Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 220-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 9, 2014

Derivatives are, you know what I'm sayin, like important when you, know what I'm sayin, doin calculus. Word. Dudes should not masturbate on the bus with other people around when those people have camera phones cause you get recorded and then you get arrested (plus it's rude). The exception would be if you had a nice cheese with you and then you can get romantic. You know what's better than a girl fight? Shovel fight! Yeahhhhh! Plus Bad Acting and more. Bang! Bang!

What it went it went in my eardrums. These new headphones are way better than my old ones Is this a new mic too? No See can you feel the bass in your ear in your ear bones? Yeah? Whoa? It's crazy, you know I'm saying you know I'm saying Jean's your back. Oh my god for a moment Today is my day off from shooting the show. I'm not allowed to talk about we've been working 14-hour days six days a week. This is my one day off and I'm so happy to be here with you I'm about I'm tearing up out of joy to be back in your mom's house. Yeah, it's good to have you back

I'm I miss you. I miss the mommies. I miss the mommy dome terribly. It's good to have you here. I'm excited It is Friday. We'll get into a whole bunch of stuff Unfortunately, you will be here while tonight I'll be doing the podcast live at the Highline in Seattle With Yoshi. Oh my god. That's exciting. I think that that might be better than me going. No, she no Yoshi She's the fucking is he's amazing. So what a treat as soon as we wrap this up But you got to get back to your set and I'm going to Keep pulling audio for the Yoshi mama, so so exciting you guys

I apologize. I can't be with you Hopefully I'll be done soon But I definitely definitely will be June 6th at the Fun House in Portland, Oregon doing stand-up one night only at the Fun House in Portland June 6 Go see her. It's swear to Christ. I will make that if I have to well, you'll be done So there's no there's no chance of that. There's no way but yeah, it's not gonna not gonna go another way Right, I hope not and then June 19th through 22nd the Pittsburgh improv Pittsburgh PA June 18th is my birthday So that's kind of neat to spend my birthday in Pittsburgh. What do you think? Yeah, man?

It's awesome Guys steel city you guys have supported the show by chef shopping I'm not done. You can't get oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sweetheart. You know what? I haven't done your mom's house in a while my chops Real quick Please come out tonight to the High Line if you're in Seattle next week Thursday Friday Saturday May something something and something I

I'm go go let yeah, go bananas Cincinnati my hometown. Please come out and support me I'm pretty certain. I'm gonna have a really good Amazing feature act with me that I can't announce yet until it's confirmed, but it's gonna be awesome a Few weeks later. I know I'm doing the Brea improv love doing California shows And then that's gonna be with the full charge then San Jose improv with denim on denim Jeff Tate and Yeah, so that's that's in June and then I'm going to Buffalo

To do the helium Buffalo Club at the end of June Look at you. Those are great clubs all great clubs for real fun and your features are awesome Super tight. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of your jeans. I got all kinds of new denim check out my new shirt I like your new shirt. I like your new earcans. Yep. It's pretty good Man silly on your head. You look like Buck Rogers. No, maybe now you can talk about the other thing Guys, thank you so much for doing your Amazon shopping through your mom's house podcast calm I beg you if you're gonna go to Amazon Just just click on our home page first your mom's house podcast calm and on our home page

You will see a little square sized banner and you click on that and it takes you through a magical portal on Amazon And when you do your shopping regularly, we just get a little kickback from what you do normally Yeah, all your regular shopping. You don't have to specifically specifically specifically get something like for Our you know from us There's the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean, but some of you pronounce Specific as Pacific the word is specific the ocean is Pacific for All right So specifically you don't have to get anything

From that through that banner get whatever you're gonna get we get a little bit of kickback It helps support our show allows us to do the show and buy headphones and show we need So it's much appreciated much bridge in Canada too. If you're in Canada, we have a link banner I'm sorry Manada Yeah, so that's that and See that was quick. I can't imagine I have notes in front of me from like a weeks ago when we did the show here Here's what I have written on this piece of paper Jambalaya Jizz Lover and Jamboree that must be your set list

No, I know what this is. This is 19 kids accounting the names of their kids. They're all J names Jambalaya jizz Loper and what jamboree jamboree. That's fantastic Yeah, dog, I'm so happy you're here. It's not the same doing without you, you know, it just isn't I was I actually pictured myself I remember walking out when I when we were in that was in Vancouver last week doing the podcast on Wednesday and like Immediately I was like shit. I better bring to because Toby saved the day. Thank God. He could come out and do it I was alone out there and like two minutes later. I was like, I better bring him out here cuz I don't fuck

I'm doing alone. I just not how we do the show. So not well I can't wait to hear the the Vancouver show. I haven't listened to it. It's up. You can hear it now Oh, okay. I'll listen to it in my hotel room. Yeah, that's so it's good that Toby got to do it And I heard it was you had fun and it was oh, it was a blast. It was a blast and the crowd was amazing It was fantastic. Good jeans. I'm sad. I can't do it. I really am. I'm so sorry you guys Just know that it's for a good mommy cause. Yeah, for sure and it'll be revealed later. Yep. All right You ready to do this show? Fuck it. I'm so ready. Let's fucking do this about time, you know Now you might need to refer back to the previous video about the strict definition of a derivative because I'm make reference to that

So you know, I'm saying if you ain't looked at that and if you feel confused or something like that You might need to kick it back to that J&P but out real quick and come back to this. All right, Phil So we're gonna talk about your basic derivatives. You know, I'm saying these are problems that you gonna find in the book Whatever calculus book you use You know what I'm saying? It's not like that, so Oh, shit This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this

Your mom in the fucking stand Welcome, welcome Welcome to your mom's house With Tom Segura Tom Sussour Christina Pajit Zit Christina Pajit Zit Welcome to your mom's house

You Wow derivatives, huh derivatives, man. Yeah, that was calculus That was Maybe if I take this guy's calculus class, I would have enjoyed it more, you know, I'm saying oh, yeah This guy was your teacher Something tells me the bell curve is extremely low Everybody passes this class I should point out before we even play any more of this this guy knows way more about calculus than I do

Or definitely me. I didn't get past algebra two. Yeah, algebra one was a real struggle for me Um, yeah, it's me too. It's amazing, man. What's calculus? Uh This is math from the hood. No. Yeah, this is real. This is real. Yeah. This is like first thing I want to talk about is You know, I'm saying like what we do to functions. So basically It's like a set of instructions, you know, I'm saying just like just like your dna, right?

