Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 222-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 16, 2014

Let's keep getting social! What if SWV covered that song? Or what if all their songs were about Jeans? It's all possible with your MOMS. If you have your stomach stapled or some of it is just taken away be careful when you pass wind because everything might just fall out of you. Tina gives you her secret formula to hotel coffee that is POWERFUL. It's White Lightning that leads to Brown Thunder. The four major food groups are steak, shrimp, chicken and ribs. We help you understand how much of each is important for your diet. Magic Johnson has those AIDS in case you didn't know. Also, Al Sharpton versus words is fantastic. Wear those jeans, gurl. 

He's like in hardly fart. That's not A word it's like that we'll check this out this I'll be gonna do this your fighter against my fighter We're gonna take all wow Yeah, I remember this video you do yeah, let's come out when I was really got in high school Are you into this I secretly like this on course you did in high school. Yeah Who doesn't like this one and I like TLC to secret This is more fucking gully man You know, this is the inside track man

You're so happy right now you're in your element Because my heart starts beating triple time with us sing along Drop it on the one I guess so we get the knees I can hardly jeans Oh She's so it's about your jeans being too tight You pull me right off of my They're so tight Don't make me

Oh Different sizes on different sizes. She wants to find the right pair. Mm-hmm. It's jeans. They need to be Do you know this is when I had trouble last night falling asleep? Because this kept playing in my head. Really? Yeah, it's funny. I had a song stuck in my head, too. Is this it? No, it was Yeah Oh my god, it kept me up all night. I think I've never had more tweets about something on this show Yeah, a lot a lot why what is it about that song it just got it just got me It grabbed me right in the cooch. It's you're not the only one. It's definitely not the only one

It's still fingering my cooch. Oh my god Could you clean it up? But he's he's so shawl so shawl all right you guys He should have taken himself out of singing it, maybe I Told you that I so I ended up getting obsessed with them. I googled them I found out the guy in this is actually a songwriter composer His name is Phil and you can look up

Yeah, and he can he wrote the song because he gets hired to write Like corporate songs fucking awesome and I tweeted her I found her and I was like please come on our show She didn't agree to an interview, but she she thanked me for not calling her a demon spawn demon I saw that. Thank you for not calling me a demon spawn, which means she's gotten a lot of hate I People sent her hatred. I know but don't don't hate her. She's just trying to bring corporate fun Yeah, just trying to make a meeting brighter for you. I love this company Yeah, that's awesome so shawl so shawl

This is how he says he's right. Yeah, he has a weird axe. Okay, everybody song is badass man hard fucking core Yeah It's fucking good hard fucking core hard fucking core Should we do our dates and stuff? Of course. Oh, man. Don't trucking. I get so weak in my tits. I can hardly What did they tell me? Let me guess That's that's SWV The primary thing they sing about is it by chance love. Yeah

Of course and who are the sisters with voices after all? Who are they three girls from New York? Are they still together? No, I don't think so. I mean they might do like some Reunion type of shit. I don't know. Do you think if you had a million dollars you would pay for them to play your backyard party? No, cuz you could get them for way less than that Like a thousand no, but I mean like it's not like you're hiring Beyonce, you know, right, but I would do it What song would you request? Definitely Weak rain and the what's it called the nature you don't talking about. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know human nature

Isn't it called human nature? Do you wish the SWV would record? Let's get social. Oh my god. They would kill it They would kill it. Let's get so sure They would absolutely murder that shit. They would totally kill. I wish a real band would remake. Let's get social Like what if a really what if like your favorite band? What if like modest mouse for the pixies remade? Let's get social. Do you think it could be a good song? Yeah, I think you could an awesome band could make it interesting My favorite. Oh My god, this is right here. I like the original song. Yeah, Michael. They did this is a pretty good

Come on Give it a second. Let's just song. I mean, this is this is a jam, dude Here we go Love Like Indian music You're a cheese Wow, we're gonna ask you a nice episode I say, oh, here's the line that I got from social. Yeah in my head. Yeah

Engage you in my life and then she goes show you pictures of my kids my cats some bacon Yeah, well, you know that's big Paul right there big P wrote that My kids my cats some bacon. All right lyrics man My cat some bacon Guys, what are you doing June 6th? Do you live in Portland, Oregon? Whoop whoop pdx? If so, please come to the fun house I'll be doing stand-up comedy there one night only Portland, Oregon June 6 9 p.m. Fun House also June 7th The rendezvous theater in Seattle, Washington one night only stand up there. Please please please support this

Endeavour go to Christina comedy.com or your mom's house podcast calm to purchase tickets. I'd really really appreciate it really really really What about Eugene well just we're saying I'm June 6 and 7th go see Christina Portland Seattle you got to do it It's Friday night. I am in Cincinnati I go bananas two shows tonight two shows tomorrow and that's It so please Please come See me in

Sinssey Yeah Go bananas. I have some LA shows coming up. I'm excited about I'm doing ATC show on the 27th I'm doing that hot tub whatever Monday hot tub time machine show on June 2nd that's in Silver Lake and then June 11th, it's a Wednesday. I believe meltdown and then the rest of that month. I'm doing the Brea improv San Jose improv and helium in Buffalo and July 12th by the way

We're doing a super show in Toronto. We're doing stand-up and the podcast live one night only in Toronto so Ontario that's your home state dog. It is dude, bro represent We got a good week. It's gonna be a banger of a show. So make sure you come out for that shit. It's a super show It's the super show. Yes, that is so crazy. Yes, but you know, you know how crazy that's gonna be and it's gonna be It's gonna be the most insane thing. We're doing stand-up and the pod holy And by the way, make sure you listen to the live shows you haven't been at you need I know

Well, okay, so today's Amazing feedback for the Denver Chuck Roy show People love you things you like Yeah, my kids my cats Guys also if you would like to support the show you don't have to buy anything you would normally buy But go to our website your mom's house podcast calm and click on the Amazon banner when you do your Amazon Dot-com shopping and it just helps us we get a small percentage over time all those pennies And up after the dollar has five pennies make a dollar and they really help the show

Yeah Please support us Canada America and thank you for those that have already done it It really really helps us out believe it or not. It is, you know, cuz it Sometimes when you're filling up a pool you got to do it drop by drop and over time those drops it's true It is true So yeah dog make sure you check it You didn't even let me you didn't comment on the fact that I said people are commenting and loving the Denver show You just went right into your oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know we were supposed to supposed to what do you mean supposed to?

