Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 283-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 4, 2015

You should make stuff and then, cause you're good at stuff, you can sell that stuff or plant a vegetable tree.  Also, food is good.  Jeans, you need to read. It's helpful for your mind to grow and also to expand your vocabulary so that you don't sound like such a dumbs**t.  We have reviews for the REAL MAN from the Mommies and these joints are on FLEEK! Plus Tina peed a frightening color. Was it murder?! When Tom/Mom posts a fart video do you realize how arrogant you have to be to question its authenticity. We clear the air (well, we cloud it first).  If you think Dad Mouth is bad, wait til you smell what Mom's got cookin in her den. (It's pretty greezy).  And a new phone number is full of mysterious messages. Give em a listen!

That's not Guys can I start talking you can start talking you're It's crazy that you're gonna be at Barry and Michelle's party this weekend. Yeah, I'm going to see Barack Obama That's crazy. I haven't been there in a while DC improv guys March 5th through 8 come see me Please now the Obamas are coming to a show. Well. Yeah, they always come to a show. That's awesome. Yeah, we get hammered afterwards Wow, so there's gonna be a lot of security there Maybe maybe no. Well, congratulations on having the Obamas at your show They're cool. Yeah, and then guys March 15th your mom's house is in Manfred disco Cubs comedy club

Yeah, that's the That's the only live podcast date we could keep Disco that's an hour away. Yeah, and it's on a Sunday. We can just come right back. Yeah down. What about you, Gene? Um, I have let's see. I have a pretty busy week and I hope you can make it to a show Well, this Atlanta will already have happened. So I hope that turns out great Tonight Wednesday, I'm in Jacksonville, Florida. So I've been there. Yeah That was the gong. You just made a gong noise Jacksonville, Florida at the comedy zone. I hope you can make it to my show

The next night West Palm Beach, Florida. I hope you can come out West Palm Beach I Got you know told that it's one of the hardest clubs to sell tickets at and I was like, that's my home area I hope that they come out. So we'll see don't come out. We'll see man Um Yeah, second worst ticket selling of all the clubs. What's the number one? No, number one is the best. Irvine is the best. What's the worst? I'll tell you later Anyways, so West Palm, please come out and then I'm in Virginia Beach later this month

So how do you say it? How do you say it? It's Virginia Virginia Beach. I'm in Virginia Beach I believe my homeboy Joshua Potter is coming with me there It's a funny bone in Virginia. Is that how you say it? Yes, that's right. Oh about a big one I almost got you skipped over it Ventura if you are in Ojai if you are in Santa Barbara if you're in Oxnard Camarillo Um Ventura County, I am at the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club March 11th. That's next week. Please get tickets

It's one night only one show only And that that's that for now. We think of that jeans and then that's even in West Valley My lived in Calabasas. Yeah West Valley. It's a great to know the drive farm right there and Course will be in a man friend disco Next the 15th next Sunday Yeah, it'll be great. Are you gonna we're gonna wear your leather daddy jeans for that show for the for the podcast I will yeah, do you know something man friend disco is not like that anymore? Yeah, it's kind of a bummer, right? Yeah, because in the 90s when I was there, it was all leather daddies and yeah bull dykes and crazy

Bull dykes. Well, you know like like dyke biker mamas to sweaty people and now it's and I loved it biker mamas I loved it and now it's you know, it's it's like us. Everybody's like us. Yeah, it's not being so square They're G they all go to the gap like me. I mean I went the first time I went to San Francisco I was like, I want to see some weird shit. Yeah, let's get real. Yeah And then used to be weird way used to see you guys just butt fucking on the corner. I don't know No, they're once a year. Yes, the Folsom Street Castro. Yes, and the Folsom Street You'd see guys butt fucking but that's that was in the 90s. That's not guys butt fucking at the gym today But that was part of the workout

Was that my you worked out well, it's it is a workout because you're doing good He explained it to me. He explained to me. I was a working muscles that don't normally get worked So at first I was like, I don't know man. You can't just talk me into this but then when he made it make sense I was like, yeah, that's right. Like it's a workout. So I got it. It's a sphincter. I'll work out Yeah, and it's like he's like, why would you ignore that muscle? I was like, that's a good point So I don't think like that's nothing wrong with that right as long as you're it's nothing wrong. That's the way it got intended Yeah, I mean, he didn't talk me into it. It was just like, oh, that made sense Why does butt fucking make me laugh? I don't know everything but related makes you laugh

butt fucking Speaking of butt fucking you guys if you're gonna buy things to butt fuck with get them on amazon.com through our Your mom's house podcast.com go there click on our banner if you're gonna buy Butt plugs anal lubricants things of those nature Get us through our site. You know I'm saying if you don't want to talk about Tom just bought us a pair of vibrating Toothbrushes you thought I was gonna say something else

You can buff up with us, but we don't We put them in our mouths, but you used one and you forgot which one you used. Yeah. Yeah, so we don't know who's a Zeus Yeah, I think you should just go for it. I think I think blues mine Blues mine. It's a weird pairing. I remember I thought of that because they put blue and gray. Yeah, and I was like, it's not gray It's purple, but your color blind really? It's blue and purple, but even that pairing that they just don't seem I don't know I think they're they're in the same part of that color, right, you know wheel Yeah, what would you what would you prefer should be blue and red or like yellow and black? Like it should be distinctly complete opposite and no shared no shared properties, right? Or it should be brown and brown

They don't make many brown hands. Well yours would be red Because your brown always has red in it. Oh my god, we'll talk about that later Ready to do this. Yeah, that's party. All right. Well, the crops are growing very well and They're organic and some have pesticides and I think that we should make a perfect pesticide for the crops It's good for people and healthy and keeps the crops preserved too because we need the food because it's food and stuff and Organic food is good also And the businesses downtown

Really need to lower their rent because if the rent was lowered those people would really have their own businesses They have enough stuff. They're very good at making things. They're like experts. They're really good And this is why women are behind This shit is big time Don't bring anyone loving to this Welcome welcome welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Christina

Welcome to your mom's house What are you doing? I don't know how to play the guitar I Like that you did the monkey drums with me. You did the mirror of them. I did but I don't know how to play the guitar like you That's true. I mean I years of practice. Oh, are you do you play Southpaw? I play like show me which hands drums the how you doing right now for real though. Is that right? What do you mean is that right? That's that's how most people would play it Because they do the the strings with their left and they so that's the right the quote right way. Yeah, cuz I when I

Skateboard or when I snowboard or surf I'm goofy footed I leave with my right. No. Yeah. Oh, man. We got to talk about this. I Don't know if I can be with you right now Which way do you lead if you're like if you're doing a left foot? Wow Yeah, I didn't I didn't sign up for that. Is this divorce city kind of it's worth talking about you should have told me this Why didn't you tell me this before? Fuck and don't sip like that. That's really loud

Welcome to all the new listeners Certainly had more people listen With Joe Rogan was on the Rogan Rogan Regan I think we're again that was on last week from the Regan experience Real nice fella and He's I think he does he knows about this podcasting thing or he's got it down. He's got it down No, thank you very much. Of course to our buddy Joe Rogan who was here and a lot of you heard the episode So welcome any new listeners. So hope you're got your jeans on first time caller or a long-time listener first time long-time

And How great was it when the first thing he said was so what's up with this gene? What's up with these jeans? That was amazing. He's looking around. He's like just jeans everywhere Seeing on Twitter. That's my favorite part. That was really great. Yeah, and then I just ran into him at the comedy store And we talked about that even more. Oh, you did like yeah, what's the gene? You guys have like a whole language on Twitter I'm like, I know it's great Super funny and Speaking of I mean with the excitement of Joe Rogan

I think the biggest takeaway from that was that the real man is kind of the best book on Amazon right now we yeah, we talked about the real man and Joe ordered a copy when he while he was here and because he was just so in a blown away and then Slowly but surely people started letting us know that They were leaving reviews for the real man On Amazon and we have We have pulled quite a few of them here, let's see first one of course if you don't know

You can listen to that episode from last week and I was given this book Well, I was in Hong Kong last year and by the author and it's called the real man And it's just about being a man Can you give us a taste maybe of your favorite passage since you've had a week to reflect? Yeah, there was anything that stuck with you in particular since last week. I think my favorite passage is just be 40 40 just be old be older And of course the man is that age so his whole his I'm basically He's in that level. He's yeah, my age 40 are very experienced and they are they are the real men. It's like, okay

It's a note, but nobody else 39 not so much for real man is not just a gentle person. He is strong but gentle Okay, that's one of them. That's it. No elaboration. Oh, here's can you can you read the title? Hair style no chapter 3 hairstyle Here's this is it. I'm reading verbatim get a cool haircut, but make sure it suits you Get suggestions from friends with good fashion knowledge and ask them to take you to a hairdresser Suitable for you many women will be happy with to help a guy with this matter end of chapter Next chapter sanitation

I shower three times a day Once in the morning once in the evening after the gym so it also implies that I work out a lot There's a disorder for that and once I go to bed I brush my teeth after every meal use mash up mouthwash as often as possible and floss every night Please remember to go to the dentist regularly. Well, that's really good Geez mister, but I like the hair. So it was like if you want to have good hair You need to have a good hairstyle that this is written like that. I mean this next chapter by the way We're on to another chapter. Oh diet. Can you see how many sentences are in the chapter?

