Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 271-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: December 10, 2014

Yooooo! If you spend time overseas be careful! You could get AIDS. From a towel. Especially if a lot of dudes drop their stuff in that towel, ya feel me? Pat Robertson is a national treasure. While some look to him for spiritual leadership, we find him to have his finger on the pulse of what's funny and this guy is hilarious.  Plus we have some new songs and we have to admit, they are DADGUM GOOD! Can we teach you how to sing? Yes. BEATBOX? You betcha! AND we got that Chris Gaines music that you know you wanna hear.  Would you mind pulling your jeans a little higher?

And the magic has begun Kind of a jeansy tune. Yeah, it's like a tight. It's like a winter jeans, too Oh Winter jeans, they jaco everywhere Love your favorite pair Jeans winter jeans put on the Hanukkah pants. They're there Nice Nice

Jeans are taking off. Yeah, I'm going to Fartford come Ned to cunt The fartford funny bone. I thought it was fart turd Shit fart turd come Ned to cunt Fartford the funny bone there. I'm there Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and but then Sunday. I'm not there. I fly home What happened on Sunday? I don't know they changed my scheduling So it's Wednesday through Saturday as opposed to Thursday through Sunday. I don't know what happened. I prefer I prefer to come home on Sunday It's a lords day. I think so too on a on a Sunday

On a Sunday. I heard some guy on television doing that thing But for those t-shirts the team was wearing goes not not not a practice Not not not not a game. They know he goes. Yeah, they want a shirt to practice not not a game and he kept saying like that Tell my practice. Oh Is it about those I can't breathe shirts? Yeah? Okay, and then in a hold on hold on hold on. Oh, then New Year's New Year's mommy Wait, wait, don't jump ahead New Year's Steve change. You got to go back and forth. What am I? I mean, I'm in man friend disco next week

Sorry, I usually we do all our dates. I know but I mean, it's right. It's coming up right next. It's coming up right next week Somebody asked me today on Twitter. Is it December 18th December 19th December 20th? And it is yeah, those three dates 18 19 20. I am at cobs comedy club in San Francisco aka man friend disco and The streets will run white with jizz So make sure you get your tickets Come see me If you saw completely normal on Netflix, this is a whole new hour

So all new material people ask me. Yes, it's all a new material all new show. It's all about come, right? You're doing this hour about jizz. Yep. That's new special to be called come in my beard and That's what this shows about. That's what the white streaks are on your beard. That's what it is So please come see me there. I love that club. I love that city It's great. And then we put our pants back on together and we go to Austin Tejas Cap city for New Year's Eve New Year's Steve and then January 2nd and 3rd. Don't break my balls about New Year's Eve prices and then The the party continues

In January, I got a bunch of dates up. I can't go through them all but people Tweet me all the time. What are you coming to this city? You're on Twitter Why don't you just hit the neuron on my page where it says my website? I know it's all there I'm coming to Syracuse Nashville Des Moines. I'm coming to yeah, I'm going all over the place man I can't list it all Syracuse. What do I say Columbus? You said Syracuse twice already go to Syracuse twice next year That's cuz it's love. I like Syracuse Indy Louisville Hattiesburg, Mississippi Yeah, it's all there. They have comedy clubs in Mississippi hub city. I'm going to do it

Dude, I didn't even know there was a club there real talk after watching Django and Jane I don't think they did stuff like that. Yeah, it's pretty intense I don't know why I associate their past racism with no comedy clubs, but no, they still have I know I made that assumption Now back to me please January 15th January 16th January 17th January 18th. I'm doing the Pittsburgh improv in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Canada and then Sketch fest at the end of January. It's in Manfredisco. I'll be there too. Damn. Okay. We both don't want it. All right

Can you fucking do this already? What's going on Ready for this sure Also guys Christmas around the corner go to your mom's house podcast get a Bristol stool mug for the person who loves our show Get a t-shirt Get some stuff for your mom's house for your Christmas and our story merchandise does our shipping and they're very very diligent God forbid you do have a problem email them lickety-split the guy takes care of it Yeah, so get your crap now order your mom's house merch now

You know what I'm saying don't wait last minute jeans. Don't wait. Yeah, if you wait you get yeah You definitely get in trouble then you get your jeans a little loose and then you don't want that now's the time Um Okay, we got some really good stuff to play You know what I'm in the mood for your mom's house. You're getting the mood to do that fool around Like what you're saying I kind of like I kind of I kind of feel like it What I just didn't think it would be something you would do

I Let You had another one like that when we came back and I was like that's not cool It's not cool. And then I barely brown today, so it's still in me. Oh, I know you ready to do this. Yeah. Yeah Let's fucking party This person says I'm planning to go on a mission trip to Kenya in December I believe that God heals today, and I'm not consumed about the chance of contracting Ebola I'm also a person who's willing to take practical precautions

Do you think there are undue risks that we do not know about and the dangers are higher than perceived here in America? Not in Kenya You might get AIDS in Kenya the people have a you got to be careful. I mean the towels could have AIDS Welcome I Know it's special Well, you think of that I feel like now that we've captured that on our what is this called? It's a GoPro It's like an action camera. Like you wear it on your helmet stuff

I use it usually when I go like windsurfing or paragliding Right gliding. Mm-hmm. It's really neat. It's really cool So I see people on the beach and they videotape every minute they're on a bicycle I know like who's watching this footage? You know what I would like to do I would like to piss people do this a lot as they put them like on their dogs collars or attach their dog I want to do that. Yeah, but then he's gonna be like you got in my business and you're you know Yeah, we don't have a normal like you're wearing a wire like no one's gonna trust him. Yeah, yeah Yeah, he's got shit to do he's not gonna be too pleased about that. Mm-hmm. No way not into that stuff. No way

thief does not like snitches Do not wear a wire when you do business with FIFO Leave that player and snitches get stitches. Whoa Don't act like you don't know what that means play boy. I know what it means. I don't need makeup on right now Okay My eyebrows got dead though. Look at that. Those eyebrows. You got the meanies. I got a case of the meanies Here's that frangipanses joke. Yeah, when I was on Chelsea lately. They said that

Michael Jackson's father had his eyebrows done and he asked for the meanies Oh Chris Frangelo is really hilarious great joke writer that guy he He would write the closing joke to every episode of Chelsea lately and is that's the strongest joke of the show Oh, really the closing joke to any late night show. So he's a funny dude really the meanie So I went to get my eyebrows did at this fancy this place. This guy does Beyonce and the lady was so I Anger estheticians all the time because they're like Why aren't you doing Botox and your eyebrows are terrible and you need to be bleaching your hair on

