Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 218-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 30, 2014

Come on, guys! Say it with me! Working for my company is fun!!! Lets sell market stuff and sell it and also ship it, yeahhhh! Jobs should be exciting and so should telling the world about it. Lets get social - Social. We feel for you if your coporation or boss is one of these wind bags who tries to dress up work like it's fun. Or worse, when they think you're stupid enough to buy into making profit for THEM as something YOU love to do. Some of this coporate talk made our jeans hang very loose. Just remember that your job doesn't define you, little mommy. Pastor Manning is back with way more CRAZINESS. Just a heads up - he's not a fan of our Prez. Praise the Lord, Ya'll!

Yo, check it out. Real quick, a couple things. This, this sucks, but I got to tell you. So, if you're in Vancouver right now, I'm very excited that I'm doing the podcast tonight with you at the Comedy Mix. Christina will not be there. She will not be at the podcast or any of the stand-up shows this week. I know it's a huge disappointment to a lot of people. It's hugely disappointing to her. She can't even do this announcement of it because she's still on location shooting. So, there's just, there's no way she can go. So, it's a huge bummer for her, for me, for everybody that'll be at, you know, wanted to see her at the podcast or the stand-up shows. I hope you still come out. I'm still going to do the podcast. I have a special guest host who's going to do it with me. And of course, I'll be doing stand-up all week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday at the Comedy Mix. So, please come out, know that she's very sorry that she can't make it, and we'll try to, we'll try to make up for it. We'll try to come back together to Vancouver the next time. So, that's, that's that. That's a big bummer. What else is there? There's another thing I had to say. God damn it. What is wrong with me? I already fucking don't remember. Oh yeah. So, please ignore, you'll hear in the episode. We recorded this episode at her hotel last week, and then, oh my God, the other fucking huge announcement.

There's no Friday episode this week. So, that's the other huge thing, is that there's no Friday episode. Why? Because we have just been completely swamped. There's just, there was no way to do it. So, I just got back from Cleveland. Thank you. Huge thank you to everybody that came to the Cleveland Improv this past week. You guys were amazing. I really appreciate it. Yeah. So, there's no Friday episode. There's just this episode. We apologize. We will be back to two episodes next week, Wednesday and Friday. And that's that. So, all that sad, sad news out of the way. One other thing. I have a one piece of business and then I'll give you the episode. Again, big apologies. There's absolutely nothing we could do about Christina not being able to come. And there's nothing we could do. I, you know, I just had, I had less than 48 hours in town. I couldn't get somebody over here to do a second episode. So, I love you more than anything. And I hope that we can make it up to Vancouver. And of course, we'll get you two episodes next week. This episode was so much fun. We did this on Christina's set last week. Alright, be jeansy, not greasy. Bye-bye. One and three, eight, twelve, all the denim you have.

Bye-bye. Been greasy. Been greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy. Greasy.

You know what I'm saying? I like when it goes, er, er, er. I believe that's the great Max Newman's Greasy E song. Pretty amazing. It's fantastic. Of course, we're playing it in honor of the new, it didn't greasy shirt that, I don't even know how many are left, but... They've already gone pretty quick. You should get your shirt if you really want it, man. Get your life and get your shirt to go with your life. Pretty amazing.

Yeah, so phenomenal. Um, what else? Jeans, it's, um, it's that time we are in Mancouver tonight. Oh. British Columbia. If you are in the greater Mancouver British Columbia area, we're doing the podcast tonight at the Comedy Mix. That's cool. That's awesome.

Um, we're very excited to be here. And we're doing stand-up the rest of the week at the Comedy Mix on Berard Street. Come on down, see a show, have fun with us. But tonight, and tonight only, it's the podcast live in Canada. Um, what else is going on? Uh, well, Denim, do we do, sorry, did you say the Dark Star Lounge in Denver? No, not yet. But May 8th, we're at the Dark Star Lounge, Denver, Colorado.

We're doing the podcast there. And then May 9th, we're at the High Line in Seattle, Washington, 9 p.m. You can buy your tickets at yourmomshousepodcast.com. Uh, June 6th, I'm at the Fun House in Portland, Oregon, one night only. I'm just there doing stand-up. Please come and support your mom so she can wear her mom jeans as high as she can. Yeah, that's awesome. We really like doing these one-nighters and independent shows that you guys make possible.

So, Denver, Seattle, and Portland, we very much appreciate your support. And we're so looking forward to each one of these shows. Yeah. Yeah, be a good time. I got some other stuff coming up. I don't have a schedule in front of me, but I know I'm going to the Nasty Natty in May to go bananas. So, please look for me there. And I got a bunch of other dates.

They're all at TomSegura.com. Uh, Google that shit. Yeah, Google that shit. Just Google it. I know I'm going to Buffalo, I'm doing Brea, San Jose. I know my Brea dates have the full charge with me. I added Denver in August, so I got a bunch of stuff. Check out TomSegura.com.

Additionally, on that front, we have the brand new website for the show, Jeans. Oh, my gosh. It's so beautiful. Yourmomshousepodcast.com. It's really nice. And one of the many additions to it now is that we have a clips page. People are always asking us to tweet out, where can I see this? They're all going to be there.

It's a slow build, so don't expect them all to be there at once, but it's growing. And I guarantee if you keep checking back, you'll see more and more and more clips. Yeah. Super fun. Super fun. Guys, if you're going to go to Amazon.com and do your shopping there, maybe you're going to get a Mother's Day gift for your mommy. Maybe for Flag Day, you're going to buy Flag or Memorial Day.

You're going to buy a memorial for somebody you love. Go through our podcast. Also, if you want to go to Amazon and you want to support the show, go to yourmomshousepodcast.com. Click on the banner on our home page or any other page. Actually, they're all there. And then that directs you to Amazon. And you do your shopping as you normally would. Yeah.

