Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 189-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 17, 2014

Seems like it's pretty much settled - TOMMY IS THE MAIN MOMMY. Episode 19 is revisited and the evidence is CLEAR. Christina is filing appeals, but we doubt there's a judge in the land that will grant her another hearing. We debate this at length and allow you to decide. You went CRAZY over the appearance of Juelz Ventura on episode 188 and we celebrate the triumph. Yes, we're proud of ourselves. What's scarier than a man dressed as a female DOLL? We vote nothing. It is absolutely terrifying. A new show is coming out about it and we are mortified and eager to watch it. Homeless people singing the hits is something that we hope takes off! They really can't sing, but we want it to never end. DENIM NEVER ENDS.

Juh-juh-juh-juh-juh-juh-juh genes unit? That's how I breathe into the mic. Gah! Faster than words. Welcome to your mom's house. Ladies and gentlemen, hope you're enjoying your Friday. Happy Friday. It's Friday, um, last day of the work week.

Right. With your two mothers right now and just enjoying yourself reminiscing over your very, very productive week. Maybe you're sitting in your cubicle and you're like, I can't wait to get away from all these motherfuckers right here and get home. Get home. Smoke a bowl. Roll one up or whack it in a bowl. Drink.

Get hammered and ripped. Have sex with my neighbor. Commit vehicular homicide. Do whatever you want. Do what you want to do. Do you, dog? There's so much to go over and obviously, uh, we're still celebrating the victory that was Wednesday's episode. Don't even, we can't talk about that yet.

It's too much, I know. But look, right now, if you are listening the moment this downloads to your mobile device or computer, then you are possibly in the greater Phoenix area. And that's where I am tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. I'm at standup live in downtown Phoenix and I brought the, your baby's father, the concierge, Matt Folchron, the full charge with me. We're doing shows together. That'll be fun.

My buddy, Mike Kennedy is also on the show. Love that club. Love Phoenix. Any relation to the dead Kennedys? He's, he's the original drummer. Oh, wonderful. Yep. So there's that.

But please come and see us, um, at standup live. Now next week, January 23rd, we're doing a super standup. Show in, um, here in, in Los Angeles at Flappers and Burbank. It is a great lineup. We have, uh, our good friend, Matt Bronger, our good friend, Ryan Sickler, Sickle Cell from the Crab Feast. Um, our good friend, Ian Bag. Oh, it's going to be a dynamite show with Christina and I, of course. So if you're in the area, please come to that show.

That's Thursday night, the 23rd. And then that Saturday, a live version of the podcast. Your mom's house is back at the ice house in Pasadena. We're in the stage two in the little room. There's, there's limited seats, but, um, we, we highly recommend you get them now. If you have a chance to come. Um, but the really exciting thing is that for everybody that can't come, you can watch this show streaming live for free.

It's going to be on lobster. All you have to do is go to lobster.com. L A F F S T E R and our page for the site is laughter.com slash Y M H. You can watch the show for free. You can interact with us and there's some cool additional goodies that you can bid for or donate to and, uh, help the show that way. Fun. Can you believe it for free 99?

That's, that's like the coolest thing ever that laughs was doing for us. So it's really cool. Yeah, guys. Okay. So this is it. This is the week I go to Anchorage, Alaska. Oh my God. I know it's going to be 36.

That's not too terrible. It's not bad at all. Yeah. That's like summertime in Ohio, right? That's very accurate. Summertime in Ohio. Yes. Yeah.

So 17th through 18th, platinum jacks comedy club in Anchorage, Alaska, and then January 29th through February 1st, Kansas city, improv, Kansas city, Missouri, and then February 13th through 16th with my own pair of jeans at the Chicago improv. We're doing some Valentine's Day shows is I didn't know we were promoting up to February. Yeah. I mean, I'm busy girl. I got February 20th through 23rd Orlando improv Orlando, Florida. All right.

Now is that where the Epcot center is? It is in Disney world. Have you been there? Yes, of course. Is it better than Disneyland? Never been to Disneyland. Here's another little bit of information. No interest in going.

That's funny because I have no interest in going to Disney world or Epcot Epcraft center or whatever it's freaking called. Okay. That's a good way to get people in Orlando on your side. Okay. I don't care. I live near Disneyland, the real Disneyland. You heard?

You heard? I know Walt Disney. I will also be, by the way, February 6th through the 8th in Portland at Helium, Portland, Oregon. We have a strong mommy following out there. I hope you guys all come out and see me. The jeans of the 90s. So yeah, that's that jeans.

Come see us. You can always go to your mom's house podcast.com. You can please shop through our Amazon banner. Yeah, you can see links to all of these things and shop in our store. We, um, we re re upped our bikes shirts bikes are back and the top dog black. We have all those shirts and we have a new shirt that's coming out in about a month. You're going to poop and pay all over yourself when you see what the new shirt is. It's pretty rad.