They just don't like me. I just I can't keep up with just too much. It's too much to be a girl I actually the longer. I live the more I can't believe the shit that women have to do just to be like standard the baseline. Yeah, the baseline Jesus Christ Well, just wait We're just so lucky we take it for granted if you're a dude You're not a complete piece of shit yet some point you you appreciate it a little bit Well, really because I mean as a dude you realize you can really just roll through you do nothing. Yeah, you do nothing you wake up This is not it. I'm just saying not you. I don't mean to accuse it early

Like you you essentially like we were in Phoenix and you performed in a t-shirt your Detroit shirt And you slept in it and then the next day roll into life when to yeah out in it Yeah, you can go to like business meetings like that and the same t-shirt Yeah, we slept in with your eyes barely cut out of your facial hair and some people are like Yeah, it's just that's how Tom is but if I do that people are like, what's wrong with her? Yeah, no, definitely. They'd be like we you need a 5150. We need to commit her right now What are you mentally ill because you're not wearing makeup right now pretty much? Speaking of I mean, it's a good thing

We're not in Kenya right now because all the towels have aids on you believe that can you believe that who said that Pat Robertson Who's that again? The the guy with the Christian no the Christian network guy. Oh that fucking guy He's out of his mind. He's the craziest like And he has a television station basically. Oh, that's so nice. He always has something to say towels can have aids He says crazy shit for years years towels have aids He said you're not gonna get Ebola in Kenya. Yeah, like it is a lot people have aids Which Kenya's I don't believe is one of the higher population countries of those But then the really crazy thing is

To when you have that many people he does he has an influence where he has a lot of sure To tell them that you're gonna to put in their head that you could get aids from a fucking towel Well, let's think about it. I mean, okay, let's say there's aids on a towel our aids on there Seaman, let's see. Let's see some guy freshly comes and a guy who has a JV The likelihood that the aids virus stays alive in the towel pretty low You're not thinking of it, right? Okay, but he's Let's say you believe in God, which obviously you don't so there's aids. There's just on the towel You go to the hotel you cut yourself

And then you put the towel on the cut a boom you have aids. That's how you get it You wipe your face you open your mouth boom you got aids. I don't think it's really I think your your scenario is bad I think a more likely scenario would be Six guys come on a towel at the same time. I'm interested It's it doesn't seep into the towel because it's so much jazz. It kind of forms It stays above it, but then you're there. Yeah, and you go, let me suck that towel dry So you take the towel and you you suck on the towel. Yes I think you can get aids that way. So you drink it because you can get aids

HIV rather just through Drinking a lot of semen. Is that possible? I guess if everybody who just on the towel or in anywhere has aids Yeah, so that must be the scenario Pat Roberts is referring to he's a he's referring to a blow bang But he didn't say it because it's a Christian network But he's like if you're a blow if you're working on the set of a blow in Kenya Yes with people who have aids and you're the fluffer or the cleanup person, right? But you can't resist drinking all that just right you might get aids So he's not he can't say that in less words. So he just goes towels could have aids

He's not totally inaccurate. He's not wrong. Yeah, he's just not sharing the details of the time He was in Kenya, right which I understand now that we clarified it. I understand you gotta look for the bright spots, Tom Yep, you know, yep Yep Wow He says the best shit man How do you think how does one come to believe that you can get first of all, it's not even aids you would contract HIV From towels. I mean, he's stuck in like 1980. I don't I wouldn't say 80

I would go I might go back a few more years for Pat Robertson This guy he's always said It's life-affirming I mean, it's exactly what Jesus would want you to talk about is getting aids from towels. Yeah AIDS from town. He's as smart as that The president of Africa remember when we were there and he was telling people you can't get aids of you shower Right after yeah, but that's not wrong though. It's like totally inaccurate She said oh Reverend what can I do my husband has started to drink and the preacher looked at her He said madam if I was married to you

Wow That's sorry about that horrific audio, but there's a lot of clips of him. Well, I mean ladies need to straighten up No excuses that I gotta say I love shit like that The no excuses thing, I don't I just had a baby. I love I love Get your fat ass in the gym. I don't care if you have twins crazy people I Apparently there's another awesome thing that he said he said that Christians are oppressed

but the reason is Not nice some of the come towels. Here we go. It's gonna come up There's aids on all the come tell you gotta remember from the Bible you look carefully at the Bible What would have happened in Jesus time if two men decided they wanted to cohabit together? And they would have been stoned to death So Jesus would not have big baked them a wedding cake nor would he have made them a bed to sleep in Because they wouldn't have been there, but we don't have that in this country here So that's the way it is, but ladies and gentlemen, I think we have to recognize

What I said a few years ago at that point homosexual marriage was condemned homosexuality itself was considered a pathology and Now those who were practicing that activity I have turned and become the oppressors of those who hold to deeply held religious points of view The tables have turned and I think it's just the way it is, but why

Well, I mean look the guys with their delicious Penises going into each other's mouths and assholes. They're tempting balls and anuses. I know why though I'm gonna take over it's changed because towels can have aids Yeah, do you realize? Yeah, buddy. So terrified of Penis going into his mouth or his anus and him enjoying it That this is that's the hysteria. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah Yeah, he's um, he's that mouse What if Jesus was a homosexual when that'd be the best if that it comes out and they're like guess what Jesus doesn't hate bags after all

And then they'd have to rethink everything we so great it would be Jesus was black and homesick My wife has become a real problem. She has no respect for me as the head of the house She insults me. She even went as far as stretching her hand to beat me I've lost my self-confidence her words hurt so much and she refused to talk through our problems. Please. Well, I Got a quick little summary for what you should do. Just tell me what I can do Well, you could become a Muslim then you could beat her. Oh But in lieu of that Why don't we do a show like this I know where

People can write in with their problems and I can be like Pat and you can be like this lady and go well The yes. Yeah, the yes, man. Yeah It's like Steve Harvey and Shirley strawberry. We're surely like, oh Steve you crazy. Oh His morning show. Yeah, she just surely just agrees and laughs all the time every single time Steve you out of your mind I take I got five multi Now why can't I get veneers? Why can't I get motifs and they're like Steve you're out of food teeth But I won't beg a tape. I want veneers on top of my veneers. Do you want to hear some past advice? Yeah, of course

You know, I think she this man's got to stand up to her Can't let her get away with this stuff. Oh You know, I don't know I Don't think we condone life beating these days, but some's got to be done Physically, but I mean, why would she not want to talk to she said not physically because he wasn't about this He wasn't about to say that not he was gonna be like physical is fine. Yeah, I Mean in the good old days, you just hit a woman does like you like not that old me Still works that way at the Robertson household. Come on by Bob on one main street

She is just totally Well, she's rebellious the chances are she was rebellious with her father and mother She's a rebellious child and she doesn't want to submit to any authority And she probably had temper tantrums when she was a kid and you know, you know the little girl I hate you. I hate you and she wants to slap her father. Well, that's the same kind of thing She's just she's transferred the father now. She might So he he wow, he picked up on a lot of stuff I'm pretty sure he has a PhD in psychology

