Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 286-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 25, 2015

Well, it's now undeniable. Wipegate is taking the world by storm and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.  Shower straight from a brown?! Are you mad? Or maybe you're just TEAMTINA. Wipe like a person first? Are you human? Maybe you're TEAMTOMMY. The listeners, other comics, hell, even Web doctors weigh in on this one. Plus a song that will blow you away dedicated to your mothers! We talk Tommy's taste in (some) white music and a call from OMG Maria that will leave you, well, unsettled? She's bananas. 

It's Tom Segorong, Christina Bajitsky. I've been a bitch, I be flossin' my T28 inch rim. My TBR be shining man, honky ass white. Who just bought it, was it the old man? All I know is fights. Hey buddy, guess who it is? Man, it be top dog, spread the knowledge all about the shits. Mammy T and mammy C, flexin' all the good as guests.

Watchin' clips and talkin' shit, the mammy is the best. But I want to say this once we bolt the shit out, man. Mammy's for life, fuck bein' a rock. Go. It's one of the all time classics. Classic denim. Classic denim for sure. I love that song.

Yeah, it's a good one. It's a good one. That's plum with your mom's house, welcome to your mom's house. It's a good one. It's the best. Thank you plum. Thank you everybody for just always respecting your denim. Hope you're havin' a great day.

We have some exciting stuff comin' up. Jeans, I think first and foremost, there's this, so it just fell in place. Yeah. And together, you're gonna be at Go Bananas in... Cincinnati. My, the Nasty Natty, my birth city. April 23rd.

April 24th. April 25th. Fifth. But then what's gonna happen on April 26th? I'm coming out to Cincinnati. What? And we're gonna do the podcast there. Oh!

Yeah. That is the denomest thing you've ever said. It's pretty crazy. Listen, if you're in the Natty, if you're in Dayton, if you're in Louisville, this is the closest we'll get to you to do the podcast. So if you wanna come see it live that Sunday, it's gonna be worth it.

That's Sunday, April 26th, 8 p.m. show, Mommy's Real Mommies Only. Real Mommies. We've come... The Nasty Natty. And come see me do stand-up that way, too, though, guys. Don't be like that. Don't be like, I'm only gonna do one thing.

It's ridiculous. What you should do is get a hotel near Go Bananas and just come to all the shows. Live there. Yeah. Just live there for that weekend. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I agree.

Don't be like that, guys. Don't be like that. Don't be fucking like that. I totally agree with you, man. Bikes. All I know was bikes. Mummeti. Mummeti.

Let's see. April 12th, I am in San Diego at the American Comedy Company doing one show only. That is a stand-up show. A couple weeks later, the full charge is joining me in Denver at Comedy Works South, the big club at the landmark. And then on that Sunday, we go to Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, Utah.

A couple days later, I'm in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I added that before Nashville, Tennessee and Asheville, North Carolina. It goes on and on. I added, by the way, for the summer, some big shows. Las Vegas, you were asking me. I added a show on the 12th. Chicago, June 27th, massive show.

And Detois, Detroit, June 28th, I'm in Pontiac. So that's 30 miles from you. I hope you'll join me. Of course, Brooklyn and Boston have announced those. All at TomSegura.com. Click on the shows page. And it's there. Chris Jeanza.

Do you have another plug, you? Chris Jeanza. Chris Jeanza, the Jeanski. Do you want to add something else? Check out that, Steve Bro. If you want to hear about Nietzsche this week, I'm doing Nietzsche. It's pretty fucking rad.

I got to say, even me with my dumb brain, I'm interested in it. Yeah. If you want to know what the big buzzwords are about, because people, you know, they drop that stuff. Like, what's an Uberman? What's will to power? Yeah.

And I explained some of it. You break it down for us. It's cool. It's fun. And it's not pretentious. No. It's really accessible. Yeah.

That was my goal, bros, to make it like normal people talk. Yeah. Pretty exciting. Well, I wanted to remind you guys, thank you for shopping on Amazon through our banner. We so appreciate it. And for those of you who don't, why aren't you? Why don't you just use our portal?

Go to yourmomshousepodcast.com. Click on our banner. It takes you to Amazon. You do your shopping as you normally would. And it really helps us out. It really helps us out. Get your Amazon Prime on. What did I just buy?

I bought a bracelet with dogs on it from Amazon. Yeah. I bought a nook charger because the goddamn nook needs to be charged every two seconds. Somebody just tweeted me that they just bought a bunch of car parts through their Amazon banner. See? You can buy everything, dude.

It's the shit. It's really rad. Did that DVD come? No. Why? Not yet. I have to check on it. Let me see.

You know why? Because it wasn't Prime. Amazon Prime comes in like two days. I gotta tell you this, guys. Some of you are probably, I'm sure, already into it. I was on my flight to Virginia Beach. And a big thank you to everybody that came out into Virginia Beach. Funny Bone.

Jordan Presley and your lovely wife and all the mommies that came through. It was really fun. Really fun shows. I love the Virginia Beach Funny Bone. But anyways, on our flight, the big flight, the leg from here to Atlanta, we watched the TV, the first three episodes of the TV series Fargo. Not the movie, but the show. And you know, it was one of those things where I had heard it was good and I was like,

ah, whatever. Holy shit, is it good. And you know what? I'm bummed it says it was delivered on Sunday. What? So one of our neighbors is watching our DVDs. Come on. We gotta go out there and figure some shit out, man.

Yeah. I'm really upset right now. Whatever. It says it was delivered Sunday? Yeah, bro. Dog, I'm saying, we need to handle this like right now. I know. I'm upset.

All right. Well, let's get through this real quick and see what's up. What the fuck? We're gonna have to fucking crack some heads. You know, maybe it's in the toilet, the paper towel thing. Okay. We didn't open up that box. It might be in there.

You ready to do this? Yes. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You don't mind? Okay. Okay. All right.

Okay. Here we go. Cheers. I always wipe with water. At least water. Yeah. But I use it. We haven't been sitting right before I shower, so it's like golden.

I don't like doing that, though. I don't want to shower with a kind of... Oh, I love it. Pooey butt. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand.

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Sutsu. And Christina Polizzi. Christina Polizzi. Welcome to your mom's house.

Wow. There's a lot, a lot to get into, and obviously that very much opens the door into something we're deep in right now, which is Wipegate. Wipegate. That's a really nice...what is that called? Sting. That's a sting. Josh Potter.

Thank you, Josh. Thanks, Josh. That was really good. Fantastic. Yeah. This is...it's only growing. I mean, we thought this story could go away. Sorry.

It's not. No, it's here to stay. It keeps building. Building and building like a brown would build. The pressure to make a brown. The first thing we could maybe do is just get some feedback from some of our listeners. A bunch of emails came in, and we can talk about the progression of where it's turning. I mean...

Right. All right. Well, for those of you who aren't familiar with Wipegate, basically what happened is, I, on a couple episodes back, shared that after I go brown, I usually...I don't know, I make brown in the morning after my morning coffee. So, it's right before my normal shower time, and I go straight from toilet to shower. I shit to shower. And I wasn't...I didn't think that that's a weird thing, but apparently our listenership

feels differently. Chris writes, Dear Mommy, Tina, Mommy, Tommy, after listening to your latest few podcasts, I knew I had to write in so I can hopefully save your marriage report falls into shambles. Mommy, Tina, what in the world is up with these brown showers? I gave it a shot after hearing about your method, and it was the worst thing I've ever done in a shower. There's a better way.

What? You can buy bidets that fit into your toilet from Amazon for only $30, $40. I bought one to try and have since bought one for every toilet in the house using the Mama's on banner, of course. Then he writes in all caps, I changed my life. After a nice brown, I just turned that dial for a couple seconds to spray some water, getting that hole nice and clean, and then I use one pool of the TP to dry it.

Save on water from the shower and still save on toilet paper. The water comes from the tank, so it's not dirty water or anything, and it was super easy to install. Mommy, Tina can keep her chocolate starfish nice and clean, and Mommy, Tommy can take showers without having to stand in Tina's browns. Jeans up for life, POP holding it down. How's that smell, huh? See y'all two and two and two.

Seriously, Chris from Texas, P.S. I saw Tom last time he came in Dallas. Two and two. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, the thing, look, I'm aware of the bidet. It's just that the timing of it, I only brown once a day, I brown in the morning, and like I said, it just coincides with shower time, so the bidet would be unnecessary because of the time of day. Well, you know, if I could, it's absolutely reprehensible, it's just the most alarming

thing, but you have a supporter, Richard. Hey, mommies, I was just browning as one would do, and I was thinking about how Mommy Tina showers without wiping. The layout of my bathroom was actually ideal for this, since I have my standard shower directly across the board. I was almost finished browning, and I thought I might try it out. Then I realized how gross it is, so nope. I do think, however, since Christina gives no fucks, it makes her the main mommy, because

isn't that what being a mommy is truly all about? You be you, Christina. Okay. Keeping my jeans high and tight as always. Thank you, Richard. Wow. You're right, Richard. I'm giving zero fucks.

Listen. But it is, you know, and I just want you guys to know for the record, sometimes I do a cursory wipe, and then when I see that it's like endless, when I see its futility. Could you answer a question about it? It depends. No, I mean, Ben has a question. Can I redo his question? Sure, yeah.