Yeah. And also follow us on Twitter at Christina P at Tom Segura because we announce things. We have so much fun on there. Twitter is the reason we got a certain Jules Ventura to come on this show. So if you're just a listener, but you want to get involved more in or your mom's house community, I highly recommend Twitter because Tom and I are on there and we love interacting with you guys. And yes, so much fun to know that there are people out there that love, love Brown the

way we love Brown and certain porn stars, the way we love porn stars. The last 12 hours on Twitter have been like unlike anything we've ever seen really. I know go to our mentions and it's just pages. I mean, it's it's well over 200 for just the first half of the day on Wednesday. Yeah. So you know what to do? Follow us. Check us out.

So fun to the business. Oh, there's so much to talk about. You ready to start the show? Jean's. Yeah. Let's get it going. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah.

It's your main mommy Tommy main mommy main mommy main mommy Tommy Tommy main mommy and the other mommy and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the mommy. Tina. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother into this. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

Tom Segura and Christina. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah. Case closed. This is the main mommy Tommy. First of all, I don't approve of that type of propaganda. I don't know where you got that audio from. That's clearly a sound alike about me.

That is not me. I don't know where in the vaults you guys claim to have found that audio. It was brought to our attention. Rude to my attention that the case is closed because oh really we can go back to episode 19 of your mom's house. This is episode 189 but on episode 19 that declaration was made and obviously it's you know it's like this is like a legal matter. This is held in court.

I I do myself court. The main mommy you obviously support that on this clip. Well, I so that this is from that episode. Why don't you go ahead and get your Stevie soundboard ready because Tom I may have felt that way at episode 19 but now I feel different because why people changes. You're going to pull that old trick on us. Maybe I it's not an old trick.

It's kind of the trick. Yeah, well and just so you know guys. Yeah, to your mom's house. Yeah, it's your main mommy Tommy and the other mommy and made it back and red band welcome again listeners to your mommy's house. Yeah, that's when we were calling at your mommy's house. That was your mom's house. We weren't calling it that people changes.

We were it was just that was just like in the moment thing. We weren't calling it your mommy. That wasn't even that doesn't even I feel like those episodes were so new. They didn't even count. That's what we were doing in a red bands house establishing precedence. That's what that's all about. Listen, don't act like you went to law school for two whole weeks. That's what we're doing there.

It's very clear excuse me. We repeat it. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah, it's your main mommy Tommy main mommy main mommy main mommy Tommy Tommy main mommy and the other mommy and the and the and the and the and the other mommy and Christina. So it's settled. Okay.

Between the settled and we agree. We shook hands. I am the main mommy between the two of us. Which one of them scored? Which one of us scored a 168 on their L sat? That's like, is that super high? No, which one of us got into a fifth tier law school that used to be a Bullock's Wilshire building used to be a mall and they converted it into a law

school. Which one of us spent two weeks in law school me? Okay. That's not going to hold up. It's not a contract. It's not a binding contract. Well, then stupid, stupid. I appeal your appeal and the argument continues.

I do not say we'll let judge Theo decide. Theo knows who his mommy is. I don't think so. I gave birth to that dog. You did not. I did. He's unbiased. He's, he's from the hood.

He's going to tell us exactly. We just got to fill him in on what's going on. Don't make our son choose between his mommy. He just, he's just going to know who has the title. That's all he's going to decide. What kind of parent are you? He knows. You're never supposed to do that.

That's what traumatizes dogs. Oh, they have to choose between who's the main mommy. Traumatize. There's no trauma. Listen, I don't know about bullshit audio. Can you believe those episodes were so silly? We, we used to record them in Red Band's house and it was like the middle of summer and we couldn't run the AC unit

in that room because it would make too much sound cause it was right next to the mics and we would all sit there and just cook and stick to his couches and like his adorable cats would crawl all over you and you're like, we got AC now. Can you imagine what it's this summer? How we're going to be finally just chill. I know.

Oh my God. We got AC. Yeah. I see. Oh my, I forgot. We didn't even talk about that. That was a gift our landlord. We, we rent a small home and we were out of town or the day

we were leaving town, the heater because there's heat here, you know, cause it gets kind of cold for a number of months at night, especially when you get to the thirties and stuff, you know, upper thirties. So you want heat and he just came. He was like, oh man, oh, bro, that's fucked up. It's just not supposed to sound like that. I was like, yeah, so if you could just take care of that

and then he's like, maybe I should put AC in here and I, I tried to show like restrained excitement cause I didn't want to freak him out. I was like, that'd be awesome. Yeah. Cause the big thing here, by the way, wherever you live, if you don't live in Southern California, the big rub that they like to tell you whenever you're looking to rent

or buys, no matter where you live in Los Angeles, they go, the great thing is you don't even need AC here. Just put your, open your windows and they're like, it's Southern California. You get like a nice breeze and it's not necessary. The biggest lie ever told. It's a huge lie and it doesn't, it really doesn't matter where you live.

I mean, I would say yes, further west, the closer to the water you are, you do get a breeze sometimes and there's certain months where that definitely helps, right? There's always going to be at least three or four months where it would be nice to have AC. Yeah. And you don't want to sleep with your windows open either. A is dangerous.