It's like your dna like when you're born you just see, you know, I'm saying just a your blob of flesh pretty much in And your your dna Holes all the instructions for how tall you gonna be and I'm saying whether not with eyes I got to say so far. I am following His analogy better than all the math teachers I ever had. Uh, yeah, I think I do understand what he's saying functions are like the dna of your body That's I don't I know nothing about functions, right or calculus, but right now I'm connecting that. Yeah, that makes sense to me A color your eyes gonna be all that good stuff The same instruction. So it's the same thing

When you know, I'm saying we finding derivatives Like a whole bunch of mathematicians who ain't had and you know, I'm saying I'm sorry That's better to do but they didn't do math all day They figured out, you know, like these rules You know, I'm saying that you could apply to different situations So derivatives are like a basically where or how you find out like the rules that you've applied to math math

Right. I'm sorry. These are these the derivatives are like The rules that a bunch of mathematicians discovered. Yeah, a bunch of lazy white guys sat around and made math. They're white I thought they're arabic, isn't oh, you're right, man. Sorry Yeah, it wasn't white people. All right. So let's just get into it, right? So do you know how long this video is? No 30 minutes And he's explaining derivatives this way. All right. First, we're gonna start with the um, he better fucking hurry it up Okay, that's from the other video you should remember this job, right? So it's like this It is um, this is great that this dude made this function is equal to the limit

This h goes to zero This is insane x plus h. I'm just gonna skip forward. I kind of remember f of x function of x This dude's doing calculus right here. It's axis in square All right, that's what it's telling you to do. So that's important because he's wearing a uh, a black hoodie and sunglasses A lot of people would do this number right here. All right, they do this number They'll take this job and try to apply right and they'll say x squared plus h minus the original function

x squared Over h this shit. I hear it now and it gives me that that's wrong. That's wrong. I'm saying of course When we when we when we end up Carrying this out. I'm saying this dude really understands calculus and and as interesting as he makes it It still bores the shit out of me. It should it gives me anxiety Like it brings me back to that panic of high school. Don't you feel like you don't click with math people? at all I don't understand what's fun about it

But listening to him like I literally put my I felt like I was in 10th grade and they're telling me that the sat's are coming up and I have to know this in order to like get into college Make your butthole and it makes my asshole pucker. It makes my stomach turn Just thinking about the test coming and I've how am I gonna pass this? I just I just need a d I just have to get a d on this test. I remember God, I feel like if somebody goes like hey, I hate math. I'm like, do you want to have dinner? Like I feel like I can hang out with you. Yeah, you know, that's that's why we get along so well probably Probably the basis of it all is our

Opposition how do we even have money in our bank account? Like the two of us are just not We we I think we guesstimate a lot of shit With numbers. Yeah, we're like, ah, this could be 500. It could be 5000. I don't know how much do you have what you need What are we getting for this? Yeah, I think there's money left over I don't know But the thing is is that you don't need calculus to be an adult At least a comedian. You don't need it Uh, to me, it's my lifeline. It's my bloodline. It just gives me so much joy to do count calculus

Calculus Torture, this is my nightmare to have to take calculus classes Or just any math No, you know, it was really bad for me too Is a fucking spanish, dude. I'm sure for you that was like your best That was here's how I Worked in school I will not put effort into any of these things

And then my natural it's it's exactly how I work as an athlete too I will not put any real effort into this. Yeah, whatever my natural ability does for me Is where yes, this is where it goes spanish was exactly the same Zero effort. Yeah did extremely well because we spoke spanish at home, right? Yeah, I just lucked out that was one where I was literally like, oh, wow, this shit's gonna be and they were like, why are you taking this? Just take french. No I don't already speak french. Yeah It's an easy a dude

Like who doesn't need that to boost the gpa to get into college I have a better accent than the teacher of the class And and that's what always bothered me is the people that teach languages seldom are native speakers And I could hear this dumb bitches accent who taught me In fucking she had like calico hair cut like she had her head had a head of hair that looked like a calico cat So we called her that and her accent was just garbage because and I knew that because I grew up in la around People that spoke like mexican spanish. Mm-hmm. Her accent was just super wack. Of course. I'm a fucking learning spanish from some white bitch You know what i'm saying? I know what you're saying

To fucking pull a bus boy from like the rest of the local restaurant. I'll learn spanish from that guy. That's the guy you should learn from I'm learning portuguese. I told you that portuguese to to the bang To the bang to the bang. Oh, hey, thank you It's obrigado oh Oh, oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. I've been saying it wrong. I think have you been saying it? Oh, no, it's oh, it's obrigado obrigado obrigado. I think I don't fucking know It's the best language

It's a beautiful language You know, I just occurred to me is that I didn't learn about putting effort into stuff until college Like I didn't know that people just didn't naturally Do good at like history or math. I didn't know that I thought that people were just naturally good at stuff I didn't know they had to put work into things. I think that I still live by that You don't put forth but stand up you put forth effort But the effort comes in what form though in going getting on the flight and getting to the you know, I mean like

What I do on stage it's effort in that like I've put time into it, but it's not like I'm like I'm gonna work at I'm just really gonna work at making this but it's just as good as as it is That's what yeah, well, maybe it's because you're naturally drawn to it. Yeah It's a natural Thing to fall into right but for me feels natural, but yeah, but it's not like I'm like man I'm just I'm really really working at this right now, which is probably true bad. I'm obviously I mean like I could work harder at it I should but I guess when you like something it's not it doesn't feel like work It's just it just never is but high school just felt like

Just work just terrible every day Remember that shit the belt getting there the crack it on and then the bell rings and like a like a prisoner you get up You go to your next class Try to keep her falling asleep Another bell rings. I didn't put effort into academics until College. Yeah, me too. That's when I started to step it up. Yeah, it's awesome, right? Very much so Jeans, uh

I Wanted to I play this for you as soon as I heard it because I just felt like it would speak to your heart. I'm so excited You want to hear it? Yeah. All right. Yeah, this is on video, right? This is on video You really want to keep doing that Oh It's on video on my phone You really want to do that? I have it on my phone

Are you crazy? Do you see how many people are on this bus? Do you see a child behind you? You are disgusting I'm here You know what's going on, um, I'm guessing he's masturbating. Yes in public. Mm-hmm on a philadelphia city bus Um And and even is he stroking as he's being chastised by that? Yes, his penis is out. He's playing with it And she's like, are you crazy? It's my bad accent. Are you crazy? Are you are your mind?

