Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 227-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 4, 2014

DON'T RECORD ME, SON! Stay up, Staten Island. And yo, I heard your girl been giving that stuff out to all dem guys, yo! Who would you rather have playing at your birthday party a leather boy or a B Boy? You're picking sides here, dawg. Tina is eating a lot of veggies and her toots are sending a clear message. Will she respond appropriately???  If you report the news, report it! Say the thing that the guy said. We're adults. We can handle it, jeans.  There are songs galore here and an ALL NEW FILL HER UP that will have you seriously deliberating who to seal shut! Aren't you glad that SUMMERTIME IS HERE. It's the best, right?  

Y Remember the song. You know, he does stuff on his own sometimes. What can I say? What can I say? I just saw him in the kitchen licking the floors. He didn't mention that he wrote a song. He writes a lot of songs. He's a talented guy. There's so much to cover this episode. We're going to have a lot of fun. It's a big week for the two of us. Oh yeah? What do you have going on? Well, it's a big stand-up week. I'm saying you're doing it real big.

You're doing my favorite thing in the world, which is the one-nighters in two of my favorite cities. Wait a minute. Those are two of my favorite cities. Well, I'm more important. So two of my favorite cities. But you're going up to Portland and Seattle. That's right, guys. This week, weekend, June 6th, 9 p.m., the Fun House in Portland, Oregon. I forgot about my Popsicle. Do you even know what flavor that is? Why don't they goddamn label the outside of those old-school Popsicles, man?

Would you get... I tried getting you purple. June 7th, 8 p.m., rendezvous theater in Seattle, Washington. If you haven't got your tickets, come on and get them, man. Go to ChristinaKami.com. My husbands are really... You're sucking out that Popsicle. Give me my reward. Yeah, man. Come out. Come out, support. I've written a bunch of new shit. I'm super excited to do Seattle for you guys.

I got a lot to say, yo. Fucking high-five each other and get crazy. That's what I'm saying. I know what you're saying. I know what you mean. You know what you're saying? What about you, Jean Zaroni? I am working the very first club that I ever emceed, the very first club that I ever featured at, and the very first club that I ever headlined the night at. I am working the Brea Improv, Brea, California, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and I have an all-star lineup. I have a fucking crazy lineup. I have Jeff Tate and Denim on Denim, Hot Dogs and Gatorade,

and your baby's father. Oh. You know who it is. A.K. the Concierge. The Concierge, the full charge, Matt Fulcheron, both on all the shows with me. So they're hooking it up. Dude, you're going to have so much fun, but guess what? I'm going to have more funner because I'm going to be up with our mommies.

It's going to be mommies only. Oh, part of your dick fell off in my mouth. Oh. Real mommies only. Yes. Yeah. It's going to be so fucking fun. You're going to have a great time.

Dude, bro. Real quick, in addition to that awesomeness, next week, the 12th through the 15th, I'm at the San Jose Improv. Uh, it's not how you say that. And San Joseezy. It's not how you say that. Califini.

San Josie. San Josie, California. Please come out. I am bringing Jeff Tate to San Jose. Wow. It's going to be fun. Mm-hmm. I like San Jose.

I had a really good time. And then. It's hard to watch you when you suck on that popsicle with your beard. Oh, yeah. Real sexual. Then I have a week off. And then the 26th through the 29th. No, put it in your mouth again.

I'm in Buffalo, New York at Helium. Buffalo, please come out and see me. Oh. That's what's up. Oh, real, if you're local, uh, June 11th. That's next Wednesday. I'm at the Meltdown Show here in, uh, beautiful West Hollywood, California.

And if you're local. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? I don't know what you're saying, and I don't know what you mean. Is that it? Are you good? Yeah, bros.

Um, guys, guess what, man? Father's Day. It's around the corner. Yeah. And you want to get your dad some toilet paper? You want to get him? What else would you get a dad? A football?

Yeah. You get him a football? Sure. Or a baseball glove? Just one. Throw a baseball around it. Oh, yeah. Go to Amazon.com.

Like you normally would. But do it through our website. Go to yourbottomtimespodcast.com. Yeah. Click on the banner. And wait, there's a joke on there. You're not going to read us the joke. Oh, yeah.

I'll keep it on the banner. Uh, click on the banner and then that, you know, do your shopping that way. And then we get, we get some money from that. And, uh, yeah, by your porno, by your dildos, by your fleshlights, by your DVDs, your technical books, all that stuff, dude. Amazon through our banner. Thank you. I love you.

What is it? Oh, your mouth is still full of cocks. Oh, it's a strawberry flavor. Oh, it's cherry. You got a brain freeze? That's what you get. It's called punishment. Okay.

Ready? Yeah. What's a cow's favorite activity? I'm watching the moves. It's pretty fucking good. Yeah. No. It's going to the movies.

I knew something with Moo. Fuck. You were right there. Man. You were right there. I could be writing these right now, bro. All right. Let's get into this.

All right. Yeah. Now you know what I'm saying. Oh, and maybe we'll let the intro song play out if that's okay. I don't know. I mean, sure, whatever. Nobody likes that, but yeah. What are you recording?

What do I want? Don't record me. Because I'm going to break your phone. Don't let me go fast. Don't record me, son. Don't record me. Yeah? Snap record me.

You're on the street. I'm going to call the cops on you. Do not record me. Yeah? Do not record me, my nigga. Do not record me, my nigga. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Snap record me. See you on YouTube. This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking sand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

With Don Segura. Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. All right. Count the song now. No. Long enough.

Cut it off. All right. We're going down. We're going down. Wow. We're going down. Wow. Down.

Wow. Full outro. Full song. You know why? Man. Talk about a torrent of feedback. I mean, people were, in fact, there was not one person that was in favor of shortening our theme song.

So, you know what? Well, I hope you learned your lesson. They have mommies have spoken and I respect your guys' wishes, this is. Yeah. I can't believe it. I was shocked. They like it. They love it.

Of course. Like it gets me fired up. I play the guitar with Tommy. I play the drums. You know, the whole cutting it off is you really have to acknowledge my respect for you. I have the board and I can do what I want because it's in front of me, but you made the request and I said, you know, you don't have the board, but I will fulfill your request. Well, it's funny you mentioned that I have other requests today that I want you to play

and I hope you play them. Whatever you want. You know, we're a team. We're co-hosts and I just want you to know that, you know, I think maybe sometimes I know what's best. That's all. Oh, oh, wow. You're going to pull that, huh?

You're going to try to play the main mommy card. You know, you know, is that where this is going? You know, you know what the deal is. What is the deal, Tom? The main mommy right here sitting behind the board right now, me. It's so rude. Wow. Wow.

Wow. That opening clip was pretty nice. It's a nice lady. She was verbally harassing somebody and then a guy recorded her and then she came over and gave him the business and just and then her friend opened his passenger door. He's parked on the street and then talk shit to him and then slam the door and kick the car. They didn't realize he had another camera.

I know this guy just record shit. I'm going to talk some shit. Stupid old bitch. What do I want? Do not record me because I'm going to break your phone. And she did a lot of that. She's white, but she feels very... Wait a minute.

Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. Yep. Do not record me. She feels entitled to talk the way she talks. Stop recording me. Stop recording me. You're on the street.

I'm going to call the cops on you. Do not record me. Do not record me. She's a disgusting looking woman. No. I shouldn't even say woman. She looks maybe. Don't say that.

But she's not. Do not record me, Monica. Do not record me, Monica. Goodbye. Goodbye. Stop recording me. See you on YouTube. When she spit on his window right there and then this is her friend who opens up the

passenger door and decides that she's going to get... Here she goes. Run the phone, homie. Huh? Run the phone. Who you recording, nigga? What? She's white, too.

What color is he? You can't see him. He obviously has an accent. I don't know what he looks like, though. But you can see her. She's white. Throw in those embalms now. Why are you recording her?

What do you want? Why are you recording her? Why are you recording her? Why are you recording her? Why can't I? You can't. It's illegal. Illegal?

Okay. Call him. Who you recording? Okay. Illegal cops? Let's see what they say. Who you recording? Why didn't I record you?

Get out of here, son. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. That's the door being cut.

Connected. Damn. It's that in Ireland. Yo, I saw your female with him, too. What's up with her? What's up with her? I heard she been giving that shit out to all them graffiti guys. Damn.

Damn. Whoa. Yeah. So funny. That accent is one of my favorites, I have to say. That East Coast. Because when you talk shit with that accent, it's for reals. Yeah.

It's for reals. Yeah. Stop recording me. Stop recording me. Yo, what's up with her? I'm here, bro. What's up? Hey, I just wanted to find out if they needed any help in the store or anything.

Let me tell you, Connie don't have no jobs for this one. And I don't think you're man enough to take it from me. If you really needed a job, you would've came here last week when all them graffiti guys got together and painted this mural. They got some green off of that. Yo, I don't hang out with those guys. I ain't got nothing to do with those dudes. Man, I saw your female with them, too.

What's up with her? I've been hearing that she's been giving that stuff out to all them graffiti guys. Yo, shut the fuck up, Chico, man. You could paint three of those murals with some of that ass. No, you wouldn't have a chance in a million, Trump. Professor. What's another word for pirate stress? Booty.

Booty. That's what it is. Wow. What's up with her? Yo, stop recording me. I feel like New York is just, it's just lunacy 24 seven. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

All kinds of shit. Just people are crazy. What's the other thing that we've been just nonstop fucking saying a million times? Duck shit. What's up, nigga? You want to talk some shit? Call me. Call me.

Call me. It's the best. You know, we can't, the audio doesn't do this other thing service. We have to plug. Maybe we could put a link on the site to the ultimate drumming technique. Oh, that's a neat one. It's you know what that one is is instructional. Yeah, but it's bad ass educational.

Let's just put the link up. We won't even talk about put the link up. What is it ultimate? No, no. I'll send you the link and then we'll get people like just go to our site. You can check it out and then we'll talk about it next time. You know, sure. Yeah, so that'll be up.

That'll be up tomorrow. Okay. Do you want to play the rest of that? We're referencing just now though. Talk shit. Start some shit, bitch. Suffolk. You gonna talk shit about me, homie?

Where you from? Hundreds of niggas is waiting for your motherfucking calls. They all talking shit about you right now. You want to sell that shit? Call these motherfuckers ASAP. Yeah, I said some shit. What? Fuck you and your bones first.

The hardest niggas is standing by. Ready to pick up that phone. That phone. Buff niggas. Dark niggas. Asian niggas. White niggas. Suck my dick, bitch.

Fuck you. One, two, one, three, three, seven, three, four, two, five, three. Just die, nigga. I'll fuck you up. Death niggas. Classic niggas. Racist niggas. Mystery niggas.

Psycho niggas. Dog niggas. Jewish niggas. You got some motherfucking nerds calling me on Shabbat on some little bullshit ass niggas? Better calm that shit down and come right here and show me some fucking respect before me and my Jewish niggas come up here

and beat your ass niggas. Off top. These talking shit. Call now. 499 per minute. We've played that before, but we just thought we should redo that. It's actually amazing. Brent Weinbach is a genius behind that.

Yeah, Brent's fucking... Hey, can you turn me up in my headphones? I can't hear my bass, you know what I'm saying? I can't rap like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's better. That's better. What's up?

It's so funny. Yeah, so that's Staten Island. That shit is crazy, right? Yeah, it just sounds aggressive. Super aggressive. No matter what they say. We'll talk shit. Yo, you want the bus stop?

Everything just sounds like way harder and way cooler, I think. Yeah. This goes people. They sound fucking awesome. Hold on. I have to fart. Very little. People have written in that they wish they could hear farts more clearly.

I think we might have to get a fart mic under the desk. Wow, that's an excellent idea. Yeah, yeah. Wow, I think that might be the best idea yet for your mom's house. Yeah, yeah. A fart mic. Speaking of farts, how have mine been the last few days? Horrendous.

A whole new level of farts. Your farts, to me, are like my dad was saying when he farts, he knows what's coming. Your farts, if I smelled what you farted out of me, I'd be like, I know Diarrhea is here. I know it's right around the corner. I would know it right away. It's funny you say that because I was laying in bed right before you were tucking me in and then you go in the other room and masturbate or something and then you were like, oh, you have to go Diarrhea.

That's a Diarrhea fart and I said no. That's just how I fart before I go to sleep. Yeah. I had poop soup, that's why. Okay. It's really bad. Whatever you have going on is bad, real bad. Thank you.

That's just poop soup that does that? Well, I've been eating healthy, some eggplant. I made turkey sketchy for us, a little bit of turkey sketchy. But primarily it is poop soup and sriracha. I like that hot sauce on there. It does something to your butt whistle. Thank you. It's been really bad.

I learned from the best. No, that's all you. You're the teacher. No, no, no. Brown talk, I've been dying to talk about this with you. For the longest time, people have been sending in the squatty potty. Oh, yeah. And I feel as though we should address this on our show.

It's something close to our hearts. How do you feel about getting one? I love the idea. I actually regret that I haven't ordered it. I mean, you should probably explain what a squatty potty is though. Okay. Well, the squatty potty, so I looked it up today and apparently it's like a little stool type thing.

And you can like hook it, not hook it, but it kind of tucks into your toilet, right? So you pull it out. It's like a stepping stool. The idea is that it... Put your feet on it. Yeah, you raise your feet and then... Yeah, I was getting there. Okay.

So you raise your feet on there. It raises your knees and your legs and it makes the angle easier for your schvinkter for all the brown to come out. So you're not pushing the muscle naturally is kind of aimed that way is what they're saying. It mimics doing a full squat if you were squatting outdoors. Right. You know, because if your butt would sit lower. Right.

And the argument is that that's nature's way. That's how we should for thousands of years. And on the East, I mean, in the Eastern world, that's how they do it in the hole in the ground. You know, you squat into a hole. Right. You squat all the way down. Yeah. It probably comes right out.

The Asian peoples, they do it that way. Yeah. It's just the Westerners we like to push the opposite way. Yeah. We like seated. We're closer to standing up than we are to sitting down sometimes. Yeah. I wonder why we took that.