What was our what were you gonna say just how much people are loving the episode with Chuck Roy? Oh, I'm glad. I don't know him. So it's like I don't care. It's not me. So I'm like It's your show there's nothing to do with me. I'm like, it's your show man. It's your secret. It's your Secret Jesus Christ. Who is this truck? I'd like to see him. How old is he? Listen to the episode watch on profanity, okay? Did I curse no? But I feel like telling you that I don't like that video with the girl hitting the other girl the shovel It's everywhere on the internet and I don't like it. We played it on our show and I don't like it Love it. Love it. Love it. What part makes you happiest when she gets hit with the shovel

That's not very social All right, we got to start this show man. You're you're whatever what what am I doing wrong? What about the other show you you only like You don't like Denver. What about the other shows you did it's not out yet I'm talking about this show that's out right now. Oh, did you post it today? No, I don't have my computer with me. Okay, I'll do it. I'll do it tonight when I get back to the hotel It's fun to do all this shit on my own, you know Listen, hello operation. Didn't I make it up to you today? What just happened?

Yeah What what happened before we did the show nothing happened. How did I make it up to you? Tell me tell them what happened nothing all the listeners. Why are you doing that? Oh Man, I made releases. Yeah. Yeah, I know I Know it's payback. I told you I'd give you lots of releases Thank you. I'm gonna do all the stuff full on can we do the show now? Yeah, all right. Let's fucking party man. Jesus When you have a bypass and you know, your bowels been reconstructed you think you're pretty safe and I probably went off

and eat something I wasn't supposed to and As I'm walking to the press room I got a you know past little gas here. So I walk by myself who's gonna know Only a little something extra came out. You pooped in your pants. I pooped my pants Christina I Like that so much you do, huh? Oh, man. We forgot to play you doing what it just happened right before we did this show I

Heard that from that's another show. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, I heard that part You know what I horribly but enough that I knew which is a common side effect of the surgery exactly and so You know, I was panicking I got to the restroom in the press room throughout the underwear Commando and what did that tell you it told me that I've got to be very vigilant as to what I eat That's Al Roker, uh-uh, yeah after he had his when you have a bypass and you know, your bowels been reconstructed After he had he had the gastric bypass wait cuz he used to be a great big fat person and a great big fat person Oh

Yes, she was large girls, she's big girls. Yeah. Oh My god, you do it too good She's a great big fat person. I hate that. I like what he goes Can you help me put this couch in here in the van? She's always like mr. She always calls him mister. Yeah Don't go. She goes. Don't you hurt my dog. Don't you make me hurt your dog. Mm-hmm. It's mister Yeah, thanks for the scraps asshole. Oh, and then okay But my favorite part about this interview is that they're treating Al Roker's brown the way we treat brown

Like the woman is like yes, and then what happened It's like a breath. Is it a show about brown talk? Uh, no, let me see by the way if um I want I want to see if this is the actual I love that he admitted to that Well, oh, yeah Why would he even know they were gonna be on your mom's house? What's the problem officer? Well, I'm investigating the death of frederica bimble Oh

There's no one here jack Oh shit clay Clarice Clarice. Your name is? Oh jack gordon Well frederica used to work for mrs. Litman. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, sorry Oh wait Was she a great big fat person? And she was a big girl sir Was she roommate

Oh, no, you're a great big fat person Yeah, um that guy has played other parts in movies, but he's forever. It's hard to shake it He's a great actor actually. I'm sure yeah He's for any forever. He's the guy that talked his penis between his legs and played goodbye horses. It's a pretty defining role It's tough because like yeah, that's a huge role and then you're forever that guy So al was a great big fat person And then he had gastric bypass He looks like one of those scary people though when they lost the way. Yes. They're like, whoo

You like that black guy on uh american idol a little bit back on? Yeah, yeah, like i'm what's his name randy randy jackson Yeah, you're like bro. He actually looks better or bigger. There's some people that just look better with some meat You know who looks crazy who's also a black man. This is our third black guy. They had back gastric bypass is al sharp He looks the craziest. I haven't seen him. Let me look him up Really? Oh my god. Oh, you have to see him current day in his he wears like Tight custom-made suits and it looks it just looks bizarre because we I think because we our brain associates to me Like he's so well known. Yeah, we've seen him for 30 years and he was such a big dude

And now he's like oh my god No, I don't like it. Yeah, it's weird. He looks like is sick. Like it doesn't look okay. Oh, no Yeah, he looks like a skeleton Yeah, some people are meant to have a little meat. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay. Just in case you missed it the first time I think you're pretty safe and I probably went off Uh and eat something I wasn't supposed to and as I'm walking to the press room I think I gotta you know pass a little gas here He kind of did that a little uh, Jay Lenoir

Well, I also did kind of a top dog. That's how top dog tells us Martin yeah, yes Passable gas here I think I gotta you know pass a little gas here. So I'm walking by myself who's gonna know Only a little something extra came out. You pooped in your pants. I pooped my pants Not horribly, but enough that I knew which is a common side effect of the surgery exactly Now what he doesn't know is that the uh White house lawn where he was walking is uh as

as As wired as any place on earth. Um, it's like it's like walking into uh You know cia like there's no whispers there everything's recorded and so they actually have a recording of it So So Have you heard about this this is this has swept the internet in the last two days This is epic fart new epic fart. It's not king ass ripper What stop my stomach is hurting from laughing. I can't take it with a new fart

