Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 299-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 1, 2015

Pull those jeans up, but leave those condoms at home! We party around here! Congrats to those same-sex jeans that want to wear rings too. IT'S ABOUT F*****G TIME!! We get into it with some help from a really neat guy who throws adventurous birthday parties. Plus, what language do you hate hearing the most? Middle eastern in origin? Asian? Latin? We'll explore.  You thought you'd heard everthing from the sweet Thai lady who explored with Two Gentlemen, but she's got more to say and it is AMAZE. We find out who Calvin is and have a new song that we're sure you'll hate. 

This is like summer denim oh there's some summer denim coming up you don't even know about it I feel like I'm wearing cut off jean shorts but they're so frayed and short they're cutting up my butt cheeks very interesting yeah what are you wearing did you just eye roll me I gave you a double Jane for what just for fun that was rude what are your summer jeans like my summer jeans are actually they they're cut into bikini bottoms they're made of denim denim bikini yeah they feel real nice nuts are all squished up check it out jeans we are we're hitting the road pretty soon here

let me tell you I got some advanced ticket information new Brunswick New Jersey July 15th is moving along nicely you're in that area please come and see me believe that's a Wednesday night Hartford Hartford Connecticut thank you please let them know where you're at Brooklyn Hartford Hartford's on the 16th of July the next night Brooklyn New York is sold out at the Bell House it's been sold that's done been sold out so that's that Boston has less than a hundred tickets available that's for Saturday July 18th at the Wilbur Theatre please come and see me then we are in mom Trial Canada wearing our French

Canadian jeans and we have shows all week all kinds of stand-up shows and we're also doing a live episode of your mom's house in the Hyatt there so if you are around and you want to see a live podcast scoop those tickets up now I believe that podcast is going to be on Tuesday Montreux lejeans yeah I think that's the 22nd go to Tom cigarette outcome I know I have that ticket for sale there the following week I'm going on a little run before I shoot my special on the 4th of August San Francisco at Cobbs there are about a hundred tickets left so if you want to see that man fran disco at Cox comedy

club and then the same goes for the next night at the punchline in Sacramento I had to move my Eugene date we're working on trying to find a new date for the six because that's the day before we tape in Seattle and they don't like you to travel the day of the taping so I have to move that my apologies to anybody that had a Eugene Oregon ticket you'll get a full refund and I will make it up I'm gonna come to Oregon and do that I am coming to Oregon and later in the month for Portland but Seattle I believe right now you can only get tickets to the early show the 7 o'clock it's really important that I have people there so

please please get those tickets if you're in Seattle you don't already have tickets and I mentioned before if you bought tickets to the 9 o'clock show that show is now at 9 30 they just pushed it a little bit cuz we're taping what's what is that you know what isn't it what isn't the puppy putting in his mouth sounds like it's no it sounds like it's your phone I'm saying no it's a bottle cap that he's chewing on it's not me see now she's gonna choke on that Jesus Christ this fucking dog this fucking dog anyways that's that so huge thanks to everybody that came to the shows in Titsburg that Christina and I

did together with Jim Norton Michael Che and all the the DBE crowd there that was a crazy fucking so much fun and also I cannot thank enough the people of Chicago and the twa and Pontiac for Saturday and Sunday in those two great cities I had such a good time it was so crazy man doubt those denims out there are different they were wearing their jeans up over their fucking like their necks couldn't even walk in the place people were like getting wheeled into it you know oh my god yeah really crazy denim so I I just I share and shower you with my gratitude and you're calm and okay

let's start this party and I'll say you know right before we start that my shoe we should acknowledge you know it's really great that there's no there's a quality for all now in in marriage with this this country finally wait a minute modernized wait what are you saying that that anyone can get married gay people can get married now are you kidding me you know the Supreme Court made it a federal law god didn't like gay people yeah marrying each other or dogs yeah yeah what's next we want to marry Betsy yes I do actually I'm just that's awesome it is pretty awesome so we just want to acknowledge that and then let's

start the show man you know I'm saying do you think our dog cannot chew that paper right now look there's no standard fuck party that we generally hold here once a month I mean the rules basically have always been no drugs no attitude no condoms no clothing we do allow condoms now if guys want to use them we have no problem but a hundred guys hundred and twenty guys at the party will find two or three condoms the next morning on the floor that's it don't bring anyone loving to this welcome to your mom's house with Tom Ran

Christina I Just decided to hold her in my lap because otherwise she's a destroyer she destroys everything It's like she just she's a heat-seeking missile for what you don't want to happen. She's like, can I can I ruin your day here? Can I ruin your day? Can I chew that document? Yeah Well, I mean, I think we're I think we're doing the right thing which is we're celebrating the fact that you know Love does win fair is fair and this is a I mean you have to be a mentally ill person

to think that Somebody's not Entitled to get married or Republican or like hardcore right wing which they're still so upset about well Republican I think a lot of Republicans actually Feel like gay marriage is okay. Well, there's a lot that don't well. No Can I finish the sentence? Yeah, is that you're you can't just generalize the party like that. I think it's more like It's it's the far right. It's like tea party stuff

It's it's not just there's a I mean There's a lot a lot of Republican people that I think are they know that that issue is Ridiculous to to define a party and to You know, but that's what I meant to far right. Well, yeah, I know you super right. Yeah lunatics Yeah, I think they scream and then now it's nice. You have gay people that are like, thank you, sir They can get married, you know, it's yeah. Thank you Husband sir. Yeah, whatever they want to call each other Sire, it's crazy. I this is going it's going to be looked at like in

Whatever 30 40 years, you know, maybe less as like what like people would be like why why couldn't you get married? I was watching a documentary on the 60s black and I'm gay. Yeah I was watching a documentary on the 60s last night about the women's movement and the civil rights movement That wasn't that long ago. You're like, wow, that was in the 60s like women couldn't open bank accounts Without their husbands for that I understand That makes sense me too, let's reverse it. I know because not all broads can really you know, right but like as far as a Somebody who's gay or you know lesbian man woman's being not being able just to marry who they want to be with How's that even though? Let's just let them have a good time. Let's them do what they want

You know That's pretty nuts. Could you imagine though being with somebody for like 20 years and the government and the country you live in That's what's crazy. No, your love doesn't count no matter how conservative you are It has nothing to do with like your conservative point of view. It really doesn't it has nothing It's two people that are just they want to be together. What the fuck does it? It doesn't matter to you. It's so crazy that somebody would be like, but that's the thing That's the argument point for me is is two people's existence together is where I want to step in and it has nothing to do with you There was a some Texas congresswoman some right-winger whose name I can't remember and

They're just being interviewed and the interviewer asked her if she's going to acknowledge the Supreme Court decision For gay marriage and all she said was well, I mean think about it. Can a man's parts fit into another man's parts No, that's into a woman's parts. So okay, I think I did not pull that audio because it was on stern I didn't want to take the the clip, but it was so ridiculous like her whole argument It was so ludicrous like but yeah, but penis is fit in women's buttholes. Well, also man's parts They do fit in other men's parts. Yeah, they fit in buttholes. Yeah, and mouths. You just got to push harder in the bottle That's all. Yeah, it's just a matter of relaxing and coaxing it in there Yeah, and you can also fuck their fat rolls and like elbows

It's yeah, there's so many places to back of the knee all that stuff but cheeks even you can just lube that up That's true. Yeah, there's so many places. I look these guys know how to fuck Our standard fuck party that we generally hold here once a month. I mean the rules basically have always been no drugs No attitude no condoms no clothing We do allow condoms now if guys want to use them. We have no problem, but 100 guys 120 guys at the party will find two or three condoms the next morning on the floor. That's it Well, do you want to see the new equipment and stuff we've got? Yeah Just a

Like a whole grounds, you know like in a state of fucking it's just Where is this is this in California doesn't say where it is right now? I mean the guy given the tour is shirtless. He's got a nipple ring He's very business oriented to course, but I love the rules are like no drugs no drugs. No attitude attitude No clothing No condoms There's only this thing on no condom two or three on the floor. Yeah, but no attitude, huh? And having sex outdoors