Why do we do that? You ever sit on a handy, a handy toilet? What's that? Like it's for handicapped people or old people where it's actually so they don't have to sit down as far. So it's easier on their hips and knees. I like that. No, because you don't even feel like you like you feel too upright. You feel like you're.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you just went the handicapped toilets that are just lower to the ground. No, higher up. Like for older people, so they don't have to sit as far, but like it's harder to shit actually. Yeah. You need that your legs pushed up. You do need your legs pushed up and into your chest. Yeah.

The guy demonstrated it on Dr. Oz. There's a clip on the squatty potty website. Oh, really? He demonstrates. It looks like you're just, you're about to fall into the toilet. Yeah. Your legs are really close to your chest. But Dr. Oz is a supporter of it.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. You should shit. Yeah. Makes sense.

What do you think your dad would say about the squatty potty? I think he might really like it. We should, why don't we get a few of them? One for here, one for them. It's not a bad idea. Yeah. It's a good idea. Do you think your mother, how do you think your mother would react for it?

No, there's what we do. Christmas morning, everybody's unwrapping the gifts and we wrap it. And you know what I mean? Like present it to him. Yeah. He'd be real happy. But how angry are your sisters and your mom? They're upset.

They're disgusted and they're upset. Yeah. It's dirty and disgusting. Dirty and disgusting. Yeah, they're so gross. Seriously. Oh my God, you guys. Oh my God.

This is dirty and disgusting. No, seriously. It's like, I don't even want to talk about shit. I don't even want to talk about shit anymore. That's exactly what she would say. I don't even want to talk about shit all the time. It's like, I don't even want to talk about anything besides shit. It's just like, I don't even want to talk about shit.

Dirty and disgusting. Is that Jane or Maria? It's Maria. I mean, this is Jane. Oh my God. You guys are so disgusting. So they both say it. No, but who's more upset about the shit talk?

100% Jane. Yeah. 100%. This is just. Oh my God. Seriously? That's true. You can hear it's a real authentic one.

Yeah. Oh my God. Seriously? Oh my God. Seriously? She's so upset with us. She'd be completely mortified. Yeah.

She's really bothered by it. Speaking of just mortified, bothered by, we had a discussion. You brought up a hypothetical. Oh God. I can't believe we're talking about this on our show. Why? Well, because it's so retarded. Like this is one of those things where I go, are we really married?

Like, did I really marry you? I 100% stand by my position. Go ahead. Throw it out there, boss. So we were eating at the snusie place. And the Beatles were on. No, I'm sorry. David Bowie was playing over and I was like, oh, this is cool.

Like, we'll get to hear David Bowie sushi bar. This is, you know, very rare. You're usually such yuppies, you know? And so I say to Tommy to you, I go, who would you rather have play at your birthday party? You can pick. You can have either, it's either Biggie Smalls or David Bowie. That was the first one. Or David Bowie.

Yeah. What do you say? Biggie Smalls. 100%, not even like a blink in my eye. Yeah, but you realize what you're doing. What am I doing? Well, you're a judgmental, a fucking uppity elitist prick right now. You're saying that because your taste, if you prefer, that's all you're saying.

Like, here's why I defend my position. Now we took it a step further. You then said, what about the Beatles? Over Biggie Smalls. And I said, without a doubt, Biggie Smalls. And here's why. I own the Biggie Smalls catalog. I know and respect and completely get the influence of the Beatles on everything in

the great music that they make, but they don't affect me in the same way. So what I'd be doing if I chose the Beatles in this ridiculous hypothetical scenario is I'd be doing it to sound cool. I'd be doing it to make sure that like everybody is cool with me saying, you know, I'm saying the right thing. That's what I'm saying. Because for you, you don't like... It's not that I don't like them.

I do. No, you don't like the Beatles and David Bowie as much as you like Biggie Smalls. That's what you're saying. Exactly. That's it. That's it. It's very simple. You don't like good music.

That's not true. It's not true. You don't enjoy talent. You do know the song. Yeah. Do you know this was played at our wedding? No. Was this really?

Babe. What? This is the song we danced to. The first verse? This is our first dance. Was it really? Babe. Babe.

Babe. I'm sorry. Did you want it to be Biggie Smalls? Actually, yes. You didn't speak up back in 08. Exactly. I just thought, you know, that's what she wants to hear. Shit.

You think the Beatles are going to come after us for playing that? We have to pay the royalties. We're going to pay the royalties, guys. Sure. Is this what you wanted our first dance to be? I would have preferred this. It's much just more John Blaze. Much more.

At my birthday party, are you kidding me? I'd rather have a DJ play this than have the Beatles live. But I like it more. I know you do. It's just that you like... Are you trying to say that he's not good? I'm just judging what you like. Why can't I just judge what you like dumb stuff?

Why is that? It's Biggie Smalls. I get it. Biggie only talks about pussy stuff, getting more stuff, haters hating stuff, money, pussy, money, money, pussy. He doesn't even talk about being fat, which is weird. Yeah. He never watched his grape.

Yeah. He talks about it a little bit. What does he talk? Is he like, I'm so fat, I hate myself. He doesn't talk about that. No. He just said he likes taking eggs for breakfast. He doesn't talk about emotional eating.

I think he should have. I think people... Maybe that was the third album. We didn't get to hear it. I don't fucking know. Now, how did Biggie Smalls, he died, him and Tupac killed each other? Yeah. That's right.

That's right. You got it. They shot each other in a duel, right? Yeah. They were like... In Tucson. Yeah, you got it. Duel off, and then Biggie was too fat to pull his gun out in time, and then...

You know, I liked Biggie more than Tupac. I just liked his demeanor. I liked his wonky eye. I like his music more. I don't really give a shit what anybody else thinks. It's okay. Your taste sucks. It's just...

How does that suck? You play these rap songs for me in the car, and it gives me... I feel... It gives me anxiety. I feel the same way when you play your music for me. What of my music gives you... All of it. All of it.

Everything that you play. All of it. Modest Mouse? I bought an album of theirs, because I liked it. Okay. The Dead Boys? You wouldn't like punk, like the Dead Boys? No, no, no.

Please don't fucking bother me. Why can't I like... Why is it bad that I like hip-hop? It's what I like. It's just stupid. It's not dumb. It's dumb. You know what I mean?

It's dumb. Yeah, it's just dumb. I'll help you get lit up for your stupid opinion. Stupid. Biggie... What's he talking about? Really? Honestly, what does Biggie talk about?

It's just money, bitches. Yeah, cool stuff. Whatever. More money, more problems, man. It's real life shit. I do like that song. All right. He said...

He talks about coming up. He talks about coming up. Rags are riches. I like that stuff. That's very inspirational. No, you're a fan. Yeah, but I wouldn't want that at my wedding. You know, I'm glad we didn't play that at my wedding.

Come on. I don't want to hear him talk. He's just... I mean, you don't like it. It's just so disappointing. I really wish you were more like me. That's really the problem. Yeah, that is the problem.