What do you think? It broke the interwebs Dude that fart is almost a minute long. I can't take it like 40 seconds. Okay, you know who farts like that too Your mom She does now according to this guy. She just I don't know what's wrong with her She he this guy posted after holding in a fart all night. This is what happens when I got home and then hashtag I got a new girlfriend Trying to not fart in front of it. Oh, that is what happens. You're first. Yeah first few dates

Yeah, then you hold their hand in your asshole and you fart on it and you break the ice. Yeah Well, yeah So is that just an audio recording or is there a visual there's video But I mean he's just standing in the bathroom with his iPhone So it's real like it's verified. You can watch him. You can watch him. I mean, you know, I don't know if it's real I guess you can fake anything these days, but Wow, the heart believes it's real Or the heart wants to the heart wants to believe it's real. Yeah

Oh Burger Kimmel, Rebecca Burrell Bimmel Rebecca Bimmel Burrell That's so horrifying jeans. Hmm. You farted long like that though You know what your farts aren't so long as they are violent and scary like Yeah, they growl at you. Yeah, that's like a bear in the cave and

Yeah Like that you think so. Yeah Hey, I've got a brown update. Can we talk about it? Jesus. You just drop it on me out of nowhere again He always just drop it on me like there's no fucking showa going on I haven't heard that in a long time. I know So it sort of sounds like mom's home cooking. It feels good It smells like mom's home cooking my mom's cooking. So I've been staying in this hotel now for like last month and

Um, I don't shooting dr. Phil. I remember And I uh, I don't have the espresso machine So what I do is I kind of make like a prison hooch coffee for myself every morning Um, I I got a microwave. So what I do is I go to the bathroom my fill in hooch Well, it's like prison coffee is what I call it. This is my recipe in case you guys Happen to live in a hotel or you're at a hotel. Here's a way to get around awful hotel coffee. Okay So I buy starbucks instant like those pouches Like instant brew coffees you get one of those and then I get like, uh, you know, like international foods vanilla

flavored coffee powder Okay, and then what I do is I put those two powders in the cup. I put a lot of parts to this so far But yeah, go ahead. Yeah, it's it's involved. Yeah, I microwave it for a minute I take out my hooch and then I put in like coffee mate, you know, like the creamer like give me in the hotel I'm right. Yeah, so that's a pretty powerful punch. Yeah, you're making cocaine. Yeah, it is dude. So here's the thing every morning I drink one of those And I gotta tell you my browns and I'm not exaggerating and I know that you think I'm exaggerating and I'm lying I am not exaggerating every morning

When I go to make brown, it's at least a foot long. Come on at least a foot long every single morning And I think part of it. Yeah, it's the hooch coffee my prison coffee that I make. Yeah, my white lightning my brown lightning Remember I remember the the guy they made white lightning On a prison show and he's like man. Yeah, he goes Whoo make you want to fight somebody White lightning dude, that was the best that's when we lived back on karan delay back in the ghetto We were watching that prison stuff. Yeah, white lightning makes you go blind to white lightning

Yeah But anyway, this is brown lightning and every day man It's been amazing and I don't know if it's like my diet like what I'm eating In addition, you know the people that cater the show that I'm on. Yeah, is it so is it the catering or is it The brown lightning. I don't know What do you think? Catering Really? Yeah

Really, you don't think it's my my brown lightning coffee. It's a combination of the two. Let's be honest It's it's the food stores combined with the concoction that you've made. Yeah, and man. I get ripped. Don't you sell that shit, man? Wow, don't you hustle aren't you from this room? So you get your international foods vanilla flavored like instant coffee and then get the starbucks instant coffee I prefer I prefer the french roast put that in a cup put some water on it A little coffee mate. You're gonna get ripped dude. I fucking freak out There's some espresso brands that we brought that we buy that changed changed the game like the donnell changed the game Right cheap always get the cheap espresso and that'll that's brown lightning too

Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, that hits the stomach and it's like Tapping out But I like to get really jacked when I wake up, you know, I like to go from zero to a thousand dude I got jacked today on coffee. Just uh What did you make ours at home the espresso machine? No, and I was uh, I was on no coffee for that First audition. Yeah, and then I went and I had A huge iced coffee for breakfast with breakfast

And then I went to the second thing and they gave me A more coffee there and it was like halfway through that second when I was like, oh, I should slow down I started to feel jittery your heart starts palatating. It was I had trouble swallowing, you know, like you're Kind of drying out Start talking all kinds of nonsense. Like I needed to just catch my breath real quick. Okay Ah, I don't like white icing on cake That's the lady who took the pill, right? No, she's having a A non-stop orgasm. She's in a hospital. Yes. No. Yes

Oh, yes, the way I heard it was that it was like a valium pill or something she was taking Um No, she's having a non-stop. Yes Wow, I'm done for a scoop. I heard about your story. Yes, that is so crazy Nothing like this ever happened to you before ever to the valium health I don't know yet. How long does it take before it? How long go did you get it now 20 minutes? Maybe about 15

Nothing like this ever happened before No, this is embarrassing What did you do to her? It's like a orgasm. He just never come out of yeah, because that's what it is derived from in like the first 10 minutes Wait, is it coming from her vagina? Like yeah, she's really having orgasm. She's keeps orgasming. Oh my god. It won't stop Oh kind of feels weird. Like it's like a massage like isn't there a point where it doesn't feel good Right, you kind of come out, right? You you go pass through the other side and you're like you can ease off now Yeah, like I don't know. I've never had longer than an hour and a half massage

It would be unplugged like four hours. You'd be like, all right enough stop rubbing. I think you could probably take up to two Maybe a little over two, but yeah four hours would be like Can I sign up for that and just try to see how long I want to can we have someone volunteer to massage us to the point of Hello massage me Um Hey, so how's your brown? I remember you told me that you had some brown issues. Yeah, I had a brown issue I uh I went I went too much brown for