It's oh, yeah, and he's he didn't hear her side of the story. No Wonder he doesn't need to How I hate to say everything's got to be some psychological counseling, but you know, no But I think you need some a third party here. Yeah, definitely, but that's the problem She is my third party does not understand authority when she was growing up. Nobody made her behave and now you've got a 13 year old and a 30 year old woman's body and she is acting like a child Yeah, now, what do you do with that? You can't divorce her according to the scripture and so I say Move to Saudi Arabia

Wow Where you can beat the fuck out of her wow, that's what he's telling him. Yeah Wow That he condones so crazy. This guy is out of his fucking. How old is he? He's a thousand. He's pretty old. Yeah, he's pretty old but He's got a lot of clever stuff to say. He's got a lot of really good ideas though You want to know his net worth? Oh my god. It says that it's a huge Estimation because I guess they can't lock it down

but Robertson is worth somewhere between 200 million and 1 billion. Wow, get your life. Yep So there's enough religious nutbags out there Not that all people that are religious are nutbags obviously, but there's enough nutbags that are like, yep, you got it Homosexuality is wrong. You got to be shit out of your wife Wow Let's see. Yeah, cuz he how what's that show at the channel is called well 700 club or something. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, that's been on for is that the lady with the pink hair? I

Think it is. There's some broad on there with pink hair. He's all this fuck now. Yeah. How old is this dinosaur? Oh, he's almost gonna die. It's gonna be okay. Yeah, he's almost gone. It looks like I love Diane Sawyer You know who loves Diane Sawyer Joey Diaz. I know he's like, that's my girl He loves her let's see what she says over here tonight There is a debate among a lot of friends and families about love loyalty and commitment It began with a thunderbolt from evangelist Pat Robertson on his television show Saying divorce was justified if a spouse was suffering from Alzheimer's His answer was such a surprise that immediately everyone started taking sides

To tell people like is your partner do they have a horrible? Disease that's leaving them hopeless and alone leave them He's Terry Moran has a deeper look for us It was a question on the 700 Club Pat Robertson's talk show a woman looking for moral guidance asking about a friend whose wife Has Alzheimer's he says that he should be allowed to see other people because his wife as he knows her is gone Robertson an ordained Baptist minister for 50 years responded I know it sounds cruel, but he's he's gonna do something he should divorce her and start all over again But you know to make sure she has custodial care and if he says in the sense she is gone

He's right. It's like it's like a walking death There you go. Wait a minute, but I thought divorce isn't condoned in there. I don't know, but if he moves to Saudi Arabia I'm not sure I do I really do wish those people would move to Saudi. I like this guy though. I like this guy. I like his thoughts, too I think he makes a lot of sense Hmm. I mean, is he wrong? He's not he's not been wrong about anything, right jeans? Not that I've heard so far You know if you showed up looking like that. I said shit. I'd be drinking too. Okay. All right. Yep. I mean Ladies you gotta respect your man

Um, let's see there there might be one more good one. I'll see if this one's any good and then we can say he's 84 He's almost a hundred years old. She has no respect for me. She makes it out of the house. She insults me You know what I'm saying you feel me is that he's he's almost a hundred and it reflects in his views. Well, yeah He's all this fuck. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens when people get old is they have old points of view like me Why I still want to say gay and stuff's gay and people are like that's so insensitive. I'm like, it's all I know It's all I grew up on Why can't I say stuff's gay? Why can't I say stuff's good? I feel you I feel you when you say something gay. I say I feel you that Yoshi

Yeah, I Here's my feeling on things being gay. Yeah I Feel like I've held this argument for a long time. It's just only fags think stuff's gay interesting, I think I think that no the idea that Words don't have more than one definition is silly to me because I understand how words work Like if enough people Agree that a word has a definition then it does just because you find one of the definitions

Undesirable or offensive doesn't mean that everybody else does so it's silly to me that you would put your feelings towards it On somebody else and say we need to change this. Well, if a big enough group, I guess agrees with you then it will but it's people say gay to mean That something is lame and I understand that you're saying that people say well, it's hurtful Somebody who's gay and then they feel like you're saying that they're lame, but the intent. I mean words are all about intent like that's In context, yeah, of course. So if somebody says like this movie's gay You know, maybe it does suck next it could But I think the the reason that a lot of people don't have a problem with that is that they're all agreeing on the intent and the definition

Meaning something else. Yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah, that's all implied context So everybody agrees that the meaning of this this time we're using it isn't in that that's how slang develops Yeah, people go. What's that? What does that mean when somebody says that and somebody explains them like, you know That's this is how this word works. I know and like I always feel like As much I hear guys calling each other pussies and stuff like new fucking pussy, but I don't go sir You really, you know, every time you say pussy it makes my me feel bad about my vagina as a woman and I Every time you say you say pussy my pussy hurts, right? That could be your console pussy like

Mm-hmm. You stupid bitch about bitch. What about cunt? What about all those words? Well, they're all legit arguments The point being that like mass groups of people are why words have definitions If only you think a word has a definition, it doesn't work that way. Yeah, I know You know what? I hear you and these women they need to get beaten. Yeah by their husbands Need to open your pussies up Open your pussies and let me if you're getting offended by things I don't get it. I'm kind of like What's wrong with you? What's wrong with y'all? Open your pussy hairs. I'm speaking of n words

We saw some we heard quite a few last night. I should just rename that movie Jango So bet big words. The n word movie. Big ah Yeah, it says so many times in that movie, but it's all it never really feels it does feel a little you're like Jesus Like it's overly done, but it's all it fits into its slavery Well, he makes a point that this is what the that awful it was used not much. It was just normal to be like, hey Oh, yeah, of course, don't be booby-booby-booby blop-booby. No, listen to you not saying it now big words No, I've learned my lesson on this show. It's saying the big words. Why? There's no context right now. I feel like I'm not quoting anybody. Yeah, you know

Yeah But I do I like that movie. It's long. We didn't get through it all God. It's long But I love the message of it that he's he overcomes fear and he becomes his own well master of his domain, bro Yeah, I mean it over there's not I think the movie has a bunch of messages. I mean one of them I definitely feel like God bless But I also feel like The story is fantastic Jamie Foxx is So talented, I know

He's an amazing actor Comic I can sing like you would not fucking believe Tarantino, you know, he just all his movies are a good fucking time Yeah, it's like going to it like a like you know what it is It's like going to a party where you're like, I don't know what's gonna happen But every time this guy throws a party, it's it's rad and rad happens. Yeah, and I do like that his he's chosen revenge It's like he did the white woman revenge and kill Bill. Yeah, or female Revenge, yep, and now black revenge. It's so rad glorious bastards. Yeah, dude

