Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 251-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura
Episode Date: August 27, 2014If you do the ALS Ice Bucket challenge make sure you suffer thru it, so says the unofficial spokesman of the ALS Foundation. We wear our jeans the highest and we hope you appreciate that. Did you re...member that cops are bald and s**t? They're bald, man. They're f****n bald. Do we have a song about that? Yup. Plus Tommy ate a Joey Diaz edible again and, you guessed it, panic, fear and unplanned detours took place. When Tina reads their text exchange you might have to rewind it and hear it again. Is the Cargo Shorts debate finally resolved?!?! NO. You, the little mommy can't decide and neither can we. Be The JEANS!
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jeans hmm I got coffee and the cookie pinch my dick and squeeze my tits
real hard that's the song I wrote it was a door and pinch my dick real hard do it
do it like you did yesterday mmm baby lock them doors baby lock them
doors baby lock them doors sounds like him pinch my tits and squeeze my dick
real hard no it's pinch my dick and squeeze my tits real hard that's it
because I love the idea of you squeezing a man's tits it doesn't make sense pull
my dick and squeeze my tits real hard there you go there you go that's how
you do it
Tom Segorong Christina Bajitski
I'm full of your jeans boy
pull them up tight but you're a double shitter in your whole life blind
bike, next stop, round talk, you better wipe down dope
hesitate to listen to them mummies with the crown
wipe down or is it wipe up bomb I got seriously bill her up a sailor shot
oh yeah and that's gooder than a bitch I be flossin' my t-28 inch rim
my t-p off the shiny man, honky ass white
who just bought it wasn't the old man, all I know is bikes
pay buddy, guess who it is, man it be top dog
spread the knowledge all about the shits
mommy tea and mommy seat, flexin' all the good as guests
watchin' clips and talkin' shit, the mommy is the best
but I want to say this once we fold the shout man
mommy's for life, fuck bein' a bro
that's the best line of that, fuck bein' a bro
Denver, Colorado
I'm going to the great comedy works downtown
where I belong with my peoples
Thursday, Friday and Saturday
so this is it man
I'm really excited to be back I haven't been to that
specific club in a few years
specifically
specifically that club I haven't been to the south club
but I'm really excited to be back
please come out, only five shows
Thursday, Friday, Saturday
then I go to Hong Kong, Singapore and China
just something I always do in September
and then
Macau
Macau
get back and Jeans and I are going to be
one night only September 18th
at the Fart Lauderdale Improv
the Seaman Hole Hard Rock, Hardcock Casino
get that title in right
that's our only south Florida show of the year
so West Palm, Fort Lauderdale, Miami
please come out and party with us
in that one night
Thursday, September 18th
it's Jeans and I together
we never do these together
so it's been fun
which rugulade you like better, chocolate or salmon
I like the Chucky one more
yeah
I like the Simoninen one it's tastier
but I mix it up, I like to do
I'm eating yours right now
yeah that's fine
we're married
we're married
so married people are married
after that
Jeans I go to north Florida
or more north Florida
I go to Orlando Improv
the first weekend in October
that's not what it's called but okay
what's it called? Oh it's called Mom Lando
duh
and then
I added Minneapolis in October
that's I'm coming back to Minneapolis
Acme
and then
I do a cool run of the south
in November
so please
check it out
and Phoenix I'm coming back in December
that was just added as well
Phoenix
Jeans
what club are you doing in Phoenix?
I'm doing stand up live
oh that's a great venue
yeah
alright guys
here we go
September 18th with my Jeans
and then
October 2nd through 5th
the Cincinnati Funny Bone
in Newport, Kentucky
see how they did that?
New fart
they say it's the Cincinnati Funny Bone
but it's really in Newport
gotcha
and then kicking off
a huge Your Moms House tour
October 9th
we started off at Cobb's Comedy Club
we do Your Moms House live
in Manfran Disco, California
oh shit
October 9th
so get your tickets there
up on our site
YourMomsHousePodcast.com
or go to the Cobb's website
buy your tickets now in advance
this is a huge mommy dome
following for us
it's a big mommy city
so get your tickets now
so that they don't run out
alright so that's October 9th
and then
oh I can't say those days
but then November we roll into
November 6th
the High Line in Seattle, Washington
this is where we're making up
for the time you couldn't come
I wasn't there
I was doing a TV show
November 7th
Portland
at the Analogue Cafe
yes
and then November 8th
in Chicago
at the Empty Bottle
the Empty Hooters
now those are all
the slillings are all on our site
those are all up
tickets are on sale
at YourMomsHousePodcast.com
I will be adding them to my site
as well I'm sure Tommy you'll will
have those added too
get your tickets now Jeans
it's gonna be crazy
sweet
it's gonna be great
I'm really excited
we've never done Chicago
as the podcast
no never
it's our first time doing it
I'm really excited about it
and guys just to be clear
this is only for the podcast
not stand up these days
I just mentioned
cool
it's gonna be fucking
I think Chicago
is gonna be up there
with how Portland and Seattle are
yeah
it's bananas
I think so too
Chicago's good
alright
also as an addendum
to that ad
if you own a small business
of any sort
and you're shipping stuff
and you're taking
you know in the beginning
we were doing our shirts
we were taking bags
of packages
to the post office
don't don't do that
just get the stamps
dot com guys
guys
Tommy I know I
bothered you about my headphones
yeah
you turn them up again
I like them louder
I'm sorry yeah
meow meow meow
there we go
oh that's
really here
my lovely
female feminine voice
alright
also guys
we know you shop at Amazon
who the hell doesn't
and if you're not shopping
on amazon.com
to get your
everything in life
I just bought a yoga mat
you know why Jeans
I'm a yogi now
and my little wrists
they hurt
and they
they're very tender
you understand
so I got this
I understand
yeah
I got this mat
that's padded
and I got it on Amazon
cheapest can be
but I went through
your mom's house podcast
dot com
and I clicked on our banner
and that way
it kicks back
just a small little
few pennies our way
but over time
they add up
so thank you for everybody
that's done it already
and make sure to
make sure your ad blocker
is off
because that'll prohibit you
from seeing that
well there you go
banner
I mean there you go
are you ready to do this
I'm ready to barbecue
let's fucking barbecue
okay
roast your tits on the fire
this fall you've done my
fuckers out there
doing the ALS challenge
the ice bucket challenge
first of all
you ain't doing it right
you're supposed to get
the water ice cold
and then still put the ice in it
the water's supposed to be
so cold
that the ice don't melt
and you don't jump into
a hot warm pool
after you fucking do it
the whole point of this
ALS is
it's a disease
that shuts down
everything in your body
you got nothing but
mouth and lips bro
just
that's all you got
this shit is big time
who is Randy
don't bring anyone
loving to this
don't burn me in the fucking sand
welcome
welcome to your mom's house
with Tom Segura
Tom Sutsuru
and Christina Pazitzin
Christina Pazitzin
welcome to your mom's house
that's new
I like those monkeys
that
they're dumb
oh
whoa
oh my goodness
oh
nah, that's a
wow
you're really playing
that was good
yeah
you played with your teeth on that
I did a marching band drum today too
this is really good
