Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 289-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 22, 2015

Be careful if you like to drink Starbucks like the mommies do. There's a secret that we've all just learned of and that is that Starbucks coffees and lattes CAN get you pregnant! It's true. Pastor Manning has informed us to just be careful because there are gay men masturbating into your drinks at Starbucks and that's why it's delicious but also dangerous.  Who knew that Shane Lee could be such a polarizing figure?!? We dive into some of the emails from listeners - some weren't too happy with us! Plus is #WipeGate ever REALLY over? This time our closest family and friends weigh in. What does Maria say? Cousin Juli? Even Charo lets us know what time it is.  And the debut of the Miami Fart Machine will surely have you whistling this hit for days to come. Do we have one the top selling artists of all time on the phone? Si, Senora!

What is it like? 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000 What is it like? Ligus. What is it like? Ligus is like a smear. It's not chunks. Shunks.

What is it like? Ligus. Ligus. Like a smear. It's not chunks. Shunks. This is like a It's like a

Like a A brown. Touchy. Just a What is it like? Ligus. What is it like? Like a smear. It's not chunks.

Shunks. What is it like? Ligus. Ligus. Like a smear. It's not chunks. Shunks. Shunks.

Shunks. This is like a It's like a A brown. Touchy. Touchy. Just a What is it like?

Like a smear. It's not chunks. Shunks. What is it like? Just a Ligus. Like a smear. It's not chunks.

Shunks. This is like a Like a A brown. Touchy. What is it like? Just a What is it like?

Ligus. Like a smear. It's not Shunks. What is it like? Just a Ligus. Like a smear. It's not chunks.

Is this true, Christina? Yes. It's never chunks. It's like a What's it like? A brown. It's like a What a

What a talent. Who made this? DJ Swan. Like a smear. It's not chunks. I think you did a great job. Thank you, DJ Swan. Really good work. Great work, man. I'm totally digging this.

Check it out. The jeans machine and I are actually we're hitting the road together. I'm accompanying you to my birth city to Nasty Natty

in Ohio. Right. Not since Natty Belgium. And you're going to do stand up Friday and Saturday for shows. Thursday show is no longer because

the jeans machine and I are being swept to New York City to do a promo for True TV and the Turner Network. And I can't say I don't think who with. It's pretty mage though, guys. It's mage. It's mage. It's with a mage.

Huge star. So unfortunately we had to shift things around but we're still coming to since Natty so stand up shows Friday and Saturday two shows Saturday and then Sunday jeans here and I do the mom cast live from

Cincinnati to get your tickets now please please. I talked to the club and that the mom cast was filling up quick so do the if you still want to take it to that go ahead and you got four chances to see

Kristine, Kristine's do stand up. I know my name. You said it wrong. Kristine's a Pajinsky. What if we meet this movie star and the movie star just wants to make love to me

and marry me? It's a boy. Right. That's what I'm saying. It's probably not going to happen because you're married to me. We'll see. I'll he's famous and you're not.

You're going to say that? Yeah. Why? It's just how it is. You guys are not on the same caliber of celebrity. Yes, we are. Like one person recognized you the one person the coffee shop the other day and now

you're like a big movie star. Pretty much. This is going to your head. It's not one person. You've changed. I've had dozens of people recognize me. Dozens. It's a lot. Have you slept with any of your groupies?

A few, but that's part of growing into the comfort zone of being like that. Yeah. When are you going on the road again? Keep asking me that. April 28th. April 28th, I have a huge show at the Ice House.

I'm showcasing my one hour special. I need your LA support for that. So please come out and please come. Tickets are only 10 bucks. That's the Ice House in Pasadena. April 28th.

That's a Tuesday. So please come out. The rest of that week. I'm at Comedy Works. The South Club at the Landmark. That's just south of Denver. Greenwood Village, Colorado. The full charge is with me.

And that Sunday Club. One show there. And a few days later, Chattanooga, Tennessee at the Comedy Catch. Please come out, Chattanooga. The rest of that week.

May 7, 8, and 9. Zanies in Nashville. And I wrap up that week at the New Mountain Theater in Asheville, North Carolina on May 10th. I have a whole bunch of stuff that I've added. Vegas, Chicago,

Brooklyn, et cetera, et cetera. TomSugarra.com shows. Farts, anything for you? Well, this is so rude. It's not my name. Now I'm staying in town in May,

and then why bother with June? It's too soon into the game. Listen to my other podcast, SD Bro. Tom and I did Depression last week. I'm having one on. It sounds so lame, but I'm doing feminism by myself.

But you may be surprised how I feel about ladies and stuff. It's not your mom's podcast, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's different. It's great. I love it. Guys, I know you shop on Amazon, and I appreciate you using

our banner on your mom's house podcast.com. Go to our website, click on our little banner and do your shopping right now. As we speak, I just got notified that Amazon just delivered our coffee jeans through Amazon Prime. We get the subscribe and save,

and it's great. It's great. You should do that. Yeah. Don't leave your house for any reason. I like that. I like that. All right, jeans ready to do this? We got a lot of show. Lots of treats.

Let's go. Let's do this, jeans. Okay. And if you're drinking Starbucks, watch out. If you're a woman, you might just get pregnant by drinking Starbucks. Because they've got some pretty potent

cement in that drink. This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitz. Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Wow. Wow. As always, thank you

to our personal Sunday pastor, Pastor Manning, who we attend in his services every Sunday at ATLA in Harlem. He's a wonderful man. Making some good points.

He's always making a good point. Lots of good points. Lots of smart things. What's this new theory? And once again, by the way, huge shout out, DJ Swan. Thank you for the Wipegate song. Let's revisit Pastor Manning's

thoughts. If you guys have forgotten who Pastor Manning is, I think I should dig up one of his classics. I think it's here somewhere. Give me just a brief moment.

He also invented a word in that opening clip. He said very potent. Potent. What is that? It's like potent but more. Potent.

Interesting. Yeah, it's a syllable to it. You know, there's always something to add. This is Pastor Manning. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with y'all? Your niggas are crazy.

That's during a service, by the way. To his congregation. That's what he said to his congregation. So here he is in one of his web addresses that he puts out. Let's give it a shot. Web addresses?

Adresses, yeah. I say to you, go to hell. Or let's go to court. Either one, you either go to hell or let's go to court. But I've got something here. I'm on to something. I've got Starbucks by the keysters.

And over 50 million people have heard my voice and have seen me or heard my writings and statements regarding Starbucks and Sieben and their lattes. So that's my salvo that I'm firing over the bow of the Starbucks

coffee enterprise. And if you're drinking Starbucks watch out if you're a woman you might just get pregnant. Does he have children? He might have butt babies and fist babies and mouth babies.

Does he not know that no matter how much Siemen you drink that even if you were drinking gallons of Siemen they would never get you pregnant? Not likely, yeah. How does that process not... There's a lot of claims being made

in this clip that are fallacious specious reasoning. Not just the conception ones. That's the bottom, that's just the tip of it. But how does he come to the conclusion that there's Siemen in Starbucks? I think he has Intel. Someone on the inside working there.

He has some Seattle friends let's say in quotes. Seattle friends. Really funny. By drinking Starbucks because they've got some pretty potent Siemen in that drink. Okay.

And you will go home and tell your husband you're pregnant. He said, but we haven't had sexual intercourse in years. Where did you get pregnant? Is it an immaculate conception? No! It was one of Starbucks lattes

that impregnated you. Me? I'm James David Manning, everybody. I'm the Lord Servant. Whoa. Hard fucking core. That's pretty crazy. I'd like to hear the rest of this. I really wish there was more.

Well, there's no more there. I'm trying to think how he could have figured out about all the Siemen in the lattes. There's definitely Siemen in the fish filets at McDonald's. That's... I'm joined today by Pastor James David Manning,

who's the Chief Pastor at Atla World Missionary Church in Harlem here in New York City just a few miles north of our studio. Pastor Manning has been a strong critic and I think is even an understatement to say of President Obama comparing President Obama

to Satan Hitler, calling him a long-legged mac daddy. Pastor Manning, is your objection to President Obama primarily to him as a person or to his political views? Him as a person, but surely,

because of his personhood, his political views are demented as well, but that stems from him as a person, so we'll let it rest there. Are you a political conservative? In other words, when you say

you disagree with President Obama on his views, is that because you're a conservative? No, I'm a Christian. I wholeheartedly support the Word of God, the Bible, and so I wouldn't necessarily call myself a conservative in that regard.