Why don't you just like what I like? Well, you know, why don't you marry someone else? That's what a marriage is. You like the same stuff I like. I don't want to like the stuff that you like. Why aren't you more like me, Tom? I don't like your stuff. Yeah.

I don't like your stuff. I don't like your stuff. I don't want to like the stuff that you like. Why aren't you more like me, Tom? I don't like your stuff. You don't have to, okay? I know. I am just disappointed that you...

David Bowie and his prime was pretty amazing. Okay? I'm talking like the Hunky Dory era, Ziggy Stardust. Yeah. The Beatles. Come on, dude. I like that. Fuck you.

See? Just trying to make fun of his trans daughter. I mean, my birthday party and you're actually debating which fucking group I'd rather hear. Don't you even know me? No. What do you relate to with Biggie Smalls? I like the way the music sounds. I like beats.

I like the rhythm of hip hop much more. I feel it. It makes me want to move. But his messages that you don't listen to the message? I don't care about the messages. Okay. I don't listen to songs the same way. Yeah.

I listen to the words. To me, I don't hear the words. To me, the words are like an instrument. It's like another instrument in the song. So he could be talking about hot dogs and ice cream. And I could be like, I love this shit. This is my jam right here. Yeah.

Don't record me, dog. So now I'm the stupid bitch from Staten Island. I just feel like the music that you like has no soul. What about the clash? But I feel like your, your music has no soul. Like when I hear your music, I'm like, I don't want to dance. I don't feel like, like moving around, bobbing my head. I feel like it's like, oh, is this a math problem?

Like that's what I feel like when I listen to your music. Well, yeah, because it's, it has soul. It's just not zero soul. But it's not, it's made by, you know, depressed white kids, like modest men. Right. And I don't identify with them. The clash is angry.

And I, you know, I like the pixies, the breeders. Good for you. You know, you just don't understand like white middle class angst, I guess the Beastie Boys. Come on, we can both agree on the Beastie Boys. When have we disagreed on it? I just feel like, you know, you need to go to your, your underground black leather club and you hang out with your friends there.

And then we'll meet up afterwards. Okay. It's fine. You like the talking heads. Yeah, I do. A lot. Actually, I bought a couple of their albums. Yeah.

See, sometimes you come to the, my side of the force and then. But you know what? I like, I like certain, I have to feel the song though. Like I like the way it sounds. I have to like feel it. I don't feel that shit. You know, you're like Eminem, like in the rap battle. You have to feel the beat first.

Yeah, man. I don't know what that is. Park, two park, three park, four. I don't know what that is. You're a park. No park. Well, sometimes we don't like the same song, but sometimes we love the same song. Oh my God.

What time of year are we about to get, what are we getting into right now, by the way? I think it's technically spring, but it's almost. It's right on the cusp, right? Of summertime. Hey everybody, it's summertime. Summer vacation is here, gonna ride my bike, gonna go somewhere. It's my favorite time of year. It's summertime and isn't it great?

It's summertime when everything's great. This is the worst thing I've ever heard. What's, why is it great? Why is everything great? It's my favorite song ever. So first of all, thanks James from the UK for setting this. This is unbelievable. I about, I haven't stopped laughing since there's a video too.

It will be on our website tomorrow. You can see that. It's so retarded. It's horrifying. It's horrible. And it just keeps going too. See all the birds in the sky. Time to hit the pool.

Watch the people pass by. It's my favorite time of year. It's summertime and isn't it great? It's summertime when everything's great. Cause I'm free to be just what I want to be. Cause I'm free to be just what I want to be in the summertime. Everything is just so fine. It's summertime.

I thought it was going to build up to something. You feel like the whole time you're like, so when's the song start? Like this is the, I thought that was it just then. It was ramping up. Ramping out. Then you go, you're waiting for like a drum kind of, right? Are you waiting for Biggie to go?

This goes out to you. That's dad singing now. We should explain this is a family that made this a father, his daughter and his son is a fucking nerd Jan. They've all got their nerd sandals on like those strappy Jesus sandals. And he's got, or the son and then one of the things has his white, his white sneakers with his white socks up.

And his dad is a total YMH listener. His pants are up nearly under his tits. Like they're so high. And they're like pleated khaki shorts. I don't even know how you get khaki shorts like that. Oh my God. Dad's singing. Yeah, we got it.

When everything's great. I don't have a care. It's my favorite time. Karen, you're going, but that's okay. This video is out of control. It's amazing. So good. When everything's great.

Cause I'm free to be just what I want to be. Cause I'm free to be just what I want to be. In the summer time. Everything is just so fine. It's summer time. Isn't it great? It's summer time. When does the song start?

I thought it's three minutes of this. When everything's great. See the Dutchman on the way. Doing what I want. And staying up late. It's my favorite time of the year. It's summer time. We're going to kill their father one day.

They're coming with like a shotgun and taking a nap. He'll wake up and be like, what are you doing? You fucking made me do that goddamn summer time song. Do you want to hear how many views this has? It's got a lot of that. It's over 1.6 million. They're called three beat slide. That's the name of the cool band.

Who do you want to play at your birthday party? Three beat slide. Or one of my gothiest bands, like Joy Division. Easy. Why aren't you free to be what you want to be other times of year? You know, it's a common, and I don't understand, people generally don't have more free time those adults that work. It's for children.

It's just hotter outside. It's actually, it fucks up your whole life, because now when you're driving to work, it's 120 degrees, as opposed to the normal 70. Well, it's true. And now I can't wear my fucking normal clothes. I have to wear other summertime clothes, and I look fucking fatter than ever,

because I can't cover my fat body. Can we do a rewrite of just call it springtime is great? Yes, springtime is pretty great. Springtime, everything is great. Springtime, my favorite time of year. Yeah. Not quite as hot as it's gonna be next month. Yeah, it sucks.

Summer sucks. It's so hot. I don't know why people like it. I hate it too. It's the worst. It's the best time of year. You can't even, you can't lay out in the sun. It's too fucking hot.

Mmm, very hot. Fuck someone. Oh my god. Jesus. It's summertime when everything's free. It's summertime. Can we tap out of that now? Jesus.

Wait, okay. Who do you think, who's the worst song? Who's got the worst song? Let's get social or summertime? That's a really, really excellent question. That's a really good one. Let's get social. Social.

No. It's so hard to decide. I love it. This one gets me going. It looks up to the ground. Going. I'm showing you things you like. Try to get engagement with the photos of my life.

My cat, my cat, some bacon. Hey everybody, it's summertime. I want you to make some vacation is here. Gonna ride my bike, gonna go somewhere. You know, I'm hoping you'll share my stuff. And sweet it to the world. You help me grow my clouds. A promise that I'll share yours.

It's my favorite time of year. It's summertime. And isn't it great? It's summertime. I feel like summertime, I feel like social tried harder and actually comparatively made a better song. I feel like summertime is a shittier song by a shittier writer and shittier performers.

Well, and it never kicks in. It's the same droning. Yeah, he just repeated for four fucking minutes. Here's the thing. When I was a teenager and I was goth and I listened to this, I would have committed suicide. I should have just listened to summertime is great. I would have finished my life.