And how great is that German guy for Sean Jackie Brown is taking kind of revenge on people that you know She's the underdog. Yeah, yeah underdog, but she's getting back at you know, whatever the guy that Hustled her and the feds or the cops kind of to for bring roping her into it. You know, yeah, they get away with it Yeah, revenge is kind of awesome. I know you're not supposed to want it on people, but it feels pretty good I gotta say revenge feels great. Yeah, it's kind of the most noble of human emotions and yeah actions, right? Revenge feels good. Sometimes you don't have to do the Tarantino route and kill everybody. Yeah Doing well succeeding in what you want to do is really actually just great revenge Yeah, being happy

That's a good revenge on other people, you know, that's true But I also like to see other people suffer that. Well, yeah, yeah, my favorite way in a film It's there's nothing better than like seeing really brutal violent revenge and acted on somebody Yeah, well, I just like to look through their Twitter feed and know they're not doing as well as I am Okay, things like that. That's Facebook. Is that healthy? behavior or no I'm pretty sure it's normal. Hmm to make sure it's this shot shot and Freud Shot and fraud make sure that other people aren't as happy as you and so it feels good

Are these people suffering and then you're like, yeah, I feel good And then it feels good to know that their lives are all fucked up It does you don't feel that way like about an axe or like about fucking Somebody didn't like in the past someone to burn you and you're like, yes, she's fat I don't feel like that so much as like Let me see like when I don't really I'm trying to think of people I don't like I just I kind of enjoy their failures It's not so much. Yeah, right. That's you you can also enjoy their failures. Yeah, they're defeat They're a drink. It's what you put value in. Yeah, and then you that's what you can either enjoy

You know, it's like if you place value, let's say in like someone's physicality and you see that like they let themselves go That's a victory. You know, it feels good. Yeah, I mean, I like seeing people not achieve what they want me to They're staying the same place or just divorce is sure. Yeah, cool Yeah, posers weak people All the animals all the fucking in them will scum the field someday real rain Figure it out, bro Thank you be Peter Gazing Peter Gazing. Yeah, I love his lift Peter Gazing Peter Gazing

Yeah, I think we got a song. I don't I don't think it's a Peter Gazing song But we got a couple songs that people had sent in. What's this one here? Is this a new one? Let's see. Have you heard this song? Have you heard this song jeans? I think it's a song And I got my time I I Fucking love this Great, that's the first like rock song we've had. Yeah, we've had fight horn

That's so ridiculous, bro, that's so fucking rad Dude, usually we get a lot of hip-hop. This is this is radical. Yeah, this is right at your mom's house Yeah, this is um, is this James McDonald. All right James. I thought this was Garth Brooks's alter ego guy for first This guy's Brooks's other projects sad Brooks or whatever. Why the fuck is this? Okay? Shitty Brooks Oh I

He's Australian Oh I'm so impressed they're mom's trillions. It's James McDonald James from mom's Trillia. Thank you so much Gerald the Western Australia Gerald Yeah, man, he killed it. Wow. Whoa. I went into his next song But that's James McDonald. Thank you so much James. Thanks James. I actually hadn't heard it I just pulled it and I was

He really covered all the bases in that jam. Yeah, he did that. I mean that and that sounds like an authentic 80s MTV right like with the hairband just jamming out Oh It sounds like they're really gonna party at your mom's house Did you were you into that? It's we call a but rock here in LA growing up. Okay called but rock is that would you ever into but rock? I only no not big time. The only the only ones that I I would say I was into was If it was like that it had that real catchy one. I wasn't in ever into like I love this band. I love all their songs Yeah, I would get like, you know, there'd be a big

Poison Motley crew hit yeah a jam a jam, but it was because it was you know, it had that catchy melody. Yeah, and Dan Cody actually my buddy Minneapolis He listened to like everything and at that age, I feel like he was in all those hair bands He and he runs him like the big independent You know record store in Minneapolis now. Oh, no shit. That's me. Yeah, I can't I don't know the name of it But then You know, what was like pour some sugar on me all that shit?

Some sugar on jeans. Yeah, but now and then she's my Cherry jeans. Yeah, but now I feel like god. I can't even have a meet like all the cool bands I don't know any of them Oh like from this from this genre and stuff. I'm not talking about this genre I'm talking about like what what people who are into music a lot go like here's a good band I don't know those bands. Yeah, well, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you don't you don't know him either Yeah, I do. No, I know the pixies. I know that's fucking 30 years old Ramones Okay, you're proving my point modest mess. Oh, I you're talking about like current day. Cool. Yeah, cool

Yeah, no, they're like, you know this band out of fucking, you know, spoke hand and you'd be like no super lame I'm super, but like these guys They know exactly you know, I mean like Dan would know All the fucking he's all it's called my morning death cab. Yes. Oh, you mean deviated septum. They fucking rule. That's a real band No, they're not. Yeah, deviated septum is a real band. Really? Yeah. Oh, well But but I see what I smell what you're feeling Like people are all oh arcade fire. Like I know like one or two songs I know like they're big. I don't know shit about today actually your your band would be called arcade farts

What it would be can we please first of all first of all Listen, just listen. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Listen. Mommy. Please listen because for real talk I farted Twice in the last couple days and you gave me mad props and I feel like When you compliment my farts, it's like the master telling the apprentice job well done Your farts the last few days. No once in phoenix. Maybe twice in phoenix and fart nix and once here They were horrible

Horrible I thought you were sick. I really thought you were sick Well, I was browning a lot the day that I didn't make that one fart. I did shit like six huge shout out to fart nix I gotta tell you guys six shows In a room that size for those you don't know stand up live in phoenix. It's a big boy room It's 600 seats now. I didn't sell it But we had people at every show and a big part of that is your mom's house listeners So thank you guys for coming out. You made the weekend a huge success

And you're the best. You're the best fans in the world. The best jeans are always the best Yeah, you guys are awesome. Thank you for coming out Everybody and I encourage you if you live in that area stand support stand up live. It's a it's a great club Great comics come through and um, you know, the venue is awesome. Yeah, it is a really nice room. Yeah, really nice room I like it. Good menu. We got nice. They got that uh, copper blue next door. It's nice steak bites Yeah Yeah, I like it filet bites filet bites are off the chain filet bites Um, and I would walk up fifo came with us and I would walk him

Um to go make peaches and browns. Mm-hmm. It was kind of a rough neighborhood. I was more afraid than he was downtown Well, yeah, it was there was a lot of like homeless guys with wiggly bags and stuff But I didn't even phase our dog was like the fuck you looking at like he was really I mean, I almost saw him pull a knife Like because some homeless person wanted to pet him while he was taking a shit. Mm-hmm. He did not like that No, well, you can't let someone's homeless hands be on them. That's horrible. There's AIDS hands on them Of course We have towels full of AIDS if you're if you're homeless and then you pet our dog

