this I'd picture myself you know at a piano being able to do this do you know who I wanted to be Cindy Lopper

well yeah I'd lip sync to Shibab in a summer camp it was very embarrassing I didn't even win I didn't win Stevie I don't think you're a piece of shit I don't think you're a sweet guy that just needs to cut his fucking braids cut those dirty braids

Michael Jackson sweetest guy on the planet apparently and then you know raping kids wait I don't appreciate that that you said that really? yeah can I tell you why? because he's innocent because I don't have any justification

oh Michael Jackson I didn't even do it like that y'all did me wrong I'm a nice family his dad's a real piece of shit that day dad the most the biggest like

the moment that showed you exactly who that dad is is when at the funeral first it was awkwardly like a red carpet at the funeral and they're like

sorry about your son me and Kevin have a new business venture it's called Suntime Entertainment and we're gonna be doing songs and they're like um what why are you doing this? and then he had a little boy saying

he was representing I guess on the label and we're like are you fucking serious right now? he's out of his fucking mind yeah what a piece of shit man no wonder he touched boys Michael had no fucking options you think so? yeah when you're raising that crazy ass family

you're all fucked up Jen it's maybe normal the quiet ones there's what Rebo, Jackie Marlin Pinocchio, Pistachio hello everybody I'm here to

witness that Margell and this is Margell by the way and also this is something that we want you to know that I was asked well what I'm doing is I established a record company

established with Margell and the company is called Marence Record Distributed by Blue Star and Blue Ray so uh we have a lot of good artists fixing to come out and I was asked that question and I answered just like it was asked

because they wanted to know what else I was doing what that's so weird yeah not a fan yeah that wasn't actually the clip the clip was

what a weird time to bring that up yeah you know it's shameless the guy is a fucking scumbag he's a night turner he's a horrible human being yeah he's bad what are you looking at

yeah I'm trying to find it that was such a rigmarole I remember when Michael died and then they shut down all of downtown Los Angeles anticipating that the masses were going to come out and mourn Michael's death and I don't think it was that big of a deal

did people clog traffic no it was actually less of a turnout than they expected it was a very weird time was it? I don't remember the turnout yeah it was in downtown LA anticipating masses of people and it just didn't happen that way

it didn't go down but it was right after his son died I think it was at the funeral we were so sorry well I got a record label we got a lot of artists coming out I'm a writer I'm a poet

but that did show you you were like oh yeah he's a piece of shit because you got it did we talk about the dog park I took our son to the dog park and I've come to the realization that I don't like other dog moms

I know that's what I am now as a dog mom because when I call our vet and I'm like oh is Theo ready and then she goes oh you mean your baby no I go is my dog ready and she goes oh what's your baby's name you got my baby alright man my dog's name is Theo

but they like force this on you this culture of dog mom and my son I like it too I'm getting used to it I just feel like an asshole considering our dog a person yeah because he's not and other parents I'm sure

dog is nowhere near but there's also fuck those people right that too good we got the other dog moms at the park this one lady was like I love your dog is that a brussels graphon and I'm like he's half

a mini-pin she goes no he's not I don't see that I do not see that I like when people tell you I've had it too really bitch what do you mean he's my son I gave birth to him I know exactly what he is

we had the DNA test he's fucking half mini-pin I've gotten it one of the parks I was at and a lady goes oh you got a whatever terrier I forgot what time he's like something terrier and she looked at me like oh he doesn't know like I didn't know she was like

really really I got paperwork bitch I paid a lot of money how much did we make 50 bucks $50 from Banfield hospital to find out you dumb bitch

and if you want to fucking argue with me I'll fucking argue with you I don't give a shit I'll tell you exactly and I'll get fired up and I'll tell you that my dog I know exactly what kind of dog I have and if you don't like my dog I also didn't like

when people play with him or touch him without my consent like someone's like oh it's his name and I'll be like it's Theo hi Theo and then they touch him a lot of touch my fucking dog men are rough handlers too I see guys who are like

patting him on the side like he's a fucking 60 pound lab or something I'm like dude 10 pound dog relax yeah like my dad has big meaty mechanic hands like and when the way even he pets Theo like he kind of he mashes his head down