Now they're in the dungeon Fuck you you understand that I think so you get on your knees and get fucked from behind on it Yeah, I like it. Yeah Sorry, I'm confused. Where do the fisting guys hang out? They stand basically against the east wall There's nothing really about that. I just there's nothing giving you that like people over here do this Gotcha people over there do that. Yep one dog goes this way when dog is that way dogs are you know guys like what do you want from me? I've been in the hospital three times whenever we spoke since then I've been in the hospital twice Parties are very popular and there's no judgments made one way the other about the type of sex that

The guys are gonna have and bill will will say that bear back. I didn't have anything to do with it However, I some somewhat disagree But the action is pretty hot and heavy here and it starts just almost immediately, you know, let's still do it It's my choice. I enjoy it. This guy's like defending his decision to use condoms. I think Like I think I think what he's saying is like bill who's the older guy We were talking is saying like, you know bear back is where it's at Yeah, and the other guy's like but I keep getting sick and he's like it's not from me. I Mean if you want to be all

Alive and shit. Yeah. Yeah quit being a faggot Well, you know Good for them. I I do envy the ease of Sexual access. I mean gosh, what a cool scene, right? Yeah, you just show up and like well fisting's over here Fuckin's over there Fucking and fucking bro. You know, I don't like to use a condom There are a lot of dangers to bear back I don't play at the parties as much as I used to

Because I do tend to get get sick easier than most people And some of the diseases I have like I said, they don't know what they are. Oh dear Whoa, yeah, that's a good reason to maybe use it. Yeah, that's a lot Man the party tonight is a birthday party for one of the guys That's also one of our models. He's been in several of our videos That's an that's a really cool birthday party. Yeah, I mean if you're into this, what's a better birthday party? Just you and like a hundred strangers fucking fisting each other. Yeah, I keep forgetting the fisting bear back He's great and

We're gonna set this room up so that it's he can film it he wants us to shoot his his birthday party and He's gonna be here in this the sling and guys will just come in and have sex with him That's really cool. Happy birthday. I mean, I never had a birthday like that Me neither. I wish I did back in the day Why was that not we could still do it? I could still set it up where I put you in a sling and have like 200 guys right no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want to I Want to switch some things up a little though for my party. Wait a minute. Why?

Well, no, I just I'm saying for my party. Mm-hmm. I'd like it to be you know, like maybe hundred girls Okay, but let's kind of defeats the purpose in the fun of no, no It's still for the dungeon party that we're gonna know we can do it in the same place same rules No drugs no attitude. No condo attitude. No. Yeah. Come on. I'm sure how many women do you think will show up for your party? Easily a couple hundred. Hey, we had all those all those ladies Remember? Oh, yeah, it was mostly men as I recall. I recall meeting a few ladies lots of dudes a couple ladies One in Nashville one in Asheville who both came with their significant others to and and their significant others were well One was like, what did you say and the other one was like? Yeah, she will

All they required was a shower Here's your kind of bare minimum lane though. Fuck my stoma. Okay. There's another place that a guy can stick his dick We don't think that is another hole. There's so many holes Do you think people in the south are losing their minds over this gay marriage thing? I don't think I mean I don't think you can just say the south. I mean, I think I can I can generalize you think the whole south is all of it Yeah, no, I don't think so. You know what I'm saying like people in the south No, that's the Confederate flaggy types. Well, yeah But again, I don't generalize the whole south. No, there are some normal places small pockets of normalcy and rational behavior

But you know, yeah, there's a lot of people that are not pleased But I don't think all Southerners, I think of course I think the like one or two normal I think the southern Baptist and the yeah, I think those southern. They're not really pleased by this. Yeah Yeah, I think the governor of Texas was the one a guy and you're talking about somebody in Texas earlier That he was like, we're gonna we're gonna get this right like we're gonna Plan I forget he wanted some type of appeal or injunction. That's what I'm do you think there's gonna be a lot of that There's a lot of talk of that but not so crazy. It's not this it's I'm sure it's exactly like when they were like We're gonna desegregate these schools. Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait a minute. Hold on a second

You all are just talking crazy talk right now the same fountain. Yeah What's next we want to share toilet seats and buses and I found out when I I don't think it was when I was in schools when I left high school That I went to a private high school that it was built the year that schools were desegregated in Florida That's kind of neat, right? That is neat. Yeah, so basically they're like look they're coming. They're like, we'll just build a place Yeah, like a fortress. Yeah, and you know when do you know when they were desegregated in Florida at least in this county? No, 72. Okay. That's not that. Yeah. I thought it was gonna be like, oh, this school was built in the 50s And they were like no school was built in like 72

Yeah, it's nothing. What? That's so it's not I was born in 76. It's not that crazy. Some people don't see I don't see how they don't see the parallels between like black solo rights and Gay rights. Yeah, like I get that they're like, it's not exactly the same thing, but there's a lot of parallels to the two movements Yeah, man, it's so bizarre. Who gives a shit. Why does anybody care about other people merit getting married? I don't know what anybody gives it what I'm saying shit about that. Why it doesn't affect fucking cares Yeah, like oh the moral fabric of America's disintegrating. Yeah, let them let people do what they want They also said that when birth control pills came out in the 1960s in this documentary I was watching

the pill came out and a lot of those conservatives were like, what? Now women can act like prostitutes like there was a huge backlash to again. That's probably that's actually a legit It's just yeah, look at all these sluts running around now, which is a problem They're beavers hanging out. They got nothing to do, but they can come to my birthday party that we're about to have Let's go back to that fuck Here this is gonna be his birthday present, I guess they'll just kind of open these drapes and unwrap their press it feels so Like kind of dark and right right like the kind of the tone of the music is like slightly

This is scary Well, yeah, I mean they're saying it's the birthday party, but it sounds like like Dungeon Yeah, sex. Yeah. Yeah, you know different and same strokes for same folks. It's my brother always says same strokes same folks It's gonna be a wild time I didn't see it's a small room So we're not gonna be able to get the probably 12 people in here at the time. Well And I will be 28 on the 7th The craziest part of this whole fuck party thing is definitely the no condoms

Yeah, where it's like a hundred people line up and they're like just go for it Wait, so this boy on his birthday. He's only 28. Are these people. Do you think that he knows we're gonna a hundred and twenty? I don't know Facebook friends and Twitter followers. Yeah, they didn't get into that Mike. Here's the guess. No, I Think it's just it's what it is is it's other guys that go to fuck parties. That's who it's gonna be. Okay. I don't think it's all friends. No So it's so it's so foreign to me. Mm-hmm Just having only a hundred dudes drop loads in you so crazy. It's not that foreign to you You went to the University of San Francisco. Yeah back when it was fun like this. Yeah, exactly San Francisco Now it's full of nerds University of San Francisco a lot of people even know but their

school song is Dude when I went to college there in the 90s, it was super crazy like that there were just gay dudes everywhere Doing crazy stuff fucking each other in the streets now. It's just it's all yuppies like us It's all like 40 year old people going to Whole Foods. Whoa. I mean 39. Sorry. You're 47. Yeah I'm I'm a few years behind you. Not many three. Okay, so you'll be in your 40s before I turn 40 Think about that big deal. How old are you now? Think about that for a second. You'll be 40 Then you'll be 41 duh, then you'll be 42. Yeah, and then when you're about to turn 43, I'll turn 40 That's crazy. It's gonna be years of you in your 40. That's how it was. I wouldn't be able to relate to what you're going through

That's how it was when I turned 30 remember you were still like yeah, I was still like 15 I was like, oh my gosh, it's so weird. Oh, what's gonna happen? What's gonna happen this year, I don't even know so young at night. So yeah I'm not worried right now about getting anything else like You should be You should worry the way that he is approaching that is the way to do it which is I'm not gonna worry about it right now I don't want to worry about it. I'm just gonna have fun and then I'll worry about it later That's the best way you know I envy that sort of freedom. I never had that I never had that reckless abandon

I was so terrified of every disease. I was convinced I would have just ruined my life I always put it on the girl, you know, I was always just like wait are you you're saying I don't have to wear a Con okay like that That's usually the one you shouldn't trust right? I don't know. I guess I mean look, you know now It's just many years later, but the time as the guy at least in the era that I wouldn't and you know becoming 70s, this is right. Right. It's like, you know, all they talked about is condoms condoms So you're like I got to wear a condom. Yeah, and then it's also because you're like well if the girl's gonna Want to do it

She's gonna dictate that you have to wear a condom and then you meet these unicorns that are like condoms are for losers And you're like, yeah, they are and then yeah when they say you didn't have to wear them Those are the dirty girls, babe, but they're so cool. There's some chicks are just dirty girls. They're the coolest, right? It was it with these girls that you didn't know like this is the first time you fuck them and they're like no condoms Yeah, that's really not I Thought this might be people that you've had a relationship with for a month or two and then you're like, all right. I know you It's really funny, huh? We're relationship with no no, no, it's just like hey, what's your name again like that?