I can't get lifted up one two up with five There's a there's a saying that goes you are what you eat Before every meal take time to decide what you should prepare for your meal Or what you should order at a restaurant. This he's telling you Take time to consider what you're gonna eat. Always make sure that you eat healthy Don't eat unhealthy dummy My favorite is the next chapter says body odor. That's the name of it. Oh do you are like the European? Yeah, well, he's you know the fraud very well Lee

The English spelling. I always keep my deodorant around. I like that chapter. This one stuck out on my head He has multiple deodorants in multiple locations alone and mouthwash Glove compartment office bathroom gym locker. That's actually sound advice Yeah, he even has these in his briefcase so he can apply them before meeting with a client And now and then there's nothing worse than losing a business deal because of your body odor bad breath Trust me. Trust me. I'm Chuck. Wollery Chuck's how do you do this? How do you how is this the title of a chapter alone? Seven improve your fashion sense. How but there's no like there's no direction. It's just yep be better

You get better styles that reminded me at one time. I did a play and the director we did a rehearsal and he was like good Let's do it again, but better That was his direction Could you be better act more acting? Yeah, act more actors better actors, okay? What should we do differently? I don't know just be better more better actor More actors that are better get different actors, okay So here's some Amazon comments on this book now that you have some backstory Here we go

Now I know eyebrows on fleek Jeans up wipe down now you are a man by Felicia 21 out of 22 people found this Okay You want to read the next one wait, I want there's my favorite of God There's hold on hold on. I like this

This is by prawn star one and it just says I mean You know I'm saying that's it and then 10 out of 10 people found that review helpful Changed my jeans changed my life I Someone just wrote jeans that's it real men wipe down. I like that Fantastic read well-written and it's you know what I mean, you know I'm saying Holy cow before I read this book I was off fleek

My jeans were low and loose and I had no idea how to be a real man Afterwards, I realized that all I had to do was be charismatic wear cologne and be over Once I can achieve all that my jeans will be high and tight forever more Big charismatic dummy. I think that was written by Lloyd. Thanks. I love this one too Before this book, I would constantly ask people you want to talk some shit now being a real man I wear my jeans high and tight and ask what's going on here truly life changing. That is so fucking great Nine out of nine people found that review helpful Brock wrote a good friend of mine named Teddy looms turn me on to this book

There may not be a lot of big words in this to me, but it helped me not pay mine to anyone who calls me retarded It's a good read for when summer returns Which will read while you're eating some pizza or some massive chili dogs Yeah, it's it's it is something now of course By raising his profile a bit We also were turned on to the fact that our our buddy here Julian who wrote this book has a dating profile That's crazy. Wait. What's his full name? Julian Ray

Julian Ray I wouldn't you I just want this book to become a New York Times bestseller God, that'd be awesome. This is like cuz you know 50 shades of gray is written retarded too. Mm-hmm Wouldn't it be great if this became just a smash hit? It's the real man the movie and he's Photos on this side are amazing. Yeah, so his profile it's a couple years old pictures might be as well Says he's 41 Let's see education PhD or doctorate didn't know that Yeah, PhD and didn't know what

Let's see. He he tagged some things about himself business chivalrous confident courageous decisive happy humorous hygienic Tegrity sure all this trustworthy blah blah. Okay. Hello. I'm Julian Ray I am mixed Spanish and Persian my mother is Spanish Catholic my father is Persian Jewish And I have turned out to be just a very kind man. Haha. I Do not believe in I do believe in God, but I don't have a particular religion I like to read books from all religions and learn as much as I can Since I take the good part of all teachings and ignore some of the parts that don't suit me. I like that I was born in Los Angeles, but I've lived in Tokyo

Japan and now finally Hong Kong for 7,000 days now Lol you do the math, please. Oh, that's I don't like that. Why is he making me do the math? By the way, I'm always happy no matter what happens around me. Oh boy Flag, yeah I'm ambitious. I always get what I want to achieve, but I am not at all I am not all work. No play. I do enjoy myself at the right time Which is like all the time actually ha ha Hmm, I'm giving you his ha ha's by the way

I know I like how you're doing it. Also if I make a promise to someone either in business Friendship or love then no one can ever stop me from fulfilling my promise Wow, I own one jewelry one cosmetics trading company. I have been in Hong Kong for 13 years Running my two companies. Wait a minute 7,000 days. That's 13 years. I think you're about right on that I love the vibrancy here the tasty Chinese food. I am hygienic health conscious Health health conscience says. Oh, there's a difference between Conscious and conscience. I am health conscience. Tell me my passion is writing except for the word conscious

I am writing a book which is almost ready So this was during the writing of this book which is almost ready and it'll be sold in Hong Kong bookstores by hopefully mid 2011 oh, this is more than a few years ago It is on psychology and evolution Parentheses by the way, I don't mean to sound boastful, but I speak eight languages Due to my extensive traveling Eight, you know who he reminds me of he's an author. He's an entrepreneur. He speaks eight languages

It's Steven Seagal Is this Steven Seagal? Yes I wrote that book too Does he into martial arts by any chance jiu-jitsu? I'm into teaching now. I used to be a champion, but I teach Swords I know a good. I know a thing or two about the ladies boy. Do you want to ask old SS? I'll tell you a thing or two His book is kind of like a hobby and not his career Yeah, so I will not keep all the income and therefore

10% of the proceeds of from my book will go to charity. This isn't his dating profile Letting you know that when I sell this I'm gonna donate some of it. Well, he's such a giver I have written my book targeted for men in their 20s or older who still don't understand women My life's goal is to help as many people as I can To focus on improving their EQ and understand others their EQ. Let's see you they're emotional As opposed to your IQ That's not bad self-described 511 not true met you Really? Yes. How tall is he for real though? I mean, he was a couple inches shorter than me. So he definitely not 511

His best feature he wrote if you're if you're lucky, I'll show you later Boy, are you serious? Under appearance you can rate your appearance and he put very attractive. Oh boy. Wow He's looking for a woman who's 411 to 5.7 or Asian Slim average, okay best feature should be her smile and personality body art earrings very attractive to attractive Oh So his occupation is executive he he will date someone who's administrative secretarial clerical education HR finance banking real estate, okay?

He has a pretty good income we put on here what's his income well, it's in Hong Kong dollars. So let's pull up Hong Kong dollars We'll have to have to account for inflation this was back in 2011. Yes, let's see Does he like a succulent Chinese meal? I think he listed that as one of his priorities He said he makes between 250,000 US dollars. Oh wow to 650,000 US dollars a year. That's a that's a huge variance. It's a nice income Speaks English Chinese Cantonese Mandarin Japanese Persian, okay, he speaks eight languages fluently, huh?

Wow Seeking here we go. Okay. This is my favorite. Oh, by the way his and his Hobbies basketball bowling diving gym weight training jet water skiing soccer swimming yoga and Pilates Jesus Food is everything entertainment. He likes beach parks cars mechanics comedy clubs concerts live music cooking dancing dining out education karaoke Movies cinema philosophy spirituality reading traveling volunteering and writing Seeking a romantic. Let's see has confidence and self-esteem is a non-smoker clean hygienic easy-going Kind to the week needy not affected

By wealth or fame. She was always self-happy I'm looking for one someone that wants to that that every man wants to find a soulmate We'll understand him and complete him as well as complete each other and best friends and life partners, too Hygiene he's listed three times on this profile like this dude is all about not smelling bad Yeah, and he doesn't want to smell your bad smells now and on the book He's there's two chapters that are identical in nature about Cleanliness this guy's got a bit of a thing about it. There's a chapter called sanitation, right? There's a chapter called body odor. Oh, you are yes, and there's a chapter called smell, right?

Right somebody's hung up and he takes three showers a day somebody has bad natural be a And he's not gonna perform in a lingus is what I keep trying to tell is that what he's saying in that I feel like it I Feel like it Would that be a deal breaker for you? We were talking about this that the girl that's gonna eat your ass It's probably not marriage material. That's what you were saying Yeah, I remember a friend of mine that broke up with a girl that stopped eating his ass Stop where they but they were just dating two years He you come on I swear he broke up with her because she she stopped doing it

I pulled over my car, and I was like you gotta be kidding me and he goes no I go you're You're gonna stop you're gonna break up with her cuz she won't eat your ass anymore, and he was like yeah I was like so That's the foundation of the relationship just that is the building blocks of it He was like you just can't do it anymore So it was just that reason or was there a well that's the reason he volunteered I mean there could be other reasons, but he was like she won't eat my ass anymore, and I'm done Well, here's the thing and I think he may have a point here and that if someone starts that way and then they stop

Yeah, you just you can't set that bar that way bro like you got it. Well you can if you're cool Yeah, yeah, I got I got to tell you you know just my opinion the girl the girl who eats a guy's ass You got to be extra crazy, dude, especially like a hairy guy. I mean look there are some smooth hairless men out there Yeah, that I still wouldn't eat their ass. No why it's just a personal preference But I gotta say dude like you meet a girl who's super down with that. I have you know that's fucking weird, right? It's not weird. It's super fucking weird. What do you mean? It's like I just love eating guys assholes I don't think it's weird. That's not the girl you marry. It's not weird because no No, let's be honest you date that girl, but you don't you don't take her to the church in front of God

But that's kind of wrong. I feel like yeah, no because everybody has their own sexual pride You can't you can't get on her because that's she likes to do that, right? I just I gotta tell you in all the years that I've known women Not one ever has been like I'm really into eating guys assholes like I really Now the other way around that seems to be pretty normal fair, but I'm what why just dudes assholes are it's just a gamey Nightmare, I mean I can only it's not a gamey Nightmare, I'll tell you what happened. Can I do you mind if I share last night story with our listeners last night story?

When you got off the airplane, okay, okay, okay? Yeah, so let's just let's just put this in perspective you took two airplanes God, love you didn't sleep much the night before Two airplane rides and then you came home and I made some crock-pot chili. That was great I took a ship before you a kale salad kale salad You took another dump after you had my chili and then a third shit am I right? I'm sorry. I don't want to miss quote what happened. Yeah, there was a shit around Five a.m. Okay at the airport by the way just as a little just a side here

Okay, I got bumped up on my first flight, which was only Lafayette to Atlanta So 515 on the plane and first flight attendant comes up I can't get anything to drink and I was like just can I get a soda water? It's 515 guy next to me Whisky ice Whisky ice 515 bold moves guess how many he had on it's an hour and 30 minute flight It's free. So I'm as many as you can three Wow She came by and I was like I was like my head's like bobbing and he was like, oh, can I get another whiskey and ice?

