Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 230-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 13, 2014

Body Talk, yo. What's your body say about you? Do you have towels? Partners? A LOT of time? Get your fitness on, God.  Tina's not playin. She's doing Quadruplethons and she's sponsored by Chili and other premium fitness brands.  We love working out in prison and prison movies too! Chopper and Bronson are doing it real big and with cool accents.  More bad songs, DENTAL UPDATE, WYR and More!

Are you ready? Yeah It's people's theme Yeah, I love this song. I don't see feet from Kick in you know, he takes a shit and then he kicks his hind legs and anger at it. I love that This is beef. He's he's trolling the neighborhood right now. It's a bitches Um deal 24 save collecting rent right now His extortion money. Yeah Guys, if you haven't got your greezy shirt yet on that shit now

Uh, I don't know for ordering another batch of them. We're not so this is it. We have um Couple other shirts that are gonna be released in the next couple months. We have two new shirts But greezy is almost out. Um We sold out of one of the girl sizes There's a few others. I don't know but the it's an awesome shirt and it's at your mother's house podcast dot com Please check it out. Um It's friday. I'm at the san jose improv tonight. I love that cloud tomorrow And sunday with denim on denim

Jeff tape. He got a denim summer jacket. He showed me. It's a sleeveless Denim vest. Hopefully he'll have it on for the shows, you know I've been seeing these sleeveless denim vests and that's a very bold denim move You have to have nice arms a nice body and i'm sure jeff has both Not only that you got to believe in yourself. You got to have really good self-esteem, you know Um I'm home for a week after that and then I go to buffalo never been to buffalo doing helium Which has great clubs everywhere else in the country

Um And then I have a couple shows right before our toronto super show I'm doing shows in uh one in london ontario at the fox and fiddle One in hamilton ontario Had a place called absinthe Then we have our holy shit. Wow super mom show That's uh july 12th in Toronto

I think people's jeans are gonna explode on that show you think so Well, we're doing the podcast and we're doing stand-up, which we never do. We're only I mean, we were just able to do that For this one city This is like action this is like mary linn on 24 action I'm all about that action about that action boss about that action boss We're gonna see canadian jeans We will um that show's gonna be crazy It just made me laugh. Do you think canadian jeans are different than american jeans? 100 percent. What's different about them? Well, I mean

They have a little bit More of a they have a nicer trim. They have like more european styles to them. Yeah I mean, they're friendlier than them super super friendlier culture-derder Then more culture they're more tolerant of others or yeah, they like if you're wearing white wash jeans and I have dark jeans We can still talk um all right, so

As opposed to running through the rest of all these for my stand updates, please go to tomcigarette.com. I did add uh clubs recently um Hartford christian and I are together in ontario. It's not said Hartford. Um Hartford and then I do have Sacramento pittsburgh columbus denver Orlando Houston new orleans all coming up. Please check it out tomcigarette.com for me. We're seeing a comedy.com for christina Let me but plug my dates

July 3rd through 6th the brea improv in bray, california. So fun July 24th through 27th, ontario Improv Ontario, california with my husband and then august 9th at the ice house annex. I'm doing a very very special to stand up our shows 730 and 930 in the annex get your tickets. We're gonna be up by the time this gets posted. I'm so excited I'm just doing stand up for 60 of my closest friends. It's my new model And it's gonna be amazing. I have so much new stuff to share with you stuff that's happened And I can't wait to share. Okay, august 9th. I love you amazon

If you're gonna do your shopping, you know that you can buy clothes on amazon guys. Did you know you can buy Fashions, did you know you can buy? Yeah, that's right. Denim Get your jeans on amazon but do it through our banner on your mom's house podcast.com There's how it works guys. Let's say you're gonna go to amazon anyways to buy some stuff Just go to your mom's house podcast.com scroll to the bottom of the home page There's a banner there for us and canada Click on that and it takes you to a magical portal and time and space through wires and magic and the ether And then we get some uh a little change. Yeah, by the way, people have been asking us. They're like, um

they're like, uh, hey, uh, i'm on my ipad and uh I i don't see the banner i'm in the comedy club man Yeah, and how i saw a thing that crashed i'll put it up on my thing and it crashed How can't look we're not this is what am i am i uh, william gates who my steven jobs steven hawkings steven hawkings jobs What am i michael dell? I'm not mark zuckerberg. Here's what i know. I'm on a computer right now I've gone to your mom's house podcast.com and everything that i'm supposed to see

I see it's wonderful. We have added by the way The new site is really beautiful. It's so pretty. Yeah, so it's very clear where everything is here The amazon banners are at the bottom of the home page um That it has the ticket links it has the Merch stuff the shirts the store and then what everybody asks us for for so long It's now growing every week The clips page

It has right now It has are you thirsty? It has king ass ripper. You know what i'm saying? It has let's get social It has orson wells. It has syrian games. It says don't pet my dog. You fucking asshole It's got the crazy barking guy. It got summertime. It has we love aims It's got it all so check that out. It's so fun Shop through our amazon banner. Please support the show. We love you All right, you ready jeans? Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Let's do this dog. Let's do it Body talk

Men drive SUVs to make a statement about themselves Women carry designer handbags to make a statement about themselves What does your body say about you? Moreover, what do you Say about your body Welcome to body talk I am Gary Boyd and made 249 504. This is shop

5.9995 and this is big snickers tim 3637 32 Tim jepsen. What's your name? Justin king. Justin came. This is what it is. It's a fucking talk This is big time. Who is randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this It's a moment to fucking say welcome Welcome to your mom's house with Tom segura Christina