A Christian point of view political and also the theological perspective. He has an interesting Christian view on things. A Christian's not supposed to be political. That's why we separate church and state, right? Well, I'm just saying, I don't know

knowing that some of the things he says in his sermons doesn't sound very Christian. No, I'm still stuck on the semen lattes though. Well, this here says we get to that in a moment.

In the meantime, why don't we... You know what it sounds like? It's kind of... I mean, I'm upset not because of Pastor Manning, but I feel like it's kind of infringing upon our original Shark Tank idea,

our business model. Oh, for Cum Gum. Yeah, that's a good point. I'm a little upset. Well, we don't know that he's completely stolen our idea yet. Let's give him

a little room to breathe, if you know what I mean. But I was going to say, there's Cum on the filet of fish at McDonald's. You know that, right? No. The sauce that's on the filet of fish? For sure. How do you know that? I just know it. I've known it. Everyone knows it. So then why is it hard to believe that

there's semen lattes? If Mickey D's is doing it, don't you think Starbucks is just trying to compete? They've incorporated drive-thrus. They're now doing breakfast. That's true. What if that's the secret ingredient that makes all these corporations go to such a... God damn it. And of course, what do you dip

shrimp nibblers in from White Castle? Oh yeah, the jizz sauce. So that's the secret in all these things. Well, here's something that somebody sent him in return. He's claiming there's semen. Here's what Pastor Manning said. He's saying this on Saturday from the pulpit

that someone Sodomite sent me a bucket of poop. Did I tell y'all that? It's not a pleasant conversation, right? So I'm not old and eager about spreading the word, but they did. Some Sodomite. Sodomites are those vile people.

They're demon-possessed, first of all. They're demon-possessed. Yeah. So they put it in a plastic container so it wouldn't give off any odors as it was transferred through the mail. Shouldn't that be a hate crime? No.

Shouldn't that be some sort of hate crime? Any lawyers out there know anything about you know what is a hate crime, what isn't a hate crime? Well, I'm brown lock, can I say. Somebody pooped in a bucket and put a plastic bucket and then put a plastic lid on it

and then put it in a box and milled it to me. And said this is what we Sodomites enjoy. Lord. What a sick old group of people. By the way, you know when I use the term Sodomite, that includes lesbos, trans

cross-dresses, transgender dykes, bull daggers, all of them. Sodomite covers all of that. So don't think this is another, I'm just talking about men when I say Sodomite. He starts with just, you know

the classifications, the names of groups and then just throws in the pejorative slur. Dykes. And he's like gays, cross-dresses. Dykes. Speaking of hate speech, I mean isn't that. Dykes, bull daggers. Sodomite covers all of that.

So don't think this is another, I'm just talking about men when I say Sodomite. However, I do wish to state that during this holy weekend right up through the Resurrection Worship Services we are giving an invitation to all Sodomites if you want to get out of that lifestyle.

And you want to be saved. I'll invite you to come to the Outlaw Wormishneri Church. Any schedule of worship services, whether it's a prayer meeting, or the Friday Good Friday Worship Services, or the Saturday Worship Services, or the Sunday, or the Sunday Morning Sunrise Worship Services, any worship

service that we have right up to Resurrection you're invited to come, announce to me that you're a Sodomite and you want to get out of that lifestyle. And I will presently lay hands on you, pray for you that God would cleanse you, heal you, and deliver you,

anoint you with oil, and then I'll take you down and I will baptize you and I'll baptize baptismal pole. If... I want to find out how he knows about the semen too. I want to inform you that the Sodomites

led a protest against our church this past Sunday. Several members of the Pennsylvania Oath Keepers came up, you know, the fellows that was with us out there at Gettysburg. Well, we had a special meeting this Sunday here at the church

and they came up and we were meeting and someone informed me that the Sodomites were outside of our church protesting. So we went out and took a look. They were, and they had a big bucket of Starbucks coffee and all kind of the

Starbucks paraphernalia with them. And they were all shouting, stop the hate now. They said that this church is a hate church and that I'm a hate preacher. But you remember that last week we appeared in several major

online news services, Huffington Post being a major one, the Inquisitor being another. What else? Gay Star News, I think was one and just several papers wrote articles about us because we had stated that Starbucks is ground

zero for Ebola. Doesn't he sound like he needs to clear his throat? Yeah, he does. Like a muppet kind of, he talks in the bag of his throat. I can't imagine why these Sodomites don't want to join his fun church.

It sounds like a real party. I'm just concerned about how much I drink Starbucks. I know, with the semen problem now. Well, I was there this morning. I mean, I go really often. Yeah, but he's infer- is he inferring that the Sodomites put their semen in the coffee? Yeah, I think so.

I think he's saying that the Sodomites put semen in the coffee and then the rest of us are just drinking it all the time. And then you get pregnant? Thank you, sir. We're just, you know, basically, there's a guy in the back of every Starbucks.

There has to be. You know how, if you can conceive it, it's possible like it's happening right now. Right now, somebody is jerking off into a Starbucks cup. Yeah, sure. But there's a lot of Starbucks cups. But I mean, are they serving their customers that? Maybe.

There's got to be somebody doing it right now. Let's just see if one other thing here, let's us know. We pointed out how these homosexual Sodomite persons, such as Dr. Craig Spencer, who lives right here in the Harlem area, who is a Sodomite,

that they frequent. The Starbucks is a place where these types frequent and a lot of body fluids are exchanged there. What? And Ebola. But the thing that I was not aware of is that there had been

some information that had been released and the Inquisitor News Online News Service carried this as a major story the week before. What Starbucks was doing is that they were taking specimens of male

semen. And they were putting it in the blends of their lattes. It's right there. You can see it right there. Inquisitor News Service. There was a big article about

the investigation in the Starbucks using male semen. And putting it into the blends of coffees that they say. I mean, can you imagine it? And I believe that they were doing that.

Coffee over there started 100 years ago by using cocaine. They were actually using cocaine. It's not the same as Giz, bro. It's lattes. And making guys Giz into the latte. This is one of the best things I've

ever heard. Wow. I didn't know Sodomites enjoyed ejaculating into Starbucks coffee. No, we have gay friends. We need to call up and maybe we should verify whether or not this is happening.

It's an epidemic? Yeah. Manning got the cup with the man-loving. We could get him to do an interview for the show? Definitely. This guy, all he wants to do is talk about his crazy ideas. Definitely.

If we tell him we're a Christian podcast. We are pretty Christian. We get it, bro. We support you. Yeah, big fan. Hate those Sodomites, too. Speaking of ads and big corporations, this ad is positively insane.

I love this one. From the 90s? If you're a listener, you can guess where this is from in the first few seconds or not. Like what they're advertising. It's a dog catching a frisbee. Construction worker looking at you.

A little girl plays baseball looking at the screen of the camera. An old man fishing. I'm guessing insurance. I guess that's what

the shots would imply. A family walking on a pier. The church of Christ. Latter-day Saints. Getting there. We're doing it. It's so weird.

It plays exactly like an SNL script. There's nothing about it that reads real except that it is. It's so weird. It's really nationalistic. I think that's like 92, right? 91, yeah.

So 91 we go into Iraq. Maybe it's a war. Freedom. Do you know how long this commercial is? Kill Iraq, yes. It's four and a half minutes long. In the goods they purchase and in the food they eat

they want good basic home cooking. Quality food. And they want choices. Variety. All at a reasonable price. Americans want value. This has got to be an inner company video. I think it's a promotional tool

for the company. You want to work here? Sit down. The skydiving video they play before you jump. You're going to serve drinks, but I want to play a video. This is the company Kool-Aid that you have to drink to work at Sizzler.

People are stuffing their faces in this thing. Of course, it's American. It sounds like a South Park song. Yeah. You get your Malibu chicken. I know you like that. You know what they did have that I liked at Sizzler? The salad bar.

The salad bar was okay, but I like the steak and all you can eat shrimp. But let me tell you something. It's not reasonably priced. Sizzler was really expensive for what it is. Back in the day. It kind of still is, I think. Do you remember who really wanted to go to Sizzler?

Who liked Sizzler? The old guy. The old guy that smoked crack that drove us? No, not Henry. The old guy in our old... Morty, the guy that was dying? The dying guy. Can we take you out?