B, you hear everything going on in the neighborhood. Yeah. Dude, I don't want to hear your fucking, your neighbor blowing his nose at six in the morning and dogs barking and shit. I'm jumping in the pools and all that shit. Oh, fucking kill me. Yeah. I love our landlord, dude.

He's so funny. He is such a partier. Yeah. So I, yeah. He's always like, are you guys a nice drink to hear? I went ahead and put AC in there. Like, are you serious? Yeah, man.

It's fucking awesome. Yeah, bro. He's such a bro. He's like a total SoCal guy. Yeah. He and I, he and I bro down. I really like him. I really get his, he's a total, total SoCal dude.

He's a, he's a bro. So the guy that does my hair is a total SoCal dude. Yeah, they're major bros. Yeah. Those two should hang out. You can all bro down together. Well, yeah, I'm so, I'm so happy about it. So we settled that.

I'm the main mommy. No, on to the next thing. No, can I say something really exciting about AC before move on? Yeah. No excuses for you not to give cuddles. Okay. You're big fucking excuse.

Too hot. It was too hot. Can I say it just like that? Now I could be like, we're cuddling and that's it, bitch. I'm gonna, I'm gonna crank it down to 50 and we're gonna put the comforter on and we're cuddling. If you have it at 50, I'll give you all the cuddles. I force cuddles on you.

I'll give you all the cuddles you want. Okay. I keep a cranked up high in here and you let me. You've been really nice about letting me keep it juicy. I've had, I've had to turn it down a few times. Secretly. Step outside. Well, like I had to get it down to just normal a few times.

Yeah. I've been like, my God, it's like 80 degrees in here. I do like to keep it at a balmy 78. Oh my God. We don't pay utilities. Who cares? Oh, I want to abuse the system. You stop abusing the system.

I'm gaming the system, man. Man. So guys, we have never had a response like we did for this past episode 188. The episode with Jules Ventura. What we really were talking about was really fun and exciting about this episode is it really was a joint effort. We don't have a publicist.

We don't have a booker. We don't have like some of the big shows of people that reach out and do these things. We have you. Yeah, we're not that we're not the 10 night show with Jlan. We don't have even the big podcast. The big podcast to this all the time. That's true.

Mark Marin has like an assistant who emails you. They all do. They all have but not just an assistant. They have bookers. They have people that book people for a living. They pay them to do that. That's what I'm saying. These guys on our show.

It's just we tell you we would love this person and the way that you responded and you were so cool to Jules and you did it in such numbers. She responded and then the response to her episode is unlike any response we've ever seen. Yeah, it was pretty monumentous and I think what's really neat is that that episode kind of belongs to everybody like it was such a communal effort.

It really is a grassroots punk rock kind of thing and that's why it was so fucking cool. Yeah, and she was so cool and I think that was huge to like because a lot of these girls they're they're kind of liars. You know what I mean? I don't think you talk to them, but they don't really want to give you the the got the real story right the juice. They always kind of want to know I'm just sexy all the time

and everything's amazing and she's a real person and I think that's why it was it was so fun to listen to her and she's so genuine. She was genuine and the you know we had a great time with there and obviously you loved the questions that were asked her honesty and of course we got to get to the the super fun part of playing all the stuff which was one of the most fun things we've ever done on the show ever and to see her

face. Jules really laughs. She laughs her ass off in here. She laughed so hard hearing her own audio. Yeah, that was the best for me. Yeah, yeah, because I didn't know how she was going to react to her hearing herself. It was fantastic.

Yeah, she really liked it and I'm glad I got to ask her like that period question I've been wanting to know ever like we asked a lot. How do you have sex like for money on camera during your period like she was right on it. Yeah, she gave us all the insight you've ever wanted to everything you I got. I got a lot of those tweets today like you guys ask everything

that I've ever wanted to ask ever. Yeah, cuz they're they're never that cool when you meet them in person. They're so like closed off and the great thing is that she was honestly honestly honest tension or a lot of them honestly are jealous that away but honestly like I honestly it's just like I believe that it does cuz honestly the only relationship so it's honestly if you don't she's a lot and she was making

fun of her. So I like that she makes fun of herself. Yeah, sweet. She says honestly and literally quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so funny dude. Yeah, there was a few times when she was talking when she was talking about stuff that was like normal for her but weird for us to hear it like stuff like so like I knew I was going

to do a double anal that day so I had to prepare and we were like what do you mean by prepare and like to have her like in her world everything's so normal for her to be like cuz I'm probably going to do an ask to mouth later and I need to make sure that my ass was clean. Yeah, and you're like well yeah, that's logical but the 7th grader in me was like oh yeah. I did and I was also I was biting my lip at first like when

we before we got really comfortable with each other when she was going like honestly yeah when she was saying it I was like I was laughing cuz I kept I kept thinking of the clip you know yeah me too and every time she would say it in conversation yeah I was like I was so stoked that she kept saying it yeah it was great I mean I just pulled a few of them in that in that little montage I did for you there but you know honestly she said it a lot on the show love yeah I could probably pull