The problem is is that that's what that guy wants the key is to laugh That's what I've been told he didn't know that she didn't know that she didn't know that because he they enjoy the chastising That's why he's doing it. So he literally keeps stroking it as she's chastising. It's out Well, he starts to like towards the end of this. He puts it away and he talks shit to her He's like, what's she proud like he I'm just jerking my cock and pop a leg like why didn't you just say like can you get Out my way or something? Like He's like, oh my goodness like what the fuck is your problem? She's the one she's bummin you're bumming me out

Yeah, you're bumming me out. I just came here to masturbate in public and you ruined my jam Can I Look at you You need to get off that bus now All right, well, here's the update She's a temple phd student Right in the bus the man next to her pulled down his pants started to masturbate Let me ask him to stop. He didn't she began filming him

She says, you know, this is on camera. You really want to do that. Are you crazy? Eventually the man who seemed completely shocked by her angry reaction responded. He said, are you serious right now? I'm standing here the whole time. He's sitting But wouldn't you just say something and then she continues Soon other people confronted left the bus. She called 911 police Said that they know the suspects identity are waiting for a warrant to be approved to make an arrest Wow

Also in philadelphia We talked about this man once, but I don't know if we were to talk about the update. They did Arrest the infamous swiss cheese masturbator. Oh good Yeah, good for him officers from philly's special victims unit Is that really the uh appropriate unit? Yeah, there's no public masturbator unit. It's special victims special victims They arrested chris Pagano who is rumored to be the cheese masturbator He let's see the cheese masturbator

Legally offered woman money to watch him put swiss cheese on his dick How much money are we talking about? I mean, we're talking big bucks. Let's be real I would watch a guy. I would watch the guy. Maybe that's why I have such a problem with these public masturbators It's that I'm not compensated for my participation in what's going on Yeah, I think you don't want to pay though. You just want them to enjoy it, you know So you're hoping for that. They're like, oh, yeah, that the lady is like, oh, hi Hello Oh lucky me. Can I use that for a sandwich lady?

Oh the cheese guy sure would you use his cheese if you're no, but think about it personally I don't think I would but I'm saying I could see the right lady being like Mmm But tom like let's say you're home and you're making a turkey and cheese sandwich Right and you go to the the drawer in the fridge and there's no swiss Would you use his cheese? um Yeah

I mean, I gotta have I gotta have my swiss cheese. Do you think he puts his peener? I do a lot of fucking favors, you know, hey Do you think he puts his peener in the cheese holes? Oh, I'm sure is that why he picks swiss and then the the cheese hole grows right as you put your penis further through it See now, I get it. I feel like I kind of get the I get the allure of that one It seems like you just didn't get it for a second Well, because my thinking was why swiss and why not aguda? Why not a cheddar? Why not an american slice? It's all about the holes It's all about the holes. They maybe they should start making a cheese specifically for men to masturbate with yeah

Yeah, yeah Yeah, the masturbation cheese is good. Yeah Seriously though, how much money would it take for you to watch a guy masturbate to cheese? um Well, be real be real here. Wait, so give me the whole thing give me the setup Set up is you're walking your dog like I was in our neighborhood You look and and there's a guy in a car and he's got cheese on his cock and he says I want you to watch me Like dude dude, come here. He goes bro. Bro. Come here. Come here. You're like, what is it? Oh

um, will you watch me jerk my cock with his cheese on it? um I don't know 50 bucks 50 bucks seems worth it because I mean I'd watch them. I would do it for 50 dollars. Yeah, I'd be like Give me 50 bucks. I'm not gonna tell on you and then I'd be like That's crazy. You just jerked off on all that cheese And do you think he uses the cheese slice to wipe up after or like what is he? Really interesting how the cheese is is his like

Thing to go to right like why that's what makes his dick so hard. Why why the swiss cheese? Of all the things It's a great question. I mean, maybe he just wants something or someone, you know Bitch you fuck Stimulate my clit. Oh my god. Bitch stimulate my mother fucking mind That's probably what he's looking for stimulation. I don't know why that girl makes me so grossed out. Really? Yeah, I don't really Why? It's not really not really into her. It sounds gross. Maybe it's the word clit

Yeah, some people have a real aversion to that. I don't know why I just think it's oh, I know why because that retarded clippy used to play And that retarded guy would say that word and I think I have that word. You can't even say it anymore I don't like saying I never say that word I never say that word. It's vulgar. Tom. I'm not vulgar. I'm a lady. All right. Okay I guess what there's a a comedian. I know who doesn't like the word clit Okay It's like

Multiple choice, I think that's ridiculous. Hey, by the way, I really want to thank you so much for um When you met me at the restaurant today taking extra long Before you came back from the bathroom. What those leaving me extra long. I took a leak Yeah, but you knew I was there suffering I got there and I went to those strangers. I just I just drove an hour How long did I take you came in you saw that I was uncomfortably talking to To those people at the table next to me and I was like, oh good Maybe he'll get the social cue that I'm uncomfortable talking to strangers and And then you'd fucking sit down. Did you not get the social cue that I had a full bladder? Was it that confusing?

I feel like you took your time though. I feel like it took a long time. I did not take my time I did not take my time Why is it such torture to talk to strangers? Why does it make me so uncomfortable to talk to strangers? Do you get that too? Of course. It's the worst. I don't know why Like I just I hate small talk. I guess maybe Small talk's a big part of it. Yeah It's a big part of it and they and I feel like they judged the amount of food on our table They made reference to it over and over. Yeah, is it really that much food? Like I feel like we don't we don't that much, too

Yeah, it was uh, it was way It was way more of a Ness than necessary Comment an amount of times. Yeah, they're like, oh, you were acting like you were eating alone I don't know what because I was waiting. I was waiting for you to show up. Yeah, they're like, that's a lot of food Yeah, I don't like relax my husband's coming. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Piggy like, okay. Yeah, he got it I like to eat a lot. Like what's the I'm supposed to be ashamed of it. Like, all right. It's funny Fucking dumb, bitch. That's what I just said. Is that how you felt? You're fucking stupid. You're in your stupid face

