Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 297-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to your mom's house, welcome to your mom's house, welcome to your mom's house, welcome to your mom's house Pull him up tight, pull him up tight Welcome to your mom's house, your host's Tom Segorong, Christina Bozinski I pull up your jeans, boy, pull them up tight, put your hat up his shit, I live your whole life blind Next stop, round talk, you better wipe down, don't hesitate to listen to their mommies with the crown Oh wipe down, or is it a wipe up, oh my god, seriously, build a rap, a sailor shot Oh yeah, and that's gooder than a bitch, I be flossin' my team, 28 inch rim My team feet off each other man, honky ass white, who just thought it was a deal man, all I know is bikes

Starting point is 00:01:10 Hey buddy, guess who it is, man, it be top dog, spread the knowledge all about the shits Mammy T and mammy C, flexin' all the good as guests, watchin' clips and talkin' shit, the mammy is the best But I want to say this once before the show man, mammy's for life, fuck bein' a bruh, yo Oh Plum I missed that song, that's an old school jam That's an old song, no, it's a couple years, right? That's from the old house

Starting point is 00:01:51 Is it? I think so, yeah These guys are good, yeah, you're right Long time 2013 Feels like an eternity ago, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah That's when we were fartin' in the old place

Starting point is 00:02:07 Jeans, we have, let's see, your smurf day's coming up You just did a Steven Seagal right there I know, I did, Steven Seagal I don't, I think you're make Brrr Seagal Can I plug my date since I'm there right now? That's what I'm saying

Starting point is 00:02:43 Your smurf day is landing on a week that you're doing shows In Mamber The great city of Mamber, Colorado That's not how they say it They say Colorado Colorado That's how the locals, you sound real weird if you don't say Colorado Colorado, do you think it's gonna be snowing there still when I get there?

Starting point is 00:03:03 Probably, it's June, usually snow is there Yeah, you never know You could go snowboarding I'm so good at it Are you better skier than snowboarder? No, I'm a better snowboarder than skier for sure Have you really skied in your life ever? I've skied and snowboarded, yeah

Starting point is 00:03:19 I cannot see you on skis Yeah, I suck at it, and I'm not great at snowboarding, but I'm much better at it Because you can just, you know, kind of find a little rhythm on a snowboard Just don't stand up straight like an asshole, you know, squat a little bit It's just like, you know, skateboarding But you're on the snow, it's easier, way easier than skateboarding And do you scare the other skiers, because they're like, there's a bear on skis Okay, so

Starting point is 00:03:43 It's crazy, coinciding with your 58th birthday, you're gonna be at the Denver Improv June 18th, June 19th, June 20th, and June 21st Thank you for saying it correctly Go see the jeans machine, she needs you in Denver I know you're gonna be like, why aren't you downtown? People always want you to be where they want you to be But just make a little bit of a trek Go see her at the Denver Improv

Starting point is 00:04:15 That should be the name of your next tour People always want me to be where they want me to be Why aren't you in this place? Why aren't you where I want you? Yeah, pretty soon it's all gonna be done with holographs We're gonna have a holograph perform in our place and we can go anywhere Yep Jeans next week, the week after we get together

Starting point is 00:04:41 And we go to Pittsburgh, and we're doing the big Yes, we're going to Pittsburgh for the big DVE showdown You and me, Michael Che, and Jim Norton All on the same show, the DVE comedy spectacular on ice It's one night only, it's June 26th So Friday in the Berg, holler, get your tickets, let's do this Next, the very next day, I'm in Chicago Park West is sold out

Starting point is 00:05:18 Sold out Chicago, thank you so much for getting your tickets to that And the very next day, June 28th, I'm in Pontiac, Michigan And I got the report today that there are less than 100 tickets remaining So, a ticket, please Come to my show Please come to the show Your French is impeccable

Starting point is 00:05:55 I started taking French lessons online You're really good, when did you study in school, Spanish? Yeah, then I took French afterwards because I graduated from the AP courses as a sophomore So they were like, you're smarter than everybody I doubt that And then Jeans and I, we have a lot of fun shows coming up We're going to go to Montreal, where they speak impeccable French For the festival in July

Starting point is 00:06:22 I also added some dates If you want to see the God, he's going to be all over this great nation In July, New Brunswick, New Jersey, Fartford Brooklyn has less than 50 tickets remaining For July 17th show Boston at the Wilbur, July 18th, I haven't gotten that report yet But that's going to be one show at the Wilbur And, you know, the hits keep coming

Starting point is 00:06:49 So there's a bunch of tickets on sale For me, TomSugarer.com Go to the shows page Christina is at 1000 Ranch.com And as always, your mom's house podcast.com Gets down and gets busy We're going to do another live podcast But it's not for a while, it's here in Pasadena

Starting point is 00:07:08 But we're also doing one in Montreal So you can see the live show in Montreal That reminds me, we got to get that day squared away for our next Pasadena We got the date Well, we did Yeah, we got the date I was going to ask you in the night I don't know

Starting point is 00:07:27 Are you ready to start the show? Yeah, let's do it, man I'm stoked Stoked too Bros Bros are stoked Jeans are stoked Farts are stoked

Starting point is 00:07:35 Yup Oh Yup Oh Alright, we're going to talk Tuesday I'm going to say this shit again Because people are not hearing me Lesbians eat pussy

Starting point is 00:07:46 Okay, that's what we fucking do Okay, that's what we do We indulge in the pussy Lesbians love pussy more than niggas do You feel me? Face all in that bitch So if you around, you talking about Oh, I don't eat pussy

Starting point is 00:07:58 Bitch, you not gay You're not a lesbian I mean, touch me, I don't understand But that's your business I'm not worried about that right now If you call yourself a lesbian You eat the pussy Right?

Starting point is 00:08:12 Yeah This shit is big time Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this Your mom in the fucking stand Welcome Welcome to your mom's house With Tom Segura

Starting point is 00:08:25 Tom Segura And Christina Pazitzi Christina Pazitzi Welcome to your mom's house What do you think? I love these one-sided debates on YouTube Where people are really fired up Like, apparently there's a huge problem

Starting point is 00:09:03 In this woman's world Where people are doubting whether or not Lesbians, real lesbians eat pussy or not I love that she's so good She's so good She's so good She's so good She's so good

Starting point is 00:09:14 She's so good She's so good She's so good She's so good She's so good She's so good She's so good She's so stupid

Starting point is 00:09:22 She's just stubborn She's just She's so open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open open reop lithium On finger On finger Æ Æ

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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 297-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

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