Sometimes people ask, like, they're not familiar with how it works. And all you're doing is when you go to the page, when you go to yourmomshousepodcast.com and you click on the banner, it opens an Amazon page. You're already, you're done. You don't have to, like, add any information. Amazon follows that you went through our banner and you just do your shopping and check out normally. So people ask me sometimes, like, what else do I have to do to make sure?

It's like, once you go through the banner, you're done. You're done, bro. You just do your shopping. Bro's. What's it? Bro's. That Chuck Woolery shirt. Jean's unit was my favorite.

Yeah. It in a greasy is now my new, because the design is like... It's fire, dude. It's a straight fire. He did a great job on that. It's like kind of punk rock and kind of like just rad. The colors are great. The fabric is super.

It's the softest shirt that we've ever made. You're going to love it. Angelo. Angelo did that. Yeah. Warner at Astoy Merchandise. So good, dude. Yeah.

Super type. Dope, man. So that's all the business. I'm excited to get into the show. You've got good boy hair right now. Do I? It's mashed to the side. Yeah.

I got a hair cut. You deal. Yeah. You got to go to your asian, dude. Yeah. He always fucks it up, but I still got to go to him. Are you ready to do this, Jean's? Fuck yeah, man.

Fuck. Let's fucking party. And hey, don't forget to follow us on Twitter, at Tom Segura, at Christina P. There's also the Facebook page, facebook.com slash your mom's house podcast, because you know, we like being social, be a part of social media. Good chat. Let's do it, man. Facebook, social media, Facebook.

Let's get social. Social. We're social media, social media. We're social media. Where we can spread the word, and grow our reach, and find our fans in their newsfeed. Let's get social. We're social media. Let's get social.

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn when the fuck is there! Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. Christina Pajitzi.

Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. Let's get social. You almost actually have that note. I know, that's how I sing for real. You're almost there. She does it a little bit better than you. Let's get social.

Jesus Christ. Let's get social. If you ever thinking about quitting show business and going to the corporate world, just think about that. Is this what it is? That's your life. That's your life. What do I have to watch this or have to be her? You're at the fucking event.

You're watching that. Yeah, of course you are. Is this HelloFacebook? Hello, Facebook. Good afternoon. I was sitting here thinking about this new year. I just had to hear her. Auntie Fifi, she goes, Hello, Facebook, social media, Facebook. May I tell you something for a minute?

Well, thank you very much. Thank you. She has to ask for permission. That's great. And nobody answers. Nobody answers. She just says, thank you. Social media.

Yeah, so this is from a social media conference. Oh my God. And they wrote a song. I mean, this is how I would definitely be murdering people in an office. I would definitely be suicidal. Oh, bro. I realized that I, I mean, I obviously haven't done the corporate world in a while. I did do it.

I did it in college and I had like good jobs, Granger. Dude, I had several corporate jobs up until even, I think I was like 32 years old is when I stopped working in the corporate world. Clapping at meetings, clapping at quarterly income reports, clapping. That's what I'm saying. The song. Yeah. Who wants to learn QuickBooks?

We made a song about it. And you're like, I don't want to hear the fucking QuickBooks song, dude. Really? You mean you don't, you don't want to be a part of something like this? I have four words for you. I love this company. Yeah. Cool, huh?

You want to be a part of that? Huh? Wait, who? Nothing like loving a company, man. Who loves their company? I mean, very few people love their company like that. I mean, but you know what? It's easy to love your company when you're having a good time with social media.

I like the guy that tags. That's the worst. He's her background singer. Yeah. He's really, he sings social after she hits social. Yeah. So she says. And then he goes.

Social. Social. It's like when Bjork was in the Sugar Cubes. Did you know that Bjork, before she was a solo singer. Had the band, the Sugar Cubes, and she had a guy in there that was so useless. Like she, she was the voice. Literally, she would be like, you know, blue eyed pop. And he'd be like, yes, blue eyed pop.

It's your hype man. Yeah. Everyone's got a hype man. But they're from Iceland. It was so queer. That's very weird. Hot, hot. Yeah.

At least she tried to sing. He kept it as. Social. Do you want to hear the song? I want all of it. I want everything. And there's raps. Wait, wait, wait.

Before we go on, can I just say that my disdain for the corporate culture knows no bounds. Like, I remember just seething every fucking day. Like what really used to burn my asshole was when they'd be like, you got to fill out your time sheets. Time sheets are due Friday. And you're like, motherfucker, you fucking know how many hours I'm here. Like especially when you work a job or they pay you a salary every year. What the fuck do you need my time sheet for?

I know. I'm making the same 40 grand or whatever it is a year. We had time cards. What do you need a fucking time card for? My favorite was we had time cards when I did post production. Yeah. And they didn't pay overtime and they were like. Didn't what?

And they'd be like, and fucking, you'll be happy about that. And then one guy is a guy that I used to work with is the one that sued, you know, that he was like, we're doing fucking 80 hour weeks and you're only paying overtime to editors. Like nobody else should get overtime. Crazy. Yeah. Crazy. It's crazy.

The time card. Oh my God. And just listening to those boners at your office tell their dumb jokes to you. Like there was always a funny guy. Wait, wasn't that some guy that came up to you at the show and was like, I'm, I'm the wacky guy in the audience. No, no, no. In my group, I'm kind of the one that crosses the line.

And I was like, cool man. Yeah. So I enjoyed you because we both are kind of eye to eye on it. Yeah. That's cool. Man. Or watching PowerPoint presentations and stuff. Remember that shit.

Meetings. God damn it. The meetings are the most point. The bet, you know what a meeting is? Could have been a fucking email. Why, why don't you, you don't have to tell me the same shit in an hour. Send me the email. I did.

I tried to make a meeting lighthearted one time. They were like, let Tom fucking take over. Oh no. So I made a packet and it was like, it was all super offensive. I didn't realize people were looking at the packet. Then nobody was laughing. I was like, I didn't do like corporate jokes. You know, I was like, this shit makes me laugh.

It was like a neighborhood watch for a murder, like a person. I was like trying to catch this guy in my neighborhood. It was just all awful shit. And where was this, where were you working at the time? At rocket science. Post-production. Yeah. They were terrible.