He's like, I like Sizzler. There's like one in all of LA. I know. There's also this, who's been in this place? He's like, I like Sizzler. Everybody liked Sizzler. Didn't you go there? You were right about that.

The thing I like, buddy, is I like variety. Choices and selections. Choices of directions. Choices that can add a little freedom in your life. Freedom. People are so happy in this fucking promo. This girl just went like this looking at the dessert bar.

And she licked her lips. Like a lunatic. Like she'd never fucking seen food before. They don't give this kid ice cream ever. It was a grown woman. By the way, at Sizzler, I remember they have those machines where you pull down the lever

and then it makes a turd. And it's not real ice cream. It's like that weird, gross, not hydrogenated oils. Not real ice cream ever at Sizzler. Let's keep it 100.

Sizzler is the choice of America. Of America. It's like a fucking presidential campaign. I know. It's like Sizzler is on the ballot. Who do you want? Do you want Bush?

Do you want Clinton? Or do you want fucking Sizzler? Do you want choices and freedom? Jesus. This is crazy. Wholesome American cooking. Fresh fish. A variety of salads.

It's like it's from the fucking fifties. It's like propaganda. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with y'all? Your niggas are crazy. Steak and all. You can eat shrimp. That breaded shrimp. That was good.

Popcorn shrimp. That's too bad. That was not one of our regulars. I like cocos a lot too. That doesn't even exist where I grew up. Man, it's just a west coast thing. That's how my parents go.

Cocos. Baker Square? You ever have that? That was real good. What? That was a chain out here too. I like those shitty restaurants. Can we just change gears here for a moment and address something that needs to be

addressed? We had no idea that our last episode that featured a lot of Shane Lee would be one of our most polarizing episodes ever. Very divisive. The inbox

it's full of praise and hatred. Sometimes simultaneously praising and cursing us. I mean, would you like to look? I know we went overboard. I didn't realize that. Here's the thing. We were so giddy that

Shane was singing our songs and I was really excited to give him two great songs for us. Diamonds and Pearls and Emotions. He came back so quick. So quick. I spent a lot of time

actually prepping that stuff. I did. I was just elated to play it and I was happy. And it was very divisive. Very divisive. Here's some of the emails we got. First one.

Tyler, what the fuck is the deal with this dude? His singing makes me physically sick and I'm pretty sure I have cancer now. Sizzler will give you cancer. Mommy's please ask Shane Lee to teach us loving you by Mini Ripperton.

He'll either crush it or have an aneurysm. Know what I'm saying? Love you guys. Thanks for the laughs. Did you ever stop and think maybe the smoke detector is chirping because Shane is on fire? Matt Crane.

Nailed it. Here's Mark. Happy B-day. This is from last week. Tomas. Thank you to Shane. I'm on iTunes looking for downloads but can't locate. Are you rolling a stage name or am I spelling your name wrong? This thing is now like a birthday.

The music is cranked to 12. I'm watching through my neighbor's windows. They are swinging to your groovy sound. Cheers to all. Thank you Shane. Life is better hearing your talent. Please let the public in on where to download the full songs. Not just the practice.

That's Mark in the Northwest. Not just the practice. He's all on YouTube. It's just YouTube stuff. And it's S-H-A-N-E and his middle name is Edward because some of them are Shane Edward Lee. You can go to yourmomshousepodcast.com

and you can find some of the ones he did for us. I also know that Shane doesn't actually title the videos. No, it just says webcam upload. It takes a minute to search for your favorite songs. Here's somebody who

wanted to cover both ends. He wrote, I first say something nice about your show with enough undertone that you know it has to be followed up by something negative. First things first, I've been listening to your podcast since the Red Band days.

Never miss a show. I love the sound drops. I think it's honestly one of the best shows out there and that's not just because you guys talk about farts. I love the YouTubers and other people you guys have found and highlighted on your show. That being said, this past episode with Shane

was unbearable. I, of course, listened to the whole thing but I couldn't help but check the time left at least five times during Shane's ridiculous singing. I get what you guys are doing and I'm sure most listeners love it but this segment took up too much of the show

and was just not worth the time to listen to. Please try to keep that crap to a minimum where at least be mindful how much you dedicate to Shane. I'm not upset with you guys just disappointed. He's like a parent. He wants to let us know that he still loves us but we didn't appreciate that.

Well, point taken. A lot of fucking people fired up and other people saying this is good. Adam Wright, this Shane Lee shit has got to go. Mike W said Shane is drunk. No.

Signed the 500th guy to send this to you. This next one is let's see. This is from Sarah. Oh, lady. Oh, and I'm getting the spinning wheel right now. Don't you hate that?

Yeah, let me see. Sizzler is the one. You guys are the greatest. I don't have a neat but I love the Shane Lee singing. Let's see. Anyways, it goes on and on. It's back and forth. It was great.

I enjoyed it. I hate it more than anything. So that was very interesting. Like I said, we love Shane. Well, unlike all great talents on your mom's house, at times they divide the audience. King asked Ripper when he debuted on the show.

Oh, man. The King. It was a tidal wave of feedback. Yeah. Some people were not fucking not having it, dude. You hear this and you're not you're not jazzed. Woo!

Woo! That's what beef does. Come on. That is the best. The best thing I've ever heard. That is really good. So, um... It woke him up out of his sleep.

Point taken on Shane. You guys, we took care of it. We'll cool it on the Shane for a minute, you guys. Can I tell you something I've really enjoyed in our home. And I highly advise everyone else to do is that Tom and I have left

the deodorant out in the kitchen. Yeah. And now we have kitchen deodorant. And I, for one, it's kind of weird it happened organically. We came home from a trip and just one of us just left it on the counter.

We hit the grocery store or the pharmacy on the way home and we picked up some extra deodorant and then we just left one. We unpacked them in the kitchen and instead of putting it away it was left there. And now it's like you walk through the kitchen

and you can put deodorant on. I'm a huge fan of kitchen deodorant. At first I thought we should definitely hide it and try to be right about the try to be like normal people. But I kind of like it because now if you're in the bathroom and I got to get some deodorant it's right there in the kitchen now.

Yeah, I like it. When I come home from the gym I shower but I don't put deodorant on at the gym because I don't have it in my bag. You want to borrow it from one of your guy friends there? I could borrow it from my guy friend but I come home

and it's the first thing I see in the kitchen so I put it on as soon as I walk in. It's great. They have that spray at the gym. I know you're talking about. So I don't use the spray. I thought that stuff is illegal. It should be.

It smells like your fucking insides are melting whenever I smell it. It's really toxic. What other things do you think we could start keeping in the kitchen that most people don't and then get some utility out of it that way? Like a hair dryer. Hair dryer in the kitchen would work.

Teeth brushings. We could start using that sink. You could start putting your makeup in the kitchen. Hair brush. Hair dryer in the kitchen for sure. But why do you have to combine certain products to certain rooms? Why is it got to be in that room?

Be free. You eat on the toilet all the time. Let's put a computer in the kitchen just so that when you walk by you can check something there. Have you ever eaten on the toilet? Yeah, I'm sure. I don't do it regularly

but I'm sure I've been eating something. I can see you eating a sandwich on the crapper. I've done it in my life but it's not a recent thing. I feel like it's very recent. I feel like it's an everyday style for you.

Have you? I prefer not to. As a child I did a lot before I knew how disgusting it was. I remember one time sitting on the toilet and my mom handing me a bowl of spaghetti and being like, finish your dinner. I was like, can I shit first?

She was like, no, finish your dinner. I'm like, um, okay. Like my mom made me do it. Made you do it. Do you remember what you did after you finished shitting and you ate that meal? You ate your meal?

And I took a shit. You took a shit and then... Oh God. Are we still on this? Are we still on this? It's been resolved. You do? No.

It's been resolved. No, it has not. Can I clarify my stance on the wiping situation? No, you cannot because we are going to get input from a lot of different people. We went to both camps.

Mine and yours. Well, first we got input on some other things. Yeah, let's back it up. Issues in this house that need to be addressed. Let's address them. First of all, there's a class distinction going on in our home where I am a buyer

of skippy peanut butter. It blew my mind. What happened was we've been doing different snacks now. We do apples and celery with peanut butter. Low-fat peanut butter, reduced fat. And the first time

you're like, oh, I got peanut butter I saw the jar on the counter and it took my breath away. Well, I saw skippy and I was like, are we in it? I thought we were in a trailer park or something.