Welcome to your mom's house Oh It looks like what you're doing that shirt it looks like you're playing your tits Ah That's so dumb Tom Tom did this thing where he pretended to sleep through the beginning of the song until the drums kicked in and then he woke up The thing is you play the drums But here's how you do it silly is you do like a homeless guy

Because you just flail your left arm back and forth like you go left right left like this isn't how you play drums No, no, you don't know first of all, that's how you start it. You go first of all You don't understand. I'm a drummer. I've studied the ultimate drumming technique If you haven't seen it, obviously everybody's been been like, holy shit. That's so cool. I started playing the drums I went to the ultimate drumming technique. Is that like, um, like the burlits for drumming like they teach you First of all as a drummer of 25 years, I can tell you that As you get better as you become a master of drumming you add personal flair You add your style and so what I'll do sometimes is just I'll go one hand

I'll set my drums up in separate places and I'll just swing back and forth, you know, or I'll cross drum I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean I can do basically anything on a set of drums You're like that guy in deaf leopard that even though he has one arm. He can still play Marty, yep But you're better than Marty. I feel like I feel like you should be the drummer of deaf leopard and that guy Should just go get a prosthetic arm and give up. Well, here's a little secret. You might not know I've played drums in a lot of hit songs Shut up. Yeah, like what?

um Walk this way That was you. I played the drums on that Wow, that's like a big song jeans You know, Mary Jane, uh Tom Tom Petty and the free falling I like that song a lot played drums in that You met Tom Petty I toured with him. How come you didn't tell me this stuff before we dated

Wow, I played drums. Uh, it was cool. Yeah. Yeah, super cool. Good guy. Um Red hot chili peppers. Uh, wait a minute. I've met the I met those guys in the 90s. I didn't see you there When did you play with them? When Kevin got sick? I played drums Kevin the drummer And then, uh I also played the drums On an oasis album That's Definitely not true. No, it's true

How can we didn't bring this up when we had the oasis episode? I'm I'm shy What do you want to do? We talked about, uh Gallagher Yeah, yeah, those two man. We could have had so much more fun if they could just get along Okay You know, yeah, you know what? I don't need your lies this morning Just you know, we're recording this podcast live jacked on Mommy's prison brew prison hooch. We're out of soy milk today in the mommy dome. So I had to

You know, I did a makeshift hotel brown thunder on you today. You didn't even know that Do you taste the difference? Yeah, I taste different. So Put a bunch of coffee made in there. It's international foods Espresso Yeah, water you should be shitting any second now Well, that's good. That'll be good for the show. Um, I think you would be amazing to shit in real time I wish you could take the mic to the bathroom and report on it I had that yesterday. Yesterday was an immediate wake up and shit

Really? Yeah, and you had the night before I think an immediate go to bed and shit Yes, I smoked a little bit of um medicinal marijuana. I have a prescription for it and I for what condition? This is Lydus. Oh, yeah, Percitis from Pheronitis is that From the man life

That's from triathlons training, right? Is that from triathlons? Yeah, it's just I I've been doing this thing where I Uh, it's a quadruple thon. I I swim quadruple thon. It's a quadruple thon. It's a new thing that we're doing here I do I swim 40 miles that sounds like a third grader named it a quadruple thon It's not That's a official name. Yes, and we do So I swim 80 miles in the ocean I get out I run to mexico you swim 80 miles in the ocean then you run to mexico

Okay, which isn't that far when you think about it because we're in la and mexico's right there. No It's right there. It's not that far, but that's a hundred plus miles It's not that big of a deal if you if you're as athletic as I am It's not a big deal. All right 80 miles swim. We'll just say 125 mile run roughly and then and this is all day one And then after that there's two more things for a quadruple thon. No, I know I'm getting there. Oh, okay God get patience. Okay, and then I I bench press Was that a fart?

Did it register? I'm trying to listen to what and then I bench press 580 once No, for every number in the bench press. That's how many times I do it. So it's 580 reps Yes of how much weight 580 pounds you bench press 580 pounds 580 times. Yes Man these quadruple thons are intense. It's really not not not really not for me because I train so much What's after the bench? It's not that hard. Yeah. No, I see it's not that hard What's the next and then I have to come back to la and I do cartwheels the whole way back Which it tests your ability like your endurance your strength

I can do a lot of cartwheels. I'm just surprised they dropped cycling, but that's interesting Well, that's like the old way of doing it. Oh the new ways cartwheels Got it. Yeah, and a and a lot of of powerlifting Well, yeah, I mean This is the quadruple thon. Yeah bench a fucking truck. Yeah, then do cartwheels How many people are able to complete this there's just me and like two people right now There's a it's a three person quadruple thon Wow, what is the entrance fee because I know that they pay a lot for the like how much you have to pay to do it

Well for me, it's nothing because I'm sponsored Oh, right. Yeah, right. Who sponsors you? Who are your sponsors nest cafe? Nest cafe that coffee I drink a lot of it so they don't mind They want me to it's It's like caffeine like I'm I just feel like yeah, it's a unique that an elite athlete with like competing at this level The main thing is that they have coffee. Well, and hormone chili is another one of our sponsors chili We'll have to eat the thing is that really fuels you because it's got complex Proteins, well, I guess when you're doing as much as you and you're burning it

You can eat whatever you want, right exactly and corned beef hash. I ate a lot of that too corned beef hash Yep, it's science. Tom. You may want to look into it guys, um That opening clip. So we got an email from He didn't put his name here. Great. I says, hey, mommies Episode 228 Tina mentioned a dvd of getting fit in prison. I don't know about a dvd But there is a book called solitary fitness by Charles Bronson the uk's most notorious prisoner I guess not to be confused with the other