Whoa, yeah, I'm not gonna say it. Yeah, then I got there and I ordered some and then they were like, okay, I I guess I guess we're eating from more than two today. Geez guys. Oh my god. I was like Have you ever seen somebody have four filly cheese sticks? What's the problem? I gotta tell you, I've been getting fatter and fatter because I eat off-the-craft service tables Just all day. I find myself eating all day every day because it's always there Chips garbage food if it's not there, I won't eat it, but it's there all day. I'm getting fucking fat You gotta get yourself away from it. Is that the only For me, that's my

like I'm not gonna go and Buy donuts But if you're like, hey, it's breakfast. Here's a table full of fucking 50 donuts. I know you're like, okay That's the problem. Yeah It's too much. Did you see go ahead? Did you see the girl? um The two girls got in the fight and then it ended with a shovel

Yeah, are they two white girls? Yeah Yeah, someone showed me that It's pretty awesome Awesome like funny Okay By the way, before we even fight, no fool in here. Yeah I like their um This because uh the the whole like we're gonna fight like that whole thing that you do

Like she announces it like we're gonna have a break dancing fight It's a total like we need to fight because we're not getting along That kind of thing. I like that. I respect that. I feel like that's a small town thing to do Yeah, and a youthful thing. It's like you're It's like you're their age, which is it seems to be like I don't know 13 14. Well, and the thing is that kind of works Yeah, like when you're like, all right, we're just gonna fight and then this whole thing's gonna be over. Okay guys. All right, cool Yeah, it totally works

Fighting solves everything I'm on the street call me to call you The whole thing too small town thing is all like the I guess it doesn't matter small town big town But that whole the worst thing that girls say they're like you're a whore Yes, like that's always the thing is you're such a whore. Yes, that's still the biggest insult to woman. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, it's so bizarre. It's especially the older I get The more I'm like, yeah, but who are these guys are fucking somebody and who are they fucking right the girls Everybody's fucking right. Why is the girl the whore? I don't know. Why is it bad that she's having sex?

That that's really the thing. Yeah, what like who cares, you know, I'm saying, you know, I'm saying calculus met him on the street And he told me to call This is all over a guy. Yeah, it always is that age especially bitches man, you get crazy over dudes Can you buy a wind guard for your mic, please Oh What the hell And here's the thing the girls that are about to fight they're having like

She's giving them like a tour Looking at stuff like she's at one girl's house. They're just talking really like we're gonna fight in a little bit And I'm like, are you ready to do this? Can you get on the ground? I'm telling you guys to get up on the pool. You both That's what I told you understood. Yeah, they're talking going on josh officer films. It's fun. We're all star Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on So bizarre Oh

Why did you say you were pulling hair? The girls all pull hair Ouch out out describe it to me get up. Um, there's a lot of they're just A lot of bashing wailing kind of flailing arms, but they're making shot connections Then they pulled each other's hair and they ended up on the ground Rolled to the ground and right now, you know, someone's about about to separate them Get up And like very calmly they separated like fucking bitch, but like she stood up. Is this a joke?

Is this like the staged? I don't know. No, they hit each other really hard in the face right there But this girl's got a fucking cement block on her shoulders This is really fucking pounding. Where are these these kids? I tell you I don't know where they are. Just go to the mall Have an orange julius Come on kids come on kids arm wrestle for it You know One of the girls just took her shoes off because the other girl doesn't have her shoes on

It's seeming much more rural by the moment take meshes off. Yeah, who takes your shoes? Okay, thank you All right fists are up. They're going back in the ring for a little more action All right, ready. She's straightening out her shirt like she was like Yeah Here we go. I'll give you a minute. Are you ready? No, see I'll give you a minute very cordial fighting All right, are you ready? All right, let's go Why are they so nice about that? Oh, she is straight up connecting in the middle of her fucking face. One girl is just

Bitch come on. You're at my house, bitch. Give a fuck I'm doing this now. I didn't mean to hit you in the face, but you're tripping. You better quit kicking me Remember you're at my house I think you just broke my hand with your face, dude. I got a hard-ass head. Who did? I got a hard-ass head. She said Dude, dude, she got I got a hard-ass. These girls don't sound southern. God. They sound like unfortunately, maybe west coast Uh, I don't know. It could be. I don't know. That sounds like killbillies. What's going on? I don't know. Let's see. Does it say where they are? San Fernando Valley, where I grew up I don't know. It's all Portola, Jr. I

1988 Someone's trying to break it up. Let's go. Let's go But they're not going to let it happen. You're done. You're done. We can be cool. See? Oh, you ready? Just working out the aggression. Yeah, they're just hammering it out. Kick her. You kicked me in the stomach again It don't matter, stupid bitch You better quit hitting me in my face, bitch. That's the point. It's a fight. I give her I give her points on that Yeah, I agree. The face is kind of the point. Yeah, I mean stomach stomach hits hurt though You can't it's harder to recover. This girl is made of fucking cement though. Which one?

The the one who's getting taken the shots like she's like you stop stop doing that But she's getting like just clocked. Mm-hmm. Stop it. Seriously. Good for him Get the fuck off my yard then, bitch. You want me to get out of your yard? Yeah, I do. You're gonna call the cops on me, whore. You're gonna call the cops on me? No Let's tell me you're calling the cops on me. I'm not leaving. Go. No Hey, get the BB gun to her. Go Go. Hey, get your fucking friend. I will show her. Hailey Cool. Yeah. Go. You have a gun, bitch. Go get it. It's a BB gun, dumbass. BB guns don't hurt. Go get it

So Miranda and Hailey are fighting? Sure. Hmm. Well, so Hailey just walked away What the hell? Oh, that didn't sound good. Well, she just picked up a shovel And then the girl's about to go like oh, shit Oh, right to the head Oh, now the tears, okay Oh my god Dude, that was

A fucking weapon That was contact, right? Jesus Christ I mean, you can hear that right like that. Yeah, no, I heard it. She threw a shovel. Yeah I don't want to hear it. I can't. It's terrible, babe. Oh my god. That's somebody's kid Well, here's the good news. Jesus Christ. Apparently she's okay. It sounded like her skull got cracked Yeah, I think she's about to pop on here. Here we go. Oh my god. Hey, I think I need another shovel That's her Oh god

She's okay. She's okay. Yeah, she's all right guys Can you imagine this generation? I mean, I know like I I stood around and watched people get their asses beat but To be the kid that picks up the camera to videotape it like you're it's just this generation is so crazy And then put that shit on the internet How come people have no shame? No, you should be ashamed of yourself when these kids don't feel there's no sense of Personal shame anymore. No Shame is a great motivator. Yeah, so absolutely. Most people are motivated by

You know, the we wanting to avoid shame. Yeah, and this dumb dumb is like, yeah, put on the air I want everyone to know if I won't be famous like all right Because we're a fame chasing culture getting hitting the head of the shovels cool, right? Yep. So fucking well time for a little update That's what you're explaining it out to so looking at this We can expand this out to The first element which is x so that's x squared plus