God, maybe. That's what my mother always bought. We're pretty trashy. So I was like, why did you get this? And you're like, what do you mean? I was like, well, why wouldn't you buy a jiff? And you go, I just have skippy and I was like,

whoa, like that was a real eye-opener for me. What's the difference? They're both like these corny American brands. Dude, it's Jeff. Why? It's different. It tastes different. Yeah, it does. Well, you act like I'm eating out of a trash can

when I eat skippy. When I eat skippy, I feel like we are eating out of a trash can. You think this is what they used to make homeless people sandwiches? Absolutely. I mean, I don't like to alter peanut butter. That is so stupid. Now, that one is

OK. I mean, not even without question. Then there's another level. Wait, wait, wait. Skippy, but we like smooth. We don't like crunchy. I don't like crunchy. I don't like crunchy. I like creamy. Yeah, because I got veneers. I'll pop those right off. I will also do the organic

all natural. No, I do that for peanut butter and almond butter. Where you stir it and it gets all heavy. I hate it. I don't hate it. I fucking hate it. It's a different. It's a totally different texture. Totally different taste. Totally different experience, but it's still good. I know. And I know that it's good for you.

I don't mind it at all. The almond tastes the taste like marzipan and I fucking hate it. OK, the kind that you stir that I know you're talking about like that traders. Yeah, we've had it here a few times. Yeah, like the traders. Joe, like I don't want to I don't want to work to have my peanut butter. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, why do I got to stir the fucking thing for a minute before I can put it on my my toast or my celery? Yeah, well, you're also like you're eating the fucking, you know, the the Carl's Junior of peanut butters with you. I like Carl's Junior. Well, it's fucking it's it's Del Taco.

OK, shrimp talks shrimp talk for for a dollar. Some people actually were like, hey, dude, Del Taco is the way to go. And I know believe me, it was about four out of a thousand, but they're clearly our lunatic listeners. Oh, and shrimp nibblers. I was done to find that people actually

eat. Yeah, shrimp nibblers. Crazy. Now, here's the other point of lunacy that comes out of you. This one, I don't even know how you're going to defend because you can defend your white trash peanut butter. Sure. But we eat a good bit

of Italian meals in this home. Yeah. And when it comes to throwing some parm on it, you prefer craft, shaky cheese, the green bottle that you shake that parmesan out of fresh, shaved

all the time graded parmesan. Can I tell you that nothing makes me happier than when I pop open a fresh can of that shit of craft, shaky cheese. Yeah, parmesan. I pop it open and it's got like the perfect mix of

preservatives and some kind of cheese flavor and I put it in my palm, the palm of my hand and I just like it right off the palm of my hand. That's how much I love craft, shaky cheese. But real parm. Oh my god, you guys are so disgusting. Real parm, it's just too smelly. It's like stinky feet.

I don't like putting foot on my spaghetti when you don't like craft, shaky. You like shaky. Yeah, I do, but you're telling me between the two. There's not even a fucking like there's no argument there. There's there's nothing to discuss. What about on pizza? Well, yes, I'm not

going to put shaved parmesan on pizza. That is a good shaky cheese time, but we're not talking about it wasn't a pizza discussion. It was what's your preference and your preference is for shaky cheese over fresh shaved parm. Well, yeah, most of the time.

Yeah, most all the time. Like there are sometimes when fresh shaved kind of works, but for the most part, I like that process to crap. I like it better. That's my white trash upbringing. I can't help that. And the final we didn't the final

as you prefer ragu always ragu spaghetti sauce is the superior sauce to any other I know there's any other to any other. There's prego, which is like it's like sweeter. What about Rouse? Like the fancy fancy stuff. It's all right. It's not as good as

like here's my death row meal. Seriously, my death row meal. Yeah, I like spaghetti straight up normal spaghetti with some ragu old fashioned traditional and then shaky cheese. I could eat that every day of my life. What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with y'all? You niggas are crazy. And I tell you what else I prefer and you're not going to like it. I like Kraft macaroni and cheese to like gourmet shit that you get in a restaurant like lobster mac and crap like that. Jesus Christ, man.

Come on, dude, you love the box kind. Yeah. Of course, the Kraft one makes good to put like over lobster mac and cheese. I like the orange powder stuff. Fuck out of here. Fuck out of here with that. Well, you just bougie. You know what I'm saying?

I'm bougie. Here's what we decided to do. This is pretty awesome. We've never done it and it came together all in 15 minutes. We decided to reach out to everybody to have them weigh in on parm on peanut butter and on wipe gate

and it covers the whole spectrum of the discussion. First up, Maria, here you go. Hey. Hey, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. I wanted you to vote in on something.

Yes. Okay. Between Skippy peanut butter and Jeff peanut butter, which do you prefer? Neither. I think they're both disgusting. Are you serious? They're like hydrogenated oils. They're not good at all.

I don't prefer peanut butter. You'd eat organic peanut butter, right? I don't eat peanut butter. I like almond butter. I hate peanut butter. The smell of peanut butter makes me want to vomit. Jeff likes it. He buys a Reese's peanut butter. That's disgusting. That's good, too.

Or he buys... He wants to know if you're Skippy or Jeff peanut butter. My brother. He doesn't give a shit. No, no part of it at all. That's ridiculous. Jeff likes the hydrogenated oils and the generic crafts. He loves the Reese's peanut butter.

I like the... I do like... Isn't it crazy that my brother-in-law does triathlons and he eats candy bars and peanut butter? He eats garbage all the time. He eats a bag of candy bars and then goes to work out.

That's what he told me. But he works out like a savage. That's really crazy. The organic peanut butter, the all-natural stuff. Between the peanut butters, I think it's Jeff, no question. Yeah.

It's got sugar added to it and it's got a bunch of hydrogenated oil. So it's got a better texture and a sweeter taste. If you're going to cook or bake desserts, the number one peanut butter for cooking hands down is Jeff. Whenever you're baking dessert with peanut butter,

it's going to hold up better. As far as first thing goes, it is definitely not the way you want to go. You want to go with the natural stuff. Let me ask you the next question. Between the shaky craft, the Parmesan cheese that we would have growing up

where you shake it on your spaghetti, or a fresh-shaved Parmesan, which do you prefer? Is that really a serious question? Yes. Oh my gosh, Tom, I'm very insulted by this. I don't want to argue because that's how I feel, too. You know who I feel otherwise?

Christina prefers the shaky cheese. You shouldn't be married anymore. Now, here's the last thing. Yes. So when Christina takes a dump, she goes straight from the toilet to the shower, no wiping.

That's also revolting because there's a big chunk stuck in there. I know. And then they fall into the shower. No wiping whatsoever. What if there has to be wiping at some point? No.

She takes a dump and just stands up and goes in the shower like that and has the shower clean. How do you get the residue? Do you do a detachable head that you can spray your ass? No.

I have lost all respect for Christina. I cannot put it away now. I mean, she just... She's probably like Greco, too. She loves her favorite, her favorite. How did she know? Isn't that crazy? She knew that.

She knows your type. Hey, first of all, I didn't authorize you to go ask Maria about Wipegate. We're getting everybody. I didn't really authorize that discussion. I'm a little embarrassed. Your family doesn't listen to this show.

Well, I mean, you know, they know how we are. Yeah, but I'm not sure I want all my in-laws knowing that I go brown to shower. We announced it to thousands and thousands of people. I mean, it could get back to them without me asking them directly. I guess, but listeners are our listeners. They get it.

They get the debate, but Maria and my in-laws... Well, I thought it was an interesting point to bring up. First of all, you're not being clear with my position. I've told you time and time again when I make a brown and I know it's so severe. If I know... For instance, the only time I go

shower, shit to shower is if there's nothing there and I know that it's pointless. It's like a... It's just like a clean five. It's a clean break. So there's no point. There's nothing on the paper, basically.

There's nothing on the paper. Yeah, but I know my movements. I know what I make. Well, because I'm so sick of being in here and now my in-laws are in on the debate. It's kind of unfair and you're not representing my case very clearly. Well, I thought it was pretty clear.

It's not. When I go shit to shower, it's because I know there's nothing on the toilet paper. There's no point. Now, the other times that I have, it's because it's an endless wipe and I feel like, oh, that was messy. That's the other end of it. And then I do like multiple wipes and then I realize the

futility and then I go to the shower. Guys, I mean, listen, if we're going to debate it, get your fucking facts right. Wow. I'm sick of being accused of things that I haven't done. Tommy and Christina come from the same breed. He's the same way.