Five days, but now it's all good again. You're back to normal. Yeah, you're not gonna see a doctor. Nope Everything's normal normal movements. Yeah, but I heard you pulling through the door again today when today yesterday yesterday It sounded violent still Might have been really might have not been good, but it wasn't it's fine bro So I put ice cubes in this water and what it tastes like garlic now. Oh It's like garlic water. Oh god. I'm gonna throw up hearing that Ice cubes can ruin fucking yeah, what the fuck there's no this fridge. It's uh, it's uh, remember transit That's what it is. Oh, it's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is no good, man

Ice cubes always taste kind of funky though. It depends depends, but those probably got some food source, you know garlic But there's nothing open in the fridge that I can think of I don't know the fridge doesn't smell good right now No, it doesn't smell good right now needs to be cleaned Yeah Well, I had some stuff in there that I was saving there was that neat Tupperware that I showed you yesterday Did you finish eating that it looked good? I like the different colors in it

That was some salmon that I had. Holy shit before I left to go. Was that really salmon? Yeah. Oh my god Oh my god What you're horrible. What I don't like to waste the food, babe. I don't like to waste Oh Bah, bah, I don't like to waste. What about you last night food is good. I cooked food for us last night This is my favorite. So Uh, Tommy stops at the grocery store. You pick up some steaks. Yeah some shrimps. We only had like 48 hours ago I thought we were cooking nice dinner. Yes, and you did and it was awesome

And so I'm like, okay good. So we're gonna have steak and shrimp and then what did you get for the sides? I got shrimp for the side Right, so then with the meat you eat shrimp and chicken I made chicken too

Three pieces of chicken right and um But like no one taught you that you got to have a starch and a vegetable with with the protein like that's how you And I did I got it. What did you get chicken? Is that a vegetable right chicken is a vegetable So last night for dinner, it was lean vegetable chicken, right lean protein steak lean starch shrimp No, can you name a vegetable tom?

Yeah, name a vegetable that you could eat with steak. There's smarts carophants Karen carrots So you said carrots are definitely a vegetable. There you go. I just named one. Can you name a starch? Yeah Ham Uh ham is not potato. There you go. That's a start Okay, that's a start like you know when you go to sizzler the sizzler you like that malibu chicken, right? I go get the malibu chicken

The malibu chicken they don't just give you malibu chicken with chicken pasta. They give you some sides pasta Sure They give you like potatoes all grotton rice pilaf string beans Pasta so tonight, what are we gonna have? uh

I'm making ribs for us tonight. Did you pick up the side? Yeah What sauce for the ribs? There's still chicken from last night the other vegetable What did you get you said? Oh, I'll take care of it because you don't know how to do it. What'd you get? Well, I went to the grocery store and I got salad like a bag of salad and I got a bag of vegetables That's that's a side, you know, yeah, that'll clean out the rib meat Yeah, you want to balance it out corn would be good or potatoes. Yep, you know You're thinking good now

Do you like that? Yeah Yeah That's how my dad eats my dad eats like you my dad um My dad likes to eat what's called ronto tush. Yeah, and he said Recently that he ate it every night for A week or 10 days. Yeah, and he uh, he can eat in ronto tush is basically just breaded. It's like, uh, what do they call it? Oh in latin culture, they call it milanesa, right? Which is breaded. It's flattened like beaten. Yeah, right? You you hammer it out kind of yeah, and then you put egg yolk or or yeah

And then uh bread crumbs and then you put it in a pan and you fry it you deep fry it most people Not eight days in a row But that's how my dad would always feed me like when I lived with him It would be like we're going to have ronto tush and what else egg Okay, like how how do you take a shit if all you're eating is well, you said that his shits are pretty strong They're pretty gnarly. Yeah. Yeah. He used to drink a lot of beer. So the beer would kind of I think push everything now Yeah, so his uh Nutritional intake can't be that great can't be that great and but the irony is I shouldn't say irony

The luck of it is is that he's in really good health. He looks good. He looks amazing. Yeah Yeah, he's thinner than I am and in better shape than probably a hundred pounds less than me Maybe and he probably if I would be like what's some advice he'd be like you need to run to tush every day Maybe some beer your dad likes to eat like that too, but he likes cream sauces, huh? French food. Yeah, he loves he loves rich foods Yeah rich foods. Well, what's your dad? What's your dad's? death row meal It's a good one. It probably would be something like French, you know with a he would do like a multi course. I feel like french meal

You know, like what's his favorite? I'm trying to think of what his faith. Yeah, I like scallops I just love scallops scallops with a sauce any type of rich sauce Scallops that would make him so happy. It's funny. Your dad hates italian food, which is so bizarre so crazy I feel like he just needs to go to Different like an italian place that doesn't serve Whatever region is the most pop like everybody thinks italian is just spaghetti meatballs, you know marinara sauce and that does meatballs

And lasagna and I feel like that is is it you know a certain type of italian but italian cuisine it covers so much more Yeah, it's not just marinara, right? And I feel like he would like so much of it, but he hears italians like I don't like that Sushi ah sushi No, thanks Yeah, my dad doesn't really like sushi. He dated a lady a few years ago who got him to try it He's like this is no bad sushi is okay. I don't like it smells fishy everything smells the stinks like fish It is fish. Yeah. Yeah, that's why my dad loves fish, which is the other thing right? I like don't you love fish? Yeah, I don't

sushi All right today. This was a real call today. He called me and I missed the call Right, so I looked about I should have missed it. I call him back at work Yeah, hold on a second, buddy. Yeah, I hear I'm talking to somebody. Yeah, just give me a sec. I'm talking to somebody All right, okay. Yeah, I'll tell him I'll call him back. Hey buddy and I he goes you know, I don't know wait work today I farted and You know, I uh, I can tell so much by my farts

I knew what kind of dump I was going to take and I go Cool, man. Like this is the whole back and the two phone calls are about conveying this How was it? Bad, you know, it's like a number six Really? Yeah, I go really he's like, yeah, but I could tell by the smell of the fart. Oh my god. I go Jesus I cannot wait to go on a cruise with them again Oh, man, I'm bringing that zoom and recording like everything every conversation