He has a question regarding Mommy Tina's practice of taking a shower after brown without wiping, like a wipe gate. While taking this bidet-like shower, does she have to position herself in a certain way so that the water gets in there to clean? Are we talking about a bend over and spread them situation? Or does the natural flow of water when standing upright get the job done? Great question, Ben. Thank you.

Could you answer this, please? Well, first of all, you guys are assuming that there's just chunks and cakes of poo. Of course there are. It's not, no, it's not like that. I think you guys are not comprehending that fact. It's not like there's a Snickers bar in the shower. It's not like that, you know? It's just that I know that the wipes, it's just a little, it's a whisper of brown there,

just a pfft of brown. So what I do, I get in there and I, you know, I just spread them. Put my back to the shower and I spread. You do spread them. That's what he's asking. Yeah, you got a little bit, little. I don't have to a lot. You know, I'm fairly hairless.

It's so alarming. It's quick cleanup. I'm in and out. It's super alarming. I don't understand how you don't see it that way. All I'm asking for is a wipe or two. Yeah, and I give you, I said that. I give a cursory and if I see it's going nowhere, it depends on the day.

Here's the thing. Sometimes I brown and I just know that there's no cleanup. It's not a bad day. And I just go straight to the shower because there's no brown there. You hear me? Yeah. But then on days when it's a catastrophe, then yeah. Oh my God, you guys are so disgusting.

And for the record, our good friend Ari supports my method. Well, let's get into it. He's a smart guy. He knows what's up. We got a ton of messages saying that Ari Schaefer. Ari Schaefer. Ari. It's pronounced Ari Schaefer.

Ari Schaefer also knows Ari Schaefer. That he does the same thing. Yeah. Great minds think alike. I pulled this from the podcast he did. A great minds brown alike. A couple of weeks back. This I always wipe with water.

I've leased water. Yeah. That's a Brent Winebar. Be wheezy. But I have been sitting right before I shower. So it's like golden. I don't like doing that though. I don't want to shower.

I love it. Pooey but then you turn around with the water hit you on the neck. Yeah. And you let it just hit your butt and then it goes down and the water just turns brown. No. Well, Ari's always got those problems with brown. Remember he doesn't shit every day.

Remember he said that he would water just turns that's not my case. Guys. That is not my and like it's coming out. I mean I shit and don't even touch like a one wife. Really? I'll go. I'll already have the shower on. I'll just jump right in.

Then you really get in there. I don't know. Yeah. With a bar of soap doesn't seem thorough. No, I fucking take umbrage to what you're saying. Well, how can that not seem thorough? Because you're you're getting the soap dirty. But then you keep washing it up.

You're like bathing with poo. You know, like your feet. There's particles. There's particles. Okay. You know, there's like, but then you're still washing off. You know, there's residue in the in the bath in the in the shower or wherever, you know, like there's poo residue that's going to be in

there. That washes out immediately. Yeah. It goes away. I'm down to pee in the shower. That's fine. But you pee on your toes when you have athletes foot and then wash it off.

I've never done that. But I've heard of it though. Yeah. You've done that. Sure. When's the last time you had athletes foot? I've had it. So what's the difference between urinating in the shower?

You do that. You've got a good point. That I never thought I'd say. Brent Winabuck makes sense. All right. Beweezy is on to something. He's right. There's brown in the shower.

Okay. You're making me bathe in your brown and stand in your brown. And I don't want to do that. But like Ari said, it washes down so fast. It's it goes away. There's residual brown hanging out for sure. You've seen it. I know it's there.

How do you know it's there? Because I just know. I did science. Okay. We're married and we exchange all kinds of fluids. You know how many times I've used your toothbrush on accident and stuff? Yours in there now. Where's yours?

My food brush? Yeah. Which one are you still using that electric one or no? I hate the electric one. Are you using that one? I'm afraid it's going to rip my veneers off. Which color is yours supposed to be? Gray or blue?

Aqua. Aqua. I think I've been using that one for the last couple of days. See? So what's the difference? I use your toothbrush. You stand in my brown. Because it's your caca.

I don't want your caca. You stand in my brown. Look, Ari's right. I'm right. All you motherfuckers are wrong. You don't know what you're missing. No, no. It's disgusting.

It's not. It's disgusting. It's not. It is disgusting and I guess we'll have to revisit this some other time. No, no, no. Wipe gates. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not over.

Oh, shit. Well, we didn't get into this. So we should, we should set this up with what I was going through. Well, okay. First of all, I'd like to rename myself brown lock. We all know I'm about to play, put some evidence in this case. That's going to change everything and the jury's going to be on my side. But go ahead, Tom, set up your story.

Well, what happened was we got to Virginia Beach and I think the first or second. The first or second shit I took, I really was like, oh, feeling the sting, not just in my B-hole and my Babuay Chisayo, which I've had before, but I felt it like in my taint, like an ache and like, like it was really sensitive, like someone had stabbed my asshole or something, you know, it really hurt and I've had, you know, I've had like a post-Mexican meal, Thai meal where you're like, oh, that's a fire, but this, that's usually like just your whole, your brown eye. This was like, the whole region was like really sensitive.

Then then one after that was the same way. I was like, this fucking hurts. I'm sorry. Right after. Like the next shit, like the next shit, how much time in between? I don't know. Let's say, I don't know, a couple hours, five hours, something like that. It was a same day, but it was still like, God, that's painful.

So it wasn't like this isolated incident. Right. And it was the same thing ached my taint, my nuts. Like it was really pain. So I told the manager of the club who's like 10 years older than me, and he looks like he can take a mean shit. And I said, I told him what's going on. He goes, oh, you got a hemorrhoid.

You have hemorrhoids. Piles. Right. So I said, have you had them? He's like, yeah, of course. And he was kind of going into all the hemorrhoid stuff and I said, well, you know, I mean, I've felt discomfort before, but this really hurts. So he's like, you know, you can go to, depending on how bad it is, some people go to the doctor

and the doctor like, I don't know, you know, get, gets rid of it somehow. Like they, uh, what is it called when they, they lacerate it or like they, um, they poke at it. It's like they're removing a wart or something. Right. It's like, so anyways, he gives me that whole rundown and I go, well, I don't know. My ass is just irritated right now. And I end up going and just buying like a tux pad and I feel fine by the way.

It's cleared up. I just, it was a, it was a one, one, two time thing. I think it was like, well, the next day it was like two day thing, but then it just felt fine. So anyway, in the midst of all this, I was like, what am I going to do? And then you decided to go ahead and, and do a little research and what did you find? Well guys, it's interesting if you just do a Google search for hemorrhoid remedies, um, this little website, just a little website known as web MD.

Have you heard of it? It's just a small little independent site, uh, brown log. We don't need you to get on your soapbox. Just present your side of the story. Thank you very much. I'm sorry. You're on him. It says right here on web MD, the treatment of hemorrhoids.

Uh, there's a segment that says avoid making hemorrhoids worse and that would make sense to avoid that would be to everybody's benefit. That is correct. So one of the suggestions is to gently blot the anus with white toilet paper, moisten with water or cleanse an agent. We've all done that. Yes. Who has not.

That's the Brent Weinbach approach. That is one method. A dip in a dap. Yes, sir. Baby wipes or other pre-moistened towels are also useful for this purpose. Now this is the part I'd like you to pay attention to, your honor. Avoid rubbing the anal area. You can rinse off in the shower or in a bidet instead of whopping yourself with toilet paper.

Haha. Rest. My case. If web MD, the doctors of the internet can tell you to rinse off in the shower or on a bidet instead of in lieu of wiping yourself with toilet paper. I think my method is fairly appropriate. I certainly heard the word bidet. I certainly heard that.

That definitely registered to me or, or on a bidet. Yeah. But you also may rinse off in the shower. Yeah. Well, I'm sure that they mean in the shower after one or two, just check me out. Nope. It says instead of wiping yourself with toilet paper instead of meaning. This might be as not something that is also known as a Supreme course case, Supreme Court

case. Thank you, Brown lock. You're welcome, your honor. I'll rest my case. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Brown. I def.

Wipe case. All right. All right. Seems to me pretty decisive evidence, says so on web MD. Look, I know people are going to keep weighing in. We'll, we'll get this thing settled. Are you a doctor? Are you a proctologist?

I am personally email in your mom's podcast at gmail.com. Let us know your theory on this. Are you a person who's not gross and who's alive? Also let us know what you think and if you shit and then you shower and you're shit. Jesus. So crazy. So crazy. Ari and I are just two kindred Brown spirits when it comes to Brown.

Just more developed is what I think, you know, just more forward thinking is what that kind of makes sense. Maybe we're just evolved. Don't you have a good time in Virginia Beach? Yeah. I mean, we lived in a mall for a week. We lived in the mall that looks like every mall in every city. The mall in Toledo is identical to the one in, you know, wherever the fuck else, Indian

apolis. I farted again. And, um, yeah, I, you know, I shopped and I, we ate at the, there's five steak houses all within four blocks of each other. We ate a few steak houses. Yeah. I had a good time. I had a good time too.

Yeah. I like to hang out with you. You know, you're always the main reason. I'm the main mommy. You're the main mommy, not all the time. It was, it was fun. It was fun to take that show together. I'm looking forward to the Natty.

