Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 264-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 29, 2014

Oh farts. Do you have a special fart box for your partner to sit in a face your release valve? Get One! These jeans have a question are Smart for shopping somewhere, but then are all sales Final? Lets discuss.  The Mommies are on Tru TV's How To Be A Grown Up and we let you in behind the curtain. Want in? Plus Top Dog talks farts, poops AND Killing in a call for the ages!

P-O-P-O-L-E-D-A-P You've really taken a shine to that one. I like it. I tell him this, put something on his face. You know what I'm saying? Stick it in his ass. And you know what I'm saying? Kind of like fuck yourself. My dog, he at the door.

I go to fuck. He's groaning and you know what I'm saying? Come on in. Tight. Tight. Definitely a virgin. I bagged out a little bit. He's like, man, come on, man. God damn.

He's tossing the ass or something. They near by the floor. He at the door. Then I have sex with him. Then he has sex with me. Then he has sex with me. His song is intense. It's a great song.

That's... He greets himself well. He had grease on his fingernails. He didn't greasy. Sure as shit, he was greasing. This is golden stuff. I'm mesmerized. Wow.

You know what that was? That was Mom's House Sexy Time Remix by DJ Know What I'm Saying. It's really good. You know, there's a few clips that really touched my heart. One of them... Definitely is a nine orgasms at my dad's funeral. Yeah. Honestly, it wasn't untow.

You have two and you have three in you. And number three is the homeless guy saying, fuck me in my ass, man. Yeah. I feel like those three clips really touched a special place in my heart. There's a... I mean, this guy combined a lot of them. Yeah.

A lot of the classics. This guy's real good. Double putt classics. DJ, you know what I'm saying? I think he's got a real future. I think he knows what he's saying. You know what I'm saying? Hey, it's almost time for us to take this mom cast on the road.

Choo choo. Three shows in three days. Can you believe it? I know. It's going to be nuts, dude. I'm excited. Number six, we're going to our second home, Seattle, with a highline.

Yeah. We're going to make up for when you weren't there. Yeah. I took Crazy Yoshi as a replacement stepmom. He's a good stepmom. He's a good stepmom. His Asian genes are always high. They're very Asian.

November six, guys. It's next Thursday. We're going to be there. The highline. That's how Yoshi said it, right? That's how Yoshi said it. And then the next day, we're in Portland, Analog Cafe. That's November 7th.

And then November 8th. We're really excited. We've never, ever done. We've never done it in Portland either. But there's something about going to Chicago. And some people call it Chicago. No. Chicago.

Everybody knows this. The empty bottle. Chicago. November 8th. We hope as many mommies as possible come out on a Saturday. We have some really special things planned. So please come out. Mage.

Like mage. You don't even know, bros. And I get your tickets in advance, guys, because the closer we get, it's very close to being sold out. And I don't want my mommies to not have a ticket to the shows. And I know, I know, I get it. You're like, but I don't want to buy stuff in advance, because it's a pain in the ass.

I believe me. I'm the same way. But don't procrastinate mommies, because it does sell out. Definitely. Thankfully to you guys, it sells out. Thankfully to that show. Thank you. Here's one that did sell out.

New Orleans, November 14th. Jeez. So they added a second show. What are you? Some kind of jeans machine? I think so. So thanks to all the moms that got their tickets to the New Orleans show early.

We added an early show. So the show still remains at nine, the original show. Now there's now a 7 p.m. show. So please tell your friends. And if you haven't got your tickets, please go to the 7 p.m. show. Houston, I'm counting on you the next day to be at the warehouse live on the 15th. And then November 16th, Hyena's in Dallas. Hyena.

Please put your jeans on and your cowboy hats and your shit kicking boots and come see me there. And then the Performing Arts Center, Monday. And the tickets are looking strong. Thank you, Oklahoma City for coming out on that Monday. I got a good report back from that. So really, this is just a big plug for you to go and a big thanks for coming. A huge butt plug.

Yeah. It's a big butt plug. Thank you very much. So that being jeansed out and said, we're really excited. We're really excited for these these shows coming up. Also jeans. Is it time for me to do mine? No, it's time for me to do this one.

Now, I'm wondering if the dog saw a postman. Is it a postman? Oh. Wow. I ran out there and he had a switchblade in his hand. The scunk did or Theo? Theo got a switchblade out. Wow.

I'm lucky I caught him in time. I saw it. We were talking about stamps and he saw the postman. Oh. And he was doing that whole thing. I thought actually it was a postman because a parcel of mine had been delivered. I owe you an apology. Why?

Because I'm drinking and one sip throws off my mind. I got my thinking. Yeah. It was your turn to plug your stuff. I know. Oh, that's why I'm over. You know what I thought you were about to do? I thought you were going to plug the site and I go, no, plug this first.

Okay. So I just want to apologize. Okay. I love you. You forgive me? Yeah. I still want to be with you. Why am I so winded?

Because you just you just tracked down a killer. Can I tell you what happened though? So I saw him going crazy and I was like, oh, the postman did just drop off a parcel. Yes. So I opened the door to like go pick up the package. Yeah. It's not the postman. It was a skunk and our dog goes running towards the skunk up on the wall.

You know, I was like, fuck. So I just grabbed him and I was like, put the blade down because he also had his switchblade in his hand. Oh, I know. I hate when Theo gets his gun out and the knife out in the gun. It's true. It's terrible. He's so violent.

And when he sees red like that, you can't stop him. Look, I brought the tunes back because you deserve tunes for your. So Toledo, Toledo, November 20th, November 21st, November 22nd, November 23rd. You're never going to let me know. But they don't, they don't know what the dates are if I don't fill it in for them. And then Toledo, Ohio or Toledo, Spain or Toledo, Argentina. Toledo, Florida, Toledo, Florida. And then December 10th.

That's different. It's a different week. December 10th through 12th. So it's actually a Wednesday through Saturday. I'm doing Fartford. I didn't know we were plugging December. Okay. Come, come, come Connecticut.

Come Connecticut. Come Connecticut. And New Year's Eve, guys. You're going to Fartford? Yeah. In December. Wow. I didn't know that.

Yeah. I got to get my ticket. All right. Austin Tejas. If you guys are around New Year's Eve, come see your jeans there. We're going to be doing stand up comedy on New Year's Eve in Austin at the Cap City Comedy Club. Get your tickets.

And that's it, dudes. Damn dog. Damn player. You know what I mean. Also, mommies, we know you already do your shopping on Mt. Amazon through us. And if you're already doing that, thank you so much. And please, please, please, pretty, pretty, pretty, please, if you're going to shop on

Mt. Amazon, just go through our banner. If you click on the little banner on the homepage, it takes you right to like our thing. And it gives us just a few pennies every time. But it means something. And I know it's an extra step for you and I appreciate that. Oh, I can plug this now. It just went up.

Plug it. Well, December 4th through 7th, Phoenix, Arizona. I'm coming to see you. Oh, yeah. You're coming with me to chill. Yep. But I'm at stand up live. We're now on sale December 18th through 20th, San Francisco, Manfran Disco.

I'm doing stand up at COPS. At where? COPS Comedy Club in Manfran Disco. Okay. Oh, shit. Give some to Sheila over here. Listen, we're doing the show old school, which is with wine. It's been a long time since we've been drinking.

I know. It's nighttime. I know. There's a lot to cover, man. Long day. A lot to cover. Guess what? I'm excited.