we love her and we actually got to hang out with her a little bit even after we stopped recording which is very rare like we don't really kick it with a lot of our guests that we're not already friends with you know like yeah we'll have the full charge over we'll have dinner and then do the show or something and drink but it was neat to hang out with her like she's a pretty real person so yeah it was really cool very cool very special night we were we were reeling from it for a while

right like there was an excitement about it the excitement is like it was the same time as it was even more than like when we wanted to get brace on but it was like that be it was because of the the us asking our listeners being like active proactive about it and then it coming together and in this case and she lives in our the same city we live in she could actually come over so I'm so crazy dude yeah it was it was fantastic who would ever think in a million years like how do

we even get that clip of her how did that come into our world do you remember yeah I came in through the email account which your mom's house yeah no it's not your mom's house all day long why would you stick it in your body or some wrong address at hotmail it's it's your mom's podcast at Gmail it's always your mom's podcast never say house so anybody who wants to email us please feel free to email us at your mom's podcast at gmail.com we do read them we read them we

try to respond I've been responding more than you I actually make a point of sitting down why are you like that why are you saying that because that's so rude of you like oh I kind of I'm the best I'm the main mommy like I have evidence today and I answer emails so rude of you this is terrible I'm glad it's giving you so much joy it makes me so happy to make you happier than that murdering scene and Henry portrait of a serial killer where you laugh is it is it more

joyful than murder for you that's kind of split down the middle so you can always email us there but that's where people send a lot of links to you know different videos and that's where we pulled it from so it was like a listener submission funny somebody was like check this out and it was pretty funny isn't it amazing how things evolved and like we were so taken with that clip it wasn't that wasn't like your average oh my gosh or like it there was something really unique about

her and about well it was voice and it was layered yeah there was a lot going on her voice itself yeah you know the actual words like that honestly like you you were really tied on to like a porn girls voice yeah remember that that when that came out and then the pride in the act that you don't always hear pride about right and also the mystery of how do you not know that you have two or three right and we found out all of those things yes all those things yeah I love it I just absolutely

as she said that she it was painful and she she after a certain point you can't really feel what's going on are you try not to you can't see it either she's like you know you just feel things stretching and you're like I don't know what's going on back there it's a lot it's a lot man yeah it's a lot of dicks yeah could you imagine pointed that out I did yeah dicks and they're all moving so fast yeah that's also the part that gets me is how quickly they're moving and and there's no lubricant

it doesn't look like it's you know easy it's not an easy place to put a peanut in your butthole from what I hear I've never done it I don't always say painter though do they no that's an official term mm-hmm and that's an official term hey guys put your painter in here so speaking of clips that have been sent in there's been oh my gosh there's been a lot of different clips that have come in this one here is is this one that you pulled the

the the people that live but with the mask oh my Christ so my cousin Julie sent this to me yeah so these are guys the documentary coming out on BBC soon about men who were essentially a lady suit like remember silence of the lambs and that was his whole thing was to build a lady suit out of real lady skin living dolls right well guess what and this BBC documentary called living dolls secrets of living dolls they these men

like to wear entire slady skin suits but they're made out of plastic and they it literally is like a whole thing that covers your head your whole body plastic plastic plastic and like the mouth doesn't move no so to to really picture this you have to imagine it's not it's it's dressing as a lady so there's that yes but you're a doll so it's not like a cross dresser it's and there's a there's another level to this yeah it's you look like a living doll to look like a fake woman like

yeah like the dead eyes and it's intense yeah and a little super fucking scary it's a lot yeah these guys this is not someone who you see you go I can't wait to go home with you it's it's you're pulling out mace you're dialing 911 you're running and screaming and the neat thing is that I mean I'm assuming this is similar to kind of cross dressing like it's maybe in that lane of kink or whatever and so like there's one interview it's the guy and he's with a girl like he's a

heterosexual person you know and she's like you have no time for me but you're always in your lady suit like oh my God let's get into this motherfuckers got problems everyone has secrets but some are more complex than others it's kind of like an extension of another persona within me that wants to go out and have fun delve into the secret world of female masking there is still a lot of social pressure to conform to not be a doll you mean society doesn't accept men who dress up as lady

dolls that's such a pressure dress up and I put this mask on and you know look very nice it's like a beautiful woman no no over walking around let's be let's be real clear the look very nice part it is terrifying yeah this the what you should expect next after the frame of seeing the face is a knife going up and slicing somebody's abdomen open or their throat open don't don't you make me hurt your dog over open on a nice dog and I asked you for real pretty right it puts the lotion in

the basket that's exactly what that is yeah mask on you know look very nice it's like a beautiful woman walking down the street a community of men that want to look like real life dolls what do you see when you look in the mirror a very exciting thing though I just can't believe that that's a 70 year old man in the mirror it's like coming out of the dollhouse secrets of the living dolls Monday at 10 I say my favorite why can you not believe there's a 70 year old man on your max know it's

a couple real good yeah like while people treating me weird but why can't I go to the liquor store that's so pretty but that's that that's like him putting on a fucking a Ronald Reagan mask being like I can't believe the president's looking at me in the mirror what you know big dummy I think they so badly want to look like women that this is the closest you're ever because look unless you're a very fey man transitioning to look like a woman it's almost impossible to go from being