Yeah Well, I've tested negative for all these diseases, so I'm assuming you have to I've never tested Yeah, no you have because I just they just gave me the panel. Oh, okay all the tests STDs But my whole thing is like why test, you know, like if you got it, yeah, mm-hmm, so I'm not testing you got it You got it. You got it. You got it. Well now it's I mean now they got a vaccine for general warts Which I was terrified of getting let's go get that I know right where are we taking that? I think we're too old to give it to like 20 year olds now Well, I mean, there's we're not allowed to take it. Well, we're married jeans. What does that mean? Do we need it? Oh?

Good point. I didn't even think about that herpes. I mean that can be managed with pills now. Yeah Actually Like oh, yeah into their 70s like they're they're yeah, I think it costs like a motherfucker for that medication But other than that, that's it. Yeah, you're fine. So yeah, big deal. What's he gonna get that's gonna kill him? Well, I think this is a this looks like it's not This could easily be 15 plus years like that guy's dead for sure Okay, yeah, he's just gone so many diseases Oh, yeah, he was like I'm some of my diseases. They don't even know what they are. Well, we figured it out

You're no longer with us. Can you believe there's probably somebody out there that has everything? That has everything you can have anything there's like one walking petri dish, and it just has everything could be So gross. Yeah, could be man Gnarly, yeah She's back She's got ragingly hungry out of nowhere. That's what happens now. I wake up. I eat in the middle of the night now you get Kid wants to eat preggy jeans. Yeah, dude pissing eating all day long

Hey, we didn't talk about before we got to that amazing Show in titsburg We went to well at the airport we left. Oh, yeah, Los Angeles and We had it we had to connect in Detroit. It's amazing how many how few they're cutting back on flights everywhere and We couldn't find a direct or maybe the direct was sold out or something Anyways, we had we had a fucking guy. I hate connecting man. We had to connect in In Detroit to get to Pittsburgh and

we're sitting at the gate and Christina's facing me where though, you know, we sit we sit there and she's looking on the same side that I'm sitting on a Few seats down. She's like look Look, I'm looking. I'm like what's what's up? And you go, isn't that who'd you see? What's his name? Ernie army army army? I never remember this guy's name Arley Ernie Arley Ernie I go, that's that guy dude. That's full metal jacket, and you're like, no Well, he wasn't he was facing away

So I saw the buzz cut and everything and I was like, that's nice. That's just some guy Well, I saw him and I was like dude that that could be him But then this dude had a crazy Suspenders with stars and stripes on him get American flag suspenders on like a belt buckle with a flag on it Yeah, there's no way he's that crazy Turns out he was brown fleek. Oh, they're crazy up crazy They're really like Explosive eyebrows, and I don't get stars like him to demon Roberts. Oh, he would lose his mind. He would right?

I don't think he would like it. Yeah No, I never get starstruck. I don't I've never seen you like this. No, I don't give a shit about celebrities I but I lost my load because I think that's so funny. He's the best part of full metal jacket, right? The first half of that movie it's him and then the second half nobody watches every time he appears on screen You get excited when you watch that movie. You're like, yes, it's gonna say some crazy shit I mean here his this is his intro scene and Think about this so Christina was like, I think a picture and he saw this pretty blonde lady We'll have a seat right here

What he said, yeah, he's sweet. I was really I didn't want to bother him and So we started talking to him about the film, of course and I had always heard the story that You know, he was technical advisor and When Kubrick saw him Doing stuff like basically instructing other people how to be in this that he was like you're the guy but what happened was Coot or Ermie explained to us that he had done five. This was his fifth film or he had done five films

He had acted yeah, and he accepted the role as technical advisor to get his foot in the door And when they were I guess in pre-production or going into shooting The actor who was set to play this part Would do some some of the you know go through some of the lines with extras because they were they were Clearing extras. They were saying like whether you were you could be the the background soldier who's in who's in this training camp, you know Drew like you're what's it called? I can't even think of the word. Well, you know, I'm saying boot camp. So the the main actor would do that and then his voice would get kind of tired from it and

He would just be like, alright, I'm done for that. So they would like alright. Well, let's get Ermie out here He's the military guy and and let him do it Well as he's doing that and he's he's seeing who could be a Soldier for boot camp to play background. He's having one of Kubrick's either DP or Some other person in production had some type of camcorder, you know some type of like and they were filming this so that Kubrick's watch later and that tape is what got in Kubrick's hand

after he'd hired him as technical advisor and saw him barking at everybody and The next day they brought him in the production office and Kubrick was like you should be this you should play the guy Mm-hmm, and then what this guy said this is the part that impressed me the most is that he said he took the script and Rewrote like all the dialogue which in my mind just I just never imagined especially with a Stanley Kubrick movie That he would allow that Happen to any part. Yeah, I because I asked him that when I was sitting next to him I go I heard that you wrote that was all you like that was from your experience In the military and he's like yeah, they gave me the script. It was some Hollywood bullshit didn't make any sense

So I just went ahead and rewrote everything. That's what he said. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I brought it up again when we were on the the bridge there walking the plane and he said that He was like, you know, nobody would say this nobody talks like this doesn't make sense So he hand wrote out everything that he was gonna say so cool. They put it all in the script Yeah, I believe that it's kind of like when you watch movies about stand-up comedy And you're like that would never like I remember the movie punchline Tom Hanks they have lockers in the green room and you're like what stand-up comedy club? Do they give a comment like lockers? Yeah, you're checking in for work, bro. Yeah, that's so dumb

Yeah, I imagine it would just probably enraged him to see like some fucking punk doing the part Who was his buddy for that? It was the count Barry Sobel. That was the guy in that. Yeah Yeah, that was so retarded that movie was so inaccurate. Yeah. God damn it. But anyway, I got to ask him Some of that and then I was like, where do you live? I won't say where he lives But it's definitely off the grid like he's one of those people who's like he doesn't do cities not Beverly Hills Like he keeps a 100 he's straight cray cray off the grid, which is cool. I love that He might not be a big fan of the gay marriage getting past You know, but he's worked in Hollywood enough. He's probably been around I don't think it's not the definition of it. It's so funny

I wonder if he has a wife. Oh Well Here is some early army from full metal which if you've never seen it's just it's a tremendous film everything that Kubrick made it really was pretty pretty special and This character is amazing that the film is great. I mean, this is a guy that was destined to play this part I Am gonna resarge in Hartman your senior drill instructor from now on you will speak only one spoken to And the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir. Do you maggots understand that?