I found I cleaned out the studio. Yeah. It's really cool. It's really, really mature. Also, if you guys don't remember, there's episodes that are special bonus episodes of your mom's house. There's a wonderful interview Tom did with his parents. Yeah.

If you want to know the stories behind Top Dog and Charo, there's a special bonus episode you could download for like, what is it, a buck 99 or a buck? $1.99, yeah. And also a great interview with my dad. He talks about escaping from communist Hungary and how Detroit is the most wonderful place in the world. They're pretty amazing. It's great.

They're on CDbaby.com and they're on iTunes. It's your mom's house bonus. But to search for them, you don't look in podcasts. You look in albums. I'm going to put that link up on the site so you guys, it'll be like in the shop page. Of course, our cruise pictures are up. A lot of people have been responding to the cruise pictures. And people have been taking their own cruise photos.

That's very exciting. Which is hilarious. Yeah. Also, go ahead. And if you like T-shirts of our show, please check out our shop on your mom's house podcast.com and buy your mom's house T-shirt. We got old school shirts like Top Dog, Wipe Down. We got Let's Get Social.

We got Theo 24-7. Hotness. What else? We have bikes. Bikes. Bikes. And then there's going to be some new stuff coming up too. So keep your eyes on that.

A lot of stuff, man. There's a lot of stuff. Let's see. Is there a bike still here? Bikes. There it goes. There it goes. All right.

You ready to do this? Yeah. Let's fucking party. All right. I'm back with the fart box. So I got some dirty stinky ones for you. Get your ass in there. Come here.

I know you're going to like this. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house podcast. We did this.

Don't bring everyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Don Segura, Tom Sussour. And Christina Pajit Siskist, Christina Pajit Siskist. Welcome to your mom's house. Wow.

Wait, one more plug. One more butt plug before I forget. Okay. That's deep, bro. I drop a new one every other week. So it's twice a month and I will be dropping a new one on Monday. So keep your ear balls peeled. We have lots of exciting guests coming up.

Greg Fitzsimmons. I finally wrangled the one, the only Duncan Trussell. What? You asked for him. We got him. Aren't you appearing there soon? And I just, yeah, I recorded one with Duncan today for the family hour and we are getting him in the mommy dome. It is happening.

That's long overdue. Long overdue. That's long overdue. I tell you, I went to his studio and it's all, he's like, our studio is pretty rad and decked out. Homeboys got incense, pictures of his guru, lighting concepts. He's an interesting dude, that guy. I mean, ours is pretty chill. We like to do things in the dark and so does he.

There's cool lights in here, cool things hanging. Do you like what I did when you were gone? It looks fantastic. I cleaned up the studio. I hung up your big daddy Kane record for George Carlin drawing. Your foosball was there. We got Rodney Danger filled up recipe for poop. So a lot of mommy fan art.

I put up as well drawings of Theo. We got posters. It looks great in here. Yeah. I'm really excited. Long overdue. Check it out. The premiere just happened of how to be a grown up on true TV and we live tweeted it.

Please set your DVRs or watch it live. It's going to be every Tuesday for the next... Today was the first one. There's 15 more episodes. Crazy. Always on Tuesday, 9.30 Eastern. That's 6.30 Pacific. Like I said, we live tweeted it.

They actually uploaded the first episode online. If you missed it, you can actually watch it on our site. Go to yourmomshousepodcast.com and click on the clips page. You can see the full first episode of how to be a grown up. They did a great job. You know what's neat about true TV right now? I know you guys are like, wait, isn't true TV the network that just airs like repo shows? Yes, it was.

Today is the first day that they're launching all these new shows and they're taking chances on comedies like innovative shit. Like there's free, not free people, citizens. What's free citizens? Is that the name of the sketch group? No, it's... People of the citizens. Free people.

Citizens of the people of the... Something like that. Free world. Yeah. Refugees? Yeah, it's the Hidden Refugees show where they bring in a bunch of refugees from Somalia and Surprise. We give them hot dogs.

They did a great job. There's our show. Tell your kid about the birds and the bees. I think you should start clinical. Broad strokes, vagina, anus, penis, scrotum. And then you build in all the nasty details of your personal sex life later. There you go. There you go.

There you go. There's your mom. That's her on true TV. What's really neat, I'm really proud of is that you and I got in Friends of the People. Friends of the People. And also Impractical Jokers is really good too. Yeah. There's only one mommy.

What's really great is that you got in, we got in a diarrhea joke, which is really cool. That was fucking hilarious. That made me laugh. I didn't realize how funny that was going to be. It's the way they cut it too, you know? Yeah. And we did the mommy dance. The mommy dance is on episode one.

If anything, you got to go to the site, click on the clips page and scroll through episode one because we do the mommy dance. Yes. They're like, do you guys dance? And we're like, we do the mommy dance and they're like, will you show us? What's that? Yeah. And there's actually a bunch, I think throughout the show, we'll see how they edit it.

But I have a feeling there's a bunch of references from the show that we get in there about jeans and all kinds of stuff. We talk about pulling our jeans up. We do that a few times. A lot of brown talk. Tom farted one time when we were taping. Yeah. Burping.

A lot of good stuff in there for you guys. There's a lot of cool shit. I'm excited. Your beard is so full. Oh, that's another fun thing to watch. If you watch episode one, I have scruff. And then if you get to the final episode, you'll see that I look like a member of SEAL Team 6.

It's really full. It looks like Special Forces 100%. It's hilarious. And also I have a raging eye infection too, which is kind of neat to watch get aggravated and then disappear. It is very nice. Yeah. And then it spreads to both eyes.

So that's kind of a fun thing. I kind of like that you have it. On television to have an eye infection. I picture that you got it at a glory hole. Wait, wait. Let's walk through your fantasy. Go for it. Well, you're just going to the bathroom somewhere.

Where? Like at a rest stop. Yeah. Okay. And you got to go and there's a hole in there and you're like, and you're like, you're pushing and you can't, you're trying to, you're trying to get something to come out and you're sitting there. Brown?

Yeah. You're sitting there. But you know something's there and you're like, you're like, I can't really get this to come out. Yeah. And you're, you know, And then there's a little hole in the wall. Yeah.

And you're like, what's, what is that? And you look and then there's like this droopy sloppy that comes through the hole. Yeah. I'm listening. And you're like, what is, hey, I'm, I'm going to the bathroom in here like that. And then the guy's like, don't worry about it. It's all right. It's okay.

Don't. Yeah. And you're like, all right. And then he's like, check it out. And you're like, it smells weird. Yeah. And what are all those marks from it? And he's like, so help you go to the bathroom.

And so you're like, all right. And it's like this old guy, he doesn't have, you know, he's missing, he's missing the hand and his teeth. And then he's got a lot of spots on his chunk. And then you don't know what to do with it, but you rub it all over your face and then you get an eye infection. And then you're like, all right. And then

This is kind of hot. And you sit there longer and then you fart. No, you know what's interesting is that your, your scenario is not far off from how I probably got that eye infection. Really? Well, yeah, because So my fantasy is your reality? Well, half of it is.

The fact is, I probably, as our doctor, Dr. Dickhead explained to me, it's getting shit in your eye. He's like, ah, you gotta shit in your eye again. I'm like, yes, fuck. It's shit flex in your eye. That's really what it was. Dude, that's what pink eye is. It's not all shit flakes.