Two times the first element x Times the second element more math right there for you. It's still boring too And even even with the cool music and the cool guy. It still sucks fuck um One piece of audio that we played that I'd say certainly Resonated with a lot of people became one of the

Stables of our show. It's not like garbage my burp. Why sushi burp smell like garbage. Yeah. Well, there was raw fish in your mouth moments ago Um We'll be this clip right here. I think um, because we like we like artists. We like musicians That's walk of flaka in the booth. Mm-hmm. Now we have chief kief doing his thing. You ready? Hmm What do you think bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang You like it? I do That's a really neat song

Together Oh I could be a fucking record producer I think What's guys? Let's get you both in the studio banging the bow bow. What's the bang bang under like? What's the I don't know this song I'm not gonna look it up. Okay. I'd like to hear it without so this is like the track Just the audio that's him in the actual room. He's got he's got headphones on so he can hear the music But the person recording him in the room can't so amazing This is stupid

No, no not here here bang bang like he's actually going bang bang bang and then there's bang bang bang bang bang Do you think he tries hard walka just throws caution to the wind Out bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow It's different. It's different processes. Yeah, exactly. Do you think badminton's are effortless? I love that so much Bow bow bow bow bow Squat

Oh That's good That's funny. I wouldn't I'm not a musician. I don't have an ear like that. Yeah. Well, I mean, this is something I've been doing more time Bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang. How do you know that that's gonna add to the music? I feel like you know, it's so hard to write lyrics and add it and then how does he know like that's the that's the thing I don't know how he knows. That's a good question. Bang bang

But he knows But he knows He knows Bang bang bang Bang bang It's like adding sprinkles to the cupcake, you know Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's pretty good I've farted is it registered a little bit I farted a lot after our sushi. Is it bad?

Let's talk about your browns. Have you talked about this with the audience yet? No, well, you've been having brown issues Let's walk through it. I went to the sushi place. We went to Today A week ago. Okay, and then I just had bad Bad diarrhea. Mm-hmm that night The next day The day after The day after

The day after and then it got better How many days of diarrhea is that like five? Do you think it was because of the fish? I don't know I guess I'll tell you in a few hours I mean, I I react pretty quickly to bad shit. I think I'm okay. It was fucking horrific I probably was just bacteria in the fish, right? I'm guessing. I don't know. I kind of want you to see a doctor Doctors are for losers though, right? Yeah, that's the expression faggots. Whoa. Well, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm not allowed to say that word anymore I forgot you can say it say whatever you want. It's not politically correct though. Yeah Get letters and stuff pretty you know pretty much hard fucking core

How come joey Diaz can say what he wants to because he's joey, you know Yeah, cock suckers cock sucker. What do you think joey Diaz is? Do you think joey Diaz is bad shits all the time? Yes I think every shit is fucking horrific for joey Do you think he ever takes a healthy smelling shit? Do you do you? I can't I can't imagine what his dumps are like I can't even imagine huge and powerful and strong smelling for sure Yeah, bad because he what do you think he eats a lot of stuff? Yeah, it's it's aggressive. It's uh, it's a lot

Whatever it is, it's powerful. Yeah It's the kind of thing you're like Yeah, a strong strong odor very strong and he farts a lot too like you Yeah, I bet his farts are also up there with the best. Um, have you missed me at all since I haven't gone? Of course How many dates have you been on with other people? 14 Yeah, but that's from tinder. It's not like you mean grinder grinder where it's like, hey I'm in the zip code. Where are you?

The courtship Ah We always zip code you in girl my my dick's hard. Did your dick hard? What a what a classy way to meet people Hey, grinder doesn't fuck around. Are you in five miles of my dick? Yes, exactly at tinder is like Hey 10 miles, but no, but tinder is like let's meet up. Yeah, let's see if this goes Let's at least know each other's names before I penetrate you. Yeah, I think grinder's better because it's just like I got a hard dick and so do you I think

Here's a picture of my abs. Do you want to fuck these? What's wrong with that? Nothing. Yeah, I'm not judging. I'm just reporting the news. Yeah, I think it's fucking awesome Um, we should look let's get on tinder. Let's find out if we can date somebody in this neighborhood Together No, I just like we'll download and just see what's out there, you know, okay I'll just because I'm gonna be gone tonight and then I'll be alone. Well. Yeah, you need a date too Yeah, that's true Yeah

No, that's a good point. Where do you think you take a girl on a date on a date? I don't know how to go on a date I wouldn't know what to do dinner. I guess But would you would you hide how much food you really eat from her? Would you order like let's say, okay, let's say first date first date. Yeah, yeah How much are you ordering on your first date? It's usually I would um I would order far less and I think I would just keep telling myself slow down Slow down If I want a first date right now, yeah

Yeah, stop eating so fast. Let's do this dude slow I might actually put um Set a reminder on my phone to go off during the thing Where I open it and then like it says like some bullshit But then midway through my note to myself in bold it says slow down your eating To remind myself to not scare her. Yeah Yeah, because you eat so fast I know over the years I've had to learn that like

The big dog eats the little dog's food very quickly little dog has to get her food in her bowl fast So whenever the food gets dropped, I immediately take what I want on my plate and then I let the big dog have the rest Otherwise, I don't eat anything. That's not exactly. It's true. We're like two dogs You eat what's in your bowl and then you come sniffing at my bowl Uh, yeah That's true I gotta eat quick around you. Yeah, that's why I weigh 30 pounds more because I'm fucking eating fast So we're both eating fast liar. I'm afraid of no, but I'm afraid that there's no there's not enough food

So I feel like I eat more because I don't know when I'm gonna see food again I feel like this is bullshit at this point. It's not bullshit. It is it is not bullshit Yeah, it is I eat I eat more because I feel like I'm afraid there's not enough with you. Come on True story True story in your On your balls. Good one. You you got a true story What were you doing at the restaurant today? It was so funny

What did I do? You know because I haven't hung out with you enough in the last Fucking million years. I've been gone and the people I hang out with I feel like I don't you know And you just you speak a language with somebody like you and I speak the same language and then I'm with people That don't speak my language. It's very very different. It's not as fun. Life is not as fun I mean you have someone that speaks your language, you know Yeah, that's true Like all the mommies that listen to this show the mommies speak we all speak the same language man