I remember I used to have to fight the impulse during meetings. Like, you know when everyone's talking about really serious things? And then on the Q4 report, you got to feel like, I remember fighting the urge. I would always have this really bizarre urge to stand up and yell. Quite niggers. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'd have to fight my urge to be like, you niggas is crazy.

Or to say something like, I'm not wearing underpants. You know, like something like that. That impulse. The bad impulse. The scream something. Yeah. Yeah. We have an update for him too, by the way.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and I also hated having to talk to everybody Monday morning and then give them the report of what you did over the weekend. Remember that? What'd you do this weekend? None of your goddamn business is what I did this weekend. Don't worry about it, Susan and accounting.

You know what I used to always get asked? How come you don't hang out, man? Yeah, that one too. That's a big one. You never hang out. We're here together 75 hours a week. What do you mean? Hang out.

We're hanging out all fucking week, man. All week, bro. And then if you go out for drinks after, guess what you're talking about? The office. The office bullshit. Because you have nothing else in common. Of course. Of course.

Let's fucking get to this song, man. Because I think you have the wrong perspective. I think you're right. Because you're not realizing that it can be fun. And here's how you make it fun. Just let it build my life. I feel like you clapped your hands getting bald. Try to get engagement photos from my life.

My cat, my kids, I'm baking. My cat, my kids, I'm baking. She's right about that bacon. People love bacon. They make post photos of them. Very hip now. Yep. I'm hoping you'll share my stuff and sweet it to the world.

If you help me grow my clouds, I promise that I'll share yours. So connect with me. Let's have some fun and show the world how this can start. Let's get social. Social. With social media. Let's get social. Social.

With social media. Where we can spread the word and grow our reach and find our fans in their nosefeet. Let's get social. With social media. Yeah. We're searching for the story that'll bring us instant fame. So we shoot our viral video and we post it to the gram. To the gram.

The gram. Looking for the secret. Yeah. At our Facebook's Holy Grail. Cool. We try to keep from picking up the leads from hashtag Dale. So connect with me. Let's have some fun and show the world how this can start.

Let's get social. Social. Social. With social media. Let's get social. Social. With social media. Where we can spread the word and grow our reach and find our fans in their nosefeet.

Let's get social. Kill our fans in their sleep. Yeah. Let's kill our fans in their sleep. Let's get social. Social. You got it. You got it.

The irony is that this is so terrible it's going to go viral. It's gone viral. Yeah. Yeah. This is a fucking hit man. People don't know that it's real. They think it's like this is hysterical. It sounds so funny that they made a parody and it's like nah it's not a parody.

I saw this video when you're uploading it. This is 100% for real. This is for realsies. She and this guy. We haven't even gotten to the rap yet. Oh I'm sorry. I was also thinking Kevin to hip it up for the youth. Social media culture.

They like the raps. Could you write a rap? I'll write a rap. I'll write a rap. Thanks Kevin. Kevin's going to write a rap for the thing with you. Alright. Alright.

Social media. Alright everyone I want you to stand up right now. Take out your phones. Take a selfie with your neighbor. It's time to get social. Social. Yeah. Social.

Here we go. Wrap it up for us. He puts on a hat and glasses before he raps. Oh my god. Hey guys. I'm the fresh prince you guys. Check it out. Hey now y'all.

Oh my god. Can we just get real? Do we really care about our fans? Is this just another deal? Is that another way that we lost our way? Social is about the people. Remember we are people. Do we really need another like, fan or share?

Do we need another post to show up everywhere? I hope as we scatter that we never forget that our posts live forever even when we go to bed. So connect with me. Let's have some fun. It looked like you were moved by that rap. You were like mmm. It's a really good rap.

You know how he sounds like? The love shack baby. Oh yeah. Like Fred Schneider of the B-52s a little bit. Like not nearly. Love shack baby. That's talented. Like the, yeah.

No. No. A little gay. He's covering it up for the corporate world. He like his khakis are a little tighter than everyone's. Yeah. And then, but your posts live on even when you sleep. That's what he said.

Yep. He said a lot of stuff. Go to sleep. He also said we are people. He tried to hip that up a little bit. We are people. Don't forget. It's a good rap.

I like it a lot. I like the rap. Oh my God. Social. Social media. Yeah. Let's get social. Social.

Social media. It's pretty good, huh? Let's get social. Do you want to? What conferences is for? Like who is, this is not for Facebook. They're way too cool. Fuck no.

Like what? I don't know. Some social media. Oh my. What? Social media. Social media. Social media.

Yeah. Social media. Oh my life. Thing I don't know. That's the most depressing corporate thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's go back to former CEO of Microsoft, Steve Volmer, to just get more of that kind of that cool corporate energy, that cool corporate vibe. The way that you can only get excited about marketing and sale.

You can never be this excited about other things, but sales, marketing, growing your mind. That is what excited enthusiasm, that's what it's all about. Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers! Developers, developers! Developers, developers, developers, developers! Yes! Who likes developers?

They're very important. They develop things. It's payable, it counts receivable, quarterly reports, TPS reports, payroll, payroll, payroll! Listen to that applause. Windows, Windows, Windows Bay, advertisers, advertisers, advertisers! How many copies of something did you sell? What price did you sell it at? We're going to just keep coming and coming and coming and coming and coming and coming and coming.

How much do you think this advanced operating environment is worth? Wait just one minute before you answer. Watch as Windows integrates below this one, two, three with Miami Vice. Now we can take this Ferrari and paste it right into Windows right. Now how much... It's just fun. It's cool. It's relatable.

And you're like, man, that's my boss. That's fucking awesome that he's doing that right now. That's so cool. I'm excited because he's excited. I think... That's the philosophy behind that. I think workers in the world... Are you ready for sales?

Yeah! It's so fucking cool. Are you being ready for sales? You guys... You guys pumped about this new spreadsheet system we got? Oh, fuck! I'm excited. I'm excited.

Yeah. You guys... The new system? You ready to learn it? Yeah, I don't know. Can you give us something? Yeah. Introducing new Microsoft Windows XP.