Bullshit, I can't hear you sound off like you got a pair If you ladies leave my island if you survive recruit training You will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on earth You are not even human fucking being you are nothing but unorganized Gravastic pieces of amphibian shit Because I am hard you will not like me, but the more you hate me the more you will learn I am hard, but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here

I do not look down on niggers kites wafts or greasers here You are all equally worthless and my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved car Hey maggots understand that Great, it's so great. He was so in top shape, too Like you you see him and you're like that's that's that guy dude his fucking washboard stomach and That his posture is perfect. He's the real deal. He's got some show now. He said alright travel channel Yeah, he said that some show the new show is like male call which was um A show he had for a while that was on was it on travel? No, it was on like Nat Geo

Okay, okay, but this new one's coming back or it's he said it's like that, but he said it's better I didn't and our buddy Sean Quinn worked on male call with him. You know, yeah, I didn't know that Yeah, I forgot what his gig was there, but he worked with him. Yeah, dude I was so happy to meet that guy. I really could give a fuck about anybody in show business, but What he was so special, you know that movie really transformed me as a person I feel like that was one of the first movies I saw like in high school that I really thought was super funny, you know, and you're like, oh, this is wrong But it's so funny. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you just listen to this his parts over and over and so great

It's ridiculous Yes, well, there's one thing that you won't like private snowball They don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess all You John Wayne is this me who said that By the way, yeah, I Told him I was like, dude, you're so funny that you're the funniest person Twinkle toes and he says it. He repeated that part to me. He's like communist twinkle toes cock sucker and I was like, yes Which is crazy that he wrote that he rattled it off. You know, you're thinking that he yeah

Just let red with the right. No, he wrote and so that's because he did it that way. I was telling top dog that we met him Yeah, and He started to bring up forget I got it. I got to get him I got to get him to tell me again stuff that his drill sergeant said because he was like he said that he loves the guy That he was so accurate That you know, he's like, oh, yeah, you know our drill sergeant said shit this and that it was It was really funny You know, I yeah, I texted him. I said I said here's I sent him the picture of you and him. Yeah

So it's early air me he goes. Oh, he's the best of all time. I said for sure he goes. I love him Tax exchange and I go me too never seen Christina happier She was over the moon meeting him. He's so funny in that movie That's why I text him and then he responds. Did you tell him your dad ate gooks for breakfast? Yeah, yeah, dad and I got there was a lot of people around so no, yeah, no, we told him don't worry. Yeah He was real real happy about that Yeah, that's top dog. There you go. Good times Nobody, huh?

The very fucking godmother said I'm fucking staring. I will Pt you all until you fucking die Pt you until your asshole for fucking buttermilk was it you you scroungie little fuck Huh, sir. No, sir little piece of shit. You look like a fucking worm. I bet it was you sir. No, sir. Sir. I said it sir That's Matthew Dean. Yeah, well, too. No shit. What do we got here fucking comedian private Joker? I admire your honesty Hell, I like you you can come over to my house and fuck my sister Punches a little scumbag. I got your name. I got your ass You will not laugh. You will not cry. You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you

Now get up. Get on your feet. You got so yeah, so fuck yourself or I'm gonna fuck your head and check down your neck Sir, yes, sir. I'm a joker. Why did you join my beloved cold sir to kill sir? So you're a killer sir? Yes, sir. Let me see your war face sir, you got a war face ah That's a war face. No fuck. That's good war face. I guess watch this whole fucking movie. No, this isn't me the episode We just play a movie. I know How terrified would you be to have gunnery sergeant harboring? I would not fuck with him I can't believe that a private joker has the nerve to fuck with them. I would never be the kind of thing you immediately regret I

Think you're immediately Cry when he came over No, man, I also had some neat plane things happen I was coming home From titsburg and I was on one of those small Barbie planes and I you know I'm like I should I should pee and I look and an old dude gets up and he is in the one bathroom For just ever dudes for so long. Yep long enough to where there's now a line forming For the bathroom, there's a Chinese lady. She gets up and then does the Chinese part have something to do with this

I just didn't like her. I felt like I Wanted to like her more. Mm-hmm I just I do feel like it did bother me her Asian is I feel like really something about her I forget why it was relevant. Well something about her is a different statement that her Asian is Because I wanted her to be like our special Thai lady. Oh Oh To gentlemen, but she wasn't nice like her like I think we just discussed that lady. So what is a maze? Oh, it is a maze is that I go to the bathroom

They go to the bathroom next and I was hoping she was nice like that lady, but she wasn't You're not upset by her asian Expectations you had expectations. So anyways, there's a line forming. There's the Asian lady an old lady and me No, no, no a young lady and then me. Okay, so an old lady and Asian lady a pregnant lady We're all waiting to piss but fucking old man's and they're taking a dump He finally gets his ass out and I'm like, thank God. Let's go and then the Asian lady goes in and now she takes a long shit She sensed that you were disappointed in her because she wasn't like the milk She wasn't the 60-plus milk

She farted on all our haters. Yeah, who does that you nasty you get a shit on a plane It wasn't even that long of a flight. It was like an hour and change Dude, who holds it for that? Yeah, why don't you shit at the airport bro hold it? Come on, bro But seriously jeans. Have you shit on a fucking hour and change flight hour and change? No, there's there's emergency sometimes where you're like Yeah, I got I got a fucking Emergency but two emergencies in a row Yeah, no, what do old people have to shit on emergency? Like may how old are these people this elderly gentleman was probably

76 or something. Oh, yeah him you can't blame Yeah, yeah, I got her shit. Yeah, this is I Just happened. I can't control it. Yeah, but was she elderly? She was older. She was in her fifties. I'd say nah, she can hold that shit She can hold that shit. Yeah, why are you dumping on a small plane asshole? You pointed something out to me This weekend after you went back home. I'm Kim and I Am a model for 60 plus milts

You said hmm, we didn't give this Clip now do justice much like the Jules Ventura clip I feel like there are some clips that you open like a fine wine. You let breathe Mm-hmm. You come back to them and they reveal themselves to you. Yeah I feel like I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready for it at the first time I heard it right and then I gave it a thorough listen and I found so much more so much more We were kind of blown away by What you know

What we heard in those first few moments and we kind of parked it there, right? Right, but there's a there's a lot more going on here and by the way, it's not 60 plus milf You're a gilf if you're over 60. Yeah, that's not a milf bitch bitch You ain't no mil what happens is these guys are no idiots. They're they're good marketing guys Yeah, and the poor men and they know that the term milf is much more popular and used So they go just call it 60 plus milf so that milf comes up when you're searching for that Oh, look at you in your porno brain smart Now 63 years of age

this is my second time around here and Surprisingly, I Have an experience with two young gentlemen who have a really really Huge penis and they truly satisfy me If you wish to know about my life. Yes man was born and raised in Thailand and

on the age of 16s plural I Worked really hard to Get the one-way tickets plural Illinois From there, I did two master's degrees in art and marketing and being a fashion design for several years And right now my heart and my soul is ability to

teach yoga Yoga education health and wellness field. That's a lot of stuff and now what I'm recently Attempting one of these days. I will become hopefully to become a doctor At the same time. I'm pursuing our uvea doctor online. Are you veta doctor? Was our uvea doctor has Steven Seagal. She's got the same resume. Are you veta doctor? Something I've been doing for about 43 years It's the type of doctor that can just cure you with sunlight Maybe she's like Braco

Stares at you and comes all over your face. Yeah absolutely Taking me to many terms and one of those is ability to explore and truly Bring the awareness of sexually speaking and ability to really reach inside of me to realize that There's other part of me

That at this point a lot of my parents and my family still Do not know that why would they want to know your sexuality and during the time they shouldn't did video I have experiencing with alone With a young man 21 years of age With two gentlemen Especially what is a maze a maze is I was able to take a really really hard

long penis into my Where? vagina as well as What do you call that? Rectum. Yeah, and there is so many Adventure within me during this past ten months So this is kind of where we parked it last time we were just like well, that's that we tapped out too early

And what's really neat is that we actually went to see this clip on 60 plus mills comm Yeah, well, there's a there's a few clips of her But she this the scenario that she's describing with two gentlemen We got to see that scene right. It's called. There's two names for it. Actually The scene is here twice one's called two cocks for an Asian wife's asshole and And then they also call it hot cocks For hot for cocks in her ass, sorry Sorry, you don't want to get that wrong. I don't want to get that long. Wow. They're not small. I'll say that no

They're not small cocks in her But the way she describes it on YouTube it sounds so civilized and then you click on it You're like, oh, this is just porn like the way she makes it sound like I had an amazing experience with you Here it is We're sitting with the first talent with two young men and they have a big heart Oh boy, it's a totally different Kim lawn here come on, I don't even I don't even know who this person is She used to be a tour guide and trek to Himalaya as it says

