Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 215-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 18, 2014

Wait, White what? Ohhhhh. This gets pretty advanced pretty quickly. Some people can't sing, some people aren't retarded. But some people are an interesting mix up of both. We break it down for you. You might be surprised when we listen to the greatest song of our generation and strip it down to it's suspiciously "special" voice. Are all children actually retard(ed) sounding? A "Bad Girl" asks if you know what she's saying, but she has a special twist! Plus a hockey player throws hit hat in the ring as he drops a mountain of "You Know's" in an interview. Wear HEADPHONES for this one!

One, two, three, denim, go. I declare a thumb war. I declare a jean war. It's Friday. It's Friday. Big thank you to everybody that came out to San Diego. How much fun was that? That was a blast.

We had a crazy day. You taped your Ferguson. I did a Ferguson set, and then we raced down to San Diego to make the show. And you guys were there for a late Wednesday night, school night show. So thank you very much to everybody that came out. I think we'll have that episode to air shortly, but not yet.

So anyway, that was a lot of fun yesterday. Again, thanks to everyone that came out. If we are doing it again, I guess I would say tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, Saturday. We're going to be at the Ice House. Get away from your family. Holiday weekend.

Oh, it's the worst. Isn't it? Yeah. You hate your family as much as we do. Of course. 7.30 at the Ice House in the stage two room. We are doing the show 7.30 p.m. So you can also, if you can't make it to the show,

you can watch it for free streaming. And what is the link for that? It is H-T-T-P colon slash slash. It's not a backslash. It's a regular slash. I don't know. I'm asking. I think it's a, I don't think it's a slash slash slash.

I think you're right. Uh, www.cogo, that's c-o-g-o dot t-v slash your mom's house. If you type that into your electronic computer, your dot matrix, DOS program, it'll bring up a screen and you can watch it for free and you can donate to the show if you want to support us. You can bid on all kinds of things like signed t-shirts or shout outs on the show. It's a fun way for people who live in like Finland. We got an email from a guy that lives in France.

We sure did. Yeah. We get emails from all you guys who are like, I live in Kenya and I love your mom's house. Well, now you can watch us. I have that fantasy, you know, living in France, jealous. Or the naked ladies dance. I mean, all that shit goes down.

In France, I just, I really romanticized that experience in my head. Where would you live in France? What part? I mean, you know, I'm an artist. I need everything. I need the city impact. I need to be around Paris and then I need to go down to the Riviera just to unwind. So like, if we were doing international house hunters, you'd be like, Tom wants to live

in the city and by the sea. Christina wants a traditional countryside manner. Yeah. I like when they do the, that's exactly, I like when they do the demands. And they're like, but they're only willing to spend $500 a month and he's not willing to compromise for his pool and his six bedrooms that he wants ocean side. My favorite is when the Americans go to Europe and they're like, wait a minute, this ain't big enough.

I can't fit my recliner back here, my bar, my barcalaunder. What's this taste like? It don't taste like what? Ribs. It don't taste like ribs. That's right. What is this? Asparagus?

We had that guy. We had that guy in my study abroad program when we were in Spain, who after, after the first week, like after you split, you, first you arrive, you kind of, you meet up and then you split like after a few days of like getting to know stuff, everyone kind of goes. But then you, you know, you meet up again, especially towards the beginning. It's like a week later. It's like, how has your week been? And this one kid was like, you know, I guess it's, everything's all right, but the one

thing is that we are fucked on food and we were like, what do you mean? He was like, I mean, the food is terrible in Madrid. Yeah. Yeah. And in Spain, like one of, like without a doubt, one of the culinary capitals by far that, you know, the cuisine they produce and he was like, yeah, man, it's fucking horrible. So we're like, what are you, what are you doing? He's like, I just eat a burking every day.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Oh my God. I was like, what about when like the lady, cause you live with like a senora, right? Like an older lady. Yeah. What do you do when she puts out like lunch and dinner? I mean, I just, you know, I take a few bites or then I'll just throw it away in the garbage and then I go down and burking.

Yeah. And that's why, that's why they hate us. That's why every country hates Americans. Because of that guy. Is that one man? That one guy. Yeah. It's always, it's always one guy that fucks it up for everybody.

So anyway, yeah, we're at the ice house. Come see us if you're around or come or watch the show. Come watch it streaming. And then next week I'm at in Cleveland at the improv in Cleveland. I'm there Thursday through Sunday. I like your French pronunciation. Please if you listen to this show, please, and you can come to the Cleveland improv. Please come to the Cleveland improv.

Look, he's burying his bone with the imaginary dirt. You're in that greater area. Just please come out. Look, Tommy. Yeah. I can't see. He's burying his bone, but he's pushing dirt on it. And there's no dirt.

I know. He hates it. It's so fucking cute. No dirt there. He just, he pushes the imaginary dirt. Next week we're going to Vancouver or as you like to say, Vancouver and that's not what I say. What do you say?

Vancouver. Oh, that's right. Well, we're going to do the podcast live April 30th. There's only going to be one shot at that. Please come out if you can. And then the rest of the week we're doing standup at the comedy mix all shows at the comedy mix. So come check us out.

Where do you go the next? When do you go to? Addison improv April 24th through 27th and Addison Tejas. Addison's really, what is that, Dallas? Yeah, it's really Dallas. And then you guys, this is very exciting. We have just added this date for your mom's house live in Denver, Colorado at the Darkst Lounge.

Get your tickets now and also May 9th. We're doing your mom's house live at the Highline in Seattle, Washington, 9 p.m. show. Get your tickets June 6th, 9 p.m. I perform standup comedy alone, but never alone in my heart at the Fun House in Portland, Oregon. Please buy tickets and support this show. It's a new paradigm I'm trying out here. It's going to be awesome.