I think that'll be fun. It's going to be rad. Yeah. Your shows are going to be dope, um, and there's a, there's the, the mom cast will be super fun to do. Dude, that's going to be awesome. Yeah. I really liked that.

Um, I don't know, by the way, how this got away from us. Yeah. If you are, if you like our Facebook page, uh, the your mom's house one, which how have you not done that already? I know, really? Facebook.com slash your mom's house podcast. Um, we posted this because it was so uplifting and so surprising that if you don't remember this, there was, there's a gentleman who we played his, his clips before a few of them

on, on, uh, what's it called on the YouTubes and it was a hit. People loved his stuff. And after that, we actually had him on the, the show, um, he did, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, oh, oh, uh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, they are. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. oh, oh. oh, oh.

These last ones sound a little similar. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's a long one. So those are the five octaves on the piano. And then we had Shane on our show, over the phone, of course. And we made a request that I later followed up with an email. And the reason I didn't think that this was ever done was because he never replied.

So I just made the assumption, oh, like, he didn't do it or he didn't have time or whatever. And that's fine, you know, we asked him. And then somehow this comes to our attention. I forget if we found this on accident or somebody sent it to us, but Shane went ahead and made a video and dedicated it to us. Amazing.

Who knew? And we asked him, of course, to sing Love, Come Down. Mm hmm. It's just, it's incredible. So, Shane Lee, thank you. Hello everyone. How are you this fine? Evening is me, Shane Lee.

Tom and Christina from your mom's house podcast contacted me this afternoon. And they want me to teach you how to sing a song by Evelyn Champagne King. It's called Love, Come Down. Now, if you don't know Shane, we learned in our interview when we talked to him that he teaches people how to sing. Yeah.

So he's a vocal coach and like, he's basically like one of somebody who's, you know, you can look on YouTube, you can be like, hey, how do I like change a bathtub drain? Because my wife shits in there. And then somebody, somebody will show you how, someone will show you how to do that. He does that for songs. Like you go, how do I sing this song?

That's what he does. Is he getting ready? They want me to teach how to sing the song similar to Evelyn Champagne King. So I want to do that for you. Do you know the song? You pull my jeans all the way down. Oh, you make me wipe, wipe down.

In case someone doesn't know the song. Just so they have a reference. Wipe me all the way down. Reference to it. The song is fantastic. Evelyn Champagne King, love, come down. Beautiful song. Beautiful voice.

It's a jam. It's such a jam. You have no soul if this doesn't move you. I'm sure Shane gives it as much soul as not more. Oh yeah. He knocks it out of the park for sure. We'll get there in a second. I just want you to have a reference, you know.

Oh, you make my jeans wipe down. All the way down. Oh, you make my jeans wipe down. No sleep last night. Been dreaming of you. Okay. Please help me die. Cause I can't help the way that I feel.

I just can't help the way that I feel. Jeans feel deep in the night. A thief in the night. You took my heart. You collected your money. Now danger's inside. Cause I can't help the way that I feel. I just can't help the way that I feel.

Put it, put it, put it, put it, put it, put it down. You sing just like her. Here we go. Make my love go down. Oh, you make my jeans wipe down. Make it go all the way down. Oh, you make my jeans wipe down. What a song.

I love that jam. Amazing voice on that woman. Yeah, that's from my childhood. Yeah. Did you hear that at a few parties? Of course. Was it like bumping at the house? Are you for real now?

Yeah. This is like Hungarians every Sunday, dude. My dad will play this. Yeah. For sure, man. All right. I love this song. Here we go.

Here we go. Same song. Well, yeah, he's getting there, hold on. You can hear it through his headphones. I hear it, yeah. He's not, he just forgot to record it. You forgot, yeah. You can't blame him for that.

Yeah. No, come down. Yep. That's good. No, come down. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

All the way down. Yeah. I think we're getting there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we're getting there. I like it.

Yeah. I like it. Yeah. I like it. I just can't have no idea what it feels like. Yeah. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Geez.

Wow. Have you made my love count down? Huh. Have you made my love count down? What? What? What? I just can't have no idea what it feels like.

What? Have you made my love count down? Have you made my love count down? Have you made my love count down? Have you made my love count down? Have you made my love count down? He said wipe all the way down. I think so too.

How about that? I think so too. That's so awesome. Yeah. He's a mommy. Yeah. Shane is an official mommy. I kind of wish the music was with him.

I wish there's a way to do that. I think maybe I could do that. Hmm. Yep. Let's see. What if I did it like this? Let's see. Tell me if this works for you.

Is this way, yeah, it'll sync up better? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. I'd like to hear it in full effect. It's like he's singing without music. Okay. Yeah. So here's what I'll do.

Maybe this will work. Okay. So let's get him here. Let's see where he is here. Anyway, they want me to teach how to sing the song. This might work way better. Good idea. Okay.

So I'm going to do that for you. Thank you. All right. Here we go. Okay. Facebook. Okay. All right.

Here we go. There's this here. All right. Let's see if I can make this work. People are snoring on my lap. It's the cutest thing ever. 00:35:44,540 --> 00:35:45,540 Hey, baby.

Have fun with me. They need my hand. Oh. My hand. It's fine. You got a big hand. inf Hierarchy. Bracket.

Let's come down. Let's come down. Okay. Let's come down. All the way down. All the way down. It's almost funnier that he sings it a second after. Yeah.

So weird. Great. Yeah. There's no danger inside. Yeah. Yeah. So I can't let go of you. I just can't let go of you.

Have you made my life come down? Have you made my life come down? Have you made my life come down? Have you made my life come down? Have you made my life come down? Have you made my life come down? I feel like I'm just at a party right now. 성 Coconut.

You know? Somebody just hand me a drink. Rentcub. What's up, man? I'm gonna tag with you from across the room and I'm like... Chains on stage. I feel like there's disco lights, smoke. What's your name?

Hey. Sergio. Sergio. Yup. Been this club before. You're always here. You're always here? Yup.

So nice to see you. I'm cleaning up the toilets. You should really install showers in this club, too. Yup. Yeah. This is great. Have you made my life come down? Have you made my life come down?

That is really something. This is something else, as you would say. Yeah, this is something else. I'm not sure what else, but it's something else. Wow. It's good. All the way down. Yup.

Baby, baby, baby, baby. Hello, come down. Yeah, I like it. I like it, yeah. Oh, freak out. Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Wow. Huh.

Wow. Wow. Yeah. So good. It's so... The thing is, I can't stop listening to it. I know. I keep wanting to press pause when I can't.

I can't. I kind of like it. Come down. I wonder if he can sell this. Definitely. Baby, baby, come down. Come down. And you come all the way down.

Huh. How angry would your parents be if you played this for them in the car? My dad would be so mad if I played this. Come on, come on. What the fuck is this shit? Look at this guy retarded. You would get really mad?

Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Come down. Out the way, bro. Do you think he would help if he could hear himself sing? Because he can't hear himself

because he's got the headphones playing the music. He's flying blind. Maybe. Maybe. You made my love. Come down. Out the way, bro. Well, you know what we're going to do, though?

No. We're going to post this immediately on the site. Yeah. All right. And that's how you sing Love Come Down. That's the understatement of the year. Evelyn Champagne King. If you're trying to impersonate her a little bit

and sing it in your own voice. Is this an encore? Bonus track? He's just showing you real quick. He's just doing it for himself. It's like an encore. It's like a B-side. Kind of like a bonus track.

Now, what I'm doing there is I'm singing similar to how Evelyn herself sings. I'm doing what's called the spot on impersonation. Now, the reason I'm able to do that is I put my ideas of singing and belief that I can sing like Evelyn into practice. It's like I'm a human tape recorder. I can like instantly pick up on certain melodies

and certain singers' voices for some reason. I'm not saying I can do every singer, but certain singers I can do pretty well. And that's what I'm trying to teach you to do here. All right. Anyway. Yeah. I mean, it really is the magic of believing.

If you feel like Evelyn Champagne, whatever her name is, then you're going to sing like her. I think what he's saying is it's a little bit of the secret. Right? Right. You've got to believe. Right. You've got to manifest it.

Yeah. Wow. What a powerful message. Do me a favor. Sure. Can we post this on the site? Yeah. And I want to encourage our listeners

to really positively comment on this video. Yeah. So if you listen to the show and you see this video, you'll see the clip. It'll be on yourmomshousepodcast.com, a link to the YouTube video. And you have a second. Tell Shane you like it.

Give him a thumbs up. Encourage him to do more because I love this. So I hope you guys love it too. And give him some positive reinforcement. Okay? We all need encouragement. Exactly. So just give him a little encouragement.

Yeah. Let Shane know that he's teaching you something good. Another friend of the show. You like it when I say that, right? I love a friend of the show. A friend of the show. Somebody brought this to our attention. So Shane, but first of all, thank you so much for that song.

It was beautiful. Yeah. I'm sorry we overlooked it. I can't believe we missed it. Well, and I subscribed to him on YouTube, so I'm not sure how I, excuse me, how I missed it. I think because it's not in the title. It just says like the song, it doesn't say.

It doesn't shout us out till in the video, but the title doesn't have it. So maybe you missed that. That's why. Because I was waiting for him to be like, your mom's house or just some kind of indication that that would be the title. Yeah.