Towels gonna have AIDS and soaking your hands I did let them eventually because you know They homeless people are people too. You do let them pet him. Of course. Yeah, but I really wish you would have told me that before I'd pet him again How do you let me kiss them? I would have given him like a two hour bath That's so rude I don't care

Even like their fingers He was eating chips And I was like, oh he's got the food smells on it. How homeless are we talking? Um, no, not like not like is it like when they have that when they're a white guy, but their hands are black No, not that bad These guys were like What do they call them? Not like not working homeless, but you know, they know, but I mean like they got kicked out this week

Like they got evicted monday. Yeah. Oh, that's not too bad I just don't want to be like, oh, it's like career homeless guys It wasn't so home like in like in san francisco. There's professional homeless Yeah, like there's there's guys that have Like one dreadlock where it's like a beaver's tail because they've been homeless for so long Like there's that level. Yeah, that's san francisco though. It's not not phoenix. Yeah Or the guys have like super black males and Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. No, these were like working like working homeless working corpse

Yep, and you can you know, there's a thing Is that there's a there's a way that they are the way that those career guys are You know, it's a way of being Oh Come on poor jeans. Oh, I know At least at least the weather's warm and fart nicks right now So obviously by the side it's not like Terrible terrible. I do feel like there's a thing about the career guys is that

You kind of know that they're there before you can see them if you know what I mean What it's on his mask. Okay. It's on his mask Oh You know what I'm talking about don't get all fucking sensitive on me. I know I just I feel bad I had to take a class on homelessness in college. Believe it or not. I'm so stupid. Look, I of course I sympathize with those Yeah, it's a it's a horrific place to be in but you know what I say get a fucking job. Stop being fucking homeless Yeah, get a job dummy. Yeah, or you know what?

An apartment I've always said no, how about this buy a house? Duh, then you wouldn't be homeless you dumb shit You know my favorite part about when Bill Cosby was telling Black youth how to be. Yeah, like I know you're poor and stuff, but just become a celebrity. Just become a comedian Become a famous comic. No, but what are you gonna tell people like that? Like I'm worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Yeah Why don't you just do what I did? Um, but there was a Jimmy John's there in that plaza Yes, and they're huge fan fans of rocko safari. Yeah in our show, obviously

Jimmy John's is the craziest thing. Oh, they were criticized a lot I saw it like on One of the msnbc, but they sign a contract with with a huge pornography guy Yeah, um, because they share the same Like mantra, I guess right so oh so rocko's now the official sponsor. He's the official sponsor of jimmy john's That's perfect. Yeah, it's like him holding it. Yeah, sometimes he holds it near his crotch But like I mean I get it like his dick kind of looks like a fucking subway

Shop, you know, yeah sandwich about the same size. It's about you. You asked balladona Yes, I did and she was like it's like eating a fucking hoagie. Yeah She didn't say hoagie. She said it's like a coke can or something Yeah, it's a big big wiener. Yeah, I don't think she said wiener. It's a big boner Yeah, she's all I'm put that boner in my press post but What does rocko love to say smart and final it's only smells and then jimmy john's I know it's kind of like it's kind of serendipitous thing, right? But it was us that brought them together

Nobody's giving us credit for that. Yeah, obviously, but door door Door Door bro homo. Yeah, hello How much wait, seriously though, how much would you love it if rocko safari was the official spokesman? He is. There's an ad Happy anniversary Darling you are the best And I've got a special surprise for you Oh

I am the luckiest man in the world I'm just gonna set this right here Jimmy John order online at jimmyjohns.com What it's only smells. It's okay. It's only smells. He's tagging all their commercials. Oh So he's like don't get so excited bro. Relax. It's only smells right like you're really scientists have used It's like, um, he's freaking out and rock. I was like calm yourself, bro. It's only smells Yeah, yeah, well, he's saying don't forget to eat it Yes, because you're getting too excited about just the way it smells. Oh

Oh, I get it. Oh, I see. So he's saying don't forget to eat the sandwich Yeah, otherwise you're just gonna smell it, but you you can still get that you can eat it too Your face I wish I could see that you went you kind of did an old school cosby face which kind of scares me I want to drink out of this water. I want you to check us up What's his rape count right now, what are we at? I don't know the cause is there not a rape count? Um site like a ticker or should be Like that billboard on wilshire boulevard that tells you how many people have died of smoking this year Let's see. We need one for the cosby. How many rape victims have come for how many? How many people is bill cosby raped? Let's do you want to do numbers now 26?

Wow, that went up since I checked four days ago Well, yeah Do you want to put a bet let's place bets on how many people bill cosby's raped? I'm gonna put my money's going to be on I'm gonna say 37 When it's all said and done all final final final answer 37, okay. Wait, how many years are we talking about? I'm sorry. Let's do the math

Well, he's 77. Okay And he's been famous for quite a long time. I would say he's been famous for Uh 40 plus years. Okay, so yeah, you know 45 50 years. He's been famous. Okay The thing is That's that's wait a minute. So we're looking at 40 years of of raping right, but you know, it's like um It's gonna come and go like you're not gonna do it all the time Right, you know, you're gonna have years where you're more productive years where you're more passionate about it

Years where it kind of wings. Yeah So, I mean that's btk was like that, you know the serial killer. He said that like you know He even left at one time for like years like six seven years, you know, because But he obviously had more to cover up because he was murdering people but Um, I think it's probably a similar thing. It's like a hobby Like knitting or anything else. Well, but you got something you love you had to do what you love And I think yeah, so I think he's gonna have more productive years and then something kind

Okay, so let's see the 40 years of raping and it really depends on Who's got the courage to come forward who's still alive? All those variables I'm gonna up my final answer. I'm gonna go 55 Wow, you just up there from 37 to 55. I didn't I didn't account for 40 years of raping, right? Now are you gonna say This is the lat the tally or the number that of people that come out and say This happened to me the number of people that come out come forward saying

Yeah, there's obviously not everyone's gonna come out. That's what I'm saying. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go higher on it Yeah, okay. That's what I just said. Some people are dead by now. Some people Maybe don't want the hassle of coming forward. I understand. It's very traumatic traumatic. Yeah Final number 55 Oh, I think that the final number that comes forward is in the 40s. I think it's gonna be uh, I'm gonna go I'm gonna go 42. Okay Whoever thought we'd be sitting here predicting how many people Bill Cosby sexually assaulting a mod Rashad He knew