and then pushes on the dog and then up on the tail and I'm like I just want to tell him like don't pet him that hard you can't tell him he's 12 pounds like he's not yeah we can't tell him he's not like a Saint Bernard dude just looking to other people though yeah

my dog don't look at my dog don't ask me his name like he's not interested in you bitch yep and then he did this thing where now he likes to get in the middle of the dog park and just bark he just barks at all the action and I'm like go for it just fucking let it out man like do better to do it here than at home

right right it's a fucking park yeah he just wants to let he it's in his spirit like is he right there right now he's over there I can't see he's sleeping that's weird he never sleeps this guy and people look at me like um are you gonna tell him to be quiet like no this is where he should be able to fucking bark right

yeah this is where you go outside the dog park don't don't judge me don't you tell me what to do with my fucking dog do you ever pet other dogs in front of him never no are you kidding me I don't know would you fucking praise another child in front of your child no this is my number one right here

yeah never I'm never fucking pet another piece of shit dog well listen to you they're not nobody's as cute as Theo I'm with you on that other people think their dogs are as cute but they're fucking way not I like that I like that attitude although I did see a pug mixed with

a Yorkie a porkie so fucking cute dude it was like a mini Theo miniature FIFO it looked like him but tinier do you remember when my mom was talking about Wu Tang all the time I do she was a huge fan of them yeah I didn't even know I found

that these are right here I haven't heard this in a long time here's my mom yeah Wu Tang is dangerous protect your neck brother that was really good yeah Wu Tang is dangerous how does she know that

oh she's a which album do you think she likes the most she's kind of a purist so probably 36 chambers but you know she likes them all ghost face killers is a poet from the streets

that's how I like my mcs sage she she missed her what's up with Charo these days we gotta call her we can't call her right now I guess we gotta call her we didn't see her on Christmas was she super bummed

yeah she was really bummed that we didn't go one more you know what the problem is to me there are so many wannabe mcs but if you want to be a real one you go face killer face killer yeah you go face killer

well she gets a little tongue tied do you think she had any idea what she was saying 100% no whatever I put in front of her she just says see your parents are good to go like that like they fucking they just play along my parents aren't fun my dad's not like that

he'd be like what the fuck is this shit dad it's like the Wu Tang you go come on come on don't make fun of me come on I think you're making fun of it Mike you are that's the whole thing but does Charo know that you're making fun of her kind of I mean I'm not you know I think she gets that her

saying this is funny and she likes to be funny yeah she's very funny your mom's really naturally funny yeah there's all these old things that I haven't imported into this thing yet but I found some those are like super old ones

your mom's a natural storyteller and a very natural comedian yeah she's so funny and dramatic this is from like one of the first ones we did was remember when my parents were at the um we went to see them at the hotel

my dad wiped his booger yeah she didn't like that she was really upset about that yep I never get bored with you no you didn't say that what did you tell me you called me and said you know it's funny it's horrible to say this you don't have to pretend

people pretend and I get so bored with you the only person who doesn't get me bored is Tommy you're gonna make a conversation but you're automatically included in my list you are I told you that other times no you didn't well

you screwed up you screwed up she'll really call you out on your shit what did she say you're screwed up you screwed up because he told her I get so bored with everybody everybody bores me except Tommy and she goes well you're automatically included

and she's like yeah sure what have I ever been bored with you ever you don't have a choice you live with me if you're bored with your bored don't you imagine that he's going to look at me and say I'm bored with y'all you need to wear necklace today

buy me one what about earrings your earrings look nice I struggle with buying her earrings then she takes them back your lobes are getting weak so she can't carry heavy earrings only lighter are your earrings getting weak