But it's like dirty stuff in your eyeballs. Yeah. And I was rubbing my eyes. I was farting in my hands and rubbing on my ass. What's the squeaky? She's sitting on a fart box. It's like a homemade chair. The center's cut out.

And the guy can put his face underneath it. And then she's sitting on it. Man, I could do this. It's so good. She's trying. You can tell she's trying. She's failing. I already know what she's doing wrong.

You do? Yeah. What's she doing wrong? First of all, she's not eating properly. Yeah, I think if she ate the right thing, this would be way different. This would be so much easier, dummy. Yeah. Let me make you some poop soup.

Ooh, that was wet. Did she shit on him? No, but it really popped. You jumped. What are you looking at? Her butthole. You can actually see her butthole. Can actually see it?

It's like, oh, I don't like it. I don't like that. I don't want to see it. Wait, what happened? Tell everybody what happened. Well, you show me the screen and it was like a lady bent over. And you can see her meow and her perking butthole. It was like puckering.

You know what? I hate puckering buttholes. It's hard to look at. I hate it. So every time she farts, it expands. I don't like that. Oh, no. Yeah.

I get real. I don't like it. It's like when Theo takes a shit, I can't watch his butthole because I hate the puckering. Really? I don't like it. Oh, that's your favorite part or what? No, but I just didn't know you couldn't watch it. I didn't know it affected you.

I don't watch him. Well, plus he gets mad at me. He always cusses at me. Come on. Quit looking at me, bitch. I can imagine that. I can imagine that. He's got problems.

The rescue dog. Oh, damn. That's easier to deal with. Well, I just had a revelation. Why don't we hook up King Ass Ripper with the Fortbox girl? There's, he'll never fucking respond. I know he won't answer our fucking request. We even had the little mommies go after him.

I know. Why does he deny our love? I don't know, man. It's really upsetting. It's really upsetting. It's really upsetting. Bet he'd answer if Daniel Tosh called, huh? I say it with a kid, you just get right into the kinky stuff.

Bondage, you know, masks, whips. Let that kid know it's a whole world out there to explore. See? Do you realize we said that on television? And that's right from the world of your mom's house. 100%. 100%. We snuck in so much mommy stuff on that show.

Yeah, it's really great. It's really great. So funny. So does this lady end with a really good fart? I was kind of wondering, you know. Well, how does this show end? Are you so lucky? We can't even look.

It's hard. It's hard. The penis or this? The hard part is I don't want her to shit. I don't want to. That's the thing. That's the danger of this. Oh, yeah.

That's the danger of love could spit out. What about her vegan vagina? Good point. I'm done. You want to get out? First of all, her farts were very weak. Yeah. They were of a weak grade.

If I were her, I would prepare by eating poop soup. Homemade. Okay. Now what that is, for those of you listening who want the recipe. Mm-hmm. Do you want your Trader Joe's? Get your bag of cauliflower? I might as well take a nice, big, fat shit for you.

There's a fart everywhere. You could definitely do this. There's a fart all over your face. Yeah. Broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, kale, cut up carrots, onion. Mm-hmm. You'll get these. These are weak ass farts.

Yeah. You'll get some real good farts if you eat that. Or a minestrone soup. Homemade. There you go. That was a good fart. When I made that minestrone soup, you farted like that. Whoa.

Yeah. Because it wasn't minestrone. It was mamastrone. That's right. That changed the whole game. Yeah, mamastrone. I had extra veggies. Yeah.

Oh, by the way, so we got this from a listener, a job opportunity. If you're a girl and you can poop a lot, regardless of how you look, you can earn a lot of cash. Yeah. It's joyangelist.com. Mm-hmm. It's indeed as simple as it says, are you a female 18 years old, plus? Mm-hmm. Then you earn for a great time making money with joyangelist.

Good looks are not even important. What counts is that you can poop and pee and everybody can do that. So just tell me how this sounds. So far, I'm qualified. Film yourself pooping using your iPhone or camera. Yeah. Send your clips to us via WeTransfer or SendSpace and tell us where you can send your money and that's all it is.

Hmm. Do I have to show my face or is it just my butt hole? You see, because of the myth that girls don't poop, I never went anywhere except home, which didn't only cause me a lot of discomfort, also really huge poos. Then I found the joyangelist website and ever since I thought, there goes another 60 bucks. After having pooped away about 4,000 bucks, I sent in a clip of myself pooping. Nobody knows it's me. Nobody knows I'm doing this.

I've been a joyangelist model since 2007 and it's still going. We all make fun of situations involving poop, for some reason it makes people laugh. Girls can have as much fun as boys when it comes to situations, but girls mostly won't show it as easy as boys. There are thousands of guys out there who never saw a girl pooping in their lives and that's why this website was founded. By never seeing a girl poo, many guys think girls poop flowers and roses. Here's the opportunity to show them the truth and make money doing it.

Now, would you like to learn some more about this? No. I love their sales pitch. It's like we're trying to educate people, but it's really perverts jerking off to girls. It's a duplicitous thing. Well, the fetish is called Afro, erotic female relieving observance. Oh, boy. There's immensely famous lovers of the genre, from the Amadeus Mozart to Louis XIV.

How did they know that? I wasn't in the movie. It's definitely not in the movie. I like this. Here's how to make a good clip for us. Imagine how simple this is. You just wait till you have to poop really bad. You just place your camera on the floor and start filming yourself the moment you really have to go.

You don't need to be naked at all. Just wear whatever it is you're wearing at the moment and you want to film squat down and go. It doesn't matter if it takes you three minutes or a full hour. Anything is good. Don't be ashamed to fart. The noisier you are, the better the clip is. That's a philosophy I absolutely 100% agree with. You've got to let it out.

I think it's a philosophy you invented. You know what I get the other day? I met a guy at the comedy store and he goes, oh, you're Tom Segura's wife? I go, yeah. He goes, oh, I was just watching his Netflix special and he goes, I love that. I could watch that guy tell stories all day. I go, I know my husband's amazing. He's the funniest human being.

And he goes, oh man, that pooping story. Is that true? Is that a true story? He talks about shitting and you want to take him to the hospital? I go, absolutely that's true. That is true. That is every day in our house you poop and it sounds like you're dying because of the gas. It's so volatile.

You exaggerate. I'm sorry. I interrupted your rules here. Go ahead. So don't be ashamed to fart. Yeah. The better, whether you poop really huge turds, pellets or soft ones, everything is good. To those of you who really can poop very big piles, girls hold your poo as many days as

possible as these are the highest paid clips. Here's another part that they're really clear on. Don't let your boyfriend film you. Film yourself. Oh, you are the best director of your clips. But if you have a girlfriend who wants to join in even better, we double the amount for one clip featuring two girls. As long as you make sure that you are not too close to the camera, your turds are clearly

visible and the clips are bright and reasonable quality. You can't miss. When you are done, pick up the camera, show us a close-up of your product and that's it. It's your first clip and you just created your first money. Brown money. Yeah. What's the website again in case somebody is interested? It's Joy Angelist.

Yeah. Like J-O-Y. Angelist. Yeah. A-N-G-E-L-E. Here's a piece still of like from Girls Who Pied. Sure. And let's see.

Yep. And there's a turd still. Oh my God. But that's not a normal sized brown coming out of your butthole. It doesn't look like it. Are you sure that was out of a rectum? Yeah. How do you say rectum?

How do you say rectum? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. With two gentlemen. Gentlemen. Especially what is amazed. Amazed. I was able to take a really, really hard long penis into my vagina as well as my, what do you call that? And there is so many adventure within me during this past ten months.