He's gonna because he reports his dumps every day and then your mom gets super mad Yeah, and your dad brings his own toilet paper on cruises. Yeah, amazing. Remember it doesn't do that. Amazing. Yeah, he does Because he doesn't like the the ships like he likes his own toilet paper. It's so funny. Yeah Soft or something the rough paper I know it's not a cloud is top of the line white cloud. That's what he said. Yeah. Yeah, so he likes the most I started wiping my ass with Kleenex in the hotel. Oh nice Kleenex. Yeah, because like They have that like aloe infused Kleenex. It's real. Well the kind I've been using it's like orange And it's like super duper soft because they only got that fucking cheap-ass two-ply in the hotel

You know, like they have at school like when you used to go to elementary school or whatever high school Yeah, shitty. I don't fucking like that, dude. No. Hey, give me one second. I'm gonna check this Uh, check this grill for a second dog. Hold on. Okay. I You did what? I just saw this thing on youtube What's that? Is that a site? It's it's on the internet webs. You can make a homemade air conditioner for 15 bucks It's pretty cool. He takes like a bucket from Home Depot drills holes in it And then puts some kind of fan into it. That's interesting. Yeah, for those that are not aware it is Blazing in Los Angeles right now. Yeah, we don't like that

It really puts a bummer. It's such a it really bums me out when it's this hot. I just I feel like Impressed Motherfucker um I was gonna talk about the oh my god, so The last couple of days you and I when we've been out we've noticed that there are people who just yawn loudly or do like yoga

In public in the restaurant remember we were eating and this the guy where we had this new she plays and he was like Ah Like stretching that was we just saw that no it was when we had uh breakfast It was at the restaurant. Yeah, breakfast. Yeah, what the fuck dude And then he clapped his fucking hands over his head like we were doing fucking yoga moves. Yeah, yeah, and then he did it twice Yeah Fuck are you doing

That is total like asserting yourself in the room. Yeah, it's it's behavior. That's like i'm dominating this public space Even when it's not conscious, it's still what's going on. Yeah, because you couldn't you could look at somebody like what the fuck are you doing? They like what? Well, I don't know. You know what you're doing. Hey putting your dick out Yeah, put your dick away. We're trying to have food right now. Yeah, we were we were just eating and he's doing it right next to us Oh And then uh, and then I was like Oh my god fucking customs last week a guy did that whistling in the line 300 people in line and everybody I don't know if you've ever been through a customs line, but it's pretty fucking quiet

Okay, like it's a very serious place to be Like you're about to get questioned by authorities that can turn you away So, you know, it's pretty much like we're in serious mode right now. Yeah Oh, I think I saw a hundred heads at once turn Oh, are you fucking serious right now? Did he shut up? Did he take the social cue? No, he completely didn't notice he did it for a little while longer and then I think he just stopped on his own, but I don't think he even so oblivious. He didn't even notice Yeah, I mean I I read about whistling in public and um

The psychology behind it is it's a form of dominating your space It's it's a way for you to assert like this is my territory like the way birds do that's what bird calls are It's essentially like I'm here motherfucker hate whistlers. So god. I hate whistling God, I hate it. I had an ex-boyfriend that whistled and I just I Makes my my skin crawl in my asshole pocket. I think I just get offended by it by Especially in any clothes indoors like, you know, it's one of things to be like on a walk on a hike Yeah, someone's whistling. You're like, but like when you're indoors in a public spot and somebody's Yeah, you're such an asshole

Well, because it's not really pleasing to the ear a whistle is not really pleasing And I don't want to hear your shit Are people that play their music on speakers? When you're around them, you're like, dude, that's what earbuds were invented. Like nobody wants your music I was at the Albertsons uh today And the guy behind me twice

Just right behind and of course he pushes his cart To me so it's like a foot from me, you know when you're paying and then someone's like eager be right. Yeah, right up my ass Right. He's right there and then he does this thing Twice I'm like, you're right. What are you doing? Yeah, calm the fuck down. You're not in your living room. Yeah, you may not Yawn loudly like that. It's not so rude. It is rude If I can rude rude a little shit um

Speaking of rude I have yet to hear this, but I heard that a portion of it is uh, may zing donald sterling Clippers owner who doesn't want blacks at the games, but he's a really nice guy you guys. I wrote to somebody yesterday chill dude big heart I mean, he looks cool He talks cool. Why do these guys even bother apologizing? It's like he didn't even really he he's they said so did you apologize to magic? He goes

What am I gonna say? That's my favorite. He goes. What am I gonna say? You know if I hurt anybody How do you If that's all right Hey, man, did you apologize? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna say? It's out of my head. I'm sorry. Yeah Did you say that? I mean, what am I gonna say? Yeah That's what I'm sorry. Sorry is an apology Yeah, but I feel like these crocodile tear apologies from racists like what

For once if you're if you're that guy who drops n bombs and private conversation and you mean it Just say it. Just be like, yeah. Yeah, I don't really like I don't like those people Just say it and then be done with it. Like why are you begging for like you've already lost your team I want to hear because I I've only read about this That he talks about he He goes from like, you know, I guess I'm I'm sorry if I hurt magic johnson at all to like Is he really a good guy though? Oh my god. He has aids Seriously, is that you say that? Yes. That's what I've heard. Magic is a national treasure. Like who doesn't like magic

I have to hear this. What is he done? Can you tell me? Big magic johnson. What has he done? Uh, Well, yes, he's a business person. He's got aids. Okay. Do any business? I'd like Did he help anybody? Let me just say that I apologize to the league People want me to hire a wall of lawyers and them to hire a wall of lawyers and to go to war I don't think that's the answer. So what is what you're gonna do the answer is What did magic? He's got aids. What did he do? He's got aids. Well, that's amazing. It's so crazy The league

Is a good league all honest people And I think that whatever They decide that has to be done I think I should work with them and do it. Well, the mba says they want you out Are you willing to give up ownership of the clippers? Well, I'm not sure that's what they want and that is what they want Well, that's your opinion and that's what the media says I'm a good owner. I have a good team There are people that want to buy my team

But because the media Says that the owners want me out doesn't mean that they want me out Have you talked to any of the owners any of the other owners? I've talked to some of the owners Have any of them supported me? I heard also that he said a second time that magic has those aids He is on his own and I don't get if they work Please tell me you say them and said that they don't want you to support me They they can't understand why I would say that you can understand what you're saying That's why I would say you're saying there's some owners of mba teams who want you to remain the owner of the clippers

I I I don't speak for the league or for the owners. They speak for them. But have any owners told you that? I didn't ask them I I I I embarrassed. Is he having an orgasm? I don't know I Why I did it. I mean it's so terrible And so you don't believe though that the owners would vote to have you removed as owner I don't think so. I don't think so if they did would you fight that in court?