Right It should be really funny Anyway, uh, this lad is fucking crazy There is a movie based on his life that I cannot recommend enough called Bronson starring tom hardy It's got a scene of him calling guards As he fights prison guards in a cell while he's naked and lubed up in vaseline How did we miss out on this that sounds amazing. What's it called? Let's see. I like what I called Bronson. It's just called Bronson starring tom hardy

Gosh, this guy sounds like the gg allen of prisoners. I really like it Yeah, um, that does sound pretty so he says the book was written by the actual charlie bronson about how to get fighting fit While living in a cell for 23 hours a day. Holy fucking nolly Could you imagine being in a cell 23 hours a day? Of course, you're gonna get jack. That's all you can do Do you want to hear this trailer? I'd love to My name's charles bronson. Oh All my life I've wanted to be famous I knew I was made for better things

I just didn't know more hands This is the post office. I did. Oh, this is what I got away with This is what they gave me Seven years You'd be out in four Oh The actor looks bananas, so I don't know what the real guy looks like but he definitely has a crazy fucking look in his eyes

He's like walking in prison He's punching people I'll give you magic in there magic. You just pissed on the gypsy in the middle of nowhere. It's hardly the hottest ticket in town done I love you All right, so it's more of a musical trailer, but um, I want to see it I'd see that I you know, I love crazy nothing tickles my fun. Oh, it's on netflix now Shut the front door. It's on netflix. Is it direct. Can we watch it? I don't know. I just said it's the first comment is thank you netflix for adding bronson back into watch it now

So yes, yes I hate you know, I'm so lazy about netflix now Like I won't even get the movie if it has to get mail to me No, of course not. I'm like if it's not streaming. I'm not even interested anymore. I also like the movie choppa Choppa died I don't know that movie. You've never seen that. No, it's saturday stars. Eric banana banana banana. I like eric banana He plays choppa. Oh, he's enough. It holds the fucking lunatic night. He's crazy as shit Like bites people's fucking ears off. It's also based on a real guy. He's fucking insane

Like the most notorious australian prisoner ever Wow, that's really neat that every country has their most notorious who's ours tooky Hey tooky tooky Tooky williams. He's dead now. He was a crypt or a blood. I don't know. They're all the fucking same, right? And uh I don't think they'd think jamie fox plays him He killed. I don't know somebody and then Uh, they ended up he was on death row. They ended up putting him down Like an old dog, but uh

His uh, his bio like he was reformed like when he By the time he died, he wrote us, you know, he wrote like a children's book like tooky says don't kill nobody something like that, but then his pre lock-up days He was a fucking monster Like enormous and he was just like I just like to fuck people up Like he was just the guy that would just beat people up on the street for no reason

It's pretty good. Yeah I think our notorious is charles manson. Maybe but he's not really violent. He's just known He's um, he's just crazy. Yeah, he's more of a uh Was a psychological Yeah, he's the ringleader. He's not the he plants it in you and manipulates you and you're doing it It's a true genius. Yeah. Yeah, that guy's a real criminal. These guys are more my my speed. I like the guys that Just straight balls crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that too. Definitely more entertaining more definitely Yeah, the guys that threaten your life and charles is just like I'm gonna do some weird art in myself and

Corpse swastika's in your head. Yeah, he's he's he's too crazy. These guys. I like these guys who are like Um, you know, you bumped my tray Right now. I'm gonna fucking strangle you to death with a towel Prison I've been I dreamt about prison last night because I've been last night. Yeah I've been watching orange is the new black season two Obsessed with I have to watch all the episodes in one sitting. I just love it so much. Yeah God prison. I wonder if we have many I guess prisoners can't listen to podcasts

I know they can watch television because I used to get fan mail from prison when I was on road rolls in the 90s But I I guess they're not listening to us here. God. I hope not. That's terrifying Um, let's see. Here's uh This is so good. How would you describe yourself now? Just a bloke just a good bloke down his luck, you know It's sold 250 000 copies and I can't even spell I'm sitting bloody illiterate You've probably read all the newspaper stories about me And you've heard the word on the street about me on the bloody disappointment

I'll give you 20 seconds to produce some cash. Oh, I'll shoot you. There's no cash here Here, there's no cash. All right cash. No robber. No cash One two three Anyways, I really Australians are so polite to gosh, they're like the nicest people Like even there, he's like produced a cash Mate, I'll give you 20 seconds to produce the cash. Yeah, they're so friendly even when they're jacking you Superiorly in the morning can food's a gym What's the matter with you

What's happening chopper got stabbed that he didn't realize he got stabbed I got stabbed He's very he's like He thinks he thinks the guy's fucking around he didn't realize that he stabbed him Aw chopper Now he's looking down on his blood Dripping out of him. He's looking up now like He's gonna fucking kill that guy right now He's now spotting the knife

Hmm, let's see what he says Just hang on a second. He's polite Strilling and what are you doing? God he stabbed him again. Yeah, that's what happens in prison What's going to you he got stabbed again. He's like, what's happening? It's in to you again stabbed again Huh I think he'd walk away not get stabbed again Come here, mate. He's hugging him. No, see sorry chopper. Oh, it's all right