What do you, she says. What do you say? She says what do you say? What do you say? About to do some grocery shopping. Oh, I just need milk, eggs, you know, the basics. Come on. Get smart.

See, smart and final has all the basics. Milk and eggs. Stop it. Coffee and bread. And don't forget the produce. Whoa. I have no idea. We're talking the convenience of a grocery store with the savings of a warehouse store.

So we're driving by smart and final and Christina goes smart and final. What does that mean? And I go, what, what do you think it means? And she goes, I think it means like, yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. Yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. Like it's a, like it's a stoner who, who runs it. And he goes, yeah, you mean you're smart for coming here, but all sales are final. You can't return anything.

Stop it. But that, that's what I thought it meant. I don't understand what it means. Why is it called smart? He said, yeah, you're smart to this girl. Right. He's all, but the point is, is it mean like, cause it's, it's the convenience of a grocery store with the savings with a warehouse.

So it's smart for smart shopping and there's like good low final prices is what I think that means. Okay. But it doesn't mean, yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. I'm going to compliment you, but I got to tell you, I can't go any lower. Like I can't, I can't take returns. Wow. I really saved a lot.

So any words of wisdom for your friends out there? Yeah, too. Get smart. I had a feeling she'd say that. Get smart, smart and final. The smaller, faster warehouse store. I just, I guess I don't understand. Yeah, you're smart for coming here, but I mean, all sales are final.

That's what I thought. Do you know that that's one of my favorite things that you've ever said. Because that's what I, I've been reading it that way in my head for like 20 years. You've always said, yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. It's, you're smart for shopping here, but all sales are final. No returns. No returns. I honestly thought for years that it's a store where you can't return stuff.

It's so ridiculous. I thought that's what it meant that it's final. Like you cannot return these things. You must keep them so you better be smart because you got to choose wisely. So like if you walk out of there and you bought something and you're like, I want to return and you're like, Oh God. I'm stuck with this. Yeah, I seriously, I thought it was like a final sales store.

Like some sales stores, cause they have those stores where they're like, sorry dude. Like, like with that shit called like Tuesday mornings where it's like, this is it, bro. This is the last chance. You can't return this shit. That'd be way too aggressive of a name for a store. It's to tell people this is it. These are the final fucking. There's no returns here.

That's way too aggressive. That's too aggressive. I know that's why I've never shopped there. I've never been inside. That's so ridiculous. I've never gone in there because I didn't understand what they could sell. I didn't know. I don't know what they sell at smart and final.

Yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. I'm sorry. You saw the sign. Some stoner stands there and he's all, bro, sorry dude. Good job coming here, but it's final now. Uh-uh. And you have your receipt. You're all, but I have my receipt.

And the stoner's like, no dude. Just points at the sign. Final. Sorry man. But I didn't know that until you just played that, the smart and final, that they sell eggs and shit. I thought it was like a paper clip store. It's like a means of a grocery store, but it's the savings of a warehouse store. That's smart and final.

No idea. Are you going to go try it now? Nope. I don't like their name. I still feel that the name is inherently hostile. Yeah. You're smart for coming though, but it's final stops, but all sales are final. But no, it's means that like you don't need to go anywhere else.

Dude, I would never, I would never have inferred that meaning in million years. It's like, are we done? Do we get to shop? No, you're done. You don't go anywhere else. Hey, I'm somebody from yummy. Oh, I got it. Yeah.

Yummy. Also, the store that I don't understand is Jennifer Convertibles. Yeah. What is that? I know it's a couch store. It's like convertible couches. Is that like convertible Burt from a record song? Yes.

Touch work. Like a convertible Burt. Burt. Yeah. Who is convertible Burt? I have no idea. I've been. I think he sells cars.

Convertible Burt. Have you seen that vine with Rick Ross where he's like, he's all, dude, he's all, I'm into eating pears now. Shout out to all the pear. Oh, it says right here. Oh yeah. All right. Let's see.

I touch work. Oh, what's that? Interesting. Okay. Okay. I'm pulling this up. I'm pulling it up. Did you freak out about that skunk?

Hmm. I think Theo has to take his shit. Oh, buddy. He's so cute right now. I like how Theo gets mad. Rosé sold drugs like Richard convertible Burt Simmons. Oh. Who was the mentor of booby Williams, who was Ross's mentor.

Hmm. Mentor. He was a drug dealer. That's who he was. Wow. Yeah. Rick Ross's hat. Remember that?

Holy shit. That's true. Ross and a bunch of rappers did a rappers round table back when I wrote for Chelsea. And Rick Ross left behind his baseball cap and it reeked of marijuana. Marijuana. And I asked if I could steal it. Yep. And nobody claimed it.

So I got it. Yep. That's great. Let's see. We talked to Ricky, Ricky, Ross, Ricky, Ross. I'm into eating pears now. That's so crazy. Shout out to all the pair.

That's what he says. What are you looking for, double dog? I'm trying to find that for you. It's on my Twitter feed. Look. I got the full clip. Can you just flash the shorties co-signing? I don't want, you know, as much as I love your boss, I don't want to co-sign that.

But yes, you are looking a sexy motherfucker right now. Now boss, how much you shredded? Man, I might have, you know, I ain't really keeping up on, you know, the amount, you know, I just wanted to, you know, get in some better shape, you know what I'm saying? Put myself in a better position. So I just, I still eat the way I want to eat. I still, right, I just go to the gym. So it's the gym which is doing it.

I do this shit called CrossFit. I call it RossFit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called RossFit now. And that's exactly... If y'all see this, this hashtag RossFit. But what it is is, you know, earlier this summer, you know, Reebok had, you know, introduced me to a trainer. And what he turned me on to was, let's say for instance, if you got on a treadmill and you did that shit for 30 minutes.

Yeah, you burning calories, but you could be doing something that's burning calories and building muscle at the same time. So it's like you working out a shorter time. I could go out and do some shit for 20 minutes. He sounds winded just talking. He is. He doesn't just sound like it. It's working fast. And like everybody who see this, go ahead and hashtag CrossFit.

Hit me on Twitter. He looks terrible. He's like, check me out. You can look like this. He looks better than he did though. He does. Fucking realize that because baby, this grind is hard work, fam. The grind is...

Let's go from about the grind. He's talking like... What? He said this grind is hard work, fam. Why people are... Him saying that is so fucking stupid. I don't even understand what he said. But what does he mean?

This grind is hard work, fam. You can't... Listen, I think like British hip hop birds. No, no white guy should ever say that sentence. No. Like remember that rapper of the streets? He's an English guy. It sounds corny.

No offense to the English listening. But it just, yo, get your life. It's horrible. It's your life. These guys will stand up to count the money. You know what I'm saying? Hello. You might be on your feet for a few hours.

But now they, you know, they give me fruit to eat. You know what I'm saying? I forgot what fruit tasted like. I eat pears now and shit like that. Shout out to all the pear eaters. Yeah. Are we gonna see it? Oh, he did keep it singular.

Yeah. Shout out. But then the English guy chimed in with eaters. He goes eaters. Shout out to all the pear eaters. Yeah. Are we gonna... He like corrects the...

Right. So here's what you can't do. You can't say this grind is hard, fam. And then correct somebody on their grammar. This grind is hard, fam. The grind is really odd, fam. Shout out to all the pear eaters. God, it's grammatically correct.