People really the clock in the morning lose their minds for free anything. Huh doesn't matter. It's free So back to the story We're sitting on the couch and you know when you come home off the road the mommies like to make Marital loves yeah with each other And you're like, let's go. Let's do this. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa way way way wait wait You haven't showered since yesterday, and I know what you've been through since yesterday I'm like doesn't it occur to you that maybe like Just a quick soap around the edges would be

You know, I'm saying it's like that's that's the general landscape Which is what Julia is talking about Is that but to eat that butthole would be like you think that's too much. That's a lot. Yeah, so hairy and dark Hmm. I'm afraid To me it just seems like I Don't know. I mean, I know I know a couple Dude who told me that like They went out with a girl and

It doesn't seem that crazy me that that the girl ate their asses like on the first date. Wow. Wow. I mean, you know Wow with blowjobs and wow. Wow. You think that's really yeah, you know what maybe I'm approved That's that to me is beyond varsity level. That's graduate school. That's the PhD You got to be shit on the first date. Yeah, no, but it's a date. No Well, it's there where they're establishing that this is a you know for sex obviously, right? I guess that's like that's like butt-fucking on the first date if you're just like I know a few of those stories I've heard that's craziness. That's crazy. I think that's crazy But you don't think that anal's like a crazy thing, but it's crazy to get through that quickly

Yeah, that to me is like, hey, we've established something I trust you to put your penis in my butthole because that's a different Ball game you gotta really trust somebody because you don't know if he's gonna hurt you Yeah, you kind of want to win the trust. I'd I'd think Yeah, cuz that's a delicate part now, but for eating the but for eating the butthole Hey, hey First of all, what what if she's just hungry number one Hungry but

So I've heard you want to try some anal. I'm so Like I don't even know how to feel about it right now I think I would have done it, but I don't know how to like prepare and do all that stuff About the preparations for Well, first of all the most important thing is that you clean your ass real good. You do Well you animal your ass. Yeah, I don't like to say animal. It's kind of that's a weird animal That's the main thing and then you don't eat

Like I eat like I like not heavy but I'll have like yogurt in the morning. Is this a Ted talk? yeah, this is a Ted talk from this past summer and This like apparently just want over everybody that was going to the Ted talks. They were like this This is it. Do you know what she has some vocal fry? You know, I've noticed a lot per pair P. E. R. P. A. R. E. Is a new word prepare is how you say it No, not prepare per pair. It's per pair. It's per pair. That's how you say it the word is per pair I go to photographer's unlike per pair on my song dies little princess. What's the trite? That is little princess a slot

This is it's your ass for the first thing. I have a fuck These chicks, you know, this is why this is why we're not equal man This is one. Oh, I forgot we got to go back to that girl that we open with Jesus. Let's let's listen to a little more anal preparation Oh The Nobel Prize, you know, she just announced certain she's got the Nobel Prize. Is that what they're so excited about? It's the Nobel laureate memory you you were really you tapped into this a while ago I think it was one of that like e-playboy show at air about how like a girl laughs at something when there's not one she's not gonna say it yeah, Holly would do that a lot

They'll laugh about like a normal statement like we told we went to breakfast today You know No, okay, Holly Holly Robinson and then the girl the the white trash one who always had the pimp cup What was her name? She's yeah, Kendra Kendra. Yeah, her and Kendra. They would be like and then we went out and we had barbecue Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, the pulled pork Oh Like why yeah, what's so funny it is it's being uncomfort they're uncomfortable

Yeah, because they're uncomfortable because what happens is that that that was particular girls all Anyone ever says is like I want pictures of you naked or look at you're so hot I just want to look at you So then when they go when they take them out of like for a moment like sure hey in this interaction No one wants to fuck you. They're like I Don't know what to do like they're so uncomfortable with that moment. Yeah, cuz they're not used to it. Yeah, so they're like I don't know how to What I'm supposed like they're nervous

They actually want someone to go like I'd love to fuck you. They're like, okay, I could be normal again Isn't it weird? Yeah, I just I you know call me an old bogey. Well, you don't need ass on the first day I don't need ass. I'm a square. I just I don't get why women don't just collectively revolt and go You know what? No, we're we're gonna demand respect from now on. We're gonna go to school and get Degrees and stuff easy for the ones that don't have to or don't want to well I don't have sometimes people don't have options and stuff. Yeah, I just feel like God's depressed like depresses me This isn't depressing though You got a lube up your asterisk

I get it kind of ready. I don't know if I can say it's two fingers in my ass. Well, first you want to put one in Use a lot of lube and then there's numbing stuff you can use But I don't like using that because that feels like it numbs everything and though and the dude later sticks his cock in Your ass is gonna be numb. Then he can't feel anything. Oh, that's not fun So then you you know after you put your fingers in you got it all lubed up then you want to use a smaller butt plug About half an hour I didn't know that There's like it's a process

The biggest you can take and just leave it in there right up until the sea. I have a little like oh right up until you go And you know what Like I used to hate Oh You talk over each other Well, I've had a orgasm we'll get fucked in the ass, but I think it's because it was playing with my pussy Geez listen to these truckers now these broads might be yes on the first day like we were talking yeah But again, would you want to marry?

This type of gal or is this is this a marrying kind or is this the dating kind? Oh, this is this is marriage material But Huh, yeah for what would you do if you brought home this girl to your to charl and top dog It would not it would be scary top dog would kind of like it. They'd be like buddy. It's real. She's real hot I think they would go I get why you brought her home if I were single and maybe like I get why you're with this girl But if I was like, I think I'm gonna pop the question. I think they'd be like hold hold on a second Hold on. Let's talk a second You want this to be your wife?

Yeah Mom dad very first stage. She ate my ass Don't you get it don't you get that that's what I'm about yeah But there are there guys that this is the this is the caliber that they go for but yeah Yeah, you see it a lot and sometimes it's funny to be like this is who's dude See that's the problem is like and it goes both ways if you settle down with This type of check or if the girl settles down with this, you know, the equivalent dude Chaos it's chaos. Yeah. Yeah, cuz she's always thinking about eating another bottle

Yeah, oh So then right before the scene you take it out make sure you're really really lubed up I like the cock in my ass myself because you know, sometimes I'll wrap it in like That's what I'm saying See that's what I'm saying. It's a very tender exchange. She's yeah, she's getting into it Yeah, you guide the dick in there. She's saying otherwise some guy might ram it up you and you got a breathe and you know, it's it's not An interesting first date it is an interesting first date. I'll give you that Not every first date is gonna go like this

And like not but again, you still think that picture Let's take yourself out of the equation. Yeah You a friend of yours Says who's single. I don't you have any single friends. Sure picture that she goes I went I went on a date with this guy I had the best time and you're like, did you guys make out? She's like, yeah, we made out Actually went a little further and you're like, oh really? You know like you could be like the the person you told me about yes Yeah, you told me that about this person who went out on a date with somebody. Yes

Then you know went to their to their place and everything, right? Yes, and had the stuff up, right? And so I'm sorry. I thought we were talking about a different story. Oh really the stuff up like, you know paintings and pictures oh Yes, oh my gosh. Yes, so they they yes, they went on this date. Yes So she goes I went on a date. He was great. We we kind of you go you made out well I'm a little further you go what happened. Well, you know, yes, we got Nate We had a couple drinks. We were naked and then she goes, you know, I was I actually gave him a blowjob

And I ate his ass and everything. Okay Would you go like no, I'm sorry. I know I'm saying I'm saying yeah Yeah, yeah, I hear what you're saying would you go that's really crazy I mean you did that what you're asking is kind of a philosophical question. Would I judge right? That person and the answer is yes, absolutely in my head I would be like you pig animal because here's why first of all the cool-o and but stuff It's it is not for everyone because I'll tell you why it is very personal

There it's high levels of bacteria. Yeah, you're actually really being vulnerable with somebody You could take a shit on somebody's penis and I've heard stories of that. Well, that's anal. I'm friends. I'm oh Jesus And yeah, I'm thinking that very vulnerable with but play if you eat someone's ass on the first date sure to me the thing is Going there without knowing How it's gonna be you know idea that no clue. That's the real risk I think it's a very normal natural and playful and pleasant thing to do to somebody I think it's just like saying hey, I grabbed her tit like you know, I hear your ass. Okay, you I'm sorry No, no, no don't but move on you

You equivocate Just boob touches with eating somebody's butthole. I think it's not the same. Yeah, I think it's in the same play playing field but What I'm saying is the real what the real risk is like does this person wash their butthole? That's huge and you don't know and you could go there for it. You don't know. Maybe they'll stop you Maybe they don't and you get there and you're like, oh my god This is a rotten dirty butthole Pungent which it's not even their fault because they didn't know you're gonna go for it

But the thing is is that it's it can lead to health problems for you if it's unsanitary if it's if it's a real dirty butthole Yeah, yeah, yeah a lot of mud on the whistle then You clench your ass. Yeah Like getting the shot Relax Like a dick when in my asshole Yeah, these girls are philosophers this week on that's deep row we'll be talking about these three philosophers Yeah, yeah pretty good

Pretty good. Oh back to dummies different dummy. Was that girl we? Different different girl Wait, what girl the girl we open because if the right was lower those people would really have their own businesses They have enough stuff. They're very good at making things. They're like experts. They're really good She is at a one of those city council You know meetings. Yeah. Yeah, so the board like you know the city council sitting in front of her And she's at the podium giving her arguments I love it saying that she's like if fret was lower than like