It's such a bummer when you're like, oh, you're jeans up and someone's like, what what do you mean? Or you're like, I just took a huge shit and they're like, that's disgusting Like you're like welcome to the show stop being fucking weird. It's fun. Quit being a nerd nerd Um, I have to get my charger for the or the mic my cord for this Right now. Yeah for because the computer's about to die. Oh press pause. Here's a pause button. Yeah, I uh, we're back. Um What would you do on a first date? You know what what we did on our first day was what smoked cigarettes and played pool Didn't we go to no, no, no, we went to a bar and we drank beer

Uh, yeah, and you show me your vagina not on the first day second day second date dummy um Yeah, first first date we didn't we drank and you were like, uh, you're like sicker tongue down my throat That's so lame. First of all, you always say like, oh what a whore I was Excuse me. I do not say what a whore you were because we slept together super quick But I I had known you for years before we started dating. Yeah, I know and you were like, I want a piece I want a piece. You kept saying that to me You know, you don't even know but I decided that we were going to get married at danforth france's barbecue

You did not decide that I sure did The whole reason we're standing together sitting here today doing the show Being married genes that we are is because I decided at danforth france's barbecue party fourth of july You offered me a piece of cheesecake and I looked up at you when you were back lit like the jesus christ himself And I said I says to myself. I says self There's your future husband. You had a husband thought then I go I just looked at you and I go. Oh, I have to be with tom cigarette and I knew I never looked at you that way before and I went. Oh my god

Do you want to um Play you're not gonna believe this. Yeah, I have audio of That party you're kidding. No, I want to hear it. I I'd really be thrilled. Yeah Are you talking to me You look like a man I could be a best friend with Okay, here I come Come on with razz now hop on majersky grabbing to my waist take a ride with me, please. What about the hose? Hey, who needs those? Who needs those gonna show you how to have the perfect vacation

I'm gonna suit you up to the island vibration. What do you say? I'm open to that now get a meville piercing I browse a navel make a magnetic no need for painful so in the dreadlocks Shells on the neck shells on the wrist now string of my luck get the shells on the ankle He said so in the dreadlocks I never picked up on that. I never yeah, so I'm into your head. Oh, so Disposable camera Coven on the beach jam the coconuts get the city star from the city star hut virgin calada. No wrong virgin calada No wrong google red lobster maker reservation pager will buzz you win your tables ready

Get the appetizer Certain locations prices will vary talk to the manager ask for the special catch of the day manager discount All right, I love it that if you didn't know We were just talking about that at dinner. I just pulled it up. I love that That's from the razz's best vacation ever From tim and eric awesome show great job Yeah, I made new best friends weekend and his name is razz

Yeah, and I made a video of our vacation and then I think tim goes. I don't want to see it. Nobody wants to see it Eric nobody he's like, okay You know what you know what actually spawned the thought of him Does somebody sent us these bad actors auditioning? This is it mine? Dude, I'm on it too. Um like these just terrible actors Richard forkin You could stop at just one That's your affair. Oh boy a bum. That's what he is a bum

So that's like super tim and eric, but this is like 20 years old. Yeah, it's what's totally real. Yeah All the fresh What was it Joey saw that dark night through the slots in the bell free at the old town church Was that judge Bostrom and dr. Cuddle carrying the body of a dead man Should he tell his pal jim or a sweetheart patsy? Who is professor stromberg? Holy shit. Jesus. You'll laugh You'll thrill you'll shudder when you see world pictures. We're way better actors than this. I'm better than that Yeah, man. Yeah, I'm better than that. I'm I'm getting awards next to this dude for sure

Slats in the bell free Sorry, Tommy Ryan and mary Ann Fulton Slats in the bell free is playing at local theaters near you Bring a brave friend Jesus man He has dead eyes too total fucking sociopathic eyes. That's why there's no feeling in that. I guess Boom With the rented murder you got him you did

It's amazing That you can be out there with a fine bitch for a year and the most entertaining story you can come up with to tell me Is a trunk stop He's better than the last guy that this guy's the this could be a person acting. Yeah, the last guy I Auditioning is the worst it is the worst thing it is. It's a form of hell. I'd rather just never do it again Yeah, I've pretty much given up on acting. Yeah, it's not my lane. I think I'm gonna be um I'm gonna do like late night or host or talk show like I don't

Yeah, I just I can it's so gay to say things other people have written. It's very hard for me I turned down an acting role today and you were there um with me I did for a direct offer. Do you want to remember to recall how the offer went? Do you want to uh, it's a website short Um an agent my agent called me. What are you doing? No money? I Do you want to shoot something? I'm like, okay, you play a cop. All right And you know it's for it's actually a reputable thing Okay, so when when when do you need me?

Uh two hours To do what to to act in this thing To to do it. It's in two hours In two hours. Can you show up? I mean, can you stop what you're doing and come there and it's in two hours? I have to say one of the best the biggest victories in life is getting a call like that And being able to say no and not regret it at all. Yeah Yeah, like I had zero thought about that afterwards. Well, it was it's a little we you had other things to do You had a very important meeting to go to you couldn't move it. No, I'm glad you do you want to um

So can I read you jaden smith's twitter feed? Oh speaking about actors or are we is there more? Uh, there's one more here. Hi. My name is carla shaw You can stop at five or six stores or just one I don't need friends. They disappoint me Hi, i'm todd larou you could stop at five or six stores or just one I feel like a deer in the headlights of love Wow, honey, you've got a big storm coming You could stop at five or six stores or just one. Oh boy. This is horrible. That's bad. This is really bad

It's really one of the more enjoyable things i've seen in a while. Yeah, yeah What jaden say today? Well, if it's so much today, hold on six days ago. Yeah, let's start six days ago This is the best when you live your whole life in a prison freedom can be so dull. Oh my god I read that one I think what bothers me more about his stupid fucking tweets are like the fact that I can I can see being 15 and think that like That's a really. Yeah. Yeah. I was like that. Yeah The tweet later is spider-man is amazing. Oh my god. Please go watch it

You're like, what wait a minute. What about life and then I about prison being everything. I don't know I scare people away You do. Yeah, there's one Either I lie to you or we cry together. Oh Yeah, let's just not talk I think that's what I tweeted. Here's the best young jaden Here's the deal for every time out you give me you'll give me 15 dollars for therapy when I get older What?