It's hugging. It's all right. He's hugging the guy that stabbed him. Mm-hmm. It's all right Do you want to hear what the real chopper sounds like? Yeah Oh, she's dead again. Yeah Uh, it's hard to watch Someone gets stabbed that made that hard to watch or getting you hard time mark chopper read Through his stage shows his books and a very successful feature film. He became australia's favorite crook But for all the mythology around chopper, the truth is what he did in his lifetime was monstrous Just 16 days before he died. I sat down with mark brandon read for his last ever interview ever

It quickly became a confessional in which he admitted in graphic detail to murdering four men Beyond the brutal killings what made his admission so chilling was his flippancy Yep, that'll do it the languages cause the subject matter confronting just like the man himself He is covered in tats. Oh my god What Is this english? He needs subtitles Mother chopper read he talked about and survived a lot of violence in his life Oh bullet hole back there is like a roadmap to hell and back

But suffering stage four liver cancer. He knows he's on a one-way journey Did you see that on the camera? That's the tumor. What are that? That's a pretty big chairman. Oh fuck off to tumor. He's showing the camera He's got like a distended belly looks like a booze belly He didn't deserve that It sounds like he's talking gibberish It doesn't it doesn't even hit me emotionally it hasn't even

I don't even you know, I haven't sort of dying. I don't think of lying in the grave and you know What's going on here? You know I'd like to come back and see what all the fuss is going to be after i'm dead Read a few of the papers and watch a few of the tv shows and Listen to a few of the artie fartie debates, you know, maybe on after i'm dead Was he a wasn't he a good writer? Was he a wasn't he a good artist? Was he or wasn't he a good singer?

I don't think anyone's gonna debate about whether you were a good or bad man Oh, be a debate about that. Yeah Is that debatable? Oh, I suppose it's debatable. Yeah debatable I suppose it's debatable I think he's missing part of his narrative Place than melbourne's pentridge prison for chopper reads final interview Now closed chopper spent nearly 20 years of his life inside these penitentiary walls So weeks from death it was here

He decided to finally come clean on a crime. He has never been convicted of murder Tonight he's admitting to four homicides Are you prepared to tell the truth today? Yeah, of course i am. Why is that? Because that's what it's all about. This is the last interview The last picture show Does your word mean anything? Don't question me about my bloody well word. That's all i'm saying. That's it Four is all we're getting and that four that's that's it four. That's it That's it. I haven't killed any more than that. Don't try to tell me don't try to make out that I have

I guess the point is you have said in the past you put a television camera in the room and you'll lay your head off Oh, yeah But i'm telling the truth now I Fuck all right How how much do you think you relate to chopper and Chopa, what does this do for you? I gotta say it's fantastic How you gotta see i'm saying the eric banna movie. Mm-hmm. He's so good in it. The movie's really good

No, but I mean how close emotionally do you feel to chopper? I connect with this guy a hundred percent. I feel like i'm just looking in the mirror That's what i'm saying like you guys are you guys could hang out you could Lift weights together do some push-ups. Yeah, the guy's cool. I like him I feel like we're very Yeah, I do like criminals. I have I do have a connection I don't you feel like you kind of could do that too, but you hold yourself back I mean, you know

Society's rules and whatnot. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I think everybody wants to bash somebody's fucking skull and you know at the bank We all do yeah We all do the difference is that we Restrain that most of us do And then some people it's a really small percentage They don't have the part that goes don't do that. Well, yeah the part of the guy when you go I want to fucking smash this person's head. They go and this is what i'm gonna do right now. I'm gonna do that And it's gonna be fun impulse. They don't even think about it colors are gonna smash out of their head

Don't think about the consequences and colors are gonna Do you want to hear him confess a murder? I don't know. Okay. Um, you know, I get it the guys if I could not. Yeah, let's work out man Now this is what's going on here. What we have here is uh A creative institutional work either way developed over the years 90 y'all accustomed to buying Exotic workout equipment for $59.99 and not using it Now every time you look at that piece of equipment sitting in your bedroom corner, you're saying to yourself

Subconsciously, I'm worth nothing because you're not committing to a process that you began So we don't show your work out that you can do right from your bedroom once you get out the shower before you get in the shower It don't matter. This is body talk man. This is just two industrial tiles and this is a workout for your arms ladies. Here we go It's heavy tension on this tile okay, now basically the The Bronson thing led you to body talk, right? Well, because I googled the Bronson thing hoping that there would be videos and then I just found this video

Of dudes exercising in prison. It definitely has prison audio. I'll tell you that much Well, what he's recommending is he's like you wake up and you do this easy thing and what he did is he He interlaces two towels like a chain link and then you have another inmate Hold one end of it and then you pull the other end. So apparently to do his exercise He forgot to mention the workout partner that's necessary. That's what I'm saying. Like I need another inmate. Yeah to hold the towels go to prison Guys, I'm just saying this doesn't seem like a really good model business model here. How am I going to buy your equipment bros? Um, it's easy to get towels. We already have towels and now all you need is a friend Somebody to stand in my room when I wake up in the morning and pull the other end of those towels

Get one of these guys get big Snickers. That's one of my favorite Three three six seven nine. Oh my god, big Snickers. How do you come up with these cool names? I only get called Tina push. Well push is pretty cool. Yeah push is good But big Snickers sloppers. Well big slops I'd really like to thank you for starting that. It's really nice that um Just legions of strangers now shout show me how those big tits fart That's kind of nice. Thanks, Tom Are you proud of yourself? I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself

Show me how those big tits fart. Yeah, so That's cool. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of a lot Um farts, that's another nickname of yours. No, I call you farts. No You're not taking that from me Could you give us an update the backstory if you will? behind Chinese food On the street and I'm getting getting getting getting