You know, the biggest disappointment, by the way, I've learned this over and over and then sometimes I still fuck it up. There's an amazing song out there about Ames, Iowa. Oh, yeah. And there was an amazing video. If you saw this or know about this, you know, you know we're talking about basically,

Iowa State University made a rap song about how awesome it is to live in Ames, Iowa. Yeah, Shelby sent it to us from Ron and Fess. He did send it? Yeah. Oh, it was so fucking amazing. And they took it down. I can't find it anywhere.

It was terrible. It was amazingly terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's, I mean, it is gone. I cannot. So if somebody can find it or if somebody ripped it, please, please let us know. I did find this song in the meantime.

I like it already. Jesus is a friend of mine. Jesus is my friend. Jesus is my friend of mine. That's special. They're trying to be special. Yeah. Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend. Jesus is a friend of mine. He taught me how to live. My life as it should be. He taught me how to turn my cheek when people laugh at me. I've had friends before and I can tell you that. He's one who will never leave you flat. Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend. I'm depressed. Jesus is a friend of mine. Way better song than Summertime. It is so impressive. Way better. I'm when everything's great. See all the birds in the sky.

Time to hit the cool. Watch the cool. See all the birds in the sky. Time to hit the cool. Watch the people pass by. It is my favorite time of year. It is Summertime. It is Summertime.

It is Summertime. So bad. So bad. How do they think this is okay? It has no breaks. Listen, even when I record it. You want to talk about bad taste? They have bad fucking taste.

That's why they think that's okay to release. But when I recorded my smash hit Animal Song, I knew that it had to ramp up to something cool. Okay. Did you hear it? Yeah. I heard it. It had to ramp up to something cool.

You knew it had to ramp up to something cool. You can't just drone on and on. You got to give the people a journey. And Summertime is great. There's no journey. Thank you. Here we go. See it's just the opening.

Right. And then. You're still building. Building. You're right. And then the break comes. Here it comes. Oh, it's still building.

There you go. Now it kicks you. Now you're in the song. Right. Yeah. This is a great song. This is a great song. This is a great song.

This is a great song. Yeah. I see my flaws now. I see some things I could do with this song. Right. But I would have put the goats in the sea. Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to fight.

I like that. You see, yeah, that was my first pass at a song. That was a good song. I see where I can improve on animal song, but it's still better than summertime is great. Here's my first song. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole.

Butthole. Why do my ice cubes smell like a butthole? The smell. The smell. The smell. The smell. The smell. The smell.

It was like really powerful. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. 90% of the time it's something that actually kept in the freezer. It's gone bad. Butthole. Butthole.

Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. But we don't eat anything that smells like buttholes. That's my favorite part. I mean, that's production value.

That is really good. I'm a producer. Dude, that was your first song. Yeah. I was really impressed. Thank you. I'm super impressed. I appreciate it.

I don't like that they made that ska song. It's very troubling. You remember that last few episodes we have a while ago we featured the Ugandan minister Eat The Pupu. And we played a song last week that was submitted. There's another song that came in for him. Eat The Pupu. Eat the pupu in us.

Eat The Pupu. Eat The Pupu. These are like ice cream. More ice cream. Eat The Pupu. Eat The Pupu. Eat The Pupu. Eat The Pupu.

Eat The Pupu. Eat The Pupu. Ah yeah dude. See now that rocks, can you... Hard fuckin' CORE! Bang a fat girl, put that on YouTube. I'd watch that shit.

That's scary... It's so weird. Wait, did you hear the layering in that? Yeah, there's a lot going on there. Did it register? Can they hear it? I don't know. It's pretty...

Yeah, I didn't have the mic near it. We gotta get a fart mic. I was just gonna throw up. That was so gross. It had layers and length and depth. Yeah, there's a lot going on. It growled like a tiger. Like a...

Like a... Like a... What is that? A Jaguar? Wow! Wow! Puma. Puma, as they say.

Oh yeah, that's how the Euro said it. Puma. Oh, man. Alright, cougar, yeah. It's Gangnam, Pupu. It's Gangnam, Pupu. Alright. Jesus.

Yeah, it's good stuff. You guys are real talented. So much talent. Do you know that... I'm so proud of everybody. A CNN reporter dropped a pretty horrific racial slur? No. In a report, but it's still weird to hear it on CNN.

Well, let's play it. For sure. It is two years that my dad has been gone, shot by, and please excuse the language, it's very sensitive, shot by a fucking nigger. It's hard not to go off between that and Charon. Holy shit, right?

Wow. She said it with contempt. She really got into the part. She really... Yeah, she sold it. She definitely sold it. She really... I feel like she got behind that emotion.

Big words. Yeah. Yeah, that was during a report. I don't know. You don't have to say it. I mean, I defend the fact that it's what's written somewhere, and she's reading it, and she said it. But you can also get away with just being like, you know...

Effing n-word. Pretty much. I don't know. But that is what that person said. Right. So, the truth is, you should just say it, right? Yeah, I mean, it's funny because I was on Twitter, Jim Norton tweeted about Charlize there on saying that

people attack her on the internet, and it feels like a form of rape, or it feels like being raped. And then everybody came out again, like, that's not rape. Yeah. And I think his position was, we know what she means. Yeah, guys. Like, it's... There's a parent meaning.

Yeah. There's obvious meaning to what somebody says, and then now you're reading... You're just looking for something to be a contabout, basically, if you're giving her trouble about it. Like, dude, come on. Right. Like, everyone loves to hate on Gwyneth Paltrow,

and she made some analogy that something that she, you know, her life, whatever, is like war. Like, you know, the horrors of war, and then you get back, and then people were like, that's not war. And it's like, well, yeah, but she also didn't really mean war. Yeah. Like, it's as used as a metaphor, and you know what she meant. You know what she meant.

A year ago, this... He was a college player at the time. Kellen Winslow was, after a game, was in the locker room, and the reporters were like interviewing him, and he goes, he said, like, I'm a soldier. You know, I'm a soldier out there. Like, this is war. And then everybody were like, was giving him shit

about how it disrespects the people that are really soldiers in that war. It's like, yeah, but you know what he's... I always thought that they were too harsh on him, because he was a college kid at the time. And secondly, we know what that means. Yeah. We understand the...

The context and the inference. Yeah. Like, you know what that is? It's like lawyers. Like, when they read something, or they use technicalities, or they miss... You know what I mean? It's like a fucking weird way to look at a common use of language.

Yeah. You're obviously picking a fight with somebody. Yeah. You just don't like the person, and now you're using that. It's just so fucking stupid. Yeah. And so I... Yeah, but I want...

The CNN reporter... Now I feel like they should always say it, actually. They should just read what's actually there. I think so, too. She should be... Yeah, and it's nice that she qualified it with like... She's like, it's pretty harsh. This is terrible, but this is what was said.

But she also punched it pretty hard. Yeah, that's the thing. She kind of enjoyed it. She... Well, yeah. She slowed up to it. And she's like, I can take a full swing, right? Yeah.

Like, we're going to do this. I want to go for the gold on this one. Yeah, I feel like she really committed. And then he shot him two days to the... Can I do it? Full throttle. Yep. All right.