It's the queen's English, la. Grind is... It's really trying out there, fam. You know what I'm saying? You know, they give me fruit to eat. You know what I'm saying? I forgot what fruit had, you know, tasted like. I eat pears now and shit like that.

Shout out to all the pear eaters. Yeah. Are we gonna see a pear fucking syrup? What? I might need to let Puff know that. A pear fucking a double pear. That pear syrup. Should I start doing my interview shirtless?

Absolutely. Absolutely. With chains? He's got a lot of chains, though. And he's got tats, too, huh? Yeah. Absolutely. Why not?

I think you should start that new trend. Yeah, that's pretty good, yeah. Dude, Rick Ross has a full set of C-cups on him, though. For real, though. Not far behind him. Boo-boo. No, boo-boo. You look way better than us.

I'm gonna get a gold chain, though. A big, fat gold chain. Yes. I like this. How much do you want to spend on it, though? Nothing crazy. Five Gs. Are they more?

Really? Well, yeah. Do you want a nice chain or just... Is our doc just pee? No. Do you want to, like, as shitty... The point of the chain is, like, it's gotta be so expensive and have no resale value. That's how they do it.

I can get down with that. I can get down with that. Like 50,000, I'd say. Mm-hmm. How... What would you do to personalize it? Um... I don't know.

I just rocked that shit, man. Like, T-nuts? Oh, you mean a medallion. I was talking about the fat chain on the outside. You start wearing it to press, that's fucking a move right there. Yeah. I'm gonna start doing that. Okay.

I'm gonna start wearing it on planes and on... And to press. You know, I've always felt that, I mean, everybody could use... You need a good track suit to fucking fly in, bro, and to travel in. Yep. It's so hard for me to find one. I've wanted a good fucking Eastern European Euro-Trash track suit forever, and I cannot find one.

We didn't tell the story of the fucking jacket getting returned. Oh, shout-out to all the pair. Shout-out to all the pair and purse. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You feel me? You feel me? Do it, British accent.

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm talking about? Talking about feel me? You know what I'm saying? Hey, I'm talking about you feel me, I mean? You know what I'm talking about? You feel me? You know what I mean?

Yeah. Talking about feel me? You know what I mean? Does it sound as hard, right? No, fam. It does not. Grind is very real. Like the streets.

Okay. So, yes, we did not discuss the jacket catastrophe. Go ahead. The jacket catastrophe was that I bought, here's the thing that I've learned about myself. Yes. And other people may relate, if I really want something and it's not like crazy, like a fucking $5,000 necklace, but if I really want something and I go like, I can buy this, I just buy it.

Oh, okay. No, I mean like, you know, I'll go, I really want this. Yes. As you should, you work very hard for your money, so hard for it, honey. Yeah. Like Donna Summers. Why can't you enjoy a thing now and then? But what I find is that if I want somebody to support my decision, that's doubt.

Yeah. Doubt is what should be faced and realized and observed and accepted. And that means don't. When I got that fucking jacket that if you listen to live from San Francisco on, I bought it, I called you and I go, should I get this jacket? And you were like, well, why are you asking? And I was like, I don't know, it's expensive, but I'm going to Asia and I need like a light jacket and blah, blah, blah.

You were like... You were Tracy Braxton. You were a little indecisive. I was very Tracy Braxton that day and I didn't know what to do. I'm thinking about Trina maybe because she doesn't make up her mind with her husband. Sorry, maybe Trina. Really? Who's more indecisive?

Tracy or Trina? Tracy or... Oh. I feel like... Because Trina goes back and forth with her husband all the time. I've been practicing. Ready? We are the Braxton's and you'll see that we are not like an ordinary family.

Bam. That's... Is that it? Light years ahead, but I thought you were going to give me the next verse. I don't... I haven't practiced the names. Oh, okay. That was like...

Was that good? That shows you when somebody goes to work. Like when someone practices. Yeah. Well, I was writing it out and like practicing while I was making my coffee in the morning. It's all about hitting that, that, right? That gives you... Yep.

And I remember you saying that. The rhythm, yeah. So go ahead, sorry. So you decided... You checked in with me. Who, which Braxton are you today? This morning you said you were... Because I was...

I told you I was very... I was Trina today. You were Trina today. Kind of like a little... Kind of wild and a little sass and a little reckless. Yeah. That's how I felt. Kind of grumpy today.

That's Tracy. Yeah. Tracy's kind of grumpy. I was tired. I didn't sleep well last night. I was a little Tracy Braxton, yeah. Yeah. I was very Trina.

I was like, well, I don't care. I'll have a drink. You're like, I got a drink during the daytime. Okay. Cocktails. Cocktail sauce. Cocktail sauce. Cocktail sauce.

So, okay. So call me. So I called you and I did that thing where I was like, what do you think of my decision to do this? Which I think is like... The fact that you're making the call is what you need to pay attention to. In my case, the act of the call is telling me I'm not confident about my decision. So you need backup here.

Right. Which the real lesson is, if you're making that call, it's a no purchase. Chances are. You have to ask for the counsel on it. Yeah. You're like, I don't really... I have doubts about this. Yeah.

So anyways, I really regret... I had like immediate... What is it? Like immediate buyer's remorse. Yeah. So anyways, I held on to it and then I was able to exchange it. They let me exchange it. That's nice because it's a classy place.

It's not like smart and final. If you got that jacket there, they'd be like... No, they'd be like, this is also their final. You can't do nothing. It was smart to get it, but we're done. Yep. But this place was like, yeah, what do you want? That's nice.

I gave them that back and I got a jacket that I showed you. You approve. Big time. I love that one you got because it's like a down jacket for winter times. We're getting into winter times. For sure. When you travel, you're going to really need that. Yeah.

I'm going to go places where it's cold. Where are you going to go? There's a lot of places it's cold out. You got to wear a scarf and a hat. You got to wear a shawl and a brooch. You got to wear your brooch. I don't know. There's nothing like...

There's nothing, no feeling as poor as when you're like, I fucked up and I shouldn't have bought this. You know what I mean? You feel like, God damn it, I spent my money so unwisely and you're unhappy with what you got. Yeah. So to redeem that, I feel so... I can't tell you how happy that exchange made me.

Good. Because you realized, I'll tell you why you felt like, at least in my estimation here, there's a dollar amount where when you spend it, you feel good about yourself and you're like, I can afford a $10 thing. Mistake. Right. And then you go, yeah, but if it's a $20 mistake, then you're like, no, I'm saying there's like an amount that you can spend in your heart where you know it's right.

Right. And then there's an amount that's just a bit over it and now you're going into remorse. Right. Well, I'm saying it's from... I would never have had the regret if I loved it. If you loved it. Right. If I put the mistake, if I go, ah, yes, it's stupid, but I didn't mean whatever, it's $20

it'll hang up there. Can I tell you what I do when I remorse? I don't buy a ton of like fancy pants things, but when I do, I buy like one or two. If I don't like it, I just fucking return it all the time. Yeah. I'll always keep the receipt. You know, nine times out of 10 retailers will take back. You know what Charo did for me today for the first time?

What's that? She asked for a really nice gift. She's never done that before. Aw, what is she? She asked me to get her a nice handbag for Christmas. Aw, that's... She's never asked me like... That's true.

She's never kind of fessed up to wanting stuff. No. The opposite. She goes like, I just want love or like whatever it is. She's like, that's nice. But she's like, I want a really nice one. Now she's like, I don't give a fuck about your love. Yeah.