Just a one nighter and I really would love it if you guys would come out and support. Also, hey, if you haven't been there, go to www.yourmomshousepodcast.com and see what's there. Yeah, it's all new. All new. Tell me, what did you, your suggestion, which was brilliant. We're finally found a home place to add clips. So everybody's always asking for links.

Like where can I see this? I want to see the video that has that audio. Well, it's just, it's very basic now. There's only like five up or we're building and there'll be additions. So if you keep checking, like in a, you know, check this week, check next week, you'll see new clips. So we'll build a library so you can see the clip. Did you hear that?

Jesus Christ. Did you hear that? Did you register? Yeah. Registered. You want to know how these big tits fart? Yeah. You just didn't find that.

Please start saying that as your lead in, the next time you feel one, I'm talking about strangers. Okay. I want you to turn them and say, do you want to see how these big tits fart? And when they go, what? Like, yeah. And then they'll be like, that's how that's fucking gangster shit that you did that. Yeah.

So the super show, again, it's going to be added coming to Toronto, Toronto. And I believe those tickets are on sale. It's in July, July 12th. So we'll look for that on the site too. All right. Oh no, don't move on yet. Okay. Also you guys on this new site, we still have our Amazon banners up.

Oh yes. Please do your, your mother's day is just around the corner. Buy your mom. What are you going to buy your mom? Some rocks? I'm going to buy her some alpaca sweaters, a reminder of home. I'm going to buy my mom a bag of snakes. I don't really like her and buy her shoppings there.

You know, like if you go to Amazon normally, here's how this works. You go to your mom's house podcast.com, click on our banner and it takes you directly to Amazon. And like there's a secret special HTML code so that Amazon knows you came through our website. And all it does is like give us a tiny percentage of your purchases. So if you're going to buy a flashlight or what was it, the rude boy, naughty boy or the rude boy, rubber bands, condoms, lubricants, it's all there.

It's all there and it kicks back some money to somebody just tweeted us that they bought some piece of technology. So we thank you for that huge. That's a huge item purchase and it really, really means a lot. So thank you to those who have already done it. Please continue to do it. Thank you guys. It really helps.

It does. It really does. Well, it helps out. Let's do this again. Ready? Let's do this again. Ready? You ready to start the show?

I'm ready. All right, let's do this. Let's do this. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. This is the big guy. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Go momma, the fucking stamp welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house. What is going on. I don't know. It's like... Let's see. There's no bass in it or something. Sounds weird. Hmm.

There's no bass in that music. This is the big guy. No. That's weird. This is the big guy. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. There you go.

Go momma, the fucking stamp. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. There we go. There's the mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Perlizzi.

Christina Perlizzi. And Christina Perlizzi. Welcome to your mom's house. Tom's. Yeah. I could listen to that all day. What was that? I don't know, man.

That was... Oh, I'm sorry. Blue band script. This is... I like that. Whatever that is. I love it. This is...

Somebody sent us a girl singing opera. I love it. Da, da, da, da. Yep. It sounded a little different than that. I'm a good singer, though. She's a really good singer. Yeah.

I'm not as good as her. Yeah, see if I can find more of her singing. What is that song? Da, da, da. I don't know. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. I love this so much. And then it has where she sings.

You do this and then you actually have to sing the word. Right? I like how she sings. Yeah, well, hold on. It gets worse, almost. You know why it's not good? She's retarded. Okay.

All right. Listen, this show so far, we're going, here's what we've made fun of. Foreign Accent Syndrome. Yeah. People with Tourette's. Yes. We dropped the n-bomb a lot on this show. I think you're in the lead, but go ahead.

Who else have we made fun of? People with mental illness, GGL, and now retarded people. Well, we're not making fun of them. We are. No, I'm saying... We're celebrating them. What are you saying? Yeah.

Well, I'm just actually, I'm just saying, I want to just say how bad they are at singing. Uh-huh. But I'm saying it objectively. I'm not saying it to like, hey, you know, I got to get on, make a point about this. There's not like a thing I'm going to make fun of to, you know, on another level. I'm just pointing out that this isn't good. You can't just say this isn't good. So what you're saying is you're going to divorce the artist from the art.

You're not going to be like, oh, it sucks because she's retarded. Right. I couldn't put it the way I wanted to. Right. That's what I'm trying to articulate. I can't get it out. Like you could objectively say, Tom, it wasn't good the way you explained that. That wasn't good.

That wasn't, that was retarded. Right. Explain that. Right. So I'm saying anyone listens to that and goes, that was a terrible explanation. I would have to go, yeah, you know what it was. And all I'm saying is that this isn't good, you know. It's not good.

It's not as good as the kids of Whitney High. Those kids really had something, but this girl does have a talent. This is a different girl. Oh, it's different. Yeah. I like the other one. You like the opera singer. I don't like, it wasn't as good as you're giving it credit for.

God, what is that? No, I don't know. It's very popular. I'm sorry. Yeah, I love it. This is my favorite. There we go. I think it's pretty bad.

I love that. I think it's pretty bad. I love that. Really? Yeah. I would listen to that. I would not. It sounds like Edith Piaf.

I feel like she might be, I don't know. I think she's, well, I think they've misled her and into thinking that it's a really good job. How many views does it have? I don't have that video up. I mean. But when you record, like when you ripped it, did you? I don't remember.

I don't remember that one. What does she look like? She looks retarded. She doesn't look not retarded. Okay. Oh, like our eyes super close together far apart. I mean, you know, she's big. She's pretty big girl.

She's big girl, big, you know, she's not hot. That's what you're saying. Is she hot? No. That's what I was asking. Yeah. Is she hot? Would you bang her?

Would you have sex with her? Yeah. Definitely. That's number one. A number one question on everybody's mind. Would you sleep with her? Yeah. There's a bunch here.