By the way, she's 11. Yeah, why is she clubbing? That doesn't make sense. This nothing makes sense. So I got this article sent uh in I think lura before you read the article Yeah, go ahead. Um, you say that lot of lot of feedback on this song And and a lot of the songs from the last all positive. I'm sure episode 228 229 lot of music and a lot of support for the music so, um I guess in that episode we played Chinese food. I refer I I said

Hey, this sounds like that shitty rebecca black friday song. Well, guess what jeans? It was written by the same guy And there's controversy about it apparently it's this article here in abcnews.com says the mastermind behind the infamous Yet super viral rebecca black friday song unleashed a new song. I like that The language is already pejorative. Yeah unleashed a new song chinese food this week that instantly became another internet sensation But it's controversial this time And you may want be thinking to yourself controversial

Why because it's such a shitty song and this generation is doomed to its own stupidity. Yeah No, it's offensive because get this of its overt use of stereotypes Our society is doomed to stupidity. I mean people this is the dumbest shit I Mean welcome to Vietnamese Barefoot hop to get the fastest easiest and most fun ways so

Here's do you want to hear why it's super offensive for sure? Okay, it says the imagery used in the chinese food music video which was posted on youtube three days ago Already has seven million views has some crying foul with lyrics like I love chinese food You know that it's true. I love fried rice. I love noodles. I love chow mein chow main Allison and other young girls in the video are seen dressed in geisha garb even though geisha is from japanese culture In another scene they are playing monopoly. That's totally by the way, so we're going it doesn't fight. It's It's all ching chong chong chong just let her put it on

And another scene they are playing monopoly to the tune of I like chinese food and some wonton soup get me broccoli while I play monopoly It's so stupid. I mean oh because broccoli and monopoly are a slant rhyme Oh, and then the camera zooms in on a dog figurine on oriental avenue Yeah, and another scene allison is frolicking through a field with wilson In a giant panda suit by her side at the end of the video the giant panda throws a fortune cookie at the camera Eddie huang the chief and restaurant tour behind the chef the chef Oh, did I say chief? Sorry

The the chief and restaurant tour the chef Behind the best-selling memoir quote fresh off the boat, which sounds like he's fine with racial stereotypes Oh, shit Was one of the many who took to twitter to express outrage about the chinese food song Wait a minute the guy who writes the book called fresh off the boat is the guy who's expressing quote outrage about that Yeah, read his tweets tommy Uh, okay, let's see. Uh, he said huang let out a string of written tweets writing for real Shit is mega offensive

and Are you idiots at billboard supporting this racist shit? When reached for comment about the claims of racism in his song wilson the writer of the song told when uh told nightline wednesday night oh Oh He said I just really love chinese food and that is what why I wrote a song about it

People are entitled to their opinion Well, I would say this guy is a hit maker. I would say too You know what I love is that wilson's quote Is equally banal as his music like you can see that he really does write those dumb songs. Yeah I just really love chinese food and that is why I wrote a song about it He even talks as dumb as his songs are I bet somebody if you were to ask somebody Why he wrote a certain song? He would have the same kind of response to why he wrote He'd be like I love social media

I like to be social. I like liking things I'll be like, okay All right, you like bacon. I love my kids. I love my cat. I love some bacon Why does any artist take pen to paper? You know, he likes chinese food. I get it. It is a little stupid that he uh You know, he has her dressed like a geisha. Yes, sir. That is hilarious. So dumb What it's fucking it's the same. It's Japanese. It's the same thing. Come on guys And then but understand what's offensive about playing monopoly to the tune What what's offensive about get me broccoli while I play monopoly?

Oh, because the dog figurine is on oriental avenue. Yeah, but that's what they're it's from the orient We're not calling people oriental These fuckers and you know what's so dumb is that one asshole One fucking asshole on twitter expresses his outrage And now the media has to cover it like it's a thing, right? Like he's saying here for real. Shit is mega offensive That's the guy's quote that abc is covering That's for shit, man real. Are you idiots at billboard supporting this racist shit? That's the quote that abc is covering Right, and that's the quote from fresh off the boat rider. Right. Yeah fresh off the boat rider just trying to plug his dumb shit

Yep. Yep. Damn it. Um doomed doomed generation gone Some more song came in the dumbest generation of ever more bad songs. Yeah, you want to hear some? Yeah. Yeah, yeah It's already I think we've heard this one Yeah, I don't want to war. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to be Hungarian. Yeah Yeah, this is old. I like it This guy's Hungarian Shit cool rest in peace. He was the best. He was the best

So embarrassing. I hate settlers and I understand He's a big big build-up you rest in peace. We're a minute in. He's old. Catch the bad man. Stop your plan Be land in Tancara Stop the war. That's right Sometimes People make a war People make a war I love an English song where they didn't get like the English, right?