People are like experts and stuff like they make stuff like she just said that that That if fret was lower it'd be better and that there's experts there that make stuff I want to see this woman on C-span in front of Congress. Yeah, I'll be my favorite here Keeps the cops preserved too because we need the food because it's food and stuff organic food is good also And the businesses downtown Really need to lower their rent because if the rent was lowered those people would really have their own businesses They have enough stuff. They're very good at making things. They're like experts. They're really good

Yeah, and we can really be a community and make the things and make sell them in our stores and I really believe that it can be a California thing that it can it can really work out because we can be rich and cotton and mining metals and Silkworms and we could make things we can make things cars The machine can make it for us and we can have the community and the city in San Francisco And we can make things and put them in the store on the east coast They have slaves and they believe in slavery and made in China, but on the west coast the new west coast We don't believe in that we believe in the Union and that's what we are is in the Bush administration

Which is really good Government funding for small business owners You can grow every kind of fruit. This is in Santa Cruz. Oh my Christ in heaven slavery Slavery is big on the east coast. Yeah, and made in China, but we don't believe in that on the west coast I don't fight. You know what? Maybe she was super nervous. Oh, she's super nervous for sure I don't know if it exactly justifies this speech, but she's definitely super nervous. Let's see what else she has I mean because I've rambled. Yeah, we all have you're just frantic This is another level and then it's a good for the stuff and the stuff things are nice

And we put it in the stores and cars will make them Vegetable you want that's how they do it. They have fruit trees and vegetable trees That's where fruit and vegetable comes from Oh, wait a minute. Is that where it comes from? You gotta be sure this is a lot. This was this aired live Santa Cruz City Council. This is for Cooperative retail management business real property improvement district assessments. Oh my goodness morning. The good news is She had the courage to go up and speak in front of people. That's the pot. Let's be positive

Right. I'm always happy all the time but That's Horrendous. Horrendous and then the bad news was probably that she's retarded. Yeah Retarded Oh boy Let her finish what she has to say. Sorry

Every kind of fruit and vegetable you want. That's how they do it. They have a lot of trees and vegetable trees That's where vegetable tree comes from. He frees the fruit and vegetables. It'll last forever. You can put there's vegetable trees I totally miss a lot of a of Oz Dottie saw the put a vegetable tray the back of what avocados are vegetables trees, right? I'm gonna bet she wasn't thinking for a fruit I'm gonna bet that she was thinking about the vegetables that come to her mind lettuce carrots

Cucumbers Cauliflower Cauliflower It's like the cat for the carrots right daddy. Well trees, that's where fruit and vegetable comes from you freeze the fruit and vegetables It'll last forever you can put you know broccoli or strawberries in the freezer. It'll last forever No, you know it, you know might go bad in a while, but what people we live in California. This is our home This is where we live growing food is so good for the people

Because it's free It's all you have to do is pay the farmers and pay for the land But why do we have to pay for the land the land's free? It's new land, you know I mean, do we have to pay for the land? Do you have to pay rent? Do you have to pay? The food's free, so we should just Sell it at the farmers market Thank you What are they saying next speaker? I think someone said wow. Oh wow

He's next speaker. Yeah, but I think I heard a wow. Let's see if you hear a wow Thank you Next speaker Was there wow? I just heard it. Oh, I heard just one sound of one hand clapping One one guy is like she's hot. I want to fuck her she by the way She eats ass on the first date without question. Yeah, she's one of those when you see her you'll be like, yeah dirty girls Yeah, well, she she's the there's a different there's all different types of dirty girls No, she's the free spirit grunge type like the kind who's like

Yeah, that's your favorite kind. Don't pretend like that's not your favorite kind Are you being serious the grungy punk rockery? Do I must I remind you of your your tryst in Africa? No, no, no, this is not that's punk rock. This is like granola Yeah, like Birkenstocks and it's not hot, you know, it's got corduroy like that's not my stasis that you're talking about like Tats on her neck and like heroin and like chains and stuff. That's hot. Everyone likes that everyone likes that Yeah, lots of like, you know piercings on her face and she's just like yeah make your deposit But this girl no make your deposit

Shit, oh god, you're a terrible person here. You're terrible. Can I talk about what happened to me this week, dude? Yeah, of course you could talk about what happened First of all, I was like Can you play the all aboard brown talk because this is gonna be pretty intense. Okay. All right Like we haven't already kind of did some brown. Yeah, I think we went we went pretty deep already Too little too late yeah fun here still fun so bro. Mm-hmm. I'm fucking fucking So I'm you know, I go to see my shrink on Tuesday Then let me back up the story

I take a brown I get ready in the morning to go see my shrink and I brown and at the bowls a little off-color And I'm thinking like that's weird. It's kind of reddish But I figure hey, it's a trick of the light, you know sometime. Maybe I had some spice That changed it sometimes the lighting in the bathroom isn't isn't perfect. How do you look at it? By the way, what do you do? Well, I brown and then I wipe and then I turn around and I look do you see you scoot up a little I'm sorry. I didn't wipe this time because I went straight to the shower Like this is one of those turds that I was like straight to shower. This is no wipe at all. No, why I'm just gonna go to the shower

What? What is happening right now? It's called European styles. You go with a shitty ass into the shower do What else am I gonna do? Why would I waste valuable toilet paper mashing the runny brown against my we have to we have to talk about our marriage tonight? Why would I waste time? It's all it does is mash it and it doesn't clean it enough So I get in the shower. Oh my god. Have I not told you this? No, I Didn't know you do no wiping before a shower a shit shower You just go of course the showers right next to the I turn the water on as I'm browning so that it's ready

It's like a bidet I Feel like I'm I feel like I'm seeing your billboard teeth for the first time Don't even say that Don't say that. I hate you so much for bringing that up The first time I got fake teeth my bondings He hated them because they were too white and you're giving me the look on your face that you gave me the same day You saw there's sometimes you learn shit where you're like, okay? Wow

Well, the point of story is what's the difference between that and a bidet a bidet is when you just run water on your bunghole before you wipe it All right, it's a it's a bidet. So anyways, I notice it's off-color, but I'm like yeah Whatever, let's let's try again. Maybe something else. So on the way to shrink I pee before I go in always and I like pee in the in the bowl. It's like red Like it's it's like Kool-Aid bright red dark red. No, it's like peachy like pink actually It's pink. Okay. So I'm like, that's not good. Yeah, that's not good I go to my session. I go pee-pee after and it's it's like, yeah I'm fucking Kool-Aid in there and I was like dude. I'm dying like I'm fucking dying

My urologist is right around the corner. Thankfully. So I call in a frantic thing. This is Christina. I gotta get my fucking Dying I'm dying and I you know, they're like come over now. You can we'll give you a p-test. So I go up the elevator I'm talking to the receptionist and she's like, okay. Are you in pain is everything okay? And I'm like, no I'm I feel fine. I mean, I just I'm fucking Going red like this is really terrifying. I'm terrified and she goes. Did you eat anything unusual? Did you eat like kale a lot of kale carrots or beets and my face just goes? Oh I go because I I was at Whole Foods Fuck dude, I guess I was a fucking Whole Foods the day before from

And I got a juice and the guy goes hey, I'm gonna put extra beets in this because you you want energy right now And I was like yeah, the great Did you know that by the way if you drink a ton of beets you will pee and shit brown for red for days Like it was three days. You have red for days red for days, dude three days of brown reds And then two days of peeing red. It was really scary So hey guys Just a little fucking public notice. Okay. Yeah Yeah, that was terrible. Have you ever well you do now normally? No, I remember the black squinting pasta

Remember that I used to love that squinting pasta dish Back in the old hood and that place was delicious, man. I missed that spronze. No spronze. Yeah, and yeah it's you know, it's it's you're eating a it looks like you're eating a bowl of Black ink, I guess what it looks like your mouth would be all black and your teeth And I remember that like that first time, you know the next day You're not you go shit and you wipe and you pull up and it is you have black paper Black toilet paper. You're like whoa fuck and that lat and you know You can remember that and then your next to shit like that

It takes a while and every time you see it you're like, oh my god Do you see it? You're like stomach cancer? Oh my god. Yeah, well, it's funny because I googled it Yeah, and Oprah had the same thing happened to her. We were talking about this the other day You talked to her about this. She and I talk about browns What it's actually called the beat test so drink a bunch of beet juice and Depending on how long it takes to come out in your yellow or brown is how healthy you are So if it comes out between 12 and 24 hours, it means the systems are go you're good health hers took three days So she did the beat thing and then three days later. She forgot

She didn't take the beat test, but you know I'm saying it took three days for her brown To come out red and she forgot that she had beats so she was even more panic like And then you you know you tell the doctor that and they're like, oh, yeah dummy But that means her system wasn't good. No good. That means she's eating a lot of processed stuff Because that means you're not eating enough vegetables. Oh pope. No pop. That's what she she and I are so fine Oh my god, you guys are so disgusting yucky Speaking of brown stuff sure I

The other day I spread my cheeks and I farted for you. I can't Let's talk about okay, yeah, we were on the couch and I showed you mine you stood up I stood up and you spread your cheeks. Yeah Just say hello Yeah, and I was like whoa Cuz I just wasn't expecting it. You showed me your your butthole just for fun. Yeah but then You upped the ante. Let's be honest. I

Did you tell them what you did? well, I Dropped my shorts You're in the kitchen. I turned around it. So my back side was facing you Yeah, I lean forward. I spread my butt cheeks apart You just farted. Yeah. Wow. Yeah I spread my butt cheeks And I farted you farted at me when you butt cheeks spread and at the time all I could think of was wow