Just give me some stuff. She asked for really and I go, look, if I get you that, don't think that I'm going to get that for my siblings too. And she goes, absolutely not. You're a mother. Like she put it out there like, give me some nice shit this year. You know why dude? Because you're getting older.

I'm getting older. My dad expects me to pay for lunch now. Oh, he does? I'm no longer the child. Like once you're over... You're the working person now. 38 years old. Like I'm almost 40 years old.

Yeah. Now we're the adults now and our parents get to be the children. That's how it goes. They get to regress into being kids. We take care of them, man. It's really funny. My dad's so into it now. Loves it.

He loves that I'm the adult now and he can kind of... He's just retired, you know? So he can chill out and I get to buy him pizzas and Milanesa. That's all he eats. Every time I see my dad... Not like fucking asking for a handbag. No, it's not. It's not.

It's so funny. I'm like, dad, where do you want to go? You want to go? I was going to have lunch. I had lunch on the last week. Like, would you want to go to like this Israeli place down the street? He's like, no, no, CpK. I'm like...

He loves CpK. And you trade them? You trade them for dinner? I did. I did CpK dinner, man. Did you just volunteer it? Yeah, I got it. I did.

It's cute. I can't make my old man pay for fucking pizzas now. You know, my dad, he's such the guy forever that was like, you know, I got it. I'll treat you. Yeah. That if I go like, I got it. Thanks, buddy, immediately. Like, he doesn't do like, no, I got it.

He's like, absolutely. So my dad's paid for everything for 38 years, not everything. I'm not 30. Sorry. That was the last major, which is huge. But my dad's got the wife and two daughters and a son and he's, you know... Your dad's paid out, son. He's paid out.

Whenever anybody goes like, I'll take their... Appreciate it. Like right away. He just drops it on you. That's nice. Shit. Shit. I tell you, being a parent, I mean, that's...

It's money. That is a lifetime of paying out, huh? You just pay and pay and pay. Hey, buddy. Stop talking. Hey, buddy. Stop talking. Hey, buddy.

Stop talking. You need to lie down. Stop talking. Should we talk about, before we play this call, that next month we're actually... We're paring it down, but not really. Like, what we're doing next month is we're doing the show and we're going to be doing once a week, but all of the shows are going to be longer. Yes.

Like the idea is this. We get together and we kind of like throw together this show and typically the show is 60 to 70 minutes long, but we also have like, you know, always on our mind shit about, well, what about like Friday? You know, I feel like, and I feel like something about that. So we want to try it for the month of November to just do Wednesdays, but put everything we get into the Wednesday show. Right.

Like it's a Wednesday super show. And because we were talking about this when we went on the cruise. And we heard like the throwbacks. Yeah. We heard those early episodes when we were only doing one and we put so much love and thought into every single episode because it was only one a week. Right. Like for instance, right now I go like, we got this top dog call.

Yeah. And then I have this other thing to play and I go, oh, but should I just save that for Friday? Right. And that's something that happens all the time where we go like, hey, this talking point should we, oh, we're at this point. We'll just save it for Friday. And we end up splitting up the show.

Yeah. And I just feel like if we condense it into that once a week, every episode will be at least 90 minutes, if not longer. So you'll get in one episode almost the length of our normal one, you know what I mean, of two episodes. If not equal length and you'll just get, we'll empty the fucking, we'll back up the vault every time. Like we'll just be like, we're done.

We got everything we could into this show. Yes. And well, it's an experiment guys. We'll do it for the month of November and we'll see how it goes. Yeah. It is an experiment. It's all it is. It's an experiment and we'll see where we go with it.

Yeah. I think it'll be good. Yeah. So that's it. It's not permanent. Okay. And just see if we make the episodes even better that way. So we hope you'll, you'll like it and support it.

And that's that. Let's see here. Oh my gosh. I want to hear this call. Okay. I talked to top dog. He went to a wedding over the weekend and with my younger sister and I remember this is when we were making fun of them on the cruise and we were like, are you guys going

to stay at the, uh, are you going to share a room? I wish I could. I got into some of that stuff, but yeah, it was, um, so he had called me over the weekend about some things and then today he's at the hotel at the airport because he's getting on a really early flight. So I called him and this was our, our conversation there. There. Wow.

It's powerful. Hello. Hey dad. Hey buddy. How you doing? Good. What are you doing? Oh, I'm, I'm in Orlando.

I'm flying up to Washington D.C. to have a conference tomorrow. I'm going to. Oh yeah. That's perfect. Actually time to talk about this because when I talked to you last week, when you were in Jersey, um, you're talking about travel days and how that affects your shits. Oh, it does. It does.

You know, one of the things that happened is when I get on an airplane, typically the early flight, I don't have my mind shit. Yeah. So what happens is you're traveling, you know, and so you get all out of wax. So I went a whole day without taking one, which, yeah, which I knew, you know, it was going to be multiple bombs away, multiple bombing missions the next day. Okay. Well, weren't your farts terrible because of that?

Oh, the night before, the night before you could actually see the paint peel on the walls. Even bad by your standards, even by my standards, yeah, you know, so anyway, next morning, I, you know, I probably, I think about a three in the next one, if it's, here's what happens when I want to shake this and then test it all night. Yeah. The large intestine takes away a lot of the moisture. It's true.

Yeah. That's why if you don't, you skip the day, sometimes you have a harder one because today there was a, you like that? Well, he's right. You know, my mother didn't say many smart things to me as a kid. That is one of them that then you, farts push the shut out number one, but the shit stays inside of you and takes the water out of the shit. Interesting.

Yeah. Ending lady here and I was saying the cleaning lady was here this morning. I wanted a shit and I held it probably another hour than I wanted to because she was cleaning the bathroom and stuff. It's really, you know, people don't know about our home, but it's a small home. We don't have a big house and we have a very small bathroom and it's attached to our kitchen. And so the cleaning lady was, she did, she does the kitchen first always. So I'm in here, I have my coffee, I go, I got a shit, but she's right there.

So I'm like, oh wait, well guess what she does next, the bathroom. So I hold it all through that time until she finally leaves that area. We only have one bathroom. So that's it, man. I got to hold it. And it was a very disappointing shit. Very disappointing. Wow.

And you can hold your shits for a long time, but those, when you, when you got to go in the morning, those are not the ones that I hold. Typically it's like that, that midday like, oh, I can shit right now and I'll hold that. But that first one where the coffee hits you, I don't hold that one. Coffee shits are impaired. I don't hold that one. And it really, it was really disappointing by the time I had to go, it wasn't the complete shit, you know?

No, no. I know you, you know, probably a little spread out on me and so you probably had a follow-up one later. He's right. He called out that I probably had a follow-up one later. He's right. Because when I, I hold in, if I hold in my morning dump and I have to make up for it later, he's absolutely right about this.

He really knows his stuff. I don't, can you move the phone? I don't hear, I don't hear you as well. I hate. Can you please make note in your mind of how many times I ask him to move it? This is the new battle. At work it's the breathing. Right.

When it's his cell phone, every time, no matter where, what time of day I go, can you move the phone so I can hear you? Wait, what? I don't know where he puts it. What is it with people over 50 who do not know how to use a telephone? So I was talking and I go, he goes, yeah, yeah, I'm like, where did you put the phone right then? My father does what Peter Cain did on the phone, where the button pushing, like why

are you pushing buttons, who's doing this? I don't know, man. It was just, this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. I hate traveling. I just do. You know, when it comes to my shit, so I don't know what I'm going to do about my morning get a seven o'clock flight.