yep
I like those monkeys
that clap the cymbals
that's what you kind of did too
I don't like being
put in like that position
I don't like to be classified as a monkey
but you are
I'm not a monkey
you're a monkey
no
you're a fucking monkey
you know you are
what
cops are all bald and shit
I'm not a cop
I'm not a fucking
fucking bald and shit
fucking
puercos
puercos animalis
puercos animalis
that's a pig right
yeah
puercos
hey fucking
this one goes through Smiley
and Joker
think about cops
is they're fucking
bald and shit
man
I finally got to show you
how drunk that guy is
yeah
you guys
you have to see him
to understand the magic of this clip
it's on our website
under clips
you're just out of it right
yeah I just put it up
he's so rad
he's so faded
that's what they say
faded
fucking bald
cops are fucking bald man
shit Smiley I'm fading
homes
the thing is about them
is they never have fucking hair
and you know what happened is that
he made that observation
and then his homie behind the camera
was like
yeah that's right dog
and that's why he keeps repeating
cops are all bald and shit
they're all fucking bald and shit
fucking cops are fucking bald
have you found that to be
empirically true
cops are fucking bald and shit
yeah
for real though
all fucking cops are bald
for real
they don't let you get in the academy
if you got fucking hair
you gotta be bald
okay homes
shit
Charlie
I'd rock that shirt
cops are bald
yeah
cops are
I don't know if you want to wear something
that's like
fuck the police
it's not though
you're just saying that you know
they don't have hair
yeah
oh you know I have a couple of cop friends
I'll send them texts
and ask them
how offensive is a cop's
a bald shirt
I'm not gonna wear it
that probably like
you know
I don't think you want to cross
that fucking line
yeah bro
I mean I wear my hat
around town
my
my
cop hat
I'm on the law side now son
I'm a grown woman
do you want to talk about
Sir Lawrence Olivier
talking about how to do
the ice bucket challenge
all right
this fall you've done my
fuckers out there
doing the ALS challenge
the ice bucket challenge
Sir Lawrence
for people that don't know
you have to live under a rock
yeah
that this has exploded
the ice bucket challenges
you dump
basically a bucket of ice water on you
and then you donate
the standard is ten dollars to ALS
it has
absolutely been a huge success
which is great for ALS research
and
you know they've raised
I think their goal was like a hundred and fifty thousand
you know a year ago or something
and now it's in the tens of millions
so it's been
it's been phenomenal
but anyways
as with any like you know
cultural phenomena
there's been these
different variations on how to do it
it was just a bucket of ice
and then you know
wait wait
pull it back that ass up
I thought the thing was like
you nominate people
and then if they don't
do the ice bucket challenge
they have to pay
a hundred dollars each or something
no
that's not it
because the cops are fucking bald
cops are
100% you're right
but what about the cops are all bald and shit
what about the cops
the cops can
they can
they probably shouldn't do it
because they don't have hair on their fucking heads
the cops are all bald and shit
okay
have you been nominated to
to do the challenge
the salon
um
I don't
think so
I don't know
I haven't seen anything
hmm
um
okay
well that's good that they've
you know raised money
and
it's also
put a lot of wonderful videos
online
of people
failing to do this
and they're doing very like
one thing that's happened is
people have dropped buckets
that they were supposed to pour
on people
um
then I saw
uh Charlie Sheen did it
where he flipped the bucket over
and there was money in there
that's the best one
by far
as much as I don't like Charlie Sheen
I saw Howard Stearns yesterday
what was his
uh he so he had a bucket
of ice
and then he reached in there with tongs
and pulled out one
ice cube
and put it like in a shot glass
and put water in there
and then poured that on himself
that's cool
so people are doing certain things
but this guy
really breaks down
how you're supposed to be doing it
it's kind of interesting
when you take the way
right
wait no I think this guy is the official
spokesperson
oh for
yeah
ALS research
so he's telling you like
if you want to do this
this is from the top
the organization
wants you to do it this way
so this is the spokesperson
from ALS research
okay I didn't know that
yeah
first of all you ain't doing it right
you're supposed to get the water
ice cold
and then still put the ice in it
the water's supposed to be so cold
that the ice don't melt
and you don't jump into a hot
warm pool after you fucking do it
that they want you to know this
the ALS people want you to know this
yeah
the whole point of this ALS is
it's a disease that shuts down
everything in your body
you got nothing but mouth and lips bro just
that's all you got
for that right there he just
moved his lips around
without making noise obviously
like a fish mouth
like a fish mouth
and his friends like
put it again
that's all you got
you don't even got movement
you don't got none of that shit
so that was another ALS research guy
who said do it again
right
well he's the chair person
okay
he's the head
see these are some people I did
spokesman for the organization
let's see what else he says
yeah check it out
you know what I'm saying
this
okay alright
ALS is bad as fuck
you know what I'm saying
check it out
you know what I'm saying
it's a fear
you know what I'm saying
play the rest of the ALS video
so when the ice water hits you
that fucking cold
you're supposed to feel
what ALS is
you're supposed to go through
what they go through
so you don't put yourself through
some a little bit of ice water
that you got out of a fucking faucet
or the damn hose outside
we know that shit ain't that damn cold
come on
let that shit marinate
put some more ice in it
put some more ice in it
and if that shit don't melt
then you go outside
and when the bucket falls on you
motherfuckers
sit there and take that shit
and understand
that's what they going through
you motherfuckers is doing it all wrong
and you ain't doing it right
you telling me you donated ten dollars
ten dollars
I didn't see the video of you donating ten bucks
but I sure as hell saw a video of you motherfuckers
in a hundred and two degree weather
in Florida putting ice water on you
that ain't a challenge
you motherfuckers is just sweating
tighten up world
tighten up world
tighten up world
that is probably one of my favorite sayings
tighten up world
I never heard that before
that is great
wow
tighten up world
tighten up world
well he does make some good points though
I think I had that over here
hold on a second
as the chairperson for this organization
well I mean like he knows
obviously what the whole thing is about
tighten up world
tighten up world
oh my god
our son is digging in his bed
he's covering his bone with dirt right now
the dirt that doesn't exist in his dog bed
that's the cutest thing
it's my favorite thing in the world when he does this shit
oh my god
oh my god
I love this dog so much more than I love you
yeah
I talked to cousin Jeanette who's been on the show today
oh you did
what's up with her
what's up with her
she's got exciting stuff going on
remember Boo Boo Chicken Pop
yes
he's moving to California
fantastic
so that's exciting
well good for her
I hope those two get married soon
and make sweet love together
did I tell you that
I went to kiss Theo's mouth for the first time
the other day
you know I
you and I have always discussed how much we want to kiss
those beautiful black lips
yes
those shiny fucking puckered lips
yeah
and I worked up the nerve the other morning
and I was like
I'm just gonna go for it