Wow, she's done everything Jill of all trades and now she pedals come Wow 60s she said Kim who's married and now lives you know, she's married. Cool told us I love to get fucked in the ass Okay happens. I feel super good But I've never had two men fuck my ass. Okay, that is something very special that I am looking forward to That is special. That's in there like the blurb next to the video. Yeah, let your family know about that

I Know all right, there you go That's a Kim on so the video though continues her her safe for work video continues this way I know that you'll be happy to Come and take a look at my clips and video and you will see

That is a real thing I saw that is real Anal sex or rectum sex right? I just Discovery maybe five years ago. Oh At first I'm kind of hesitant right to be able to experience it When you get to know how to do it Yeah, see I feel that a lot of times Gentlemen out there are still not being very diplomatic about this

Because it's part of your body and it's part of the Wives or the girlfriend Just need a little bit encouragement You know, I found that why is is not a successful to insert it a Hard or soft penis Into the rectum Wait, what what's the sentence being said here? I'm not sure. I'm not sure

It's hard to follow at the Y and then the Y Diplomatically inserted. I think she's saying a lot of gentlemen. They don't take their time It takes time and You can't just ram it in her rectum. Well, how much would you love to see? Arlie Ermey fuck her Or have a conversation with her. That'd be really great. I think maybe a match made in heaven. Yeah, I will skull fuck you Maybe the prep work is not quite there yet. I found that if the

Woman is able to open up just a little bit Perhaps the gentleman the gentleman or you can also help to Lubrication is absolutely lubrication To be able to start and the woman should be able to open up and try to wiggle herself in So she's giving really good advice there though. Yeah, it's actually instructional Lube you need lubrication and you have to wiggle Gentlemen gentlemen, she only has sex with gentlemen Those two savages in the video didn't look like gentlemen. So you don't think so. No, they just look like porn guys to me

You don't think they were gentlemen lives in a whole other planet. Her her reality is not the same one that we share I Welcome to Vietnamese part 101 that comes by a food hop to get the fastest easiest and most fun way to learn Vietnamese Oh, no, ching-chow. Oh, jeez. That's terrible Jesus Christ. I heard Farsi being spoken aloud today. I was having lunch. I'm like, this is not a romance language That is a fucking terrible sounding language It's not pretty really. No, it's not cute. I don't think I've actually heard that in a long time Like a grip on the San Fernando Valley

Vietnamese not same thing not not such a romance language Farsi not so much German Hungarian definitely not a romance language. Let's see Russian Ukrainian not Portuguese is beautiful Spanish Italian Hmm This far see yeah Beautiful There you go, say a nice that is

Oh Singing it was nice What do you think of the Busy blasphemy of a set. What's your least favorite one? We go it in what language? Yeah Middle Eastern is pretty horrendous to my ear the whole region. Just all of it. Yeah Anything like that. It makes me really at unease. Yeah, like Arabic not a fan. No, don't want to hear that It's terrifying. What's your I'm sorry. What's your least favorite? I don't know that one's pretty

Aggressive Oh Here's probably another song I Don't know please, please Please what is this? Arabic to English Thank you

That doesn't sound as harsh as what it sounds like sometimes when it's spoken You know full-speed shit. Yeah, like what like, you know when you see people yelling that shit in the streets growing up Yeah, Persians yelling Persians is really silly. They'd love to always my apartment building I grew up in they're always screaming From like the pool area is horrible Yeah, that's the building Yes, and I say you can be in this very little a lot of money. Yeah, you can I don't be in this very little I'm saying say you can I don't be nice about it. No, I'll introduce you. You go That doesn't sound that bad though. Honestly, I think it's I think it's more for me Farsi

Like I said cuz growing up in an apartment complex with a lot of Persians They would just scream that shit across the farce your Arabic. No, no, no Farsi farce. I grew up with a listening to that stuff Okay, but all it sounds the same to me. I don't know what the fuck Sounds the same to me. I don't have it. I don't have an ear for those languages, you know Like you you play me some Eastern European shit. I can tell you Like this is my selling language Yeah, that's It's quite a bit it's intense. Yeah, it's intense. What are your what's your least favorite sounding language?

You know, I think Italian always sounds really fucking shit A lot of the Yeah, I mean that that stuff like Farsi and stuff that sounds pretty It just sounds so it's so removed from what actually your eastern block shit. It's crazy Crazy sounding and not pleasant. No Hungarian doesn't sound pleasant whatsoever to me. We Ukrainian Russian sounds really bad And that's my tribe guys. Yeah, I can talk some shit here. Oh god, you want to talk some shit and talk some shit. Yeah It's a it's beautiful. I don't know you want me to sing for you

Oh No, it's not nice You went to Australia in Salisbury Shiklo Erniővál közleked vellyutni Monacova It's a little bit long album, which is a Call it by Wershey Bezker well 1500 kilometer testy. You don't like that. No, he's I'm not distances I can't know the numbers. He's I'm a half Russian doesn't sound nice No, it's terrible. It's all terrible. Basically, you should that's a really popular language people. I'd say I never liked the way that sounds

Never, it's not romantic. Yeah, it's be pretty harsh. Yeah I think German sounds the more Just heart more harsh. It is. Yeah, you know, I'm trying to think about Good Let's see if this has German spoken in it It sounds horrifying, right? Yeah This sounds more familiar to me than eastern Like Arabic stuff. Yeah, exactly. It's and that and that's gonna be the vote from everyone

It's all gonna be about what you're used to here. Yeah, I just grew up hearing it We went to Oktoberfest every year and my father loved German polka music Mm-hmm, so I grew up listening to a lot of German music This is the worst I take it back It's nonsense that that's actually that's really insulting the way you know why Because I will say like the call to prayer in the Middle East is actually beautiful It's beautiful and terrifying at the same time

You know But this Vietnamese is just there's I mean, Jesus Christ, it sounds horrible I Nice to meet you. Oh, geez in this series. We're going to learn basic Vietnamese expressions It's super easy and it only takes three minutes. No, it doesn't in this lesson You're going to learn how to introduce yourself in Vietnamese. Please. There are only two sentences You need to remember. Let's do it. You will first learn a neutral way to introduce yourself Which sounds okay in both formal and informal situations. Okay

Let's first see how Vietnamese people generally introduce themselves. Okay. Xin chào. Tôi là Giang Sơn vui được làm quen với bạn Hi, I'm Giang. Nice to meet you. I like it. Xin chào Tôi là Giang. Tôi là Giang Let me try it His paper is stuck in the butter. Oh, no, you got it. I get it. You nailed it. That was really good Oh, no I did it. A bain is good. I remember listening to that. Yeah

Languages Good Languages they were singing a bum Hmm, what do you how does the how does the anal instruction end? That's that's part of the trick and the second they tip of the penis move inward And that's that's all it's about. Oh my god. We need to feel and experience it

And the first part might not be very successful second and third Please come enjoy the video. I have a lot of seeing That will help you. No, please. No to lead your way or or education. What's education? What I need from you is what I need from you. Please come and join me And see me in the video And just click at 60 plus mils. Oh my god, please. See you there. Please don't awesome It's so gross because they intercut the video with her like licking her fingers and doing like really forced seductive poses

I liked it. It's so forced. She's like licking her teeth and stuff or her teeth are kind of jacked Her bottom teeth are jacked be specific. Come on. Do you think her tops are normal? Yeah, her tops are pretty normal. The bottom ones are real fucked up The bottom one we're done entirely on the top Oh, this was great by the way this audio of um Ashley Banfield delivering the same sex marriage coverage when the one basically it was Do you remember Ashley Ban? Ashley Banfield came to prominence during 9 11. She was right there and I remember it being because I was in dc

and uh, you know Panagon was hit and I was going to work and it was such an overwhelmingly Sad just profound traumatic day. Like, you know, it was like war had begun. I just I was so overwhelmed and then you see Ashley Banfield covering this horrific story. I just remember wanting to Come on her glasses. I knew it. I knew you're gonna say that And I knew you're gonna say that And I was like what an interesting