How much do you want this totally new Windows? Wait just one minute before you answer. Watch why I make Windows XP the center of my home. All my pictures, all my music, all my videos, all in one place. Burn them to CD. Post them MSN. You mail them to friends all with one click voice. Video calls right from Windows Messenger app.

It's cool, right? So depressing. You know, I don't... I think people like work is a necessary evil and most people really hate it and you go and you do it because you have to because you have to feed your family. And it's so condescending when the corporate world tries to like, we're gonna make this fun. You're like, just how about...

Let me have my dignity here. Let's just all agree that this fucking blows. Don't make me clap about our new products. Don't make me sing a song. Yeah, don't make me act like a monkey. Like, don't force me to get, you know... This was me in all those things. Windows, yeah.

Me too. Yeah, all right, man. But then there was always that... Come on, man. That one suck-ass employee who's like, that's a really exciting idea, Jim. I think what I'm gonna do. And you're like, don't...

Didn't see you clapping a lot today at the thing. Yeah. All right, man. The one good thing about offices is when it's someone's birthday, though, that was kind of neat because then they'd bring the cake in and then... Yeah. I didn't like to sing to that person, but I like to eat their cake.

Yeah. Or bagel day. Super, super exciting at the office. Bagels are cool treats. Yeah. Coffee. If they gave you nice free coffee, that was pretty neat. We had the worst coffee in post.

Fuck that place. Really? Horrible coffee. Horrible. You miss it already, don't you? Yeah. You miss it already. I know you do.

It's catchy tune. She wrote a really, really catchy song. How do you... Oh, man. And I imagine being the person hired for creative on that. Like, I've written some... I've written for really turdy things and shows. Man, there was...

Okay, I'll tell you one. When I worked at animation, there was a guy that owned a t-shirt company in Florida somewhere, and he wanted us to create a character for his, like, t-shirt company. And the character was, like, in iguana with sunglasses that like to surf. Like, it was just so... It was so blatantly, like, a shitty corporate. And I had to, like, pretend like, yeah, this is going to be awesome. Like, we're going to record the animation we're going to do every...

And you just, you know, it's so hard to package a corporate turd. Yeah. Like, this show, the reason this works is that there's no corporate overlord destroying it yet. Right. There's no man to fuck this up. Notes. There's no notes. No notes, no guidelines.

We fuck it up ourselves, you know? Yeah. No one tells us how to. Yeah. Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah, like, that's what ruins good TV shows, too. Notes.

Like, Millionaire Matchmaker. Yeah. This season's terrible. Terrible. Because they've been given her dumb notes, I think. You see that all the scenes are super produced, contrived. Yeah. They're fake, and then the assistants just don't compare to the last assistants.

Because they're not real people. They're, like, really good-looking, annoying retards. Yeah, yeah. Let's get social. You can't stop. I know you can't, but you need to be excited about where it's selling this year. Our company was on the ropes, taking hits from every side. But then, over 40,000 genius users installed Windows XP.

All right. Our help desk calls dropped significantly. There are stocks up over 40% since the start of the year. Oh, that's news. Goodbye, Windows 9X. Hello, Windows XP. That's right under Windows for home and business users. It's cool, right?

My favorite is when you're an employee of a company and you're on salary, and you get to hear the stats of, like, the company sales are up 40%. That means your boss just made $50 billion. Right, yeah. What do I get? You get to stay here. Yeah. Keep making them more money.

No, you get to stay here on the same salary. Yeah, no. With an incremental raise every year. Maybe, and get a week off. Maybe. He got six porches this week. Wow, that's neat. Do I get six porches for helping?

No, but he got different color ones. Isn't that cool? So that he doesn't get bored of driving the same Porsche. That is cool. Makes me want to get social with him. Let's get social. I am starting to like it now a lot. Don't forget the guy.

Don't leave him alone. Social. Social. He's the guy in the sugar cubes, that guy. Yeah, more, more, more. How much did you get? $500,000 even more now. It's just $99 for the home addition.

And $199 for professional. It's one of the next paper Microsoft. Get it now. Cool. Is that a commercial he did or something? In an inner office. These are, like, promotional. They stay within Microsoft.

Thank God. Here's one that they made. It's just Steven Ballmer and Bill Gates driving around with this song on. Why does corporate things, why do they have to suck so bad? Because who's the they that they're so worried about? It's the same reason why sitcoms suck. Because everything has to be done with the frame of mind. Nobody can be offended.

It's got to be so base and so widespread. When you have that many people that they're trying to make sure everyone's happy, that's why if you try to please everybody, you would suck the most. What's really interesting is that the complete opposite paradigm has been super successful. If you look at HBO and all their programming, that is completely not for everybody. And people are paying in Netflix. If you look at that stuff, like House of Cards, if you look at Breaking Bad. And what else on Netflix?

Thank you. It's not for everybody and that's why it works. Yeah, I agree. You can't try to please everybody. You learn that, that's in stand-up. Even your favorite stand-ups are not everybody likes them. Whoever your favorite is, there's a whole group that hates that person's sense of humor. But if he tried to please them, he would lose the people or she would lose the people. That really loved what she or he does.

Even Larry the Cable guy, a guy who has a tremendous following, there's people that really hate. Oh my God. God damn it. But the whole thing you learn from that is that you just go to the ones that like you. That's who you're praying to. Yes, like the mommies who are listening right now. Like you, you who are listening to us. You get it.

You guys get it. Geez. You listen to the show and then you usually tweet us about it. We love that getting those social media tweets. I can't believe that's a real. I actually can. I can believe that. It's a real thing.

It's a real thing. I'm glad I'm out of it too. Holy shit. Yeah. I mean, I remember there's something sad like there's good parts to having that life because you know, you know what's going to happen every day. You know, you have a job tomorrow most of the time. But I think what kills people, it's the monotony and the personalities that you encounter and

having to deal with the same assholes every day. If you're lucky, you work with people you like, but you don't really often do that. Most of the time it's like the girl that's crying in the cubicle next to you. She's having emotional breakdowns every day. That shit wore me down, man. Me too. I cannot do it. It's like you're sitting there and you're just like, fuck.