and I went to kiss Theo's mouth
bold
man
that shit is
that smell is wild
I don't know if you've ever
smelled your dog's mouth
don't do it
I immediately panicked
and I was like
am I gonna get worms
from this like
what's gonna happen to me
because I just
put my mouth on my dog's mouth
it's not good
it's not good
I mean a lot of times
I'm like right before I get there
you know
I'll be right
just a hair away from that mouth
and I see
and then I
I get a whiff
and I'm like
it's like
it's a combination of
like the fish markets of Chinatown
yeah
meets
like a homeless person
when you
in summer times
I mean that's rude
you don't have to say it like that
that's rude
well like the homeless people listening
are gonna be bummed out
on their iPhone
that's true
go back to it
say rude stuff again
homeless guy today
I was at a stoplight in Hollywood
and
he put
a note
on my windshields
no
and he gave me a dirty look
and I was like
oh no
what did the note say?
I haven't even told you this yet
oh it said
tighten up world
I wish dude
that'll be fucking fresh
no he
the note was gibberish
it was like
hi
come to the 7-11
at 8 p.m. to 10 p.m.
I'm selling vacuums
they last for 24 years
boop boop boop boop boop
oh wow
yeah
I think he had problems
wait
what part
made you think he had problems
was he saying
just
nonsense
some shit
he was talking some shit
talking some shit
uh
you wanna
you wanna talk some shit
about some shit
you know that over the weekend
Shug Knight got shot
wait a minute
I thought Shug Knight was dead
Shug Knight
death row records
yeah
why did I think he was dead
he just been shot a bunch right
well he got shot
six times on Friday night
Saturday night
boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I ain't never had a job before my life
until I started working for SIL
you know in and out of gym
you know what I'm saying
did a little bit every third
you know what I'm saying
now I'm
you know what I'm saying
that's my favorite you know what I'm saying
so let's see
here's what it says
evidence from security cameras
10 O Club in West Hollywood suggests
that the rat mogul was the intended target
in the shooting early Sunday
so that's Saturday night at a party hosted
by Chris Brown
some club goers initially said they believed
Brown had been the target but he was not
let's see what happened
10 O Club
hours around 1.30 in the morning
wounded night on two others
the shooting happened almost immediately after
night arrived so it looks like it was a crime of opportunity
appear to be the intended target
why would somebody get hurt shook
I mean the guy is
a upstanding citizen
I'm sure he does a lot of
just talking about to that I think
was it Joey
last night that I talked about
or I think so that like
he's that that should the kind of person that you know
like
the building's gonna collapse in other words
he's got such
a crazy past that like
if he's in the room you might want to walk out
of that room you know yeah he's one
of those people he and I have had conversations
you and should yeah about
the things that he's done he doesn't like
to talk about it but I mean when
this is before I thought he died
this is this is like two years ago because
a moment ago I remember you said it was me dead
but I forgot
but were you like
he doesn't like to talk about the stuff that he's
done let's put it out what is he okay what does he
talk about you know I'm saying just a little
bit everything he doesn't like to talk about
what he gets into I got you
yeah would you want to talk about it no
that's wrong damn he is 49
years old how fat is he now
he's a big boy how fat he
he was really fat
back in the time I'm thinking
okay first of all he was big still forget he played
like defensive he was six he's six
five and he played football in college
professionally not professionally
college and
so he was walking one of those dudes who would walk
around at like three 25 and kind of
carry it like right fairly well
right but yeah you know when you're that big
you get sloppy too so
yeah I don't know what he got up to
shook does he still
own death row records
no that shit went down a long time
ago what are you reading
I was trying to read just more
about the the shooting
so six times that's not good
is he I'm assuming he still
is he okay yeah he's okay
no he's not critical
amazingly let's see
he's resting he lost a lot of blood
let's see
I don't know he took a nine
millimeter
I don't know
no it's not it I'm trying to figure out
how many times he got shot that's all
don't you find it astounding that public figures
like that still get shot multiple
times and getting related
stuff we were like dude you're like
you're famous now you can't
be getting shot at bro like athletes
and stuff could you guys not
do this
to stop like
it's scary it's totally
terrifying especially in public places
I mean he's out in nightclub or some shit no way man
you know what I'm saying
you shot six times I think a bunch of them
can't you get shot at home in the
privacy of your own home so you don't have to
know what I was just saying is that you know
bad shit
follows that guy
like if he if you're sitting in a restaurant
and Shug Knight walks in to have dinner
you like it's the kind of
he's the kind of person where you might want to think about just asking for the check
not because he's going to do something to you
it's because bad shit follows him
yes I know what you mean when I was
flying home from San Francisco
I'm sorry Manfrin Disco
and TI was on my flight
I was terrified
you know tiny
might come on there and
shoot all of us jeez he just got arrested
you're kidding yeah there was
a shooting and then he was tied to
a weapon and now he's locked up
he's doing he's sitting on a million
bail or something what about Gucci
main Gucci is fucking
locked up for at least another 24
months free big goo up you guys
the most funny is I was
on the plane and I was the plane landed
and
you know how everybody does their stupid phone calls
yeah it's landed Bart and
so I see this guy this black guy
stand up and he's dressed like super cool
and he's talking and he's like yeah you know what I'm saying
I like that music I could fuck with those beats
you know what I'm saying I'm like oh this guy's a rapper
you know first class
yeah I could fuck with them beats
yeah a lot of that all loud so everybody
can hear yes that's weird no one ever does
you know what I'm saying
and I so I texted you and I was
like dude there's a rapper I know this guy's a
rapper I go I think it's Gucci main
and you're like no Gucci means in
prison I'm like oh yeah
someone else and then I had to
ask other people are you dead yeah he's
cute you ask at that point
well a couple people were like oh shit
like they saw him walk off the plane
they're like oh my god that's T.I. right
that is T.I. and I was like oh is that
the flight attendant that was the pilot
the pilot was like oh shit
you say he's cute
he is really handsome
well hey there T.I. why don't you go ahead
and fuck my stoma
he got them light
he a light skin brother he got a little
tiny mustache you know what I'm saying
he got that penciled in mustache
why don't you get in there he's with tiny
are they I think I thought they were
splitsy I don't I think those two are
like ride or die dude like I think they're
splitsville for real though yeah I like
their show she was tiny
is rough yo
have you seen that broad yeah she looks
like she'll fucking kill you
I don't know cut a bitch
um
dick will make you slap somebody
definitely she'll slap you for T.I.'s
dick that's for sure I thought
they were split up
you know I think they split up they make up
like but they're the kind that they make up to break up
yeah since they've been like 13
what's her name tiny right tiny T.I.