a dude to having smaller petite features it's really very rare I think that a man I've that I've been able to be like oh I couldn't tell right you it's really hard to pass it's pretty extreme yeah so this this is the fantasy but then they show these guys playing pool and they're living doll costumes and walking down the street and being like why won't people just accept me why can't I just do this like well because it looks fucking terrifying you're really freaking people out

yeah the fact that you're not addressing how scary you are is kind of I hope that that's one of the big focuses of this thing is this also from it's a saline for Louisa it's an expensive habit majority of my salary definitely goes on is it no I'd rather go and have my nails done then no this is a different one there's one of where one of the guys actually gets saline injections and his breasts can he likes that they last for a few days this guy has a fucking creepy like I don't

know if that's his face or some crazy mask on oh he has like a really bad deformity okay we're going to go tack oh yeah he's a he's a facially disfigured okay guy okay put that on the Michael J Fox bit it's already done some more hate mail yeah that's I'm going to get my special by the way Christine I went to edit an edit session the other day yeah and I'm going to get so much hate mail so much when that goes out well we'll see fingers crossed yeah well we'll read it it'll definitely

fill up an episode of your mom's or I love that people it always surprises me that people become outraged by comedians or by anything outside of themselves personally we didn't get to talk about the week yeah because it was this weekend then we had Jules on I tweeted it out about the guy that stopped me yeah I'm a nerd alert this guy had on this atheists are everywhere t-shirt whatever I don't care and he was probably in his early I don't know to mid sixties yeah and he did that

thing I was going to talk to you a second oh boy this is when like I was I was there with Rogan it's never good and I was like yeah what's up man think I don't know what he's going to say you never know and he goes yeah you said you should think about disabled people I was like oh shit and he goes I was really offended by that and you know what I do when people say that okay great yeah what do you want me to say okay and he goes I'm disabled I'm a veteran and I have you know

things like brain mental issues and I was like okay and he goes you know I take 17 pills a day just to kind of keep it together and so I don't hurt people and I go all right this is like now kind of implying that there's that he might want to hurt me and I was like all right well yeah that's what that means you know he's telling me about hurting people so I go okay you know I saw Chris Titus once and he was making fun of disabled people and I talked to him about it and then

I saw his latest special and he's not talking about that stuff anymore and I was like great he goes so you know hopefully you know me talking to you about this will have you think about it and I go all right man so he walks away then I go into a room and I whatever hang out then I go back out there and I have a table like set up after the show he walks by me and he goes you know I want you to think about and I go oh my god and goes you know when I take these this

medication it keeps me from you know really hurting people but you know I might otherwise hurt and I go uh-huh and he goes next time you're up there and you're gonna talk about this stuff I want you to think about the fact that I might be out in that audience or someone like me and whether or not we took our medication that day so now he actually is you know suggesting the threat and I was like okay man like didn't I think he wanted me to be like huh I want to talk to you

about this and I was like all right I walked away and then I see him while Joe's on stage I see this guy just pacing like into different rooms just walking around like fired up now yeah yeah well some's you know you you know sometimes uh most all the time it's never really about you it's about them you know I'm saying he's got some issues yeah to be hammered out yeah um yeah well you know wish him peace and love much like the guys in the living dolls costumes what are you gonna do

I'm a very beautiful woman I can't believe I'm seeing this beautiful lady in the mirror looking back at me good the heart wants what it wants the dead eyes the the the mouth that won't move no matter what what you say those lips aren't going to move at all pretend to French kiss my own hand on that porcelain skin that looks like it's had a hundred Botox injections won't won't lift or move how do you find oh I guess now in this day and age you just go to chat rooms and you

find other like minded grown men that like to where little doll costumes I'm at a very simple Google search yeah but what a wonderful time we live in now that these guys don't have to sit lonely in their houses like God if there's only a community of people who like to wear a living doll kind of with them to be alone in the house miserable suicidal yeah great yeah I think that's nice Tom just sitting there in your fucking creepy doll mask okay come on just squelch that

desire deep down inside nobody needs to meet you push it way down until you become a homicidal lunatic thing that's I bet you there's so many occurrences of people who who do this that we're at home and then like the UPS guy comes and they can answer the like hello and they was like hey man I don't want any trouble like no I'm a beautiful lady right well for sure yeah I never seen that again I used to freeze up when I lived in Hollywood and this is different but I would freeze

and like I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up my muscles my shoulders would get real tight when super hard super hard I mean just oozing and dripping with precom when trainees walked like right because from 50 yards away you know I got just a woman you get real close and you get close and they're passing you and I make eye contact I don't know why it would just it would make me just tense up like really tense up and I'll be like oh shit because there's

some that are just like such dudes hard it's what I'm saying it's false advertising these are prostitutes by the way we're not talking about just your average lady man on the streets this is these are working working brothers and sisters you know that's tough it's a tough way or a living it's hard enough doing it in your your rightful gender body I guess but imagine how much they get fucked with though I'm sure they get beaten up a lot yeah homophobes and lunatics and stuff yeah yeah