No, I don't like Reggie. I mean, I'm not Tommy. I mean, Jeff and Christina. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. He loves Reggie. It tastes like, you know, childhood. Yeah. I know. I'm insulted. But she says she just bends over and lets the water cleaner. Babe.

It's so gross. I thought Jeff was bad just sitting on toilet paper and wiping his ass. That's pretty bad. I really think you need a wipe. Yeah. I think at least one or two just to check things out. I do sometimes. I know. Exactly. You've no idea what could be stuck in there.

What if you miss and there's like a little there's a little dangleberry in there and then you get in the shower and then a pop, a long couple of balls out. Well, I told her, I mean, if you're just going to do that, I'm sorry, taking dumps in the shower, you know. That's my point. My point. Exactly. Why don't you just sit in the shower? Very Indian of her.

Yeah. Well, we'll see. We'll see. That's so gross. Wait a minute. Are we learning something new on this show? What's that? That Indian people go shit in the shower? No. We've learned that my sister, Maria,

would say that if somebody were to shit in their shower, that that's Indian of them. We've learned that she's being accusatory. It's so ridiculous. Yeah, of course. Now, a very rare thing. It's only happened once or twice in 289 episodes.

I got Jane on the phone. Yeah. Yeah, that is where she never really comes on. Jane weighed in and also I didn't realize Jane has massive vocal fry. Check it out. Between

Jiffy Skippy peanut butter, which would you prefer? Jiffy. The Jiff, the Jiff one over Skippy, right? Hands down. Hands down. Thank you. Between craft shaky Parmesan cheese

or fresh shaved Parmesan cheese. Fresh shaved. No question, right? Yeah, no question. And do you think what do you think of taking a dump and going straight to the shower

with no wiping? I think it's disgusting. Christina does that. Every time she takes a dump. It's really gross. She shits and no wipe at all. You guys need to bleach your shower

every time she uses it. I mean, not even one wipe to check it out. She just shits. Yeah, that's really gross. And right there, washes her ass. No wiping. Ew.

Why? She said that to her it makes more sense. I told her she might as well just start taking dumps in the shower, you know? Oh my god, that's really bad. Because some people, they go waffle stomping, you know what that is?

No, it's that. That's when you shit in the shower and you just stomp the turd through the drain. It's called a waffle stomp. You just made that up. No, I swear. People do that? Some people do. I mean, I don't think the nicest people do that.

But, yeah, some people do. Well, I've never heard that. Yeah. So, but you do think it's revolting, right? Absolutely. Don't you think all I'm trying to get her to do is wipe once or twice before she showers?

And I do at times. I just would feel like so disgusting if I didn't. Like, I wouldn't feel right. But she says that the water just She didn't pop off the toilet until I had. Yeah, she says that the water just wipes it, washes it away.

Well, I mean, you should still clean more off before you get to the water. Yeah, I agree. The water is for like a deeper land. Exactly. But I go for the deeper cleanse. I shit, I wipe, but you hear that vocal fry too? Yeah. Did she just wake up

from a nap or something? I think so. Dude, I like to go for the deep clean. You know, I'm sick of being shamed for it, guys. I like to have a clean coulo. Here's what I respect the most about you is that you are standing your ground. Like, yeah, I'm going to change now. I'm 38.

And then the exactly the last step is that I shower, but Christina doesn't exactly. Yeah, she's, you know, she's a different breed. Her way is filthy. I mean, exactly filthy. Yeah, it's disgusting.

Thank you. That was, by the way. You're welcome. The big joy for me in this was to I love, you know, hearing them get upset all the women. Yeah. My mom, my sister. Thank you for telling my mother-in-law that I go shit to shower. Thank you.

That reaction, listen. Unbelievable. It's the highlight of 2015 without a doubt. Her reaction. I had nothing else to get that out of her. And when I had this ammo and I realized I could tell my mother and listen to her. Well, I heard you making the call.

I was in the other room and I heard my mother-in-law's voice going, ah, that's disgusting. And I came in here and you're recording the call and I'm mortified that you even what is wrong? What's wrong with you? Yeah, but I did not authorize you to tell my mother-in-law

that I about wipe gate. This is and now I'm going to have to hear this when I go home with you on holidays and stuff. It's going to be the best oh my god visit ever. No, because top dog is one thing because top dog gets it. But this is wrong with you

horrifying. Oh my god. With y'all. Crazy. Could you not tell my in-laws about my browning habits? I didn't realize this was off limits. I never thought of that. Oh my god. I never thought of that. You think if I would have known

that this wasn't not okay. I mean we had already told top dog we talked about it. I didn't know I couldn't tell. Yeah, but it's different. So I didn't know that. But now what are they going to do when I when I stay with you guys? They're going to be like Christina has to wipe. They're going to be like she's taking a shit. You better wipe in there. I'm going to

have to hear a lot of that. Just for a few years. Not a lot. I hope they forget by Christmas. Don't forget. I got Charles on the phone twice. Oh my god. Here's the first time. Okay. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. Between Skippy, Peanut Butter

and Jif, Peanut Butter, which do you like? You can which and which. Skippy and Jif. Oh, Jif. Yeah. What is the name of the peanut butter I like? The brand of the peanut butter I like.

Jif. Jif. Yeah. Okay. And then between the shaky Parmesan cheese the Kraft one or the fresh shaved Parmesan, which do you like?

I'll finish. Okay. And then what tell me what you think of this because I've had this conversation with Christina. So when Christina goes to the bathroom like goes kaka. Okay.

I need you to weigh in on this. So she goes kaka and then she gets up from the toilet and she takes a shower immediately without wiping even once. Ah.

I swear to god. I swear to god. I'm sorry. Can you please tell me why you think so? Because the only thing she can do when she's in the shower

is by taking her hand to the shower. Well, she says I have to go to the bathroom. Wait. She says that the shower pressure cleans it for her. Well, that's a personal opinion then.

You think it's disgusting? I think it's disgusting. I don't see the difference between doing what she does and just going kaka in the shower. I don't. What's wrong with you? I'm not saying

to do that. I'm saying I barely see the difference because she goes kaka and then she just gets up. She doesn't wipe one time and stands in the shower. So there's got to be kaka in the shower. So I'm saying

if you're going to do that you might as well shit in the shower. Okay, can I call you back? Can you just tell me what you think? Can you just tell me what you think? I think it's disgusting because I live in my life.

I am about to vomit because I sleep and I have to. I am sick of it. It still hurts so bad. You love upsetting your mom. I do. Actually, I had fantasies

earlier I thought about what if I told my mom about Wipegate and I got such excitement about upsetting her and knowing how hard I would laugh. Oh my god, that felt so good. It's the hardest I've laughed in a long time. Well, there was one other time.

There's one other incident in our home. What's the other one? Well, was it yesterday? The day before? You showed me a picture of a chunky girl with lipstick around her mouth

her makeup smeared and then on one breast it says hi mommy. On the other breast it says hi daddy and then it says I just took a shit scrolled on her chest and it looks like it's written in lipstick above her vagina.

If you can't see my husband he's doubled over and he's red and he can't breathe. He's laughing so hard right now and me just describing the funny, funny picture. Baby, it's not funny. It's degrading. She's being degraded.

We showed the picture today to our producer and he was laughing immediately and the guy's look was like he was horrified. He looked at you like you were sociopath and you are. It's not that funny. I mean, it's like

silly. You can't breathe. Baby, it's not normal. It's not normal. I mean, it's totally mean. Are you okay? What about that photograph? What do you like best about the photograph?

Explain yourself. I mean, there's a lot of funny stuff. Okay, first of all I'm waiting, I'm waiting. It's the fact that she's smiling like look what happened. Look what somebody did to me, victimize me. Go ahead.

But she seems to be like she doesn't seem reluctant to take the picture so it changes everything about the picture. It's not somebody who's like hiding or has a look of like oh my god she has a big deliberate smile so it's like

to me that that look on her face says she's okay with it. Then it's funny to me the choice of words that whoever wrote on her chest of all the things you can write wrote I just took a shit on her chest.

It's kind of funny and then hi mommy, hi daddy on her kits. The least funny one to me is my pussy stings. That one just is like whatever but the other stuff is really making me laugh and then there's lipstick outside of her mouth. It just looks crazy.