Do you want to hear a young child try that has a disability thing? What kind of disability? I don't know how to put it. For an accent central? No. No. It's not. No.

Okay. Let's hear it. No, it's too much. Now you're going to draw the line. Yeah. I think it's too much. You've already introduced it. How can you pull?

You can't pull out this now. Okay. Oh, boy. Oh, now I'm begging for it. Now you have to. Okay. I see how the logic goes. It's not.

But again, it's not good. Yeah. But it just sounds like a young kid. Yeah. All kids sound like this. Toddlers. Yeah. Sure.

It does sound like when she's 25 too, you know. Sounds a little like Webster. A little like a Webster. I heard a little city connection there. Come on. You did not. I heard just a little bit of city connection. The wing, wing, day, oh my, and that get to night.

You think he sounds... Yeah. Retarded. Well, he... No, he does not sound retarded. Yes. Yeah. He's got the little person voice, you know.

Wing, wing, day, oh, listen to city connection, play it. I'm telling you, it's my ringtone I hear every day. All right. There we go. All right. Come on. Holy shit. Holy shit.

See? He's retarded? Webster's retarded? I'm a couple dancing tonight. City connection. That's all I know. What's it gonna do? What's it gonna do?

What's it gonna do? I don't want to... I don't want to connect too many dots, but you know who else they sound like? If you... They kind of also sound just like... Fuck with my ass, man. Fuck with my ass, man. Here.

Wow. Is there a better song in the last 35, 40 years in city connection? Can you think of one better song? So, but I'm gonna be... What? I can't believe you just said that. I can't believe you. You said that was so much conviction.

I was totally serious. That's why I said that was conviction. Wait. There's two songs. That song and... No! Disappeared in one second. Come on.

I know. So that's maybe number two, but number one. Yeah. Come on. Oh, sorry, sorry. Here we go for the rest of it. Yeah. See?

Gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do.

It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do.

It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. It's gonna be on my back. It's gonna do. It's gonna do. I have constanial.

I have constanial. I have constanial. I have constanial. I have constanial. I have constanial. I have constanial. Oh my God. Thank God, the FCC doesn't

police podcast like I mean this is ridiculous. Hold on. This is the most offensive episode we've had. You think so? No not yet. Babe we've dropped Boms.

We did not. You just said white and I didn't say anything. That was a senator, uh-huh? It was. City connection with Why are you saying that I said it? I didn't say it?

You said it because you pushed the button on the soundboard… I know what could be more offensive. I said what could heighten it but I don't say that. I said it. I didn't say this is a senator.

I think it's a senator bird. I've seen a lot of white there in my time. I didn't say it. He does have a point. Yeah. He has probably seen a lot of those in his time.

Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. And then there was retarded people singing. What possible… One was a child. Right.

What possible context did the senator have to say that phrase? What possible realm did the senator have to say that phrase? What possible realm did the senator have to say that phrase? What possible realm of possibilities would somebody have caused to say that

in public and have it recorded? Really have it recorded is the real… Well, recorded would almost imply that he didn't know somebody was there. He did this during a news interview.

Wow. A sit-down interview. Cool. Where they asked him about race relations. And that's… He said… Oh.

I think that… They're much, much better than they've ever been in my lifetime. Yeah. So… That's cool. That's good, right? I think we…

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we… This is my personal opinion.

I think we… Mmm. Mmm. Talk about race too much. Okay. That's the old white guy's opinion? Yes.

Yeah. I think there are… I think those problems are largely behind us. Oh. Cool. I think we can all profit by our mistakes.

See, you're doing all right here. All this stuff, you can be like, oh, that's this guy's opinion. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You're still in the clear. That's the old white man's opinion that racism's over.

Right. He's like, I don't know what you fucking n-words… Right now it's… But see, you know, he's not there yet. It's still shielded

in that like, I'm just trying to move on. Come on, guys. That's what it's shielded in right now. I'm tolerant. Yeah. It's all…

Loving white old man. And he's like, you know, let's not focus on it as much. And you go like, all right. Like… Settle down.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. This is the same old political rhetoric. There's nothing… That understanding and race relations.

But I think… Yeah. We… I just think we talk so much about it. That may help, I think, create somewhat of an

illusion. Right. Yeah. Talking about it does ruin the problem. Make it worse. Kind of boring. I think we

try to have goodwill. Yeah. My old mom told me, Robert, you can't go to heaven if you hate anybody. Right. Boring. Boring.

We practice that. There are white niggers. Wait. Hold on. What? What did you say? What are you… Well, I thought we were talking

about your mom and heaven a second ago. What did you just say? I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word. What? I'm sorry.

And then he goes, I don't use that word? If you want to use that word. But he does. He really does. If you want to use, or if I want to use it, which I do,

which I just did, because I want to use it. Some people say niggers like me. Some people don't, but I say it. No. You hate to say it. That's what he,

he's one of those, you hate, you hate to have to say that if, I guess you don't have to, but if I want to, and I have to, then I'll,

well, let's just move on. There are white niggers. Wow. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word. But we've all,

we've all, we just need to work together to make our country better grand. And I just soon, quit talking about it so much. Now after our conversation Friday, I went back to visit with Senator Byrd,

and he said, Let me see. Let me guess. Was it a big accident? And that it just, what, I just didn't mean it. But I,

you know, this is, I was trying to make a point. There was a term I used in the discussion of, which term? These relations that people may misconstrue.

His office has put out the following statement. Regarding that, it is quote, I apologize for the characterization I used on this program. The phrase dates back to my boyhood and has in place in today's society.

Dates back to my boyhood. Back when we could just say what we wanted to. Now you guys, I'll talk about it too much. Can't just throw that word around anymore. It's real bummer.