I admire you so much because What a dare like you that is so risky. I can't believe you took that gamble Well, the funny thing is here's what I it's funny to say that later on I mean like moments later I realized that I felt like oh, what is that huh spreading it? Huh, I didn't know if I was if if it was air coming out or something else, huh? Wow, it was a real risk, huh? And then so what happened? I Just I farted and but then was there brown? No, no in the shoot. Okay. Wow. It was just a fart, huh? But it was also a magical moment because

You had just showed me your butt and then I wanted to do it to you and I happened to have one in the chamber That was really nice timing. Yeah, I Couldn't predict it. I couldn't plan for it. It was really cool. Yeah, sometimes things just work out. Thanks Yep, we've been watching House of Farts on Netflix House of Farts House of Farts House of Farts House of Farts House of Farts. I love House of Farts. So do I It's pretty cray-cray, right? Yeah, that's awesome. It's so good Yeah, I can't wait we binge watch the first half of already yesterday. Yeah, I gotta catch up on that

Yeah And then I think we're on the season finale of Downton Daddy again. Yeah, how is it so short? It's so fast I'm so mad. They only didn't give you like six episodes. No, I think this is nine It's very upset. It's gotta be the finale, right? Cuz it's super long. Yes a serious finale I mean a serious season finale fuck. I know bro. Then we have to win another goddamn year But I know they ordered they already ordered the other one I know but it takes so long before we get this show. I know fuck. They should be in constant production I have needs and me too man, dude and fucking

What's that other show a Tatiana that we love orphan black orphan black that shows awesome and then shaws of sunset that came back I think that's not on the same level of these other shows To me it is down house of cards and orphan black, and then you're like shaws of sunset What is not the same the same caliber of and guess what show came back my big fat gypsy wedding It's so great this season cuz they They got a new gypsy. So not just Romney shells that are white trash gypsies. They got these Greek ones hours There's hours for you right there ours Ain't got no class like it was Romney's here

They don't the Romney shells are the bottom of the gypsy barrel I tell you because these is Greek gypsies They actually have like all their teeth and they eat so who do we get this year Greeks some yeah So far the first episode Greek gypsy and then Romney shell and the Greeks are pretty well put there sweet There's not a lot of dog shit going on. She's 25 years old when she gets married Which is in Romney shell those Ron these are that's like retirement such fucking pieces of shit They're the worst Scott they are God like if you want to put together an argument for how white people are the biggest piece Oh my god

Just play my big fat gypsy wedding on video for anybody just play it for the war white people are the worst Garbage yeah, we are shit when we're good. We're great when we're bad. We're fucking terrible The that well, but that camp never has good Their whole life is just being dog shit. Yeah. Yeah, they have a shit fucking standards for things They have they have everything shit hygiene shit living standards. They're liars. They shiced people Yeah, they're fucking they're all criminals. They're disgusting. They're just animals man My dad said that there's a lot of incest in that community. Oh, that's hard to believe Yeah, of course, they're my father hates gypsies

Oh, no, that's a guy look because the tea guys the tea guys are the worst Because it's a guy they having sex the father's fucking the daughter Yeah, they're the worst fucking scum. Yeah, it's okay to be racist against gypsies I've said this before and I believe it They really are pariahs. Yeah, the worst in any city in the world. You see a gypsy. It's okay to say fuck you gypsy The only good thing is um Violin players. They're not standing. They sing that's dancing. They're all right with that That's the only contribution the gypsies have made to society that I know of you don't hear about too many gypsies

Inventing like penicillin or penicillin invented by a gypsy. No, I don't think so No, they invented incest. That's about it. Oh, man They are yeah, they're they're they're amazing. She just got why works her um why works her this uh, I just got Thought of that and I wanted I wanted to see this again. It's been a long time Just listen So Hi, this is congressman pete king and yesterday I marched in two 4th of july praise and one tour and

Let's pick a park today. I was taking a walk through one tour at here to american Legion hall Firehouse down the street a fire memorial a few blocks from here and it really reminded me of uh, The great men and women who sacrificed so much for our country people fighting in a rock band of sand today Pops firefighters teaches none of whom really get much credit and yet to the last I don't know how long now This slow life michael jackson's name a straight picture is all over the newspapers television radio It's over here about his michael jackson and let's knock out the cycle bubble. This guy was a pervert. There was a child molester He was pedophile and to be giving this much coverage to him day in and day out What does it say about us in our country? I just think it's soon

You were too politically correct. No one wants to stand up and say we don't need michael jackson You know, he died he had some talent to find the people dying every day. There's men and women dying stay in afghanistan Let's give them the credit they deserve. So I really think the media has disgraced itself I think of too many people in public parks. I've made fools themselves by talking about michael jackson Is there some kind of hero? There's nothing good about this guy. Maybe a good singer did some dancing Bottom May have been a good singer did some dancing dancing. That's the best line ever He's a pedophile. What sum up michael jackson good singer did some dancing may have been a good singer

Did yeah, that's my favorite unbelievable line ever. He has a point though Now he has a point. I think I should call my uncle bill. Put him off. Get your life There's nothing good about this guy. Maybe a good singer did some dancing But the bottom line is would you let your child or grandchild be in the same room with michael jackson? What are we going to find for us? I love this guy. Me too. I like old school. I like old school. What about, um Like just staying on the subject. Yeah, uh of farts People questioning the fart. Yeah authenticity

Well, what's really neat is that you made a video of yourself farting And I didn't want to see it originally because I'm like, I don't really need this and I respected you When you said that right hold on. Yes. Okay. What's up? No, no, I thought I saw something Okay, go ahead. So anyways, I didn't want to watch this video of you doing it because I'm like I live with this This is nothing I'm interested in right but then being the comedic genius that you are You know, I watched it and I laughed a lot And I was like I got to put this on vine. This is so stupid So I'm on if you want to see a tom's fart video

I'm on vine. I think my hold on. Let me look at what my stupid name is. I think it's christina p or christina pa z And um, it's so ridiculous. It's so funny and Yeah, that's under my name christina. But just anyway, wait, what is your vine name? So they know? Yeah, I think it's just christina pa z S i t z k y. What can you look? Yeah, I'm looking right now a little singing a little dancing But I can't see what my my name is on your home page. It doesn't say your name. Hold on. Ah, shit your mother Hey, you know saying it's the pinks. It's right there I just can't it just gives my full name. Why do I feel like I'm 80 years old when I look at technology

Yeah, I feel like I'm becoming fucking so outdated in the lame That whole on fleek thing really showed me how lame I am I Think it is christina. Pajitsky. Yeah, it's the full name any hoodles. I put this video up. I tweeted it out and tom Not to burst your bubble, but there were some doubters as to the authenticity of that fart I don't even understand what that means like People are saying is that a real fart. Yeah I mean

Don't you ever haven't you ever heard like if somebody like there's just there's questions not worth responding to It's like it's so insulting. Did michael angelo carve david Duh It's real Oh Sniffed at one baby Now obviously That's not me. No, and it's not that caliber, but it's still pretty good. It's not it's not fake guys

That's a hundred. Yeah, it's a hundred percent. Please don't question the god on the farts. Thank you And yeah, it was red meat. It was a red meat fart. Yeah, it was a workout day Had a steak. Wow had some veggies. Wow, and then it was a night of that You were gone. Yeah, remember I was like somewhere You want me to send you this and you're like, uh, yes, please please and then you wrote no Now and also I would like to bring up a subject I was in the ladies room And I hear this every now and then when I'm at the airport some fucking animal next to me

some woman Was dropping a deuce and having a full conversation in chinese like And there's like flushing everywhere and then you told me that that's commonplace in men's restrooms It's insane. That's crazy. Let's see if this this will play or not Um, how can that be that everyone makes phone calls in public bathrooms on your own can totally? Because you don't flush. Yeah It's in the bathroom I recorded this in the bathroom

And in the bathroom The way What's that toilet fleshing? Oh my god This is in the airport This guy's on the can having this conversation and it's an official. It's like in the state call in the city. Yeah It's not like hey bar. He's out of his mind. Yeah Aren't you afraid? Have you no shame? Are you not terrified of the person hearing multiple flushes and farts and stuff? I would be

It would be an emergency answer for me, you know necessarily not a business call No, like we're closing the deal Yeah So crazy That is so fucked up. But for a woman to do it. I feel like and I know this is a double standard But it's even weirder to me when a woman does it like dude I mean we barely can take shits in front of each other let alone have full conversations. Yeah

It's crazy. Totally crazy. Yeah Okay, hold on one second And we're back how was it we took a break they don't even know I know I I always have to pee around this hour mark You do because I come I come with a beverage. I was drinking tea. I come with beverages So here's another thing I noticed too on air flights this week in indy is that We've covered the topic of dad mouth And I think it's pretty universally agreed that dads have a very distinct breath There's a mouth. There's a dad breath mouth

But we haven't that breath is real. It's fucking so real dad mouth is real dad mouth is so it's like death that's dying Now what's interesting is that I sat next to a woman On the plane flight home from indy and she had Mom mouth. Now. That's also a really legit thing too. My mother. It's like it smells like stale mint gum Like that it's not as bad as dad mouth. Nothing's as bad as dog mouth isn't as bad as dad mouth Dad mouth is its own level. It's a it's a it is death. Would you rather smell? top dog's mouth when he just woke up or Theo's mouth

Anytime but he's his mouth smells like a chinese fish market Smells better than top dog I don't even know if it's first thing in the morning. It could be that's the thing about dad mouth is Everyone has bad breath when they wake up. Dads have bad breath Like midday dad mouth is like you're like, where the fuck did you just eat? You just eat a fucking dirty diaper like it smells Crazy and like I need a mint and like you need much more than that. You need a fucking Like you need a cleansing something is rotten. It's like inside the gums because dad mouth occurs even after dads have