We'll post the picture and see how many people find it as hilarious and how about that. Oh my god. I've not laughed as hard in like back to back weeks. Jesus. Okay.

Now let's uh oh god. Switch camps. We're doing part two? Let me preface my camp because I heard you recording these calls. I was trying to take a nap in the next room and I heard you building your case

and I was going to ambush you. Yeah, that's kind of rude and I figured I would also get my side of the story and Yana, I have some more evidence to bring into court. Motion denied to bring in new evidence?

Yana, I do believe this evidence is pertinent to our discussion at hand. Motion granted. This is an email we got from a listener it says, hey mom just want to chime in on a date. I am a Muslim and an Islam

one must use water to clean oneself after brown and using paper is prohibited. I am in United States and my fellow countrymen find the use of water barbaric anyhow. Muslims have been using water for centuries.

Just FYI, huge fan. Oh my god, you guys are so disgusting. And he's right and I remember when I was in the Middle East they don't use toilet paper. They use their hands. After they brown they use your hand and water. So guess what guys, I side with a whole bunch of people

on this issue. How many Muslims are there in the world? 1.6 billion about. There you go. So I take part in the great tradition of Islam. Thank you. Insha'Allah. So who's up first? Sean or Julie? Why don't we start

with Julie? Julie, okay. Cousin Julie, here we go. Hey, how's it going? Good. Do you have a minute to answer some questions? Of course. Okay, thank you for doing this. It's a very important debate in our household

and my husband asked his family members and I don't think... There's a wipe gate? Interesting. Interesting. Well, that's part of it, but let's start off small and let's work our way up. So number one, for peanut butter,

Skippy or Jif? You know what? I've never had any of them. What? No, I've never. What did your parents feed you, foreigner? You didn't have peanut butter? I don't remember.

Let's see. I don't remember my mom getting any of those name brand peanut butters ever. Oh my God. You're the worst childhood. I mean, you never had peanut butter I'm sure. I think their mom was into super healthy stuff. So they had the nerd brand stuff.

The unfun peanut butter. But if you had to pick now, you've never had either? I don't think so. Oh my God. I don't know, maybe Skippy, I'm not sure. Yes, good answer. Okay, next. Craft shaky cheese,

comes in the green container or freshly shaved parmesan? Freshly shaved. Are we even related? Okay. And lastly, it's bullshit. Yes, wipe gate. What do you think of someone making a brown

and just going straight to the shower? Actually, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Personally, if it were me, I'd at least take a preliminary wipe. I'm not, like, grossed out or bothered that someone would do that.

Thank you. Thank you. That's because we're blood relations. Because did you know that in Islam it's totally normal to do that? They don't wipe with toilet paper? Yeah. Well, I have a bidet.

See? This is, like, just like having a bidet. Oh, you can, you need to set yours up. God damn it. I know. Sorry, sorry. Press pause. No, no. They gave us a bidet. And we just haven't had a moment, but it's, like, one that you can install in the toilet.

And that really would solve all of our wipe gate problems. Yeah. Anyway, well, that's the end of Julie. There's nothing else. No, there's more. Does she say more? Uh-huh. Thanks to you. I'm hoping eventually you'll resort to it. We will. Well, yes, you did get us a bidet.

If not, you can re-gift it to someone else and they'll probably get a kick at it. I know. Well, we appreciate the bidet. We have to install it. That'll solve all, I think that would solve all of wipe gate. It could, you know? All right, dude. Well, thank you for your opinion.

I appreciate it. Oh, no problem. Let's put the Parmesan. Wait, what? Let's put the Parmesan cheese. I prefer shaky cheese, because I'm a little more white trash than my husband. Well, it depends on what you're putting it on.

I mean, I prefer like the shaky cheese if it's like pizza and, you know, regular traditional spaghetti, but like on other stuff, like I do like the shaved Parmesan. What about tomato sauce? Ragu or fancy?

Phew, I hate ragu. Whatever. We're Prego household. Prego? Oh, that's it. That's the other one. It's Ragu or Prego. Okay. Yeah, Prego's delicious. All right. Well, thank you. I love you. Thanks for doing that.

I love you. All right, talk later. There you go. That's Julie. Prego's sweeter. That's definitely still white trash. Is it sweeter or is Ragu sweeter? No, no, no. Prego's sweeter. You sure about that? 100%. I bet my life on it. Okay. That's how I became a Ragu enthusiast.

Okay. Prego's like two process, in my opinion. Sean is up. Oh, this might be FF. Let's see what Sean is says. Yeah. Hello. Hey, buddy. Hey, bro. Can you hear me okay? Yes. Okay. Thanks for taking time.

I know you guys are about to eat your dinner, but I wanted to ask you... Oh, no problem. Thank you so much. I want to ask you some very important questions. We're taking a poll here at your mom's house. And... Is this about Life's Gate? They all know. I feel like it might be about Life's Gate. It might be, yeah.

But we'll... Listen, let's work our way up to Vive... I have a few more before Vive Gate, but yes, ultimately. So, okay. Number one, for peanut butter, is it Skippy or Jeff? I'm going to tell you I'm not a huge peanut butter fan. What's going on with the women in your life?

Yeah. It's so weird. What's going on with them? I don't know. Nobody just eats regular peanut butter anymore. There's too many selections. Ask Jimmy. Skippy or Jeff? Jimmy's a recipe. There you go, Jimmy.

There you go, Jimmy. That is retarded. Sometimes, Jimmy came through. Yeah, alright. That's retarded. So, for Parmesan cheese, is it Kraft Shaky Cheese or Fresh Grated?

Oh, I'm all about Fresh Grated, dude. Gratapadana. Whatever. I'm a snob. I love my Parmesan. Okay, what about spaghetti sauce? Is it Ragu or Prego?

Oh, shit. I don't know if I know the difference. I made it for Ragu, but I don't really know. Let me ask Jimmy again. Sorry. Ragu or Prego? Ragu. What did he say?

He said the goo. Of course, dude. Of course. Alright, so that's good. What if one were to go make a bowel movement and then just jump in the shower afterwards? Is that so wrong? Okay, I have some thoughts on this

and I was just discussing it with Jimmy also. His take, which I kind of tend to agree with, which is, you know, a quick exploratory wipe ahead of time. See, like, what's going on. That's all I'm talking about.

Yeah, I know guys, but I know my body and I know when there's nothing there. But the court is saying just give it one wipe. One wipe is all we want. That's what these crowds of people are saying. They're all rallying.

They're holding up their posters and they're saying just give us one. One wipe is all we want. That's all they're saying. Well, these people don't even like skippy or shaky cheese. Why would I listen to them? My first thought was like, if it's just like your everyday

what you're finding on the toilet paper I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal. But he made a good point, which is you might want to do a quick exploratory wipe, because what if there is more than that? I kind of tend to think like I would know if there was more than that.

You know. If it's like my everyday situation, I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal because I've been hearing you argue. Like, you're not an animal. There's not like a ton of poo. It's like, going to be going down the drain.

There's not going to be some chunks. It's just not a big deal. I agree. Thank you. Thank you for being the voice of reason. I appreciate that. That's what I think. I mean, if I was like having a fucking mud butt and like it was really bad and it was all over the place,

I mean, I would try to keep it under control before getting in the shower. I wouldn't try to. Obviously, you don't want like a bunch of feces on the toilet. I mean, on the bottom of the tub. If it's that explosive, I do the exploratory wipes. I do that. It's not always

shit to shower. It's sometimes, the cleanup is so extreme, I need to go into the shower. Yeah. I hear you, Doug. I hear you. This whole issue has been blown way out of proportion. You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree. I agree. It's very controversial and I get it.

Hold on. What was that? That was a dad button blow on Shana's phone. Shana did that? Oh my God. He's asking you, what's the question, Tom? Oh, come on. What do you think

about taking a dump in the shower, aka waffle stomping? I don't agree with that at all. I do not approve. I do not approve of that. Nobody's doing that here, Tom. I am not right there. He's saying I'm right there. It's so stupid.

It's so stupid. There's a fine line. I think there's a clear distinction between what you're doing. Thank you, Shana. I appreciate that. I got to tell you, I think Shana and Jimmy are more on my side than they are your side. What are you talking about? My best friend

just sided with me, dude. Your best friend said she's down with the One White Party. That's what they're saying. Everybody, and I don't always need one exploratory wipe. Thank you. That's all I have to say in this. I'm done talking about it.