That was the most depressing time. I didn't realize how depressed I was till later. It took me years to look back and go, oh, I was depressed when I was there. Oh, I knew I was. I always wanted to just go there and ignore everybody and just do my work, but that's the part about office culture that sucks is like, everybody wants to know what's up. How was your week? What are you doing tomorrow?

A lot of phoniness too. Yeah. Hey. Do you have a good weekend? Yeah. Are you happy to be here? Circle back on the lexicon, the vernacular. You want to go to that thing?

We're all going to that. No. You never hang out. No. No. My favorite. Have a good night. You're like, you know.

But you have a good motherfucking night. You have a good motherfucking night. I remember the corporate phrases would make me bananas like, you know, we're going to circle back. Yeah. I can't even remember them all now. Loop me in, shoot her over to me. Shooting emails and looping.

Oh boy. Oh boy. I think outside the box a little bit. Oh boy. Yeah. Can't do it, man. It's oppressive. God damn it.

Oh fuck. Well, God bless you. If you're sitting in your cubicle, I'm sure you are. Some, a lot of you do right now, just fucking, if you hate your coworkers, buddy, I feel your pain. Yeah. We know what's up. Tweet about it.

Tweet about it. We get it. We get it. That's different people who are like, I'm fucking in this office cubicle. I'm ready to lose my mind. I feel your pain, man. I definitely feel your pain. So, I mentioned earlier that Pastor Manning.

What's wrong with you? What's wrong with y'all? You niggas are crazy. Yeah. That's Pastor Manning. He is a really unbelievable man. He has said some of the most outrageous things we have ever heard, ever, on this program. We didn't even know.

I mean, the basis for that video, that clip, we didn't know what it was, too. A lot of times, most of the time, we get sent some audio, we have no idea the origin of it. Right. We just go, that was good. That was funny or whatever. It fits into what we're doing. We'll play it.

We don't always know the backstory. So for this one, I mentioned that, and then the people sent us the backstory. Here's the backstory surrounding what's wrong with you. Okay. That man ain't got no sense. You black women. Your men treat you like the dogs, like your dogs. They walk all over you.

They make you pay the bills at home, and then the preachers pimp you in the churches and make you pay the bills. Y'all crazy black women, buying these black men private jets, between the $50 million for a nigga to ride around in a private jet, and you talk about looking at our pastor. What's wrong with y'all? Women. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with a black man that would take that kind of money out of a poor neighborhood and buy himself a private jet? What's wrong with y'all niggas? What's wrong with you? What is he talking about? I still don't know what he means. The 50 million, wait, so black women are giving their money to the church, and then they're buying $50 million jets.

Who? Who is doing that? I don't know. It makes no sense. I don't know. I don't know. What's wrong with you black women? What's wrong with you voting for Barack Obama?

What's wrong with you? Who are they supposed to vote for? What's wrong with y'all? You niggas are crazy. Black people. Let me tell y'all something. If you don't ever hear me say preach again, they can kill me tomorrow. But let me tell you something.

We're not going to ever get anywhere until we look into the mind of a black man. He doesn't think correctly. I don't care what he... He's black. This is all crazy. I don't understand. So anyways, that's from that. There is so...

This guy is like beyond fucking bananas and he is the... He is like the man. He's the honorable James David Manning. He's the lead, the head pastor at this ATLA World Ministries. You just... I cannot even do any... I can't make up what he says. So I'm just going to play you this because after I got that clip and started looking

around, I was like, holy shit. This guy is unbelievable. Now this is not racist anything. Praise the lord. But Satan used an African man and a white trash woman to give birth to this wicked spirit called Barack Hussein Obama. Barack's father... Can you pause it for a minute?

Whenever someone says this isn't racist and then they go on to say like the most awful shit ever. He said... This is not racist. But the black... Wait, the black man and then the white trash woman. Which is totally racist. I mean, I can say white trash because I'm white.

It's pretty... It's not a nice way to start the dialogue. And that's how Barack Obama was made? Let him tell you. What 70% of all black men do, run off and leave and don't support. He is not black. Barack, he's saying Barack's not black. He's white trash.

He's white trash. Barack Hussein Obama is white trash. I hate Barack Hussein Obama, who is nothing but a long-legged devil right out of the pit of hell. And if you don't mind my saying it, Jesus hates him too. Jesus hates him too? Jesus is a little bit stepping over. But how does he know Jesus hates?

Jesus doesn't hate anybody. He's the honorable James David Manning. I think he knows what he's talking about. Hates him. Hates him. Jesus hates. Jesus doesn't hate anybody. He's the head of a church, hates him.

And Jesus hates him. They both hate him. Wow. It's intense. It's a lot. It's a lot of hatred. We're a Barack. Who doesn't like Barack?

I mean, come on now. I don't know. He's adorable. He says crazy or shit. You got children, you haven't taken care of them. And if you can't take care of your own children, how can you then say you're ready to choose a president to take care of the nation? I'm not responsible for it.

I'm just trying to show you how no good you are. And yet you want to talk about choosing a black man to be your president. You have no honor. You have no honor. You make babies like Aunt Jemima makes biscuits. Now get angry about that. What? What?

You make babies like Aunt Jemima makes biscuits? First of all. Does she make syrup? She makes syrup. She is the syrup bottle. Yeah. Jemima does not make biscuits. Is there an Aunt Jemima biscuit line that we don't know about?

Maybe in the South. Gosh. That's a pretty bold claim though. Who doesn't like bra? You listen. That's just so rude. Politics aside, I like that family. You know, I like the Obama family.

They got cute dogs. They're a good looking group. There's got a nice personalities. Cute. There are Aunt Jemima. You can make them with her buttermilk pancake and waffle mix. Oh, well, biscuits out of that. Fucking excuse me, America.