The song. Yeah. That would be useful. Yeah. Just in general. Yeah. Yeah. Next time, dude.

Definitely. Yeah. In the title. But please. Another friend of the show. Yeah. And one says Gazuntite and the other two say, God bless you.

And if I, I'm not responding to you all anymore. Fuck you. Why do I have to say thank you or something? Yeah. I agree. I'm sneezing. Leave me alone. Leave me fucking alone.

God bless you. Fuck your God. Your God isn't doing anything for my fucking hay fever. Fuck off. And that's the Peter Cain I love and know. That feels good. I'd love that. I agree.

You know what, Peter Cain, I agree with you and I take it even a step further. I don't know why the fuck I have to God bless anybody when they sneeze. I don't. They're the worst. Yeah. I don't like that whole, you know, my husband sneezes 50 times a day. If I have to bless him every time, it gets annoying. No.

Yeah. I don't bless you every time. I'm sorry I don't. I do every. But sometimes these are strangers doing it to him. Sometimes you do it to a stranger, right? Stranger sneezes. Here's two things I don't do.

I don't say good morning because I don't feel like I'm not happy. So it's not a good morning. I say hello to people. I don't say good morning and I don't say God bless you. You never say God bless you? Sometimes. How about bless you? Sometimes.

Bless you. Bless you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't say God bless you. God bless you. No, I don't say that. Yeah.

Who the fuck are you to improve your- God bless you. No, no. Well, God blesses people but- Yeah. That's really funny the way you put it that way. God blesses certain peoples but not- God blesses a nigga.

Yeah. That's right. You got your shades on like you're the wolf man. All you niggas is black. Okay. You look like Wolfman Jack with your salt and pepper beer. God bless a nigga. Yeah.

Well, this just feels right. Sometimes I just go with an instinct, you know. I love that Peter Cain's mad about that. I agree, Peter. Yeah. Don't fucking put your God on me. I agree. Put that shit on me.

Get your God. Get your God out of my ass. Don't put that shit on me. It's the worst, Peter. It's the worst. Hey, did you guys know Peter Cain is on Twitter now? Yeah. Hold on.

Let me look up his thing. So let's give him a little shout out. Peter Cain. Peace Sanals. Let's see. Yeah. Where's Peter Cain at? Peter Cain the dog trainer.

It's at p-t-c-a-i-n-e. Oh. So give the guy a follow. Help him out. Come on. Tell him friends are the worst. They're the worst. Friends are the worst.

Yeah. Don't let your friends watch your dog. The dog is being good. You idiot. I didn't think that you would quite react this way. The ownership that you wanted to be credited immediately coming out of a song, it just reminded me that you were like, I wrote this song. Yeah.

Kind of reminds me of when we were in Virginia Beach and I saw a Wells Fargo and I go, hey, look, Wells Fargo. That's mine. It's my joke. I've been saying that since I was 15 years old. And you really wanted to own it right? Because I've owned that joke since I was 15. You wanted credit right then.

Yeah. You wanted me to say, well, Fargo, like you say. I make it up. It's my joke. Wells Fargo is my joke. Everybody knows that, Tom. This is plagiarism. Everybody knows.

Okay. Everybody. And when it comes to the song, yeah, I have ownership of this following. I produced it. I mixed it. I feel like you're elbowing me out of the room. I wrote the song with you and you just want solo credit? No, because I initiated.

You initiated it, but I mean, don't act like I didn't write the song with you. Yeah, but I initiated the hook. It's my hook. It's my melody. They're my words. Jesus. All right. They're my words.

Well, in that case. They're my words. Wow. All right. I want to create it by, you can contribute. Is there a credit relief? I did contribute. I did.

It's called co-writing and co-producing. Co-hardly. I would say I laid the foundation and then you added like a little flavoring. I think that's really being selfish. Whatever. And this is, this is what happens in marriages where they're creative together. Somebody wants all the credit. I demand credit for this because this was my idea.

Just like Wells Fargo. This is mine. All right. It's, it's, it's kind of, it's kind of alarming. I got it. It's alarming. It's alarming. It really is.

You need to learn how to be a team player. Shh. It's a beginning. It's a house of farts. It's a house of farts. It's a house of farts. It's a house of farts. It's a house of farts.

It's a house of farts. Farts. House of farts. House of farts. It's a house of farts. House of farts. It's haunting, right? Wow.

It's like a Genesis song. It's pretty cool. But like I said, that's my song. I wrote it. I take full credit. Man, I was right there the whole fucking time. No, you were there the first time I debuted the song, and you heard me sing it,

and I said it immediately on the couch. This is my song. I wrote it. I was there and I said, I'm the one that like when that, when we came on at the bridge, I was like farts, farts, farts. Yeah, right.

Farts, farts. After I had already written down. No, I did that. I did that. No, you didn't. House of farts. That was mine. No, that was mine.

That was mine. Wow. You're really going to take that. Yeah, because I did. I wrote that. And now you're like, oh no. Unbelievable. Well, that's the way it went.

Unbelievable. You know what, Tom? When I wrote, when I sang this, when I wrote this on the couch for the first time, I demanded credit because I knew this would happen. I knew this would happen. No. You would try to take credit for my House of Farts song.

Jesus. There's a whole other side of this personality. Well, this is the music business. Tom, get used to it. Yeah. This is the music business. Are you into it or not? Listen.

I don't trust your, first of all, you have poor taste in music because you revealed to me a little while ago that you listen to Guns N' Roses and you like it. Yeah, and? Well, first of all, it's not in your character. It's not something you normally like.

You like rap music. You like raps. I do like GNR. I feel like... GNR. Appetite for destruction is undeniable. Undeniably suck. What?

It's better than all your lame shit. Lame. That's fucking tight of shit, man. Come on. Oh, butt rock. I listen to this every time, right before we make love. You hear it all love? Yeah.

That's what I'm listening to in my head. I like this song. I will admit that I like this song. Who doesn't like this? Wait, what was that? You know where you are. You'll admit that you like this song. Listen, first of all, GNR is from LA.

They're an LA band. You're the one that's fucking bringing it up like it's a problem. The whole album? No. Everyone likes... What are you talking about? Everybody likes Welcome to the Jungle.

That's like an anthem. But the whole thing... Yeah, the whole album is... It's undeniable. It's undeniable. I just don't see you. I don't see you listening. I don't care that you don't see it.

It's happening. Can I watch you listen right now? Man, I've never seen you listen to this. This song... Ten years I've known you. Oh, I have it on my phone. Yeah, right. I do.

You want to see it? Yeah. I'll show it to you. Show me the album. Okay, I'll show it to you. Right here. Right here, bro. Yeah.

I'm not a huge fan of G&R. I respect them, but I don't listen to their music. I never bought it. You know? Yeah. Okay. I mean, everybody liked them in the late 80s or whatever in LA. You know, that's cool, but it's not my jam, really, you know?

Appetite for destruction. OMG. I don't even know you. Dude, come on. Welcome to the jungle. It's so easy. Oh, my God. Night train.

How would you not like track number five? Are you a Hessian? Mr. Brownstone. I don't even know that. I don't even know that song. I swear to God, I don't know it. Paradise City? Everyone knows that.

Sweet Child of Mine? You don't like that one either? I hate that song. I fucking hate that. I hate that song as much as I hate Red Red Wine. Yeah, but you listen to dumb shit. No, I listen to alternative music. At this time in my life, I listen to alternative music, and I just wasn't into this.

I don't know these songs. What's it called, Browns? Mr. Brownstone? I don't even know this song. Okay. I don't even know it. All right, hold on. What's your favorite Hessian song?

Hessian? Are you going to grow your hair out now? You're going to wear tight, tight light jeans? You listen to the dumbest shit. You have no... You're going to wear your fucking, your Iron Maiden shirt, and I'll torn up now? Yeah, that's how I fucking go out, man. That's how I rock out.

My hair used to be long. I used to be sweatier. You're definitely sweaty. I mean, I don't know this song yet. I don't even know you. You're just stranger to me. I get up around seven. I gotta get around nine.

I wake up at seven. I go to bed at nine. What is he? The old person? I'm not going to let your contempt for this ruin my good time. He's singing about his bedtime. That's exciting. Best workout song ever.

Best pregame song. Best competition song I love. Kickoff. Like right when kickoffs happen in a football game and they play this in a stadium. Come on. To go beat the shit out of somebody? But that's why you like it because you've heard it during football. Yes.

But this is not something that you gravitated towards in high school. First of all, this came out way before high school. I'm 11 years younger than you. And this song is just, this is an undeniable song. I didn't have to hear it for football. Football was later. I just, I don't see you in your car. I mean, I've known you and you listen to, what's his name?

Big Puff Daddies. Big Puff Dads. Big Smalls Dads. Yeah. Your daddy Smalls Puffs. Yeah. And bitch, bitch. Guns.

Yeah. And words, and words. You know? Yeah. I just don't see you. And this isn't the Tom that I know. I got Tetris. He's singing about games.

I got my mom says we could play Pac-Man on my Atari. Who cares? Really? Boring. Okay. How about... I like Jane's Addiction. Speaking of Virginia.