You guys got to stop talking about it so much. I'm looking at a problem. I just assume I don't have to be problematic. I mean, there are what niggers and then there are niggers. If you want to make it,

make a thing about a thing. Y'all ever heard a retard girl sing opera? I mean, is that not retarded? Oh my God. I mean, I love his logic. I'm talking about it guys. I mean,

the problem goes away if you just stop talking about it. You guys talking about it so much makes it keep going. God. Every time. He's fucking black mother fuckers. I want to say the same shit.

It's like fuck. No, I know what you're saying. Just let it go like it used to be. Back when the white stuck with the whites and the women just cooked in clay. I get it.

Your dad or granddad got killed for a note because he's black. I mean shit. I'm tired of hearing it. You know, move on, man. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Well, well, well.

Goddamn. Come on. Say the same shit every week. Equal rights. Civil rights. Blah, blah, blah. I ain't got no job. Well, neither fucking,

I didn't have a job. I got a job, man. Fucking grow up. Our ancestors were slaves. So what? Suck it up. Move on. Big deal.

Jesus. He's unbelievable. Big deal. That is unbelievable. You got to work harder. Wow. Oh. When?

Do we know? A few years ago. That's too bad. I remember. What a real treasure. Yeah. Too bad. He's a real treat.

Would you like to know a little bit of history behind him? What a loving, wonderful man. I'd like to know more about him. Okay. Well. Let's see. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Doo, doo, doo.

Man, I just burped up garlic. I had Mediterranean food for dinner. Yeah. You know, they give you that garlic paste, too. It comes with the hummus. Mm-hmm. I fucking dollop that shit like an ice cream scoop. You know, I fucking, you sounded just like a girl were about to play a clip.

You sound just like a girl were about to play a clip. Babe. But I wanted to tell you. So stupid. Fuck, I'd battle that shit, you know. Fuck. United States Center from West Virginia. Where he was from.

Oh, West Virginia is very tolerant. Yeah. Very open-minded. In the early 40s, Senator Byrd recruited 150 of his friends to create a new chapter that Ku Klux Klan. What? That guy? Yeah.

According to Byrd, according to Byrd, a clan official told him you have a talent for leadership. We had an a new chapter. He initiated a whole new chapter here. We can start one right here. Come my house. Start meetings can start in my house. The country needs young men like you in the leadership of the nation.

He later recalled, suddenly lights flashed in my mind. Someone important had recognized my abilities. I was only 23 or 24 years old, he said. And the thought of a political career never really hit me. But strike me that night it did. The night that somebody said you should open a new chapter of the Ku Klux Klan. That's when I was like, I have leadership in me. You got to open your heart to hate.

You got to hate. Let's see. In 1946, Byrd wrote to segregationist Mississippi Senator Theodore Bilbo. He wrote, I shall never fight in the armed forces with a Negro by my side. Rather, I should die a thousand times and see old glory trampled in the dirt, never to rise again. Then to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race Mongrels. To throw back to the black specimen from the wilds.

He wrote that to Senator Theodore Bilbo in 1946. But the thing is, later on, I realized then that I had misspoken. I got misinterpreted. It's a quote, but it's not the full quote. It's part of the letter I wrote that has things that I thought and said. I know now that I was wrong because someone just told me in 2005, I know now that I was wrong. That took him to 2005.

Back then, we were just allowed to hate. Now it's politically great. That's really neat. That's really neat. What's really neat, I like when white people blame black people for slavery. Guys, it was your ancestors, particularly white southerners, PS, who had fields to plow that brought black people here. Let me ask you this.

How long do you think he was in office with that kind of mentality? In West Virginia? Were they shoot moonshiners? Guy named Tickle wears denim overalls and no shirt? How long do you think he held office? I'm going to give him a long time because I think... When did he start? He began holding office in January 3, 1959.

He had a nice long run. I would say well into the 80s. He stopped June 28, 2010. Wow! Wow! How do you explain the longevity of a career like that when... I've seen a lot of white bears in my time. There you go.

So unbelievable. I got to say, if you are a black person, I can't imagine why you're living in West Virginia. I can't imagine. It's just... They hate everybody there. They hate women. They hate everybody.

You've really taken a stand on places in the last place. You know what it is, man? It's that I've performed in the South and I like the people as individual people, but culturally, dude, it is not a common... If you got a ski on the end of your name or your skin's not the right color, forget about it, man. You're an outsider.

You're a big-time outsider. It's very difficult culturally to blend. Damn, a lot of people went to his funeral. Sure. Jesus. Now, I'm saying the president went. President Obama went. To this fucker's thing?

To Vice President Biden went. Oh, hell no. President Clinton went. Oh, hell. And they all send the memorial service for Bird in West Virginia. So they all made the trip there. Negative. Negative.

I'm surprised Obama did. I mean, I guess he had to, but... Does he have to? He's a president. He has to be above it. He has to... But why do you have to go to everybody's funeral? You know, Martin Luther King,

he believed in using love to defeat hate, to diffuse hate. That is the higher road. Some people are just assholes, though, man. You call an asshole an asshole. That guy's a fucking asshole. Here's what he said. I want to hear what he said. Which one?

President Obama. He said Robert Bird was as much a part of the Senate as the marble busts that line its chambers and corridors. His profound passion for that body and its role in responsibility... For racism. ...was as evident behind closed doors as it was in the stem winders he peppered with history. He held the deepest respect for members of both parties, minus blacks, and he was generous with his time and advice.

Unless you were black. Something I appreciated greatly as a young black senator who knew deep inside he hated me. It's a direct quote from the president. Yeah, and I'm guessing the senator didn't like women. You know who Senator Bird was? I see this sometimes. I see this when I'm working with comics.