and why traditional smelling tiny
maybe they are still together
I don't know dude
I don't fucking know you
let's see
let's see
T.I. addresses trouble and paradise
oh no
I can't imagine I'm sure he's faithful
and just like real kind of
calm stay-at-home dad kind of guy
you think so huh
everything why she's new single
how her marriage the raptor is holding out
I guess okay I recorded
this a year ago I just wanted to write and say
some things it was just for me and my
friends to hear oh sure
let's see
okay
I just want to get some things
we are really good right now everything is looking
good okay okay
hmm
let's see
well we are having the ATL up in the house
today hi everyone I'm Ian
that was bad
and to my left is a woman that we have had
in here many times
people so
we are having ATL
he's not white
are you serious
we know from many things
we know from many things
like nothing
and he's like you're always doing something man
you know what that bothers me though is that
like you knew T.I. tiny was coming
in and if you don't know that's cool
but just like
you have your assistant fucking
pull up the Wikipedia page
we know you from a lot of things
you can't fucking
look at that for 8 seconds
or here's what you do
you go oh we all know you from the fabulous reality
show T.I. and tiny
just you know list the one thing you know
dum dum
you know maybe he is white
all way up here in the ATL
yeah but lately
got a new song that is raising a lot of
grass
what the f you gonna do
okay
tell me about this song
cause it's like what inspired this
how did this come about
it's like bumping everywhere already
he says bumping everywhere already
it's bumping everywhere guys
is it bumping in the ATL
it's amazing but I recorded this song
about a year ago and
I just went in the studio
I was feeling and
went in the studio and laid it down
and it was just for me and my friends to hear
yeah
and then what happened
then you know what I'm saying
and then you realize
what a bad idea it is to write songs
when you're angry at your husband
and put them out in the world
you don't want to do that you know what I'm saying
you know what I'm saying
there's some mean comments here
they don't like her song
about physical features
I mean yeah
look it's not her fault
it's interesting when you see
a really handsome rapper
they must have a lot of
history is what I'm trying to say
no I'm trying to be
diplomatic here
it's an odd pairing
usually these guys have models
you know what I'm saying
she's got her thing
she's got her little something going on
she's got a thing going on
it's very important
yeah of course it's very important
are you what are we referring to
is it the cargo short debate
the great cargo pants debate
of 2014
great cargo short debate
you brought it up I'm assuming you have some evidence
to support your side of this argument
well of course I do
there's plenty to say about it
go ahead
the key factor
whether or not a guy is wearing boxers or briefs
is somebody's asking
this person thinks that Christina's observation
is dependent on the guy wearing briefs
that are bundling up the package
pushing it up and forward
then with the cargo short pockets being
full and weighed down
pulling down the shorts it will look like
the guy is packing
thanks for making me self-conscious about this by the way
can I read you my emails
that I've collected on the topic
yeah I mean there's more but go ahead
well I'm sorry go ahead finish
no no no we can go back and forth with them I think
I have noticed
that the hog is louder
and prouder when I strut my stuff
in cargo shorts says JT
and here's the twist it even happens in cargo
pants
wow what do you know
more here's more fan mail Christina's right
cargo shorts make it look like you have a boner when you sit down
I love cargo shorts
because I'm a fat retard
but I can't help but notice
the huge false bulge
because I'm a huge
fat retard
when I was in middle school I was
self-conscious about it
because at least 70% of my day
was spent trying to hide my actual spontaneous
boners and the rest of the time was spent
trying to hide the false boner
caused by bunched up baggy shorts
sorry Tom I know you're the main mommy
but Christina's right on this one
interesting you know there's
differing opinions here
Jason says okay so confession I'm
33 and still proudly wear old navy
cargo shorts all summer because
I truly don't give a shit
so on the dick part
Tina mommy is crazy
because I have an above
average piece and my daily cargo shorts
have no effect on the bulge
okay
Ian writes mommy's
I have to agree with the main mommy
on this one in parentheses that is Tom
of course as a man who
definitely doesn't have dick for days
my crotch roll region has no effects
do the pocket placement on cargo shorts
in fact I have a turtle
dick by day it hides
in the shell
of my hair fat pack
and only comes out to dine on my wife's
delicious puss
perhaps Christina
has only seen cargo shorts on guys with
big lazy black dicks
if you haven't noticed
their shit looks fucked up
in all pants shorts
that big black snake
is meant to be free in the jungle and not live
like a caged animal so
no would be my answer and that's from
Ian
how about this one, Christina is right
I think the caveat is that when the cargo shorts
are too big and the guy wears a belt
then you get the dick effect
see attached photo of my lovely husband
who wears this look often
he recently lost weight and his shorts are too big
now he does have a nice healthy package
but don't let that throw you off
the shorts accentuate the package for sure
I hope this helps settle
this once and for all jeans
I love how important
the debate is
oh here's a great one
from Trevor
I found the timing on this classic
debate perfect
I recently got back from the holidays
and had met up with an army buddy who wore
nothing but cargo shorts
at first I had noticed nothing until we sat down
to eat and I seen him
grinning at me and pointing down
naturally I glanced down
and was disturbed to see what
looked like half a penny roll
folded over on itself
hugging said
I guess that's his friend's name
moose knuckle was out
in full force I conclude that you're a both half
right that should end the curious
case of the cargo short moose knuckle
and finally sup mommies
I just had to write in after
the debate on Friday's podcast
Christina mommy you are out of your
fucking mind I love you
but I am a man that will purposely
wear pants that are too small just
show off my package and cargo shorts
have underlined no
effect this one goes out
to the main mommy
Tommy
so serious that song
you know I feel like I don't know if we're
ever going to come the terms
the case maybe
a cold case
I don't know it all depends
on what the serge says when he reviews the file
but I'm all backed up guys
that's a really neat debate
can I tell everybody
about our night
should I say your night
go ahead
so
Tom does Joey Diaz's
podcast last night
and Joey as we all know
just smokes a little bit
of pot every now and then
and by that I mean every day
all day in huge quantities of
edibles right and smoke
and smoke how much do you think he weighs
like he probably weighs
3 and change
315 maybe so you do
his podcast and
walk me through
the offer
that he makes
I walk in there and he's like
I got one of these for you
and I was like oh no it was like a brownie
and it was like a square
bite it was small
you have about one of these
gummies and I was like no no no I'm good
he calls them gummies
so he does
all that and then he goes
he unwraps one it's in a plastic wrap
like from the store
I'm not kidding you he breaks off
like a crumb
like the edge of the brownie
let's say that
two little chunks
from this thing he's eating
put it this way he's keeping
75 to 80%
of this and then breaking off
just a nugget for you
a little and so
you pop it in your mouth and you
well the only reason I feel confident is like it's so small I go
this is gonna like maybe
barely hit me and then