I lost basically one ear what I don't know these are all from that way one of the things we talked about on our show is I told our listeners how you gave me great advice

on how to wipe this is the first wipe I called you and I was like I just keep wiping and you told me maybe you're wiping too hard and you're going in do you remember that and what did you tell me you need to wipe down

and also not push in not to push in because it just drives more in can you please stop me let me ask that one thing what is your career what is your profession I'm proud to be disgusting

no I hope this will give you play I am so disgusting now what happens now if you wipe too hard well not just that but you can be pushing into your butthole that's right

and that's why you're always brown wipe a little softer do you have any wiping advice for our I'm helping myself with this comedy career this is my comedy career how do you have any other wiping advice

there's a lot of guys listening to our show a lot of young guys you have a lot more experience than we do well lately I've been using these medicated pads you know the wipes people use to clean like their countertops they're also good for that

because they have antibacterial doesn't it have like a moan or something in it that was the countertop wipes that's so crazy and he was serious, this is not a joke very serious and then the booger

but what happened was at the elevator at the hotel they were staying at and he just jokingly was like I put a booger on the number 3 he always says he has these same like dads do they repeat jokes

he's been saying this for years I like to put a big booger on the lobby button because people have to touch it but it's always like a thing you know is made up that day he did it he really did it

it was you me and him in the elevator and then he pulled this really scrungy booger it was so gross and it was one of those that was like a comet like it was hard and then had a tail and it was soft at the tail so gross it was such a meaty booger

and he wiped it on I'm gonna throw up those are my favorite don't you love those yesterday what did you do in the elevator put a big booger on the number 1 button so

this way I can spring germs out of my nose to all the residents of the hotel why would you do that it's fun what's that what do you think it's disgusting are you faking this thing I'm recording it yeah

so if people know that your fire is absolutely non-disgusting I don't think this is funny I don't think this is funny I don't think this is funny you know what he did right did she know don't tell her don't tell her

you said it I didn't tell her but I cleaned it off that's not funny wait a minute have you ever I didn't say what is what is a classic do you know what that was so gross

so crazy we gotta get them on again yeah I miss those two I wish they would come do you think they'll come visit us yes I do yeah I want them to come out here it's more fun when they come here

they like to say the hotel they like to have their comforts definitely maybe I'll offer miles we'll give you some miles that's a good idea they could probably use I'll give you some coach miles I'm not giving you fucking first class

out of your mind course coach what's your status for next year bro let's not talk about it what's your status I'm platinum really

welcome to the club so am I nice I can't believe you playing field next year this is awesome it's awesome for me why I like that you and I are in the same level how many did you fly

there's so many I don't even count I gotta cool it with the veggies on this diet like seriously yesterday I farted fucking so much your farts were the grossest farts ever thank you let's talk about it what do they smell like no last night was a sick

you sound like a sick old man a sick old Asian man who who shits when he farts it smelled like eight guys were shitting in your panties did I I've been having the farts where Tommy listen listen

I've been having farts where I fart and then they smell exactly like what I just ate I noticed it's not a new thing I tweeted Joey Diaz and I asked him I was like hey Joey have you ever had a fart that smells

like exactly what you just ate cause I'm like I'm pretty sure Joey Diaz had he wrote back something like you have caused and at the end of the fight you can smell the recipe mixed in with your asshole I was like yep that's it and that's a very

elegant way of phrasing that I knew you'd have the answers uncle Joey he does we have to get him on here yeah man let's get him in here again we have to have the boys here alright did we not fucking do that what bro

we didn't mention that episode four had the price change oh shit man guys we'll tack it on tack it on we're tacking it on right now at the very end we'll tack it on at the beginning too so now you've already heard it cause we tacked it on

bonus number four has had its price reduction on iTunes please if you love the show consider going on iTunes and it's under albums that's one of the things that people always search it under podcasts it's not under

podcasts it's like buying a comedy album it's your mom's house bonus episode number four live from Pasadena it's a great episode the audio is fantastic and it's only $1.99

so for the cost of two singles you get this great bonus episode we would really appreciate if you got it sorry it took so long that's an iTunes flood that is not our intention not ours not blue band is 100% it's iTunes and know that's like a default

setting that $9.99 we don't price it that way they do and that's why we requested and the reason it took so long is I don't fucking know I got an email about it because I requested it a second time when they said oh sorry your requested and go through we'll try it again

it's probably the holidays people took off it's like all offices get to bare bone staff whatever the back of an extra now you go we love you we gotta go love you jeans you're the main meow you are her 100%

that smell that run that smell that run run run run then greasy then greasy

then greasy greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy

then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy

then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy

then greasy then greasy then greasy then greasy you