He said this this is a tweet of his. Yeah Unawareness is the only sin and if you were aware you would know He's terrible and it's all that caps thing where he writes he writes he capitalizes the first yeah It's grammatically super incorrect. This is gonna make such a fucking retard Jealousy just reassures you love your love The moment that truth is organized it becomes a lie. It's like it's like Yeah, it's embarrassing, dude Yeah, it is embarrassing because this is just like this is like what 15 year old can say he also he also has these cop out

Tweets every once in a while. I think he probably gets so much hatred for his fucking stupid tweets Every once in a while. He's like yeah, my shit's just for artists. Like if you don't understand this because you're not an artist There's such a cop out way of you know, yeah, I swear Excuseing your stupid shit. Well, the thing is you're not on my level. That's why you don't yeah Yeah, you're just on the level dudes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay Okay, bitch. Okay. All right How old does he know he's 15 something like that I can't wait until he grows up and he's like 30 and he's on some talk show

My talk show and I'll be like hey jaden quick. Let's go back like 15 years. Remember this tweet around back in 2014 He's like, oh my god, you think you think he'll have that self-awareness I hope so you give him benefit of the doubt. I hope so this whole generation is growing up. Just fuck They have no idea how embarrassing all this shit is. Yeah, and there's records of all of it. That's the embarrassing thing Shit, I'm embarrassed of stuff. I wrote two days ago a little my adolescence like And tweets and photos Wait, is it really there forever forever forever in the computer world? I think so on the internet

I think it's there's always gonna be a record of it. Yeah Yeah, I mean unless you know I'm saying unless you don't clean your cookies, you know, I'm saying clean your cookies out delete your cache You could stop at five or six stores or Just one. Oh, you know what I'm gonna ask you kind of a weird question. Oh boy What's that I mean, I feel like we talked about twitter, but what about social media? You know, I'm

I'm kind of just over social media. I'm just I'm not come on. Please. Let's talk about social media. It's one of my favorite topics So I missed them. I that was in my head for a long time I think if you check your twitter feed at least today Which is over a week later There's uh more More than I'm seeing more than a couple dozen. I know I can't get a let's go. So I know I know let's hear it again All right

All right guys, are you ready? Let's do this you guys pull your cackies up I'm showing you things you like Try to get engagement With some photos from my life My cat my kids I'm baking I'm hoping you'll share my stuff And sweet it to the world If you help me grow my clouds

I promise that I'll share yours So connect with me. Let's have some fun. Let's show the world out. This can't stand Let's get social With social media Let's get social Social Excuse me, we can we can what no fist ourselves. I thought that's not the words Then there

Here we go You've got two or three inside of you My Oh How does it get done Social Social media Do you think she she knows how bad it's going right? No, no way. I think she knows

But she's also, you know, she's performed more. He's just like let's do it. He's pumped He's like the guy they're gonna love this. Well, he knows she's gonna rap soon. He gets to do his rap. Oh, I forgot about the rap Yeah, he gets to riveting rap very soon. What are you doing with those? I don't know. Are these your uber cards? Yeah, um an uber driver give them to me Maybe I'll use a because I'm not about to use uber in a little bit here. Okay, try one But says your first ride so Okay, give it a shot. See if it'll work. Let's see if you can do a code Oh, I just realized we could add more to this

So All right, everyone I want you to stand up right now. Take out your phones. Take a selfie with your neighbor. It's time to get social Oh Just another deal said another way that we lost our way Socials about the people remember we are people He said we are people. Oh my he did. He put like a little affectation on that. What does he look like? Do you know cool? Yeah, he looks cool as fuck. He looks like he's just real Definitely looks good. We really need another like fan or share. Do we need another poster show up everywhere?

I hope as we scatter that we never forget that our posts live forever. Even when we go to bed Social We can spend the word and go our leech. Let's show them how we Eat the peach Bang bang bang bang bang bang put it in your snatch One thing that I'm dying to know. Well, I gotta see the finish this one You could stop at five or six doors We're just one. Jesus christ

And then everybody does a weird move after their I did they go like Some physical move or just one. Yeah I am the queen of the universe the waves part and they engulf me and the water is warm I can see the Statue of Liberty from here. I can see the Statue of Liberty from here. Good job Can I do that? Why stop three or four times? You could stop at five or six. You you could stop at five or six doors When you can stop at one. Is that what it is or just one or just one

You can stop if you can stop at five or six to you can stop at five or six. Okay, you direct me Okay, so tom what I want you to do is say you can stop at five or six doors, but Do you only need to stop at one? Okay, just one. Should I slate first? Go ahead. Should I slate first? Please? Hi, I'm tom cigarette. I'm tom cigarette Hi, tom. Thank you. Thank you and just go when you're ready when I'm ready Go when you're ready what I'm ready. I'll go Thank you. I'll go in a moment when I'm ready. Okay. Thank you You could

You could stop You just about all this you can stop a five or six Any I matter so you can stop or just one you can just read the card. Okay, it's written See how it's written down on the card there. Yeah, you can stop at five or six doors Yes, one like that. I think um, I think it's you could stop at five or six doors Or you could just stop at one. Oh you could stop

Five or six doors Just one or Just one or just one or just one You don't have to go up at the end. Okay You could stop at five or six doors Just one That was good. That was your best take. I'm gonna use that one. Thank you. Thank you. Hello. I'm bill delir

Come to Scotland or just one Is that the tobacco is rolled on the thighs of cuban women I'm pregnant I don't know what to say. It just happened. You know what one thing I want to know Give me the name of the son of a bitch because I'm gonna kill him It's good audition. Wow, it's good. Let's do that scene together. You want to do that scene together? I'm pregnant

There's one thing I want to know just give me the name of that son of a bitch. No somebody kill him Like that. That was good. We're good. We're good. I feel like this dude. It was the most impressive What was it Joey saw that dark night through the sights in the bell free at the old town church Was that judge Bostrom and dr. Tuttle carrying the body of a dead man? Should he tell his pal Jim or his sweetheart Petsy? I feel like this is probably what it's like to watch Bert host his trip flip show. You know what's so funny I was just thinking about Bert. Yeah, it's funny that you say that because he has kind of the same speech impediment Jesus look who you fucking hired up for your show. Who is professor Stromberg?