What's the laugh about we're not there yet. So why should I you know address that issue You haven't thought about it. I don't want to fight with my partners You know, we all do what we have to do in life You I love them and I respect them and whatever they're about magic in those eights with regard to the disposition of my terrible words Then I I I have to do it. I think The players don't hate me the sponsors don't hate me You don't believe the fans don't hate me the media hates the media. It's all the media push you You really mean but really honestly you really believe that I believe in a hundred percent

I believe in a hundred percent people call me by the thousands Wow Is that possible That people don't hate him. No that people call you by the thousands Think about how many phone calls that is a lot The thousand he emphasized that People call me by the thousands You know, this guy's such an old piece of shit. He's gonna die soon. Anyways, he's got prostate cancer. Good. Let it go

Just let him go Why why he is look he he is who he is You know, like why why do we force people to not be who they are? He's a racist piece of shit So stop leave the guy alone. Let him be a piece of shit What what do you care? What does anybody? You know, yeah, then don't do business with them and give me support You don't think they don't say I should have said that you don't think the players Don't like you when the when the clippers when your team Why wouldn't they like me when I'm respectful and I'm

I think when they revert to jerseys and where they work they work black socks Then the others have to do it You think it was just pressure? Well, what do you think you think they're all gonna walk off the team? They're all gonna with it all. I mean, can any of us just stop working? We all have to work. We all if they're a living we all have bills We may work for an employer. We don't love I contend that they love me You think they still love you? I do

I do leave the players of the Los Angeles Clippers. Absolutely. They know I'm not a racist and I'm not a racist Why haven't they come forward and said that? Well, do you see people? Will you see Fuck are intimidated. He sounds like an old school Racist slave owner guy like the slave master who's like they love it. They'd love working for me. Everything's amazing Yeah, I whip them and they have sex with the women midday like me. I'm a good master I let him sleep outside today. Right like come on, bro. Nobody likes you. Well, yeah Let me see if this is oh, they said this might be in here. Let me see if I can

Uh Who is like magical Johnson was out in two weeks Oh What is he done? Can you tell me big magic Johnson? What has he done? Well, yes, he's a business person. He's got AIDS. Did he do any business? I like Did he help anybody in south LA? Well, I think he has HIV. He doesn't actually have full-blown AIDS What kind of a guy goes to every city has sex with every girl then he catches hiv and is that someone we want to Respect and and tell our kids about I think he should be ashamed of himself

I think he should go into the background But what does he do for the black people? Whoa? I didn't I didn't hear this part of the interview. Oh my god Wow Anderson you fed crushes on ladies. What do you think that is? Do you think that's just an unconscious self-sabotage? Like he could have used this to be like, I'm really sorry. Would you start like I I hurt people. I'm sorry. I heard so many people and then it's like, did you talk to him? Yeah, I talked to him What can I say?

What the fuck is he done? Like it's like, you know, I mean, it's not an unconscious. I think it's a very conscious His rage and indignation at having to go On Anderson Cooper show and pretend to give a fuck about what he said is what causing the because he's an old guy He didn't give a fuck about anybody at this point in his life And his whole thing is like I'm he probably has to do this against his will or his attorney or someone's told him to do This I don't know. I think he's like, I don't want to fucking you think I want to defend my who gives a shit He I didn't realize that it was just like he's got it now. He's like he should go away And like he shouldn't be he's he is saying he's like what is his argument is what is magic done besides

Have AIDS What Like so crazy what I think he means to say is why is he well known? I think no, it's why would I need to apologize to somebody who's not uh Upstanding. Yes person. This guy has AIDS. I'm gonna apologize to him. He's blaming magic That's such a crazy thing to say. Right. I'm being a promiscuous part. Like he's blaming blaming on promiscuity Like he's not a good person. You don't apologize to good people, right? I got AIDS Right as as opposed to donald sterling who has sex with 25 year old

Yes whores, right, right who record him. Yeah, but I don't have AIDS Right. Yeah, it doesn't get well. We don't know gosh. Yeah, that's true My favorite is when he tells us half black half was it latina girlfriend to not associate with the blacks Meanwhile, he's porking Hey, that's awesome. That's awesome. You should be a delicate white a delicate latina flower Yeah Doesn't do anything you call up He's opened a lot of businesses in inner city neighborhoods the jewish people have a company

And it's for people who want to borrow money and no interest What what is he talking about? Wow, this guy's Unbelievable. I didn't even read. I I'd only seen a small snippet of this and I I heard I still think somewhere in there. He says those aides, which I'm gonna find But yeah, that's amazing. I mean he is how old is he like 86 literally? No, I think he's 80 or 81 I think he's the early 80s. He that man is of another era. He he is almost a century Behind, you know, like he really is of another generation. Yeah, it means he was born in like 1930s

Yeah, it's old before cars Before cars Before fire was invented. Donald sterling was before cell phones for sure. I mean, yeah, he is from such another time This guy can't wrap his brain. They still had direct TV. He's back then and you should get direct up may upgrade you You know, I mean sometimes I I don't I don't agree with him obviously, but but you know, I start to feel like him at points time when they go You're not supposed to say fag anymore and I'm like, but I grew up saying faggot We call everybody calls each other a faggot and now I feel like that guy that they're like, you can't say that