Like kind of shift in the way that I feel today. Yeah, you know from being Sad and horrified and scared and then just wanting to cover her giz like covered But don't you think everybody felt that way? Yes. That's why she was so popular and why the specs appeal line was launched Yeah By the way, do you know do you know we haven't even brought it up? Why all the that that Goes back. I think to Yoshi. That's all Yoshi's fault But we never brought up that the porn that ended up I got that porn from david tell right when I did a weekend with him right and then

It came to our house, but the way it traces back Yeah, it was was to yosh. Yeah Originally and even david tell was like a buddy I can't hang with this What did he say coming on glasses? It's like it's too much for me, bro No, I don't think it was too much for him. He was just like not into it Not into specs appeal and then he gave away specs appeal. Yeah. Wow Yeah, do we still have that? No, those are long gone

We have different ones Yeah, we still have some. Yeah, they ended up in my drawer and then I was like, why are they in my drawer? Remember, I was like, we never actually popped dvds in anymore. Yeah, who watches porn? I probably should have thrown them out. I left them In that Oh, they're on our attic. Yeah, cool Someone's gonna find movement of the new office Yeah, maybe those could be welcome gifts for the new it for the tenants. It's a really good idea

Like we walk around and we're like, hi. I'm tom. I'm christina. Have this free porn You like glasses? Do they come? This has both So lame So here is the lovely ashley band field Uh still wearing glasses. She knows what what the people want to see And this was when she was delivering

That news I believe or it was just It had just yeah, the news had just basically broke and same-sex marriage is legal And pay attention to the background audio Not for some states who still are digging in because there is the issue And I'm going to apologize for the language, but it is a it is a pretty excited air out here There is the issue of religious freedom restoration acts state-to-state go to break me right back About fucking time It is about fucking time it's it's like really

Yeah, how many this should have been done ages ago that guy was fired up. What could you say to him? Super fired up look at sailing to him. She should interview that guy. Yeah I like to hear his take on it. He just jizzes on her glasses at the end Ashley Actually, I'm gay, but those glasses. Oh, shit Oh He does the flicker. All right You know what I saw a lot of too at the airport that I was not a fan of

Summertime sandals And I'm not talking normal sandals. I'm talking like the ultra jesus hiking Birkenstock smelly foot sandal The franciscan monk sandal. Yes Yeah Bri Bri has a pair of of course he does your cousin has one and this nasty motherfucker Slipped that shit off on the plane next to me. I was like, uh, you nasty his foot all half out

Yeah You know those smell. That's a thing. They look like they smell Of course in the summertime motherfucker, you don't take off your sandal on the on a plane You shouldn't wear them But what's the bigger rule is you don't take those off in a in a closed space It's crazy. The only thing crazier than that is the Is like, you know Almost any food like the most you should bring onto a plane

If you're not a fucking asshole Is like a sandwich, you know, yeah odorless like a turkey sandy turkey sandy. No, he's gonna know McDonald's even Maybe a salad, but then what you really got to worry about is the dressing onions Yeah, well, but dressings that are more potent. Yeah in that area. Yeah, it's like People have zero consideration for It's so disgusting the surroundings, you know It's I know this guy brought like pf Chang's on it's like dude You know what that's gonna smell like in a restaurant. You don't notice it. It's like but in this tight

Fucking pressurized Capsule, you know what that's gonna smell like Don't recycled air everybody's smelling your shit you nasty motherfucker If fast food smells like really you could really see what it smells like on a plane. It smells like dog shit It's like if you ever um eat McDonald's in your car, right and then you come back and you're like, oh, this smells like poo You don't notice it until you're in a tight space But McDonald's doesn't smell good after the fact like it smells good when it's hot And then when it cools down it smells like garbage. You can smell it exactly in your farts, too

You really can you eat fast food make McDonald's specifically Yeah, one of my buddies said that that he farted in front of his wife She's always on him for easy how easy she goes. She had McDonald's today. He was like, what? Wow, she did didn't you and he was like, yeah, she goes. Yeah, because he farted. She smelled it in his fart. Wow We got to get that girl on our show Decode the mysteries of our farts Pretty crazy. I can't believe you and I farted the same smell fart today. Yeah That's the first time that's ever happened where we both farted and it smelled exactly the same

By the way, I went to one-eyed beddies and Pontiac Sunday night. Yeah, it's really fucking good food. What is that a porno place one-eyed bed? Yeah, it's like a place you jerk off and then they feed you while you're jerking off That's great. Like a hundred guys come in Hundred guys. There's here's basic rules, you know, no drugs. No attitude. No sassan Yeah, no clothes. No condoms and but good food good food And that's really what we pride ourselves on is that you're gonna uphold your end of the deal But we're gonna feed you, you know, I really think back to the sandals that they should outlaw them

And I'm not talking just don't fucking come crying to me But I had the nice sandals. I'm talking about the hyper sandal And I see them here too in our neighborhood. I just saw a bunch today Especially when you see women wearing them. It's like bro. You've given up Oh, both both sexes. Yeah, you're done. You don't want anybody touching your and I feel like with a lady too As a lady, you have so many more cool sandal options. Like, you know, a man's options for sandals are like There's the athletic like the Nike adidas ones that are kind of like you just strap through there's no there's no What is it thong? There's no, you know, I mean splitting the big toe and the next one

So there's there's that and then there's your classic sandal We flip flop, you know, and then there's these whack-ass sandals For a woman the sandal options are everything I listed and a hundred other designs Yeah, why the fuck are you picking the one that is repulsive? Well, it's because you want to shut it down We've had this conversation. Oh, yeah, you want to stop having shut it down Stop fucking and stop and and stop welcoming advances There's things you can do to stop welcoming the advances. Yeah, it's like I'm going through menopause. Don't touch me I've got my sandals on these sandals speak for me

Because it's seriously the thought like they look so comfortable and I know that's the argument It's like god, but they're so comfortable Yeah, but They look like hell. I mean sweat pajamas are super comfortable. Yeah, sweatpants all day every day are comfortable But you make the decision not to why because you have a little bit of self-respect. Yeah Yeah There's things that I have that that's super comfortable. I'm not gonna wear that right now because I'm going out I want to look, you know, somewhat dignified

It's bad. It's it's it's it's bad. Do I look homeless? Yeah, sometimes I'm kind of like, uh Sometimes You were saying that sometimes I look homeless. I was um most of time Yeah, because I was like I thought I dressed up I didn't dress up But I thought I dressed okay to go look at a car because we're gonna get it. It's not we're not getting a car like Now but I like I like cars and I like shopping You know, I like test driving you like that whole process that I I love right because I I've always loved cars

Yeah, so when I went to this store store dealership um The guy was like this is pretty expensive I was like, okay, and he goes What were you wearing? I was wearing a new brand new collared white

short sleeve button down black shorts, but like they're you know Whatever they're just black but not like not workout shorts like with pockets and then black shoes, I mean I don't know. It just didn't seem like I was like do I I purposely didn't go in like a t-shirt. I was like, oh, I'll you know, I'll look presentable. Yeah, and he was like He had it's a pretty nice vehicle. It's also got a it's got a pretty nice price tag on it. And I was like So can I not look at it and he was like, yeah

Okay, like are you sure you know what you're doing here? Yeah, man And then he goes do you want to do you want to test drive this one? Or like one of the like more base models I was like god damn like pretty woman. Yeah, and I was like shopping like I know how the only thing that I was more upset about Was that I wasn't doing it that day As opposed, you know, I mean like I was upset that I was like If this would have been the day I was actually doing this

I would have um, it would have felt so good to like lease it or whatever that day From that guy. No, not from that guy that guy Yeah, but I still was like, I mean does he just go like oh this guy's homeless Yeah, I mean it's all in your beard. It's usually in your um, You know, you don't like to shower a lot Excuse me. I was showered I was fully showered. I was showered. I was presentable Sometimes sometimes you're like you just roll out of bed and we go to doctor more surprised just because we've talked about this before in la like