Oh, yeah. Why are you leaving on such an early flight? Because the conference starts at, you know, Washington, DC. So, you know, they want to get away to the airport, check in to go for all that stuff. So I'll probably not have something in the morning. And you know, the world's worst place to take shit's on the airplane. Yeah, I know. I do it every now.

You know, I fly so much that I don't like to do it, but every once in a while, I just do it because I have to. Well, you know, I was in touch the other day and yuck. You're contempt for coach. Oh, I did shit in the last two months. I've started playing with her three times. I hate doing it, but now I'm at the point where I'm such the frequent flyer that I'll go like, do I need it?

Could I hold this? Like I do the whole and I go, I'm just going to let it out and I go and I shit. It's brave. I mean, especially because you have to count for all the other people waiting in line, but you don't get the crap. It sounds like you don't care. I don't care. I don't like the honey badger.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's probably, by the way, three rows ahead of me. Yeah. Was a billionaire, a member of the Forbes 400 and coach in coach and coach and I've flown with I've been on flights with him before he always takes coach. I mean, I've been on other planes that across from me one time. I despise people with those set of ethics.

I think it's so fucking gross when it's the same as like the people who have all the money and they're like, you know, I drive my used Honda Accord and it's got 600,000 miles on it and I just get new tires. I don't, I don't applaud it. I really don't. I don't applaud the Uber wealthy person who's like, I'm just a simple guy and I mean this asshole is worth two, three, four billion dollars and he's not flying private at least first.

Really? Yeah. And the point is what? Well, it just doesn't mean anything to me. Fuck off with that man. I really don't. I don't care. Especially because if you've been poor, if you've grown up, like I grew up without a ton

of money and if you, if you done been broke, you celebrate when you got the money. You know what I'm saying? You don't celebrate. Billionaires flying coach from Florida to New Jersey. Yeah. Go fuck yourself. And I feel the same way. I know people.

Well, you know, it's all about where you want to spend your money, but I, you know, I guess probably the part of my contempt for it is that like, I like cars and when somebody's like friends who have like millions of dollars that I know, I know people with millions of dollars and I have this fucking 20 year old car, this $10,000 car and I'm like, you know, I don't look down on people who don't have a nice car, but when you have the money and you like, you know, it's fun to drive a fun car to drive and you're just choosing not to just to be like, well, I just, I didn't spend any money on this. Yeah, I know you're driving that fucking hunk of shit.

I know I got it. I understand. I think I don't appreciate the self inflicted martyrdom thing. It is. It's disingenuous. That's what I don't like about it. It's not that I don't, it's not that I don't respect you flying coach, I fly coach every week.

I, you know, I buy my coach ticket and I hope for an upgrade. But like when you have the money to do it and you're like, no, still, yeah, I still, you know why? Cause it's smacks of false modesty. That's what it is to me. It's like the, you know, it's like the CEO of Microsoft. That's the equivalent of this guy drives a Prius. You're like, wait, why does he, you don't have to bro?

Like, isn't that, wait a minute, isn't that why you chose a job that makes you a ton of money? Right. You don't have to do that anymore. Exactly. The rest of us are buying the Prius because it's a good option for us. You can have a chauffeur and you're fucking. And just do it.

Make your life easy. My buck. Make your, make your life easy. I don't understand that. And by the way, some of you snickering at the fact that we have a housekeeper, let me tell you something, marriage has so many pitfalls to fight with each other on. Okay. There's enough to work on.

If you guys fight about underwear on the floor, if you're both messy, if one of you is messy, if one of you doesn't do the, both you don't do your dishes, don't fight about it. If you can afford $50 to have somebody save your marriage and clean the house for you, I highly recommend it. It's so worth it. We do it more if we could. Absolutely. We don't do it enough, but listen, if I, if I don't have to spend my free time or you

spend your free time scrubbing a toilet and we can spend that time doing this podcast, which we've done before, well, the little cleaning ladies here, by all means, I spend that 50 bucks on it. Come on. Come on. Get your life. You need to get your life for real. By the way, there's a guy, he's a real fun guy.

He bought each of these. So about 10 years ago, he bought it. He's talking about a different guy now. Different guy bought. He said he's about to say a Toyota Avalon. Toyota Avalon with the free tires for life. Uh-huh. Okay.

When he got to this sixth set of tires and 200 and somewhat thousand miles on this Toyota, they said, well, we don't want to do that anymore. And so he said, you can't do that. So it's right here. Tires for life. So, so. Just kidding. Multiple choice.

You know, I think he's on his seventh set. That was a total multiple choice laugh, wasn't it? He's like, this guy said that. Okay. I love when he gets that laugh. Yeah. It's one of my favorite things. Yeah.

So, from like a dealership. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they can't back out of that. Well, they didn't. They didn't. They tried, but they didn't. Um, yeah.

So let me ask you. Oh, so the other day I was, I met this, uh, uh, Marine. I mean, he's not in the, in the core anymore, but he fought in, um, Desert Storm. And then he, he also went to Somalia and, uh, you know, Black Hawk down stuff. Yeah. Uh, he told me it was really, really exciting to kill the enemy there too. Oh, yes. It is.

You know, technically. Yeah. It is. Particularly the kind of weapons we have, you know, I mean, the weapons, you know, 37 millimeter, 50 cal, you know, uh, we have really better weapons. Do you think it, is it more, is it more exciting to kill with like an explosive or with like just firing a shot? Oh, fire.

Yeah. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Because the explosive did not really get. Can you move the phone again? How many times? With the explosives. All you get.

How many times have I asked you now? Twice. Okay. Where did, where does he put the phone? I don't know. I don't fucking know. I've asked this a hundred. You're only getting one phone call.

I've asked this a hundred thousand times already is just left over so speak, but it's kind of cool, right? To see their body explode blown up in pieces. It happens so fast that you really can't see it. They're just there and then they're not there. It happens too fast, explosion is too fast to follow the detail, but when you fire and you see the mist in the air, it's more exciting. Headshots are the greatest because there is enough to ask the body to talk and just kind

of. Where's the phone? I don't know. The distance and hand hits. It was playing on the weapon, but usually, back of his head comes up, comes on the round. Yeah. I'll see where it hits, but it doesn't matter, because you're the enemy happens to be, right? But I mean, like, if they're trying to kill you, you have to kill them.

Did you, by the way, did you see Loan Survivor? Have you seen that movie? Yeah. Yes. It was great. I hadn't. I didn't see it till last week. Yeah.

It's great movie. Well done. Well done. Yeah. And like they really, the fight scenes seem really realistic and like when they were trying to kill the Haji's and like you saw, you know, they really made like realistic shooting take place and the explosions and it seemed like it didn't seem as like glorified Hollywood as it seemed.

But it was probably probably the best, best one I've ever seen in terms of coming close to realism. Yeah. Yeah. It was a great one. I think ethical, if you remember in the movie, when they just debated whether they're going to execute the 14-year-old boy, sheep or the murder act. We talked about this extensively.

Yeah. It's a spoiler alert. If you haven't seen Loan Survivor, I guess you don't want to listen. But in the film, what happens is these, it's based on a true story and basically these seals were out in there in Afghanistan and there are four of them. And they're outside this, like to say this township run by the Taliban and this group of like three or four sheep herders come and one's really old, one's really young and there's another and then one of them is like 14, 15 years old.