And it only happens to dads Fatherless men do not have this problem But it's true even after they've brushed the dad mouth is still under the bad breath buddy But mom I need a mint mom mom breath. It's like sweeter It's not it's sweeter, but it's not good. I've definitely pulled back To my mom before I've been like, holy shit. She's like what? But you know what the other thing is here's the difference between a lot of I wouldn't say all but some men and women You tell them you tell a woman. She's got some mom breath going on and most of them are mortified like a woman goes like

Oh my god. I'm so sorry like A lot of dads will just go like yep Yeah, I gotta get to it. This is my breath. Yeah I'm the dad. This is my breath. Yeah Yeah, it really is I think that's part of the thing It's like I've told her she's like all like like you had a friend

Tell their mom about their mom breath and the mom was mortified Well, that's an extreme case because this but I'm saying the way that she reacted was it was like. Oh my gosh. Yes It's a good reaction. Yeah, but this woman in question Would wake up in the morning Not brush her teeth drink her coffee and then not brush her teeth after the coffee and morning breath And then all day be talking to people like 3 p.m. She wouldn't she would brush her teeth at night only Is the point could you even imagine that? Well, I had a teacher I had a teacher and it was in

fifth grade And there was actually two there mr. Caner and then another one And that was the age, you know, if you remember that like We're of the age where like when like computers were like a new thing, right? Kind of knew that that that a school would have them everywhere So like it would be on some type of typing or a computer class And he was like computer savvy and he was a dad like in his I want to say

Maybe late 50s. So he was totally in the dad mouth zone And while you're a kid 10 11 years old on the computer He would lean over. Oh, so he would be right here and then He would you know, he'd be at you basically it'd be like it's like you had a second head It would be like at your shoulder and he'd be like, oh, you need to click on this here and then turn and I remember Like his breath would make my eyes water I mean, it was just it was so bad And you just look at his mouth. He's like, oh man, you got farts in your mouth. It's so

So disgusting Why has dad mouth 100 times because mom mouth like it wasn't it was coffee Mom mouth is like coffee stale gum Yeah, I'm like mildewy And that's tolerable coffee breath is garbage I mean, look, I'm guilty of that. I we all have you know, everyone's had their days, but like to To fully invest in the into not washing but you know Not cleaning it and but using coffee as mouthwash

First thing in the morning It's disgusting. I remember when I used to miss the fucking real man has a point For sure When I used to work in an office, I just remember everybody had coffee breath When you when you you work in an office, everybody's up at the butt crack of dawn And then your your hand until lunch everybody had dog breath. It was the worst And then there's that unfortunate soul that drank coffee in the afternoon And then you'd have to be in their cubicle and they're explaining to you the tps report and their dog breath is on you

coffee's coffee breath is just That's unbearable Even you know now I've been a little I'm a you know, you get older and you kind of just go fuck it and Sometimes now new people like I'll work at a club for a week and You know the guy picks me up for a press and I'll be like hey, dude Here's some gum. Yeah I'm good. No, you're not and then they'll be like, oh, I need it. I'm like, yeah I don't care anymore. Sometimes when you're sharing close quarters with someone

Isn't it the grossest to be in somebody's car? And it's all their germs stranger germs Best buy I wasn't best buy which is not close quarters, but I was trying to I was buying something and You know the nerd who was helping me He just had diarrhea breathed I kept backing up and he kept coming towards me, you know tell me I really wanted if If I didn't need his help so much, I would have just been like and I kept doing shit like touching my face Putting my you know putting my mouth behind my nose behind my hand. I was like god damn it, man

How the the thing that gets me always with any of these is your level of like of obliviousness like how are you this unaware? Yeah, you don't care. You just don't give a shit dude. That's the crazy part And like you have a mate you have a spouse most like you know this guy didn't but yeah No, some people some people have partners to consider and dude. That's crazy rowdy shit, huh? Speaking of something with partners consider I found that they released this they didn't release it somebody posted this Old dirty bastard interview that had never saw the light of day. This guy's so cool I didn't have time to edit it down, but I figured we could just give it a little because he's amazing

There's a lot of good things. He asked a lot of good ideas. I imagine I think he was just out of rehab or something when this came out So the story the reason you're here today We've heard a lot about changes that you've made in your life over the past couple months. Why don't you kind of explain to me What's going on? I don't know man just uh Hey boy hey changes Well It's like, you know

I don't know something about the children What you know You know, it's just I don't I can't really explain Can't really explain it, but it's all good though. Well, let me start with the kids How many kids do you have and and what about the most recent child made you kind of Stand up and take notes. That's him laughing kids. How many kids do I have? Well, all the kids in the world is minds Yeah, okay, so I can't count how many kids I got

All the truth in the universe is mine everywhere. You know what I mean? um but um It's just uh, hey The kids love dirty You know being every time they see dirty they smile You know, that's true. Yeah Every time I saw dirty I smiled and I consider him like a father figure to me. It's for the kid

It doesn't they say Wu Tang is for the kids. He said that he says for the children. He got on stage. Yeah, I think it was MTV Video awards and he was like Wu Tang is for the children. Yeah, he's the fucking man kids love this guy. Yeah, how could you not? He's ODB. He's he's peanut the kidnapper. He's the prince of all Oh peanut the kidnapper the prince of all right. Yeah, that was the best one. Yeah, I mean and that's automatically make dirty smell You know, I mean Maybe we want to get on my knees and play Lego blocks with them and everything So it's all good. Well, let me ask you about this most recent child The I guess the most recent was a son who was born to you. Um, it's your 13th child

And from what I was told that made you kind of stop and say Take a little stock of of where you are in your life and what you need to do for them. Is that true? Yeah Yeah Yeah, a little Prince Osiris is here Prince Osiris, right? Yeah, and you know 13's a lot. It's just like, you know, I just want Right things for them. You know what I mean? I haven't had them, you know

Had they head on point. Yeah, you know what I mean? And just want the best for them. You know what I mean? I love this guy like any parent one for their children. See he's talking like any other parent and he's ODB Yeah, yeah, he's old dirty What's your relationship like with your kids? I know that there are a lot of them But let's say in a regular basis with most of your kids Are you there as much as you can be even? How does that work? I'm there as much as I can be. You know what I mean? Um, you know, I I see them. I talk to them on the regular

um I mean they crazy about their dad. There's no there's no doubt about it and the dad is crazy about them too All right, they all look like me Little bad asses How do you explain to them? You know when they when they call you dad, how do you explain to them who old dirty bastard is? Who all Cyrus is? I mean you kind of sit with them and explain things? I don't explain they I mean they my children, you know what I mean? They they they they know me as dad

You know what I mean? It's like the old dirty bass. That's like a job. You know what I mean? Uh Cyrus is It's like a job too. You know, it's just It's like, I don't know Can I tell you something? Don't take this the wrong way. Sure. Does he remind you of your dad a little bit? Yeah, it's funny. It's like looking into a mirror listening. It is right. I mean change the accent a little bit

Change the accent a little bit Could you imagine being one of his 13 children like who's your dad? Where's your dad? My dad's old dirty bastard Well, he was. Well, he was old dirty bastard. Yeah. Yeah, I think people a lot of them be like, oh, shit. I love ODB You probably get a lot of love. That's true. But I think when you're that kid and you're like, yeah You're like a piece of shit dad not around. Yeah, it's never like the way you imagine. It's never as cool as you imagine No, it's not cool when you're that guy's kid. No because everyone's like I don't know when you ever hear about any like celebrity kid, you know, it's like, oh cool, right? And then Yeah, it's not good because they don't they don't get the party that everybody

Assumes is with him. You know what I'm saying like, you know, you don't get to hang out with ODB Like that's your piece of shit dad who just is a junkie and is never around It's like you see you see all these stories like I forget I draw a blank, of course the movement of it, but The story's about like famous comedian like older guys. Yeah, and they're like, oh, oh look at watch Johnny Carson's Biopic on uh, there's one on Netflix a while back and they're like was it was it fun to grow up with Johnny Carson? No, because he wasn't Johnny Carson at home. He was a recluse and he just wanted to read his papers and be left alone Right. He wasn't fun Yeah, it's a real kind of cocksucker actually. What was the guy?

The Peter Sellers was a piece of shit. Yes. That's exactly what I was thinking of beat his kids and wife. I'm pretty sure real ass holy A lot of them then of course in the the other side of thing a Vince Lombardi the coach. They're like, oh real fucking demon dad Didn't never around didn't care. They lost the game. He was like Fuck and he's like, you know, don't talk to him that day. Yeah Oh, yeah, they're the life of the party when they're outside of the house But when they're your parent no way Yeah, well, let's go back. There you go. So we have to say I feel it it feels me So it's all good. Um, I want to talk about a little bit about this most recent

Incident as it were. Um, you were arrested last week and there was a It's weird a charge that you hadn't paid a fair amount of child support Um, can you kind of tell me one exactly what happened and two whether that's true? Well one I was sorry all the grass and I got picked up by the cops um, two um Well, I love my um all my I love my wife

Yes, I love her daily Um, you know, just of course, I'll pay child support. Yeah, you know what I mean? I mean why wouldn't I you know, I love my children I mean, I love I love my children just being there, you know as a family, you know, I mean You know Jesus Christ things. It's just got to be, you know, deal with you know saying, you know that I got to deal with And that's what I've got to be deal with We'll deal with it the creator make sure everything is right. Um, I mean the the amount that's in question. They're saying about $35,000

which You know, most people would I just presume that rappers make a lot of money and that $35,000 would not be, you know, but Is it necessarily true that you're swimming in money as odb and you can just pay things off left and right and And two is it is that the correct amount of money and what are you planning on doing about it? Um This guy asks a lot of questions, you know, I would sit right there if I was odb I would just let him finish that and go You ask a lot of questions, man Yeah, that's a lot of questions. Yeah, I mean he asks like eight questions right there. Yeah, and they're all like really intrusive