When I have a black comic, we're on the same show. An old white guy will come up to us after the show. Yeah. And out of nowhere, right? They'll be like, that was a good show. I enjoyed the show. I'm like, thank you. I know he's kind of lingering.

I'm like, why is this guy... I can tell he's lingering. Yeah. And then the old white guy will kind of look at the black guy and he'll go, I knew a black fella and I used to work with and used to drive a Chevy. And like the black guy would be like, okay. He's like, yeah. Just thought of him for some reason.

Like old white guys will do that. They'll quote the black thing they know. Yeah. And then they'll be like, all right. Yeah. Take it easy. Yeah. Yeah.

It's always kind of weird when an old white guy compliments you on your stand up. Because on the one hand, you're like, I don't really want... You don't want to win him over? You to be my demo, dude. Like, I'm pretty sure you drop n-bombs. Not ironically, not in... You know what I mean? Like, I'm not sure you should be on my team, dude.

You don't fucking like me. When they're the only ones that come up to you, like when old dad boners, and they're like, we think you're funny. And you see like young people walk by and you're like, oh shit. Dad boners are the best. Yeah. Man, my work group. Now, Jerry in accounting needs funny.

You know what I got this past weekend? What? Well, yeah, last weekend was I got a guy who goes, I enjoyed you and I go, thanks. He goes, yeah, I'm the one that like kind of crosses the line in my group. And I was like, cool, man. Everybody's always telling me that, you know, I took it there. I was like, uh-huh.

He's like, why did Michael Jackson... Oh boy. And I'm like, oh, no. He dropped one on me and I was like, yeah, you took it there, man. Definitely took it there. You know, it's funny, Michael Jackson, and you mentioned City Connection being the best song of all time. That's 40 years.

You're saying City Connection holds up against Michael Jackson's thriller? Blows it out of the water. Michael Jackson's off the wall? Just absolutely levels it. George Michael's faith? I believe that one, like a million Grammys. I'm saying it, you know, rivals Beatles. Whitney Houston, she won a bunch of shit too when she was alive.

Rolling Stones. Stones. Houston. City Connection. Madonna. Madonna, yeah. Prince. Diana Ross and the Supremes.

Wherever you want to go. Fucking... Webster did his thing. He did his fucking thing, man. Yeah. That is a song that kind of grows on you, and I like it so much. It is my ringtone now, and I just love it every time my phone rings.

I don't hate it when my phone rings, normally. Mm-hmm. But I know it's you calling, because it's your personal ringtone. That's mine? Yeah, but I've heard it from other people. For other people, originally it was yours. Your side squeezes and your side piece. My side piece?

Yeah. Who's my side piece? You have some side DNA. Let's talk about it. I don't fucking know. I couldn't even imagine. I couldn't imagine letting another man ejaculate inside of me. Yeah, I can imagine.

It's swelling up just thinking about it right now. Remember when we were listening to Dr. Laura Berman on the way home from San Diego? Yeah. And that lady... That was just Oprah Radio, and the lady was like, and then my husband murdered my two children. Oh, my God. And then he tried to kill me.

Dude, that was the most horrific audio I've ever heard. Like, just the saddest shit I've ever heard. Why were you laughing? Like, what? And then why did you put your heart on it? Well, I mean, it's funny to think about that, you know, he couldn't kill the wife. You know? Because that would have been easy for you.

No, that was terrible, man. That really fucked me. I thought about that today. Really? Yeah. When you were jerking off? Yeah, right before I finished. I was like, I kill this family.

Yeah. No, it was super sad, man. Yeah, it was kind of a bummer. It was so crazy. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about sad things. I don't want to talk about negative or sad things. You know what's really fucked up is that that lady was like, there was no signs.

He was like totally normal. Everybody next to her said there were signs. That was the indicator. Like the mother-in-law, the best friend, they were like, oh no, there were signs. Jerry was an asshole. I had no signs. Yeah, that's the thing is like. I'm not fine.

Yeah, they always are like, he was totally normal. I mean, yeah, he was bipolar, manic, depressive, but I mean, he would go through these mood swings where he would break everything in the house and then start crying. And you're like, hmm. How about her would cry in the shower? Yeah, I remember that one. Yeah. Her called the shower.

Yeah. She knew. She fucking knew. When did you record this for us? When did you do this? Mom, this ain't, man. No. I don't feel comfortable here.

Did you get what I'm saying? You got eight hangers. Okay. You know what I'm saying? There's one shower. There's two bathrooms with a curtain, no mirrors. And man, it's just, you know what I'm saying? It's no privacy.

You hear me? It's no mother. Privacy. I'm good off this. When I got someone at home that's willing to take care of me and wife me and you know what I'm saying? This ain't me. You know what I'm saying?

If I had my own TV show, hell yeah, I probably love it, you know, but this ain't, this ain't fun. This is, this is me not being comfortable. I just don't like it. So that's the shame. White niggers. Oh my God. You did not just do that.

Babe, this show has crossed the line. No, it's not. You, you just, oh wow. She is, she is a total fucking weed girl. No, that's not what I was, I was, what? What are you saying? That's not what I was saying. She's a total weed girl.

This is from Bad Girls Club. What the fuck is that? That's where they like just, they get like girls with terrible personalities, bad attitudes, and they just film with booze in a house, right? And they're like, just be cunts. Yeah. And this started on the Oprah network, I believe, right? What?

Yeah. This was originally not on own, but on the other one that she... Oxygen? Yes. Yes. And it was called Bad Girls Club and it's basically a bunch of fucking retards fighting. There's absolutely zero intrinsic value to the show. I have a really hard time watching it because it is like fuck ups.