Yeah. That's what that was talking about. Dude, that syrup is my favorite. I know you like the real kind, but I like that Aunt Jemima the best. I like fake tasting white trash syrup. Really? Aunt Jemima is my personal favorite, dude. You like, so, oh, wow.

I like, here's what I like. I like Aunt Jemima's syrup. I like craft shaky cheese. Yeah, you do. And I like fucking ragu traditional. Why is that, you think? Because I'm white trash. Like Pastor Manning was just talking about.

You were exactly, you fell into his trap. I should have made Barack Hussein Obama with the black man. With your white trash womb. With my white trash. Womb. Devil womb. Womb, you long-legged devil. So I got news for you about niggas.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. The way they turned on Bill for Barack, I don't have to worry about them being against me. They'll come on back, they're fickle, they're not committed to anything. And if they commit to something, you can't trust them, they don't stay with anything very long. So if they mad with me, now I'll be glad with me tomorrow. All I got to do is get some government cheese and run through three government programs through here.

And I do declare every nigga in Harlem, I'll be coming to this church for the government program and I know it. What's his position exactly? Is he pro-black or not? Jeez. I don't know, it's bananas to look at this and just see this dude saying this shit. And he's saying it at like an altar, like he's at the podium that says Jesus is Lord. What in the fuck?

You know, I just, I don't mind, if someone has an argument, an opinion, that's fine. But at least make it cogent. I don't even know what this guy's position is. I don't understand the argument. At least make it make an intelligent premise and, you know, reason it out. Then I can go, yeah, I agree or no, I disagree, you know, disagree. Yeah. The guy doesn't make sense.

This all reminds me, listen to this right now, reminds me of Pastor X, remember him? No. You don't remember him? No. Pastor X, we never played, but this is a reverend X, whatever he goes by. He basically, he had a public access show where he could read from the Bible and take calls. You never saw this?

No, but it's like my favorite thing ever is public access. Yeah. It's pretty phenomenal. What's wrong with y'all? Yeah. This is a little different, but just so you know, it was called Spirit of Truth. This is how his show would open with Mystical, what you're going to do, what you're going to do.

Oh, I thought he was saying, what's wrong with you? Oh, no. What's wrong with you? Here we go. Stupid ass bitch. Bitch, I give a fuck what you're thinking. Fuck your thoughts. I'm God.

I'm God. I'm God. Now get off your phone and go and tell your children what they say fucking language. No, you give a fuck what you're thinking. Fuck your thoughts. I'm God. You got me now. You got me now.

You got me now. You figured me out. You fucking then come fucking poop. Oh, monkey-minded ass, then come fucking poop. You believe in God. How do you believe in God? You believe in God like he's something you just wiped your ass with? How do you believe in God?

Simple monkey-minded, then come fucking poop. I think what the viewers, I mean the listeners need to know is that this is like the very beginnings of green screen, so in the background this guy, he's holding a Bible and he's- He took his shirt off. Talking. Now he's shirtless. And in the background will be like mountains, or him holding a staff, or him- In the background, that's him in front of himself.

Make a call. Shut up, motherfucker. You ain't got- What? I can't! The odds! You stupid fuck. Goddamn, goddamn, blasphemers.

You know, goddamn- That's what the fuck you need. To give a fuck what you're thinking. Fuck your thoughts. I'm God. And bitch you not. Nah. I'm God, motherfucker.

And I'm not who you thought I was. And by the way, you know that that's not a Bible? Oh, what is that? The phone book? Phone book, yeah. Come on now. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. He's out of his mind. Yeah. I thought he was reading the Bible at least. He says that he's reading the Bible, but he's really not. Oh my life. This guy's on drugs. That's a lot of drugs.

That guy smokes crack. But the thing is that the thing that separates is that you know he's crazy. You know what I mean? Like he looks crazy. Yeah, yeah, it's obvious. And you go like, this is a crazy person. But Pastor Manning has a congregation. Yeah.

Well, and let's be real though, not a lot of congregation. There's like two people going, yeah. Yeah, it's not, it's not packed, but it's still. Fender to war. And lay a man, you know, he tried to trip a nigga up like me, you know, because I ain't following why these rules. Oh, nice. You know.

For the hymn that reproves in the gate and turns the sides, it's just for a thing of nothing man. They all feel that air and spirits should come to understanding. Wait a minute. Airy spirits should come to understanding. And he has the music louder than his mic. And it's, it's, it's like Snoop Dogg, right? Yeah, yeah.

I'm sure Snoop. Ready or not, here we come. Do you think he bought the licensing? Oh, definitely. The rights to this music. Oh, the funk that we bought. What is it? It's P Funk.

It's George Clinton. Wow. That's what I'm about. Next call. Your name. Yeah. Your name. Your last name.

You're in court. You're in court. Okay. He's crazier than. He shaved the whole top of his head, but left the back. Oh, like a Buddhist. Like the like a Wu Tang master. Yeah.

Yeah. He's crazy. Yeah. That guy's out of his fucking mind. Yeah. So. Wow. Anyways.

That guy lives in New York. I bet, huh? That was so serious. It's like, what's fucking? That's like, that's an East Coast thing. I feel like. That dude? Yeah.

Is he from East Coast? LA. No. Yeah. I would never have guessed. Yeah. Well, let's, let's have fun now. Dude, it's like.

Do you remember, did you ever watch Wally George growing up? No. That may have been a local LA guy too. There was this nutbag named Wally George and he had white, white hair and he was an old white guy and he went out the American flag behind him and he had an audience. This is before Jerry Springer, by the way, and he would bring on like Klansman or like Lunatics too. Yeah.

And he would get the audience to chant with him like, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick. It was really funny actually. It was like, like the original crazy public access show. My dad and I would watch it for hours. Really? Wally George. He was a great American.

He would always claim to be this great American. And if you were un-American, according to him, like, boy, you got it. He gave you the business. Wally George gave you the one too. Yeah. Wow. That guy was so funny. He should have had a real TV show, Wally George.