I didn't know none of them knew there's no way none of them knew Yeah, that's what a good criminal would you know would do man. They would not people around them would not guess that like with you My only indicator with you Is that you love murder shows specifically murder shows where the husband murders the wife that really tickles your genes You're you're you said, oh, here's my example. You love comedy. It's just silly So what if I love comedy? You know

So what? It would be perfect to be a serial killer and a comedian because you're always moving around from town to town There's that uh, vince. What's his name? The guy who was a rapist and got convicted. Yes Um And he was doing that and then they were like all these rapes happen in the town where this comedian had done shows And that's how they got him Yeah, and everyone said uh, you know, I talked to people about him comedy magic

His name's still on the wall like reveal where people sign it Still honor him. Oh, you know, he has some good sets. What do you want to do? And uh, they said that He um, was that that everyone was like, oh no sweet guy. Good guy. You know, I mean like nobody Who knew him was like, yeah, that guy is a fucking rapist. Yeah But then again, there are some that you go. Oh, I see that like we know one guy who is yes In legal stuff right now. We're like that guy's totally rapist. Yeah. Yes But I think this guy may have been a more violent offender, you know, I think I'm not entirely sure Um

But do you really want to kill people tom or you just want to hurt them? Nothing. What are you talking about? Why would you say such a silly thing? I'm just judging by your dbr selections murder murder murder murder Uh Everybody likes that stuff. Nope. I don't I don't watch those shows. I can't bums. It scares me getting bad dreams Let's see. Vince champ is his name Yeah And people said that uh, you know vincent Vin vincent Vince champ

That's it. That's it. Well, yeah, all right. He was identified as suspect of eight sexual assaults on college campuses And everyone said yeah, he's totally shocked people who hadn't performed always had nice things to say about him They've been on the phone with agencies around the country requested his schedules and other information. Yeah, that's how the cops just like Wow, he was arrested He was eventually convicted. This is an old article Yeah, what era is this the 80s 90s 90s Wow, what a fucking shit deck. He never he never had raunchy or offensive humor at all That's the common his humor was he did a classic act. No cops. No hooks

There you go. Nothing raunchy his humor is geared towards college students He was popular and personable Wow It's always the clean act. I don't trust a man that doesn't talk about his dick I just I don't trust those comics. They're like cookies and crackers and I love sandwiches. You know, like, well, you got demons, bro You got demons Yeah, it's pretty crazy, man

It's pretty and it's funny too. I didn't know that his act Was uh, was totally clean. It's crazy. That kind of proves my theory though, right? I've been saying this shit for years That I don't try. I don't like it. I don't trust a comedian that doesn't talk about real stuff He won star search Of course He won it in 1992 he's serving a 55 to 70 year sentence right now Well, think about it. Think of all the big clean acts other than Jerry Seinfeld who we don't know is a monster

I don't think he's a monster. I think Jerry might be the exception that I'm aware of Yeah, a lot of them are fucking demon seeds, man Yeah, look at Robin Williams. Did he ever talk about uh dark stuff? Yeah, did he was he like I love masturbating and stuff. Yeah, you know, he talked about Oh, okay. All right. I thought he maybe just did rainbow suspenders and no, no, no No, no, no. He um, he he did he talked about good and he's honest Yeah, he um, they talked about doing drugs and everything too. Oh good. Yeah Well, there you go. Uh, who am I doing an impression of right?

Terry Shiavo Oh Babe, I do you're not very good at it That was as good an impression as I could do and I can't believe you're not okay Well, who is it? I'm not gonna tell you if you can't guess For the listeners so people can't see your dumb face. Well, then how could they get you made a terry shiva face Like your mouth was open and then you did the thumbs up and thumbs. Yeah, I don't know what that Roger Ebert

I get two thumbs up and I give you two thumbs down But you're you know, it was close though. Terry Shiavo close to Ebert Ebert later in his life A poor son of a bitch, huh? Yeah Oh boy Oh boy, what are you looking at? I was looking at pictures of this guy of who? Of the fucking rapist comedian. Yeah, let me look. What does he look like? Describe him so people can hear it. He looks uh, it looks like Bill Cosby

It does not look like Bill Cosby um no Uh He's a black guy. I don't fucking know. He's bald It's a it's a really bad, uh prison shot. He's got a nice smile Soft eyes veneers Yeah, he's actually got nice teeth

It's not that good though. It's not a great shot, but you can look him up. He's a rapist Nice I'm into it already. I love it All I love you All I love you All I love you I Kind of like

I don't care what nobody's gonna say You Oh I gotta tell you we're two for two today. Yeah, that's a hit. That's fucking awesome. Yep I gotta give this guy Holding it down. This is uh, tim held Is concussed Is that how you concussed? Yeah, it means a concussion, right? Well, no, that would be like ss ed. This is c o n c u s t

Tim held is concussed. I don't know tim His name is tim and he lives in seattle And that's fucking awesome, dude. Pretty amazing. It's like a real song I dig the shit out of it. We're two for two today um Now jeans You did you contact our buddy? He uh, you put the video up of our friend

Showing you how to see if your voice is in tune with his notes. Did you contact him yet? No, you didn't. Okay. No, I'm afraid Uh, what are you afraid of? I'm not not certain How do I put this delicately? Um I don't know where his mental Um faculties are I'm not I don't know if he's Cogent What?

Why? Well, I did some digging I did some digging and um There's a lot going on with him. If you look at his like about me page. It's troubling. It's fine Um There's a lot happening. I think he might need some um medicine. I don't know what you're talking about Hello everyone. This is shane now. I've been doing mainly uh old stuff So I wanted to do a little bit of beatbox and then yes, I love hip-hop beatbox

Simple rap. Thank you Okay, just a couple words here and there. Okay So far so good Oh Oh Three for three today Whoa Uh-huh

Rock the block He's good, but I'll tell you what it's better than what I can do do it kering. Yeah Just awesome I would say you're pretty much the same at the same level And you did that on your first try. I'm pretty impressed Boom, I can do it. Boom. You can Wow, that's really good. Yeah, I mean, maybe it's like natural to the three of us Wow register

Very clearly actually Very clearly had a lot of kale salad today God tune them out for lunch. I leave a sick person. Don't you want to know something that's cool though? Awesome transcends languages barriers all of it, right? Yeah, doesn't matter where you're Oh, okay Speaking Mexican I see your name. Here we go. He watched tom segura special on netflix seguras No

When does it change are these guys does is this how you do this? I hear I hear the notes changing on the piano Yeah I don't hear are you supposed to just be the same? It's it's the same. Yeah. Yeah, let me try it. So Is the exercise I'm gonna play different notes And then I'll grunt like a retarded person the same way after each note I think uh, he's toned up

He's a little he's a little toned up I mean, I don't hear the difference. I don't hear it either. Maybe our ears are I don't think our ears are trained properly though I Yeah, I got it right here. I don't hear the difference Right When does it change I mean it's still Me