Last call. Hey, so you were saying earlier, do you think that that's totally gross then? Totally. I have never heard anything more discussing than that. Great. It's my mother. I mean, it's nothing more discussed than that. Nothing.

My wife does that. I think the wife can give her some classes because she's doing it. I don't know what she's doing, but it's upside down. Jesus Christ. I'm going to fix it by burning

Kakka in the shower. Is that what you said? It's not that. I go, since she's already she's already showering Kakka off of herself. I told her.

I said, just start just start going Kakka in the shower. You know what? In the shower. You just eat there and be in the shower. Well, yeah, I mean,

I already. I mean, everybody is in the shower. No, I don't be in the shower. You don't be in the shower? I don't. I have a toilet.

But if you're in the shower and you have to pee, you don't pee? I don't have to pee because I just pee before I put the shower. Oh, okay. But don't you feel like here's what I'm saying, since she already she's going without

a wipe to the shower that she should just go Kakka in the shower? I I can't handle this conversation any longer. I'm trying to to sound funny by saying

even in the shower, anybody can possibly think about it. Dad, what do you think? Well, you know, I already told you what I thought about this. You know, I think that you know, I think that

I always clean up. I mean, I've been times when I had a little bit of a mess, but I always try to clean up at the toilet and just use your shower and take a little bit of water. Dad, I can't believe I'm sure she doesn't know that.

Now, I'm not making it up. I am not making it up. She's nearby. Want me to go get her? Yes. Okay. Let me go get her. Hold on. Okay. Okay.

Hey, here she is. Hi, guys. I'm mortified. I'm just I'm mortified that Tom shared this with you guys. I'm so embarrassed. I am mortified that you do it. You never, you never

you never went number one in the shower? No. I don't know if I did it with number one in the shower. Usually I take it to the bathroom before I take a shower. The whole idea of the shower is to clean myself. What do we discuss the same? Please.

You go and clean yourself after you poop. You wipe yourself in the shower. Well, here's the thing. What if you went caca and you wiped, but there's still brown hair and you kept away? I can see in that. But that's my problem.

But that's my problem. I keep wiping. I have both of the shower connected to the wall next to the toilet and then you shower yourself in the toilet. Because that is the way to discuss it. I cannot believe

having this conversation with my daughter-in-law. This is the only solution. You need a bigger bathroom, you know. No, you need to clean yourself. Well, it's the next point. If you had a bidet, you could. You could, you know. I know, but you can go both barrels

on the bidet and get both pots. I don't need it. I don't need it. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Dad. Dad. Dad.

Hey, bro. I feel like I'm cutting my hands now. It's so stupid. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Dad. Dad.

Dad. Do you still wear your dirty underwear to the gym? Like your shitty underwear that has kaka on it to the gym? I saw it. No, I really, you know. What is this?

When I get home, so... I have so many underwears now. I can't believe I have all my conversations with you, Tony. I have politics. I talk about the world. I talk about my kids. I have conversations with nothing but Georgia.

How do you like this? How do you feel it? How do you find it? Absolutely favorite with disgusting conversation. I don't belong in this country. I don't belong in this country. I am with this country.

But, mom, don't you think that if you already have someone to go work out in them? Absolutely not. What are you going to do? Well, sometimes I'll have underwear that I farted in a bunch and it has a little bit

of kaka on it. I'll save it as underwear to wear to the gym. Well, you know, that's kind of the environmentalist might do that because they're saving water. One less thing to watch. Exactly.

Actually, you take showers. Do you take showers? Do I take showers? Yeah. Not every day. I take a shower once every few days. That's a good job. When you're in my house, you take three showers a day.

Now you're lying. It depends on what I do. How can you take three showers in my house every two days a shower? Well, it's humid there. It's really humid in Florida, so I sweat a lot. No, I swear. I haven't showered today.

You take a shower every two days? No, I have not showered today. So I'll... You have no shower today, but the day is not over. So you can take a shower tonight, so you still will be showering. Yeah, but I'm not going to shower.

The two of you. If Christina puts in a shower and you don't take showers, the two of you need one screen in our works. Yeah, I mean, our idea of being clean is different, I think. What is the idea of being clean for you?

Well, like, we don't... We're not big fans of, like, the, you know, the mass-made deodorants. They have, like, aluminum in them, they're natural, we don't wear deodorant. And we don't use... Like, I stopped using regular toothpaste,

so... So, I'm a big believer in chemicals. If you know, for example, I told you that after a reason, I don't like organic peaches. This was so fun to do. The whole idea was just to be more and more disgusting.

To agitate, yeah. So, you know, we don't use deodorant to wash our teeth and shower and use... Well, clearly, we had a deodorant discussion. Yeah. But... We're not hippies. Well, pesticides kill all the germs.

And, you know, after a while, your body, like mine, did use the pesticides and organic chemicals and aluminum. So, I'm... I actually operate... You know, I kind of have withdrawal of that natural stuff.

Yeah. Well, you try to be like, don't shower, don't use toothpaste. No, I just... I use lots of toothpaste and... Do you still... Dad, do you still wipe your...

Do you still wipe your ass with chemicals, like countertop wipes? He uses... Countertop wipes. Countertop wipes, dude. No, I'm serious. No, I'm serious. Mom, he uses that.

He uses... No, I didn't say that he's not clean. I'm saying he uses industrial strength wiping stuff. Have you been... Dad, have you been drinking your water? Good job on the water.

Okay. He's a typical dad in that he doesn't believe in drinking water. Dad's never drink water. That was so fucking fun to do. How much do you love torturing Charo? It's the most fun thing in the world. When I see the problem, sometimes when I call her,

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menu you let them know that YMH podcast sent you. Thank you, Satva. Thank you, Satva. James, you want to talk about how this song came about that we did together? Yeah.

Well, it was in Virginia Beach. I believe about over a little month, a month ago. And we woke up and I was making coffee for us and we started singing Miami Sound Machine.

You're familiar with that. We love that song. If you wanna do the conga Yeah. And our mornings are usually full of farts. We wake up and there's a fart medley between Tom

and I and we have a good laugh. And somehow it came up the idea of wouldn't it be neat to be able to fart the conga? Wouldn't that be really funny? Yeah. And lo and behold, the vision came

to life. It took a lot of planning. Yeah. Do you remember how I lit up when we started talking about it? Yeah. And then you were like, Tom, you have the farts. You've got all the talent. You've got all the ingredients to fart the conga. It's really up

to you whether you're ready to harness that power to create something special. Yeah. Let's see if I did. Don't you get the idea? Wow.

I feel like Quincy Jones directing Michael Jackson coming up with Thriller. Yeah. It felt like that. I've never been so proud of a piece of music that, you know, that I've been a part of.

You know, we've each created songs. Well, this has been literally weeks in the making. We'd be in the car in the morning driving and just really thinking of

how to how to collect the fart sounds, how to create the fart sounds, where to put them in. What's the aesthetic for the Miami Fart Machine? Right. So the Miami Fart Machine is the name of the group. And then here's what happened next.

When I finally was able to put this together, I played it for Christina. And she was like, just great. Yeah, this is great. This is great. We need to do something with this. You can't sit on this. So immediately we reached out to Gloria Stephans

people, her manager, who's actually her husband, Emilio. And there were a lot of phone calls. Oh, it took forever. Exchange where messages left and then we didn't want to give away like here's the track. We just said that, you know, we're artists, you know,

we respect Gloria a lot and we had an idea that we wanted to share with her. Well, maybe we could collaborate with Gloria and re-record Konga with like a contemporary twist. A new flair, yeah. To kind of bring

it into this new generation. Then after about 25 phone calls God. Today we got to speak to Gloria Stephan and I think she's pretty excited. It's so major. Like, first of all, I mean, the work

leading up to being able to actually speak with Gloria was astounding. And then to get her on the phone I was like, I try not to dork out too hard. I mean, you were excited too, right? Oh my god. Yeah, I was so excited. It was kind of nerve wracking and

I just I didn't even know how to really explain it to her because it's such a unique idea. Yeah. Well, here let's why don't we just play the call. Okay. It's pretty cool. I can't believe we talked to her. I cannot believe this happened. Hello? Hello?