She took the risk. She sure did. It's so dumb if she gets hate mail. It's so fucking stupid. Yeah. Remember that stupid commercial? It's infuriating to me to watch that dumb broad. And she's...

And it's like, she's never used the internet before. And she's maybe 43 years old. Oh. And you're like, what? I can understand if you're elderly, never used it. But you're like in your 40s, and you've never used the internet. And it's her being like, I don't know. And then she sees her niece and nephew.

And she's like, oh, Gia, you're so big. And you're like, shut the fuck up, you stupid twat. What is wrong with you that you're not using the internet? You retard? I just don't get it. I don't understand. Is this fucking thing... That commercial is the worst commercial of all time.

It absolutely, it makes me crazy. And I can't... You know what? I can't fucking find this commercial. It's like the ad council or something. No, it's everyoneon.org. Right. That's what it is.

And it has a really shitty kind of piano intro to it. Interface is ugly. It's real close. And there's another woman who's never paid her bills online. And she's like, what's gonna happen when I push the magic buttons? Am I gonna get sucked into the interwebs? How do you not know? I don't know.

And they're so young. Oh, Gia, you're so big. Now you're in my face. Yeah, so dumb. And then it should say like, this dumb bitch never fucking figured this out till right now. That's a retarded twat. Yeah. She's way too old to never have been on the internet.

It says she's never been on the internet before. Right. And the thing is too, it's not like she's homeless. She looks as though she could afford to be on the web. You know what I mean? She's a normal looking person. By the way, there's all these links. This is for this thing where it says commercials I hate.

Does this play? Oh, they took it down. Yeah. That they says they have an equally nauseating radio ad. Yeah. And I don't understand what their budget is. That commercial has, I've literally everything that I've watched. I've seen this commercial play.

They do it back to back to back too. Do they have a $500 million advertising budget? No. I mean, it's on Bravo, TLC, ESPN, CNN. Oh, yeah. Anything you watch has this fucking commercial on it. It's bigger than like Doritos and shit. Yeah.

I know. I know. I didn't know it was that much of a problem. I can understand in like rural, rural places, you know, that there's no, you know, you don't have to be on the web if you, if you're a farmer and, you know, or maybe third worlders, but this broad is like, you know, Des Moines, Iowa. Why isn't she on the web? Come on.

It's horrific. Come on. Is this it here? This might be a video, a version of it. Okay. So just type the job website address here. Yeah. This is a radio version.

That's it. Then you enter what job you're looking for there. Electrician. Oh my God. So you take the mouse and click over there. Oh my God. And then you can choose someone you want to call. My niece.

I click here. I click here? I click here to clean your house. She got help going online to chat with her family back home. Okay. So then you want to hit that green button. Who's paying for this? This is her first time on the internet and her first time seeing her niece in five years.

Louisa doesn't know what to expect. Louisa's a foreigner. Louisa? Oh my gosh. There she is. This is amazing. It's so good to see you. You look so pretty.

But this is definitely way beyond. Oh my gosh. But Louisa's probably trying to make her way in this country and can't afford internet. But these are like Americans who I'm pretty sure had enough of an education and a life in this country. Yeah. It seems weird. It's just unless you're old or foreign or live in a very rural part of America, why aren't

you on the web, man? They took down like they have on their site. Okay. Now we have a guy here. This is a commercial. No. They took it down. They made all their commercials that were on YouTube private.

It must have gotten loaded with fucking hatred. People being like, what is wrong with you? Why would you make this private? It's so stupid. Anyways. Why aren't you online, you dumb bitch? Stupid fucking shit face. Oh.

You know what that music is? It's time to fill her up. And seal her shut. Yeah. Now, we haven't done this in a while. Yeah. But I think in light of upcoming Father's Day. Oh boy.

Where are we going with this? We're going to do Fox's, our dad's liked back in the day. Wow. This is known as the special dad edition. Dad boner edition. Yeah. A.K. The Full Bush edition.

All right. All right. So I'm going to go with women that my dad and your dad talked about in the 80s. And then are we doing dudes too? Yeah. Dudes that our moms like. So we should do dudes first. Let's do dudes.

Meaning the dudes our moms like. Yeah. Okay. So my mom, as we all know, Chuck Woolery. Now I'm talking 80s Chuck Woolery. I'm talking love connection Chuck Woolery. Wow. I'm talking two and two Chuck Woolery.

That's a good Chuck. Yeah. Definitely. A lot. Pre it in greasy. My fellow Americans. The left's attack on assault weapons is back. Oh boy.

There is no doubt that it's a tragedy when anyone takes the life of another without cause. But to blame assault weapons for these tragedies would be like well blaming airplanes for the 9-11 attacks. There you go. There's. Shucky dunk. Pre crazy Chuck. And your mom.

Loves. Oh. Madlan Brando. But obviously pre apocalypse now Brando. Yeah. We're talking a young. We're talking a streetcar named desire Brando. Yeah.

Yeah. Let me look him up. I don't even know what he looks like. Oh you got to check him out. Let's see. Is he hunky? Dude. Are you serious right now?

Are you a hunk? Oh yeah. He's gorgeous. Yeah. He's the fucking man. And then he died a fucking blob, huh? Yeah. He gained a lot of weight.

That was his vice. That was his drug. He wasn't a boozer. Look at this guy. What a piece of ass he was. Right? A young Brando? Shit.

I never even knew he was this hot. Really? You never saw him? Nope. Never looked him up. You'd gobble that thing down wouldn't you? He's pretty fine. He looks gay when he's young.

Like he's so. Really? He's almost. Maybe that's just the era. Or men look kind of effeminate. And they're photographed. Yeah. He was a stud.

Wow. I take Brando. I had no idea. Do you think if Chuck had. Let me look at Chuck again. Yeah. I mean a young Chuck too. I were doing two and two.

Yeah. I mean he's a. Wow. You know. That's pretty clean cut Americana right there. Right? The problem is that I. Yeah.

Here we go. Chuck is more the American clean cut corporate kind of. Exactly. Yeah. And Marlon. Wow. This guy's got to eat your butthole. Oh.

He's going to. It's going to be his opening. Yeah. Just like me. You're going to have to get at least one finger in your bum cakes every time. Marlon Brando. Yeah. Yeah.

And by the way, he's not laying around, you know, wondering if you'll reciprocate. He's going to grab the back of your head and he's going to shove it in between his butt cheeks. Yeah. And he's going to be like you. Your dinner now. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you think if we'll read that was with your mom and he was he was playing with her box that he'd be like didn't greasy grow up, Tom. You know, there are some girls though. Like I know my step sister loves these kind of like four cornery white dudes. Oh, there's a there's a huge market for Woolery for sure. Yeah. Like there's just a woman that loves kind of waspy. But Brando's like basically the original Johnny Depp.

Like that's right. Like that's the 19 whatever 40s or 50s version of that listen Johnny Depp and his heyday was nothing compared to this brand. Young Brando. Fuck. This is you know what I like about Brando young. This is masculinity. This is look at you kind of look like him actually you have a nice nose.