that's it I feel like
it's the equivalent of somebody offering you a drink
and you have a sip
and you're like I'm fine
so how are you through his podcast
because he does like three hours of show
we did like two and well we sat there
we talked for a while before we started
and I had eaten it pretty soon
for the first hour I get
a point where I get like a real nice
light buzz where I'm like
oh yeah that's what I was willing to go with
like where you're like
it'd be like if you took like a little toke of something
and you're like yeah I feel alright
kind of how I like to smoke
I just like one nice hit
it's just a little something to take the eye draw
for life
then I become
like two stoned and like
about an hour and a half in and like
I realize that I can't listen anymore
I'm just thinking of thoughts and I just want to say the
thought that I'm having
then I'm aware of how fucked I am
but also laughing at stuff
he does all of his ads
um
crazy style joey style
totally joey style
it's like mother fucker you get the fucking stamps
like that's how he does it
I'm sure they love it when they get his reads
I was laughing so fucking hard at this
that's the best
so um anyways
I
I then I feel like I'm
I have a good like buzz going but I'm like
I can get out of here now you know I
I'm ready to leave and I go
I gotta run I gotta drive back from the
valley down to the south bay
I get in the car
and
I turn my ways app on
cause I'm not really aware of my
surroundings
and
I miss the first turn that it tells me to make
from like a main street to a side street
so then it reroutes
and it says to go left at this other street
so I pass that one
so then it tells me to turn at the next street
I turn
I make a U turn or I pull around you know
now I'm coming back and I miss the turn
it told me again
then I'm like thinking I'm like oh shit
like I'm nervous right now
and I'm not able to pick up on
when I'm supposed to turn I just don't feel comfortable
well and in your defense the ways app
doesn't give you much notice so you gotta be
dude on a good day
I fuck up ways but when you're high
I can't even imagine
so I'm starting to be like
oh shit
it feels
it's starting to feel
a little crazy
so
anyways
I get on one of the freeways and I get nervous
now
things are happening fast too fast for me
and I'm trying to
pay attention to what my speed is
look at other cars
I'm like whoa
you're in it
I'm fucked up right now
so I get on the freeway and I drive a couple exits
and I tell myself like you gotta get off the freeway
like you're not okay
to be doing this
so I pull off the freeway
now I want to look where's a place to chill
and park
and like I'm thinking like should I park in front of an apartment building
but then I start just you know your mind starts running
like what if it's not
like the best neighborhood
like suspicious that you're parked there
I'm kind of paranoid you know
kind of yeah just a little
so I get to a light and I'm like
I think every car behind me is a cop
and then I'm like fuck
and then right up next to me a real cop does pull up
and I'm like
I can feel my heart skipping a beat
I'm like not cool
if that cop pulls me over this is gonna be bad
that's all I can picture
you can't even talk you're just I know that's the worst
and I realize how fucked up I am
I pull into a gas station
and I go in
I get
oh I call you that's when I call you
I park at the pump and then you can take over
do you want a transcript of kind of how last night went
sure
I mean
so I get the call
and something's in your voice
because I know you're like
hey I got out
a while ago I just I haven't
I just want to tell you that I got out
a while ago but I haven't I'm okay
I just I ate a little
had some edible and I just
I think I need to just kind of pull over here for a minute
and I'm just gonna stay at this gas station
I was like oh like totally
who hasn't done that we've all done that
you overestimate and you get in the car
but I'm glad you pulled over
so then you're kind of walking
with me and the phone
into like the gas station
mm-hmm
and you say to the guy you're like
I'm just I'm talking on the phone
you tell him that you're like talking or something
you're like it's okay I'm on the phone
and I'm like
and then you're like I'm gonna get like a power bar
and then you go
and then out of nowhere you go
I really need to have a physical
I mean I haven't had a physical in four years
and I know I've been avoiding it
and I need to get a physical
I haven't been to the doctor in so long
so please can we make the appointment
I'm really serious Christina I'm really serious
I'm like oh boy and I start
like my panic sets in a little
for you because I'm like
you're far away you're in the valley
mm-hmm
and
well what
well sorry I hit something wrong
go ahead
so and then you start going into this whole
thing of like I don't know if I was funny
on the show I'm not funny
and when comics do that it's either
A. you just worked Cleveland
for a week and you're depressed
or B. you're fucked up
so when you start going into that I'm like oh he's whacked
so
you get yourself some kind of a power bar you say
and then I'm like
why don't I just come get you like maybe I should just come get you
and I don't you are like
no I'm gonna wait this out I'm gonna wait this out
20 minutes later
you call me again and you're like I'm at Ralph's
I'm at Ralph's
I tell you what happened next
so
I talked to you for a while and by the way I realize
that as I'm talking to you
I'm just walking around my car
so I keep walking around
I walked around my car 40 times at this point
just walked around the whole car
yeah
so I talked to you twice
because I call you the first time I go in
then I move the car because I'm in front of a pump
and cars are going there so I moved to a parking spot
in the grid
for a long time
and then I go back in
and I buy more stuff
because you said like
remember I talked to you like go get like real food
like go get a sandwich
because that always has helped me when I'm too high
right so there's a gas station
it's a gas station so I get a gas station sandwich
and I just take the bread off
and I just want to eat like the turkey that's in there
I just want to eat something but it tastes
not good
so I eat it and I'm like alright
I'll be better soon
I know that I'm kind of paranoid
but at the same time I do see the guy
look out his window
kind of look at me
because he's seen me in his store twice
separately within half an hour
and he's just looking at me parked there
and in my mind I go you know all that guy
I mean I know I'm paranoid but all this guy has to do
is just be like hey there's a guy
of course
not just a guy, a guy who's talking weird on his phone
and then is now circling his car
40 times he's circling his car
and he came in here and he bought a protein
bar and a bottle of water
and a coffee and a sandwich
and he's just pacing a lot
so I go this is
the only thing that can happen bad is this guy's going to call a cop
and the cops be like hey what's up what are you doing
you know I don't know that's probably unlikely
but that's my thought so I get in
I get in the car and I go I can make it
I know I'm like a block from Ventura Boulevard
so I just
get in the car I drive to Ventura Boulevard
and there's a Ralph's there
I park my car at Ralph's
and I look
directly like I'm just sitting there
and I'm talking, my sister calls
my sister calls me
and as I'm talking to my sister
I look right out the windshield and the car
next to me standing
at the car is Andrew Dice Clay
like he's just standing there
in the Ralph's Park, same parking lot
and I just
I'm talking to my sister and he's just
standing outside of his SUV
and I'm like it's Dice right there
I don't know Dice so I don't say something to him
and I don't want to fucking
I'm really fucking high so I want to be like
DICE! I'm a comedian
so I just figure like
definitely leave him alone
I talk to my sister
and then
I text you right?