it's got to be so hard to go from being what do you think is harder going from a dude to a woman or a woman to a dude like what I pass for a guy easier than you would pass for a woman a hundred percent like a small like a fair dude yeah of course the hundred percent how about could I be leaving you imagine me as a woman like I'd be Leonardo DiCaprio though of course you're built the same way like in the beach you have the exact same belt you would be a hideous woman we have such a

hard time shaving your beard we could get the beard shaved I mean I'm thinking it's the face and shoulders and back and chest yeah it would be pretty bad pretty bad and that that shadow comes in pretty good yeah to go through so many laser treatments and stuff oh my god really I feel real pretty lady in the mirror now I'm real proud of this but proud of my look now but angel looks great though she could pass passes as a woman yeah I mean as a man a hundred yeah she's I mean he's

sorry that's a lot of years of treatment a lot of hormone a lot of commitment yeah a lot of work yeah you really got to want that man that's that is a full-time gig it's a tough gig man still fuck I'm wearing a thunder shirt today and that's enough of thunder shirt yeah I went to a stylist yesterday to help me is when I go on TV every time I see myself I'm like I look like a fucking asshole like you know cuz when you're on television first of all you look 10 pounds heavier and I'm

already fucking load for Hollywood standards I'm already please you know what I'm saying I'm not like an anorexic so I went to this professional lady to help me dress for television and so at the end of the day we've got all this great stuff we went to like H&M and found like really cool stuff at the end of the day she goes come with me to Target and I walk with her and she goes this is my secret this is what everybody does in show business and she pulls me over to the lingerie section

and she pulls out like they're like tank tops they're essentially thunder shirts for men and women and I'm wearing that my thunder shirt under my real shirt and it just mashes down your belly fat and stuff dude especially for if you're gonna be on camera and you're not you're not super thin it's a it's a smart thing for that on camera appearance well even ladies if you know if you have a belly like I do or you want to conceal that it just helps smooth everything out in it you

know when you put the shirt on this morning I put it on and I felt like my shoulders were gonna dislocate a little bit I was like well it's definitely the right size you want to wear that all the time yeah I want to wear that every day because you I feel more tucked in I don't feel everything jiggling when I walk you just secure it is it's like a yeah like a thunder shirt your best feels great under freaks I love that sandwich freaks me out I love that that works it works on

like thirty five percent of dogs works on me that they hear the thunder and then you put a vest on and they're like I know better well this feels safe yeah this makes me feel safe like I'm all tucked in okay it feels really nice and then I also don't eat as much because it's constricting around my stomach you know yeah every time I think of fat thought oh can't have it fast because we nice and skinny you feel better I do I like my thunder best well as long as you feel good about it

I think that's really all that matters really is all that matters your body American idols back this year with some new judges he sounds like he's missing teeth he I see his mouth is open in this freeze frame and I see one two three four five teeth all are they spread out at least like a jack-o-lantern very it's exactly like that missing I can count one two three four five six seven eight nine I would say at least ten or eleven

missing teeth but he doesn't let it affect his spirit he doesn't let it affect his vocals he doesn't let it affect his enthusiasm and his desire to share his voice and the words of our Kelly let's do is affirmations you've got at least five teeth got an excellent singing voice you've got a cardboard box nobody needs to show every day nobody needs to live indoors nobody needs to eat hard foods you go dumpster diving is the best you just because it's moldy doesn't mean it's not

edible just because it's puffy in the can doesn't mean that is expired you can do it your feet are strong barefoot a lot just because it's cold doesn't mean you won't make it through the night yeah we were in D sizzle we saw a lot of homeless there yeah not not a good city to choose for homeless right well I mean sonnier maybe yeah I would go warmer I would go Florida yeah I would go south Florida honestly because here even like Southern California you know we're pretty whatever

liberal state and you go the other not gonna yeah all that stuff's true they're not gonna you know lock them up if you're in Santa Monica but it gets colder than people think at night yeah desert yeah you got to go south Florida where it stays humid yeah and that even at night it's like 60 that's what I'm talking about now where I wouldn't go to Miami though would you go homeless Miami homeless South Beach is fine that would be nice I wouldn't go like homeless you know Liberty City

I would go South Beach why not no I I know I'm trying to think of where I would sleep you can't really sleep on the beach there and in South Beach they'd get you yeah but then they'd be like that's Christina she's homeless she's always she's not bothering anybody is that would that be your move of course Christina and I grow a beard you know homeless ladies have beard so you can't sleep here you know that right I can't say I fucking want let's just let her be there she's

not strong I can eat anything out of a dumpster all right all right all right yeah I mean she'll be out here by night let's go there's always a homeless people do what if that's a tactic you learn like they go like when you're homeless they go you know people are gonna fuck with you right so if you just do this we all go and people think you're scary and then they don't harass you there you go it's a homeless class the 101 you gotta have a cart full of bullshit and you gotta go

oh he knows all the words yeah the second verse how does he have those CDs or he doesn't have a car right oh yeah oh yeah how do you have the CDs sir I'd like someone to question him wait a minute why do you know this song how do you know music you're giving fucking the iTunes account what is this guy doing yeah man homeless people are super scary I've seen a lot of homeless guys jerking off to in my life a lot of homeless you have seen a lot