Yeah, what's it to you asshole? Don't worry about it. It's kind of pushy. Yeah, but he's still he's doing it super sweet Can I tell you how much child support so when I was a kid in 1985 six or whatever child support for me It was $800 a month So I'm doing child support just doing the math on 13 kids. Let's see Let's say it's 1986 that would be 1986 that was $800 a month. My dad paid an 86 So I don't even know what what it's considered and this is the state of california. So This is what his bill is monthly for 13 kids on the payroll. What is that? $10,400 a month, you know now and in new york, I know it's it's decided by a court based on

Your level of income based on your lifestyle So that if the kid grew up with any of that you the kid can maintain that you know, I mean, right, right So the the amount could be But I'm saying this is just from 1986 standards This is $10,400 a month and this is this is just like 800 bucks per kid for my children's That's bananas. Of course. Swimming and money is odb and you can just pay things off left and right. Oh boy I love other depth too Um, you said you said before that you're trying to get this thing together. Um, you've had problems in the past with

Alcohol and drugs. Damn. Is it at what point did you realize? It's a real shit. You can't do that anymore When old when I when I when I heard really that oldest red and had got crashed in that sea That's my main man I just Um, it's just you know, I'm saying I ain't I ain't gonna say that I ain't going And you know, it's just I learned that that's not the move. You know what I mean? That ain't the move

It's time to you know, have a straight point that I got a job to do sometimes that implants You know thoughts, you know, I mean at that time, you know It was there, you know what I mean? It's not there no more It's not there no more All right Tell me about the the next solo album stuff what you're working on what it's going to sound like How the new you is going to be reflective of the bar Um, I want a lot of rock and roll artists on it. I don't know who

Yeah, yeah Yeah talented Super talented. Yeah super talented. Um Somebody sent me this by the way. I miss odb. I mean resting piece I do too. I remember when he used to go on stern Yeah, and you'd be like this guy's out of it. Remember when he did, uh, what was it pimp my ride? No What was that showing mtv and he was cribs cribs? No, that wasn't even on cribs. Are you talking about when he went to the welfare office?

Yes, that was just mtv news And he was collecting checks he took a limo. Yeah to the welfare office He had his One of his baby mamas and like four kids in there. Yeah, he's drinking in the back of the limo goes into The state one of the welfare offices and comes out with cash and like food stamps and everything. Yeah crazy Yeah, one like what a character This thing is so crazy

That I was watching it and looked like kind of like kind of cheesy 80s movie You know like like a police roll call thing where it's like Martin you need to quiet down like you I think you hear like two seconds of it and and I love when you do that um you can like You you know exactly what it is like it's just Item seven you know, I mean it's item seven november 29 three p.m Conflict resolution seminar in this room attendance mandatory

You got a conflict with that. Yeah, I do It's resolved. You're going Item eight, you know, it's just it's like 80. It just feels like that era, right? Yeah 80s cotton. It looks like it's it's from You know, I would say mid 80s, you know, okay Officer quinn returns to active duty roster tomorrow So yeager you'll ride with serudo. Oh, lieutenant. Give me a break. Yeager's got yak breath. I can't ride So we're a gas mask

Item last on the teletype. We still got the franklin avenue flasher Struck a two outdoor weddings and a school picnic so far this month male cock six three Tattoos and unusual places male cock As opposed to a male cunt So you're kind of getting like you understand basically what yes genre we're in And I just want you to see where the scene goes. I just think it's unexpected. Sure

Okay, that's it and hey Hey, I know what this is. I remember when this came out Let's be careful out there We had a one eighty seven at the seven eleven on the corner of fourth and main Two cock cages of male persuasion for the bullet through the cashew's brain Moving on I see it to 11 After first four fifty nine What the fuck man, dude, you remember when this I remember when this came out

This is the monstrosity known as cop rock. How did when did this come out? We were kids. So you were out. You're three years younger than me. This came out I'm eight years younger than you. Whatever. I'm looking at it. It was a major Producer that did this. This wasn't like I'm looking up right now. You're gonna die. This was a huge show And uh, it ate a cock and and people were making fun of this huge show like what the fuck Stephen botchco did it botchco did all the fucking shows in the 80s, right? It was like a series Yeah, so Stephen botchco does my mind is by the way

Blowing up right now. He did hill street blues Stephen botchco, uh, let me see what other la law. Stephen botchco. He'll yeah, okay. We said that one already Hooper man abc duggy hauser md Okay, so let's look up. It was a music Yeah, so this guy's basically high on blow one day and was like you like cops and you like music What kind of crazy shit? Yeah, this was this was the mockery of this guy's career when this came out. It came out in I'll fucking tell you the year right now. It was a disaster 1990. What were you doing in 1990? I thought this was 85 86

I would be my best Yeah, do you want to let's see if I got any awards and nominations? Wait, it was a see is a one-off or a series No, it was a series. Jesus It's a television series. How long did it air? I'll tell you I'm on the wikipedia right now original run september 26 through december 26 of 1990 The musical police drama Yeah, it's

Wait, so it aired they aired like seven episodes Yeah, tv guide ranked at number eight on on tv guides list of 50 worst tv shows of all time 2002 the periodical dubbed it the most single bizarre tv musical of all time. It's insane It's crazy. What you're telling me now is taking it is making it way crazier Because my assumption was that it's like a music video Like a one-off kind of thing where you're like, what a terrible intro to this music video The fact that this is a television. It's a series. Yeah is insane. Yeah, that means there's like eight more episodes. Yes that has It was insane and I remember like watching it as a kid and being like

This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen and meanwhile I was into like night writer, which is talking cars Well, the network must have been like this guy's out of his fucking mind It must have been where when yeah when they got this fucking tape When they're like, here's what we did today Here's what they said. They're like, this is absolute dog shit. Yeah, but This motherfucker makes so such a hit maker. Well, it's no they knew it was dog shit They knew it wasn't going to be a hit. Yeah, they said if we want to keep Doogie and fucking hill street blues we got to air this dog shit

And yeah, and we'll just kind of deal with it Oh, I remember in la like kevin and bean the k-rock dj's on the local radio station Like local the radio station of la people were making cop rock was a punchline. This is all new to me Really? Yeah, all new 100 cop rock was a punch line for many years after. Wow Like this is better than copper. This is worse than cop rock. It's so crazy to me that this is real You want to wait? Do you want your mind to get blown even more? Yeah It was fucking nominated for emmy's listen listen in 1991. I swear. I'm this is on wikipedia Outstanding sound mixing for a drama series. Oh, okay. Yeah, but that's not one of the categories that air

Outstanding directing in a drama series So this means that despite this being a total turd because of botch goes dick in hollywood. They're still sucking on it. So Outstanding achievement in music and lyrics run boasted or whatever. I mean outstanding editing at one For the pilot and outstanding achievement in music and lyrics it won for the pilot That's how so far up botch goes ass. Everybody was in the 90s. Is he dead? Let me look Thank god for wikipedia

Can you even fucking understand this? Cop rock was the worst. No, I think he's still alive I The crazy thing Is he's 71 he's alive. Oh, yeah, there's to see the other actors in the scene That have to look at him like he's just regularly talking. Yeah, I'm imagining Being one of those actors and it's like take 17 of oh my god Has become another it's so two cock perps in the room

I mean, this is another another minute later It's tough, but play n white pd blue. That's his show too There's a keyboard There's a keyboard in the room that he's giving the speed like this is a cop precinct and he's like Hey, here's the thing for tonight roll call and now he's playing the piano I know but no one else is rocking They're all like It's a drama

My jeans are torn in half right now I No one's gonna talk about them just saying a song Those are cops It's so crazy. Okay, it was canceled after 11 episodes on abc. You know what it feels like So weird this feels like when you watch a movie and they're making fun of Like how bad you know, I mean a show is like sure like it's almost like hey This is the future it's almost like an idiocracy thing when they're like this is it it'll be a show

It's a cop show where they'll sing rock songs and you're like, okay This is like it's it's so preposterously stupid. It's the worst and that you're right They nobody could tell tell that guy like hey botch go. This is a piece of show not at that point NYPD blue that's that guy's show hill street blues. So he goes. Look. I know the cop genre. This is the sales pitch I know the cop thing and that's my world and you know, I rock Everybody loves musicals everybody and everybody loves cops. Why not marry? That was his pitch. Yeah Crazy, you know that he walked out of the room. So that is actually like this is nuts

Watch goes on too much blow Now the thing is I do remember at the time in the 90s there was another show called rags to riches and it was basically An Annie remake like these girls were all orphans But they would sing in the show and I think that's where Maybe this came from where it was like guys guys Singing is back in a big way That show rags to riches. We need to have a counterpart on our network and it's going to be cop rock

And I know that's probably the executives Yeah, it's one of the craziest things. I have an idea. Yeah, we're doing our pilot When everybody loves musicals, everybody loves brown talk. Why not brown talk the musical? I gotta wipe some more I thought it was all cleaned up, but I'm wiping it still brown I just need a little more paper. Could you drive in the town? Because you need to wipe down Wipe down Wipe down

Everybody knows you need to wipe down You need to wipe down and then turn around walk away I love it cop rock, man. I'm glad you found it. It's fucking crazy. It's a fucking nightmare Um back to you know, I'm saying you know talk about you know, I mean you feel me. You know, I'm saying Um, here's one that was just sent in. They said there's some pretty good ones on here Down here in the dungeon, right? You know what I'm saying, but a chicken wing Southern fried chicken wings most definitely baby because we in Atlanta, you know what I'm saying? Where it's all jumping off from, you know, we just drove up in the 95 in pala special edition