Well, because I I know why he said that because in Hungarian you would say to make a war. Yeah, like in his mind That's what he's translating. Do they say make a shit too when they take well Like that's what my spanish-speaking cousins say they don't say take the if you say I gotta take a shit They go take it where and you go. No, that's just how we say it make kaka. So he always says like I have to make shit Oh, man, because that makes more sense. I think in Hungarian. It's a back vowel. Fuck listen to this I'm sorry, it's I need See It's also by the way, it feels like the song hasn't started yet. I'm like waiting for like

It's like he talked And they sing and then you're waiting for like the the break and the song to start, right? Yeah, and if I recall this video is super lame too. Yeah, it's horrific And he's like in a cemetery He's walking through a cemetery. I don't want to war I just want to live love each other. All right. This is horrific. Um This song that I'm gonna play for you now was sent to us a hundred times Okay, this you have to see this video too. It is completely insane. This guy's out of his fucking mind

This is like chopper here. Here it is neck and von sod. I have to shit neck. M is like a need Okay, just I just want to clarify. Yeah. No, it's very important. It's important Um, this is stitches brick in your face. Oh It Do All right, this dude has an ak 47 tattooed on his face Um, and then he has like a fake smile tattooed on his face And he's got crazy neck tattoos his sides of his hair are shaved, but there's hair on top

I mean, no, it's normal. It seems like he has some serious emotional shit going on I'll put that brick in your face Not what you're gonna do it. Not what you're gonna do it. He's got a mouth full of gold This is it guys. This dude looks in fucking sane. I love it. This is the apocalypse This is the end of human civilization as we know it again. Nothing's really happened in this song he said I got a brick in your face. Now what are you gonna do with it? And then he said Uh, you better have my money when I come to collect. Yeah, and then he goes like

Ah, and then it goes right back to I got a brick in your face Okay, one minute in we're a minute into the song The scene was the blood of my clothes This dude is trouble this is so bad this guy's like it's so terrible The problem with the web is that before the web You had to have a record company kind of vouch for you as a gatekeeper Yeah Before you could publish music and now any asshole

Can put something on the interwebs man this these comments under this are Yeah, get it soon. Yeah, I know I feel it. I feel what the fuck this guy's about. Oh my god Are they supporting it? Please tell me how many likes this please. No, just racist and horrible That's what I love about the web. It brings out the best in humanity the highest possible level of achievement of talent of enthusiasm Before I go to a couple other songs

Somebody wanted to bring us together in our biggie versus Beatles debate Okay, I got a bunch more tweets and people are still weighing in on it daily I got some stuff to read myself. So okay. Oh, what do you have to read about it? Well, um, my friend Carl, I believe no, I'm sorry. I think this is adam wrote David Bowie, but only on the condition that he bring nine inch nails with him Open the show with the song. I'm afraid of Americans and then get the fuck off stage and let nine inch nails play the rest of the show That's interesting. Okay That's interesting. You only pulled one

That's all I need. Okay. Give me my fucking money Go come to collect Are you asserting that biggie is now stitches? Breaking your face What's the difference between biggie smalls and that guy? I don't know perfect statement Perfect kind of sums up you It's all about money bitches, right? Give me stuff materialism. Uh, I've never said this before. Yeah, you're really smart I'm kidding. I see the difference between biggie and this guy. Jesus christ the world's apart

Come on So you Uh Well, I hope we can stay married So another good album if you like that, there's um this guy dj danger mouse the gray album Yeah, that's like one of my it's the black album jay-z's black album mixed with the beetles white album. It's fantastic It really is. Yeah, the other awesome one is uh, the biggie smalls frank sinatra mix Overall, no, no, oh, it's fantastic

It's biggie stuff And it's like make it's produced fend like so cool Where it weaves in and like sinatra sings and then the sinatra music, but it's biggie over it. It's really that's cool Anyways, you know what that just reminded me by the way listening that what's that how much better the beetles are Yeah, so you feel okay the beetles are so talent just hearing that got my it got me fired up I want to download some beetle shit now in the car, right? Let's see if uh, I'll love the beetle It's like yeah, this is called I think it's called blue eyes meets bed style. That's the uh, frank

That's the uh, it's so cool. It's like, um I can't believe people actually know how to do it. Oh, that's me. Excuse me Right, it's cool, right? Check this out though. I'll just the opening Good evening ladies and gentlemen How's everybody doing tonight? I'd like to welcome to the stage the miracle you claimed I like this young man

So everybody in the house give a warm Right of applause for start spreading the news I'm leaving today. All right. I like that. All right. So everybody in the house Give a warm round of applause for the notorious b. I. G. Ha I was gonna start fucking singing. I mean You don't like this I mean, I'd I'd rather listen to frank sinatra. You're a fucking retard I just I would rather listen to frank sing the whole song than have biggie

Yelling, you know, it gives me anxiety. You know, I married someone's so lame. It's so hard to stomach that God damn your lame Here's something more your speed Oh This is for you This is not for me I What is this song for you? No

Submission picture perfect. I don't I don't like this. She does. It's totally your song. Who is this? I don't know This isn't what I like. This is not what I like. David Bowie Is horrible. Why are you doing this to me? This is killing my soul stop it It's hurt Back to biggie back to biggie back to biggie. Please me. You're the worst. I hate your music so much You don't even know what I like. Oh, I've been married to you for fucking a thousand years. You only I know what you like That's not that. That's not what I like. No shit. That was a fucking bad song submission ding dong

God You're the worst rather than listen to Anything else but that that was bad one more and I listen to I like Chinese food No, that's terrible. It's better than the shit you like, but it's terrible You guys are so lame you you and your biggie crib I seriously can't handle talking to you about it anymore. It's so upsetting. I don't want to talk to you about it anymore either You're the worst One last song

This is good I don't want to hear Yeah Here's the story by the girl who was drinking on the air It might be your mama But don't you laugh last night? I saw your mama. She was drinking on the block You know what she was doing. She was drinking for the crack Wow

That was really good, I like that you like that one. I like that I like that shit Crack rock smoke the rock smoke that rock smoke that rock man smoke that rock man Oh boy This came in from a a fella named James You're gonna shit when you hear this one. What's he say? Dude, okay. So basically It was he went to dentist twice in his life