Virginia Tech. When they play, when they play their foosball games and their team runs into the stadium, the whole crowd goes bananas and they play this song. It's pretty fucking cool. Everyone likes this. And this is the teams in the tunnel. This is cool. They're rocking back and forth.

This is cool. This is entertainment. But then as the energy, they run out to this shit. It's pretty tight. Yeah, this is a good song. I like that a lot. Yeah. Yeah, metallic.

Gross. Yeah. These guys are dope. Oh, shit. Come on. Now I want to kill somebody. I like it. Yeah, I like this.

This is angry. Throw on some gloves. Yeah, I like it. Let's fucking kill somebody. Yeah, yeah, kill, kill, kill, go, go, go. Yeah. Yeah, aggression. I like aggression.

I hit the heavy bag with this shit in my ear. That's good. You were like punk, dude. And then they run out right here. I mean, but I would, but then everything, song you've ever played sucks this song's balls. So that's my problem. You just haven't heard the right, maybe.

I've listened to, I've liked some of the songs. I mean, there's songs that I bought every, like we've been in the car, you're like, check out some of my gay shit and played it. And I've been like, this one's pretty good. And then I bought that song. Cause I like it. Yeah.

Yeah. My rock songs like black flag, maybe like them. Yeah. Yeah. The Kennedys, whatever. Well, you know, that's cool. You're just a stranger to me. Yeah.

You just, I just didn't picture you as a rock guy. You just, you don't really appreciate it. You don't like rock music a ton. I'm not the rockiest rock guy, but I like it. Yeah. Well, I know. Anything else I should know about? You surprised me with this, the way that I surprised you with browning in the shower,

the shower, the brown showers. Hmm. I mean, here's, you know, I got this. Do you like that? I don't know this. Yeah, you do. This is gay. Gay?

I hate this. We care a lot. Isn't that? What? Wasn't it Faith Lamore? Who is this? It's fucking Ozzy, dude. What's wrong with you?

Oh. Oh, this is rad. This is fucking Iron Man, bro. I thought it was fucking gay a second ago. This is meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

This is dope. Sabbath, good. You talk shit about it. Talk some shit? You want to talk some shit? What about, do you like Jane's Addiction? I've just been cut stealing, but what about like, um, like Ocean Size, you know that song? I mean, I don't want it.

Oh my God. You like Jane's. I'm not interested in any of your shit. All right. I was trying to see, oh, I have my Susie in the Banshee stuff. That's good. Finally. I have that there.

Talking heads, I like their white. Yeah. They're super white. A couple of their odds. David Burton's a shit though. Yeah, he's a shit. That guy's rad. Who doesn't like the talking heads?

Come on now. He's so talented. Yeah. He is. Are you going to see Fast and Furious 7? Um, well, I've been to the first six, first in line every time, so why would I miss 7? Plus, it's just, you know, paying respects to Paul. Can I see that, please?

Hold on. What are you pointing to? The water. Fast and Furious 7. Well, you know what I always say? I always say, never let a franchise die. That's my theory is, if you can make 40 of a movie that make 50. What could possibly be happening in the seventh installation of this film?

Plus, that guy died during the making of it or something. It's going to get a lot of money. Respect to fucking Paul. No, I know. Here's what's going to happen. You want to know what's going to happen? No, I don't mean that. I mean, it's going to make eight, nine, whatever, nine high nine figures.

Jesus. And then they'll be like, guys, guess what? Eight. Eight is coming out. Yeah. And I don't think they'll slow down. There's no reason when you're making this kind of thing to stop. Yeah.

I just, I just, I can't imagine as a viewer, I don't, I get it. Okay. I get there's cars and it's just cars and chicks, right? Can I have a sip of that? In violence? Fucking thirsty. Yeah. I just, you know, it's not like a thriller.

Like we saw the Divergent movie, Divergent Insurgent Divergence. Yeah. You know, I get that. There's a story. It's continuing. So based on one more, that's what y'all, you also know that there's one more. The fun thing about Fast and Furious is that you don't know how many more. There's so many stories and A and Bs and twists in that Fast and Furious, right?

They're like, yo, uh, hey, Curly, how come you never said that you felt that way to me? Because my nitrous was low and so I didn't, I didn't have a chance to drive over to you. You're always saying that you love your car so much. That's not how people love each other. That's true. But I got new tires and they go fast. I'll show you now. And then they drive.

And see, you added a love story. I didn't even think it was that. I thought it was just like, do you think your car could go fast? Mine can go faster. Look. Oh. From Fast and Furious. It's kids making car sounds with their mouths.

That's a lot of it. Did you really like Divergent Insurgent Divergence? Divergence. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I just feel it lacked a little in story. It was a little, I think like you said, it was kind of on the nose in places. By the way, I gotta tell you this, I'll admit this to you.

Sure. I, um, and there's too much exposition in that, in that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They set up every scene as a setup scene where they like go through what everyone's thinking and the purpose of the scene, every single scene. Maybe that's what it is.

It's a little fucking crazy on the explanations. I saw just massive billboards today, a couple of them, different ones for Cinderella. And I think I'll see it because I thought it was just like a fucking for a seven-year-old, but it looks like I could tell by the supporting cast that there's a story. There's a cool story. It's rad. I think I'll see it. Yeah.

I'd love to see it. I'll see it. Yeah. And I love Rose from Downton Abbey. Hello, Mom. Is in it. And so is, um, what's her name that works in the kitchen? Yeah.

Mrs. Padmore's little girl. What's her name? Oh, really? Daisy? Daisy's in it, too. Daisy's in it? And Rose. I love Daisy.

I know. And I feel like it's going to be darker and more layered, the Cinderella. Yeah. So, yeah, I want to see it. I'm excited. Um, why don't you tell everybody what happened on our way to Virginia at the airport? Oh, should I block this one out? Yeah.

Um, yeah. This is crazy. So, you know, we go through security what once a week between the two of us, like easily each go twice. Yeah. And, um, I'm a pretty frequent flyer. I've got a great record with the TSA, but they randomly screen me this last week on our trip out on Wednesday.

You know, they pull you aside and they're like, can I, let me swipe your hands. And I'm like, yeah, of course, you know, whatever, I'm half asleep, puts it in the analysis machine. Yeah. And yeah. It has a couple more questions for you. Little bang bang dust on there. He says there's explosive, whatever material on your hands.

And I'm like, that's not even remotely possible. Okay. So then it's time for round dose, ma'am, I need to test for further. I gotta do a further test because the product, the product, the product, the protocol is that I gotta do the second test. And I don't want to be late for a fast and furious seven tonight, so I'd like to hurry. Yeah. So, so then they go through my purse, no, they, they take my shoes, they swipe my shoes,

they go through my purse, they swipe my iPhone, they swipe all the contents in my bag, all three tests positive for explosive dust. At this point, I'm like, who am I married to? That's what I'm saying. I go, is this somebody that I don't know? Yeah. And I'm, the whole time I'm like, bro, look at me, look at me. I'm a blonde, like, white girl.

The whole thing is I'm white is what you're thinking. Pretty much. Yeah. And look at me. I'm wearing gap clothes. Like I'm really not menacing. I'm wearing my nerdy athletic shoes to the plant. I'm wearing a sweat, sweat pants.

You know, I'm not a threat, guys. I'm not, I'm not a threat. I'm white. Yeah. I'm on sweat pants. Yeah. This is, this is what your thoughts are. And I'm a woman.

I'm a white woman. I'm a white woman in sweat pants. What the fuck am I going to do? So that's when he tells me, man, the protocol, I got to call the bomb squad. So now the fucking bomb squad guy has to come. And that's another 10 minutes of just standing there and at this point, you're over with me. I'm like, can my husband stand over here with us?

Yeah. I'm glad he allowed that. Yeah. I, um, by the way, where was, where was our trip that you didn't come because we were so late? San Francisco. That was San Francisco? Mm hmm.

That was San Francisco. Oh, that's right for standup. Yeah. That's right. And you were going to hang out. That's right. So anyways, I'm standing there with you and we're just like, what the fuck? And we're talking to the TSA guy and we're noticing he's not that bright.

You know what I mean? He's really not, he's not really quick on the draw. And I, and I tell him, you know, cause I'm like, look, I travel every week. My husband and I are comedians and that's when that opened the hole. I know. I can't believe you said that. I had to because I had to butter him up. I had to let him know that we're not terrorists, that we're just too dopes who tell shit jokes

for a living and that we travel constantly. There's a comedian here because when I walked over, I'm already like, dude, what are you doing? Cause that's, I mean, that's what I'm thinking, you know, like what, what could you possibly be doing right now? So stupid. And he just, uh, he goes, well, the thing, the thing went off and I feel like you could probably write one of your skits about this.

A lot of that. And I looked at him and I was like, what? Write one of my skits about this. And he goes, but the protocol is that you can't, I gotta have the bomb people look at it. So then in the meantime, I get to hear a really funny joke from TSA. Uh, you mean tell you, Tom, I would love to hear the joke. You don't, don't use this in your act.

Um, how do you keep an elephant from charging? How it take his credit cards? Don't, don't put that in your act now. That's what I got to hear as I was waiting for the bomb squad. So the bomb squad shows up and he just, he sees our faces this guy and he's like, he's like, you're the guy. He knows, he's like bomb detection stuff. Explosive, uh, materials were detected in your, I could tell about your faces.