Yeah. I think he was pretty funny. Well, there's a, there's some other important stuff. We can't just. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I? Did I sidetrack us? A little bit.

Let me see if I can pull this up. We have. Let's get social. Let's get social. Do the guy's part. Social. That's so fucking unbelievable. Yeah.

That's pretty cool. Oh, could you imagine having to sit in that shit and be like, God damn it. I got to quit this job. Yeah. I'd rather sell my body than. I got to get in the foot fetish porn or something. I can't do this job anymore. That's how you feel, huh?

You got to get out of this, man. If you were what, watching that? If I was in that seminar, if I was in the audience and this is my gig, you know, I'm like, fuck, what did I do, man? Just come home the day and be like, some good porn. Yeah. I should have dropped out of law school. I should have stayed in law school, man.

I should have. Yeah. I could kill myself. Become a paralegal or something. Yeah. Um. Yeah. Yeah.

I could kill myself. Become a paralegal or something. Yeah. Um. I shouldn't have left Granger. That was a good job. Uh, yeah. You know.

So, we have a new, um, a new, what is it called? Entry? Entry? Yeah. A new entry. Entry. In the, in the youth. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? U-S-A-K-W-I-S? Yes. A challenge? If you will. Um, we've got to get that, um, like a, a shirt for that or something.

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know, I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? How do we have, like, what is it? Well, this is, um, these two, uh, let's see. King Mo Loll and, uh, Quentin Rampage Jackson were on, um, a Canadian MMA show.

And I haven't even seen it, but I was just told that there's some wild, you know what I'm saying in this. So let's see. And pro wrestling. Sometimes they sound the same. I'm going to do. Yeah. Mohammed?

Is it maybe a Middle Eastern? You know what I'm saying? If he drops a Middle Eastern version of, you know what I'm saying? That would really be exciting. I don't know. Off the record. I don't know. This is weird.

Okay. I'm on a mission. Here we go. So guys, that's great hype there, but, uh, but I'm going to say this. Tell me if I'm wrong. Uh, Mo, first of all, I think that this is kind of a made for TV and real sort of fake argument that you guys are having to, to hype the fight. Uh, am I right when I say that?

Uh, I think you're wrong, man. What's the, why would we, why would we fake something like this? You know what I'm saying? We both fight in the cage for money. You know what I'm saying? We don't, we don't, we ain't cool. You know what I'm saying? We ain't boys.

You know what I'm saying? We fight for that money. You know what I'm saying? Whenever money's involved, you can have an argument. You know what I'm saying? All that other fakes that y'all talking about kind of gets old. You know what I'm saying? That's what the fans say because they watch pro wrestling.

But people do it all the time. Pro wrestling got hot all of a sudden. Now everybody thinks that who does what? Well, people do it all the time. Hold on. You think people are friends? I don't know, but when you said why would we hype the fight, I'm saying you would hype the fight because it's great for,

it's great for ratings. It's great for vibes. Listen, listen. You're cutting me off. You're cutting me off. I'm talking about, look, I'm not trying to hype nothing though. I'm just being real. You know what I'm saying?

It's not me and Rampage are boys. And all of a sudden we're like, hey, Rampage hit me up. I was like, hey, Moe, let's hype this fight up. Then that's fake. We don't talk like that on the phone. We ain't boys. You know what I'm saying? That's what y'all think.

That's really good. It was like nine. That's a lot. And again, with the criteria that we were presented with, that's the way to do it. Well, it's in a professional environment, a professional interview setting. He is a fighter, so he's kind of given license

to be a little kooky. Yeah. You can be more eccentric. Flavor it up. But not like a rapper. Like a rapper, you've total license ill. This guy's got a partial license to you. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, that's true. I've seen an interview we did years ago, like three years ago. That was fake. That was fake. But what's going on right now is real. So Rampage. On the side note, he just admitted to the accusation

was fake a while ago. That was weird. Is it real for you? Do you honestly dislike this guy? See, if he says any, you know what I'm saying? I don't know. Moe, I don't get along. Any true friend, any true fan will know this.

See, they know about the history. I'm not here to try to prove none of you like if me and Moe beef is real or fake. When you guys watch the fight, you guys will know that it's real. You will see the energy. You will see how I try to destroy him. And you will see that I genuinely don't like him when I'm punching him in his face.

That's what's up. Wow. What a hard job. That's a hard gig to be an MMA fighter. God, how long can you do that stuff for? Not long. Like my age is like, well, you're 35. That's like retirement age for those guys.

Oh, fuck yeah, for some of them. I mean, look at 35, if you were a pro fighter, you've already been through some bouts. You probably have some brain damage already. Oh, it's so sad. Yeah, they get fucked up. These guys really get fucked up, man. Can they make a living after they're done fighting?

Like, is there enough sponsorship or something? Very few. Like the top, top, top performers are the guys who will continue to have endorsements. They can, you know, you can start your seminars. Like, you know, when you give basically classes on like how to be a top level fighter, you have these big people pay to come here,

you speak or give like, you know, like basically a showing like, it's like a training session essentially, but a big one. So you make money doing that, but only the top, top tier guys are going to continue to make like endorsement money. But the majority of them, no,

like they're going to go probably train people, you know, take math like two other things, you know. Attend social media conferences. Yeah, you can. You can make it fun. Social. Social. Social.

Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social.

Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social.

Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social. Social.

Social. Social. Come on, come on. No, I know, but we have to remember that. Yeah. Pretty interesting idea. Maybe I'll give Michelle tomorrow.

Yeah, that'll be really cool. That's a good idea. I wish my dad was more open to brown talk. Like, I have to catch him. Yeah, some days he's really into it. Like, he'll tell me stuff. Some days, no. But my dad takes monster stinky dad dumps.

Like, oh my God, I can hear Fifo snoring again. Yeah. What was, what about when he was, when you were, when he was working? Dude. He was drinking the beer. Oh, bro. That's what I'm saying. Like.

Beer shits every day. Dude. So my dad, hardworking dude, you know, would come home every day with a sixer, at least, and like polish that off on the couch. But he never changed. My dad could drink until the cows come home. He just, he doesn't change. Yeah.