Regular brushing just brushing teeth when he wakes up. That's it Normal dental habits involve me brushing my teeth when I wake up. That's it. Sorry. So he only brushes in the morning But the past few years his teeth got really bad Like his canine teeth at first the sharp tips broke off gradually Really? Yeah, dude. So here's the story. You're gonna fucking shit your pants I woke up at three in the morning to swelling underneath my eye all the way to my lip to the point Where my nose was being pushed over to the other side So he took a bunch of pain pills obviously it doesn't work

He says I freaked the fuck out went to the ER and they basically gave me antibiotics and some Shit man. We ain't dentists figure that shit out type of shit Yeah I was told to come back though if the infection and swelling got worse because if the infection gets behind your eyeball It can give you men and giants on your brain Whoa, which can kill you or at the least make you mentally retard. So I think does say retard which I really appreciate So they told me to set me they sent me on my way

Uh A few hours later my eyes swole completely shut I went back and was hospitalized. I had to have emergency surgery They were gonna take two teeth out But I talked them into taking the other two on the other side because they were going bad the same way And the swelling spread over there anyways So long story short. I had four teeth taken out now. I'm good except for the fact. I'm missing four front teeth

I have the two in the middle like some sort of homicidal rabbit super What What happened is that Yeah, it's it sucks. He goes so his his teeth just got bad. His canine's like rotted basically I mean, he doesn't have dental insurance, obviously It just sucks dentists are so fucking expensive. So anyways The good news is if there is any good news this none of his other teeth have cavities and they Are still pretty good. No visual problems white and solid just sensitive now. Here's the cause

Kids listen up Coca-Cola Wow He says I drank a lot of that shit What happens is the acid and it eats away the enamel of your teeth Which turned your teeth into chalky pieces of sensitive shit I would brush my teeth in the morning drink coca-cola all day My mouth just a festering swamp of tooth-killing acid

Then go to sleep with my mouth still baking with coca-cola acid and then in the morning when I brush my teeth I was brushing away the softened enamel Further Weakening it. Do you understand this? This is insane. This motherfucker should have got a brush God damn it moral of the story fuck coca-cola that delicious elixir is in actuality the devil I mean, okay. Love you mommies. It ain't greasy anymore The young gods got floss mouthwash And all that on deck and up to my brushing to twice a day

Now I drink water and juice is like a fairy, but I'm gonna keep these teeth for life Was almost my last rendezvous, but my mama was in the fucking stand Holy that is the best dental update we've ever received possibly ever dude that poor buddy. So he had four teeth taken out Wait, so he he's I'm missing four front teeth. I have the two in the middle like some sort of It's the best sentence. Um, I feel so badly for him I know I mean definitely you got to know now I hope people know that if you're drinking a lot of soda, you got to cut it down. It's a brush right after Still you got it doesn't matter just not just for your teeth for your body for your for your entire system

Have you seen that video floating around the internet where some guy boils coca-cola in a pan? It's on facebook yesterday. He boils coca-cola and basically all the sugar in it reduces to like a black tar paste Like just a disgusting amount of sugar. It's it's really bad. One of my friends had um, his dad did like, you know a lot of handy work and He said that his dad used to use Uh coca-cola to strip Paint off concrete. Oh my god. So like if he had a block He would put it in this garage in this pan

Pour like a two liter of coconut and then the paint would fall off of it too. I and you know what? I believe that because coca-cola was developed back in fucking 1800 or whatever before there were any regulations on it Yeah, like to understand like that that shit was made with cocaine originally back in the day That's the big myth, right that it was made with cocaine. No, it's not a myth. I'll give you some pep Yeah, there's all kinds of shit in that It's not like they're gonna go through the formula now and be like, it's unhealthy guys well, um

It is uh, it's it's it's not good for you. So you shouldn't drink a lot of soda, but you should brush. I'm glad he brushed I hope hey james if you um Can you send us a picture? Oh my god to your mom's podcast at gmail.com your mom's podcast at gmail.com of your Teefies and also will you tell us are you going to what's your plan for replacement? Toofies? Are you getting dentures, veneers Bonding like what are you gonna do to replace your your for missing teeth? And if you're in LA man, I got the guy to do your veneers and your implants. Yeah

I should expanse it to implants that you know, they got to screw the tooth into your fucking gums. Ah, that's the worst Shit, that's the worst Oh Would you rather is you know now that I wrote this down, I think we've done it before And I feel badly that I wrote it down um, hold on a second I'll pull another one up Oh, okay

Can I read the one that? I've um not done This is sent in from jody I appreciate this jody. It says would you rather never Blast your teeth again or never brush your teeth again Oh That cuts right to the core at the mommy dome shit, man, I mean

If you don't brush your teeth it really like when I had those temps the temporary teeth on my fronts before I got my veneers I had a really hard time brushing them because they would just pop right off and then it would be like my exposed Teeth that were filed down. So it was like excruciatingly painful. Um If you don't and I didn't brush for like the two weeks as well as normal and the bacteria levels Were already disgusting on my two front teeth. My dentist was like, um, did you not brush at all? And I was like, no, I did just super let he's like, yeah, it's pretty and we got to get you into a deep cleaning right now And that's two weeks of not brushing properly How are you not brushing properly because I had the the temporary member those chunky block teeth over the the shave down teeth

And whenever I would brush if they pop off Oh, so you did soft brushing and soft brushing. Yeah, and it'd be really painful. So I mean that was two weeks of not brushing and I was already like code red So i'm gonna go with no flossing because some people do that for years and they survive. It's so disgusting. It's disgusting and it's it's horrific, but What do you think? I guess flossing only because Not brushing is just completely fucking unacceptable and insane um