How long to your flight? He knew to do some PR immediately. Immediately. Cause like what, what really us. Come on. So then they do another analysis. They run my stuff and then I get the pat down by two female officers. Not even tell me what happened.

I didn't even know. Yeah. Did you get tipped at this robe? A full anal probe. Really? No, they take me in the room and they give me a speech. We are going to such a man other any place on your body that are sensitive to the touch, like they give you that stupid speech.

And you're like, just fucking do this, bro. Like let's go. I don't care. You can flick my bean. What am I going to do? And then, you know, they give it to rub down and then there's nothing on you. You can go. Thank you.

Thank you for that. But he told me, by the way, he goes, did you put on lotion today? I go, yeah, because well, there's glycerin in the lotion. It could be on your face and your hand. Or in makeup. Then they tell us that. Then all makeup can have. Then the bomb guy asked him, he goes, yeah, a lot of people, they'll walk through

their yard and there's fertilizer soil. So then, no, fertilizer. So fertilizer you can make a bomb with. So then they go, that sets it off. And I'm like, maybe we should kind of upgrade the analysis equipment here. He's like, well, it's just going to go off like that every time. Well, and also context, like it depends on who is setting off the alarm. Hello, a darker Middle Eastern person is what you're implying.

Or just a nice nigger. Oh, you. Yeah, I'm a nice white gap shopper. Come on, man. Mm hmm. Come on. I'm a fucking sweats on. Why are they hating on you?

Why are they hate? They're always discriminating. Hey, no, me. Oh, me. Hey, no, me. Ice JJ fish. Mm hmm. No, there you go.

That was the big drama. That was absurd. So we got into this wonderful show on A&E. Brand new reality series. It just debuted on Sunday night about swingers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What is it fucking called though? Neighbors with benefits. Oh, my God, neighbors with benefits. Before you set your DVR, though, I got to tell you what seems like it's going to be really funny and, you know, entertaining, exciting turns out to be like a white bummer movie because the show is basically like we can't deal with this. It's it's great.

Yeah. I mean, it's it's reality. So it's a real, you know, it's basically takes place. It's in this neighborhood where, you know, I guess there's a lot of people in the lifestyle that they always the lifestyle, the lifestyle. Well, I don't know. I don't know that's saying you make my pussy dry. It does make my pussy dry.

It makes mine dry, too. I don't like it. The lifestyle. I know. It's like, you know, stupid, the porno people calling us civilians. It's like, just fucking relax. But yeah, they don't like they don't just say swingers because they think it has a negative, but they are.

So it's a good name. They should call them what they are. I know, I know. That's exactly what animals. But anyways, this neighborhood has, you know, there's like the really experienced people that are like running the game. And then they there's other people that play with them. And then they're kind of actively recruiting all the time, trying to win over

new people, and then there's the guy in the neighborhood that's like he's a churchgoer and he is morally opposed to it and tries to bring it up a lot. Like you guys shouldn't do this. Which is so it's so funny because he's like across the street, like they're in there right now, just suck in and finger in and enjoying themselves. And it makes me mad. Oh, I really wish I could go over there and just tell him about Jesus right now. Do you?

He's so mad that Jesus guy and he's so he so wants to do it. That's what I want you thinking. Yeah, um, anyways, party. But then everybody who is in this lifestyle, the Christian guy has his point there, there's just like there's deception and then there's breaking of even the people that are like, we love this, you know, then somebody sends a text and they didn't include everybody, the group, because the whole thing is like everything's got to be on the table for the for it to work.

Right. The couples that are into it, if you like other couples, they got to be like, hey, I think she's hot. And then the wife's like, she is hot. And she's nice. I'll let her suck your dick. And then that kind of stuff. But if you go text that girl behind your wife's back, then they're like, so

anyways, you see that in the show where I thought we did this to add excitement. And there's a lot of like, uh, you know, just these moments of people being broken down heartbreak by the lifestyle, by the lifestyle. Also, it's interesting that it's the men that have the problem. Yeah, it's, it's the guys that are upset and there's this great couple. Yeah. The newbies who they're, they're, so there's the recruiting couple who are just AKA the horny couple.

They're like the horniest people. And, you know, and they're like, so would you be interested in trying? And the wife's like, yes, yes, absolutely. Yes. And the husband's like, um, I mean, we're like talking about it, but I don't think we ever were really going to. She's like, I'm really interested. I'd like, yes, I'd like to know more.

Um, oh, okay. Then they go to the party and he's like, she's like, like, you want to come upstairs and she's like, yeah, he's like, he goes, what the fuck are we doing? He's so not into it. Of course. He, he is, has, he's about to shit his drawers, thinking that if he goes upstairs, she's going to see his wife suck this guy's dick. He's mortified.

Yeah. So fucking fun. That's the, that's the most fun is to watch them. And that was guys to have him go, uh-uh, and then her be like, yeah, yeah. That's what we've been looking for. Yeah. You know, it's either it's in your wiring or it isn't. Yeah.

You're either okay or you're not with it. I feel like it's a, it's an all or nothing proposition, man. You're not, you're not kind of into swinging. Yeah. It's, and there's this neighborhood. So the neighborhood gets well known for it. And apparently people move to the neighborhood just so they can take feels like that might be.

Oh, you think it's producer? I feel like it is. The reputation, the swinging neighborhood. You know what it is in that neighborhood of like 80 homes, if three do it, they're like, this is kind of a swingers neighborhood. For sure. I've, yeah, but those statistics, it's, it's not that crazy. Okay.

It's funny. I wonder how many suburban neighborhoods are really like that. My friend Jenny told me that the hurled neighborhood was like that. Really? The burbs. Yeah. Here, it was it here in California, Los Angeles. Yeah.

Mm hmm. It was, it's near us. It's one town over. And she's like, they might all might, my neighbors were into that. They're always trying to get, I know. Could you imagine? Here's a problem with the swingers though, even on that show. There's not one person, they're all like dad boners.

They're all dad and moms, total boners. Like there's nobody hot. No, the, um, God, the lead horny lady is like Skeletor. Like she looks really, really rough. Yeah. Yeah. And her husband's a total D bag. And then she says that once in the highlight and he goes, you love douchebags.

That made me laugh. Yeah, they're douchebags. It's just fucking douche. Yep. Douche. Stop douching. Oh, I got a little something for you here. Oh, okay.

Check this shit out. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously. Oh my God. Take your fucking scissors.

Oh my God. These are putty fucking monkey hands. Seriously. Cut the box open. Cut a hole in it. It's porting a goddamn bottle. Oh my God. Seriously.

OMG, Maria. It's been a long time. It's been a while. She. I had gotten word that she was really irritated by a different business. So I had to get the inside scoop on that. Oh, and so there's a new company that's incurring the wrath. Right, because, well, as you'll hear here, I think she kind of drifted away from Starbucks.

Yeah. And she's going somewhere else and not pleased. That's weird that she would carry that displeasure with her to a new place. That's just weird. I didn't expect it. Yeah, who knew? Yeah, well, okay. Hello.

Hey. Hi. What's going on? I'm just making dinner and cleaning up. Lesson is decided that he decided that he doesn't like my workout outfit anymore. And I still wear dresses. So when I get dressed in the morning, he's up in it like this. You wear a thing, you wear a dress.

And I'm like, I'll be getting dressed. And I go, I have to go work. So, okay, after, after school, he put on the dress. I bring it downstairs for you. So like literally every day now, he brings dresses downstairs for me to wear. Hey, so you told me, I haven't heard any of it yet. You didn't tell me the details, but that you've had issues with Panera bread. Yes.

So I can't play Starbucks. It doesn't have to accept the Starbucks actually. You just have to know that. You understand her? I know, no clue. Yeah. Stop going to Starbucks and then something. Yeah, it was there and the increase in pricing and it was just.

There's been an increase in pricing. Can I tell you that the phones have gotten so sophisticated with everything, but the actual telephone part? Oh, I know. I'm losing my mind in this call. You'll hear it. I don't know where she put it. I can never hear enough.

I can never hear. We have to be there. So with the Panera, they're really, they're there, but when I do. I really like what they have for this. I didn't think that people, I thought people would have to have a high school between the minimum to work in those places. High school employment minimum to work at those places. She thought that most people, but people would have to have a high school diploma

to work in those places, like in a Panera. Okay. And why would you be fucking 12 and work there probably? Here on the Panera, I think it's like six straight level. Seriously, it's like a six straight level. It's all you need. The nights of people, I'll say the dumbest. Well, you're just asking for a bowl of soup.

You're not asking them to discuss Nietzsche with you. What do you care? Where can I hear a discussion about Nietzsche? That's deepropodcast.com. I'm checking it out. So you walk in and it's always a six side because. There's the only place where there's no competition, right? So there's a hundred people.

Not really. There's only 14 to 20 people at night. And you. This is a typical Maria exaggeration. I was soft. It's like a hundred people. Well, not really, but like 14 to 20. Yeah, that's a vastly different number of people.

Okay. And they just go out the door and the doors are blocked. There's a day you walk in and the whole thing to your right is empty. So the option would be like, why doesn't everyone just line up again? The turner against the empty space. It's all to the right. I looked at the manager and like, you know, just open space here. Why don't you put this in stands and some people, please move to your right.