Due to a billionaire could be wearing sandals and a t-shirt. Yeah, look at kevin smith the guy wears a hockey jersey or whatever around town Yeah, believe me. He can buy your car. Yeah That but that's the beauty of the west coast man You don't know it doesn't matter. There's like it's almost it's almost more garish to be flashy It's almost like on the west coast if you are flaunting your shit people are like what is wrong with you? Yeah, you're right. You got to keep it low-key. Yeah, the t-shirt jeans guy can literally be like the richest guy Look at mark cuban that guy's always wearing like a white t-shirt and fucking jeans. Yeah, he doesn't care Yeah, he can afford a car or two

Oh my gosh Yeah, oh my they were saying that on that show on a shark tank I love shark tank his net worth is higher than everybody else's combined of the regular cast members Like that's funny What's the guy's name the black eye daemon is it daemon? Yeah, I forget. Yeah, and the the short hair blonde woman And the bald guy. I can't remember anyone's name. Mr. Wonderful Yeah him and then the the guy with like, you know the good hair on the far end the polish guy Yeah, he is

He's wealthier than all of them combined. That's so funny. I read his book on success It's like It's like a pamphlet. It's like 20 pages. It's one of those thin little things Basically all about being competitive. Yeah, his whole thing is like just work harder Well, his whole thing is no his whole thing is winning because like a lot of those guys thrive like if you're not If you the best athletes are super competitive, but they also have the talent for that sport Business guys a lot of them a lot of them love sports But they're not good enough athletes, but they take that competitiveness into business. Yeah, and cuban is the

Best example of it. He views business like it doesn't need to work to like pay bills He works because he wants to beat you. He wants to be the guy that beats somebody else. I won. I got this deal I I crushed the competition in this You know Sector of my business that I can totally understand. I feel super competitive sometimes In our business like it'll be like I'll be like that's fucked that that person got that I'm gonna try to you know, of course that person. Yeah, but I think competitiveness can be good because it kind of Helps you identify what you really want to do very true

Because sometimes you'll I'll be jealous of somebody and then I'll be like, oh wait Oh, that's because I want to do that and then because if you don't want to do something someone else has it doesn't matter Yeah, but it's it can help. It can be helpful Yeah mark cuban and it's basically like I work harder than anybody You're celebrating christmas. I'm working You're doing things giving with your shitty family. I'm working like he's just working if you like that then that's for you Yeah, if you if you want to have no life um

Russell Simmons likes to just say do you do you man? I've read his book too. It's like a pamphlet I saw a tweet of his that actually I It's the kind of thing. You know when you're like that's So true. I actually like the message so much It's something I've I've spoken this message before to friends, you know like in conversation when I saw it written this way I think it's something that everybody should do in life to be happy and that is the the quote was

practice Loving everyone and everything But only surround yourself with people who lift you up Oh, yeah, so the message there is Be positive Towards everyone and all types and everything and fart on your haters And well, just don't be around Negativity like in other words, even if someone's kind of whatever

You'd be positive But surround yourself with people that celebrate you the winners. Yes Yeah, celebrate you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I understand. I like that. I like that message a lot Yeah, people need to hear that. That's a good message That is a good message and we got an email about two shorts calvin reference and as soon as I read it I was like, man, that's I couldn't believe that I forgot it and here's the

Here's the the song it's from getting it Which was at the time which album is this off of this is uh, I think the album is getting it also Love it. Um, but the crazy thing was I remember In this song, he's like, this is the final album And since this album, he's probably put out like this was his 10th album. He probably put out, uh Eight more albums. Well, he's gonna claim that he invented that shit Just like he invented, you know, blow the whistle or ever Bitch saying biatch. Well, I know it's pretty smart marketing move, right? But this is it man. It's the last album

Yeah, but then I'm gonna do eight more albums. This is the last podcast where we're gonna do guys This is the last one ever. Here's the calvin line Like calvin and I was like, hmm and then as soon as I was like, uh, of course the calvin making it reference is In my opinion and this guy's correct referring to calvin From the mcdonald's commercials Calvin was an inner city black kid that got himself A jobby job at mickey d's

Everywhere he went people kept telling him Congrats on getting the job. Although there were thugs around even the old ladies Blocked his walk paths and bothered him in a way It's like everyone was harassing him because he decided to work at mickey d's But he shrugged it off and smiled When no one else was looking and he wrote I think chappelle had a sketch about calvin on the show as well It was like, hey calvin heard you got a job. Good for you And brett sent that and he's right brett sent that and it's uh, it was definitely in reference

To calvin. I don't remember this commercial. Was this like the 80s? Oh, yeah, let's see I don't remember calvin. I don't have it ready, but let's see. I watched a lot of tv in the 80s McDonald's here it is. I miss that McDonald's ad. Well, good for calvin. I wonder I wonder if he made manager by now What's up jake? What up? Where's calvin? At the j o v man. What? He's still flipping those burgers at mickey d's Here's your order. Thanks calvin He's not tired of that yet. Come be chicken or what? Having big big fun. He says he has a plan man. Meet the newest member of our management team calvin

Man manager dude Yeah, i'm part of the management team now mama. Oh, baby. I'm so proud of you It was like it's not whack to work here. That's the message, but the message is like it doesn't suck You're making a fire Yeah, you're right because he does wear some fresh clothes. Oh, and they're like see You'll be able to buy cool. Shit minimum wage job Welcome to the hood May we help you?

Stop not much. Well, i'm out Hey, yo, yo calvin. What's the one in the top thing? Oh, man. Oh, and then one of the guys that was making fun of him was like, can you give me a job? Or a friend of mine Uh, and and calvin was nice. He was like, yeah come inside. I'll help you. Let's be honest though I mean, we all we've all had minimum wage jobs in high school And I mean I did I know you didn't have to work But I would rather die than do mcdonald's. I mean I I've worked retail rather

Die. Yeah, the more I go like mcdonald's and do the hair net and For the like frying food all day. It's got to be it has to be the one of the hardest minimum wage gigs I would say it's not it's not desirable Um, and I've had my share Oh, someone this is a calvin parody Look at that! Calvin's got a job! Hey, Calvin! Go young blood, where'd it go? Wack Arnold's is proud to give young afghan-americans an opportunity to serve their communities

Making them feel responsible for the welfare of their own environment Happy new week. Ew, nigga, you smell like french fries That's about accurate It's ridiculous. It's so ridiculous. God damn chappell Um, you know, but I there's so many other minimum wage gigs even in and out is more dignified than uh McDonald's, right? Oh, it's definitely way more dignified. Yeah Yeah, like I had friends that worked in and out and they got higher than the minimum wage and They're super nice to their employees. I want to make a trip after this. I don't know. Okay

Calvin's a nerd, man. What are you saying? Don't fall for that bullshit. Don't be like Calvin. Yeah, this is so wack Working that bullshit job Bullshit Yeah, no, no, I mean, well the the product is also much better At at in and out. That's a totally different product Yeah, because everything at mac macal donald's It's obviously automated like you're just pushing. Yeah, you get the frozen patty Mickey D's are making in and out. There's slicing tomatoes there doing stuff. You're seeing them chopping up the potatoes for your front

Yeah, that's your life Get your life now if I did work at McDonald's, I would have a problem because I would eat that shit every delicious That's the fucking problem. Of course, but I like the old apple pies. Remember the old school ones was like the styrofoamie Yeah crust all that shows good and the cherry pie. I got your live cherry pie. They don't even have cherry anymore, huh? Um, yeah, no I guess not You know this guy George R. R. Martin

No, he is a short story writer novelist and he's Super famous right now because we're very well known because His best-selling series are the inspiration for game of thrones Game of thrones

It's one of those guys that looks 90, but he's 66. Yeah Um, I haven't gotten into that yet. I feel like I will get into it eventually Yeah, we get a lot of recommendations for that too. Yeah, everyone. I think I tried it one day and I wasn't in the mood I got a hit on a dark day I think it's a dark show and it's definitely a watch it from the beginning type of series You don't just jump into that, you know, how angry does it make you that a little person's like the lead character? It does upset me. I'm not gonna lie. It does upset me to what and then I'm serious and I and I got pushed back on that from friends. They're like, you don't understand