of jerking off yes mostly homeless that's lucky it is it is a blessing in the skies yeah it's just a special kind of treat especially when you're a young girl it's fun speaking of homelessness yeah do you remember our yuppie trip that we took we took a yuppie field trip yeah to one of our favorite yuppie places crate and barrel yep sometimes we go just to get out of the house and look at stuff will never ever own ever because you don't need an electronic pepper grinder you

know what I mean like you can do the motion of grinding your own pepper yeah you can what other I'm trying to remember those stupid so many different types of trays for so many things that I've never thought to put on a tray there's so many serving dishes so stupid for so here's that this is a catch up serving tray right this is a serving tray for salt put your water in this tray you need an extra cupcake holder you can't just put your cupcakes on a play yeah but I'm put your cup your

personal cupcakes on display like you own a bakery and then that way they look beautiful to nobody that's at your house I think you and I are the only two people that go into crate and barrel partially in part to lust after this crap will never have and then simultaneously mock a lot of the crap that they have that's exactly what we're doing and we're mocking a little bit out of our jealousy well we can't afford that shit who can I mean who's going to pay I mean you look at like one like

let's say you're gonna go after one section there one like little area for your like like one scenario let's say cupcakes and like everything in the cupcake realm that would be it like we would do that and then we would be like we have we have everything cupcake now right and then we would leave with nothing else right that's how it's so expensive and I like how we saw that they had a popcorn machine like you know you need this like we've invented a super easy way to do this

in the microwave why don't you make your life harder again I love it though I love and I love all the different utensils like I want all those kitchen utensils that they have that I'm not even sure what they do but I'm like that let's go I'd like to have that in my kitchen I want that pan and pot I want that weird knife that we want the steak whisker all like I want all of it for the steak me all the stuff they have I want all their coffee stuff oh I want the one thousand dollar

espresso machine that the longy one yes it's like nine hundred dollars yeah it's very I mean who the fuck I want creating barrel that why don't they have a contest and then the winner gets like their their whole I love I want all of it I want the dumb cupcake tray my favorite was that ridiculous coffee maker we saw that coffee machine where it's like it's a burlap sack and then you put the grinds in it and then you wait for the water to get hot enough and then you pour the water over the

burlap sack the one that we we saw we could see my cousin Brian painstakingly filter this coffee it only takes two hours for you to filter it through this burlap I can see I'm having it and be like hey can I get a couple coffee goes just about 15 minutes it's got to wait for these these beans to get to the exact texture do you feel this and then there's a there's a very small window to water can I have a fucking cup of coffee please right I am a hand grind these beans with this mortar

and pestle it's made out of ancient Chilean marble and the whole process takes five days I get naked completely so that there's we all know the first breaks taking the smells and the fabrics always feel right afterward because we all know the person who that's right for of course like that tickles them in a way or got nothing but time on there they don't want a button to push where it comes out they want to make the fucking coffee yeah they want to do it old school I don't want

any of that I want my life to be way easier me to yeah what is your life ready for this. They're standing in front of a nice house I think they're about to Rob. Okay. It's a nice house that he doesn't fucking live in I know that okay fucking five teeth you don't know how do you know he's not that guy that want American Idol remember wasn't

there some guy that gets saying yeah he ended up being poor again or I'm going out on a limb and guessing that's why. So anyways after our Creighton barrel trip we took a trip down to Lazy Boy and this is part of our just shop around yep you stop and not buy stuff for of course I mean because that's like a commitment I mean first of all that shit I can sleep in that store I want to sit in there and of course I want every chair in our house to be a lazy boy chair and then yeah

it's the awesomest and the best part is now you don't even have to pull that pesky lever you just push a button now that's right yeah the power chairs there's two different levels the first and like it's a thing now where they're like now they're making you feel like if you sit in a lazy boy chair that doesn't have a button right they're like you're a fucking loser why aren't you in the power chair and then mind you this is exactly what she's saying it's so that you

sit down and you can make the feet come up or the back lay back or sit up they each have separate buttons or you can press them at the same time and go lay flat on your back wait and it's not even a button in the arm rest no it's a remote control a separate remote so that you you're fat fucking lazy self doesn't even have to look for a button right and then you can then you were the best is the walk into it yeah and you know they're like you don't want the power one like when you

if you say the right one like there's a power version you like power I just sit there yeah but you don't have to sit there and reach over and pull the he had to pull that brown lever it's exhausting yeah all that effort you can just go we just add a computer to your chair but there's now even a new level of chair yeah that you don't have to sit down in the city you can lean back into and the chairs but receptacle area will meet you at the standing position yeah I saw we

saw that one and we're like mocked him you mocked it and then the guy was like yeah it is for people that are old and disabled or have knee problems I'm like oh okay yeah you're like oh imagine being a lazy piece of shit just standing into this chair because it looked like my ultimate dream of like oh I don't have to bend my legs now I can just have the chair meet me in the sky it doesn't make you and it pulls you down God I love lazy boy anything dude let's fucking