He's really aggressive, really angry. He tries to get away a few times and they have to zip tie them and they have the debate about what to do because they're trying to get basically to an extraction point and they have communication equipment that's like failing the radio, their sat phone's not working. So they go, well, if we let these guys go, they're going to go let the Taliban know and they're going to notify them, they're going to come after us. So they had the debate, do we execute them? Do we tie them up?

In other words, tie them up somewhere here and it's going to delay them getting discovered or letting people know for a while, which gives us the head start. Or do we just let them go? That's the debate in the film and the film, they let them go and as soon as they let them go, the young guy, the 14, 15 year old takes off in a sprint back to let the Taliban know what just happened. Basically that Americans are up in the woods. That's the debate.

Yes. Like it basically is what ended up biting them in the ass. Yeah. So as a Vietnam, we had two persons, we're going to call the radio saying, we're going to heal if your pattern to help out another pattern that's engaged. Okay. Well, we can't take the prisoners with us. So, you know, the question is, what are you going to do with the prisoners?

Hey, you let them go. No. Are you going to shoot them kill them, execute them? Thought about that. And I said, no, because I can get you into, I can get you into trouble. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

For ethical concerns here. So when we ended up, you just tie them up, which is what they should have done. Right. Shouldn't they have to tie them up and try to get out of there? Yeah. Yeah, they should have, they should have tied them up and bought some time. Absolutely. You know, here's what would have happened.

Here's what would have happened. Probably the same thing happened. If you go messing somebody goes looking for them to tie somebody up, but I don't think they had rope with them. That's the thing. I don't think they had rope with them. We had rope with us. Well, but they had, they had zip ties and stuff because they had their, their

hands zip tied. Yeah. So they could have zip tied their feet and they could have, they could have gotten them a good distance away where like they weren't going to make any fuss for a while and then they could have bought them, you know, they could have bought some time, you know, you know, the other thing you can do is you can, you know, break an ankle or do something so they're not mobile. But, you know, I think when I was there in the post of Eli atmosphere, so we were

very sensitive about civilians. Yeah. He could have just broken into that guy's ankle. That's another option. If you want to tie somebody to a tree, break their ankles. It's your dad. This is your father talking. You realize that was your dad is like, I took a big shit.

Yeah. And now I'm like broke some ankles. So crazy. So we just, we decided not to kill these guys and just, uh, yeah, you know, that goes, yeah, I mean, when you're watching that movie, you, you, you know, as soon as that guy's released, you're like, oh, they should have done something to him because he's going to cause, oh yeah. Yeah.

And you know, I mean, and they're outnumbered. I mean, tremendously outnumbered. And the other thing which still amazes me about is why you didn't have better communications. Yeah. That's the whole, that's the whole fuck up. Really, I was still struggle with that whole thing. Cause you know, this, that was in the age of satellite phones.

You didn't have satellite phones in Vietnam. Yeah. Where was the communications on this with sat phones? Well, they had their sat phones, at least in the film, and they couldn't get through. And then, then of course that, um, that seal team gets deployed and then RPG goes right into the helicopter and takes the whole thing down. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing that, that, that, um, you know, they did lose

three, two seals on one RPG and, you know, that, that big questions. An awful lot of guys on one, one photocopper. Okay. Yeah. And whether that was really, I asked a, a, a seal team guy that I happened to know about that and he said, they just didn't have that many qualified helicopter pilots. Okay.

They're special kind of pilot, especially trained to look with seals. I asked him about that specifically. Oh, guys, an active seal. You know, I just remembered that I did take a couple of extra shits after that disappointing shit, but they were real sloppy and like drippy and droopy kind of shit. Yeah. That happens.

You know, I had three the next day. Wow. But they're not satisfying. No, they're not. They're not, and they weren't all, they're all kind of different texts. Okay. So it's a little harder second to three or little something. Yeah.

Very interesting. Um, yeah, yeah. It goes from killing people in Vietnam to your bowel movements. Um, the thing that he's right about is that. So I held that one and the first shit was really disappointing. It's when she was still here. I went in there once you moved. Yeah.

And then a little bit later, I had like, ooh, but it was, it's hot and running. Yep. Yeah. Exactly. And it just was very unsatisfying. You know, here's why I wake up extra early when I know she's coming. That's why I wake up so early because I need to drink my coffee and I need a shit before she comes to knocking.

I didn't know that I like to sequester myself in this room while she's cleaning because she doesn't clean the podcast room, obviously. Yeah. It's very intrusive. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That was neat that you could get that from your dad.

Yeah, it was kind of cool. Right. It's kind of bonding. Do you bond? Do you find that that bonds you to him? Definitely about killing and stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you don't understand for me, the how dramatic the changes from asking these questions over time. Yeah. I mean, this used to be like, no, no answer to, uh, I saw some things. To like, you can always break someone's ankle if you want. You know, I think I know you're talking about with your parents, like with my father now, there's definitely things that he wouldn't be open about my youth. And now that I'm an adult, a full grown adult, he tells me shit where I'm like,

I don't need to know that. Yeah. Yeah. How about you not share with me anymore? Now with dad, my dad, it's like, I want you to completely drop the guard. And I feel like the closer we get, cause we've become closer as like just friends. Yeah. And he doesn't worry about like, you're a kid.

I'm going to, you know, freak you out. He just tells me shit now. Yeah. But the thing is, I think it still freaks you out no matter how old you are. You never want to really know shit about your parents. I kind of enjoy it. Yeah. I enjoy the, the war stuff from him.

Yeah. I don't want to hear about like, uh, him banging chicks though. It's gross. That, that, I don't have no interest in. How are we when we are making fun of your dad's coming on approach? We're at Starbucks and you're getting coffee and you're like, Hey, beautiful. Oh, yeah. You know how you do that sometimes?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. But where were we? Hey, gorgeous. No, I was like, I liked when you fill that out. We do that again for me. That was one of those classic jeans episodes we were let out. That's right.

One of the full time best. That's right. And, um, No, we were, we were watching some people have been emailing me questions for him. So I'm going to get him on that for another episode. Well, top dog knows everything. He knows a lot. He knows a lot.

I'll give him that. Um, but look, we got a, we got to get moving jeans. So we'll be back on Friday. We have a guest. Um, I don't want to say who until it's, you know, he's actually here. You know, that goes, you know, that goes, but we'll have fun. So, uh, thanks for listening jeans and be her and be the one pull your jeans up. Oh, make sure you go to your mom's house podcast.com to see clips from the show.

Be sure to check out our store. You can order shirts like top dog. Let's get social. Theo's 24 seven bikes and more. Don't forget to download our bonus episodes. They're on CD baby and iTunes. We interviewed top dog and Charles Christina's dad about escaping hungry, arriving in his dreamland Detroit, like our Facebook page, Facebook.com slash

your mom's house podcast. And don't forget to please shop through our Amazon, Mamas on banner on our site. Listen to that's deep bro. Christina's other podcast and go to Tom Segura.com Christina comedy.com for standup information and tickets to shows. That's it for now. I love you guys. Bye.

Hey, I think his fucking bottle homies are not fucking long. They always have shit. Oh, of course. Nice to show the look man. Get in the ball head and go home. Have your socks pulled up. The fumbers. Of course, your shorts, your dicky shorts.

Crazy dude. Like this is. Fucking cows are fucking ball.