Just hitting each other. It's so hard to watch. But this girl, yeah, that was a conversation with her mom and her mom was like, why don't you just stay? Like, come on. Like, what do you mean? Sad you're wasting this opportunity. Like, what opportunity so your daughter can get into fights on television with other white

trash? Like, what are you talking about, dude? She did throw in some YKWIS though. So she's throwing her hat in the ring. And sadly, it's our fault. We haven't got a chance to really calculate. There was somebody offered to calculate everything. Yeah.

I definitely need to get on top of that. Yeah. Yeah. It's very important work. We're trying to do the Lord's work here. Now, how do you feel about somebody else throwing their hat in the ring? Wait, wait. Before we move on.

Yeah. I liked her use of privacy. Switching from the street slang to the Queens English and dropping some privacy on us. Let's let's hear her. Give it. Give it a spin. Hey, man. Oh.

I'm feel comfortable here. Did you get what I'm saying? You got eight hangers. Okay. You know what I'm saying? There's one shower. There's two bathrooms with a curtain. No mirrors.

And man, it's just, you know what I'm saying? It's no privacy. You hear me? It's no mother f***ing privacy. Privacy. Yeah. You know what you get what I'm saying? What I'm saying?

You talk like that. You sound like her. I sound like that, bro. Yeah. You sound like her. Bro. Bro. You get what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I got a man back who's going to wife me. You know what I'm saying? You know. You know what I'm saying? You got it. You know.

You know, I'm like eight hangers. No mirrors. I'm the mirrors. You can look in the mirror. She's so I trash this broad. Jesus Christ. I get it though. I've done reality show.

Believe me. Like when I did road rules. Yeah. There is no privacy, but I did one stupid fucking challenge and they took the doorknobs off of the bathroom so that you couldn't lock the door and you couldn't take a shit in peace. It's very stressful to be in a house with people on these reality shows. I bet. I bet it is.

It's not a good time. She's right about that. I know what you're saying. I see what you mean. You know what I'm saying? There's no privacy. You know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying about privacy.

You know what I'm saying? Now, somebody else. She obviously is throwing her hat in the ring. She wants us to know if we know what she's saying. A hockey player named Mark. I don't know how to say his last name. Shaeful. Oh, I saw that.

Yeah. Mark S. He is in an interview. Now, he doesn't say the fool. You know what I'm saying? But he does say, you know, which is essentially it's just it's shorthand for you know what I'm saying. It's a variant.

It's a variant. Yeah. Can you guess how many times he says, you know, in an interview? How long is the clip? A minute 28. It's a long time. I'm going to go for like 57. Wow.

That's really a lot. Let's see what he does. Let's see, Mark. You know, obviously, you know, we didn't get up the start that we wanted to and you know, we left them in the game and, you know, it showed a lot of character, you know, coming back and you know, I ended up winning in 6-3. So, you know, it's definitely a lot of character, but we've got to, we've got to, you know, calm down on those, you know, slow starts for sure.

Are you personally, I mean, lots of bumps and bruises today. You played through it, but how are you feeling and how did you get through it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to play a lot of character, but we've got to, you know, calm down on those,

you know, slow starts for sure. Are you personally, I mean, lots of bumps and bruises today. You played through it, but how are you feeling and how did you get through it? You know, I'm feeling good. You know, I just had, you know, you know, kind of take a little deep breath, a few deep breaths on the bench and you know, I just, you know, cool myself down. Not gonna anger, not get at anything like that. And just, you know, focus on the game, focus on what we had to do and that was when the

game, you know, I thought, well, I think did a good job with that. As a player... This is amazing because I thought this was going to be a mash-up. It's just a straight clip. It's just straight from the interview, even with the interviewer speaking. So you actually have to trim time off the video. I see. When you calculate his, you know, because he isn't even speaking for the whole clip.

This is remarkable. This is a discovery and we are grateful. Was it confusing at times with the officiating out there? You're not knowing what was going to be called? You know, we just had to go out there and play our own game. You know, it's not our job to, you know, officiate the game. Our job is to, you know, try to win the game and, you know, that's what we had to focus on.

I think a lot of the guys did a good job at that and, you know, I think that shows a lot of character by us. Did you get a good look at Anthony? He said he felt it was clean, but did you get a chance to see him? You know, I kind of thought I didn't really get... I can't really get a good opinion on it just because, you know, I didn't really see it that much, but, you know, it's, you know, it's on our hands. So, you know, we just got to pass that for sure.

You guys were down to ten forwards for a good point. It's still going and it's still not over. I'm counting. I'm keeping an active count. If you're fortunate in the game, that really does show your versatility with all the guys. Yeah, exactly. You know, everyone's, you know, everyone's willing to play every possession. Everyone's willing to, you know, do the best for the team.

I think that shows a lot of character by the boys and, you know, I think it's, you know, it's a good sign for sure that we were able to, you know, if we're down players, we're able to, you know, step into a different role and, you know, play it. And I think it's definitely a very good sign. Thanks, Mark. Thank you. What do you got? Hold up, dude.

I got to count this shit up. You got a needed calculator? I need an abacus. Yeah, that was, that was impressive. I have no idea who he is, but he's definitely, he's part of the conversation. We're not just going to cut him out because he doesn't use the full. I think it's the same thing as you feel me, you smell me, you dig, you get what I'm saying, you know what I'm saying, you know, it's the same intent.

It's the same lane. I'm going to, okay. So I got my number again. This is just off of the initial hearing of it. Yeah. Let's see. I'll tell you if you mean, I know the number. Oh, you do.

You can do it. You know, yeah. I got 34. Wow. You're really close. Okay. It's 36. Oh, okay.

There's a, you know, count on the screen. That's the only reason I know. I was off my initial guess by 23. Oh, really? I guess 57. Oh, right. That's right. Yeah.