nope that text comes later
then
you had given me the idea you go
not feeling good and you don't want me to come
why don't you just take an Uber home?
you're missing some vital parts
you call me again
and this time we're at Ralph's
now it's funny because
remember the time I was super fucked up in the car
and we had to pull over and stop at Ralph's
for some reason guys
if you're fucked up the Ralph's parking lot
is like the best place to be
because you've got food, you've got access
it's well lit, there's plenty of parking
so you call me
and then at that point
I go jeans you gotta take an Uber home
this isn't cool
instead of me coming out to get you
I think you didn't want me to waste my life doing that
so we decide
waste your life
meaning that I think you felt bad
at the idea of me getting in my car
and driving all the way out there
I don't know why I didn't suggest it sooner
I was like just hop on an Uber
leave the car in the parking lot at Ralph's
and then
just figure it out tomorrow, you're fine
just come home and feel better, be safe at home
and I go
but read the signs to see if they'll tow you
can you check that
and you're like no
can you maybe move the car
to like a residential neighborhood
you're like no I can't do that
that was a bad suggestion though
to move it to a residential
I didn't know that
but at the time I didn't
I didn't really have a clue
you did have a clue
now I know because you're too fucked up to
read signs
that was my first like
he can't read and understand
signs, he's really fucking ripped
right now
and then when you couldn't move it to a residential spot
I thought okay he's fucked
but I don't think that's a good idea anyways
to move it to a residential spot
my only thinking was
if it's not street cleaning
imagine like in our suburban neighborhood
first it's my whole point
but the valley is one big suburb
I know but you still have to like know the street
that you're on and figure that out
and that's when I realized you were far too fucked up
to be driving
and then you're like you go
just give me another 20 minutes I'm like babe
you're so, I didn't say it that way
but I'm like it could be 5 hours before you come down
like you're crazy
so you get in the
let me read
this is the transcripts from last night
this is amazing
okay hold on
okay
just one second
jeans
stay where you are don't drive okay
or can I come get you
and then you just write back
I'm not I'm like okay
text me when you're in the Uber
and then you text me I'm in on my way
I go great see you soon
you know you say like you know kiss you sweet
I say I love you jeans
I got some turkey spaghetti for you nice
or we can watch a movie
and then you write okay thanks
and then
I'm so high
yeah I go it's okay jeans
you're coming home we can just chill out
it'll be fine and then
this is when I know
this is the moment
that I know you're really out of your fucking mind
that you must be really fucked up
here it is here's the text
how funny
would it be if I did a bit
about how I wished
Mike Tyson would rape my sister
I think it'd be cool I'd brag
about it I'd smile at you
if you recognize me as the guy
whose sister got raped
by Mike Tyson
I go here's my response
because I don't want to like
I don't want to get in your head
I go ha ha ha
you might get some emails about
that one
and then you write that's the bit
I go are you close
and then you come home
here's the best part
what's the best part
you finally get home
and I'm relieved because I hate the thought of you being out in the world
like that
you're home
we're watching some weird fucking Stanley Kubrick
documentary which I don't
like at all
Kubrick movies are my
Biggie Smalls vs Beatles debate
besides the point
you're in the kitchen and you're like babe
seriously though
Mike Tyson wants to rape my sister
really here's the bit
and then you walk me through the bit
which is like nonsense
and I humor you
and I'm like yeah that's really funny
and then we're watching this piece of shit
Stanley Kubrick documentary
20 minutes later you go
hey hold on press pause I gotta tell you a story
and I go yeah
so my sister called me
and I was
Mike Tyson's in the same hotel and I thought wouldn't it be really funny
if Mike Tyson raped my sister
the exact same bit to me
I know but the reason that I said the same bit to you
was because I realized I had never
given you the backstory
I just texted you how funny would it be
if Mike Tyson raped my sister
but I didn't tell you this is the full story
obviously I met him
and my family knows that
people know that right like I've
put the picture online I talk about it in my show now
Jane calls me
last night
and she is like I'm staying in the same hotel
as Mike Tyson
will you tell him I want to meet him
I'm dying to meet him and it's 2 o'clock
in the morning
and so my idea for the joke
was like picture me on stage
going I tell my story about meeting him
and then I say I got a text message
from my sister frantically
one night saying she's in a hotel
with Mike Tyson he's dying
she's dying to meet him
so I'm getting a text from my sister
I look at it
what am I supposed to do
it's my sister saying she's dying to meet Mike Tyson
2 o'clock in the morning in her hotel room
what do you do in that situation
so the bit
idea would be like
when she asked me that I said
just do me a favor
if he agrees to meet you
just say yes
or no
because either way it's a good story
it's still a funny rape joke
either way it's a really funny rape joke
which I'm sure Mike Tyson
wants to relive that part of his life
well no it's a joke
but it was
the funny thing was for me
here is what was funny
is that my sister was insisting
because she's on east coast time
at 2 a.m. that I call Mike Tyson
and say
my sister wants to meet you right now
she's in your hotel go down to her room
I don't know if you know Mike's history or not
but this might not be the best fucking suggestion
plus
it's ludicrous
thing to ask
it's ludicrous for her to ask me
but to me what was funny
is being in a bit
is saying that
my sister insisted
ask me
at 2 o'clock in the morning
if I would set up a meeting
with her and Mike Tyson and I thought
okay
that to me was the funny
that I will set that up
and then I thought
if it did happen
I wouldn't be ashamed of it
I'd be like this is kind of a cool story
yeah
Tom
not all jokes