I'm about to get lumbered out. You know what I'm saying? Monday morning. There we go. Get the number that's my man It's my man Rico talking, you know what I'm saying? What's up? What's up? So like tell us how this whole thing come together a question You know, we ain't got a lot of time but briefly tell me how this whole situation jumped off. We got tired of Nigga, I mean we got tired of folks That's on mtv as on mtv and he dropped all big words right there. That's so fucking funny I wish he would have stopped himself. That's even better situation jumped off we got tired of

Nigga, I mean we got tired of Things in the street So we decided that we had a love for this music thing So we saw young brothers like big boy and Drake. They came to us And they were like they they had scared. They're like, you want a bus? There we go keeping it real and over here my man I know you definitely keeping it real. Oh, yeah You know what I'm saying? We're over at chinlin like I'm saying They wouldn't have done you

And this you know saying what we just make you say make our music that we sit down here and fire. You know what I'm saying? This outcast isn't that crazy? It is. Yeah, it's outcast in 1995. Wow 1995 this is before their household names and That's that's android 3000 right there. That was before he was on that His weird Fucking vegan tip that he's on. You know what I mean when he was like I'm talking about you know saying this is when he was still like rocking the cangles and and he was kind of more More hood with it before he went to like

I drink carrot juice and no smoking on my bus. You know, oh, wow I didn't realize he went through that kind of a change. Oh, yeah, then big boy's like stripper pole on my bus We get down. Yeah, it's totally Yeah, and they had their transformation. They had their kind of fallen out. You know, they they don't roll the I mean They did a couple shows together in the last couple years, but that was they don't they don't like hang Really? I didn't know they I loved the hey, uh, era. Obviously. That's all I know. Oh, yeah. Well, they started off way more you know player player like Southern hood shit, you know, I'm saying you know time I feel cold and the one I'm saying hot

You're saying steam like it in and some of the time I'm saying but we were doing what we're doing. It's a lot of definitely keeping it real I mean, how do you feel having been a big person leaning to the light here? How do you feel having been a big part of putting the south on the map and like what some of your musical inspirations? Oh, it feels good. You know I'm saying to me as far as inspiration, you know You know, say me and my boys listen to the old school air being rocked him Curtis blow you know saying but now we vibing off our crew the goodie mob, you know saying because okay, so maybe they're I mean 95 They might be like, I don't know. Are they

Do they have I'm trying to remember when that first To 92 they formed. Okay. Um, I'm thinking of Southern playlist, you know That Cadillac music shit. Do that whole album. I had the album that hey, I was Oh, there's there's homeboy. Yeah, yeah 94. So this is a year after their big album came out. We gotta handle this real quick Right back. All right. We're back um Had to get a rant man

the uh Yeah, so these outcast guys, uh Desondre The big boy big boy. I guess they had their album was out But I was saying that they weren't you know huge. They weren't no that because out. Hey, I stuff came around like in 2000 Oh, no, no, that's no, no, that's way after that 2002. No 2011 hey, uh comes out Dude

I'm talking no time out. You know I'm talking about I say they did definitely say that that stuff is way way later, man That's why later That's uh, that's that's why later We're which um What was that album called the love below? The love below that was a great album man. Is that what it's called? I think so I think so

Hey guys speaking of uh Love below check out our ovation tv piece. I put it up on your mom's house podcast calm theo hux the bull I'm sorry. FIFO is sitting on tom's lap during the interview and it's really cute Um You should check it out. We talk about our show. Yeah, you're right. That is that's yeah, but that's oh Three no before yeah release on o3. Okay God that that's already That long ago. I know remember when you go to every wedding and hey, I was the jam song

Well in my mind, it feels like like an 0607 kind of song. Look at him. Don't want to make your dad. He wants to write He wants to write FIFO. Yeah, he's putting he's putting his paws up people don't know that FIFO in his spare time. He writes a lot of scripts That's right. He's been writing down to an abbey for the last seven seasons. Um FIFO writes What else is he right? What other show we were watching? Oh, he writes better call sol He's written breaking bad house of cards He's a pretty big show business writer. He's got one paw up on the desk right now and it's sliding He insists on it. Oh my god. It's so cute. Let me see if um

What do you want to do? That's so stupid. Let's see if you'll uh He's typing. Yeah, of course. He's writing scripts It's so stupid. I'll put this up on instagram Uh, this is so fun But anyways, the big thing was that there was a lot of good, you know, I'm saying hey, you know, I'm saying mr Everybody's society is sold and sold now. You know what I'm saying? We just you know, I'm saying try to put Atlanta out there

You know, I'm saying to let people know Atlanta is here and they got some real players in this game down here You know, I believe you no question. But why is yeah? Yeah, you know what I'm saying No question. Yeah, absolutely question There you go question man. Hi, man Um Yeah, this is uh, this was fun. I'm glad we did this mama's out today. Me too. I always like to catch up with your jeans Oh, we got we didn't get to your voice. Do you want to do it right now? I don't care. Yeah, we can so I got a new phone number. Um, I've had the same

I've had the same number since 1999 when I got my very first cell phone um, it's a it was an 818 number forever and um Yeah, anyways, I finally changed it and I've been getting voicemails Random voicemails whoever owned this number previously has had quite an interesting life. It's the last two The bottom two and I'm bummed because I accidentally erased one that I think was in reference to getting drugs But it's so crazy to get a new phone. You don't realize that that number definitely just belongs to somebody It's like social security number. Do you know that you just recycle them recycle them? Yeah, some dead persons number

Yeah, let's see if this will play Good afternoon. This is lance crafters calling for gladus We're just calling you to let you know that your glasses are ready for a pickup So feel free to come and pick them up whenever you have a chance. Thank you That's gladus. So that's gladus. So she Obviously, she's not gonna get those glasses. Well, no, or she's gonna be like, hey Why didn't you why didn't you guys ever call me about my glasses? Gladus, I would I would have came if somebody who knew told me that they were ready

So I'm inferring that the person that had my phone number previously is kind of an older person Right because gladus isn't a name given to somebody born in like the 70s or the 80s, right or the 90s No gladus is not a 90s, baby. It's old school gladus. Yeah, and then here's another message. Okay, let's see what this one is Hey, hi, this is warren. How you doing, buddy? I just had a call and check up on you. I haven't heard anything. They're seeing me around Yeah, I've been busy. I've been busy too. I have a little operation down on my neck I'm getting back in the groove here. I need a call. Three one on. Okay Wait, where was the other one that we just had

Well, we just played lens crafters But there was the other one like we can't come to dinner because my wife heard her back Well, that was those were the last two. Is there another one I should play? Let me see it I don't want to play my doctor is off it. Well, it tends to mother boys Let's see It's just it's a three one. Oh Okay It says Christina. I'll just stop it. Is it in deleted?

Hi, Christina. Okay, that's personal All right, this one. Hey, Adam. Hi, David Allen. This is bill driver. Um, my wife an accident fell down our slate stairs And uh, unfortunately, we have to reschedule Sorry about that. Um Two weeks from now a friend of mine that was head of united artists across the country is coming in and These best friends with the original owner of a universal Studio, so that that might be of use to you guys. Okay. Um, very wife. I'm very very sorry and we'll let that reschedule She's pretty beat up from her. Oh, thank you

So I got a message for Gladys from lens crafters and then David Allen Is that was that an american psycho? David Allen This was David Allen, right? Yeah, and that and that was my wife fell down the stairs. She's pretty beat up. I think maybe Interesting. Oh, you're right. Interesting choice of words. This other guy didn't say Gladys or no, listen to this the second guy this is the uh My neck operation guy Hey, hi, this is warren. How you doing, buddy? Hi? Hey, what? I'll check up

Hey, hi, this is warren. How you doing, buddy? Hey, hi. This is warren. I guess Like five people have had this phone. Gladys. I just and David Allen Then this wasn't even the drug call. Then there was another one. I was like, hey, lauren. I'm in your neighborhood If you're like if you're holding I like yeah, like what? Who's had this phone number? These are great. Let me see. Are there any more three one-os? No There's an unknown. Oh, that's my agent Don't you like that? They call you from the unknown number

Guy kind of my manager just went from it used to say the thing to now back to unknown That's a sign. You gotta look for a new manager Well, there you go. Hey adam, it's felicia. Oh, can we tell them about uh, you know the the other the new season That's gonna come out. What are you talking about? You know I Well The two of us. Oh Well, we haven't gotten that final on it. Oh, really? Well, I haven't signed anything of you. No, maybe we shouldn't until it's signed

Well, now it's all fucking obvious. All right. We'll tell and say it then well I mean, yeah, so I guess we could say we might not be on it Yeah, we don't sign anything but I was excited at how to be a grown-up got picked up for the season so hopefully Hopefully we'll be back on there because that was fun. It was super fun. Yeah And um, yeah Exciting developments this year guys. We'll see what's going very exciting Um, all right, we got to get going. But uh, as always, we love you. Please go check out

tomcigura.com for my live stand-up shows There's a bunch of cities that have been added that are not on there yet but They're slowly being added, but um, you know the ones that I mentioned They're there now. So please come see me live. Please see Christina This weekend in washington dc at the dc improv and you can go to thousand ranch.com

For those tickets and your mom's house podcast.com has a lot of great special features from the show clips and Photos and all kinds of cool stuff. And of course We have the live podcast that we're going to do in san francisco cops comedy club March 15th. It's our only live podcast date That's on the books. It's going to stick We of course continue to extend our apologies to brooklyn and boston We really wanted to do those and we can't but

They are we got the email that they are started issuing refunds if you haven't had one yet You're going to get one hopefully starting tomorrow. So yeah, we already have our shooting schedule a million apologies for that But hopefully we can make it up to you um I think that's it. That's it jeans. I love you guys. I love you Bye mommy All right High-pitched high high-pitched high

Damn, you're lazy. High fast High-pitched high Dam ship High-pitched high Nice city lady High-pitched high High-pitched high High-pitched High

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High-pitched high Dam y'all lazy