But that's, that's pretty remarkable. Yeah. It's a lot and a lot of white guy, you know, which is really interesting. We got a lot of, you know what I'm saying is from white people today, which is nice. Yeah. Mix it up. All right. Well, it's, um, let's see if there's some, you know, in this interview here.

God damn. Pimp. Pimp. Shut up, bitch. Hey, what's up, man? MCT pushing the bay. When you think of Oakland rap, you think of the Oakland pioneers. Because I think he has a variant too.

I think of Oakland. Period. The town. Yeah. I'm going to guess Oakland has some, you know what I'm saying. Yeah. But I feel like, I feel like this has a variant too. This is drew down.

I think of one person drew down. What's up, baby? I'm trying to win it. I'm sorry. Well, it's the Oakland man, bitch. Can't. Chew down. Chew down.

No, not chew down. Oh. Chew down. Oh, it's a real thing. Yeah. You know, I got cream. So come on. Uh-huh.

Don't give me 10 to 20 dollars. So I can give you right to do you. You won't. No, this guy. I don't know. I'm about the OGs, man. I, everyone watching knows we're pushing the bays about. It's about the OGs, about the nineties movement.

Just talk about the history, dude. And what you done for this game. Everybody out there in the world, you know, we international. You know, it ain't just town bound. You know, we everywhere. You feel me? Great jeans. You know, me and my little brother.

Yuck mouth. You feel me? No, I'm skilled. You feel me? It'd be our students of freedom. You know, we got a lot of things going on, right? He's dancing between the, you know, and he feels me. So crazy.

So crazy. That's what I like when you can dip your toe in both waters. Now today, but you know, in history, I am history. You feel me? I don't talk about it really like that. You feel me? But I am. Feel me?

That one who been out there since 89. You feel me? Right at the two short father dog, you know, and bang Spoo Man. You know what I'm saying? And deadly dog rap. And he dropped, you know what I'm saying? That was a lot, dude. Yeah.

Wow. Yep. Yep. So drew down also in the conversation. Wow. Also in the conversation. Now there is one other thing. Oh, by the way.

That guy was amazing. And who's Yuck mouth, which I'm not sure is a very flattering MC name. Yeah. Come on. You don't know that for real. DJ Yuck mouth. No, he's not a DJ. No.

Aren't they all MCs? DJs? Well, some people are. Mike controllers. MCs. Yucks. Yeah. He's, um, there's a, well, there's Yuck.

Oh, we were trying to get Yuck with a clown on. Remember that? Yuck. Oh, it's so famous though. I know. He's way out of our league. I got his email. I'm sorry?

I emailed him. You emailed Yucko. Yeah. When? A friend of mine knows him. Shut the front door. Yeah. Are you fucking with me?

No. That's a huge guest. I know. I tried to, I tried to get him on. I'm so mad about King Ass Ripper. I feel like he really fucking snubbed us dude. Yeah. Um,

Whatever. Do you know that Yuck mouth though is not his birth name? No. It's Gerald. Gerald. Hmm. Yep. It's a pretty tough name, Gerald.

You remember the loonies? I'm sorry? You remember? I got five on it. I got five on it. I know that one song. Yeah. Yeah.

Yuck mouth was one of those guys. Huh. Well that is interesting Tom. It's not as good as City Connection though is it? I don't know man. That's one of my all time favorite songs. I feel like that is, I love that beat. That is a masterful, masterful beat.

Like the, the, the, I don't know who produced that. But it's an all time classic to me. And this song carried me through, I want to say ninth grade. This was it man. It was an SWV. This was the anthem. Oh, ninth grade I graduated. Oh my life.

I remember this song. It's a good song. Come on. This is all time classic man. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

That's when I just got into weed in ninth grade. You're so black. What are you talking about? I'm married a black guy. Just chill, let it hit you for some time. I know this song. I know this song. You know what I'm saying?

I was in Florida. You feel me? I was down there. Let's take it back to what year is this, when you're in 9th grade? I feel like this would have to be around, this has to be around 94. That's the year I graduated from high school.

By the way, incidentally, 1994, the year Kurt Cobain died. Do you remember that? That was a huge thing in white culture. Let me see if I'm right. Did you have any recollection of that? No, it was 95. This came out in 95. Do you remember the day Kurt Cobain died?

Yeah, I remember that. Of course, it was big. It was huge news. How would I not know that? Just checking. Just making sure you have your white card. This song comes out in 95. I was a sophomore.

What does it feel like for you? I've always liked hip-hop beats more. It's my favorite thing to listen to. That's what I like the most. I like it more than even hearing the lyrics. Growing up a young black girl. Yeah, I heard this. It just resonated with me.

Doesn't it just hit certain people? That's what I thought. You know what? I don't resonate as much. We were talking about this yesterday. I'm saying what you do like is just something that hits you and you just like it. It tugs on your balls. Yeah, you don't have to think about it.

This is me right here. That's what I'm saying. This to me feels comfortable. You have the soul of a strong black man. I don't know if that's it though because I feel like... No, you do. You do, dude. Really?

You love... Because I got a manicure this week? I think your essence, something about hip-hop culture or black culture, really resonates with you. Yeah. Maybe it's because you two are oppressed being white upper middle class male from well-to-do neighborhoods in Florida. I understand.

It's the same. You guys struggle. You struggle. I don't identify with the struggle though. I just identify with the way I love the way it sounds. The beats. Yeah, it's just what I like. Yeah, I know.

I know. You know, when all this stuff, when I started listening, it was probably like eight or nine, like I was younger. And that's when like that 80s hair music, the... Bar rock. Yeah, all the poison, death leopard, all that stuff. Right. But all my friends did.

So a lot of them like that. And I just like this more. That's it. I have to smell you. You dig me? I didn't like what was going on in popular culture either. You said you wanted to... Yeah.