conceived in heinous are
good premises for things
workshop it
do it a few times
comedy works Thursday through Saturday
workshop it see how the crowds
react to that before you commit
to putting that on the special next year
okay
they're not all gems
you don't think so
I mean I've had some high jokes that I've read
the next day and you're like this is
what
I think the best part is reading the premise
in a text message
wouldn't it be funny
if my sister was raped by Mike Tyson
that's the only thing I read
from you as you're in that car
and I'm like oh he is cooked
he's out of his god damn
mind right now
this doesn't make sense
I mean I definitely would not have had that thought
sober
by the way
here's what else I figured out
this is what I figured out
that drive was really fucking long
and I was
I got even higher so in other words
the highest point from when
from when I called you I was like give me 20 minutes
I got home I got progressively higher
so during that drive
I remember I had the sweetest
Eritrean
driver woman
who by the way
I was like I cannot believe this woman
is willing to just pick up strangers
thank god
there's some vetting in Uber
they know all your information but I felt bad for her
she's like the nice late
I told her immediately I was like I'm way too high
you did
it's a good tactic
she was nice
about 10 minutes in the drive
there is no way I could have done this shit
and I realized
that I was like that's how I was
lit and then
the more stuff
for her even
on ramps were closed
all kinds of shit was closed
so all that
not being able to just fluidly go your path
is what
that stone creates
even more wreaks havoc
because you're trying to solve your problem
and you can't
not only that but about 30 minutes into the drive
I could feel myself
kind of zoning out
really feeling stoned
and that's when I was like man
thank god I'm in somebody else's car
no question
I mean man think about it
whatever you spent on that
Uber trip saved your fucking life
for sure
saved my life, saved other people's lives
and saved me in worst case scenario
well not worst case but in one scenario
at least 10 grand
and then I had to go to the fucking downtown
and pick up the nightmare
I'm there with all these fucking cops
cops are all bald and shit
yeah
and the best part too is we were watching that
stupid fucking Stanley Kubrick documentary
why is it stupid it's not stupid
you know what I gotta tell you
I don't mind the shining
I think it's fine
what else did that guy make
2010 Space Odyssey
2010 2001
I mean it's so
full metal jacket I do love that movie
the first half of it is the best comedy ever
Doctor Strange love the second half
it slows down I've never seen that
you've never seen that it's tremendous
how about Clockwork Orange
yes also too long and slow
all these movies I've enjoyed
but I feel like I've had to force myself to
because they're too slow
not enough shit happens
more explosions
more talking shit
you like guys wide shut
guys wide shut
guys wide shut
I remember vaguely that movie
I get it
you know what I would rather watch
a Tyler Perry movie
you're officially
I'm cutting your mic for the rest of the show
how dare you
even like
Kubrick is a fucking master
yeah but you know what I would just like the Beatles
he's a maestro
I would rather watch
a fun silly dopey thing
than sit through this fucking esoteric
you want to see some big black
bullshits
I'm gonna show you some
this is not the movie
this is not the movie
this is not his films
these are not his films
it's good music though
that's why they call him black salami
that's why they call it
black salami
he couldn't commit less to that
that's why they call it black salami
no but real talk
okay you're the worst
no but real for reals
but the documentary it was like reading into shit
like at one point there's parts of that documentary
dude they're reading into stuff that's not
the one time the guy goes
and then they'll notice the patterns on the carpet
are fallacies representing
the ancient fall of Rome
and fertility and they're like
but some of it is fascinating
I want to watch the documentary
again and I want to watch the film again
some of it's about like he does have a fascination
with Indians so there's an Indian motif
there's a lot of historical things
one of the guys theories is that
Kubrick is
Kubrick is
was the guy behind the moon landing footage
and falsifying it and that this is his
like admission of that
but like his, well it's fun
it's fun to watch the real
it's fun to watch
how did Sandra Bullock get there if it didn't happen
she was
her and Felix Armstrong
put it in the moon together
how could she film that movie
they didn't go to space for reals
stupid
cops are bald, Felix
sent us a fucking remix
of cops are bald
do you want to hear it?
let's hear it
the fucking
all this shit
cops are fucking
all this shit
the fucking cops are fucking
all this shit
I think he's fucking
about the homies are not fucking bald
they always have shit
of course, nice to show the
look man, you had a ball head
you had your socks pulled up
your cumbers
of course your shorts, your dicky shorts
this is
brilliant
genius level
that's really good man
wow
and then
somebody also
submitted
a not mean world record
do you want to give it a listen?
I would love to
we had so many
you know what I'm saying
submitted and we have it from
last week it was from that bass
fisherman
boom goes dynamite
did you put him up?
no, good
I'll put it up
yeah, that guy
you know, it's funny, it's our
discussion rather
his booze belly
and how you can decipher the hard booze belly
soft jiggles
his is
really really hard
jiggles
it's so massive
it hangs so much
that dude's back has to be in horrific pain
he's walking around
with like a 200 pound stomach
it's crazy
even my little belly
I'm always tucking it into pants trying to
conceal it
I'm always wearing girdles and spanks
I hate the feeling
I'm always tucked in
by the way
somebody told me that because we did it on a live episode
they thought
they didn't know that
I guess they didn't hear it or whatever but the party pooper
that clip is on there right?
about Jennifer being a party pooper
I work some hours
and an office
you know
and
to groups of people
they are talking
about Jennifer
a colleague
oh
I tell you Jennifer
she is really a party pooper
really?