You'll laugh You'll thrill you'll shudder when you see more pictures slaps in the bell free Starring Tommy Ryan and Mary Ann Fulton. This is this is terrifying to look at. Well, what does it look like? dead dead eyes that I mean, I don't know dead black eyes um

Just bad everything's bad on them And he doesn't get the inflection right ever no come in watch. Is it comes from the bell tower? Yeah, it's all wrong and it will thrill you and You're not even reading it right dude. There's just periods at the end of the sentences, bro It will You could stop at five or six doors for just one. Oh, that's one of the better reads. I think that was an interesting reading You could stop but five or six doors are just one Is this a walmart ad? Is that why they're doing that? You could stop at five or six doors are just one

Yeah, it seemed more natural. She seemed natural. You could stop at five or six doors, but why not? Don't stop at all stupid That's a take that we didn't hear. Yeah Could be in dumb You could stop at five or six doors for just one. I can't stand it once you touches me People say that time heals all wounds It's really good guys that was really good That was really good

I'm really impressed try thinking my worst audition Yeah, we could play if we found my worst ones, they would be really fucking bad Really bad. I'm trying to think it's usually when they want me to be sexy Um, not not so much recently really Well, because I've aged out of the sexy Kitten thing. I usually go out now for like young mom but um You know when you're trying to play seductive. I think that's what I can't I just I can't

Like, oh I'm people. Why don't you give kisses to my bottle? I can't Give kisses to my butthole. That's in the script. What script does this say that in? It's subtext. You wouldn't know a thing about that Hmm, you wouldn't know about that. It's not what's said on the page Let's eat sushi again. Hmm. I want to see um one thing that we didn't cover here Oh, my worst auditions are when they tell me to go high energy. Yep. You too. I can't do it so unnatural I can't do it. I've actually been told could you that again except just

The complete opposite of what you just did Yeah, I've had that oh Like just not don't be yourself. You know what? I've also had on a couple things I've booked a few things a commercial a tv roll small one where they'll go Like on the set action and then they'll go cut and then they go Could you do it like you did in the audition and not how you just did right now? I'll be like, I don't remember what I did in the audition. Yeah, how could you remember? They're like, no, you don't have to remember just do it better

I'm sorry Because it's the worst thing we've ever seen in our lives. Nobody says that I want to see how this guy wraps up his math video one that we looked at. Okay, but it's the same thing. They have a formula combination of functions Excuse me, that was gross. Nobody needs to hear that. I know it's an accident That's pretty much it Uh, if you have any questions post them in for real like if you got direct questions Um, you know what I'm saying? Post them

And I might even make a video like somebody got a specific problem or something like that or a question I might just make a video Devoted to that. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? It's kind of time consuming, but I try my best You know what I'm saying? But um next In the next video I'm going to be talking about how to handle the multiplication In division situations and there's also something called the chain rule and that get tricky. So you'll have to

Really pay attention to that. All right. This is my favorite dude ever That should be all you need to handle your you know, I'm saying your beginning derivative problems. You know what I'm saying? I know I say, you know, I'm saying way too much Wow, I did not know that was coming You're kidding devoted to that. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? It's kind of time consuming, but I try my best You know what I'm saying? Wow In the next video I'm going to be talking about how to handle the

multiplication In division situations. It's also something called the chain rule and that get tricky. So you like to Really pay attention to that. Holy shit. All right, so That should be all you need to handle your you know, I'm saying your beginning derivative problems You know what I'm saying? I know I say, you know, I'm saying way too much. I'm gonna work on that too but uh So maybe you know

Catch you next time. Wow man from the hood Feel me feel me that dude's the best that guy's my favorite. Can we get him on the show right now? Fuck that was awesome. He's the best ykwis ever Who knows who does that? And his description says this your boy coming back at you with another lesson in calculus Trying to start a revolution out this bitch mad from the hood. That's so great. Good for him. That's a smart idea How about just math for two white people that never got into calculus? Yeah, that would ever it also help

Fucking two tards two retards Holy shit, that was amazing. That was cool. Yeah. All right. I gotta go back to my hotel All right dog Sucks. What's that? I'm saying thanks. I I'm so glad to be here you guys I missed you all And I'm glad to finally be back in the mommy dome even if just for a few hours. I missed you I love you We love you jerry james. Hopefully I'll be back soon dirty jeans. What song should I go out on for it?

What do you want to hear anything? Sure? I guess I can look it up. Hold on I do make a list of my favorite song just pretty sick Hmm How about that song? I'm so fancy. Do you want to hear that? No, but it's the only song that's been in my head for the last few days It's such a gay song, but I can't stop singing it. I don't know. All right. I mean who uh Who sings that Iggy azalea like you don't know

Oh Oh, that's my girl Iggy, where's she from? Um, australia mom. Australia. Do you forget how to speak while you were gone? I'm sorry. You're right. Mom's delia mom's delia Mom's Mom's This song is so stupid and I feel like I hear it a thousand times a day. This is all christina you guys

It's been your favorite song guys. All right. Well, we love you. So dumb. I love you guys. I love you. Keep the roll First things first, I'm the realest Really drop this and let the whole world fill it let them fill it and I'm still in the murder business I can hope you're down like I'm giving lessons and physics right right You should want a bad bitch like this time drop it low and pick it up just like this Yeah, cup of ace cup of goose cup of chris I heal something worth a half a ticket on my wrist on my wrist taking all the liquor straight never chase that never First drop like we're bringing 88 back

Bring the hook see you at a basic Champagne spilling you should taste that I'm so fancy You already know I'm in the best lane From LA to Tokyo I'm so fancy Can't you taste this girl?

Remember my name Up to blue I said, baby, I do this. I thought that you knew this can't stand no haters and honest the truth is In my flow, the troll did it. He should be the party Swagger on soup and I can't shop in lower department to get my money on time if they got money to climb I'm so I'm in there. That's so much of to get that line of rewind to get my money on time if they got money to climb I just can't worry for no haters gotta stay on my grind Now tell me who that who that they do that do that put that paper over all I thought you knew that knew that

I'll be the IGG Y with my name in bulk. I've been working. I'm up in here with some change to throw I'm so fancy You already know I'm in the best lane From LA to Tokyo I'm so fancy Can't you taste this girl? Remember my name

Up to blue Trash the hotel Let's get drunk on the mini bar Make the phone call Feel so good getting what I want Yeah, keep it on turn it up Shander the swing and we don't give a fuck Fill this up. Yeah, I'm deluxe

Classic expensive you don't get to touch Still stunned how you let it got the whole world asking how what does that Hot girl hands off don't touch that look at it. I bet you're wishing you could crush that It's just the way you like it. It's so good. He just wishing he could bite it Never turn them So go trigger on again I'm so fancy You already know

I'm in the best lane From LA to Tokyo I'm so fancy Can't you taste this girl? Remember my name Up to blue