Right now, you've got 14 people go out the door and you've got this woman with a wheelchair that I can't get in and every other almost your patrons are in a walker or team so they can't walk out and you've got a fucking phone right now. This is what we're trying to lock in the other exit. So there's really, really good. Have a shit show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Yeah, we'll think about that.

Okay, great. Okay, fine. Nothing you've done. So next week I go by and you go to order drink. Still a shit show, 10 people in my living space and I ordered a drink and I would like, I said, how many shots of espresso in a decaf soy latte? And they're like, I said two. Can you hear what she's saying?

She's filing the front line. She's ordering a decaf. Yeah. I mean, she was mad about the way that it's set up and that the line. There's someone in the wheelchair. And now she's like, she's back there a week later. It's still a shit show and she goes, how many shots of espresso are in a decaf soy latte? I'm like, okay, I'll take a decaf soy latte with an extra shot of espresso and some from

this side. I'm sorry. Can you pause this for a moment? Yes. What? What's the point of getting a decaf soy latte with an extra shot of decaf? I think it's to increase the flavor. The espresso taste, but without the caffeine is my assumption.

Okay. Why would you? Do you want to a decaf espresso or regular espresso? Could we have those? So like a decaf soy latte with an extra shot of decaf espresso and some of us. This is for you with extra scum milk and a latte. I'm like, I would like a latte. I would like all of it decaf.

I would like it. This would leave me another five minutes. Jesus. Now, did you, did you go into your details that you used to do like extra drizzle on the bottom and on the sides of the. I could be really talking to the decaf so it's a new one. It's not going to get, there's no way that's going to happen. And the person who makes a drink can actually communicate with them.

She didn't know I was going to Maria to her. I was trying to do it to her. That's what draws a lot of the side of all those bottles. A lot of the top of the area. So you can go into our specifically how I want it to be. I'm just trying to keep it up with you right now. So at this point, I'm just going to read whatever you want. She has made your feet, brings it up on it.

And I just go to the women that just want to make it. And it's like, I like all the details, but like some of the kind of drizzle on the bottom and on top, down around the top, because just the bottom from the top. That she makes a sign that they'll throw the cashier really can't figure out where you got it for her. The following week, I go back and another girl, I didn't think it was possible. But another girl asked me the same thing. I was like, I like a detailed photo.

I don't think we can do that. Wait a minute. Move the phone. I just heard you perfectly for a second. And then I didn't. And then you sound muffled. Okay. So the next week of it, God, what have you been doing for the last 10 minutes?

Now I hear you perfectly. Well, where was the phone in your ass? No. Why do I hear you? Oh, okay. Now I hear you perfectly. Okay. So the following week of the back and I didn't think it was possible for someone

to ask me the same type of person. This goes even from her. So I ordered, I was like, I'd like to get a D-cast. So I locked it with an extra shot, the D-cast espresso, and some caramel sauce. I want some caramel sauce. Okay, I don't know if we have that. I don't know if we have D-casts. And the girl, the friend of the guest, we can do D-casts.

So I just looked at it. Turn the woman up there. And the girl would just push the D-cast button. And she was like, okay, do you want this espresso regular or D-cast? Because we have both. I'm looking at her like my child, like my face is like, are you fucking kidding me? You just push D-cast, you just act like this. And then you're asking me to put on D-cast right there.

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, D-cast please. Can you have some extra skim milk? So now I would like, skim milk, please. And I would like caramel sauce. So you want a lot to have an extra shot, the D-cast espresso, skim milk, extra and caramel. Why, why do they confuse skim and soy? I don't understand. I have no idea that I'm thinking like this whole process because I'm like, look,

maybe it's more time really slow. And you're going to punch in the buttons as I say them to you. D-cast latte, add soy milk, add extra shot of D-cast, add caramel. Got it? And she says, wow, you've so much energy. I was hearing as much energy as you did in the morning. Let's see all that caffeine you drink. I ordered D-cast and I had it drinking it here.

So no, that's not the case. And really it was just like being fucking kidding me. Like, how do you still work here? So I go over to the, she gave me her seat and she says, latte, extra shot, D-cast, skim milk. Nothing but caramel. I go over to the lady that makes it. And she just, she didn't make me the only thing she heard and like, some other things to keep this girl employed, which has become the other girl that was there the week before.

They are walking out and checking out because there's literally 22 people in mind just directly from the, the register out the door. And the other exit, the other door could be blocked in by some factory who's just hanging me against there. So I can't get it. So I can't get out. I'm like, you understand her dilemma right now? She's trying to leave.

Right. And there's two people. Well, there's a line blocking one exit and a fat dude leaning against the exit of the other door. She has a lot of, like, there's a lot of issues around getting in and out of places lately. Yeah. Interesting. And it's, you know, they're crazy.

In fact, I just called my girl to buy me, to speak with her at the door. What? So I was in my car, I was with the manager and they play around with my key. So now she's in the parking lot. And she's called the store that she just left and is talking to the manager. This is your attention before I said, do you have 20 people in mind right now? I know that said, is it locked out your, your surface? But you're going to see if you have to go in or going out the door.

And he's not a fat man blocking the door. I said, and about 80% of your patrons aren't walkers or wheelchairs. We'll have a virtual walking with sick professionals. I said, look, the whole right side of the cafe is empty. Like there's any counters and the registers empty. Nothing but space. Now you just tell the people to please move this way. And she just, well, people are so used to standing that way.

It's kind of a custom. It's not a law. It's not a regulation. What you say, move on, please move this way. Cause you walk in, so basically we're going to follow the crowd. If somebody walks into the cafe and they see everyone lined up against the counter, they're going to follow suit. Trying.

Yeah, I don't know. People are kind of sat in their ways. I couldn't believe it. I cannot fucking believe it. Do you still go there? I haven't in a sense. I got that stuff out of it. Is this another process?

Those are major DCs then? I don't know what level. I mean, they're actually really nice, but so DCs and Elsie's come from her old Starbucks days in Chicago, uh, meaning dumb cunts and lazy cunts that work in Starbucks. It's different at Starbucks. You get an attitude. Oh, people cannot even, they could have been nicer. They're just dumb as shit.

You're basically getting what you would get from Starbucks, but you're saying that you're doing it at Panera because Panera is cheaper, right? It's cheaper. They're nicer, but they're dumb. And they don't, and it's now like literally half the price of Starbucks. I get the same thing. Well, I don't get my tea there anymore. Neither place carries the tea anymore.

What tea did you drink? That was really dumb. I order it. I go to a tea shop and get a bite and bulk and make it at home and just bought me like a teapot for Starbucks, change your tea, which I was very frustrated about. And now the only thing I can do is be careful. I think they're fucking pineapple or coconut flavored.

So I try them all and they also take some damn little shit. So this is non-caffeinated, Maria. All that you're hearing, there's no caffeine affecting this. Right. It's just so many problems. There's so many issues right now. I have spirit and to buy like 10 teabags, you know, the little 10 that they sell, see 13 bucks.

Cause it's kind of, it's kind of ripped with a shirt, a key and they charge you extra for the thing. So I stopped. I mean, I feel like some people here are really are so nice, but I do not think that they were completely dumb. I mean, I feel bad saying that they're, that they're dumb. Like, how do you, I mean, I, I can't specify. I mean, my order is so much more simple than it used to be from Starbucks.

T-Cafes, soy latte. That's really easy. You know what I like? There's like three ones at the push. I like that you're in the practice now of talking to managers and making phone calls, cause that is exactly what dad does. So you are, he's passing the baton to you and you are going to keep calling that until the tanker is a drive-thru crazy.

Okay. It's like multiple points. He loves to call the 1-800 numbers. I keep calling them every single week. I've called three times already. Nothing's been done. You understand what she's mad about? It's how they line up.

Yeah. And I understand the door is blocked. She's saying, and she wants them to line up along the counter. So that there's room for people with hip problems and she's saying, most of them have hip and problems and wheelchairs, but they can't get by the fat person by blocking the door is what she's saying. I think so. Yeah.

Okay. The two managers in person. There's a guy and a girl that both worked there. They're managers and nothing has done. I'm at the point now that I specifically wanted to go in there and move to people myself. Yeah. So I'm really like ready to go and volunteer and start like directing

purpose because it's a surgery. I mean, it's such common sense that's lacking. I just don't understand it. Like you have all the people in the space that walk with people, people fell out the door. I just don't get it. And then the people that worked there, the worst part is they put like home signs that say, what floor or cleaning or whatever, working in the door.

I'm talking to Tommy. I'm very passionate about this. Yeah. I feel sure it is very important to me. There's common sense in the hospitality industry, which is clearly lacking in the mirror. Does Jeff still go to Starbucks? No.

No. Wow. He's gone once. I think in the past six weeks. Wasn't that that was his spot though, right? Didn't he love that? Again, stop going. Got frustrated.

I mean, they got to the point that we're like, okay, I can't focus. It was good. It was a little leading to anger issues. Wow. I mean, it was starting out this morning, so frustrated. And they cannot realize that like today he went to Starbucks because we just ran behind. So I was looking for the first time in six weeks.