Jennifer poops at parties
so
she poops at parties
so and people
know this
I poop at parties
I poop at parties
but
people don't know because I close the door
we have this on the site
yes peoples and then he has another video
daddy long legs
he doesn't like that name
stupid name
what this is was daddy long legs
I have been learning some in America
with insectings
with cockroaches and ants
you know ants and ants that is easy
because there is only two possibilities
with this guy is that
it is genuine or he is brilliant
this is like all on purpose
do you think it is on purpose?
I studied German in college not to brag
barely got by
because it is an extremely difficult language
and listening to how he talks
the peoples
he is obviously really a German person
the way that he is talking
but he could be a funny guy
I think he is hamming it up
I think he knows that Jennifer doesn't poop
at parties but it is adorable
how he talks about it
people are okay with this
it is very funny
daddy long legs
I like you party pooper daddy long legs
this is our submission
I haven't heard it actually
so I don't know if this is
a real good one or not
but here we go
he is going to count records
and he is going to step down
talking about that
I don't know what the fuck
he is talking about
that is why they call it black salami
you are an angry one
you are an angry one
talking about you are a rotten part
talking about rotten part
that is the good one
that was bad
it was hard
nigga had a lot of problems
nigga made it out
nigga had a lot of problems
with the lord
you can now order
you can count YAs
you can count these jizz
you can do all that
he would say
you are saying all in the same
that is what is really cool
you are free in the same sentence
you feel me talking about
all at the same time
that is a new level
setting a new standard
you know what he sounds like when he talks
it just sounds like he is going
seriously I can't understand what he is saying
bitch
bitch
jeez
that is pretty
that is a lot up there
it incorporates
it is a buffet
of you know what I am saying
you know what I mean
yeah this dude
it is a poo poo platter
this dude has a lot of
stories up there
you know what I am saying
let's see what he
I am like you know what I am saying
is this it right here
I feel like we have actually
I recognize this dude's voice
I am talking about
I am talking about
you know what it is
he sent in a really low quality audio
this is it with better audio
I am talking about
I am talking about
YAs to the penitentiary
the county did all that
so I am talking about you coming here
but now I think I am at it out
now I think I am doing the same
now it is time to get that money
I am talking about
so that is him
that is his music though
oh he is a rapper
he goes by half ounce
yeah
I am talking about
I am talking about
99
but like I said
I had a gang of bump ins with the law
you know what I mean
I keep them 1000
I mean they were there for 4 minutes
I had some bump ins with the law
right
you know what I have never had
bump ins with the law
you know
I got arrested for some bullshit
you know what I mean
that is yours
wait a minute
you mean you may have provoked the arrest
I am talking about you
but now
that is my new favorite thing
is to say all those at the same time
can we hear that
you know what I mean
he did a triple crown
so that is slow
slow the gang
I am talking about you
you know what I mean
wait a minute
you know what I mean
you know what I mean
that is what he says
you know what I mean
slow me down
slow the gang
I am talking about you
but now
that is crazy
now I am
I am not going back
now it is my time to shine
for a possession of a loaded
stolen fire
for a possession of a loaded
fire
that is some bullshit I dealt with
for a possession of a loaded
stolen fire
I have not been there for a couple more things
I have not been there for gang
but I am not going to speak on this
I am not going to speak on all that right now
this is insane
this is going to take a long time to break down
it is weird that he got arrested for that
most of the time you can just carry a load of
weapon around people
people like that
that is crazy
maybe we should save him for the next episode
it is too much to wind down with
it is only smells
it is only smells
it is only smells
it is only smells
it is only smells
speaking of your farts have been horrific
I will give it to you
last night
thank God you did not give me too much grief over it
that was a bad one
that heater that I let
when I got in bed
and I was all fucking out of my wine
that was bad
the dog got out from under the blankets even
that was bad
let's go make some dinner
let's go drink some wine
I love you
let's get stoned Tom
I am still stoned from last night
thank you Joey Diaz
you can listen to that episode
it is
the church of what is happening now episode 207
is this him
bring me one of those
thank you
I know it is all death
you have the Cuban beer
if you took out from Brinley
you wouldn't think about who you are
it improves it makes you the best
you can fucking beat
if you are a kid and you want to go back to college
you want to read
you want to stay up all night
you don't have to take meth like the rest of these jerks
take some alpha brain
alpha brain will make you fucking focus
I am telling you two alpha brains
you are up and fucking hopping
in fact my alpha brain cycle starts again on Monday
after the surgery because I am home for four weeks
I got to write a bunch of material
so I am going to focus
you know what go to honet.com and look at everything they got
they got something for you
whether it is fucking
new moon, shroom tech
whether it is the fucking enzymes
or mango enzymes
whether it is a thing that you go like that
and you get your muscles they got kettle bells
what is your code word
go to honet and once it code word
church and get 10% off while you are there
stay on it
get it sent to your house on the first
like a real human being
you got to go to store and order it
first time you sign up for stay on it
in the box church
like a bad motherfucker that you are C-H
you are C-H
also a shout out to some of my fucking
best I love you cocksuckers
hulu plus you can watch hulu plus
anytime anywhere
$7.99 a month
you are saying Joey how is that possible
$7.99 a month you can watch
on any streaming fucking device that you want
you understand me on smart tv
Roku, Apple, Xbox
pretty much any
games you fucking watching hulu plus
that is how we work
listen if you watch a commercial with hulu plus
they are going to give you what league
they are going to give you 2 weeks that is it
Uncle Joey we go a step further here on the church
what is happening now
if you put Joey in the box
you get 2 weeks for free
and $7.99 a fucking month
so fuck the $7.99 a month
they ain't doing any favors
when you run with Uncle Joey you get 2 weeks for free
huluplus.com
they don't fuck around
smart tv roku
I'm stoned out of my mind listening to him
go hulu fucking plus
he did that when I was on the show
it's so crazy it made me laugh so hard
doesn't he have to send air checks to the sponsors
I think they realize who they are dealing with
and they are like just let them do it
Chuck Woolery has got to run for his money here
on these grades
yeah absolutely
we got to run we love you
thank you to Felix for the cops
are bald and shit remix
we'll go out on this and we'll see you soon
bye
fuck the cops
they're bald and shit
they're fucking bald and shit
cops are fucking bald
man they're fucking bald and shit
fuck the cops are fucking bald
I think he's fucking bald
the homies are not fucking bald
they always have shit too
of course nice show the look man
get in the ball head
go tee homes
have your socks pulled up their cumbers
of course your shorts your dicky shorts
I do it like this at 46
yeah
fucking cops are fucking bald