Hi. Hi. This is Gloria Stephan. Hi. How are you? Oh, hi. Hi, Christina Tom. I've heard about your show, Your Mama's Place. My husband loves it. And I heard

you left me a message. You have some great ideas apparently. And I'd love to hear them. Oh my god. We're so excited to have this opportunity. So thank you first of all for taking the call. We've both grown up loving your music.

Yeah, we're huge fans. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, so we just wanted to bring you an idea. Tom and I are huge fans of your work, especially the Song Konga. And my husband

is one of my favorites. That's one of my favorites. And I created that one by dancing in my bathtub. Really? That's the story behind it? Yes.

You were dancing in your bathtub? And there was a little bit of bubbles. Oh my god. Yeah, that's one of those songs that doesn't matter what's going on anywhere. It just feels happy. I still dance

and throw parties. And Konga is always on the playlist. Thank you so much. Everyone wants to dance to it every time they hear it. I know that happens every day probably. Yeah. It's a timeless classic.

The thing is we love the song so much. My husband's also Latin. His last name is Segura. Oh, that's great. You're one of us. Yeah, exactly. My family's from Peru.

Oh, that's wonderful. Yeah. And my husband spent a lot of summers there learning to perfect his Spanish and hanging out with his family. And along the way he met some what are they called?

Some of the people, the Andean native people in Quechua, they're basically descendants of the Incas in Ayacucho and Ollantaytambo. And I learned

the brown flute and some of the native really thousand-year-old instruments. Yeah. And my husband basically, Tom has spent the last, I would say 17 years perfecting this technique on the brown flute.

And we've put together a demo. I don't, I mean, I don't, if you're open to it, if you could just give it a listen and kind of see if it's something you might be interested in partnering with us. Because we love the conga, but we feel like it needs to be brought

to this generation. Yeah. I absolutely agree. And I'm so excited. I'm very excited to hear what you have. Oh, that's so cool. You know, it's like we're fans

and I know that you have fans of all ages and so many of them, but we feel like, you know, some of the younger people may be not familiar and that maybe this could help reintroduce some of your music to them. So, I'd appreciate that because

I agree. I don't think a lot of kids today know who I even am. And I, you know, I go to Red and a little five-year-old says, excuse me, and I say, no, excuse you.

Do you know who I am? And he said, no. Yeah, they should know. All ages should know. So, if you don't mind, I can play you like a little sample right here of the song. Yes, please, please do.

Great, great. Just one moment. Here we go. Let's go. Music So, uh, I think Wow, uh, you know, I That that was it was interesting that was

You know, maybe you should just email it to me and you know, I could I could I'll send it back to I'll send it to my people and see what they think Okay, that's okay. Well, that's exciting and also just so you know Like we envision this as a live performance like Tom's gonna come out And he'll have an entourage of like different Latin men who can also play the brown flute in the similar way And he likes to you know, you come out you play the drums there and the brown flute you dance And this we're thinking that Tom maybe could open for you Yeah, I mean and not only that I mean I say we launch in Miami and then world tour

And then world tour, you know, like we could just because I can learn some of the other songs like I've perfected the conga like you heard But you know, I could learn some of the other songs and this could be world tour. I think you know Yeah, I I think I think so I think maybe Wow, wow, maybe I'm gonna go on tour with Gloria I just you know, it would have to run it by My husband and other producers and see yeah, of course, you know, so But thank you. Thank you so much for sharing what you have and And for having me on your mama's place, so

We're honored to have you. Thank you so honored. Thank you so much Gloria We'll get in touch with you. I'll have my management follow up with you sometime next you know No, that's not that's not Don't worry. I will I'll contact you that if that's okay. Yeah, you have our number, right? You have the numbers in the email. I do I do. Yes. This is awesome. Yeah Well, thank you so much Gloria for giving us your time. We know you're very busy I am of course sure sure. Okay. All right. Thanks, Gloria Thank you have

Have a good day Thanks Wow, that's so cool, you know, it's so great listening to that again like she's She's a huge star, but how did you get the farts to line up when you go? That's like a lot of practice It goes But you line it up. Yeah, it's a lot of practice. Wow The the rest of the song because I did that there like to show her that I could match the horns

Yeah, I went freestyle like the rest of the song is kind of The rhythm Oh Wow It's all I mean all different stuff, you know, well, she seemed like it. Yeah, I think it's like a new enough idea You know where it's like it's so unorthodox, but it could like it really change things, you know It's gonna is totally gonna change and the live show of this. Oh my god crazy. I could see when it's like a tuxedo Yeah, and there's like I don't know

Maybe it's like 15 like other players with me and they all have their own mics and they're on you know, I mean they can All fart the conga. Yeah My me farm machines gonna be a big deal. I Love Miami for my picture like I want ruffled. Yeah shirt. Yes. I see a purple like a purple suit Maybe the the pants go halfway up the legs ruffled You know around the wrists too. Mm-hmm and maybe like a like a little side hat

Mm-hmm, and maybe I guess the the back of the pants is open, you know, yeah Oh, well, it's gotta be yeah, it's gotta let the instrument kind of your instrument your brown flute go Yeah Well, I hope I hope she does get back to us What we're gonna well that is that we got glorious it's kind of crazy actually Do you even have glorious stuff on on your mom's house? She called it your mom's place? I know she doesn't know she's a foreigner, but that's pretty crazy, right? I mean who the hell gets glorious stuff on on their show fucking hit makers

I It's pretty cool. It's amazing. Yeah, it's my proudest moment for your mom's house here. It's pretty great Guys, thank you for listening. Please Cincinnati come out this weekend see Christina and then the live podcast on Sunday at go bananas and next Tuesday, please if you're in LA Pasadena ice house big show for me rest of the week Denver and then Salt Lake City jeans is or anything you got no jeans just thanks for listening and Yeah, I purposely put this at the end of the show. So you can't get mad at me for this, but

You can turn it off if you're if you're not into it. You can turn it off now shows over for the lovers and not the haters Here's a Shane Lee song to take you out. It's pretty awesome. So I hope you I hope you give them a chance Enjoy. Bye everybody. My jeans Yeah, this out in the dedicated all the teachers that told me I never am out to much and talk to people that live That I was hustling in front of that call the police on me when I was just trying to make some money to feed my daughter Niggas in the struggle, you know what I'm saying, uh-huh

It's all good. They will be It was all a dream. I used to read for another magazine talking about that every day up in the limousine Hey, you're busy on my wall and remember Saturday rap attack. Mr. Magic model mall I live my take brock to my take drop pop Look at we the man with a simple dollar proud to stop way back when I had to bear the flag Well, I'm Jack with a hat man. We were up in Duke the hard You never saw that your husband taking this far now I'm in the lounge like cuz I ride tight time to be get paid blow up like the world trade

Born sinners opposite of the winner remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner piece to run jeep Bruce and be Kid Capri fault master play love the star scheme. I'm going up like I thought would call the crib Same number same hood. It's all good. Uh, and if you don't know now, you know Niggas I Made the change from a common seat to a person or a person or a property and I'm far from cheap With my feet all day spreading out the smoothing way the merit and the alleys

You've been busy girls won't miss me now. They write letters cause they miss me I never thought it could happen this rapping stuff. I was too used to packing gas and stuff Now her honey's play me close like mother play Toes from the Mississippi down to the east coast condos and Queens Indo for wheat sold out seats to here biggest malls feet living life without fear putting five carrots in my baby girls here lunch brunches interviews by the pool Consider the fool cause I dropped out of high school stereotypes of a black man misunderstood And it's still all good. Oh

And if you don't know now, you know nigga, you know, you're very well You know Oh So for Nintendo What I was for that broke man, I couldn't get to this 50 inch screen money free Let us suffer got two rides. Oh, the proceed with the chauffeur Phone bill about two g's flat No need to worry my accountant handles that and my whole crew is just lounging

Celebrating every day no more public house taking back on my one room shack now my mom's pimps and act with memes on her back And she loves to show me off of course smiles every time my face is up on In the soul we used to file some wins the landlord just No, he wonder why Christmas. Mr. Birthday was the worst day Now we're simple champagne with a stay Damn right. I like the life I

live because I went from negative to positive and that's all You know very well Where you are Don't let him hold you down Reach for the stars You had to go But not that minute

Cause you're the only one I'll give you good and blue day You know very well Where you are Don't let him hold you down Reach for the stars You had to go But not that minute

Cause you're the only one I'll give you good and blue day You're so sad You're sad You Hi, and that's how you work on wrapping would be