I can't oh shit. So that's you know, not that I Obviously, I don't agree with Donald sterling's comments, but You can kind of see how that happens because it's not his generation Yeah, but you don't have to be a piece of shit if you're from an old generation You don't have to be my dad's not a piece of shit. Your dad's not a piece of shit Right, but I'm saying even an 80 year old doesn't have to be a piece of shit. You know, I mean, no, you can just choose to So are you having trouble refraining from uh saying fag? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, really? Yeah Yeah, I mean look I admit that because it's something I grew up

Just saying and I I think it's funny still and Yeah, and I have to catch myself and go. Oh, that's insensitive. I shouldn't say that. Oh, yeah. Well, at least you're trying I am trying. That's what I'm saying say homo You say homo, but you know what the problem for me is like, okay I understand that it's offensive to say faggot, but then like people still call me bitch cunt pussy Which are all derogatory terms against women, but do those bother you? Well, not really Yeah, you're about to say of course they bother me in the sense that Why is there a double standard? I can't say faggot, but they can call me a bitch. I do feel like all right. Well one is fine

One's not why I hear you but I feel like women have more Of a slack when it comes to saying fag. Absolutely because well the whole point kindred spirit of faggot being Projorative is that it's the feminization of something. It's it's calling something a sissy Meaning it's girly or girlish. So a woman can say a woman can kind of get away with it because I am a woman If you say it affectionately I don't know. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. A girl is friends with a gay guy can say faggot. Yeah, jokingly. Yes But not if you're if you're saying it to be To insult somebody like to be put you're like hey you fag then obviously they're not no one's gonna be cool with that, right?

Yeah, no, I don't think they're cool with that. Is that what you miss? Yeah, I miss the No, I miss being able to be like It's like I such a fag like meaning like like I such an asshole. I don't mean fag in the sense of like You have butt sex and you're homosexual. It's more of like fucking. What a fag dude could mean a fag like that lame, dude Yeah, like you're so lame, bro. Like yeah, especially in california Like we grew up saying fag it all the time and it wasn't had nothing to do with homosexuality Yeah, I say that I'm not saying that I never heard it or anything or said it but that's definitely

One that wasn't really part of my lexicon. Oh, you guys didn't say fag. No, I mean, I don't recall It being a heavily used word. Yeah No, I mean we heard it, of course Someone said it but not not heavy usage. Well, even when I lived in san francisco when I went to school up there People still said it like in san francisco. All right other faggot. Yeah faggot was thrown around like yeah, that's different though Right. I wasn't even in the 90s, dude. I was like, all right. Well, so you miss it though. Yeah a little bit Let's get back to fucking grassroots white niggers. No, I didn't say that I am not advocating that

Yep hard fucking core Yeah, I don't advocate the n-bomb. I really don't that's that's not Especially like that's where you draw your line. Well, yeah, I do because that that word's way loaded Don't you think in our culture in american society? Yeah, of course. It's got quite a heavy. Of course it is. Of course it is I don't say that to Okay, right, I don't know You can't say that. I was talking to a comic threes and I say that He was a white guy who writes for a black comedian

And he was we were talking and he kept throwing out n-bombs and I was like, um, and I kept looking around I'm not cool with you casually throwing around n-bombs. He's like, it's okay. I say it to My black comedian friends. They make white jokes and I say that and I'm like, um, yeah, I don't you gotta be real close I feel like to get away with that pretty much Gosh, because even even the black people I am fairly close to like I don't think I could ever I can't get away. They call me it as a joke, but I don't think I can reciprocate. Yeah, I mean, you don't need to test it out No, no, I'm not gonna do it. Not necessary. Do not mind being in something where the word nigger is used over

I'll generally drop the n-bomb I'm quoting a movie You're a horrible person. The real nigger. I'm sorry. I'm using the phrase in it You know niggers do you want a bullshit out here? I'm a real nigger Niggers are saying they're doing nothing Well, I'm just I'm What's the argument? Niggers are saying they're not doing things, but they are doing things. I should be doing that's a premise

Right. Okay. What are you not understanding? The n word Right, right, right. Oh my god This is the lexicon of what we're discussing. Yeah, what am I supposed to say n word every time? I Not for nothing, but I just feel like you know big words I walked right into that didn't I? Can I walk right into that my back of my brain? I think I'm gonna have a seizure right now

Can may I just preface that Every time I drop the n-bomb on that show it has been in the context of us discussing a piece where that word was said over and over I don't just randomly go. Oh and this and that It's within member the guy was making the argument. He's all real Yeah, yeah, yeah do this and that and i'm trying to clarify Yeah That was awesome. That might be my favorite moment in the history of the show right now What that song just the whole six like talking and then going into that song. It was amazing

I can't believe you I can't believe you do this to me you embarrass me embarrass you you you shame me You embarrass me. No, I'm just trying to use the dialogue in our show after I have to refer to the word sometimes I love you You're my you're my dog. I just hope black people listen to this don't they're not like, oh my god These people are horrible. They they hate us. What why well? I just you know, I just hope it's not awfully insensitive I just this might be here is um Al Sharpton um who we spoke of earlier. Yeah, and

All the times that he has read the prompter wrong Mashed up into one. That's cool. Yeah, this is pretty good We much We must they're all jitty about a shutdown the tortoise in the race then co-author of The tortoise is my favorite tortoise is pretty good. It's like a french hubris hubris, right? You too lead singabono

Fran Drasher Siganoi weaver Siganoi oh, that was my favorite pretty good Suspect jihad sanayev rush limbaugh rush limbaugh rush limbaugh the show rush lumbard host supreme court justice rush lumbard host Sonia santa maya is mike is mike uh muckery Mcquery Yesterday antonine antonine Scalia Kim Kardashian and come on. Come on, bro. I know it's crazy the republican candidates for caro and vanghazi