if we ever make our show business money first order of business lazy boys for everybody one for Theo one for me and one for Theo gets his own for you to get his own power chair son well he know how to press the button to think we'll teach him press here he just puts his paw and treats come out for him the chair makes treats love lazy boy yeah it's fucking awesome I love lazy boy too please any listener that works at lazy boy send us some chairs hook it up dude

hook now shit did they make lazy beds to like do they make those hospital beds I don't know if that company does but obviously that product is out there that's when you're really at the end you know you really shouldn't get that as a well person right yeah isn't that kind of surrendering to your ultimate demise of being a thousand pounds I think there's different way reasons you could need that you know you could need it for back problem right but I think at excluding those

things excluding those things it's yes a thousand pounds you're like I just want to eat my captain crunching bed I weigh I weigh I'm not sure I haven't weighed on a regular scale in years now that's what they always say but if you take me to the truck stop and you can minus the weight of the truck we can we can then there figure out what my weight is how much your truck weigh that's what they had to do to big black on robin big that's right they weighed him on like

a truck scale that's how they may weigh a man well or ebay this truck weighs a 4000 pounds and then now it says a 5500 pounds so we know that he weigh 1500 pounds he had a girlfriend no he had a wife he got married yeah and really good if you get married on your wedding night you might want to Oh we have to play the Chuck Woolery update I have to tell you about this yeah yeah yeah what happened with Chuck hey wolves what's going on Chuckles didn't greasy okay guys yeah

so I got this sent to you know your mom's podcast at gmail.com and so we don't know if this is the real Chuck Woolery we're assuming it is he's not verified at Chuck Woolery he's not a verified account we look him up are you looking him up sure I don't I don't know it does sound like him okay so someone a guy named Oprah's moose knuckle wrote to him Chuck are you aware that you say greasy rather than greasy in your radio commercial big fan and not troll Chuck writes back to Oprah

moose toe that's him Chuck the the unverified Chuck Woolery that's him that's definitely him okay so this is real Chuck Woolery he writes back to this guy who's like are you aware that you say greasy he writes a little of the Southern accent left in me so therein lies the mystery to greasy now is that a Southern accent jeans I guess it depends on who you ask and what little crazy I don't know if that's a real didn't greasy it's not I guess I don't know he's from Kentucky

doesn't stink I think that Southerners would say greasy still greasy ain't ain't greasy and I ain't crazy then greasy that is how you say in the south yeah he's got a greasy over and I ain't crazy I said feels forced yeah I don't know about you but but I don't like his bad breath in your in your bad breath will affect everything around you if you got that bad breath and put this in your mouth didn't greasy you know what's grosser than what's grosser than actual bad breath is the

phrase bad breath doesn't it sound awful horrible and greasy so there we go with the mystery of Chuck Woolery that's his yeah yeah yeah yeah he's a Southern guy we got this last let's see very this also came in to the email account it's says your mom's to your mom's podcast at gmail.com you can always email us your mom's podcast at gmail.com and this is says my best yet so let's give it a shot thank God wow that was the best that's from Jose thank you I wonder what

Jose had wow very bold I'm not sure what's more bold the fart or that you would record it and then email it to us I think the fart the fart that sounded like there was more than a little bit like yeah did you prep to make that happen that was really impressive it's interesting like deliberate choice of foods right hmm did you shove some air in there like a stripper yeah we'll never know King a stripper is the one that got away you know we went after him and we really

tried to no avail and I'm not sure if it's because he's such a polarizing figure on the show or you know he just wasn't receptive yeah I don't know I consider that one of our losses yeah too bad man kiss my ass really wanted to get him on we you know made a made him a star we did and he disrespected us like that yeah it's kind of messed up huh what can you do thanks for what we have for dinner I don't know but I got to get ready because I got to go to the

airport soon jeans you got to go to Pahenix we love you guys thank you very much for listening to the show and we'll be back soon all right bye mommy bye this is the main mommy signing off stop it that's not true I have a song for you I'd like to do with the I'd like to go to the bar plug in my eye five listen to him talk trash on that talking about your mom's house I can't stop that laughing ain't gonna happen to fix for a piss poor day to skate this course of mixed

sorts get the pitch fortune listen by the bell hey you're in jail laying with your Puerto Rican cellmate or when you tell they listen before the game starts play cards listen while you're shoplifting in Kmart honest I mean it it's not a big secret I'm often seated in the kitchen listening to Tom and Christina at the end of a rough day get a mug to drink get my not shade if I'm lucky get it then I love day just great like the devil loves flames like the devil loves heavy metal women

love snakes this is just the thing to help your nerves and calm down I like when out bitch welcome to your mom's house to your mom's house welcome to your mom's house welcome to your mom's house welcome to your mom's house welcome to your mom's house Starring Christina Przetski

and Tom Sedoro especially parents fly top dog it actually happened to me or Landon Airport watch and Joe double is there anything worse on the fire white wrap your mom's house your mom's house for the fees for the fees fresh fresh fresh out the kitchen

man out the kitchen man out the kitchen man