He has very masculine features kind of wonky. You know what I mean? He's not he's not pretty. He's masculinely handsome and then he gets crazier than catch it. Yeah. But wow, what a hunk. Yeah. I like this guy best.

Come on man. He's so attractive. Right now. Yeah. Jesus Christ. He can get it right. Do you think that towards the end of his life he was like do you just get super depressed if this is how you end your life and that's how you started your life?

Yeah. At least you know what the good thing about being an actor though is that there's records of your good days. We're like really detailed ones. Everyone has their heyday but only actors can fucking press play on them. And you know what's good about Marlon Brando being a young hot piece of A. Yeah dude. He was crushing posts. Oh my God.

And you know what the worst thing you could get? It's gotta be. No. And the worst thing you get back then was like the clap. Right. That was it. You have to worry about shit. You have to worry about you knock up some bra who cares so what.

Yeah. Here's 20 bucks. Sit like that should take you to the next couple of decades. Yeah. Syphilis was like the biggest. Are you seeing this photo of him with the tie with the in the like the quarter profile? I think we're just now I'm hooked on brand. No, I can't.

I don't know which one. You don't see it. Oh stunning. I mean and this is before people had plastic surgery. This is this teeth are perfect. So can we just like I mean the vote is in for us right. Gorgeous. We're both chowing that fucking brand.

I'll do whatever this guy wants me to do. Right. He wants me his ass. I'm looking at all day. Marlon wants me to put syrup on his balls. Lick that off. Yes. He wants me to put on a strap on.

Fuck him relentlessly with it. Yes. I don't know. I don't know. There's not a lot I'd say no to, you know, I take a dump on his chest. I'm digging it. I'm watching that right now. If you set up Marlon Brando right in the room right now and you're like, Hey, watch

this. I'd watch you guys. Why not? Wow. And then you know what? Whenever you were like, I need a break. I think it's Marlon Brando. Get back in there.

I just for it. If you just tagged, if you're like, no, it's Brando. Get in there. Oh, my God. I smell my own. Oh, God. I'm stewing in my own. You're so bad lately.

It's so bad. Because I'm eating healthy. No. Fuck. It's right there. I can't get rid of it. You're the worst. So look, we both want that young Brando.

No, look him up. If you don't know what we're talking about. Yeah. Don't melt your heart. Fuck. I feel like he would have power over me too. Oh, he would turn everybody gay. Marlon Brando?

Well, you know what the thing is? I think I just wouldn't know how to say no. I think if he was like, you get down there now, you open your mouth, you just take it, you eat it. I'm going to drop it on your tongue and you eat it. I would just be like, I don't know how to say no. Like that. I'd cry, but I would just probably do it.

Yeah. He has no saying no. He can't say no. All right. All right. Now let's talk about the bitches. Full Bush edition. I got a lot of bitches.

My father, Art, loves Catherine Deneuve. Do you know who she is? Catherine Deneuve? Look up young Catherine. Okay. It looks like Catherine Deneuve. Okay. D-E-N-E-U-V-E.

She was in The Hunger, that movie with David Bowie, your favorite. Stunning French actress, Deneuve, blond hair, brown eyes. Stunning, stunning, your old lady. Yeah. I like that a lot. Gorgeous back in her prime. Oh, that's some of this shit. Yeah.

Really beautiful. A little bit like Brigitte Bardot. Yeah. Working man's Brigitte Bardot, I would say. Catherine. Yeah. That's cool. Her.

And then we have Farrah Fawcett. Your father, it loves Farrah Fawcett. He loves him some Farrah Fawcett. Let's look up Farrah in her day. In her day. Oh, man. She was gorgeous. I love her from like Charlie's Angels when I was a little girl.

I wanted to be her. Yeah. She's gorgeous. But she's a different kind of pretty. It's a totally different kind of pretty. Can I tell you that I didn't know who the Catherine. Deneuve. I'm all over that.

Really? Take the Euro blonde over the American blonde. Definitely. You know what else, too? Two different blondes. The same way Marlon can get me to do whatever he wants. That French accent. Don't put me around that French accent.

Yeah. Catherine Deneuve. Because I'm definitely, you're painting my mouth if you have that French accent. Oh, she's stunning. Stunning. I think she aged pretty well. I don't think she aged too poorly. Oh, man.

Stunning, right? But yeah, this is just two different types of blondes. Farrah's the blue-eyed blonde hair. But look at that. Look at Farrah Circa, the red bathing suit. I mean, look at Farrah the red bathing suit. No, it's out of control. That's her prime.

That was her look, right? Yeah. Did you see this picture as a young boy? The bathing suit? Oh, yeah. I mean, that was before my time. Like it was already a few years earlier. Oh, yeah.

Here's. What is this? It's a door that people raise well. There you go. And above all, good humor. I love working in fun. Last week, I had to separate myself from my aunt, a beautiful girl. You know what Catherine would do to me, right?

Yep. Right away. That French accent is the best. Now, you really want to get your schmackle hard. Look at Brigitte Bardot. Brigitte Bardot and her prime. It's nice to be told you're beautiful, but the most beautiful woman in the world. Yeah, but what I mean is a lot of good-looking women have been called like that, as far as

I can remember. No. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I'm sure I read it with you. Name a few. Name a few. You see?

It's not always easy being the most beautiful woman in the world. Yeah, you know what she would do, I feel like? I feel like she would jerk you off after you're already done. Yeah. And you're like, oh, it hurts. It hurts. And she was like, no, no, give me more of the cream on the top of the baked goods. I have my French baker.

You come on everything. And you're like, ah, it hurts, hurts. But then you give it to her because she's Catherine. Yeah. Okay. That's neat. I'm going to agree with you on this. I prefer the Euroblond, obviously being that I'm a Euroblond.

I mean, I'm a natural blonde, of course. You're like that. You're that east side, right? Where you're like, ah, shit outside. Yeah, I have track marks on arm. That's what I am. I'm from orphan black. I'm like Helena.

You're Helena. The bad clown. You're Ukraine. Fucking kill you piece of shit. You give me cookies and pickles. Yeah. I'm crazy. You come now.

You leave. You leave your come here. You leave now. I will also kill you, you fuck. Catherine is like, moz, moz, moz, moz, moz. Whay, whay, whay, whay, whay, whay. Okay. But the thing is Catherine's classy.

Like this French broad, she's all class though. If you look at her photograph, she's not a whore. You know? Yeah. All right. Hmm. So you think your mom would definitely choose Chuck though, right? Yeah.

Over Brando? Yeah. My mom loved Chuck Woolery. It was, I'm trying to think of who her other big one was, I can't remember right now. Hmm. Um, but yeah. Yeah. Why don't we do, can we do one of these jeans?

Um, it's been such a long time. Let's do a Would You Rather, yeah? Really? Hmm. I mean, I, I don't, I don't want to, okay. What you got? What you got in my 40, Omi? I've got a few great ones.

You guys have submitted them. Thank you so much. This one is from Patrick. I just love the way this is phrased. Would you rather have all the snakes in the world chasing you, or all the guys named Snake? That's really fucking great. Isn't that great?

That's great. Gosh. Wow. I know. That's tough, right? That's really tough, and that's really good. Shit. What a great dilemma.