He's fucking badass get out of my fucking face. Okay. Yeah, what upsets you the most? I just the presence of it. I mean, it's just you know, it's how small his hands are and stuff I just yeah, I just he's all powerful. No, you're not your tiny Dude, how about how angry do you get when you watch little people big world? That one little couple that's coming back. I guess they divorced and they're like, dude, I saw that coming You saw the commercial or you already saw the divorce the divorce because she dream crushed him He's a dreamer. The husband is like, we're gonna make a farm. We're gonna sell pies. We're gonna expand and she's like Why would you want to do that? We can't do that. We don't have the money

We're not day like she was always dream crushing this poor guy's spirit and He really he really is like an inspirational person. She just was not on the same personality wavelength. Yeah, I saw that shit coming So they're divorcing. Um, I think so. Yeah, and they good for him the show is terrible and it's like I saw a teaser trailer for it and it was like Shit's going down with these little fuckers. I bet you she's still miserable like she'll get a new husband and she'll just torture that guy Nothing will change aesthetically. They just it just upsets me to look at you know the tiniest Yeah, and uh the little couple too. I saw oh, they're so boring. That was that. Yeah, that's the most boring fucking show They're not doing anything. They're not saying they're not doing anything. Those two little twerps fucking

Adopted a little chinese. Yeah, he's cute little chinese kid and the little indian dwarf. They have to they adopted two dwarfs and um The show is fucking like he's like today uh as his birthday party and uh We're pretty excited about it And she goes I sent out the evites and I uh put in the wrong address. I don't know what's gonna happen Yeah, the only thing that's Exciting about the show is that they're all small otherwise. There's nothing going for them. They're not small

You're like what the fuck am I their personalities are boring looking at this how crazy this is? That's the show. Yeah, and they're like both doctors like they're intelligent both doctors I know I know who she is. I know she's definitely a doctor. They're they're educated like she's so small and they're so boring Yeah, so small. It's like watching painter. I'm so boring. I mean If she could just grow and be a little more interesting Yeah, I might be into the show. I also tried watching the one where they were all in la They're all friends like little And that was just like fighting fighting mob wives. Yeah, I was about to say that it's just too much bullshit

And that was bullshit like they're not all friends, you know, they just stuck them all together because they're all little people Poking each other. Mm-hmm, but that russian midget was really attracted. Oh, sorry I don't know. Are you're gonna get the fan mail from the member member the uh The one it was another girl's Boyfriend on that show was like you're pretty hot for For this like you you should be with somebody Shouldn't be with that guy. She was someone like me. Yeah, and the girl was like, um, you're with me. He was like Yeah, shut up

He would hit on that that russian chick in front of his girlfriend. She had a full size Uh boyfriend, you remember that? Yeah Yeah, she was getting the pipe laid to her the russian. Yeah Yep, this is supposed to be george Martin the game of thrones guy Sunset found her squatting in the grass groaning Every stool was looser than the one before and smell follow By the time the moon came up. She was shitting brown water

The more she drank the more she shat But the more she shat the thirstier she grew Is this game of thrones? Though that was the I think that was the guy reading from his book sunset found her squatting in the grass groaning Every stool was looser than the one before and smell follow By the time the moon came up. She was shitting brown water The more she drank the more she shat But the more she shat the thirstier she grew

Kind of I like it. If this is game of thrones, I'm on board Yeah, this is from the book and people are writing underneath it. I'm so sad. We didn't get to see this scene in the tv adaption This is fucking brilliant Yeah, if this is the pilot, I'll watch the whole series. There you go. There you go. And there you go Um, we should point out, you know, uh, America greatest place in the universe Coming up on her birthday Um, that's right. Yeah, put your flag out

Should be fun this year and um, we might have my cousin farts here at the house That should be fun And uh dad might come over too. Whoa see the dog she could get real Yeah, are we gonna have them move the actual artwork too? No, I think we should do that. I don't trust any movers and I'm not moving my macaroni clock My son is going to get to See the treasure of my life. What about the diamonds? The diamonds and the gold bars and the diamonds and you got to put those up your butt. Okay

Anyways, there's nothing quite like, um A great song especially or excuse me especially on this show we love hit songs and we've played quite a number of them And you know, everyone has their favorites one song that really had

Huge impact on a lot of you Was a song from a family a family that got together and made beautiful music And we played it on this show quite a bit People loved it And guess what they have a new song. Oh fucking christ. That's not the response. I was hoping for So these guys you might know them. I hope it's a suicide packed song Three beat slide. Oh, fuck. Um their first song that was

I mean you could only you know Classified as a hit. Um Where is that song summer time is here Gonna what is it walk to the park and get fingered on a bench That's summer time is here. Not exactly what I was thinking. Gonna take a dump in the grass Okay, um not not the song but you get the point Summer time is here. Uh, there's gonna be a lot of people. Hey guys. It's summer time. Yeah, let's see. You hated them, right?

Well, of course, they're like probably, you know Here is the religious nuts or something. You think they're probably hate gay marriage. I don't know But these guys this song is a hit Hey everybody, it's summer time Gonna ride my bike gonna go somewhere It's my favorite time of year He looks like the kind of kid you just want to hit too. Yeah, I hope his balls dropped since this last song Yeah, I mean I see a kid. Yeah, he's just the kind of kid you want to punch right in the fucking throat

He's definitely getting bullied at school in honor of our great nation Yeah Three beat slide has a new song. It's called America is the place to be Let's give it a listen. I actually have not heard one note of this. So let's just check it out Next time you think you can't find work You know that you're in a powerful nation of opportunity America a place where everyone is evil on the law An opportunity is equal for all

Education I think the sun is actually i'm not joking. I think he's transgender. Oh, yeah Okay, he looks like it now. Are they aware that this is true of white men, but maybe not everybody else About the place to be yeah, I think it's in the in the second verse everybody's equal except for Just to you whitey blacks gays It is really easy to be white a white guy. It's the best right? How much do you love it? I don't think about it. That's how much you it's like Yeah, I take it from you don't ever wake up and just go. Oh, thank god. I'm a white guy. Yeah, I know sometimes sometimes

um It's gotta be great. You know what I think about it is like when you When I'm upset about something and I want to talk to somebody about it Yeah, the respect that I'm shown As as a white man. Yeah, it's gotta be great Well, you're like I've got a complaint and they're like absolutely mr. Sigoura. How how a let's rectify this Yeah, yeah, and I business is important. I don't think about it then I think about it afterwards I go. I wonder if I was

x y and z How they would have other anything other than white guy. Yeah, if I was anything other than the best what they Right Yeah, no, I hear you. It's I I'm totally jealous or even if I would have just gotten more of my mother's Skin tone Yeah, you realize that like my sisters have more of her skin You know they're they're more olive skinned right and I just got my dad's fair skin But it could have been blue eyes. It just happened to be that's just a genetic

You know roll of the dice. Yeah, I mean they have you know, they have turd eyes They have dark shit eyes and they have darker skin and they have darker hair So they might be talking to like their maids or something Yeah, yeah, but then like they're not that latin looking. No, but I mean Yeah, but yeah, but I'm just saying like when I'm there they're like that's tom But when I walk in it's like oh, there's a banker here, you know, yeah So oh guys who look like you run stuff, right? Oh, this is what congress looks like And on that note

Yeah, they're just not good at music that's kind of one of their problems Oh boy, just keep going keep with it though. You guys keep with it. What song do you want to go out on? Wow Something tickles you know my cut my cut my cut because it sounds like a 4th of july song. Oh, oh, that's right Where it's kind of a paper. Yes. It has it has the drums Oh, right. I can't I can't I can't That's um, man. Who made these songs? Is that matthew? Who is that this guy that made the song we met

In chicago when we did the live podcast he was at that. Oh, yeah Yeah, but I forget it's pretty it's pretty neat when you get to put a face to the The pornography and if you're hearing this dude send more songs send more songs mommy. All right um Thanks guys for listening. We hope to see you soon out of show Or back here Yeah, where your mom lives. Well next time you hear our voices will be out of our new office And I'm so excited. Which is so cool. I can't wait to be official

official moms only Real mama's. Oh, let's go jeans. Love you guys. Love you. Mommy's. Bye Oh Oh It's sexy