And usually I buy the Starbucks. I buy it as a round. It's the first time from Starbucks and I make it for my home. So yeah, he went to the door to the door and he peed it three times. And he called me and stayed a spirit. This is lighter. Let's have us do more. I was fucking DC.

I'll see. Three times repeated to the guy and he repeated. He ordered to me verbatim and they still fucked it up or gave him the wrong drink. There's a lot of like coffee problems in their house. It's intense. Yeah. Yeah. It's a really, it's a serious thing.

Um, yeah, it really is. There's another subject that comes up here. Okay. You hear about. Wow. Um, I need like a $7 drink, so. And then, um, how about, how are you feeling pregnancy wise? Are you feeling good?

Yes and no. I mean, I told you I'd go to the labor delivery room. Did I go to the hospital? No. All right. So I knew it's fine, but I was convinced that my uterus was falling out or that like my vagina was falling out. I felt like there was something to really wrong. The thing was a week ago.

So I was like, first thing night, I was like, oh my God, like what Jeff? I'm like, I feel like my uterus, I feel like there's a boiling water smell. Like I feel like the baby's going to fall out. It feels so heavy down there. Like I've just felt so heavy. So I'm like, I go and I get a mirror and I look, I'm like, oh my God, this is my vagina. It looks like that. Like what the exact black lady, it is just swollen and like dark and just, I don't think

this is my vagina normally looks like. I'm sorry. So the next thing I call it. Like a what? Like a big fat black lady. Oh my God. Oh my God. All the nerves, I'm like, you know, I feel, the vagina looks so swollen and I don't

want to put an arm and she's like, well, put your fingers in there and if you feel anything and is there any distraction or stuff, I'm like, I don't, I don't, I don't have a second myself. I don't know. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, but it's inside of me. Do you feel anything? She's like, Jesus Christ. So I put my fingers in there and he's like, yeah, I feel something.

I don't know what that is. She's like a baby and I can never do my uterus. She's like, oh my God. What if I'm having like, you know, pre-latch for your uterus falls out. Wait, you never, you never go like, Hey, Jeff, finger me. So I know this is real. You never say that to him. Good one.

I mean, no, we didn't know what is real. I mean, I know what it feels like this life is like just, Hey, finger me. So I know this is like a real moment, you know? No, you can have sex or they haven't used this time. Anyway, okay. So you feel like you're going to, you're going to prolapse right now. Is that what you felt like? Yeah.

So it's not looking up. I'm like, I wasn't prolapsed. What if I was just falling out? I had a woman. Is she normal to you or no? What part of this is normal the whole call? I think it's like, it's like, like I can't even get into a world. You know what I mean?

You can't keep up. You can't keep up with this. Like it's, it's just wild, man. Like it's, it's so wild. Like I can't, I can't get in there. Can't get in the head. And it worked for me at craft. It happened at work.

So we literally took a potato and like she put it in between her legs and held it in place. So she gave her hospital. Jesus fucking potato. She was looking online like all the way, so it looks like it was to do. And then it's just horrifying. But there's no way, no way, no way. So she's like, okay, let's go to the, if it doesn't get better the next day,

you're feeling being weird, coming to labor and delivery. So next morning, I wake up fine and I've been doing peagles. I'm like, I'm squeezing it. Oh my God, what's going on? And we're at a birthday party and I'm standing like, oh my God, it feels so heavy, like I feel like it's going to fall out. So I went in and they're like, everything's normal, everything's healthy. They're like, have you been doing a lot of exercise?

I was like, yeah, well, Thursday I did a lot. I mean, I ran like five and a half miles on and off. I'd be like a run, walk, run, walk. How pregnant are you? How far along are you? Six months and one week. At the point, 10 hours, six months, six months. And you're like, I'm running five and a half miles today.

Well, it wasn't, it was a run walk. So it was like, run a mile, walk a mile, run a mile, walk a mile. Right. And then I was like, I can cross the dog park. And I was sick that day. And as a question, the playground, I was literally, it was just like on my feet all day long. So she was happy to start taking breaks and like. She was hospitalized for her workouts.

Yeah. Yeah, I get, I don't relate to this whatsoever in terms of like, you're right. Like, Christina, you need to slow down. You're exercising too much. Nobody has ever said those words to me in my life ever. It's never been my problem. You know what I mean? Yeah.

We're trying to sit down and relaxing because. Yeah, they're telling you to relax. Running around for six days without weight is basically my, like, paternity was swollen. You know what I'm saying? Wow. And they're going to just walk, smell the weight. Are you dialing it back on the weightlifting and like the core workouts?

Yeah, I can't, I can't really deploy it all anymore. I just, I totally dialed back my workouts. Sorry, that's what I'm about to do now. What, what are you doing now? And you're, but what kind of workout are you doing now at six months in one week? So I never, I'll do, I'll still, I'll, I'll do like a walk. They'd be jogging for like two, two and a half miles. And then I'll do some, like, I'm looking and I say, come out to the park.

So we'll walk a little like miles and I'll just be there. Wait, what did you say? What, what was it? After the running, you do what? I'll do three days with a new arms and legs. I'll do 16. Uh-huh. But that's one leg straight, one day legs.

But with weights. She's so crazy. She's six months pregnant. Like you can, I know you should exercise. I'm assuming. Yeah, yeah, that's good. But, but maybe not arms, one day legs. Well, that's all the three miles walk jog.

And then I got a run walk. So you brought a mile, walk a mile, run a mile, walk a mile, run a mile, run a mile, run a mile, run a mile. But then I go to the dog part of it. I'll play with the two miles walk and run. I would put the dog right there. And then we do like legs and then I put everything's fine. What the fuck?

The Panera brand. Okay. My baby was, yeah. I was a cure. And then I walk, you know, more than two miles at a time. So I'll still walk like two miles in the morning and maybe two miles in the afternoon. Like I'm still getting probably like a minimum of five miles a

day, to be honest. And that's how I'm like, I'm not sure what's now, you know, just running around, doing stuff. So I've been averaging about five miles a day. I don't do, I don't do two thirds in between, which is really helpful. So last thing, you know, I was sitting underneath at the time I was in like an office environment, we're sitting with

the client. All right. So I put the phone back in her ass, by the way. Yeah. Why is it? Why? Same thing as your dad. She's got your dad's problem here is cause she's doing it here.

Yeah. It's down under, she's down in the cheek. Yeah. People need to put their, yeah. And then you go, oh, that's perfect. They're like, what is, what is over here? No, when I could, when you spoke into the part where you speak into, that's when I can hear you the best.

I, will you maybe listen to that advice and maybe dial it back a little more now that you're in the sixth month of your pregnancy? Oh yeah. So no, I mean, I didn't look out. So yesterday, I actually had a charity event and we had a set up and then today I had to go home and tell us everything. So I didn't do it without, I just did closet. But a lot of times I'll just sit across the dog park or I just do walking.

But I'm done running. I can't run anymore. At this point, I really can't. Okay. Yeah. I can't. Well, I hope, um, yeah, I hope you, you take it kind of easy. Okay.

I do in my lesson because it felt fine. But when I was running, I felt fine. You didn't feel, I mean, it wasn't like I was just running with a race. It was like a pathetic job. It was really slow. I'm doing like, you know, a million and a half minute miles, like easy, jog, slow, nine and a half minute miles. What'd she say?

Did you hear? Well, I didn't feel, I didn't feel like I was out of breath. I didn't realize that throughout the whole day without spending that much time. Yeah. How effective, you know, down there. So now I can make sure that if I do anything, I take breaks and it's still in between our, in there to what? Yeah.

And then I just, there you go. Yeah. OMG. Huh. There's a lot going on in that. So, a lot. Yeah. That's a lot, guys.

Yeah. Yep. Hmm. And why does she get all the energy from? It's, um, that's genetic with her. Always been like that. It's always been like that. Since kid.

Since you were a kid. Yeah. Fucking ready to go all the time. Wow. I'm also bored at the, like, if you were like, if like, have a seat and you're saying she'd be like, I'm bored, I'm gonna do something. Like she's always just like, wants to go. Right.

Yeah. Janet, I'm the complete, I am the polar opposite of that. I am. Yeah, I put that together. I can sit here and stare at the wall for hours. Yeah. I can sit and just do nothing. Well, that's where we're compatible.

Yeah. Doing stuff is my least favorite thing. Just doing any stuff. I don't like to do stuff. Same way. The less stuff I have to do, the happier I am. I'm exactly the same way. Fuck your stuff.

I don't, I don't want to go do stuff. I just want, I just want to be left alone. That's my only goal in life is to make enough money so I don't have to do anything ever. So I want to do shit. We'd great if we could retire now. It would be. Can we wrap this shit up?

Yeah, we'll see dinner. We're going to make our chicken and our salad. All right. Beef needs to eat again. Thanks, James, for listening to your mom's house podcast, your mom's house podcast dot com. And please get tickets to upcoming shows. So it's daddy go bananas thousand ranch dot com.

I got a bunch of other farts, San Diego, Denver, and there it goes on and on. Uh, Tom, cigarette dot com. Thanks, jeans. Bye, jeans. Bye. Oh, my fucking cut. Cut, we cut, we cut. Ah, my fucking cut.

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We cut, we cut. We cut, we cut, we cut. It's sexy.