You know what happened like like bigger chunks would just fall out like, you know when you feel something between your teeth Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god Like steak like we used to just eat and then not floss. Do you realize that? Sure But when you well, you always floss when you have like pulled pork or something Maybe it gets in there corn and you corn beef jerky I'm thinking mango. I had a mango yesterday. All that shit was in my teeth Corn is like the those big corn kernels are like in your mouth Almonds you get that skin. Yep the skin there

It'd be disgusting, but you know what's gross is that even without those you just have shit in between them all the time It smells it's dirty and it smells Yours I could smell you from across the room. Really your mouth your mouth is always strong That's when the talk coming from the shit beard your beard smells like whatever the fuck you ate five days ago Whatever to wash your beard man. Yeah, it would be reluctantly the flossing It's so gross. Yeah Here's one from Jericho Josh fought the bottle of Jericho Jericho my met song Christian school Jericho

Josh fought the bottle of Jericho Would you rather have a crippling fear of using the internet? Including apps that connect to the internet Or a crippling fear of seeing your reflection Uh reflection I don't need to look in the mirror. I wish I didn't have to groom a crippling fear Mm-hmm I don't fight. Do you know that people didn't look in a mirror for the first? I don't know a thousand years of human civilization

Narcissus saw himself in the lake or whatever and that's the first person Yeah, we didn't have mirrors for a while. No, someone just told you like hey, you look fucked up Can you help me and you're like man? Hey man, your teeth fell out man Your eyes swole shut You look fucked up Nobody knew what they looked like for the first part of civilization I guess you're right until someone made a bust of you and then you're like The idea of not being able to use the internet anything involved in it is the worst

Especially in this era. I like you can't we can't function. Dude. I was watching this documentary on netflix That means no emails nothing about julien assange and all that and like do you realize that? You're you're so tracked by the fbi the nsa like they got you down, dude If you even use a fucking credit card that the man knows what you're doing all the time There's no way to opt out of this technology now. Yeah, there's this expression that they use The nsa says uh pussy's pussy and I always heard that yeah It just means that like whatever you're doing we know about it. I think that's what it means. Yeah Yeah, dude, you're fucked. You're in the matrix. There's nothing you can do to get out of it now

I don't know how would you rather have paper cuts between all your fingers and the loves deep enough that so they are leading Or have all your fingernails cut back far enough. Oh, I hate I hate it. I hate the fingernail one. That's the worst You know when you do that accidentally? Yeah, but I think the webs are more painful I've dealt with so many bleeding nails that I'd have to take that one because I've chomped on my fucking fingers for 30 Fucking five years basically I gotta take the cuts and the webs you prefer those So painful so pay. Oh, I just did it the other day in the coffee tin with my Thumb, but I don't like having my nails clipped too short dogs hate that too

Well I know Oh horrible Okay, you guys are evil. Yeah fuck Here's one from natoya Would you rather be a white person who can only speak in the black vernacular? I think tom is or a black person who can only speak with a very thick chinese accent

In both cases You were born with each speech pattern So all your family members and loved ones co-workers around you to speak normal Or as the one or as one would expect them to speak. So you're the outsider I think here's the thing though. Is that white people talking in black vernacular is kind of Not accepted, but it's it's seen before So people would just be like, oh that guy's just that that he's a robin thick

Yeah, are they still called wiggers now? Is that pc? Oh, yeah, it's super pc. You should definitely throw it out there a lot Do it when you when you next do press to say it a lot It's definitely a cool accepted term Um, what do they call those kids now? I don't know what they call them But here's the thing if you're like a black person talking chinese you get so much more Flack people will be like what the fuck is wrong with you, you know Whereas we've seen the other thing in society more Yeah, I'm gonna go with the white kid black vernacular

Um, something tells me you're gonna pick the same Yeah, I I'm definitely picking the white clad black vernacular because Because I ain't going out like that Feels natural feels good, you know Feels like it's my I can definitely pull that shit off I We got to get out of here by the way, we got um all the feedback on the personal podcast was astounding

We mentioned it before We got to do those again. We got one. I just see an email here from brian who we wrote to Thanks. Mommy's you guys killed it dopest bannister for any present for me an ape ever Ape or butt plugs we told them to wear butt plugs. Yep. She said she couldn't fit that butt plug in though Um It's your last run debut. We got to run. I gotta go to the airport. I gotta take a shit I got a shower. I got to get ready. I got to do a web show today. Wow Oh web show that's pretty neat. Oh a web show doing a web show called the girl spot today

The girl talk about our pussies and we talk High-heeled shoes I I swear these broads look so normal. I don't know what the fuck's gonna happen Oh, should be cool. All right. Um, we got to run. Thanks for listening to our show. We love you We'll see you next week. Love you mommy. Bye mommy jeans Which is the poor son? Which is my sister? Which is mobria and which is a real porn star?

Oh my god, I love the game Fun people know I'd spark on people's faces and only blast with it in my face I'd spark on people's faces. I love it. I love it I'd spark on people's faces and碰 the blaster to my face I'd spark on people's faces And what? No we're shit on my steps. Shit on my steps. Shit on my steps. What?

No we're shit on my steps. Shit on my steps. Shit on my steps. Fits On my… on my feet. I'm feeling shit off the idea. What is something I'll never say? On my… mouth, mouth, mouth. Holy crap! Black lape is fucking crazy man, yeah!

Done!