Anyways, he, he do a sixer and then he's up at 6 a.m. And I know, God bless him so much. He worked so hard to keep me alive. Anyway, dude, I would just smell like his beer dad dump. From down the hall? Through the door. Wow. Yeah.

Like I would, I would hear the door close. I'm like, oh fuck, he's going to fuck up that bathroom. And like just explosive dad dumps. Oh my God, come to think of it. I could hear my dad's dumps through the doors. Kind of like I can hear my husband's dumps through the doors. Just the circle of life continues. Wow.

They say you marry your father. Yeah. Yeah. You married his asshole. My dad's shits, man. They just reeked. Would you guys ever discuss that? You ever go like dad?

Whoa. And he would be like, yeah. All the time. Yeah. Like that was a huge joke in our house is like come out and he just started laughing because I'd be like, fuck dad. I wouldn't say fuck as a kid, but I'd be like, oh my God. You could smell them from a long way.

From a long way. And then when I'd be in there making a brown, my dad thought it was super funny to stand outside the door and go. Yeah. Who does that joke now? You do that joke all the time. Because that joke's funny. That's universal.

Yeah. You don't think that's funny? I do. Do you like it when I go? Yeah. I love it. That's one of my favorite ones. What is this?

This says... Okay. Sorry. Does your mom take huge dumps too? No. You don't know that about her? Your mom doesn't take many dumps, I think, right? Like she's the opposite.

You're like, she's like, oh, I did something for my country. That's what she always says. You're like, what is it? She was like, too little things like this. Aw. She has that fucking retarded diet, though. Yeah. She eats like candy and then bread.

Bread. And she's like 120 pounds. Like she hasn't gained a pound since they got married. So great. So ridiculous. She eats fucking nothing. Yeah. Well, that's how you don't shit.

Yeah. You eat nothing. Well, or you eat like just bread and shit like that. Yeah. What day is it? Where do I live? That's Fifo. He came out from under the bed.

We are recording, by the way, in a remote location. That we can't talk about? That we can't talk about by contract, but just so you know. So Fufa's, oh, he's just saw something out the window. Yep. Oh, it's the helicopter. He hears helichopters. Helichopter.

Helichopter. Leg. Leg. That's another good one. Ma'am, what are you drinking? You got me a DP. Oh, I fucking, that diet DP tastes like regular DP. That's the whole thing.

You can't even tell all the difference. That's the whole thing that they're trying to get you to fucking buy into, man. This DP says it tastes like a regular DP. Remember when they were marketing it and they're like, it's not for girls. Like, what was that all about? I don't know. It was a strange thing. Oh, that Dr. Pepper 10.

Oh. It's for men only. Such a stupid campaign. I just farted. Did you hear it? Did it register? No, I don't think so. Squeak?

I see a little squeak there. Maybe. I don't think that's what that is. It might be there. How come you don't fart on the show anymore? I try to, but I'm going to shit my pants. That's like so many dumps today. We ate at a restaurant last night and I had a lot of gas all night and then I shit two

big shits today. That's what happens. It happens life. So it's life. It's the way life goes. Some days you shit big. Some days you don't shit big. Is that what you're saying?

What happens? Just with life. Life. That's how life goes. Sometimes Theo takes a person-sized dump. Have you seen that? Yeah, I have. It's always alarming.

Jesus. The fuck, man. He's like 13 pounds now. Dude, sometimes he takes shits as big as I take. It's pretty crazy. I feel like he should take rabbit shits. I know. But he doesn't.

Well, he's up to 13 pounds. He's getting fat now. Yeah. The vet told me we got to cut it off. We can't get any fatter than this. Okay. You got it. Yo, I got it.

Yeah, I'm not going to. What are you going to do? Are you going to work him out? Yeah. All right. Okay. Thank you guys for supporting the show. Thank you for listening to the show.

Don't forget. Thank you for getting naked to the show. Getting naked to the show. Rubbing the show all over your body. Don't forget to send us your emails, your tweets. You can email us at yourmomspodcast.gmail.com. You can tweet us, statthomsagura at Christina P. Facebook.com slash yourmomshousepodcast. Facebook, social media.

Such a stupid song. I know. Thank you guys for all that shit. Anything else? Thank you, mommies. No, I love you guys. I love you. I cradle you in my bosom.

She cradles you in her bosom. You who listens to this. There you go. That's it. I love you guys. All right. We got to run. Your mom's house.

Your mom's house. Your mom's house. Your mom's house. Your mom's house. You've been listening to your mom's house. Where your mommies dump comedic clips in your mouth. And there's always brown talk for your ear hole. And a cum dog sitting in the back.

You know she's ready to roll. Titties and a clamshell figure ate your asshole. Till you take your sprinkler and watch her drink it up and all. Damn. It's your motherfucking mom's house. Your mom's house. You've been listening to your mom's house. Your mother's house.

And would you rather have a mouthful of shit or a pussy full of bands. Do that. Do that dance. With your blue jeans high and tight. When Tommy cooks the push you know he makes it squirt, right. Right. And you should see what that lovely Tina does with a Bear's D. You see.

It's your motherfucking mom's house. Your mom's house. You've been listening to your mom's house. Your mother's house. Where your mommies run around just dumping these clips up in your mouth. You've been listening to your mom's house. With that angry eastern block of Christina P. And Tommy Buns is the motherfucking G.O.D.

And don't forget about that cutie Fidal Feefinata. He long getting them little bitches but never sees them later. That little dog is like an old black man. He is a real OG. You see. You've been listening to your mom's house. Your mom's house. It's your motherfucking mother's house.

Your mother's house. Where your mommies run around just dumping these clips up in your mouth. We got the juice. Juice. Got that motherfucking juice. Juice. Juice. You've been listening to your mom's house.

Your mom's house. It's your motherfucking mother's house. Your mother's house. Just dumping these clips up in your mouth. Don't bring anyone's mother into this.