I know. All right, I know my answer. Here's my response. All the snakes chasing me, because all I have to do is put me in a hermetically sealed home. No. And they couldn't come in. I don't think it works.

But guys named Snake, they could rape you. They could shoot the door in. They're still going to get you. Here's what I think. I think you go with real snakes because there's anti-venom. Yeah, but. Because you're going to get bit. Oh, my asshole's tingling.

Yeah, you're going to get bit, and you need to get that anti-venom. It only works once, though. I never liked that movie they saw. Well, it depends on the snake bite and the venom. But let's say you get a rattlesnake bite. It's serious. You need to go to the ER immediately,

and you need to identify that it was a rattlesnake. Oh, it's bad. Dude's named Snake are into bad shit. Like, dude's named Snake have patchy hair. They don't shower every day. They drink a lot. They have really bad breath. They have few teeth.

They have a past. Let's be honest. They have a dicey past. They've done a lot of bad shit. Motorcycles. That's how you get the name Snake. If they're chasing you, I feel like they're going to get to you. But maybe they're also so stupid that they won't find you

because they're dudes named Snake. But dude, they're all names. There's a countless amount of guys named Snake. Yeah, and you'd never defeat them all. No. But can you defeat all the snakes? Dude, you can live in an environment where the snakes can't get you. But that your house is just completely covered in snakes, though.

Yeah. I think you'd live in a compound. Like, I would find an underground lair and tunnels. An underground lair. Snakes are like, we love it here. Oh, maybe a sun lair. But they love the sun, too. Yeah, fuck.

Well, you move somewhere freezing. There you go. That's the answer. The Arctic Circle. Yeah, you move to Yellowknife. And they can't, the snakes can't live in the snow. Right. Fuck, I hate snow.

Let's go to Winnipeg. Fuck. There's no snakes in Winnipeg. Fuck. Shit, I'd have to live in, like, Alaska, dude. Yeah. Yeah, an artifact. Well, the guys named Snake may not follow you up there.

Then again, guys named Snake are crazy and they'll follow you. Oh, yes, they were. I love the cold. I'll fucking give a shit. Well, they call me Snake. That's why I get my name Snake from. I ain't afraid of him. Never have been, except whenever I was a kid.

Yeah. I'll get my name Snake from. Great one. That's fantastic. I think snakes, real snakes. Well, that's my answer. I said real snakes. Well, I had the same answer.

I said real snakes first. OK, fuck, man. All right, what's the next one? Come on, spit it out. What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? All right, last one, ready? Yeah.

Go ahead. Would you rather replace all normal day-to-day conversation with your closest loved one with Monday morning co-worker cubicle chatter? Replace, OK, intimate conversation with all normal day-to-day conversation with your closest loved one. So basically you with Monday morning co-worker cubicle chatter.

Holy shit. How was your weekend? What are you having for lunch? Awkward. He writes vague trite. This is from Matt from Minneapolis. I hated that Monday morning co-worker shit. What'd you do?

It's the death of you. It's your soul dying. Or wake up one day a month as the corporate trainer guy from Let's Get Social. Now he puts a note in here. Note, you would live your normal life. You would go out with friends, go to work, do shows, go to meetings, et cetera.

But you would take on the personality, lexicon, mannerism, stage presence, and dress code of that guy for one day a month at random without anybody knowing about your affliction, including yourself. So you wouldn't even know you're the Let's Get Social guy. That's bad. They're both awful. They're both awful, which makes them a good would-you-rather

submission. I think I would roll the dice and be me too. You know why? Because I feel like as bad as that's going to go and as much as people are going to hate you, everyone will hate you. You're the worst. Everyone will be like, Christina is the worst person ever.

We just had lunch with her. And she was so soul. She was talking about the corporation. So soul. Talking about the gram. Yeah, the gram. And she was just talking about T2-1 reports and counts payable.

She's got to keep. You got to keep her seats. And she kept saying receipts are just important. It's about your time sheets. But replacing intimate conversations with Monday morning chatter. That's fucking horrendous. That's death.

That's death to my soul. And it's death to the person you had the relationship with. Because they'd be like, what the fuck happened? You were like, did you have a good weekend? There was a lot of traffic when there. You see, there's donuts in the break room. It hasn't rained in forever. You guys saving water?

Is that a new shirt? Yeah. I don't like your little slacks are really nice. Did you iron those today? It's good. See, yeah. Hi, guys. We've seen this so funny, funny thing on Facebook.

I just thought it's so funny. You want to see it? It's just a still, but you can kind of put together what was happening. Guys, what's for lunch, guys? We're going to order from. We're going to order from SnapDragons for lunch. I know you like movies.

You see any movies or no? Yeah, I liked Maleficent. I thought it was pretty great. Oh, you didn't like it. That was my least favorite is discussing like movies, music. Oh, God. Yeah. When they, you know, the people that like would really

share like about the shit that they did. God, you're like, we're not close. We're not, dude. Yeah, you don't have to tell me this stuff. No, there was this girl I worked with when I was a paralegal, an immigration paralegal. Man, and she would just fill you in on every little. I'm going to Breckenridge.

We're going to go, we're going to go skiing at Breckenridge. Me and Tony and Carla and Sassy, and you're like, oh, I can only have two glasses of wine. Like nobody cares. So shut the fuck up. Just let me get through this painful day. Let me get home. Let me sit in traffic for an hour. Jesus Christ.

100% then 100% we're both on board with social social. I love social guy. Yeah. He's awesome. Once a month. It just creeps upon you. It could be your most important day of the month. It's like a pitch meeting.

And you don't know that you became him. I love that. Let's go. You're like, this is just part of the TV pitch. It's part of the show. That's all. Come on, everybody. Take your phones out.

God. All right. That's fantastic. Oh, we love you, mommies. Love you, Jeans. Thanks for listening. Yes. And don't forget to stay social, follow us on Twitter.

Get real drunk tonight. Smoke some dubs. Enjoy your life. Get naked. It's summertime. Summertime. Don't forget to enjoy your summers, everybody. Because I'm free to be just what I want to be.

Because I'm free to be just what I want to be. I won't do that to you. I'll give you something else. Oh, yeah. Super lame, bro. Jesus Christ. What is this? I have no idea.

Go ahead, boy. All right. Bye, guys. Now, you'll know what? It was that jacking that dick. Come on. You want to jump off? Well, you've got to do it.

Right now, for me, struck a dick, boy. Come on, boy. Show me what you've got. Let's go. Come on, boy. Show me how you jerk off. Beat off, please. Shoot your neck.

Come on. You're a wrong boy. Good boy. I'm going to learn. But right now, I'm going to say, I do have a mistake. It's a big heart. Yeah.

Let me suck that hair for you. You like me to come out of you. Now, when you fuck away. Oh, but you're good. Fuck it. Suck my fucking hair. Thank you, Black, for that dick. Yeah.

I don't know. Oh, just like me. Just like me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck it. Yeah. Fuck me.

Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, coming on, girl. Shoot it at me. Yeah. Shoot it at me, boy. Let it all go.

Let it all go. Let it all go. Let it all go.