Uh-huh I just it never changes I don't get it. I had hope for that one. It doesn't it never changes No, it's not uh, it's not getting any better This is going up to the tippy tips Oh And that one To you

Huh It's crazy, right? Wow, that was really good. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Yeah, maybe Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh, man, how's that really made me happy now if only we can

Pair up Shane's beatboxing with somebody like Who can really rap someone who can really rap just awesome. Yeah. Oh shame Well as they say in the south bless his heart Bless his heart. That's how you say that. Yeah No Now in all fairness, we didn't hear his introduction in Spanish Maybe he was like I'm gonna play all these keys, but I'm like keep it monotone every time I go No, he was like, I'm gonna teach you the second fucking whatever it is

Yeah, I don't how does it end? Does he even does he just does he meh on the way out? Whoa Well All right, so that's it. Thank you. We have concluded. Thank you for your attention Am I a singer Let's try it. Let's try it. I don't have the you know, the key I'll do that part and then you do your part You don't have the keys. I'll do it for you. I'm doing the voice, right? Yeah Yeah, right, I think I'm good at it really

You sound just like him I feel like him I sound like him and I feel like him um Do you have you ever considered going into singing or becoming a singer? Of course, but You know, I just felt I'm I'm too talented as a singer Huh, I was told by regularly. Well, you're too talented to be a singer. You need to be a comedian um They knew that right away. That's interesting. Most of times they don't know that right away Do you know people that tell you should like that? They're like, I wanted to get into harvard, but

They were like you're too smart. There are people who've said that kind of shit to me Like I wasn't gonna be in special forces, but they were like you're too smart Yeah, people do that. I heard actually I heard most daffy said, uh, I was supposed to be a comedian When I was going out I came around but I was supposed to be a comedian. Yeah I heard him say that in an interview one time. So something tells me that you find we're supposed to Belong supposed to be He's very animated So are you what are you saying? Are you saying that I could be a good singer with what I do?

I think you probably are a good singer and you're just not facing it yet I think you're right Last christmas. I gave you my farts But the very next day You farted away And then I Fart in your mouth Yeah, there you go. You know, I make a good duo like sonny and cherub. Yeah, that'd be a pretty cool. Do you think you could sing?

Um, yeah, I think I could sing. Well, let's hear something That's gotta be the most annoying thing for singers like aspiring singers people was like show me something I know I saw patty do that to that guy last night. I thought it was so lame He's like rude She's like, I'm yeah, I'm a singer and uh Patty's like sing me something right now. Yes. No, she's like, see he made that shit up on the spike Yeah, I could sing and he could though. It was really good. He made him. He made it. He was like, see you over there, girl

looking all good I don't know. There are songs that are just like that. Oh, there are but to me I was like, I think he just like threw that together and she was like, okay. All right She's got that thing. I hate when she does that to comics Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, tell me a joke and you're like, yeah, she goes make me laugh right now I'm like, it doesn't work that way Yeah, but I mean, am I a goodest singer is garth brooks is alter ego. Whoa. I didn't even know you were gonna do that Okay, hold on a second

Um That's kind of rude that you just threw that at me when I you could have had me prepared for it, you know Well, I think what's even ruder is that garth brooks has this alter ego and he didn't even notify us of it What do you mean you didn't notify us? He didn't tell me in social media I mean, we were promised cool stuff neat stuff and raw stuff Yeah, and full disclosure We're breaking down walls and I didn't even know about that until you told me about it I thought you were talking about I wanted to talk about r kelly

Because he has he's cool too popping on b And you can't have the r and b without the aura I love him. I love r kelly Yeah There's an interview it would take me a while to dig up where r kelly talks about Surpassing r kelly. I know we played this on a million years ago. Right, but I don't know where it is. It's old. That's a old It's a old joke But he goes, uh, he's like the thing is that like

Can I be better than r kelly? Wow? Can I Can I it my next accomplishment would be People go that's better than r kelly is But he's r kelly Yeah, it is the layers involved in saying that are pretty it's like putting a mirror up to a mirror up to a mirror I mean, it's infinite. He's infinite. It's pretty awesome. Oh my god. I just went deaf in my left ear. So did I? Oh, we both. Oh, I'm sorry. I was I thought it was that thing where your where your ear goes e Sometimes when you go deaf. Yeah

It's all good now, right? It's all good for me. Yeah for you. Yeah. Sorry jeans. I think that was my foot Yeah, oh wait. Yeah, it's gonna What I like about r kelly is that he lets you know that you don't have to write songs at rhyme You can just talk sometimes you can just talk over music and that's that's a song too. He's a bad motherfucker. Yeah, there's nobody better Um, you don't need a hook. You don't need a rhyme. You just gotta just say stuff over a song It is cool to give yourself for me But you know what actually what it speaks to is his confidence. Yeah, because you have to be super confident to be like I'm just gonna be like a la la la la la la la. I love that song. Yeah, it's pretty great

I Hate it already because it's acoustic guitar. Thank you But with all of my soul Is You like it It's chris gains I'm sorry. I don't know who that is. I'm a huge fan of garth brooks, but I don't know who chris gains is well

No offense when I say this But you're a fucking idiot Wow chris gains Was born august 10th 1967 he is a Australian rock star

and uh He's bad motherfucker um Let's see He was um, I think he's like a orphan or some shit and Wait, but he's he's he's looks tough, but he makes Like it's kind of sissy music. Yeah, he's got that look who's the magician. He looks chris angel. He looks like chris angel If you look up chris gains, he looks like chris angel and but he sings like sappy love songs

I thought he'd be rocking or he's gonna rock or what? Well, he I mean he does it all Why does he have to you know, you can mix it up. You don't do the same thing every fucking song. That's true, tom Anything I put my thumb on my butt Here's a little more about chris gains Whoo so So

Now Maybe some of you're wondering what this cat chris kind of looks like. All right, you got to know He was in a bad bad car wreck in 92. Okay Because we got this young kid to playing from 1986 1992 Happens to be the same young kid that played young brad pit and seven years at tebet I Casted him myself of course, you know Because you know the kid's just gorgeous, right and I'm looking at him. I'm going. Yeah, that's me

So so This guy's in a car wreck in 1992 right and so I'm supposed to take the character over from 92 on So my loving brother the first time he ever sees young chris He looks at his face and he looks at me and he goes that must have been a hell of a car I said They gave me brother the finger He does a lot of like, uh, you know, he does a lot of mugging like affectation. Yeah

He really puts it on. Yeah, really puts it on Um, it looks like they do a All right, I don't know what they do but I don't know I don't understand this I I um because I I love my heroes Like it would be weird if um, let's say kim kim deal of the breeders We're to develop an alter ego. I call herself like Carney mcdosserson and then now she's like like she became like a country star or something. It would be weird, right? And you're like, yeah, but I like kim deal. I don't