No, I didn't give a fuck about hair ban. But it wasn't that to me. It wasn't that like this is... I'm not identifying with what's popular. It literally was press play. I don't like that, press play. I like that. Same with me though.

I didn't actively go, oh, I don't like Mariah Carey. I just, to be contrary, I'm going to like, you know, the dead Kennedys. Hold on. You don't like Mimi? I don't like that stuff. No. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you?

No, it's just what you gravitate towards. I think because you share an ethic, like you share a... There's something about it, dude. It's your soul. Let's resonate with that stuff. That's true. Yeah. You said you wanted to start a segment.

We were in Brooklyn. Yeah. I decipher what rappers are saying. Oh, it's my favorite. Yeah. Do you have a clip? I pulled something. Oh, you did?

Is it that? I don't know. It's called Unintelligible. No, I didn't pull that. It was from yesterday's thing, but... I pulled this. I just wanted to know if you know what's being said here. Oh, for me?

No. Just try. Everywhere. Like, I ain't live everywhere. I'm from Park Hill Projects. You know what I mean? Wow. So he was, you know, over here, over there, so he pretty much knew everybody.

But at the same time, the people that he knew probably wasn't fond of us at the same time, neither, because they didn't grow up with us. It's the same typical shit, you go to the hood and niggas, you know, 10 blocks away, niggas don't know you. Niggas don't fuck with you. Niggas are gun you if they feel like you in the way. You know what I mean? So we always stayed on our side.

So when Rizzo formed this alliance, you know, the names that was brought to the table, it was definitely spoken on, like, else. I don't really fuck with ghosts. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, he's a crook. You know what I mean? We tell her how it is. You know what I mean?

But that didn't mean that he wasn't talented. You know what I mean? He wasn't a man of respect. Ghost was always, he was both. You know what I mean? He could have been a crook, but he's one of the niggas that's coming for you. It's like, if we say he's coming, he's coming. You know what I mean?

So, you know, us always sticking our head out and watching out for these niggas, because, you know, you never know. You got to know. Okay. Here's what I, here's what I understand of this clip. Yeah. Listen, I know he's referring to the Rizzo, the Jizzah, Ghostface killer. This is the Wu-Tang Clan.

Do you know who's speaking? No. No idea. It's one of those members. Capitano, Cappuccino? Nope. One of the original nine. The King of All Rainbows?

He's making food in the kitchen. Jizzah? Uh-uh. The chef. Don Juan? Don, the magic bishop? What's his name? Don.

Don Magic Juan? Rayquan. Rayquan. Mother afer. Okay. I know he's referring to the members of the Wu-Tang. Right. I have no idea what's got, like what, what it's in reference to or what's happening.

Can you tell me a wise one? Yeah. I mean. Rap whisperer? This doesn't even seem like there's anything to decipher though. I have no idea what, like I know who he's referring to. I'm not sure what the story is. I have no fucking idea.

I mean, he's saying that there, there was, you know, there was some beef. There was also some heightened confusion and, and confrontation because one of his associates, basically the ringleader, Rizzah, is somebody who was associated with a lot of people. So he brought these outsiders in for a project. And what Rayquan is saying is that going to work with outsiders is a lot like being in neighborhoods with outsiders. Like if we don't know who you are, then there's a problem. So there was that underlying tension when trying to work with these people that Rizzah

brought in. I've, I've, I can't believe you deciphered that. Well, you're saying that, you know, they're also, they would respect who you are like, but you know, they might not know you or they might know something about you that they don't like, you know, do you know what I'm saying? That was amazing genes. That was basically like me reading Heidegger and being able to understand it. Damn it.

You listen to rappers and you understand it. So should that be my second podcast? What, what the hell are rappers saying? Maybe. Three minute episodes. Maybe. That's really funny. We know we need for the segment a song.

We need intro to what the hell is a rapper saying? And then Tom Segura can decipher what rappers are saying. Yeah. That's a good idea. Man. It's just a good idea. How the fuck do you understand this shit? I mean, I thought it was clear as day.

I do. You're the one that brought to my attention. We were listening to that one clip. And before, I guess when we went to Brooklyn, I played that for you. The webby talking about free boozy and stuff. No, no clue. Do you have the little meow that I? Oh, you may not have it on your computer because we had to delete them all.

No. What is it? There's a clip. It's labeled unintelligible. Oh, no, I don't have it. Let me see if I have it on this file. Hold on a second. I don't remember this at all.

I'd really like for you to take a listen to that guy and see if you can understand. Tell it. No, I don't have it. Sorry. Well, it's on my pooter. We'll save it for the next time. And I sure I promise the listeners we will do unintelligible guy. I need you to decipher that code.

Yeah, we should play this game more. I'm having fun with this. Yeah, for sure, dude. Okay. All right. Yum. Sorry. Okay.

Do you get what I'm saying right now? Oh, you know, you know what I'm saying. All right, we got to get out of here. Thank you guys for listening. You guys wear your jeans the highest. Don't forget to check out the new website, your mom's house podcast.com. If you are in the greater Los Angeles area, we are going to be at the ice house on Saturday night for 19 jeans.

Is there anything else to say? Do you have anything to say? Twitter at Christina P at Tom Segura, please follow us. You know, I get it. Maybe you're not big on Twitter, but it really helps us communicate directly with you guys if changes come up. Plus, you get to stay abreast of things that, you know, other people don't know about. You don't want to listen and miss out.

There you go. I love you. We love you. I believe with Garrett Plummer, mommies, pull them up jeans. Updated, updated weekly. Doesn't smell, doesn't burn, it's greasy. It's Christina P, main mommie, T nuts. You need to wipe down to try and clean up.

Know what I'm saying? Like FIFO, take a walk with me. This is your mom's house. Honestly, honestly. You