We rank behind caro Latvia la vita Latvia Lativa first stop Kazakhstan kazakhstan to college students in bgm He's be jeng Getting lunch at chipolet Chipolet, that one's my favorite. Iowa bane is appropriate the gop's tax day giveaway to millionaires

Why was traffic problems? email sent the environmental projection agency projection projection Christ and what sequestration has done That is amazing. Yeah, that's forever now not so much on the words What's up, I'm just looking at you. Just thinking hateful thoughts. Why? Just punch your fucking dumb face. What it's my poo poo

You know what I like today when I watched you Have your own personal private moment. Yeah, you did you mocked me I like when I look over at you and you don't know I'm watching you and you you're arguing with somebody in your head. You're like Like you and you gesture with your hands Yeah, who are you fighting with in your head today when I I don't know Who are you fighting with? There was somebody earlier. I can't remember right now

It was a real argument earlier when you caught me in the kitchen you were like going over it in your head Like I'm glad I said it this way Don't you love going over arguments? And then you're like, yeah, I'm so glad I got that out like that zinger and then you go back and you're like, man I had I should have said this bro chamber Yeah, yeah Damn it and like sometimes you plan your argument with someone you're like, I'm gonna say this and then never comes out that way

It's true, man. Fuck Yeah, yeah, what's for dinner? You know what I'm saying ribs shrimp beef and chicken Ribs on ribs on ribs on ribs ribs on ribs on ribs on ribs steak on steak cheese on cheese You know shrimp on shrimp. Mm-hmm more please You know who we keep talking about Can we go out on let's get social today? Oh really? Okay for the song just sure and I want but I want the whole He's like where he sets it up. He's like we're not

When I you have one part to the song okay I was I was thinking like Because of swd, right? No, no, no, we're gonna do it. I'm let me pull it off. Just give you a second of this I like this song Free your mind and your genes will follow I like the genes into every song I wear high clothing so high What's his style? I like her muta shorts. I like my jeans the most

Oh You know what this was jeans This is the 90s when like racial tolerance Was really being touted this and like AIDS don't get AIDS and be nice to him. He's got AIDS I'm supposed to apologize to a guy with AIDS That's just thinking yeah, he's disgusting. That's amazing that guy's disgusting. That's like it's essentially You know what that's just like saying maybe like hey, are you gonna put the guy's homeless? Like do you know how poor this guy is? He doesn't deserve to be treated with dignity

That's the best part. Yeah, but he's got AIDS. He's gonna. He's fucking he should be dead I like how Anderson's like I believe it's HIV not full-blown AIDS. Yeah, he had to correct him correcting him I say AIDS all the time for HIV and people correct me. It's really annoying. I think AIDS is way funnier. That's why Um, HIV just doesn't have the same funny as AIDS does, you know, of course, so Uh, yeah AIDS is way better line. Yeah, like if david tell would be like africa where it rains hiv He'd be like, ah, it's not not as funny. No say AIDS. Yeah, hey, hey, hey, it rains AIDS It was Haiti, yeah um genes you're going back to uh

Yeah, I'm filming a Super Soul Sunday today and uh, I'll miss you. Um, I love you. I'm so glad you were able to do this episode This mama, so yeah, I miss you guys. I miss everybody I'll be back soon. Yeah, we don't have much longer next week. Uh, don't forget you'll get uh, live from seattle with yoshi Which is a really fun episode and then, um Tina and I'll do an episode too I can't wait. I can't wait to get back to my life. It's gonna be fun. Take your life back. So get your life her her request um

The full version of let's get social for you. Thank you Um, anything else in case in case it got out of your head. I want it to go right back in Yeah Brings me to to a very special treat treat. Wow Mary McCoy is going to come up right now and she is going to Let's see. What's his accent? I wrote that I wrote Dave Curtis one of the band members helped write but before she comes up He talks like that. He talks like that braxton sister. Remember? Oh, the oh, yeah So, yeah

Going out out. She had a really weird Social so if I pointed you you social you're gonna go social All right, and Mary's gonna actually say let's get social I'll point to you and you'll say social. All right. Cool. Mary McCoy with continuum. Please come on up This is let's get social This is the most awful Thing ever to have to do and stand up at like these types of events is what breaks you down Even having to sit in the audience would break me. Oh my god. You're like corporates though. Corporate events. Oh my god

diarrhea Here comes Telling you things you like My kids my cats. I'm baking. So you just play it. Let's go out. Let's go out. Do you want to talk through it or no? I kind of want to enjoy it. Okay. I'm with you. All right Showing you things you like Trying to get engagement You're feeling it

It's from my life My kids are my kids. I'm baking I'm hoping you'll stand my side And sweet it to the world You help me grow my clouds A promise that I'll share yours So connect with me. Let's have some fun. Let's show the world how it gets there Let's get social

With social media Let's get social Social Where we can spread the word and spread our cheeks apart on everyone who's here Let's get social social media Searching for the story That'll bring us instant fame So we shoot our viral video

And we post it to the Graham Graham to the Graham's gay. Nobody calls it that We try to keep from taking no that leads to That's right. Connect with me. Let's have some fun. Let's show the world how this gets done Let's get social Social Word and spread our cheeks and fart out everyone who's here Social media All right, everyone. I want you to stand up right now. Take out your phone

They got selfie with your neighbor. It's time to get social Corporate fun corporate fun pull your khakis up Send that tps report. Oh, he just put on his hat and I was gonna put on sunglasses. Yep. Yep. Yep. He's gonna rap Hey now y'all can we just get real? Do we really care about our fans? There's this just another deal Said another way that we lost our way Socials about the people remember we are people Do we need another post to show up everywhere? I hope as we scatter that we never forget that our posts live forever even when we go to bed

So connect with me Let's have some fun. Let's show the world how this gets done Let's get social social social media Let's get social social social media The words reach the front and there's no scene Let's get social Let's get social Let's get social

Yes Give it up. Mary McCoy. Mary McCoy is the best. We're gonna get her on this show. All right. Good job. We gotta go I love you. Love you, James. Bye everybody