I don't I don't like this other thing. I like that. I like the thing that I like right Right. Yeah, sure Is there more we heard that song already This isn't there more chris gang songs that you want to hear Well, I have all I have all the albums on itunes already, you know my itunes Huh, okay It looks like he did a whole special as chris gains

Wow There you go And Do you really have to create an alter ego to release? I mean couldn't you just be like i'm losing a rock album, you know, I know that in the country world There's a lot of um From what are you bro? Yeah, who are you brother? Yeah, I've heard there's there are like stigmas and stuff So I don't know maybe that's part of it like you're not really country if you're doing a rock album

You know you got to be a purist in some regards. What do you think you'd go are you country or not? I think so. I think some people below. Hey, what are you are you country or not? I mean Yeah, go to Saudi Arabia I gotta say I too one of the most interesting things about this show is you know as we developed uh a listenership And you get feedback from people one of the most interesting thing is That I've discovered is it we can we've made fun of a lot of things

A lot of people a lot of types of people a lot of people with Horrible Disabilities You know we make fun of speech impediments celebrities speech impediments just everything in the world, but never In our show's history. Can I recall? Reactions as visceral as those About people's favorite music and even though it's like, you know

It's like hey, it's just somebody going like I like this. I don't like this I've been it's the one of the more fascinating aspects of just the way people's minds work and how what they react to People think when like if you look go back to an episode We we actually didn't even bring them up But our guests made a reference to the band slipknot and it was just kind of like a throwaway Holy shit did some slipknot listeners go like that's it. I'm done with you got like It was so interesting then one time we I didn't know really anything about the juggalos

And that and saying what we played some stuff with that and I was like, who are these people and I didn't know shit about it play some stuff huge reaction and then The last episode You know play some guys Brooks some country and then Twitter lit up for me Email inbox lit up and it was just like people like it's one guy was like can't believe you were talking shit About Hank Williams jr. I was like, no, but I'm the one that said I like that song

That song reminded me of high school And like, you know, it was nostalgia like Set in for me for that song I like the song. I own the song. Yeah It's just interesting that music's the one thing that people get very Sensitive and defensive on well. Yeah, it's personal. It's like it's very personally. It's because it's your you know Why I believe it's a psychic matching like sometimes

Music helps you through periods of your life. You can connect with a song Or sound like that or smell Like rock was a freddy. He connects with the smells. Yeah, it's true. That is true. Yeah, no, that's a connection I know it for me actually I I can relate it very much to sports And fan bases because it's really it's really funny Fan bases all think That other fans are worse than they are. Yeah, they never see it rarely see it objectively

You know, I'm a big college football fan If you go on any of these message boards or if you talk to people or you just look at the comment sections of sports stories Whatever whoever the article is about The the the people the fan base that hates that team You know goes well, this is typical for you guys. Yeah, like you guys are animals. Everyone else is normal And if you if you criticize them, they're like, well, that's outrageous. We are the decent people The fans of these other teams are all savages It's never true

Every fan base has great people and every fan base has horrific people. It's just it's it's really a percentages You know, well, like, you know, I get it. I totally do get it And I hope you know, we poke light fun A country and garth brooks and stuff No, I don't care if we can make fun of them if we want to but I mean I get it because it's like it's your They're your family. They're your weird. Yeah, I love those people Of course, it's like you feel sad when somebody disparages some shit. Yeah, it's just interesting that that's the thing that people get the most Yeah, I've gotten emails about how dare you say something bad about this town. Fuck you, bitch

And you're like, look, do you really care with some dopey comedians said on a podcast really fucking care? Say something you could fucking try me fat. So try me. I don't really uh Who knows brawl people got attachments to stuff and things people people changes people changes They all lack they lack cool stuff. They like some things stay the same copter all balling and shit Yeah, you know what we've been obsessing over is the what the fuck are we doing here guy? Yeah, of course It's so good, right? Yeah. Can we listen to it again? Um, I just love his level of I'm fucking over it. It's like it's the day he quit his job, which is so fucking funny to me

What the fuck are we doing here? Who's sitting out here to do a story they'll do a story about what as you can see there's construction underway here Uh, they've dug out a little bit. There's water has accumulated Traffits backed up and the city decides if houston is always traffic. So what's the big fucking deal? What the fuck are we doing out here? I asked you what and the fuck are we doing here? Hell, I don't know I love what he's like. Yep. There's some water. There's a ditch and there's always traffic in houston So what the fuck are we doing here? Full charge said it best the guy starts at a seven. Yeah, he's so over the I mean, I kind of feel that way when um, I hear the traffic reports and la on the radio

It's the same shit every day, bro. Like why are you even bought? Guess what the 405 is fucked the 110 is fucked the 101 is fucked all the time Yeah, don't even make it somebody's job to tell me it's fucked up. It's just fucked up That's that's the price you pay for living in the city, man The price you pay dog, you know, I'm saying you feel me. You know, I'm talking about you know, I'm talking about I know could you imagine that's your job? It's tough. That's a tough one It is a tough one to be like to take it seriously like nobody knows this yet But the 405 is fucked. Chris Gaines or something else, buddy. Chris Gaines

So it was a movie character and then he just decided to Extend it is basically what it is. I have no fucking idea All right. Well, are we shit? I don't know. I only know one thing in this world Towels could have aids If there's anything I know for certain the towels have a they do they do you gotta make your wife We gotta make this shit That's really good genes Yeah, it's fantastic. Um genes look it's holiday season. We love you guys. Please

Stick with us at your momma's house podcast.com. Check out our clips page. Check out our stow And be sure to shop through our momma's on banner Get that harry's special offer for christmas for somebody Of course, you need to check out christina p's other podcast. That's deep bro And why should they listen next week tom because yours truly the buns machine is on there Can you believe that we're gonna talk deep? On that on my show. I know I can't believe it. I wonder what it's going to be like because the tables are going to be turned

I'm going to be on the other side of this desk Yeah, bro Dog show um he hates clapping. He does hate clapping Yeah, I'm going to leave you with this, uh tim held is concussed. Whatever that means Pimp squad Hold it down song. Uh, yeah, check us out. We love you. Thank you for listening See christina p in fartford this week. Oh, I'm in long beach if you're in the los angeles greater airman long beach thursday night, um, it's the best comedy show ever. That's literally

The name literally best comedy show ever.com literally go through tomcigaret.com for tickets next week You know the venue? Uh, no, it's a long beach. Oh, that's me the last time And uh next week, san francisco cobs. See you guys there. Bye everybody All I love you All I love you All I love you Ain't gonna Hey

Hey I See you guys for life for life for life